WORST Assassination Attempts Ranked (2025 Tier List)

Summary

Camp Gagnon - Episode Summary

Title: WORST Assassination Attempts Ranked (2025 Tier List)
Host: Mark Gagnon
Release Date: April 3, 2025

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Introduction

In this riveting episode of Camp Gagnon, host Mark Gagnon and guest Max Manikoff embark on an enthralling journey through history, ranking the worst assassination attempts ever made. Combining meticulous historical analysis with their signature humor, Mark and Max dissect failed plots against some of the world's most prominent figures. Skipping past advertisements and non-content segments, the duo delves deep into each event, offering insights, anecdotes, and memorable banter.

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1. Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand (1914)

Mark kicks off the episode by discussing the infamous assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, an event that sparked World War I. He highlights the multiple failed attempts by Gavrilo Princip, emphasizing the sheer incompetence and bad luck that led to the eventual success amidst chaos.

• Key Points:

  • Multiple assassins stationed along the motorcade route.
  • Initial attempts failed due to fear, pity, equipment malfunction, and accidental bombing.
  • Princip’s final successful strike occurred after the motorcade was stalled in a dead end.

• Notable Quote:

  • Mark Gagnon [10:25]: "Throws a bomb, misses, hits 20 people, jumps over the bridge, breaks his leg, has poison to kill himself, takes the poison, doesn't die, just starts throwing up everywhere."

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2. Attempt on President Andrew Jackson (1835)

The discussion shifts to Andrew Jackson, detailing Richard Lawrence's audacious yet bungling attempt to assassinate the president. Mark and Max explore Lawrence's delusions of being King Richard III and the technical failures that thwarted his plans.

• Key Points:

  • Lawrence fired two pistols, both of which misfired.
  • Jackson’s physical prowess neutralized the threat using his cane.
  • Lawrence was deemed insane and spent his remaining years in institutions.

• Notable Quote:

  • Max Manikoff [15:29]: "I'm that guy."

---

3. Louis XV Assassination Attempt (1757)

Mark recounts the failed assassination attempt on Louis XV by Robert Francois Damiens. The attempt faltered due to the king's multiple layers of clothing and the assassin's inadequate weapon.

• Key Points:

  • Damiens approached the king and attempted a close-range stabbing.
  • The blade only grazed Louis XV’s jacket, causing minimal injury.
  • The aftermath involved lengthy imprisonment and eventual execution.

• Notable Quote:

  • Max Manikoff [31:54]: "She sucked the poison out or that she was crying uncontrollably? And he was like, yo, shut up."

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4. Attempts on Fidel Castro (Multiple Attempts)

One of the most extensive discussions revolves around the numerous CIA plots to assassinate Fidel Castro. Mark and Max delve into the absurdity and creativity of the failed attempts, illustrating how Castro remained unscathed despite 638 attempts.

• Key Points:

  • Methods ranged from explosive mollusk shells to poisoned diving suits.
  • High failure rate due to poor execution and over-the-top schemes.
  • Castro’s resilience and the ingenuity of the plots highlighted the futility of the efforts.

• Notable Quote:

  • Mark Gagnon [43:35]: "You would think, but how do you. They tried a bunch of times. They hired Italian mob bosses, Sam Giancana and Johnny Roselli, and they tried to get."

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5. Assassination Attempts on Adolf Hitler (1944 and Others)

Mark covers Adolf Hitler’s numerous assassination attempts, focusing on Operation Valkyrie. He explains how the plan failed not due to Hitler’s immunity but because the bomb was mishandled, resulting in casualties of unintended targets.

• Key Points:

  • Operation Valkyrie involved planting a bomb in Hitler’s briefing room.
  • The bomb was moved prematurely, killing other officials instead.
  • Hitler survived with minor injuries, while the plotters faced execution.

• Notable Quote:

  • Mark Gagnon [55:03]: "That would be a highlight reel. Like, that's going on ESPN."

---

6. Ronald Reagan’s Assassination Attempt (1981)

The duo examines the attempt on Ronald Reagan by John Hinckley Jr., motivated by an obsession with the movie Taxi Driver. The incident resulted in Reagan sustaining a punctured lung due to a misfired bullet.

• Key Points:

  • Hinckley fired six shots, with one ricocheting off the limousine.
  • Immediate medical attention prevented fatalities.
  • The aftermath led to discussions on gun control and mental health.

• Notable Quote:

  • Mark Gagnon [84:11]: "If your therapist was like a 12-year-old, yo, let's just go skate."

---

7. Attempts on Gerald Ford (1975)

Mark and Max discuss two assassination attempts on Gerald Ford by women associated with Charles Manson. They explore the psychological manipulation and the failure of these attempts due to effective Secret Service intervention.

• Key Points:

  • Lynette Fromme attempted to shoot Ford but was subdued by agents.
  • Sarah Jane Moore fired a shot, missing the president entirely.
  • Both women were later imprisoned, highlighting the era’s heightened security measures.

• Notable Quote:

  • Mark Gagnon [65:28]: "Good transition."

---

8. Benito Mussolini’s Assassination Attempts (1926)

The episode covers Violet Gibson’s attempt to assassinate Benito Mussolini, which faltered when Mussolini remained composed and outmaneuvered the assailant.

• Key Points:

  • Gibson approached Mussolini and fired a gun at close range.
  • Mussolini’s calm demeanor and quick reflexes reduced the attack’s impact.
  • Gibson was declared insane and deported, marking the end of her assassination efforts.

• Notable Quote:

  • Max Manikoff [75:15]: "Bad things."

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9. Other Noteworthy Assassination Attempts

Mark and Max briefly touch upon additional attempts on various leaders, including Charles de Gaulle and Alexander Berkman, emphasizing the recurring theme of failed assassination efforts due to poor planning and execution.

• Notable Quote:
  • Mark Gagnon [89:06]: "It was a Russian nesting doll of therapy."

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Discussion and Insights

Throughout the episode, Mark and Max provide critical insights into why these assassination attempts failed. They attribute failures to factors such as:

• Incompetence of Assassins: Many plots were poorly planned or executed by individuals lacking expertise.

• High Security Measures: Enhanced security around political figures thwarted many attempts.

• Luck and Serendipity: Fortunate mishaps often played a role in ensuring the targets survived.

• Psychological Factors: Motivations driven by delusions or extreme ideologies led to irrational actions.

• Notable Quote:

  • Mark Gagnon [85:05]: "B, mind controlled by the CIA or C, set up by like some other foreign government or something."

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Conclusion

Mark and Max conclude the episode by reflecting on the futility and madness behind many assassination attempts. They underscore that while political figures are often targets, the majority of these attempts are characterized by their failures and the sheer incompetence of the would-be assassins. The episode serves as both an informative historical analysis and a comedic take on some of history’s most misguided assassination plots.

• Notable Quote:
  • Mark Gagnon [90:22]: "You've been proven wrong."

---

Memorable Quotes

• Mark Gagnon [26:00]: "New Yorkers are so annoying. You guys try to prove how straight you are all the time."
• Max Manikoff [33:17]: "They didn't even give him a bed. Like, has anyone ever been tied down in front of the judge and the judge was like, hey, this was a big misunderstanding?"
• Mark Gagnon [37:00]: "I have to go kill the Archduke."
• Max Manikoff [44:32]: "What's going on with the knee brace?"
• Mark Gagnon [51:11]: "Nothing's gonna kill me, but I can make you bleed."

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Final Thoughts

This episode masterfully blends historical recounting with lively banter, making WORST Assassination Attempts Ranked both educational and entertaining. Listeners gain a deeper understanding of these pivotal moments in history while enjoying the natural chemistry between Mark and Max. Whether you're a history buff or a casual listener, this episode offers valuable insights wrapped in humor and engaging conversation.

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Transcript

[Mark Gagnon]

Assassinations. Three shots were fired at President Shots fired at the Minister of Information as he was subversion and plots against his. That's right. This is the unfortunate reality that every head of state must deal with on a daily basis. People in your own country, political dissidents. Hey, Lonzo Ball, it's your agent.

[Max Manikoff]

What's up?

[Mark Gagnon]

I've got a commercial opportunity for you from Buzz Balls. Ready to go. Cocktails.

[Max Manikoff]

Nice. My last name is Ball. The product is a cocktail in a ball. I get it.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's what I thought too. But no. They want you for your hands. Did think your big hands will show off the size of their new blue.

[Max Manikoff]

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[Mark Gagnon]

This season with Buzz Balls.

[Max Manikoff]

Please drink responsibly.

[Mark Gagnon]

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[Max Manikoff]

Malt, 15% Alcoa by volume. Buzz Balls LLC, Carrollton, Texas.

[Mark Gagnon]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big Wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Max Manikoff]

Of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent.

[Mark Gagnon]

To $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price.

[Max Manikoff]

Plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Mark Gagnon]

See full [e-mail] or even foreign adversaries trying to take your life to disrupt your country or even seize power for themselves. Now, fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, depending on what side you're on, most of these assassinations are unsuccessful because they're stupid. That's right. Most of these would be assassins put together bad strategies to take out their political opponents. Maybe because they're delusional. Maybe they're psychotic. Maybe they're unmedicated. Maybe they're just plain dumb. And today we're ranking the best, and by the best, I mean the worst assassination attempts of all time. I mean, we got everyone on here. Everyone from Andrew Jackson, Fidel Castro, George Bush, Gerald Ford, Louis xv, Benito Mussolini. We even talk about Donald Trump's near miss that almost took his life in Butler, Pennsylvania. This episode's got it all. We're going to be ranking all the worst assassination attempts in US history and putting them all into one easy list. So sit back, enjoy yourselves, and welcome to camp. What's up, people? And welcome back to camp. Thank you for joining me in my beautiful tent once again. This is Tent talks. You guys already know what that is. If you're a Die Hard camper, if you're a regular camphead, you already know what that is. But for anyone that doesn't know, this is the show where I explain the most interesting, fascinating and controversial stories from around the world, throughout history, across galaxies, to my dumbest friends. And today, we got a good one, my dear friend, Max Manikoff. How are you?

[Max Manikoff]

Thanks for having me. Dude, I didn't know you only brought Boy Scouts on this podcast.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah. Facts. Were you a Boy Scout?

[Max Manikoff]

Huh?

[Mark Gagnon]

You're a Boy Scout?

[Max Manikoff]

Of course. I led the pack.

[Mark Gagnon]

I don't think it's a pack. What kind of boys Dominican Boy Scout group are you in?

[Max Manikoff]

You're like, I'm not gonna lie, there was a lot of baseball bats and we were on a field.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah. You were on a baseball team?

[Max Manikoff]

They were like, yeah, dude, we're playing Boy Scouts. Like, I don't know, man.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think you were in the Boy Scouts at all. Because if that's the case, I feel like you would have been an Eagle Scout because you don't seem like a quitter.

[Max Manikoff]

I don't know what that means.

[Mark Gagnon]

An Eagle Scout. You have biggest liar in the world, Steve.

[Max Manikoff]

What do you mean? I never got badges.

[Mark Gagnon]

You didn't know? Those are medals for getting third place.

[Max Manikoff]

They did give us chewing tobacco, though.

[Mark Gagnon]

Wait, really? How old were you the first time you did dip?

[Max Manikoff]

I don't know, but I. I don't know if this is gay or not, but they had me playing first base.

[Mark Gagnon]

First base, I don't think is. I don't think it's gay. I think catcher's part of gay.

[Max Manikoff]

I think I just played baseball.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, you.

[Max Manikoff]

Now that I think about it, I think it was a completely different thing.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, you definitely play baseball, but I think catcher's gayer than first base.

[Max Manikoff]

Catcher's gayer? Yeah, it depends what positions he's in.

[Mark Gagnon]

I mean, if you're catching, you're in a squat.

[Max Manikoff]

You never gonna squat. No, you gotta believe in yourself.

[Mark Gagnon]

Today I have a wonderful topic for you, Max. We're talking about.

[Max Manikoff]

Big things.

[Mark Gagnon]

We're talking about big things. We're talking about the worst assassination attempts in history.

[Max Manikoff]

I don't think they did it.

[Mark Gagnon]

Who's that go for?

[Max Manikoff]

Who?

[Mark Gagnon]

Any of them?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, any of them, man. Here's the thing about assassinations, man. They're all. It's always a guy that just doesn't seem like he was ready for the moment.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. I mean, if they've failed.

[Max Manikoff]

You mean, even the guys who, like, did it. Like, it's always kind of sus. No, like, all the big ones. Like, I'm immediately taking presidents. Like, I know.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

What the topics are going to be, but I'm thinking presidents. I'm like, that's. Yeah. Right.

[Mark Gagnon]

What you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. You're saying that they did do it or they didn't do it.

[Max Manikoff]

It's like, how was that that accessible? It's just.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, I see that.

[Max Manikoff]

Where I'm like, NASA set up. Like, the most recent one is crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh. With old. Old crook daddy. Old crooks. And that's crazy. Yeah. There's. There's some fugaziness going on a lot.

[Max Manikoff]

Like, a lot of people have been like, yeah, we saw him.

[Mark Gagnon]

Like, hey, man, it's either extreme negligence.

[Max Manikoff]

Or it's got to be more than that.

[Mark Gagnon]

He was set up.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. There's got to be a guy who's also to nip the ear is still absurd.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. It's crazy. There's actually a video I saw recently that shows his ear scarce. Would you mind pulling this up? Would you mind? Donald Trump. Yeah. Search ear scar. There's one specifically. Do you see that right there?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's the first image that I saw that shows the wound on his ear also.

[Max Manikoff]

How do you not think you're a God after that?

[Mark Gagnon]

Right. You're like, oh, I'm here for.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Like, Kanye's done it for close to nothing.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

You know, it's like that guy lost his body. You almost get assassinated, bro. It only nips your ear.

[Mark Gagnon]

You go, come on, I'm him.

[Max Manikoff]

You look up, you go, come on, I'm him. Yeah. Come on, big guy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

It's just me and you here.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Yeah. No, I. So I agree with your general center that most of the time when there are these assassination situations, it's like, oh, there's some fugazi going on.

[Max Manikoff]

It's also always like, some guy that's, like, just too sus.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. No, it's all very strange.

[Max Manikoff]

How can I ever be a guy, like, with a family?

[Mark Gagnon]

Lee Harvey Oswald randomly happens to be in Russia working with the CIA, goes and kills JFK, then he gets killed 48 hours later. Seems a little strange if you ask me.

[Max Manikoff]

Abraham Lincoln.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, yeah. Link dog. And John Wilkes Booth. You know what's fascinating about that, actually? All righty. Don't skip forward, guys, because I am on the road. World's fastest ad read coming at you. I'm going to be in Bangor, Maine, Portland, Maine, Charleston, South Carolina, Atlanta, Stroudsburg, Hoboken, Indianapolis, Buffalo, Raleigh, Poughkeepsie, Portland, Oregon, Fort Worth, Texas, Austin, Texas, Stanford, Philly, Levittown, Chandler, Arizona, San Diego. I'm also going to be adding Toronto, Montreal, as well as Washington D.C. and a bunch of other dates. You can get all that that@the markagnon.com dates are in the description. Also in probably the comments of this episode. Go see me on the road. Come hang out. I'll be hanging out with everyone after the show. Come shake my hand, call me an idiot, whatever you want to do, I will be there. Additionally, I will be doing my one hour of standup comedy. I'm very proud of this hour. I'm really excited to share with you guys and it would mean the world if everyone could come on out. And what do you wear to a show on the road? That's a great question. You can go to Camp Goods co. That's right. We got merch, we got Camp Merch. We got hats, hoodies, T shirts. A lot of stuff is out of stock. Things have been selling like hotcakes. But we're going to be restocking everything in all the sizes so you can go there right now, get all the merch, get all the coolest clothing in the podcast game. We're going to be updating that site regularly. And if you come out to a show, I'd love to see you sporting some of the threads that we got up online. I will see you guys there. Let's get back to the show. John Wilkes Booth, his father was named Junius Brutus Booth. That was his dad's name. Junius Brutus, one of the most famous assassins of all time killed Julius Caesar.

[Max Manikoff]

That's wild.

[Mark Gagnon]

That happens to be his dad's name. Just by coincidence, all of them happen to have done the reenactment of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. And I'm pretty sure John Wilkes Booth at one point in time played Brutus, the assassin that kills the leader and then does it in real life.

[Max Manikoff]

That's wild. Some people get male pattern baldness from their family. Not that family.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

He inherited assassin Itchy Trenger finger. Yeah, just.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's wild. Let's kick it off with an all time famous assassination attempt that then turned into a real assassination.

[Max Manikoff]

Hit me.

[Mark Gagnon]

The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

[Max Manikoff]

That's an important one.

[Mark Gagnon]

You've heard of this guy?

[Max Manikoff]

What does he do?

[Mark Gagnon]

1914. This is what kicked off World War I. Oh, there we go. Which then kicked off World War II, then kicked off everything that we're in now. So this is how it's. This is how crazy it is. He eventually succeeded in murdering these guys. All right, The Archduke was going to Sarajevo, okay? He's passing through the city on a motorcade. The route is published ahead of time.

[Max Manikoff]

Time out. It's been three signs. It says you've used four words I don't recognize.

[Mark Gagnon]

Sarajevo was.

[Max Manikoff]

Hey, dude, can you fucking plug this into a PG translator, bro?

[Mark Gagnon]

No, this is good. This is good. We'll slow down. We'll slow down. Franz Ferdinand is the Archduke at this time of the Austro Hungarian Empire.

[Max Manikoff]

Okay?

[Mark Gagnon]

That's just a place.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

And he's in Sarajevo in Bosnia. It's the capital of. Of. Of Bosnia.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, some say the dangerous whites.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yes. Oh, my goodness. Of the most dangerous for sure.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Gagnon]

And this guy goes through a motorcade, through the whole city in 1914, and they publish the route ahead of time. They tell everyone, hey, this is where I'm going to be chilling in my car.

[Max Manikoff]

How'd they get the route? 1914, letters, pictures.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's in the newspaper.

[Max Manikoff]

Someone drew it.

[Mark Gagnon]

They put in the newspaper. They say, hey, this is where the Archduke is going to be on this date at this time. The plan was to have several assassins stationed at several points along the road, each with a pistol or an explosive. And there was going to be several in case one of them didn't succeed. As the Archduke passed in his car, an assassin would throw a bomb to blow it up, to shoot him or to kill him. All right?

[Max Manikoff]

How many failed attempts were there? There's.

[Mark Gagnon]

Think about it, right? Like, there's, like, at least, like, four guys that are.

[Max Manikoff]

To look back and be like, yo, those last four were crazy. And the next guy gets you.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's like you play Mario Kart. There's just shells and bananas. Yeah, it's wild. So the Archduke is going, all right, he passes the first assassin, which is where the first attempt was supposed to start. Okay? Of the attended assassins, two of them got scared and left. One felt pity for his wife, who was in the car and didn't shoot another one. His equipment failed. And then one of the assassins, finally on the route, throws a bomb. He misses his throw. And the bomb exploded behind the car, injuring 20 people. As the Archduke was whisked away to safety, the assailant jumped over a bridge into a waterway to make his escape, then discovered that the water was 10cm deep and broke his leg.

[Max Manikoff]

Nice.

[Mark Gagnon]

Taking a poison pill to evade capture didn't work since the poison was low quality, and he just sat around vomiting while the police went down to collect him. So this guy, what a day. Throws a bomb, misses, hits 20 people, jumps over the bridge, breaks his leg, has poison to kill himself, takes the poison, doesn't die, just starts throwing up everywhere. Later that day, the Archduke was on his way to the hospital where the victims of the attack were being treated. The personal chauffeur, this. This guy Leopold, didn't know his way around Sarajevo and makes a wrong turn. They go into a dead end. He tries to back up, but then the car stalls out. So now they're on this motorcade. After four or five assassination attempts, they're stuck in a dead end.

[Max Manikoff]

At that point, you gotta be suspicious.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, right? You're like, oh, there's 20 assassins. The whole city is trying to kill me. Now they're stuck in a dead end. The assassin, okay, this guy, Gavrilo Princip, he just so happened to stop right in front of the place where the spot where they were stalled.

[Max Manikoff]

Mr. No legs.

[Mark Gagnon]

I don't. I don't know if he was the one with the no legs. I think he might have been one of the other ones who's like, who. Who the equipment fought.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, that guy's story is just like, a frat bro from, like, Syracuse.

[Mark Gagnon]

Imagine.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, legs broken, filled himself with poison. That's called Hennessy throwing up everywhere. Yeah, that's called Vodka, Georgie.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, basically, this guy, Gavrilo, he's. He's sitting there getting something to eat in front of, like, a restaurant where the guy gets stuck, pulls out his pistol, shoots him, still pays his check.

[Max Manikoff]

Tough.

[Mark Gagnon]

Probably tips 100. Who gives a. You know what I mean? Shoots this guy, actually kills him, and then kicks off all of World War I. Crazy.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, that's a lot. What do you order?

[Mark Gagnon]

I think it was a sandwich. If my. If my memory is not mistaken, I think it genuinely was really, like, a blt.

[Max Manikoff]

At least it's food. If he's just getting like. If a guy's sitting out there just getting dips, you go, this is sus. Like, someone should have known. Why'd he just get hummus?

[Mark Gagnon]

Dude, imagine full ice cream cone just sitting there, just scarfing down a cream. Yeah, dude, this is the guy right there. The man who shot France for a name. Gavrilo Princip.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, this guy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Nice jacket.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, but this guy, you know, this guy looks like. You ever seen Prison Break? This looks like the guy who tells people to hold his pocket.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, I actually. I have no idea what happened to this guy? He probably got caught and then he got executed.

[Max Manikoff]

How tall is that guy?

[Mark Gagnon]

Not tall, but back in the day, he was probably tall for the time.

[Max Manikoff]

No.

[Mark Gagnon]

Towering over people at 5, 3. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like back in the day, like, if you were five'five you were, like, set. Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

You think any men ever got, like, horseshoes put on the bottom of their feet taller? I'm pretty sure that's nailed in, like, yo, let me get three.

[Mark Gagnon]

And this is why men used to wear high heels like Louis XVI. Can we pull up a picture of Louis XVI's shoes? Louis XVI, infamously the monarch of France, wore these super ostentatious high heels.

[Max Manikoff]

I know you're French, but you know how they are.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, dude, look at these. Easily two inches. Yeah, the original Timbs.

[Max Manikoff]

Also maybe a tap dancer. The thing is, like, no one's ever asked about, like, his hobbies.

[Mark Gagnon]

He did dabble in tap dancing for a while.

[Max Manikoff]

There's for sure been a politician who's pulled up to give a speech in, like, Jordan's, and you're like, yo, he got a game after ob. Oh, really?

[Mark Gagnon]

I mean, he was the crazy. He was the all time presidential shooter. You know what I mean?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, yeah, that's why we're saying it.

[Mark Gagnon]

Wait, why are you saying it? What other reason is there to say it?

[Max Manikoff]

What do you mean? He's just a Hooper, right?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. He just happens to, like the beautiful game of basketball.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

For no reason. Maybe being black helps. Sure. Okay, we'll go with that. Also, oh, this is another great assassination attempt. Again, this is fake.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, this guy. I mean, how did they have the whole story of, like, what his day looked like?

[Mark Gagnon]

Because they all ratted.

[Max Manikoff]

Okay, fair.

[Mark Gagnon]

And they were like, look, I killed him, but there were seven other guys who were involved. You got to take them down, too. Yeah, and I'm sure when he was locked up, he was like, look, I'm not the only one. Start singing like a bird.

[Max Manikoff]

There's 13 more guys. Yeah, everyone's got bullets.

[Mark Gagnon]

He's probably telling him, like, dude, this is so embarrassing.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

I didn't even mean to kill him. Yeah, it was kind of his fault.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, and one guy's in a Honda Civic with his wife still arguing.

[Mark Gagnon]

Babe, I'm going to be late for the assassination. I got to go. Why do you always bring up old shit right when I'm trying to do work?

[Max Manikoff]

You know, I'm here for something.

[Mark Gagnon]

I have a job to do. Yeah, and you said you wanted to.

[Max Manikoff]

Come and you would shut up.

[Mark Gagnon]

And now you're saying I never listen. Yeah, I have a lot on my mind. Okay. I have to go kill the Archduke.

[Max Manikoff]

Literally. Busy.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's the worst.

[Max Manikoff]

Women just don't get it.

[Mark Gagnon]

They. I feel like. No, there actually are a few women that do get it. The assassination of Gerald Ford. Okay, we'll get to him later.

[Max Manikoff]

Good transition.

[Mark Gagnon]

1835, there's a house painter named Richard Lawrence, and he tries to assassinate the president of the United States, Andrew Jackson. His reasoning was because Jackson's war on the. On the bank and he did not believe it was constitutional and it hurt the economy of his supporters. Richard's reasoning was that if Jackson was killed, then he would receive the money from his estate in England, as he believed that he was King Richard III who died in 1485. This guy, Richard Lawrence, psychopath, essentially, maybe reincarnated.

[Max Manikoff]

I'm that guy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Maybe he was like, I'm the king of England reincarnated also, by the way, Richard III died 1485.

[Max Manikoff]

Cuck. Shit, bro. What do you mean to wake up and be like, yo, that guy that died, that's me, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

Just be you, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

What if build your own life. What if you get to be someone else? That's way sicker. Nah, I like the eternity. Like a fucking Tony Robbins lecture.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, that's weird, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Unleash the power.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. To be yourself.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Murderer or not, that's true. Yeah, he did. This message comes from Greenlight. Ready to start talking to your kids about financial literacy? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app that teaches kids and teens how to earn, save, spend wisely, and invest with your guardrails in place. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly. Set up chores automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications. Join millions of parents and kids building healthy financial habits together on Greenlight. Get started risk free@greenlight, greenlight.com Spotify. He was like, look, I killed him, but for a good reason. I'm the king of England and I deserve all this money.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

So that's what he thought. So there were a bunch of eyewitnesses that claimed that Richard would mutter him to himself about Jackson and once claimed, I'll be damned if I don't do it. This is what Richard Lawrence, a famous house painter, said. Other people believe that this guy went crazy because he was painting houses and was inhaling all the mercury that was in the paint at the time.

[Max Manikoff]

Barry Antonio Brown of him.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. He became he got a little cte, rumor has it.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Todd Joe Brown used to go out there when they freshly painted the fields. Couple laps for the boys.

[Mark Gagnon]

What if that was really what it was? What if that's the whole NFL CTE problem.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's not the. The tackles.

[Max Manikoff]

It's that these guys are going out there early to practice.

[Mark Gagnon]

Freshly painted. Yeah, man, the fumes on the field. Hot day.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

They're just breathing it all in. It's very possible we should look into that. This guy Richard III or Richard Lawrence? Not Richard III, that's the King of England, Richard Lawrence. On January 30th, after Jackson was leaving a funeral, he draws a pistol and fires it at Jackson, but it misfires. But he has a second pistol, drops that one. Says it reloads, like, straight up Halo.

[Max Manikoff]

Which. When was this? When was the time?

[Mark Gagnon]

1835.

[Max Manikoff]

That's gotta take a minute.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, if you got two on lock. You know what I mean?

[Max Manikoff]

It's like being a mass shooter with a musket.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Like, bro, you're gonna. People. Maybe you gotta reload that whole.

[Mark Gagnon]

That. Like. I think Samuel had a joke about that where he's like, look, make guns legal, but they gotta be muskets.

[Max Manikoff]

That's fun.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. I mean, so everyone can have a gun. They gotta be muskets.

[Max Manikoff]

You get one good one, and you gotta hit.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. I think his. His last tag was then, like, gangs in Chicago would just look like Hamilton.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, look, they're doing a play.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, you gotta have the powdered wig. You gotta have the musket.

[Max Manikoff]

You can shoot the Nativity. No, bro, that's just a baby mama, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

January 30th, Jackson's leaving this funeral. He shoots him. Misfires. Okay. Draws a second gun.

[Max Manikoff]

Seven seconds later. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

That second gun also misfires. Both of them jam up, clicks them.

[Max Manikoff]

Together, becomes a machine gun playing numbers.

[Mark Gagnon]

He goes yell two, yo, that's goofy.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, people. Sometimes people go, how do you do that? And it's like, here's the thing, bro. Just watching.

[Mark Gagnon]

He tried it.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Didn't work. And unfortunately, when Jackson discovered what was going on, like, he turns around, he's like, yo, what's everyone yelling about? This guy's got two guns on the ground. Both of them picks him up. Fucking wailing around, nothing's coming out. He goes and attacks Richard with his cane, starts beating him.

[Max Manikoff]

Guy's a cane?

[Mark Gagnon]

Andrew Jackson has a cane.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Starts beating his would be assassin with the cane until the crowd pulls him off. Jackson was 68 at the time Crazy.

[Max Manikoff]

That's really good.

[Mark Gagnon]

In his trial, Richard was deemed insane. Would spend the rest of his life in different hospitals until he died in 1861. Smart, right?

[Max Manikoff]

Smart.

[Mark Gagnon]

Would you plead insanity?

[Max Manikoff]

Yes, bro. What are you talking about?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, that's.

[Max Manikoff]

Here's the thing is I'm comfortable in my, like, in my own space. Like, if you. If you, like, tied me up, I get it. You threw me in a white room. It's like, I still kind of prefer that over prison. Really? Yeah, a little bit. And also, like, not everybody gets a straight jacket. You just gotta wild out.

[Mark Gagnon]

Nah, that's crazy. You go. You would go crazy. You would go crazy if you're in a white room. At some point, like, everyone that I've ever talked to that's been in solitary, they go, you have to, like, read books or, like, do Sudoku or some shit, or else you just lose your mind.

[Max Manikoff]

Which I do.

[Mark Gagnon]

What's the last book you read?

[Max Manikoff]

No Sudoku reading nuts. I'll give you a couple numbers.

[Mark Gagnon]

I feel like you just do crosswords and fill numbers in.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

You don't even know.

[Max Manikoff]

You're just 4, 4, 4, 4, 4. I just do crosswords of just numbers.

[Mark Gagnon]

Capital of Norway. 0564. That's what it is, dude. Dude, there's all sorts of. Basically, if you're a public figure, if you're a famous person in any capacity, you've had an assassination attempt put on you. If you're like, I think if you're like a president of a country, 100%.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, put on you. Yeah, yeah. But like, that's fine. It's like, that's fine, bro. Yeah, because there's always going to be people that are home. They're like, bro, like, right now, all jokes are not a political figure. Kanye. You don't think there's a couple of Jews in a tunnel.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, just devising a plan, just digging away.

[Max Manikoff]

You've seen his shirt.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yo, that is great.

[Max Manikoff]

Till we come out in the sunlight.

[Mark Gagnon]

That is crazy.

[Max Manikoff]

Wait till we catch you in broad daylight.

[Mark Gagnon]

Be honest.

[Max Manikoff]

Yo, Shabbat right now.

[Mark Gagnon]

You lucky if they talk shit like that. That would be fine.

[Max Manikoff]

He did wear the swastika on a Friday. I don't know if you know this. Yo, be outside just made that up.

[Mark Gagnon]

But it might have been. It might have sounded really. It might have been Shabbos.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

If they said that, they were like, yo, let me catch you. Yeah, let me catch you out in these tunnels.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I'll see you in the streets.

[Mark Gagnon]

When these candles, they probably do have muskets, to be honest with you. The Hasidic Jews, they just pump up their muscles for sure.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

But, yeah, if they got Kanye, I feel like a lot of people would be like, if it was a Hasidic Jew.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Also about anything politically. It's like, it's. It splits a country. Like, it doesn't matter how you see it. Like, even when you look at, like, the most lopsided votes are always like 60, 40, there's still like 40% of people who are like, that guy. Yeah, there's enough people to be like, there's. There's got to be a couple of crazies.

[Mark Gagnon]

But be honest. If Hasidic Jews caught up to Kanye and took him out, would people be mad?

[Max Manikoff]

First of all, Hasidic Jews don't fist fight. Okay? So it's like, but if. Huh?

[Mark Gagnon]

If. If Mossad gets them, that's different. That doesn't count because those guys are terrifying. Yeah, yeah, but if it's just like a. If it's. Your landlord pulls up on Kanye.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. You guys, that guy's got to be, like, raised here.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, yeah, he's a Brooklynite.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, you're not gonna get, like a Jew from Poland. Poland. Yeah, you're not gonna get a Jew from Poland.

[Mark Gagnon]

You gotta be Kings County. You know what I mean? Like, that's.

[Max Manikoff]

He goes, if I beat the. He's thinking too much. He's like, if I beat this guy up, they're gonna call it a black on white crime.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, that's a good point. That's gonna be Brooklyn riots all over again. Have you ever.

[Max Manikoff]

He's like, no one's gonna give me the credit. They're just gonna think I'm racist.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yo, remember we were talking about Louis, King of France?

[Max Manikoff]

Yes.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, there's another guy, Louis xv, The guy right before the guy with the high heels. Famous assassination attempt, 1757. This guy, Robert Francois Demiens, had maybe one of the weakest efforts you can imagine. Okay, here's how the story goes. A cold, snowy night, January 1757. Damiens approached the king passing his guards, Just walks past him. Secret Service at the time was pretty lax.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Seems like you could just walk past the guy. This is the guy that did it.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, but that guy looks like he's down angry. He's down, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

See that? See that knife in his hand?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

This will. This will come in a little later. He walks past the guards, takes out this little pen knife, stabs the king in the side. You would think that's a Pretty good assassination attempt, right?

[Max Manikoff]

Sorta. Unless he's wearing armor. Bang.

[Mark Gagnon]

Better. Can we pull up a picture of Louis? The 15th, you go.

[Max Manikoff]

Better. Nine packs.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Diesel, just rip.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Good luck getting past these crunches.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, if he's built like you. Which, for the record, can we just talk about your Instagram?

[Max Manikoff]

Let's do this. Bro, you're literally.

[Mark Gagnon]

This has been pissing me.

[Max Manikoff]

Last time I saw you, bro, you came out to me with a shirtless picture of yourself. You said, me too.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, I gotta tell someone. You know what I mean? I can't put on. I'm. Look, your Instagram's a pissing me off, okay? I see these pictures of you looking diesel, looking shredded. Cute as hell.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. But I see you, bro. You're like, yo, yo, me too. You're about your shape. Don't do that.

[Mark Gagnon]

No, I'm compared to you, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

I got me and you outside, bro. Can move a whole house.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. We should start a comedy fitness class.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Just fucking in a U haul, yo.

[Mark Gagnon]

Imagine. Would you want to do that with me? We do a spin class. We teach it. Okay. Or we do like a high intensity interval training. Okay. Like a CrossFit type thing. But we just roast people the whole time.

[Max Manikoff]

That's fun.

[Mark Gagnon]

So it's. We do stand up. We just. We just riff.

[Max Manikoff]

But roast. Like, what does it have to be a bathroom? Or, like, can we like, just straight up. Low hanging fruit.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yes.

[Max Manikoff]

Look at this fat whale.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yes. That's the whole fitness class. So people are working out, they're doing crunches, they're trying to get you so small. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

I'm telling you, low hanging fruit.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. No, we just roast them. But what's the best motivation? Negative reinforcement. Is it.

[Max Manikoff]

You know what? I'm gonna go ahead and agree. My sister was obese. I made fun of her a lot growing up and.

[Mark Gagnon]

But in my own way.

[Max Manikoff]

Skinny relationship. Own apartment.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, but worked heavy drugs.

[Max Manikoff]

No, no. My own apartment.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, there you go. Own apartment. Coke addiction. Like who? You know what I mean?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Good with the bad.

[Max Manikoff]

Also very funny. When she was fat, she's like, it's a thyroid thing. I was like, sure it is. And then it was a thyroid thing.

[Mark Gagnon]

So what?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I'm the bad guy, for sure.

[Mark Gagnon]

No, it happens. But you had. Your heart was in the right place.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, well, I don't know if you know, bro. Have you ever seen a thyroid diet? Like, a diet for, like, people who have, like, thyroids and stuff? You know, some of it doesn't make sense. She'd be like, I'm, like, losing weight. And then she'd eat like a fucking pint of vanilla ice cream. I was like, come on, bro. I was like, yo, between me and you, I don't care where you're googling this.

[Mark Gagnon]

We need. Hold on, let me find a thyroid diet real quick.

[Max Manikoff]

Just type it, yo. Thyroid diet with vanilla ice cream. I'm not kidding. That's the one my sister was doing.

[Mark Gagnon]

Thyroid diet. Oh, come on. We need to do ice cream on it. Okay. For people with thyroid conditions, ice cream and other dairy products may need to be limited to avoid their iodine content.

[Max Manikoff]

So this bitch.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, you got to call her up, yo.

[Max Manikoff]

You're talking about that. That's even more impressive. That means she was working twice as hard.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Outside of ice cream, bro. Locked in.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's wild. Yeah, I mean, that makes me want to work out when I eat. Terrible. One day I just eat like all day, the next day I'm like, I'm fasting, I'm doing carnival, I'm working out.

[Max Manikoff]

Drink the next day.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

I wish I could, like, force myself to throw up.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. You have any disorder?

[Max Manikoff]

No, I don't, but I wish on those days.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, you're too soft to have any disorder.

[Max Manikoff]

That's the thing, man. Like, I like, I gag when I brush my teeth. So it's like, there's no fingers.

[Mark Gagnon]

Stop it, bro. New Yorkers are so annoying. You guys try to prove how straight you are all the time.

[Max Manikoff]

That's not straight.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yes, it is.

[Max Manikoff]

You guys.

[Mark Gagnon]

No, you guys are so. You're like, dude, I'm so straight I can't brush my teeth.

[Max Manikoff]

Well, here's the thing is, is. Do I have a 14 inch toothbrush?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. What are you brushing your teeth with? Let me see your toothbrush.

[Max Manikoff]

I'm nine inches deep. I'm like, bro, this shit makes me gag, bro. Mad gay.

[Mark Gagnon]

Your toothbrush is a giant black dildo. I'm like, yeah, that's going to make you gag here, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

My fucking throat hurts.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, you got that oral D. You know what's up, guys? We're going to take a break really quick because I want to talk to you about the most discreet, coolest way to curb your nicotine cravings. And that's right here with Zipix. You've probably seen me chomping on a couple of these toothpicks during the episodes of this podcast. I like to use a little bit of nicotine when I'm locking in on a long term conversation with someone. Trying to figure out the, you know, deep meanings of life and aliens or even consciousness. I also like it when I'm trying to write. Sometimes right before I go on stage, I find that it just gives me a little bit more of a locked in feeling. I can focus for a little bit longer. There's even been some studies to show that nicotine has improved aspects of fine motor skills, attention and auditory processing and memory. So if you're trying to lock in for a little project you have, you just need a little boost. A little bit of nicotine is great. And these are great if you're trying to quit smoking too, if you don't want to fill your lungs up with smoke, but you still like the little nicotine feel. They have a bunch of great flavors. They also have 2 milligram and 3 milligram options. Zipix toothpicks are great for flights, little sporting event, or even just hanging out with the boys, having a couple drinks. Zipix has helped hundreds of thousands of customers get their nicotine fixed without needing to inhale smoke or vapes or any of that stuff. So if you're interested, go to Zipix. That's Zip Pix toothpicks.com and the listeners of this program will get 10% off their first order by using the promo code GAGNON. That's right, G A G, N O N. Get 10% off. I also should let you know that you have to be 21 years old or older to order. Also, nicotine is an addictive chemical, so please use it wisely. Only as much as you need. Now let's get back to the show. What's up, guys? We're going to take a break really quick because I need to tell you about how you are potentially entitled for some compensation. That's right. You may have been injured without even knowing it. And I think statistically, most Americans have been injured by this. We know that our food is poison. Many of these companies, these massive conglomerates, are pumping our food with stabilizers and gums and other processed chemicals that are illegal in most other countries. But for some reason in America, they are fully legal and they are allegedly causing many health problems. That's a very small alleged. I actually just read a book about this. Ultra processed humans. It's fascinating that the processed chemicals that are going into our foods are terrible for you. I mean, if you were to take a baked cookie and a cookie that's filled with processed preservatives, even if they have the same exact nutritional profile, the one with the preservatives and all the gums and stabilizers and ultra processing chemicals is going to be worse for you by a far, far margin. So if you have been exposed to many of these ultra processed foods, they've been known to be addictive, they've been known to CR to target children and they can potentially cause chronic diseases such as type 2 diabetes, fat, fatty liver dise, both of which were unheard of 40 years ago, but now affect the lives of thousands of children. It looks like the people over at Morgan and Morgan are fighting for the people once again. That's right, Morgan and Morgan, America's largest law firm. I mean, they have, you know, handled thousands of thousands of cases, recovered billions of dollars for their clients, and now they are targeting the ultra processed food giants of the world. Okay, so if you or your child has been diagnosed with one of these diseases that I mentioned before, you may have legal options. They have helped thousands of families seek justice against these big corporations and they are ready to fight for you as well. So if you are interested, go to for the people.comgagnon. that's right. That is f o r the people.comgagnon. if you're interested in potentially hearing more about the way that these companies can be affecting you and your health and the health of your family and how you may be entitled for compensation because of that. Now I do have to disclose this is a paid advertisement. Now let's get back to the show. Yeah, you're supposed to avoid like sugary foods and a thyroid diet. Avoid processed foods. You're supposed to eat lean proteins, selenium, rich foods like Brazil nuts. I think your sister is just going through something. But shout out to her, it sounds like she's a lot better and you have something to say for it. So that's good.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, no, I'm a hit her up.

[Mark Gagnon]

Back to Louis the 15th.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

So he. This guy gets stabbed, right, right in the side. Damien's didn't think the plan over, ok, because he used a very tiny blade. And on a cold night, the king of France, who can afford anything he wants, was wearing a ton of layers. He was wearing like a shirt with another shirt.

[Max Manikoff]

Anything he wants except for heat, you feel me? Throw the fucking heat on, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Bro, there's no heat. What are you gonna do? Yeah, yeah, you gotta light a fire or something. But he's just suited up. Ten coats and the blade hits his jacket doesn't go through it. Like just like kind of like pokes him.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Louis the 15th, huge drama queen after he's stabbed. He believes that he's going to die. So immediately, he turns to his wife and starts apologizing profusely. He starts crying, says, I'm sorry I cheated on you.

[Max Manikoff]

God, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

It's like a guy who tries to kill himself, and then all he does is break his legs. Everyone's way more mad.

[Mark Gagnon]

He's got this whole note like, I did this because of you, and I'm sorry for this thing. Da, da, da. And everyone just reads the note. They're like, bro, you wrote this? And he's like, yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Suicide note was still lot.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's the worst.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I thought. I thought four Tylenols would do it.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, my bad. I didn't realize. I just felt amazing.

[Max Manikoff]

Forget the I said on the third sentence. Yeah, crazy. I was wilding.

[Mark Gagnon]

You take four tunnels. Like, jump off a bridge, break your leg, but you don't even feel it. You're like, dude, I feel great.

[Max Manikoff]

That's great.

[Mark Gagnon]

These tunnels are kicking it.

[Max Manikoff]

Also. Four is probably too little. I've taken two on a headache. I go, it's not doing much.

[Mark Gagnon]

You're on empty stomach. It might. Might help. Ultimately, Louis 15th is okay. And the blade didn't pass through more than a half inch. It did poke him, and he started bleeding a little bit. And Louis the 15th went on and. Yeah, just lived the rest of his life. Damien's was executed two months later for the assassination attempt. But Louis xv, two months is a.

[Max Manikoff]

Lot of time for sure. Torture. You gotta, like, torture.

[Mark Gagnon]

Probably got a little tortured. Probably a little waterboard. He had to go. Probably do trial. You know, the whole deal.

[Max Manikoff]

Trial's crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Like, did you stab his guys?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

No.

[Max Manikoff]

Come on, you try.

[Mark Gagnon]

No, No, I didn't do it. Yeah, not me. But, yeah. Louis the 15th, on the other hand, had to go.

[Max Manikoff]

Is that how they killed him?

[Mark Gagnon]

Whoa. Before the judge. Oh, wow. So he must have just been crazy and they had him tied down on a mattress. That looks sexy as hell.

[Max Manikoff]

That's really funny. To be tied down. Like, did you do it?

[Mark Gagnon]

He's like, well, can you untie me?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. First of all, y'all wiling out?

[Mark Gagnon]

First off, this seems like.

[Max Manikoff]

First of all, whose rope?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Why do you guys just have bondage?

[Max Manikoff]

New rope, bro. I can smell the last guy on this road killed.

[Mark Gagnon]

I feel like if you're already tied down in front of the judge, your odds are not that great.

[Max Manikoff]

No. And that's a futon, bro. They didn't even give him a bed.

[Mark Gagnon]

Like, has anyone ever been tied down in front of the judge and the judge was like, hey, this was a big misunderstanding.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

And you're free to go. Not.

[Max Manikoff]

You're good, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, I don't think that's ever happened. If they tie you down, it's just like, how long they carry you out.

[Max Manikoff]

On the futon still tied up. You see me free.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's how they take him out asap.

[Max Manikoff]

Rocky just being carried out. You see me free, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh. Oh, man. We got a. We got another one here. This one is. Is. Is. Is wild.

[Max Manikoff]

That's a wild way to take someone to trial, though. I hope your followers, they can see this, right? Do you guys post the images?

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. That's absurd.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, that's not a good look. Imagine you're this guy's lawyer, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

I don't even want my girlfriend to ask me questions like that, bro. Let alone.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, I would confess to anything.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I don't like that. Also, like, I just don't like being vulnerable, bro. Like, I grew up around, like, too many, like, boys and athletes, bro. You tie me down, I go, bro, someone's gonna punch my dick. I'm telling y'all. You're sitting in. You're sitting in court. You're like, yo, for real, though, yo. No one punched my dick.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, we got this one. This one's interesting. I've actually. I don't know this one. This one is given to me by a friend of mine who helps me do research on the pod.

[Max Manikoff]

Louis the 19th.

[Mark Gagnon]

No, my buddy Zach. My buddy Zach, he's a good old boy from. From Mississippi.

[Max Manikoff]

Nice. There you go.

[Mark Gagnon]

And he helps me do research. And this one happened 1997. So in. As a retaliation for the Mahan Yehuda market bombing in July 1997. This was an attack by Palestinian suicide bombers on a major market in Jerusalem. The Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, ordered two Israeli Mossad agents to assassinate Mashal, who was, at the time the Jordanian chief of the Palestinian Sunni Islamic political party, which I think turned into Hamas. The agent entered the city using Canadian passports and waited for Mashal at his office. As he was entering, one agent injected a chemically modified toxin called levena fentanyl into his left ear. I'm assuming leventofentanil. That's just.

[Max Manikoff]

He looks at his assistant. He's like, dude, you got to suck it out my car. He's like, I don't think that's how it works, bro. I'm telling you, man.

[Mark Gagnon]

Come on, dude.

[Max Manikoff]

You have to blow me to complete it, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

I'm injected with fentanyl dude.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, dude, come on. You know I'm going to die, dude.

[Mark Gagnon]

So this is where it gets crazy.

[Max Manikoff]

Who am I going to tell?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, I'm. I'm. I'm a Muslim. I'm the head of the Sunni. I'm the head of Hamas. I'm not going to tell people. You.

[Max Manikoff]

Come on. You know I don't want this.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. I'm not going to go and put it on the news.

[Max Manikoff]

There's bros, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Trying to save my life.

[Max Manikoff]

Bros before hoes.

[Mark Gagnon]

If I got bit by a snake, would you suck it up?

[Max Manikoff]

From where?

[Mark Gagnon]

If I got bit in my ear.

[Max Manikoff]

But why am I sucking it out from. I'll say this. I'll suck your. I'll suck your ear, okay?

[Mark Gagnon]

You would?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, your ear, that's fine.

[Mark Gagnon]

I got bit in the chest.

[Max Manikoff]

I'll suck your chest.

[Mark Gagnon]

I got bit in the thigh, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

Everything but your car.

[Mark Gagnon]

Really got my dog, bro. I respect that.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, don't wild out, but you get bit of your dick, I'll be like, yo, why were you exposed like that? That's problem number one.

[Mark Gagnon]

You gotta protect.

[Max Manikoff]

You're wilding out.

[Mark Gagnon]

You gotta protect. Cover the. COVID the nuts. If you're around a snake.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Why would you go to Black's beach in San Diego? You know, it's a nude beach.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. That is my fault. Yeah. This is what happens. Okay. Michelle's chauffeur saw what was going down and hit the poisoned the. The would be assassin with a newspaper. And a security guard chased the agents. Once they escaped their car, the two were apprehended. And King Hussein of Jordan forced Netanyahu to hand over an antidote by getting none other than Bill Clinton to persuade him. Whoa. That's wild. First off, beating someone with a newspaper, I don't think that's ever worked.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, no.

[Mark Gagnon]

And this is the one time it worked.

[Max Manikoff]

Unless that guy's a dog. Yeah, Unless that guy just shit on the floor. Yeah. Unless it just peed off his wee wee pad, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

I don't think the chauffeur saved his life in the straightest way possible. Beats him with a stick or just like a newspaper. Just gets him off and then calls up Bill Clinton like, yo, get us the antidote immediately. And apparently he handed it over. Wow. That's the dude right there. That's wild. Injecting him in the ears. That's a tough look.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, how do you get to the ear, like, at that, you know what I mean? Like, if you're going to inject anything, you Were that close to his head. Yo, just knife something, something, right you right there.

[Mark Gagnon]

I wonder if they try to do it, like, sneaky.

[Max Manikoff]

That's mad funny. If they're like, yo, assassination attempt. Here's a spoon. Like, yo, bro, come on.

[Mark Gagnon]

I need a little.

[Max Manikoff]

Let me get the right weapon.

[Mark Gagnon]

Also dying off fentanyl would kind of be chill as hell.

[Max Manikoff]

Is it?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, it's like. It's an opioid, I think. Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

But do you just, like. Do you feel it? Is it, like. Because isn't it, like, I've seen, like, like, videos or, like, pictures of, like, people who, like, have passed away and they're, like, purple, like, deeply.

[Mark Gagnon]

Once they're dead.

[Max Manikoff]

No, of course. But. But someone who dies of natural causes, it does not look like that. Like, that just looks like their body was like. No, I think it's close to exploding.

[Mark Gagnon]

When did you see it?

[Max Manikoff]

I don't know. I've seen, like, an image before, though, and they were like. Yeah, like. Like puffy face, purple.

[Mark Gagnon]

But if you're already dead and on the way out. You were on heroin.

[Max Manikoff]

Well, heroin is, like, chill.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's what this is, apparently, according to Google. I've never done levofentanyl. I've never tried it.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, me neither.

[Mark Gagnon]

I've never even been around it.

[Max Manikoff]

No, I swear.

[Mark Gagnon]

But I feel like.

[Max Manikoff]

No, no.

[Mark Gagnon]

The way you're saying it.

[Max Manikoff]

Not even once.

[Mark Gagnon]

All right.

[Max Manikoff]

Not even once. Actually, this is. This is crazy. I. One time we were walking by a park in, like, Lower east side. I don't know if, you know, a bunch of people in Tompkins Square park do heroin. There's, like, a fucking section of the park where they just let them do it, which I guess it's crazy. Like, you'll walk by, you're like, this is nuts.

[Mark Gagnon]

Just clean up after.

[Max Manikoff]

Everybody looks like they're plugged into the Matrix. Like, you're, like, walking by and everyone's just kind of back, and you're like, he's fighting.

[Mark Gagnon]

My rule with doing fentanyl in public is the same as, like, a Puerto Rican doing a barbecue.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, fine. Beers.

[Mark Gagnon]

Bring some beers. Tidy it up when you leave. Just bring the cooler with.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, dude. Someone bring Modelos.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's my only request if you guys.

[Max Manikoff]

Are going to be doing Fat Doll. Bro. Someone bring a six pack of Model.

[Mark Gagnon]

Let. Let me join. Yeah, you know, I mean, I'm just not ready for the H. But maybe, you know.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, maybe if.

[Mark Gagnon]

I'll have a beers. Ask me again, exactly how many beers did you have to be Deep to be like, y'all shoot this mom. Who gives a. Oh, man.

[Max Manikoff]

I don't think any. Man, I've never done, like, a hard drug.

[Mark Gagnon]

But you've never. You've never been offered when you're off your ass.

[Max Manikoff]

But, like, even on, like, cocaine, like, I've been offered, like, every. I've never done a hard drug in my entire life. They just. They scare me.

[Mark Gagnon]

What counts as a hard drive? I love when people said a hard.

[Max Manikoff]

Anything that's not natural, I would assume manmade.

[Mark Gagnon]

Okay.

[Max Manikoff]

So, like, I've done mushrooms, lsd. No, mushrooms and weed. That's it.

[Mark Gagnon]

Beer.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Sugar, Three pints of ice cream. Ice cream in solidarity with my sister.

[Max Manikoff]

Scream that your sister. I go, dude, this isn't even drugs anymore.

[Mark Gagnon]

Cocaine is technically natural if it's not stepped on.

[Max Manikoff]

I've thought about this. I'm not kidding. If I go to Colombia, see, this.

[Mark Gagnon]

Is how it happens. This is how I haven't done it, but this is how. This is how it starts.

[Max Manikoff]

But if I went to Colombia and, like, somehow, some way, it's the night of our lives. I've seen my friends who don't do drugs do it. I'm like, all right, you guys don't do this. I go, everyone's having a good time.

[Mark Gagnon]

Maybe might be worth checking it. Yeah, that's fair.

[Max Manikoff]

Because it is just a drug, like, at the end day, like, if it's, like, clean, there's. I mean, there's fun to drugs. Like, the point of, like, mushrooms.

[Mark Gagnon]

You know, the dudes in. In Peru, they chew on coca leaves all day.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh. I mean, it's crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Like, it helps them with altitude is what they say.

[Max Manikoff]

But what is cocoa? It's kind of like tobacco.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Can you search Peruvian cocoa leaves?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. That's just because they haven't discovered Zin.

[Mark Gagnon]

You know, go back to the last Google really fast. Did you see this? What does it feel like to be on heroin? Help is available.

[Max Manikoff]

Speak with somebody. Today is very funny.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yo, confiscate Gabe's laptop.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Text. Also, who has a three digit number, bro?

[Mark Gagnon]

If you.

[Max Manikoff]

988.

[Mark Gagnon]

If you're in trouble.

[Max Manikoff]

I don't trust that.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, that logic song is way shorter now.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. That guy's not a country. The helpline that feels like a foreign.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, if you got a dial plus one.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, that's a. That's a four number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is this guy on customer service helping me all the way in Chennai, India?

[Mark Gagnon]

So you're feeling very sick, very sad.

[Max Manikoff]

I'm Sorry, man, I didn't even. It was just. You were doing it.

[Mark Gagnon]

You're doing cocaine, doing heroin.

[Max Manikoff]

I go, are you shaking your head right now? Be honest. He goes, no, yes, sir, I am.

[Mark Gagnon]

Dude, if that's where the. The suicide helpline was, you call India, like, don't do it, sir. Don't jump off the bridge. Don't do it, don't do it. Come on, man. Don't jump off the breeze.

[Max Manikoff]

I go, dude, where do you live? That's the first thing I would ask.

[Mark Gagnon]

I'm in Bangalore, India.

[Max Manikoff]

I'd be like, all right, word, word, word. How are you doing? How's like, doing?

[Mark Gagnon]

Very, very good.

[Max Manikoff]

Having a family.

[Mark Gagnon]

I have two children also.

[Max Manikoff]

That'd be crazy if a guy on a hotline doesn't have a family.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, well, what if he's young? What if he's like, oh, so I'm.

[Max Manikoff]

Not married still, like, a young guy shouldn't help someone from suicide, and an old guy should have a family way that's.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, a young guy can help, right? You call Annie, who is the most optimistic people, you know.

[Max Manikoff]

Would you ever go to a therapist who's 22?

[Mark Gagnon]

I'd go to a therapist that was like a kid, 12.

[Max Manikoff]

Imagine he's like, bro, you just gotta go out and get some. Bro, you just like, I feel like you're overthinking.

[Mark Gagnon]

Would that not help you be honest?

[Max Manikoff]

He's like, yo, I'm telling you, I feel like you're like, oh, I'm sad. I'm this bro, you Tequila soda.

[Mark Gagnon]

If your therapist was like a 12 year old who's like, dude, let's just go skate. Would you not be like, yo, that's a good point.

[Max Manikoff]

A 12 year old's got like a good.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, we need more 12 year old therapists. It's like, bro, why are you. Let's just go play football.

[Max Manikoff]

Well, here's the problem is that kid helps enough people. He's now torn up.

[Mark Gagnon]

But then 14 and a half, where does he go? A 10 year old.

[Max Manikoff]

We have six year olds helping nine year olds.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's a Russian nesting doll of therapy.

[Max Manikoff]

I like that.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah. We could make this as a business. After we do our.

[Max Manikoff]

Why that one's so small.

[Mark Gagnon]

After we do our comedy, my therapist.

[Max Manikoff]

Has to be 5, 9.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, we need just weird specifications. We need children therapists. I support this, but yeah. Levenofentanil is a synthetic opioid and it's. Yeah, it's been used in research into Opioid receptors, and it also was used to try to kill Khaled Michelle. Regardless, let's talk about Fidel Castro, shall we?

[Max Manikoff]

That's a Fun1.

[Mark Gagnon]

The CIA allegedly tried to kill Castro 638 times.

[Max Manikoff]

I'll say this right now, there. I don't. I don't. I can't believe that. Like, there's got to be something that they're like, maybe a guy, but, like, as an organization, you're gonna tell me they can't do it? Well, they do whatever they want.

[Mark Gagnon]

You would think, but how do you. They tried a bunch of times. They hired Italian mob bosses, Sam Giancana and Johnny Roselli, and they tried to get.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, but that guy gets to the border of Florida, he's like, oh, I gotta get out of the car. Yeah, bro, you got to take a boat. He goes, nah, I don't sail.

[Mark Gagnon]

You trying to get me on a boat?

[Max Manikoff]

I just drove 26 hours from Brooklyn.

[Mark Gagnon]

And you're going to put me on a freaking boat?

[Max Manikoff]

Are you going to put me on a fucking boat?

[Mark Gagnon]

I'm on a dinghy going to Havana. You want me to go kill a guy? I don't even know this man.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I got to collect rent tomorrow. Bushwick.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. He's got an army. He's got a whole army of people over there. I'll take out the. You know.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. This guy doesn't even understand English.

[Mark Gagnon]

But this is. Some of the ways that they've done it. They've tried to take out Fidel 638 times is crazy.

[Max Manikoff]

That is. That's absurd.

[Mark Gagnon]

The CIA at one point tried to take advantage of Castro's love of scuba diving by planting mollusk mollusk shells that contained explosive devices into the ocean when he was underwater.

[Max Manikoff]

Very funny.

[Mark Gagnon]

I mean, that's hilarious.

[Max Manikoff]

Very funny. He loves beaches. So we put detonating rocks.

[Mark Gagnon]

All right, that's fire.

[Max Manikoff]

Like, bro, just put a landmine. Like, nah, I'm telling you, bro. But if he picks that rock up.

[Mark Gagnon]

Like, who came up with these?

[Max Manikoff]

I'm telling you, he fucking loves astrology.

[Mark Gagnon]

Who came up with these? Like, who tried to be like, yo, how do we kill Fidel?

[Max Manikoff]

He doesn't pick it up, yo, he's wild. He's acting wild. Capricorn, also, Cuban people are happy people, which is even funnier.

[Mark Gagnon]

What do you mean?

[Max Manikoff]

Like, something about it tells me kind of unfazed.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, the Cubanos.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Like. Like after the attempt, like, after a couple, you got to be like, yeah, whatever, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the thing A lot of the Cubans were probably just like, yo, you're not trying to get us, you know what I mean? Who cares? Oh, here's a couple of them. Ready? 1963, a counter revolutionary working with the CIA was stationed in Havana, Cuba. OK. He's working at the Havana Libre Cafe. He was instructed to poison Fidel Castro's chocolate milkshake. He failed, spilling the toxin in the kitchen of the cafe. Adding insult to injury, the agent had to watch in despair as Castro enjoyed the regular milkshake that he had prepared himself.

[Max Manikoff]

How funny is that? Genuinely.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's unmilled.

[Max Manikoff]

He'll be back there and spill it. Be like, well, we're not gonna not give him one.

[Mark Gagnon]

The clumsy.

[Max Manikoff]

They bring it out and the guy's back. He's like, is that. He's like, no, man, we spilled the poison. And he ordered it, though.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. But yeah, we're not gonna get tipped.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, we're trying to kill him. But this is a. Google reviews exist.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yes. What about in 1960? Fidel Castro is in New York City. While he's in New York, his shoes are sprinkled with thallium salts, which were designed to make his beard fall out. It was assumed that Castro would be so upset by this that he would reach for a nearby cigar, which coincidentally had been laced with chemicals.

[Max Manikoff]

Very Carlos Hernandez. Because I'm losing my hair. End it all, dude.

[Mark Gagnon]

Shout out Carlos, bro. Shout out Carlos. Your. Your roommate, Carlos?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Florida boy.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. He's balding.

[Mark Gagnon]

Is. Is he?

[Max Manikoff]

It's going.

[Mark Gagnon]

You guys talked about this, huh? Has. Did he tell you this in confidence?

[Max Manikoff]

Products are all over the house. No, come on. But you got to look at it. Like, for example, I could look at your hair and be like, oh, nice. And then you look at his hair, you're like, it's going.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, There's a little bay.

[Max Manikoff]

Objectively.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. There's a Bay of Pigs going on his forehead. There's a front line that's retreating.

[Max Manikoff]

But hey, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. There's a. There's so many. How about this one? Oh, this one is amazing. They decide they thought that they were going to paint a bomb to resemble a softball and then they would throw it at Castro like a gender reveal.

[Max Manikoff]

He swings and misses.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yes.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, yeah. Now we'll never know what the baby's gonna be, which.

[Mark Gagnon]

That is the funniest shit in the world. You've seen the one where the guy swings and misses on the gender reveal.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's so funny.

[Max Manikoff]

The failed ones are the best, which.

[Mark Gagnon]

You gotta just Be a little bit more like, dude, do you see the guy? Like, he didn't swing.

[Max Manikoff]

No. Yeah, that's a ball.

[Mark Gagnon]

His wife throws it. He's like, ump.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, we're having a kid, but I played 16 years collegiately. I think I'm swinging out a ball.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, he didn't want to foul out on his daughter's gender.

[Max Manikoff]

Bro, this is a record. You're down O2, bro. Gotta swing anything close. That's what we say.

[Mark Gagnon]

I mean, that's so funny.

[Max Manikoff]

Just to be like, Nah, that was inside.

[Mark Gagnon]

He's paying ump. He's paying me right now. He's paying the lines. You crazy? Oh, they tried to contaminate his diving suit with a fungus that would produce chronic debilitating skin disease.

[Max Manikoff]

He just came out brolic.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

God damn it. Who laced it with steroids?

[Mark Gagnon]

Testosterone all over my suit.

[Max Manikoff]

Why didn't that work?

[Mark Gagnon]

I don't know if the diving suit, as well as an infected breathing apparatus, was meant to be given to Castro by American lawyer James Donovan, who led hostage negotiations with the leader.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, I like how a dictator's just out there doing normal shit. That. That really. That makes me feel good.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, well, you can't be dictating all.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I'm a dictator, bro. But you're gonna tell me you guys don't like a little bit of pickleball?

[Mark Gagnon]

Like, you can't do 24 hours a day, seven days a week dictating. Yeah, you gotta chill. You gotta find time for you. Like, he probably has a therapist. It's like, hey, you need to make more Fidel time.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, there's one more spot on indoor hoops. You don't think I'm gonna take it?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

They're literally hooping in Greenpoint in a half an hour.

[Mark Gagnon]

They need me. Yeah, they need.

[Max Manikoff]

It's literally going to be a 7 on 8.

[Mark Gagnon]

They need a big man. Like, who. Like, what did. Like, what do you want me to do? Oh, this was a. This was a great one. Marita Lorenz was one of Castro's mistresses.

[Max Manikoff]

She tried to kill him.

[Mark Gagnon]

Lorenz told vanity fair in 1993 that while she was Castro's lover in the late 50s, she was recruited as a contract agent for the CIA tasked with assassinating the Cuban leader. She was given two toxin pills to drop in. Castro's.

[Max Manikoff]

Very funny. For her to speak to CIA, like, we're gonna need you to kill him. She's like, oh, you mean Tuesday? This is a Latino woman. I have a bigger knife.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, he's like, oh, that cheating son.

[Max Manikoff]

That's all you're giving me, bro, I have a machete.

[Mark Gagnon]

He doesn't have any time for me, okay? So I think we should take him out.

[Max Manikoff]

He was out last night till 9pm no text.

[Mark Gagnon]

I'm glad you called, actually, I'm. I was already thinking about this. Apparently, this is. This is what happens. She gives him the pills or she gets the pills. One would kill him in 30 seconds. But she gets cold feet. She says in the interview, I knew the minute that I saw the outline of Havana, I couldn't do it. She. She says even if she wanted to kill him, she botched the job. She stashed the pills in a cold cream jar that made them gunky and unusable. They melted. And so she goes in the bathroom and she's, like, going through the pills. Da, da, da, da. And according to her, this is what Fidel does. He leans over and pulls out his.45 and hands it to me. He didn't even flinch. And he said, you can kill. You can't kill me. Nobody can kill me. He kind of just smiled, chewed on a cigar. And she said, you're right. He just grabbed me. And then we made love tough.

[Max Manikoff]

That's gotta be the hardest she ever came. Yo, yo.

[Mark Gagnon]

God of it.

[Max Manikoff]

If she doesn't come from that dude, nothing's gonna work.

[Mark Gagnon]

You can't murder me.

[Max Manikoff]

Nothing's gonna.

[Mark Gagnon]

You can't, bro. But I can murder this.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

You know what I'm saying?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

There's a bunch of others. The poison.

[Max Manikoff]

You can't murder me, but I can make you bleed.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, there's a bunch of other crazy ones. Yeah. I mean, like, the.

[Max Manikoff]

To make sweet, beautiful love after that is so tough. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. She was Latina, bro. Like, to get that deep into an argument and be like, you know what? This could all be solved by fucking is tough.

[Mark Gagnon]

And it probably could. I mean, it worked. She lived, he lived. Castro ended up living his entire life, and I think just died of old age. Isn't that crazy?

[Max Manikoff]

That is absurd.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. He dies in 2016.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I know. He died kind of recently. Is that when we lifted the annex in Cuba?

[Mark Gagnon]

I don't know. I think they're still technically in a.

[Max Manikoff]

Bargain because people still go in there.

[Mark Gagnon]

You can go, I guess, but you got a visa. But, like, I don't think you can buy, like, Cuban cigars legally, I think. I think you gotta, like, go to Mexico, buy them from there, and then bring them over.

[Max Manikoff]

Interesting.

[Mark Gagnon]

So my dad does.

[Max Manikoff]

That's tough.

[Mark Gagnon]

They sell them in Europe and he just, like, scoops up a ton of, like. Like Cohibas.

[Max Manikoff]

But at that point, it doesn't feel Cuban.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, it still feels very Cuban. My dad is the most Cuban French Canadian.

[Max Manikoff]

He lives in Florida.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's.

[Max Manikoff]

He's assimilating, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

I didn't understand my father until I lived in South Florida for Salman.

[Max Manikoff]

All white, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Literally, like, I. My dad, my entire childhood would just, like. He would wake up. He worked a lot in Europe, but he would do calls when he was in Florida. Like, when he was in Florida, it was just all remote. So he would, like, wake up. He'd be on the phone at, like, six in the morning, just, like, talking French, scheduling assassinations. I thought he was in the CIA, to be honest with you. But he was, like, on the phone, 6am he would just be, like, walking around the pool in just, like, a muscle tank top and, like, short running shorts, listening to dance music in the background. He was, like, listening to, like, Cascade and Avicii just, like, blasting through the house. Six in the morning, and he's just walking around outside on the Bluetooth.

[Max Manikoff]

Very Ari Gold of him, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Like, he had, like, a chain. And then he would get done with the call and then just go work out outside in the yard. Yeah, in the sun.

[Max Manikoff]

Speak French.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, my goodness, it was amazing. And then he would just, like, have a glass of wine, be working out while he's drinking. Like, just like.

[Max Manikoff]

Sounds like you're trying to fuck your dad. You go, I'm telling you, man. Chisel glistening, right?

[Mark Gagnon]

He was just a beast.

[Max Manikoff]

You go, right amount of chest hair. I'm like, what are we talking?

[Mark Gagnon]

I didn't understand the guy until I moved to South Florida and lived there in 2020 for four or five months. And while I was down there, swear to God, at one point, I'm walking around the pool listening to dance music on the phone, and then I go work out in the sun. Same. I didn't even put routine. I didn't even put it together. My wife was like, are you doing your dad's workout? Yeah, you're doing Francois workout.

[Max Manikoff]

Yo, daddy's son. And then you. And then your wife goes, hey, Yu. Yo, daddy son.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's crazy. He died in 2016. There's a chance Fidel Castro listened to Lil Pump.

[Max Manikoff]

Is there?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. No, it's very possible he might have listened to, like, X. Like, you gotta think, like, what rappers were popping in 2016.

[Max Manikoff]

There's no way that guy listens to anything that wasn't Spanish music, maybe. Bad Bunny.

[Mark Gagnon]

Was he popping in 2016, though?

[Max Manikoff]

He was a guy already.

[Mark Gagnon]

He was doing his thing.

[Max Manikoff]

I don't know if he was like. He was actually. He was probably listening to who's a Daddy Yankee. Daddy. He for sure has been. Gasolina, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's crazy to think that Fidel was listening to Daddy Yankee. Oh, here's an assassination attempt that probably should have gone through Adolf Hitty. The old Hitler man. 1944. Yeah, they call him. Yeah. Basically, this is what happens, all right. There's. There's a bunch of assassination attempts made on Adolf Hitler. There's one, Operation Valkyrie. The plot cooked up by German resistance involved a briefcase filled with explosives to be planted next to Hitler in a meeting. It was foiled when the briefcase. When the briefcase was unwittingly moved by General Major Heinz Brandt, redirecting the blast and killing Brandt and three other men, none of whom were Adolf Hitler. All of those involved in the July 20 plan were executed, and Hitler only suffered a perforated eardrum as a result of the attack.

[Max Manikoff]

Very funny.

[Mark Gagnon]

Wild.

[Max Manikoff]

Now I can't listen to edm.

[Mark Gagnon]

Exactly. You can't listen.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, the beat doesn't even drop as hard anymore.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, no, if you're listening to a song with stereo, you're just like, damn.

[Max Manikoff]

It, dude, that's crazy. That's the only one.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, that's the only one. I think that, like, damaged them. There was a bunch of others that just, like, didn't work.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Foiled. I mean, kind of wild.

[Max Manikoff]

Also makes you realize I'm like, either the security for, like, obviously some of these, like, top political figures in the world's gotta be crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Because, like, you'll see them on street. You're like, oh, there's six people. There's also 19 guys with snipers on the block. Like, it's that.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, have you seen, like, the Secret Service guys that have the fake hands?

[Max Manikoff]

No.

[Mark Gagnon]

Search Secret Service agent. Fake hands. So this still goes on today. Like, I'm pretty sure America does, like, every country does it. You can see on the right. This ball. Dude, those hands.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. No, a hundred percent.

[Mark Gagnon]

So he's in a suit. I think his head is fake also.

[Max Manikoff]

Either that or he has arthritis.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Which is not who you want protecting. But he's got two guns underneath his coat that he's walking around with with these fake arms. That way, if any shit busts out, he's got his hand on the trigger already.

[Max Manikoff]

That's nuts.

[Mark Gagnon]

Crazy, right?

[Max Manikoff]

Also, if something does bust out, bro, that's a highlight reel. Like, that's going on espn. Like, the way he'd bust out of that jacket would be so tough.

[Mark Gagnon]

He'd look like Dr. Octopus.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Eight arms and maybe. Crazy. Yeah. That's how guys are still doing it to this day. Oh, that's. This is why I'm like, not fully on board with, like, time travel. Because if time travel was real, then there would have been way more assassination attempts on Hitler, right?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Like, there would have been thousands.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

They've been like, yeah, some guy flew to this art school, we just wouldn't know about him.

[Max Manikoff]

Like, there'd be a certain point where you're just like, history's change. The ripple effect.

[Mark Gagnon]

Right, Exactly.

[Max Manikoff]

The idea of, like, he's gone, that would be nut. Because we wouldn't know.

[Mark Gagnon]

They should make that movie. The time travel. Yeah, the time travel that goes back in time and then from Hitler's perspective, where it's just like people coming out of these, like, time portals trying to kill him his whole life.

[Max Manikoff]

He's like 12 years old who was stuck in interstellar. A nerd who was stuck in interstellar in history class.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh.

[Max Manikoff]

He's like, why aren't you guys bringing up Hitler?

[Mark Gagnon]

Everyone's like, what do you mean? Yeah, who's that?

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, you mean the painter.

[Mark Gagnon]

What's up, guys? We're gonna take a break really quick because I'm sitting here in my beautiful tent, as you can see, every week, day in, day out. And people always ask, they say, mark, how do I have a tent like that? I want to sit in a beautiful tent and invite a lover, a friend, you know, someone that I appreciate and adore. I want to give them a good time inside my tent. Well, it's easy. Thanks to the good folks [e-mail]. that's right. Bluechew is the original OG brand offering chewable tablets. And what do these tablets do? Oh, I'm glad you asked. They are gonna give you the just a stronger, harder and longer lasting sexual performance. That's right. They're gonna help you pitch a tent. Any place, anywhere. And the best part, it's all done online. That means you don't have to go to a doctor's office and, you know, talk to them, be like, oh, you know, I'm feeling some type of way. Look, this is not for people that are, you know, lacking necessarily. This is for people that want to have the best experience of their life. Whether it's Valentine's Day. Birthday, a funeral, who knows? Whenever you need it. You never know when you could use bluechew. And we have a special deal for the listeners of this program. That's right. Try your first month of bluechew. For free. That's right. Completely free. Mark, is it gonna work for me? Is this. Hey, it's free. Why not just try it? Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring this podcast. All right, now let's get after it, and let's get back to the show. But. Yeah, dude, this 42 attempts. This one perforated his eardrum, which is actually kind of funny. The thing about Hitler, like, being hard of hearing, no one ever talks about.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, well, that's how he screamed.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, Everyone.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Like, bring it down a little.

[Max Manikoff]

He's angry. No, bro, he just can't hear a lot of yelling.

[Mark Gagnon]

He's like, huh? What?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I can't.

[Mark Gagnon]

What'd you say? It was just a lot. Oh, how about this one? This one is on Charles de Gaulle.

[Max Manikoff]

The Hitler one still blows my mind, because that feels so, like, primitive, the idea of, like, we're gonna leave this bomb here when he walks in. Bro, what are you talking about?

[Mark Gagnon]

That's not a bad idea.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, who put the bomb? Did they say?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, I mean, some. Some random German resistance guy.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, okay.

[Mark Gagnon]

His name's Oberst Klaus von Stauffenberg.

[Max Manikoff]

There you go.

[Mark Gagnon]

Seems like a fake German Gobert. Klaus von Stauffenberg.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

But, yeah, he put it down. It's not the worst idea if it worked. I mean, it killed some other people, you know? I mean, has it. I mean, it killed the three guys that took the briefcase away, so had it just stayed right there, it would have worked.

[Max Manikoff]

I guess the thing, like, about stuff like that, like I said, it's like, if I'm that big of a. Like a political figure and, you know, there's assassination attempts coming. Anything that's in my room that I didn't put there, you know what I mean? Like, you ever. I've done this before where it's like, I had a roommate one time. Like, this is years ago, and I just. I knew they were, like, going to my room, like, grabbing, like, dumb, but they were just, like, going to my room. So one day, like, I left, and I just took a picture, and I came back, and I was like, well, that's out of place, and that's out of place, and that's out of place.

[Mark Gagnon]

I mean, one. One way you can test this Is.

[Max Manikoff]

The thing on the door?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. You put, like, some coins on the door?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Or like, I mean, you could put tape on the door, but that might be hard to close the door.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Also, the person can see the tape.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, if you put on, like, the outside, like, around the corner, and I mean, like, just a white piece of tape, and then someone opens it, but knowing my luck, it wouldn't rip. It would just, like, peel off. But then you would see it, because if it closes, it wouldn't stick.

[Max Manikoff]

It puts back on.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Just perfect.

[Max Manikoff]

All your things are gone. You're like, what the fuck?

[Mark Gagnon]

No tape. Is it some time traveling through my window? Yeah. No, I think you just put, like, a little clear tape on the corner, double secure it, and then maybe even perforate it a little bit.

[Max Manikoff]

You're seeing Those videos on TikTok about people being like, you have to check all the things in a hotel room, and people will do, like, things, like, around, like, the doorknob. They check, like, the black lights, the outlets, the bot. Like, it's.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, because they don't want, like, the video camera in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

But it's, like, weird, though.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

It's a lot, like, at some point to be like. Like, what are they gonna find?

[Mark Gagnon]

That's my question. What are you doing in this hotel room?

[Max Manikoff]

What are you doing in the hotel room that you feel like you need to check everything?

[Mark Gagnon]

Just go to sleep, bro. Yeah, right. Like, okay. What, they get you naked?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Beat off under the sheets.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Like, under a tent. Like, you're reading everything else.

[Max Manikoff]

You should be fine. Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

You're reading a book with a flashlight. In the 90s, I generally think that.

[Max Manikoff]

The only thing I'd be like, yeah, I don't want to be caught just, like, beating my meat on a hotel bed. But it's like, just go under the sheets if you're asking.

[Mark Gagnon]

But at the same time, that's also what hotels are for.

[Max Manikoff]

But just jerking off. Oh, yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Don't.

[Max Manikoff]

Don't. I have a rule, bro. Don't touch the curtains.

[Mark Gagnon]

Wait, what happens on the curtains?

[Max Manikoff]

Hey, they don't change those.

[Mark Gagnon]

What are you doing on the curtains?

[Max Manikoff]

What am I doing? What are other people doing, bro? It's the one thing in the room that's not change furniture. The bed, the sheets are changed.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, you know, they don't change, like, the throw pillows.

[Max Manikoff]

They change the sheet.

[Mark Gagnon]

The pillowcases, not on the throw pillows.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, like a throat. Yeah. But, like, bro, if you're sleeping with.

[Mark Gagnon]

A throw pillow, but you Got to throw all that. If you're worried about the curtains, you gotta be more worried about the throw pillow because that could have been used as a. As like a hip adjuster.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Underneath the ass.

[Mark Gagnon]

Who knows? Sweat on it because you're like, oh, I'm not gonna sleep with this pillow, so I'll just put my ass on it.

[Max Manikoff]

You don't think they throw that in the wash?

[Mark Gagnon]

I don't think so. I'm almost positive. I mean, I'm not sure I should have a. Like a hotel helper.

[Max Manikoff]

Here's the thing is, we don't know, but the curtain for sure is not being changed.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, I mean, that's for sure. But also I think the curtain's gonna have less. It's gonna have less human touch. My guess, you think who's getting freaky with the curtain?

[Max Manikoff]

Here's the thing is I think if you beat your meat, the first thing you do after is open the curtains.

[Mark Gagnon]

But I'm cool. If you beat your meat, wash your hands off, even towel or something.

[Max Manikoff]

What if you didn't?

[Mark Gagnon]

Okay. There's a little leftover on the side.

[Max Manikoff]

A little.

[Mark Gagnon]

I'm not as worried about the car. Yeah, I'm just gonna.

[Max Manikoff]

Just a little would be your third nut of the day.

[Mark Gagnon]

I grabbed from the very.

[Max Manikoff]

You get a guy fresh one nut.

[Mark Gagnon]

Maybe it's a different story.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Mark Gagnon]

Here's another interesting failed bomb detonation story. George W. Bush, 2005.

[Max Manikoff]

J. Boogie.

[Mark Gagnon]

There's this guy waiting for United States. United States President George W. Bush and the Georgian President to speak at Belisi in Georgia, the country, not the state. When Bush began speaking, he threw a Soviet made grenade wrapped in a red handkerchief toward the podium where Bush was addressing the crowd. The grenade landered 60ft from the podium near where the President of Georgia was sitting with his wife and other officials. The grenade failed to detonate. Although original reports indicated the grenade was not live, it was later revealed that it was. After the guy pulls the pin and throws a grenade. It hit a girl in the head. Cushioning its impact. The red handkerchief remained, remained wrapped around the grenade, and it prevented the striker lever from releasing and killing the first lady Laura Bush, the Georgian president and anyone else around. Because it never detonated, the Georgian security security officer quickly removed the grenade and the President of Georgia disappeared. The guy says that he threw the grenade towards the head so that shrapnel would fly behind the bulletproof glass. Neither of them learned of the incident until after the rally.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, great throw.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, I don't know how far he threw it? That's a good question. Like, we got to see, like, how far was that? I mean, also very funny.

[Max Manikoff]

Like. Yeah, I meant to hit her head.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. He doesn't want to get called soft, you know?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

He's like, no, I. I tried.

[Max Manikoff]

That's what I was aiming for.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, I tried.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Come on. You know me, man.

[Mark Gagnon]

I hate that girl. Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Headshots only.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's my ex. Yeah. I don't. Oh, the President was there. I didn't even notice. President? Nah. Who gives a. I was going for that girl.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Speaking of women, remember when I said that there were some women that were would be Assassins? Gerald Ford, 1975, had two assassination attempts. In short order, General Ford succeeds President Nixon after he resigns in 74. He was attacked twice within two weeks. In 1975. The first time, Charles Manson's cult follower Lynette Fromme, aka Squeaky, tried to shoot Ford, who was visiting Sacramento on September 5th. In order to gain approval of the imprisoned Charles Manson. She was thwarted from firing a shot by Secret Service agents. She was imprisoned and released in 2009.

[Max Manikoff]

Release is crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Is she still out there? Can you search Lynette Fromm today? I mean, that's wild that she's still out there.

[Max Manikoff]

She's the CEO of Pfizer.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Imagine like, bro, this girl really turned her life around. That's amazing. Wow. She's still alive.

[Max Manikoff]

She needs new headshots. It looks like she's doing stand up to the right.

[Mark Gagnon]

She's at the Funny Bone. That's crazy. Yeah, she's on tour.

[Max Manikoff]

Virginia Beach.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's wild.

[Max Manikoff]

I think that was her demo.

[Mark Gagnon]

She was relapsed. She was released on parole on August 2019, moved to New York, where she and her boyfriend live in a house that is decorated with skulls. In a 2019 interview, she said the following about Manson. Was I in love with him? Yes. I still am, bro. She might be listening.

[Max Manikoff]

I found my husband.

[Mark Gagnon]

She might be listening to this pod, man.

[Max Manikoff]

You're her husband.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, but you gotta recognize game. Manson's already dead. You're like, yeah, who cares? That's her old thing.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, but that's a crazy guy. Charles Manson legitimately, like, I. I'm believe this top five, like, scariest looking people in the world.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In his trial where he's just like. Just by, like, who am I? Yeah, just to like, I'm the wind.

[Max Manikoff]

Yes, bro. Scary, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Charles Manson is like a terrifying looking dude.

[Mark Gagnon]

Did you see the Netflix Doc. No, there's a new Netflix doc about Tom O'Neill's book called Chaos that basically ties the link between Charles manson and the CIA's MK Ultra experiments that they were conducting in San Francisco in the late 60s. Yeah, and allegedly he was used as a tool, some type of agent of MK Ultra and the CIA to discredit the hippie movement and the anti war sentiment that went along with it.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I don't suppose no one with that haircut either.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's my hair, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

No, bro, you got longer hair. Like, here's the thing is, if you get in fresh cuts to the shoulder as a man, that's crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, you got bangs. You get. You're getting bangs put on like, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, just to the shoulder, bro. What? You're not far off out of my shop.

[Mark Gagnon]

You gotta chill. You gotta chill right now. You're not four.

[Max Manikoff]

This is is crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

You're not far.

[Max Manikoff]

I'm very far.

[Mark Gagnon]

Are you still a shortstop? Why is your hair like this?

[Max Manikoff]

Softball season is next month.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, gotta be careful. You gotta be careful. There might be a bomb. One of those softballs. So that happens on September 5th. All right. Gerald Ford hears about this, he's pretty freaked out. Whoa. Charles Manson tried to get me killed. September 22nd, he's targeted again by a woman named Sarah Jane Moore, a mentally unstable woman radicalized in San Francisco, who fired the gun, but her aim was thrown off by a veteran. Moore was held in the same West Virginia prison as Squeaky from the woman from before.

[Max Manikoff]

Did they both fuck Manson, is what I'm wondering.

[Mark Gagnon]

I don't think Sarah Jane Moore did well.

[Max Manikoff]

If you got two girls, two women trying to kill a dude, bro, the game. Tough.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, he definitely did well. The woman that killed Sharon tate in the LaBianca murders, like the one murder, the murders that actually put Manson, like, into public infamy. He convinced these women, and also one crazy guy guy to go and kill, like one of the most famous actresses at the time. And then just some random family crazy he convinced him to do it crazy. And how did he learn how to do it?

[Max Manikoff]

Viagra?

[Mark Gagnon]

No, I don't know if it was confirmed. I don't know. I don't know. He might have just been.

[Max Manikoff]

You think he was. You think. You think it was raw dog bitches that.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, he might have been. I might.

[Max Manikoff]

I mean, where they want to kill somebody.

[Mark Gagnon]

I think he was having sex with them.

[Max Manikoff]

It's got to be a 45 minute pipe session, minimum. Yeah, at least 3, 4 comes, plus LSD, plus LS that's the thing.

[Mark Gagnon]

So he was dosing all of them?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. You feed a a sandwich and her on lsd, Things are different, man.

[Mark Gagnon]

Dude, bacon, lsd, tomato.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. You got a BLT from Subway.

[Mark Gagnon]

You got the Manson vlt. You might do some crazy Herbs and cheese. I'm telling you, bro, you might do some crazy different.

[Max Manikoff]

Don't. Chipotle mayo. Because this might come before she. Before she even gets to the assassination. It's.

[Mark Gagnon]

That happened to Gerald Ford. Two attempts back to back. I mean, that's crazy. Back to.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, that's very. That's a lot recent.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's a lot. Oh, Richard Nixon. This is wild. The Watergate scandal is heating up on Nixon and he's facing another problem. An assassination attempt. February 17, 1974. Samuel Bike. B, Y, C, K Bike. I think it's like how like a hood dude from the south says back.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, this sounds really close to the K1.

[Mark Gagnon]

Okay. Also that. Geez. I mean. Yeah. Wait, which one?

[Max Manikoff]

Huh?

[Mark Gagnon]

All right, this guy, Samuel Bike, he's an out of work tire salesman who blamed Richard Nixon for all of his problems. He tries to hijack a jet from Baltimore International Airport and fly it into the White House. Byte got on the plane after shooting a guard at the checkpoint. The pilot and co pilot tried stalling the desperate Beck, who shot multiple times, killing the co pilot. Police outside the cockpit unleashed a barrage of shots that wounded Beck. Then he killed himself. Whoa.

[Max Manikoff]

Wild.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's crazy also.

[Max Manikoff]

Why not?

[Mark Gagnon]

What do you mean?

[Max Manikoff]

If you're already like, lit up and you still got the gun in your hand, don't fight back.

[Mark Gagnon]

I don't know. It's like, end it all. These guys are so gay with that, though. Like, I think about Hitler the same way. I'm like, look, Hitler's a terrible guy. He's obviously an evil tyrant. Okay? But at the very end, when everything was coming down, he killed himself.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, but that's. That's kind of fun in a sense. It's like, for example, imagine you made a movie and you're like, I want to piss people off at the end.

[Mark Gagnon]

No justice.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, let's just. Let's just finish this thing off. Out of nowhere.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Just.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. You're like, yo, is that the ending? Is there a part two? They go, he just. He wild out, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, that was it. I don't. I'm like, dude, hour and a half.

[Max Manikoff]

Into the movie, I'd be tight.

[Mark Gagnon]

You're doing all this. You're like, dude, I'm gonna kill the President. He's the reason for all my problems. And then you don't even follow through. There's no follow through. You just. I mean that's whack as hell.

[Max Manikoff]

I mean a sale car salesman, man. Doesn't look like a guy who like, you know, did he want much like what were the dreams to be? Like he didn't follow through. It's like, I'm pretty sure car salesman wasn't the dream job either.

[Mark Gagnon]

How bad is it being a car salesman? Because I look at that, I'm like, it depends.

[Max Manikoff]

You work at Major World?

[Mark Gagnon]

What's that?

[Max Manikoff]

I don't know.

[Mark Gagnon]

What is Major World?

[Max Manikoff]

There's just commercials for it.

[Mark Gagnon]

I've never seen him.

[Max Manikoff]

The largest used pre owned dealership in Queens. Oh, shameless. Plug.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Are you on the payroll of Major World? What the hell? I mean I didn't know you're such a die hard Major World guy. That's wild. Tell me more. How long have you been working with these guys?

[Max Manikoff]

Not long at all, man.

[Mark Gagnon]

They should sponsor this podcast, Major World.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, after that we should just send them that clip.

[Mark Gagnon]

Dude, those commercials like we would get some in, in Florida.

[Max Manikoff]

I've never seen those commercials. Major World.

[Mark Gagnon]

No, I grew up in Florida. We had our own different crazy. The one that we had in Florida was Scratch and Dent World.

[Max Manikoff]

I mean you don't go there.

[Mark Gagnon]

Can you search Scratch and Dent World commercial?

[Max Manikoff]

That sounds like carpenters.

[Mark Gagnon]

These were the all time greatest guys ever.

[Max Manikoff]

Scratch and Dent.

[Mark Gagnon]

Scratch and Dent World. It was the name which I'm gonna name my two kids Scratch and Dent. But this was a. Yeah, this down in Kissimmee Florida. Scratch and Dent World. Ready? Oh, I'm gonna need you to put the volume up because these guys are amazing. This was for like used home products. So like here we go. I'm Lee Whirlpool and Kitchenator liquidating 9.

[Max Manikoff]

000 brand new scratch and den appliances at the loop next to Lowe's.

[Mark Gagnon]

Just 14 days. Scratch and DIT refrigerators up to 70% off scratch and DIT ranges and dishwashers up to 70%.

[Max Manikoff]

Whose wife is that?

[Mark Gagnon]

I don't know. She's got a knee brace and shit. I mean like what's going on with the knee brace?

[Max Manikoff]

Like walk down the aisle.

[Mark Gagnon]

She's like, I can't hold on. Gabe. Go back and search Scratch and Dent World commercial. Asian guy. This was the most all time greatest dude. Oh yes. This guy, this guy. These white out of box pieces are perfect but the price. Out of box, 1482. I mean this guy's the man, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, bro. Yo, quicker cuts, you know, like, it's about tension.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, but, bro, look, look.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, but like.

[Mark Gagnon]

But we waited.

[Max Manikoff]

We waited mad long for that, dude.

[Mark Gagnon]

His catchphrase. Keep going. His catchphrase was unbelievable. Could ever conceive of having a stainless steel fridge. Today is your day.

[Max Manikoff]

Half price. That was 414 days.

[Mark Gagnon]

Half price. Half price. If you didn't buy appliance direct, you pay too much. That was the whole commercial.

[Max Manikoff]

That's great.

[Mark Gagnon]

I would wake up after being on the couch at three in the morning in Florida, and this would be on tv.

[Max Manikoff]

They give that guy his lines three weeks before he showed up. Bro. The fact that he spoke seven words and it was six cuts. Like, we work at this. Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

If you didn't buy the other line.

[Max Manikoff]

Was a different angle.

[Mark Gagnon]

If you didn't buy direct, you pay too much. Okay. Yeah. If you pay too much, line. I mean, that's unreal. Yeah. So these guys, like, if this guy wanted to kill Nixon, I'd be like, let's look at what Nixon did. Because I have these guys back 100.

[Max Manikoff]

They wanted to kill Nixon.

[Mark Gagnon]

The scratch and dent world guy, the appliance direct guy. Dude, I love the appliance direct guy. I, I didn't. I thought this was global. I thought everyone knew that.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, I do want to say this. We were talking about car dealerships, and then you were like, bro, but you got to see these fridges in Florida.

[Mark Gagnon]

It's the same vibe. It's. The energy is the same. Because if you didn't buy direct.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Your kids fit in both.

[Mark Gagnon]

That is true. That is true. All right, let's. Let's. Let's do another one, shall we? Benito Mussolini. You ever heard of him?

[Max Manikoff]

Nice.

[Mark Gagnon]

You've heard of him, right?

[Max Manikoff]

Of course.

[Mark Gagnon]

What was it? What was he famous for?

[Max Manikoff]

Bad things.

[Mark Gagnon]

Good answer. Dude. Are you media trained? That was very good. Benito Mussolini has had a couple crazy attempts. All right. April 1926. April 1926. Mussolini had just finished giving a speech at the Conference of Surgeons in Rome. He's walking through the Piazza del Campendoglio, a square at the top of Italian city's Capitoline Hill, when Violet Gibson, a small, disheveled looking woman, raised a gun and fired at him at point blank range. Two chance events presented Gibson from succeeding. First, Mussolini happened to turn his head to look at a group of nearby students who were singing a song in his honor. This caused the bullet to graze the bridge of his nose rather than hit him square in the Face. Second.

[Max Manikoff]

Very trump.

[Mark Gagnon]

Crazy, right?

[Max Manikoff]

Very true. That's crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Gibson fired another bullet. She had already been dragged to. She fired another bullet. It lodged in her pistol, misfired. By that point she had been dragged to the ground by a mob. She was deported to England where doctors had and declared her insane.

[Max Manikoff]

Also smart. Fun.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, crazy though. In the popular Napoleon Cafe, anarchist Gino Lucetti, he was was wounded in the neck by a shot from a pistol. Following an exchange of shots with a fascist, Alessandro Perfetti, who was shot in the ear. He went to the ground near Montignoso, unable to find a doctor, prepared to remove the bullet. After a few days, Lucetti was smuggled aboard a ship for France where he was finally given treatment. There, Lucetti attempted to assassinate Mussolini and then it was going to make him famous also.

[Max Manikoff]

These names too. Italian, bro. Like get, like.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, there's a, there's a. Yeah, probably too many Italian names. That's one of my biggest issues with Italy. A lot of Italians same. A lot of Italians over there. He stood around near the Porta Pia waiting for Mussolini to pass by. When the famous Lancia carrying Benito Mussolini drew near, Lucetti hurled a bomb into the side which smashed through the windscreen, but it failed to explode, bouncing onto the the running board and only exploded when it was some meters away from the pavement. In the ensuing confusion, he sheltered in the doorway of a nearby store and the guards caught up to him, punching and kicking him. They found him in possession of a second bomb. He was sentenced to 30 years in prison. Crazy. A bomb off the windshield. I mean, that's a tough look.

[Max Manikoff]

Also, if you don't have windshields that like a bottle can't go through, get a different car. Yeah, yeah, like that's smart.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, if you're driving around like the leader of a country.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. This should be bulletproof glass.

[Mark Gagnon]

Probably reinforce them a little bit, you.

[Max Manikoff]

Know, I should be in a safe.

[Mark Gagnon]

Probably smart. Oh, how about this one? Andrew Carnegie, you ever heard of him? This is in 1982, okay, there's this guy, Henry Clay Frick, he's second into command. He's second in command to Andrew Carnegie at Carnegie Steel. Frick hated unions like all the Gilded Age capitalists hated unions. But Frick truly despised them. In 1892, his workers went on strike to protest a drastic wage cut. To prepare for the strike, Frick constructed a four mile long wooden stockade around the entire factory, topped with barbed wire and fitted with rifle holes. When the strikers refused to disperse, he sent 300 armed guards who floated on barges. In the midst of the strike, a young anarchist named Alexander Berkman attempted to assassinate Frick. But his aim was poor and he missed. Carnegie's deputy was wounded and Berkman's served 14 years in prison. I mean, that's crazy that this guy, while there's a union strike, sends 300 armed guards, like, go attack him. That's wild.

[Max Manikoff]

I mean, why not?

[Mark Gagnon]

You have all the money in the world.

[Max Manikoff]

Safety of the city. You saw what that guy tried to do to me?

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Oh, this one is. This one's wild dude. Edward Longshanks. You ever heard of this guy?

[Max Manikoff]

No.

[Mark Gagnon]

He was a former King of England.

[Max Manikoff]

Longshanks. That guy's gotta try.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah. He's a tall dude. Here's an interesting thing that happened to Edward Longshanks on his trip to the Holy Land before being able to head back home and start his new career as the famous King Edward the First. There's a mastermind behind this assassination attempt to be a local Mal Mamluk commander. And basically, here's what happens. Around 1270. There's a situation in the Middle east, all right? Jerusalem had been reconquered by the Muslims in 1244, and Acre was now the center of the Old Kingdom of Jerusalem. The Muslim states were on the offensive under the Mamluk leadership of Baybars, and they were threatening Acre. Edward's men were an important addition to the garrison, but they stood little chance against Baybar's superior forces and initial raid at nearby St. George's okay, June 1272. In the Crusader city of Acre, the English Prince Edward and his wife Eleanor were asleep when a spy came asking to meet with Edward Longshanks. The spy had been a Muslim who converted to Christianity who had been serving the prince soon after his arrival to the Holy Land. Edward gets out of bed wearing just his underwear and had the spy brought to see him. According to the account of the Templar of Tyre, which happened next was the Saracen met him and stabbed him in the arm with a dagger, making a deep, dangerous wound. Lord Edward felt himself struck and he struck him with a blow of his fist on the temple, which knocked him senseless to the ground for a minute.

[Max Manikoff]

Enough.

[Mark Gagnon]

Then Lord Edward caught up, caught up a dagger from the table which was in the chamber and stabbed him in the head and killed him. The prince was not yet out of danger, for according to most sources, the assassin's dagger had been covered in poison.

[Max Manikoff]

One punch.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Sign that guy for NHL.

[Mark Gagnon]

What? Weight classes.

[Max Manikoff]

He put that guy on Ice.

[Mark Gagnon]

As the alarm was raised throughout Acre, officials and doctors came running to help. What happened next depends on which chronicle you read. One version explains that it was Edward's wife, Eleanor, who saved him by sucking the poison out with her mouth from where might have been his dick.

[Max Manikoff]

His orphan.

[Mark Gagnon]

Another account says that an English surgeon was called to operate on Edward, and he proceeded.

[Max Manikoff]

He's only stabbed in the arm now.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, he. So the surgeon came and cut away the infl. The infected flesh around the wound. In this story, Eleanor starts to cry, prompting the surgeon to get annoyed and asked that she be taken away, since it was better that she would weep now rather than have all of England do it later. What Edward thought of all this has gone unrecorded, and it took several months for Edward to recover. Once he did, he quickly boarded a ship and returned to England.

[Max Manikoff]

Imagine he's in there. They, like. They never released it, but for real, he was like, bro, she's annoying, bro. They're like, are you sure you wanted to? He's like, yo, don't put this out, but, bro, that got me tight.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, it's just, yo, let me die.

[Max Manikoff]

Yo, let me die.

[Mark Gagnon]

Which story do you like better? She sucked the poison out or that she was crying uncontrollably? And he was like, yo, shut up. Up.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, I like that.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, you like that one better.

[Max Manikoff]

That one's funny. Your wife cares. And he's like, yo, enough.

[Mark Gagnon]

I mean, it is. It is annoying. If you're a surgeon trying to do surgery, you're like, all right, we don't need all. We don't need all this, you know?

[Max Manikoff]

Also, he's like a king. So they're for sure just doing it, like, in his living room.

[Mark Gagnon]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Max Manikoff]

Why does every assassination attempt, it's. Why is it always like a. A single firearm?

[Mark Gagnon]

I mean, what else are you gonna use?

[Max Manikoff]

No, but, like, a single shot firearm.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

I mean, yeah, like, there's like Glocks that are just like. Like, just, hey, try seven of them. Your arm is gonna swing up, you go, aim at the feet, bro. I'm telling you, one's gonna crack.

[Mark Gagnon]

That is a decent point, to be honest with you. I mean, there's this one of Ronald Reagan. Basically the same thing. There's a guy that this guy, John Hinckley Jr. Became obsessed with, the 1976 film Taxi Driver, which starred Robert De Niro. In the film, he's this, like, fucked up antihero that wants to assassinate presidential candidates. And Jodie Foster's also in the Movie as, like, a child prostitute. Hinckley becomes so obsessed with Foster that he moved to New Haven, Connecticut, after finding that she was attending Yale University there and even enrolled in a writing class on campus so he could be close to her. His attempts to make contact were unsuccessful, and Hinckley began to grow agitated that she wasn't noticing him. So he came up with a plan to get her attention. Assassinate the President. He originally intended to murder Jimmy Carter, but was arrested in Nashville for unlawful possession of a firearm before he could make any attempts on his life. It wasn't until 1981 Ronald Reagan takes office that he carries out his plan. He approaches Reagan outside the Hilton Hotel in D.C. fires six shots at him.

[Max Manikoff]

Nice. It's a good amount.

[Mark Gagnon]

None hit Reagan directly, but one bullet did ricochet off of the presidential limousine to hit Reagan in the chest, puncturing his lung and causing serious internal bleeding. Thanks to prompt medical attention, he survived.

[Max Manikoff]

It's very funny. That's like a dude you're at the park with who, like, takes a jump shot, and he's like, I called bank.

[Mark Gagnon]

You bank shot bank, bro. The craziest thing.

[Max Manikoff]

You got the shot, but we're not giving you credit.

[Mark Gagnon]

Apparently, he's, like, goofing around. Reagan gets shot. He's just, like, goofing the whole time. Like, he's getting taken in to get surgery done on him, and the surgeon's about to cut in, and Reagan just looks at him and goes, I hope you all are Republicans.

[Max Manikoff]

That's very funny.

[Mark Gagnon]

And then the surgeon looks at him and goes, sir, today we're all Republicans.

[Max Manikoff]

Nice. What a thing to say. Bonus, right? Yeah, yeah. That's also very funny to be like, I'm with y'all, bro. I'm literally. I'm good, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yo, y'all thought I'm not him, y'all. Oh.

[Max Manikoff]

I'm good. I mean, chilling.

[Mark Gagnon]

There's so many other failed assassination attempts, probably too many to count also, which is crazy.

[Max Manikoff]

Like, you would assume, like, anyone. Like, you go after a random guy. Hey, you can fail.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

If you're gonna go after a political figure, get a guy. Get, like, a guy who knows what he's doing. No, like, you're not gonna get a. An amateur. Like, the guy. Like, the Trump felt like an amateur.

[Mark Gagnon]

I mean, like, yes, but no. You know what I mean? See, there you go. That's your perfect example. During the Trump thing, this guy had a perfect long range, you know, rifle.

[Max Manikoff]

Supposedly, like, great aim and everything.

[Mark Gagnon]

Not that far away misses. So it's like, yeah, you can have all the weapons you want. I honestly think that the people that do this are either A, crazy.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

B, mind controlled by the CIA or C, set up by like some other foreign government or something. But who are you going to set up to go kill a guy? And you are going to be. You're not going to kill the President to get away with it. You're going to kill the president or whatever leader there is, and then you're going to be killed immediately. You're going to be put in prison for the rest of your life. You're going to, you know, your life is going to suck. You might get given the death penalty. So you got to find someone that's willing to throw it all away.

[Max Manikoff]

I think that's also what's crazy about the idea of cash.

[Mark Gagnon]

What do you mean?

[Max Manikoff]

They'll never get rid of cash. Like, we'll never get rid of like a physical currency. Like, it doesn't matter, like, how online things get. It's like, that's how you, you commit crimes. You commit crimes through, like a cash, like, transaction.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Like the idea of being like, yo, what's your. Zell is. I mean, like, bro, what are you talking.

[Mark Gagnon]

You can't sell on a Saturday, yo.

[Max Manikoff]

So I'm, I'm not on Zell. But you could cash at me. Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

You don't want to deal with anything.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Get that guy cash. Put it under his mattress. It's that. It's like the idea that someone could just truckload of cash and be like, that's untraceable.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, that's true. But I do feel like these guys get into that position and they get nervous, of course, and they're like, oh, this is crazy. Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

That never has a wife.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

He's got other things on his mind.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, yeah. Girl from last week.

[Max Manikoff]

Because if I do this, I'm never gonna get a. If I kill Trump, I'm never gonna get.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. So that's on his mind. No family, just thinking about other women. And then on top of that, you get nervous and then. Yeah, you. There's a way more. I feel like there's way more. Way more failed than successful.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. But like, you got. I mean, for example, the thing with the Trump thing is, is. Is genuinely like insane. Like, I looked into it. I remember when it first happened, I was like, that's crazy. Like, every aspect of it is nuts. Like, it wasn't that far.

[Mark Gagnon]

It was like he had a range finder. Before that, he was like walking around the grounds like, scoping things out.

[Max Manikoff]

Crazy. That's why, like, it's. It's kind of sucks.

[Mark Gagnon]

Apparently the building he was on top of was the Secret Service, like, hideout. Like, basically, like, their headquarters, where they.

[Max Manikoff]

Were, like, the calls coming from inside the house. Bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Bro. On top of the house.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Like, it's literally coming from on top of the house.

[Mark Gagnon]

Just, like, with a broom. Just, like, it's very funny for a.

[Max Manikoff]

Guy to be like, yo, stop.

[Mark Gagnon]

We're trying to do Secret Service noise, bro. It's the Secret Service for a reason. We're trying to be secret. Can you be quiet?

[Max Manikoff]

Y'all are mad loud. Y'all literally argue all the time. It's just like a Spanish couple upstairs. Like, why'd y'all rent that out, bro? You know it is, man. We just have Matt, empty apartment.

[Mark Gagnon]

But. Yeah, that one's a little.

[Max Manikoff]

Rent's getting expensive, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

That one's wild. I don't know. It seems. It seems very scary.

[Max Manikoff]

That one's crazy. That one's absurd.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Which one's the funniest, too? The ones that we went through today. Which one sticks out in your mind if you had a recap?

[Max Manikoff]

The sweater one, man. Because that's a real. Like, all of them were kind of failed attempts. That one's, like, the closest.

[Mark Gagnon]

Wait, which one?

[Max Manikoff]

The sweater. The guy with 19 sweaters on. That's just a funny day.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

You call me on a cold day.

[Mark Gagnon]

It was bad brick.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Nothing to do with his ability to defend himself. Like, he. He was. Was toast.

[Mark Gagnon]

He just had four north faces on.

[Max Manikoff]

You just with Lululemon, you don't know the brand. He goes, this not even out yet. Y'all gonna see, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yo, I bet you those jackets went so crazy. Of course, like, after that happened, just line out the block like StockX. The thousand of Koreans just lined up.

[Max Manikoff]

The stabbed sweaters.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. You know, if you put, like, a little. A little stitching on it. Embroidery, kind of a little patch.

[Max Manikoff]

Now, you gotta. Honestly not.

[Mark Gagnon]

Wait, what?

[Max Manikoff]

You gotta leave the cut open. That's kind of what makes it vintage.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, but then it's kind of like the Drake bullet hole shirt. Shirt in Australia. You saw that?

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, but if those are obviously fake bullet holes.

[Mark Gagnon]

Wait, they are. I thought this guy survived something.

[Max Manikoff]

Imagine he. He paid a guy. He's like, yo, you get shot in that? He's like, I feel like there's another way to make this shirt.

[Mark Gagnon]

He's like, no, no, we need to be authentic, bro.

[Max Manikoff]

Just trust.

[Mark Gagnon]

I'm an artist.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, yeah, trust, bro. We have we have bulletproof vests?

[Mark Gagnon]

You ever seen the videos of the dudes that. There was one YouTuber that tried to like prove like, how good like a bulletproof, like, vest was or something and he died. And he died. Yeah, bro. Come on.

[Max Manikoff]

Absurd.

[Mark Gagnon]

Well, Max, I feel like we got to the bottom of the worst assassination. Simpson.

[Max Manikoff]

We solved them. Here's the thing is some people were like, oh, we're just going to hear about. I think we've debunked everything today.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah. Your. Your original point of they didn't do it, I think doesn't hold up. I think a lot of them did do it.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

I think you've been proven wrong.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah. But you know what I mean, we also did read the ones that are 100 years ago.

[Mark Gagnon]

It was biased.

[Max Manikoff]

The ones that are like, for example, like modern day assassination attempts that fail are crazy. Crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

The. The Georgia one with George W. Bush where he threw the grenade.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah.

[Mark Gagnon]

Explode.

[Max Manikoff]

No, that's crazy.

[Mark Gagnon]

But it might just be a crazy guy.

[Max Manikoff]

When was that? 2001.

[Mark Gagnon]

2005.

[Max Manikoff]

Five. Huh? Before the recession.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, well, before. Yeah.

[Max Manikoff]

Three years. Yeah. This is before we even knew who Obama was. Right?

[Mark Gagnon]

Right. He was barely talking to the dnc.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, man. This is when he was just hooping. Yeah, I know when things were good, dude.

[Mark Gagnon]

I want to see his Huddle account. I want to see his high school stats.

[Max Manikoff]

Honestly. Can't be good.

[Mark Gagnon]

I bet she was balling up.

[Max Manikoff]

No, he would have made the league, bro. He would have played. He didn't play college, but I bet.

[Mark Gagnon]

You had a choice, huh? He had a choice. They were already getting him ready. I was gonna go.

[Max Manikoff]

I tell people all the time I was gonna go. Me, man. If I wanted it, I could have had it.

[Mark Gagnon]

That's exactly. That's what. That's what Barry O. Would say.

[Max Manikoff]

That's why I still play rec sports. It's not because I never made it. It's because I was like, I'd rather chill.

[Mark Gagnon]

Yeah, exactly.

[Max Manikoff]

Oh, yeah. Enjoy your 6am workout. Goofy, silly dummy.

[Mark Gagnon]

Where can people see you, by the way, if you're on the road right now?

[Max Manikoff]

Just my Instagram, Max Manikoff. I'll be on the road. And I got like Philly, Seattle, Tempe, Oregon, the couple places, Utah. I'll be in la. Yeah, just. I'm on the road if you guys want to come see me. I also have my own podcast, no Factsman. Max, pull up. Where we. We only talk about real things that don't happen.

[Mark Gagnon]

Hell yeah, dude. And also a lot of Shirtless picks, which I implore everyone to go in and just comment about.

[Max Manikoff]

And here's the thing is, like, yo, you guys, you know, for the seven of you that do come and see the shirtless picture, I'm telling you, Mark is in better shape, bro, and he's gonna lie.

[Mark Gagnon]

And look here, flabby.

[Max Manikoff]

Here's a good story for everybody real quick before we get out of here. Me and Mark went to play soccer, and Mark. Mark had a corner kick, right? Yo, day's going fine, bro. Game's tied, like, eight. Eight. Everybody cooling, like, chilling. It's a chill game. Mark slide tackles, like, three people. Were they all black? Yes.

[Mark Gagnon]

No. Okay. That was a coincidence. That was a coincidence. They're the fastest guys. Of course.

[Max Manikoff]

I feel like I'm trying to slow them down. Dude, let that guy fly. Let him spread his wigs. Mark hits a shot from a corner, a corner attempt, bends it in like Beckham, and then just walks away, bro. Emotionless. Yo, we're at Bowery Nike field in the city, bro. Smile. You know what I mean? Like, but this is just. This is the vibe. Yeah, this is me. This is who I am. And me and Mark had a very serious conversation. I was like, look, I know you had a kid and things are tough, but you do got to start smiling more.

[Mark Gagnon]

And job not finished.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, Job's not finished. Y'all were up nine, eight. And you were like, nah, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

What we celebrating about? Job not finished.

[Max Manikoff]

I feel like y'all clapping too early.

[Mark Gagnon]

Job not done. I'm Mamba. I'm the Mamba.

[Max Manikoff]

You are the Mamba. Honestly, I didn't know you played soccer like that. I pulled up, I was like, you see me? Couple regular passes.

[Mark Gagnon]

It was a wonderful game. We should do that again, 100%. Yeah, I'll see you there.

[Max Manikoff]

Anyway, thank you for having me, bro.

[Mark Gagnon]

Of course, brother. I appreciate you coming on. Appreciate you having me chatting about these assassinations, and let's do it again soon.

[Max Manikoff]

Yeah, you come on my podcast, dude. Let's talk about why it's weird to have a kid.

[Mark Gagnon]

I agree. There's a lot of weird things about it. Thank you all so much for tuning in. Appreciate y'all. Check me out on the road. Themarkyagno.com Check out the merch CampGoods Co and we'll see you guys next time. Peace. If you've made it to the end of this episode, that's because you rock with us. And for that, we rock with you. You are sophisticated. You enjoy, honest, true communication, a highbrowed type of person that understands this. History is not just dates and names. It is a tapestry of human triumph and tragedy, from the day Nostradamus made his first prophecy to the morning Paul Revere took his midnight ride from ancient oracles to modern revolutionaries. That is why I need you. If you have not already, please sign up for today. Today in History Our free newsletter, Today in History brings you the stories that matter, the moments that changed everything, and the secrets hidden in time. Join thousands of history enthusiasts who get their daily journey through time. Don't let another day of history pass you by. Take the conversation to your inbox. Sign up now through the QR code or link in the description Today in History because history's stories shape tomorrow's world. Thank you for watching the episode and we'll see you next time.