Cate & Ty Break It Down

ENCORE In Retrospect… Our First Decade & an Autism Diagnosis

Date: January 28, 2026

Main Theme & Purpose

In this heartfelt and honest episode, Catelynn and Tyler Baltierra reflect on their 10-year wedding anniversary, opening up about the journey of their relationship, navigating mental health challenges, parenthood, and Tyler’s late diagnosis of autism. The couple shares how their personal growth—and their daughter Veda’s experiences—has impacted their understanding of neurodiversity and how they support each other and their children. This discussion aims to destigmatize adult autism diagnoses, explore the spectrum’s nuances, and provide relatable insight into marriage, parenting, and self-discovery over the last decade.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. 10 Years of Marriage: The Highs and Lows

• Anniversary Reflection

  • Cate and Ty celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary, noting they’ve been together for 18 years.
  • Kate shares a sweet anecdote about their daughter Nova’s confusion over the length of their relationship.

    “Yeah, today is, you know, our 10, 10 year anniversary. [Nova] was like, what? I thought it was longer than that.” – Cate [00:31]

• First Year of Marriage

  • Both describe their first married year as particularly challenging, even though they were already a longtime couple.
    • “Our first year of marriage was hell.” – Kate [01:25]

• Navigating Rough Patches

  • Much of the turbulence stemmed from managing mental health: Catelynn’s treatment and the challenges of “caretaking fatigue” for Tyler.

  • Both recall an attempted separation based on therapeutic advice, which felt confusing and ultimately unhelpful.

    “The break was so stupid… when we executed it, I was like, this is so stupid.” – Ty [03:10]

  • Tyler discusses feeling his struggles were minimized compared to Catelynn’s, leading to a sense of being “the caretaker whose feelings didn’t matter as much.” [05:12]

• Therapy and Self-Advocacy

  • Both agree not all therapeutic advice fits every situation. Tyler emphasizes listening to one’s intuition in therapy.

    “If it doesn’t feel right, yeah, you’re right. Just tell a therapist, no, that ain’t gonna work for me.” – Ty [13:02]

2. Parenthood: How Kids Change the Dynamic

• Evolving Parental Perspectives

  • Cate notes, “Your children always get a different version of you,” highlighting her changed approach with each child.
    [16:13]

  • “Every child’s gonna get a different parent because you’re at a different stage in life.” – Ty [16:13]

• Balancing Marriage and Parenting

  • The couple discusses external advice regarding “spouse first vs. kids first,” but firmly prioritize their children’s wellbeing.

    “I know for a fact I would much rather you take care of the kid before you even think about taking care of me.” – Ty [17:00]

  • Cate describes how parenthood shifted her worldview, especially after the birth of each child: “The world looked completely different to me… and the world actually became a very scary place.” [18:41]

• Daily Struggles

  • Parenting without a lot of help or babysitters adds to stress, changing the marital dynamic further. [19:54]

3. A Life-Changing Autism Diagnosis

• Tyler’s Self-Discovery

  • Tyler’s journey to seeking an autism assessment began by noticing similarities between himself and Veda, particularly behavioral quirks and struggles in school.

    “What even made you want to go and see if you were autistic?” – Cate [20:44]
    “Because Veda… just seeing so many things in Veda that I’m like, oh my God, I get why she’s doing that.” – Ty [20:49]

  • Tyler recalls being labeled as “ADD” or “just hyper” as a child, with schools and daycares failing to see neurodivergence.

• Masking and Late Diagnosis

  • Tyler was told post-assessment that as an adult, he had developed exceptionally high masking skills—copying social behaviors to blend in.

    “What you’ve done is you’ve dissected all the things socially, growing up… but inside is just a chaotic anxiety storm.” – Ty [26:38]

• Childhood Memories

  • Tyler shares poignant stories: being labeled as “bad” or “defiant,” misunderstood sensory needs, and hyperfixations, like the need to somersault everywhere.
  • Cate and Ty discuss how such behaviors earlier resulted in social “punishment,” while today (with more knowledge) similar traits in Veda prompt supportive interventions.

4. Understanding The Autism Spectrum in Their Family

• Veda’s Experience

  • Cate and Ty consider getting Veda assessed, describing her strong routines, intense reactions to small changes, and delayed speech.

    “She didn’t talk until she was, like, four…” – Cate [47:51]

• Hereditary Aspects

  • Cate reads that autism is highly heritable, with about 80% of cases linked to genetics. [45:27]
  • They reflect on parallels between Tyler’s father’s diagnosis (bipolar) and his own journey, highlighting frequent misdiagnoses in prior generations.

• Misdiagnosis

  • Tyler was previously diagnosed as ADHD and bipolar, but the autism diagnosis brought clarity.

    “I felt like, oh, like a big sigh of relief. And then I got really sad… I felt so sad for that little kid… what’s wrong with me?” – Ty [29:59]

• Supporting Neurodivergent Kids

  • Cate and Ty decide explanatory parenting (not “because I said so”) helps their kids most, especially those who need clear understanding of rules and routines.

    “For Veda… she has to be explained in detail until I can’t explain it no more.” – Ty [35:04]

  • They strive to reframe “challenging” behaviors positively (“spunky” instead of “stubborn”).

5. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | 01:25 | Cate | “Our first year of marriage was hell. It was hard.” | | 03:10 | Ty | “The break was so stupid… when we executed it, I was like, this is so stupid.” | | 05:12 | Ty | “It just felt like almost like my issues weren’t… they weren’t a priority or they didn’t matter as much as yours.” | | 09:32 | Ty’s therapist (via Ty) | “You have to give her the respect to know how to handle hard stuff.” | | 13:02 | Ty | “If it doesn’t feel right, yeah, you’re right. Just tell a therapist, no, that ain’t gonna work for me.” | | 16:13 | Cate | “Your children always get a different version of you.” | | 17:00 | Ty | “I know for a fact I would much rather you take care of the kid before you even think about taking care of me.” | | 29:59 | Ty | “I felt like, oh, like a big sigh of relief. And then I got really sad… I felt so sad for that little kid…” | | 35:04 | Ty | “For Veda… she has to be explained in detail until I can’t explain it no more.” | | 45:27 | Cate | “It says that autism is hereditary… around 80 of autism cases can be linked to inherited genetic mutations.” | | 50:30 | Cate | “No, she’s just spunky. Yeah, she’s got a lot of fire.” | | 59:08 | Cate | “I think that you are a beautiful human.” | | 60:03 | Ty | “If anyone’s listening out there, can you, like, relate to anything that I’m saying? Like, that’d be great. I need some validation here because I haven’t talked about it publicly.” |

Important Timestamps

• 00:17 – Realization that episode lands on their 10th anniversary
• 01:25 – Discussing the tough first year of marriage
• 03:10 – 05:57 – Recounting their therapeutic separation
• 10:33 – 11:42 – Challenges and limitations of therapy; trusting your own intuition
• 14:35 – Acknowledging how mental health struggles impacted their marriage
• 16:13 – 19:18 – Parenting and how each child “gets a different version” of the parent
• 20:44 – 24:16 – Tyler’s pathway to seeking autism testing
• 26:38 – 29:00 – Late diagnosis: masking, social strategies, and internal experiences
• 35:04 – 36:40 – The importance of explaining rules and routines for neurodivergent kids
• 45:27 – Cate reads about autism’s heritability
• 47:51 – 52:10 – Veda’s early interventions and the impact of labels on children
• 59:08 – Emotional close-out: mutual support, validation, and the journey ahead

Conclusion & Future Outlook

Tyler and Catelynn deliver a frank, compassionate exploration of marriage, mental health, and neurodiversity through the lens of their own decade-long partnership and evolving family. By sharing struggles, missteps, and their path to greater understanding—especially around adult autism—they invite listeners to examine their own journeys and perceptions. The couple encourages fellow parents and partners to communicate openly, to advocate for individualized support, and to see challenging behavior through a lens of empathy and information, not shame.

The episode concludes with Tyler’s hope for connection:

“If anyone’s listening out there, can you, like, relate to anything that I’m saying? Like, that’d be great. I need some validation here because I haven’t talked about it publicly.” – Ty [60:03]

For further engagement or to share your own experiences, Cate & Ty encourage listeners to connect via their Patreon and social media platforms.