Cate & Ty Break It Down: Episode Summary

Episode Title: Adoption Unfiltered: A Birth Mom's Story & the Realities of Open Adoption
Release Date: May 7, 2025
Hosts: Tyler and Catelynn Baltierra
Guest: Kate, Co-Author of Adoption Unfiltered

Introduction

In this heartfelt episode of Cate & Ty: Break It Down!, hosts Tyler and Catelynn Baltierra welcome Kate, one of the co-authors of the insightful book Adoption Unfiltered. The episode delves deep into the multifaceted world of adoption, focusing on the often-overlooked realities faced by birth mothers in open adoption scenarios. Through candid conversations, Kate shares her personal journey, the challenges of navigating the adoption system, and the emotional aftermath of relinquishing a child for adoption.

Background: Understanding the Authors

Adoption Unfiltered is a collaborative effort featuring three unique perspectives: a birth mother, an adoptee, and an adoptive parent. This comprehensive approach ensures that the book addresses all aspects of adoption without sidelining any particular viewpoint.

• Kate: A birth mother who relinquished her child for adoption in 2016 and has since worked in adoption advocacy and policy.
• Tyler (Ty): Co-author and adoptive parent who has experienced the adoption journey from the adoptive side.
• Sarah: The adoptee representative, providing firsthand insights into growing up post-adoption.

Key Discussions and Insights

1. The Genesis of Adoption Unfiltered

Kate recounts how the book came to be. Initially conceived by Lori and Sarah, they sought Kate's participation to provide the birth mother's perspective. Kate emphasizes the importance of bringing together diverse experiences to foster understanding within the adoption community.

Kate [00:29]: "It was such a group project, and I was learning so much about the adoptee side... It was a window into this other experience that I have no idea what it's like to be them."

2. Personal Journey: From Relinquishment to Advocacy

Kate shares her story of becoming a birth mother. Growing up in a conservative Christian environment, she felt compelled to choose adoption as the only acceptable option when she found herself unexpectedly pregnant at 22.

Kate [04:09]: "I grew up in a very conservative Christian home and that's, you know, you don't get pregnant before you're married. Yeah, that's a no. So I chose the family early on."

The emotional toll of adoption led Kate to work within adoption agencies, where she became acutely aware of the shortcomings in how birth parents are treated. This realization propelled her into advocacy, focusing on policy changes to support birth mothers better.

3. The Reality vs. Marketing of Open Adoption

A significant portion of the conversation highlights the disparity between how adoption agencies market open adoption and the actual experiences of birth parents.

Kate [15:39]: "There's a total mismatch between messages that we get with, like when they are marketing open adoption to you and then when you're actually in open adoption. For example, they always pitch it, 'open it up' like you're in control. You can choose the family, you can choose how much contact you get.' And this is like, that's not true. Just not true."

Kate criticizes the often misleading promises made by agencies, such as the notion that birth parents are in complete control of the adoption journey. In reality, open adoption agreements are seldom legally binding, leaving birth parents vulnerable and anxious about maintaining relationships with their children.

4. Emotional Aftermath and Postpartum Depression

Both Kate and Ty discuss the profound emotional challenges faced after placing a child for adoption. Kate openly talks about her struggles with postpartum depression and anxiety, which persisted long after the adoption placement.

Kate [43:46]: "I'm almost nine years post-placement, and I just started therapy. I have a great open adoption, and I don't have peace about it, and I want that so desperately."

Ty echoes similar sentiments, reflecting on his own experiences with postpartum depression following the adoption process.

5. The Importance of Legal Representation for Birth Parents

A critical insight from the episode is the necessity of providing birth parents with independent legal representation. Kate advocates for policies that ensure birth mothers have their own attorneys separate from the adoptive parents’ legal counsel.

Kate [21:13]: "And a lot of times people think, okay, birth parents can't afford it. The adopted parents will pay for the other side to have an attorney. And the agreement, the retainer agreement, will state that even though one party is paying the bill, my duty is to my client."

This separation is crucial to protect the interests of birth parents and ensure that they are not coerced or manipulated during the adoption process.

6. Advocacy and Policy Change

Kate and Ty emphasize the urgent need for systemic changes within the adoption framework. Their advocacy work focuses on educating birth parents, promoting honest communication, and pushing for legal reforms to better support all parties involved in adoption.

Ty [55:23]: "But I think just talking about it and putting it out in the world is the first right step, you know."

Concluding Insights

The episode underscores that adoption is a deeply personal and emotionally complex journey for everyone involved. While open adoption can provide a semblance of connection, it often falls short of the promises made by adoption agencies. The authors advocate for greater transparency, better support systems for birth parents, and comprehensive policy reforms to address the lingering emotional scars associated with adoption.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Kate [16:02]: "I will worry about all of my children till the day I die."
• Kelsey [17:30]: "It's nothing but a coercion tactic, in my opinion."
• Kate [43:46]: "I just want some kind of peace."
• Ty [56:23]: "And birth mom."
• Kelsey [58:07]: "I think adoption unfiltered book. And we read it before we placed, things would look a lot different."

How to Access Adoption Unfiltered

For listeners interested in diving deeper into the adoption experiences discussed, Adoption Unfiltered is available on Amazon and Bookshop. More information can be found on adoptionunfiltered.com, including upcoming events and advocacy initiatives.

This episode serves as a crucial voice for birth mothers navigating the complexities of open adoption, highlighting the need for empathy, transparency, and systemic change within the adoption community.