Podcast Summary: Cate & Ty Break It Down

Episode: Promises vs Reality: Sydney's Open Agreement Journey
Release Date: June 4, 2025
Hosts: Catelynn (Kate) and Tyler (Ty) Baltierra
Guest: Sydney, a birth mother raising her two biological children while navigating open adoption

Introduction

In this deeply emotional episode of Cate & Ty Break It Down, hosts Catelynn (Kate) and Tyler (Ty) Baltierra engage in a heartfelt conversation with Sydney, a birth mother who chose to place her child for adoption. Sydney shares her personal journey, the challenges she faced with the adoption process, and the profound impact it has had on her and her family. The discussion delves into the complexities of open adoption agreements, the emotional turmoil of relinquishing parental rights, and the systemic issues within the adoption industry.

Sydney's Journey to Adoption

Sydney opens up about her unexpected pregnancy during her college years while pursuing a degree in psychology. She describes a tumultuous upbringing marked by trauma and loss, which significantly influenced her decision-making process.

• Quote:
  Sydney (00:52): "I found out I was pregnant in college... and my dad sort of said that if I didn't place the child for adoption, that he just wouldn't have anything to do with me."

Sydney discusses the immense pressure from her family, particularly her father, who conditioned his support on her decision to place her child for adoption. This pressure stemmed from her desire to avoid repeating the trauma she experienced in her own fractured family.

• Quote:
  Sydney (02:27): "It was all of the factors of not wanting to repeat trauma and everything that had happened to my mom... fear that I wasn't enough."

Navigating the Adoption Process

Determined to ensure her child's safety and well-being, Sydney sought full custody before the child's birth. However, she encountered systemic obstacles, such as the inability to obtain full custody until after the child was born.

• Quote:
  Sydney (03:45): "You cannot get full custody or custody agreements in general for a child until the child is here."

Frustrated by these limitations, Sydney decided to proceed with adoption through an agency she found independently, seeking a family that aligned with her hopes for an open relationship with her child.

Selecting Adoptive Parents and Open Agreement

Sydney shares her experience with the adoption agency, highlighting the superficial nature of adoptive families' profiles and the agency's discouragement of her desired level of openness.

• Quote:
  Sydney (05:53): "All I'm seeing is my baby. Our baby... There was one book out of all 12, and it said, we cannot wait to welcome you and your child into our home."

Despite initial optimism, Sydney found that the agency minimized her requests for regular communication and visits, pushing her to agree to less frequent contact than she desired.

• Quote:
  Sydney (08:00): "I wanted our relationship to mirror what I understood adoption to be in concept."

Breakdown of the Open Agreement

After three years of maintaining the agreed-upon six in-person visits annually, the adoptive family began to retract their commitments, citing increased demands and plans to move abroad. This gradual reduction in communication left Sydney feeling abandoned and disrespected.

• Quote:
  Sydney (12:23): "They got the call scheduled with the agency, get on a video call, and I... they were cold. Her adoptive dad was crying and her adoptive mom was pissed."

The adoptive parents' move to France further complicated the relationship, enforcing strict limitations on any future contact and effectively nullifying the open agreement.

• Quote:
  Sydney (25:32): "From that day forward, every visit that I had with them was them chipping away at one more piece of what we had agreed to."

Emotional Impact and Regret

Sydney expresses profound sorrow over the unraveling of promises made by the adoptive parents, highlighting the emotional toll on both her and her children. She regrets not being equipped with the right questions during the placement process to ensure a more secure and fulfilling relationship post-adoption.

• Quote:
  Sydney (24:03): "I regret not knowing what questions to ask that would have matched me with the family that met the needs of what my hopes for a relationship with my daughter were."

Sydney also discusses the ripple effects of her decision on her other child, who suffers from the loss of her sister, emphasizing the often-overlooked impact of adoption on siblings.

• Quote:
  Sydney (32:34): "She has this notion in the back of her little baby brain that the same thing can happen to her. And I have to walk her through. Come hell or high water, kid, nobody's taking you."

Systemic Issues and Recommendations

A significant portion of the conversation focuses on the shortcomings of the adoption system, particularly the lack of transparency, insufficient legal protections for birth parents, and the profit-driven nature of adoption agencies. Sydney advocates for comprehensive policy changes to protect birth parents' rights and ensure ethical practices within the adoption industry.

• Quote:
  Sydney (56:09): "Adoption will be taught in all public education systems in the state of Idaho... mediators need to be removed... allowing birth parents access to outside legal representation would be a game changer."

Sydney introduces her book, "Courageous Considerations," a pre-placement journaling workbook designed to help birth parents ask the right questions and establish clear, enforceable open adoption agreements.

• Quote:
  Sydney (60:33): "The book is written in a way that I really encourage people to ask the questions objectively because I think that there is a viable threat there of using this tool and saying... adoptive families often lie on their profiles."

Conclusion and Resources

The episode concludes with Sydney emphasizing the importance of advocacy and systemic reform to protect the interests and emotional well-being of birth parents and their children. She provides information about her book and nonprofit organization, Unplanned, aimed at supporting unplanned pregnancies and fostering more ethical adoption practices.

• Quote:
  Sydney (74:43): "The book is written in a way that I really encourage people to ask the questions objectively... if I have a relationship with the person that's raising my child now, we have set up what we want."

Resources Mentioned:

• Book: Courageous Considerations by Sydney
• Nonprofit: Unplanned
• Contact Information: Available on Sydney’s social media platforms and her website

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Sydney (00:52): "I found out I was pregnant in college... and my dad sort of said that if I didn't place the child for adoption, that he just wouldn't have anything to do with me."
• Ty (02:55): "Were you living with your dad?"
• Sydney (03:45): "You cannot get full custody or custody agreements in general for a child until the child is here."
• Kate (04:35): "So the agency told you, like, oh, that's a little."
• Sydney (08:00): "I wanted our relationship to mirror what I understood adoption to be in concept."
• Ty (12:23): "Some voodoo associated."
• Sydney (24:03): "I regret not knowing what questions to ask..."
• Ty (56:09): "Huge problem."
• Sydney (60:33): "The book is written in a way that I really encourage people to ask the questions objectively..."

Final Thoughts

This episode of Cate & Ty Break It Down offers a raw and unfiltered look into the realities of open adoption from a birth mother's perspective. Sydney's story underscores the need for more robust support systems, better education for birth parents, and ethical reforms within the adoption industry to ensure that the promises made during the adoption process are honored and that the well-being of the child remains paramount.

For those interested in learning more or seeking support, Sydney's book "Courageous Considerations" and her nonprofit organization Unplanned provide valuable resources and tools to navigate the complexities of adoption.