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- [00:00]
A
The Holy Bible, one of the most important and studied religious documents known to mankind. In it are hundreds of rules and stories and allegories for how humanity should live. But if you actually sit down and read it, there are some parts that are absolutely hilarious. And in this episode, we're going to be looking at the Bible, Bible stories and other non canonical Bible adjacent stories in a very non preachy, lighthearted way. We are asking the question, what makes the Bible and early Christianity funny? I mean, angels who descend from heaven and immediately cause problems by giving women makeup and giants just casually walking around like no big deal. And God hitting the reset button with a global flood and humanity trying to build a skyscraper only for God to come down and squash them and send them around the earth. Yes, we are not here to convert anyone or to mock my religion. Just to have fun, ask questions and appreciate just how strange, creative, and surprisingly relatable these ancient stories can be. Think less a Sermon on the Mount and just two guys having fun in the tent looking at the Bible. And yes, I do this with my good friend Scoochie Boochie, who's a hilarious comedian, rapper, podcaster who actually has his own show where he talks about funny Bible stories. So there's no better person to do it with. So if you are interested in the early Bible non canonical texts like the Book of Enoch and everything else in the Old Testament that makes you look at it and go, that's really in there. Well, this is the episode for you. So sit back, relax, and welcome to Camp. Scoochy Booch. What's up, man?
- [01:32]
B
How you doing, Mark? Thanks for having me.
- [01:33]
A
Of course, brother. Thank you for joining me in my tent. I appreciate it.
- [01:37]
B
This is such a good vibe in here. I like it a lot.
- [01:39]
A
Now for the audience at home, I did truncate your name slightly. Sure. Scoochie Boochie.
- [01:43]
B
That's the full.
- [01:44]
A
That's how people know you in the streets.
- [01:45]
B
Yeah, 100%.
- [01:46]
A
In the communities.
- [01:47]
B
Yes.
- [01:47]
A
In the dungeons. That's where the name rings.
- [01:50]
B
In the catacombs. Yeah. That would get me to turn my head.
- [01:52]
A
That's where the name rings loudest. You are a fascinating guy, a mensch, as they would say in certain neighborhoods. And I'm excited to have you on the show. You kind of in many ways epitomize what this is really all about, you know.
- [02:05]
B
Thanks.
- [02:05]
A
Because the way I would characterize you, first off, a comedian, a funny guy.
- [02:10]
B
Thanks.
- [02:11]
A
But also a white boy of motion. Okay.
- [02:13]
B
You are forbid.
- [02:14]
A
You are a rapper.
- [02:16]
B
Yeah.
- [02:16]
A
That does like, can I, dare I say funny raps, or is that dismissive?
- [02:20]
B
No, no, that's totally true.
- [02:21]
A
Technically. Good.
- [02:23]
B
Thank you.
- [02:23]
A
There's lore. There's a world built into it that goes deep.
- [02:27]
B
Yeah.
- [02:27]
A
Touring the country as a professional musician. Rapper.
- [02:32]
B
Yeah.
- [02:32]
A
Which is phenomenal.
- [02:34]
B
Thank you.
- [02:34]
A
I think most people watching at home would not think that. I think when people are characterizing rapper, they wouldn't see Scoochie Boochie.
- [02:43]
B
Totally.
- [02:43]
A
And then furthermore, also a formerly religious person. And currently you do a podcast called Holy Smokes where you smoke weed and tell Bible stories.
- [02:53]
B
Correct.
- [02:53]
A
And our mutual friend Sophia was telling me about you, and I was like, yes. Check, check, check. This is basically everything. But you are. Yeah, you are the show, minus me not really rapping in public.
- [03:06]
B
Right.
- [03:06]
A
Like, if I'm like, a couple Modelos deep and my friends Ford Explorer, I will freestyle.
- [03:11]
B
Who among us can resist the urge at all times?
- [03:13]
A
Exactly. But I just want to give that as a preface to the audience. And today, almost undoubtedly, we are going to discuss your rap influence, which is awesome. We're also gonna discuss comedy in some sort of abstract way. And maybe the best way to begin is a brief outline on you, and then I would love for you to regale me some of your favorite Bible stories. So just tell me, like, why are you.
- [03:39]
B
You dang right to the core. Yeah. I've been trying to make people laugh pretty much immediately from the time I was a kid. Like, I was the one with, like, the camcorder and imovie trying to make my friends make, like, funny videos.
- [03:54]
A
Yeah.
- [03:54]
B
And I was like, all right, I'm gonna be. I wanna be, like, a writer for the office. And then by the time I got to college, I started doing, like, stand up and improv and stuff. And I was like, okay, I like stage. I like that. And then somewhere along the way, I started writing silly raps. And then I got really engrossed with the, like, process of, like, just the way the brain lights up when you sort of, like, solve the puzzle and put four bars together. It's just like, ding, ding, ding. Nice.
- [04:13]
A
Yeah.
- [04:13]
B
And I like the feeling of, like, assigning myself points for different things. Like, it's funny. It works with the rhyme scheme. It sounds like something someone would actually say, or it sounds like something no one would ever say. There's, like, lots of different ways I can, like, assign points that way.
- [04:25]
A
That's funny.
- [04:26]
B
And it was really fun as someone who grew up in this religious background, which makes, like, where pride is, like, a bad thing or at Least, like, a thing that you should be really careful about to play a character who's like, I'm the best rapper in the United States. And so it was a really funny bit to do that in front of, like, a lot of, like, comedy audiences, of, like, seven people that don't care to go up there and be like, I'm this shit. Everyone. Everyone loves me when there's, like, no one there and stuff. And so that was, like, a really fun bit to pretend I was, like, the man when I definitely, for sure wasn't.
- [04:53]
A
That's so funny. You just unlocked something in my brain.
- [04:56]
B
What's that?
- [04:57]
A
Because I feel the same way.
- [04:58]
B
Yeah.
- [04:59]
A
I realize even for myself, like, so many of the comics I loved growing up were playfully arrogant.
- [05:04]
B
Yeah.
- [05:05]
A
And I always liked that. And I also grew up in a similar situation where pride was quite literally the worst thing you could do.
- [05:12]
B
Yeah.
- [05:13]
A
Like, I remember. I forget what the context even was. I was like, a little kid. I vaguely remember this, but, like, it was actually my wife that reminded me of this because I told her, apparently at a certain point, but she was like, yeah, you were telling me that, like, you, like, someone asked you if you were proud of yourself and you didn't know how to answer it. So I remember, like, after, like, a soccer tournament, we won, and, like, someone was like, you should be very proud of yourself. And I was like, what? And I asked my mom. I was like, should I be proud of myself?
- [05:37]
B
Is that allowed?
- [05:37]
A
And she literally was like. She was like, be careful. Don't be proud of yourself. Like, be proud of, like, the team. Yeah, like, be proud of, like, what you guys did, but don't be proud of yourself. Yeah, that would be. That would be literally the sin that, you know, got old. Old Lucy sent out of the pearly gates. You know what I mean?
- [05:54]
B
It's a weird thing because it also. You can't argue with the results, too, because, like, having that mindset of, like, don't be, like, too proud of this or whatever does make me, like, try really hard. Like, that sense of, like. Because I already have that, like, middle child want people's approval thing. And on top of that, it's like just. Just the. The humbling nature of growing up evangelical, plus the humbling nature of having no success my entire 20s. I feel like white rapp of, like, vegan restaurants. We're like, we know you think we suck, so we try extra hard to not.
- [06:22]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah, That's a good point.
- [06:24]
B
So, like, I just tried so hard.
- [06:28]
A
But you need that, though. Yeah, I mean, that's what makes great.
- [06:31]
B
I think if I felt a lot better about myself, I wouldn't have made as good of stuff.
- [06:35]
A
Yeah.
- [06:35]
B
So maybe mentally it's not a great trade off, but as far as the work it does, it can produce results.
- [06:40]
A
I mean, before we get too crazy, macro and philosophical, I do unfortunately think that that is a necessary condition for greatness is some hole in your heart.
- [06:51]
B
Yeah. At least being like this sucks. Hopefully not too much. I suck.
- [06:55]
A
Exactly.
- [06:56]
B
It's not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough until you feel like you're done.
- [06:59]
A
But unfortunately, I do think insecurity and inadequacy is one of the ultimate driving forces that pushes all people to do all things.
- [07:06]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [07:06]
A
If Alexander the Great was like, dude, I'm the man. I'm good, I'm good. Like, I'm so content. I don't know if he would have been the great. He would have just been Alex, you know, like, that just would have been kind of where it ended.
- [07:15]
B
It's a chill hang.
- [07:16]
A
Yeah, exactly. He would have been like the homie, but all the time.
- [07:17]
B
He works in grain sales, conquered Egypt.
- [07:20]
A
You know what I'm saying? Like, it would have been a different vibe. But that's an interesting, sort of an interesting analysis already.
- [07:27]
B
And also, like, in the evangelical world where it's. It's a lot of like, the main message is like, you're a sinner, you're. You're built in. That's how it started. But you're saved by Jesus. And so now that I'm not as much of a Jesus guy, I think I still have the I'm a piece of shit part, but nothing to like plug that in.
- [07:41]
A
But at least.
- [07:42]
B
But at least it makes me good stuff, like gotta, you know.
- [07:46]
A
Yeah, that's funny. Yeah. Because Christianity is sort of like, you are broken, but Christ saved you.
- [07:51]
B
Yeah.
- [07:51]
A
And without the Christ saved you.
- [07:54]
B
Yeah, you broke.
- [07:55]
A
You broke. You all broke, dude. That's funny. And so you grew up very evangelically, was a Calvinist.
- [08:02]
B
Yeah, Presbyterian specifically. But yeah, Reformed CRC was the denomination specifically.
- [08:08]
A
Got it. What does CRC stand for?
- [08:09]
B
So Christian Reformed Church. So it's pretty strong in like the Midwest, especially like West Michigan where I went to school in a place called Calvin. And yeah, it's. It goes back to the theologian John Calvin, who is like a theocr in like, I think Switzerland. And so that. And then there was a lot of like Dutch folks are into it. And there's a lot of folks of Dutch descent in like the West Michigan area.
- [08:29]
A
Right.
- [08:30]
B
But they're all over Midwest and Canada. He's got.
- [08:32]
A
Calvin's a big predestination guy.
- [08:33]
B
Big time. That's. That's kind of the brand.
- [08:36]
A
Yeah. What is 144,000? Was that like 104, 144,000. Is that the. Is that the number?
- [08:41]
B
Yeah. I don't know if they did the headcount part of it, but there was.
- [08:45]
A
I knew some Calvinists, I think. And yeah, correct if I'm wrong. I'm sorry if I'm. If I'm disrespecting the CRC folks, but I do. I did know some Calvinists that, like, based on Revelation, they'd be like, like 144 thou. That's who's getting in. Those are all the tickets we got.
- [08:58]
B
Yeah.
- [08:59]
A
And if that's the number, that's.
- [09:01]
B
That's like. That's like a. That's like Springfield, illinois. That's like 90 people.
- [09:04]
A
Dude. That's a tough look.
- [09:05]
B
I think that was actually a big part of me ultimately leaving the faith. Just like, kind of like a. Who all gonna be there for Heaven? I was like, so none of the good bands. Tough. Some of the most annoying people I know are gonna be there. Tough.
- [09:17]
A
Some of the best bands probably shouldn't be there. Okay. In fairness, like, even if there's a lot of people in heaven, like, you got to be able to be like, I like, this front man was banging 16 year olds.
- [09:28]
B
Jagger, tell me you deserve all the way in.
- [09:31]
A
Yeah, like, that's one thing that I did think was funny from Tito, from Old Trump was that they asked him, are you going to Heaven? He's like, nah. I was like, that's just like super honest. Like, there's something that's, like, really admirable about that being like. Like, even, like in that moment, he was like, low key. Like, he did get a ceasefire going. So for anything you want to say about the guy, him just being like, come on, you think I me. He, like, looked behind him. He's like, me.
- [09:54]
B
Who do you think I am?
- [09:55]
A
Yeah, it was hilarious. But, yeah, it's just. I wonder if it's easier to get into Heaven than Mar a Lago. I wonder what the deal with that is anyway, Scrooge, I didn't mean to make this political. I apologize. Okay, you know what? I'll recuse you. Yeah, that's just like a funny. The Calvinists are kind of funny with that. It's a sketchy thing. If you only have a. If you have a fixed Number.
- [10:18]
B
Yeah, there's an acronym, Tulip. You ever heard of that?
- [10:20]
A
No.
- [10:21]
B
It's a total depravity, meaning you're born a sinner. Unconditional election, meaning God has picked who he's going to save regardless of whether, like, it's very much like, works is not the way in.
- [10:32]
A
It's like the.
- [10:32]
B
It's. You're just, like, saved. And then I forget the right. L might have to look it up, but yeah.
- [10:38]
A
Can we get a fact check on this? How many people ever existed? Right? Because, like, now. Because if you're thinking 144,000 out of eight, Bill, you're like, that's tough. Out of the people right now. But you can't think right now. You got to think forever and always, ever.
- [10:53]
B
Yeah.
- [10:53]
A
So, like, from Adam and Eve, like, there's Tulip.
- [10:58]
B
Limited atonement, irresistible grace. Irresistible grace meaning, like, if you're saved, you're saved. You can't, like, undo that perseverance of the saints is like. But do keep trying to be a good person, even though it's kind of out of your hands after you accept Christ.
- [11:11]
A
Whoa.
- [11:11]
B
I forget what the limited atonement is, but, yeah, limited atonement, It's a limited time offer.
- [11:16]
A
Yeah, I guess. Yeah.
- [11:17]
B
117 billion. Okay.
- [11:19]
A
All right. So.
- [11:20]
B
So.
- [11:22]
A
All right. Yeah, it's gonna be tough pickings. You're gonna get in there and it's just gonna be a bunch of ancient mofos, you know, forever, too.
- [11:28]
B
That's the part about heaven that you ever watched the Good Place NBC show.
- [11:31]
A
I'm familiar with it, though.
- [11:32]
B
Fantastic. The ending of it. This is not okay. Spoilers for people if they haven't seen the Good Place. But in the end, sort of the afterlife and they have this sort of thing where, like, eventually you're gonna get sick of it and you can just opt out and just go through this, like, nice little gate and just sort of dissolve. Because it's like, forever is so fucking long.
- [11:48]
A
Yeah.
- [11:49]
B
And so they, like. They eventually kind of, like, all just, like, fall into, like, apathy because they're like, I've done everything. They're just like. They have. Phoebe from Friends is like, a guest star, and she's just, like, always just, like, summoning milkshakes. But she's, like, super depressed. It's fantastic. I think about heaven. I'm like, well, first of all, I know what I do first, which is like, hey, I need, like, a vod of, like, anything that's ever happened on Earth. Show me the, like, hundred Funniest things that have ever happened. I'm talking about branch that hit a monkey, which hit a dinosaur. Like crazy coincidences. And then like, give me the stats. Who was the horniest guy that's ever lived?
- [12:21]
A
Yes.
- [12:22]
B
Give me the most.
- [12:23]
A
I just want to like, who peed the longest? Cuz like some guy peed for like three minutes straight.
- [12:28]
B
One time and distance.
- [12:29]
A
Yeah, exactly.
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B
I want to see it all.
- [12:31]
A
That is a good point. I would actually love to get a Spotify wrapped on like my time on.
- [12:34]
B
Earth or all time on Earth.
- [12:36]
A
Yeah, exactly.
- [12:37]
B
Show. Show it to me.
- [12:38]
A
Here's everything that's ever happened in data. And then showing you the vod, giving you the America's Funniest Home Videos of it.
- [12:43]
B
Yeah.
- [12:44]
A
Rob Dyrdek hosted it. He's like, yo, what's up, man? We're checking out the craziest shit. And it's just like dinosaurs, like, slipping, like, bro, this is awesome.
- [12:52]
B
I needed that tar pit. Owned that mammoth.
- [12:54]
A
Yeah, that would be awesome as hell.
- [12:56]
B
That's all I want.
- [12:57]
A
Yeah, that actually, if you could go back in time for five minutes, you have a time machine. You can't change it, but you can.
- [13:02]
B
Go like, witness, just go check something out.
- [13:03]
A
Where would you go? See?
- [13:04]
B
Fuck, man, I wish there was. I mean, if there is a way to know exactly, like, like, if Atlantis was real, I want to see that go. I think that'd be pretty high, like, going down just for the, like, epicness of it. I don't know. Be pretty terrifying, though. I don't know what that land is.
- [13:19]
A
Solid.
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B
Yeah.
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A
But then it's tricky though, because then you have to guess where you think it was.
- [13:23]
B
Oh, you have to put in the geometry.
- [13:24]
A
It's geoguessr. Yeah, it's geoguessr. You gotta just kinda like drop a coordinate. And so you might just go to some place in like, the middle of like, the ocean and be like, fuck.
- [13:32]
B
Dude, geoguesser's my shit. Anytime I'm sick, I just pull up my laptop and I just watch Rainbolt. Just be like, that's Slovenia. Nice.
- [13:38]
A
Yeah, there's no way. Right? I've like, I'm such like, I love rainbow, but at the same time I'm also like, there's just no way.
- [13:43]
B
I mean, there's tricks, apparently. It's like a lot of it is just the road lines and street signs.
- [13:48]
A
Yeah. He'll walk you through it and he'll be like, okay, well, this sign is in Cantonese, so, like, it's probably going to be China and that. I'm like, all right, I'm with that. But then sometimes you'll just see, like, a cup and be like, oh, this is at Mark's house. I'm like, how did he know? Why does he know this?
- [14:00]
B
That's Bulgaria cup.
- [14:02]
A
Like, nice. Like, what? But I don't know. I mean, it's. He needs to get picked up by, like, Intelligence immediately. Like, it's crazy. He's not just fully agency dude.
- [14:10]
B
I had that with one of my earliest shows where there was, like, only three. It was, like, a bunch of different rappers, and it was, like, three people in the crowd that, like, knew my stuff. And this one girl, she, like, knew, like, all the words. And so I talked to her afterwards, like, how do you find my stuff? And she's like, oh, I was searching for a different artist, like, three days ago, and I found you on accident. And then I just listened all of it, and my buddy who was standing there afterwards, he was like, there's no shot that her job is utilizing her memorization appropriately, because that's fucking insane. Like, Richard's really wordy and specific, and she was in there like.
- [14:43]
A
Damn. Yeah, that's. She's also Intelligence. Her and Rainbow.
- [14:46]
B
Again, there's no way they're using that well enough.
- [14:49]
A
That's so funny. So you grew up in a fairly religious environment, went to a religious school.
- [14:55]
B
Yeah.
- [14:55]
A
In college.
- [14:56]
B
Yep.
- [14:57]
A
And then you would consider yourself, like, a fan.
- [15:00]
B
Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm. I'm still a fan of the book in the way that I'd be a fan of, like, Lord of the Rings, where it's like, yeah, I like the lore of it all. And obviously, there's definitely some beautiful and true stuff in there, but I don't apply it to myself in the way that I did growing up. That's fair. Yeah.
- [15:15]
A
But you do a podcast where you regale the greatest hits.
- [15:19]
B
Yeah. So for folks at home, I host a podcast called Holy Smokes, where we smoke weed and tell Bible stories. I describe it as, like, it's, like, drunk history, but with weed in the Bible. And it's really fun because a lot of, you know, my guests are basically a bunch of Chicago comedians and improvisers. And some of them, A lot of them, grew up some form of religious, but some of them didn't at all. And that I really enjoy, because then they're like, what should I do? I'm like, just flip through there. You're gonna find something you had no idea was in there.
- [15:41]
A
Yeah.
- [15:42]
B
Cause just from a lore perspective, I mean, judges alone oh, yeah. Chock full of the craziest shit you've ever. Samson alone has, like, 14 different crazy things.
- [15:51]
A
Can you tell me some of the ones that you enjoyed?
- [15:54]
B
The one I always recommend to people is episode with Nick Davis about the prophet Elijah, who's hanging out. And then some youths mock him for being bald. They said, go on up, you bald head. Yeah. Which is kind of nice to see that, like, the comment section has always been the comment section. And then he summons two bears and that the bears maul 42 of the youths. Yeah, yeah. And that led to a discussion of, like, do you. How do you think the bears split that up? Was there, like, a LeBron bear that did put up, like, 35. And the other one just had a few.
- [16:25]
A
The Chris Bosh bear that was just kind of like a role player, but still important.
- [16:29]
B
There was a Norris Cole bear that got like, 2. But then it's also 42 of the youths, which is funny. We're like, well, how many kids were there total? Were there just, like 43? And there's just one that got away, like, smoking a cigarette, like, oh, that's a good point.
- [16:41]
A
He was like, yo, we're gonna go chirp, Elijah. And then I gotta go pee so bad. And he came back and he was like, oh, what did Elisha do?
- [16:49]
B
He was probably the one that chirped him and then dipped. And then all his friends paid the price, bro.
- [16:54]
A
But, like, that's kind of a good sign that. Because, like, for the most part, most of the bald guys I know are pretty tough.
- [16:58]
B
True.
- [16:59]
A
You know what I mean? Christos. That's one of them for sure. The Greek freak is what we call him. Six five Diesel. Okay? He's sitting down. You can't tell. And I mean, the rock.
- [17:10]
B
True.
- [17:10]
A
You know what I mean?
- [17:11]
B
Don't mess with balds.
- [17:12]
A
That's what I'm saying, right? Rogan, Dana White. Like, these are all bald dudes that could probably fuck you up.
- [17:16]
B
And that is the move. Like, if I ever went bald, I gotta go strong. Because if I was bald with this build, it would look like I'm dying.
- [17:24]
A
Oh, maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's like, okay, if I am gonna go bald, I am gonna get ripped.
- [17:28]
B
A friend of mine told me that in college. He's like, I'm losing my hair. I'm getting strong. And I was like, good call, man. That's my.
- [17:32]
A
Yeah, that's a good point. My dad used to always say. He's like, if you're dumb, you gotta Be tough.
- [17:37]
B
True.
- [17:37]
A
And if you're bald, you gotta be strong. You know what I mean? And. Or you gotta have bears on tap.
- [17:42]
B
That's the funny thing about that story, too, is, like, it just ends. Like, people assume Bible stories are like, and here's the moral of the story. But, like, that's why I get preachers. A lot of times the Bible doesn't say what the moral is. Ends.
- [17:50]
A
Yeah.
- [17:51]
B
So our theory was like, well, maybe there was just, like, some priest who was having a hard time getting the kids to settle down and be nice to him. And he's like, you know what? Let me tell you a little story. You wanna hear what happens about some kids made fun of a guy like me? They got mauled. The end.
- [18:02]
A
All right. Yeah. Then while this guy's heard, he's like, well, that's gonna go in here for sure.
- [18:06]
B
Fire. That's going in for sure.
- [18:07]
A
That's crazy. I really do. Because you know how in the gospels, like, Jesus will always hearken and call back to the Old Testament? Yeah. I do wish he'd brought that up at one point.
- [18:15]
B
Yeah. Oh, dude, a little follow up would have been so nice.
- [18:18]
A
Just like, one line just to recap. Just being like, also, just keep your comments to. Or bears will legit maul you.
- [18:24]
B
In the words of. Was it Jamie Vardy? He's like, talk. Get something. What? He said talk. Get banged, I think.
- [18:30]
A
Oh, yeah. Talk shit. Get banged. Get banged. Get banged. Bro. That's fire. It really is true. And it's also. It is funny to see how many. Oh, it's funny actually in the Bible, it says two female bears.
- [18:42]
B
Oh, yeah. She bears.
- [18:43]
A
I don't know how that makes it just.
- [18:45]
B
You're supposed to picture big bear titties, I think, swinging around.
- [18:51]
A
Okay, I changed my time travel answer. I'm going back to the bears. I'm going back to these big old.
- [18:56]
B
You're like, wait, they got titties. I'm there.
- [18:58]
A
They got the bear. Bl.
- [18:59]
B
Dude.
- [19:00]
A
Beating up these youth bear.
- [19:01]
B
Naked ladies, dude.
- [19:02]
A
That's awesome. It's funny because key details, it says, according to my biblical scholar that is feeding me information, not chatgpt. It says youths typically means teen boys.
- [19:15]
B
Okay.
- [19:16]
A
Which is kind of funny that, like, that's exactly who would do it.
- [19:19]
B
Middle schoolers.
- [19:19]
A
Yeah, middle schoolers. Which, like, is the scariest group of people.
- [19:24]
B
Oh, my God. Yeah.
- [19:25]
A
Like, Mulaney obviously has a hilarious bit on this, but, like, it is so true that, like, a group of, like, teenagers hanging out after school and that.
- [19:32]
B
Many it's very, like, schools out. Like, there's a whole gang of them. That's terrifying.
- [19:35]
A
Yeah, yeah, no, exactly. Like in New York, like, that is the people that I'm the most concerned about.
- [19:41]
B
Oh. In New York, especially because they've been roasting since they could talk so they could break you down.
- [19:45]
A
I remember moving to New York being like, oh, I'm afraid of, like, getting robbed. And it would be like. Like, I'm picturing like a gang member that's like 40 robbing me.
- [19:53]
B
Yeah.
- [19:54]
A
And all my friends were like, no, you're going to get robbed by like a 16 year old. Like, that's where, like, that's where the crime happens.
- [19:59]
B
Insult the injury.
- [20:00]
A
It's like a 16 year old robbing, like a 14 year old.
- [20:03]
B
Yeah.
- [20:04]
A
That's like 90% of, like, crime.
- [20:06]
B
I got. I got mugged by an adult in Chicago. And I really liked it because he was very professional. I didn't like it, but it was, like, not that scary because it felt like he knew what the deal was. And he made it very clear. He just. It was right outside IO in Chicago improv theater. And I was standing with my girlfriend at the time. And he walks up and he just shows the pistol and he goes, cash. I'm like, that makes sense. I started doing this and he goes, don't put your hands up. I was like, great, that's a good point. Shouldn't do that. And then the poor guy got like 7 and change because we were improvisers. And then. And then as he walked away, he went, keep kissing. And so we were like, like, kind of waiting for him to, like, leave or whatever.
- [20:37]
A
Hot. Actually, like, I was with my sister, which I didn't like that else I.
- [20:42]
B
Was not gonna get to. So my guy.
- [20:45]
A
That's kind of a good deal. You paid $7 to kiss your crush. That's kind of nice.
- [20:51]
B
Yeah. And then I slipped him a 20. Like, my man.
- [20:53]
A
Dude, that. You got to just do that.
- [20:55]
B
Yeah, that's smart.
- [20:56]
A
That's just your homie. You're like, hey, I'm gonna be with this girl. We have a lot of chemistry. But I'm really nervous.
- [21:01]
B
But it's not like the nacho libre thing where you pay your friends to pretend to attack and then you defend her. Like, I fully get robbed, but then I get to kiss.
- [21:09]
A
Yeah, yeah. So it works out in the end.
- [21:10]
B
It's pretty sick.
- [21:11]
A
And then at the wedding.
- [21:13]
B
Yeah.
- [21:13]
A
He comes out with the same ski mask, pulls it off, and she's like, it was, you the whole time.
- [21:17]
B
My man.
- [21:18]
A
Dude, that's wild. So you just got. I mean, I don't know if you've ever heard that joke before, but, like, I forget which comic is. But he's like, when I was so poor that when I was getting robbed, like, the robbers were just robbing me for practice. Yeah, he's just getting reps. And, like, that's him. And an open mic. Yeah, that's an open mic, Rob.
- [21:35]
B
You gotta bomb a hundred times before.
- [21:37]
A
You get there, but you get. You. Seems like you got robbed by the best. Like, this guy was like, exactly come up.
- [21:42]
B
Like, he knew what he was doing at every step. He was like, do this. And I was like, I think I just do like. I like. I think that I was good at school. I like knowing what the assignment is. Here's the parameters. I was like, all right, I can work with this.
- [21:51]
A
Yeah. I mean, it is funny. You put your hands up.
- [21:53]
B
Yeah. Like in the movies.
- [21:55]
A
You're like, oh, this is what happens next.
- [21:57]
B
Yeah. Like, he was like a guy in the 40s with a Tommy gun stick up. He's like, nah, it's funny because you.
- [22:02]
A
Put your hands up to indicate that you don't have a weapon.
- [22:04]
B
Right.
- [22:05]
A
And he robbed you because he knew you didn't have a. I was wearing.
- [22:09]
B
A pretty similar sweater, I think.
- [22:13]
A
Yeah. If you have a strong guy with a mustache, you're probably not gonna have, like, the Glock on you.
- [22:18]
B
I think I had glasses then, too, so the only way I could have looked more just, like, academic and harmless.
- [22:22]
A
If I was him, I would have stole your glasses. I'd be like, yeah, this guy will never know what I look like. This is the perfect crime. Why do I need a mask if he has, like, 10. 10 visions? That's such a good point.
- [22:33]
B
Good luck dialing 91 1- blind idiot.
- [22:35]
A
Yeah, exactly. I have great news for you. Do you want to know the official moral from this Elisha bear story?
- [22:40]
B
Oh, yeah, sure.
- [22:41]
A
Respect God's authority. Elijah isn't a guy getting roasted. He's God's representative. So if you mock him.
- [22:48]
B
Right.
- [22:48]
A
You're mocking God.
- [22:49]
B
Yeah.
- [22:49]
A
So do you want to recant any of the jokes you made about Elijah so far?
- [22:52]
B
Dude, it's too late for me. I'm 60 some episodes into roasting the whole Bible, so that's fair.
- [22:58]
A
Disrespect towards the sacred has real consequences. So it's not about baldness. It's about authority. Sure. So there you go. Yeah, I do like ancient roasts. Like, throughout the Bible. There Are great, like little disses.
- [23:09]
B
Oh, totally.
- [23:10]
A
Like in the. I forget which book in the. In the. In the gospels, but the. They're talking about Jesus from Galilee. And literally the guys are talking to each other, hearing about this guy that people are talking about named Jesus.
- [23:23]
B
Yeah.
- [23:24]
A
And they go, galilee, he's from. What good has ever come from Galilee?
- [23:29]
B
Yeah.
- [23:30]
A
And literally they're like talking. It'd be like if Jesus was from like Omaha.
- [23:34]
B
Yeah.
- [23:35]
A
And you'd be like, what. What's ever. Who's from Omaha?
- [23:38]
B
Jesus from.
- [23:38]
A
Oh, it's like to them, Galley was like.
- [23:41]
B
Yeah.
- [23:42]
A
Like little. Yeah. Little side town that like you don't really go into.
- [23:44]
B
Totally.
- [23:45]
A
And so they're like chirping the town.
- [23:46]
B
Yeah.
- [23:47]
A
And it's just in.
- [23:48]
B
It's just in there also. I feel like Dave and Goliath kind of starts with a rap battle because they had. They'd have the two battle lines and they would. Goliath would come up and just talk to their entire army like, who the. Who wants it? He was basically Kevin Garnett screaming at him like. Like, you don't want this problem. And then eventually David like stepped up and was like talking shit about how none of them are circumcised, which is a hilarious thing to arrest him for. He was like, look at these uncircumcised like idiots. Which is a funny thing.
- [24:12]
A
Okay.
- [24:12]
B
This is half women. Bald bears. Good, good, good, good.
- [24:17]
A
What even I don't even understand. We've given Krisis too much power. I don't even really understand.
- [24:23]
B
He's in the lab.
- [24:24]
A
What is the search there she bears. What is the. What did you search? I need to know what actually just happened. I combined everything that I heard, which was bald, bare woman and beautiful. Because all of those things are beautiful.
- [24:39]
B
I like how you added beautiful.
- [24:40]
A
I don't think Christmas get so afraid of getting canceled. He was just like an empowered bear, a strong bear. A bear with opinions that can run a company. What? Okay, so this is hilarious. Goliath comes out every morning and evening and talks shit.
- [24:57]
B
Yeah.
- [24:57]
A
That's why.
- [24:59]
B
So yeah, he was just trying to get a 1v1. Basically he's hitting him like in the all chat like, 1v1 me bro. And which is like. As someone who would for sure have been just a regular soldier, I was like, I like that system. We don't need all thousands of us die. Let's just have two people that are really about it do it. But of course no one wants to fight him. He's Goliath he's giant. But then David rallies the boys, and he's like, guys, how are we gonna let these uncircumcised losers, like, talk down to us? Which is such a funny thing to roast them about, because, like, you guys are the only ones that are circumcised. Everyone else is. Has normal style. And you're like, look at those idiots. They haven't even cut part of their dick up. He's also, like, Goliath's foreskin. Jesus Christ. Looked like a football, dude.
- [25:37]
A
Y. Yeah, that thing would be long, bro. 100. That thing. You could twist it around. He's got, like, a. Like a wizard cap. Like a.
- [25:43]
B
Like a laundry hamper.
- [25:44]
A
Yeah, exactly. He's like, how like, a. Like a guy in, like, the 1930s goes to sleep. You know what I mean? He puts on, like, a nice little cap or something. Yeah, he's. He had a scrooge cat.
- [25:52]
B
A scrooge cap's a pretty good term for a forest.
- [25:54]
A
Yeah, exactly, bro. He's a hooded up. He literally. Goliath goes. He hears Goliath once and goes, who's this uncircumcised philistine? Yeah, like, bro, uncircu. Bro. He's just got a regular piece. You're the one that's chopped up. Like, that's wild. Which is kind of funny because it is. The translations are like the. Is this dick?
- [26:13]
B
Yeah.
- [26:13]
A
Like, he literally is, like, just kind of just saying it the way we say it, which is hilarious. And then apparently, David's brothers are roasting him more than Goliath. So David's brothers are. Eliab says, I know your arrogance. Who did you leave those few sheep with? And then another one's like, literally, he's just like, yo, you're unemployed. You got nothing going for you. You're being arrogant.
- [26:36]
B
Yeah.
- [26:36]
A
And he. And David just goes, what have I done now? Can I. Can't I even talk?
- [26:41]
B
That's very, like, brother conversation. Like, shut up. You never let me talk.
- [26:45]
A
Can I say one thing? Can I say one thing? Can I just literally say one thing? That's so funny. Yeah. And then David just shows up with no weapon, which is also kind of funny.
- [26:53]
B
Have you seen any videos on Instagram of people using, like, biblical style? Like slings, Dude.
- [26:57]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [26:58]
B
Crazy how fast those things go. They should just, like, break a bottle or whatever.
- [27:02]
A
Yeah. Once you see that, you're like, oh, this was a completely uneven fight. David absolutely had the upper.
- [27:06]
B
Hit him with the ranged attack.
- [27:07]
A
Yeah, it's great. Like, that's why Goliath was talking shit like war before guns was so much more theatrical.
- [27:13]
B
Yeah.
- [27:14]
A
Because you could just go. And you'd have a drummer. You'd have, like, a dude just, like, laying a beat down, like, a tight beat.
- [27:20]
B
There's a guy with a dead mouse helmet.
- [27:23]
A
Yeah. Because you're like, yeah, they can't get me. Like, if they get close to me, just push them away.
- [27:27]
B
Ye.
- [27:28]
A
Like, that's what war was. Yeah. Maybe they would have, like, a spear.
- [27:31]
B
A lot more pushing.
- [27:32]
A
Yeah, it was just, like, a lot of shoving. Like, which is which, for the record, is my. The only place I'll ever fight is in an airport.
- [27:40]
B
Why is that?
- [27:40]
A
Because I know no one has a weapon. So it'd just be a completely even battle. So I will not fight if you challenge me to a fight in other place.
- [27:47]
B
No.
- [27:48]
A
If it's terminal C at LaGuardia, I will fight you.
- [27:50]
B
That's really funny.
- [27:51]
A
And I. And I think it would be even. Like, it'd just be the two of us finally, man v man, and just see what happens. Or woman. If a woman wants to get it, we can go after. If she bear wants to. Wants to attack me. All right. We can let it bang in the airport.
- [28:03]
B
It turns into a John Wick thing where you're just grabbing stuff at hand. You hit her with a Sbarro slice. Exactly.
- [28:08]
A
Charger. Like, got a TSA bucket. Doesn't hit her on the head. Him hit him. Why would I even say her? Come on, dude.
- [28:13]
B
Optional.
- [28:13]
A
Yeah, it doesn't matter. But it's. I mean, yeah. That's a hilarious story. The story just casually mentions david keeps the head.
- [28:22]
B
Yes, I was gonna say that too. People know the. The slingshot headshot part. But then he cuts his head off and takes his sword. Gets the loot. He's like, yo, check this shit out. And, like, brings it back to Saul. And it's like, I did that shit.
- [28:32]
A
I imagine it's huge, though. I imagine he's like, yeah, holding the hole.
- [28:36]
B
He's doing like a kettlebell. He's lifting with his legs.
- [28:40]
A
He's exhausted. He's like, oh, my God, there's blood everywhere. He's like, oh, goodness.
- [28:43]
B
Yeah.
- [28:44]
A
His hair's all wet. Such a nightmare.
- [28:47]
B
I regret picking it up, but I gotta do it now. Everyone's watching.
- [28:50]
A
Just rolling his head around, just trying to get it back to soul.
- [28:53]
B
He's doing little soccer touches with it. Yeah.
- [28:55]
A
Oh, that's so funny. I mean, one that makes me laugh in general.
- [28:58]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [28:59]
A
Is this what Is this a slingshot to Humble Goliath? It's probably what David looked like.
- [29:04]
B
Oh, shit.
- [29:05]
A
Oh.
- [29:06]
B
360. Quick scope.
- [29:07]
A
Yeah. That's kind of sick.
- [29:08]
B
Good Lord. Yeah. And, you know, David was wearing the dry fit breathable tights as well, with the bun.
- [29:16]
A
This is awesome.
- [29:17]
B
I love how he propped the, like, table up against, like, a bush. So go down.
- [29:21]
A
360. Do you follow the people that claim to have mind powers on Instagram?
- [29:26]
B
What's that like?
- [29:26]
A
Like, oh, it's the greatest thing ever. It'll just be like a dude in, like, a robe. And it's not like a wizardy robe. It's kind of just like. Like. Like, it almost looks like a graduation gown.
- [29:36]
B
Okay.
- [29:37]
A
And he'll have, like, tinfoil set up on the table. And I don't know if he's doing a bit. There's one guy specifically I follow or if this is real.
- [29:44]
B
Yeah.
- [29:44]
A
But he'll just be like. And then blast the tinfoil down and he'll just post hundreds of these videos. And I watch all of them. I'm like, that is sick. Because either you're doing a bit, which is hilarious, or you think that you have mind control also, which is even better. This is the greatest thing ever. But it kind of reminds me of this guy just being like. And the thing is just propped up by a little twig and falls over. He's like, would it kill Goliath? 100. 100. Put me in. I could have taken out Goliath in a heartbeat. I mean, one of the. Maybe my favorite Bible store story. Adam and Eve is very funny to me.
- [30:14]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [30:14]
A
Adam and Eve is just hilarious in many different ways.
- [30:16]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [30:17]
A
Well, first off, I mean, I need to get probably some facts on this. Do you know there's a. Like, a. Some would call it a fanfic on Adam and Eve where it wasn't originally Adam and Eve. It was Adam and you say. Steve, no. Whoa. What the heck, dude? What the. What kind of Bible? You ready? You are wild for that, bro.
- [30:40]
B
Bro. You're a lib. And who.
- [30:42]
A
You left the church, got libbed out? No, this is. No, this is Adam and Lilith. Lilith? You ever heard of Lilith?
- [30:48]
B
That's some knockoff Kirkland shit. Who's Lilith?
- [30:51]
A
This is. This comes from the Jewish folklore tradition.
- [30:54]
B
Okay.
- [30:54]
A
I don't know if it's in the Torah or the Tanakht, but I've talked to my Jewish friends. They're like, dude, you gotta look into Lilith.
- [30:59]
B
Lilith. And it's instead of Eve or In addition to.
- [31:03]
A
Instead of. Okay, this is Eve 1.0.
- [31:06]
B
Sure.
- [31:07]
A
So the short version of this is that God makes Adam and Lilith and she refuses to, broadly speaking, submit to Adam and then gets, like, banished out of Eden and then becomes a night demon sex goblin. This is true. She's not in the Bible directly, but maybe in the margins. And basically, yeah, she just goes out and. Okay, hold on, this is interesting. Oh, here we go. So it doesn't mention Adam's wife. She appears in Jewish folklore in the Alphabet of Ben Sira in the Talmud as Adam's first wife, created equal from dust, but fleeing after refusing submission. Now, allegedly, it's because she was too freaky. This time of year, everyone talks about going dry, but at Athletic Brewing Company, we're skipping that because we prefer going athletic, which isn't dry at all. From crisp goldens to hoppy IPAs and limited releases in between, you'll find something that fits your style. Every single non alcoholic brew is packed.
- [32:08]
B
With flavor and the same craft craft experience you love.
- [32:11]
A
So, yeah, you could call it dry, but there's really nothing dry about it. Find your new favorite near beer@athleticalbrewing.com Athletic Brewing Co. Fit for all times.
- [32:22]
B
Oh, the type of submission you wanted was for her to be lesbian. Chill out.
- [32:27]
A
I need to find the exact hands off.
- [32:29]
B
Whoa, whoa.
- [32:32]
A
I need. Okay, so I don't want to get this incorrect. Okay. Just in case my Jewish folklorist are watching.
- [32:38]
B
Lilith too fre.
- [32:43]
A
So she refused to submit sexually to Adam and insisted on equality. Wow. We were made the same. So she left Eden on her own terms, but then after she leaves, the text turns on her, where she's now a night demon, a corrupter of men, and a seductress.
- [33:00]
B
Damn.
- [33:01]
A
So she was just trying to, like. I think she was trying to, like, be on top, I think. I don't know if it. I don't know if it's exactly explicitly stated like that.
- [33:10]
B
Right. It's hard to tell whether that means refusing to, like, have sex with him or just she just wanted to get on top for once.
- [33:14]
A
Yeah. I think she was trying to hit it with a reverse cowie and he's like, no. He was like, this is not the way it's supposed to be. Why are you worried about your pleasure? This is insane.
- [33:23]
B
Frog all rog.
- [33:24]
A
Yeah. And I think, like, that was like, the initial rift, and then she got banished out and then literally just like a sex demon. That's, like, out in the world.
- [33:30]
B
Oh, my God.
- [33:31]
A
That's. That's the O.G.
- [33:33]
B
She sounds great. I like everything you've said about her. Like, that's way cooler than Eve.
- [33:37]
A
This is how I know you're a real rapper, dude. You're like, dude, I could fix her. I need a baddie like this, dude.
- [33:41]
B
Yeah.
- [33:41]
A
Let me get this girl. Put her in the studio. What's up, guys? We're gonna take a break real quick because we gotta have some real talk, all right? If you've ever brushed off white flakes from a black T shirt. Okay, that's not dry scalp or whatever you're telling yourself, right? That's dandruff. And dandruff is caused by a fungus. Now, most shampoos don't actually fix that. No, they just dry out your scalp even more. So you just keep on buying the shampoo. And honestly, a lot of these formulas haven't even changed since the, like, the 1960s. Every big shampoo brand was developed then, which is also when doctors were like, hey, take a cigarette for some stress. And that's why I like flakes. See this right here? This is Flakes. It is an anti dandruff shampoo and conditioner that actually targets the problem. It's got two times the active ingredient peritheone zinc, than the standard drugstore brands. And it was developed by a top dermatologist out of New York City. Now, here's the part that most people miss. Scalp health is. Is hair health. That dandruff fungus irritates your scalp, which then causes you to itch it all the time. Then it leads to more inflammation and then even shedding. Yes, it even can cause you to lose your hair. Clear the scalp, and your hair will look better and fuller and healthier. And flakes to something that's great. They don't do, like, the two in one lazy thing. No. Shampoo clears the fungus and the flakes. And then the conditioner puts moisture back into your scalp with MCT oil so that your hair actually stays soft. Soft and flexible instead of breaking off in the shower. Also, it smells great. Like, clean. You know, it's not medicinal. It's not overpowering. There's no harsh junk in it. That makes your scalp even worse off than it was before and keeps you in the cycle. I mean, straight up, I just used flakes today, all right? I'm telling you, it's the. It's so moisturizing. It makes your hair feel great. Even if you don't have dandruff. It's great for your hair, and it'll keep you from ever Getting dandruff it is. Dermatologist developed. It's already used. Used by hundreds of thousands of guys. And honestly, it's just a grown up move. And right now you can get 20% off plus a free scalp brush. All right. And a 30 day money back guarantee if you use the code camp. That's C A M P. And if it doesn't work for you, you're not stuck with it. Yeah, that's right. The promo code camp. C A M P for 20 off, free scalp brush, which feels incredible on your scalp, and a 30 day money back guarantee. There's literally nothing to lose. Give it a shot. You're going to get 20% off and if you don't like it within 30 days, just tell them, hey, this wasn't for me. You're getting your money back and nothing is going to be lost. Except obviously the. The flakes on your shirt that you've been brushing away. So look, take care of the roots, get better hair. Your black shirts are actually going to be black again. The itch on your scalp is gone. That's the flakes promise. Now let's get back to the show. But that's Adam and Lilith and then Adam and Eve come around. One of the things I was thinking about, Adam and Eve. That thing's so funny. Mm.
- [36:22]
B
Were they ever kids or just like, bloop as adults? Like Sims. Yeah. Yeah. They don't mention. That'd be wild. The like, yeah, the boxcar children years.
- [36:30]
A
Like, bro, they just spawn as adults, I think.
- [36:33]
B
Yeah.
- [36:34]
A
Like, in my mind they were always like 30.
- [36:37]
B
Yeah.
- [36:37]
A
But now that I'm 30, I'm like, they were just me.
- [36:40]
B
Crazy way to start.
- [36:41]
A
That's just the off rip. And then what's crazy is that then they had to have kids.
- [36:46]
B
Right?
- [36:46]
A
So now they've never been kids.
- [36:48]
B
They have kids, they're like, did we do this wrong? Why do they look so small? And like they're like, okay. It was never that.
- [36:54]
A
Yeah, okay. God told us to be fruitful and go multiply. We did. And now there's like this little half human alien thing that we got to like take care of. And like, it's shitting everywhere and they're looking at each other like, bro, what do we do?
- [37:07]
B
I mean, the classic feeling is new parents where you don't know what you're doing. They had that. The most, the most ever.
- [37:12]
A
Dude. And they're like, dude, what is a belly button? They're like, we don't know. Like, there's so many elements of this Like, I have a one year old baby. I couldn't. I barely can do it with my parents and all the resources and chatgpt everything. A doctor, like thousands of years of medical history.
- [37:28]
B
Yeah.
- [37:29]
A
How did. I don't even understand what they did. And then their kids are asking them questions.
- [37:33]
B
Yeah.
- [37:33]
A
Like mom and dad, where do babies come from?
- [37:35]
B
And they're like, well, you guys are going to need to fudge each other in this case. In this case, it comes from you guys.
- [37:40]
A
We don't exactly know. But you will bang your sister and don't ask really. Why do.
- [37:45]
B
We had a guy. So I went to a tiny Christian school. It was like K through 12. Like 200 kids.
- [37:49]
A
Same.
- [37:49]
B
Okay, cool. My graduating class was 22. How big was your graduating class?
- [37:53]
A
50.
- [37:53]
B
Nice. Yeah, we're twice right in that range where it's like, how is this not homeschooled? Like, you know, but I was homeschooled.
- [37:59]
A
Before that, so I'm glad I brought that up.
- [38:00]
B
That is the pipeline. And. But one day they brought like a guest speaker just in the gym and he had like his like poster board set up. And his whole thing was just sort of like really digging into Adam and Eve. And he's like, so we know skin tones go from this dark to this light. So Adam and Eve must been right here in the middle.
- [38:13]
A
And we're like, all right.
- [38:14]
B
And he's like. He's like, where do the kids come from? He's like, the siblings were definitely fucking. And it used to be okay, but now it's not. But at that time it was okay. And you're like, this is your whole job. You just go from school to school being like, I've been thinking about this shit a lot.
- [38:26]
A
It's also hilarious to be like, they were wean. What? They were just right in the middle. Like, they were just like, just beautiful lightskin.
- [38:35]
B
Gorgeous. Danish. Good.
- [38:38]
A
Ethnically ambiguous. Yeah, I think that's probably what it was.
- [38:40]
B
They were the first option when you make a character in a video game. Just sort of right there.
- [38:45]
A
Funny. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, that is another great question.
- [38:47]
B
I wonder what they paid him too. I wonder what his day rate was. You know, as someone who does gigs now, I'm like, how did he pay for his travel? Did they. How much did they pay him?
- [38:54]
A
He goes school to school. Just explaining Adam and Eve kind of being like, yo, they were like, like dark. But also the kind of light.
- [39:02]
B
They were all things that I would have probably pitched if I thought about it for an hour. And that seemed to be his job.
- [39:08]
A
Yeah. That's so funny. It is funny too, because people don't know. Like the ribs thing. Did you. Is this you low key believe growing? Like Adam is made from the clay, you know, God makes him some mud.
- [39:21]
B
Scratch and then banana bread.
- [39:23]
A
Yeah, exactly. Blast him out there. And then Eve is made from the rib of Adam while he's asleep.
- [39:28]
B
Yoink.
- [39:28]
A
And then people are like, oh, men have one less rib.
- [39:33]
B
Right? I thought that. I was like, sure. Never check.
- [39:36]
A
Never went until when?
- [39:39]
B
Right now? Yeah, Too embarrassingly late. Just like, oh, we have the same amount. Well then why the fuck was that? That seems like such an easily disprovable thing to try to stand.
- [39:48]
A
Most obvious thing ever to be like, yeah, that's not true.
- [39:51]
B
Right?
- [39:51]
A
Like, I don't even know where that.
- [39:52]
B
Myth came from, but that is where the, the saying I want my baby back comes from.
- [39:56]
A
Because that's what you're saying about Lilith.
- [39:59]
B
I want my baby. Baby.
- [40:01]
A
Yeah, after. After Eve.
- [40:02]
B
Yeah, he's like, Eve is so wooden, dude. She just lays there.
- [40:05]
A
Bring back Lilith, dude.
- [40:06]
B
She was athletic.
- [40:07]
A
Eve just eats all day. That's why we got banished from the garden. This freaking lady, she can't get enough.
- [40:12]
B
Of edible arrangements judgments.
- [40:14]
A
Like, dude, Adam must have been pissed because he's been with two women, both of which absolutely just spun him around, you know what I mean? Like one girl gets blasted out and he's like, okay, well if the woman's being messes up, right? That's she's out of here. And then Eve messes up And Adam is 100 thinking like, well she's gonna get banished again, so give me another wife. And then God's like, you guys are both banished. He's like, whoa, no, what about Lilith? Remember that? She got sent out here because she.
- [40:39]
B
I'm super down to try maybe a third.
- [40:41]
A
Yeah, I bet you third time we're gonna nail it. Okay. Yeah, we got this. God, come on. It's you and me, right?
- [40:47]
B
It's funny how like so you like. Yeah, they started just as adults, but they were kind of childish. Like the part where they hear God in the garden and they knew they up so they hide from him is so like, it's like exactly how little kids basically. That part I love too is like God starts out as very much like a guy. Like, they're like, they hear him walking around the garden.
- [41:04]
A
Yeah.
- [41:05]
B
And it feels like over time throughout the whole book, he becomes more of like, like a. But he starts off as like what? Like, like.
- [41:12]
A
Well, are you familiar With Gnosticism.
- [41:14]
B
I've heard it. Remind me.
- [41:16]
A
I'm glad you asked. Yeah, I'm glad you asked out of the blue. Let him cook.
- [41:19]
B
Yeah, you brought it up.
- [41:21]
A
No, no, no, you asked. Basically, narcissism is, is fascinating. Okay. And I don't want to, I don't want to excommunicate myself. Okay. I'm not a Gnostic, but I do think it's interesting to look into. But basically the, the basics of Gnostic. Gnosticism is a lot of it comes from like the apocrypha. These will be like non canonical texts that were discovered in like Egypt within the last like 150, 200 years. We know a lot about the Gnostics because a lot of early church fathers would talk about them, okay. And be like, yeah, these guys are on some whack. Like, get them out of here. But basically their whole vibe was like a reinterpretation of the scripture, but like kind of in reverse. So they low key vied with Jesus.
- [41:59]
B
Okay.
- [42:00]
A
Blood. But they didn't really vibe with the Old Testament.
- [42:03]
B
Okay.
- [42:03]
A
And their reason, basically gnosis is like the Greek word for knowledge. There would be like knowledge, like secret knowledge, people. And they were like, salvation is through the knowledge that Jesus brings. It's all about knowledge, wisdom. It's not about faith or doing stuff. It's knowledge.
- [42:18]
B
Interesting.
- [42:18]
A
And so their interpretation of basically the whole Old Testament, there's a lot. But the short version is this. Adam and Eve are created by the bad guy. The God of the garden is the bad guy. That it is a, like a lesser God that basically creates our material reality. And they're in this garden, made and controlled by this bad being. And then a serpent shows up. The serpent is the good guy. And the serpent says, hey, I can get you guys out of here. All you have to do is eat that fruit. And Adam and Eve are like, no, if we eat it, we're gonna die.
- [43:01]
B
Right?
- [43:01]
A
And he goes, you're not gonna die.
- [43:03]
B
You're gonna know about God, you're gonna know about everything.
- [43:05]
A
You're gonna become like him.
- [43:06]
B
Yeah.
- [43:07]
A
And the Gnostics would read that and be like, yeah, that's, that's what you want.
- [43:11]
B
You want to know the stuff.
- [43:12]
A
Exactly. And that the God of the Old Testament is actually not God at all, that's a lesser God. And that Jesus was trying to also get us out of that. So Jesus and the serpent are actually on the same team. Whoa. And that God of the Adam and Eve is, is the bad guy. Like, we got it dead that crazy.
- [43:28]
B
It really. You weren't kidding about Marvel dc. Like, that's absolutely like a comic book plot line of like, what if the bad guy was the good guy?
- [43:35]
A
Superman is actually the anti hero. Yeah. Like, oh, that is kind of what it was.
- [43:41]
B
Yeah.
- [43:41]
A
And so in the early church, you had like all these different groups of people trying to interpret the scriptures. And that's like one of the interpretations that the church pretty quickly kind of quelled.
- [43:49]
B
But I get. I believe it. Yeah, you gotta.
- [43:51]
A
Yeah, you can't let that run wild. Right. That's a little crazy. But you basically interpret the whole Testament like that.
- [43:57]
B
Yeah.
- [43:58]
A
So it's like, you know, Yahweh, God of the Old Testament's like, hey, you gotta go kill the Canaanites. Yeah. And the Gnostics would be like, see, that's a bad God. That's. That's. He can't do that. Like, he's committing genocide. Don't, don't, Joshua, don't go kill them. Or like, God in the Old Testament's like, I'm a jealous God. The Gnostics read that and they're like, jealous of what? What another God? The greater God, the actual consciousness that undergirds all creation. Now, once again, I don't. This is not something I subscribe to. This is just an interesting sort of deviation lore, if you will.
- [44:29]
B
Yeah, I love the whole arc of. Of God, how he mellows out from Old Testament to new. Reminds me of like a dad or like a basketball coach. Like my coach specifically. When my older brother played for him, he was like a. He, like, yell. He'd go super hard. He was like, like, very much like. And then like, by the time I got him, he'd like, had a baby and like, chilled out a little bit. And then I went back a few years ago and he's just like. He's just like all like, like peaceful stuff. Like, is that just time? Is that just your just blood is boiling less? That kind of feels like, what?
- [44:59]
A
Well, you know, after you have a baby, your testosterone drops.
- [45:01]
B
Is that right?
- [45:02]
A
The more proximity you have with your kid, the lower your T gets.
- [45:05]
B
I will end up with negative testosterone. I don't think it's dangerous.
- [45:09]
A
Fully switch up, dude. Estrogen through the roof. Okay. You have two moms now. Congrats, baby.
- [45:13]
B
I'm the mom now.
- [45:16]
A
Maybe one of my top Bible stories that I think is so funny. You know, about the Tower of Babel. Oh, yeah, the short version.
- [45:22]
B
Yeah.
- [45:23]
A
The Israelites are, you know, chilling, doing stuff. They're like, yo, what are we gonna do today? We're gonna build a skyscraper. They start building this tower super, super tall. It gets so tall that it's touching the heavens. God is humiliated by this. He thinks that these people are trying to become creators greater than him. God is pissed, destroys the tower. And not only that, what does he do? Do changes the language, scrambles them and scatters them around the world.
- [45:47]
B
Yeah.
- [45:48]
A
And this is how I was taught ethnicities were created right there. That was the moment that God came down and was like, look, you guys are all Israelites, but because of what you've done, some of you got to be Chinese now.
- [46:00]
B
Have you seen those memes? It's like, you will have a very Chinese future ahead of you. That's what happened. It's like, I predict very Chinese future for you.
- [46:08]
A
Is that regarding the Tower of B?
- [46:10]
B
No, they're just memes. But that's exactly what.
- [46:11]
A
That's literally what God said. He's like, yo, you guys are going to have a very Chinese Chinese New Year, dude. He was like, what?
- [46:15]
B
One of my favorite Holy Smokes episodes. My buddy Lawrence talked about that when he's like, the way. It almost feels like they were building more like a. Like a space laser. They were pointed at heaven, and God was in the control room, and someone's like, sir, they got a lock. He was like, what?
- [46:29]
A
Hold on. I didn't think they were gonna get this close. This is kind of insane.
- [46:32]
B
Yeah.
- [46:33]
A
They're, like, crazy, right?
- [46:34]
B
Yeah.
- [46:34]
A
And God was like, no, no, no. You guys gotta be. Gotta be Asian. And some of y' all are gonna be African. Some of y' all are gonna be Native American. Your story is not as good.
- [46:41]
B
Good.
- [46:41]
A
And it's just, like, crazy that that's where that all came from.
- [46:44]
B
Yeah.
- [46:45]
A
And that, like, you have all these Israelites being like, yeah, I used to have a brother, but, yeah, my brother Ari, he now lives in China.
- [46:52]
B
He's a Madagascan, I think. I don't know. We don't hear from him much.
- [46:56]
A
Yeah, it's crazy. That's, like, how I was taught that. And then I grew up and I was like, oh, that's crazy. I'll take the metaphorical approach to this one. But, like, the literal approach is kind of like, how it was taught. Yeah. Which is just so funny. Yeah. I mean, I. Like, maybe that's why. Maybe that's why a lot of Jewish people eat Chinese food on Christmas. Because they're trying to. It's a part of that.
- [47:17]
B
Shout out to their cousins. Yeah.
- [47:21]
A
Exactly. That is crazy. That. That's just. That's the. That's the punishment, dude. Don't mess with God or you will wake up different.
- [47:28]
B
And also now with Google Translate is like, is God going to be pissed at that? Now we can just go like this and talk to each other.
- [47:34]
A
He should be a little.
- [47:35]
B
If. If that's. If that's still the rules, I feel like he's going to crack down Pret. It's like, what could be. How could he babble us again now that we already have different languages? Oh, you know, how would he scatter us again?
- [47:46]
A
Probably just no social media.
- [47:47]
B
Unplug the Internet.
- [47:48]
A
Yeah, you probably unplug it.
- [47:50]
B
Oh, I don't know anything. I immediately don't know anything.
- [47:53]
A
Yeah, the world would be way better.
- [47:54]
B
I wouldn't know how to get back to my friend's place I'm staying at. I would just be here now.
- [47:58]
A
Yeah, this is where you live, Cook. You'd be babbled and people would be like, yo, where's. Why is Scooch here? I'd be like, dude, he just can't go home. Like, where's he from? Like, all these Luna.
- [48:07]
B
Dude, I drove from Philly yesterday and I was like, if without a phone, there's no shot I could do this. Like, even if buddy in the passenger seat with a map would have been like, I don't know, dude, bro, do.
- [48:16]
A
You think about that? Like, I'm 29, 31. I never grew up with maps. I mean, like, I never. Like, by the time I was driving, I had a phone.
- [48:24]
B
Yeah.
- [48:24]
A
So I never was like, oh, let me take out and see. Like, so much of what, like, even just like my older friends talk about is insane to me.
- [48:34]
B
Yeah.
- [48:35]
A
Like, I remember I even had a convo with my friend. I was like, if you needed to meet up with your buddy, what would you do? And literally they would tell me be like, well, you would set up a meeting time. You'd set up a meeting place, and you give them 15 minutes.
- [48:47]
B
Yeah.
- [48:47]
A
If they don't show up between 1 and 1:15, then you just go home. Yeah, that's crazy. I can't believe that that was the world.
- [48:55]
B
Professor rules. If they're not there within the first 15 minutes, you can leave class.
- [48:58]
A
Crazy.
- [48:59]
B
But just for every encounter.
- [49:00]
A
And then you're just standing in front of like, Izumi's and you're like, well, I guess he's not coming, so I'll just leave.
- [49:05]
B
Could be dead, but I have no way of finding out.
- [49:06]
A
And then you get Home and call him. And you're like, what happened? He's like, dude, I know. Yeah, there's bears on the way. I got caught by the she bears. Okay, Are there any of the. Any other Bible stories that you think of that you got? Oh, man, that is just. This is just too good.
- [49:20]
B
I was just telling my friend about Jonah and the whale. I mean, that's a pretty famous one, but I. I don't know if people know the whole story of it. I'll try to do the short version like you did for Babel.
- [49:28]
A
Yeah, go ahead.
- [49:30]
B
God comes to this guy Jonah and says, hey, the city of Nineveh is wicked. And not in, like, the Boston sense. Like, they're evil. They're wicked smart. It's like they're being assholes. You need to go tell that entire city to cut that shit out. Stop sinning. Stop, like, stealing and murdering and probably sex stuff. And Jonah's like, hell, no. That's terrifying. They're going to kill me if I do that.
- [49:51]
A
Yeah.
- [49:52]
B
I'm going to be so unpopular. So he goes the other way. He just, like, books a flight. Basically hops on a boat to Tarshish and. Or as they say in the Veggie Tales, Tarshish, because the carrot. Scottish, for some reason. Shout out Veggie Tales.
- [50:05]
A
I truly love veggie tails.
- [50:06]
B
Fine, that's. I feel the same way about the Bible and Betty Tails, where I'm like, I don't, like, believe it, but there's some fire in there. Basically, on the way over here, just because of the context of the podcast, I had the Pirates who Don't Do Anything stuck in my head. I was like, Anyways, so he goes to Tarshish, and so he's just on a boat, and then a huge storm breaks out. And all the crew immediately knows, like, God is mad at someone on this boat. This is clearly a God's mad type storm.
- [50:30]
A
Yeah.
- [50:31]
B
Uh, so they've thrown everything overboard to try to get lighter. Doesn't help. They're, like, in big trouble. They're all right. Cast lots. It's like basically drawing straws or whatever. Figure out whose fault this is. And Jonah gets a short straw and they're like, sorry, bud, this clearly God is mad at you. And. And so they just yeet him overboard, gets swallowed by. It's. We always say whale, but I think it may just says, like, fish. I don't know, some sea creature, like, swallows him up. He's in the belly of the whale for three days. It's always really Funny that people's like, the image you see online, he's like, got a little fire going in there. Like, now what are we doing?
- [51:01]
A
As if, like, the whale would be. Be cool with that.
- [51:02]
B
Yeah.
- [51:03]
A
You know what I mean?
- [51:03]
B
He's a smoker.
- [51:04]
A
It's fine.
- [51:05]
B
Go out the blow hole like a train.
- [51:07]
A
The whale's like, what did I eat?
- [51:09]
B
Oh, my God.
- [51:10]
A
I mean, I have so much indigestion. This is crazy.
- [51:12]
B
Talk about heartburn, dude. What was in that? Krill, Dude, Wood smoke coming out of my blow hole.
- [51:19]
A
It's just piping the old way. Steam engine.
- [51:21]
B
Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Chugging along like old Mickey Mouse cartoon.
- [51:24]
A
Like, dude, these. These people from Judea are spicy.
- [51:28]
B
That's the last time I ate a guy that throw overboard.
- [51:30]
A
That was crazy. So spicy.
- [51:32]
B
I just. I said, spice level medium. And so then. Yeah. And then after three days, I think I pretty. I don't remember. Does Jonah, like, repent and be like, nevermind, I'll do it. Or does he just. After three days, he just gets, like, thrown up or whatever. Also, the veggietales version of that is great because they have him go like, pew. Like, like hundreds of feet in the air. Land on the beach. Really good bit. And then he does go to Nineveh and he's like, hey, cut that shit out. Classic VeggieTales. Now I'm just breaking down the Veggie Tales. They. They always have to represent hardcore Old Testament stuff in a.
- [52:03]
A
Which the toughest job in the world.
- [52:04]
B
Oh, my God. It's such a insanely metal book that you're trying to make palatable. And it's so like, instead of, like, you know, probably, like, I don't know, sodomy or whatever God was mad at, they're fish slappers in Veggie Tales. They just slap each other with fish. Which also, veggietales is straight up Monty Python. Like, that's. That's. That's. It's the gateway drug to Monty Python. They literally did French guys yelling down from a castle wall. Oh, did they really verbatim this? It's the Josh and the Big Wall one. The. The Peas. They're basically doing the, like, you know, I fart on you a second time. Like, they're doing that bit. Like, exactly.
- [52:33]
A
But it's fun. I've never looked at it that way. Yeah.
- [52:36]
B
And then my dad showed me Holy Grail. I was like, this is where it starts. This is. That's part of the reason I want to be comedian, dude. When I saw Holy Grail when I was, like, 10. I, like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen.
- [52:43]
A
You thought Monty Python was biting vegetables.
- [52:44]
B
I was like, yeah, exactly.
- [52:49]
A
That's so funny.
- [52:50]
B
Yeah. So then he goes and tells Nineveh to, like, cut that out. And then really anticlimactic ending, dude. They. He tells them to, like, stop sin, sinning. And most of them are like, no. But a couple of them are. They're like, okay, it's fine. So God spares them. I think I'm getting some of this wrong. But basically, God spares them from destruction. And Jonah's pissed. He wants to go sit up on a cliff and watch the city get burned, like, from above. And he's, like, ready for the fireworks. And then God doesn't destroy them. And Jonah's pissed. And God's like, what the fuck do you know? The end.
- [53:21]
A
Whoa.
- [53:21]
B
I think that's the part people don't know is it ends count.
- [53:23]
A
Like.
- [53:25]
B
No fireworks. There's also not a nice big hug. It's just sort of like, that's just.
- [53:29]
A
That's it.
- [53:30]
B
Yeah.
- [53:30]
A
And it was in Nineveh. That's what. That's where they were doing the bad stuff. Yeah. I wonder how bad they really could have been. Yeah, dude, I. There's some bad people now.
- [53:40]
B
By biblical standards, it must have been rough. Dude. It's funny. Like, so I'm. When we do Holy Smokes, like, I tell a story and the guest tells a story, and those are the sort of two episodes with that guest. And I'm just going chronologically, and I'm in Leviticus, so I'm just in the law right now. Whoa. And it really paints an interesting picture of life back then because the, like, you know, you never know the Ten Commandments. But then it goes like, you know, the 15th Commandment is like, okay, if a fight breaks out and a pregnant woman gets hit, you gotta pay this much for the baby. And it's like, how often was that happening? Pregnant women were just catching bows. Like, that's like the 16th Commandment. They were like. And we know we have to address this.
- [54:18]
A
Well, obviously, you know, we need to get this out of the way.
- [54:21]
B
Let's get ahead of it. I know what you're thinking.
- [54:22]
A
It feels like a very personal ripe. It feels like the guy that was writing, he was like, well, also. Also. And they were like, fine, Ezekiel, we'll get your thing in there. Okay. Sorry about your wife. That is crazy.
- [54:34]
B
Yeah.
- [54:34]
A
Yeah. The Leviticus is funny because it is just all Rules.
- [54:37]
B
Yeah.
- [54:38]
A
My buddy Lucas has a great joke where he's like, the difference between becoming super Christian and becoming super Jewish is that if you become more Christian, you get more Jesus, but if you become more Jewish, you just get more rules.
- [54:48]
B
Yeah.
- [54:48]
A
Which, like, Leviticus is the exemplar of the rules. Rules.
- [54:51]
B
Yeah.
- [54:52]
A
You just get so many rules.
- [54:53]
B
Yep.
- [54:54]
A
Which. This is going to sound stereotypical, but I do think that holds truth. I do think this is why Jews make such good lawyers.
- [55:00]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [55:00]
A
Hot take.
- [55:01]
B
Oh, totally.
- [55:01]
A
Like, if you look at, like, Jewish communities throughout all the Diaspora have way higher literacy rates. You have dudes just, like, rabbis going through the Torah all day, analyzing it over and over and over, debating each other what the actual law means.
- [55:13]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [55:13]
A
That's what the Talmud basically is. It's just, like, rabbinical dialogue about the law. Law. Just a giant group chat of dudes being like, yo, this law means this. And other people are like, I think it means this. And then another guy being like, dude, you guys completely missed it means this. Yeah. And it's just that for thousands of pages.
- [55:29]
B
Yeah.
- [55:29]
A
And then all of a sudden, we. Some guy's like, hey, I'm on trial for a speeding ticket. And they're like, oh, yeah, we could. This is easy. Easy compared to arguing with God from.
- [55:37]
B
Thousands of years ago.
- [55:38]
A
Yeah. We can argue with, like, a random judge and a ticket cop.
- [55:41]
B
This is written in the 50s. That's so. Yeah, I can read that so easily.
- [55:44]
A
Nothing, dude, we can do.
- [55:45]
B
It's in English. Yeah, no problem. It's not an ancient Hebrew.
- [55:48]
A
Yeah. We got this a million percent. I genuinely think that's why they're the best lawyers, because, like, yeah, this is nothing compared to what we've been through.
- [55:55]
B
Yeah. I was. I was reading more complicated than this when I was six.
- [55:58]
A
Yes, dude, exactly. I mean, there is like. Like. I mean, this is Sodom and Gomorrah with Abraham. Abraham's talking to God, and God's like, hey, by the way, Sodom, Gomorrah, they're getting hit.
- [56:10]
B
Yeah.
- [56:10]
A
And Abraham's like, why? And he's like, oh, they're so wicked. They're fish lovers.
- [56:13]
B
Yeah.
- [56:14]
A
Yeah.
- [56:15]
B
Which now sounds like an innuendo.
- [56:16]
A
Yeah. To all the Jamaicans watching. All right, there was some fish boys. Some Batman. All right. Some fish. Some big old fish. And. And the fish that do. You're familiar with that slang Jamaicans say call gay people fish, which is very.
- [56:30]
B
Oh, really?
- [56:30]
A
Yeah.
- [56:31]
B
I did not know that.
- [56:31]
A
A fish man.
- [56:32]
B
Fish man.
- [56:33]
A
Yeah, he's a fish. And so in a way, they were fish slappers.
- [56:36]
B
Okay.
- [56:36]
A
That is the claim.
- [56:37]
B
Right? Right. Yeah.
- [56:38]
A
So they were out there fish slapping, and. And God basically says, if there's 50 good people, I won't destroy it.
- [56:44]
B
Yeah. Deal.
- [56:45]
A
And Abraham's like, deal.
- [56:46]
B
It's fine.
- [56:47]
A
And then Abraham goes home, and he's like, there's not 50.
- [56:50]
B
No shot.
- [56:51]
A
So he goes back, and he's like, can you do 40? And God goes, yeah. And then he goes back, and he goes, can you do 30? And God's like, sure. He's literally negotiating, haggling with him. Like, he's in, like, a bazaar. Like, he's, like, trying to, like, sell him a rope. He's like, can you do 20?
- [57:05]
B
Lowest I can do is 20.
- [57:06]
A
Yeah.
- [57:07]
B
Final offer.
- [57:08]
A
And they get down to, like, 12 or something like that.
- [57:10]
B
I think, for one, it's like, even.
- [57:11]
A
If there's one, I don't even remember the exact number. It gets down so low.
- [57:14]
B
Yeah.
- [57:15]
A
And Abraham's like, all right, I think we got him. Yeah, it will be good.
- [57:17]
B
Yeah.
- [57:17]
A
And then Abraham wakes up that morning. Boom. And he's like, oh, man. I thought there would be two good guys. This is what.
- [57:25]
B
It's a call of duty kill streak. It is like, tactical, dude.
- [57:28]
A
Yeah. I didn't know. I thought. Come on. Like, I can imagine him being like, yeah, y'. All. Like, there's not one good person.
- [57:36]
B
I did. I did the best I could from bar.
- [57:38]
A
I did everything. I literally did everything. And y' all couldn't have one good person. But, yeah, that's just, like, such a funny. Like, yeah, he's literally haggling with God. And there's actual mid rashes, which is, like, basically, like. Like within, like, rabbinical text of, like, ancient folklore or ancient, like, Jewish stories. Like, basically where, like, they analyze scripture and. And that definition is probably wrong, but you get what I'm saying. It's just basically, like, analysis.
- [58:02]
B
Yeah.
- [58:02]
A
Of, like, argument is divine communication. If Abraham can argue with God, we can argue with each other, which is why certain cultures love arguing.
- [58:13]
B
Yeah.
- [58:14]
A
Hot take. I don't know if this is the real or. I'm not. I'm not an anthropologist or an archaeologist, whatever, but I do think there's something to it.
- [58:21]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [58:21]
A
If they're like, yeah, if God can argue, then we can argue with each other. It is funny.
- [58:24]
B
I remember, like, going over to a friend's house and be like, oh, you guys are like an arguing family, you know? Like, my family is not. Like, we're not. Like, we don't Baker. Like that. Like, if there's, like, bickering on, it's like something's like someone's, like, actually, like, mad. Whereas, like, some people, like, I feel like maybe it's more like an east coast, like, New York thing, just being, like, constantly like, what the fuck are you doing? Like that kind of.
- [58:40]
A
No, we were an argument family.
- [58:41]
B
Yeah.
- [58:42]
A
And. But it was always like. Like, my mom would just take the opposite side.
- [58:46]
B
Just.
- [58:46]
A
Just because she liked to get into it.
- [58:49]
B
Yeah.
- [58:49]
A
Like, we would just talk about something, and she'd be like, nah, I don't know.
- [58:52]
B
Yeah.
- [58:52]
A
Like, I remember. Oh, me and my dad got into a good one about the earth's spinning. He was like, tell me this. I fly from Paris to New York six hours, eight hours, whatever. I fly from New York to Paris, eight hours. If the Earth is spinning, shouldn't it be faster? One of the ways. And we argued about this maybe for, like, three days, not even joking. I was in the belly of the whale, going back and forth, and I was, like, trying to explain it to him. I was like, dude, I finally broke through. Yeah. Because it's one of those things. You're like, you know why, but you can't explain it.
- [59:23]
B
That's so frustrating.
- [59:24]
A
The way I explained it is. I was like, let's say you're in a submarine going from America to Europe. Would you expect it to be different? He's like, no, because the water is pushing against you. And I was like, the water's the air, the atmosphere.
- [59:36]
B
Yeah, there's atmosphere. It's all moving.
- [59:38]
A
It's all moving with the Earth. And he's like, all right, fine. But, like, I don't even know if he believed it. I just think he wanted to argue. And, like, they'll just take the other side. Yeah. And my mom, like, yeah. She would get into some crazy arguments.
- [59:52]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [59:52]
A
She would just argue on the Internet with people, just. And then she would print them out and show us.
- [59:56]
B
Print out of, like, a comment section.
- [59:58]
A
Argument and be like, ah, he got me on this. I shouldn't have conceded this point once I acknowledged that, like, there's somewhat flexible morality on certain things. And he was able to prove that morality is resolute or something like that. And I was like, oh, what? Like, that's funny.
- [60:11]
B
I'm so the opposite of that. I. I will agree with people. I straight up don't. Just to be friends with them. I'll be like, oh, yeah. And in my head, I'm like, that's stupid. But I just rather not I just like conflict diverse like that. She's like the opposite. She's like, let's do it. She's about it.
- [60:24]
A
Yeah, yeah, I to do that less. I literally called a friend of mine because he was looking at me and he was like, bro, I just saw this movie was so good, man. Or no, no, it wasn't even like that. It was like this. It was like we were talking about something completely unrelated. And he goes, oh, it reminds me of that scene in Sinners. You've seen that? And I go, yeah. And he goes, yeah, yeah, it's like that scene. And then we just moved on. And then I walked home and I was like, why did I lie? I just lied to him. I've never seen Sinners. And I just agreed. And I literally called him. I was like, hey, dude, by the way, I never saw Sinners.
- [60:51]
B
I gotta come clean.
- [60:51]
A
And he was like, what? And I was like, you brought it up. I never saw it. He was like, okay. And I was like, I just. I'm gonna live a more truthful life, dude.
- [60:58]
B
That specific lie, I totally do. Because sometimes I'm like, I could tell you just want to talk about it.
- [61:03]
A
You don't need me to see it to understand.
- [61:04]
B
You didn't tell me what you're gonna tell me, so I just greased the wheels. I'm like, for sure, man. Go ahead. What do you wanna say about it?
- [61:08]
A
You don't need me for this part.
- [61:10]
B
Okay?
- [61:10]
A
I'm waiting for you to stop talking so I can tell you a hilarious story. Okay? You're just the filler before you're open for me to tell you my awesome stuff. All right? So let's just get through your bullshit.
- [61:18]
B
So you're 15? Yeah, I'm gonna do 30.
- [61:21]
A
Yeah, exactly. That's how it has to be. Another fire. Non canonical text. The Book of Enoch.
- [61:27]
B
Okay, I don't know nothing about it.
- [61:29]
A
So Enoch's in the Bible.
- [61:30]
B
Okay.
- [61:31]
A
It doesn't have a major role, but they toss him in there specifically. Book of Genesis says Enoch walked with God. Then he was no more because God took him.
- [61:42]
B
Oh, yeah. And there's like a short list of guys that didn't die.
- [61:45]
A
Basically, Elijah. Yep.
- [61:49]
B
Yeah.
- [61:49]
A
Jesus twins.
- [61:52]
B
Cute. And yeah, Enoch. And that's just like a one line. They're just like, he just got bleep. Yep. That's all we know about him. But there is a Book of Enoch, extended universe.
- [62:02]
A
Three of them, actually.
- [62:02]
B
Director's cut.
- [62:03]
A
Exactly. Schneider. And basically, the Book of Enoch. In short, ancient Jewish texts. It says the World didn't fall apart because humans were just bad, but because angels broke the rules. A group of angels called the Watchers. The actual name, I mean, it's in Hebrew, but the actual translation is the Watchers. Which. Fire.
- [62:23]
B
Badass.
- [62:24]
A
Came down to earth, slept with human women, taught people forbidden knowledge like weapons, war, tactics, Astrology, magic and makeup.
- [62:34]
B
Age of empires, cheat codes, makeup.
- [62:38]
A
You know, the five deadliest things to humankind. Weapons, war, Astrology, magic, and makeup.
- [62:43]
B
Astrology, magic, and makeup is just. Every girl I've ever dated. If that's wrong, I guess I'm not going to heaven.
- [62:51]
A
So funny, dude.
- [62:52]
B
There really is.
- [62:53]
A
It's just star signs, lip liner, and that's crystals.
- [62:58]
B
And.
- [62:59]
A
Yeah, you're like. Yeah, you are the literal Book of Enoch. Like, you are. What? The Watchers told me to be careful of their children. The Watchers and the human women, they had hybrid children.
- [63:08]
B
Is that the Nephilim or is that Nephilim? Okay, cool.
- [63:11]
A
I call them Ligers. But Nephilim also works. These are violent giants who would devour everything, including humans, and turn the world into chaos. God responds by imprisoning the. The angels, the Watchers, declaring the spirits of the dead giants to become demons. So that's where the demons come from. And then how does he reset everything and wipe everything clean? Baptism of the earth.
- [63:34]
B
The flood.
- [63:35]
A
The flood. So he floods it up, and then Enoch himself doesn't die. He gets taken to Hell Heaven, shown the machinery of the universe, angel prisons, future judgment, and then made the reluctant messenger for fallen angels begging for mercy that God flatly denies.
- [63:50]
B
Damn machinery. Universe is a good metal album name if no one's used that. I like that.
- [63:57]
A
That's sick, right?
- [63:57]
B
Show me the cogs. Yeah, that's crazy. That's.
- [64:01]
A
That's fire, actually.
- [64:02]
B
He. Back in the engine room, back there shoveling coal. This is where you make mountains?
- [64:08]
A
Yeah, dude, that's wild. So that's the Book of Enoch.
- [64:11]
B
Yeah, that's fire.
- [64:12]
A
What's up, guys? We're gonna take a break really quick because I gotta tell you a story. Imagine you're sitting in your house. It's cold outside. It's a little snowy. And you're like, man, I just want a panini. So you go and you order it, you know, from. From Doordash or something like that. And it never gets to you. You're looking at the app, you're like, dude, it's been four hours. Where's my panini? You're calling. No one answers. Well, this is a true story that happened. There was A woman, a client that was working as a door dash driver, and she slipped and fell on an icy walkway outside of a Panera Bread in Fort Wayne, Indiana. She breaks her elbow, which leads to surgery and hardware having to get inserted into her arm. She can't work. And originally, you know, she sues Panera and Panera's like, okay, we'll give you like 125,000. But then the good people over at Morgan and Morgan fought for her and got her the million dollar verdict that she, she deserved. Yes. If you never heard of them, Morgan, Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. Yes. And they are that way for a reason. They've been fighting for the people for over 35 years. Now, I'll be honest. If I ordered, you know, a panini and the woman gets paid a million bucks because she slipped, I mean, it's a tragic thing to happen, of course, but I deserve a little bit of that. I, I should get a cut at least, right? I'm the one to order the panini. If I never ordered that panini, she never would have slipped, never got a million bucks, which obviously she deserved. You know what I mean? But maybe next time she gets a million and million million point one. I can get a cool 100,000 out of that. Regardless. All I'm saying is if you're ever injured and you are looking to get the money that you deserved, the compensation that is entitled to from your injuries, Morgan and Morgan could be the way to go. Hiring the wrong law firm can be disastrous. I mean, you can be locked up and litigate. It's a nightmare. But hiring the right law firm could substantially increase your settlement. And with Morgan and Morgan, it's easy to get started. They're fixed, fee is $0. Unless they win. That's right. Their fee is free. Unless they win your case, you don't pay zero. You pay zero cents. Unless they win your case. You can visit forthepeople.com gagnon g a g n o n that is f o r the people.com gagnon or dial pound law. That's pound 529 from your cell phone. That's for the people.com gagnon or click the link in the description below. And thank you so much to the good folks over at Morgan and Morgan for sponsoring this program and making this show show possible with this paid advertisement. Let's get back to the show. People in the modern era don't interpret this as purely ancient scripture. They see this as forbidden knowledge that is actually true. So there's Low key people that are like, no, no, this is facts. And that, that's. There were. That's what aliens are. So the Watchers, angels that came down, they did some dastardly stuff. There's also like, I think Anunaki, which is like a Sumerian term for like kind of the same story.
- [66:59]
B
Okay.
- [67:00]
A
I think the Anunnaki. You can correct me if I'm wrong on this, Christos, but the Anunnaki come from ancient Sumeria in like a myth, like one of their like origin myths. And it's kind of the same story. They're like, the Anunnaki came down, they were telling the humans all sorts of stuff.
- [67:13]
B
Making tutorials.
- [67:14]
A
Yeah, they were doing tutorials. They were doing everything. They were. James Charles basically is the Watchers. And then. And then they were banging human women, which is hilarious. How hot are our women?
- [67:29]
B
And also, how clearly was this written by guys who's like, well, of course they would, because look at our beautiful women. They'd be crazy not to.
- [67:37]
A
Okay, all right, all right. We got the princely offspring, the gods of heaven and earth.
- [67:41]
B
Not aliens. It's best.
- [67:42]
A
All right. Sure you would say that. Jip it. They're children of the sky God. They're a class of gods. Keep gone. It's on the Sumerian tablets, Epic of Gilgamesh. And they serve as judges. They appear in these councils. Oh, I thought they were banging our women. All right.
- [68:01]
B
Yeah, Nephilim definitely were.
- [68:03]
A
Anyway, keep going down. Whatever. I thought they were banging our chicks, which I was about to get pissed off on. You know what I mean? These freaking. These, these demonic angels, they come down here, steal our women. They steal our women. You know what I mean? They corrupt our people. Yeah, this is like the first anti immigration guys. Like, that's the book of Enoc. Literally, like, dude, they're coming here. They're freaking taking our ladies. This is what's why. Come on. Come on now. We can't let this happen. We need a wall. We need. We need a firmament.
- [68:30]
B
Interdimensional.
- [68:31]
A
We need a firmament to keep out the freaking Watchers from banging our women. Did you get a. Did you get a cross across reference? Oh, sick. Okay. The Anunnaki are gods. Mesopotamia gods never have romantic or sexual relationships with humans. Damn. Well, thank you. Thank you, Mesopotamian gods.
- [68:48]
B
Learned something new today.
- [68:49]
A
Yeah, well, I apologize if I let anyone astray. Hopefully no one clicked off the PODC at that moment. They were like, this is what I.
- [68:54]
B
Believe in their life. They're about to get embarrassed At a bar.
- [68:57]
A
Yeah, exactly. My apologies. But the watchers coming down and banging our women. Well, first they teach them makeup.
- [69:02]
B
Yeah.
- [69:03]
A
And then they see them and they're like.
- [69:04]
B
And astrology.
- [69:05]
A
Yeah. But, like, they teach them how to, like, blend properly.
- [69:07]
B
Yeah. And they're like, wait, someone's wife came home and was talking about how she was a Scorpio. And he's like, who you been talking to? Who told you that?
- [69:15]
A
But the idea that, like, they come down, they teach. Well, weapons, war. I like that they teach weapons and war separately, because they're. At first they brought the weapons, first.
- [69:24]
B
They study the blade, like a mall ninja. They give them katanas.
- [69:28]
A
They give them weapons. And then they're like, all right, thank you for the weapons. Appreciate that. And they're like, well, you also need strategy.
- [69:35]
B
It's not just going to be a bunch of 1v1s.
- [69:37]
A
Yeah. You're going to have a bunch of people. You supply them. Supply lines. It's a whole thing. You feed them. It's like, so there's more to this than just a gun. Yeah. And then astrology, also magic, which. Magic is awesome, because in my mind, it's just card tricks. Yeah. You're thinking, like, sorcery, but, like, they're also. The watchers are just David Blaine. And everyone's running away. Oh, yo, how'd he do that?
- [70:01]
B
Street magic. But he's, like 9ft tall. He's, like, leaning down, like, pick a car.
- [70:06]
A
He just leaves. Grabs a woman with him. They're like, whoa, this is.
- [70:09]
B
This magician is dude that I saw. You know the rapper Saw, Baby? No, he's really good. I saw him in Chicago and at the end, he was like, we bring some girls up on stage. You just pick some ladies, and they come up, do the last song, and he's like, all right, we're out. And then they leave, and the ladies are just there. And they'd been, like, dancing, like, filming stuff, and then they're like. And then you just follow them off stage. And my friend goes, my dad taught me a lot, including how easy it is to forget to cancel things. So I downloaded Experian, my bff. Big Financial friend. Experian could help me cancel my unused subscriptions and lower my my bills, saving me hundreds a year. Get started with the Experian app today. Your big financial friends here to help you save smarter. Results will vary. Not all bills or subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. $631 a year average savings with one plus negotiations and one plus cancellations paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details. Experian took our best pictures. He just left with them. He's like, all right, come on. Then he left. And then they just also left. And there's like, where'd they go?
- [71:07]
A
That's so slick. They were never seen again. That was it.
- [71:11]
B
Some guys in the audience like, babe, babe, Do I get vip?
- [71:16]
A
Get a wristband.
- [71:18]
B
Hold on, wait, sir, put my name on the list.
- [71:22]
A
He's the watchers, dude.
- [71:23]
B
He's the.
- [71:24]
A
He's the OG Watcher.
- [71:25]
B
Totally.
- [71:25]
A
Dude, that is crazy. But yeah, this is. And then the Nephilim are just also hilarious.
- [71:29]
B
Yeah.
- [71:30]
A
Because they get destroyed, but it's not really their fault. Cuz the Nephilim were just. What, they're getting punished for the sins of their fathers.
- [71:37]
B
Yeah, they were just born this way as from.
- [71:40]
A
Yeah, they were just born this way. That's all it is. Yeah.
- [71:43]
B
I'm sorry my dad's a demon or angel or whatever.
- [71:46]
A
I'm sorry my mom's just like the hottest woman ever. Oh, my bad. Yeah, sorry.
- [71:50]
B
I'm a gorgeous mixed race queen. That's not my fault. Exactly.
- [71:55]
A
Dude.
- [71:55]
B
She'd hate me because I'm beautiful.
- [71:56]
A
Yeah. Like what? And then they just get destroyed in a flood.
- [72:00]
B
My bad. Yeah. What do you think about. Have you heard about like a lot of different cultures have a flood narrative?
- [72:05]
A
Of course.
- [72:06]
B
I mean, I feel that's right in your heads, right at your wheelhouse.
- [72:08]
A
Everyone's got one.
- [72:09]
B
It's pretty cool. I don't know.
- [72:10]
A
I'll be honest. I like, I like Noah's. I think, I think, I think ours.
- [72:13]
B
It's one of the best.
- [72:14]
A
Is probably one of the best.
- [72:15]
B
Yeah.
- [72:16]
A
I mean the first part that is great is that Noah's building this boat and just getting chirped like off rip. Yeah, he's just getting absolutely destroyed.
- [72:27]
B
Bunch of Eagles fans like, you dickhead. You doing Go Birds. I'm trying to saved the birds.
- [72:33]
A
First of all, he's just wearing like a chief jersey outside like Lincoln, you know what I mean? Outside the link. And all these birds fans just like, look at this idiot, look at this. And he's just like, bro, you don't even understand. Yeah, so he's building the boat, doesn't really ask for a follow up, which is hilarious. And then, yeah, he's just getting absolutely chirped. And in the Bible it never is like, and you know these guys are being rude or like it doesn't ever give context. It's just like people are coming by chirping them. Because everyone at the time knows they're like, oh, yeah, that's how we'd be. We'd be chirping. You know what I mean? We just be talking.
- [73:04]
B
If your buddy started building a big boat, you roast him a little bit.
- [73:07]
A
Yeah. Are you doing, man, if my friend buys a boat, I'll just roast, like.
- [73:11]
B
Huge waste of money. Dude.
- [73:12]
A
Dude, we live in New York.
- [73:13]
B
You're not going to use it that.
- [73:14]
A
As much as you're never going to use it. He's like, no, no, I got a dock for it. I put it up on the trailer. Like, we're going to take it out every day this summer. I'm telling you, bro. And then he never takes it out. Like, if. If someone came by and was roasting. No, like, bro, that's a money pit.
- [73:24]
B
Yeah.
- [73:24]
A
Like, for real. You're just going to be, like, trying to repair that thing forever. Gas is expensive. Like, there's no way.
- [73:29]
B
As soon as you drive an ARC off the lot, it loses, like, having value. You gotta get. Register that thing. Get stickers. Yeah.
- [73:35]
A
And you gotta get, you know, Wildlife and Game Commission involved. It's like, oh, yeah. Oh, especially. Oh, you're taking animals on the boat.
- [73:41]
B
The permits to get two of every animal on earth gotta be crazy, insane.
- [73:45]
A
And then on top of that, I. I like. It doesn't, I don't think really specify two of how many animals.
- [73:52]
B
Right. Just says every every, which is like, a really interesting window into how many animals they thought there were.
- [73:57]
A
Yeah. How many animals? Animals are there?
- [74:00]
B
So many. Count bugs. So many.
- [74:03]
A
How did he get the bugs?
- [74:05]
B
Yeah. Was there, like, a bug basement where they were all just like. I knew you guys only lived two weeks, but, like.
- [74:10]
A
Like, how did that work? And also, fish.
- [74:14]
B
Fish were fine. They had the whole world for a spell there. That's. Do you know fish passed down stories? Like, you know, one time we ran this whole ship. It was awesome. It was tight. Dude, I was in Texas, yo. I was a fish in Texas. It was sick.
- [74:27]
A
But, like, why is that? Never talked about.
- [74:29]
B
Yeah.
- [74:30]
A
Like, hey, we got to destroy everything. We got to clean up the world. And Noah's like, the fish, and he's like, the fish have done nothing. Okay. We're actually trying to get rid of the fish slappers, all right? That's actually the reason we're doing this. All right? There's too many freaking fish slappers. Okay. The estimates are a thousand to fourteen hundred land animals kinds totaling potentially seven thousand individual animals.
- [74:47]
B
Yeah.
- [74:48]
A
Two of every unclean animal, male.
- [74:50]
B
Oh, and they had that whole distinction too. Yeah.
- [74:52]
A
Yeah. Seven. Total. Total focus on broader kinds. Dogs, bears. Not specific.
- [74:56]
B
All right.
- [74:57]
A
Yeah. I'm glad that they didn't get too. Too white boy about it. Be like, okay, we're gonna have two Dawsons, a schnauzer. We obviously need a chow chow. Okay. We're all right. And usually excludes fish and sea creatures, which is hilarious.
- [75:13]
B
Yeah.
- [75:14]
A
Maybe that's why fish are so weird.
- [75:16]
B
They didn't get that edit to their gene pool ark. They were still just grab bag or whatever.
- [75:21]
A
Exactly.
- [75:21]
B
Yeah. Which.
- [75:23]
A
I don't know. It's hard to have sympathy for fish in this case.
- [75:25]
B
I think it's funny when people give. Like, fish are so stinky. It's like, yeah. When you put them in the air. But they're not supposed to be there. I bet we fucking stink underwater to them. They're not supposed to be there. Fish like, oh, my God, smells humany. Yeah.
- [75:39]
A
Try to smell a fish on the water.
- [75:41]
B
Can't. They're fine.
- [75:42]
A
It's fine.
- [75:42]
B
Never a problem. Yeah. Permanent bad.
- [75:45]
A
Yeah, exactly. That's a good point. Also, not every fish smells. I bet you it's awful. Doesn't smell.
- [75:49]
B
I don't know. What a dolphin. Dude, have you seen the. The drunk history episode about the scientists that like giving LSD to dolphins?
- [75:54]
A
No, dude.
- [75:55]
B
There is a study in the 60s where they started giving LSD to dolphins because they were like, let's give this to everything and see what happens.
- [76:00]
A
60S were awesome and.
- [76:01]
B
But then, like, they realized the dolphins were depressed because they were, like, lonely or whatever, and one thing led to another and then the scientists would jack off the dolphins so that they'd, like, I don't know, relax or whatever.
- [76:11]
A
What?
- [76:12]
B
But then when Carl Sagan caught wind of this, he's like, hey, you're making science look bad. Stop jacking off the dolphins. They're like, okay. And then the dolphins got super depress because they. They lost their hand job privileges and they would just sink to the bottom of the tank like, no jerk off anymore. And they got really sad.
- [76:28]
A
Why was Sagan, or is it even cockblocking? Clam clam slamming. Why was he clam slamming him? Why wasn't he letting him get the rub?
- [76:35]
B
Finn to the fin action.
- [76:37]
A
Yeah. Why didn't he let him get the otphj?
- [76:39]
B
That's what the dolphins were saying. Like, give me a break.
- [76:42]
A
That's wild. No, I think you can let him bust.
- [76:45]
B
Let him bust. It's for science.
- [76:46]
A
It's a little Weird. I guess you. I would hook him up with a fleshy. I don't think you need to be out there going actual hand to hand.
- [76:51]
B
Right? Yeah, I mean, I got a little too.
- [76:53]
A
Yeah, because that is free willy. Yeah, Literally free willy, dude. Because I don't know how you, like even. I don't know how you even get a dolphin to, like, consent like that.
- [77:02]
B
You know, Dolphins are not big on consent historically. They're like, famously, like, infamous. They're. Yeah, they're bad guys. Dolphins are straight up mean and evil.
- [77:11]
A
Yeah.
- [77:11]
B
They just like. We think of them as cute as hell, but they're like, straight up.
- [77:14]
A
Where they learn that from, though?
- [77:16]
B
The scientists probably. Yeah. They were hanging out with Florida people. Like.
- [77:20]
A
Okay, hold on. Dude.
- [77:22]
B
Really?
- [77:22]
A
You're gonna say that when I'm right freaking here. The audacity.
- [77:25]
B
So now we got Omaha and Florida.
- [77:27]
A
Yeah, Nothing wrong with Florida, okay. Not all of us. We respect dolphins and give them their space. Anyway, so that's Noah. He basically builds this whole thing. Everything, you know, gets all. Gets all soaking wet. The whole world gets all full of water. What happens to all the water? Yeah, freezes.
- [77:46]
B
I remember they say something about where it comes from originally. Like he opened it up, the water vault or whatever. Open up the. I forget how they phrase it, but, like, they talk about where it comes from originally, but they don't say where it goes.
- [77:55]
A
Yeah.
- [77:56]
B
So I guess we're just assume like underground or evaporation or something. I have no idea.
- [77:59]
A
Yeah, I guess maybe it just freezes and that's what all the icebergs are.
- [78:02]
B
That'd be cool. Yeah, why not?
- [78:04]
A
And then it freezes up. He releases all the animals, so lets it rip.
- [78:09]
B
Yeah, dude. And this is also another great holy smokes episode is what happens right after when he finally gets back on land. He does the sacrifice he's supposed to, and then he immediately plants a vineyard and gets his drunk as he can and passes out naked in his tent.
- [78:23]
A
Yeah.
- [78:24]
B
Which is like.
- [78:25]
A
It's.
- [78:25]
B
They talk about, like, waiting for the freaking weekend, dude. He's been on a boat for 40 days with his immediate family and in laws and every animal on earth just shoveling dung and getting like squawked at by birds.
- [78:37]
A
Not to mention, you're just building a boat for six months.
- [78:40]
B
That too. Yeah. I mean, everyone He. All the other humans that he knew are now dead. He's been at sea, he's been seasick or whatever, and he's like. As soon. He's like. He's like. As soon as I touch her earth. I'm planting the determination of a man.
- [78:53]
A
Does he get in trouble for that?
- [78:54]
B
Yeah, because then he's like. It's like, indecent. He's like, his. His nudity is exposed, and one of his sons goes in, sees it, goes and tells his bros. And then his bros back in with a blanket so they don't see his, like, shame or whatever and, like, put it on him. And then when. When Noah wakes up, he's pissed at the son that saw it and didn't cover him up. And he curses that kid for eternity. Yeah, but the bit we had no smokes is that just, like. He was just pissed because he saw his, like, tiny hungover dick.
- [79:21]
A
Yeah.
- [79:22]
B
Go fair. Yeah.
- [79:23]
A
No, dude, it was freezing cold, bro.
- [79:25]
B
So cold.
- [79:26]
A
Like. Like, that was not my best representation, you know?
- [79:28]
B
Doesn't count.
- [79:29]
A
Yeah, it doesn't count at all. Cover me up. Do me a solid. Literally. Like, just help me out. Like, that is. I mean, I just. I've been there. You know what I mean? Like, you just get tired. You're like, dude, I'm gonna get faded. Just knock out on the couch right here.
- [79:40]
B
Yeah.
- [79:41]
A
You know what I mean? What did he do? Really?
- [79:43]
B
Yeah. If anyone deserves a drink, the guy just saved every animal on earth.
- [79:48]
A
Humankind.
- [79:49]
B
Steve Irwin deserved a drink.
- [79:51]
A
Yeah.
- [79:51]
B
He helped animals. Do you think he ever just got, like. He's had a bar, just like. You know, it's fucked up about gators to pretend to, like, these fucking animals.
- [80:02]
A
These fucking gators.
- [80:04]
B
He's like. Gets to your face. Can I tell you a secret? A fucking. A crocodile.
- [80:08]
A
Just hammer.
- [80:11]
B
No one will believe you.
- [80:15]
A
You know, the most beautiful animal of all humans. It's really us. It's my wife. Sometimes it's you. He's looking at the bartender. He's like, kind of animal.
- [80:24]
B
You start to see even people as animals after a while.
- [80:30]
A
Steve's going through it over there. We got to cut him off.
- [80:34]
B
Yeah. If anyone is, like that wholesome, like, picturing them is like going through it at a bar. It's like him and Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross just, like, just airing all their grievances at a bar. They're fucking with my neighborhood.
- [80:46]
A
Who's they, mister? He's like, I'm not just saying. Just saying. The neighborhood was a lot different before.
- [80:56]
B
Yeah. And Bob Ross is like, the trees are happy, but I'm not.
- [81:01]
A
He's just high, for sure.
- [81:02]
B
Oh, no.
- [81:03]
A
Bob Ross is absolutely baked. Yeah, dude, 100%.
- [81:06]
B
It's impossible to picture him angry. Out of those two. I just really can't. He's just so calming.
- [81:10]
A
I can't believe he never made that painting. He's like, we're just gonna draw some happy little trees here. It's just a weed plant. Look how happy this tree is.
- [81:18]
B
Hey. Whoops. Oh, these are. It's kind of more like a bush. Oh, interesting. Got some little nuggets for some reason.
- [81:23]
A
Yeah, a happy little pre roll.
- [81:25]
B
That's dank. We love that. This shit's fire.
- [81:31]
A
Oh, no, dude. Free. Free Moses. No. Free Noah. I think Noah's.
- [81:35]
B
Noah did nothing wrong.
- [81:36]
A
He did nothing wrong, dude.
- [81:37]
B
My God. Can't fucking beer.
- [81:38]
A
Did you hear. Did you see the story? This is. I don't even really know the. The. The conclusion of this, but there's a dude that was ordering on, like, doordash or Ubereats or something, some type of food delivery. And he's, like, hammered orders, knocks out. And then the girl that's delivering the food, like, she walks up to the door, and the door is, like, cracked open or something. Like, it's not fully shut. And so she pushes the door open, and the dude that ordered the food is just butt naked on the cab couch, knocked out.
- [82:07]
B
Noah style.
- [82:08]
A
Noah style. And she walks in and goes, this is absurd. Reports him, films him, puts it on the Internet, and then she gets in trouble. Probably rightfully so. Again, I don't know the full context of this, but she claims that she was essayed.
- [82:23]
B
Oh, like, he had, like, set it up. Yeah, she would see him naked, but.
- [82:27]
A
Everyone is like, dude, no. She, like, he didn't want this to happen.
- [82:31]
B
He was funniest part. From the waist down. He was Winnie the Pooh in it. That's not a plan if he was planning on, like, trying to, like, seduce her. That's not how you do it. You don't do T shirt. And then nothing.
- [82:43]
A
And he was just not. He was unconscious, which is. He might be the first guy to ever be accused of sexual misconduct while fully unconscious. He was just sleeping.
- [82:53]
B
Nebraska. Hoodie up top, nothing below. I'm trying to just make all my local references the same, so I only make one city mad at me. Tuscaloosa. Gator's hoodie up top, nothing down there.
- [83:05]
A
He just hammered. He wants about the guidance.
- [83:08]
B
He's like, my only. My legs are hot. Those wings will be here any minute.
- [83:14]
A
And then imagine he wakes up, no.
- [83:16]
B
Food, Phone's blowing up.
- [83:18]
A
Phone's blowing up, like, yo, we just saw you online. Dong out. And he was like, no. And they were like, yeah, dude, it was shrivel.
- [83:23]
B
I got so pissed at Lane Kiff, and I whipped my pants off. Then I got sleepy. I was so mad.
- [83:28]
A
And then he just absolutely shriveled, hammered on the couch. What an insane way to wake up. I've woken up hungover. I've never woken up hungover and been on the Internet naked. That is crazy. So I don't know really what happened with this. If we got this totally wrong, I apologize to the victims, whoever they are, but also shout out to this dude for whatever he's going through. Oh, man. What an insane life. Okay, so any other Bible stories you want to touch on?
- [83:54]
B
I mean, I remember one time when I was in high school. Tiny, pretty small church. So, like, the only other guy. There's only one other guy my age. And our youth pastor was like, let's do, like, a Bible study, meet a coffee shop. Like, what book do you want to do? And my buddy, he was like, Revelation. Like, okay, so then like, God bless this pastor dude. Because he had to sit there and be like, well, we don't really know what this is to about all of it. Because Revelations, those who don't know, who knows? It's the craziest one. Did Paul write Revelations?
- [84:18]
A
Who wrote Paul of Patmos?
- [84:20]
B
Is that different from.
- [84:21]
A
No, John. John, John, John.
- [84:22]
B
John wrote it. Who wrote. Yeah, good question.
- [84:25]
A
John of Patmos.
- [84:27]
B
Is that different from Gospel of John?
- [84:28]
A
They think it's the same John, but he was an exile.
- [84:31]
B
Okay.
- [84:31]
A
On the Greek island of Patmos. Okay, can we get a fact check on this? Because I'm kind of riffing, but I feel I'm. I'm gone. To my head, I'm saying John, okay?
- [84:39]
B
Because whoever it is, let's go. Aegean, dude. Nice. Full points. So did he write any other Bible books or.
- [84:47]
A
People think that it's the same John.
- [84:48]
B
Okay.
- [84:49]
A
But it's. You can't. You can't confirm because what.
- [84:52]
B
What I love about it is the idea that, like, he wrote, like, a quote unquote, normal Bible book. And then at the end of his career, he was like, it. And then he was like, swords and demons in and bron and blood in horses. And like, he just like. You know, it's like when a novelist, like, fully like it. I. Sick of this. Grounded. Let's go.
- [85:10]
A
Who's done that? There must be people, right? Where, like, they start their career and they're, like, very grounded and just like, yeah, let's just get the facts. And then they're like.
- [85:17]
B
Or some film director who started off doing kind of Normal stuff. And then by the end was like, full art house. Because that's what it feels like. Like, he was just like. He did his, like, publisher's deal and he wrote the books that would sell and be accessible. And then he was like, I'm doing something crazy, dude.
- [85:30]
A
This one's for me.
- [85:31]
B
This is one. That's what it feels like. It's one for me.
- [85:33]
A
But it's a good lesson for all the writers out there that Revelation is one of the most famous books. True. And that by pursuing what he truly loved, he got the most successful.
- [85:41]
B
He's like, this is a line of. I have. Not to quote myself, but it's my target audience is me. Is that one of my rap songs? Like, fucking. This was. Yeah, this is one for Daddy.
- [85:49]
A
Yes.
- [85:50]
B
And it's crazy. I mean, I don't know. What's your favorite part of Revelation? This is so many crazy things in there.
- [85:54]
A
I mean. I mean, seeing the. I mean, there's dragons. Straight up dragons getting thrown into the lake of fire.
- [86:03]
B
Yeah.
- [86:03]
A
Is just bars. It's awesome. The describing the angels. I love how technically heaven is described where they're like, all right, you got like a room. You got like all the dudes in thrones, and then there's pillars and then like a bowl below them. But there's seven bowls.
- [86:17]
B
There's a lot of wing and eye counting. It's like, this one has three wings and six size. And you're like, okay, yeah.
- [86:22]
A
But he's like, being super specific. Like, as if that's the part people aren't going to believe. Like, he's. He's like, like, no, I'm going to go into detail. I'm telling you. There were 10 wings and then there was 14 bowls and then 10 flutes.
- [86:32]
B
It's like a wing stop order. It's like, let's do 10 dry rub.
- [86:37]
A
Exactly. Is actually.
- [86:39]
B
No.
- [86:39]
A
Let me go barbecue. Let's see what happens. Can you have.
- [86:41]
B
If I got cheesy sticks, would you guys have some?
- [86:43]
A
What's the minimum I can order? Because I don't want, like, a whole thing. But it is like. Yeah. I mean, it. It reads like a dream. Yeah. Like the second someone told me, like, oh, yeah, this was like a revelation. That's why it's the revelation of John. It's not revelations. It's one singular revelation that John experienced. And I'm like, oh, yeah, this is how my dream sounds.
- [87:04]
B
Dreams are. Yeah. Like the way there's sort of not a transition from stuff. Like, stuff just kind of keeps happening. And you're like, when did we get to here? It's like. And then I saw this. And then I saw this.
- [87:12]
A
Yes. Oh, yeah. You got 24 elders, four living creatures. Creatures. Lion, ox, human, eagle, and they're all on the thrones. Then you got the scroll and the lamb and the seven seals. Not the animal.
- [87:25]
B
Four horsemen.
- [87:26]
A
I know you thought seven seals, like there was actual, like art. Art.
- [87:30]
B
SeaWorld is definitely in hell.
- [87:34]
A
There's seven seals. There were the dolphins with tattered past. Steve Irwin was there with his crocodiles hammered at the bar.
- [87:41]
B
Bunch of rock hard dolphins.
- [87:44]
A
Beast, dragon. And the Antichrist, of course. I mean, mark of the beast. I mean, have you heard the analysis of like the mark of the beast666, like what this comes from? No, apparently. And this is what scholars would say. They wouldn't say it the way I'll say it, but this is more or less what they say, is that 666 is an interpretation or basically like they're trying to allude to Nero, the current emperor of Rome. And they're describing him because Nero is persecuting Christians at the time.
- [88:13]
B
Why was that his like that his like area code? Like his 666. And then he like starts.
- [88:19]
A
They knew who they're talking about. You know what I mean? No, it was basically Gematria is a. So within Jewish literature there are like 30 something ways to interpret scripture. There's like literal, metaphorical.
- [88:37]
B
Okay.
- [88:37]
A
Da da, da, da, da da. One of the ways is Gematria, which is basically assigning a number to each letter and then by looking at it through the numbers. And so Nero's name in like the Hebrew Gematria analysis is 666.
- [88:52]
B
Okay.
- [88:53]
A
Or something to that effect.
- [88:54]
B
Yeah, something like that.
- [88:55]
A
Oh, it's on the screen.
- [88:56]
B
Da Vinci Code type shade.
- [88:57]
A
Yeah. Emperor Nero stems from Gematria. Ancient practice assigning numerical value values to letters Nero Caesar. When spelled in Hebrew, it adds up to 666, suggesting that he was the persecuted, beastly Roman ruler, a type of antichrist known for his intense persecution of Christians. While some manuscripts show 616 shout out, which is what some of the other copied manuscripts of the Revelation of John say. They say the mark of the beast will be 616, which is also Nero's name. The core idea is that Nero represented the oppressive Roman power persecuting Earth. Early Christians. So everyone that's like reading and being like, dude, 666, that's obviously Ozzy Osbourne or like whatever, like they, they're like, oh, that's a neural link or whatever. Yeah, maybe it is. I'm not going to take a hard line on this, but it's almost certainly also Nero.
- [89:42]
B
Yeah.
- [89:43]
A
Which once you read it like that, you're like, oh, yeah, we're kind of far.
- [89:46]
B
That's the guy who would occasionally throw Christians to the lions, right?
- [89:49]
A
Yeah, I think so. Nero was a. I was wondering about.
- [89:52]
B
The logistics of that. Like, is it kind of like in Star Wars Episode 6, there's like the rancor handler who cries when it dies. You know, in Jabba's Pal, they send down to that big. That big monster thing. When he gets crushed by the gate, the guy comes out like, oh, man. Like, I'm sure there was, like, that guy. But for the lions in the coliseum, he's like, these are my babies. Like, do your thing. And then they go.
- [90:11]
A
Now, in the interest of being consistent, I haven't seen Star wars at all. No.
- [90:18]
B
Wow.
- [90:18]
A
But the old me would have been like, yeah, of course.
- [90:20]
B
See, I gave you an opportunity to do that, and I'm proud of you. I also am the person that people get furious at for how many things I haven't seen, so. Oh, totally, man.
- [90:28]
A
Are we the same?
- [90:29]
B
I mean, yeah, dude.
- [90:30]
A
Look at us.
- [90:31]
B
It's. What's funny is, like, I musically, like, the first things I was listening to was Christian rap, which is funny. Is, like, now just like a rapper. Lacrae. The first CD ever bought was the Human Emergency by the Cross Movement, which is basically Christian Wu Tang Grits. You probably hear their song. Ooh. They're basically Christian Outcast. It's two dudes from Atlanta Sick. But they're kind of both doing Big Boy, because who can do Andre 3000?
- [90:53]
A
You're not going to be.
- [90:54]
B
Three steps can't be done. But grit stands for grammatical revolution, Evolution in the Spirit. Shailene, Lecrae, Tadashi, all these Christians. And it was like. I was like, I like something about this. I remember DC Talk. No, they were kind of like a boy band, but Christian. And so then one of their people went solo, this guy Toby Mack, who became sort of like a Christian. My first concert ever was Toby Mack and Family Force 5 at Liberty University, which is just like, Christian, you know? But I remember, Listen DC Talk because they kind of had like, an in sync thing going on. But I remember listening on my CD player Walkman in the back of the car, this song called I Just I Don't Want it, which is. The chorus is just, I don't want it. Your sex for now. It's about abstinence until marriage. But they're like being like really young and like sexy.
- [91:37]
A
That's awesome.
- [91:38]
B
I don't want it. They're like hitting moves and like, it's about abstinence.
- [91:42]
A
That's so funny. But also for now is great for now. I definitely do want it. I want it so badly.
- [91:49]
B
We were going to a later is when, not now. Just so the opposite of every pop song ever.
- [91:57]
A
Every pop song is like, I want your boy body right now, post haste.
- [92:00]
B
And they're just like, at some point.
- [92:03]
A
In the future when I speak to.
- [92:04]
B
Your parents, it's going to be a whole thing. We're going to spend $30,000 on a ceremony and then you're going to be mad at me.
- [92:10]
A
We're going to eat cakes before and we're going to taste and then that.
- [92:13]
B
We'Re going to find out my dick is the wrong shape for your vagina. And it's never going to work that.
- [92:18]
A
You have a disorder where it's not really moistened the right way. But we didn't all really know the details because neither of us really experienced. We will have a kid and then maybe get divorced.
- [92:26]
B
I wonder if about that sometimes. Dude, if you really wait till marriage, like, what about like wedding night? You just find out like just square peg, round hole, like it's just straight up, not like gonna fit. Like you're just like, you're cooked. I guess.
- [92:36]
A
Yeah. I mean, how often does that happen?
- [92:39]
B
It's like, I'm sure the fellow's like, we'll find a way. But like.
- [92:43]
A
I can see a super Christian guy being like, well, your mouth or. No, I can't. Come on. Come on.
- [92:49]
B
We do have to have kids somehow. But it out. Yeah.
- [92:53]
A
Practice. How about you act like a SeaWorld trainer and just give me a little straw.
- [92:58]
B
Yeah. Also have good luck having any fun at your wedding knowing you're about to have sex for the first time later that night while, like maybe the most tired you've ever been because you just did a whole wedding. Like, that can't be good.
- [93:07]
A
Yeah.
- [93:08]
B
There's no way that's good. That amount of pressure on it.
- [93:10]
A
You were just talking to like everyone's grandma. You just saw grandma hours before, like moments before.
- [93:15]
B
It's the only party where everyone there knows you're. You two are specifically about to go have sex. Yeah. And it's all of your family. So strange.
- [93:23]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you've heard like the old like, like marriage consummation ceremonies. Like, what this is like back in like medieval times where like they would like take out the sheets and they would hold the sheets up afterwards and they'd be like they did it because that's when the marriage is confirmed. That's when it's actually created. Like you just feel like.
- [93:44]
B
And it's like I now pronounce you.
- [93:48]
A
But like apparently back in the day day like the parents would be there sometimes like cuz they had to confirm a few things. One like virginity and then two, that it was actually consummated.
- [93:58]
B
There's a ref just like 15 yard penalty.
- [94:02]
A
Hold on. She didn't even spit on it.
- [94:04]
B
Holding.
- [94:05]
A
But yeah, these bedding ceremonies in the face.
- [94:08]
B
I'm trying to think of a sexual football offsides. He busted immediately. That's a false start.
- [94:13]
A
False start. They public witnessing and the display of.
- [94:18]
B
Blood stained sheets is proof God and.
- [94:21]
A
The validity the marriage.
- [94:23]
B
No, no. And often led to shame or improvisation. Well hey, we've all been there.
- [94:32]
A
What does that mean?
- [94:33]
B
Like if. I guess if they need to see blood. You're like, there's no. I mean you don't always bleed. I don't know.
- [94:38]
A
They did it. The blood smells a lot like ketchup. But they are married. Technically speaking. I mean that is hilarious that shame or improv. Another great name for a troop you're going to be starting soon.
- [94:49]
B
Those go hand in hand, man. It's a very shameful practice.
- [94:52]
A
Who's the greatest Christian Ban that no one knows is Christian.
- [94:55]
B
Oh man. I mean I. I guess people probably know Switch Foot is Christian, but they're. They're pretty good. They're great. Creed is right.
- [95:02]
A
Technically Christian.
- [95:03]
B
Yeah.
- [95:04]
A
Pod.
- [95:05]
B
Yeah, dude. I remember listening to POD on the way to play paintball for the first time. I was like, it's like some older guys in my youth group and I was like in seventh grade. And this. The POD song had the lyrics like are you willing to die? And I was like, are we about to die? I've never done paintball. It feels like we're about to like drop out of a helicopter.
- [95:22]
A
I would argue you could say you too.
- [95:24]
B
Yeah, yeah. Bono is technically about it. Yeah.
- [95:27]
A
And then another one. Paramore.
- [95:30]
B
Oh yeah.
- [95:31]
A
That makes sense if you consider the Paramore's first album.
- [95:33]
B
Yeah.
- [95:34]
A
Haley Williams.
- [95:35]
B
Yeah.
- [95:35]
A
Was super Christian.
- [95:36]
B
Yeah.
- [95:37]
A
So I think that counts.
- [95:38]
B
There you go.
- [95:39]
A
I think OG Paramore might be the greatest. Oh, Fly Leaf or Flyleaf?
- [95:43]
B
No.
- [95:44]
A
Oh.
- [95:45]
B
Audio Adrenaline was. That makes sense. That's why they got into my.
- [95:48]
A
Dude, Fly. Oh, I saw Reliant K. Actually Reliant K. Yeah.
- [95:51]
B
Sadie Hawkins Dance.
- [95:52]
A
They did a copy of. Or a cover of Pirates who Don't Do Anything.
- [95:56]
B
That's sick.
- [95:56]
A
It's a good version, actually.
- [95:57]
B
Yeah.
- [95:58]
A
Oh, Casting Crowns. Which. Very similar to the Counting Crows.
- [96:03]
B
The Casting Crow, yeah. And also, isn't it Third something? Third. It's not Third Eye Blind, but I'm thinking of Jars of Clay also. That's clearly Christian. You can just tell.
- [96:12]
A
Jars of Clay.
- [96:13]
B
Jars of Clay was another Christian band, man.
- [96:14]
A
Oh, wow.
- [96:15]
B
Yeah.
- [96:16]
A
I mean, yeah. There's kind of some bangers in there. And then I think if you count, like, gospel singers.
- [96:20]
B
Oh, yeah. Gospel ribs, dude.
- [96:22]
A
Like, every. Like, I think you have to count those as Christian.
- [96:24]
B
Yeah.
- [96:25]
A
Like, who was the famous cosplay guy? I came up with his name? Kirk.
- [96:29]
B
Yeah.
- [96:31]
A
Let me see. Kirk Franklin. Yeah, Kirk Franklin. Like, that's a Christian band. Totally.
- [96:36]
B
They're singing. Yeah. Gospel music, right?
- [96:38]
A
Yeah. I think we got. We get them also.
- [96:41]
B
Whatever you need.
- [96:42]
A
Oh, 21 pilots. Oh, do we. We're counting 21 pilots as a Christian group.
- [96:49]
B
That's a big get for y'. All.
- [96:50]
A
Yeah. Yeah. I'm taking that, dude. 100.
- [96:53]
B
Okay. So you. Heaven could put together an eye festival from this. From this batch.
- [96:58]
A
Right.
- [96:59]
B
It'd be absolutely blown out of the water by a secular hell.
- [97:03]
A
Come on, come on, come on.
- [97:03]
B
Oh, my God, dude. The Prince is playing in hell right now. Respectfully. Is amazing. Jimi Hendrix guitar is on fire because.
- [97:15]
A
But the Heaven concert will be good.
- [97:17]
B
Yeah. And. And, like, safe, like, every. Yeah.
- [97:21]
A
Yeah.
- [97:21]
B
It's funny, you know, my college, dry campus. Most people, like, live on campus. Like, a lot of, you know, good, kind of good kids or whatever, but we get pretty good bands. Like, we had the Head and the Heart, kind of like folk group or whatever. And between songs, it was just like. Like, dead silent. Even though it was, like, in foul. People in there. And Lutzinger's like, yeah, we're kind of not used to being so quiet. And someone in the back went, we're all sober.
- [97:42]
A
Banger. Absolute banger. That's so funny, dude. I toured a very Christian college.
- [97:48]
B
Which one?
- [97:48]
A
Wheaton. Oh, yeah, Wheaton College. I toured. I was gonna go play soccer there. And, I mean, I didn't go for many reasons. One of the main reasons was the day I visited. It was, the temperature is one.
- [98:01]
B
Yeah, that'll do. One.
- [98:03]
A
Just one.
- [98:04]
B
We have a degree.
- [98:06]
A
And then they're like, it's twice as cold tomorrow. I was like, two. What is it? What does that mean? I was like, I don't even Understand? Which is a real question. If it's zero degrees outside and it's.
- [98:17]
B
Twice as cold Tomorrow, mathematically, what's 0 times 2?
- [98:21]
A
Yeah, it's the same temperature. Is this what it is forever? It's 10 times as cold tomorrow. It's colder, but it's still zero. Anyway, not the point. But I went and visited and. And they were like, yeah, dude, we kind of, you know, we're a Christian college. Like, we get down. I was like, really? And they're like, yeah, we get after it. And I was like, what do you mean? And he was like, I'll show you. And we went to, like, this off campus house in the snow, so cold, miserable. And we pull up to the house, and the guy's like, yo, yo, yo, yo, what's up? And they're like, nah, this is like one of the recruits. Like, he might be coming here. And they were like, all right, bet. And they pull out like a little bottle of Jack Daniels. They're like, you want some? And I was like, sure. And then we all just kind of like sat around, like me and three dudes, and like, discussed, like, linguistics, I think he was like, you know where the word sabotage comes from? I was like, all right, these guys party. And then we just, like. Which, for the record, my ideal party is just like, drinking whiskey and talking about dumb language. But that was the entire evening.
- [99:19]
B
Yeah.
- [99:20]
A
And they were like, yeah, you know, we. We're not as buttoned up as people. Yeah.
- [99:23]
B
I was like, let's talk. Let's talk etymology.
- [99:26]
A
Exactly. Dude. We were getting into it, which. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Sabotage is literally the guys that would throw their clogs into, like, the machines to make them stop working during the Industrial revolution.
- [99:37]
B
Oh, wow. Okay.
- [99:38]
A
I learned this off of half glass of Jack Daniels. Yeah.
- [99:41]
B
Yeah. If you remember it right, dude, you're probably. I heard about some of my friends went to Liberty, which giant Christian college. If people don't know, then apparently because they're so, like, cracked down, drinking so hard, they've accidentally created a culture of pills. They just do pills instead, which is way worse.
- [99:57]
A
That's a good place.
- [99:58]
B
Yeah.
- [99:58]
A
That's a good lesson.
- [100:00]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [100:01]
A
I don't.
- [100:02]
B
Don't send him to a worst loophole.
- [100:04]
A
Yeah, I mean, it's a. I'll keep that in mind. I'm gonna get my kid drunk. I'd be like, just do this. Stay off the oxygen.
- [100:12]
B
Just do the standard bad thing.
- [100:14]
A
You don't need perks. All right. This will get you like 90% of the way. And you'll be fine. Just don't order doordash. Stay awake the whole time.
- [100:20]
B
You know, keep those pants on.
- [100:21]
A
Don't fall asleep in the tent. And if you do, don't let your kids cover you up. Okay?
- [100:26]
B
These are the lessons we must build to the next generation.
- [100:29]
A
Exactly. Well, Scoochie Boochie, thank you so much. I appreciate it for joining me. Brother, this is a blast. This is a wonderful time. Where can the people find you Scoochie Boochie on Instagram?
- [100:37]
B
S, C, double O, C, H, I, E, underscore B, double O, C, H, I, E. My music's Everywhere. All platforms, YouTube. I got music videos. Come see me on tour. I'll be on tour all of March doing sort of down the middle of the country and then through Texas out to the West Coast. Come see me rap. We're really good live. And follow my podcast. Holy Smokes podcast, Todd. It's YouTube and Spotify and Apple podcasts every Monday.
- [101:00]
A
God bless you, brother. Thank you so much. As always, there's been another episode of Camp. Thank you for joining me in the tent. Every single week, we do this kind of thing. We talk to the most interesting people on the planet. We get into all sorts of crazy wormholes, discuss the most interesting controversial stories from all over, from all time, forever. If you like this channel, please subscribe. It really helps us. And also, we have History Camp, if you like going into history Wormholes. We have religion Camp, where we talk about all things divine. And of course, you can see me on the road. Mark Gagnon Live. I cannot wait to see you guys at the shows for one singular hour of standup comedy. No more, no less. Thank you guys so much. And of course, thank you, Scoochie Booch.
- [101:31]
B
Thank you.
- [101:31]
A
See you next time. What's up, people? We're gonna take a break real quick because this episode is sponsored by me. Yes, Camp R and D. That is the merch. That is the threads that we'd be wearing around here at the campsite. And we got all sorts of cool stuff. My buddy Zach just cooked up a sick UFO collection. You can go check it out there at Camp Art and D. I really appreciate you guys. We had so many people that came through for the holidays and picked up their threads. It's awesome. We got hats, hoodies, T shirts, all that. And if you're still listening to this and you didn't skip through, congrats, you got a promo code. All right, what do we do, Christos? 5% more. How much? 5 more? 10%. 10%. Final offer. You won't go higher? You tell me. What? What do we give them? 12%. All right, we're doing 12 off. Should we go more? Hey, it's your world. I'm just living in it. Let's round up 10. No, 15. If you use the promo code Camp15, you're gonna be getting 15 off. Yes. I think we should also do Camp10. Just if someone doesn't want to take too much. Camp 10 or Camp 15. Those are the only two that are available.
- [102:36]
B
And then maybe we send a little something extra to the ones that do 10.
- [102:39]
A
If you do Camp 10, maybe there's something extra. No promises, but it's an interesting experiment. I just am curious to see what you guys do. Camp 10 or Camp 15 at Camp R D? When you check out, you're going to be getting those discounts. Thank you so much for rocking with us and wearing the threads. It keeps the lights on. It keeps the fire burning.