Cate & Ty Break It Down: The Adoptee's Voice: Erin Calls for Reform of the Adoption System

Episode Release Date: April 23, 2025
Host/Author: PodcastOne
Guest: Erin (Adoptee Advocate)

1. Introduction to the Conversation (00:09 - 00:36)

The episode opens with hosts Catelynn ("Kate") and Tyler ("Ty") welcoming their friend Aaron, an adoptee advocate, to discuss the intricacies of the adoption system. Aaron is affectionately referred to as "our adoptee mom," highlighting his supportive role in their lives.

2. Erin's Personal Adoption Story (00:49 - 04:10)

Erin shares her deeply personal adoption journey:

• Early Adoption Details:
  “...I was adopted as an infant at five days old. My birth mother had two children before me...” ([01:56])

• Circumstances of Adoption:
  Erin explains that her birth mother’s OBGYN coerced her into an adoption, especially after discovering Erin was born addicted to speed. The OBGYN's husband rejected Erin due to her addiction, leading to her adoption by Erin’s adoptive parents.

• Serendipitous Survival:
  Her adoptive father narrowly avoided a terrorist attack, a twist Erin believes was orchestrated by fate, stating, “...he always tells me that I saved his life...” ([03:32])

3. Critique of the Adoption System (04:10 - 14:56)

Erin delves into the systemic issues within the adoption framework:

• Coercion and Manipulation:
  “It was coercion. I mean…” ([05:00])
  She criticizes the predatory nature of OBGYNs and lawyers who prioritize financial gain over the well-being of birth mothers and children.

• Closed Adolescence and Betrayal:
  Erin recounts how her adoptive mother lied about the secrecy of her adoption, leading to feelings of betrayal when Erin discovered the truth at 18.

• The Fog Phenomenon:
  Erin introduces the concept of "the fog," a state where adoptees internalize feelings of abandonment and grief while being pressured to present adoption as a positive experience.
  “...fear, obligation, and guilt. And that's the... exactly what you're talking about...” ([10:30])

4. The Impact of Adoption on Adoptees (14:56 - 33:03)

Erin discusses the long-term psychological effects of adoption:

• Emotional Detachment:
  “...I feel like I'm in a room full of people and like, I'll get along and I'll talk to everybody and like, I'll figure everybody out and like, whatever. But I never feel like I belong in the room...” ([16:05])

• Identity Struggles:
  Erin shares how adoption led to confusion about her heritage and identity, especially during childhood activities like "family tree day."

• Relationship Challenges:
  The pressure to manage others' feelings causes adoptees to prioritize adults' emotions over their own, leading to hyper-responsibility and detachment in personal relationships.

5. Systemic Failures and the Need for Reform (33:06 - 51:00)

Erin passionately advocates for comprehensive changes to the adoption system:

• Financial Exploitation:
  “Why is there any money being exchanged for human life? Like, that just makes it unethical to begin with.” ([20:41])

• Comparison with International Systems:
  Erin praises Australia’s adoption approach, where adoption is a last resort supported by robust resources, contrasting it with the U.S. system that incentivizes adoption through tax credits and neglects birth mothers' needs.

• Education and Support:
  She emphasizes the necessity for adoptive parents to receive ongoing education about trauma and the needs of adoptees.
  “Adoptive parents have to be educated.” ([46:21])

• Conflict of Interest in Adoption Agencies:
  Erin points out the inherent conflicts in adoption agencies that profit from the process, making genuine reform challenging.

• Call to Action:
  Erin calls for a cultural shift where adoptees' voices are prioritized, advocating for trauma-informed therapies and support systems to prevent exploitation and ensure the well-being of adopted children.

6. Personal Reflections and Future Directions (51:00 - End)

The conversation shifts to personal insights and future aspirations:

• Meeting Birth Family:
  Erin shares her emotional reunion with her half-siblings, emphasizing the importance of genetic mirroring and the deep connections that adoptees often crave.

• Legacy of Advocacy:
  Erin expresses her commitment to founding a nonprofit organization aimed at supporting birth mothers and ensuring adoptees have access to necessary resources and medical histories.

• Final Thoughts from Hosts and Erin:
  Kate and Ty commend Erin for her vulnerability and dedication to advocating for adoptees. They emphasize the importance of listening to adoptees to foster meaningful change in the adoption system.

Notable Quotes

• Erin on Coercion in Adoption:
  “It was coercion. I mean, manipulation. Predatory.” ([05:01])

• Erin Defining The Fog:
  “That's the narrative that you choose to go with because it's easier to deal with...” ([09:14])

• Erin on Financial Exploitation:
  “Why is there any money being exchanged for human life? Like, that just makes it unethical to begin with.” ([20:41])

• Erin on Genetic Mirroring:
  “It was so obvious when I got with my birth family that I didn't have that growing up...” ([41:00])

• Erin's Call for Reform:
  “We're just trying to center adopted children. We're just trying to help children have a better life.” ([58:45])

Conclusion

In this poignant episode, Erin sheds light on the often-overlooked struggles of adoptees, from coercive adoption practices to the enduring psychological impact of the adoption process. Through candid storytelling and critical analysis, she calls for a transformative overhaul of the adoption system to prioritize the rights and well-being of adoptees and birth mothers. Kate and Ty facilitate a compassionate and informative dialogue, making this episode a vital resource for anyone seeking to understand the deeper facets of adoption beyond the surface narratives.

Note: To explore more stories and support adoption reform, follow Erin's advocacy efforts on TikTok under the handle @AdoptedAdvocateAaron.