105: WHY PAIGE IS FINALLY QUITTING WORKING FOR TANA...

Summary

Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - Episode 105: WHY PAIGE IS FINALLY QUITTING WORKING FOR TANA...

Release Date: December 12, 2024
Hosts: Tana Mongeau, Brooke Schofield, and Chris
Producer: Cancelled & Audioboom Studios

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Introduction

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in their typical banter, sharing laughs and setting a relaxed tone for the discussion ahead. Tana Mongeau immediately dives into a deeply personal topic, signaling that the first 20 minutes of the podcast will center around a significant event involving her idol, Chelsea Handler.

Encounter with Chelsea Handler

Tana recounts an intense and almost surreal experience where she found herself seated next to Chelsea Handler on a flight:

• Tana Mongeau [02:37]: "Okay. I just want to apologize to the two of you right now. For the first 20 minutes of this podcast. It's going to be about one thing and one thing only, and that is Chelsea Handler."

The encounter was unexpected and emotionally overwhelming for Tana. She describes her heightened anxiety and inability to approach Chelsea, despite the proximity:

• Tana Mongeau [06:10]: "I have access to a doctor, a coach, and even a supportive community all through the app on your phone. Have a question about your meds side effects. You've got a care team on standby to help you navigate it all."

Tana shares how she recognized Chelsea instantly and was struck by her idol's presence, leading to a moment of self-doubt and fear of damaging her parasocial relationship:

• Tana Mongeau [07:10]: "And I just thought to myself, like, God, I really fucking love Chelsea Handler, okay?"

Despite multiple opportunities to interact, Tana found herself too anxious to speak, reflecting on the significance of the moment and the potential regret she felt for not taking action:

• Tana Mongeau [09:20]: "But I had the inn interaction gone because I obviously I'm sitting there and I'm playing out how this interaction can go a thousand times over. And like, had it gone the negative ways, I'm realizing, like, if I walked up to Adam Sandler and he told me to fuck off, like, I think I could stomach that."

Claircognizant Experiences and Premonitions

Tana introduces the concept of her being "claircognizant," suggesting an ability to foresee events:

• Tana Mongeau [02:51]: "I have to get all of this off my chest. First of all, I think I'm claircognizant."

She narrates a series of instances where dreams and thoughts seemed to predict real-life events:

• Tana Mongeau [22:08]: "I just keep bleeding. I couldn't even muster out bless you, like, and it's just like, where is..."

This phenomenon extends to her receiving opportunities that align eerily with her thoughts and dreams, further blurring the lines between coincidence and destiny.

Quitting Employment and Transitioning Roles

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the decision of Paige, Tana’s long-time assistant, to leave her role. The hosts delve into the personal and professional implications of this transition:

• Tana Mongeau [41:11]: "You have to. You're literally getting paid to run someone else's life."

Chris shares his perspective on the pressures of being an assistant, highlighting the desire for personal freedom:

• Chris [40:21]: "I'm getting past my expiration date..."

The conversation touches on the importance of having a reliable and compatible assistant, acknowledging Paige’s unique contributions and the emotional impact of her departure:

• Tana Mongeau [42:43]: "I don't think anyone will ever have Paige's personality. Like the Makoa always talks about this like genuinely like the levity that you bring to like hard situations and the humor."

Celebrity Interactions and Anecdotes

Beyond Chelsea Handler, the episode features various anecdotes about interactions with other celebrities and public figures:

• Tana Mongeau [75:35]: "I'm a carpenter. I am a carpenter."

She humorously recounts plans to interact with celebrities like John Mayer and Cara Delevingne, blending reality with exaggerated fantasies:

• Chris [76:21]: "I am not kidding. But knowing Zach Ryan's up in arms over..."

These stories illustrate the hosts' fascination with celebrity culture and the often humorous or awkward situations that arise from it.

Personal Anecdotes and Confessions

The hosts open up about their personal lives, sharing experiences ranging from dealing with unwanted attention to navigating the complexities of social interactions:

• Dani [49:28]: "But it's like, I don't want it. You know what I mean? Like, why would I."

Tana discusses her ongoing struggles with self-image and the societal pressures surrounding beauty standards:

• Tana Mongeau [86:00]: "I have to see, like, I fear you're gonna have to do a naked push up."

The conversation shifts to light-hearted topics such as tattoos, favorite foods, and the challenges of maintaining personal aesthetics:

• Dani [105:29]: "My list of topics is so funny. It says her name, and then it says, mom shaming. Pap smear. Mouse ate a carrot. Bottom of my feet are cracked."

Mental Health and Coping Mechanisms

Throughout the episode, there are undercurrents addressing mental health, stress, and coping mechanisms:

• Tana Mongeau [06:10]: "Makoa was like, are you good? No. I keep crying. Like, I literally keep tearing up."

The hosts discuss strategies for managing anxiety and the importance of self-care, subtly advocating for mental well-being amidst their high-energy lifestyle.

Conclusion

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on their relationships with each other and their journey together. They emphasize the importance of mutual support and understanding, especially during transitions like Paige’s departure:

• Tana Mongeau [43:09]: "I think Kyla was an amazing assistant. I think Natalie was an amazing..."

The episode concludes with heartfelt messages to their audience, expressing gratitude and love, while hinting at future episodes that promise to continue exploring personal and celebrity-driven narratives.

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Notable Quotes

• Tana Mongeau [02:37]: "For the first 20 minutes of this podcast. It's going to be about one thing and one thing only, and that is Chelsea Handler."
• Tana Mongeau [06:10]: "Makoa was like, are you good? No. I keep crying. Like, I literally keep tearing up."
• Tana Mongeau [09:20]: "But I had the inn interaction gone because I obviously I'm sitting there and I'm playing out how this interaction can go a thousand times over."
• Chris [40:21]: "I'm getting past my expiration date..."
• Tana Mongeau [42:43]: "I don't think anyone will ever have Paige's personality."
• Dani [49:28]: "But it's like, I don't want it. You know what I mean? Like, why would I."
• Tana Mongeau [86:00]: "I have to see, like, I fear you're gonna have to do a naked push up."
• Chris [76:21]: "I am not kidding. But knowing Zach Ryan's up in arms over..."
• Tana Mongeau [43:09]: "I think Kyla was an amazing assistant. I think Natalie was an amazing..."

---

Final Thoughts

Episode 105 of "Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield" offers a candid glimpse into Tana's personal struggles, her interactions with idols, and the dynamics of her professional relationships. The blend of humor, vulnerability, and personal anecdotes creates an engaging narrative that resonates with listeners, whether they're longtime fans or newcomers seeking an intimate look into the lives of these influential personalities.

Transcript

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Chris]

Hello and welcome back to the canceled podcast.

[Tana Mongeau]

Ooh, that one was good.

[Chris]

That one's Chris I felt in my.

[Dani]

Nevermind your Oshi Goshi My Oshi and demonetized immediately.

[Tana Mongeau]

I have, like, the most insane set of the giggle right now. I'm trying to suppress them.

[Dani]

I love when you have the giggles. It makes me have the giggles.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay.

[Chris]

I'm trying to, like, have her airdrop them to me right now. I need to get the gigs.

[Tana Mongeau]

You're going to get the gigs and the gags. I believe in it.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay. I just want to apologize to the two of you right now. For the first 20 minutes of this podcast. It's going to be about one thing and one thing only, and that is Chelsea Handler.

[Chris]

Oh, no, please.

[Dani]

I love you.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's just. I have to get all of this off my chest. First of all, I think I'm claircognizant.

[Chris]

Huh?

[Dani]

What? Like, clairvoyant, but claircognizant? Yes.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's like, one step down. It's like baby. It's like baby clairvoyant. Because just things keep happening, and I'm gonna get into, like, really what I'm thinking. I'm starting to think I'm psychic, which might mean I'm, like, teetering the line of, like, skits, and you need to send me away.

[Chris]

Yeah, I was gonna say.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, but see, like, I knew that helicopter was coming, and I knew you.

[Chris]

Were gonna say that, and I knew.

[Dani]

I was gonna miss the joke.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay. I love Chelsea Handler. Right? Like, I love her more than anything in the world. She is my idol. She's always been my idol. I grew up on her. Like, she. She really is. It's so different than, like, an Adam Sandler or a Justin Bieber to me. Like, it's like, she's my idol, you know?

[Dani]

Yeah. Because you, like, she's similar to you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Dani]

Like, you could, like, look up to her in that. Like, I could actually be this.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. Like, whenever anyone's ever asked me, like, where I want my career to go, normally, I don't really have an answer, but, like, the closest answer would be Chelsea Handler. Like, I love her so much, and I think she just shaped who I am as a person. Like, I grew up with Chelsea lately on in the house, and that was, like, she just, like, my personality. I think everything that is my personality that has made me succeed has come from me being shaped by Chelsea Handler. This is all just, like. I don't know, like, a whole thing. I'm not even, like, a bookworm, but, like, Chelsea Handler drops a book. I'm reading it six times. Like, I just. I love her so much.

[Chris]

I do remember that book phase. Like, we're Reading that book, like, front to back six times a week, like, it's just.

[Tana Mongeau]

Life will be the death of me. It's her best book, but okay. Anyways. And even just lately in life, just the past couple weeks, I've been more focused on her than, like, ever. Like, randomly. A couple days ago, too, like, I sent Jordan a bitmoji, and he, like, responded and he said something about Chelsea Handler, and he's always just, like, compared me to her and, like, whatever. I've been on a lot of calls about my book, so I've been, like, really referencing her, like, a lot on these calls lately. Like, whatever. And we're in Vegas. I was supposed to fly home on Sunday at 2pm and the night before, I texted Paige and I was like, hey, can you move 5:00am Night before.

[Chris]

It was 5:00am oh, man.

[Tana Mongeau]

Sober too. Which is just crazy. But I text you and I'm like, hey, can you just move my flight to later? I don't pick my flight. And, like, normally I feel like I will send you, like, the flight I want to get on, but it was like, giving lotto. Like, you just picked a fucking flight. And, like, I ended up getting on it, like, whatever. And I woke up yesterday before my flight, and the first video on my for you page was a video of Chelsea Handler. And, like, she hasn't been on my for you page in, like, weeks. And, like, it was the only TikTok I watched yesterday. Like, I was just doing shit all day and I sat there and I watched that TikTok in full, and I just thought to myself, like, God, I really fucking love Chelsea Handler, okay? I packed my little shit and I gas it to the airport, and for some reason as well. And, like, listen to how out of character this is for me, okay? This is arguably the most, most out of character thing literally ever. But all day, I feel like you. I'm like, in living in stress that I need to be early to this flight.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, that's weird. Something's going on. Yeah, the meds.

[Tana Mongeau]

Makoa, like, literally said to me, he was like, this is so out of character for you. Like, and I'm like, I'm rolling all my shit hours before my flight. Like, how out of character is that for me?

[Chris]

Like, I. I've never seen you do that once, literally in my entire four years.

[Tana Mongeau]

And it's. It's a jet suite, so you really only have to be there, like, 30 minutes before. But for some reason, I'm just like, airport traffic, it's stressing me out. That never stresses me out. I'm like, holiday traffic. I'm like, I have to be so early. And so I pull up to this flight and I'm the only person in the jet suite, airport. I am earlier than absolutely everyone on this flight. I'm sitting there, I'm twiddling my thumbs, staring at the fucking wall like, I'm in jail, like, And I'm like, why? Like, why did I do this to myself? You know what I mean? And I'm sitting there, I'm doing my thing, and I'm. I, Like, I'm, like, so flustered about it. After, like, 20 minutes go by, a few people shuffle in, and I look up and like, 10ft from me is Chelsea fucking Handler. And she's like. She's so close to me. She's like, where? Like, BB would be, like, in that chair, like, from me. And I would know that woman anywhere. Like, McCollough was saying, like, he didn't recognize her. He doesn't know who she is. Like, to anyone else, it's just kind of like a blonde woman.

[Dani]

How could you not know who she is?

[Tana Mongeau]

I didn't even. I know. I didn't even have to look at her face for more than 10 seconds. I was like, that. Oh, my God. And I don't ever act like this either. Like, I literally was like, fangirling. Yes. Like, I grabbed Makoa. I'm like, out of my own body. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I just. I can't believe it. Like, what are the fucking odds? And, like, you having changed my flight, I wouldn't have picked that flight. I think that's like.

[Chris]

I'm like, maybe I'm the clairvoyant here.

[Dani]

Yeah, right.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just. I wouldn't have picked that flight. I would have picked a 7pm flight. I would not have picked that flight. And I'm like, what are the fucking odds? And it's like the only flight leaving, so I'm like, we're on the same fucking flight. I'm about to be on the same fucking flight as Chelsea Handler. And I'm like, I'm losing my mind. And so I'm like, I have to walk outside. Like, I can't even, like, be in the same room as her right now. I need to gather my thoughts. Like, I'm not going to be okay. Mako was like, do you want me to come with you? I'm like, no, I literally need to be alone.

[Chris]

You're typing up like an Adam Sandler Note, Part 2.

[Tana Mongeau]

I literally thought about saying that to her. I swear to God, I was like, I could just repurpose this. I walk outside, I start immediately bawling. Like, I'm like, I cannot believe it.

[Dani]

Hysterical. She's like, anna, my flight's not for another 20 minutes. I was like, yeah, that's usually when you get there, you're like.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I'm losing my mind. I'm like, oh, my God. And I'm just, like, coming to the conclusion that, like, I can't say anything to her. Like, I don't know what to say.

[Chris]

No.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, I just. I don't, because it's like. Like, I love my fans so much, and I love that they come up to me, but I also can respect and understand that there are people like that. And I don't want to be, like, parasocial with Chelsea Handler at all, but, like, she is like. Like, one of the main reasons I'm such a stan of her is because she's like, that bitch. Like, she's scary. Like, she's. You know what I mean?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I'm just like. She's so in her zone on her phone, and I'm just. I'm trying to think of what I'm gonna say to her. And then there are. There is one more flight. So now I'm like, what if she's on a different flight than me and this is my only opportunity? And I'm just, like. I'm sitting there and I'm trying to figure out what to say, and it's just like, she's heard it all before. And, like, I just. I couldn't think of what to say that, like, you know what I mean? That.

[Chris]

But it is so crazy that, like, the universe put this thing right in your path, and you still didn't act on it. It was like.

[Dani]

I imagine if the universe was like, damn, I gave you one shot.

[Chris]

Sitting five feet away from you, it's like dangling the carrot. All you have to do is just bite.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know, but then it's. I just genuinely. And I don't know her, so it's like, maybe I'm completely wrong, but I just feel like there was anything I would say, she would just say thank you, and I would walk over and I would sit back down like, she doesn't know who I am. And it. Like, it just. It didn't feel like the moment. And I feel like it's like a Sunday after the holidays in Vegas. You're traveling. Like, what if she was just in her own zone? Right?

[Chris]

I guess. But then it's almost like more peace of mind for you if you did do it. Because it's like, even if you didn't get the reaction from her that you wanted, it's like, at least I did it. At least I said it.

[Dani]

And if it's that like, oh, she doesn't know you, it's like she's not going to really, like, she's not going to see you again and be like, oh, that's the girl who talked to me on the flight.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's what I'm saying. Like if I ever ran into her again like that.

[Dani]

No, I think that that's comforting. It's like, oh, she won't even remember this anyway.

[Tana Mongeau]

But I had the inn interaction gone because I obviously I'm sitting there and I'm playing out how this interaction can go a thousand times over. And like, had it gone the negative ways, I'm realizing, like, if I walked up to Adam Sandler and he told me to fuck off, like, I think I could stomach that. Like, because it's different. I love his movies. I didn't realize that until yesterday. Like, yes, it would hurt and I would make a whole to do on the podcast about it and like, you know what I mean? But like, if Chelsea Handler told me to fuck off, like, I would have to quit my job and Hollywood and every. Like, she means too much to me.

[Chris]

Like, you know what's so crazy? I was just. The other night when I was falling asleep, it was probably the same fucking night. I had like a YouTube podcast up and there was this like therapist and she was talking about, in anxiety there's a five second rule, right? And anything that you want to do, you have to act on in five seconds or less. Because by the time you're over five seconds, that's when you start to think about like the what ifs and you start to like trick yourself.

[Dani]

Can I tell you something that would ruin my life?

[Tana Mongeau]

It's supposed to help.

[Chris]

I'm like, it's supposed to help.

[Dani]

So it's like if I were to act on something without thinking about it, I already do that as is. But at least, no, at least a good 20 seconds.

[Chris]

No, but it's after that five seconds that you start to like do the self doubting thing. So it's like if you had just act, acted on it, like in that time frame, you would have done it not even thought twice about it. But the longer that you wait, the more you keep like psyching yourself out and like mulling shit over, you're Right?

[Tana Mongeau]

And I think that's amazing advice for the average anxious bitch. But, like, for me, like, people would be dead if I lived by that. But anyway, so I just. I get to this point where I play out every scenario and I just. She's sitting there in the airport and, like, I just. I don't want to do it, right? And so then I realized the flight starts boarding and she's on my flight and I'm like, holy fucking shit. Like, I have the opportunity. Like, I don't know, like, maybe I'll say something on this plane, like, when we deboard, whatever, right? I make myself the last person on this flight because I'm freaking the actual fuck out. I've never felt like this in my entire life, by the way. Like, over anyone. Like, even Bieber. Like, even us being in the same room as Adamant, the people, it was so different. I've never felt closer to my fans either. Because it's like anyone else I'm a fan of. It's very different. Like, the things I would say, like, I love your, like, your work or whatever. Like, I really. The things that people come up to me and say is what I would say to her. Like, you fucking raised me. Like, you made me the person I am. Like, and it's not like I'm a fan of her because of, like, a great movie. I'm a fan of her because of her and her inner thoughts. I know her dog's names. Like, I know everything about her, you know? And it was just. I don't know. And we get on this flight and it is a 20 person flight and she is sitting in jet suite planes. It's like, you know how it's one row that's singular. So it's like one. It's like one whole row of singular seats. And then there's a tiny little aisle and then there's two seats. So it's like one aisle, two, three. You know what I mean? She is in 4A. And I look down at my boarding pass and I am in 4B.

[Dani]

At this point, I'm like, the universe is pissed off at you because they're like, you. They're like three times in a row. Literally. I've given her this opportunity and she's just blowing it.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know.

[Chris]

Like, next thing you're gonna, like, spill your drink on her.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know, I know, but. And so I sit down in my fucking seat. I'm 4B. I kid you not. Like, you and me are further than like, her and I were like, this aisle is so Small. She is literally like this, like, actually this much space she is in for A and I'm in four fucking B. And I'm just sitting there and I'm like, thank. My biggest flex is that my peripheral vision is so amazing. Like, I can see what Erin's doing right now. Like, I am sitting there and I'm just, like, watching her in my peripheral. I'm freaking the fuck out and I'm trying to figure out what to say, but she's just. She's sunglasses on. She's on her phone. Like, we get up in the air.

[Dani]

And I would have air dropped something to her.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, but see, no, because it's like, that's violating.

[Dani]

But then say it was an accident. It's like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you iPhone42?

[Chris]

It's like, so good.

[Tana Mongeau]

How did I not think? But I wouldn't have done it. I honestly wouldn't have. And then we take off and it's a night flight, so the plane is like, pitch black, right? And so I'm like, I'm not about to turn to her. She's like, taking photos of the sphere and sending it to someone. My peripheral was so good. I'm so creepy. And I'm just sitting there and I don't go on my phone one time, like, think about how out of character this is. I'm sitting there just holding my breath. I'm honestly going to full transparency. I chewed a Xanax like I was.

[Chris]

Losing to muster up the courage.

[Tana Mongeau]

Sitting there crazy, shaking. I'm seizing. Like, I'm shaking, trembling, like, I've never felt like this in my entire life. Mako was like, are you good? No. I keep crying. Like, I literally keep tearing up. I don't know what to do. I'm losing it. And I sit there the entire flight just staring into the distance, trying to figure out what the fuck to say to her. I'm texting Whitney Cummings. I'm like, whitney, what do I fudgeing do? But even Whitney was saying, like, Chelsea's scary. I like, you know what I mean? Like, do it. And she's amazing. Like, say something. But, like, I don't.

[Chris]

You might not, like, get the response that you wanted.

[Dani]

Yeah, I do completely understand why you were apprehensive. But I also just like, oh, I wish you did. Just for, like, all of us.

[Tana Mongeau]

She doesn't order a drink. She doesn't order food. She's in her own zone. We're in the pitch black. I can't figure out what to Fucking say, But I'm like, is this fate? Like, I've prayed my whole life for this. Like, I really have, like, prayed. Like, if you told me yesterday, literally, if you told me yesterday morning, like, you are going to sit down on a flight with Chelsea Handler and say absolutely nothing to her, I would beat the shit. I would beat the ever living fuck. I would curb stomp that version of myself. I really.

[Chris]

Yeah, you were texting me. You're like, what do I do? What do I say? I'm like, tana, go fucking talk to her. Say something alive if you don't.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just. But I couldn't figure out what to say.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And she genuinely. I felt like I have hours of things to say or nothing to say. Do you know what I mean? And it's just like, I could. She just seemed so. At one point, you guys, at one point she sneezed. And I'm sitting there, I swear to God. No, I'm trying to say the words bless you. And I'm like, Like, I could be.

[Chris]

Just barking at her.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just bled. I literally just bled a little. I couldn't even muster out bless you. No, like, I couldn't even say bless you, like, and it's just like, where is 16 year old me that would like, go up to like the rock and fucking chest bump him?

[Chris]

You would. You would have asked her to, like, be a part of Tanacon 100%.

[Tana Mongeau]

Where is drunk me who would have been like, you're my best friend.

[Chris]

You're coming to Positano with me. I was hoping you want to go to Italy? Come on.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, you need to.

[Dani]

I almost exited you that. I almost said relapse.

[Chris]

I know.

[Tana Mongeau]

I literally debated it. Makoa ordered a sausage Coke and I was. No, I swear to God, I have never been so close to a relapse. Like, I just. And I was just trying. There's so many stories that, like, she's told that, like, are about flights. I'm trying to think of, like. Like there's this story Chelsea Handler told in one of her books where she was flying with her dog across the country for like a holiday and the dog starts freaking the out on the plane. And so she has dog Xanax to give to the dog, and she gives the dog a dog Xanax, but then she takes the dog Xanax too, and she like, goes home for the holiday and the whole holiday weekend she's with her family and she's just barred out on dog Xanax. And I, like, I almost like, Brought that up, like, whatever. But I'm like, that's just so creepy. Like, I just. I couldn't. Yeah.

[Dani]

It's like, of all the things that have just. Hi. You're like, actually, I remember that one story.

[Chris]

You're like, okay, super fan.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, literally, like, I'm her biggest f. She's my idol. And then. Yeah. I mean, she gets off the plane. I'm. So you like the story?

[Dani]

No, I really truthfully believe the universe is gonna bring you back to her, but I think it is gonna be. You're gonna be. Not regret this, because I feel like it's gonna be in a setting where it's like. Like we're with Whitney or something. And she'd be like, oh, this is.

[Tana Mongeau]

I really, truly hope one day I can tell her this story.

[Dani]

She'll see this. I'm gonna send it to her.

[Tana Mongeau]

All right. On her email, I left, and I got in that Uber, and I literally just uncontrollably sobbed the entire car ride home. I was, like, heaving like a. So sad.

[Dani]

That's, like, so valid, though.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I'm really so sad. But I just. I couldn't. I couldn't think of what to say. I, like, I didn't know what to say.

[Chris]

I also think there's, like, such a part of me that's like, I don't want to meet my idols. Like, if I were next to Taylor Swift on a plane, I don't even think I would say anything. I would do what you did. I think I would sit there and just be like, holy fuck. Holy fuck. Like, internally freaking out. And I wouldn't say a peep because.

[Dani]

What you're saying is, like, you would never have this reaction to anybody. And I find so much value in being a fan. I love to be a fan. I love to feel that. And, like, it's almost like the second you meet somebody, like, the magic almost goes away. I don't think that would have necessarily happened here, but it's like. Like you said, I'd rather just like, pretend it never happened.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was saying that to Makoa last night that it's almost like it made me almost never want to meet Adam Sandler. Like, it's like, it's nice to have that, like, fangirl feeling, like, whatever. You know what I mean? I thought I would never have the opportunity to potentially even meet her. Like, it is nice to just have that feeling. I don't. It just, like, I think everything happens for a reason. And, like, that. You can argue that that was fate. And that was my moment. But it's just. I had to go with my gut. And my gut didn't feel like it was, like, the right time to say anything, like, and maybe I will die and, like, regret it. There wasn't anything to say, and she was just, like, so in her own zone, and I just didn't want to bother her. And, like, I don't know. I just, like, this is what I.

[Dani]

Will say if you see this bitch again. She's not a. I love you so much, Tulsi. If you see this woman again and you don't say something, then you have to just die.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just like, yeah, I know. I'm not. I would kill myself.

[Dani]

I really do think the universe is going to bring you back to her. I really do. I think you're gonna be at Bravo Toast one day, and she's gonna be there, and you're gonna have to say.

[Tana Mongeau]

But even then, I would. I was really thinking, like, okay, if it's a Whitney's house moment or like, a Tim Dillon's house moment, or, like, if it's. If it's a moment where it's right. But it's like, I just couldn't. I don't know. I, like, be that person. I don't know how she feels about people coming up to her and especially just during traveling.

[Dani]

And, like, yeah, that's a tough time. What if it was like, remember when we did the same venue as Jerry Seinfeld on the same night?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Dani]

Like, what if it was like that? Because then it's like, oh, she knows. Like, you're doing a show. And like, maybe she's more like, oh. Like, mm.

[Tana Mongeau]

Everyone that was giving me advice because I was texting everyone, it was so weird. I went to text Jordan, and his last text to me was about Chelsea Handler. And I was like, this is so weird. Like, I was texting everyone for advice, and a lot of people were saying, go up to her and tell her you have a really big podcast. And, like, whatever. And I'm like, I'm not fucking doing that. Like, I'm that bitch's son. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm son by Chelsea Handler. Like, I'm like, it's like, I wouldn't have this podcast if it wasn't for her. I wouldn't be. I just.

[Chris]

The domino effect of it all is so fucking weird.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know.

[Chris]

So weird. Like, missing the flight, like, texting me at 5am to rebook it. Like, what are the odds?

[Tana Mongeau]

It's so. We and, like, that. That being the only video I watched of her that day and, like, how much I've been talking about her recently. I've also, like, just back to my clear cognizance, and then I'll literally, like, shut the fuck up. Seriously. I've been having this reoccurring dream that I get cast in this movie by this specific network to play a stripper, right? Like, in. I keep having this dream, and I've, like, never had this dream before, and I, like, over and over again, and I've, like, woken up from it several times. I told McCall I was like, I keep having this dream. And you know how I feel about acting. I don't act like, whatever. And I get this call, like, a couple days ago asking me to be in a movie essentially by this network that I've been, like, having this dream about with these, like, actresses that I love to play a stripper.

[Chris]

So crazy.

[Dani]

Yeah, you are. I think that's just clairvoyant.

[Chris]

This happens to you, like, on a minor level, too. I feel like just randomly.

[Tana Mongeau]

I, like, I'm always dreaming something, and then it, like, completely happens, or I'm just thinking about something and it completely happens. And it's so weird. Like, what are the odds that I'm having this specific ass dream that I'm cast in this movie by this specific company to play this specific role, and then I, like, I keep having the stream, and then I get the call.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Dani]

That is so crazy. God, I want you to get that so bad. I just want to go on record really quickly and say that I have been having dreams about Alex Earl getting on Dancing with the Stars. And if you. If she's on this season, mark my.

[Tana Mongeau]

Words, we're rebranding the podcast to a psychic podcast.

[Dani]

I'm not kidding. I really, like, I feel like I'm having premonitions.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's so weird. That is crazy. I could completely see her doing that.

[Dani]

But I love.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God.

[Dani]

That's like, I. I'm. I think the reason I'm just sitting here like this is because I'm just so jealous. Like, and I don't want to feel jealous of you, but I love her. Like, Chelsea lately was up. Lives literally up all night watching Chelsea lately. Like, she's just the best. I've watched her Architectural Digest like, a million times, and that's how I decided, like, she probably wouldn't like me because she's literally, like. She's like, my nephews live here. I hate them.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, it's just that's that being her energy. Exactly. I just didn't want to be that person. And I love that about her. That's my favorite thing about her. But I just like, oh, this little blonde bitch, like, sitting next to me on a flight. I want to be just like you. Like, I could see her making so much fun of that.

[Chris]

Like, I like her next skit.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Like, oh, my. Well, that would just be an honor. Even when we were at the ranch a couple days ago, someone at the ranch was named Chewy and I went on this whole tangent. Handler had a co host named Chewy for so long. Like, I've been talking about her so much, I forgot about that.

[Dani]

I actually referenced recently too, because she has a bit about Bernie's Mountain dogs and how she has a Bernie's mountain dog, but she had to buy a used Bernie's mountain dog because celebrities are not allowed to have designer dogs because you have to adopt a dog.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Dani]

I'm like, that's so relatable because now I have a designer cat and everybody's like, mom shamming me about it. Like, I can't believe you got it cat from a breeder. And I'm like, it really. It really is. Like, people really do get really mad about that.

[Tana Mongeau]

They do.

[Dani]

She was right.

[Chris]

Yeah. Had to get one used.

[Tana Mongeau]

I keep bleeding.

[Dani]

I thought I found a used one, but apparently not. I'm bleeding too.

[Tana Mongeau]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

Hello, it is Ryan and I was on a flight the other day playing one of my favorite social spin slot games on chumbacassino.com. i looked over the person sitting next to me and you know what they were doing? They were also playing Chumba Casino. Everybody's loving having fun with it. Chumba Casino is home to hundreds of casino style games that you can play for free, anytime, anywhere. So sign up [e-mail] to claim your free welcome bonus. That's chumbacasino.com and live the Chumba life.

[Chris]

Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void. We're prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. Well, do you think she knows who you are? Like, do you think she was looking at you for sure, seen you before? Probably?

[Tana Mongeau]

No. And she was so in her own zone. I don't even think she looked at me once. Like, me and my peripheral, like, and just. I don't think she looked at me one time. Like, because if we made eye contact too, maybe that would have been like, us.

[Dani]

Yeah, maybe you would have. Like.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, I think I literally, if we made eye contact, probably would have been like, you know, like.

[Dani]

Yeah, I sometimes do that to people. If I see them and I love them, I'm just like, yeah, throw like a little, like. So then it's like, you didn't bother them, but they, like, you acknowledge them and they probably feel good about it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, like, I would have. It just did. She didn't look up. We didn't make eye contact.

[Dani]

God sent Chelsea Handler to Tana on a flight and sent me Chris Delia on a flight. Like, I'm just hurt. What did I do?

[Tana Mongeau]

Have we ever talked about that? Like, we flew on the same flight as Chris Delia and we're all sitting there holding Snapchat to our head like.

[Dani]

You know, we're canceled too.

[Chris]

I had a sign that was like, meet me in the bathroom in five.

[Dani]

I forgot we were all on that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Flight just fucking with Crystalia. But that was weird because, like, we were all going to, like, somewhere so random.

[Dani]

Yeah, it was like. It was like Milwaukee. And it's like, what is he doing? And it was like we were flying out of, like, Texas. It's like, what is he doing going from Texas to Milwaukee? Probably the same thing we are.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just thought about another premonition that happened to me in Vegas that I need to talk about because I've been meaning to tell you about this. So I have. So you guys can cut me off at any point.

[Chris]

No, I'm loving it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Sorry.

[Dani]

I love this movie.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm serious. So I've been in Vegas a lot, right this Was not this past trip, but it was the trip before that I went and played in another celebrity poker tournament. Played like ass, by the way. Might need a new hobby. I'm serious. Like, it was one of those where I felt like an athlete. And I walked around, I was like, bad game out there on the field.

[Chris]

Like, it wasn't even, like, the water boy now.

[Tana Mongeau]

It wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't bad luck. Like, it was dead bench me. Like, my, like, bad choices. Letting Bryce hall whoop me, too. Like, just tail between my legs. Anyways, we're at the tournament, right? And, like, a lot of people go and don't play. Like, it's just open bar and, like, fucking wagyu on plates.

[Dani]

Okay, you never told me that.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's why everyone comes and watches me. Like, my friends aren't that supportive. Like, you know they're supportive, but they come.

[Dani]

Maybe that's why your mom came, right?

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, to get the fucking open bar and some food. I'm not kidding. And so, yeah, everyone just, like, goes and vibes. Like, there's a lot of people not playing. And every time, there is this guy there, right? And he kind of looks like a little baby mini Conor McGregor, okay? Little redhead, like, weird dude, right? And people get blacked out because of the open bar. And he's always. This guy is just hammered, right? And he's always in a loop every time I see him, every single time he comes up to me and he tells me that he, too, went to Green Valley High School, right? And then every single time I tell him, I'm like, oh, my God, like, when. Like, did we go at the same time, right? Like, big high school. Like, maybe we went and I just didn't know you. And then he tells me that he graduates 2010. And then every single time I tell him that I was in diapers. You know what I mean? When he was in high school, like, we. We literally didn't even go at the same time at all. And it's like we have this, and then he's in a loop. So he keeps telling me that every single time. And every single time, we had the same conversation where I'm like, I didn't. I didn't go at the same time as you go, gators. No.

[Dani]

You know what you're supposed to do? This is like talking to a person with dementia. You practice different answers until you get to this, like, quickest result. You start telling him you did not go to Green Valley.

[Tana Mongeau]

He knows I did. He knows I did because he leads with it, right? And then every single time he asks me for a selfie, and then I take the selfie and then he goes over to Amari and then he asks Amari if he can take a selfie with me, even though he just took a selfie with me. And then Amari tells him, like, sure, she's down for a photo. And then I take the second selfie every single time. And then he tries to introduce me and Amare every single time.

[Chris]

Wait, are you saying this man is so hammered that he's like, he keeps doing this?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes, I respect it.

[Dani]

And honestly, we've all been there.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's very true. Me. And then. But this happens every time as well. So it happens in a loop a million times, but it also happens every.

[Chris]

Time, every poker tournament.

[Tana Mongeau]

And his consistency, for some reason. So I'll always take the selfie like a million times. But I get, like, a really bad vibe from. From this guy. Like, really bad vibes.

[Chris]

Scary or unsettling.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't like nothing. More like just a really bad vibe. And for some reason, this last time, it was like, way fucking worse. Like, and he goes to ask me for the third selfie. And every time normally I play into it and I just, like, I take the photo and I like whatever, right? And for some reason in my mind this time, my brain was just telling me, like, get the away from this guy. Get the away from this guy. Now, now, now. And you know how I am when like, like, yeah, when I get one of those thoughts, like, I act on it almost too hard. Like, I grab my. And immediately just like mid him trying to do it. I like, run away. I grab my. I leave Celebrity Poker. I leave Makoa behind. I leave everyone. I, like, run out of there. Like, I don't say bye to everyone. Like, normally. I exit and say bye. I say thank you. Like, whatever, right? I leave immediately. That's just what my brain tells me to do. And I go to my room and, like, I'm gonna bleep the person's name I'm about to say, but, like, 20 minutes go by and I get a FaceTime call from all my friends and everyone is freaking the fuck out. Okay, Everyone is freaking the fuck out. And apparently right after I left, he walks over to and does the same exact thing. And then she, like, takes the photo. And then he asks her again and she, like, doesn't want to take the photo. And he punches her in the stomach. He decks her in the stomach. Like, shield over, punches her in the stomach.

[Chris]

Work.

[Dani]

And like, you're lying.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, I swear to God on the Bible, actual punches are in the stomach. Yeah. The celebrity poker, they call the cops. They're asking if she wants to press charges. Like, this whole thing, I have chills right now. Like, I. And I, like, knew something bad was going to happen. And, like, that would have been me if it wasn't. Like, do you know what I mean?

[Dani]

God, how crazy.

[Tana Mongeau]

Isn't that so weird?

[Dani]

Who is he? Where did he come from?

[Tana Mongeau]

No one knows. Like, no one knows.

[Dani]

Does he have a connection to anybody? Is he playing in the tournament?

[Tana Mongeau]

No one knows. Knows what? No one knows.

[Dani]

So weird.

[Tana Mongeau]

How weird is that? And then, of course, it's just being so funny. She doesn't care at all. She goes back to play poker. She thinks it's Conor McGregor. She's on this whole tangent telling everyone that Conor McGregor punched her in his stomach. Dinner.

[Chris]

Good eats. You're like, my compliments to the chef. Wait, I'm.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wait. What's on your hair?

[Chris]

What is that?

[Dani]

It's like a dole sticker.

[Tana Mongeau]

It says 107788. Do you think that means something?

[Chris]

Maybe hold on to it just in case.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I have to hold on to this because now what if something happens? See, I'm. I don't know if I'm schizo or if I'm psychic. I don't know what's going on, but that's crazy.

[Dani]

You are clairvoyant, honestly. Can you tell me what's happening for me next? Next?

[Tana Mongeau]

I just don't know how to explain that. I, like, get these feelings that, like, something's gonna happen and then it happens.

[Dani]

Do you think it's like, is it chicken in the egg? Is it, like, something bad happens because you think it's gonna happen? Like, maybe, like, I don't know, weirdly.

[Chris]

Like, man, you know what's weird? Me and Tana were, like, having this whole conversation in my car the other day, and I was telling her that before I worked for her, before I even moved to la, I knew who she was. I wasn't, like, a crazy big fan, but I was like, I'm gonna work for Tana. And I knew it. It wasn't, like, a big thing. And I just, like, knew in my bones. I was like, I know I'm gonna know her. And then, sure as shit, we were talking about, like, the domino effect and everything that happened that led up to me working for her. But it was so wild, like, moving to la. I didn't have a job, car, suitcase, like, nothing no money. And then I end up getting paired up with my random roommates. I didn't know them. My roommate just so happened to know Kyla, like because she worked for Lana Rhodes. Like the series of events that led us together was so insane that it's like I, I have to believe that it's fate because it can't be coincidence.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I agree with that completely. I really do. It's so weird. Like even just like I would have had to met Jake whose brothers with Logan, who's friends with Mike, who was dating Lana Rhodes, meet Lana Rhodes who would then know Olivia to then know you. Like, how weird is that? Like the, just the domino effect of my life.

[Chris]

My roommates were completely random. I had never met them in my entire life. And it just so happened I met my roommate Emily through my friend Nikki who I met out here. Like the series of events was just too crazy.

[Dani]

I like that though. That makes it like more special. It's like it does. Like being like with, being with a partner.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, that's really sweet. That is really sweet. Thank you so much to SeatGeek for sponsoring today's episode of the canceled podcast. You guys have used my code so much that SeatGeek wanted to hook you up with a new special offer. Everyone can use my new code cancelled 10 for 10% off any tickets on SeatGeek. Whether you're a new customer or not. Concert season is back. Artists like Sabrina Carpenter, Tate McRae, Charlie XCX and Noah Kahn are on tour. And you already know that SeatGeek is the best place to get tickets. I'm so excited to see Billie Eilish this December. No matter how many times you've bought tickets using SeatGeek before, Cancelled 10 is going to get you 10% off your next order. So take out your phone, open the SeatGeek app and add code cancelled 10 to your account. What are you waiting for? Do it now. Because this offer is only available for a limited time. Use code cancel10 for 10 off tickets on SeatGeek. Thank you so much to SeatGeek for sponsoring today's episode of the canceled podcast. You've probably heard of noom, the leaders in behavior change weight loss, but did you know they've taken it to the next level with affordable GLP1 medications, a compounded semaglutide? If you qualify, Noom GLP1 starts at just 149 and can be delivered right to your door in Japan. 7 days. Noom combines their proven weight loss program with GLP1s giving you the Tools to not only lose weight, but to keep it off long term. I love how NOOM approaches weight loss. It's not just about the meds. It's about building better habits and a healthier lifestyle that actually sticks. NOOM is more than just meds. Noom GLP1 isn't just about getting medication quickly to your door in seven days though that part is amazing. It comes with something that they call the Companion, which is like having a personal guide for sustainable, effective weight loss. And they've thought of everything. For example, their muscle defense program helps you maintain muscle while shedding fat so you're losing weight the right way. Support, that's always there. One of the things I appreciate the most is the support Noom offers. With Noom GLP1, you're not doing this alone. You get access to a doctor, a coach, and even a supportive community all through the app on your phone have a question about your meds side effects. You've got a care team on standby to help you navigate it all. Noom GLP1 starts at 1:49 and is delivered to your door in seven days. Start your GLP1 journey today at Noom.com that's n o o m dot com Noom the smart way to lose weight. Disclaimer not all customers will medically qualify for prescription medications. Compounded medications are not reviewed by the FDA for safety, efficacy or quality.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It can get lonely climbing Mount McKinley. So to entertain myself, I go to chumbacasino.com at Chumba Casino. I can play hundreds of online casino style games for free. Like online slots, bingo, slingo and more. Plus I get a daily login bonus. It's just too bad that up here I don't have anyone to share my excitement with.

[Dani]

Temolite anytime, anywhere.

[Chris]

Play for free [e-mail].

[Tana Mongeau]

Should we address your quitting allegations? Not quitting allegations, dude. We. I posted my vlog for like 2 seconds that pages like moving on.

[Dani]

It was so funny. I was cracking up. When you just all of a sudden are sobbing your eyes out.

[Chris]

People, including her, are acting like I'm dying.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know.

[Dani]

Literally feels like you are, but like, like I know. I think it's more exciting because I feel like you're gonna have like more time to be like a friend.

[Chris]

But no, I swear to God, I'm getting dms. Like, girl, I'm so sorry. I heard the news. Hope you're okay. I'm like, what?

[Tana Mongeau]

You're like girl, more than okay.

[Chris]

No, I'm like, yippee.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, I'm kidding. It's. Yeah.

[Dani]

Yippee is crazy.

[Chris]

No, but it's not, like.

[Tana Mongeau]

Because it's like, how long is she gonna pack a suitcase for Vegas? That's what people don't understand is it's like, of course, all of the. The. They see the Just, like, the good. They don't see, like, the dirty work. Like, so much, like, heavy. Just, like, work.

[Chris]

Yeah. I've been telling everyone, like, I think the average lifespan for an assistant is like, a year to a year and a half. I've double. Double it. Like, I've doubled that. I've been. February will be four years of working.

[Dani]

For her, which I remember your first day.

[Chris]

Oh, it's cute. Which is just, like, I'm getting past my expiration date. And, like, I've been talking to her about this. Like, we've been talking, and, like, we know we need to hire someone new, and it's like. Like, nothing. There is literally nothing bad. Everything's good.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's also, like, starting a company together. And, like, I. I also think that there's, like, a world where you do, like, executive tasks, like. Like, working with brands and. But, like, you're done ordering blue vapes, and I respect it.

[Chris]

Like, I. I was saying to T, too, I was like, it literally has nothing to do with you. Kris Jenner could come knock on my door and be like, I want you to be my assistant. I'd be like, I'm tapped out. Like, I'm just getting to the point where it's like, I want to have my own, like, time and, like, life back. Because it's like, being an assistant. My life revolves around her. I'm with her every single day. It's like, I prioritize her. And that's just the name of the game of, like, me. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

You have to. You're literally getting paid to run someone else's life.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And, like, that's tough.

[Chris]

I'm Tana 2.0. And then, like, I've just had moments where, like, I step back, and I'm like, wait. I just want to, like, put more time into myself and be able to, like, do my own thing.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I love you so much that you deserve that. Like, holding anyone hostage in something that's no longer fitting for them, especially someone that you love so much, like, you don't want to do it well.

[Chris]

And I was saying, like, I love her so much. I would never leave her high and dry. And just like, okay, I'm quitting by, like, I want to make sure she's set and she has someone that she can trust and is good to film my shoot.

[Dani]

You know I think happen. I think yeah that's the problem is they are like it's like such a, like it can't just be anybody because we had so much fun with you but I feel like we should all be sitting like on a little panel and doing the interview process. Like they have to do a little dance, they have to tell us how they would react in like A, B and C situations.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like I don't think anyone. That's why I was crying. I wasn't crying because I don't think I'll have a great new assistant. I think that the A, B and C of the job can be done by a lot of people with experience. I think Kyla was an amazing assistant. I think Natalie was an amazing also two of my best friends still. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't think anyone will. I mean obviously you're my best friend and my soulmate. I don't think anyone will ever have pages personality. Like the Makoa always talks about this like genuinely like the levity that you bring to like hard situations and the humor. Like that's why I was crying because it's like I'm gonna be an hour long car rides with someone who is just never gonna be as fucking funny as you.

[Chris]

You know we're also the same where like if we're in a shitty situation and we're both miserable we're going to use humor every single time to cook through it. Like we're cracking our best jokes and we are like peak misery.

[Tana Mongeau]

I agree and I that's a hard trait to find for sure. Like it's just. Yeah, it is so funny.

[Dani]

We were like I'm excited for you to spread your wings and fly.

[Tana Mongeau]

Exactly.

[Dani]

I fly to my house. Seriously, I'm bored.

[Chris]

Yeah, I'll have time. I'll be over every day. No but guys, I'm not dying. Like I'm not going anywhere. I'm always going to be around your.

[Dani]

Tick tocks right now are like I'm getting like really insecure and not. I'm not kidding because it's like I've never met someone funnier than you. Like the things that you think about. No like I'm like how did she even. How did that come to her brain ever wouldn't have gone everywhere but in here.

[Chris]

But some of like my best work I feel like doesn't get the recognition it deserves and it's always like my stupid tiktoks Like, I'm not even thinking twice about that.

[Dani]

Like, you killed me with the Trojan horse the other day.

[Chris]

I'm like, like, my best work. I got, like, three likes.

[Tana Mongeau]

Too smart for the room.

[Dani]

No, you know what? And just wait. They'll notice you eventually. Like, it's. I feel like they're gonna come back and be like, this is the funniest person I've ever seen.

[Tana Mongeau]

You taught me about the Trojan horse. I didn't know anything about the Trojan horse until you.

[Dani]

I didn't know it was the size of a 7 11.

[Chris]

Oh. I think I was, like, being a little facetious. Oh, it was big, though.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's so.

[Dani]

Again, that's the problem with me. It's like, I was like, oh, my God, a 7 11.

[Tana Mongeau]

And they. So they all just got in and they were like, yeah, we gotta hide.

[Chris]

Yeah, they like.

[Tana Mongeau]

And then we're gonna pop out.

[Chris]

The Greeks and the Trojans. I don't even, like, want to bore everyone. Greeks and Trojans, basically, Greeks get in big horse statue as, like, war peace offering. Trojans are like, yeah, bring the horse in. They bring the horse into the city, and then at night, the Greeks all hop out of the horse and, like, kill everyone and win the war.

[Dani]

Like, that's so that canceled podcast history lesson. We do this all the time, and never even one time have we been correct about anything.

[Chris]

Probably so wrong.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was, like, editing the podcast.

[Dani]

You could slay it last night.

[Tana Mongeau]

And Makoa was in tears at us trying to talk about people on the moon. Like, I'm done.

[Dani]

Oh, I know.

[Chris]

I thought.

[Dani]

I thought I slayed. I was like. I was really trying to, like, spit facts at Tanner. And I said, like, lance Armstrong landed on the moon. Who is the guy who literally had, like, the yellow. He had testicular cancer. Yeah, he was the cyclist. And I don't know why I referenced the testicular cancer before the cycling.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, but it was important to fame.

[Dani]

It was like, I just remember the yellow brain. That was like, such a big deal.

[Chris]

The guy with the ball cancer, like, he's literally like, a fucking athlete.

[Dani]

And, like, such an amazing one, too.

[Tana Mongeau]

Holy fuck. I can't stop with my ball obsession. By the way, I've been begging Makoa to let me acrylic paint his balls as, like, pumpkins or something. Like, I love balls. I know. I just. I wrote it down to talk about again. I talked about it last week, but.

[Dani]

It'S like, Greg posted on his story last night. He's like, this is what I do for work. And it's just a video of us being like, yeah, I got teabag this morning.

[Chris]

I think balls scare me.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love it.

[Dani]

I just want to do this.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love that so much when I'm really sad.

[Dani]

You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, like what's that? Like, like a little, you know, like.

[Tana Mongeau]

A little stress ball.

[Dani]

Yes, like a stress ball.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love balls. I'm not gonna do it again. But I'm just serious. If I acrylic paint Makoa's balls though, everyone will be hearing about it.

[Dani]

What are you gonna.

[Tana Mongeau]

Well, I'm just, I'm adding that to like I'm. My new bit is like things I want but he won't let me do. I'm asking for. For Christmas as a part of my Christmas gift. Like I'm gonna put mascara on him. I'm gonna paint his balls. Like I'm so genius.

[Dani]

You like a coupon book. And like you. You can use like today I get to mm. Tie your balls in a knot and.

[Tana Mongeau]

Paint them as a globe. Like actually imagine how fun.

[Dani]

Yeah, that would be cool.

[Chris]

Did you have.

[Dani]

You guys. Well, you're. You'll appreciate this. Did you know that if you were to flatten out the earth and then draw a little outline around it, it makes a cat?

[Chris]

Wait, I didn't know that. Wait. Five, two. Love that.

[Dani]

Uh huh.

[Tana Mongeau]

I hope. I love that.

[Chris]

That's you.

[Tana Mongeau]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Chris]

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[Dani]

I have something that I'm dealing with right now that I can't tell if I can tell it without sounding like just an asshole.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay, Story of my life.

[Dani]

I have this girl that I was friends with in seventh grade, okay? I went to like a K through 8 school for only one year, seventh grade. And she was my friend. She was two years old to me. Like, we hung out all the time, whatever. Like really close at the time. But one year, literally never saw her again ever. Okay? Years later, she's in prison with my mom. Starts writing me letters about how like, my mom's a prison mom. It's like a. It's a thing, whatever. Years after that, she's in prison with my sister, which is just a coincidence like that. I can't even believe that that's true. But it is. She's like pregnant in prison with my sister. My sister's telling me all about her. And it's like, just like a strange thing. I've never heard from this girl again.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's like a book title. What's that? What's that book writer who wrote like it ends with us.

[Dani]

Colleen Hoover.

[Tana Mongeau]

Very Colleen Hoover. Pregnant in prison with my sister.

[Chris]

Right.

[Dani]

But she. So I never saw her again. That was like. That's all I knew of her is that she, like, ended up getting really badly into drugs, went to prison a bunch of times, whatever. And recently, well, cut, like, 2022, she started messaging me crazy on Facebook, asking me for money. And I was like, first of all, don't have any of. What do you mean? I have.

[Tana Mongeau]

You're also tapped out on your list of donors.

[Dani]

Yeah, I'm good on my supporting of others, thank you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Dani]

But she's, like, asking me for money, and so I'm just, like, ignoring her, obviously, because I'm like, what am. I don't want to say no. But also, like, I haven't even seen you since seventh grade.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, the Brooklyn Wish foundation is getting out of pants.

[Dani]

And you guys. I'm not kidding now. At this point, she sent me probably, like, a hundred messages in a row. Like, novels, like, you haven't even met my daughter yet. I can't believe it. She's five and you haven't even met her yet. Why would I have met her? You know what I mean? Like, I haven't. Only I haven't seen you since seventh grade. And so then she reaches out to. She reaches out to my sister and sends my sister a novel. And she's like, brooke will not talk to me now. I don't know what I did to her, what is going on and stuff, but in my head, I'm like. It just, like, kind of, like, making me feel really weird. Like, I don't want it. You know what I mean? Like, why would I. Yeah. And it's so bad. She's sending my sister novels. She's sending me, like. Like, the craziest voice memos, like, ever.

[Tana Mongeau]

The.

[Dani]

And it's. They're so eerie. Like, the sound of her voice. I almost, like. I feel like it's mean to play. Play it.

[Tana Mongeau]

But we can, like, warp it. We can, like, warp it because I want to hear.

[Dani]

Well, since you won't answer, I guess.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'll just say happy birthday.

[Dani]

This way. If you could, like, hit me up.

[Tana Mongeau]

That'D be really cool.

[Dani]

Look, it sounds like I'm joking. Like, yeah, it's been a while. And it's so. And it's just like. It's so much like, it just, like, never stops. And she sent my sister all of those.

[Tana Mongeau]

She kind of sounds like she's on drugs, but it also. If she's not, it's just really creepy. It's like, Nora for my car is.

[Dani]

But then I'm sitting next to PB last night. She Goes, do you know this person turns over her phone and she's sending BB novels?

[Chris]

Like.

[Dani]

Like, I know. Brooks, your best friend. Like, she was my best friend growing up, and now she won't talk to me and stuff. And I'm like, I haven't even seen you in 15 years. Like, it's just, like, it's. It's scaring me. And I know it's like, she probably just wants to talk or whatever, but it's like. Like, it's the entitlement. Like, you haven't even met my daughter.

[Chris]

Like, no, no, no.

[Tana Mongeau]

But it's like, there's a psychological term for that. Like, you know what I mean? Like, where, like, you guys met in seventh grade, but now she has this crazy attachment because she's seeing you online. Like, it's. That's.

[Chris]

There's a screw.

[Dani]

Yeah. She's like, I'm just trying to be a good sister. Like, I'm just, like, really weirded out by. And I'm like, wait.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just feel like you're the type who's eventually gonna like, send her money or something. And I swear to God, if you come back here and you tell me that you cut that check, I'm gonna square up on you. Like, do not respond.

[Dani]

No, not this time. But, like, oh, God, you're gonna, like.

[Chris]

Make plans to hang with her.

[Dani]

Really unsettling.

[Tana Mongeau]

I've had my. My fair share of a stalker, but, like, even just like, your neighbor, like, you have such a weird thing with, like, women that, like, have met you that do the weirdest, like.

[Dani]

Yeah, and I have, like, a weird blind trust thing. Like, I don't know why I've, like, the opposite of what you have, where I'm, like, I'm never really hesitant. I don't know. I'm never afraid of people, like, doing me wrong or anything for some reason, even though, like, I have a lot of reason to believe they will. And I wish I had, like, any sort of, like, survival instinct at all. Like, maybe you should avoid this person. But instead I'm like, can't block her.

[Chris]

Like, like, what's the worst she can do?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Dani]

It's just awful strange.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's terrifying.

[Dani]

My list of topics is so funny. It says. It says her name, and then it says, mom shaming. Pap smear. Mouse ate a carrot. Bottom of my feet are cracked.

[Chris]

Boob job.

[Dani]

What do any of these things mean?

[Tana Mongeau]

Talk to me about your papa smear.

[Dani]

My pap smear. I wanted to talk about my pap smear. And this is why? Okay, because I just turned 28 a couple days ago and it was. I am ashamed to admit this was my first ever pap smear, which we are supposed to get them at 21.

[Chris]

I was gonna say you're like damn near 10 years late.

[Dani]

I know. Well, ask your friend here if she.

[Tana Mongeau]

Said she's talking to me right now. This was your story.

[Dani]

I know, but I'm just. It's only because I don't want anybody out here, any of the canceled girlies to get cervical cancer. Okay?

[Tana Mongeau]

If you think about it, Makoa's in there popping and smearing.

[Dani]

Yeah, he's pop smearing you. But everybody made me so afraid of it. And everyone's like, it's painful. Like you can feel them scraping inside. I'm not even kidding. I had. Maybe this says something about me, but I had no clue.

[Chris]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Dani]

She even pap smeared me.

[Chris]

The clamp. The metal clamp.

[Dani]

She didn't clamp me.

[Chris]

No, no, no, no, no. They all. Yeah, when they stick the thing in and they crank your vag open, they go, how open? I don't know. Open enough to like get in there.

[Tana Mongeau]

I've actually been trying to get looser. That's a whole thing.

[Dani]

No, mine was like a. Just a little. I'm pretty sure she just like stuck a swab.

[Tana Mongeau]

No.

[Chris]

So what they do, they put the clamp in and then they open it and then they take the swab and scrape your.

[Dani]

I feel like I would have noticed.

[Tana Mongeau]

Maybe you just got pap swabbed.

[Dani]

No, I. Because I asked her. I mean, I paid for a pap smear and then I, like, I had to get my blood drawn on and it's a whole thing. Apparently my. Like, I have all sorts of issues, but it's because I thought I had a ovarian cyst and I'm still pretty convinced, but I gotta get off WebMD.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Oh, my God.

[Dani]

But it wasn't hard. What? My point is, stop telling people it's hard because you should go get one immediately.

[Chris]

Oh, no. But I'm gonna be honest with the people. I hate getting. Get it done. But oh, my God, I hate it. Something about like the guy now and like the reproductive.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just.

[Dani]

My little legs were up. I was looking at the pink ceiling I was having. It was so. It was so slay. Honestly.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, I just. Like, we're at the point where there's got to be at home kits. Like, we've got 23 and me. Like, why can't we have, there are, there's like std.

[Dani]

There's STD tests you can do at home and stuff. I thought about that, but then it's like, I want to know right in the moment. I always go to this place like same day health because it's like they tell me the same day, like give.

[Tana Mongeau]

Me a three times mirror, a pair of tweezerman tweezers and a cotton swab and I got this like, I, I.

[Dani]

Think it's kind of like take your best guess. Like you, you can pretty much infer like what's going on down there.

[Tana Mongeau]

You've probably heard of noom, the leaders in behavior change weight loss. But did you know they've taken it to the next level with affordable GLP1 medications, a compounded semaglutide. If you qualify, Noom GLP1 starts at just $149 and can be delivered right to your door in just seven days. Noom combines their proven weight loss program with GLP1s giving you the tools to not only lose weight, but to keep it off long term. I love how NOOM approaches weight loss. It's not just about the meds. It's about building better habits and a healthier lifestyle that actually sticks. NOOM is more than just meds. Noom GLP1 isn't just about getting medication quickly to your door in seven days, though. That part is amazing. It comes with something that they call the companion, which is like having a personal guide for sustainable, effective weight loss. And they've thought of everything. For example, their muscle defense program helps you maintain muscle while shedding fat so you're losing weight the right way. Support, that's always there. One of the things I appreciate the most is the support Noom offers. With Noom GLP1, you're not doing this alone. You get access to a doctor, a coach, and even a supportive community. All through the app on your phone. Have a question about your meds side effects. You've got a care team on standby to help you navigate it all. Noom GLP1 starts at 149 and is delivered to your door in seven days. Start your GLP1 journey today at Noom.com that's n o o m dot com Noom the smart way to lose weight. Disclaimer not all customers will medically qualify for prescription medications. Compounded medications are not reviewed by the FDA for safety, efficacy or quality.

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[Dani]

Paige, you're gonna love this.

[Chris]

What? Oh, shut up.

[Dani]

It's literally Murph. It looks just like her.

[Chris]

That is Murph. I miss Pocket.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love Pocket.

[Chris]

I love Pocket. I want to get a second one. Name it. Pork Chop.

[Dani]

Okay, just be careful. Do not pick one up at the Grove.

[Chris]

No, I would never.

[Dani]

People still think I made that up.

[Chris]

Pick him up at the Grove.

[Dani]

Yeah, they think I secretly bought him from a breeder and pretended I stumbled upon him, which I lowkey get. Like, I get why you would think.

[Tana Mongeau]

That, but buying a cat at the Grove is so you. Like, I can't express that.

[Dani]

I have a question though. And like, I got. You know, people get really mad at you. Like, I. People are mad at me for buying a Bengal, but nobody gets mad at people for buying golden retrievers. And that's a dog from a breeder and like a purebred dog.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's true, I guess. It just doesn't give. Like, you're right. Like.

[Dani]

Like designer cats, like, usually they're like unethical breeders and stuff. So I get. I understand it for sure.

[Tana Mongeau]

But like, yeah, I wanted to go Chihuahua so bad, but I know I would get cooked. So I'm just hoping one day I stumble upon.

[Dani]

Why really did stumble upon one at the. But now it's funny because, like, the breeders who gave it, like, he. They made me think like, oh, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. This is the last one. He's so small. He's so calm.

[Tana Mongeau]

Lies and crazy.

[Chris]

You see like 10 more.

[Dani]

I'm pretty sure he was like, sedated. No, there was one at the Grove the very next day. And I'm like, oh, my God, I got got. Absolutely.

[Chris]

Of course I got got.

[Dani]

But then it's funny because they follow me on or I get their tick tocks all day. Their account is foreign bangles.

[Chris]

Stop.

[Dani]

And I'm not kidding. Like, like, mouse used to be a trapper. Like, there's like videos of him, like on top of Lamborghinis and stuff. Like, with his little.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm like.

[Dani]

I'm like, oh, like, they. They honestly ate Me up. Like, I want a hundred percent. This was not a good idea. He's so cute, and he almost died.

[Tana Mongeau]

Have you been. Should we talk about Butterball Turkey Gay.

[Dani]

What's that?

[Chris]

You don't know about Butterball Turkey gate?

[Dani]

No.

[Chris]

What happened? The employees are the turkeys.

[Tana Mongeau]

Workers at the Butterball Turkey factory got caught up dicking down the turkey.

[Dani]

Why is that? Not even, like, the crate. Like, I almost am, like, yeah.

[Chris]

No, men.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Like, honestly, I think that's what it is.

[Dani]

Like, it's like that you say, oh, a man got caught. A turkey. And I'm like, sounds about right.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's so fair.

[Dani]

No offense, Aaron. I'm not turkeys.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know.

[Dani]

I'm just. But you're a man.

[Chris]

They're really. They're like turkeys. They're couch cushions. Yeah.

[Dani]

If it has a whole. Honestly, I'm not gonna lie. You told me that you. A couch cushion. Oh.

[Chris]

Not turkeys.

[Tana Mongeau]

It was a throw, so.

[Dani]

It was a throw pillow, actually. But you. You burnt a hole in it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Nobody.

[Dani]

Nobody here forgot about that.

[Chris]

Yeah, but turkeys is crazy, dude.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was, like, telling all my.

[Dani]

Draw the line.

[Tana Mongeau]

The turkeys is definitely where I draw the line.

[Chris]

And that's, like.

[Dani]

It's dead. So what is that? What do they call that?

[Chris]

No, no, no, no. Like, the live turkeys.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh.

[Chris]

What?

[Tana Mongeau]

I thought they were the. The. The butterballs. Like, the.

[Chris]

Wait, you can't.

[Dani]

A live turt.

[Chris]

No, no, they. They, like.

[Dani]

This is sad.

[Chris]

I don't want to say finger, but, like. Yeah, well, what do you gain from that?

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, that's awful.

[Chris]

It's disgusting. And they're, like, abusive with them. They're like. Like, wait, that's so sad.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, that's awful. Yeah, the turkeys are, like, gobbling around.

[Dani]

Like, it's not bad enough that they're gonna be laid out on somebody's table a couple days from then, but you know what?

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, it's way less funny. It was never funny, but, like. Yeah, immediate retraction and apology. But there's one thing, because I brought it up to my guy friends at friendsgiving, and they were like. Like, I was talking about them like fucking attorneys. And a few people were like. Like, a few people chimed in to say that they could see that, how that could feel good.

[Chris]

I really want all men to be honest and, like, tell me the weirdest thing you've put your dick in with. With, you know, within. Within reason.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Nothing crazy.

[Tana Mongeau]

If I had a dick, though, like.

[Dani]

Yeah. What's the first thing you would put Your dick in. If you had those.

[Tana Mongeau]

Those water things like that.

[Dani]

That's what I think of when I'm thinking about balls.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Dani]

You know, I'm talking about when it, like. And it just keeps going.

[Tana Mongeau]

Or like, just like. Yeah, like Vaseline.

[Dani]

Yeah. It's not enough.

[Chris]

I need more speed. Yeah, yeah. Great speed for accuracy.

[Dani]

Apparently that happened in 2006.

[Chris]

Oh, what the turkeys? Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, and it's just now catching virality.

[Dani]

That'll happen.

[Chris]

Also, no one comment on my bangs. I'm getting a lot of comments being like, what? What'd you do, Queen? Cut your hair at 3:00am? Yes. Oh, my God. Did you cut that with the lights off? Yes. So glad we.

[Dani]

I love your bang so much. And when you told me that people were up in arms about it, I. I couldn't believe it. Also, imagine being up in arms about somebody else's haircut.

[Chris]

I mean, they're kind of.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love them. No, I think it's giving like Angelina Jolie and Girl Interrupted. Is that it? Yeah.

[Dani]

No, it remind me of the little girl from Pulp Fiction.

[Chris]

I thought you're gonna say Monsters, Inc.

[Dani]

She's also not little girl.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah.

[Dani]

Winona.

[Chris]

No.

[Dani]

Is that who's in? Uma Thurman. Yeah. You know, how do I mix them up? Always Who?

[Tana Mongeau]

Boo for Monsters Inc. And Uma Thurman.

[Dani]

Yes. Is that not the craziest thing?

[Chris]

But yeah. No, they're kind of a slide. I want to go shorter.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know you want a micro. You could pull it off 100. I just.

[Dani]

That's me all of a sudden up in arms over somebody else's.

[Chris]

Some people don't get it, though.

[Tana Mongeau]

Here's the thing, though, that you know what scares me, and that's how I feel about a lot of things I want to do, like bleach brows. Even me being brunette, I genuinely feel like I would have to be like, tanned with makeup at all times. Like, like, would you like micro bangs off the wake up?

[Chris]

Hell no. You would have to style that every day.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. And that's like, I could never keep that up.

[Dani]

One time I parted my hair with scissors by mistake.

[Chris]

Brooke.

[Tana Mongeau]

Amber.

[Dani]

And it did it like, straight. Like, it gave me a little mohawk.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, one time I filled in my eyebrows with the chainsaw. Like, what's up?

[Dani]

It was like it didn't see if. It didn't seem like if I was not going to do this, like, why would it cut my hair? It does. You're welcome.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

Don't part your hair with the kitchen.

[Tana Mongeau]

But I made like a little, A.

[Dani]

Little mohawk down my head and I would wake up every morning, it would just be standing straight up. I feel like that's what would happen to me with micro bangs.

[Chris]

Well, I know. I was so scared these shits were going to like.

[Tana Mongeau]

As someone who has micro banks, now that I think about it, due to my. Due to my bleaching, they do stand straight up quite frequently.

[Chris]

Yeah, I'd have to like slick it down.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. People are really up in arms that I won't go brunette cuz I'm like growing out my roots right now and like.

[Dani]

But do you ever. Oh, it would just be so good. It would be so.

[Chris]

I have seen the fan edits on Tick Tock of like you with brown hair kind of eats and it always.

[Dani]

Like whenever a blonde goes brunette, I'm like, oh my God, that's so Paige Lorenz just went brunette and she looks amazing.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm like not opposed to it. I think I'm gonna have a wig week where I try out different brows.

[Dani]

You did that and you hated it. And it was like so. You look perfect.

[Chris]

The only thing I will say it's like you losing your blonde is like Ariana ponytail.

[Dani]

That's true.

[Tana Mongeau]

It is like.

[Dani]

It is so like you and like the. We. We would stop having like such a, like a contrasting. Contrasting.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just think it really is. Even with the edits. Like I don't think I look bad brunette when I'm tan and glam, but I think that when I'm like just bopping around like hair's sticking up like whatever, like my blonde almost saves me.

[Dani]

Do you know that's the exact reason that I didn't want to be blonde anymore? Because when I didn't have me makeup on. But I also have like a different complexion than you. But I looked so washed out because I was like.

[Chris]

I was the opposite. I like looked better blonde without makeup.

[Dani]

Really?

[Chris]

Because.

[Dani]

Okay, well this is, this is what I compare it to. Have you ever taken a photo standing in front of a white wall versus a black wall? Like you're standing against the white wall. You're gonna like. I feel like you see every imperfection on your face and stuff against a black wall. Your eyes look like so bright and your skin looks perfect and everything. Like that's what I feel about darker hair. It's like the contrast.

[Tana Mongeau]

I look mousy. I look like life sucked out of.

[Dani]

The reason I that's true for me is because I have like freckles and like I'm. I'M low key like pink. I have like a gingery complexion.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm very yellow.

[Chris]

Just different.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. I don't know but like the black hair.

[Chris]

Oh no.

[Dani]

But also like I just know, like everybody know that I do know the difference between the color my hands in the color.

[Chris]

That's. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

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[Dani]

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[Tana Mongeau]

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[Tana Mongeau]

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[Tana Mongeau]

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[Chris]

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[Dani]

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[Chris]

So claim your free welcome bonus now. And live the chumba life.

[Dani]

Visit chumbacasino.com I just want to talk about something really quick. I do have a tattoo on my hand that says nerby. And I meant for. And you know what? This is Paige's fault. Because Paige and I, like Paige, wanted to get tattoos one day randomly. We're walking down the street in New York and she's like, let's stop inside this tattoo shop. She gets the most perfect, flawless, gorgeous, crystal crisp tattoo.

[Chris]

It cancels out the big fat honker.

[Dani]

On my back, and I get my first tattoo ever, which I should get. I decide to get on the most visible area of my.

[Tana Mongeau]

No. The red ink, though, is why I'm scared.

[Dani]

Really? I love. I know I do not regret anything about the. Ready?

[Tana Mongeau]

No, but you just can't remove red ink.

[Dani]

Oh, that's perfect.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay.

[Chris]

Nervy.

[Dani]

Anyway, it says nerby fully loaded. It says nurburgring in like. And. And what's. What's crazy about this? Sorry.

[Chris]

Fully loaded. Just like tears to my eyes.

[Tana Mongeau]

Go ahead, Nervy. Fully load.

[Dani]

Let me tell you what happened too. It's like this. The girl who did it was so nice. And honestly, I love it so much. It's perfect.

[Tana Mongeau]

But she.

[Dani]

She told us after the fact, after she had. She had tattooed Murphy on me and B.B. she told us, yeah, I'm still training. I'm an apprentice.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, that's diabolical.

[Dani]

That's something you need. First of all, if you're not gonna disclose it before you give me the tattoo, don't disclose it after. You know what I mean? Like, that's just reckless.

[Tana Mongeau]

That is really, really, really, really, really. That's like.

[Dani]

I went like this. I was like.

[Chris]

And.

[Dani]

But in the. At the moment, I was like, oh, it for sure says Murphy under.

[Chris]

My guy literally sat me down on the table, whipped out his iPad, put on Rick and Morty. I go, oh, I'm about to get the best tattoo of my life.

[Dani]

It was so loud too. I was like, what's going on in there? Meanwhile, I'm like, yeah, that looks right. Like, no, it doesn't.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's like one of those. It's kind of like Laurel or Yanny.

[Dani]

It's just.

[Tana Mongeau]

It was like.

[Dani]

All my comments too were like, girl, like, it's giving.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's not quite right.

[Dani]

And I was like, you guys are just a bunch of haters. And I'm looking at.

[Chris]

I'm like looking out for.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's giving. Gold dress or blue dress though? Cuz if I squint my Left eye I see Murphy. If I squint my right eye, I seem nervy.

[Dani]

Anyway, I love my cats nervy. And mouse.

[Chris]

The Y is fading. It's just gonna be nerf.

[Dani]

I know.

[Tana Mongeau]

Nerb. You could maybe have someone just, like, retrace that.

[Dani]

I think I'm going to and. But I just am afraid of making it, like, blown out. But I honestly, like, what's worse? Like, having it just, like, barely visible and it says nerby or like, having it be dark?

[Tana Mongeau]

I've never gotten a good tattoo in my life, I'll tell you that much. Every single one of my tattoos is either a not what I wanted or be like, I wish someone actually dragged me out of the parlor by my scalp.

[Chris]

I think going into it, you just have to, like, accept that though my.

[Dani]

First and only tattoo I'm ever gonna get in my entire life.

[Chris]

So, like, set your expectations low.

[Tana Mongeau]

Both of these tattoos for my dead people. I like, really wanted to be thin like this. This one is by Romeo Lacoste and imagine that too. I'm just like, he gives me the tattoo and then he gets so caught up and I'm like, oh, what happened?

[Dani]

What do you do?

[Tana Mongeau]

I wanted it to be, like, almost as thin as your Murphy. Like a doodle of a four leaf clover. Like, done with a pen. Like, thin. And then he gives me the.

[Chris]

Oh, he shaves you up, like, and.

[Tana Mongeau]

Then it's like, even just this, I wanted like a thin little filled in. Yeah, yeah. Like, are you like, it literally looks like a fucking stock image stamp of a fucking four leaf clover.

[Dani]

Okay, that's a good point. At least mine's got some thin lines.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Like, I can't.

[Dani]

Pointing in the wrong direction.

[Tana Mongeau]

Right. Is it too late to talk about Zach, Brian? Like, is it just dead and gone?

[Dani]

It is, because this episode comes out in three weeks probably.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just. Can I make fun of him for one thing, very quickly?

[Dani]

Yeah. Wait, did you see that?

[Chris]

What?

[Tana Mongeau]

That was horrifying. Oh.

[Chris]

I'm on stage.

[Dani]

All my exes hate me and my.

[Chris]

Friends on piss me off. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, no, but imagine that dead ass, like, in a silent kitchen at night. Like that yell from that little toad Gremlin. I would be so scared.

[Dani]

She should have drop kicked him. She's tall.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just. Wow.

[Dani]

No. Abuse is never right.

[Tana Mongeau]

This UFC fighter named David Onama went out to fight. And then after his fight, breeze at this fight to talk about Claire Cognizance, talk about coincidences. After his fight, they ask him, like, what he's so Excited to do next. And he's like, I'm so excited to see Zach Brian here in this arena, right? And then he starts getting cooked online because it's like, during all of this shit, right? So that he comes out in an interview. Sorry, my lip is flipped. I'm not. I can't. My flipped lip doesn't allow me full. I'm discouraged. He comes out in an interview and he says that Zach Bryan's team paid him to fucking say that after the fight.

[Dani]

Let me. He's so messy. Like, include in the contract some sort of like, non disclosure. Like, he's fudgeing this up left and right. But honestly, so first of all, so funny and so embarrassing.

[Tana Mongeau]

How fucking embarrassing.

[Dani]

But imagine being Brie and watching that clip from the podcast, him being like, well, yeah, you pay me to do it. I would be cracking out, Jack.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, I would jack off to that, but it's just like, how fucking embarrassing. Like, you had your. And like, think it's like, you need so much more than a UFC fighter saying that right now. You need like, like maybe a Times Square billboard. Like, I don't even know. Like, it's just like, there's no marketing ploy that can help in the getting caught up. Like, that is just so fucking embarrassing. He's like, I don't even know who that is.

[Dani]

And then he says in the same podcast, he's like, I love Morgan Wallen, though.

[Tana Mongeau]

And knowing Zach Ryan's up in arms over.

[Dani]

You know what I had what theory I had almost, though, like. And I know I'm probably making this up, but how funny would this be if he actually, like, wasn't paid by Zach Bryan at all, but Dave Portnoy like, gave him a bunch of money to say that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, like, to say that. That's amazing.

[Dani]

Because the Morgan Wallen thing, I'm like, Dave has to be behind this.

[Chris]

That would be like, genius level.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's insane.

[Dani]

That's what I would do if I had Dave Portnoy money. I would be doing like that. Like, just the most petty things ever.

[Tana Mongeau]

100.

[Chris]

Did you see me in Dumont?

[Dani]

No.

[Chris]

What?

[Tana Mongeau]

Paige had her Big Duma debut. Who was.

[Dani]

Who are you with?

[Chris]

De. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Okay. So I went with my roommate Olivia, right? And Thomas, their old tour manager, was like, I'm gonna be.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love to camera that.

[Chris]

To clarify for the people, he's like, I'm gonna be on Tour with Declan McKenna, who's opening for Sabrina. So if you guys want to come to the concert, let me know. I'll get you tickets.

[Dani]

I can't believe I didn't take advantage of that.

[Chris]

Well, I thought it was, like, just being nice. I thought it was one of those things, like, oh, my God. Yeah, totally. And then I was like, you know what? Fuck it. Like, let me text him, see what it's. What it's about. I texted him the day before I went, and I was like, hey, can I get tickets? And he's like, absolutely. Pick them up at will call tomorrow. You're all set. I'm like, fuck, yeah. Amazing. He gave me two tickets. I was gonna bring tea. And then she's like, not the biggest carpenter.

[Tana Mongeau]

No. That is not what happened.

[Chris]

Home Depot.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love Sabrina Carpenter literally so much.

[Dani]

Jesus was a carpenter.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, but tell me why my defense almost makes me sound worse. I'm like, I just didn't want to get mobbed.

[Chris]

No, real. I mean, but James Charles was there. Was he there amongst the normies?

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, damn. I don't know. Just every time I go to a concert, I feel like I need to bring security. People do weird shit to me.

[Dani]

I feel like everybody's dressed up as Sabrina. I feel like you could have honestly just slayed it. Like, all you had to do is put a bang on and everyone.

[Tana Mongeau]

I have a Juno outfit. I wanted to go bad, too. Wait, really?

[Chris]

I thought you were saying, like, I'll take someone who, like, appreciates it more.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, my social battery was just on zero. And, like, I don't like going in a place where I'm. I know I might meet a lot of people who support me and I can't, like, give them.

[Chris]

Okay, fair, fair. Sorry, Scratch that. Tana is a carpenter.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm a carpenter. I am a carpenter.

[Chris]

So.

[Tana Mongeau]

Huge carpenter, actually.

[Dani]

Okay, what's your favorite? Have you ever tried this one?

[Chris]

Huge carpenter.

[Tana Mongeau]

Well, what. What do you want me to do?

[Chris]

It's this one.

[Dani]

She got in trouble for this one.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, that one was crazy.

[Tana Mongeau]

Can you do your baby crack thing really quick?

[Dani]

No.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, you're baby. Please, please.

[Tana Mongeau]

Will you do it for the podcast?

[Dani]

See it. There's nowhere I can go. There where they can see it right here.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'll move the couch.

[Chris]

I'm like, have you ever tried this one?

[Tana Mongeau]

That made up for every time you wouldn't bark?

[Chris]

That's insane.

[Tana Mongeau]

That made up for every time you wouldn't bark.

[Chris]

I wish I could do that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay, anyways. Anyways.

[Chris]

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so anywho, Thomas is like, yeah, get your tickets tomorrow. I bring Olivia because Tana doesn't go. So we get there. We go to Will, call, pick up our tickets, and they're in an envelope. We open the envelope, and they're. There's a guest pass. All access, this, that, and the other in a Kia Forum Club pass. Love. I'm like, oh, my.

[Dani]

I love the Forum Club.

[Tana Mongeau]

Had I known that, I probably would have gone, oh, yeah.

[Dani]

I can't imagine the people who were in the Forum Club at Sabrina.

[Chris]

Oh, I'll get there, sister.

[Dani]

Perfect.

[Chris]

So I text Thomas. I'm like, oh, my God. Thank you so much. This is insane. Blah, blah. I'm like, where are you? Like, we're in this section. Come meet up with us. So he comes. He says, hi. He's like, yeah, you guys are all access. If you want to go backstage, you literally could. You would just have to come with me. I'm like, what the crazy. But he was like, no, right, right.

[Tana Mongeau]

Same.

[Chris]

So he was like. But most importantly, after the show, you have to come to the Forum Club because, like, that's where everyone goes after tea. So me Olivia said, work. So me Olivia, sit. Watch the whole show. I love that little Polly Pocket. She's.

[Dani]

She's so cute and so small.

[Tana Mongeau]

Everything.

[Dani]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

She's perfect. So, like, literal, cute, aggression.

[Dani]

Him.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Dani]

I literally just said, I want to kick her down the street. I don't even know where that came from. I just love her.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, I was literally gonna say, I want to put her as an air freshener in the car. Like, it's like, what?

[Chris]

Literally put her in my shoe. So her show ends. Me and Olivia go to the club Form Club, and we're sitting there at the bar. We get a glass of wine, and Olivia goes, paige, don't look right now, but right behind you is John Mayer.

[Tana Mongeau]

I would literally myself.

[Chris]

I'm not kidding. I go, you're joking. You're joking. She goes, no, I'm not kidding. Three feet behind you is John Mayer. Gravity is working. I am not kidding. I go like this. He's from me to that camera stand. I'm, like, freaking out internally. I'm like, oh, my God. I need this man. Sorry, Taylor, dear. John is off the table.

[Dani]

I was just gonna ask you how you're getting away with this as a Swiftie Taylor.

[Chris]

I love you, girl, but, like, let's be so serious for three seconds.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know that?

[Dani]

I honestly. I went and saw him last year for his solo tour.

[Chris]

I know it tastes like an Oreo McFlurry.

[Tana Mongeau]

Thank you.

[Chris]

I know it tastes like an Oreo McFlurry. So his dick.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So I'm like, over here conspiring. I'm like, oh, my God. Olivia's like, we have to say something. I'm like, no, we don't. No, we don't. I had, like, the Chelsea Handler moment. She's like, we have to go up and say hi. I'm like, no.

[Dani]

He's another one that I would probably never approach just because he'd be like, I'm not kidding.

[Chris]

Okay, word. No, but that's embarrassing, because then he would never have sex with me.

[Tana Mongeau]

I thought you were gonna go down a different path. I don't want to have sex with Chelsea Handler. Continue. But, yes, I do.

[Chris]

He'd be like, okay, this weird fan. No, I have to play it cool. I have to be like, you know, mystery girl. So anyway, me and Olivia, like, waltz around the Forum Club. We're, like, getting drinks, blah, blah. Cara Delevingne's in there. A bunch of people, like, I don't know, actors and actresses. Like, I'm not familiar with, like, in Vampire Diaries and what have you.

[Tana Mongeau]

So.

[Chris]

So Olivia and I circle back. We're like, we have to see John again. We walk over, he's gone. To my dismay. I'm like, jesus fucking Christ. I'm like, there's nothing left here for us, right? So we're walking out. Nothing left to live for at all. So we're walking out, and, like, as we're walking out of, like, the side exit, this guy and, like, this girl cut in front of us, and they're, like, walking up the stairs. As soon as we open up the doors and go outside, it's flashes galore. Just flashes going off, and I'm like.

[Tana Mongeau]

Are you just mogging like that?

[Chris]

Immediate.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's the, like, the best trope back of a paparazzi shot. Like, slaying.

[Chris]

But I didn't think anything of it because, like, I didn't even think we were in the shot. Like, I thought we were, like, far enough away from this guy that, like, we weren't even in it. So this guy's getting popped. Me and Olivia are walking back to my car, and I'm like, oh, my God. We should have done, like, Kim Kardashian style. Like, we should have left at the same time John Mayer left. Like, we should have been in the background of a paparazzi.

[Dani]

Oh, like, when she made it look like she was at Britney's hotel room.

[Chris]

Yes, yes, yes. I was like, that's some shit Kim K. Would have done. I'm Like, God damn it. We could have been, like, in the background of one of those pictures.

[Dani]

Oh, I would have 100% done that. And then I would have never addressed it on the podcast and just let everybody think I was dating John Mayer.

[Chris]

I'm embarrassing. So here I am.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, me? No, me as fuck.

[Chris]

So I'm not kidding. I go to sleep that night. I wake up in the morning to, like, a grillion tags on Instagram of Paige in Dumois, and I'm like, what the fuck? I open it up. I'm scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. I'm the last picture. I'm in the background of the paparazzi picture.

[Dani]

Who was it?

[Chris]

No one that I know.

[Dani]

Okay.

[Chris]

It wasn't John, but I love. But he's hot. He's so fucking hot.

[Dani]

Yeah. I wonder who it was. But I love that. I love Du moi. One time they wrote about me, and I, like, I wanted to, like, literally leak that it was about me because I was, like, I was just so excited about it, and they were so right.

[Chris]

But it was so cute too, because, like, all, like, our little fans were in the comments going, the star among the stars, like, tagging me.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was like, okay, people were eating you up for the merch shoot too. It was inside insane. I, like, I felt like an evil mastermind. Like, the day of. I knew that would happen. And then seeing everyone, like, eating you up for it was just you ate down, though. Like, those photos of you are so sickening. Paige won't post them unless I pay her.

[Dani]

You shouldn't.

[Chris]

No, I know. Well, she brought it up. She was like, stand your ground. She goes, what if I pay you to post? It's a deal. And then she retracted. She goes, actually, never mind.

[Tana Mongeau]

But I. I do want to give her code page and then just see, like, yeah, see?

[Dani]

See what kind of sales.

[Chris]

I was like, imagine just like 200.

[Dani]

Imagine I just buy a bunch with code page.

[Tana Mongeau]

Well, and then give her the. Obviously give her the discount that code page brings. You know, it's a. That would be a good.

[Dani]

Oh, yeah. See, I was saying, like, I was gonna make her look good by buying a bunch of shares with code page, but then the money just comes back to me anyway.

[Chris]

Wait, that's kind of.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm not. Is on sale, by the way. Just letting you guys know.

[Dani]

And it's so and so amazing. And Sabrina Carpenter wore it. I saw her.

[Chris]

It's so cute. And the only reason why I'm not wearing it is because it's sold out.

[Tana Mongeau]

You ate with that it's totally not. Go by it just really quickly.

[Dani]

I want to give everybody the boob job update that they did not ask for at all in any way, shape, or form.

[Chris]

I was wondering.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I also was wondering.

[Dani]

My implants, first of all, so happy with them. They are slang. I love them. They're huge.

[Tana Mongeau]

I got to see them a bunch during our merch.

[Dani]

And honestly, a lot of people. Well, actually just a lot of comments that are like, they're huge. They don't fit her body. I never went for something that was going to fit my body. That was never my intent. I wanted knockers, and I got them, and I love that them. But I just found out because they're under the muscle. I. I don't know what possessed me to do some push ups in front of the mirror the other day.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, that's like, their thing to be doing.

[Dani]

They go literally behind me. Like, both of them just separate all the way.

[Tana Mongeau]

I have to see, like, I fear you're gonna have to do a naked push up.

[Dani]

Crazy.

[Chris]

You know, like the SpongeBob SquarePants movie where, like, David Hasselhoff is in the water and his pecs go like this and separate.

[Dani]

I can, like, flex them and they, like, go, like, apart. And I was having such a hard time not doing it. Like, I was taking photos the other night or at the gladiator premiere, and I had my, like, it was so cold, so I was, like, shivering and my boobs were just like, that boob.

[Tana Mongeau]

Job scare me so much. It's the only plastic surgery that scares me because, like, I'm so happy. I just have these big boots speaking of plastic surgery. And I know we have a divided nation here, and you are on the right side.

[Chris]

I was so excited that you're gonna say, like, speaking of movement movies. Wicked.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, we can do that.

[Chris]

Oh, my Oz.

[Dani]

No, I want to hear. I want to hear.

[Tana Mongeau]

I want whatever the Lindsay Lindsay Lohan is smoking. I want that pack. I want it. So there's bad.

[Dani]

There's so much talk about, like, what it could possibly be. I'm like, I. Sometimes I'm like, is she just hydrated all of a sudden?

[Chris]

Like, what? No, it's the substance.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, no, no.

[Dani]

I. I think she got a lip lift. Right? You know when they, like, make a little cut right here and they, like, lift your lip up again a little. It's both blabulous.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's for sure.

[Dani]

I need a bluff so bad. An upper bluff so bad. And I'm gonna get that, like, tomorrow. And everybody just mind Your business when I have stitches on my face. Shut up.

[Chris]

Wait, what's the bluff do?

[Dani]

Like, you know, you don't need it. You would never need it because you have so much eyelid. But notice how I have, like, like all this eyelid fat and I have no.

[Chris]

Like, is it up here?

[Tana Mongeau]

Upper bluff.

[Dani]

This, like, you look so good. This extra, like, fat of your eyelid. Oh, and the fat under your eye.

[Chris]

But you don't have fat there.

[Dani]

Yes, I am. Like, look this. Like, if I look this way.

[Chris]

You can't.

[Dani]

I could. Could never do a winged eyeliner because my eyes, like, overlap.

[Tana Mongeau]

Lower bluff is for any loose skin here. And then like a facelift, obviously. Yeah, I. Yo, I'm a dropout, but give me something like this. And I am putting my foot into the research.

[Chris]

Look like her.

[Tana Mongeau]

I saw a video for the other day.

[Dani]

Like, does look like her, though. She, like, looks amazing. Like, it doesn't look like she got surgery, baby.

[Tana Mongeau]

Lindsay Lohan. It looks like when she was 21.

[Chris]

Chase Olstein from Minaga High School.

[Dani]

What?

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know.

[Chris]

Some girl I went to school with.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God, it looks so good.

[Dani]

Yeah, I think she, her and Christina.

[Tana Mongeau]

Aguilera had to have gone to the same doctor. I'm trying so hard to find what doctor it is.

[Chris]

And I. Hannah Marie, you are so gorgeous. You don't need anything.

[Tana Mongeau]

But I just.

[Dani]

I. Yeah, you're being ridiculous. You know that everybody, everyone sees new Christina Aguilera and thinks it's you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I. My nasolabial folds are going. And you know, I talk about this all the time.

[Dani]

Can I tell you something really quick before. I'm sorry to cut you off, but when I was in seventh grade, I never, ever was insecure about my body until this girl around me kept calling herself fat. And now I didn't even know what a nasolabial fold was until she started saying it. And now all of a sudden, I'm self conscious about my nasolabial fold. What the fuck even is that?

[Tana Mongeau]

It's like your smile lines, essentially. But some people's fat, like, moves here. Migrated, filler, whatever. I'm telling you, when views get really low, I'm writing it off as a tax write off. And I am Heidi Mon tagging the house down boots. I am coming back. Substance galore. With a new face. I'm sorry, you are literally, like, if.

[Chris]

You touch your face. I'm not.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's not even that I don't think I'm so stunning.

[Chris]

I just.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. Like, I thought Lindsay Lohan was stunning before. You know what I mean? I think I'm stunning now, but that is next level. I need it. I need it.

[Dani]

It's so good.

[Chris]

You have such a beautiful little face and you shouldn't touch it. Well, you do maintain your character, but.

[Dani]

I will support you in anything.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'll keep these bottom teeth a little yellow till the day I die. I will continue to say awful things like he me with a toothbrush. But if you see my nasolabial folds lifted to mercury, Mind your own business. I. And I've been wanting whatever this is and now seeing it everywhere, like, I, you know, I can't shut the fuck up about my nasal.

[Chris]

It really is all she talks about.

[Dani]

I've never ever looked at your face and thought like, oh, that's that little whatever that is. Like, I don't even know what you're talking about on your face.

[Chris]

Yeah, I've never once been like, oh my God, her nasolabial folds are.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just want nasolabial. No more folds. And I can't lie to you guys. I'm gonna smoke whatever the Christina and Lindsay smoke.

[Dani]

Wait, so you want that to just be flat?

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, yeah, I want. Look, look at this, look at this. And you can. I don't. You can lie to me all the you want. Okay? My mind is made the up.

[Chris]

She's done this and there is a difference.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay. Okay, Well, I want the viewers to see too.

[Dani]

Ah.

[Chris]

I mean, I mean, let's ask the audience.

[Dani]

You got me there.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wait, like, I.

[Dani]

You don't need it. And no one would ever notice that.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, but see, I got you there. I want it. I need it.

[Dani]

I started noticing like the little puppet. I started getting like the puppet line.

[Chris]

You guys are so self critical.

[Dani]

I know we're being ridiculous and we're being a really bad influence on our.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I recognize that I'm so dysmorphic, but here's what I'm going to say. Day, like my life, like my entire 16, 17 years before I got my nose job, every single time I turned to the side, it was what I was thinking about. I got a nose job and it put those thoughts to bed. And I am now like, I'm just a completely different person. I was so much more confident immediately after they put that hammer on it, right? And I'm not saying that anyone should go out and get plastic surgeries like their aventi ice latte. And I think that it is such a personal decision. I don't think there's a blanket statement. You know what I mean? I don't think. I think it is better to be against them and embrace who you are and be unique and not feed into the beauty standard, obsession and societal obsession and whatever. But I also think that if something consumes you and you want to change it, that you live one fucking life. That you live one life and like it can be fun to do those things and then it's also like, like fun.

[Dani]

I get what you're saying. I completely get what you're saying. I felt the same way about my arms. Like it was something I was so self conscious about and like maybe nobody else would notice it, but for me it made me feel so much better.

[Chris]

That I just like, I get it if it's like, if you get one or two procedures done, it's something that like really is plaguing you and bothering you and it's going to change your life for the better. I understand. But when it's like Christina Aguilera level where it's like, who the is that?

[Dani]

But also looked amazing, like when your.

[Tana Mongeau]

Whole job is also based on getting paid like she is, they both will now probably book 10 times more roles and that's fucked up to say.

[Chris]

I know, but like that's the whole thing. I think I'm kind of against doing all of that because women should be able to age gracefully.

[Dani]

Sometimes I look at people though, and I'm like, but then I'm about to give the worst example ever. I'm like, sometimes I love it when people age gracefully. And then I was going to use Angelina Jolie, Pamela Anderson and I'm like, it's just not comparable.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's just. I don't know, I think that if.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was a bookkeeper I probably wouldn't as much be as. You know what I mean? But like, yeah, well, it's hard to.

[Dani]

When so many people are like critical. Like not to make it like dark but like how many people are like.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, now I'm like ass kissing. That's been my one of the week. Everyone's saying I'm such an ass kisser and like that I'm just. And I kind of am. I actually have to like, like it's hard to differentiate because it's like we will have people on that I'm not like close with and I'm just gassing them. But I just love to gas people up. I really do.

[Dani]

Yeah, that's not a bad, that's not a crime.

[Tana Mongeau]

And, but also like, I do understand that then when I'm gassing up people, I love that are close to me, it loses. It holds less weight. And I can understand people like, saying that, but I just, like, love to. I don't know.

[Chris]

Trust me, your affection.

[Dani]

Yeah. That's not very words of affirmation about you this week. You're slang.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm. I'm just so. Words of affirmation coded. It's my love language, and I always want to make people feel special.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

But here I.

[Dani]

You are so good at that. I wish that's, like, my number one thing I would wish I was better at is because, like, I don't know why I sometimes feel weird like, like giving people words of affirmation.

[Tana Mongeau]

I even. It's been like. Just like, everyone keeps coming at me for, like, the way I talk to Trisha. But it's like, I've said this off camera a lot, too. I feel like. Like, even Trisha with, like, the live shows, how she was living under this genuine belief that she couldn't sell out a live show. It was eating away at me because it's like, I wish that you saw you the way that, like, your fans do and people who love and adore you and just, like, what. You know what I mean? Like, so I do always gas her up more. Yeah. But it's like so many of those people saying that I do that would also do that if they had the chance for someone that they love, you.

[Chris]

Know, I also think it's sweet and we were saying this like, a few days ago, but I. I'm starting to, like, do this thing where if I have a positive thought about someone, I'm not gonna, like, hold it in anymore. Like, I'm gonna tell them. And I think also think it's nice to, like, be on the receiving end and hear that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Me too.

[Dani]

I remember I had a girl come at me in high school for it. She was like, you're literally. You kiss up to every single person. Like, you're always, like, complimenting people.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like.

[Dani]

And I'm like, what the is wrong with saying nice things to people? Like, just, like, things like, oh, my God, your. Your hair is amazing, or, like, your body's amazing or something.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I'm so like that off camera. I think that's. That's the thing is, like, that people maybe don't realize is, like. Like, even just if I'm checking out somewhere, if I like something on the person checking me out, whether it's something they're wearing. Yeah, I'm going to tell them. I think that because I can just remember so many times in My life where people have said things to me and like I carried that positive compliment with me and maybe it was the only one that I received or maybe it just. You know what I mean? And it's like I'm never gonna stop doing that. And it's crazy that now that's like.

[Chris]

Yeah, there's just no harm in giving someone a compliment or just like saying how you feel if it's positive. And it's also like people have seen.

[Tana Mongeau]

Me so many times, like if I hate a standing on coming at their neck. So it's like, you know, I just, I stand on what I believe. But I do think that I, I can teeter the line of that. Like when we have. When I go on people's podcasts or have guests and it's like, you don't know this person. You are just kissing their ass. But I just want to make people feel comfortable. And I think if someone is good at something, they should know. I think if someone there are much.

[Dani]

Worse quality to have. I think you, you should keep it moving and, and keep doing it.

[Chris]

I love keep ass kiss it. No, I like it. It's cute.

[Tana Mongeau]

That wasn't my topic. Kraft Mac and cheesecake was my other topic. Yeah.

[Chris]

What's that mean?

[Tana Mongeau]

They released a gluten free easy Mac. Okay. The cut in the cups and I've been getting it. I love it. I think it's so similar to Kraft Mac and cheese, but it's gluten free. I love intaking less gluten. Always have. But I don't do it enough. Whatever. Apparently a lot of people have been getting them without the cheese packets. Just the cup I'd be.

[Chris]

So it's literally just water and Mac.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. No cheese. Yeah, like no cheese. And this girl comes online saying, I bought it. There's no cheese. And then she keeps going to other stores and buying it and keeps getting ones with no cheese. But then craft comments on her tick tock gaslighting the shit out of her. Like, we see no problems over here. No. And like their, their tick tock bio is so funny. Hold on. I forget what it was.

[Chris]

What do you mean?

[Tana Mongeau]

Christmas? Like, what do you mean craft? You had the one opportunity to like send her a bunch and like, and they're just like, have a positive PR move. Like someone over there.

[Chris]

That's crazy.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm trying to see if they changed their bio.

[Dani]

I cried.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, their bio is vibes and cheese and everyone's cooking them. Like just vibes. Just vibes now.

[Dani]

Like, I got Mac and Cheese or. I mean, McDonald's pancakes the other day, and they didn't give me butter or syrup, and I actually cried. I was like, what am I supposed to do with these?

[Tana Mongeau]

Right?

[Chris]

You know what the worst thing in the world is? Oh, my God. Every time I order, like, a Chipotle burrito bowl and I put add utensils, and I don't get the black plastic fork, it's good.

[Dani]

Same thing with Panda Express. If I have to eat Panda Express with a metal fork, it doesn't taste like Panda Express. And I really mean that. I really mean that.

[Chris]

There's just something so, like, amazing about, like, the chipotle plastic fork, and I'm just really sad every time. I don't get it. You know what I hate?

[Tana Mongeau]

You know what?

[Dani]

I. Oh, I'm sorry. I was gonna. I was just gonna start beef with Chipotle.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, start your beef with Chipotle.

[Dani]

You Chipotle. Well, I'm just kidding. I love Chipotle literally more than life. But I stopped. I'm boycotting, and they're really suffering because of how much I'm not ordering Chipotle.

[Chris]

What they do, girl.

[Dani]

Because they will not. You cannot order a side of salad dressing on Postmates or any food delivery apps.

[Chris]

I join you. I join you in this movement. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Tana Mongeau]

The vinaigrette.

[Chris]

The vinaigrette.

[Dani]

Oh, I would do anything. And, like, the thing is, I sometimes, like, I've tried to order a salad with no lettuce because it's like, I want a burrito bowl with the salad dressing. Like, just let me, or I'll pay 11 for it, bro.

[Chris]

I have. Oh, my gosh. I have a picture in my phone. I'll insert it literally on. Instead of my name on the order, I go, please add vinaigrette. Like, every single addition I could have made on the app, I'm going, please add vinegar.

[Dani]

I always, like, you have to time it out perfectly, right? Because it has to, like, you have to be assigned a driver, and they have to literally, physically be in the range restaurant. Then you have to message them and say, please, I'm begging. I'll do anything. Get two sides of vinaigrette and somebody. No, because it's like, it's definitely made, like, that day in so fresh. It's so delicious.

[Tana Mongeau]

That is ass. That's, like, really ass.

[Dani]

But it's like, it, like, you guys would make so much more money if you just, like. Like, I would buy so much of it.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm just. I need to Stop overeating in general. Like, I'm really teetering the line of needing to delete the app because it's like, dude, last night I hit this joint, and I think it's going to be a regular joint. And I smoked the cancer pack. I'm high as balls, having existential conversations with myself in my head. I'm, like, apologizing to Makoa for breathing too loud. Like, it's just weird. And I'm obsessed with this new place. You guys have to try it. It's called Junior Cookies, and it's.

[Chris]

I saw your review.

[Tana Mongeau]

I didn't like it at first, and then I kept ordering it again. Delete the app.

[Chris]

So crumble.

[Tana Mongeau]

I think they're so much better than crumble. The flavors are just insane. Like, KitKat, tiramisu, Oreo cheesecake, creme brulee flavor. Creme brulee is my favorite.

[Chris]

I'm wagging my tail.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love that. You can bang it. No, they have a raspberry lemon, like cheesecake one. They're insane and they're mini, but it's like $40 for, like eight mini cookies. It's insane. But yesterday I opened the app. I don't even want them, but do you know when you click something and it says like, one minute until closing? I ordered these eight cookies for $40 in less than 30 seconds. Eight cookies, $40, less than 30 seconds. The second I order them, I get less high. Ten minutes later, I'm like, I didn't need those. I ate all eight cookies. Didn't even share them with Makoa. Didn't even share them with Makoa.

[Dani]

Oh, poor thing.

[Tana Mongeau]

Couldn't say bless you to Chelsea Handler.

[Chris]

You were literally BoJack with the apple fritters.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just. I seriously need to delete that app. Like, the fact that I can just have, like, Birria tacos at 3am in 15 minutes or less is some up.

[Dani]

It's really probably one of, like. It's the most amazing and the worst thing that's ever happened in the last, like, five years.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, I ordered them so fast, I didn't even tip. And I'm like, so I hated.

[Chris]

Oh, my God.

[Dani]

Did you know? Did you see what was going on, though, that, like, the whole city was gridlocked last night. And I felt so bad. I ordered. I wanted to.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God, tell me.

[Dani]

No, I wanted to have Jamaican cookies last or not Jamaican cookies. Jamaican food last night, like, cuz I was so excited. I had just watched it, like a whole documentary on it. So I was like, I have to order Jamaican food. I called around, asked everybody what the best Jamaican food was in town. And it was like, this place on, like, Crenshaw, which is like, Crenshaw. I did. And I ordered it. I ordered beefcakes. I ordered, like, all, all these, like, exciting things. And I was so excited for it. And for whatever reason, there was the 92nd annual, which, by the way, I, I thought that it was the 92nd annual or holiday parade in Hollywood. Okay. I thought they meant not like it was 90 seconds long. Like, it was a quick little 90 second.

[Tana Mongeau]

It was a quick parade.

[Dani]

And it took, it took the whole night. So every single street around my apartment was closed off. So. So this Jamaican food came 40 minutes across town, except it actually took two hours. And first, his little photo. You know, sometimes they use, like, photos that aren't actually them. This is, like, the cutest little old man in his photo. And I was feeling so guilty. I'm like, I cannot believe this guy's, like, has been, has spent the last two hours of his life delivering this one order. Okay? And when he finally gets upstairs to my apartment, he says that his car is four blocks away and he had to park four blocks away and walk. So I just, I taped him. I tipped him a hundred dollars.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay, well, why did she have to say that after I said I forgot to tip? Like, oh, my God. I'm like, I take so much pride in tipping well, because I think it's like Uber eat drivers live off of tips. And my fat ass was so stoned that I was going so fast to get out of the one minute thing that I didn't tip and it ate me.

[Dani]

You can go in. You can go in after and tip them again. Like, now. You could do it right now.

[Chris]

Wait. Yeah.

[Dani]

Oh, you can do it right now.

[Tana Mongeau]

That makes me so happy. I'm literally doing it right now. Like, I, I, it was keeping me up all night. I didn't.

[Chris]

I really have to, like, get something off my chest. That's so embarrassing. Embarrassing. Speaking of, like, cookies and crumble and whatnot, I had, like, you can tell I had, like, a crumble problem.

[Dani]

Like you.

[Chris]

I had, like, a little bit of a crumble issue going on. But, like, I'm not kidding. It was like, every week the new flavors would come out. I'm like, I gotta try them. Obviously, it got to the point where I was. I would get so embarrassed. Wait, what?

[Tana Mongeau]

I tried to change my tip and something went wrong.

[Dani]

No.

[Chris]

I would get so embarrassed. I'm so sorry. I would like, sorry, make it like a thinking of you, like, crumble orders.

[Dani]

Like, so that they didn't think you were just ordering.

[Chris]

Roommates would see it. I'm like, I don't know. Tori sent me cookies again. Like.

[Dani]

Like, that's the funniest thing. I've actually thinking of you now.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm gonna send you crumble cookies.

[Chris]

Happy birthday. No, secret admirer. And it's like from page to page.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, okay, what's your favorite crumble cookie?

[Chris]

Oh, my God. The pink. The og.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God.

[Dani]

When Kylie Jenner did her crumble crumble collab, that was the first time I ever tried it. And I. It like, it was so good, but it was like they had delivered them separately. And so every time I've tried to recreate that experience by trying to order again. Dryer never the same. It's like Kylie herself fucking, like, put her foot into those cookies.

[Tana Mongeau]

Damn, now I want cookies. I'm trying. I'm really like. It happens when you stop drinking, though. You, like, crave sugar. I don't know why that is, but I'm just like, so sugar. I was eating creme brulee off my chest all five days this week. Like Resorts World having 24 hour room service. I couldn't stop.

[Chris]

Oh, dangerous.

[Tana Mongeau]

I need to, like, maybe have more electrolytes or something.

[Dani]

Yeah, well, I feel like I'm always craving something salty.

[Chris]

Unfortunately, I've like, the world's biggest sweet tooth. Oh, I need to stop.

[Tana Mongeau]

Need a relay.

[Dani]

It's someone. Someone told me yesterday. Let's like, like, like I said, like, should I choose the happy option or the healthy option? They said the happy option is the healthy option.

[Chris]

Oh. But I've had way too many happy options.

[Dani]

Okay, well, never mind. Forget what I said.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, like, that's beautiful, but, like, I'm so sorry, like, kale is not the happy option.

[Dani]

No, I'm saying the ha. The happy option. Like, it's healthier to choose the happy option. Like, like, choose the gross. Choose the grosser thing. Because it's better to be happy than to be healthy.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, I'm so glass half full. I thought it was like an almond moment. Saying, like, the happy option is the healthy option.

[Dani]

Oh, no.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, no.

[Dani]

It's like, choose the pizza.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. I also just want to go back on my, like, Lindsay Lohan conversation really quick and just say that, like, clearly I'm up in the head, dude. Okay. Just really, like, that is not blanket advice to anybody else. Like, I'm just. I'm Letting the people honestly know that, like, I am looking into it. I'm gonna wait some time. Like, I don't think at 26.

[Chris]

Listen, ultimately it's do what makes you happy. I just think it's sad that there's like, a beauty standard that's set in place now that women think they have to, like, attain by doing, like 20 plus surgeries. I think if we all just stop.

[Tana Mongeau]

Then it's like, what about like, four?

[Chris]

Yeah, we can rock.

[Dani]

Yeah. Sometimes people say, like, oh, you'll get carried away and you'll never be able to stop. But I, like, I'm like, I slay. I, like, I. I did exactly what I needed to do and I could. I could be content forever. Until, of course, my upper blepharoplasty.

[Tana Mongeau]

Hell. Should we move on over to the Patreon?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

But we love you guys so much. I mean, we love you and Paige. We love you so much. I missed having you on this couch.

[Chris]

I love you guys. It's good to be back.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's. I'm. I'm in a place where, like, our guests, I think, are only going to be close friends or just maybe comedians moving forward. Like, I just think that we're not interviewers and I need to remember that, like, not that it's not fun to interview people, but I just need to.

[Chris]

Just, like, chop it up about. About crumble, cookies and upper bluffs.

[Tana Mongeau]

We love you guys so much. I hope you're having a happy holidays. Thank you to everybody who bought the merch and is supporting us. It just like, is so, so, so sweet. And we love you guys. Yeah, I don't know. That's. We love you.

[Chris]

Love you guys.

[Tana Mongeau]

Chelsea Handler.

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[Tana Mongeau]

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[Dani]

Woohoo.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Dani]

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[Chris]

Play for free [e-mail] BTW Group no purchase necessary.

[Dani]

Void web prohibited by law. See terms and conditions 18 all right, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the Bartesian Bartesian. It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites too. I just got it for 50 off. So how about a Cosmopolitan or a Mistletoe margarita?

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm thirsty.

[Dani]

Watch. I just pop in a capsule, choose.

[Tana Mongeau]

My strength and wow, it's beginning to.

[Chris]

Feel more seasonal in here already.

[Dani]

If your holiday party doesn't have a.

[Tana Mongeau]

Bartender, then you become the bartender.

[Dani]

Unless you got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

[Chris]

Tis the season to be jollier. Add some holiday flavor to every celebration.

[Tana Mongeau]

With the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartisian.

[Chris]

Get $50 off any cocktail maker at.

[Tana Mongeau]

Bartisian.Com cocktail that's B A R T E S I A N dot com cocktail.