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- [00:10]
A
Welcome. Hey, welcome. Welcome back to another episode. Yeah, welcome back to another episode of Kate and Ty Breakdown. Hope you guys are well. We have no more sickness in our house, so that's great.
- [00:21]
B
Hallelujah.
- [00:22]
A
Right? But no, you know what I was thinking would be fun? I was like, what if we did, like, we went on live, like, tick tock live, and had people ask questions while we're recording an episode.
- [00:34]
B
Oh, you know what I mean? I thought that they would write it in.
- [00:38]
A
Yeah, they would write it in, like while we're on live or whatever.
- [00:41]
B
I thought, well, you see people that will invite guests, like, on live.
- [00:44]
A
Yeah.
- [00:46]
B
Kind of interesting to do that would be recorded. And they. Hey, just so you know, we're going to have pocket episode. So if you. If you invite, if you ask yourself to come into our live, you're agreeing to like. Yeah, possibly. You know what I mean?
- [00:56]
A
To make the cut.
- [00:57]
B
Yeah, you make the cut. I think people would do it. I do it.
- [01:00]
A
I think it would be fun, right? Yeah. So I thought about. I thought. I don't know, I was just thinking. I'm like, that could be interesting.
- [01:07]
B
We'll do it and see what happens.
- [01:10]
A
Should I do it?
- [01:10]
B
Why? What do we have to lose? You know what I'm saying?
- [01:13]
A
I know, right?
- [01:14]
B
Just see what happens. Guys, this will be a first. It's a kind of experiment. So if you don't wait, don't give up.
- [01:20]
A
I wish I had a tripod.
- [01:21]
B
Oh, true.
- [01:23]
A
You know what I mean?
- [01:24]
B
Yeah. Because how are you gonna do that? You're gonna be holding the phone the whole time. We didn't think this through, did we?
- [01:28]
A
I know, right? I know we are, but we're being impulsive. Well, because I wanted this episode. I have a bunch of, like, questions from our Kate and Ty. Break it down Instagram. People wrote in a bunch of questions. And I just had a random thought. I was like, that would be kind of fun.
- [01:42]
B
I think it would be. If you hear kids were at a hotel. Okay. And there's some kind of, like, I don't even know what it is. Hockey competition or something.
- [01:51]
A
Yeah. There was a whole camp. We walked in here yesterday.
- [01:53]
B
You ever go to a hotel and you're like, oh, it's gonna be a great, like, time, whatever, relaxing time. And then you walk in and there's just.
- [02:00]
A
No. We're walking down the hallway, thousands of kids.
- [02:02]
B
I'm like, what's going on? And then you see signs on going down the hallway of the hotel room. You see all the rooms of numbers of some kind of team. And I'm like, son of a. Yeah.
- [02:12]
A
No, we walked down this, and of course, our hallway, it was, like, packed full and just a bunch of boys. And I feel like we're a household of girls, and I don't. Boys are just more round.
- [02:22]
B
Yeah, we are where they're. Yeah.
- [02:24]
A
You know, like, way, way more around.
- [02:26]
B
Wrestling and throw things and break stuff. Oh, test their limits.
- [02:30]
A
I was. But thankfully, they were. They were quiet last night.
- [02:33]
B
And then that dad came out and said, all right, guys. When he noticed that other people were, like, walking their suitcases down the hallways. All right, guys, everyone settle down. Like, yeah.
- [02:39]
A
Because we were, like, walking down the hallway yesterday, and there was probably, like, 20 boys just running through the halls. And we're like, I'm, like, stepping over kids. And to get to the room, I felt bad.
- [02:53]
B
I was, like, rolled over someone's, like, little plastic thing on the ground.
- [02:55]
A
But, dude, it was crazy. So for people that just hopped up on our Tick Tock, we're actually.
- [03:01]
B
We're recording right now. Hello, we are Tick Tock. We thought it'd be cool if, while recording a podcast episode, we go down live and then you guys ask us questions, and then obviously, hey, listen, though, you ask a question, you're consenting to being possibly making the cut. So I'm just letting you know. Hey.
- [03:20]
A
Yes. So if people want to hop up on here and maybe request to join and I can accept you, and maybe you guys can ask a question and you'll make it up on our podcast.
- [03:34]
B
But I thought it'd be cool because then it kind of shows you guys the process of, like, what? I don't know, behind the scenes. Like, hey, right.
- [03:39]
A
It is kind of behind the scenes, you know? Well, because I already had, like, a bunch of questions from. From Instagram, and so I was like, well, why not include the fans?
- [03:49]
B
Are you able to read questions? What the. Is that going on something?
- [03:54]
A
I don't know.
- [03:56]
B
Are you. Are you able to read the questions on Instagram as Tick Tock Live is going on?
- [04:02]
A
No.
- [04:02]
B
Or I have to do it through my phone from the.
- [04:04]
A
Oh, yeah, yeah, you could do that. Yeah. So if anybody wants.
- [04:08]
B
On the Live.
- [04:09]
A
Yeah, so if anybody wants to, like, send in a. A request to join the Live.
- [04:16]
Sid's bad. Wants to ask a question, so I sent an invitation to Sid. Oh, I see.
- [04:22]
B
So you're actually asking them to come up on the video.
- [04:25]
A
Yeah.
- [04:26]
B
Not just reading the question like we usually do from Instagram. Okay. All right, all right, all right. But, yeah, I thought it'd be kind.
- [04:31]
A
Of cool driving to Detroit from Florida in two weeks. Any suggestions? I wouldn't drive. I mean, Tyler and I, we've drove from Florida to Michigan and back. We've drove from Michigan to New Orleans, which was hell.
- [04:48]
I think the. The drive from New Orleans to. No, from Michigan to New Orleans was. I felt like it was longer than driving.
- [04:56]
B
No, I thought it was 14 hours.
- [04:57]
A
Oh, was it? All I know is that it was hell.
- [04:59]
B
Dude, it was hell every time. Listen, guys, I don't care what's going on. I hate driving that long if it's more than four hours.
- [05:05]
A
Yeah, no, I don't like.
- [05:06]
B
I hate it.
- [05:07]
A
Well, I guess that person didn't accept my invite, so.
- [05:11]
B
So maybe you just. Maybe instead of you inviting them, can they just request a jump on?
- [05:16]
A
That's what they did. They sent me a request and I accepted. They must have declined it.
- [05:21]
B
I don't know. I see. Okay, so you accept it and then they pop up.
- [05:25]
A
Okay.
- [05:25]
B
I don't want to be too distracting, though.
- [05:27]
A
I know, right?
- [05:27]
B
Just watching them.
- [05:29]
A
I know. It is kind of distracting when you.
- [05:31]
B
Almost do like a. You know, the people, the fancy people, influencers. They'll have, like, the computer and then they'll be recording at the same time.
- [05:37]
A
Oh.
- [05:39]
B
Looking at the true thing, and I'm like, we're not that cool, but.
- [05:43]
A
Oh, Johnny's on here. Hi, Johnny. Hi, Johnny. Actually, Johnny, we still need to get you on our podcast. We need to talk about things.
- [05:53]
I know, I know you're a busy man, but, you know, it would be great. I might have to get off here and just.
- [05:58]
B
Yeah, because people listening, if they're not screaming.
- [06:01]
A
Yeah.
- [06:02]
B
It was a good idea from this for a minute, but I don't think it's gonna work. We're gonna have to get better, like, equipment. Yeah, I guess. To do this multi fancy.
- [06:11]
A
And nobody's asking to hop on. All right, all right.
- [06:13]
B
Tick tock. Listen, we tried. It didn't work.
- [06:16]
A
All right, back to Instagram questions, back to the basics. Talk to y' all later. Bye.
- [06:22]
B
I know. I can see you trying to, like, scroll.
- [06:24]
A
All right, well, it was a good idea, but, you know. Okay, we ain't gonna do that.
- [06:31]
B
We're gonna figure out a different.
- [06:33]
A
Because I was thinking, like, do a way to get people involved to, like, hop on here, you know?
- [06:36]
B
Well, it's kind of like in the way that when you watch a live and then they let people come up and they talk about stuff. You know what I mean? They let people talk about.
- [06:43]
A
Yeah.
- [06:44]
B
Ask questions, whatever.
- [06:44]
A
So I invited somebody, and they didn't.
- [06:46]
B
You know, hey, you know what? Hey, listen, whatever. Gave it a shot.
- [06:51]
A
We'll go back to the normal ways of Q and A's, obviously, but. Or maybe in the future, too, we find out, like. Like, we have, like, a phone. People could call in and ask questions or something.
- [07:02]
B
School, dude.
- [07:02]
A
Yeah.
- [07:03]
B
What if we got a landline, right? And then just like, oh, they'll call all the time.
- [07:06]
A
You can unplug it. Oh, true. You know, you can unplug a landline.
- [07:10]
B
Then you plug it in when you want it.
- [07:11]
A
Yeah. You tell people, like, you got to call in from this time, old school or whatever. I don't know. We'll figure something.
- [07:16]
B
I don't know. We'll figure something out.
- [07:17]
A
I just figured it'd be cool to get them, like, more involved or, you know, whatever.
- [07:22]
So one of the questions that we have is since that our views of adoption have changed over the years, do we still have a good relationship with Dawn? And I think a lot of people think that we would, like, hold on to anger or resentment or. I don't know. I think people, like, want us to hate her or not like her.
- [07:39]
B
Well, I think. Well, I think what it comes down to is people who have obviously, like, learned more about adoption and dove into it and kind of figured out how the industry works. Yeah. You know, adoption facilitators and counselors get a bad rap because they're a part of this industry or whatever. But I will say, like, I've always said I have never, like, gotten an evil, not good, no feeling from Dawn. I've always felt very warm. She's always been very warm and welcoming and comforting and compassionate. And so if I got any sort of, like. Oh, like, you know what I mean?
- [08:14]
A
Yeah.
- [08:15]
B
It'd be different. But I'm. Guys, I'm telling you, she is a warm. Such a sweet soul. Beautiful, beautiful person.
- [08:22]
A
Yeah. And I. And I do. And I feel like me and Ty have said it before that, you know, truthfully, I feel like if it wasn't for Dawn.
- [08:29]
B
Yeah.
- [08:30]
A
We probably wouldn't have had. They probably would have cut us off sooner, I think so. You know what I mean? Dawn has always been, like, our advocate and wanting the best for us and wanting the best for Carly, and at the end of the day, that's what we all want.
- [08:44]
B
Yeah.
- [08:44]
A
And. Yeah. And I feel like we're very good reads of people, too. Like, you. Can you just get the vibe of somebody if they're just being. I don't Know, fake or in it for the wrong reasonings or whatever. And she's never been like that.
- [08:58]
You know, is there some things that I wish I could go back and maybe be more, like, educated on and things like that?
- [09:05]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [09:06]
A
You know, but I.
- [09:08]
B
You know what I will say I think the same. I. I would assume that 16 years later, I'm pretty sure dawn feels the same way. Like, there might be things that she wished she would have known more about. I mean. Cause we're learning more and more about this stuff as time goes on, more studies are being done with adoptees and just in general. So I feel like, you know, I would assume that there'd be some things that dawn would even go back and be like, man, I wish I would have known that back then or whatever.
- [09:32]
A
So. Right. Or I wish it could. Could have been changed back then like it is now or, you know, whatever. But, no, we love Dawn. I think Don is a. A beautiful soul. She has a great heart. She really just wants to help people.
- [09:42]
B
Yeah.
- [09:43]
A
And she's just always been really loving and caring. So. No, I. We still have a very good relationship with her.
- [09:49]
B
Yeah.
- [09:51]
A
Somebody asks.
- [09:54]
Did you consider abortion when you found out that you were pregnant at 16?
- [09:59]
I think for me, there. So I. We found out that I was pregnant, and it was just like, I don't know, trauma right in that moment. Like, scared, fear, all the feelings. And I know that the next. So I went home, went to sleep. The next morning, my mom woke me up early before she was like, she was getting ready to leave for work. And she asked me, she was like, would you just want to get an abortion? And my automatic answer was like, yes. Yeah. And I just started crying because I'm scared. I don't know what I'm feeling when I, you know. And so I had. I was like, yes, I would like to, you know, look into it or whatever. And I think, did my mom call your mom or call you guys and ask if you were going to come with me to get one or something or how did that happen? Because I don't think I told you.
- [10:46]
B
I can't remember. But I do remember someone saying it to me. Maybe it was my mom. No, I think it was your mom. I can't remember now. It's.
- [10:54]
A
Wow.
- [10:54]
B
I can't remember, but I. I do. Yeah. I remember someone saying, hey, if she. If she's going to go get an abortion, would you go with her? That's pretty much the only question wasn't like, do you agree with it? It was like, yeah, I'll go with her. Like a right. You know what I mean? Are you in or you out? It was more like, all right, let me know when to be there. How to whatever you.
- [11:09]
A
Yeah. And I think people need to, you know, and it, it, people need to realize too, like my views as a woman, I always have had the view of anybody can do whatever they want with their own bodies. Would I ever get an abortion? My view was always like, no. Until I found myself y in an unplanned pregnancy. And I had that thought of, well, maybe I would. Like, I'm scared. I don't want to be. I'm not ready to be a mom right now.
- [11:39]
And so, you know, you might have certain views and then you find yourself in the, in, in a situation. And so my first thought was like, yeah, maybe I would want to get abortion. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Holidays are among us and that's the time of traditions. Some people have many in their family, like listening to Christmas music while you decorate the tree and making your aunt's famous hot chocolate. But what if we also made therapy a tradition to ensure that you take time for yourself during what can be a very joyful but sometimes lonely and hectic time of the year. For many people with our family, it's, it's always about watching the old time classic Christmas movies, you know, like Rudolph the Red Nose reindeer and things like that. Therapy during the holidays could be a new tradition. One where you make sure that you take time for yourself because it's super important that we take care of ourselves all the time and especially during the holidays. Sometimes the holidays can be really lonely time for people and hectic and honestly, Better Help online therapy is a way to close the year with clarity rather than chaos. Better Helps therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you too so you can focus on your therapy goals. You fill out a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience and industry leading Match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time. Better Help is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. This December, start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% off@betterhelp.com Break it down. That's better. Hp.com Break it down.
- [13:24]
I remember Tyler, you know, you went and you, you looked up just like a whole Bunch of information. Yeah.
- [13:30]
B
Cuz I. I was also like, I don't know what's going on about abortion. Yeah. How does it work? What. What do they do? What going on? Like. Yeah. And I also felt like it was so like. Like back then, it was so like, hey, you get one, you want one, you get one. And I felt like, no offense, but I knew, I knew, like, I didn't feel like anyone was gonna really give you all the information. You know what I mean? So I was like, I think it's important because I knew that you're in a state of mind where it's so. You're just so, like, freaking out.
- [14:01]
A
Yeah.
- [14:01]
B
That it's hard to even digest information. Something. All right, what's it? What. What can I do to best support. And I guess that was my. I went to the school, I printed out all the stuff of. Of each stage of what they do and what stages it looks like and whatever. And. And just gave you the DA data. Here you go.
- [14:17]
A
Right.
- [14:17]
B
And you know, I felt like that was fair.
- [14:18]
A
And I think. And people need to realize too, like, it wasn't. Tyler was like, oh, don't get the abortion. He was more or less like, whatever you want to do, but I want you to have the facts about what an abortion is. What does it look like? You know, what are the statistics of, you know, women maybe regretting it or not regretting it or, you know, all of the things.
- [14:35]
B
All of it, really. I actually. I remember being back in the day thinking, like, it wasn't even about, like, abortion being right or wrong. It was just about, listen, it's your body they're going into doing stuff to.
- [14:43]
A
Yeah.
- [14:44]
B
So it was like, dude, like, I just want you to know what the hell is going on inside the body that they're doing?
- [14:48]
A
Whatever.
- [14:49]
B
And then I also felt like giving you that information, it would. You'd feel better equipped. Because in my head, I'm thinking, she's gonna go get an abortion. That's what we're gonna do. You'd be better equipped to go and then ask a doctor. Hey, I. I read this. I read that. Is it not. You know what I mean?
- [15:01]
A
Or just to make a. A fully educated decision, which I feel like every woman needs to. Like when you find yourself in an unplanned pregnancy, you know, I feel like as a woman, you should know about all your options and all the information about each. Every option. Abortion, parenting, adoption, all of it.
- [15:19]
B
The risk, the. The process, how it happens, everything.
- [15:21]
A
The pros and cons about all of Them, whatever it is. And so when, you know, I was going through all this information and just reading statistics and all that thing. Remember all the things.
- [15:31]
B
Remember you told me, though, when you're like, my mom asked me that I just said yes out of panic.
- [15:35]
A
Yeah. Out of fear.
- [15:36]
B
Because I remember you saying, like, because.
- [15:38]
A
I didn't know what I was gonna do.
- [15:39]
B
Yeah, yeah. And I remember you being like, I just said yes to her because I.
- [15:42]
A
I was just freaking, freaking out.
- [15:43]
B
And I remember thinking, I'm like, well, that's not a good way to make.
- [15:48]
I don't want you making a decision. How do you just, like, out of panic?
- [15:52]
A
Because that's.
- [15:53]
B
That's not good.
- [15:54]
A
Oh, and it was straight out of pan.
- [15:55]
B
Yeah, I know. Because I remember you calling me, say, I said yes. And I. And now I'm freaking out because I said yes. And I. You know what I mean? I was like, well, dude, chill out.
- [16:01]
A
Like, it's okay. And so then obviously, when I'm, you know, reading all these things and already have the viewpoints that I've, you know, my own views that I've had about me, like, feeling as though I would never be able to get an abortion, but I don't hate on anybody.
- [16:14]
B
Explain why. Why did you feel. Why do you feel personally that you could never do it?
- [16:19]
A
I feel like for me as a person, I feel like I would end up being one of the women that would have regrets in the what ifs.
- [16:24]
B
Yeah. Which is. I know that's really fair. And I think it's important for people to hear that perspective. Like, it's. It. That's. It could be.
- [16:32]
A
I truly feel like I would. And I feel like I'm such an empath that I would just. I feel these feelings and emotions that probably wouldn't be healthy for me.
- [16:38]
B
Yeah. Right.
- [16:40]
A
And so when you did give me all the form and I was just reading things, it really just solidified. I was like, wow, see, this is why you have to listen to yourself. You know what I mean? And like, even though know it's scary, like, yeah, I could have got an abortion and then not been pregnant, but maybe would have had all of these other issues, you know, like, now that.
- [16:59]
B
You'Re talking about it. But now it's like, but then we have trauma from adoption.
- [17:02]
A
Yeah.
- [17:03]
B
So it's like, it's. It's this.
- [17:05]
A
It's a catch 22.
- [17:06]
B
Yeah. It's the unplanned pregnancy that I feel like women get in these crisis situations. And when you're in a crisis pregnancy, There is not really any good. There's not really any good route to take. It's a crisis. You're in it. It's so. And no matter what you do, you're gonna experience trauma. Yeah. You're gonna experience some kind of, you know, like, hurdle and issue, so.
- [17:28]
A
Well, I don't know. Yeah.
- [17:29]
B
It's kind of ironic. Hearing you say it in real time is like, damn, you're. You're. The reason your belief system was like, I can't get an abortion because I know I'll be one of those women who regret it and have these probably lifelong just, you know, questions and what ifs and regrets or whatever, which.
- [17:43]
A
I got that with an option, anyways. Yeah.
- [17:45]
B
It's like. I don't know. I. Yeah, I don't know.
- [17:48]
A
But. No, but I remember just like. So I sat there, went through all the papers and, you know, all of that, and I was just like, no, you know, it just. I don't think that I'd be able to do that either. And so then it was like we were back at stage one again, and it was like, all right, parenting, or like, what are we gonna do? And, you know, and you have to, like, if you've never found yourself in, you know, an unplanned pregnancy and you don't know what you're doing, like, you are literally just in a. A mental loop of anxiety and freaking out and not knowing, and it's just scary. And so it was just like, okay, well, I'm not gonna get an abortion. So it's either we're gonna parent or we're gonna figure something else out. So, yeah, I mean, abortion did cross my mind for a second, and we just decided not to go that route. And again, I'm definitely much like pro choice, you know, would I ever. And even to this day, like, I've always said if I were to ever find myself in a pregnancy ever again, like, I wouldn't be the type that would be able to get an abortion. But I do not hate on any woman that chooses that for their own selves. And I don't look down on any woman that does it.
- [18:55]
B
Right. Because we talked about it today that if. If any of our daughters ever came to us and said, I. I'm experiencing a crisis, unplanned pregnancy, the first thing I'm going to ask them is, what do you want to do? What do you want to do?
- [19:05]
A
And then I'm.
- [19:06]
B
If they want to get an abortion, I will be driving them to that clinic and we'll. We'll figure it out.
- [19:11]
A
Yeah.
- [19:12]
B
Because I also don't want, like, because you know how kids will ask their parents, what would you do? What would you do? How do you feel about me? And that's when it's like, I think it's super important for parents to just. That's when you literally have to like make. You may respond, well, honey, what I would do is blah. But they're, but that's not. I don't think that's a right way to do it because the child's not asking you, what would you do? You know, as a genuine curiosity, they're asking you pretty much subconsciously, what should I do?
- [19:39]
A
Yeah.
- [19:40]
B
And so I feel like when they ask you, hey, you know, what would you do? It's important for the parent to be. Listen, it's not about what I would do.
- [19:45]
A
Right.
- [19:46]
B
This is about what you want to do and you feel like you need to do.
- [19:49]
A
And I think at the. And then it's also an opportunity too. I mean, God forbid any of it happens to us. It's also the opportunity too, to educate them about them all. While there's abortion, I'll do the same thing, you know what I mean? And go through emotion.
- [20:00]
B
There's adoption. Well, here's, here's.
- [20:02]
A
I know, right.
- [20:03]
B
I know, right.
- [20:03]
A
It feels hard.
- [20:04]
B
It is hard. But it's, but it's important to give it all to them and then let them do their thing and try to keep your own bias out of it.
- [20:11]
A
Yeah.
- [20:12]
B
You know what I'm saying?
- [20:12]
A
Which is hard because you're a parent and you don't know.
- [20:15]
B
That's kind of my whole point is if, like, because if, if one of our daughters went and asked you, hey, what would you do, Mom? And you go, well, for me personally, I wouldn't do it because I might have regrets. Like, it's, it's. I almost like that's not the right answer at the time.
- [20:28]
A
Well, because they might not have any regrets. There's people that we know that have gotten abortions that don't have any regrets.
- [20:33]
B
My mom says to this day, and she listen, my mom's a devout Christian woman and she says, I have never regretted my abortion. I think she had more than one. She said she's never regretted it. And she's like. And she said that she remembers when she got saved and stuff, that she almost felt guilty for not regretting it. You know what I mean? Cuz after getting in her faith and like, you know, she had one of young.
- [20:56]
A
Wasn't it like 16, 15, I want to say.
- [20:58]
B
Yeah, I think she was. Yeah. Like, 16. And. And she remembers. I remember, like, almost feeling guilty that I didn't feel guilty about it. You know what I mean? Because people were like, in her faith, and they were like, you're talking about it and stuff. And. But still to this day, she's like. But she's like, I still. I don't regret it. You know.
- [21:15]
A
Right.
- [21:15]
B
My life would have been. I don't know what would have happened, but.
- [21:17]
A
Right.
- [21:17]
B
I don't regret it. You know what I mean? Never got sad about. Never, like, had all these issues afterwards.
- [21:22]
A
And for me, I have the fear that I probably would be different.
- [21:25]
B
Yeah.
- [21:25]
A
You know, and I've always had that feeling.
- [21:27]
B
That's why when you told me, like, I just said yes, I could tell that, like. And back then, like, I think it's important to know that, you know, you. You've never gone to therapy yet, so you're still doing that dynamic dance with your mom. It's kind of surviving, making sure everything's good. So if she says.
- [21:42]
A
And I do think my mom thought in the moment, like, maybe this is the best route, you know, for sure.
- [21:46]
B
Hell, yeah.
- [21:46]
A
You know, because I know my mom has talked about, like, she's had an abortion before, too, you know, like, and I can, you know, of course, as a mom, you're probably like, well, what about abortion? You know, like, you know, or whatever. And I was just in straight panic, like, yes, yes, yes. I'll do whatever just to make it go away. Go away. And, you know, I don't want to have to deal with this anxiety and panic, you know, but. Yeah. And I'm, you know, I'm super. I'm grateful that I didn't do it. I feel like, you know, even though we've had hardships with adoption, like, I've learned a lot, I've grown a lot. I've. She has pushed me to change in many ways that I don't think she'll ever know until she's older. And, you know, even it comes with hard stuff. But there's been a lot of growth and a lot of change and beautiful things, too. Like, it's just. Well, it's so bitter.
- [22:32]
B
It's one of those things where it's like, anything worth acquiring is never easy.
- [22:36]
A
Yeah. To get.
- [22:36]
B
So it's like anything worth acquiring is gonna. You're gonna go through to get it and, you know.
- [22:42]
A
But, yeah. I mean, I definitely had thought.
- [22:44]
B
Yeah.
- [22:45]
A
You know, for sure. People are crazy. Yeah. It was a crazy time. Okay. You guys, when it comes to holiday gifting, I want to give gifts that people really love and that they'll actually use. You know, beautiful, timeless pieces, even that they'll be able to wear for years. That's why I'm going to Quince. From Mongolian cashmere sweaters to Italian wool coats, everything is premium quality at the price that actually makes sense and they'll actually continue to use it. Quince has something for everyone. Soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50. And they look and feel like designer pieces. Silk tops and skirts for dressing up perfectly cut denim for everyday wear and outerwear that actually keeps you warm. And Michigan, these days, we need warmth. Every piece is made with premium materials from ethical, trusted factories and priced far below other luxury brands. Every piece is made with premium materials from ethical, trusted factories and priced far below what other luxury brands charge. Their denim is actually super comfortable and stretchy and also doesn't make you feel, like, stiff. You ever put on a pair of jeans and you just feel like you can't move? Yeah, not with quints. It's the kind of quality I'd normally expect from like a 200 pair of jeans, not $50. And Quince has so many options. I can totally see myself giving my group of friends one of their beautiful options, like a scarf or a sweater. And honestly, that's why I keep going to Quince's sweaters over and over and over again. Because in Michigan, it's freezing and I need something that's warm, durable, but also just comfortable. And also the best part is, no matter how many times you wash it, I feel like it just keeps getting softer and softer, which is a huge plus. Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them all with quint. Go to quint.com breakitdown for free shipping on your order. And 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.com break it down to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quin.com break it down.
- [24:47]
Some people ask, like, what do we think about Carly's photos being leaked online?
- [24:52]
B
I think people are weird.
- [24:53]
A
Yeah. Pages like going out and searching for stuff to post it.
- [24:57]
B
And then like, I noticed there's one account that like, literally put their watermark. Like they'll watermark the picture so no one else can get them.
- [25:04]
A
So the picture that you searched and.
- [25:06]
B
Stole, not really so good. They found it.
- [25:08]
A
I mean, I know, but it's weird.
- [25:09]
B
But it's like you take the picture, then you Put the watermark on it and post it on this page that you get that it's monetized. So, again, I just feel like it just. It's not good. I think. I think it's. It's violating. I think. I don't think it's right.
- [25:26]
A
Well, plus, you know that they don't. She obviously doesn't want her picture out there. You know that her parents don't want her pictures out there.
- [25:31]
B
And this is one of those.
- [25:32]
A
Me and Ty have never posted pictures after we got in trouble when we were, you know, 18, 19. We've never posted pictures that were the front of her face because we had, you know, boundaries set with B. T that was like, if you can see your face, don't post them.
- [25:46]
B
So for everyone listening or watching, it never happened again.
- [25:51]
A
No.
- [25:51]
B
For some reason, people had this timeline of that we just kept repeatedly posting pictures of her or something after we got in trouble.
- [26:00]
A
Mm.
- [26:01]
B
That was filmed the conversation. So it's weird how people, like, come up with their own. I think after. You guys have to remember, after 16 years, people that are just now either discovering Teen mom or discovering the story they're watching everything consolidated into little clips throughout 16 years of a whole journey. So it's funny how people said, well, they kept posting pictures. Every time I see the comment, the same comment, I know.
- [26:23]
A
I'm like, no, we have not. And what people. I think. What people don't think is like, okay, so did we. Did we break a boundary when we were, like, 18, 19 years old? Yeah. We made a collage of all of our baby pictures. Stuff like that. Yes. B. T got upset about it. We all four sat down, had a conversation.
- [26:38]
B
Which is film.
- [26:39]
A
Yeah. And we understood where they were coming from. And they understood a little bit, I think, of where we were coming from. And then, you know, you fast forward like a year or two. And I reached out to Teresa one time and said, hey, can I. It was when.
- [26:54]
When Carly met Nova for the first time. It was a baby. And I was like, can I share this picture? And it's a picture of, like. It was a picture of Carly and Nova together, and you could see Nova, but Carly's hair was, like, in front of her face, and you couldn't see it. And at that time, Teresa was like, you can. You know, as long as you can't see her face in it and you can't tell what she looks like, pictures like that are okay to share. And so that's why if you go, like, on our Instagram and stuff, if you see pictures that we've shared of Carly with the girls, it's always. Usually the back of them. We don't even do side profiles. It's usually the back because you can't see their faces.
- [27:26]
B
Which was. Which was. We got permission to do that.
- [27:29]
A
Yeah.
- [27:29]
B
So when people say all the time. And we kept posting pictures of her, it's like.
- [27:32]
A
Like.
- [27:34]
I've only posted pictures that I was allowed to and was told that. That things like that is okay.
- [27:39]
B
Yeah. I think when things start getting. When things started getting rocky was when they were saying, we don't want you talking about the adoption on tv. And that's what mean. You had that really big internal battle of like, wait a minute. Like, what are you talking about? So. So I can.
- [27:52]
A
And then we all talk about us.
- [27:53]
B
Being a birth parent. What. What is the parameter? Because now I felt like there was. You're putting. Now it's not just pictures now. It's like we can't talk about the adoption story at all.
- [28:03]
A
And then it evolved. It evolved from there, you know, then it was more or less like, I think, you know, Teresa was more or less like, don't speak word for word. Our private conversations. And I was like, okay, I understand that. Then I just simplified when they would ask me things like, hey, you know, have you heard from Teresa about having a visit? I would say, oh, I text her, said, it's not going to happen. Like, I wouldn't read our text, just like, yeah, verbatim or whatever. So. But so for people like T pages that are literally going out and finding a child because she's a child, and you guys knowing that her parents don't want it blasted all over, and maybe Carly doesn't want it blasted all over either. But then you're searching them out and then you're posting them online when her birth parents aren't even doing that, or her own parents. Like, that's weird.
- [28:47]
B
It is weird. And also it's funny because it's kind of just so, like, how.
- [28:52]
A
Who's breaking boundaries now?
- [28:53]
B
Yeah. Well, it's like how we haven't. How ironic that you guys are the same T pages that vilified us for so many years for talking about it and just sharing our story about adoption, now you're literally doing the exact thing that you hate on us for years.
- [29:09]
A
Yeah. That we didn't even do.
- [29:11]
B
That we didn't even do.
- [29:11]
A
Yes. We shared baby pictures of her years and years and years ago. Now she is almost 17 years old. You know, we've never shared A picture of her growing self.
- [29:19]
B
And at that time, we were allowed to share baby pictures because they had it all over the reunion. That's how we get. That's how they did all the. The updates. They would like, oh, can you.
- [29:28]
A
Whatever pictures.
- [29:31]
B
So Teresa would send us the little couple photos that we could flip through on camera on TV and then zoom in and then whatever. So it's like.
- [29:38]
A
And then that stopped, you know, and then they. And then her. And then her parents were like, hey, she's you now. She's getting to an age.
- [29:43]
B
I think it was around. She was probably like, what, five? I want to say it was like five or four.
- [29:48]
A
It was like four or five. Because I was pregnant with Nova the last visit where they, like, showed her face.
- [29:53]
B
Oh, okay. Got it. Yeah. So it's like, so.
- [29:55]
A
So.
- [29:55]
B
Yeah, like three up. So. So the first three years, there was no boundary about her face because she was a baby. She's such a little baby.
- [30:02]
A
You know what I mean?
- [30:03]
B
But, yeah, that I remember before. I think it was a year before we went and visited them. When you were pregnant with Nova was when they're like, all right, no more.
- [30:10]
A
Well, yeah, because then they were like, she's becoming more now.
- [30:12]
B
She's not going to be really changing a lot. Yes, yes.
- [30:15]
A
You know.
- [30:15]
B
Oh, hey. Yeah, totally got it.
- [30:16]
A
Yeah, sure. So, yeah. So I think it's weird. I don't. I don't agree with it. And I do see some pages, you know, that speak on it, that don't agree with it either. And I'm glad that they say things, you know, like, my friend, like, our friend Ray, like, she's very much like, you guys are weird. You guys hate on Kate and Ty for talking about a girl. But then you're going on there and you're talking and sharing pictures of her face and pictures of her with her friends and her boyfriend. Like, you know, weird.
- [30:40]
B
So weird, dude.
- [30:41]
A
But.
- [30:41]
B
But the crazy thing part about it is, though, is that regardless of what. Regardless of what truth anyone wants to listen to, we're always to blame.
- [30:50]
A
Like, oh, and I'll take it, I guess. Yeah.
- [30:52]
B
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I. I will.
- [30:53]
A
Because like. Like, I always. Because like, I always say. Because, like, I always say, we know the truth. We know the conversations that we've had. I can go to sleep at night knowing my morals and values and who I am as a person and what boundaries. I did not break what you guys say that I did. Like, I really don't care. You know, at the End of the day. But I do think it's weird that. It's very weird you guys are sharing pictures of her all over with her friends and with her boyfriends and, you know, her boyfriend and stuff. But we've never shared anything like that. But whatever, I. I digress.
- [31:20]
B
Yeah. Right.
- [31:22]
A
Somebody, she's. Somebody asked, how is my relationship with my mom? I feel like our relationship is. It's in a good place. Yeah. You know, I. We talk. The kids talk to her all the time. She comes over every once in a while.
- [31:40]
It's still. I don't know. I would say it's still. What's the word?
- [31:48]
I do it in a way, let's just say. I mean. And it's the truth, so I'm going to say it. I always get weird. I don't want. Ever want to hurt anybody's feelings, but I do it in a way that makes me feel safe, but then makes my children.
- [32:03]
Feel like they have access. Have access to their grandma. But I do it in a way that makes me feel safe as, like, their mom and myself, the daughter of her. Yeah. So, I mean, like, we have boundaries in place. Like, my mom knows, like, I don't want you drinking around me or the kids. And as long as you don't do that, I'm okay. You know, Pretty simple.
- [32:24]
So I would say it's good.
- [32:25]
B
I would say it's very good comparing, like, to. To, you know, years before or anything. I would say it's good.
- [32:31]
A
Yeah. I think we're in. I think we're in a good place for sure. And people want to know, how is your relationship with your dad?
- [32:38]
B
It's kind of the same. I mean, I'm. I'm way more disconnected than you are with your mom, obviously.
- [32:44]
A
Yeah.
- [32:44]
B
But I've done that my own way because he's obviously, you know, down in Texas, my sister's down in Texas. They're both doing their thing. And so I'm more like. Like I said, I always randomly just say, love you, hope you're doing good. That's pretty much it.
- [32:58]
A
Yeah. And he usually replies to you, doesn't he? Yeah, for the most part.
- [33:01]
B
I love you too. I miss you.
- [33:02]
A
Whatever.
- [33:02]
B
I mean, listen, I. For the last, I don't know, probably over a year and a half now, I've been trying to get him up here to Michigan to visit. Yeah, we have, but that's been a nightmare because his crazy girl, ex. Girlfriend, now, whatever, it, you know, doesn't like us and she's crazy.
- [33:15]
A
And so, yeah, somebody Asked, do you think Carly will come to live with you both since she is older? No.
- [33:23]
B
No, I don't. I mean, she's always welcome to Come on, girl, come. But no, I don't. I don't think she'll ever live with us. No.
- [33:30]
A
No. I don't think so either. Not at all. And you guys, she is 16, 17 years old. She's all about, like, her boyfriend and friends and figuring out what she's gonna go to college for. And I love that she's in, like, she's being a teenager, as she should.
- [33:42]
B
Yeah.
- [33:42]
A
You know, I. Because the last Was that we did had. I remember looking at her, I said, wow, the next year, you know, like, you're gonna be 16. And I was pregnant with you then, and I was talking to her, and I'm like, I'm so glad looked at her, I'm like, I'm so glad that you're just in a different space than I was.
- [33:57]
B
Yeah. Right.
- [33:58]
A
At that age, like, you don't have to worry about being pregnant and the anxiety and the fear and the stress and.
- [34:03]
B
Because her face when you said that was like. I think it hit her a little bit, like, holy. Yeah. Like, whoa. Yeah. You were.
- [34:09]
A
I'm so pregnant with me at this.
- [34:10]
B
Age that I'm right now. Yeah. So it was. It's like, dang.
- [34:13]
A
And like, I'm just. And I. Yeah. I just told her. I'm like, I'm just so happy that you get to, like, worry about boys and friends and what. How you're gonna do your head. Yeah.
- [34:22]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [34:23]
A
What color nails am I gonna have? And am I gonna go, what dress am I gonna wear? You know, Like, I'm just so thankful for that.
- [34:30]
B
Yeah.
- [34:30]
A
And I'm thankful for it.
- [34:32]
B
I'm really grateful to Brain Teresa for giving her that.
- [34:34]
A
Yeah.
- [34:35]
B
Environment to do that kind of stuff.
- [34:37]
A
Yeah. But also I'm just grateful that she is different.
- [34:41]
B
Yeah.
- [34:41]
A
You know what I mean? And I. And that's what I. Ultimately, that's what I wanted for her. Yeah. Was I wanted her to be able to be a kid and be selfish and, you know, do the things that teenagers want to do and go to college and all the things.
- [34:55]
B
And I think the stuff that we wanted for her, she got the stuff we wanted for us just didn't.
- [35:00]
A
Didn't happen.
- [35:01]
B
Happen.
- [35:01]
A
Yeah.
- [35:01]
B
So.
- [35:02]
A
Yeah. So I think there's a parts of us that are like, I'm so happy for her. But then, you know, they're as birth parents, and if any birth parents. Listen, I'm sure you guys know the feelings too, of, like, I'm happy for her, but then I'm also sad for myself. I'm sad for me. I'm sad for me that I get to miss out on that beautiful human and, you know, and not knowing, like, what she wants, like, does she want to be a part of us, too? Like, I don't know. And I think that goes on to the next question of, like, an update on our. Our adoption situation with her. I did. I mean, nothing, really. Yeah, I mean, but the only update that I do have is that about, like, I would say six months ago, I realized, because I would always still randomly te Teresa because I just want to have that for Carly.
- [35:47]
B
And as a record, really much. I reached out.
- [35:49]
A
Yeah. Like, I always continue to reach out, even if I was blocked or whatever. And, you know, so I would say a good. Like, six months ago, I realized that I wasn't blocked anymore. And so then still just like, once a month, I would, you know, even not being blocked anymore, I still would send like, oh, that. You know, here's the kids. I sent, like, the kids first day.
- [36:05]
B
Of school picture and, you know, usually normally did before.
- [36:09]
A
Yeah. And still, you know, obviously she still doesn't reply to me or answer me or nothing like that or whatever. Here's a question for you.
- [36:16]
B
Would you rather her just have you blocked, though, so that way you wouldn't get the delivered mess. Like, you wouldn't. You know what I'm saying? Like, what? What's. No, because I feel like I was gonna say what. I don't know what would be. For me personally, I don't think you just block my ass so that way I don't have to sit here and question. Oh, you're right up. You're not responding. You know what I mean?
- [36:31]
A
I mean, obviously sometimes I would, you know, when I would. Like when I wrote like, this whole apology out and said, like, you know, I would, you know, in the future if we can have a conversation, you know, as four adults, like, I'm here for it or whatever. But no, because I felt like it was the same. You weren't answering me.
- [36:48]
B
Okay.
- [36:49]
A
Before. You're not answering me now. I think, you know, even when our adoption was still, you know, open, there was still plenty of times where you just blatantly ignored me and wouldn't answer my questions anyways. But I think just like, after I, you know, not being blocked and reaching out every now and then, I think it. It kind of. I don't know, maybe it just kind of.
- [37:12]
In a sense, going through everything that we went through. It was like, this is who they are as people. And, you know, I'm not gonna sit here and say things like, shame them or whatever. But then I kind of got to the point where I was like, you know what? We have the email that we started for Carly. And I was like, I'm gonna write to Teresa one last time and say, listen, I've apologized. I've. You know, I have tried amending, try to open the door to say, like, hey, let's have a conversation. You still just ignoring me and all these things that I just kind of told her. I said, this is the last text message you're ever going to receive from me ever again. I will continue to just, you know, I will write to Carly's email when I have the urge of, like, wanting to send you an update or something, I will send it here. And I said, and that's. I'm not. I'm not reaching out to you anymore. Like, I'm done, you know, he. Like, 16.
- [38:01]
B
She's gonna be 18.
- [38:02]
A
Yes.
- [38:03]
B
And she'll be an adult and can handle it on her own. It's funny, because I feel like me and you were on. Were on the same side of the plank, just on the. I'm on one side, you're on the other side in it. And I'd been on this side for a while where I'm like, I'm. I'm never going to. I. I reach out to Brandon. I apologize. I said father to father.
- [38:21]
A
But at least he actually responded. He did.
- [38:23]
B
You're right. You're right, though. He did respond to me. You're right. And I felt good doing that. And then I was like, and I will be writing to the email from here on out. Like, that was kind of like my own version of, like, I'm done.
- [38:33]
A
But you wanted to write to him and say, like, I'm so thankful for the dad that you are.
- [38:36]
B
Well, I actually wrote him. I said. I was like, just in case we never speak again, I want you to know, bam, bam, bam.
- [38:43]
A
What I think of you as a father. This is what.
- [38:45]
B
I'm thankful and grateful to you.
- [38:48]
Yeah. And I just wanted to. I wanted. Yeah, I just wanted to end it that way for myself. And then I. And then I told you. I was like, I'm gonna. I'm just gonna be writing to the email every time I get an urge or think of her or whatever. And, you know, instead of going that route, which always met with.
- [39:04]
A
Right.
- [39:04]
B
I'm just Gonna go this route. I mean, I feel like. I don't know. I just feel a lot. I feel a lot more peace doing it that way. Because now it's. It's almost like it reminds me of, like, even though I know she's older now, but it almost reminds me of, like, me doing, like. Like people do baby books. Like, they know they're not going to understand this right now.
- [39:22]
A
Yeah. Until they're older.
- [39:23]
B
But. But it's going to be important to them one day if they choose to, you know, want it.
- [39:27]
A
Right.
- [39:28]
B
And so that's kind of the way I feel about it, which gives me more peace because then it's like, well, this is just me and Carly thing. I don't need Teresa. I don't need Brandon. I don't need adoption or any of this to be involved. This is just about me and her and.
- [39:41]
A
Right.
- [39:41]
B
What I want to say.
- [39:43]
A
And one day, too, it's like, you know, you guys, she's getting older. One day too, like, she'll be able to look at everything that we have, everything that they have, everything that we've said, everything that they've said, and she'll be able to make the opinions for herself, whatever that is. You know, And I made it a point. And I told Teresa in the text when I said, this is my last text to you, and I said, but I will. I want to let you know, I will be putting in there every time that I have reached out. I will put from the beginning to the end so she can see. Yeah. Maybe how sometimes I was a little angry and wrote you, and maybe sometimes you were angry and you wrote me. But, like, everything will be important.
- [40:15]
B
Yeah.
- [40:15]
A
And it's important for her to see how many times I reached out and continued to do so.
- [40:19]
B
Yeah.
- [40:20]
A
Even when you had me blocked. Even when her sisters were crying and wanted to talk to her. Whatever. It was like, it's important for her to see the full picture.
- [40:26]
B
Yeah.
- [40:27]
A
On your guys's side and our side.
- [40:29]
B
And that's why it's. It's kind of crazy because I remember it kept asking you. We've had this email for a while now, and you never wrote to it. I'm like, why are you not writing to her email?
- [40:38]
A
I know.
- [40:39]
B
And I think it was. It seems like it was probably because of that reason. You're kind of just had this little 91% of hope a little bit with the reaching out through text messages and trying to.
- [40:50]
A
Well, I just guess. I guess there's a part of me where it's like, why. Why do I feel like I'm trying to be more mature and more of an adult and opening the door again, even though it's been. I've been slammed in the face many times to have a conversation. Like, I just don't. I don't. I'll never understand.
- [41:06]
B
Like I said, though, that's. That's kind of the space you're in that you're more or less like, I. I don't understand. So I'm gonna. You know, and then it's then, like, it comes to a point where I'm like, I just felt a lot more peace. Just. I'm gonna write the email.
- [41:16]
A
Yeah.
- [41:16]
B
So much freedom with it. You know what I mean? And, like. I don't know. I just felt like it took you a while to get there, but I'm glad you did, because I would. I could sense that you were just not like, you're. You're holding on that last little string. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not letting the string go. And then I think, did you feel any relief when you wrote that message saying, hey, this is the last time?
- [41:36]
A
Yeah, no, I definitely did. And I think the email part for me, too. It's like, I still haven't really wrote to it. I know.
- [41:42]
B
I noticed. I'm like.
- [41:43]
A
I just. Just.
- [41:44]
B
You will eventually. You will.
- [41:45]
A
Yeah.
- [41:45]
B
Yeah. I'm not. Yeah.
- [41:47]
A
I mean, I feel like it's. Because with. With Teresa, it was like, that was my last little closeness to her.
- [41:54]
B
Right, right.
- [41:54]
A
You know what I mean? But I don't know.
- [41:56]
B
It's just your last bit of possible access.
- [41:59]
A
Yeah.
- [42:00]
B
Yeah. And so that's why I think you were kind of.
- [42:01]
A
And it's like. I don't know. It's weird writing to an email that I don't know. You know what I mean?
- [42:04]
B
Like, it does feel weird for a minute.
- [42:06]
A
Yeah. So.
- [42:07]
B
But it gets normal. Like, the last email I sent, her email was so short. It was like, oh, my God, this just popped up my memories of one of our visits. And so I attached the picture from my camera on my phone. I said, I just thought of you today. Love you so much. Miss you. Hope you're doing good. And it was very short, and I just feel like now it's. It's. You'll. You'll get. I. Eventually, once you start doing it, it's gonna get so normal for you that you're gonna be like. You're gonna pop in your head and be like, oh, my God.
- [42:30]
A
Or what if she never wants it?
- [42:32]
B
Then that. Then. Then it was peace for me.
- [42:34]
A
Yeah, I guess. Then it was an outlet.
- [42:36]
B
Does that make sense? Like, it's like. That's why I look at the email. As in, like, a way of this is a me and Carly thing. And either. And this is a me and Carter thing, even if Carly wants it or not. Because if she doesn't want to say that email, I don't want to know anything you guys wrote or anything like that. That's also fine because this email was something really healing for me.
- [42:53]
A
Yeah. Like an outlet.
- [42:54]
B
Yeah. So I'm okay with that. You know, I mean, so true.
- [42:59]
A
Moving on.
- [43:02]
Because, you know, adoption.
- [43:05]
Are the too little. Are your kids gonna. They're asking if the Littles are going to visit Santa this year. We take them all three. All three?
- [43:11]
B
Yeah, you do.
- [43:12]
A
But, yeah, we're going this weekend. I'm like, set it up and everything. And I got them all cute little Christmas dresses. Not Nova, because she's, like, too big. She doesn't want to wear a dress, which I get.
- [43:20]
B
I know. She's never been addressed.
- [43:21]
A
No, she wasn't. She was littler. Yes, she was okay.
- [43:24]
B
When she was very little.
- [43:25]
A
I know.
- [43:25]
B
So, no, she's all normal in a dress. Seriously, think about it.
- [43:28]
A
The last Daddy daughter dance you guys did.
- [43:30]
B
Oh, no. Besides that, though.
- [43:32]
A
That's it. Yeah. So I got Nova, like, a cool. It's just like a black shirt and says Merry Christmas. But I got her these cute, cool, like, buffalo plaid bell bottoms. And she's like, oh, yeah, I like those. But, you know, I still got V and Ryan, like, cute little dress.
- [43:47]
B
I'll wear my plaid bell bottoms with my Chuck Taylors and my black Merry Christmas shirt.
- [43:52]
A
So. But yeah, I'm take. We're taking them and we're gonna get a picture for sure.
- [43:57]
I think this is a good question. How do your girls handle being recognized in public? I think right now, for the most. Most part, it's Nova. You know, she's, you know, in the middle. She's in middle school now, and she's about to be 11. And so she does get recognized and noticed. And I think, you know, me and Ty have been having conversations with her recently within, I would say, the past few years, about, like, unfortunately, you can't really fully trust everybody. And.
- [44:25]
B
Well, and also, I think explaining to her. It started off with explaining to her that, like, I want her to know that our lives are not normal.
- [44:33]
A
Yeah.
- [44:33]
B
And it started concerning me because I'm like, you're not seeing mom and dad wake up Clock, you know, punch in the clock.
- [44:40]
A
Yeah. Our jobs look different.
- [44:41]
B
Yeah. Our jobs are so unique and different and weird and just whatever that. I think it's important for you to know why. And so I feel like leading into, like, this is why you don't see us clocking in nine to five and having. You know what I mean? Like, this is why. And then also with that being said, with this weird ass job we have.
- [44:58]
A
Right.
- [44:58]
B
This comes with it. And I feel like we always just constantly check in with like, hey, like, how do you feel we. Nova made her first boundary probably what, a year ago, maybe. Maybe a little over a year ago, where she was like, where we asked her, we always asked her, like, do you. Do you care if we take pictures of people today? If we're out in public and people stop us?
- [45:19]
A
Do you? Yeah, it's been over.
- [45:20]
B
And she's always said, like, I don't care, I don't care. And then one year, that's what we kept asking her. I thought it was important we kept asking her because if. But anyway, one year, she said, yeah, you know what? No, I don't want anyone to get pictures with us today because I just want it to be me and you. And I think it takes away from the time that we're having together.
- [45:35]
A
Yeah. When we're doing family things. Yeah.
- [45:36]
B
So me and Kate, I get it. We're like, all right, full stop.
- [45:39]
A
Awesome.
- [45:39]
B
Great. Love that we. I said, thank you so much for speaking up.
- [45:42]
A
And right. So now, like when we're out with the kids, like, you know, when we went to Disney, it was very much like, no, we're not taking pictures. People would stop and ask. Now say, no, I'm sorry. I'm with the kids and I'm doing. This is for the kids and us.
- [45:53]
B
Like now all sorry, respectful.
- [45:54]
A
They all are. Yeah.
- [45:56]
B
Usually it's parents coming up there and they're always like, like, oh, totally get it. Like, you know.
- [46:01]
A
Right. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, if you would see me at like Walmart or. Yeah, somewhere. I totally would. But like when we're here doing kid things. No.
- [46:07]
B
Or if the kids aren't with us. Yeah, of course. Like a picture or whatever, but in something. And sometimes the. Sometimes we've had people come to us when Noah's with us and say, can we get a picture? And we're like, no, we're with Nova today. We don't take pictures over the Nova. She's like, no, it's okay. Mom and dad go Ahead.
- [46:22]
A
Yeah, there has been.
- [46:22]
B
And then we go, are you sure?
- [46:24]
A
Okay.
- [46:24]
B
Okay. And then we do it, so.
- [46:25]
A
But no, there was one girl at Disney when we went, remember. Remember I told you about this girl? And I was like, no, you know, we're with the kids. We're not. And she was like, oh, come on, just one picture. And I was like, no. Oh, I'm with my kids, and I'm not taking.
- [46:39]
B
I don't think I was there. I must have been with Ryan.
- [46:41]
A
Oh, yeah. And I walked away from her.
- [46:42]
B
Oh, absolutely. Well, that's one of the things you do as a parent. But I will say her handling and stuff in public is really good because she, you know, she's aware of what she's not, like, blindsided by. What do you mean? We've clearly explained what our job is, how weird it is, and what comes with it, and so she expects it. We also prepare because, hey, listen, do not just blindly trust people. They have ulterior motives where. You know what I mean? So just be careful.
- [47:06]
A
And thankfully, the friends that Nova does has their. Their good friends and their parents. Yeah. And their parents are good parents. Like, I've had parents reach out to me and say, hey, you know, did you know somebody screamed across the lunch at Nova asking if she was famous? You know, And I'm like, well, thank you for bringing. Letting me know. And then we would have a conversation with Nova about it or whatever. But.
- [47:23]
B
And it's funny because, Noah, it's funny because the way the parents that told you that I sounded like, oh. And then Noble was like, whatever.
- [47:30]
A
Yeah.
- [47:30]
B
You know what I mean?
- [47:31]
A
I was just weird. I screamed it across the lunchroom, you.
- [47:34]
B
Know, she's like, yeah, sure, I guess I'm just like.
- [47:37]
A
And then, of course, you know, mama bear comes out, and I'm like, I will take my ass up to that school and be like, we're having a meeting right now. Any little. Any little short. You know what I mean?
- [47:45]
B
No, but I think it's important, though, because once that happened, remember I told you, I was like, we. I think it's important that we go to the principal now that she's at a new school and say, hey, if you weren't aware. Yeah, small town. You're probably. If you're not aware, I want you to be aware now. And that way. And not to give my kids special treatment at all, but just to be aware. So something. So your ears are kind of trained to it. If you hear something, you say, you know what I mean? You see something, you'll know.
- [48:12]
A
Say something.
- [48:13]
B
Yeah. Like, you'll. You'll know.
- [48:14]
A
Absolutely important. But somebody said, are you guys going to be together forever and ever?
- [48:19]
B
Forever and ever.
- [48:20]
A
Forever and ever. Better be.
- [48:22]
B
You better be.
- [48:22]
A
You think I'd ever sign a divorce papers before?
- [48:24]
B
Sign your voice papers. So we're locked in. I don't know what to.
- [48:29]
Blood ritual, tap.
- [48:31]
A
Absolutely.
- [48:32]
B
Absolutely locked in.
- [48:35]
A
Somebody said, how do you keep the love alive with each other even after all of these years?
- [48:41]
B
Guys, I. So this is, like, a complicated thing, because I think, you know how I always say, like, people are. It's hard. It's work, you know, And I'm not. I'm not saying that marriage and relationships aren't work, but I don't think it's the work that people think it is.
- [48:58]
A
It shouldn't be hard.
- [48:59]
B
Yeah.
- [48:59]
A
Like, hard to do work.
- [49:00]
B
It's not hard for me to love you. It's not hard for me to want to do. It's hard to explain, but it's like, I don't think it should be that hard. And if it is that hard, I think maybe you should reevaluate who you're with and why and all that stuff, because we've never had that. Like.
- [49:18]
A
Yeah. Like, I would say, like, a relationship is work, but it shouldn't be, like, super hard work.
- [49:23]
B
Like, I guess it's work that I'm willing and wanting to do.
- [49:26]
A
Yeah.
- [49:27]
B
To me, doesn't feel like work. It feels like I want to put effort in. It doesn't feel like work to me.
- [49:32]
A
Does that make sense? Yeah, it feels like.
- [49:34]
B
It feels like, oh, that's a suggestion. Or that's a thing that I want to do because I love her so much. I want her to know that, or. So I'll do that, you know?
- [49:42]
A
Yeah.
- [49:42]
B
You know, So I think that people talk about, like, the work that requires that really work for me.
- [49:47]
A
I mean, we have had years of, like, putting in hard work, working on hard things.
- [49:51]
B
Yeah. But it's funny when you say that, though, because when you say putting in hard work to me, I feel like we put in hard work individually.
- [49:57]
A
Yeah.
- [49:57]
B
We translated into the relationship. Like, it's not like.
- [50:00]
A
That's what I mean. Like. Yeah, like, work on hard things, like, internally.
- [50:03]
B
Yeah. And then it bled into this, which is good. That's kind of how I. It was important that I want it to be that way, but I thought keeping the love alive, it's not. I feel like I just fall in love with you more every day, every year. If I look back at this year and go, oh, how do I feel about our last year? I feel more this year than I did last. You know what I mean? It's never like a dwindling thing. It's always a. Yeah, no, kind of a just blowing up, rising thing and.
- [50:27]
A
I don't know. I don't know.
- [50:28]
B
Yeah, we connect all the time.
- [50:30]
A
No, we do. Yeah. We're always, you know, in bed at night or, you know, we're always touching, hugging. We're just. Just.
- [50:35]
B
I don't know, we're just right.
- [50:36]
A
Like. Is there some days where we're just like mom and dad to death? Yeah, there are those days, you know, we're just like, I don't do anything. You know what I mean?
- [50:44]
B
But we always connect. It's. Yeah, we never, like, we don't ever go. We never go a day without hugging or kissing or touching or any. Or connecting. Right. Take it.
- [50:53]
A
How even our kids are so used to it.
- [50:55]
B
Yeah. Like, it's like we never.
- [50:56]
A
Our kids see us snuggling and you'll see all the little.
- [50:58]
B
And they just run. They run towards a snug pile.
- [51:01]
A
Yeah. So funny.
- [51:02]
B
You know, I love it. Keeping the love alive, I think is. Is easy, but I noticed we get so many questions and things that were. Apparently, it's just not that easy for other people. And I get that. I understand that. But I also feel like, I wonder, are we just so brutally honest with what we want and need that we don't ever allow the space to grow for resentments to happen? And then all that weird. And then it feels like hard work because we just. We just tackle it right the moment it happens, you know? I don't know.
- [51:30]
A
And I think that comes also too, from us doing the work on ourselves to figuring out who we are as people, what do we want, you know, how to say things, you know, that sort of thing. And also too, like, I truly. I truly believe in soul mates. And I do think that it's a real thing.
- [51:43]
B
Yeah.
- [51:44]
A
And I think me and you were blessed to be able to find each other at a young age and know why I knew before you did. But, you know, just to know, you know, like, I remember I sent him a tick tock the other day.
- [51:57]
B
Psychic.
- [51:58]
A
Oh, my God. What was it because Tyler was like, you witch or something like that? Because it was like. It was just so accurate. Oh, my God. I have to find it now. Let me see.
- [52:10]
What did it say? I don't remember what it said.
- [52:17]
I abused my children once.
- [52:19]
B
You know what the wrong with Your algorithm.
- [52:21]
A
Oh, it's right here, right here, right here.
- [52:22]
B
Abused my.
- [52:23]
A
It's like, oh, it says.
- [52:28]
It says soulmated. So hard that we hung out once. And that night I knew I'd marry you.
- [52:34]
B
Straight up.
- [52:34]
A
Yeah. And I'm like, oh, my God. I had to send it to him. And he writes me back, he's like, you psychic? And I go. And I said, even though secretly I'm just a witch and cast a spell on you. And he goes, well, call me bewitched, ma'. Am.
- [52:49]
But I saw that. I was like, that was so accurate. I was like, there was just one day. And I was like, I'm gonna marry him and have his kids.
- [52:54]
B
So weird.
- [52:55]
A
And being like a 13, 12, 13 year old way, you're probably like, this is weird.
- [53:01]
I don't even know. I don't even. I probably didn't like come out and verbally say it.
- [53:04]
B
No, you didn't.
- [53:05]
A
Oh, did I?
- [53:06]
B
Yeah, in a joking way. And I was.
- [53:07]
A
And I.
- [53:07]
B
And I, of course I was like.
- [53:08]
A
Yeah, you're so funny. You know, marry him and have his babies.
- [53:12]
B
But yeah, you're right.
- [53:13]
A
Yep.
- [53:14]
B
That's kind of crazy when you think about it. But like I said, I believe it's soul mates. I mean, some. How else do you explain from us hanging out once to the next day to the next.
- [53:25]
A
How do you explain that?
- [53:26]
B
Yeah, how do you explain the desire? Because you remember when you were younger, it was like if I didn't talk to you on the phone.
- [53:31]
A
Oh, God, yeah.
- [53:32]
B
Like, I needed to hear your voice. I like, you know.
- [53:35]
A
Oh, God, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because I remember one time my mom was like, drunk, passed out in her bedroom and locked the door. Dude. And she had the phone in there. I was freaking. The.
- [53:42]
B
This is back when we had house phone. There's only one phone in the house, people. So you don't know if all you young is upset. Don't know what it's like when you have a house phone that's off the charger. First off, don't charge if you don't heard a house phone. You're no dude.
- [53:54]
A
Locked in her bedroom. I was livid.
- [53:58]
B
I need to hear his voice.
- [53:59]
A
Like, freaking out. Like, I was like, probably looked like I needed to be in a psych ward. I was so pissed because I couldn't get to the phone. I had an addiction to that thing.
- [54:07]
B
No, I know, but do you remember when we were younger, it was like, I don't know, we just. I had to like, we. So how, like I said soulmate thing. How do you explain that? How do you explain that? Just intensity of desire to want to be with somebody else and constantly be with them and talk to them and hear their voice and hug and talk.
- [54:24]
A
I. I can't. It's hard.
- [54:26]
B
How else do you explain it?
- [54:27]
A
Yeah, it's just. It's like somebody that you find that you can just completely be yourself, and.
- [54:32]
B
It'S almost like you feel like you're this individual thing for so long, and then you find someone where it's, like, just mashed.
- [54:39]
A
Yeah, it's weird. It's kind of hard to. You can't. Really. So hard.
- [54:42]
B
That's what I'm saying. I'm trying to use, like, liquid forming and to get. I don't know how to explain.
- [54:48]
It. Like, flowing together, liquid. I don't know.
- [54:54]
A
But no, I think it's important that. Yeah, you just have to stay connected, Talk, laugh together continually, you know, continue to date each other, have the hard conversations.
- [55:03]
B
And I also think it's important. I think one thing that we've always done really well is we challenge each other in a really good, positive, healthy way. Like, we challenge each other in certain things that we. If we believe something or whatever, and we. And we just kind of banter back and forth, and we constantly are.
- [55:19]
Searching for ways to, like, check in subconsciously in a way. You know, just like. There's so many different things that I feel like keep us together. But like I said, it's not. It's a lot of things, but it's not like, it doesn't feel like debilitating hard labor work.
- [55:36]
A
Yeah. No, and I.
- [55:37]
B
And I. Sometimes I get, like, thrown off, and people say, like, well, you know, it's a lot of hard work. And it's like, I know, but should.
- [55:43]
A
It be that hard? Right. Really?
- [55:45]
B
I mean, no.
- [55:46]
A
I feel like it should be just, like, flowing.
- [55:48]
B
Because even our hardest moments, our hardest moments of treatments and just me not knowing what the. I really do blame that. Whatever. I'm not gonna go. But anyway, I feel like the separation had to happen almost like following a.
- [56:02]
A
Rule because this therapist hated me.
- [56:05]
B
No, that was from the Arizona trip you wanted us to go on.
- [56:07]
A
Oh.
- [56:07]
B
Remember, we were sitting.
- [56:08]
A
No, you wanted that before we even went there. And that's why I was like, we need to go here. And then it developed.
- [56:14]
B
Yeah. No. And, oh, God, what a nightmare. But anyway, even those hardest moments, there was never a time when I'm like, I'm divorcing you. I don't want to be with you. We're never gonna be together. I wonder what it's like not to be with you. Does that make sense? I always. Even the hard parts, I'm always like, all right, listen, we're in a hard part. But I never saw the end of that hard part, being not together. You know what I'm saying? So I never had to, like, fight or do hard work. I felt like. To, like, keep us together.
- [56:43]
A
Yeah.
- [56:43]
B
I was like, oh, we're gonna be together. I know that for a fact. It's just we're this weird little thing right now. You know what I mean?
- [56:48]
A
Yeah.
- [56:48]
B
Where I think I hear a lot of situations where it's like, oh, they're fighting if I want to be with them anymore. They're fighting anymore.
- [56:54]
A
Yeah. That want.
- [56:55]
B
Yeah. And it's like, I never had to fight to keep. I never had to fight to keep that desire. That makes sense.
- [57:01]
A
No, it does.
- [57:01]
B
There was times, and it was like, ooh, timeline was. Was hit me where it's like, oh, do we get married now or later? That stuff was. Nor that. That stuff was like. But it never was. Don't want to marry you at all. It was like, do I marry you now? Right. You know what I'm saying? It's more or less like a timeline thing that if I go back and think of any of the hard, hard times, you know.
- [57:21]
A
Yeah.
- [57:21]
B
I mean, what do you feel like?
- [57:23]
A
No, I think that's accurate.
- [57:24]
B
All right. Yes. I was like, I don't. I don't. Was there ever a time where you were like, I don't know if I could be. I can't be with them anymore?
- [57:30]
A
No, no, never. Yeah, no, never.
- [57:32]
B
I never asked you that.
- [57:33]
A
But I was like, no, absolutely no, never. But it's okay. No, no, there never has been.
- [57:38]
B
But, like. And that's what I mean, though, is that, like, I think if for people who have actually asked that question to themselves, I don't know if I want to do this anymore. I can see why you think it's hard work.
- [57:48]
A
Yeah.
- [57:48]
B
Do you know what I'm saying? Because I can't imagine coming back from that thought or, you know, or even.
- [57:53]
A
A lot of the thoughts.
- [57:54]
B
Yeah. Yeah. The thought to enter already tells me that. Yeah. I guess it would be hard work to go.
- [58:01]
A
To make yourself want to. Oh, no, I could be. Yeah.
- [58:04]
B
Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I mean. So I don't know.
- [58:08]
A
But. But I see. I like when we do question and answer stuff, but I do want to figure out a way that we could have.
- [58:14]
B
I know. What do we do?
- [58:15]
A
The fans more involved. So I'll. We'll keep you updated on that one.
- [58:19]
B
I like the Q A. It's fun.
- [58:21]
A
Yeah, me too. So I'm gonna to brainstorm some ways that maybe we can get you guys to like pop in and actually interact. Yeah. And like hear you on the episode.
- [58:30]
B
Break it down phone line.
- [58:31]
A
Right. Yeah. Because something like that would be cool. I just had to figure out a way to do it because tick tock was not working. And make sure that you guys please go like our show and rate and review it. Also please make sure that you guys check out our Patreon page. We upload the video episodes a week after the audio airs. And that's super fun. We have.
- [58:55]
B
But we're also gonna be starting to take the video clips and putting it on YouTube.
- [58:59]
A
So I think just longer one, like, just like.
- [59:01]
B
Yeah, 10 minute clips. So that way people who don't really, you know, want to go to the Patreon that route, at least we can give them something video wise.
- [59:11]
A
Yeah.
- [59:11]
B
We'll try to cut the best part, the. The basic good parts of it and put it on YouTube and then. Yeah. So.
- [59:16]
A
But Patreon's fun too. We have a good community of people there. And I think it's different when you can like visually watch something. But I just want you guys to know that, you know, we love you guys. We are so thankful for the support and the love that you guys give us and we love just talking to you guys. So I'm gonna try to figure out a way that I can bring you guys into the conversation for certain episodes because I think that would be fun. Fun and different.
- [59:43]
B
But in the meantime, you can always DM Kate and type I get down at Instagram. Any questions or topics you want us to cover.
- [59:50]
A
Yeah.
- [59:50]
B
Or whatever.
- [59:51]
A
And like, if people follow our Instagram, the Kate and Tie Breakdown Instagram, I do do like posts and sometimes I ask people to tell me like their secret, juicy secrets. And we always keep those anonymous and those are super funny and interesting. And that's where we usually post too. Like what do you guys want to ask us? And things of that nature.
- [60:08]
B
And yes, if you're new to watching us or listening to us. Because I, I keep thinking like, you guys have been with us forever. But it's like, oh yeah, there's probably right. We keep getting new people and new subscribers. Oh yeah, by the way, you're new here, so hey, this is. That's what we do.
- [60:21]
A
Yeah. Right. But it's all. It's K and Ty break it down on all platforms like, you know, Instagram and. And also if people aren't aware too, we do have a Facebook fan page that we've ran for many, many years and that is Kaylin and Tyler's fan page and we actually do run that one. I should post it on our Instagram so people can see it like which one it is. But we actually do, you know, we run that one. So that is really me or Ty on there messaging you guys back or posting the videos or like in the comments or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And that's a good place. We have a big community over there and that's super fun. And yeah, so we are going to get out of here. We have some Christmas shopping that we're going to do. I have to go get some stocking stuffers for the kids and I hope you guys stay safe out there and we will talk to you guys next week.
- [61:11]
B
Okay, Love you.
- [61:11]
A
Bye. Bye.
- [61:40]
B
Stream blockbuster hits like 21 Jump Street Ted, the Expendables and so much more on Pluto TV. Stream now pay never. Hi, I'm Adam Rippon and this is Intrusive Thoughts, the podcast where I finally say the stuff out loud that's been living rent free in my head for years. From dumb decisions to awkward moments I probably should have kept to myself. Nothing's off limits. Yes, I'm talking about the time I lost my phone mid flight and still haven't truly emotionally recovered from that. There might be too many sound effects. I've been told to chill. Will I? Unclear. But if you've ever laid awake at night cringing at something you said five years ago, congratulations, you found your people. Intrusive Thoughts with Adam Rippon is available now. Wherever you get your podcasts.
- [62:27]
A
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