The Damage of Dishonesty: An Adoptee's Reckoning with Kristina Richie

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Damage of Dishonesty: An Adoptee's Reckoning with Kristina Richie"

Podcast: Cate & Ty Break It Down
Hosts: Catelynn (Cate) and Tyler (Ty) Baltierra
Guest: Kristina Richie
Release Date: October 22, 2025

---

Overview

This emotional and revealing episode centers on Kristina Richie, an adoptee who shares her profound and often painful journey growing up adopted, the consequences of dishonesty from her adoptive parents, and the long-term impact of secrecy and shame surrounding her adoption story. Cate and Ty, familiar with the complexities of adoption from personal experience, provide a safe space for Kristina to unpack her upbringing, the circumstances of her adoption, her search for identity, and the high-stakes reunion with her birth mother. The episode is raw and honest, capturing both the heartbreak and healing that come from confronting hidden truths.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kristina's Birth and Adoption Backstory

• Complex Family Dynamics ([00:42])
  • Kristina explains being adopted as an infant, born to teenage parents in challenging circumstances. Her biological mother grew up in abusive and unstable conditions, contributing to the decision for adoption.
  • Her birth mother's stepfather was abusive; she only learned at 17 that he wasn't her biological father—a secret kept by the whole family until revealed by an aunt.
  • The adoption was private—not agency-driven—triggered by connections within church communities.
• The Decision Process ([02:39])
  • Her birth mother was initially excited but pressured into considering adoption, fearing her abusive stepfather might harm Kristina.
  • A week overdue, her mother had second thoughts about the adoption as Kristina’s adoptive parents were already en route for the pickup—a common pressure tactic Kristina says she’s heard from many adoptees.

“She started having nightmares because her stepfather... was also sexually abusive... She was like, what if this man gets ahold of my baby?... I didn't know that I would be able to protect you.”
— Kristina ([03:53])

2. The Transition – Early Years and Secrecy

• Handed Over as a Baby ([07:18])
  • Kristina’s grandfather physically handed her to her adoptive parents—a moment Kristina reflects on as unimaginable for herself.
• Broken Promises and Birth Mom’s Breakdown ([07:48])
  • Her birth mom was assured she’d always be in Kristina’s life, but was cut off soon after. Suffering severe depression, Kristina’s adoptive mom even offered to give her back, but it never happened.
• Learning About Her Adoption By Accident ([10:22])
  • At age five, a neighbor’s child tells Kristina she’s adopted, shaking her sense of self.
  • She recalls the visceral memory of confronting her mom, feeling lied to about her identity.

“I remember for days being so distraught, even as a five year old, feeling like I'd been lied to... Who am I? Who are these people?... I've got another mom out there. Is she okay?”
— Kristina ([10:28])

3. Identity, Difference, and Shame Growing Up

• Experiences of Not Belonging ([12:16] onward)
  • At age 8, Kristina first feels she doesn't “fit in” after a stranger points out her differences from her family.
  • Begins asking her dad about her birth mom—feeling his discomfort and learning conversations about original identity are taboo.
  • Internalizes the message her questions are unwelcome, feeling her needs are less important than her adoptive mom’s feelings.
• Fantasizing and Inventing Family ([15:10])
  • With no answers, she invents origin stories and claims unrelated people as family to fill the gaps.
• School Projects and Family Trees ([17:01])
  • Classroom assignments on family history highlight her lack of knowledge, leaving her feeling perpetually excluded.

4. Adolescence: Search for Identity & Rebellion

• Trying to Find Her Birth Mom ([18:21])
  • In middle school, Kristina uses internet searches and manipulates her mom into letting her see her birth certificate, only to discover it’s been altered; confusion about her identity deepens.
• Desperation and Secrecy ([19:27])
  • Attempts to contact the hospital herself; gets caught when a family friend alerts her mom, triggering a family intervention-style meeting.
• Shame and Self-Blame ([23:15])
  • Her mom warns, “you wouldn’t want to... disrupt her life,” making Kristina feel like a burden to her biological mother.

“I’m not gonna ruin her life twice. I ruined her life the first time by even just existing... If I decide that I’m gonna come and knock on her door, I’m gonna disrupt her whole life.”
— Kristina ([24:13])

• Rebellion and Self-Destructive Behavior ([24:53])
  • Feels overwhelming anger, engages in early sexual activity, drugs, and attempts to get pregnant—craving a biological connection of her own.
  • Attempts to seek therapy are misdirected, with family involving their pastor (also an adoptive parent), and inadvertently letting her bond with his rebellious adopted daughter.

5. The High-Stakes Reunion

• Birth Mother Arrives at School ([27:43])
  • On the 24th anniversary of their reunion, Kristina vividly describes the day her birth mother, with friends, shows up unexpectedly at her high school pep rally, recording and approaching her.
• Meeting Face-to-Face ([32:11])
  • Without fanfare, Kristina instantly recognizes her mom by her posture and mannerisms. Their first embrace is filled with relief; her birth mother’s first words:

“I thought you were gonna punch me in the face.”
— Kristina’s birth mom ([32:30])

• Discovering the Truth ([33:31])
  • Kristina’s birth mother gives her a bag full of letters, photos, and gifts sent over the years—evidence her adoptive parents had ongoing contact and had lied.
  • The betrayal is extreme; Kristina’s loyalty shifts instantly.

“I found out right then and there that... they had lied to me my whole life... They could have solved all of those problems just by being honest. And they chose not to.”
— Kristina ([34:05])

6. Confrontation and Aftermath

• Explosive Confrontation With Adoptive Mom ([39:32])
  • Kristina’s adoptive mom suspects the reunion. When confronted, Kristina turns her mother’s accusation back on her:
    • Mom: “Don’t lie to me, Christina.”
    • Kristina: “Don’t lie to me. You’ve been lying to me my entire life.” ([40:03])
  • Her mom’s defensive, fear-driven response is: “Let me guess. You want to go live with her, don’t you?” and further:
    • “Well, you know, you and I have never really been into this mother daughter thing anyways. At least I have my son.” ([41:36])
  • Kristina describes this as one of the most hurtful things ever said to her.

7. Reflections on Adoptee Experience and Damage of Secrecy

• On Adoptive Parents' Fears ([35:04])
  • Cate highlights adoptive parents’ fears of losing their child’s loyalty and how keeping secrets ironically magnifies the damage.
• Feeling “Unwanted” and Perpetually Waiting ([42:32])
  • Kristina encapsulates a core adoptee wound: “Mommy, please come get me.” — feeling like a child left at the babysitter’s, always waiting for reunification.
• Escalation and Emotional Fallout ([43:24])
  • The day ends with police involvement, a family/pastor intervention, and Kristina’s complete emotional collapse—finally allowed to feel in the arms of her god-sister.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Pain of Secrecy:
  “They could have solved all of those problems just by being honest. And they chose not to.” ([34:05] - Kristina)
• On Parental Fear:
  “But I think—and what you’re saying—I think one of the main fears of adoptive parents... they're gonna find out, their loyalty’s gonna shift, we’re gonna be nothing.”
  — Kate ([35:04])
• On Rebellion After Betrayal:
  “I became the most angry, mean, rebellious kid... I wanted my own biological connection.”
  — Kristina ([24:53])
• On Unconditional Yearning:
  “Mommy, please come get me.”
  — Kristina ([42:32])

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:42] Kristina’s birth and family backstory
• [07:18] Handed over to adoptive parents
• [10:22] Learning about her adoption from a neighbor
• [12:16] Struggles of looking different, feeling "othered"
• [18:21] First internet search for birth mom
• [24:13] Internalizing shame—“not gonna ruin her life twice”
• [24:53] Teenage rebellion and pain
• [27:43] Birth mother shows up; lead-up to reunion
• [32:11] Emotional mother-daughter reunion, recognizing each other
• [33:31] Discovery—parents’ lies exposed
• [39:32] Confrontation with adoptive mom after the reunion
• [42:32] The core adoptee yearning – “mommy, please come get me”
• [44:51] Emotional fallout and moment of comfort

---

Tone & Language

Throughout the episode, the tone is deeply personal, raw, sometimes angry, and often heart-wrenching. The hosts are supportive and empathetic, relating Kristina’s experiences to their own and validating her feelings. The language is candid, emotionally charged, and unfiltered, contributing to an atmosphere of trust and honest reckoning with childhood wounds.

---

Conclusion

This episode is a searing exploration of the emotional scars created by secrecy and dishonesty in adoption, highlighting the lifelong search for belonging and identity that many adoptees experience. Kristina’s story is both a cautionary tale for adoptive parents and a validation for adoptees struggling with similar wounds. The episode ends on a cliffhanger, with promises to continue Kristina’s journey—including how her relationships with both families evolved—leaving listeners ready for the next installment.

Transcript

[Kate]

All right, everybody, thank you so much for tuning back in to Kate and Ty. Break it down. We have a very special guest today, Christina Richie. Tick tock. I'm trying to think of where the people would know you from. Tick tock got connected through just adoptee Tick tock space where everyone was talking about everything. And I was like, hey, Christina, that's crazy.

[Christina Richie]

Pretty crazy story.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

Your story is very interesting to me, for sure. But can you tell us just about, like, your journey being an adoptee, your story, what it was like for you growing up?

[Christina Richie]

So, yeah, so I was adopted as an infant straight out of the hospital. My biological parents were young. They're teenagers, so 17 and 18 years old when they got pregnant with me, 18 and 19 when they had me. And my biological mom grew up in a very abusive household, very similar to Yalls growing up. Okay. So my biological mom was raised by her stepdad and her mom, her mom was a quadriplegic. She jumped into a swimming pool when she was 29 years old after my mom and broke her neck. Wow. So. And then she was 100%. Yeah, it was gnarly. So she was with a wheelchair, a walker, for the majority of my mom's life. And her husband, my mom's stepdad, was 6 foot 9, 350 pounds, big, really scary, very abusive man. And he was very abusive to my mom and her two sisters. My mom didn't find out until she was 17 that that was not her biological father. She thought her whole life, I think she found out actually, when she was pregnant with me, that was a huge family secret. And she found out from her aunt. Her aunt knew the whole time and told her, like, hey, so everyone knew. Everybody knew but my mom. Wow. Right. And so when my mom found out that she was pregnant with me, initially, she was very excited and she was, like, completely head over heels infatuated with my dad. He was this, you know, good looking jock. And, you know, she was just like, oh, my gosh, we're gonna get married. And like, all the things. And unfortunately, that was. That was not what his plans were. Um, and so pretty much right out the gate, his. Him and his family were saying, you know, like, I think that the best option is adoption for this baby because you guys aren't gonna stay together. You know, you guys are young. You're probably not gonna get married. Even if you do, it probably won't last, you know, So I think at this. So several months passed, she ends up starting to consider it. They looked through some profiles. One of the Profiles was my now adoptive parents.

[Kate]

Is this through an agency or.

[Christina Richie]

No, this is totally private. And what's interesting about this is that my parents weren't even looking to adopt. Wow. Now my dad had testicular cancer in 1977 and so they were told they couldn't have any children. They had a bunch of miscarriages. They, I believe they had done some type of like IUI type of thing. Never was successful. So there was a guy at their church, some elder at their church was Calvary Chapel who was like, you guys should consider adoption. And my parents were like, oh, you know, whatever. Well, then there was a baby and I guess it was like through another church that was like sister churches. It was Calvary Chapel. So I don't know if they like knew about me through my grandparents church or whatever, but they heard about this little baby that was going to be born up in Redding, California and needed a home type thing. So my parents like, oh, okay, we'll do. Sure, you know, that's fine, we'll consider it. And so they put together the little profile and they gave it to whoever these people were. And they presented in front of my mom. And my mom looks at these people and she's like, these are the parents I would have wanted. These are the people I would have wanted to raise me. I am so selfish for ever even considering keeping this baby. What am I going to be able to give this baby compared to what these people can give this baby? I'm gonna be working all the time. I'm gonna, you know, there's no way. And then she started having nightmares because her stepfather, who was this big giant man who was incredibly physically abusive, was also sexually abusive to her since she was a teenager. And she was like, what if this man gets ahold of my baby? Oh no. And she said, I couldn't, I couldn't do it. You know, she's like, I didn't know that I would be able to protect you. I knew I'd be working so much like that was her fear. April 30, 1987. I come popping into this world. And as soon as, I guess she had gone into labor, which I believe was like a week late or so, they had called my adopted parents and let them know that she was in labor. So they had started driving us like an eight hour drive from where they lived. And my mom has told me since then that she was, she remembers having second thoughts and, and wanting to.

[Kate]

It's a long drive.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah.

[Kate]

So I would imagine she's having, I.

[Christina Richie]

Mean, yes, and so she's starting to have second thoughts and she's being told supposedly that these people are already on their way.

[Kate]

Oh no.

[Christina Richie]

Right. And then she was like, oh, so.

[Ty]

They guilt you into it.

[Christina Richie]

And that's very common. Yeah, I've heard that from so many people. Like, it's incredibly common.

[Kate]

Did she ever say that she felt like, okay, absolutely.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah. And the part that sucks is like, you know, I wasn't there. I mean, I was there, but I was baby. So I don't really know what happened. But you know, I've got like a very different story from her than I do from my biological dad's side of the family. And I get it because it's like everybody wants to protect themselves and everybody, like nobody wants to be the bad guy in this story, of course, but I've been reunion for 24 years today actually. Today is crazy. Yeah, Today is a 24 anniversary. 24 year anniversary of the day that I met my mom. And I've heard these stories for years and I've known these people now, all of them, for years. And I think I've been able to kind of make my own judgments based off of the stories that I've been told and kind of like weed through it and find what I believe to be the truth. And what I think is, I think that my paternal grandparents really wanted what was best for me. I don't think that they like ever wanted any ill will for me. I don't think that they were ever like out to get my mom or they just didn't think my mom was good enough for their son. I don't think it was anything like that. I think that they really truly wanted what was best for me. And that yeah, they probably did push the adoption a little bit because of that. I think that my biological dad was this young, good looking kid who was just like, I don't have time for a baby right now. And he was like, man, this is going to change everything for me. I'm going to be trapped with this girl. Want to do that?

[Kate]

So he wasn't involved in any of like the pre planning or any of the he.

[Christina Richie]

So he says that he was, I mean he was there with her like looking at the profiles and that kind of stuff. And my mom was actually living with him. So she, she left her parents house and moved in with my biological dad and his family while she was pregnant because she had placenta previa. So she was bedridden with me. So she couldn't work, she couldn't do Anything. So she was living there with them.

[Kate]

Living there in the environment where they're pretty much saying, do not mother this child.

[Ty]

Obviously her home is not safe either.

[Christina Richie]

Right, Exactly.

[Ty]

To leave.

[Christina Richie]

And then she can't work, so she can't save any money. So there's no way that she can. Like that's the perfect scenario. It's like the perfect.

[Ty]

Can't take care of this child.

[Christina Richie]

Exactly.

[Ty]

So you're born, she's having second thoughts. Adoptive parents obviously show up.

[Christina Richie]

Yes. And the story goes. And apparently there's a video of it, but I've never seen it. And I want to see it. I want to see it. There's a video of my grandfather, which is my biological dad's dad, handing me over to my adoptive parents.

[Kate]

Wow.

[Christina Richie]

That's hard for me because I'm like, I don't know how me as a, that's my, my firstborn grandchild.

[Kate]

Right.

[Christina Richie]

I don't think I could have done that. Yeah. You know, I don't think I could have handed my firstborn grandchild over to strangers that I did not know in like eight hours away, you know, like.

[Kate]

Right.

[Christina Richie]

All I knew was what I saw on paper. Like, I don't think I could have done that. There's no way, like, I wouldn't hand my two year old child. Why would I have my newborn, you know? Like, there's no way. So that I was, I was adopted. They brought me back down to Santa Barbara where I was raised and the store. As the story goes, my parents had told my birth mom that I, that, that I would always know who she was. That she would be there to watch me walk and hear me talk and she would always be involved. And six months, ish, I guess after I had left and went to live with my adopted parents, my mom apparently like had a complete nervous breakdown and she wanted me back. This story has been told to me a couple different ways, but the gist of it is, is she actually was going to commit suicide because she was so incredibly depressed and she wanted me back. And my adoptive mom has actually told me that she packed me up and all of my stuff and she said, it's not worth her life, Come get her.

[Kate]

Oh my God.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah. So. But that didn't end up happening.

[Kate]

Why did that not end up happening? Do you ever.

[Christina Richie]

I don't know. I, I, I don't know.

[Kate]

That sounds like, I mean, because I think, I think a lot of people, they hear these stories and they hear like situations where the bio mom's like, I don't I. Never mind. Please, I want the baby back. And then they actually get in a huge battle.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah. A lot of the times the adopted.

[Ty]

Parents are like, too bad, so sad.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah. My adopted mom told me herself that she said, come get her. Like, it's not worth your life. Come get her. And she. And they didn't. And I don't know why they didn't. And so, you know, I'm living my best life with my adoptive parents as this little girl, whatever. And when I was five years old, I went over to the neighbor's house. I was really good friends with a little girl down the street from the same kindergarten class. And we're playing and she had an older brother who was like two years older than her. And his name is Kit. I will never forget his name. And I remember we were playing and I don't know if I just did something that pissed him off or like, what happened, but I remember very specifically him looking at me and saying, you were adopted. Your mom didn't want you. You don't look anything like your parents. You lived in an orphanage. And I was just like, what is that? Like, I didn't even know what that word meant. Like, what are you talking about? So I got up and I remember. I remember running home. Like, I so specifically remember the run home. I remember going in through the laundry room door that I'd gone through a million times to get Band aids, snacks, popsicles, whatever. My mom was standing, laundry room. I remember looking at her and be like, am I adopted? And my mom was like. Like, she saw a ghost.

[Kate]

And you remember this?

[Christina Richie]

I remember so well. And I just remember her being like, I gotta call your dad.

[Kate]

Oh, whoa.

[Christina Richie]

Right? And I was like, I wanna like, am I? She's like, where did you hear that word? And I'm like, from the neighbor. Am I adopted? Like, what does this mean? You know? And so she goes and she calls my dad. My dad worked out of town a lot. He was always in Los Angeles, was about an hour and a half south of where we lived. And I don't remember where he was, if he was in LA or if he was in Las Vegas right then, but he ends up coming home. I remember for days being so distraught, even as a five year old, feeling like I'd been lied to, like all these five years, like, my life is a lie, you know? Like, I remember very consciously thinking that, like, I've been lied to, like, my whole life. This, this is not. Who am I? Who are these people? Why am I here? Who is she? Is she okay? Is she alive? Like, I had all these questions, like, I've got another mom out there. Like, where is she? Is she all right? I was way too concerned about her. That was my number one concern. Was she. Is she okay? Is she okay? Is she all right? And so basically told me, like, your parents were very young when they had you. And I got the whole, you know, normal adoptive narrative, right? So, like, you know, we loved you so much, and she loved you so much, and that's why she gave you up for adoption. And, like, that was the conversation.

[Ty]

You know what's interesting, though, is that they told your birth mom that she would be there for your first steps, your first words and all those things. And. And you didn't even find out you were adopted till you were five.

[Christina Richie]

Correct. I was supposed to know. And. And I've heard different accounts. I've. I've heard that they had read me books and they had tried to tell me or whatever. I don't remember any of that. I do very specifically remember this kid telling me that I was in an orphanage. My mom didn't want me, and that's why I don't look like my parents.

[Kate]

Did you. Do you remember being at that age thinking or had any thoughts that you didn't look like?

[Ty]

You're.

[Christina Richie]

No.

[Kate]

Okay.

[Christina Richie]

No, I don't remember any of that. And, you know, they had a biological child five years after they adopted me. Oh, so ye.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

That's a whole.

[Christina Richie]

Yes. My mom was 41 when she had my little brother. Wow. So then I have a little brother who looks just like my parents, right? He's like my mom's little clone, right? And little curly blonde hair and blue eyes. Beautiful little kid. And then when I was 8. Ish. Because he would have been about. He was a toddler at this point. I remember being in a grocery store. I was in V's in Monacito. I will never forget this day. And he is sitting in the little top part of the cart. And there's this old lady that walks up, curly white hair. And I remember her looking at my little brother. We're in the checkout line. My dad's standing in front of the cart. My mom's sitting behind it. My brother's sitting there, and I'm sitting next to my mom. And this woman looks down at my brother, and she's just gawking at how beautiful he is. I mean, he was a very pretty kid. He was on the COVID of Robinson's May magazine one time. Okay. Very pretty little boy. Cute baby. Yeah, cute baby. And she's just like, oh my gosh, you know, he's just so handsome. He's so cute, you know, and look at his curly hair and his blue eyes. And he looks, she looks at my parents, she's like, oh look, there's the blue eyes. Just like you looking at mom and like all these things. And I just remember like sitting, yeah, yeah, look at me, right? And I just remember her looking down at me and, and saying, well where did you come from? You don't look anything like your parents. She said that, she said, holy. And I remember my mom just being like, hahaha, have a great day. You know, like it was awkward. And then there was the car ride home. And I remember on the car ride home, so specifically the energy, the shift, right? I remember so well, sitting in the back seat, my little brother is on my right side outside, you know, and I'm sitting there and I remember my parents talking and they're like messing with the music and kind of stuff, you know, And I remember like thinking, do I ask, do I ask this question? What do I say? You know, like this is my, this is my shot, you know, say something. But that was the first time I remember really feeling like I did not belong here. I don't fit in, right? Like, and it's so obvious to other people, this old lady just said something, right? Like I knew at that point. So the next day on the way to school, it was just me and my dad and I'd always been way close to my dad. And I remember it's only about a seven minute drive to my little elementary school. I remember so specifically working up the courage, the whole seven minute drive to ask my dad like what was her name? That's, that's what I want, I want to know her name, right? And so we're driving to school, I'm like, hey dad. Yeah, so, so what was, what was her name? What was my birth mom's name? And he tells me her name and I'm like okay. And like what else do you know about her? And I remember him also telling me at that point, you know, this conversation makes mom really uncomfortable. Oh yeah. And so he was like, I was.

[Ty]

Like 8 and he probably meant it in a good way.

[Christina Richie]

He did. So he was just kind of like, so let's like, if we're gonna talk about this, let's just not do it in front of mom type of a thing, you know, And I was like, okay, so that was like the first time I remember like that shame being associated with it.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Meaning hush, hush, not good talk, Taboo. Right.

[Christina Richie]

Feelings. And then that's more important, as mom's feelings are way more important than my questions. Right, right. So I kind of shut it down. I remember. And I still have it. I almost brought it with me. I should have brought it. I have the little Minnie Mouse journal that was in my desk when I went to school that day. And I wrote down my mom's name is. And I put her name in there, and I spelled it wrong. And I still have that. Yeah. So, like, I remember so specifically, like, this happen. And then at that point, I was like, I'm not asking again. Like, that just. That was. That was weird. Right? Like, I'm not asking again. But through that childhood, when not having those answers and being scared to ask questions or not wanting to ask questions because it's so uncomfortable, you start, like, making stuff up. Right. You do. Everyone would always ask me if I was Asian, and I'd be like, yeah, I had no idea.

[Ty]

I kind of belong to something.

[Kate]

Konichiwa.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, sure I am. Yeah. And then, you know, they would be like, oh, well, like, you know, how many siblings you have? Well, there was, like, these two older girls that are. I was always very close to their babysitters of mine, Jessica and Christy. I told everybody that they were my sisters. Jessica's five years older than me. She rides the same bus as me. She gets off on the same stop as me. It was really easy for everybody to think that we were sisters. So, like, I claimed people as family that weren't family, you know what I'm saying? Like, I would create these. Oh, that's my cousin. It was not my cousin. Right. I wanted them to be something to me, you know, So I would. I would claim people. I would make other people family. And so that was just kind of like what happened. And I was, like, creating my own narrative and my own identity because I didn't have any answers as to who I actually was. And I remember, like, all of the projects in school and all of the stupid family trees.

[Kate]

Yeah, right.

[Christina Richie]

And I remember, like, raising my hand and being like, Ms. Mazaras, are we talking about, like, my natural family? Because I don't know any of that.

[Kate]

Oh, know you.

[Christina Richie]

You can just do it on the family that raises you. Well, why? Because, like, that makes nothing to do with me, unfortunately, you know, so, like, all that kind of stuff, it was always like, this little reminder of, like, hey, like, you don't have answers. You don't have Answers. And I would always, like, try to fantasize and come up with answers of my own because I didn't have them.

[Kate]

You know, throughout these years, did your dad. Your dad ever talk about it ever again? Ever since that car? Right. Because you see, so you knew at that moment.

[Christina Richie]

Correct.

[Kate]

Which is so interesting to me because it's like, man, if only you would have maybe gotten those little windows of opportunity to just explore or. Or anyone to say, hey, remember that question you wanted? I don't know anything. You know what I mean? So it's like, of course you went this other route and of making it all. Yeah, just fantasizing. Really?

[Christina Richie]

Constantly.

[Kate]

Yeah, constantly.

[Christina Richie]

Never shut off. Like, I can't tell you how often this occupied my thoughts.

[Kate]

Wow.

[Christina Richie]

It was all the time.

[Kate]

Not. Not be able to talk about it. Occupying your thoughts?

[Ty]

No.

[Christina Richie]

So I would, like, talk to my friends about it. Right. Like, I had to make sure my friends were going to talk to my parents about it because. Oh, my God. And then that's what happened. So when I was 12, maybe 13, but I was like, 12 and a half. 13, seventh grade, junior high, new school, we had computer lab for the first time. And I remember being in computer lab, we're supposed to be doing, like, a research paper and so.

[Kate]

Internet.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah. And I didn't. I didn't. I was not used to this Internet thing. Right. I'm old. That was not a thing. We didn't have access. You don't touch dad's computer. It's for work only. Right. So, like, that wasn't a thing. And so they were like, okay, so you're gonna have to Google it. And I'm like, what's a Google? Like, google, you can ask it anything and I can tell you the answers. I'm like, how do you find your birth mom? Like, right. Immediately, like, oh, my gosh. Okay. It's gonna give me answers. And so I'm like, looking this up. And it's like, well, first you have to know, like, you know, where were you born? In what hospital? I'm like, I don't know any of that.

[Kate]

Yeah, right.

[Christina Richie]

I don't do that crap. So I was like, oh, I got it. So I go home. I'm like, hey, Mom. So we're doing this project at school, and I have to bring a copy of my birth certificate. And my mom's like, sure you do. You know, I'm not giving you a copy of your birth certificate to take with you to school, but you can see it. And I'm like, I'm about to have all the answers.

[Kate]

Right.

[Christina Richie]

Oh, my God. I had no idea that they changed your birth certificate. I had no clue. So they get the birth certificate, and now I'm even more confused now.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Christina Richie]

Was I even adopted?

[Kate]

And I can't talk about it because.

[Christina Richie]

I can't ask you questions.

[Kate]

Yeah, Right.

[Christina Richie]

But it did say Shasta county, and it did tell me Mercy Medical Center.

[Kate]

Okay.

[Christina Richie]

So I knew I was born up there in Northern California. I'm like, okay. So I go back to school, like, Shasta County. I call the hospital. Okay, wow. And I'm like, hi. So I was adopted. I'm trying to get some information on my biological mother. I'm wondering what information you can give me. Sure. Absolutely. What was your date of birth? And I like, give her my date of birth. She's like, honey, you're not 18. I can't tell you anything. So I hang up and I call back, and I'm like, doing the math. What makes me 18? And she's like, didn't you just call? I'm like, damn it. Busted.

[Ty]

Yeah, busted.

[Christina Richie]

That didn't work. So I hung up the phone. Well, when I was doing all of this, I had a girlfriend who I had known my entire life because her parents had been friends with my parents before I was ever even adopted. Okay? And she'd seen what I was looking up, and she went home and told her mom, oh, gosh. And next thing you know, that day after school, knock, knock, knock on the door. Her and her mom were standing there, and I knew immediately what it was about. I knew. I opened the door. I'm like, can I help you? Yeah, what are we doing here? And so she was like, hi. Like, where's your mom? Like, I think we need to have a conversation. I'm like, oh, this is. This is great.

[Kate]

No, you don't go away.

[Ty]

You probably had to be riddled with things.

[Christina Richie]

I was like, yes. And so they come in, and we go sit down at the dining room table. And, like, to make matters worse, it was like a glass mirrored table so, like, I could see myself, like, everything. And I remember where I was sitting. I was sitting on this side. My mom was right here. And then my friend's mom, and then her.

[Ty]

Okay, I'm calling all parents. Hello, parents. You guys ever had that moment when it's almost 6pm and the kids are saying that they're starving and, man, you're just staring into a fridge holding a half of a snack pouch, two grapes, and absolutely no dinner plan? I've been there Plenty of times more than I would like to admit. Turns out parenthood doesn't always come with a meal plan. Unfortunately, that's why I've stopped stressing over the last minute meals and I've started using Little Spoon, today's episode spot sponsor. And you guys, their stuff is amazing. They deliver real food for babies, toddlers and even big kids straight to your door so meal time can actually feel easy. One of the main reasons why I love Little Spoon is they didn't just stop with baby blends. They have stuff for toddlers and even big kids too. Their recipes are made with pediatricians packed with hidden vegetables, which is a win. And somehow my kids still ask for seconds. Everything's made with real ingredients. No artificial flavors, sweeteners, or dyes. It's the rare combo of convenient and healthy. Oh, and you want to know an even more exciting thing? Little soon is now at Target. So on your next diaper run or, you know, shopping spree, you can also grab baby and kid snacks, pouches, yogurt, smoothies and bars. Plus, Target has an exclusive frozen line. Think their cult favorite, chicken nuggets, meatballs and sliders. Find them in the snack and freezer aisles. Our family is literally obsessed. Little Spoon is the mealtime hack parents can't stop talking about. Try their no Prep nutrient packed meals and snacks for babies, toddlers, and even big kids. Get 50 off your first online order@Little Spoon.com BreakItDown with code. Break it down at checkout. That's L I t t l-e s p O-O-N.com breakitdown. And don't forget to use our show's code for 50 off your first order. Thanks, little Spoon.

[Christina Richie]

This lady meant well. She really did. She was coming in to say, hey, look, she's got questions. We don't want her, like, going out and finding the wrong answ. I think it's probably time you guys talk to her.

[Kate]

So almost in a way of like, influencing. Hey, friend to friend, parent to parent. Yeah, parents.

[Christina Richie]

She really.

[Kate]

Yeah, right, right.

[Christina Richie]

She was trying to advocate for me. She was not doing this, like, in an ill will whatsoever. She was coming to my parents and be like, hey, she's looking. Y' all need to tell her something. Right? Time is now. So now let's go. And I don't believe, like, because they had four biological children, I don't believe they had any experience with adoption at all whatsoever. But, like, this woman knew, like, hey, if she's out here looking, y' all probably need to be the One to give her answers. Right? Yeah. I'll never forget what my mom said to me. We're talking and she turns and she just kind of like faces me and she's like, well, Christina, I. I really don't know what she's up to, where she's at or what's going on. I do think, like, she's married and she might have similar kids, but what happens if they don't know about you? You wouldn't want to like, you know, disrupt her life or anything, would you? And I immediately shut down. I was like, nope, nope, sure don't. No, I'm good. And I decided right then and there, like in that moment, I. I don't want to know anything. I. I don't.

[Kate]

I gotta, I gotta detach. I have to detach you.

[Christina Richie]

And, and my, my, my thought was, I'm not gonna ruin her life twice. Oh, I ruined her life the first time by even just existing. She had to go through pain. She had to figure out what to do with me. I ruined her life the first time. I was a teenage pregnancy. I was a mistake. Okay. And then now if I decide that I'm gonna come and knock on her door, I'm gonna disrupt her whole life. Her kids are.

[Kate]

Yeah, I know. Me too. Okay, good. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I just feel like I, you know.

[Ty]

It'S sad that you guys feel that way when it's not how they feel.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

That sucks.

[Kate]

That's hard.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah. And so I decided in that moment, I wasn't gonna ask anymore. Yeah. And I became the most angry, mean, rebellious kid. Yeah. I was sneaking out every single night. I was 13 years old with a 17 year old boyfriend. I was doing hard drugs with, having sex with. I was trying to get pregnant. I wanted my own biological connection. I started trying to get pregnant. 13 actively trying to get pregnant. Wow. I was like, I want something looks like me. And I remember so specifically my parents telling me that if you get pregnant, you are giving this baby up for adoption.

[Ty]

You're probably like the.

[Christina Richie]

I am. Exactly. Right away.

[Kate]

Yeah. Right. Right.

[Christina Richie]

Over my dead body. That's not gonna happen. No way. But I wanted that biological connection. I never had met a single person that was related to me.

[Kate]

Right.

[Christina Richie]

Or looks like, or looked like me or anything, you know? Like, I know I. I want, I want this. I want this so bad. And so I just went through this spell of just. I was so not okay, you know? Like, I was so depressed. There was one time actually where I had A friend of mine call the police at midnight because I was threatening to kill myself. And the police came, and I had to go wake up my parents and tell them why the police were there. You know, that sucked. And then there was just several times stuff like that happened. And then there was one time where my parents were told that they had to come get me from school and take me to this mental hospital for a mental evaluation because I think somebody. One of my friends had said that I was talking about hurting myself. And so, like, there was all this stuff, but I was smart enough to know that if I said, I don't have a plan and I'm not gonna do it, they let me go. I'm like, God keeping me.

[Kate]

Were you entering therapy during any of this time? Oh, you refused?

[Christina Richie]

My parents tried. So at one point, what they were doing was they were trying to get me to talk to their pastor and their pastor. Their pastor. Hold on, it gets better. Was an adoptive parent.

[Ty]

Oh, God.

[Christina Richie]

So what they actually did at this point was they had me hang out with his daughter, who was older than me and was an adoptee. Well, my parents didn't know. She's picking me up from school and buying me cigarettes, and we were having a grand old time. So, you know, whatever.

[Ty]

Jokes on you.

[Christina Richie]

Jokes on you. So, you know, whatever. Okay. I don't know who it is. It's all right.

[Ty]

Well, yeah, Jokes on you.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah, exactly. So that was that.

[Kate]

And did you actually hang out with.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah, I loved her. She was. Yeah. Okay, cool.

[Kate]

That's good. You got a friend out of it. Yeah. Great.

[Ty]

Okay. Sometimes the pastor daughters are the ones that, you know behind closed doors.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah, Definitely one of those pastors.

[Kate]

The craziest parties we had was. Was a. Was a Christian school.

[Christina Richie]

They had rangers.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Christina Richie]

Oh, yeah.

[Kate]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Richie]

I used to teach at a Christian school. I get you. Oh, yeah. Ragers. Yeah. So, you know, I used to hang out with her. And, like, what I. What was wild was I had all this stuff going on. I was, like, so upset. And what was going on in the background, I had no idea. And 24 years ago today at this time, which is even crazier even considering the time change, because this happened in California. My biological mom showed up at my high school completely unannounced, without my parents permission, and had two of her friends recording me, approach me and tell me if you ever want any information about your biological mom. My name is this. My name is that. Here is the card. You can contact me. And I'm like, I want to know Everything. Everything.

[Kate]

Wait, so it was. It wasn't your mom that approached. It was her friends.

[Christina Richie]

Her friends. So she brought two friends with her. Okay. They got on campus by telling the school that my mom had a 14 year old daughter and she was touring schools for. Okay, so I had a pep rally that day. I was a teenager. Not a teenager. I was a cheerleader and I had a pep rally that day. And at the pep rally, I noticed this lady in the crowd videotaping me.

[Ty]

Oh, weird.

[Christina Richie]

And I'm like, yeah, that's weird. I look at my girlfriend Stacy. I'm like, stacy, do you see this lady with the camera? She's over here videotaping me. And she's like, no, like, what are you talking. She's videotaping Vanessa because there's this other girl that we looked a lot alike. And she's like, it's like, gotta be Vanessa's person, you know? I'm like, I swear to you, dude, this camera's on me. She was like, no, it's not. I'm like, will you please just trade places with me? Like, please? She was like, yeah. So we trade places. Camera follows me. Oh, my God, dude. And then I finally, like, look at this lady. And the camera goes up into the trees, like, not kidding. Yeah. And I'm like, like, that was obvious. You know, soon as we get done, I bolt. I'm like, bye. Right?

[Ty]

Because it's weird.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah, so weird. And then that lady that was recording me, this other lady walk up to me and they're like, great job out there. I'm like, thanks. Take off. Like, this is weird. Okay. So I keep walking and then I turn the corner and there they are again. And I'm like, what the hell? So they walk up to me. Are you Christina Mankowski? And I was like, yes. And they were like, hi. If you ever want any information about your mom, here's my business card. And I'm like, my mom, like, I'm. I'm thinking, like, what happened?

[Kate]

Right?

[Christina Richie]

My adopted mom.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Christina Richie]

My initial thought was my adopted mom had gotten into a car accident and died. And these were grievance counselors coming to school. Tell me about it. That's literally what I thought. And they're like, some information about your mom. That was the first thing I said. I was like, what happened?

[Ty]

Right. Yeah, of course.

[Christina Richie]

And when she saw the panic in my face, she's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Like, no, not your mom mom, but like your birth mom. And then I'm like, oh, thank God. Wait, What? Yeah, Right, right.

[Ty]

Hello.

[Christina Richie]

Shock.

[Ty]

And then more shocked.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah. Like, what? And she was like, yeah. So here's my card if you ever have any questions. I have all the questions. Yeah. What answers do you have? It's not about what.

[Kate]

Do I send these questions?

[Christina Richie]

Yeah, exactly. Like, how many questions am I allowed? You know? Right. Like, what is going on? And so she was like, well, actually, if you ever want to meet her. I'm like, yes, I want to meet her. When do you want to meet her? Last year, 10 years ago. Right now. She goes, right now? And I said, right now? And she goes, she's in the office. I'll go get her. Meet me back here in five minutes.

[Kate]

Wow.

[Christina Richie]

Anxiety.

[Ty]

What? And how old are you?

[Christina Richie]

Fourteen. Wow. Yeah. So I'm like, okay. So I take off looking for the most important person in my life, which was my boyfriend. Okay. Right. I go looking for this guy, and he's off campus dealing drugs, so I couldn't find him. And so I actually end up running into my best friend since I was 2 years old. And I'm like, katie. And she's like, what? I'm like, katie. Oh, my gosh, my mom's here. And she looks at me like, hey, stupid. Like, your mom's here all the time. No, like, my real mom, my birth mom. She's here. She's, like, acting the school. She's coming to meet me right now, like, right over here, and she just loses it.

[Kate]

Oh, she does.

[Christina Richie]

And she is not a crier. Not at all. And I was not crying at this point. I was, like, so excited. Like, dude, yes. You know, like, this is actually happening. I was so excited. And then Katie starts crying, and I was like, oh. Like, this might actually be, like, a really big deal.

[Ty]

You know?

[Kate]

I should be crying.

[Christina Richie]

Wait, I should totally be crying right now. I lost it.

[Ty]

It, too.

[Christina Richie]

So me and Katie are, like, honking and crying. And then all of a sudden, I hear my name, and I hear my name, and I turn around, I see this woman walking up the courtyard. My school is like an open campus, Southern California. We didn't have, like, indoor schools, outdoor school. So she's walking through, like, the center of the courtyard of the school and. Or their head down. And even just with her head down. You knew? I knew. I knew immediately who she was.

[Kate]

You guys look a lot alike. Like, it's insane.

[Christina Richie]

I know. And we sound exactly alike, and our mannerisms are exactly, like, it's wild. So as soon as I saw her, I took off running. I just took off running. I Just grabbed her and I hugged her as tight as I possibly could. And she says, I thought you were gonna punch me in the face. That was the first word she ever said to me.

[Ty]

Oh, wow.

[Kate]

Really?

[Christina Richie]

And I was like, why? And she goes, I've given you every reason to hate me. Why wouldn't you? I was like, I don't hate you. I was like, thank you, like, for giving me life, you know? Like, I don't hate you. And that right there has been, like, such a thing for me because I was never mad at her for giving me up for adoption. I've always looked at her as being, like, this poor kid, you know? Like. And I've got kids. I've got eight kids. And my oldest kids are older than what she was when she had me. You know? Like, I've got three kids older than what she was when she gave birth to me right now. And I'm looking at that, like, how would I ever be mad at that poor little girl who went through all of this. This stuff and then had to make the hardest decision of her life? Why would I be mad at her? So I was never mad at her, you know? And it was wild because she was like, let's go find somewhere where we can talk. And I'm like, okay. So she's got a bag with her. We go sit down in the grass. Mind you, this is, like, during school, during my lunch.

[Ty]

Yeah, you're at school.

[Christina Richie]

Nobody thinks this is weird, right? What the hell? And so, like, I have friends walking up, like, are you guys. I'm like, yeah, I'm good. This is my mom. Like, this is so cool, you know? Like, oh, my God. And so I'm sitting there, and she, like, busts out the bag, and I'm like, what's in this bag? And it was weird. Dumps out the bag. It's all the pictures and letters that she had had contact with my parents my entire life. And I found out right then and there that had. They had lied to me my whole life. They didn't know where she was. They didn't know about these kids. Here's the birthday cards these kids had made for me. Here's the. Here's all of the presents she had sent to me. Me. Some of them. I had many. I did not.

[Ty]

Wow.

[Christina Richie]

And I'm looking at this, and I'm looking at my adopted mom's handwriting on all of these letters, and I just feel so betrayed. I am so angry.

[Kate]

Letters saying what, though?

[Christina Richie]

Just talking about me, really. Christina's doing this. Christina's doing that, you know, whatever. And like a little, little picture, wallet size picture of me that went along with it. And here they were telling me they knew nothing. They didn't know how to contact her. They didn't. They knew, but they didn't know. But they were in contact.

[Kate]

They were in contact with her.

[Christina Richie]

They were in contact with her my whole life. And I had no idea they could have solved all of those problems just by being honest. And they chose not to. And that. That was hard. And so it was in that moment that I was like, my loyalty completely shifted. I went from like, these are my parents to I hate these people. Like, that's natural.

[Ty]

Yeah, because you struggled with it a lot and wanting to know and having all these questions, feeling like you couldn't ask them them, and then to find out that they knew all along, they.

[Christina Richie]

Knew the whole time and they didn't.

[Kate]

But I think. But I think. And what you're saying is, I think one of the most. Is one of the main fears of adoptive parents. Right? Oh, my God, they're gonna find out. Their loyalty's gonna shift. We're gonna be nothing. And then the biofam is gonna be everything. However, it's rarely the case if the child knows throughout life. Like, it wouldn't have been such a shift. It would have been so. You know what I mean? It would have been that it didn't.

[Christina Richie]

Need to be the big shocker that was what did the most damage.

[Ty]

But I wonder if your birth mom felt like she had no other option but to make it a shocker.

[Christina Richie]

That's exactly what happened. So what ended up happening? The reason that she showed up the way that she did and why she did is because she had called my dad, my adopted dad, I guess, just to, like, check in randomly. And he was like, oh, yeah, did you talk to her grandmother? Which is my paternal grandmother? And my mom's like, no, why? And she's like, oh, you know, I just told her, please pay for Christina. There's a lot going on with her. You know, she's. She's struggling and my mom's like, struggling with what? And he is like, well, she, you know, we had to take her to mental hospital because she was threatening suicide. And like, she's got these, you know, she's had these older boyfriends and she was doing drugs and she was doing all these things. And my mom's just like, what is going on with my kid? Right.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Christina Richie]

And so she gets off the phone with him, she calls my paternal grandmother, and she's like, you knew all of this, and you didn't tell me? This is my kid.

[Kate]

Right. Right.

[Christina Richie]

Why. Why am I just now finding this out? You know? And so she made the decision right then and there. When she was talking to my dad on the phone, she was like, please let me come meet her. And my dad's like, no.

[Kate]

Oh.

[Christina Richie]

And he. And she was just like, okay. Well, he had sent her photos. One of those photos was my cheerleading photo, and it said warriors right across the top. And so she knew what county I was in because she'd been mailing letters to a P.O. box. Right.

[Kate]

Right.

[Christina Richie]

So she starts calling P.O.

[Kate]

Box. Oh, God. Okay. All right.

[Christina Richie]

Wow.

[Ty]

They went.

[Kate]

Wait, so your. Your parents even went to the lengths of setting up a P.O. box.

[Christina Richie]

Correct.

[Kate]

Wow. Okay.

[Christina Richie]

Y. And so she starts calling all the schools in the county, trying to figure out who's the warriors, and she lands on carpentry at high school. And she was like, I think I know one of your cheerleaders. And the lady is like, oh, well, you know, the cheerleading coach is gray hair. Let me let you talk to her. And so she talks to the cheerleading coach, or. I don't know if she called the cheerleading coach or something, but she got the cheerleading coach on the phone. I've known this cheerleading coach since third grade. She knew me, right? And so that. She was like, yeah, I think I. You know, I'm looking at school for my daughter. I think I know one of your cheerleaders and cheerleading coaches. Like, yeah, which one? She's Christina Mankowski. She's like, I've had Christina since third grade. My mom's like, boom. Yeah, there she is.

[Ty]

You know?

[Christina Richie]

So she starts calling the state of California. Is there anything that I can get in trouble for if I go show up? If I know where my child that I place for adoption is, can I get in trouble for showing up? And the state of California said, no. She called back five times just.

[Kate]

Just to make sure she wasn't doing anything illegal.

[Christina Richie]

She wasn't doing anything illegal. So she. She had her friend actually flew in from, like, Reston, Virginia, to come, and then her other friend drove with her, and they drove the six. Or I think it was six hours from where she was living down to Santa Barbara. She showed up at my pep rally that day, and she. Her whole thought was, is, what if you don't make it to 18? If you were to kill yourself before you turned 18? I never would have gotten to hold my baby, because she didn't hold me when I was born.

[Kate]

Oh, wow.

[Christina Richie]

She was like, I can't do that. You know? So she shows up at my school. That was a disaster. My parents got notified, and neither one of us knew, so we sat there during my entire lunch. And then after that, I go back to class. Can you imagine going back to freaking class at that? Okay, shout out to Mr. Sabenas because he was awesome, and he, like, knew something was wrong, and he just said, you just put your head down and have a great day. I'm like, thanks, dude. So the plan was, is that after school, I was going to meet her at the front of the school, hop in her car, and we're gonna go my favorite burger spot, and we're gonna talk more. Yeah. It was supposed to be, like, our rival game that day, so my parents were thinking I was gonna be cheering. They had no. They would not know if I wasn't there.

[Kate]

Right.

[Christina Richie]

So I meet her right after school. I hop in her car, and we're heading off campus. And we get about two blocks away from school, and coming in the opposite direction is my adopted mom in her car. And I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. God, I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. Turn around, turn around, turn around, turn around. You know, like, I'm tripping. I'm tripping.

[Ty]

Freaking.

[Kate]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[Christina Richie]

So we flip the car around. I'm like, go in the back entrance. And so they take me to the back entrance. I fly out of that car, grab my backpack. Before I get out, though, she hands me a necklace, and she's like, I've had this since I was pregnant with you. Don't take it off. I'm like, okay. So I put this necklace on. I don't know if you guys can tell, but I don't wear jewelry. So it was kind of, like, obvious.

[Kate]

Right?

[Christina Richie]

Right. So I, like, run to my locker, and I'm, like, messing with my locker. I'm supposed to be at the game, but I was at my locker. Up walks my adoptive mom, and she's like, where is she? I'm like, where's who? You know. Huh? Right? Trying to play it off.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Christina Richie]

She's like, don't lie to me, Christina. Don't.

[Kate]

Oh, don't lie to me.

[Christina Richie]

Oh, don't lie to me.

[Kate]

That triggered it.

[Christina Richie]

Don't, Don't. Don't lie to me.

[Ty]

Think about, too, like you're a teenager. All this stuff just got dumped on you.

[Kate]

Worst thing to say to me right now.

[Christina Richie]

Imagine the day that I Just woke you by Lord, like, come on. And so I look at her and I said, don't lie to me. You've been lying to me my entire life. How dare you say don't lie to me. And she looks at me and she tries to grab that necklace, and I.

[Kate]

Just popped her head.

[Christina Richie]

Don't touch me. Do not touch me. And she goes, let me guess. You want to go live with her, don't you? I said, yeah, automatically, though, as a matter of fact, I do.

[Ty]

No offense to your. I don't know. She kind of sounds like a bitch to me.

[Christina Richie]

Well, she was, you know, she was very hurt by this entire situation. Situation. And I was already a very mean kid.

[Kate]

You were. Well, you were in that stage of.

[Christina Richie]

I get that.

[Kate]

But I.

[Ty]

And I guess I should. I guess is the wrong word. I guess what? To me it sounds just like picking at you.

[Christina Richie]

She's hearing it wrong. She didn't know they weren't given a book. They didn't know how to handle it, and they picked the wrong way. And they're handling it through their own emotion, you know?

[Kate]

But I think it's interesting that the first thing she said was not.

[Christina Richie]

Not.

[Kate]

Hang on. Not even like, are you okay? How did it go? What do you feel? It was. You want to go live with it right now, don't you? That was literally the first thing, which is so like.

[Christina Richie]

Like to.

[Kate]

To go back. That's where the mindset of adoptive parents is. Is fear. Totally fear based. It's such a fear based operation.

[Christina Richie]

It wasn't. Oh, my gosh. My child just went through something so traumatic. Are you okay? Yes, that's what I. Yeah, that wasn't it at all. It was.

[Kate]

How dare you.

[Christina Richie]

You want to go live with her, don't you? Yeah, it was like, you little traitor. Yeah, right. Like that. Was it like, yeah, you little traitor. Yeah, exactly. And so I looked at her, I said, yeah, I do, actually. And I did, I did.

[Kate]

I. No, at that moment.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah, right, right. I freaking know this lady.

[Kate]

Right, right, right.

[Christina Richie]

Spend an hour with her and I want to go live with her. Like, no, but like, I was so mad. I was like, yeah, yeah, I do, actually. And she looks at me and she said, well, you know, you and I have never really been into this mother daughter thing anyways. At least I have my son. And she turns around and walks away.

[Kate]

Oh, my Lord.

[Ty]

That had to stab you like a dagger.

[Christina Richie]

You know, there's four things that have been said to me in my life that I will never, ever, ever forget. That's one of them. That's one of them. They're all adoption related, actually, to be very hurtful. It was incredibly hurtful. It was incredibly hurtful.

[Kate]

Wait, because your brother is her biological logical. Oh, my. It's a. Oh, my God, bro.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah.

[Ty]

And well, then that also instills the rage and the whole like that you're having with them for lying to you and all the things already.

[Kate]

What a gasoline to the fire, really. And what. What a push into. Into your bio mom's arms. Really. I mean, go. It was like. I mean.

[Christina Richie]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And she's like, here. And she wants me, you know, like, I'm like, oh, my gosh.

[Ty]

And you've wanted to know your whole life.

[Christina Richie]

And you know, it's wild. A lot of adoptees say this, but, like, there's one thing that always is in the back of my head as an adoptee, which was, mommy, please come get me. Mommy, please come get me. It was like I felt like I was this kid that like, got. Got left the babysitters. And I was just always waiting for her to come back and pick me up. It was always a thing for me, like, mommy, please come get me. And. And here she comes, right? Here she comes. She comes in to get me, and I'm just like, I'm ready and I can't go with her. What do you mean? Like, I want to go right now. Like, why did she have to leave? I didn't have to go. Like, what is going on? Wait, now they're saying that I can go live with her. What is going on? Right, Right. So she leaves. They actually called the police. The police came to the school. They tried to get her thrown in jail because I got in her car. You think I wasn't gonna lie? I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't get her far, right? No kidnapping here, right? No idea. So, you know, she. That doesn't work. I'm still friends with that cop to this day, actually.

[Ty]

Oh, that's funny.

[Christina Richie]

Shout out. Love you, man. And so, you know, it was. It was just one of those things. It was. It was. It was horrible. Like, all of that trauma, like, in one day, like, now I'm talking to police, you know, like all this stuff. I'm being told that I'm gonna go live with a stranger that I have never met, you know, like other than an hour. And so I walk up to my game to go cheer, like nothing just happened. Okay? So I go up to my game, I'm cheering And next thing you know, know, I see a familiar face. It was my God sister, one of the people that I always called my sister Christy, her husband. And this was weird. Why are you at my game? Right? Like. And he's like, I'm here to get you. And I'm like, get me. Where are we going? You know, like, where are we going? Right? He's like, so your birth mom called your parents pastor, and they are all in a meeting together right now, and I need to take you home.

[Ty]

And I see your adoptive parents and your birth mom were a meeting together.

[Christina Richie]

Their parents, pastor. Okay. And. And this is the pastor whose daughter I was chilling with.

[Kate]

Oh, okay.

[Christina Richie]

Okay. That guy. So I'm just like, oh, great, I'm not going. I'm staying until my game's over. I don't want to go home. No way. And he's like, no, please, like, come on. Like, come with me. So I eventually end up going with him. I get home, my parents got brand new couches that day. I will never forget this. I walk in the door, I'm like, oh, cool, do couches. And my God sister sitting there on one of them. And I just go. And I just, like, she's reaches out her arms and I just collapse. And that was like the first moment I got to process anything.

[Kate]

Yeah, right? Feel everything.

[Christina Richie]

Exhausted. Oh, my God, it was horrible. And so I'm like, laying in her lap and she's stroking my head, and she's just like, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. I didn't even talk to her. She didn't even know what the hell just happened. Like, she just knows that I'm not okay. Right? And I remember, like, looking up and seeing the lights of my parents car come up the driveway way and just like, oh, my gosh, like, what is about to happen?

[Ty]

Okay, so we're gonna stop here with Christina and pick up our story next week. Man, we have so much more to talk about. Like, the first conversations with our birth mom and how that relationship developed and where things stand with both sets of parents today. Thanks for listening. Make sure you, like, comment and review our show and we'll be back with Christina next week.

[Kate]

This October, fear is free on Pluto tv With horror movie collections from paranormal activ. The ring.

[Christina Richie]

You will die in seven days Scream.

[Kate]

And from dusk till dawn. This is my kind of place. And don't miss the man made nightmares in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein or the world ending chaos in 28 days later. There's something in the blood all the scares. All for free. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never. Hi, I'm Adam Rippon and this is Intrusive Thoughts, the podcast where I finally say the stuff out loud that's been living rent free in my head for years.

[Christina Richie]

Years.

[Kate]

From dumb decisions to awkward moments I probably should have kept to myself. Nothing's off limits. Yes, I'm talking about the time I lost my phone mid flight and still haven't truly emotionally recovered from that. There might be too many sound effects. I've been told to chill. Will I Unclear, but if you've ever laid awake at night cringing at something you said five years ago, congratulations. You found your people. Intrusive Thoughts with Adam Rippon is available now. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Christina Richie]

You open the fridge, there's nothing there. So what's it gonna be? Greasy pizza? Sad Drive Thru Burgers? Dish by Blue Apron is for nights like that. These are the pre made meals of your dreams. At least 20 grams of protein. No artificial flavors or colors. No chopping, no cleanup. No guilt. Keep the flavor. Ditch the subscription. Get 2020% off your first two orders with code APRON20. Terms and conditions apply. Visit blueapron. Com terms for more.