Farewell Mo Salah, and a Week of Insane Sports Headlines | with Michael Cruz Kayne

Summary

Casuals with Katie Nolan - "Farewell Mo Salah, and a Week of Insane Sports Headlines"

Podcast: Casuals with Katie Nolan
Host: Katie Nolan (SiriusXM)
Guest: Michael Cruz Kayne
Release Date: March 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode sees Katie Nolan bid a fond, emotional farewell to Liverpool FC legend Mo Salah, wraps up the high-stakes week in sports headlines, and welcomes comedian Michael Cruz Kayne for characteristically offbeat banter. The crew also celebrates the historic new WNBA CBA, shouts out NCAA women's hockey dynasty Wisconsin, and rounds out the episode with listener interactions, all filtered through their irreverent, inclusive, and energetic lens.

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Mo Salah’s Farewell – A Personal and Emotional Goodbye

[03:16 – 11:45]

Theme: Katie gives a heartfelt reflection on her Liverpool fandom, centered on what Mo Salah meant to her and to the club.

Key Points:

• Katie recounts her path to Liverpool fandom, originally assigned by a British colleague due to Fenway Sports Group links to the Red Sox.
• Despite self-proclaimed mediocre commitment, Mo Salah’s 2017 arrival hooked her, making her an invested fan.
• She cites Mo’s 255 goals in 435 appearances and 374 goal involvements, highlighting his extraordinary impact.
• Katie describes attending a match at Anfield in 2019, feeling accepted by Liverpool fans and the emotional experience surrounding “The Egyptian King” song.
• She candidly discusses lapses in her recent fandom, attributing it to discontent with Fenway Sports Group’s management of both the Red Sox and Liverpool.
• Mo Salah’s announced departure marks "the end of an era" and moved Katie to tears, both as a fan and as someone who often felt on the outside of the soccer world.

Notable Quotes:

"Mo Salah had me waking up at 6 in the morning excited to put on my kit and go to the bar and watch soccer, which I didn't think was ever going to happen." (Katie Nolan, 09:24)
"He just like, brought me into this world and connected me to it in a way I never would have thought." (Katie Nolan, 10:55)

Memorable Segment:

• Katie plays the actual Mo Salah farewell clip:
  [07:53] Mo Salah (Farewell Message):

  "Hello everyone. Unfortunately, the day has come. This is the first part of my farewell. I will be leaving Liverpool at the end of this season."

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WNBA CBA Ratification – Transformative Milestone

[11:45 – 18:29]

Theme: Celebration and breakdown of the new WNBA collective bargaining agreement.

Key Points:

• Over 90% player participation, unanimous "yes" vote: players get a 20% share of gross revenue.
• Salary cap set to grow from $7M in 2026 to over $10M by CBA’s end; Supermax now $1.4M.
• Includes progressive policies for expectant mothers, notably a no-trade clause during pregnancy.
• Importance of revenue sharing and new standards in facilities, staffing and support.
• Presence of a viable competitor (Unrivaled League) likely accelerated progress.

Notable Quotes:

“For the first time, player salaries are tied to a truly meaningful share of league revenue, driving exponential growth in the salary cap, increasing average compensation beyond half a million dollars...” (Nneka Ogwumike, Players Assn. President, read by Katie, 15:36)
"It's going to build and help create a system where everybody is getting exactly what they deserve..." (Brianna Stewart, 15:49)
"The more I saw [Unrivaled] during this past season...it felt like that's a totally viable league long-term." (Chris, 17:39)

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"Professional Grade Performance" – Women’s Hockey Dynasty

[18:36 – 23:45]

Theme: Celebrating Caroline "KK" Harvey and the Wisconsin Badgers for dominance in NCAA women's hockey.

Key Points:

• Wisconsin wins back-to-back national championships (5 of last 7).
• Team loaded with Olympians; KK Harvey named 2026 Olympics MVP & Patty Kazmaier Award winner.
• Lacey Eden: first player in program history to win four national championships due to COVID eligibility.
• Program lauded as an NCAA dynasty; social media scenes of celebration described.
• Shoutouts to “Casuals” favorites Layla Edwards, Claire Enright, and rival Ohio State’s sustained excellence.

Notable Quotes:

“She’s the Olympics MVP, an Olympics champion, the NCAA MVP, and an NCAA champion—all in a span of like five weeks.” (Katie, 18:55)
"An absolute dynasty in the making." (Katie, 19:39)

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Main Banter & Interview: Michael Cruz Kayne – Sports, Comedy & the Madness of Recent Headlines

[27:46 – 88:47]

Michael’s Personal/Professional Introduction

• Promoting his comedy special “Sorry For Your Loss” on Dropout ([29:02]).
• The show weaves humor and grief, specifically the loss of a child.

Quote:

"It's heavy and light. That's the trick of comedy...I just fucking absolutely nailed it." (Michael, 29:02 & 29:16)

Kayne’s Fandom & Liberty Games

[33:20]

• 49ers (NFL), Knicks (NBA), UConn men’s/women’s basketball, and the New York Liberty (WNBA).
• Enthuses about Liberty game atmosphere: “The crowd is hyped. Everything’s a little bit weird in the best possible way...The mascot, Ellie the Elephant...just a strumpet on the court.” (Michael, 35:49)

Behind-the-Scenes Podcast Friendship/Banter

• Pablo Torre’s contributions to sports journalism referenced frequently, with affectionate ribbing.
• Joking about podcasting trends (“the kids are watching their podcasts on YouTube”).

Rapid-Fire Sports Personality Games

[42:25+]

• Michael picks his favorite athletes sharing his names: Michael (Jordan), Cruz (Victor Cruz), Kane (not discussed at length).
• Discussion veers into chip preferences and creative homemade snacks.

Candid Life, Comedy, and Sports Talk

• Michael narrates his social struggles in school, the origins of his 49ers fandom, and being erroneously accused of heroin use due to eczema scars.
• “The way I thought I could save myself was by getting into sports.” (Michael, 47:15)

Sports/Culture Digest: "Mad Lib" Headlines

[60:26+]

Headline 1 – "Hotel Incident involving Jude Law’s Daughter"

• Dissection of the odd celeb/sports-adjacent news cycle at Lollapalooza Brazil.
• General consensus: Everyone overreacted; child will be fine.

Headline 2 – "Quadruple Amputee & Cornhole Champion Accused of Murder"

• Panel ponders logistical marvels, then pivots soberly upon realizing it’s a homicide.
• Memorable moment:

  "You gotta hand it to him. Being able to do this—everything that’s happening here is a testament to this..." (Michael, 65:29)

Headline 3 – "Mbappe’s Knee Injury Scanned on Wrong Leg by Real Madrid"

• Comedy about mistranslations and procedural ineptitude.
• “Step one is knowing which way—where does it hurt?” (Katie, 73:32)

Headline 4 – "Sharks Testing Positive for Cocaine, Caffeine"

• Panel joyfully imagines coked-up sharks; Katie admits she thought it was “San Jose Sharks” not real sharks at first.
• "They’re just having a really good time, I guess!" (Michael, 74:44)

Headline 5 – "Charlie Kirk’s Mentor/Father of Modern Cheerleading Dies in Pickleball Accident"

• Disbelief, jokes about pickleball’s safety, and debate over headline excess.
• “There’s almost no activity designed for you to die less in than pickleball.” (Michael, 82:55)

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March Madness & Closing Sports Talk

[84:08+]

• Michael explains his comedian March Madness pool; Katie shares their picks (Arizona as champ, UConn and Duke).

• “I always like a basketball player who doesn’t look like they’d be good...Jokic is the apotheosis.” (Michael, 85:55)

• Both discuss falling out of love with MLB teams as adults.

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Listener Interaction – Fandom Dilemmas & Casual Community

[91:22 – 101:16]

• Email from Rebecca (Salem, MA): Should Boston natives support the new Boston Legacy FC or remain Gotham FC fans?
  Katie: “How do you look Rose Lavelle and Emily Sonnett [friends] in the eyes and go, ‘Best of luck with the rest of it’?” ([93:48])

• Voicemail from Kelsey (Jersey City): Serendipitous subway run-in while listening to the show; expresses fandom love and gratitude.

• Email from Gabe: Is Isabella still a sports newbie? Discussion about the value of keeping the "newbie" perspective.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “I still don’t know what to do in this situation. I’m gonna probably get some legacy merch and see how I feel.” (Katie, 93:55)
• “They’d think the guy from my scars...was from my doing heroin. And so now the kids think the boy covered in scales is doing heroin.” (Michael, 47:31)
• "I want everyone here should be Nami [nominated for Emmys]." (Michael, 38:35)
• “Are we talking cheek? Are we talking hole?” (Katie to Michael, 48:37, in the butt-scratching anecdote)

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Timestamps – Quick Guide

• 01:00 – Casual banter, show kickoff, preview of topics
• 03:16 – Mo Salah/Liverpool: Katie’s fandom & emotional farewell
• 11:45 – WNBA CBA: Terms, analysis, major voices
• 18:36 – NCAA Women’s Hockey: Wisconsin’s dominance, KK Harvey
• 27:46 – Michael Cruz Kayne interview begins
• 42:25 – Name-based rapid-fire sports topics
• 60:26 – Wild sports headlines/deep dives
• 84:08 – March Madness talk
• 91:22 – Listener interactions (emails, voicemails)
• 101:16 – Light wrap-up

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Episode Tone & Style

• Language/Tone: Witty, self-deprecating, open, affectionate, occasionally absurd
• Approach: Blends sports analysis with pop culture, comedy, personal stories, and audience engagement—creating a “come as you are” vibe

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In Summary

This episode of Casuals delivers a particularly rich mix: a loving goodbye to a soccer icon, celebration of historic sports milestones, unfiltered personal stories, wild news, and sports fandom true talk. Katie and Michael cruise easily between riotous laughter and meaningful reflection, showing how sports can unite, console, outrage, and amuse—all at once. If you like your sports talk with heart, humor, and lots of side quests, this episode is for you.

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For more, follow Casuals on IG and TikTok: @casualsthepodcast
Email the crew: [e-mail]
Call in: 646-801-0043

Transcript

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[A]

Hey Katie, can I show you something? Yeah, yeah. Sorry to start to steal your jam. No, I. So this morning my Duncan got me. They gave me a free merch product again. What? You know the same one that gave me the hot girls run on Dunkin Cup? Uh huh. She was like hey, did I give you this to you yet yesterday? And I was like no. And look it, it's sports themed. So I was like oh I gotta show you. It's a Nick's Duncan tote. Isn't that so cute? Wait, what? And then look at the back. Hold on. What does it say? It's Duncan Cross with Nicks and Nick's. I love that. Isn't it so cute? Yeah dude. Now and then on the train ride I was like is my Duncan lady listening to casuals? And it's just like let me give her a free.

[B]

Are you getting brand deals off book now? Like these kids have to have a conversation.

[A]

Also I thought I was going into my Dunkin with a smile on my face, a nice attitude, a hello, good morning, how are you? Never once have they even reached behind the desk to get me anything.

[B]

Sorry my Duncan, you're going to the wrong Duncan.

[A]

Yeah, thank you. I like Chris's. That's makes me feel bad. I'm so sorry. I have to gatekeep this Duncan. I'm not telling anybody. Yeah, I wouldn't tell anybody where your Duncan is. That's just not usually a good move. Yeah, I wouldn't. But my good thank you to that Duncan for. For this. For giving our hot girl Nyx fan. All the things that she do, they have the like copyright to do that. I don't know. I love this. I love this. And also I don't have to do the cold open. Let's start the show. This episode is presented by gmc. We are professional grade. Hello. Hi. Welcome to Casuals, a sports podcast. Sorry for yelling, but it's. We're really excited about sports and hopefully you can be too. Even if you're not a huge sports fan. We don't care what you know. Casuals is a sports podcast for everybody. I'm Katie Nolan, the host of this dang thing. Joined a little bit here by my casualties. It's the production crew here at SiriusXM. We have Isabella, our sports newbie. Hi. Our master editor Chris.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

And then Brady who's in dad mode. Hey, dad mode for the.

[B]

I'm always in dad.

[A]

I know, but you're like super dad mode this week.

[B]

I'm in dad mode with no safety net whatsoever.

[A]

By yourself. Casualswithkatynolanmail.com that's how you email us. Please do that. 646-801-0043 if you want to leave us a voicemail, we're gonna get to some of those at the end of the show as we usually do here with this second episode of the week. And then on IG and tick tock we are casualsthepodcast. So be sure to like and subscribe and smash the follow button or whatever on all of those things. A lot to get to today. We have a fantastic guest, Michael Cruz Cain, he's a comedian. He has a special coming out on Dropout this Friday called sorry for your loss. It's fantastic. I was there, I saw it live. Can't recommend it more. We will get to him in just a little bit. He's coming in, we're going to talk about, oh, a whole bunch of stuff but one of the main things being that there were like some pretty wacky mad lib esque sports headlines in the news this week and we go through some of the weirder ones and shed a little bit of light on them. I, um, so all of that coming up in a little bit. But first we usually start out here with something we call the yap where it's just my little space to talk to you guys a little bit endlessly about something that's on my mind or that I'm thinking about. And today I do have to talk about Mo Salah and Liverpool. Now let me start by saying that I am enlisting all of my fandoms. I am a Liverpool fan now. Have I been a good Liverpool fan in the last few years? No. And is there a good reason for it? Kind of, but it's not really fair. So if you'll give me a second to explain Liverpool originally I came into that fandom when it was assigned to me by Georgie, then Thompson, now Ainsley, a British sports presenter who came over and was Regis co host on the show Crowd Goes Wild which is where I got my start on Fox Sports 1. So it was in 2013 she, we would air right before Champions League and, and none of us had any teams that we were rooting for. And so Georgie assigned us all a team and my team she gave me was Liverpool. And the connection of course is because it's owned by Fenway Sports Group who also owns the Boston Red Sox. And so in 2013 I got my first Liverpool kit. And I wouldn't say I was like, you know, I still looked up what time I would have to wake up to watch the games and most times it was a little early for me. So I was like, I'm a Liverpool fan, you know, like when it matters, it'll matter. But then I think in like 2015 I actually ended up started dating a big Liverpool fan. Like it was his number one team. He was waking up on the weekends and going to bars and watching Liverpool matches. And so I was like, okay, well this is my team so it's time for me to get into this team. And at the time this was 2015, I think they had just gotten Jordan Henderson. I was looking for somebody to like hook me into the team. So they got Jordan Henderson. There was like a lot about that but I couldn't understand a word he said after in post game interviews. He has a very thick accent, British or Scottish or I don't know what it is but it's, it was hard for me to follow. So I was like, love that guy. Not gonna be my guy. Coutinho. I really liked the little magician but that was my boyfriend's favorite player and that's not, I needed my own. Uh, for a while I was really into Daniel Sturridge Isabella. He would, every time he scored a goal he would celebrate like this and it was just fun. That was my guy. But I, I still was like, you know it. Nobody had like pulled me in like with a rope. And then in 2017 Liverpool got Mo Salah, an Egyptian player. Um, he came over from Roma. It was a huge signing. I of course didn't really understand the scope of it all. But from the moment I watched Mo Salah play for Liverpool I was like oh this is my guy. This is my. This is going to be the guy for me. He was who made me feel like an actual fan of Liverpool. He was my favorite player. Still is my favorite player and did I already say the news? He announced earlier this week that he's leaving the club at the end of the season. It's not a huge surprise, it's not a huge shock but. But it is still news that when I saw it made me really emotional. Let's play the clip first and foremost of Mo announcing he did this in a farewell video. His news. Let's take a listen.

[B]

Hello everyone. Unfortunately the day has come. This is the first part of my farewell. I will be leaving Liverpool at the

[A]

end of this season. Yeah that's. And with the piano too. That really hits you. It really hits you right in the gut.

[B]

Really well produced video by the way.

[A]

Yeah they did a really good job. Like I said it wasn't a huge surprise. It did seem like they had known it was coming and that this was going to be. To give you some of the numbers for the context if the emotional stuff doesn't matter to you because that's most of my story with him. He has scored 255 goals in 435 appearances for Liverpool but I also saw a stat yesterday that he has 3, 374 direct goal involvements in 435 appearances in Liverpool which is just incredible. If you have time today I'm sure there's a million Mo Salah best moment highlight reels that you can find on YouTube. He played with such an intensity and passion and like energy and excitement for the game. There was like there'd be moments where you'd go ah that play fell apart. But then there's Mo finding a way to just like cutes little finish and chip a ball over the head of the. Of the goaltender and then his celebrations were incredible. I love Mo Salah. Mo Salah had me waking up at like 6 in the morning like excited to put on my kit and go to the bar and watch soccer which I didn't think was ever going to happen in 2019. I got to go to Anfield for the first time. I remember being like emotionally rocked by the fans and their love for this team that had been experiencing a bit of a. A Premier League drought and they all still believed and Mo was such a huge part of that. There was Isabella. There's A song that they sing about Mo, he's the Egyptian king and just being in a room full of people, but because we went to obviously a bar before we went to the game, all singing these songs about these players and just hearing them sing about my favorite player, I, I don't know, man. I will never have a negative thought about Mo and his time at Liverpool. He is so important to me as a sports fan. He just like what he gave to the game and gave to me this connection to a, a sport that I was an outsider to. The way that like loving him made me feel welcomed in there. I was treated like a Liverpool fan by all the Liverpool fans because of how much I loved Mo Salah. He did so much for the team. He's. He's a, A, like top five Liverpool player of all time. And that he spent his best years of his career with this club. I mean, it really is the end of an era. Mo leaving, it's absolutely devastating. What I was going to say to you all about why I've been a bad fan is because Fenway Sports Group is not, not. I'm not thrilled with them. Do you know what I mean? It's not like when it was first pitched, it's like, well, the guys who own the Red Sox also own this soccer team. I was like, ah, perfect, Boston. Now I'm like, the guys who own the Red Sox are my ops. Like, I don't. I'm. They're not my friends. They got rid of Devers. Like, they are pissing me off. I'm obviously not going to stop watching baseball. It's one. It's like my top sport and so am I. Have I taken it out a little bit on Liverpool? Yeah. Like I. And is that a cop out? Yeah. But it's like, I'm not wake. I'm not. I can't give them two streams of income from me when I hate them so much. Does that at least make sense to the sports fans sitting with me that like, if I'm gonna take it out on Fenway, I'm taking it out on Liverpool and it's not fair and it's, it makes me feel bad. But that's my explanation. And it's also. I felt like I needed to say it so that people don't go like, where have you been? Oh, you love Mo Salah so much. Where have you been? I've been distant. Okay. But I didn't want to do a podcast the day after finding out this news and not mention I love Mo Salah. He's beautiful and wonderful and such a fun player to watch. And he truly, I don't know, he, like, brought me into this world and connected me to it in a way I never would have thought. I was in tears when I saw him live playing in 2019, a game that they won at the last second when in the 90th minute at the time we thought Mo scored the winning goal. It ended up being switched to an own goal, but, like, just delete that part. I saw him score the winning goal in a game against Tottenham. That was just like an electric moment. A very fond sports memory in my life. And so I just wanted to say thank you, Mo Salah. I love you so much. You know what else we love the WNBA cba. I told you we would get into it and dive into it when we had more facts. We've had more facts. It's just we've been so busy and so I want to make sure that we get this in front of you casual fans. WNBA players have voted to ratify the new collective bargaining agreement with the league. The players union said in a release that more than 90% of players participated in the ratification vote, with the results a unanimous yes, which means that they're all on board. This is what they wanted. They got what they wanted and they got it done in time to get the season happening. So a round of applause for everybody involved in that. I don't know how many negotiations people that are listening to this have been in their lives, but it's just, you know, things get down to a moment and you go like, oh, are we really going to be without a season? And I had accepted that that were the truth. But they are ready to go and set to tip off on May 8th. So over the course of the next 44 days, they've got to do the draft, they've got to do two expansion drafts, right? They've got to do free agency and then their preseason. So it's a lot to pack into 44 days, but hopefully it'll. They're going to get it done. I'm sure they'll get it done and everything will be fine. My executive function could never. But that's why I don't work for a league. So under their new revenue sharing model, the players are getting a 20 slice of gross revenue. I know that number moved a lot during the negotiations. I remember what the WNBA was offering was like woefully low. And so this feels like they got a chunk. It's not the biggest chunk that they wanted, but it is A sizable chunk and a big increase for them. Also increasing the salary cap for the 2026 season. It's going to be $7 million and then it will change annually based on league and team revenue growth. It's expected to be over $10 million by the end of this CBA. The Supermax is 1.4 million. The regular Max is 1.19 million. And now we, you know, move forward. I also saw there was a lot of stuff in there about expectant mothers and pregnancy and how things would work. I think it's like you a no trade clause is enacted if you become pregnant. You can say like, no, you can't trade me, which is huge. Again, it's something we don't often think about or talk about in terms of CBAs, but is obviously a unique need that needed to be addressed for these athletes. And it's amazing they thought of it and got that in there. Let's see what Neca Umake had to say. That is the president of the wnbpa, the president of the Players Association. She said for the first time, player salaries are tied to a truly meaningful share of league revenue, driving exponential growth in the salary cap, increasing average compensation beyond half a million dollars and raising the professional standard across facilities, staffing and support. So check, check and check. And then Stewie. Brianna Stewart, the VP of the wnbpa, said the deal is going to be transformational. It's going to build and help create a system where everybody's. Everybody is getting exactly what they deserve and more from on the court and off the court aspects. Terry Jackson, the union executive director, was talking about summing it up in two words, player empowerment, which is huge. And then Kathy Engelbert, do we care? She said the progress made in these discussions marks a transport, transformative step forward for players and the league. And it's underscoring a shared commitment to the continued growth of the game. And we're going to hold her to that, aren't we?

[B]

Fine. I guess we're gonna hold her to that.

[A]

Okay. Kathy and Diana Taurasi said that the WNBA has gone through a long journey over the last 30 years. There's a lot of hard work, grit, perseverance and determination. This is just another milestone for women's sports. And it's nice to see the WNBA in a better place than where you left it. And I love that. I love that all around. This feels good. This feels like a good step forward. As with any negotiation, both sides, neither side got exactly what they wanted, but they got it done in time. They the league will continue and I don't know, it's just time to get hyped on that season. We only have 44 days so get your ducks in a row. Everybody figure it out and and we'll be off to the races. Congrats to them. Congrats to, you know, just all of them. Congrats to all of them. Did anybody else want to say anything about WNBA before we go to our new segment that Chris loves so much?

[B]

It was obviously just a great result for all the players. Luckily because they were put in such a big financial position originally, the fact that they only have this amount of time to get ready for the season is fine because a lot of them played in unrivaled, a lot of them have played internationally because they didn't have these other options and this, this you know, revenue stream beforehand. It meant that they're still going to be in tip top shape before the season begins.

[A]

Yeah, it is good to bring up unrivaled because I feel like having a viable league that is trying to do things differently when it comes to player compensation and, and the players owning the league itself put probably I imagine a lot of pressure on the WNBA to figure it out because there is a demand for this product. Clearly the numbers have shown and so anyway, overall congratulations to them. I'm so happy that got done. I feel relieved.

[B]

The more I see an unrivaled though, the more like the more I saw it during this past season it felt like that's a totally viable league like long term. It doesn't feel like it was any sort of negotiating like power play by, by the, by the executives in charge of it like by Stewie and company that.

[A]

Oh yeah, I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean like they only did it to get a deal. I'm just saying I'm. I'm sure having something like that that you can point to and go don't tell me that the people aren't there. We're setting records with our final or whatever.

[B]

3v3 is just fun as hell. Like that's what I've learned from arrival and with the more like they kind of got the hang of it and it kind of evolved into like knowing how we have to play 3v3 differently than 5v5. Really entertaining and like all the way the league was experimenting with their one on one tournament and those kind of things. Like I hope that that exists side by side with the WNBA long term.

[A]

Yeah. And I imagine it will cuz why not? You know? Okay, that means. Guys, it's time for our new segment.

[B]

Hey, nice.

[A]

You have to, like, legally now. You have to. It's part of the segment. Professional grade performance. You already know what it is, but each week we highlight a player who rises above the the rest with a performance that we've deemed professional grade. Today's professional grade performance brought to you by gmc. Introducing the next generation GMC terrain. What we choose to challenge, we challenge completely. This week we're spotlighting Caroline, KK Harvey and the University of Wisconsin women's hockey team. So on Sunday, the University of Wisconsin beat Ohio State 3 to 2 to capture its second straight national championship in women's ice hockey. This is their fifth out of the last seven championships awarded. The game was absolutely loaded with Olympic talent. There were 10 total Olympians between the two teams, including Casual's favorite, Layla Edwards. And the 2026. 2020 Sinks the 2026 Olympics MVP KK Caroline Harvey, who also took home the 2026 Patty Kazmire Award on Saturday as the nation's top player. So that means that KK is the Olympics mvp, an Olympics champion, the NCAA MVP and an NCAA champion all in a span of like five weeks. Absolutely absurd month and a half that she's having. She's the best defender on the planet. She's one of the best players on the planet and the hands down favorite to be the number one pick in the PWHL draft. And then of course, on Sunday, it was KK who had the assist went forward Claire Enright, who is a 5, 5, like 4th line penalty killing specialist with just 8 goals on the season going into that game. She played hero for the Badgers and scored the game winning goal with 6:14 to go in the third period of the championship game. Absolutely insane run for these women. And they've been celebrating like it. I don't know if we've seen any of that footage across your social media, but just imagine walking around campus with multiple national championships and a gold medal from the Olympics. Isabella, how hard would you flex if that was you on campus, if you were any of these women? Oh, I'm never taking that medal off. I would even take the metal off and wear it as an earring. Ask me about my earring. Oh, this old thing? Oh, did you notice this? It's like dragging your earlobe all the way down to your shoulder. It's resting on your shoulder. You're like, oh, this? Thanks for asking. So shout out to KK Harvey and the Wisconsin Badgers Women hockey team, all of you, an absolute dynasty in the making. But also happening, a special nod to senior Lacey Eden, who because she got an extra year of eligibility due to Covid, becomes the first player in Badgers history to win four national championships. What? Unfathomable. It's the ninth overall championship for the Badgers, the most in NCAA history. And we can't forget the Buckeyes as well as. Okay. Who came into the championship game as the number one seed and had another incredible season of their own. School record 36 wins this year. That was the fifth straight championship game for Ohio State. And it was the fourth straight just between Ohio State and the Wisconsin women. So congrats to the Badgers and congratulations to KK Harvey. What a huge month for women's hockey. Altogether. I think we can all agree that was this week's professional grade performance, brought to you by our friends at gmc. With bold exterior styling and all wheel drive capability with hill descent control, the 2020 GMC Terrain is designed for professional grade performance so you can conquer confidently. Gmc. We are professional grade. Okay, let's go ahead and take a little bit of a break here. When we come back, we'll be joined by Michael Cruz Kane, a dear friend of mine. We do Pablo's podcast together a lot, so, you know, we're basically family because that's trauma bond. I feel like you come into that studio, he locks the door and opens up a file full of never seen before information about your football coach's young girlfriend. And so that's why this one's a bit of a rolling start. I'm just anticipating where we're gonna pick up where it starts. I had been watching a clip on social media promoting his special, which I have said to you is coming out on Friday on Dropout. You can find that on Friday. Sorry for your loss. It's poignant, hilarious, very funny. But I was watching a clip of him promoting it, and in it there's a quick audience cutaway. You see Pablo laughing, paying attention, looking right up at the stage. And then next to Pablo, you see me looking down and I was like, am I damn? Am I looking at my phone? But I know I'm not. I was in that room. I know I never looked at my phone. And then I realized, cuz talking to Dan about it, that like, usually at a standup show, I'm sitting backstage and just like looking down and dissociating while I listen. And I. And that's what was ha. And so I felt like I had to apologize to him because he's definitely seen that clip and was probably like, is Katie texting at my really sad but very funny show? And I wasn't.

[B]

Is she editing a reel of the comedy I just did?

[A]

Absolutely. Is she picking her fingernails? What's going on? So anyway, that's what we were talking about and that's where the interview's gonna start. We're gonna take a quick break. When we come back, Michael Cruz Caine. Don't go anywhere. It's casuals. We'll be right back. When you're choosing dinner, you wanna know it's worth it every time. Gorton's Seafood has been providing quality seafood for the whole family since 1849. Gorton's is the easy, dependable choice that takes the stress out of mealtime and it has been for over 175 years. You know the fisherman guy in the yellow coat? Yeah, that's Gorton's. Gorton's products are great for the main meal, for snacks or for appetizers. From classics like coconut shrimp. I mean, who doesn't love coconut shrimp to new innovative options like taco tenders. Choose Gorton's for uncompromising quality and reliable fresh taste. I love Gorton's because it's so easy. I can toss some shrimp or a filet right into my air fryer and it's ready in minutes. It feels elevated because it's seafood and honestly, it reminds me of when I was a kid and my mom would make me some fish sticks after school. Visit gortons.com to learn more, find a store and get recipe inspiration. Have you ever wished you could make something happen just by thinking about it? Well, wix may have just answered your prayers. Wix's new Harmony editor makes it so easy to create a website exactly how you imagined it that it's almost like you're just thinking out loud. Experience the New Way to Create Websites WIX Harmony is a hybrid website editor that offers the perfect blend of AI and precise drag and drop tools, introducing the world to the next generation of website creation. Switch back and forth between AI prompts and hands on editing to build the exact website you want the way you want. WIX Harmony is packed with some of the coolest, most useful AI features and agents built specifically for small businesses, including aria, an AI agent that helps you create your website and take care of business so you don't burn out and rest easy knowing that your WIX site is backed by 99.99% uptime and enterprise grade security, no add ons Required. Check it [e-mail] Harmony let's be honest, a lot of bras and underwear, they're uncomfortable, they're unflattering and they're impractical. You know when you've been wearing a bra all day and like the wires have been digging into your side or your like thong's been riding up on you all day and it just, you can see it under your clothes. But the fits everybody collection from skims will totally change your opinion on what bras and underwear can be. The fits Everybody collection from skims molds onto your body so it feels like you're wearing nothing at all. The fits Everybody thong basically melts into your skin. You're gonna forget that you're even wearing it. It's the type of comfort you have to experience for your believe. If you've been hearing all the skims hype but you haven't tried it yet for yourself, this is your sign. I hate to admit this to you, but I am currently at this very moment wearing the fits everybody thong and it re. I really have forgotten that I'm wearing it. It's such light material. Shop Skims Fits everybody [e-mail] after you place your order be sure to let them know that we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show casuals in the drop down menu that follows. That's S K I M S

[B]

America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out plus our five year price guarantee. And now T mobile is available in U S cellular stores. Best mobile network based on analysis by Google of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025 bigger network the combination of T Mobile's and US cellular network footprints will

[A]

enhance the T mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions

[B]

like taxes and fees apply. CT mobile.com for details but if you check out my special there will be a moment where you can watch Katie Nolan in the audience. I guess what she wants us to believe is she was so focused that she was looking down. She's so locked in on my special.

[A]

Michael Krus Kane is here. Michael Cruz Kane is joining us now. You're joining us halfway through I was just pointing out a clip that I'm in it and I'm look, I hope there's other clips of me throughout the special.

[B]

My ass off special is mostly you. It's mostly crisp crowd shots of just you and it's all you doing stuff that you shouldn't be doing during the special. At one point, you're making something out of origami.

[A]

I wish crochet at your special. And I really. It's a skill that's helping me. Michael Kruz, Kane, thank you for being here.

[B]

I'm turning my phone off right now. Speaking of phones.

[A]

No. Yeah, he's just checking his phone. That's my big thing.

[B]

Yeah, I'm looking at.

[A]

And that's fine.

[B]

I'm looking at the.

[A]

Which it gives me actually, an opportunity to say.

[B]

Yeah, say it.

[A]

That your new special, sorry for your loss, is out on Dropout.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

This Friday, March 27th.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

I know this is something you've been working on for a long time.

[B]

Indeed.

[A]

I know it is obviously deeply personal to you. I don't want to give too much to the audience. I recommend everybody watch it. But it does. It's heavy. It deals with. It's heavy and light. It's. That's the. The trick of comedy is you're talking about something pretty heavy, pretty personal, and it's. And it is still one of the funniest shows I've ever seen. It deals with grief and the loss of a child. How are you feeling now that it's about to be out?

[B]

I'm feeling good, man. I watched it. The, like, the final final. They sent it to me a few days ago, and it is so good. It's just really good. I just fucking absolutely nailed it.

[A]

You really did.

[B]

And I had a bunch of pals who helped me nail it, and they know who they are, and I just. I'm proud of it. Like, you know, you have probably done a lot of things in your life, and there's a spectrum of how much you have liked them or, like, looking back at them, you're like, ooh, I don't know if I. This is just one thing that I made that I'm like, I think this is good.

[A]

Don't ever talk to me about this. In terms of notes, I think it's perfect.

[B]

I think we. I think we did this one. So. I'm feeling great. I hope everybody checks it out on Dropout. You absolutely. You absolutely should drop out. Where's my camera? All of them.

[A]

All of them are. Yeah.

[B]

You should check it out. Dropout is the only good company that there is, except for whatever this one is.

[A]

No. Yes. Sirius is also fantastic and serious.

[B]

Those are the two good companies. You should just consume the stuff that they make.

[A]

Yeah. I like Dropout. I like their. Their business Model. I like the people that work there. I like how consistently the things I see from Dropout are so funny. And now this.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, it's. I don't want to spend the whole time talking about how great I think they are, but basically, most places that I have worked, they are trying to squeeze every penny out of every moment. And Dropout is not like that. Oh, I should also say Audible, which produced it prior to this.

[A]

Three good companies.

[B]

Three good companies.

[A]

Audible. Audible, dropout, dropout, SiriusXM. And I'm also realizing that first one's probably a competitor, that third one. So maybe we just.

[B]

Maybe they wrestle. Maybe that's an episode of Casuals. Is that what happens out here?

[A]

That's sports.

[B]

You have audible and SiriusXM take their shirts off. Yeah.

[A]

And wrestle.

[B]

I think that'd be kind of a fun episode. Or they could choose. They could each choose a champion, like in Game of Thrones.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, that's a current.

[A]

On their behalf. Totally within the last 10.

[B]

Within the last 10.

[A]

Right. Years.

[B]

Years.

[A]

How long ago was Game of Thrones at the end.

[B]

But they're still doing. There's another one now. Yeah, there's Game of Thrones, like parentheses, no dragons, Right?

[A]

Is that what it is?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

But there's also dragons, asterisk, extra dragons. Because wasn't there, like, House of the Dragon? Isn't that.

[B]

Oh, there was something with the dragons.

[A]

Here's my thing. You lost me in that last season. I'm not sticking with the IP anymore. I saw it through all the way to the end. I kept up with all the lore. Each character, six different names. I learned them, studied them, had my theories about who the prince that was promised was gonna be, and then the whole thing blew up at the end.

[B]

You watch, like, very actively, as I recall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I forgot that you, like, take notes and stuff. Right.

[A]

Severance is a very deep show. I love television. I wanted to make sure I was absorbing all of it. You're like, no, you don't think it's great.

[B]

I think I'm a dork. No. TV writers, you're like, they're. They're. You're a dream audience member.

[A]

I want to absorb it and give the art the respect it deserves, because

[B]

every single thing that they threw out there, you're like, wait, why is that? Like that? And you're writing it down.

[A]

I was curious, and a lot of

[B]

people aren't doing that.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I think that's great.

[A]

So it did that for Game of Thrones, and then at the end, they went, throw away your notes. We're just going to kind of wing it.

[B]

And you're like, fuck.

[A]

And then they were like, we're coming out with this and this and this. And I go, well, you can miss me with all of that, because I'm upset with you now.

[B]

I took all these notes.

[A]

You did not reward any of my hard work.

[B]

Yeah, I have a Google Doc, I have a spreadsheet, and none of that is being paid off in here.

[A]

I had tried to watch Game of Thrones three different times.

[B]

The original one, yes.

[A]

The first time, it was like I was on my. I was trying to do it second screen. Quickly learned going to have to pay attention. And then I watched it again that way. And then I watched it again in anticipation of the last season to, like, refresh my memory. I had a lot of free time on my hands. Point is, it wasn't worth it. And so off. Game of Thrones. Sorry.

[B]

Wow. Intense. Yeah, it is. Game of Thrones was a tough one to watch second screen because every five minutes. Or like, and here comes Mogwog of Thandor. And you're like, oh, I don't even

[A]

have anything to tie that to. I can't be like, oh, just like that Mogwog I met at the conference last month.

[B]

Identical. Identical to. To fucking Fribbon of floor.

[A]

Yes. And they. And they also start with the same letters in ways you're like, this is too much.

[B]

And they all have the same accent because whenever you're not in the current exact.

[A]

You're British.

[B]

You're. That accent.

[A]

You have to be that accent so you get it. And so I don't know why we were talking about that, but I. I am over that. Let's state your fandoms. Up top. I like to let people know where you're coming from so that. That can inform your opinions.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Who are your big teams? Who do you root for most?

[B]

I would say the biggest is the San Francisco 49ers. I'm a big San Francisco 49ers fan. Then probably the New York Knicks. Then probably UConn men's basketball.

[A]

Wow. Specifying men's feels like a.

[B]

But then possibly UConn women's basketball.

[A]

Why possibly?

[B]

Okay. I wish I hadn't brought it up.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

Let's just.

[A]

The Yukon women's team is, like, really good all the time.

[B]

Let's just flip them. Let's flip them.

[A]

He hates the men.

[B]

He only flipping in post. And then you've got the New York Liberty. I like The New York Liberty.

[A]

Now he's just pandering, I think.

[B]

Yeah, it felt insincere, but it's true. I probably saw 10 Liberty games last year.

[A]

You went to them?

[B]

The Liberty, Yes. Liberty Games are the best sporting event that I consistently go to because I know someone who was like a ticket holder from day one, and she had. I guess they like, grandfathered her prices in or something because she pays very little.

[A]

Grandmother.

[B]

Grandmother. Thank you. And then. And then she sells them to her friends at Face.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

So I have been.

[A]

She's in trouble now because you've said that.

[B]

Did you not do that? Oh, God. Okay. This didn't happen. She. So I've been to many Liberty games. Whichever one she can't go to, I'm like. I'm swooping and I'm buying them. And then the Liberty game. Have you been to a Liberty? Liberty? They're not called the Liberty.

[A]

They can be Liberty Biberty.

[B]

Liberty Biverty. I've been to a lot of games, and it's so fun.

[A]

So fun.

[B]

Especially because I've also been to a not insignificant number of Brooklyn Nets games. And those games are dirges. It is a funeral procession into the mouth of hell where the whole crowd is totally disinterested. Fifteen minutes into the game where they're like this again. They're like, how did we score 24 points in the first half. What's going on? So the whole thing is on. You know, everyone's on antidepressants. But in. In the Liberty games, the crowd is fucking hyped.

[A]

It's awesome.

[B]

And everything's a little bit weird in the best possible way. They have a dance team that I can't think of the name of right now, but everyone's 7,000 years old.

[A]

Timeless torches.

[B]

The timeless torches. Incredible. The mascot, Ellie the Elephant. And I say this with the most love. A whore, as far as I can tell, just a strumpet on the court. And I love. It's incredible. Every. It's such a great play. And the team, the crowd is so into it. So into it. Yeah, it's really fun.

[A]

I loved my Liberty. I've only been to one, but I loved it. It was a blast. And easy to get to. Easy to get in and out of a fantastic experience.

[B]

Every player has her own kind of specific aura. It's really fun.

[A]

Yeah, it's sick. It's great basketball, and it's a fun time. And the. The crowd is just, like, nicer and better. The last time I saw you, I think we were Doing Pablo's show, which we do, Pablo Torre finds out quite a bit.

[B]

It feels like Pablo's not here. It feels like it's kind of just us kids now.

[A]

I know. I do feel like we should operate. We should, like, seize the opportunity to talk a little about Pablo.

[B]

Yeah. Or my instinct is to like, like, send him a copy of whatever this is and be like, is this okay that I said this?

[A]

Whatever this is?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's a podcast. Well, you know what? When I think of podcasts, because I'm. I'm.

[A]

You think of audio.

[B]

I think of. It's only in here, but this is like. I can see that was the goal.

[A]

I did want it to only be audio, but the kids are watching their podcasts on YouTube.

[B]

You gotta. You gotta go where the people are.

[A]

You gotta go where the people. I was getting harassed.

[B]

What is that song? The last time I. I'm sorry, I'm.

[A]

Good song.

[B]

I want. It's Little Mermaid. I want to go where the people are.

[A]

Where the people are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The last time I saw you, we talked about Alyssa Lou, and you were going to show your children.

[B]

I did.

[A]

Did you?

[B]

Yes. Way, way into it.

[A]

And it went over well.

[B]

Oh, so into it. And I tell you what, sun is not a guaranteed buy in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With the figure skating. But her vibes are insanely great.

[A]

They're awesome.

[B]

So it's kind of hard not to be into it.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

And the. The. That's what I'm fucking talking about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everybody's in.

[A]

Everybody's.

[B]

There's no way not to be in.

[A]

She's just the best. Yeah, she's just the best.

[B]

What do you do now? Now she's. She did the skating.

[A]

Yeah. She took time off from the, like right now, I think are the world championships for figure skating. She took off for that, which is common.

[B]

She's not. She's not participating.

[A]

She's not participating because she's doing, like press and stuff. I think she was just on the COVID of. Oh, it was Teen Vogue.

[B]

Teen Vogue. Teen Vogue.

[A]

Yeah. And she's just been on a press tour and they had a rally for her in Oakland and like, everybody showed up and Marshawn Lynch. Yes.

[B]

On a float.

[A]

Yes. Amazing.

[B]

Like, do you just. Like, how. When do you. When are you no longer the figure skater? You know what I mean? Like, is Michelle Kwan still figure skating?

[A]

I mean, she could probably.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I think it's. It's usually a younger woman's game. But the good thing for her is, like, she was so young when she retired and then came back that she's still has, you know, time to keep going. So we'll just keep an eye on her and keep rooting for her. Back to Pablo.

[B]

Yeah, I'm.

[A]

I'm back to Pablo. He is doing so much for sports journalism. Everybody's talking about like Pablo's saving sports journalism.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, sure.

[A]

I saw today these sports Emmy nominations came out. I haven't looked at all the categories. I don't think we're nominated for anything. It's not a big deal.

[B]

Crazy. No, that's absolutely up.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

We'll be back. That is fucked up.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I want everyone here should be Nami. I'm talking about you. I'm talking about is. Is a Isabella.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Brady. Brady.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Chris.

[A]

Even the people not here.

[B]

My publicist who is here someplace.

[A]

She's here. She just came in.

[B]

Shout out Beth. She should be nominated

[A]

nominees for outstanding sports journalism. This is that category. Okay.

[B]

If you don't say Pablo, I'm going to go crazy.

[A]

Aspiration Pablo. Tori finds out Metal Arc Media.

[B]

Okay. Phew.

[A]

Kobe the Making of a Legend. CNN Originals. Okay, Save the Katie Myers story on ESPN. That was actually very good. That's like a 30 for 30. Maybe it was an E6.

[B]

I want to say that I know what that is.

[A]

It's really good. You should watch it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What is Riley Gaines hiding?

[B]

That's two Pablo.

[A]

Ptfo Meadowlark Media Wow. Four nominees. Two of them are Pablo.

[B]

Two Pablos. That's pretty good.

[A]

It is really good. It is also just to be negative. Like a pretty tough sign for sports media. You know, when. When there's. When Pablo's got two pieces and the other one's from CNN and then one

[B]

from espn, it feels like most people aren't reporting. It doesn't even feel that sports just every like reporting feels like it's not really. It's barely a thing anymore.

[A]

Oh no. And how do we feel about that?

[B]

I don't know. I think I feel like. And I know that's why you had me here. The two of us could save it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think it's. Pablo's doing his thing.

[A]

He's trying.

[B]

Maybe we find a different. Like what's an angle that we could take that would be a little different? We. We report but in song. That would be different. You don't see that every day.

[A]

And I've got my Omnichord.

[B]

You've got your Omnichord. And I remember that Little Mermaid song. So we're kind of ready to go.

[A]

Did I tell you that I learned to play the song from Alyssa Liu's short program on my omnichord? That was how inter her I am.

[B]

But wait, as I recall, you're sneakily musically talented.

[A]

No, I just like music. I just listened to a lot of it. I just.

[B]

You. Were you in a band or something?

[A]

I was. I played clarinet.

[B]

See?

[A]

I was second clarinet, See, but for middle school. I didn't do it in high school.

[B]

How long. So you played clarinet up until ninth grade?

[A]

Yeah, I stopped as I entered ninth grade.

[B]

If you pick up the clarinet right now, could you play anything?

[A]

No way. No chance.

[B]

I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I bet you'd be out there, Claire de La Looning that all damn day.

[A]

I. But I. I learned on my little.

[B]

My little omni chord.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Love an omnichord.

[A]

Because I just loved that song so much and what it meant for me. Any nice things you wanted to say about Pablo and what he's doing for sports journalism, or do we, like, actually not care?

[B]

I love Pablo. He's incredible. Like, what. What else needs to be said? He's smart, he's handsome. He has good hair. He's Filipino. Like, he kind of has it all. Does he need. Does he need me to boost him up?

[A]

No, he doesn't. I. Do you. Do you ever get anxious when we go do his show? Because I know for me, when. For a while there on that Jordan stretch.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

When he'd be like, you guys, come on in. I was like. Like, for what? Now what?

[B]

I would say probably the third time we were investigating Jordan Hudson, I was like, once it's happened, I'm okay. But the anticipation of what he will uncover, because he's already uncovered so much that I'm like, we've got one of her fingernails. That's what I'm worried about. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

I was worried. We had to constantly check down to make sure that. Because we're hearing it for the first time, nobody else has heard it. And so I was always going like, well, that could be. I could find a reason why she would be like that. And then when it culminated in that hidden video, the camera video.

[B]

Dang it.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

No, I think I don't have any anxiety doing that. Or this, honestly, because the vibes are good. It's good vibes. And also you and Pablo both. I think if I sat here silently for an hour, you could fill this time.

[A]

That almost. That's like one of Those compliment insults.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

Where it's like. I think you could just talk to yourself. I think I'm barely even.

[B]

I think you have a psychotic problem.

[A]

Yeah, probably.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

That is probably true. A little thing I thought we could do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is because you bring three names to the table.

[B]

Yes. Good. This is good.

[A]

We could do your favorite Michael in sports.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Your favorite Cruz in sports and your favorite Kane in sports. Now don't worry, I do have some options. So we can make it multiple choice. But I figure with Michael that one you might already have a favorite mic.

[B]

Let's think. I mean, there's. Okay, so there's obviously Michael Jordan. So that's gonna be the best, Mike. Well, there's Michael Phelps.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

These are two really top tier. Top tier. Michaels. And now I'm trying to think, like, how would I even compare them? Would it be that you would make Michael Jordan swim and then you'd make Michael Phelps play him in one on one? Mm.

[A]

Those are options. You could also just ask yourself which one you like more.

[B]

Okay. All right. There's a little sass in there. Recognize who even are other.

[A]

Who? Mike Tyson.

[B]

That's not going to be Mike Tyson.

[A]

Great. Al Michaels.

[B]

Al Michaels. It's not going to be Mike Trout. Mike Trout, very good at baseball. But he's not Michael Phelps or Michael Jordan level. And maybe he would have been, but Shohei came in and kind of made it like you're not even a. You're. You're not even in my galaxy.

[A]

Great.

[B]

I guess I'd probably go with Michael Jordan. I'd probably go with Michael Jordan. I know that's corny.

[A]

No, it's not corny, but it's hack. But it's not corny.

[B]

He's so good. He's just. He's so good at baseball and basketball.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The two of them.

[A]

Yes. And so that's probably other stuff too. Just.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I bet. Throw that. Get that guy out there playing ladder golf. I bet he's sick.

[A]

Ladder golf.

[B]

Isn't that the one where you. There's a ladder and you throw almost like a. What I want to describe as that. Not.

[A]

That's what that's called. I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

I'm scared of me. Is there research here?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Someone say.

[A]

Is it ladder golf in an in.

[B]

No one is responding to.

[A]

In an hour. Somebody will. Somebody will get in there.

[B]

Someone just said to me, I don't have the knowledge for that.

[A]

That's Isabella. So that's.

[B]

I've only ever known this sport as horse balls, which I knew. Horse balls is someone's got.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I don't know if that was Brady or Chris, but one of them said horse balls.

[A]

You'll know. Chris's got an accent.

[B]

He has an accent?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God, I can't wait.

[A]

Yeah, it's exactly short.

[B]

Chris has an accent.

[A]

Yeah. Tiny little Chris.

[B]

That's incredible.

[A]

Chrisette, you can hear he's laughing in an accent.

[B]

He comes from a fodder.

[A]

That's right. Cruz.

[B]

Do I. Okay, just I'm. Any other options right off the bat?

[A]

O', Neal. Cruz.

[B]

O'. Neal. Cruz.

[A]

Well, plays for the Pirates.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

Ellie De La Cruz.

[B]

That sounds very familiar.

[A]

Plays for the Reds still.

[B]

Okay, so they were going all baseball in the Cruise category.

[A]

Chill out. Victor Cruz.

[B]

Oh, from the. From the New York Giants.

[A]

Uhhuh. The football Giants might be that guy.

[B]

A little dancing in the end zone.

[A]

Terry Crews.

[B]

Terry Crews.

[A]

Big, strong guy, but also, you know, comedy actor. He's a football player before, but is now a comedy actor. And then Tom Cruise in Days of Thunder.

[B]

I think I'm gonna go Victor Cruz here. I think Victor Cruz, to me, was someone who kind of came out of nowhere. All of a sudden it's like, wait, is this guy the best wide receiver in all of football? And then every time he gets in the end zone, he's doing a little dance, salsa. And then do you remember that someone made fun of him for the dance or something? Tell me this is true. Someone researched this. I think someone made fun of him for the dance. And then he was like, no, I do the dance like for someone who's sick or something. And then they're like, oh, I feel bad for making fun of the dance.

[A]

Brutal. Was it you who made fun of him for doing the dance?

[B]

It was me, yeah.

[A]

He also had a Tostitos Scoop sponsorship because of it.

[B]

And I mean that. If I had known that off the top, I would have gone with that straight away, because I love scoops.

[A]

Right you.

[B]

Do you bake?

[A]

Do you ever make Journalistically and also chip wise.

[B]

When you're taking, you're making, you're at home, you can put you the plate and it's covered in scoops, and you put just a little piece of cheese and a little salsa on every one.

[A]

Oh, I never put a piece of cheese in.

[B]

What are you. What are you doing with the scoops? You're just going straight to the salsa?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're crazy.

[A]

And you're doing a. When you say a piece of cheese,

[B]

I'm taking like a. Like some little bit cheese, some shredded cheese. Or even like if you got slices, you rip them up, you put them in the scoop. What have you got? I'm just saying make do with what you have. You might have a factory that shreds all your cheese for you.

[A]

Don't put a craft single into my.

[B]

Not a craft single. Maybe you.

[A]

Maybe you've purchased a torn by hand Kraft single.

[B]

I think when in my scoop. Hand torn cheddar. Doesn't that sound kind of good?

[A]

And now you sold it to me.

[B]

Hand torn cheddar. A little. Just a little one in your scoop.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Heat it up. It melts. And then you throw some. Then you put the dip that in your salsa.

[A]

It melts. I'm getting.

[B]

Yeah, you're getting roused.

[A]

I can't. I.

[B]

You're getting crunk on scoops.

[A]

Okay, now we're into the part where we're just going to talk about, like stuff that has nothing to do with you, but it is interesting stuff. Stuff. Okay, that was. Those were all the Michael questions. Is there anything that you needed? Did you want to say anything about the Niners or.

[B]

No, I could if you want me. I don't have anything in particular to say.

[A]

Great.

[B]

I love the. I love the. I. I love the. I love the 49ers.

[A]

Are you from there?

[B]

I'm not from there. That's just who was good when I was a kid. When I was very young, I was extremely unpopular, which I know is hard to believe.

[A]

Really tough.

[B]

I wore sweatpants every day to school.

[A]

That's cool, kids. Now you were just ahead of your time.

[B]

Maybe, maybe I had eczema all over my body.

[A]

Okay, again, ahead of your time.

[B]

One of kids in my class convinced the other kids that my scars from eczema were from my doing. I swear to God. Heroin.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And then so now the kids think that the kid, the me, the boy covered in scales, is also doing heroin. And then on top of that, one time I scratched my butt in class and one of the other kids said I was, quote, digging for the big brown beauty. And they had a song that they would sing that was just. Was, he's digging for the big brown beauty. So they would say, like when I walked around. So anyway, I thought I could save myself by getting into sports. I was like, that's. Oh, cool. People like sports. So who was good at that time was the San Francisco 49ers. And that's how they became my team.

[A]

Still remember that song?

[B]

Oh, I sure do. I mean, honestly, it's good.

[A]

It's a good song from one time. From scratching your butt or you like, like.

[B]

Was that like a butt scratcher?

[A]

Always scratching your butt?

[B]

I don't. In my memory it was just one time, but maybe it was all. Maybe I all. Maybe I was always scratching my butt. It feels. Scratch your butt. Feels good.

[A]

Are we talking cheek? Are we talking hole?

[B]

Not whole.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You're one of them. You're one of them. Oh my God.

[A]

So funny. You just got made fun of for scratching. Kids are mean.

[B]

Kids aren't. Kids are.

[A]

Kids can be. So I don't walk past a group of kids anymore. Just out of protection.

[B]

What do you do? What do you do? You lay on the ground.

[A]

I'll go to a different side. I'll go a different side of the street.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a group of 12 year olds.

[B]

Oh, no, absolutely.

[A]

That's the ops. I don't want anything to do with them because they'll go. They'll just be like, ew, your hair. Well, I thought I looked nice today.

[B]

Yeah, then you're ruined for life.

[A]

Ruined for at least the rest of the day, but most likely the week. And, and, and if they write a song about you, good riddance.

[B]

Spontaneous song. Anyway, that's how I became. I wonder what percentage of 49ers fans are people who did at one point dig for the big brown beauty.

[A]

Probably a lot if you think about it. Maybe down the numbers. Were you. Oh, wait, that's one last thing we should say about you before we move on to sports.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Is that you were the MVP in 2019 of the big Wachowski.

[B]

Yes. Are you. Do you know what this is?

[A]

Yeah, but tell the viewers.

[B]

So Joel Walkowski, Shout out is a very funny man, a comedian and an author. And he throws an annual basketball tournament, a three on three tournament with subs. Because it's become so, so popular. There's like a million guys there that is almost exclusively stand ups in New York City. And we play against each other in this tournament. And in 2019, I was the MVP. I did, we did win. And I believe our first round pick that year got injured and I still kind of led us to the chip. Whoa. Yeah.

[A]

So like it was. You were a huge part. Without you, you could say they wouldn't have won.

[B]

Oh, they for sure wouldn't. I mean, let's maybe you could say that's a fact.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's no way.

[A]

No yeah.

[B]

And so I think what I'm trying to get across is that in the New York comedian basketball rankings, at least in 2019, it's pretty high up there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm getting slower and I'm getting better, Worse.

[A]

Worse.

[B]

But I'm still all right. Yeah, I'm still all right.

[A]

You still ball?

[B]

I play kind of a lot, and I get hurt at least as much as I play equally, sometimes more.

[A]

Who was on your team that year? Do you remember, like, name some of the people, people might know who played in this tournament that you were named MVP of.

[B]

Okay. Well, the man himself, Joe Walkowski, I believe that year was eliminated in the first round. And we. When our. When our best guy got hurt, whose name I don't remember, we absorbed him onto our team. Golly.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

Totally drunk.

[A]

I didn't have to do this talk

[B]

of other people who play in that. Like, in that. So now there's a Sunday league that we all play in together that is very fun, where they're like. Some comedians people might know who play in that every once in a while. Like Ben Marshall, who's on snl. Tommy, I think Brennan, who's on snl. Samuel plays in there. Samuel's very good. All those guys are good. Ken Patterson, who's on snl, has played in there. I think Adam Sandler stopped by at one point. But mostly it's just, like, dudes who do comedy and women. Some women.

[A]

Dudes who do comedy and women.

[B]

God damn it. Dudes and women who do comedy and also like to play basketball.

[A]

Comedians who like to play basketball.

[B]

And it's like a. A chill game. Do you know what I mean? Like, everywhere else you go and play, people are yelling. They're talking about the foul for 15 minutes.

[A]

Even when Sam Morrill plays, it's a chill game. I could see him. I don't have this on any authority. Yeah, I just could see him being a.

[B]

You're friendly with him?

[A]

Yeah, he's been on the show, I would say. Has he been on the show?

[B]

I would say he is. Maybe. He's among the chillest. Very chill.

[A]

Good to know.

[B]

Extremely polite, like, to the point of, like, borderline chivalrous basketball player.

[A]

Whoa. Now, that's actually creepy. Now. I'm actually. I've come back around. That's creepy.

[B]

No, it's good. He's good. He's not. And he's good and he's nice.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good. Thanks for saying it. Okay, now to the stuff that has nothing to do with YouTube. See the story about the dog.

[B]

Dogs.

[A]

No, because if you had, you'd go,

[B]

yes, the story about the dog.

[A]

Seven dogs. There's a video. There's video of a.

[B]

Something really sad about to happen.

[A]

Yes, but then something really awesome is about.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

So there's these seven dogs. One of them's a corgi, one's a German shepherd. There's video of them walking on, like, the road in China. They were supposedly. They escaped the meat trade. They were in a meat truck and

[B]

they were going to be. These dogs are going to be eaten.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Which we don't have to spend a lot of time on that. But that is what they were destined for. They broke out of the truck and then walked home. Home to their. To where they're.

[B]

To their homes, rather than seven separate homes.

[A]

Footage filmed by a passerby named Lou on March 16 quickly spread online showing the dogs walking together in what many viewers described as a strikingly coordinated formation on the busy highway near. Somewhere in China. Rather than scattering or appearing confused, the animals remained close, navigating traffic and unfamiliar surroundings side by side. 11 miles to return to their home.

[B]

And when they got home, were they like, yo, dude, what the fuck? I was just chilling here, and then I was almost food.

[A]

That's the thing about dogs. They probably got home, saw their owners, wagged their tails, and were.

[B]

They just forgot all about it.

[A]

Can you believe we've got real life homeward boundaries?

[B]

That's in. Seven dogs went back to seven separate homes, I guess.

[A]

I don't know. We didn't follow them and then watch them go like, bye, guys, and split off. But I assume it was like those buses that you see on Tick Tock that pick the guys up to take them to camp. Have you never seen that? Where it's just the dogs come out with their little backpacks on, they all come running out and then they, like, hop onto the bus. You've never seen this?

[B]

It sounds delightful, but I haven't seen it. Wow, that's an incredible story.

[A]

Isn't it?

[B]

But now are we to understand that the thing that they were in was a truck full of dogs about to be like. Like, are they the only seven dogs in this truck? Or they're seven dogs and like 20, 25 cows? Or is it.

[A]

I believe it was just the. Just these dogs. Now we don't know if there were 24 dogs and only seven got out. That makes it a little sadder.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We do know that they were stolen. These were pet dogs that were stolen. Stolen and were Going to be sold to the. I'm just gonna vaguely say the meat trade and let everybody know. I didn't look into it further than that. As soon as I saw that, I said, that doesn't require me to know about it.

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna say something controversial.

[A]

Here it goes.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Why, why?

[B]

Why can't we eat dogs?

[A]

Whoa. That is not what I thought. That really is controversial.

[B]

Yeah, I can't because I was, as I was saying, cows, Right? Oh, maybe it's just cows, but I can eat. Why am I. Why is my brain like those you can eat, but a dog, I can't

[A]

eat because it's a dog. Because there are. That's man's best friend. And you are man.

[B]

Yeah, my best friends are people.

[A]

Right. But we don't eat our best friends.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

I think it's cultural. I do think.

[B]

Are you saying, like. You're saying, like, slippery slope, like, once you eat a dog, you're like.

[A]

You might be your wife. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

My wife.

[B]

Oh, yeah. That's Ali G. I wanted to say that. And now I'm gonna go further and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I was really hoping you didn't want me to go. Really hoping it's also into a stereotype. That is dangerous.

[A]

But I am what's happening and why.

[B]

I am half Filipino. Great Filipinos. Some have said, will it occasionally eat dogs?

[A]

Is that true? I didn't know that.

[B]

Well, I will tell you, my grandfather for sure did eat dogs.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because I think he thought they were delicious.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And I will say that I think if I were someplace and someone was like, this is dog. What if I'd be like, dip it in some fucking sauce and let me eat it, bro. Why not? I just don't understand why not if I'm doing it. Like, aren't pigs, like, can't pigs go to college?

[A]

What? What?

[B]

Aren't pigs so smart? Aren't pigs. Aren't pigs, like, the most thoughtful? Pigs write poetry and shit, don't they? So why can't I eat a dog if I eat a pig? Why are you talking about why can't I eat a dog?

[A]

Pigs write poetry.

[B]

Someone research. Can't pigs.

[A]

Are you talking about Charlotte's Web?

[B]

I don't mean they actually. I don't mean actually, but I mean, like, they're so. Aren't they so smart?

[A]

I don't know. I thought dolphins were the smart.

[B]

Okay, according to Google, AI, no, pigs cannot write poetry.

[A]

Thank you, Brady.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, you should, you know, you should Ask is a pig? Because I bet a pig would tell you. A pig's probably better.

[A]

Octopus are really smart.

[B]

Would you eat an octopus?

[A]

Yeah, I have.

[B]

I think I have too.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I've eaten a. I love.

[A]

Like, you're lobbying for the eating of dogs.

[B]

I'm trying.

[A]

While I don't know that I'm on the. I just am wondering if this is what you wanted to spend time.

[B]

The Internet is going to be mad. I'm sure people get very mad, but I don't. I guess I just don't understand where the line is.

[A]

I do think that culturally, it. It is. You know, we don't like looking at it this way. You like just thinking we don't eat dogs because you don't eat dogs. You know, you don't eat cats. But I think it's just because of our relationship with those animals. Because other cultures have relationships with cows that, like, they won't be. They don't eat cow. They look at us. Eating cow is disgusting. So I'm probably being. What is it? Which one? Is it ethnocentric? By thinking that my way of not eating dog is the way that it should be in all of the world. But at the same time, I just can't sit here and thumbs up while you say that we should eat dogs.

[B]

I'm saying we should. I'm gonna say we should. We shouldn't eat any of it, probably. We probably should eat, like, plant protein. And you know what else? What if we find out the plants. The plants have thoughts. Then where are we? Then where? Then. Then where are we? Are you happy now? I don't know what happens at that point.

[A]

Well, it won't matter because I have fake plants in my house. Pablo, were you there when Pablo got. No, that was with Mina. He embarrassed me in front of Mina.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

He decided to bring up that the plants in my house were fake.

[B]

You have fake plants in your house? Is that what you said? Yeah, you said it before, but I didn't hear it until right now.

[A]

Those are fake too.

[B]

Yeah, but this is different. This is like, everything's fake here.

[A]

I have a fake tree in my house.

[B]

Like, no, I don't look like this.

[A]

No, you don't.

[B]

But you have a fake tree in your house.

[A]

Yeah. That's not. Okay.

[B]

Just one. I don't know if it's two.

[A]

No, two. I got two fake trees and then a fake plant and then three other fake. Like, yeah, I just wanted green and didn't plan on watering it.

[B]

Didn't Want to take care of it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It feels like you live in the stage version of your house. Like, the real estate people were like, so here's what it would look like. Imagine if somebody lived here. This is perfect.

[A]

Right? And I said, just leave it.

[B]

I'll have it. Exactly. Yeah, whatever. Whoever's pictures are in those frames, just keep those there.

[A]

That's fine. And those people look nice. And when people come over, they think they're in my family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so I like making up a nice story.

[B]

You know what? No judgment on you. If I won't judge the fact that you have fake plants in your house,

[A]

and I won't judge the fact that your family eats dogs.

[B]

Yeah. And I won't judge that you are a huge proponent of dog eating. Now, that's kind of your. Do you guys do Chirons or whatever? Can you put that k. Nolan says, yum, yum. Give me some.

[A]

Give me that.

[B]

Give me that dog. Yum, yum. Give me that dog. I think that's it. I was gonna try and improve upon it, but I think it's actually perfect. And a weird thing to say, but you did some it.

[A]

Rover, easy. I don't know. I was doing like a dog.

[B]

That could be something. Okay, we should pause for 15 minutes to think of more of those. German shepherd's pie. That's something. That could be something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cor. But it's g H E e. Like the clarified water.

[B]

Oh, that's good.

[A]

Corgi.

[B]

Which is something, because I feel like those two, the people who would eat the corgi and the people who eat the ghee, are not going to overlap a lot. So it's kind of a fun little mix.

[A]

Yeah. Please don't eat corgis. They're so cute.

[B]

Can you even. Can we even put this in?

[A]

The Internet, I don't think has been off. These cameras are all off since we

[B]

brought up my imagination.

[A]

Don't we eat dogs?

[B]

Beth, who's here from PR Is freaking out in there. Beth is like, what is my job?

[A]

And now. And she's like. And I just open this door if I need to get him to stop.

[B]

She's got a bag. There's a dog in her little bag.

[A]

She left.

[B]

Okay, all right.

[A]

This is only going to get crazier because, listen, you happen to come in on a week where there just was a lot of. Lot of batshit crazy headlines. Great stuff that read like Mad Libs. Honestly.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

And so I'm. We're gonna toss some up on this screen.

[B]

You can do that.

[A]

And if you have questions, don't look at it yet. I'm not reading it yet, so don't look at it yet.

[B]

Let us see it.

[A]

If you have questions. I know it's not a big deal. If you have questions to ask, follow up and ask them. Isabelle, you want to make that full screen. There we go. Okay, Our first one.

[B]

Go.

[A]

You can look at them now. Chapel Road and soccer star Georginio Frelo trade accusations over hotel incident involving Jude Law's 11 year old daughter.

[B]

I want to pause to say I think I did a Tucker Carlson laugh there by accident. So let's. Can we pitch that down?

[A]

Pitch that. We'll pop that down and we will cut it out entirely.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yep. And had you seen this story?

[B]

I think I have seen this. And the thing is that it's Jude Law's daughter. But how do you say that man's name?

[A]

Jorginho.

[B]

Jorginho, Nice. He dates Jude Law's daughter's mom.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And so they were someplace and the daughter tried to approach Chapel Roan and a security like ushered her away.

[A]

Yeah. The story was that the daughter, 11 year old daughter, thought she saw Chaparron. She was in town for Chapel Ron, specifically at Lollapalooza Brazil. And she walked out onto the terrace to sort of see if it was her and smiled and then went back to her seat. And then a security guard came over and like screamed at her to the point where she was crying. This is the mother's story.

[B]

Scream. We're saying screamed.

[A]

They said that he screamed. He was very angry and big and he said taught told the mom how to parent the daughter.

[B]

Oh, he went after the mom too.

[A]

That's what was. That's what she said.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Now Georginio was not there, but as you could assume, I imagine that the mom of the daughter called him, said what happened because he's very famous in Brazil. They were in Brazil. And being treated this way is not something I imagine that she or the daughter are used to. And then he posted on it Instagram story to his 5 million followers.

[B]

I think I saw this.

[A]

That she doesn't deserve her fans and doesn't appreciate her fans and is a bad person.

[B]

Does this feel like one of these things where everybody's too mad?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We should just like move on from there because I think that the daughter's trying to go up to Chapel own most people, you can't. You just can't do it. You can't. You can't do it. Chapel own security guard seems like he just kind of.

[A]

Which she says, right?

[B]

She says it's just a guy. Like, she's like, no one. She's like, I don't even know anything about.

[A]

About this. Yeah.

[B]

Which is. Doesn't that seem possible?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And so then Georginio's flipping out because his daughter's crying. And his girlfriend or wife is he wife.

[A]

They got married.

[B]

His wife is mad. So the wife. The daughter's trying. And the wife is mad about the daughter. If I'm Georginio, I'm posting. I'm going crazy post. I'm posting. I'm posting until no one. I don't want anyone to say I didn't post enough. So I'm. I'm posting as much as I possibly can about it. And now what I've seen is people doing stuff for the girl. I feel like I've seen people like celebrities posing with her.

[A]

Took a picture with her, which I

[B]

also think that's perfectly nice. I think it's. It is sort of funny to treat this girl as if she has been like, thrown into like shark infested ocean water. Like you get yelled at by a big guy. That sucks.

[A]

That does suck.

[B]

You definitely don't want that.

[A]

You don't want that.

[B]

But I think it's.

[A]

We're.

[B]

We're like. I think we're okay.

[A]

Yeah. You're with Lewis Capaldi, another one of the headliners from the same night. That of Lala.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And you've got your Prada purse on.

[B]

Yeah. I'm wishing everybody the best.

[A]

Same girl who's gonna be okay.

[B]

I think we can't be that mad at Chapel Roan about this. We don't even know if she knows anything about it. And then the parents are just trying to make the girl feel better. Okay, dude, that's what you should do.

[A]

We have yet to hear from Jude Law.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Okay. What are you thinking?

[A]

I don't know. I just. Yesterday actually, an AI video was going around. People were falling for it.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

Of Jude Law giving a statement and saying that like, Chapel Row phone sucks. And I was like, that's clearly not real.

[B]

No, I don't believe it.

[A]

At least society did you see that?

[B]

The AI, they're killing the Disney's not. I don't even know what the story is.

[A]

I shouldn't even tell you. It's that app. They're getting rid of that app that

[B]

they have that makes the AI videos, which was just.

[A]

I believe Sora was just like, slop only.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Social media. So it's like you could only post AI slop. Or maybe it was just the AIs posting to each other. Either way, it's dead. Which lasted longer, Sora or Quibby?

[B]

Oh, geez. Good question.

[A]

Probably Sora.

[B]

I think Sora. I think Quibby was like, live and died simultaneous.

[A]

And now the pandemic didn't help. You know that really. They were like, it's for watching on the train. And then the universe was like, no more tr.

[B]

And this. We do deep dives into Quibi every episode.

[A]

Every episode. We like to bring up Quibby because they are our sponsor.

[B]

Shout out to Quibby, brought to you by Quibby. We love Quibs. We love. Is it Jeffrey Katzenberg? That's my guy. 24, 7, 365.

[A]

Everybody was on Quibi. They were giving away huge talent.

[B]

Whomst was not on Quibi?

[A]

Me. But that's. I. We. I would have gotten there.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, for sure. The vertical. Remember? Wasn't it something about how you could turn the phone and it would always be the same?

[A]

And that's on Quibi. Check it out.

[B]

That's on Quibs.

[A]

Next headline. That's also crazy. Quadruple amputee and beanbag toss champion accused of fatally shooting passenger while driving.

[B]

The phrase that comes into my head and I. Maybe we just cut. This is. Is. You gotta hand it to him. Being able to do this. Everything that's happening in here is a testament to this.

[A]

Is this not an athlete?

[B]

Is this like. Is this not an athlete that, like. Okay. Quadruple amputee. So right away, it's like, things for that person are gonna be hard for him in a way. They're not for me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Every. A lot of things.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Okay, now he's a beanbag toss champion.

[A]

Cornhole.

[B]

Cornhole.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not off the bat. I'm not good at cornhole. And I'm thinking, would I be better or worse if I was also a quadruple amputee? I feel confident I'd be a lot worse, and I'm pretty bad. Okay, now he's shooting someone. He's got a gun, and he can point it at people and shoot them. Mm, that's kind of amazing. Amazing while driving.

[A]

And now I'm just going, what do

[B]

you mean, this guy? What can this person. This is an American hero. Almost.

[A]

Is he American? He's got. Unless this is Maryland man. No, a Maryland man.

[B]

Oh, no. Fatally shooting.

[A]

Okay, so no, he killed somebody.

[B]

Okay, so not hero. Let's. We can Can. Can Beth. Can we make sure Beth has. Beth marked that down? I didn't see.

[A]

Put this in the dog pile.

[B]

I don't. Not a hero. No, not a hero.

[A]

No, probably not.

[B]

Not a hero.

[A]

Probably not.

[B]

But in a lot of ways. Okay, so. Except for in one way, a huge inspiration.

[A]

Yeah. An inspirational story towards a bad end.

[B]

It's like, incredible.

[A]

But he did achieve his goals, I guess against literally all odds, against at

[B]

least four odds, he was able to. He was able to do stuff that I just. I couldn't do it.

[A]

It.

[B]

I couldn't do it. I can barely drive. I can't play cornhole at all. I've never shot a gun once.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my life is my life. My body's. I mean, horrible.

[A]

But. But I have all my limbs right now. How old would you have guessed, too? Because to me, when I saw quadruple amputee, he's. He knows how to drive. He knows how to shoot a gun. He knows how to do them at the exact same time. He's also a champion. I was like, this guy must have lived a long life and. And adjusted to, like, his. His situation. How old would you have given. How old are you picturing this person in your head?

[B]

I think I have maybe seen a video, so I. I'm think so. I. It's hard to escape that video. So I think, like, late 20s.

[A]

27.

[B]

27.

[A]

Dayton James Weber, in case he is a hero for you. That's the name. So you have it now. Dayton James Weber, accused of fatally shooting the front seat passenger of his vehicle during an argument in La Plata, Maryland, on Sunday and then fleeing to Virginia. You. I looked into it just to try to get my head around it.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

Try to understand this.

[B]

At almost every point, you're like, wait, what?

[A]

I go, this doesn't. And then also, this doesn't make any. And then this doesn't make. So I saw the same videos as you. You can find videos of him shooting a gun. Not at the person or anything, just shooting a gun.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

To see how it could happen. And then while reading it, I said, I saw that it was. He had two. There were two guys, I think, guys I don't. That were in the back. Back seat that saw it happen. And then he was like, help me get the body out of this front seat. And they were like, we don't want anything to do with this. So then he sped off with the body still in his car.

[B]

So they got out of the car.

[A]

Yeah. They were like, no, no, no, no. You know, And I just. If there's four. Four guys.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Getting in a car, going on a trip. How did we.

[B]

This is where I feel like, how

[A]

do we end up with him driving?

[B]

This is where I feel like the argument could have happened. To me, it feels very possible that there's four people in the car and the person sitting in the riding shotgun. Sorry. Is saying. Is saying, hey, would it be okay if one of the other ones of us drove?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And this guy who's an inspiration, again, an absolute inspiration, says, I can drive just as well as the rest of you. And therein is our argument.

[A]

That's what you think happened?

[B]

I don't know. I just think it. I'm not saying that's what I think happened. I could easily envision that being the subject of a heated dispute.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? Because. Well.

[A]

And then you go, not only can I drive. Yeah, I can shoot.

[B]

Yeah. I want to see what else you can do.

[A]

I just want to prove all the things you can do. And one of them ends with you shooting the guy in the passenger seat.

[B]

Yeah. And then throwing a beanbag at him just to be like, I can also do that. That's the third thing I can do. Right.

[A]

I knocked. I used my bean bag to knock in the bean bag that was laying down on the. It's two points, actually.

[B]

I understand what you're saying. Took me a while to imagine that.

[A]

And that's fine. I just. So that's that maybe if you're getting in the. Maybe somebody else could have. Could have driven, I guess, I mean.

[B]

But now I want to see him drive. I bet he's a great driver.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I think he's going to probably be in jail for a while, so.

[B]

And that's as it should be, right? That's as it should be.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I guess if anyone's going to be in jail, prison, it should probably be someone who does something like this.

[A]

Yeah. Because his case doesn't have any legs. Okay, let's do. Let's do. You did the first one. How do you did the first one. He also murdered. Allegedly. So I think you're allowed to really quickly say one thing and then move on to the next thing.

[B]

Okay. Because how do you. The stuff that makes the car go right is down.

[A]

I'm sure there's a way they have

[B]

a. I think there's.

[A]

I mean technology has come very far in helping people, you know, have normal leave, normal lead, able bodied lives. Lives. Even if they are non able bodied.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so I think There's a lot, but it still wouldn't be if there were four of us and three of us aren't, like, blackout drunk. I feel like I would go, like, week. I'll drive. Yeah, no sweat. I'll drive.

[B]

But maybe if it's his car, maybe it's all set up with whatever he uses to drive point.

[A]

It's a really good point. So it's just stuff to think about.

[B]

So do I think about Dayton James

[A]

Weber, next crazy headline again, all from this week. Killian Mbappe, knee injury misdiagnosed after Real Madrid staff scanned the wrong leg.

[B]

No, I mean, I think everybody's fired. Isn't everybody firing everyone?

[A]

Because it's not like, I don't know how much you're watching soccer, but Killian Mbappe is not, like, a small name.

[B]

No, that's a. That's a. That's a big, big, big, strong, good one.

[A]

And Real Madrid, also, like, a big team, an important team with lots of fans. Misdiagnosed medical staff performed an MRI scan on the wrong leg back in December when no problem was found after a scan of his uninjured right knee. The 27 year old featured in three games for Madrid before the mistake was realized and rectified. So played on an injured leg because the medical staff said right knee looks good and the left knee was the issue.

[B]

So they're putting him in the. I guess I'm trying to envision myself being scanned because when I go to get myself scanned, which is actually more often than you would think, because I'm constantly hurting myself playing basketball, and I love going to the duck doctor.

[A]

Nice. You do?

[B]

Oh, I love the doctor. I love having someone tell me what the problem is. I like. I like an expert, you know? I mean, if I. If I develop any kind of problem at all, I'm going to.

[A]

You're not doing your own research?

[B]

No, no way, Jose. I'm going. I'm going to the doctor. I'm having them tell me whatever. Yeah, but when they put you in the thing, like, if you're getting a X ray or whatever, usually there's like, a little, like, target on the thing being scanned. So we also got to call into question our friend Mbappe. Like, what's he doing? Doing? Is he so in awe of their expertise that he's like, maybe it is my right leg.

[A]

That's what I would do.

[B]

I probably would.

[A]

That's what I would like to say.

[B]

You're the doctors.

[A]

You guys know better than me. Who am I to say that it's this one. That really hurts.

[B]

Yeah, I think you would have to. Someone's probably got to get fired for wrong.

[A]

As Beyonce once famely said, family.

[B]

Family. I think. No, that's a word. That's a word. It's a word.

[A]

Now, have you ever gotten so excited to say the punchline that you mess up the setup? Because that's what happened there.

[B]

But it's going to be worth it.

[A]

As Beyonce once famously said, somebody's getting fired. You ever see that clip in the middle of a concert? She's. Something goes wrong and she just is singing and dancing and goes like, somebody getting fired. And then.

[B]

I think that sounds great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I do think. I mean, because your whole thing. These people. Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Their whole thing is exactly this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is exactly what you're there for.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Step one is knowing which way Kim where. Where does it hurt?

[A]

I don't. I guess not.

[B]

Maybe. What if. What if he's French, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So what if they. Maybe they just don't speak French. Maybe they were asking him, here's where it's okay with me is if the whole staff doesn't speak French and they're asking him and he's like, that's my French. And they're like. I think they're just in. They're in the little room being like. I'm pretty sure he said right. If I had to guess, he said

[A]

what I think is. Is actually right. What is Left, left, left.

[B]

Gauche.

[A]

A la gauche and a Dwight. Yeah, Correct.

[B]

So maybe he's saying gauche. Ghosh. And they're like, yes. He's telling us to just go, go to go. He needs to get out of here.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need.

[B]

That's my hypothesis. The staff doesn't speak French. Then I'm okay with it.

[A]

Okay, that's absurd. Let's go to our next crazy one. We've got sharks test positive for cocaine, caffeine from human pollution. Researchers analyze blood samples from 85 sharks. Sharks in the Bahamas with nearly a third of them testing positive for substances including caffeine, acetaminophen, and cocaine.

[B]

Yeah. You're welcome, sharks. Yeah, that rules.

[A]

Sorry for making you cool.

[B]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, no. The sharks are having a good time, I guess.

[A]

Oh, no, that sucks. Oh, no.

[B]

This is the best thing that ever happened to sharks.

[A]

Oh, no. The sharks are getting together and starting a business.

[B]

Literally. A shark texted me last week being like, could you guys toss more coke in the ocean, bro?

[A]

I just need a quick bump so that I can finish this business. Proposal.

[B]

So they're just absor. Osmosis.

[A]

I would assume that we're putting it into the water off of cruise ships or something. I just would assume it's humans doing so much drugs.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I think some of those cruise ships are just absolute like floating fuck palaces. Everybody's doing drugs with norovirus. Yeah. It's either. It's either you're having sex or diarrhea. Those are the two. The ship is divided into two sections

[A]

and never shall the two meet.

[B]

Yeah. By the way, speaking of that, that can't be the only thing that sharks are like. If you tested the sharks for diarrhea, you're going to find that they must.

[A]

They've got to because that's why they never stop swimming.

[B]

The ocean is. And I feel strongly about this. The toilet kind of. Of the world.

[A]

Wow. Lot of weird takes from you today. Well, just like put all your poop in the ocean.

[B]

Are you.

[A]

It doesn't matter.

[B]

Are you pool or ocean? Which do you prefer?

[A]

I. Okay. In my. In my mind I'd like to be an ocean gal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But. And I like the. The. The experience. I do like to get down to the ocean at least once and get in the waves and. But I'm at the pool. I'm just at the pool.

[B]

Well, because the pool is. The pool is clean. It's for me.

[A]

Ish. I guess there's kids in there pissing,

[B]

but it's so full of poison that it kills the piss like immediately.

[A]

Yeah. Right.

[B]

You never look in a pool and see all the piss. Because the. You piss and someone piss in the pool, it's usually say me or whatever. Whomever it is is pissing in the pool. And then the poison kills the piss right away.

[A]

Yeah. I do pee in the ocean. That's for sure. Because I go, if fish are allowed to do it, so am I.

[B]

Every fish ever is shitting and pissing or I don't know how fish. Fish excrete stuff.

[A]

No, there's. They should.

[B]

Can you guys research.

[A]

Can we Google if they. To fish.

[B]

If fishes and piss. It's every one of those forever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is in the ocean.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And we're all just like, oh, this is glug, glug, glug. Delicious.

[A]

Supposed to drink it.

[B]

That's my problem. I'm slurping.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

I'm in there with a cup. I've got, you know the hat with the upside down. Except that my straws go up and then right down into the ocean. Google. AI says yes Fish. Fish do poop.

[A]

Can you stop using Google AI to answer?

[B]

It's the first thing Google gives you. It doesn't give you real answers anymore.

[A]

Go a step further, we can't even see you.

[B]

He googled two things and now, like, the questions that we've asked have, like, stripped two villages and countries we've never heard of natural resources for a year.

[A]

We don't have to worry where they're gonna pee because they don't have any water to drink.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And. But the. The. The ocean is where you can go, you're saying, right? To drink. That's. That's ocean waters for drinking the ocean.

[A]

Eat the dogs.

[B]

Eat the dogs.

[A]

That's the name of the episode, I think. Okay, we saved the best for last. This is batshit headlines from the world of sports this week. And our final one is Sharks.

[B]

Wait, can I pause for a second? You felt the previous headline was from the world of sports.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sharks are just sports.

[A]

How. How are sharks not sports?

[B]

I won't. I won't press that. Wait, there's the San Jose.

[A]

San Jose Sharks.

[B]

Sharks.

[A]

That's right. So I'm not gonna lie. This is the one and only time when I read this headline, I thought that this. I was reading it from a sports perspective and not realizing it was about real sharks. I thought it was about the San Jose sharks. You thought the San Jose sharks tested positive for cocaine? Caffeine and it was because of human pollution is actually the most interesting part of that.

[B]

Isabelle. You thought they were testing the players for caffeine?

[A]

I. That's why I was confused. I was like, damn, they're really strict. That's so funny in hockey.

[B]

They make you keep it real fucking crispy.

[A]

No coffee for you.

[B]

Absolutely no coffee, no soda, no caffeine,

[A]

no sugar the way Mormon used to. I think they're allowed to have soda.

[B]

Every soccer player. Soccer. Every hockey player. Mormon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Look, can we talk about Mormons for a second?

[A]

Having a moment, but then also having not a great moment because they canceled the bad show.

[B]

I don't watch the show.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But here's how I feel about Mormons.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Why am I doing this?

[A]

Bring the PR lady in, if you could. Can Beth come into the studio?

[B]

I was raised to think I went to Episcopalian church.

[A]

And now just if you could really quickly. What's the. What makes Episcopalian?

[B]

I have absolutely no idea. I think basically it's like we're chill. I think that's kind of the church, but chill. But look that up. They probably did you know, atrocities.

[A]

Don't let Google. I tell you what it is. It's not worth it.

[B]

But not just in church, but just sort of in general to be like Mormons. That one's nuts. And I'll tell you, I don't. I've having known at this point more than 10 Mormons in my life, it feels only as nuts as every other

[A]

thing that is true. Any religion, you zoom out and you go like there. It's all kind of wild. I think the reason the Mormons had that is because like people. It is newer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think same thing with like not same. Not saying they're the same, but like Scientology, when you go like, well, we watched it happen from like a sci Fi author to then become a religion to then be. So I think there's. There's that aspect of it and then there's the whole planet thing. I think most people.

[B]

I don't really even know about that, but just to me it's like.

[A]

Yeah, no, you said no.

[B]

No. What's the planet thing?

[A]

I thought. Thought. I don't know. I think it was that they have enough children so that they can populate their own. The goal is to be able to populate your own planet.

[B]

I'm not myself personally with that, but I mean the other stuff, just what I read about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In church that we all said out loud. Like it was also real.

[A]

Also not.

[B]

I'm like, I don't see how this is any less totally or more nuts than the other stuff.

[A]

Yeah, totally. So the take again was. Was what?

[B]

Mormons. Not that I was saying Mormons. Not. Not nuts.

[A]

Okay. Mormons, all religion bad. It sounded like your take was.

[B]

Well, you could say that if you want.

[A]

Yeah, I. I actually stopped the segment to say it. So it's actually you that.

[B]

All religion bad. Michael Cruz Kane.

[A]

The craziest headline of all.

[B]

This can't be good. I can all. There's a little glare. All I can see is Charlie Kirk's mentor.

[A]

Charlie Kirk's mentor. Jeff Webb, the father of modern cheerleading, dies in freak pickleball accident.

[B]

I don't how many things are allowed to be in a headline.

[A]

This is certainly exceeding whatever that limit is.

[B]

Jeff, what was the name of the person who shot the. Was it not dating? Dayton Jeff. Jeff Webb.

[A]

Dayton James Weber date.

[B]

And I hope pretty close.

[A]

I hope no woman is. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Really good.

[A]

Sounds really.

[B]

This is really good. Katie.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you.

[B]

Okay, so Charlie Kirk's mentor, whose name is Jeff Webb, the father of modern cheerleading so what does that even mean?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

What is. What is that? What does that mean?

[A]

I think he was.

[B]

He was the first person to be like, ready?

[A]

Pick her up.

[B]

Okay. Pick her up.

[A]

Hey, try picking her up.

[B]

And someone was like, oh my God, this changes everything. You know that sound you've been listening. Wait, you know, what is it you sound like you're listening for? What is it? You know that sound you've been from back to the future. Hey, you know that sound you've been waiting for? Oh, fuck this. This.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. I should have met you there sooner.

[B]

That's okay.

[A]

I was just using you talking.

[B]

By all means, sharing this.

[A]

No, I'm just checking my email. I'm looking to see why he's the father of modern cheerleading. Because that's not the first follow up.

[B]

He founded the cheerleading company Varsity Spirit.

[A]

Now that's Chris. You hear the founded the accent.

[B]

The accent, yeah. Honestly, I thought he was impaired in some way, but now that you say accent. I hear it.

[A]

Chris, a response.

[B]

No, no, I hear it. I hear it. No, because now I know if Chris were to talk again, I would immediately be like, oh, that's actually quite so sexy. But because I wasn't ready for it, I thought. I just thought it was someone trying to talk how I talk. Just talking different. Chris, I have nothing but respect and love for you at no matter what height. At any height. I appreciate that. Oh, see there. No, but also in that one too, there was a little crackle. A little. That one. It's. It's sexy. For sure. For sure it is.

[A]

Varsity Spirit president Bill Seeley said Webb suffered a fall while playing pickleball two weeks prior to his death. He reportedly sustained a severe head injury during the accident and his family later made the decision to. That gets dark. They took him off life support.

[B]

I mean, to me there's almost no way this is possible.

[A]

Right?

[B]

How could you die playing pickleball?

[A]

It's like the low impact sport for. It's like soft tennis.

[B]

There's nothing. There's. There's almost no activity designed for you to die less in win right then pickleball.

[A]

And I would say this is almost like a smear campaign on pickleball. It's unfair to put pickleball in the headline. Yeah, it's like it wasn't pickleball's fault. He must have just fallen while playing pickleball. It wasn't like pickleball related. He wasn't like swinging his little.

[B]

Yeah, he was like playing pickleball and as he left he stepped on a landmine or something. We can't call it a pickleball accident incident. It doesn't. It doesn't feel real. I don't. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I'm calling fake news on that.

[A]

This.

[B]

I'm saying some. Something else. Not to get involved in the whole world of people who don't believe things that happen to do have that are related to this guy. But I'm not buying it.

[A]

This is the one you're not buying. The rest of it adds up.

[B]

I believe every single thing every person has ever said throughout the history of time. This is the one thing I don't.

[A]

But not this. You couldn't get me to believe this. This is crazy. Yeah, well it happened according to People. And that's not just meaning we talk to a bunch of people. That is the magazine.

[B]

That's the magazine.

[A]

People Mag.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Said this. So.

[B]

All right. I mean if people says it right, that's. That's hard hitting journalism. Maybe it's true.

[A]

So just something to think about. Those are your wacky sports out. Are those. That's just crazy. The amount of headlines this week that I was like, what?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so that was the name of that segment. What?

[B]

Huh. Brought to you by Quibby.

[A]

Nice. March Madness is happening.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You're into March Madness or not?

[B]

I'm in. I'm in. I have a bracket also. Comedian bracket time. Oh. I think I guess I only hang out with.

[A]

Yeah. Never invite Dan is interesting to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dan's never getting invited to any of your little comedian get togethers.

[B]

The. Well, first of all. Okay. And anyway the bracket. I was in third place. That was a place that I was in. And a different place that I'm in now is 10th place.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And there are. There are 14 people in this bracket.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So it's not great. Right. But I still. I still have Arizona still in. And that's. That's my national champ.

[A]

Mine too.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's where Dan went.

[B]

He did?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Look at that. Wow. He really should extra get invited. I think I have Arizona, Duke. I think I have all the one seeds.

[A]

Yeah. And so that's Florida's out. Was Florida a 1 seed or are they just the defending champions?

[B]

They were the one seed. They were one seed. Okay. Okay. Well so there.

[A]

That ruined mine when they got spot Florida.

[B]

Who knocked out Florida? High point. No, High point was Wisconsin.

[A]

Florida.

[B]

Iowa.

[A]

We just did this. Iowa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It was pretty crazy.

[B]

March Madness is so Fun.

[A]

So fun.

[B]

It's really fun. I mean, I'm a Yukon fan. That's, like, who I'm rooting for.

[A]

Only the men only.

[B]

No, the men and the women only the rewind. If you're on this, rewind this. Whatever you're on, you'll see that I also say the women, but I really like. I always like a basketball player. Like, for example, Alex Caraban. Do you know what I'm talking about? He's one of the Yukon players, and he's good, but he doesn't. To me, I'm sure he's extremely athletic, but it doesn't look right away when you see him, you're not like, this is a guy. He's probably 8 foot 9, but on my TV, he doesn't look like someone who's going to be great at basketball.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then he's like, I scored 27 points. You're like, how. How could you. How could you do that?

[A]

Right?

[B]

And he's doing it, like, kind of

[A]

all the time, consistently.

[B]

I love a guy. I mean, Jokic is sort of like the apotheos. Apotheosis.

[A]

I don't know it, actually. So I was gonna say, I hope he knows how to say this word.

[B]

Apotheosis. Can we Google. Can we Google not? Not the AI. Use the use.

[A]

And don't let Chris do it, because he'll say it and you'll go, well, it sounds nice when you say it, but that's not.

[B]

Apotheos. Apotheos. You never say a word, and it doesn't sound like a word anymore.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyway, Jokic is like the platonic ideal of this thing. A guy who's like, he's not gonna be good at basketball. And he's like, actually, I'm the best.

[A]

So good. He could be mvp, but probably won't

[B]

be Alex Care about, by the way, in way better shape, at least looking than Jokic.

[A]

And that's what I was hoping. We could get down to the brass tacks of comparing these men's bodies, and

[B]

that's what we should do in 2026. We should absolutely be going through men, ranking them by how good they look. They would be. They look. They would be. What's going on look like they would be at basketball.

[A]

Yeah. So you like March Madness anyway?

[B]

I like March Madness. I'm rooting for UConn. I don't.

[A]

How far do you have them going?

[B]

I think I have them losing to Duke.

[A]

Okay. Okay, that's fine.

[B]

Is what I have.

[A]

And that could. That could still happen.

[B]

Could still happen. They're in the same. They're in the same region. And Duke's got those Boozer Boys. And those Boozer Boys are real good. And they. Those are two guys. When you look at them, you're like, they're going to be good at basketball.

[A]

It's also just offensive because you're like. You're again reminding me of my age by showing me these guys.

[B]

Because you're thinking of their dad.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And that's.

[A]

That hurts my feelings quite a bit. All right. We got to get you out of here. But today is opening day. Do you have a baseball team?

[B]

I have a baseball team. It is the New York Yankees. I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But it makes you feel better. I have kind of fallen off of baseball. I used to be a huge, huge Yankees fan. Just like a vampire. Like a.

[A]

The power of hello Kitty compels you.

[B]

I was a huge Yankees fan in the era of Hideki Matsui. Like, that's, like the absolute peak of my. But what started to happen is it felt like we had all the good players all the time. Kind of like where the Dodgers are now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's just felt hard to root for them. It's like. It's not fun.

[A]

Girl. I get it.

[B]

Yeah. So with the Dodgers, even now. I'm a huge Shohei fan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I am like, don't. Don't win all the time. It sucks.

[A]

Yeah. So would you go. Are you going to any. You gonna go to a baseball game this year?

[B]

I might. I might. Baseball games are fun because it's so long and you're not even really there to watch the baseball. You're kind of there to just hang

[A]

out to enjoy the weather.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the food.

[B]

Here we are. And also that's happening at any time. You can look down there and see the big guys hit the. Hit the ball with a stick.

[A]

Right. Exactly. It's absolutely worth it. I agree. Michael Cruz Kane. Sorry for your loss. Premieres on dropout this Friday, March 27th. Thank you so much for. It's so nice to have you.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

Without having to deal with fucking Pablo, that guy.

[B]

Always investigating. Always finding out some shit.

[A]

If we just sat and enjoyed each other.

[B]

Friends for one. Without you looking into something.

[A]

Please.

[B]

God damn it.

[A]

Thank you for being here. You're the best.

[B]

A joy, a privilege.

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[A]

Okay, welcome back. Hi, it's the. It's the last segment. What a fun. Wasn't he great? Michael Cruz Kane Isabella. You like him? Yeah, the dog thing. I don't know. Didn't see it coming. I didn't. I was like, oh, we'll talk about the Homeward bound story with him and just where he took it. I didn't see it. I gotta say. Corgi. Yeah, funny. Oh, thanks. Hey, thanks. It was me who said it.

[B]

And if none of this makes sense, this means we had to cut the whole dog bit.

[A]

Damn. Legal gone to us. Damn. They said clean it up. They said, we cannot have that in there. And now you just get to wonder about what it was. All right, let's do some emails. Voicemails. We get a lot of them. We love them all. We don't have a ton of time, but let's start with an email from Rebecca Chris.

[B]

Rebecca emails it and says, hi, Katie and the casualties. My name is Rebecca and I'm writing from Salem, Massachusetts. I, too, was a Gotham fan before this year, but I'm riding in to make the case that girls from the Boston area need to cheer for Boston Legacy fc. Here is my art. So Rebecca's giving three points for you. One, we would never in a million years be caught dead cheering for a New York men's sports team.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Number two, fuck the Yankees.

[A]

It's a really good point.

[B]

She brings up number three. We've got to show how much Boston loves women's sports.

[A]

I know. And listen, if there wasn't a live audience in that room, I would have spent the entire podcast talking with them about this. It felt a little selfish to. In a room full of Gotham fans who are here to hear about their team, my team, formerly winning a championship, like to go, like, no, I'm gonna be leaving and rooting for Boston. I truly am torn. I have to support Boston. I want to go to games I want to get to. I want to be there on the ground floor. But also, how do you look? Rose Lavelle and Emily Sonnet your two friends in the eyes and go like, best of luck with the rest of it. And once they seemed to care a little. I know they were pretending I'm not. You know, it's like the person who thinks a stripper really likes them. I know they were pretending to care about my fandom, but they did a really good job. And once they looked at me and said, like, you can't leave. You're a fan for life. I was like, okay. And so I feel really. But that's. Those are all really good arguments by Rebecca, and I agree with all of them. Now, I can't be a bitch that roots for Boston And New York work, that's. That's ugly. That's dark sided. That's not of the Lord. So I don't know what to do in this situation. I'm gonna have to probably get some legacy merch and then. And see how I feel.

[B]

Can you just wait until all your favorite players have left Gotham?

[A]

Okay, I could. I could do that.

[B]

And then once they're all gone, then you can make the jump.

[A]

Yeah, but then if I were a Legacy fan, I'd go like, we don't want you. Don't come around here. Just be a legacy fan and fucking own it. And say fuck the haters. Damn. Isabella just said twice. We're crazy out here. No, don't be sorry. Let it. Let it fly. This is how you're getting free stuff at Dunkin Donuts. That's very true.

[B]

They're like seeping into your personality.

[A]

It's a venom Symbiote must be from Massachusetts. She is cursing. Okay, and. And I. And I'll just. The jury's still out. I still don't know what to do. Have the Legacy won a game? Did they win their second game?

[B]

Let's see what Google AI says.

[A]

Jesus. Google AI doesn't have a name like

[B]

all the other ones look like. No. Two losses from two games.

[A]

Okay, well.

[B]

Or matches. I think.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I also earlier said goalie when I should have said keeper. Have they come for me? Am I canceled? Let's do a voicemail. We have a voicemail from Kelsey from Jersey City. I heard here. Hi Katie, it's Kelsey from Jersey City. I met you tonight on the subway and I just wanted to apologize for yelling your name. And I had my headphones in and also had eaten some pre workout, you know, cuz I was going to a millennial dance party that ended at 10pm for my friend's birthday. So really pumping iron before heading out the door for that. And I just wish I had told you to stay a fan of Gotham. And I also wanted to tell you I'm really a big fan of the way you pronounce the word hot dog. And I also wish I had asked about Myrtle. But genuinely, after living in Brooklyn for 11 years now I live in Jersey City, but that's pretty new. I never ran into a podcaster while listening to them. You think it would happen and you were just such a delight. And I just really appreciate everything you've done for me and for women and for sports and for the casual fans and people who want to laugh and learn and I also want to thank you for taking your time to talk to me tonight when I was frazzled. And it really meant a lot to me and I'm not a selfie kind of girl because I knew I would hate the picture anyway and I just want the memories. Love you, mean it. Relatable. Oh, my God. Love you, mean it. This did happen. This. I hate that. This is. I feel like we just, in the last episode were talking about me thinking I was famous and that people would. This doesn't happen a lot. Okay. I was actually. I had. I would, I guess call it pre workout. I'd done a little pre. I went to the gym before I left my house as well. So when I was walking with headphones in and I heard Katie, I first, like, kept walking a couple steps and then I, like, turned around and saw Kelsey, who I now know as Kelsey, standing there and was like, I'm listening. She pointed to her head and said, I'm listening to you right now. Showed her friends and it was the interview with Gotham.

[B]

That's so cool.

[A]

Another person being like, you gotta stay with Gotham. I'm so torn. But Kelsey, you didn't seem frazzled at all. You were super nice. She immediately right away said, sorry I yelled your name. And I was like, it's okay. It wasn't gonna set off a frenzy. Most people just went like, and who the fuck is that? So it was not a.

[B]

This is New York. So many things are strange about you.

[A]

Nobody cared at all. I was actually on my way to a girls in sports celebration of one of our friends. Maddie just moved to Connecticut to become a new sports center anchor. So shout out to her. She was with the New York Giants for a while and she's now going to be leaving, which is really sad. But that's where I was going. And I was also not sober, I guess, and I. And so I think we both were a little probably weird. But you were so nice, Kelsey, and it was really, really nice to meet you. I don't know what I'm going to do about Gotham and, and, and legacy, but I guess I'll kick the can down the road. Does the next email have anything to do with this?

[B]

It does not. The next email is from Gabe. And Gabe writes in and says, at what point is Isabella no longer a sports newbie?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I feel like by now she's gained enough knowledge to graduate to the next level, but I'm not sure what the correct terminology is. Should we use the karate belt progression or second sports? Second year pro? I Don't know. Let me know what you think. P.S. shout out Philippines, Philippines women's soccer team for making the 2027 World Cup.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

How cool is that?

[A]

Shout out. That's their second one, I think. Okay. I have thought this before because there have been times where I've introduced you, Isabella, to people, like, in real life. Not that this isn't real life. You talk about me outside of work. No. Like, you've been there and I've said she's a. She's new. She's a new sports fan. Or she's like. We used to say you weren't a sports fan because when. That's when this all started, that's how I met you, is you were like, I'm not really a sports fan. I like tennis.

[B]

This.

[A]

And then it started to feel almost insulting, like, I felt like I was doing you a disservice by saying that. And so I was like, is this okay? And you were like, I don't. Lady. I don't really care that much, but I do. I'm with them on part of it. Right. I do think, like, you have. I always am impressed when you remember stuff that we've talked about in the past where you go, oh, the guy from the thing. Or you'll go, oh, Kim Muli. But I also think that h. The. The value of the title is that it allows a listener who may be new to sports to feel like they're not excluded. And that to me, I think, while we know you are a newbie, but you're doing fantastic, I think the newbie of it all, for me, the value is in a person that's listening to this that doesn't like sports yet. Or that was where you were when you started listening and going like, oh, she's like me. So she asks the questions I'm thinking, or she. If she seems confused, it makes sense. I feel better about being confused. I'm confused. Yeah.

[B]

That's good, because as soon as you stop being confused, then we have to replace you.

[A]

Yeah, I know. That's gonna really suck. The next move would be to fire you and bring in someone who has no idea what's happening. Lock some doors. No one's allowed to come in here.

[B]

I think you can be a newbie all the way up until you have your first remember some dudes conversation.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Until Isabella always gets up to you, like, ah. Oh, Remember Jeremy Lynn? Yeah, Jeremy Lynn. Hell, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I also think maybe until she supports a team that wins their first championship or, like, her first championship. With them. Like that could be when you graduate a little, maybe.

[B]

So it's gonna be a while.

[A]

Yeah. And that's why I say that, because that means we can have her for at least a year. You wanna know what it is? It's when I take off from work for March Madness. Like Chris. And again, I think we're a couple years away from that. And I also don't wanna encourage that. As a producer of a sports podcast. We're go you that day. You know what I mean, Chris? You and me gone next year.

[B]

Just perfect. You're more than welcome. More than welcome to come around.

[A]

She's like, it's the product of your own doing. You made me a sports fan. Sorry. It worked. So here we are. But you're not. Does it hurt your feelings, Isabella, if we call you a sports newbie? Are you. How do you feel about the label? I don't know. Do you want to think about it and then let me know. If at any point you start to go like, hey, I don't like the way that feels anymore, just let me know and we'll come up with a. Do you want to do belts? You could be a. You can graduate from a white belt to a yellow belt. Aw, can I do a black belt? Not yet. That's kind of the whole point.

[B]

That's the I just need to ask for.

[A]

She just shows up to karate class and goes like, I'll take the black one actually.

[B]

Which is the most Isabella move.

[A]

Yeah. And that's what we love. It's why she's perfect. It's why she's not going anywhere. And it's why we're calling her a sports newbie. But a good question, Gabe. Absolutely good question. And love you mean it. To Rebecca, Kelsey and Gabe and anybody who's ever emailed or called or listened to this. We love you. We mean it. We're nothing without you. That's it for the show, you guys. And that's it for the week. We are, you know, going to take the weekend off. I think you should as well. Listeners. Go do some stuff. Enjoy the baseball. Cuz baseball season has begun and we'll be back here next week with two more amazing episodes for you that you can listen to wherever you get your pockets Tuesdays and Thursdays or watch them on YouTube. YouTube.com katienolan on Wednesdays and Fridays. We love you, we mean it. And we'll see you next week. Bye. This episode is presented by GMC. We are professional grade LinkedIn hiring pro. Can't predict the future, but it can help you feel confident about future hires. Because Hiring Pro combines real time insights and candidate Data from the LinkedIn network with the criteria you've set for your role to deliver you a list of top fit candidates. Businesses who use LinkedIn are 24% less likely to reopen a role in the next 12 months. Hire right the first time with LinkedIn hiring pro post a free job [e-mail] Pandora

[B]

oh joy. Another day another buzz delayed.

[A]

Look on the bright side, you can finally catch up on podcasts.

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You don't mind running late. What's your deal?

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