Podcast Summary: Cate & Ty Break It Down

Episode Title: A Late Discovery Adoptee: From Hidden Identity to Advocacy with Melissa, the Adoption Educator
Host/Author: PodcastOne
Release Date: May 14, 2025

Introduction

In this poignant episode of Cate & Ty: Break It Down, hosts Tyler and Catelynn Baltierra engage in a heartfelt conversation with Melissa, a transracial and late discovery international adoptee. Melissa shares her deeply personal journey from discovering her adoption identity in adulthood to becoming a passionate advocate for adoptees and adoptive families. Through candid storytelling and expert insights, the episode delves into the complexities of adoption, cultural identity, familial relationships, and personal trauma.

Melissa's Background and Discovery of Adoption

Melissa opens up about her unique adoption experience, identifying herself as a transracial and late discovery international adoptee. She reveals that she was adopted from Colombia as an infant and raised in an Italian-Portuguese household, unaware of her adoption until the age of 19.

“I didn’t find out that I was adopted until much later in life. So for me, I was 19... and totally integrated me into their Italian Portuguese culture.” (Melissa, 00:43)

Melissa discovered her adoption when she stumbled upon her brother’s adoption paperwork, which inadvertently referenced her adoption status. This revelation marked the beginning of her journey to uncover her true identity.

“I found my brother's adoption paperwork that referenced me being adopted. And so the cat was out of the bag.” (Melissa, 00:52)

Impact on Family Dynamics

Upon confronting her adoptive parents with the discovery, Melissa describes the intense emotional turmoil and denial she faced.

“I know I'm adopted. And then, oh, my God, she started screaming like, how dare you go in the office and look at the papers?” (Melissa, 05:58)

Melissa recounts the emotional abuse and racism she experienced within her adoptive family. Her parents had normalized their Italian-Portuguese culture while simultaneously suppressing her own racial identity.

“They ingrained me... like, this Italian and Portuguese... culture, the language, the food, like, everything. Like, I was working on my dad's Italian restaurant... But race wasn't represented.” (Melissa, 06:17)

Cultural Identity and Racial Issues

Melissa highlights the challenges of navigating her racial identity in a predominantly white environment. She shares instances from her childhood where her racial background was either hidden or downplayed by her adoptive family, leading to feelings of isolation and confusion.

“There was racism... So I was like, why did you adopt two Latino kids?” (Melissa, 07:31)

Melissa emphasizes the importance of cultural representation for adoptees in fostering self-esteem and mental health.

“It ties in with self-esteem and just like your mental health later on.” (Melissa, 08:13)

Trauma and Mental Health

The episode delves into the psychological trauma associated with late discovery adoption and maternal separation. Melissa discusses her struggles with depression and the lack of adequate support during her formative years.

“I went through a crazy mental health crisis in college... And I was there studying psychology and criminal justice, just trying to understand the world.” (Melissa, 28:18)

Melissa also touches upon the concept of maternal separation trauma, explaining how being taken from her birth mother immediately after birth deprived her of crucial early bonding experiences.

“I didn't have the golden hour... Which then when I had my baby, they told me how important it is.” (Melissa, 18:29)

Melissa's Advocacy and Writing

Driven by her own experiences, Melissa became an advocate for adoptees and adoptive families. She authored "What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption", which has sold over 6,000 copies and serves as a vital resource for understanding the nuances of transracial and international adoption.

“My goal... isn't just to say like, oh, nobody should adopt ever. My goal is to help us address the tough topics and get comfortable being uncomfortable.” (Melissa, 51:18)

Melissa continues to write, working on projects that explore the intersection of adoption, social media influence, and legislative changes regarding adoption records.

Reconnecting with Birth Mother

A significant milestone in Melissa’s journey was meeting her birth mother in Colombia. This reunion was both emotionally overwhelming and healing, allowing Melissa to piece together parts of her identity that were previously shrouded in secrecy.

“We hugged. And for me... like, this is where I should have been and like, this is where I was meant to be, but also, like, I have a huge part of me that isn't here.” (Melissa, 36:02)

Despite the emotional strain, this reconnection deepened Melissa’s understanding of her birth mother’s circumstances and the systemic issues surrounding international adoption.

Current Projects and Future Work

Melissa is actively engaged in expanding her advocacy through various projects. She is collaborating with her brother on a memoir that contrasts their vastly different life paths post-adoption. Additionally, she is developing books that examine the role of social media in shaping adoption narratives and influencing policy changes.

“We have completely taken off this sheet of secrecy, off our story... We're working on a memoir between the two of us.” (Melissa, 39:16)

Conclusion

Melissa’s story is a powerful testament to the enduring impact of adoption on personal identity and familial relationships. Through her vulnerability and dedication, she sheds light on the often-overlooked struggles of transracial and late discovery adoptees. Her advocacy work aims to foster a more honest and supportive environment for adoptees and adoptive families alike.

“Adoptees are the most important people. Once those papers are signed, that completely flips and they... are completely just taken over.” (Melissa, 48:39)

Melissa’s journey underscores the necessity of open dialogue, cultural recognition, and comprehensive support systems in the realm of adoption, paving the way for meaningful change and healing.

Notable Quotes:

• "I can't believe you lied to me. Because for me, it was not like, oh, you're not my real parent, right? To me, it was like, no, you lied about my identity." (Melissa, 05:56)

• "It's super important that you teach them about their culture and where they come from and the food and the music and all of that." (Kate, 07:50)

• "People are choosing ignorance... because you can find proof that it's really important for brain development." (Ty, 21:42)

• "My goal isn't just to say like, oh, nobody should adopt ever. My goal is to help us address the tough topics and get comfortable being uncomfortable." (Melissa, 51:18)

Resources Mentioned:

• Melissa’s Book: What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption
  Available at adopetthoughts.com and major bookstores.

• Melissa’s Website: adoptiethoughts.com

Note: This summary excludes segments marked as advertisements within the transcript to maintain focus on the core content of the discussion.