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- [00:01]
Progressive Insurance Announcer
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- [00:34]
Kate
every day.
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Ty
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- [01:04]
Progressive Trucking Announcer
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Kate
Hi guys. Welcome back to Kate and Ty. Break it down. Today it's just me, but I do have a special guest and her name is Brie. Actually, Bri, I found out about you through LB and TikTok. Yeah. So what kind of made you decide to want to get in touch with Elle to get in touch with us?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
So actually it was so funny because I followed Elle for a really long time. Just like she's really the person I follow to keep up with, like, reality stuff because my personal life is so busy that it's nice to just have somebody kind of feed it to you in an easier way to understand. And I was actually in one of Tyler's lives and I had commented something. I don't remember what he was talking about. It was something about adoption. And I, you know, have my own story with adoption. And I had commented something. I don't even remember what the comment was, but Elle had pinned it and she was like, hey, reach out to this person. And so that's kind of how that connection started because then Ellen ended up following me back and we started talking, and she was like, hey, I think that you would be a really good connection to have with Kate and Ty. And I was like, oh, my gosh, that would be so cool. And so that's kind of how that came about. And then Elle and I have been talking a lot more and kind of exploring some of the things that I talk about on my TikTok, so.
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Kate
Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Cause I know Elle sent me some stuff, and she was like, her story, like. And then when she was just kind of telling me a little bit about your story, I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, wow, that just totally fits. And it's, you know, obviously conversations that we want to bring awareness to, you know, which is huge. So can you tell us whatever you're comfortable with sharing? I'll never push for stuff that you're not comfortable with, you know, but can you kind of share with me? Because I know that you said that you were in foster care but also adopted, so can you kind of share your journey with me of, like, how you ended up in foster care, how you ended up getting adopted? And we can kind of just start from there?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, absolutely. So there's so many layers to my story, so I'll try to condense it more to, like, the themes that I experienced getting there. So actually, what really resonated with me about you and Tyler's story is the family dynamic that you both come from with, you know, substance use, use, and just so much dysfunction and, you know, fighting and really feeling like you have to grow up faster than you should have to. That's kind of my story. Both of my biological parents are still unfortunately addicted to substances. And so when I was a baby, I grew up mostly with my maternal grandparents. And what that looked like was super confusing because I didn't necessarily always know what was going on with my parents, but they were still in my life here and there. And so I was still exposed to a lot of the lifestyle that comes with, you know, using substances and not necessarily doing the right thing or making good choices. And on top of that, both of my parents were also very young parents, and they were never really in a stable relationship. So when I was born, I think they were both around 18, so teen parents, but not necessarily quite as young as I was. So that was really kind of my foundation for family and relationships. And then growing up, my childhood was pretty abusive. I experienced, you know, the whole myriad of abuse, and that really shaped the
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Kate
way that from your maternal grandma, like, grandparents, household, or from your parents all
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
of it, from all of it. I experienced it from, you know, the household I grew up in. I experienced it from people I was exposed to through my biological parents, people that I had gravitated towards because of what was normal for me. So just the whole. The whole thing. And it was also really hard because my grandparents who raised me were pretty financially well off. And so on the surface, things look like I would have, you know, a great life. I must be, you know, so gracious to not have to live the way that kids who don't have that live. But I still was involved in a lot of the stuff that especially my biological mom was involved in, because I kind of became the person who wanted to take care of her. And so when I would visit her, that was something that I would, you know, be exposed to and also have to navigate. You know, how do I keep my mom safe from these people that she is exposing herself to and then exposing me to? And that whole mother dynamic is so hard for me because she's never been a mom to me. And even, you know, my grandma who raised me, that dynamic was so tense and so difficult. And that. That is a theme that's kind of carried out through my life. And that's kind of been something that has been important to me to not continue with my own kids, because I still, to this day, crave that. I wish that I had a good relationship with all of the mother figures in my life. And that's just not necessarily the reality, unfortunately. So, you know, growing up with my grandparents, I had a lot of really awesome experiences and a lot of really awful experiences. And eventually, because of the things I had been through, I was looking for love in places that were not safe. And one of those places was the Internet. And I. Yeah, I. Back then, MySpace was the place to be. It was, right? Yeah, it was so fun to be able to connect with friends. But the opposite side of that is you can connect with people that you don't necessarily know or that aren't safe. And so that's kind of the situation with me where I had met this. This person and this person ended up being a predator. But to me, I didn't recognize it as that. I recognized it as somebody, you know, noticing me and giving me the attention and the love that I felt like I needed and wasn't getting. And so. And that was also kind of a dynamic I had seen with my biological family. That love looks different than what I now know is love.
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Kate
But the fact, like, you know, love is, like, toxic and abusive and hurtful
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
and all those things.
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Kate
Yeah.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Because did your.
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Kate
Because did your grandma. Did your. Is your grandma the one that adopted you?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
No.
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Kate
Oh, so you're getting there.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, I'm not even there yet. Yeah, I know. Yeah. No. So she actually had guardianship of me from the time I was. I want to say it became legally official when I was maybe 2, but for most of my life, I had essentially lived with them.
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Kate
So you get on my space and you. You unfortunately meet a predator.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yes. And, you know, this became what I thought was a relationship at the time. And so how old were you when I first met this person? I had just turned 12 and the other. Right, yes, absolutely. I would be horrified if anything like that would have happened to, you know, a 12 year old that I know. So, yeah, I mean, looking back, it's definitely like, how. How was this even happening? Like, where were the adults? And so that was kind of a situation that kickstarted a lot of other things in my life. And so shortly after.
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Kate
How old was he, though?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
20 or 21 at the time?
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Kate
No.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
An adult. Yeah.
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Kate
Okay, so did you guys. Are you guys just like, messaging on MySpace, like, or did you meet up or, like, what happened?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, so it was messaging at first, and then it quickly turned into like, phone calls and then became like, let's meet up. And so once that happened, like that relationship, I use that word loosely, but that situation really kind of spiraled pretty quickly. And besides the obvious abuse factor, there was a lot of other abusive factors that were part of that situation for me. And I started running away to go and, you know, be with this person. And I was starting to be placed into, like, institutions, mental health wards, things like that. Because meanwhile, my grandparents were still very much involved with like, my biological mom. And that whole situation is, I would say, still very toxic just because of, like, enabling things like that, where nobody really knows how to deal with it. And it's easier to just kind of like, do what's familiar instead of doing the hard things and, like, expecting change. So I kind of took the brunt of that because they were dealing with all of those things. Once I started to become a problem, that's when, you know, institutions and things like that kind of became a part of my life. And so I spent about a year off and on going between, like, mental health wards, different, like, children's mental health units, things like that. And after I was released from the last one I had been at, that's pretty shortly after that I got pregnant. And I was 13 at the time that I Got pregnant. And so I.
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Kate
This the same baseball MySpace guy?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And so. So throughout this whole experience, we were still maintaining contact and, you know, nobody ever knew about it. But again, reflecting back, I'm like, how is nobody paying attention? How was nobody supervising where, like, there were no adults that. That were focused on my well being at that time for whatever reason.
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Kate
That's what I was going to say is like, it sounds just like, you know, obviously your biological parents were in their own mess and in their own world, and then your grandma is obviously still too much focused on her daughter that is in this mess and not really, you know, trying to protect you from everything that is going on, unfortunately.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, you know, that experience in itself really made me wonder, like, who is there for me? Like, where do I belong? Does anybody want me? And so that was kind of really the big start of like, my issues with identity and like, where do I belong? Who am I? You know, things like that. And, you know, you guys had already been on TV for a little bit by this point. And so I was really familiar with like, the difficulties of what it looks like to be a teen parent. But I was also so much younger than everybody I had seen on tv. I had even less, like, resources. I was even more removed from being able to drive, have a job, things like that. So it kind of. It was really hard for me to put that into perspective. But once I found out, one of the things that I knew for sure was that I was going to parent. And that was something that was really important to me. And I think for me it was just because I really wanted somebody that was like mine and that I could be. I could pour my love into and that could love me back. And of course that was. That's maybe not the healthiest idea, but again, I was 13 and that was really what I thought.
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Kate
And I think a lot of young moms that find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy and stuff, you know, let's face it, a lot of them do come from, you know, like poor, poor upbringings or unstable upbringings, you know, chaotic upbringings. And a lot of them do feel that, like, this is the one thing that, you know, I'll be able to love and they will be able to love me back. And like you said, is it healthy? No, but it's normal. You know what I mean? I think. And especially when you're young, that's where your mind goes, you know, so you're 13 and you find that you're pregnant. Where were You. When you found out that you were pregnant and did you end up telling him?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
So I found out later that this was part of his plan that, like, we had been talking about, like, we're gonna have this life together. Like, that was also what I was thinking, but this was also part of his plan. And, you know, as much as I thought I knew everything, I still. I. I clearly didn't, and, you know, ended up in this position. And I was still with my biological grandma when I found out. And initially, she was like, okay, we'll figure this out. You know, of course she was shocked, and she was like, what are you thinking? Like, how did this happen? And at the time, this. The man that I had been, you know, gotten into this position with was still, you know, a part of my life. And the way that that whole thing was uncovered was actually what kick started me not living with my grandparents anymore. So he had been staying in my bedroom, and nobody had known about it,
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Kate
like, living there, sneaking in and out, or just, like, staying there all the time.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. Yeah, he was there pretty consistently, and nobody had known.
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Kate
Grandma. She's way too uninvolved, in my opinion, so what the hell?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. Yeah. And. And that was just kind of the thing. Like, looking back, it's really hard for me to. To think that they didn't know, because there's no way that you're that uninvolved. I think more of it was like an intentional cognitive dissonance where it's easier to not look deeper into things because that means that there's more work that you have to do. And so when you're already dealing with a lot of other things, this just feel like way too much to start digging into.
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Kate
Like, he's just steady, like, living in your room.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah.
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Kate
Wow.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah.
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Podcast Sponsor Announcer
This episode of Kate and Ty is sponsored by Better Help. For some of us, summer is one of our favorite seasons. You know, travel picks up, the kids are out of school, and all the adventures begin. But for others, juggling it all can sometimes be tough and can lead to overwhelm and counting down the minutes until the kids are back in school. And many worry they're wasting the days of sunshine. Honestly, I love summer. Summer is one of my favorites. Because the kids are out of school, we get to go camping, swimming in the lakes, barbecuing, bonfires, late nights, movies, all the fun things. But I need help myself to make sure that I keep my mental health in check and always going up. That's why therapy is so important. Therapy can help people better understand their needs. Feel more confident setting boundaries and create a version of summer that actually feels good. With over 30,000 therapists, better help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And one of the best parts is it actually works with an average reading of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Better Help does the initial match work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals? You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Send Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com BreakItDown that's better. H E L P.com BreakItDown Insurance isn't one size fits all, and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed Progressive Name your price tool for years. With the name your price tool, you tell them what you want to pay and they show you options that fit your budget enough. Hunting for discounts, trying to calculate rates, and tinkering with coverages. Maybe you're picking out your very first policy, or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family. Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises. Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit progressive.com and give the name your Price Tool a try. Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Price and Coverage match limited by state law
- [18:26]
Ty
For a small business owner, every day is full of surprises. Some great, some not so great, like when a client cancels their order at the last minute. But here's a surprise you will like. Progressive provides small business owners with 30 customizable coverage options to help keep their business going strong. So go ahead, surprise yourself. Get a quote in as little as 8 minutes@progressivecommercial.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates and third party insurers. Coverage is not available in all states or for all vehicles and coverage selections.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, and so what was happening was so I have biological siblings from my mom and I also have a biological sibling from my dad. And my biological siblings with my mom had been staying with a family who had guardianship and so they were kind of doing their own thing with that family and I would, you know, visit them occasionally. And so I was familiar with this family. But once everything came out that I was pregnant, my grandma was like, hey, we're gonna go get A checkup and just see how things are. Well, it ended up being an appointment to have, like, a consult for, like, an abortion. And I didn't know that. And she knew that I was not on board with that. And so we did the exam, and then somebody comes in and starts talking to me about this process. And I was like, absolutely not. I'm not interested. So it was really at that point when my grandma was like, okay, I can't help you do this. Like, if you're not willing to choose something else, I'm not. Like, I can't take that on.
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Kate
And so just like. And how wrong of her to do that to you, in my opinion. Because, you know, in the beginning, it kind of reminds me of my mom. You know, it's like in the beginning, she said to you, we'll figure it out. You know, obviously, I'm disappointed. How could this have happened? But we will figure it out, and I will be there with you. But then all of a sudden, she springs an abortion appointment on you, and you're like, no. And then she's like, oh, well, now I'm not going to help you. It's like, what the hell? Why do you know, the fact that adults do that to these children and these young women is just disgusting. Don't tell me you're going to support me. And then all of a sudden, just flip it. Flip a switch and change your mind.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right? Yeah. And I think that was the hardest thing for me, too, because I. She really was, like, the only person that I had, you know, navigating all of this. And the other thing is, why were people not asking more questions? Why were people, you know, kind of chastising me for this. This situation I was in, but nobody was looking deeper, like, how did this happen? Why did this happen? What's happening?
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Kate
Right. Like, all. All of the questions that normal, functioning adults would ask their kids or their young children, like young teenagers. Yeah, I agree.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. And there was nobody really asking those questions. It was really like, how could you do this? Why would you do this? What are you thinking? Right. Yeah. And, you know, again, that was kind of a common theme in, you know, my family of origin, household upbringing, that everybody was blaming each other for everything. You know, it was really hard to take accountability for things because again, that generational trauma, all of those things that get passed down, it's easier to just stick with what's familiar than to do the hard work. Right. And so that was happening. She had me go to a few. I can't even remember what they're called, but they're basically clinics that say they offer you options or they help you talk through choices. And they're very much geared towards, like, parent or adoption. Yeah, yeah. And so for me, my grandma had already kind of told them, like, I really want adoption to happen in this case, so can you have that conversation? So I would show up and they would be really, really pushing, like, beautiful adoption was how awesome it would be. And, you know, I very quickly was like, I'm not interested in doing that. Like, I'm not going to keep having conversations about this if you're not going to respect what I'm telling you I'm planning to do. Because at the end of the day, this is still my child. So once that became clear, she was like, why don't you start doing more visits at this. This. With this family who had guardianship of my siblings? And I was like, okay, whatever. So I was actually at a visit with this family, visiting my siblings, when my grandma found the man in my room. And I don't necessarily remember all the details of it, but she had found him, he ran out of the house. It became a whole thing. And I was on a visit at the time. So the lady got a call and she was like, hey, I need to talk to you about something. Like, your grandma just found a man in your room. What is going on? Like, I need to talk to you more about this. And I think by that point, everybody put all the pieces together. But it was terrifying for me because I'm like, oh, my gosh, what. What is gonna happen now? And I never went back to my grandma's for a while after that. Like, I just stayed because my grandparents were like, I'm. We can't deal with this.
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Kate
And then they're just like, just left you there.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. I stayed at this house with the family that had guardianship, and I found out later, too, that they also had guardianship of me, but I was not, like, living with them when that guardianship happened. So it was like a co guardianship with my grandparents and this family.
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Kate
And so this family, were they part of your family? Were they a foster family or were they just like some random family?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, so my grandma had been reaching out to churches and asking if there were families who were interested in taking a sibling set. And so she had got linked up and this family was suggested, and that's where my siblings had gone. And I guess as a part of the guardianship process, I was included in that, but I was not part of the, like, living situation. If that makes sense.
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Kate
Yeah. Let me stop you. Right. Because that's crazy to me because I mean, the foster system in general needs to be changed. There's huge things that I don't agree with, so many things that go wrong. But then what's even crazier to me is. And I'm just kind of laughing because I'm like, this is crazy. Okay. Not that it's funny, I'm just like, this is wild.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah.
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Kate
So your grandma's reaching out to people in the church, asking if people will take, you know, children. So then these people aren't even, you know, background checked. They're not even looked into who they are, Nothing like that. They just end up getting guardianship of your siblings. And you, like, she didn't even go through the right process of at least some kind of form of protection, you know?
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right. And I, I know that it was done through like lawyers and so I can hope that there was a little bit more happening in the background.
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Kate
I hope so.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
I've never been made aware of it, but I'm sure at some point there was because this family that had guardianship did end up becoming our adoptive family later on. Wow. So they did end up becoming, you know, licensed to foster and adopt. But at this point that was not the process that was done. So. So I was there, I stayed there and, you know, again, kind of went through this process. First of all, it was very shocking because I had never lived with this family. So it was a total culture shock of going from kind of running my own show in my grandparents home to now having this family that has very, you know, strict rules, expectations. And I was like, okay, here we are. So to me, I was like, this is the way that I can parent. This is the way. This is where I need to be to be able to have, you know, what I want. So initially it was kind of like, okay, yeah, we're going to support you, we'll figure this out. Kind of the same thing. And then it became again, very much adoption centered. And this is really the part of my story where I have not necessarily a similar experience as you, but I resonate a lot with those feelings that you went through with the pressure and also feeling kind of coerced into, like, if you don't make this option, you're making a really big mistake. And you know, I know we share an experience with a specific agency and it. They're not ever looking out for the best interest of the people who are most impacted by the process of adoption. But I didn't Know that at the time. And so what was being preserved. Right, right. And what was being presented at the time is, like, you get to control this. You get to have an open adoption. You get to be in the driver's seat is exactly what they said. Yeah. And I just remember there was one day that I had walked downstairs, and there was a lady sitting at the dining room table with pamphlets spread out across the table, and they were like, hey, let's just sit down and have a conversation. And I got the whole spiel about, you know, this is the best option for you and for your child. There's all these families who would love to have your child and their family. Give them a life that you never could. They'll have access to so many resources that you won't have access to, and you still get to be in their life. You know, I'm sure you're very familiar with all of the things that they tell you and try to really get you to believe. Yeah. And just, like, almost using, like, backhanded shame by painting it as if, like, these people are so much better than you could ever be. So why wouldn't you make this choice? Because this is clearly better. And if you don't make this choice, what's wrong with you? Why would you not make the choice that's obviously better? And so I. I thought about it
- [28:21]
Kate
some things that I heard, too, is, like, the most, you know, selfless thing you can do is say goodbye. And, you know, it really. It makes you feel, like, almost, like, selfish that, like, you want your own child. Like, if I'm her, I'm just selfish because now, you know, she's just going to have an absolutely horrible life.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right.
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Kate
You know? Yeah. It's just. You feel, like, stuck.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And then if you also have people in your life that are really pushing you to make this choice, it feels like you're the only one fighting against everybody else who seems to think that you're crazy for wanting to parent your own child. And that was so hard for me because I'm like, I. I know that I can't do it on my own because, again, I don't have access to things. I'm. I was 13 still at this time, and I was like. But I'm. I was very stubborn, and I was like, this is the one thing that I'm not gonna let people take away from me. So once that agency had figured out that I was not going to be going along with their plan, we went back to kind of talks about, okay, we'll figure out how to do this. We'll figure out how to do this. But then it became, you know, when we're at church, people would come up to me and tell me about how much they wanted a child and kind of share their experiences of like, yeah, we just. We really feel like God has placed it on our hearts, and we would just love to be connected, considered things like that. And, like, having crazy to me, what
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Kate
I couldn't imagine, okay, I'm 34. I couldn't imagine walking up to some pregnant teenager and being like, I just really would love to have a baby. And, you know, hopefully, you know, you can maybe consider me, like, ew, puke. What? Right, right.
- [30:11]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
And it's so tone deaf, because you have no idea what has gotten me into this position. And so you just assuming that I would be at a place where I could even carry your trauma that you're dumping on me.
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Kate
Right, Right.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
So tone deaf. Yeah. And to have, like, adults, really, a few of them that I had spoken to were just. They would sob about how much they wanted to have a baby. And I'm like, this is so inappropriate. And, like, I didn't have the language for it at the time, but I knew, like, this feels awful to be on the receiving end of, because it really does make you feel bad. It's like, wow, maybe I should help them. Like, clearly, they. They want this so much. Like. And that those conversations were the ones that really made me start questioning, like, harder than I had before of, like, should I do this? Like, maybe this really is what I should do.
- [31:06]
Kate
It's like a form of coercion. It's like, oh, my gosh, look at. You know, look at. You're not stable enough. You're only 13. Your life is crazy. But then look at these beautiful people that have everything put together, and they're. They want a child so badly. And, yeah, I feel like even for me, you know, I look back at it now that I'm 34, and it's like, I never. I didn't have a crystal ball, but I look back at it and I'm like, wow, if I would have decided to parent, her life would have been different than what I thought her life would have been in that moment when I was going through everything, you know, like, it's completely different. And they. Yeah, they'll tell. I feel like they will tell you anything in any way just to get you to hand your child over. These. These couples.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah.
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Kate
Which. That's why me and Tyler are huge. Like, we need it Needs to be reformed completely.
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Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Absolutely.
- [32:05]
Kate
Because how long. So did the agency come back into your life multiple times or was it just kind of that one scenario, like couple times? And then you told them like, absolutely not, I'm not doing this.
- [32:18]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. So for me, they. I had met with them a few times and after that final time, they were like. And I don't necessarily know if it was because they respected my no finally. Or if it was really that I had ended up transitioning out of that home altogether. And so they lost contact with me. I don't know why they eventually stopped, but they did because I know that is part of it. They still kind of keep circling back around to try to remind you that this option is there and it's really like salesy almost. Which is wild when we're talking about human beings because again, in any other context we usually call that human trafficking. So then we start getting into that whole other conversation.
- [33:04]
Kate
But that's a whole, that's a whole thing. But no, I mean, that's really it. Like, you know, they say it's a non profit, but they're bringing in billions of dollars a year. You know what I mean? Just.
- [33:15]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, I could talk about that whole thing forever because yeah, it's. It's something. Hey. Yeah. So, yeah, I. I ended up not obviously going through with any of the people that I had, you know, spoken to. And once that kind of became clear and things got really, really tense with this family, but with me and this family, because again, in my head I was still thinking I was going to have this life with this person. I was thinking that I was gonna, you know, be able to do all these things. And then also I was bringing in a lot of my own history and trying to integrate it with what this family was living in the present. And it was just not clicking. Like, it was really hard for me to be the person that, you know, fit in with this family, but then also still honor who I was and like what I was coming from because I hadn't been given the tools to do anything different. And it was just like this, this clash of like what I want to be doing versus what I need to be doing in their eyes. And it was really hard.
- [34:22]
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- [35:45]
Becca Tobin
breakitdown hi there, it's Becca Tobin. I am currently the mother of a
- [35:49]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
four year old, which means I have
- [35:51]
Becca Tobin
been through it, but I still have questions and maybe even a few answers. From surrogacy to toddler chaos, I have learned a lot and also not nearly enough. That's why I decided to launch Baby Gang, a six part series from the Lady Gang where I'm getting real about fertility, parenting and all the stuff nobody actually tells you. I'm bringing in some experts for the tough stuff and some other celeb moms and friends for parenting survival stuff. It's honest, it's messy, it's emotional, and yes, we are definitely laughing through it because whether you're in it, thinking about it or just curious, we've got you. So join the Baby Gang wherever you get your podcasts.
- [36:25]
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- [36:51]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
kind of the final breaking point at that time was I had to go through the trial, I had to testify against my abuser and he ended up
- [37:04]
Kate
going well because Obviously what they found out that he was way older. And so what, somebody press. Did somebody press charges on him or did the state press charges?
- [37:13]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
I think it was the state because it was just so apparent between. And. But without going into too many details about it, he was his own worst enemy when it came to this situation. And, you know, they ended up finding all of the evidence they needed without ever even doing like a DNA test. I still have never had one of those done just to protect my family. So even without that, there was so much evidence. And there was a lot of things I found out later that was happening during this situation, including things like trafficking content, just a lot of things.
- [37:52]
Kate
He's a predator. I mean, let's. You know what I mean, who does that? You know, he's literally got a 13 year old pregnant and he's in his 20s. Like. Yeah. So then you end up having to go to trial and testifying against. Against him while you're pregnant.
- [38:06]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yes. Wow. And yeah, and that was one of the hardest things because of course the defense lawyer is up there doing her job, trying to make me to not be a victim and, you know, trying to bring up every bit of my story that she could dig up to make me look like I was the reason why this situation happened and not that I was a victim of a predator. Right. And it was so hard.
- [38:33]
Kate
But when, when it comes to things like that, that's just gross. Like, come, don't try to put it on the woman like you.
- [38:39]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right, right. It was really hard. And not. I don't think it was a coincidence that immediately after I testified, they took a plea deal. So that was kind of frustrating because the plea deal was always there and it could have been taken without me having to go through testifying. But.
- [38:57]
Kate
Right.
- [38:58]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
It happened. And he ended up going to prison. That was a whole other situation. But he went to prison and things were just so tense in the home with his family. I ended up going back to my biological grandmother's for a little bit. Shortly after.
- [39:14]
Kate
How long did he get in? How long did he. How long was the sentence?
- [39:19]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
So he was. He got a special sentence, so he's on lifetime supervision for the rest of his life. However, he was sentenced in prison to 10 years, which was to be served at the same time as a sentence for a completely unrelated charge. So he ultimately ended up being released after four years.
- [39:40]
Kate
Wow.
- [39:40]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. So that was really frustrating. And I did go. I was actually married when I spoke at the parole hearing and gave a victim impact statement. And I was shocked that he was granted it, to be honest, because there was no remorse, there was no acknowledgement, there was no. It was a lot of justification and I didn't know and it was really frustrating.
- [40:06]
Kate
So a 20 something year old guy knows what little kids look, look, look like. Like what?
- [40:12]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right, right. But I think that also just highlights how not victim centered the justice system is. And that's been a whole learning experience for me even to this day. Day is navigating all of the complexities that come with that, because even that situation still has a lot of rippling effects today that we deal with just within our own family because of that.
- [40:36]
Kate
So then you said, you said that. So things obviously weren't really working with that family. So you ended up going back to your maternal grandma's house, still pregnant.
- [40:47]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yep.
- [40:48]
Kate
Okay.
- [40:49]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yes. So I go back there and she's like, you know what, we can do this. She helps me set up a nursery,
- [40:54]
Kate
helps me get so much back and forth with her and everybody.
- [40:57]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, and we can't.
- [40:59]
Kate
You have to do this. Now you're out. You, we now will help you. Now you can't. Now you're gonna live with these people. Now you come back, now we can help you. How confusing, right?
- [41:08]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, it was really hard. It was really hard. Yeah. And. Well, and also because I was still dealing with like, things like school, because when I first got pregnant, I was in eighth grade. I was finishing eighth grade, and so by this point I was starting ninth grade. And so she was like, yeah, we're gonna do this. Helps me set everything up. And then one day she's like, hey, we're having a caseworker come. And she's just coming to make sure that everything's okay for the baby to come here, whatever. And I just knew that that wasn't the truth, but I was really hoping that it was. And I was like, okay, but if you're really just gonna send me away, can you just tell me before they come? So I'm prepared for that because I, I don't want to. And if they told me I have to leave, like, I'm not going to go with them. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, this isn't that. Well, of course as soon as the caseworker walks in, she's like, hey, I need you to go grab a garbage bag and fit everything you can in that garbage bag and come with me. And I was like, you have got to be kidding me. And so of course I was like, freaking out, losing my crap. And they ended up calling the police, because I was refusing to go. I ended up going with this caseworker. And we drive to an emergency shelter, and we walk in. And walking in was so traumatic because there was no staff around. And I just. I still have it in my head walking in. And I was seven months pregnant at this time, and there's a kid running around with a pencil threatening to stab people, and kids were screaming and yelling, and we're just standing there waiting for any staff member to come and, like, start this intake process. And we get put in an office, and somebody said, they'll be right back. I'm sitting there with a caseworker, and I'm like, you seriously think that this is safer for me than literally anything else? And she really didn't say that much. We ended up waiting for so long that the caseworker left, and my grandma had to come sit with me because we were just sitting there so long. And once my grandma got there, I was just bawling and pleading with her. I was like, please, I will do anything. Please do not make me stay here.
- [43:14]
Kate
Like, this is health institution they took you to.
- [43:18]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, Mental health hospital.
- [43:19]
Kate
Why are they taking. So your grandma must have wanted them to take you there.
- [43:24]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
What?
- [43:24]
Kate
Because why are they. Your grandma's and then taking you for your grandma's and taking you there? And like you said, that is not safer.
- [43:32]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right. And at the time, I didn't know how all of that worked, but as I've gotten older, I learned that there was a lot more happening from the people that were telling me one thing and doing something different than what I realized at the time. Again, lacking that accountability and being able to blame somebody else because I didn't know better. And so, you know, I ended up staying there, and I was still going.
- [43:56]
Kate
So you're after pleading with your grandma and everything, she still made you stay there? Give you any reasonings that you can remember or anything?
- [44:03]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, I remember her just saying, like, well, it's not my choice. The state is saying that you need to go be here. Like, we'll. We'll figure something out. We'll figure something out is what it was. And so I ended up staying there. I was still going to the school in my hometown, so I was being driven every single day, having to take my garbage bag full of items to school every single day with me just in case a foster family would come and pick me up is what I was told.
- [44:29]
Kate
That's sad.
- [44:30]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, it was hard. And then, you know, dealing with all the questions from people of, like, why do you have all your stuff here? Why is it in a garbage bag? And then, yes, very much. And then also just being a pregnant. And I was 14 by this time, so I was a 14 year old pregnant person going through all these things, it was hard. It was hard for sure. And so I did end up having a foster family agree to take me in. And they. I remember they weren't able to pick me up from school the day that they agreed to take me in. So my grandparents drove me there. And again, I was pleading with them like, they, please, can you just take me home? Can I please just go home? Because again, like, as dysfunctional as it was and as toxic as it was, it was familiar. That was my home. And so, yeah, it was really hard, honestly. And I think that I've been able to heal from a lot of the stuff that I dealt with growing up. But, you know, like, if I were to hear this story from anybody else, I would cry for them because it was so hard. And yeah, it's really hard to reflect.
- [45:41]
Kate
You're pleading with her in the car, but they still took you to this foster family.
- [45:46]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Wow. Yeah. So we get there and I was the first teenager placement they had ever had. And they were telling me too, like,
- [45:55]
Kate
not just, you know, not just a teenager, but pregnant teenager too, right?
- [45:59]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. And so they were telling me how they really wanted to start taking in teens because there's not a lot of homes that will agree to take teenagers. And I was like, oh, that's really great. Whatever. I later found out that was more financially incentivized for them, but I didn't know that at the time, again, so they were like, yeah, we're really gonna help you do all the things that you want to do. We think it's really great that you want to do all these things. So I was like, awesome. I finally have people who are in my corner who are going to support me. Well, my foster mom was very much encouraging me to involve my abuser's family in this process and was like, don't you think it would be fair for them to be a part of this? And at the time, I still was like, stuck in the mindset of, this is probably going to be my future. Like, I. This can probably still work out. So they started to become more involved. I was having communication with them and I just remember going into labor and delivering at the hospital and my foster parents had to be there, which I had barely known them, but they had to be there because I was technically under their care at this Time I had a lot of different family members come up and visit, whatever, but it was just, like, a very weird experience because, you know, when we talk about having babies, it's like this exciting, awesome experience. And it was so. Like, I had so many mixed emotions because I was so excited to finally have my baby. I was like, I finally got here. I get to keep this baby. Like, everything's fine. But, you know, my abuser's family came to the hospital. They were invited up there, and there was a lot of pressure of, like, hey, you should include our last name on the birth certificate. And again, I was 14, and I was like, you know what? That probably is a good idea. So I did. And that's. I still am dealing with the consequences of that to this day, which is something that is wild to me, because we don't let kids make legal decisions in any. Any other situation.
- [47:56]
Kate
Right.
- [47:56]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
But I made this permanent legal choice that there's no law that allows you to undo that. And, I mean, you can go and do name changes, but then you have to establish paternity. You have to do all of these processes that don't make up for cases like mine, where it's so much more complex than just going and getting permission from somebody to change a name. Wow.
- [48:19]
Kate
And so how long were you with this foster family until you went into labor?
- [48:24]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
I think it was.
- [48:26]
Kate
It's quite hard to remember, but I
- [48:28]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
think it was about a month.
- [48:29]
Kate
Oh, wow. Okay.
- [48:31]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah.
- [48:31]
Kate
So not very long. And, like, were they in the room with you when you were delivering?
- [48:36]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Honestly, I don't even remember who was in there, because people were coming and going, and I was just so focused on the midwife who was coaching me through it.
- [48:45]
Kate
Everybody could be there at that point. I mean, I had a whole camera crew in mind, and I was like. Like, whatever, you know?
- [48:52]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right. I feel that.
- [48:54]
Kate
Yeah, I feel that.
- [48:55]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. I. I honestly don't even remember who was all in the room. I do remember getting the epidural, and they had to do it so many times that people were, like, leaving, because it was so gross. It was just, like. There was, like, blood pooling. It was a disaster. And that was my first experience with that. So I was like, is this normal? Everything ended up going okay, though. It was fine. But, yeah, it was really, really difficult. And once I left the hospital, I went with my foster family, and I was still doing visits with my biological grandma at this time, so I was kind of in between both of them. And I don't. I still don't remember what Kicked off the fact that I was no longer doing visits with my grandma, but at some point that stopped and she was no longer, like, part of my regular life anymore. And so once I had kind of recovered, my foster family was like, hey, so you know how we talked about you being able to do school from home? That's not happening. You're actually just going to go to the local school and we're going to do daycare for your baby instead. And I was like, that's not what we talked about. I don't want to leave my baby with anybody. Why are you changing all of a sudden? And they're like, well, we all talked and we think it's in your best interest. And blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, again, found out later financial incentives,
- [50:18]
Kate
like, what they could profit because they're like, watching your child while you're at school.
- [50:22]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
They get the child care pay for that. Yeah, yeah. So that was another thing.
- [50:29]
Kate
And then in my mind, when you said that, I'm like, oh, okay. Like, maybe they want her to, like, maybe it's beneficial for her mental health to be around her peers. And.
- [50:38]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
And that's how they painted it for sure.
- [50:40]
Kate
Right? That's what I'm thinking as a normal adult. But then, yeah, like, you. Then you find out later that's because they get paid for you, and then they get paid to watch your baby, too. Like, what was this family? Was this family like, you know, besides the money. Gross. Money aspect? Were they kind to you guys? Were they able?
- [51:04]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Okay, no. They had a child who was actively in addiction herself who still stayed at the house. And so there was a lot of, like, chaos happening in their own family. But I would say, like, overall, they were nice for the most part, until it got closer to the end where they realized that I was going to go be with the family that had guardianship of me instead of staying with them. It became very clear that, like, I was not welcome there. And they started taking in other teen girls. And at one point, things really hit, like, a fever pitch because they had another foster child there or a foster teenager there who had made it very clear that they were not interested in babies being around babies. Babies crying. It caused them to have, like, visceral reactions of, like, harm. And I was like, if you're gonna make me go to school, like, you have to respect this one rule that this. This person cannot be left with my child. Cannot be. And that was disrespected. And when I threw a huge fit about it, I. They literally would argue with me. They were being very petty. They were. It just. It went very much downhill from there because it was clear that, like, nothing I wanted was being respected. I don't know if they had, you know, thoughts about me going back to this family or what the issue was, but, like, I very much carried the brunt of it. And I just felt like it was so Inappropriate. Appropriate. Yeah.
- [52:33]
Kate
It's inappropriate when people aren't listening again to you. Like.
- [52:37]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right.
- [52:37]
Kate
They have. But especially it becomes. Yeah, your. It becomes even more severe when your baby is involved because I don't care what age you are, you were only, what, probably 14 when. When your child was born. Yep. Your claws will come out stronger than in any other way. So nobody's listening to you and what your wants were. But then now you're not listening to the wants that I'm asking for my child. Like, absolutely. The fuck not.
- [53:06]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right? Exactly. Exactly.
- [53:10]
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- [54:50]
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- [55:11]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
And so I started transitioning out of that home and into the. The same family that had guardianship of me. Now, the plan was for me to be adopted by this family.
- [55:24]
Kate
A family that has your siblings, correct?
- [55:26]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yes. Okay. Yep. So I transitioned back into that home, and once the adoption happened, I was 15. And through all of this, my child has always been my child. Like, she's never been involved in any of the care transitions, custody, nothing. She's always been mine. And that was something that was really important to me that. That could never be up for debate. And so, yeah, that was really important to me. So I was adopted at 15, and again, just, like, opened up a whole new can of worms of figuring out, like, first of all, I was 15. So all of the teenage stuff that teenagers deal with, carrying all of my experiences, all of my family background, all of this into this home, and then being a teen parent and trying to figure all of that out myself, like, it was so difficult to, you know, integrate into this new family.
- [56:24]
Kate
Well, you had a. You had a lot of trauma. You were holding on to a lot of trauma.
- [56:29]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right, right. And so I think that I. I've had a lot of really good experiences with my adoptive family, and I think the hardest part for me now, because now I am finishing my master's to be a marriage and family therapist. Right now I'm a marriage and family therapist intern, and I specialize in trauma. And. Yeah, thank you. I'm. I am. It's been really hard, but something that I've really wanted to do, and I'm also doing a lot of extra trainings to be more, like, adoptee centered in the therapy I offer eventually, because I. I don't think there's enough people in the mental health field who are truly trained. Right.
- [57:14]
Kate
Yeah, there's not a lot at all.
- [57:16]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. And I think through all of my experiences, I've encountered a lot of really awful therapists and counselors and people who, if they just asked the right questions, probably could have helped me from a lot of the things I went through. And a lot of therapists who, like, especially after I was adopted, who would kind of feed information back to my family. And so if what I. Sorry. If what I said in therapy didn't align with what they were Wanting people to know about me or know about our family, that was, like, consequential for me for sharing things that didn't necessarily align with them.
- [57:53]
Kate
That is so not right. And isn't that illegal? Like, how could you be huge with.
- [58:01]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Absolutely. And so all of those experiences really confirmed for me that, like, I want to be somebody eventually who can do this differently and be the person that I needed when I was going through all of these things, because I. Obviously, my story is so layered and complex, and nobody I encountered up until I became an adult really sat down and listened to my story from me and not from somebody else and not with the perspective that somebody else gave them before meeting me. And I think that's been the hardest part for me is, like, my story has never really been my own until I decided that it was going to be my own own. And so that's been really important for me now as an adult. And, you know, now helping clients through their own stories is really just prioritizing autonomy and your own voice, especially after being through stuff that kind of takes your voice away and takes away your autonomy.
- [59:00]
Kate
And it sounds like to me, you know, a lot of your childhood was like that. So how old are you now? If you want, you can tell me how old your child is. How does your life look differently than how it looked? Like, how does your child's life look differently than what you thought it was going to be or what you were raised in?
- [59:21]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
So right now I'm 29. I'll be 30 in September. My oldest will be 16 in December. And I've since had seven more children with my husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's always so funny because I. You know, people always talk about Kale and how many kids that she has, and I just always am, like, biting my tongue because people are shocked when I. You know, they'll be like, how many kids do you have? And I'm like, do you really want to know? And I'll tell them. 8. And they're like, are they all yours? Did you have all of them? And I'm like, it's really not right. It's really not that shocking, I guess, to me. I don't know. I always. I see people talking about her the most about that, and then when I tell people how many I have, I'm like, well, anyway, right.
- [60:13]
Kate
Yeah, some people are meant to have. You know, some people are just really meant to have a really big family. And, you know, like. Like you said for Kale, for instance, like, I watch her. I watch how she is with her kids, how involved she is, how she takes care of them. And I'm like, she was meant to have a big family, you know, and that's okay. I mean, it used to be more common way back in the day, even, like.
- [60:34]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right.
- [60:35]
Kate
My husband's grandma, she had eight kids. You know, like, back in the day, people had lots and lots of kids. And it's like, it's. Who cares? Okay. I only had four. That's enough for me. Other people can handle more, and I think that's beautiful. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Eight kids. You're 29. And just how. How is your husband? How does he love you? How does he show you true love? Like, you get that. Obviously you get that from him. Right. Or you still want to be with him, but God.
- [61:03]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
So is it for you now, Honestly, it is such a journey because we've been married for almost 12 years now. In September, it'll be 12 years. And just even the start of our relationship was so not ideal. You know, the adoptive family I grew up with was very involved in the church. And so part of that is, you do things the right way before you have children, you get married before you do anything else, like, you get married. So to me, because of, you know, some of the issues that I was having being a part of my adoptive family, I was like, I can solve this by getting married right away. And it was like, you know, everybody was like, no, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. But I was like, no. Like, this seems like the best way for me to kind of get that independence that I think I. I want. So after I met my husband, we got married pretty quickly. Like, it was six days after I turned 18 that we got married.
- [61:57]
Kate
Oh, wow.
- [61:57]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was pretty much like, bam, bam, bam. And he comes from a whole different background. He's actually. He came over to America from West Africa as a refugee when he was a baby. So he has a whole other complex story, family and himself. And so. But he also doesn't have a lot of the same traumas that I come from. And so for him, it's been a huge, like, learning curve figuring out how sometimes, like, when we first met, things I would say or do were not necessarily directed at him. It was because of a place of fear from me and my experiences. Right. When you're 18, you have no idea what. What that even means. And so it's been really rocky. Like, we've had a situation at one Point right after we got married, when I filed for divorce from him, and we separated, and it was really hard, but, you know, something had come up with it in the court system, and it didn't go through, and that actually brought us back together. And so since then, we've really been intentional about building our relationship. And of course, there's been a lot of ups and downs, but there always
- [63:10]
Kate
is, which there always is, I think.
- [63:12]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right.
- [63:12]
Kate
You know, in any relationships, there's lots of ups and downs, and it's just. How do you deal with those downs? You know, do you work through them and you lean into each other and try to learn more about each other and how can you help one another? Or do you separate, you know, and grow away from each other? It really is. It's just. It's so normal and natural. And like you said, you know, somebody coming from all the trauma that you experienced and abandonment, you know, same thing with me and Ty. It was like, you know, a lot of my. The first thoughts that would come to my mind is like, oh, my gosh, he's gonna leave me, or, you know, what am I gonna do? Because I always had this lingering fear that the person that I love the most was always going to go away, you know, because of that abandonment issue. So, like you, I totally can relate. Like, when you get into certain situations, those old traumas want to come back up and they, you know, speak things to you. And it's so important to work through all of that and figure out how to communicate.
- [64:10]
Ty
Right.
- [64:10]
Kate
How to say things.
- [64:11]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right.
- [64:11]
Kate
And if you put in the work, you can have a beautiful relationship, you know?
- [64:15]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. That's. Yeah, that says it all, really, because it's. It's something that I think people also think is like a destination that you're working towards, but it's really just committing over and over and over and over and over to keep. Keep working at it and keep building and keep learning new things and keep pivoting when new things come up and, like, learning how to deal with that together. Because I think every year I feel like our relationship gets a little bit better, a little bit stronger. We learn new pieces of ourselves. And, you know, especially with my identity as being an adoptee, that's been something that has been really pivotal in our relationship because he's had to navigate all of those complex relationships right along with me. And, you know, the people that I am in reunion with, with my biological family, he's navigating that, too. He's navigating all of these pieces Right along with me. Now that I'm on the other side and not a kid anymore, I get to kind of pick how I navigate these things. So. Right. He's really had to learn right along with me. How does this even look? What. What do we do with this?
- [65:22]
Kate
So it sounds he's been pretty supportive of it though.
- [65:26]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, for sure. He's been the person who has consistently worked so that I can continue my education. I've been in college for really like 8ish years. I've been doing it online and my whole philosophy has been like, slow and steady will get us to the end of the race. And so I'm finally now reaching that end. I graduated in July with my master's and.
- [65:49]
Kate
Congratulations.
- [65:51]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Thank you. Yeah, I'm super excited to finally be done with school.
- [65:57]
Kate
And I think people, you know, I. I truly believe that people that have been through a lot in their lives can have the most impact on, you know, these people that walk into the doors that are just searching for help, you know, because, I mean, yes, it sucks. We had to go through a lot as kids and stuff. That's just unbelievable. But in turn, we can relate to a lot of these people that are coming in seeking help because we've worked on it ourselves and we've kind of, you know, unfortunately have been there so we can relate to them, you know.
- [66:31]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Right.
- [66:32]
Kate
Yeah, it's like a. Yeah, it's like a two sided coin. It's like, yeah, it's shitty and it never should have happened to us, but we, you know, we're resilient, we worked through it, we learned, and now we get to help these people not feel alone and to help them get out of whatever funk that they're in. I think that's awesome. You should be super proud of yourself.
- [66:51]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah, I am. I'm really trying to kind of make purpose out of all the things that I've been through and gone on my own healing journey from and kind of help other people. That's why, like, with TikTok, I'm trying to do a lot more advocacy and do a lot more of making mental health more accessible to people who might otherwise not be able to learn about the language behind the things that we see on TV in real life. And so learning how to do that and writing about it, trying to make resources that are accessible to other people and also doing things like this and connecting with people like you who really get it and also are on that same path of like, advocating and wanting change and wanting people to know that there's Better ways to do things.
- [67:35]
Kate
I love it. So if there was, I don't even know, like, if there was something that you could tell to maybe or say to a young person that maybe is going through a really hard time or a chaotic family or whatever, what is something that you would say to them?
- [67:56]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
I think probably just mostly personally, the biggest thing that I think would be the most beneficial to hear is, for one, it's not your fault. You're a child. You should be protected. The people in your life are the ones who should be making sure that everything happening is in your best interest. And even if your choices aren't what the outcome is, your voice still deserves respect and deserves to be heard. And then also two things can be true at once. That's something I've had to learn, and I think that's something I wish I knew back then, is that I can be sad and happy at the same time. I can grieve something bad and still wish that it was different. I can be grateful and I can be angry. And I think that both and or two things being true is really important to remember that that is just a natural part of being human. And lastly is just that grief doesn't require that what you lost was a good thing. It just requires that it was something that was yours. And so you're allowed to grieve things that are painful and ugly and messy, and it doesn't mean that you necessarily want or them in your life anymore. But it was still something that was yours. And that deserves to be grieved properly.
- [69:13]
Kate
I love that. I just want to say, like, you know, I know it took us a minute to connect and get everything to work out, but especially with you having, you know, eight kids and I only have three, so I can't even imagine my life's already crazy. But I just want to say, like, I appreciate you so much just coming up here and being vulnerable and just having the balls to reach out even and being willing to share your story and not hide things. I think that you are definitely making an impact. I feel like just from just listening your story, I can tell you voice had this fire in you to make sure that you get done what needs to get done for you. And I think that's awesome. And hopefully you can kind of instill that into younger people and even older people. But I just really want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time. Thank you for being honest and talking with me today. And there was many times when you were sharing your story where I was just like, this is. There's so much sad pieces to it, and I feel sorry that there wasn't just one solid adult to just hug you and to just love on you. Like, that just breaks my heart for you. But just. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for coming on today and sharing your journey. And I really appreciate. And I enjoyed listening to it, even though it was hard.
- [70:45]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. I'm so appreciative that you've given me this opportunity. I was so looking forward to be able to connect with you on, you know, all of these topics that are so important to talk about. And I always appreciate when people can empathize with parts of my story. But I also like to remind people that it's something I went through and I've gone through my process of healing. I'm at peace with the things that I've gone through. I'm not sad about it anymore. There's people who I've had those negative experiences with who are now really positive parts of my life, and we've been able to heal together. And so that's also an aspect of even adoption, is that you can still kind of create a beautiful outcome later on, even if it didn't start that way. And so I think that that's also something important to remember is that I've kind of grieved what I needed to grieve. The things that I've lost and the things that I wish were different now. And I'm just really at peace with where things are right now.
- [71:38]
Kate
Oh, I'm so glad. Yeah, that makes me happy. Well, for the people that don't know where to find you, where can people find you to listen more about your stories or, you know, things that you talk like, what's your tick tock handle all that.
- [71:52]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
Yeah. So right now, I'm really only on TikTok. It's Bri in the making. And I've also been more recently. Sometimes me and Elle will talk on, like, a live. We did recently, just kind of breaking down people that she covers. So you'll probably see me a little bit more frequently on LB's channel, too. And I don't know if there's ever, like, an opportunity for us to do this again and maybe we could talk about, like, specific topics. But I would totally love that opportunity.
- [72:21]
Kate
Oh, absolutely. I feel like we have a lot that we could talk about for sure. Yeah. Yeah. This was just the beginning. I was like, I want to know her story. What does she go through, what happened, you know, all that kind of stuff. So you guys make sure you guys go definitely follow and I'm definitely excited to talk more and I think, yeah, I think we could vote like hone in on a specific topic next time too. But this time I was just like, I really want to know your background, you know, and your story. So I just want to say thank you guys for listening to this week's episode and we'll be talking to you guys next week. Thank you so much, Bri. I really appreciate it.
- [72:59]
Bri (Guest sharing her personal story)
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Ty
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