Cate & Ty Break It Down
Episode: The Quest for Connection with Kristina Richie, Part 2
Date: October 29, 2025
Guest: Kristina Richie
Episode Overview
In this gripping episode, Tyler and Catelynn Baltierra continue their candid conversation with Kristina Richie about her journey as an adoptee navigating reunion, family conflict, and attachment. Kristina recounts her dramatic teenage years after unexpectedly reconnecting with her birth mother, battles for autonomy, and cycles of seeking connection. The hosts and Kristina explore the impact of adoption trauma on identity, relationships, and generational dynamics, offering both personal insight and hard-earned lessons for adoptees, parents (both adoptive and birth), and anyone trying to understand the lifelong complexities of adoption.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Fallout After Reuniting with Her Birth Mom
[01:21-06:29]
- Kristina describes the aftermath when her birth mom came to her high school to find her. The shocking confrontation with her adoptive parents is recounted:
“The very first thing that my dad says to me is, so you want to go live with her? ... go pack your shit.” (Kristina, [01:45])
- Her parents reverse course, leading to emotional confusion and tears:
“...I just cried and I cried. I cried and I would not come out of my room.” (Kristina, [02:52])
- Negotiation for limited contact:
“I was allowed to talk to her for 15 minutes on Sundays with my dad listening in on the phone... So y’all let me talk to my drug dealer boyfriend for hours on end, but I can't talk to this lady. And I literally came out of her.” (Kristina, [06:07])
2. Navigating Awkward Family Encounters
[03:41-06:07]
- Kristina shares about going to church and lunch with both sets of parents, highlighting the tension:
“I just remember my parents being really weird about her sitting anywhere near me.” (Kristina, [03:57]) “It was so awkward.” (Kristina, [04:02])
- The first call with her biological father, which “was not how he ever thought it would go down.” (Kristina, [05:19])
3. Parental Motives, Broken Promises, and Boundaries
[06:29-10:30]
- Her adoptive parents’ controlling behavior and birth mother’s willingness to push boundaries reveal conflicting approaches to openness.
- Tyler and Catelynn reflect on the fears and trauma motivating Kristina’s adoptive parents, relating it to their own experience with adoption openness:
“Just seems very selfish.” (Ty, [06:37])
4. Teenage Rebellion and Escaping Control
[10:30-16:00]
- Kristina goes to great lengths to stay in touch with her birth family and secretly attends her brother’s birthday:
"I called her every day. Every single day... I was on diet plan. I was talking to my mama every day." (Kristina, [10:51])
- Recounts elaborate schemes to see her birth family, sneaking out, and the resulting punishments:
“He pulls the battery out of my car and puts it under his freaking pillow because he was, like, so worried I was going to run away.” (Kristina, [17:49])
5. Legal Battle for Autonomy
[19:31-27:35]
- Kristina seeks legal help as a teen to stop her parents from getting a restraining order against her birth mom:
“I'm like, I need a lawyer. Yeah, that's exactly what I said.” (Kristina, [20:04])
- Her attorney allows her to live with them when judge refuses to let her stay with friends—raising the stakes of her fight for agency.
- Dramatic moment in court when her mother tries to sabotage her plans by moving her car:
“She found my car and moved it… The judge was so mad.” (Kristina, [27:07])
6. Custody, Emancipation, and “Grass Isn’t Greener”
[31:49-39:58]
- Uncommonly, Kristina’s birth mother is granted custody of her at 16.
- She shares the culture shock and paradoxical pain of not belonging fully in either family:
“I've always felt like I don't fit in perfectly in either place...” (Kristina, [34:06]) “I wish I could split myself in two pieces… I don't feel like I fit in either place.” (Kristina, [39:04])
7. Rebuilding Bridges and Understanding Attachment
[39:58-54:16]
- Kristina details her eventual reconciliation with her adoptive parents after being emancipated and the deepening of her bond with her adoptive dad:
“My adoption adopted dad is my best friend in the entire world. My best friend.” (Kristina, [53:00])
- She learns about her father's own trauma and how it fueled his controlling behavior.
- The hosts and Kristina underscore the crucial role of attachment theory in shaping adoption outcomes.
“It all boils down to attachment. Yeah, 100% of it.” (Kristina, [45:13]) “Attachment is such a primal, bio... you can't really replicate it.” (Ty, [57:41])
8. Patterns of Rescue in Adult Relationships
[42:39-51:07]
- Kristina reflects on how attachment trauma fueled cycles of “rescue” relationships and secrets as an adult:
“Anywhere that I could, like, escape, escape, escape, escape, rescue, rescue, rescue, rescue, rescue. And I went for it.” (Kristina, [50:37])
- She connects the compulsion to save or be saved to her early adoption wounds.
9. Full Circle: Becoming a Parent, Stepparent, and Writer
[51:44-66:31]
- Kristina's experience raising non-biological children and using surrogacy offers a unique lens on nontraditional family building and attachment:
“I have two children who are born. Two of my girlfriends carried two of my kids.” (Kristina, [59:18])
- She turns her experiences into advocacy and writing, recently releasing books on adoption and attachment theory.
10. Final Reflections and Key Lessons
[65:01-68:00]
- Universal message about honesty and breaking cycles of secrecy:
“Don't lie to your kids. And that will always be it. Don't lie to your...” (Kristina, [65:26])
- All hosts stress that openness, healthy attachment, and honesty are the greatest gifts adoptive and birth parents can give.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On shocking parental confrontation:
“So you want to go live with her? ... go pack your shit. ... Where the hell do you think you're going? ... go put all that back up. You're not going anywhere.”
— Kristina Richie ([01:45]) -
On feeling torn between two families:
“I wish I could split myself in two pieces... I don't feel like I fit in either place. But they both need me. I need to be in both places. And that sucked so bad.”
— Kristina Richie ([39:04]) -
Attachment wounds shaping relationships:
“It all boils down to attachment. Yeah, 100% of it.”
— Kristina Richie ([45:13]) -
Hard-won reconciliation:
“My adopted dad is my best friend in the whole world... I talk to my dad every single day. I can't put into words how thankful I am that adoption gave me my dad.”
— Kristina Richie ([53:00], [62:54]) -
On secrecy:
“Don't lie to your kids. And that will always be it.”
— Kristina Richie ([65:26])
Important Timestamps
- 01:45 — Kristina's adoptive father confronts her about reuniting with her birth mom
- 03:57 — Awkward church and lunch encounter between both families
- 06:07 — Controlling phone privileges: "15 minutes on Sundays"
- 14:30 — Teen subterfuge: Sneaking out for brother's birthday
- 19:31 — Seeking a lawyer for autonomy at 16
- 26:31 — Living with her attorney amid court battles
- 32:09 — Judge grants birth mom custody
- 34:06 — Feeling like an outsider in both families
- 36:42 — Judge offers emancipation
- 39:04 — The pain of being split between two worlds
- 45:13 — Connecting adult relationship patterns to adoption attachment trauma
- 53:00 — Achieving genuine, chosen connection with her adoptive dad
- 62:54 — On gratitude for adoption bringing her to her dad
- 65:26 — The ultimate advice: never lie to your kids
Tone & Atmosphere
- Raw, candid, and emotionally intense storytelling from Kristina, with Tyler and Catelynn blending empathy, humor, and relatable personal reflections.
- The episode balances heartache, hard truths, and hope, offering solidarity to adoptees and wisdom for parents.
- Practical, compassionate insights on attachment, honesty, and the importance of transparency in adoption relationships.
Where to Find Kristina Richie
- TikTok: @ChristinaRichie
- Books on Amazon: Search “Christina Richie” (Titles include Unraveling Adoption, On the Dotted Line, Happy Looks Good on You Babe, The Former Fat Girl)
Closing Thoughts
This episode of Cate & Ty Break It Down is a powerful, multi-generational look at the ways adoption can both fracture and (eventually) heal families. Through humor, vulnerability, and lived experience, Kristina Richie and the hosts drive home that truth-telling, secure attachment, and the courage to seek connection are vital to every adoptee’s journey.