Relationship Real Talk

Summary

Summary of "Cate & Ty Break It Down" - Episode: Relationship Real Talk

In the "Relationship Real Talk" episode of Cate & Ty Break It Down, hosts Catelynn and Tyler Baltierra tackle complex relationship issues by addressing listener-submitted questions. Recorded during their trip to New York City, the episode emphasizes honest discussions on maintaining healthy relationships amidst life's challenges.

Navigating Sexual Intimacy After Parenthood

One of the primary questions addressed comes from a listener who has been married for 23 years with a grown daughter and seeks advice on rekindling the sexual intimacy in her marriage, which has diminished after becoming parents.

Key Insights and Advice:

• Desire and Effort: Catelynn underscores the importance of the listener's proactive approach in seeking to reconnect, highlighting that the willingness to actively work on the relationship is crucial.

  Catelynn states at [07:46]:

  "That's the main thing. That's what you need."

• Communication Without Pressure: They recommend implementing subtle communication cues to indicate the desire for intimacy without making it feel like a duty. This approach helps maintain emotional safety and reduces feelings of rejection.

  Ty remarks at [08:58]:

  "I just want to go to bed right away."

• Intimacy Beyond Sex: Emphasizing that intimacy starts beyond sexual relations, they suggest dating, cuddling, and showing affection throughout the day to foster a deeper connection.

  Ty advises at [10:30]:

  "It doesn't even have to be sexually intimate."

Notable Quote:

Catelynn at [09:16]:

"You don't have to explain yourself. You don't have to get defensive."

Addressing Emotional and Sexual Infidelity

The episode delves into a more severe and emotionally charged question from a listener who has discovered her husband has been visiting massage parlors for happy endings and messaging escorts, especially during her pregnancy.

Key Points and Responses:

• Recognition of Cheating: Catelynn and Tyler unequivocally identify these behaviors as forms of cheating, whether emotional or sexual.

  Catelynn says at [21:44]:

  "You are operating outside of our thing."

• Consequences and Actions: They strongly suggest leaving the relationship to protect one's mental health and family stability. The severity of the actions warrants decisive steps towards separation.

  Catelynn comments at [26:24]:

  "You don't deserve it. So get the hell out. Take a break."

• Support Systems and Therapy: Emphasizing the importance of seeking support from family, friends, and professional therapy to navigate such distressing situations.

  Ty recommends at [33:42]:

  "She needs to, you know, get a big support system."

• Awareness of Broader Issues: Discussing the potential connections to sex trafficking, they advise reporting suspicious activities to authorities for the safety of all involved parties.

  Catelynn at [30:54]:

  "If you know which ones he went to, I'd be calling the police."

Notable Quote:

Catelynn at [23:53]:

"You are not the issue. This is his issue."

Parenting and Modeling Healthy Relationships

Throughout the episode, Cate and Ty share personal anecdotes on parenting, emphasizing the importance of displaying affection and maintaining open communication with their children.

Parenting Philosophy Highlights:

• Open Conversations: They encourage educating children about sexuality using scientific terms to foster comfort and safety, ensuring children feel secure in discussing such topics.

  Ty explains at [55:03]:

  "Our kids are taught from a very young age that it's a penis and a vagina."

• Modeling Healthy Behavior: By openly showing affection, they set a positive example for their children, countering societal stigma around public displays of affection (PDA).

  Catelynn shares at [16:42]:

  "Show these kids that this is not something to be ashamed of."

Notable Anecdote:

Catelynn at [52:36]:

"There is no other powerful thing that a human can do but a woman."

Future Episode Plans

Due to time constraints during the recording, the couple did not engage in their planned card game for couples. However, they expressed enthusiasm about incorporating it into future episodes to explore deeper relationship dynamics and uncover new insights about each other.

Ty mentions at [48:35]:

"But maybe we can do that on our next solo after we film with these."

Final Thoughts

Cate and Ty conclude the episode by reiterating their commitment to providing support and advice to their listeners. They encourage those experiencing similar relationship challenges to seek help and build strong support systems. Their candid and empathetic approach offers valuable insights for couples striving to maintain healthy and fulfilling relationships.

---

Additional Notes

• Skipped Sections: Advertisements and promotional content related to sponsors like Expedia Trip Planner, BetterHelp, and Zocdoc were intentionally excluded to focus solely on the substantive discussion and advice provided by Cate and Ty.

• Timestamps: Notable quotes and key points are backed with timestamps for reference and context, enhancing the summary's authenticity and relevance.

• Engaging Structure: The summary is organized into clear sections with headings, making it easy to navigate and understand for readers who haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

[Kate]

Sasha hated sand, the way it stuck to things for weeks. So when Maddie shared a surf trip on Expedia Trip Planner, he hesitated. Then he added a hotel with a cliffside pool to the plan, and they both spent the week in the water. You were made to follow your whims. We were made to help find a place on the beach with a pool and a waterfall and a soaking tub and, of course, a great shower. Expedia made to travel.

[Ty]

So, guys, welcome back to another episode of Game Time.

[Kate]

Another episode.

[Ty]

We are in New York City this week.

[Kate]

New York.

[Ty]

Yeah. Actually, it's super in and super out. Like, we are here and then we're gone.

[Kate]

I'm not a bit. I. Listen, New York. I have a. I have a love hate relationship with New York.

[Ty]

Yeah. I feel like the first time you come to New York City, like, the very first time we ever did, we were 16. And I remember, like, driving downtown, though, like, over by, like, Times Square and stuff. And remember that first feeling you get?

[Kate]

Oh, yeah.

[Ty]

See New York City for the first time.

[Kate]

It's like, whoa.

[Ty]

It was crazy. Yeah. Especially, like, kids like us, we come from just like a little country town.

[Kate]

The biggest town we ever saw was Detroit.

[Ty]

Right. And I. I remember driving through New York and be like, this is unreal. Yeah, it was crazy.

[Kate]

It was, like, surreal. I also remember I had to bring my sister because.

[Ty]

Yep.

[Kate]

Our parents could. Why couldn't our parents come?

[Ty]

Probably. They're probably working.

[Kate]

Yeah. Something happened where my sister had to be our guardian or whatever it was for the day or for the time that we were there because we were still minors.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Which when you think about it, like, isn't it weird to think about we were. We were minors for 1, 2, 3 years of filming Teen Mom.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Like, dude, how did that even happen?

[Ty]

Well, they had to have people sign for us.

[Kate]

I know, but it's just weird to think about, like, wow. And then to think about what they filmed. Like, think about it. Sixteen years ago, like, reality TV did look different.

[Ty]

Oh, yeah. It was super.

[Kate]

Yeah. It just got. We just got past, like, the real world part, and we're kind of leaning into, like, then Jersey Shore happened, which obviously is party days, whatever.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And then our stuff. I feel like our show was similar to, like, True Life.

[Ty]

That's what it reminded me of too.

[Kate]

Yeah. Like, it was so raw. And I feel like the difference now with reality TV is just so way different.

[Ty]

I feel like now reality TV is just, like, all, like, drama, like, caddy girls beating each other up or like, you Know housewives. Right? Or lip, you know, couples living in houses, seeing if they cheat on one another. Like, drama.

[Kate]

That. I told you that, didn't I?

[Ty]

Yeah, no, you told me about that.

[Kate]

Yeah, bro, that's. I want to get some of those people on the podcast because I want to talk to you about what the hell are you doing and what were you thinking on Temptation Island, Dud, what's going on? And why would you torture yourself like that? It. Dude, it is the craziest show I've ever seen. I've always saw clips, but from the clips, I'm like, this is a. This is some toxic ass.

[Ty]

I feel like that's the type of show that would give me anxiety because I'm such an empath, you know?

[Kate]

Like, oh, my God, it's hard. Is broken. Someone hug him.

[Ty]

Jack.

[Kate]

Oh, my God.

[Ty]

Poor Jack.

[Kate]

No, but it's really. That show is really insane. And anyone listening who's watched Temptation island, you know what I'm talking about.

[Ty]

Yeah. I've never even seen the clips of it, but just what you described to me, I was like, that is horrible.

[Kate]

No, it's bad.

[Ty]

Like, it's probably a show that would make me cry for the person being hurt.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

You know, and by the way, I'm.

[Kate]

Sitting on this, the lowest couch I've ever been on in my life, guys. So, I mean, like, bro, it's great.

[Ty]

For me, but not for you. No.

[Kate]

Look at you. It's perfect for you. Look at your 90 degree bent leg.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And you're probably Put my leg on the ground. Like, what?

[Ty]

The very inverted 90 degree.

[Kate]

This is the first time I've ever been in the space recording.

[Ty]

But, yeah.

[Kate]

Yeah, I think it's. Well, actually, we're in New York. We're doing a couple different things. We're interviewing some more adoptees, which I'm really excited about. And we have a adoptee adoption. Competent therapist we're talking to.

[Ty]

Which that'll be super interesting.

[Kate]

Which that'll be really cool. Which I'm excited about that. So. New York. New York. But we're probably. This will probably be the last trip to New York for us.

[Ty]

Probably. I feel like we could find some really nice places in Detroit.

[Kate]

Yeah. And I think we've gotten in the swing of things.

[Ty]

Well, and also, like, hello, we're parents. And I feel like. Yeah, you know, it's hard for us to go away.

[Kate]

It is.

[Ty]

And so, like, this one, it's like, we're recording today, tomorrow, and then tomorrow after recording, we're getting on a Plane and flying home. So at least if we book something in Detroit, since we are parents, we'll be. It'll be like we're going to work. We go to work for a few hours and then we can drive home.

[Kate]

Because I think what. It's hard when you're trying to do this type of work and you have to leave your state, like, where. Where there's practices in art class and just all this stuff that you have doctor's appointments. Yeah. Like, and you can't. I don't. I don't know how. I don't know how people do it, but I guess other people have, like, nannies, they got baby daddies, they got grandmas and grandpas who are willing to help to do stuff. And. Yeah.

[Ty]

So thankfully your mom was willing to do this trip.

[Kate]

But.

[Ty]

Yeah, you know, search.

[Kate]

But this will be. That's why I'm like, you know what, for our schedules and stuff and the fact that we don't have, like, a lot of extra help on hand is it's better just to find a. A place in Detroit. That makes sense.

[Ty]

Yeah. That way we're only gone for a few hours, not a few days.

[Kate]

Yeah. Second drive, an hour home, and it's fine. So.

[Ty]

But. So I figured for this week, we do have a bunch of fan questions.

[Kate]

We have a lot of fan questions.

[Ty]

Yeah, we do. So I wanted to read some of these fan questions. And then also I got this game, like, this card game for couples. And so, like, we will ask each other questions and then answer them. And I think it's funny because, you know, we've been together for almost 18 years, but. And we really do know the ins and outs of every. Of each other. But it's like sometimes, like, either I'll say something or you will. And you'd be like, I never knew that about you. And I'm like, oh, my God. Right?

[Kate]

What was the other day that you said something like. And I was like, I never knew that about you. I can't remember what it was.

[Ty]

Right. I know. So it's funny how I don't remember what it was exactly. But isn't that funny you would think that, like, after this long. So, like, people that get married after two years, I don't know what y'.

[Kate]

All, but they're crazy.

[Ty]

I wanted to. So I definitely wanted to read some of these fan questions because, I mean, we get fan questions for the show all the time.

[Kate]

Well, you also did that thing on Instagram where you ask Anonymous.

[Ty]

I do. Yep. And I always keep an Anonymous. Which.

[Kate]

That's really interesting. Interesting. I feel like.

[Ty]

Well, yeah, so that way, people feel like they can ask us questions.

[Kate]

You know, I like to bring them involved. I like to make you guys involved.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Like, I like the listeners to be involved. It makes it more exciting.

[Ty]

And believe me, we're not, like therapists or anything. You know what I mean? But.

[Kate]

And we're the last people probably take advice from. But. But, hey.

[Ty]

But sometimes I feel like we have good advice.

[Kate]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Ty]

I don't know. Y' all keep coming to us.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

So I guess we're gonna answer a few of them. All right. This first one says hello. My question is about relationships. What do you do to keep the sexual relationship strong? It's hard when you have children. It can also get old and hitting when you've been together forever. I've been married for 23 years. My daughter is now grown, and I would like to reconnect with my husband. I feel like. I know that's cute here.

[Kate]

I will say one thing. I think the one positive thing about this is that she's not, like, chalking it up to, it's over. We don't love each other no more. The spark is gone. It's all, like, you're actively trying. Like, you're literally seeking it out. Like, okay, how can I. Like, for her to say, I had the desire to reconnect.

[Ty]

That's.

[Kate]

That's the main thing. That's what you need. Because I feel like people try to force things. If you don't have the desire to work on something or, you know, I mean, then it's like, all right.

[Ty]

And also, I can relate to, like, being sexually intimate with a husband. With your husband when you do have children is hard.

[Kate]

It is.

[Ty]

It's hard. I mean, when you're running, you're running all day, or, you know, even.

[Kate]

Just. Even just them being there, like, Right.

[Ty]

Like, you can't be too loud, you know, or things like that. Like, that is. It does make it difficult. And also, kids are exhausting. There's some nights, even us, when we go to bed, and we'd kind of have this thing where it's, like, around dinner time or something. All we have to, like, literally say, either one of us has to say, like, I'm just super tired.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

And we know. Oh, okay.

[Kate]

Like, it's. And it's weird. I think every couple can kind of create their own little.

[Ty]

Huh?

[Kate]

Like, they can create their own thing. And my suggestion, and this is just from Our experience, like, our lived experience. But you can create any kind of code word. I don't care if it's an emoji. I don't care if it's a sigh. And like, oh, I just can't wait to go to bed tonight. Right. It could be any little slight thing.

[Ty]

Yeah. It could even be something as, like, I'm going to bed early tonight. I have a lot to do tomorrow.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

You know?

[Kate]

Yeah. Or just something as simple as, I just want to go to bed right away. Like, I don't want to. I don't even want to watch tv. I know.

[Ty]

Like, ours is literally around dinner time when we're all getting the kids plates ready and everything. One of us just has to say, like, hey, I'm just really tired tonight. And then the other one knows, like.

[Kate]

Oh, okay, me too. Yep. Got it.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

You know? Or, like, honestly, I guess for us, it's not exactly the same thing, but you just get the vibe. I don't know. You're like, oh, I can't wait for bed tonight. You know what I mean?

[Ty]

And then it's like, oh, all right.

[Kate]

Clock. All right. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it creates. It. It creates a. A communication that doesn't have to be said with long explanations or words or defense or.

[Ty]

Or negative.

[Kate]

Yeah. It doesn't be negative. It's like, oh, you're tired. Cool. Sweet.

[Ty]

I'm tired, too.

[Kate]

And I think we do it that way because I think it's. It's. It's more receptive. And if you're not. Unless it's different. If you're laying in bed, make a move, and then they're like, oh, I'm really tired.

[Ty]

Then it's like, oh, yeah, Then you feel that. I feel like. Then the other person has a tendency to feel, like, kind of rejected.

[Kate]

Yeah. Which. Which. Then what happens is that. That. Then that makes it personal, and it's not personal.

[Ty]

No.

[Kate]

You know what I mean?

[Ty]

Right? No, I'm just tired. I would love to. I would love to have, you know, make love to you, but I'm just tired.

[Kate]

Yeah. Right. You know, So I think it creates a safety. A safety net for people who, like, you don't got to explain yourself. You don't got to get defensive. You don't got to feel rejected. Do it before the nighttime routine. I don't care if that's whatever it is. Whenever you guys are just sitting there like, oh, she's going for bed tonight. Figure it out. But I send an emoji, send a text message I don't care.

[Ty]

But I feel like, as far as, like, reconnecting, like, you know, she's saying how she wants to reconnect. I think, like, it does for me personally. My advice would be, like, it doesn't even have to be sexually intimate. I feel like intimacy also starts out of the bedroom. So, like, go on dates with one another, cuddle, do some PDA when you're around at the house. Like, just come up and hug him or. And honestly, I think the most important thing is to still date one another, no matter how long you guys have been together. Do something special. Go on a special date. Go to a really nice dinner. Go walk on the beach with each other and hold his hand. Like, little things like that, I feel like, lead to sexual intimacy.

[Kate]

Like, showing affection or at least leads to the desire for. Because I feel like I've just heard so many stories about, like, you know, girls just saying, like, you can't just jump in. Like, you need to, like, warm me up. Like, I. Hug me throughout the day. If you don't show any intimacy throughout the day.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

That's not leading to sex. Then. Then of course, when you go for it, they're gonna be like, no, you haven't touched me all day. You haven't even said. You know what I mean? Like, so it feels almost like. And honestly, that's not healthy, I don't think.

[Ty]

Really?

[Kate]

Because I don't think anyone should be felt like they're being used in some way or not.

[Ty]

Desire.

[Kate]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ty]

You know? Yeah.

[Kate]

In a real way, not a selfish way.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

Like, you know, you want to connect with me.

[Ty]

That's what I mean. Like, even doing different forms of intimacy.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

Showing that you're loved and giving affection in different ways, too, leads up to. To the deed. The deed. You know what I mean? And also, like, girl, your kids are out of the house, dude. I know you can be as loud and as crazy as you want to be. You know what I'm saying?

[Kate]

Why, like.

[Ty]

And it's Tyler, and I say it all the time. Like, from different people that we've talked to or people in marriages or, you know, friends that are in relationships and stuff. Like, we have a very sexual. A healthy sexual. It's like.

[Kate]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, compared to, like, when you hear.

[Ty]

When you hear stories of people. No, but like, when you hear stories saying, like, oh, I get it. Maybe once a week or once a month, and me and Tyler, like, oh, dude, are we Nepos or what? Sorry, tmi. You know what I mean?

[Kate]

But but also, no, it is shocking to hear. I'm like, whoa. And some people are like, oh, we schedule it. And it's. It's once every two weeks or something. I'm just like. In my head, I'm just like, yeah, why schedule for one?

[Ty]

I mean, I understand scheduling. Yeah.

[Kate]

Okay. I get why, though. I get why you need to schedule it.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

But I also get why scheduling. It also feels doomed or feels not as exciting or feels or like it's a job. Because honestly, that goes back to our thing that we have. What if we scheduled it? And that day you just end up being tired.

[Ty]

Right. And now I know I started my period.

[Kate]

Yeah. Now I don't feel like I had the freedom to say, oh, I'm so tired tonight. Wink, wink. Right. You know, because you're like, oh, I scheduled it. Yeah. It puts a weird, like, pressure duty. And I'm not here to. I want to connect with you in a real way, not as a duty.

[Ty]

Or like a service job.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

And so for us, I think just for some people, scheduling works out really great for them because of kids and works and jobs and stuff. But I think for our relationship, it's more or less like, let it come naturally and it happens. Yeah.

[Kate]

A lot compared to other. I mean, I was shocked when I hear other people, even people our age, I'm like, what?

[Ty]

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[Kate]

Your one kid goes to their other parents for a weekend. Like, you have a house here, so I don't know. Yeah, so. But honestly, I don't think we even realize it. We just. We have a good relationship, and that's the way it is.

[Ty]

And then I was gonna say, and we also do. We are very affectionate, you know, throughout the day. We hug, we kiss, we cut all the time, you know? Yeah. I mean, it's to the point, like, where me and Ty will be hugging in the kitchen, and then here comes all our little. They see us loving, and they're like, I want to love, too.

[Kate]

I know.

[Ty]

And they all come. Even our dog.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

Remy. You know what I mean? Like, it's so normal around our house. Like, obviously, we don't get gross, but it's, like, cuddles, and, like, I'll hug him and, like, kiss him or just, like, hold him and lay my head on his chest. And then here comes Raya, here comes Veda, here comes Noah.

[Kate]

Here comes Remy, comes the dog.

[Ty]

They're all in a big circle hugging around me. In time, you started hugging.

[Kate]

It's almost like they sense it. And they're like, I want to get in on that, you know?

[Ty]

Yeah. And then I remember the one time when Nova's good friend, that's been. Her and Nova are only two years apart or two months apart. Sorry. So, like, they've grown up with each other. And the one time Nova's friend was at our house, and me and Ty were, like, hugging in the kitchen, and I pecked him on his lip. And I'll never forget her friend saying, ew, that's gross. And Nova straight up looked at her, and she goes, that's not gross. They just love each other.

[Kate]

I was like, yes.

[Ty]

And I was like, see? Like, our daughters are seeing that. Like, it's okay to be loving and affectionate to one another.

[Kate]

I'm a. Listen, I'm a huge. I'm all about pda. Not. Don't get inappropriate. But I'm saying pda. Show these kids that this is not something to be ashamed of.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

It's not something that should be, like, secret or private or whatever. Like. Like, it's okay to hug and kiss and cuddle in front of your kids.

[Ty]

Like, and. Because when they're older, if they get in relationships, I want them to know, like, oh, it's okay if I just randomly walk up to my husband and give him a hug.

[Kate]

Yeah. But there are people who Are like they do not believe in pda. Like they will not see them do anything more than a peck in public. You know what I mean? It's.

[Ty]

And in public we're different. It's more or less hold hands. I'll grab you from you grab you from the side. I grab you from the side. Might peck. That's about it. You know.

[Kate]

But I don't know, I just feel like some people I. I said bring on a pda, you know, I mean, go ahead, go for it. I think it shows. I cuz I don't want, I guess I just don't want any shame being attached to anything.

[Ty]

Because it should not be.

[Kate]

Because. But I feel like in certain like cultures and societies and whatever you want to call it, like they, it does. And it's like, dude, I just feel like if we start to attach shame to that development, like as a kid, as it's developing, it just creates a whole other problem. Yeah. Because how do you, your first experience is attached to shame. So not every experience after that's going to be like this thing. Yeah. How do you ever break free from the shame and be able to be liberated in that space? You can't, you know, because you're always constantly. My mom said, my grandma said, oh, I don't know, I should be doing, doing this and like even talking to my mom and stuff. Like it's just sad. Like I feel like, I don't know, I just like the older generation just got like screwed in a way because there was no. There's barely any sex out when they were growing up.

[Ty]

Yeah. Which their parents didn't talk to them.

[Kate]

Their parents had talked about it. Which I think is super important to bring up because they raise us.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

So they do what I'm saying. So we were impacted by their impact. Which was minimal. Right. Not even taught really. So like my mom even said that she like when my dad said either either you give it up to me or I'm leaving you or I'm a guy, I have needs. She said, I have needs. Like she felt, oh my God. And she felt like she was forced. Yes. And she said, oh my God, I do love him. I had to do this for him. And see, so you, you, you. And I was like, mom, that probably shaped your whole life. I hope you know that. And she was like, what do you mean? I was like it literally, you started out with thinking that your first experience had to be a service to someone else.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

So from that moment on, huh. You're like, how do you like why.

[Ty]

You never really enjoyed it.

[Kate]

Yeah, it's because you, you felt like it was a damn duty.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

Or a service. And I can't, I hate that shit because I feel like people use that excuse of like, oh, well, a guy is a guy and they have needs. What are you talking about? A girl don't have needs either.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

And I absolutely do. And I also feel like they get it so fucked up because it's like you, you really believe that guys think about it more than girls do, right? No, guys are just more able to say it out loud because society accepts it. Oh, yeah, bro. The girl says that they're like, you know what I mean? So it's like, dude, I don't want to hear that. Developing girls just like develop like they all have.

[Ty]

I mean, there's plenty of times in my mind where I'm like, damn zaddy. I want to eat you up, you know? The next question I have is, I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and share a four year old with my partner. We've been together for seven years.

[Kate]

Okay.

[Ty]

I found out this week that he's been going to massage parlors and receiving happy endings, spending our family's money on this. He's been around six to seven times in the last six months and that's including when I've been pregnant. I've also found out he's been messaging escorts. He works away a lot. As recently as just last week. He says he's never gone through with it as that's a step too far. Obviously I love him. He so he's been messaging experts, but hasn't supposedly met with one because that's a step too far.

[Kate]

But a happy ending is not.

[Ty]

Obviously. Obviously I love him, but I don't know what to do for our family's sake at this point. He is a great dad and usually a great partner and we get along so well. I just feel so disgusted by him at the minute. Help. Person. Okay. From a woman.

[Kate]

Wow.

[Ty]

I don't even like that's from a woman's perspective. Okay. If I ever found out that you were going to. Massages. Happy ending massages.

[Kate]

Done.

[Ty]

And messaging escorts, even if you didn't meet up with an escort, I would leave.

[Kate]

Absolutely.

[Ty]

Because that is completely a form of cheating. Whether you're touching the girl or not, she is still touching you and doing stuff and giving you pleasure that I feel I should only be able to give you. And I know you're pregnant and you have kids and you say that he's a great dad. So why wouldn't he be a great dad? Even if you guys were separated? I feel like, true. You need to take care of yourself. And for me, if I were to stay in a situation like that, I feel like my mental. God, my mental, like, health would be at major risk because anytime he leaves or anytime he went somewhere, I would think he's cheating on me, and I would not be able to live like that. And I honestly think that you need to leave him and show him. Like, you know, sometimes people don't realize what they got till it's gone. And you sound like a great mom. I would leave.

[Kate]

I mean, listen, my. You sound like you're. I think you've overstayed.

[Ty]

Yes.

[Kate]

Like you're. It's. I. I'm. I'm so. I have so many questions now because, like, okay, so you. You find out that this is happening. You're going, I don't care. Escort, massage parlor, prostitute, whatever the. I don't care what happened.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

You are seeking something outside of your marriage, outside of your commitment with this person. I don't care. I don't care. You didn't even touch anybody. Messaging, sexting, anything. It's. You're operating outside of our thing.

[Ty]

Yeah, it's the same thing as cheating.

[Kate]

It is. I think people are like, oh, well, it is. I don't care. People say. They can say, oh, it's not that cheating. I was just flirting. Flirting. Talking outside of your marriage, like, dude, bro, that is. That's it. You might as well just go screw the other person, because at this point, I feel the same way.

[Ty]

Yeah. And.

[Kate]

And like, if I found out you were messaging someone else and nothing ever happened, maybe you never even met each other, but you were having that conversation that.

[Ty]

Flirting, like, bro, you're still emotionally cheating.

[Kate]

You are.

[Ty]

And I believe that's the same. You can be emotionally cheating or sexually and intimately cheating. Like, if you're spilling all your thoughts and feelings and emotions to somebody, that's cheating.

[Kate]

Yeah, especially. Well, I mean, you can talk to people, but not in a way. Not in a.

[Ty]

Right. That's what I mean, though, in those sorts of way. And then also for him, for him to say that he's been messaging escorts but hasn't met up one, I would be like, I don't believe you. You've already been going to happy ending parlors. I do know.

[Kate]

Okay, what the hell is the difference between going to a happy ending massage parlor or an escort, bro? Your massage therapist, I hate to break it to you, is a escort, right? Because I don't care what act you're doing. You're paying her for a service that ends in this result is like nine.

[Ty]

Nine out of ten times those women in those massage parlors are being seen.

[Kate]

Sexually trapped which is even. Dude.

[Ty]

And then you were, then you are giving to that also.

[Kate]

Did she say she has a kid? Right?

[Ty]

Yes, they have a, they have a child and she's pregnant.

[Kate]

Oh my God, this poor woman. All right, you just gotta leave and it's gonna be hard in. And I hate that. My opinion is there's no going back. Coming back from this.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

I don't know what the ages are, but he's got an issue.

[Ty]

I think, I think she said how, how old? He was a four year old.

[Kate]

No, the guy.

[Ty]

Oh the guy.

[Kate]

No, I don't know how old they are. Like.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

Because I, I, I. There's a uprise in like addiction to porn and stuff from not our generation but like your little brothers. Oh like they're coming. They're, they're like the, the 20 year olds like whatever.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And it's because they've had access. They've had access to it since crazy. They even started like anything. So I like that sounds like he's got an issue to me.

[Ty]

Yeah. I would say she needs to, you know, get, get a big support system like her family or friends or you know, she needs to get a tribe. And I would leave. There's no way I'd be able to sleep next to him at night.

[Kate]

No.

[Ty]

And like you said, he's a good dad. So let him be a good dad away from me.

[Kate]

And I have to, I'm a dad. So I don't think he's that great of a dad as you're saying he is. I get you're saying he's a good dad, maybe to your children. But a good dad is not seeking things outside of the relationship with that child's mother. Breaking that bond, breaking the family up. Going to massage bro. That's a good point.

[Ty]

That's good.

[Kate]

Like, I'm sorry. Like, I understand that. Like, I don't know. I just feel like any guy who's willing to like sacrifice his whole family unit for a happy ending. Mass. Are you kidding me?

[Ty]

For a job or a, or a whack a doodle, you know, like what?

[Kate]

Wackadoodle the noodle. Right.

[Ty]

Come home. I will, I will choke your chicken. You know.

[Kate]

No, for real though. Like.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

So I, I'm sorry. I, I disagree that the fact that he's a great dad I don't think he's that great of a dad. Because a great dad would not do that.

[Ty]

Wouldn't be breaking up.

[Kate]

He would be able. He would. A good dad would come to her and say, I'm not happy with this. I wish we had more of that. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. His main issue is.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And like I said, maybe his main issue is. Is being addicted or being. Like.

[Ty]

He could be a sex addict.

[Kate]

Yeah. Like a sex. This is a real. I think people don't. This is a real thing. Like, it looks super hard.

[Ty]

Addiction.

[Kate]

Yeah. Because it's available everywhere. It's available in your hand, on your phone. It's. It's. It's everywhere. And the more comfortable and liberated society gets with it, it's almost like the more liberated we get. Hallelujah. Great. We all should have sexual freedom. But at the same time, with that new freedom, we should have more regulations. Like.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Like, you should not be able to log in to porn sites without having verification of something. I don't care what it is.

[Ty]

You gotta take a picture of your license or something.

[Kate]

Something. Like. It just doesn't make any sense. So, like, I don't know if the issue is, like, he's got an addiction problem, which that could be worked on, but I still think for that to be worked on, you gotta leave.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

You can't.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

I don't think it's fair for you to be a pregnant woman sitting there dealing with that. On top being a mom. On top of dealing with his own personal issue because.

[Ty]

And him being unfaithful.

[Kate]

Yeah. At this point, it's his issue.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

This is not your issue.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

And you don't deserve it. So get the hell out. Take a break.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Do something honestly.

[Ty]

And maybe even just separate for a while and say, you need to get there. You need to go to therapy on yourself.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

And be separated for a long time and try that. Maybe even counseling, too.

[Kate]

And also a while. Yeah. And also my opinion is if he's a good dad, he will leave.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

You should not have to leave with your kids.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Move their bedrooms. Move their.

[Ty]

Absolutely.

[Kate]

Any of that. And I'm. And I. Because, dude, my. My. My mom told me that when they. Her and my dad broke up, after my sister was born, he kicked my mom out and she asked him for the trailer they were living in. She's like, can I please have the trailer? Can you go stay with whoever your idiot friends are or whatever the case is until we figure this out? He said no. And I'm like, Dude, that is so red flag, bro. Any guy who is not willing. I don't care if, I actually don't care if the mom did something wrong.

[Ty]

You're kicking your child.

[Kate]

You're not. You are the guy. You're one guy. You're one dude. And even if she's in the wrong, you leave the house.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Let the children have their bedroom. Let them have that space where their, they know their mom's and people. I know that's probably controversial because like, oh, if the cheated, she needs to leave. No, no, no, you don't understand. She's not just a bitch, she's the mom. Right. So you need to separate your, you know, feelings about her and recognize that and leave the house.

[Ty]

Well, and then plus two, it's, you know, you want your children to have a sense of normalcy throughout the whole thing, you know?

[Kate]

Yeah. Like I can't imagine the guys who make women leave and uproot their children. That's weird to me. You're gonna kick your. You're gonna make your kid leave their bedroom because you and her guys like that. Like, it's like, dude, what the.

[Ty]

It's gross.

[Kate]

It's disgusting. Like, no, I think every guy who's.

[Ty]

A real dad, I feel really bad for her and I hope that she definitely separates. Have you ever woken up with a funky symptom like a puffy eye or a funky looking rash and immediately googled it or searched it on TikTok to see what's wrong? We've all gone down that rabbit hole and it's never good. But it's time to get the help and care you really need with ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in appointments with more than a hundred thousand doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care and more. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, are a good fit for any medical need you may have, and are highly rated by verified patients. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. I definitely now know what I'm going to use the next time I'm feeling icky or down or one of the kids are feeling sick because. Are you kidding me? So easy. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com Kate and Ty to Find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O C- O C and tie. Zoc, doc dot com. Kate and tie.

[Kate]

Also call on these massage parties. Get the place shut down.

[Ty]

Yeah. Because I'm telling you they're.

[Kate]

You're, you're. Your, Your husband is contributing to sex trafficking and you need to shut that.

[Ty]

Down because there was. There was a couple in Michigan, my hairdresser literally next door was the same thing. It was like a happy ending parlor. Like. And I. A few of them got busted and shut down and guess what? They were being sex trafficked. They lived in the apartments across the street. Couldn't drive, couldn't do anything. All they would do was walk across the street and go work.

[Kate]

Wow.

[Ty]

Yeah. And a couple of them got busted and shut down and it was proven that they were being sex trafficked and like held against their will.

[Kate]

So I, I hate to say this on top of all the pressure you have, lady, whoever this is.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

You also have a mandated reporter responsibility.

[Ty]

Absolutely.

[Kate]

That if you.

[Ty]

And if you know which ones he went to, I'd be calling the police.

[Kate]

Absolutely. And they'll set up a sting. They'll figure it out. But you need to tell someone.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Because that shit's.

[Ty]

Yeah. It's sad.

[Kate]

God damn. Pregnant. What the.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

People. It just blows my mind, dude. Like it. Damn.

[Ty]

Gosh. Some of these poor women. I tell you.

[Kate]

What was that? All you're getting is what is the next one?

[Ty]

I have a two year old and I'm eight months pregnant. And my husband has told me several times he wouldn't be with me if. If it weren't for our daughter and this pregnancy because I'm a. And an. I've given up my entire life and dreams to be his wife and a stay at home mom. And I have nothing of my own.

[Kate]

He.

[Ty]

My only break is when I'm doing laundry or taking a shower. In a two years, I've only been away from my daughter two times for an hour and a half. Both times while he works with celebrities and goes to events multiple times a month here in Vegas. I don't want him miserable hating me. But I'm also one month away from giving birth. And I don't know what. I don't know what I should do. My soul is broken. I don't know if he's hating me like this since before I was ever pregnant or if the back to back pregnancies made me a bitch and made him hate me. I've completely given up on myself and do Everything for him and my daughter and unborn child.

[Kate]

All right, this is where I feel like there's a balance between self betraying and like, and kind of self maintenance because you're, you're, you're. What I'm hearing is you're literally just betraying yourself over and over and over again. For the first of all, did you.

[Ty]

See what she said? Multiple times he calls her a bitch out of her name. Calls her out of her name, bro.

[Kate]

That'S, that's number one.

[Ty]

Number so unhealthy.

[Kate]

And I think people, I think people like will say, oh, you're too sensitive or, oh, that's, that's stupid. No, I'm, I'm not kidding. Like, I can, I know when I'm joking and say, oh, don't be a little bitch. Or oh, right, don't be like, it's different. You're calling your other person, significant other spouse, whatever, out of their name. It ruins. It just destroys all the foundation. Yes, it just, it just destroys it. Why would I ever. It's like, would you ever call your mom out of her name and call her a. Would you call your private. Like, would you ever call your grandma a stupid bitch? Like, I don't care what it is. You don't. Okay, well then your spouse, like, you don't ever. Why would you want to call them out of their name?

[Ty]

Well, and then, and if he's. And it's so sad because, like, women that stop everything, stop working everything to be a stay at home mom and to raise kids, and now you're saying that you don't love me and you hate me and that you're only with me because of the kids. Unfortunately, then they're left like, they have nothing. They have no money, they have no form of showing proof of income. So. And so you have to feel very, very stuck. I mean, and so the only thing that I can think of is if you have any family, reach out to family. Also, I would go to the state. I would reach out to the state, try to help with getting funds or finding.

[Kate]

I think she'd have to leave first, saying, gonna help her unless you leave.

[Ty]

So then, then she would have to lean on family and friends because literally these women have nothing, dude.

[Kate]

And that's what's crazy because I think people get it twisted where it's like, like I see some, I see some of these, like even some people on Tick Tock, like the creators, they're like, oh, wow, must be nice. You're a stay at home mom and they show Themselves working like, oh. And they're like, I. You know, I have no problem. My man comes home to a cooked meal and a clean house and all this other. That's great. If it works.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

However, in this instance, this is proof that a woman could do everything, quote unquote, right. And the right way to do it. And if he gets a little sick up his ass right now, your whole sacrifice is gone.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

In the blink of an eye. Because this guy had a. Whatever he had. Something happened. But that's not fair. And so I feel like I. I don't. And this is.

[Ty]

Or who knows when he's calling her a. Maybe. Maybe she's got an attitude. Why? Maybe because Billy was throwing a fit all damn day. She couldn't get anything.

[Kate]

Who.

[Ty]

Or who knows?

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

He was. You know, like, raising kids is stressful. And when you're doing it365, you know, every single day of your life, it's emotionally draining, physically draining. Like, it's. Sometimes it's just exhausting. And it sounds like to me that she doesn't ever get a break. She mentioned the two times that she. And Which.

[Kate]

That's. I feel like that's. She's. She's bitter there because. And she should be.

[Ty]

Yeah. And so of course you're gonna be overwhelmed as hell. And as parents, we need to have a break every now and then just to, like, you know, re. We need to have a break every. So why am I selling on my words? Every now and then as parents, we need to have a break.

[Kate]

So that way we can just reset our mind.

[Ty]

Yes.

[Kate]

Here's my thing, though. I want to make a break. I want to make it very clear. A shower is not a break. Okay. Reading a book in the bath is not a break.

[Ty]

Yeah. Folding laundry.

[Kate]

I just like. Yeah. Going to do laundry is not a break. I think first. Especially for stay at home moms. Don't. Don't get it twisted.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Personal hygiene is not a break from being a mom. It's a necessity. You got to take a shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? You got to brush your teeth. Yeah. These are things that are not considered. And when people say, oh, the only breaks I get is when I had to shower. What the fuck?

[Ty]

Yeah. That's not a break.

[Kate]

That's not a break.

[Ty]

Any mom out there.

[Kate]

And if this guy. If this guy's telling you that's a break, it's considered a break. He's a fudgeing asshole, dude. Like what?

[Ty]

And any moms out there that have their kids 365, 24. 7. Know that even if you're just trying to take a bath, those crotch goblins are banging at the door wanting to get in the bathtub with you too.

[Kate]

So when you go to the bathroom, like, they're like, what are you doing in there?

[Ty]

Yeah, I'm like, I'm just trying to pee.

[Kate]

Yeah. Like, I. So I think. And that right there goes to show, like, I hate that. That thought process that she. Somewhere in her life, someone made her believe that taking a shower is a break.

[Ty]

It's sad.

[Kate]

And that is just.

[Ty]

It was probably him.

[Kate]

I have a feeling it was.

[Ty]

I think. I think she needs to separate. Because if you were to only feel.

[Kate]

Bad, we're telling all these people to separate, but, dude, you're in these situ and also going to Vegas celebrities. So that right there is like, what's going on? You clearly have enough money in Vegas. All right, Got it. But there's enough money to maybe.

[Ty]

Well, then hopefully you've been married long enough so you can divorce his ass and take half of it off.

[Kate]

Because.

[Ty]

Because if my husband was looking at me saying, you're a bitch, and I wouldn't be with you if it wasn't for the kids, I'd be like, I'm gone.

[Kate]

Then what am I here?

[Ty]

Yeah, gone.

[Kate]

Here's my thing, too, is you think.

[Ty]

The so degraded you.

[Kate]

You think that someone's staying with you for the sake of the kids is a win, not a win. It's. It's. You lost already. And I think people get it so twisted. Oh, I'm gonna stay with them for the kids. You ain't doing for your kids. But showing them how to not operate in a healthy way in a relationship, that's all you're doing. You think it's. It's not. It's not good. Yeah, it's not good because the. The kids may not. Even if you don't argue in front of the kids, they can still sense the tension and energy. They pick it up way better than adults. So. So you're thinking process of like, oh, we'll stay together for the kids, even though I hate this woman or I hate this guy, but I'll say with the kids, you're. You're. You're. It's. You already lost. Stop. Because you're not doing your kids any favors.

[Ty]

And I know how you just said too, like, oh, my God, I feel bad. We're telling everybody to leave. Well, the one guy is getting happy ending massages and secrets.

[Kate]

This guy's Calling you a.

[Ty]

And saying that he doesn't. If it wasn't for the kids. Yeah. So both reasons why you should.

[Kate]

When he says, I wouldn't be you if it wasn't for the kids, that pretty much. There's no other message to take away from that than you don't want to be with me.

[Ty]

Yeah, it's sad.

[Kate]

Like, what? Okay, well, I'm gonna make it super easy for you and I'm out.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

You know, like, dude.

[Ty]

But that's the thing though is like, it's super hard when, you know, you don't work, you haven't worked and you have no, you know, none of your own money or any of those things. Like, I really, really hope that you have some family that you can lean on.

[Kate]

And here's my kind of thing. I feel like in society, I feel like I see a lot of men manipulating women in a way to make them think it's honorable. Stay at home, mom. I'll work. Don't worry. I'll take care of you if you do XYZ and take care of me.

[Ty]

See, and as long as you have like a really good down to earth man who really believes that, awesome.

[Kate]

It is intentional.

[Ty]

But then you have some of those narcissistic guys. Like this guy, it sounds like where it's like, if you're not doing things right or he comes home and you have a little bit of an attitude because you've been overwhelmed with everything.

[Kate]

And he thinks a break is a shower.

[Ty]

Right? That's wrong.

[Kate]

It is. And my thing about it is, is that you're like, it's not. I just don't. I, I see it happen where it's like. And then the girl goes, oh, I. I feel pride and honor. I'm a stay at home mom. I don't have to make money. I, I take pride in making a hot meal every. You know, all those things. But when it comes down to it, why do you feel so much pride in it? Because he's telling you you should feel pride for it. He's telling you that it's what you're. You know what I mean? Like, so it's in a way of like, how, What a trap? Yeah, in a way, like for a guy to. And I'm talking. I'm probably real genuine guys who, like you said.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

But like the ones who, like a real genuine guy is not going to call you a.

[Ty]

No.

[Kate]

Not going to think that taking a shower is a break from being a mom. Like those certain things. Like. And so it's sad to see women almost fall for this trap of like could because I'm edified even in society. I'm talking about them. I was talking earlier about the tick tock moms were like, my man making my man a lunch. Or she wakes up earlier to make him a. Yeah, to make him lunch for work. And I'm saying that's cool. If that feels good for you, great. But for anyone else out there who is not feeling that real love and feeling like, like you're some kind of servant, that's what it reminds me of. And I swear to God, I, I, that is the last thing that I think normal guys don't want. I don't think normal guys want a servant, an extra mom to baby them. I don't think men want women to do that for them.

[Ty]

There's some out there.

[Kate]

I think you're up. Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're a little. Yeah, because like, because you know what's.

[Ty]

Funny is like I've seen the ones kind of what you're talking about where she's like, my husband gets up at 6, so I get up at 4.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

And I make his, his coffee and I make his lunch. And I'm like, no, make your own coffee, bro. I'm not, you know, like, give me different. I don't know, it's different. Like you said, like obviously if, obviously if you had to work, you know, like had to get up early, I would totally make lunch for you and I wouldn't mind doing that. But I'm not getting a bit forward to make you coffee, babe.

[Kate]

Here's the thing though. And, and, but see, as a guy who genuinely loves you, I would never expect you or shame you into.

[Ty]

Oh, I know.

[Kate]

Thinking you, you know. Yeah. So I don't care you if I do gotta get up at 4 in the morning or 5 in the morning, I would never ever in my life would I ever expect my wife to get up an hour earlier than I have to just to make me coffee or make me a lunch. Like, yeah, if anything, I love you so much. Please sleep. I'll go make the money you don't have if you don't have to get up at 4 in the morning. Please don't.

[Ty]

I'll make you dinner when you get home.

[Kate]

Yeah, because you're with the kids and I'm out. So like I think any normal dude, I, I actually would if like say if we that happened and like you got up earlier and made me. So I'm like, thank you so much. Don't ever do this again. You know what I'm saying? Like, I appreciate you so much, but don't ever do this again. Because now I feel. I don't know, I feel guilty. I would feel guilty. I know some guys don't feel guilty and I get it. But I don't know, I just feel like. I don't know, I feel like this old, like archaic family dynamic unit thing where stay at home moms cook and clean and everything and. God, I just feel like old school. Something about it just rubs me the wrong way. I don't know why. And maybe it's because I was raised by a single mom, so seeing her, I couldn't imagine my mom never served any guy that she dated.

[Ty]

Well, yeah, and I, and I think so, but I, and I do think, like some women out there, it does bring them joy to do those things. And if that's something that does bring you joy to cook and clean for your family, your family and your husband, absolutely do it. Whatever brings you joy. If it's building resentments, stop.

[Kate]

Clearly with this girl, I think she is building resentments because she talks, she.

[Ty]

Mentioned she's doing all the things and.

[Kate]

He'S calling her a. Yeah, she's mentioning twice too, that she only's been away from her kid twice and. For an hour and a half. Yeah, for an hour and a half. Which I don't know what that means, but I think at that point, especially with stay at home moms, I think you demand I get two days a week to do something. Nails done.

[Ty]

Right. Something.

[Kate]

Coffee with my girlfriend, whatever.

[Ty]

Spend the night at my girlfriend.

[Kate]

Yeah, yeah. Going to bar night. I think, I really think two nights is good. And I think those two nights are the nights that the guy has to stay with the kids.

[Ty]

Absolutely.

[Kate]

Like, you know, when you get your hair done, you're gone for all day.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

I got the kid, you know, the, Your birthday, setting up your nail appointment. That was important for me because I wanted, I wanted to guarantee that you had that happening. You know what I'm saying? Because you go, you go so long without having them done. You know what I mean? I'm like, this isn't fair. So there are certain things where it's like, I don't know, I just feel like, why would you want your woman to be such a slave at home? Like, does that make you feel. I don't. It wouldn't make me feel good at all. I would not.

[Ty]

Thank God. You. Thank God you're a good guy and you have A good heart. Because there's. You know what I mean?

[Kate]

Honestly, to me, I think it's, like, unattractive.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

In a way.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Like. And I know that's. That's like countercultural, but, like, I. I think, like. Like, oh, my God. Or one of the. One of the. One of the things she listed, she was making, like, she's making one of those sourdough moms. She's making bread. And like, you know how the TikTok videos will have, like. Like, it'll, like, they'll write stuff as they're just, like, making bread. Well, she writes and she says that, you know, she makes her say home, home or pack. Lunch in the morning for. For my husband. And then it goes hot meal every. When he comes home from work, dinner served to him, he first plate.

[Ty]

Oh, I serve my kids.

[Kate]

Mind blown. Okay. I'm gonna tell you right now, and maybe everyone can disagree.

[Ty]

I serve.

[Kate]

I'm a father and I'm a husband, and I'm telling you right now there, I'm not getting my plate, or I wouldn't expect my plate to be done for me before my kids.

[Ty]

Oh, yeah.

[Kate]

What the fuck is.

[Ty]

That's the first thing I do is I get my kids.

[Kate]

Me and your chop, chop, chop, chop.

[Ty]

Little piece of little pieces.

[Kate]

And then there's two plates, and we in that. And then when they're. Sit down, then we get our. We get ours. And I feel like. I don't know why that's so. That seems so weird to me where it's like he always gets the hot plate or the first hot serve plate.

[Ty]

And then get it your goddamn self.

[Kate]

So in my head, I'm like, wait, so you're actually preparing multiple plates? Because you got to cut. You got to make your husband's plate right first before the kids.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

How about we have multiple kids, Two adults. You work on one kid's plate, I'll work on the other kid's plate. And then after they're sitting at the table, we get our plate.

[Ty]

Yes.

[Kate]

And then boom. And I think as a parent, I'm like, I would never expect me to eat first before my kids.

[Ty]

That's. Yeah, that's.

[Kate]

And I don't know if that's. Hey, rare or not break.

[Ty]

I just found out your niece has hand, foot, and mouth. So our kids were supposed to go over there today, and I'm about to tell.

[Kate]

Absolutely not. Stay away from me.

[Ty]

What the. Okay. My kids cannot come to your house then. It is highly contagious. Vader had it like Three years ago. And she had sores in her mouth and in her throat.

[Kate]

Hell no. Stay away. Stay far away. Don't come over.

[Ty]

Hopefully that's not what you have on you.

[Kate]

No, this is. These are itchy bite. Mosquito bites from working in the yard. We're texting.

[Ty]

We can talk about this later. But Lexus just texted me and said she has hand, foot and mouth disease. No, the kids cannot go to her house. It is highly contagious and super painful.

[Kate]

See, we're trying to come work them again.

[Ty]

I know.

[Kate]

Seriously, I'm like, how do people go away?

[Ty]

Also your niece is like, I have hand, foot and mouth. My kids are supposed to go there today. I'm like, the. You are?

[Kate]

No. Well, deal with that crisis.

[Ty]

Please do not take my kids over there. No. It was horrible. They'd had another three years.

[Kate]

Listen, you weren't even home. You were gone somewhere. And I didn't know. I didn't know that it got like that. I thought it was just like, like, I thought it was just like a little like a rash or something. I didn't know. I didn't know she had him in.

[Ty]

Her mouth and in her throat. She couldn't even drink water. She would drink water and scream in pain. It was the worst.

[Kate]

And then where was I? In California with my. At my grandma's.

[Ty]

I don't know where you were. I don't remember. But yeah, it was the worst, absolute worst thing that I've ever experienced in my life. And then Raya got it, but not as severely as Veda had it. Like she just got bumps on her hands. But then I remember, like three weeks after we were all over the hand, foot and mouth thing, all of the tops of Ada's nails started peeling off. And I remember I freaked out. I was like, what the hell is going on?

[Kate]

That was. That's like a symptom.

[Ty]

Yeah. And I googled it and it said one of like, it's a rare symptom of it, but it can happen. It's like all the tops of layers of our nails were peeling off. So. Do not take my kids to her house. Do not. Oh my God, I will freak out.

[Kate]

That would suck to come home to.

[Ty]

Oh, all right. Sorry, kids. This is why I'm like, how do people go places? I need to tell my mother in law, do not take my kids anywhere.

[Kate]

I know. I need to connect with Kale and get her nanny's number or something.

[Ty]

Seriously, right?

[Kate]

She does this.

[Ty]

God. Well, I thought that we were going to be able to get to the card game today of answering questions. But I feel like we have taken so much time on.

[Kate]

Oh, the questions.

[Ty]

Yeah. For me and you. But maybe we can do this. We're here for a couple days, so maybe we can do that on our next solo after we film with these.

[Kate]

Oh, okay. Yeah. True, true, true.

[Ty]

Because I'm excited about this. I feel like it's a good.

[Kate]

Never really did it before.

[Ty]

No. And I feel like it's a good way to, like, open up conversation and ask just different questions that a lot of people in relationships don't think to ask. So I'm excited to do it.

[Kate]

And we've never seen these before. So, like, this is all these questions, like.

[Ty]

And it's different levels of questions, too.

[Kate]

What do you mean, different levels?

[Ty]

Like, so there's level one, level two, level three. Level one is perception. Level two is if I can get it out of here without reading them, connection. And then level three is reflection.

[Kate]

So perception, connection, Reflection.

[Ty]

And it's called we're not really strangers couple edition. So I think it'll be interesting, and I think we just randomly pull them.

[Kate]

All right.

[Ty]

And I feel like it could bring up different conversations, and we can talk about each of the questions. You know what I mean?

[Kate]

That'll be interesting.

[Ty]

Yeah. I'm excited for it, actually. Like I said, like, Even after being 18 years together, there's still some times where one of us will say something and I'll. I'll be like, I never knew that.

[Kate]

I wish I could remember what it was. God, it was just a couple days ago. I was like, babe, I never knew that. Like, what.

[Ty]

That is true. What was it?

[Kate]

What was it? Something growing up or something.

[Ty]

Yeah, I don't remember.

[Kate]

Something you experience or something like that. And I'm like, oh, what?

[Ty]

Yeah, but it's funny. 18 years, we're still finding out. But also, I'm sorry for every question that we asked that we answered today about some of these ladies. Please, please, please get a support system. Please seek some therapy just for yourself.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

And definitely lean on family and friends and get away from these misogynistic. I'm sorry, but they all sound disgusting.

[Kate]

And also, I also would also, like, go back in time and ask yourself if you saw any red flags. Did you hear any red flags? Did anything stick out to you? Because I'm telling you, I see such a high pattern, even with our friends and stuff, where there was a red flag a year ago and you ignored it. Something where either your lust was too so powerful is making you blind. I don't know. But there are always, like, red flags. And I think some red flags are less, you know, less severe than others, but just still clock them. You know what I'm saying?

[Ty]

Yeah. Try to go back in time.

[Kate]

Because I will say, I think there's a lot of things that. Even when we were young. But we were so young. I think people like, we were so young that we were still growing up and learning things. So I think we made a lot of mistakes.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And of course. And I think we both had a lot of red. Probably red flags. We would consider red flags back then.

[Ty]

Naturally. We were kids.

[Kate]

Yeah. But I think at our age, if. If, you know, you're dating, you know, over the age of 25 or even mid-20s, like, come on, man. We're all old. If the red flags are still there, if something. You know what I mean?

[Ty]

Something's going on. Something's going on.

[Kate]

Pay attention to it.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Don't ignore it. Because.

[Ty]

So if anybody is out there that wrote these questions to us, please reach out on the K and tie. The K and tie. Break it down Instagram page, shoot us a message. I would love to know, like, how things are going, if there is any.

[Kate]

Or if you want us to, like, speak on anything, other details, you know, we will.

[Ty]

Yeah. But please, definitely, if you hear this, like, reach out, because I would love to know, you know, kind of what's going on or an update, if things have changed or, you know, so I feel bad.

[Kate]

I feel like I'm kind of concerned a little bit.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Because I feel like how many more. How many more women specifically, are sitting there at home feeling like, this dude, sad. This is up.

[Ty]

And as women come on now, we are all badass. Stand up and use your voice. Like, I'm gonna scream it from the rooftop.

[Kate]

I always.

[Ty]

With my girls, I'm gonna be like, don't you ever. You call out as you see it. Like, do not.

[Kate]

And I. I don't know. I always tell Nova, though. It's always fun, because I'm always like, listen, your body can grow organs, grow bones, grow cells, create human beings, and then deliver those human beings into the world and then keep them alive from your body.

[Ty]

Right?

[Kate]

I'm like, there is no other powerful thing that a human can do but a woman. But a woman. So please understand that you are.

[Ty]

Oh, believe me, she knows, because she.

[Kate]

Yeah, no, I heard her. We were at the beach or something like that, and she was like. And some. Some boy, a little. They're playing, and he's like, Boys are stronger than girls. And she's like, you're a liar. And he was like, no, I'm not. And she said, we grow bones, we grow bodies and then deliver them. I'm guarantee you that I'm stronger than you. And I was like, yeah, well, no, because.

[Ty]

Yeah, the other day too, she. She said something about. She's like, mom, isn't it crazy that women, like, we create an organ and she goes. And then we just get rid of it?

[Kate]

Yep.

[Ty]

And I'm like, I know. Yeah. So believe me, she listens to everything we say. And she's very.

[Kate]

I think that's why she always wants to talk to me. She's like, dad.

[Ty]

Oh, God.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

She love.

[Kate]

I break it down. I break it down for Nova.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

But hopefully she kind of. Hopefully she like, well, when Veda, I think when Beta gets older, I'll say, beta, go ask your older sister. And I have faith, knowing that I taught Nova certain things that she will tell.

[Ty]

Yeah. Because Veda is just starting to get the age where she's asking certain questions. Just like, how Nova did they start getting older asking questions, and you have to answer them to an age inappropriate level.

[Kate]

And just the other day, Veda said, why don't boys have babies in their belly? I'm like, well, they don't have a uterus. She's a uterus.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

I'm like, a uterus is the right. You know what I mean? That's where the baby grows. And she. You tell it. And then she was over it, though. So at that age, they kind of ask, but I'm not going to say, oh, they, you know, boys don't have the right belly for it. I'm not saying. I'm like, boys don't have a uterus.

[Ty]

Right. And then you describe. And for. Yes, the real.

[Kate]

Yeah, the real. And she said, what's a uterus? I said, it's pretty much a little home, a little. A little space that babies grow in.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

And that keeps them alive and safe.

[Ty]

Yep.

[Kate]

And then she was like, oh. And then she ran off.

[Ty]

Kids are like that. That's like, what was it like? I think like a month ago. Not even a month ago. A couple weeks ago, Nova asked me, like, we were in the kitchen and she was like, mom, she's like, so, you know, when you have babies, she's like, do boys stick their nuts into the vagina? And like, we're very open with our kids and we let them drive conversations. Like, Nova knows what sex is stuff, but she really thought, like, she Was like, don't they stick their balls in the vagina? And in her mind, she was like, that's where the sperm is. So that's what you would put up in there. And I said, no. I'm like, actually, I said, you know, you put the penis in the vagina. And she was like, what?

[Kate]

And then her face was like, what?

[Ty]

She's like, that's gross. I said, I know. I said, but it's because the balls hold the sperm. Yes, but the penis shoots the sperm into the vagina. And she's like, well, how do you get it up there? And I was like, well, you kind of got to do things to make it firm. And she was just like, ew. She's like, I'm never having sex. And I'm like, that's right. You know, Good.

[Kate]

No. Yeah. I'm like, absolutely. And I think it's. It's funny because even when she says it, though, I'm like, listen, your thoughts. You may change.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

I said, I know. I know. It's really gross right now, but.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

It comes to a point where you. You're. You might. It might change. And that's also okay.

[Ty]

Right. And people may hate on us. I hate on.

[Kate]

They do hate for us.

[Ty]

But the thing is, like, we have. Oh, no. But not in front of them. They asked the questions, like, when? No. Few years ago, Nova just thought it was mating. And she was the one who was like, oh, it's mating. And me and Ty were like, yes, that. That's what it is. And it clicked for her for a while, a couple years, you know, and we've always just let her drive the conversation. So. And we've always been honest. Our children are taught from a very young age that it's a penis and a vagina. It's not a dilly dally.

[Kate]

In a. In a. In a. In a. Hoo. Ha. Yeah.

[Ty]

You know, or you're vajayjay. Like, we make sure they use the scientific terms, all of that, because God forbid anything were to happen, my kids would know and say, hey, Johnny stuck his penis in my vagina.

[Kate]

Right, Right, right.

[Ty]

Or so and so touched my vagina. Like, you know, So I want them to be aware of it scientifically. And our kids just have always drove the conversations. And I feel like. And I also do feel like if you're talking to your kids from a young age about sex and things like that, like, obviously, Nova was comfortable enough to come up to me and ask me, do you shove balls in a vagina?

[Kate]

And What? No, when you think about though, her thought process, pretty legit. Yeah, no, I know, of course. But. But when you think about it, like, oh, it makes sense here. So we shove that in there.

[Ty]

Right? She even said that I. And I think it's important because it just goes to show, like if you're slowly having the conversation when they're little, then it just becomes of kind, comfortable. So that way, when she is 18 or 19 or 17 and she's feeling the urges to want to have sex, I'm confident she'll come and talk to me about it. And that's what matters, you know?

[Kate]

It is. Yeah. The safety. You need to feel safe to talk to somebody about it. Shame.

[Ty]

So thanks guys for. First of all, I want to say thank you to the people that were vulnerable enough to write to us and ask us questions.

[Kate]

Thank you.

[Ty]

I'm really sorry about what you're going through. I hope you have a support system you can lean on. And also, thanks for listening to this week's episode. Please go like share, subscribe, rate and review. Kate and Ty, break it down. And remember, you can listen to our podcast anywhere that you find podcasts.

[Kate]

Spotify, Apple. Yep, all the good stuff.

[Ty]

And then also to make sure that, you know, we always drop our full video episodes on Patreon a few days after the audio drops. So go check out our Patreon page if you're a person that just likes to watch podcasts, which a lot of.

[Kate]

A lot of people do, I'm realizing.

[Ty]

So we do have the Patreon also, and we'll be talking to you guys next week.

[Kate]

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