Podcast Summary: "The Damage of Dishonesty: An Adoptee's Reckoning with Kristina Richie"

Podcast: Cate & Ty Break It Down
Hosts: Catelynn (Cate) and Tyler (Ty) Baltierra
Guest: Kristina Richie
Release Date: October 22, 2025

Overview

This emotional and revealing episode centers on Kristina Richie, an adoptee who shares her profound and often painful journey growing up adopted, the consequences of dishonesty from her adoptive parents, and the long-term impact of secrecy and shame surrounding her adoption story. Cate and Ty, familiar with the complexities of adoption from personal experience, provide a safe space for Kristina to unpack her upbringing, the circumstances of her adoption, her search for identity, and the high-stakes reunion with her birth mother. The episode is raw and honest, capturing both the heartbreak and healing that come from confronting hidden truths.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kristina's Birth and Adoption Backstory

• Complex Family Dynamics ([00:42])
  • Kristina explains being adopted as an infant, born to teenage parents in challenging circumstances. Her biological mother grew up in abusive and unstable conditions, contributing to the decision for adoption.
  • Her birth mother's stepfather was abusive; she only learned at 17 that he wasn't her biological father—a secret kept by the whole family until revealed by an aunt.
  • The adoption was private—not agency-driven—triggered by connections within church communities.
• The Decision Process ([02:39])
  • Her birth mother was initially excited but pressured into considering adoption, fearing her abusive stepfather might harm Kristina.
  • A week overdue, her mother had second thoughts about the adoption as Kristina’s adoptive parents were already en route for the pickup—a common pressure tactic Kristina says she’s heard from many adoptees.

“She started having nightmares because her stepfather... was also sexually abusive... She was like, what if this man gets ahold of my baby?... I didn't know that I would be able to protect you.”
— Kristina ([03:53])

2. The Transition – Early Years and Secrecy

• Handed Over as a Baby ([07:18])
  • Kristina’s grandfather physically handed her to her adoptive parents—a moment Kristina reflects on as unimaginable for herself.
• Broken Promises and Birth Mom’s Breakdown ([07:48])
  • Her birth mom was assured she’d always be in Kristina’s life, but was cut off soon after. Suffering severe depression, Kristina’s adoptive mom even offered to give her back, but it never happened.
• Learning About Her Adoption By Accident ([10:22])
  • At age five, a neighbor’s child tells Kristina she’s adopted, shaking her sense of self.
  • She recalls the visceral memory of confronting her mom, feeling lied to about her identity.

“I remember for days being so distraught, even as a five year old, feeling like I'd been lied to... Who am I? Who are these people?... I've got another mom out there. Is she okay?”
— Kristina ([10:28])

3. Identity, Difference, and Shame Growing Up

• Experiences of Not Belonging ([12:16] onward)
  • At age 8, Kristina first feels she doesn't “fit in” after a stranger points out her differences from her family.
  • Begins asking her dad about her birth mom—feeling his discomfort and learning conversations about original identity are taboo.
  • Internalizes the message her questions are unwelcome, feeling her needs are less important than her adoptive mom’s feelings.
• Fantasizing and Inventing Family ([15:10])
  • With no answers, she invents origin stories and claims unrelated people as family to fill the gaps.
• School Projects and Family Trees ([17:01])
  • Classroom assignments on family history highlight her lack of knowledge, leaving her feeling perpetually excluded.

4. Adolescence: Search for Identity & Rebellion

• Trying to Find Her Birth Mom ([18:21])
  • In middle school, Kristina uses internet searches and manipulates her mom into letting her see her birth certificate, only to discover it’s been altered; confusion about her identity deepens.
• Desperation and Secrecy ([19:27])
  • Attempts to contact the hospital herself; gets caught when a family friend alerts her mom, triggering a family intervention-style meeting.
• Shame and Self-Blame ([23:15])
  • Her mom warns, “you wouldn’t want to... disrupt her life,” making Kristina feel like a burden to her biological mother.

“I’m not gonna ruin her life twice. I ruined her life the first time by even just existing... If I decide that I’m gonna come and knock on her door, I’m gonna disrupt her whole life.”
— Kristina ([24:13])

• Rebellion and Self-Destructive Behavior ([24:53])
  • Feels overwhelming anger, engages in early sexual activity, drugs, and attempts to get pregnant—craving a biological connection of her own.
  • Attempts to seek therapy are misdirected, with family involving their pastor (also an adoptive parent), and inadvertently letting her bond with his rebellious adopted daughter.

5. The High-Stakes Reunion

• Birth Mother Arrives at School ([27:43])
  • On the 24th anniversary of their reunion, Kristina vividly describes the day her birth mother, with friends, shows up unexpectedly at her high school pep rally, recording and approaching her.
• Meeting Face-to-Face ([32:11])
  • Without fanfare, Kristina instantly recognizes her mom by her posture and mannerisms. Their first embrace is filled with relief; her birth mother’s first words:

“I thought you were gonna punch me in the face.”
— Kristina’s birth mom ([32:30])

• Discovering the Truth ([33:31])
  • Kristina’s birth mother gives her a bag full of letters, photos, and gifts sent over the years—evidence her adoptive parents had ongoing contact and had lied.
  • The betrayal is extreme; Kristina’s loyalty shifts instantly.

“I found out right then and there that... they had lied to me my whole life... They could have solved all of those problems just by being honest. And they chose not to.”
— Kristina ([34:05])

6. Confrontation and Aftermath

• Explosive Confrontation With Adoptive Mom ([39:32])
  • Kristina’s adoptive mom suspects the reunion. When confronted, Kristina turns her mother’s accusation back on her:
    • Mom: “Don’t lie to me, Christina.”
    • Kristina: “Don’t lie to me. You’ve been lying to me my entire life.” ([40:03])
  • Her mom’s defensive, fear-driven response is: “Let me guess. You want to go live with her, don’t you?” and further:
    • “Well, you know, you and I have never really been into this mother daughter thing anyways. At least I have my son.” ([41:36])
  • Kristina describes this as one of the most hurtful things ever said to her.

7. Reflections on Adoptee Experience and Damage of Secrecy

• On Adoptive Parents' Fears ([35:04])
  • Cate highlights adoptive parents’ fears of losing their child’s loyalty and how keeping secrets ironically magnifies the damage.
• Feeling “Unwanted” and Perpetually Waiting ([42:32])
  • Kristina encapsulates a core adoptee wound: “Mommy, please come get me.” — feeling like a child left at the babysitter’s, always waiting for reunification.
• Escalation and Emotional Fallout ([43:24])
  • The day ends with police involvement, a family/pastor intervention, and Kristina’s complete emotional collapse—finally allowed to feel in the arms of her god-sister.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Pain of Secrecy:
  “They could have solved all of those problems just by being honest. And they chose not to.” ([34:05] - Kristina)
• On Parental Fear:
  “But I think—and what you’re saying—I think one of the main fears of adoptive parents... they're gonna find out, their loyalty’s gonna shift, we’re gonna be nothing.”
  — Kate ([35:04])
• On Rebellion After Betrayal:
  “I became the most angry, mean, rebellious kid... I wanted my own biological connection.”
  — Kristina ([24:53])
• On Unconditional Yearning:
  “Mommy, please come get me.”
  — Kristina ([42:32])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:42] Kristina’s birth and family backstory
• [07:18] Handed over to adoptive parents
• [10:22] Learning about her adoption from a neighbor
• [12:16] Struggles of looking different, feeling "othered"
• [18:21] First internet search for birth mom
• [24:13] Internalizing shame—“not gonna ruin her life twice”
• [24:53] Teenage rebellion and pain
• [27:43] Birth mother shows up; lead-up to reunion
• [32:11] Emotional mother-daughter reunion, recognizing each other
• [33:31] Discovery—parents’ lies exposed
• [39:32] Confrontation with adoptive mom after the reunion
• [42:32] The core adoptee yearning – “mommy, please come get me”
• [44:51] Emotional fallout and moment of comfort

Tone & Language

Throughout the episode, the tone is deeply personal, raw, sometimes angry, and often heart-wrenching. The hosts are supportive and empathetic, relating Kristina’s experiences to their own and validating her feelings. The language is candid, emotionally charged, and unfiltered, contributing to an atmosphere of trust and honest reckoning with childhood wounds.

Conclusion

This episode is a searing exploration of the emotional scars created by secrecy and dishonesty in adoption, highlighting the lifelong search for belonging and identity that many adoptees experience. Kristina’s story is both a cautionary tale for adoptive parents and a validation for adoptees struggling with similar wounds. The episode ends on a cliffhanger, with promises to continue Kristina’s journey—including how her relationships with both families evolved—leaving listeners ready for the next installment.