Cate & Ty Break It Down

Episode: Being in Our 30s & Growing Up with an Absent Father
Date: January 21, 2026

Episode Overview

In this candid and heartfelt episode, Catelynn and Tyler Baltierra reflect on the realities of adulthood in their mid-30s and how their upbringings—especially Tyler’s experience with an absent, addicted father—have shaped them as parents, partners, and individuals. The couple blends humor and vulnerability as they discuss growing older, shifting priorities, generational differences, and the emotional impact and legacy of family trauma, concluding with listener-submitted secrets and advice for those facing similar challenges.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Realities of Being in Your 30s

• Cate and Ty open with a recap of their night out with friends in downtown Detroit, reflecting on how their social lives—and their stamina—have changed.
• They laugh about the struggle of recovering from late nights and drinking after hitting their 30s.
  • Tyler: "Why does drinking feel like a chore? Why does it feel like I'm down and out for days?" [01:45]
  • Catelynn: "We are lame. This is what happens when you get old, you become lame. Are we gonna accept that we're lame? Let's accept it." [10:30]
• Tyler openly admits to being inflexible with plans and feeling anxiety when routines are disrupted.
  • Tyler: "I can't handle, like, changing the plan. I don't know, just... Once it hits me, I can't get the thought out of my head." [05:01 & 13:22]
• Both reflect on the benefits and comfort that come from accepting where they're at in life, even if that means “Irish goodbyes” from social events and the satisfaction of being home early.

2. Nostalgia & Differences Between Generations

• They look back fondly (yet critically) on their “wild and feral” teenage years, noting how the nature of socializing has changed for younger generations:
  • Catelynn: "House parties in the 2000s, you had to be there to even relate. They were top tier." [15:54]
  • Tyler: "Nowadays [kids] just sit on their phones... it's weird." [15:29]
• Tyler and Catelynn chuckle over stories of house parties held in unfinished homes and the lack of adult supervision, comparing it to the more controlled, digital age of today.

3. Growing Up Without a Father: Tyler’s Story

• The episode deepens as Catelynn asks Tyler about his earliest memories of his father, his mom’s struggles, and the impact of addiction on their family.
  • Tyler: "First, like, core memory? I think I was like six... a really quick memory of him stopping at our trailer and getting out of his truck and rubbing my head. But then that was it." [19:14]
• Tyler recalls his mom’s single parenthood, attempts to shield him and his sister from their father’s instability, and the eventual involvement of a stepfather figure.
• Honest talk about the confusion and trauma of broken families, including a chilling description of bounty hunters searching for his dad:
  • Tyler: "My very first memory as a child was bounty hunters looking for him... that's why I wake up in a panic maybe. I remember being in my little toddler bed and the flashlights come to the window." [30:32]
• Catelynn is struck by how Tyler’s lack of a stable dad influenced his development and what it means for raising their own children.

4. Breaking the Cycle & Intentional Parenting

• The conversation turns to how both grew up resolving not to repeat their parents’ mistakes.
  • Tyler: "I'm not doing that. I don't wanna be that guy. That's shitty." [32:30]
  • Catelynn: "You are more of a dad than he ever could have ever been or even ever wanted to be." [32:34]
• They discuss finding positive role models elsewhere—Catelynn’s grandparents for her, Rick (a stepdad) for Tyler—and how therapy from a young age was crucial.
  • Tyler: "People laughed at us for getting therapy at 17 years old... but we knew what we wanted out of this life. We wanted different." [36:04 & 36:50]
• Both stress the importance of showing their daughters loving, respectful relationships and teaching them self-worth:
  • Catelynn: "Parents, you teach your children how it is to be loved or what it looks like to be loved by somebody." [37:00]
  • Tyler: "It's important that you teach that. No one can love me the way I need to be loved unless I teach them." [37:22]

5. Raising Girls and Tackling Gender Norms

• Tyler talks passionately about the responsibility of being a “girl dad” and challenging patriarchal norms.
  • Tyler: "There's a bigger sense of duty for girl dads in this society. I feel a deeper sense of duty as a father to all girls." [38:43]
• Cate and Ty discuss gender equality, balancing masculine and feminine energies, and breaking down stereotypes for both girls and boys.
• They praise fellow parents online, especially “Driven by Jamie,” for encouraging boys to process emotions and challenge traditional gender roles.
  • Tyler: "You want to learn how to be more empathetic and compassionate towards other people? Ask kids. Kids are the most... they have emotional wisdom." [44:11]

6. Listener Secrets: Humor, Drama, & Advice

• Catelynn reads anonymous listener confessions:
  • Scrubbing a stepmom’s toothbrush in the toilet ("You are savage as f—ing diabolical." - Catelynn) [46:35]
  • An ex-husband sending explicit letters to a mother-in-law, prompting Ty’s outrage and humor [47:25]
• They offer compassionate advice to a listener scared to have children again after placing a child for adoption.
  • Tyler: "You gotta grieve and give yourself grace... get the good assets and tools in your tool belt to grieve in a healthy way before jumping in." [50:04]
  • Catelynn: "With adoption, you grieve for a lifetime... society expects you to just get over it—be done. Move on with your life. That never happens, by the way." [50:12 & 51:21]
• Both share the need for therapy, support, and societal understanding for birth mothers and adoptees.

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On feeling old & rigid:
  • "I can't handle, like, changing the plan... Once it hits me, I can't get the thought out of my head. I'm looking for any opportunity to exit." – Tyler [05:01, 13:22]
• Nostalgia for 2000s parties:
  • "House parties in the 2000s, you had to be there to even relate. They were top tier." – Catelynn [15:54]
• Tyler on his absent father:
  • "First, like, core memory? I think I was like six... a really quick memory of him stopping at our trailer and getting out of his truck and rubbing my head. But then that was it." [19:14]
  • "My very first memory as a child was bounty hunters looking for him... That's why I wake up in a panic maybe." [30:32]
• On breaking the cycle:
  • "You are more of a dad than he ever could have ever been, or even ever wanted to be." – Catelynn [32:34]
  • "People laughed at us for getting therapy at 17 years old... but we knew what we wanted out of this life. We wanted different." – Tyler [36:04, 36:50]
  • "I feel a deeper sense of duty as a father... for all girls." – Tyler [38:43]
• On societal expectations:
  • "With adoption, you grieve for a lifetime. Society expects you to just get over it—be done. Move on with your life. That never happens, by the way." – Catelynn [50:12, 51:21]
  • "You want to learn how to be more empathetic and compassionate towards other people? Ask kids." – Tyler [44:11]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:10–08:30 – Opening banter, stories of a night out, feeling old, plan changes
• 08:30–18:28 – Generational differences, nostalgia for youth and 2000s parties
• 18:28–32:47 – Tyler’s early memories, absent father, stepdad, and childhood trauma
• 32:47–38:43 – Parenting intentions, discussing breaking cycles, examples for their children
• 38:43–45:20 – Raising girls, discussions of gender norms, “driven by Jamie” on teaching empathy
• 46:28–52:15 – Listener secrets, stepmom toothbrush confession, ex-husband/mother-in-law drama
• 52:15–55:38 – Advice for birth mothers, trauma, therapy, lifelong grief in adoption
• 55:38–End – Closing thoughts, community, encouragement

Episode Tone & Style

Honest, witty, supportive, raw, and unfiltered—Cate and Ty keep the vibe conversational, anchored by laughter and personal anecdotes, while seamlessly diving into serious, vulnerable territory around family trauma and healing. Both strike a balance between humor and heartfelt reflection, creating an engaging and safe space for listeners to relate and reflect on their own experiences.

Takeaways

• Growing up means finding comfort in new routines—and knowing your limits
• Parenting and partnership can thrive despite traumatic or toxic family legacies, but it requires intention and self-examination
• Generational cycles can be broken, and therapy is a key part of healing and growth
• Openness with children about love, respect, and emotional intelligence is crucial—especially in both challenging gender norms and building healthy relationships
• Grief over family separations, especially in adoption, is a lifelong journey deserving of compassion, support, and societal understanding