There's Always More To The Story

Summary

Cate & Ty Break It Down: Episode Summary - "There's Always More To The Story"

Release Date: March 12, 2025

In the episode titled "There's Always More To The Story," hosts Catelynn (Kate) and Tyler (Ty) Baltierra delve deep into the public’s misconceptions and misunderstandings surrounding their personal adoption story. Drawing from their own experiences and addressing feedback from fans and social media, Cate and Ty provide clarity, context, and heartfelt insights into their journey beyond reality TV.

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1. Expressing Gratitude and Addressing Listener Feedback (01:29 - 03:04)

Ty begins the episode by expressing sincere gratitude to their listeners:

Ty (01:29): "I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everybody who has liked our show, subscribed to our show, left comments, rated it, reviewed it, listened to it."

Kate echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the continued interest in their conversations:

Kate (01:49): "Yeah, people still want to hear us talk after all these years."

They discuss listener requests for more personal, guest-free episodes versus episodes featuring celebrity guests, highlighting the balance they strive to maintain.

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2. Clarifying Misconceptions About Their Adoption Decision (03:04 - 07:05)

The core of the episode revolves around Cate and Ty addressing inaccuracies regarding their decision to place their daughter for adoption. They confront the narrative that Ty forced Kate into the adoption, a misconception fueled by edited clips from their past conversations.

Ty (03:36): "I think the number one thing to me that bugs me the most is when I see people state like, 'Tyler and Kim forced Caitlin into this adoption.'"

Kate adds context to the situation:

Kate (05:14): "I get why people are like saying this. I understand it."

They explain the emotional turmoil they faced as teenagers, acknowledging fears about their young relationship's sustainability post-adoption.

Kate (06:05): "I was afraid you were gonna leave me eventually. I was afraid, you know what I mean?"

Ty emphasizes the statistical challenges of teen couples maintaining relationships post-pregnancy:

Ty (05:45): "Statistically, people that have teen pregnancies, the couples do not last. They break up."

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3. Addressing Public Perceptions and Media Representation (07:05 - 16:27)

Cate and Ty dissect how their story has been portrayed in media, particularly focusing on their boundary with privacy and the misrepresentation of their conversations.

Ty (07:07): "When people turn around and say, 'You chose Ty,' and 'Ty forced you to do this adoption,' I feel like you're stripping me of the sadness and the hurt."

Kate counters the narrative by highlighting their mutual support and the nuanced decision-making process:

Kate (08:22): "It was more like we were talking about our fears if we decide to parent."

They discuss the challenges of being on reality TV, where private decisions were broadcasted without full context, leading to distorted public opinions.

Cate (10:09): "We're still learning, guys."

Addressing TikTok speculation, Ty shares his frustration with misinformation:

Ty (35:14): "That's a big word... Hypocrisy."

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4. Navigating Social Media Misconceptions and Misinformation (16:27 - 27:24)

The hosts confront the rampant misinformation circulating on platforms like TikTok, where edited clips and out-of-context statements fuel negative perceptions.

Ty (24:53): "I'm only here speaking my truth as a birth parent, so that way, if she does come and look for information, there it is."

Kate highlights the dangers of assumptions based on incomplete information:

Kate (26:51): "People should really just step back and think about that for a second."

They debunk specific claims, such as the notion that their adoption agreement was only for five years, clarifying the true terms outlined in their finalized open adoption agreement.

Kate (27:24): "The paperwork that you're getting the information off of was from a not finalized form of our adoption agreement."

Ty reiterates the importance of understanding the full context before forming judgments:

Ty (27:24): "Yeah, and that was from, like, way in the beginning of our making the adoption plan."

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5. Listener Engagement and Sharing Personal Stories (38:00 - 56:00)

Transitioning from personal narratives, Cate and Ty engage with their audience by addressing anonymous "juicy secrets" submitted via their Instagram page. This segment showcases their candid and humorous side as they respond to shocking and relatable scenarios.

Example 1: Sleeping Next to a Husband While Masturbating (41:06 - 48:18)

Anonymous Submission (39:22): "I masturbate while my husband's sleeping."

Cate and Ty explore the importance of communication in relationships, emphasizing honesty and openness about sexual needs and preferences.

Cate (43:42): "I think there needs to be a conversation had."

Example 2: Uncertainty About Paternity (46:00 - 56:00)

Anonymous Submission (45:31): "I'm not sure who my baby daddy is to my second child. My husband's or a friend of mine."

The hosts advocate for clarity and transparency, suggesting solutions like DNA testing and open communication to resolve such dilemmas.

Ty (46:23): "You might as well just get the hurt over with now, dude."

Throughout these interactions, Cate and Ty underline the significance of healthy communication, mutual respect, and addressing issues proactively to maintain strong relationships.

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6. Closing Thoughts and Final Reflections (56:00 - End)

In their concluding remarks, Cate and Ty reiterate the importance of addressing misconceptions and fostering open dialogue. They emphasize their commitment to sharing their authentic experiences to help listeners navigate similar challenges.

Ty (56:06): "We are on Instagram, X, Facebook, Tick Tock, all with the same username. Kate and Ty break it down."

With heartfelt thanks to their audience, the couple reminds listeners of the resources available for those seeking guidance in complex personal situations, underscoring the episode's theme: "There's Always More To The Story."

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Notable Quotes

• Ty (05:45): "Statistically, people that have teen pregnancies, the couples do not last. They break up."
• Kate (07:05): "I was afraid you were gonna leave me eventually."
• Ty (35:14): "Hypocrisy."
• Kate (16:27): "Birth mothers are allowed to change their mind once that baby comes into the world."
• Ty (38:09): "This is my views."

---

Conclusion

"There's Always More To The Story" serves as a powerful testament to Cate and Ty's resilience and dedication to truth. By addressing misconceptions head-on and engaging with their audience's questions, they provide invaluable insights into the complexities of adoption, relationship dynamics, and personal growth. This episode not only clarifies their past decisions but also offers a roadmap for listeners navigating their own life's intricate narratives.

Transcript

[Kate]

Don't miss Good American Family. We have a little girl here for adoption. She has dwarfism. Starring Ellen Pompeo and Mark Duplass.

[Ty]

Something is off. She's just a little girl.

[Kate]

You think she's faking? She has adult teeth. There are signs of puberty. Inspired by the shocking stories that tore a family apart.

[Ty]

I don't know what's going on.

[Kate]

How old are you? You should get a lawyer. You have no idea how those people hurt this girl. The Hulu original series Good American Family premieres March 19th. Streaming on Hulu.

[Ellen Pompeo]

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[Ty]

Okay, so this is it. I know. Well, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everybody who has liked our show, subscribed to our show, left comments, rated it, reviewed it, listened to it. The first few episodes have done very well and it just makes us even more excited to do more, don't you think?

[Kate]

Yeah, people still want to hear us talk after all these years.

[Ty]

But you know what's funny is I noticed a lot of people were saying, can we get one of just you and Ty by yourselves again?

[Kate]

I know, I noticed that.

[Ty]

I think that's going to end up being the more popular ones.

[Kate]

Well, I just figured I didn't want. I feel like people already know so much about us, so I was like, oh, I want to get guests right at first. So I wanted to like feel it out.

[Ty]

I thought that was funny though.

[Kate]

And then we're thinking like, they don't want to hear us talk, just me and you, you know.

[Ty]

But I do have to say the ones that have aired so far have been very fun. And you know, I've learned a lot from the people that we talking to. So it's just been, you know, so far it's been a journey, but exciting. And I'm just really, I'm so thankful for the support. So if you so grateful. You know, if you guys can continue to like and subscribe to the show, listen to the show, you can also catch it on Patreon. The episode always drops a week later on Patreon, where you can watch the.

[Kate]

Full video episode, which I also notice a lot of people commenting, saying, like, where's the full video? I want to watch it. I'm like, dude, I.

[Ty]

So I've been.

[Kate]

I didn't realize. I didn't realize people really want to watch a podcast recording versus just listening to it from audio. So we're learning. We're still learning, guys.

[Ty]

Yeah, we are. And yeah, uploading to Patreon has been real fun.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

But so I have been commenting to people, like, on our tick tocks and all of that, like, hey, you can watch it here. Because people have been curious about that too. But I think. I think this week, I know that you and I wanted to jump into a little bit of. We've been noticing comments of people bringing up stuff and situations and conversations that we've had in the past and, like, way past. Like, we were, like, young.

[Kate]

Like, kids. Still kids.

[Ty]

Young at all.

[Kate]

I mean, we were. Yeah. 17 years old.

[Ty]

Yeah. Or 18.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

And I feel.

[Kate]

What do you feel like, though? Do you feel like. Is there anything specific that you were like, listen, I really want to.

[Ty]

Like, I think the number one thing to me that bugs me the most is when I see people state like, oh, Tyler and Kim forced Caitlin into this adoption. And basically, basically what I get from it is like, they're saying that I chose a man over my child because I was too afraid that you were going to leave. And then a lot of people were pulling comment, like, tagging me in this TikTok clip of a conversation that we had on a hill. I think we were like, 18 years old.

[Kate]

And, oh, when I was burned.

[Ty]

Your fedora, yo.

[Kate]

Don't judge me for the fedora, guys. It was a thing. I don't know.

[Ty]

It was a thing.

[Kate]

Then it was, man. I mean, it's fine. Yeah. Back in the old 2000s.

[Ty]

But it was a conversation you and I were having. And you asked. You asked me, like, did you ever have any fears that I would leave you if you were to make a different decision or anything? And so I started talking about all of my fears. And one of my fears at that young age was like, yes, I had a fear that if I was going to parent that child and take that baby home, that we would not last forever and that we would break up eventually as a couple.

[Kate]

I Think what people are worried about though, is the, is the wording.

[Ty]

Right?

[Kate]

It was like, it was like you said, like, oh, I didn't want to go against your decision or I was afraid you were going to leave me if I came home from the hospital. It wasn't like, you know, so I get why people are like saying this. I understand it.

[Ty]

My thing is though, is when I was a child making this decision for my child, I was looking at statistics and people around me and all of the people around me that had babies at a young age, none of those people were with the, the other person. Like, look at, even just in general, statistically, people that have teen pregnancies, the couples do not last. They break up. It's very, very rare that people will stay together after having a child at a young age.

[Kate]

We knew that.

[Ty]

Yes.

[Kate]

I mean, it was so to say.

[Ty]

If that was one of my fears. Absolutely. That I would mean you and it would end up not working out and we would have to co parent this child. And yes, that was a fear of mine. I didn't want my child to come into like a broken home or end up being in a broken home because you and I both experienced that too. But I think people, yeah, they do twist the wording.

[Kate]

And I get like watching, I'm like, oh, yeah, I understand where you would get that perception because that's, that's what was said. But it was more or less like I was afraid you were gonna leave me eventually. I was afraid, you know what I mean, you were gonna. Not that you're, I'm gonna leave you because of. If I don't do adoption. You know what I mean? It was more like.

[Ty]

And I know that you wouldn't have, would we have deteriorated over the months or years? I think so.

[Kate]

I, yeah, we, I, I mean, listen, we can't go back in time and, and say what would have happened. But I highly assume that we wouldn't have had the freedom to like, go to therapy at a young age. Everyone hated on us. Remember this?

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

When we were 17 and we were like, let's go to therapy. My mom was like, you're an idiot. I can't believe you're gonna go to therapy. You're only 17. What issues could you possibly have? And I'm like, well, I did just go through this adoption. Me and my girlfriend are, you know, like, it's a huge. Yeah. So everyone hated on us.

[Ty]

Yeah, I think you're right. I think we wouldn't have been able to just emotionally and mentally grow from all of. Just not even the adoption trauma, but just our whole childhood trauma.

[Kate]

I mean, we had a lot to go through.

[Ty]

But I think the thing that makes me angry, like, two things I would say that make me, like, upset the most, is that when people turn around and say, oh, you know, you chose Ty. Ty forced you to do this adoption, and his mom did, for one. I feel like you're stripping me of the sadness and the hurt and the strength that it took for me to hand over my child that I so desperately wanted to parent. I would never be that weak of a woman to choose a man over any of my children. Even to this day, if something were to happen, I would be choosing my children. You know what I mean? And the other one is, is that. Do people not think that you wanted this child?

[Kate]

I mean, honestly, I personally feel like people forget that I even had, like, emotions. Like, yeah, any attachment to it. They're like, oh, you wanted it. That's all you wanted from the beginning. And blah, blah. And it's like, they have no clue that me and you flip flopped our decision. Both of us did. You wanted a parent. I was like, whoa. And then you wanted adoption. And I was like, maybe I want a parent. Cuz after you kind of the first time that you said you wanted a parent, and I was like, okay, fine, we'll figure this out.

[Ty]

That wasn't documented.

[Kate]

That was not documented.

[Ty]

That was behind the scenes because they were.

[Kate]

They. They left for like, a couple weeks. And I said, they'll come back if anything happens because you're on labor or you're gonna be a labor watch later on. Yeah, but. And so when that happened and you called me and said that, I know I want to do this, I'm like, all right, like, I. I buckled up. I was like, we're going to Salvation Army, Mom. I got to get all this stuff.

[Ty]

What does your mom say?

[Kate]

And she was like, okay, okay, if that's what. If that's what she wants to do, if that's what we. That's what we'll do. And I remember thinking in my head, like, all right, I'm gonna go to Salvation army. And I got like, 50 bucks. I'm gonna try to find like, a five dollar this, a ten dollar that, you know? And so. But I feel like when that happened and the cameras didn't catch it, they didn't really see the back and forth and how hard it was to, like, be at birth, dad, and have to make this decision too, because at the end of the day, it was Like, I could have wanted certain things. But you're. You're carrying this baby. I have no control over this.

[Ty]

Right. Or you could. So, I mean, but that's what mine. That's what my, like, blows my mind is to people. For people, first of all, to think that I would choose a man over my child. But then again, for them to just think that you have no emotions or sadness or sorrow or any want or.

[Kate]

That would give you some ultimatum. That's insane.

[Ty]

That's sick.

[Kate]

That is so disturbed.

[Ty]

And then for me to continue to stay with you over all these years and have other girls.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

Daughters. And I also. I always say, if you guys really were to think that. That I'm that type of person, that's disgusting. Because I teach my girls completely opposite.

[Kate]

Opposite.

[Ty]

You know what I mean? And they know that, like, I would never stay in a relationship and let my girls think that that would be a normal, healthy thing.

[Kate]

But I also noticed that the clip that they played that you're talking about on Tick Tock, where we're on the hill talking, they didn't play the whole clip where I asked. Later on, during that same conversation, I talk about what I was afraid of. And it was like we were literally just talking about our fears if we decide to parent.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Which honestly, producers ask us that all the time.

[Ty]

Okay.

[Kate]

You know what I'm saying? Remember, we'd have situations, but how do you think this would be like, you know, if Carly was here. Yeah. You know, so. And then. What was that? Season four of the original. So, I mean, we were already kind of in the nitty gritty of T Mom world. But I think it's interesting that people would even, like. Because you've even addressed this before and said multiple times.

[Ty]

And now I've gotten to a point, like, I know my last time addressing it. If you think of that I am weak, I guess, then I guess believe whatever you want. But I was telling one of my friends the other day about the situation, and I said, you know, eventually just gets to the point where I can say the truth and you can either believe it or not. And I sleep good at night. I know my morals and my values. I know the person that I love, care about. Right. And that's all that matters to me. So it's like I'm sick of addressing it constantly. And so I'm just kind of like, this is my last time addressing it. I'm not a weak woman. I. Tyler wanted this baby just as much as I did. We both leaned on each other. So much through all of those emotions and the sorrow and the back and forth of planning, making an adoption plan. And I think to. To go back to, like, what you said to. Or what we were. We were saying about how MTV didn't document that time when we flip flopped. And so, yeah, like, I called Tyler and I was just like, I. And it was getting close to her delivery, and I just remember getting really anxious. And I was like, I don't think I can do this. I can't do this. I want to parent her. And he was on the phone and he was just like, okay, if that's what you want to do, we will do it. Are you sure that's what you want to do?

[Kate]

You read the pros and cons list, remember?

[Ty]

And I was just like, I wanna. I wanna do it. And you know, also what. What was not shown was, you know, there was. So it was a few weeks where I was like, okay, I'm gonna parent this baby. This is what it's gonna be. Yeah.

[Kate]

So we're doing.

[Ty]

And I was getting things, and my, you know, my grandma was sending things to the house for the baby. And. And then one day my mom and I got into an argument and she looked at me and she said, oh, yeah, well, who's gonna buy your daughter diapers when she needs them? And then off, rip and a snap. I was like, oh, hell no. Because I watched my grandmother hold things over my mom's head my whole entire life. And in that moment, I was like, I will not have anybody look at me and say that. How is your child going to get diapers? When that is one of the most necessity items of having a child.

[Kate]

And when she was also preaching us like, she wouldn't like the adoption she wanted us to parent. We'll help you. We'll help you. And then I remember you call me. You're saying, like, she said she was going to help us, and she just. We got in one little argument. It wasn't even that bad. You said. And she said, well, yeah, well, good luck. Who's gonna buy you diapers? And then I remember being like, oh, my. Like, so are you're not gonna help us? Like, or. Or you're only going to help us when it's convenient for you or you're holding over my head or whatever. Yeah.

[Ty]

And so in that moment, that's when I was like, okay, no, never mind. I have to make this decision for her because if not my life, it's going to be things held over my head forever and ever.

[Kate]

And ever you call me and tell me, all right, never mind. Adoption back on, I was like, oh, my God.

[Ty]

And in that moment, you're, you know, you're thinking, like, all right, I'm going to be a dad. We're going to do this.

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[Ty]

So where's. Was there any emotions for you in that moment when I called and was like, the adoption's back on. I can't do it.

[Kate]

Yes.

[Ty]

Were you, like, sad or.

[Kate]

Yeah. Okay, so part of me was like. Because you obviously told me that after you said your mom wasn't in the bias diapers or something like that, I remember thinking my head like, damn it. All right, fine. Well, we'll just, you know, I'll figure this out. You know, my mom will be there, I'll get another job or whatever. I was thinking of what I was going to do. And then when you mentioned it, I want to do adoption, it's back on. All the reasons. So they'll say, say the same because, remember, you mentioned me. Well, our pros and cons list that we made is still the same.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Nothing's changed. We haven't gotten a bigger house. My mom hasn't gotten more money. I haven't. So many things, like, nothing was changing.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

You know, our parents were still using. We're getting evicted. Still.

[Ty]

Still going through school.

[Kate]

Still going through school. So, like, I remember when you Said that. And I was like, all right, you're right. Adoption's right. But I feel like that two weeks that we both thought we were gonna parent. I mean, yeah, I got excited, I got party. Was like, accepting just the chaos. All right, this is my life. Whatever it's going to be. But, you know, I. To say that I wasn't, you know, a little devastated when you called and said that would be a lie, because I was right. And we talked about that. I mean, we have many times we were in the hospital, even look at each other. We remember. We get to say nothing.

[Ty]

It was like telepathic.

[Kate]

We just knew. We're both like, let's just run. Let's just run.

[Ty]

Yep.

[Kate]

Let's just run somewhere.

[Ty]

Yeah. Because even. Yeah. Even when she was born, those thoughts come for.

[Kate]

So I feel like, yeah, people had the perception that I was just for this adoption 100 all the time, you know, no. No negotiations, whatever. And I get watching the clip, it's like, oh, you said, you know, your decision. It's like, yeah, it was my decision. But one thing you said I. I love so much was you said, you're just lucky I took your. Your decision into consideration so I don't have to. Not. Not all girls do. And I was like, boom. You know, that's. That's the reality. You were. But gracious and nice enough to do that.

[Ty]

But I feel like when I found out I pregnant. When I found out that I was pregnant, I feel like I automatically took you into consideration because I was. Because, first of all, you were a good dude, a supportive dude. You were always there for me. And I was like, hey, this is 50 of his baby as it is mine. Like, I can't be the only one making all these decisions, even though I could have.

[Kate]

You could have. That's what I wanted everyone to understand, though, that you literally could have.

[Ty]

Yes.

[Kate]

But you didn't.

[Ty]

No. So I feel like that's fair. Unless, I mean, if you were a loser and a. And just, like, left me, I would have been doing whatever the hell I decided to do, you know, But.

[Kate]

But I think it was like, I just. The wording was like, oh, it was your decision, which took away the fact that, you know, it wasn't your decision. It was all mine and whatever. So I feel like, you know, listen, you can go back and find multiple clips where we made mistakes or said things that were, you know, not the best or paint us in a different light. That's fine. We were on TV for 16 years. I guarantee you're gonna find something. Multiple things that just don't sit right with you.

[Ty]

And I also forget. Do they forget, like, we were literally growing up on television? Who doesn't make mistakes in their young years?

[Kate]

You know, Like, I think, honestly, a lot of it, the mistakes were like, just from being naive. Like. Like, honestly, I think back about learning a lot of the stuff that has to do with the very first time that. That we got in trouble with Brandon. Teresa, about posting the thing about Carly. The very first boundary that I ever broke, the first and last one, in my opinion, was that one picture that I posted on that slideshow after they went on the magazine cover and after they did the adoption do Doc.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

So ever.

[Ty]

So after they did the mag, the front of the magazine cover and after they did the Dr. Drew show thing. That's when you're talking about when you made the collage of all the pictures of Carly throughout the years, posted it on your private Facebook.

[Kate]

No, it was on the fan page.

[Ty]

Oh, was it on the.

[Kate]

Yeah, I don't know how many. I mean, still back then, it was like Instagram wasn't real a thing. So it was like. I think the Facebook fan pages are more like popular or something back then. But yeah, I was on that fan page and I did it without even thinking because all that stuff happened. Dr. Drew magazine, Life, you know, whole magazine cover. And I think what's interesting is they play this clip that was played on TV where we already got in trouble. Off camera, we already got called. We already got in trouble. So when we had the conversation on camera about me posting that video, it was past tense, had already happened. So you're super emotional, you're pregnant, and you're talking to me, telling me, you know, they're gonna find out this is bad. You know what I mean? And it comes across very like. I'm very like, just like, screw everybody. I'm doing it. And to be honest with you, that was true when it first happened. And I. Those are what. That's one example where I feel young and naive and I'm just being arrogant. And I take full accountability for being arrogant and just annoyed and feeling inferior and just all those things. And that's an honest mistake. And I think people forget that we actually fixed that mistake when we went and had the conversation with them and we talked about it all and we got a lot of.

[Ty]

Then on further, I would ask for permission of what pictures I could post.

[Kate]

And they said we could post the back of her head. As long as you can't see her face.

[Ty]

Yes.

[Kate]

And so that's what we did. We never posted another pic that was not approved by them.

[Ty]

And it was very rare that I ever. Even after that posted.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

It was, like, once every few visits, I would. But it would always be the back of her head where you can't. Because I followed their boundaries of not showing her face, and I completely understood that. And I feel like they, in turn, gave me a little piece of, like, oh, that makes me feel good because I can share her a little bit with the world.

[Kate]

Right, Right.

[Ty]

But. And so, yeah, I feel like we came to a very good understanding with that.

[Kate]

Yeah. And I think that's what also when they mentioned to us about saying we don't pretty much, we don't want to be on camera anymore, and we were like, that's fine. And the one, you know, boundary that they said was, we don't want you repeating our conversations verbatim.

[Ty]

Yeah. Word for word.

[Kate]

Word for word. Summarization was fine, but don't repeat what we say word for word. We said, okay, fine. They never said, stop talking about Carly. Stop talking about the adoption. Stop all that stuff. Keep our names out of your mouth. You know, keep our. You know, that never happened. They literally just said, don't post our word for word conversations or repeat the word for conversations on camera. And so I feel like when people talk about these boundaries that we've supposedly broken with them, I have a hard time figuring out where they are. Because what I think is interesting, too, is that you are literally telling me what boundaries I was given, as if, like, it's almost like, okay, who makes a boundary? The person. Right. And then who delivers that boundary? The person delivers it to me, not you. So you're telling me what the boundaries were. That's what it's like saying. Because you didn't see our private conversations that we had right off camera, not even in public at all. Just me and you and braintrees talking.

[Ty]

So, yeah, it's true. And it's always been private. So that's why it's funny, because it's almost, you know, a good response to people when they say, like, oh, you've broken boundaries. Like, oh, so when did bringing Teresa tell you our boundaries?

[Kate]

Thank you. When. When did they release that information to you? Because you're going off of what you assume.

[Ty]

Right. Assumptions.

[Kate]

And that's dangerous. And that's kind of why I feel like with this podcast, we can. We can get into certain stuff. We can. We can, you know, shine some more light, give some more context. Because I do believe context is super important.

[Ty]

No, it is.

[Kate]

Especially when you're taking old clips that are edited down and putting them all together to fit your narrative or whatever. Whatever it is you're trying to prove. So it's like, I think it's interesting when people are telling me what the boundaries are from a private conversation that I had with BR that we've never even shared. That we've never shared. Yeah. And also about communication. You don't know how often we texted on a daily basis. You're assuming that we didn't talk a lot. Or you're assuming that we message every two months. Or you're assuming if it was me, I would only message maybe once, twice a year. Well, you don't know the normalcy of our communication. You don't know.

[Ty]

They're not in my life.

[Kate]

Exactly. You know, so how can you.

[Ty]

So that's why I think though too for me, I think it's like I don't have a problem with addressing certain things, but when you address things and people still don't understand or don't believe you, that's when I automatically, I'm like, you know what? Fine, I said my truth. And I'm not going to keep going back and addressing the same issue over and over and over again. And that's why I said, at the end of the day, I sleep great.

[Kate]

Yeah, listen.

[Ty]

Because I know my truth.

[Kate]

My. Hey, four plus four equals ten for you.

[Ty]

Right?

[Kate]

Fine. Like that's where I'm at.

[Ty]

And my life, whatever equals eight for me. So.

[Kate]

So, you know, like I'm. Yeah, but I. But I also think it's like, like you said to just get. I'm gonna address it one time, one last time, and that's it. I think it's important we can do that. We're allowed to do that. And I think it's, it's, it gives clarification for people who are making all these assumptions. People on Tick tock making these assumptions is dangerous.

[Ty]

Oh, God. And I think it's really feeds people.

[Kate]

And I think it's hypocritical for them to go on these tick Tocks and say privacy. They want to be private. Stop talking about it. You're talking about it more than I am.

[Ty]

True.

[Kate]

You're making multiple videos talking about our situation and talking about Carly preaching against us doing it.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

So I think that's. People should really kind of self reflect a little bit. You're, you're telling us certain things and you're making these videos with all These assumptions, which none are verified, none are. I. I just think it's like, it's.

[Ty]

Crazy, I think, to piggyback off that, too. I think one thing that I also would like to say is, you know, it goes back to people not knowing the full details of our story because things have been private. But even when Teresa said, like, I'm not going to be responding to your texts for a while, I. We spoke to adoptees and we got multiple adoptees, and multiple adoptees told us, keep reaching out. Send pictures, tag pictures along with your messages. So that way you have receipts. You can show Carly when she's older that you did not stop. And if her parents decide to show these to her or not, that's up to them.

[Kate]

Right.

[Ty]

But at least you can go and say, I didn't stop. I tried to send updates, all of those things, because as birth parents, when stuff gets cut off, you don't know what to do. So I figured speaking to adoptees and other birth parents would push me in the right direction or what I should do.

[Kate]

I also feel like it's kind of a lose, lose, like, there's no winning. Because if we didn't reach out, people would say, you're an idiot. Why would you not fight for your daughter? And if we do reach out, they're saying, stop fighting for your daughter and be quiet and silent. You're hurting everybody. It's like, so I don't think there's a. There's no winning for birth parents in this situation. I think we just have to go off of what we know, which is like, okay, like you said, every adoptee we talked to said, I would want to know that you still tried.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Boom.

[Ty]

Or I had some that said, I, you know, I wish I would have saw my.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

My birth parents trying that hard right now. And it's like, oh, damn.

[Kate]

Yeah. So it's like, I mean, honestly, you know, you said in the text message that you did. That wasn't normal text messages. You only started addressing Carly personally on Teresa's phone after the fact of her saying, like, I'm not going to respond to anymore. And you said, well, you may not be responding to me, that's fine. But I made a promise to Carly to always reach out, give updates, pictures, letters, whatever. So that's what I'm doing. And like you said, you can choose to not show it to her at all. That's fine. And you can choose also not to talk to me at all. That's fine. But that's also separate from my promise. I made to her.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

And how I feel that she should, you know, the information, she should know, whatever. And so I think people see the screenshots of like or the, you know.

[Ty]

Right. It looks crazy. I'm sure. I get it.

[Kate]

It does.

[Ty]

But they didn't understand the backstory, and.

[Kate]

You don't understand the context.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

So it's like. Yeah, if you think two text messages a month is overboard or too much or whatever, that's. That's your perception, and that's valid. But like I said, your perception is based off of your perception. It's not based off of the normalcy.

[Ty]

No.

[Kate]

And the. In the, you know, track record of communication that we've always had with them, you don't know those specific details, so you can't really tell me that's over. That's overdoing it.

[Ty]

How do you know they tell you that?

[Kate]

That's what I'm saying. When did brain TR tell you that? Hey, you know, we only text once every five months, so twice a month is too much. You know what I mean? Like, you're going off of these things with. With. Honestly, I. I feel like what people don't understand is. That's dangerous. And you're. You're making these assumptions and having people on the comments and, And. And Carly could read these comments one day, and I think people should just really just step back and think about that for a second. I'm only here speaking my truth as a birth parent, so that way, if she does come and look for information, there it is.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

And she has a truth, but she's not going to have the truth. On top of all these assumptions and these speculations and none of the. None of the details, none of that, none of the information, the correct information. A lot of it's false. A lot of it's wrong. Yeah. So, like, the whole thing about it being five years there. There has been the finalized paperwork for our open adoption agreement, which we have, which I don't know where. Where it's at, but people are confused, saying that the adoption was only for five years and that me and you should be grateful for anything above and beyond that.

[Ty]

Of course.

[Kate]

And that.

[Ty]

And shout out to be grateful.

[Kate]

And that is my thing, is like, that is false. The paperwork that you're getting the information off of was from a not finalized form of our adoption agreement. When dawn gave us that at the table, that was.

[Ty]

Yeah. And that was from, like, way in the beginning of our. Us making the adoption plan.

[Kate]

Yeah. So. And the whole five years thing was Only about a picture that I wanted on her birthday, specifically by herself for the first five years. So that way.

[Ty]

Which you never got. That's by the way.

[Kate]

Well, we got pictures. It just wasn't.

[Ty]

Not like that, though.

[Kate]

Not the way. It's fine. I never argued about it. I'm like, whatever. I never complained because I was like, listen, I'm still getting pictures. I was happy about it.

[Ty]

No, you.

[Kate]

But the information that they're going off of that little clause in that piece of paper that they're zooming in from a TV show. Yeah. Is not the finalized open adoption agreement. We had the finalized open adoption agreement.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

It's in my email and it clearly states visits up until 18.

[Ty]

Once a year.

[Kate]

Once a year. Annual. A N N U A l. Annual visits. That is one visit per year until she's 18.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

All of our signatures are on it. It's all in black and white. It's all there. But. But God forbid you keep going on your little screenshot of a TV show from 10 years ago and zooming in on the little clause on adoption paperwork. That wasn't the final form, right?

[Ty]

No, it wasn't.

[Kate]

So you're making these tiktoks and these damaging accusations, and I think it based off of false information.

[Ty]

Well, and it comes back to people not fully being educated about adoption and open adoption, because like we were told this whole time and this whole journey when we were making this decision for her was, you know, if you ever change your mind about openness or whatever during this, we could. Dawn used to always say, we can pull out the big eraser. We can erase it, and we can make it to however you feel and however you want it.

[Kate]

Right.

[Ty]

So, yes, after she was born and we held her and saw her, of course, we thought to ourselves, oh, hell no. This is going to be really hard. I love her. I want to see her. I don't want to have any what ifs. I want to know what she's doing and what does she look like and what is she into? And so we told dawn, no, no, no, we want to switch it open.

[Kate]

And we did.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And you. And you and I, honestly, I want everyone to understand that is okay. Birth mothers are allowed to change their mind once that baby comes into the world. Because everything before the whole nine months of being pregnant is all speculation, wondering, not knowing what it's going to be like and what. How you're going to feel.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And so I think people don't understand that during the whole adoption process, they always say, well, Once the baby's born, things may be different. And they always said you could change your mind. And I believe that every woman has the right to change her mind, especially when it comes to being a mother for the rest of your life or not being a mother. You know, that's a huge, lifelong altering decision. So I think people don't understand that. It's also not legally binding. You think this open adoption agreement is legally binding? It is not.

[Ty]

Well, no, but I know, like, in some states, like California, you can enforce it and stuff like that too. But yeah, a lot of people, yeah, they don't. But I think another misconception, which I think is funny, that I'm seeing a lot lately and I know that you've mentioned it too, so, like, my mom and I's relationship is in a better spot now than it was a year ago. And like, I love my mom. Don't get me wrong, I do a lover to my mom. But I see a lot of people saying, April was right. April and Butch were right. See, they never should have done the adoption. And I'm like, do all you guys forget what you watched? Do you not recall all of the stuff that was happening at this house? My mom was using, Butch was using. We were moving all the time. My house wasn't flat fested with fleas. Remember Johnny Legga, right?

[Kate]

Oh, my God, like, horrible walk in and they would jump all over you. Immediately.

[Ty]

My mom got arrested for drunk driving, like, all these things. And I'm like, so you think that I should have just like, yep, my mom was right. I totally should have brought a baby into that environment. Like, what?

[Kate]

I think it's interesting because people, like I said, people are looking at the situation 16 years down the line.

[Ty]

Right?

[Kate]

Okay, so you're like, oh, watch this old clip. Oh, my God, they were right. It's a dude. You guys, first off, you didn't know the future. And second off, they were on crack, okay? They're on crack and drunk and getting evicted and getting going to jail. Are you guys seriously going to tell us? Oh, you should listen to your mom. You should listen to Butch in April, right? I'm like, think about that for a second. You're telling me I should have listened to Butch in April 16 years ago?

[Ty]

Let that sink in for a moment.

[Kate]

Like, it is actually mind blowing. And it's like, I get what people are saying. Like, oh, well, April was able to, you know, fish out dawn or sense that adoption was wrong. But I'm gonna let you guys know, her intention was not to save us from being screwed by adoption. Her intention was to have what she thought was hers and what she thought was right.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And what she wanted to be a grandma. Wanted you to be a mom. It had no.

[Ty]

Her and your dad both.

[Kate]

Yeah. They did not try telling us.

[Ty]

Remember your dad, he was like, I would live in a car with Mike.

[Kate]

Yeah. It's like, I think people are confused that. Oh, they try. It's no. Their intention behind wanting us to keep Carly was not based off of. Because they thought we were going to be screwed by adoption. They could tell that adoption was a scam or whatever the case is. They did it because of selfish reasonings. And that's. And that's the truth. Because one thing that people also don't realize is the day that we signed off our rights in court, they fought us in court. They literally stood in the back of that courtroom and screamed that they object and they want custody of her.

[Ty]

Yeah, they wanted to fight for custody of her. And I remember the judge looking and saying, I see two young children standing in front of me knowing what they want for their child. And he was like, absolutely not. I deny it. I remember they had to, like, they.

[Kate]

Had to get the bailiff escorted. Yeah. Because your mom was mad and my dad was mad and all this other stuff. But. And it's like. Yeah, because they were on crack. We're not gonna listen to. And honestly, you're fighting for custody and you're getting evicted at the same time. My mind.

[Ty]

So people getting arrested for dui and.

[Kate]

You know, and also people just don't. They just don't know what it was like in your house on the day to day. No, they see these clips and so.

[Ty]

If you see my mother and your dad acting like that on camera, guys, what did people think it was like my. All the time.

[Kate]

Yeah. You know, and the fact that you're saying, oh, you show some April and brought her back to that house. No, are you serious?

[Ty]

Like you said, we can't predict the future.

[Kate]

I can't predict the future. Right, of course. I mean, I think people are saying, oh, you should have kept her, you shouldn't have parents her. Because we're on this TV show for 15 years and it gave us all this financial freedom and all these resources that we never would have had, blah, blah.

[Ty]

I would say if I could go back to that 16 year old and be as wise and know all the information that I know now, I might have made a different decision. But unfortunately, nobody can do that.

[Kate]

Yeah, you don't have A crystal ball. You can't just go back in time.

[Ty]

So. But yeah, but for people to be like, april Butcher, why? I'm like, huh?

[Kate]

Like my mind, when I see that comment and all like, sign, I'm like, are you guys for real, dude? You want us as 16 year olds to listen to crackheads?

[Ty]

Hell no.

[Kate]

That's insane, bro. Yeah, I just think it's interesting that we are even having to really go down this rabbit hole, but I think it's justified because like I said, real people have real, you know, consequences. And things happen when you go on these videos and you make all these damaging speculations and accusations and you're fueling a fire that shouldn't even really be brewing. Right.

[Ty]

Even funnier though is when you see people making these videos and they're spewing just misinformation and you reach out to those people and you're like, hey, listen, you can still not like me, but you know, you're spilling a lot of mistruth and I would like to inform you. And then they block you, but then continue making videos.

[Kate]

I'm like, you. So you don't want the truth? No, it's. Isn't that weird? So I'm reaching out to you personally. Not to. I have. No, you can still not like me. Yes, you can still not like me. I'm not even trying to change your opinion. What I'm trying to do is, is give you the accurate data. So that way, in the fact. So that way when you do make these videos, you're not spewing damaging accusations, right? And speculations, you actually have all the data. Do you want the data to make better informed videos? And you go, no, I want to respond. They just blocked it. Block. That's an answer, right? So you're like, okay, you're, you're literally. So you don't want, you don't want the data, you don't want the truth.

[Ty]

That's funny.

[Kate]

You don't want the facts.

[Ty]

And then other creators who, you reach out to them and they like, oh my God, they're like, oh, yeah. And then we'll talk. And even if they're like, well, I still don't agree, but like, you know.

[Kate]

But I've had a lot of them say, like, you know, I still think certain things I wouldn't do if I were you, blah, blah, but I understand on a deeper level of what's going on. Thank you very much. That's all I wanted, right? I'm like, you know, I can't control people's opinions and what they do and what videos they make. But I. I definitely think if you're gonna make the videos hating on me, I want you to have all the accurate data.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

To do.

[Ty]

So if you're gonna hate on me, at least you're spitting fast.

[Kate]

Yeah. And not misinformation, because it's damaging. And we know how bad misinformation can harm stuff, so. Yeah. I just feel like. I think people should check their hypocrisy when it comes to making continuous videos with speculations.

[Ty]

I like that big word.

[Kate]

What?

[Ty]

Hypocrisy.

[Kate]

Oh, hypocrisy.

[Ty]

That's a big word.

[Kate]

You would literally ask Siri to spell it for you.

[Ty]

Oh, for sure.

[Kate]

Hypocrisy.

[Ty]

H I P. Go ahead. H I P. You're already hip. Hypocrisy.

[Kate]

Hype without the E. H Y. Hyp.

[Ty]

Whatever.

[Kate]

Come on. You're so close after getting excited.

[Ty]

Hyprs. Irs.

[Kate]

Irs.

[Ty]

Cy. I don't know.

[Kate]

Yeah. Anyway, so, yeah, the videos people are making, it's hypocritical to preach about privacy, that, oh, you're breaking boundaries because you keep talking about the situation, you keep talking about it publicly, but you're literally making 10 times more videos than I've ever made.

[Ty]

You're talking about in my life all the time, public.

[Kate]

That's hypocritical. And I think you should use some introspection on that.

[Ty]

Totally agree.

[Kate]

Anything else?

[Ty]

I mean, honey, we have a whole show that you can talk.

[Kate]

I know, but I was trying to think, like, hey, okay. Our whole goal of the episode was to just kind of, like, go through what we're seeing right now, which is a lot of turmoil. People are very. And I also feel like these creators, once. Once the algorithm kind of feeds that thing now, they found their niche. Right. Ooh. All the other videos have 1200 likes.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

But this one video they made on their opinion about our adoption story got 24, 000 views. So now what do they do? I hit the golden ticket.

[Ty]

This is my views.

[Kate]

Yeah. They're like, oh, my God, this is it. So if I keep talking about the subject, I'll keep gaining all this stuff. So it's like they found their little niche.

[Ty]

Oh, gosh, yes. So then their video talking about us is, like, got hundreds of thousands of views.

[Kate]

Right. And so I feel like people are just kind of, like, latching onto it and running.

[Ty]

Okay. So I asked our followers on the Kate and Ty Break it down Instagram page, and I was like, drop me some of Your anonymous, like, juicy secrets. I will keep it anonymous. And so I thought this was funny. Oh, no. Just to, like, bring it up to you and we could talk about it. And I told everybody.

[Kate]

What is it?

[Ty]

I told everybody on the page. I said, you know, if it's shocking, you might end up on the podcast. And I will totally keep you anonymous. So I want to know, do you want the one that's, like, kind of spicy or the one that's, like, oh, spicy first?

[Kate]

I want to hit the nail on the head. I want this. But the. As you said, spicy, like, shocking.

[Ty]

Okay, so a little shocking. Like, okay, what do you do in this situation? Or, like, really?

[Kate]

Okay, all right, all right. I'm ready. I'm ready.

[Ty]

Which one should we do first?

[Kate]

First, the really shocking one.

[Ty]

They're really.

[Kate]

No, no, actually, let's just go from the bottom up.

[Ty]

Okay. So I got one, which is from a fan of ours. Anonymous.

[Kate]

Anonymous.

[Ty]

Secret. Yeah, secret. And it said, I slept with my younger brother's best friend, and it was fire.

[Kate]

I slept with my younger brother's best friend, and it was fire. I have so many questions. What are the ages? How far apart are they? Are you.

[Ty]

Oh, right.

[Kate]

Are you literally, like, adults?

[Ty]

Yeah. I would hope so.

[Kate]

Are you in? I don't know. I. I mean, so if somebody were.

[Ty]

To, like, one of your friends sleep with your sister, how would you feel about that?

[Kate]

I would. I would want to know.

[Ty]

You wouldn't?

[Kate]

I want to know. I don't want to know.

[Ty]

I mean, sure, it's like your best friend.

[Kate]

My best friend. Hey, man, listen, keep it to yourself, homie. I don't want to know about you. Hell no.

[Ty]

Well, then what happens if they ended.

[Kate]

Up, like, what, being together? Yeah, well, then that. Then we have to have a conversation. But if you're just blinking and blinking once in a while. Whatever. I don't even know about. But I mean, you know what I'm saying? Like, hey, whatever. I mean. But yeah, I mean, what the hell?

[Ty]

Yeah. So I was like, I just let out, you know, I'm not really sure what I would do in that situation. Like, what if. So if somebody was sleeping with my sister and it was my best friend, say, I don't know, what if he was, like, a really good dude and really loved my sister? I mean, eventually, I guess I'd probably get over it. Like, if they ended up being together.

[Kate]

And stuff, like, we'd be mad at first.

[Ty]

Maybe I might be a little. Not, like mad, but, like, ew. You know what I mean? Like, Ew, you. Sorry.

[Kate]

You're nasty.

[Ty]

Maybe, like, if my best friend Sam slept with my sister Sarah back in the day or something when they ended up together, I'd be like, ew, that's disgusting.

[Kate]

I don't. Like I said, I don't want to know about that right now. If you want to date, we obviously have to have a conversation, because guess who's gonna be at Thanksgiving? Yeah, you would. So we gotta talk.

[Ty]

Yeah, but you have to, at that.

[Kate]

Point, hey, you're just hooking up. Hell no.

[Ty]

Okay, so this one, I was like, ty will get a kick out of this one. I know you have a lot to say.

[Kate]

Oh, my God. Really? I'm like, oh, God. I'm nervous. Excited.

[Ty]

Okay, so this is from another person on the Kate and Ty Break It Down Instagram page. And they said, I masturbate while my husband's sleeping.

[Kate]

Oh, whoa. What the.

[Ty]

She. Yeah, she masturbates while her husband is sleeping next to her.

[Kate]

Why?

[Ty]

My question is like, is it not going on?

[Kate]

That's what I'm saying. I. Listen, so what. What would your reaction give me any of this? I don't any more d. I need more information. I need more details because I like. Dude, what the.

[Ty]

What would your reaction be if you literally woke up in the middle of the night to me masturbating next to you?

[Kate]

I would be like, yo, I'm right here. You got problems. Am I not. What's wrong with me?

[Ty]

That's what I'm thinking, I guess.

[Kate]

Yeah. I'd be like, what? What. What's wrong with me?

[Ty]

Is there not? And so I think if this person hears this, like, I wonder if, you know, you're. You and your husband need to have.

[Kate]

Like, you better vocalize or just have.

[Ty]

A conversation about what you like, what you don't like, if he's not pleasing you in the bedroom. You know what I mean? Because that's crazy. I couldn't imagine, like, waking up, bro, and you're like, bro, jerking your chicken. I would. I would be.

[Kate]

Okay.

[Ty]

Mortified.

[Kate]

Would you be pissed?

[Ty]

Yes.

[Kate]

Yeah. Because I feel like. And I don't know if that. Does that mean. What does it. I don't know if that means the fact that I'd be pissed, but I think it'd be more or less like, what's wrong with you and what's wrong with us? What's going on?

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

My body's right here.

[Ty]

Right. I think that plays into showing that, like, there's more issues going on.

[Kate]

Right. Because you're not Speaking.

[Ty]

Yeah. You're just masturbating while I'm sleep.

[Kate]

Yo, don't do it. Yo, we're in the same bed. What? You. What? Why? What's going on?

[Ty]

Literally masturbating while sleeping next to one another.

[Kate]

I would be pissed.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And I don't know what that means about me. I don't know if that's about me. Body pissed.

[Ty]

I think the anger would be hurt. Yeah.

[Kate]

Yeah. Because you're like.

[Ty]

Or. And it would be like, am I not doing enough for you? Am I not good at it? Am I not, you know, am I doing.

[Kate]

Obviously you ain't doing something right. If she's laying right next to you.

[Ty]

Yeah. Is there about something I could do differently?

[Kate]

No. That is so wackety dackity.

[Ty]

I'm like, there needs to be a conversation had.

[Kate]

Okay. Well, I also feel like, though, when people say, oh, how do you make it last so long? Oh, how are you so happy? And it is sex. People don't. They don't put that. I'm not saying all that. No, I know it's very high.

[Ty]

Well, I was gonna say successful piggyback. That, though, is like. But you have to have conversations about sex.

[Kate]

I mean, how am I gonna know what you like if you don't tell me?

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

Vice versa. Right, Right. But I think when people ask, oh, what is it? It's like communication, which involves talking about sex, communicating about what you like, what you don't like.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And vice versa. So, like, when I say communicate and then I say sex and honesty, loyalty, like, those are all things that are like, that's what makes things last. And also being honest. You have to be honest. I am not protecting your feelings, and I don't want you protecting mine. I am responsible for protecting my feelings.

[Ty]

In a respectful way.

[Kate]

Well, I'm not gonna stupid. I'm not gonna be like, respect. Not about hurting, but, like, I'm not. But when I tell you things I'm not thinking about, I'm not worried about, oh, my God, I don't want to hurt her things. I have to be honest.

[Ty]

Well, you want to portray about how you're really feeling.

[Kate]

Yeah. And so. And if my honesty creates a response in you where I have to apologize for, that's a little different. But I'm not. My intention going into is not to protect you. No. My attention is honesty.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

This is how I really feel. So she needs to just be honest. I know you're not doing something. I'll be honest with you if I don't Know what guy this girl's married to. Whatever. But there are so many books out there, and I highly suggest reading them all because.

[Ty]

Or just like slip a few on the bed for him to read.

[Kate]

What? Bed or books?

[Ty]

Yeah, give them some books.

[Kate]

Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm saying, though. But I also feel like, dudes, read the books, bro. Read all the books. Read, talk, communicate with your partner, whatever. I mean, literally, I had to. Kate didn't even know all the parts of her lady parts I had to explain. Yeah, I know what that is. I'm like, that's a majora minor. That's your. You're like, what? So it's like, yeah, get educated, bro. Like, damn.

[Ty]

That's what I mean, there needs to be a conversation had.

[Kate]

Wow. Wow. I guess my thing is, how do people not conversate about it? Like, how do you not have a conversation? You just lay there and pretend your whole life that this is great, that you're. Why would you do that to yourself?

[Ty]

And then there is. There's one where I'm like, this is a sticky situation. I'm not sure who my baby daddy is to my second child. My husband's or a friend of mine. So, like, does this husband think that this baby is his? How old is this baby?

[Kate]

And she is saying that she doesn't know if it's the husband or her.

[Ty]

Friend or her friends.

[Kate]

Well, I think it's time to find out.

[Ty]

I know, right?

[Kate]

Get a DNA test.

[Ty]

Well, and you think about. Yeah, because you think.

[Kate]

Because the friend knows and you know, you don't. I mean, don't involve the husband if you don't have to. I guess at this point, because I'm not sure when this happened or they broke. I don't. You know.

[Ty]

Well, right. But my. My thing is, is, like, so you have this baby, whatever. You don't know if it's your husband's or your friends, but if your husband is just going along and thinking this is his baby and then finds out he's not. Yeah, that's very like. You might as well just get the hurt over with now, dude.

[Kate]

That.

[Ty]

Because to prolong it and then him leave anyways or be obviously be upset anyways.

[Kate]

Like, that's kind of what I'm saying.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

In the friend, you and the friend do a date. We need to do a thing together. Say, listen, I gotta make sure. And that's.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And then you. Then, Then. Then that result will open up other bridges or it might close it off and they cool. We don't have to do nothing.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

We gotta worry about nothing because it's actually my husband's. And then we just kind of.

[Ty]

Yeah, but then. God, could you imagine going to sleep at night holding that secret?

[Kate]

Oh, what secret?

[Ty]

That, like, I cheated on my husband with my friend.

[Kate]

I know what it's doing. Than holding a baby saying, this ain't. You're really your baby.

[Ty]

Oh, I know. Both of them are bad.

[Kate]

I think I'd pick the other one. Like, where. I mean, you know how. And people. Man.

[Ty]

Dude, it is me.

[Kate]

Yeah, that's. You know, that is insane.

[Ty]

But that one, the one of the girls saying that she masturbates next to her husband while he's sleeping, that blew my mind.

[Kate]

I actually feel really bad for her and him. I really do. I feel bad for both of them. I. I don't know why they're not communicating, but they need to because that's something mean you're really good at. Like, you say what you don't like, I say what I like, what I don't like, and that's it. And you take. You know what I mean? Like, I. Guys just read books. There's so many books out there. Just read the books and you'll be.

[Ty]

And like I said, just like, have a conversation about sex, even if you know it does not. And it shouldn't be. And it shouldn't be uncomfortable to have conversations with your partner.

[Kate]

It is that problem, in my opinion.

[Ty]

Right. That's. I mean, it shouldn't be uncomfortable to have these conversations.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Ty]

And obviously it's necessary because if you're not being pleasured the way that you deserve to be.

[Kate]

Yeah. It's a huge problem.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Like, for instance, pain. What if. What, you're gonna lay there and just be in pain.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

Like, that's horrible. And I. Honestly, if a guy really, like, loves a woman or whatever, he's not gonna want her to be in pain.

[Ty]

No, no.

[Kate]

And so what I'm saying is that like. Like, for instance, for us, like, that's important. You need to explain. Hey, that is not okay. That sucks. And like that. But because we don't know.

[Ty]

Right?

[Kate]

I don't know what you like, what you don't like. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So it's like vice versa talk. I can't imagine. Like I said, I can't imagine just laying there, just pretending your whole life. That's. That's. Dude, that is.

[Ty]

You know, go to therapy.

[Kate]

Go to therapy. Yeah. There's a couple therapists out there. They'll figure all this out, but. Or maybe invite him. Why is she. Why is she asking to join or something? I don't know.

[Ty]

I don't know. I would be, like, freaking out. How can you.

[Kate]

I think that's more disturbing than the baby daddy friend thing, you know? I know. Damn.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Because here's my thing. One thing, I also want to. When you're raising kids too, if you're. I don't know if people have kids, but when you're raising kids, you're also raising kids to show this is what love looks like. Yeah, like, this is what. So being affectionate, being honest, communicating. Like, I think that's super important. Like when me and you hug or kiss, our kids go crazy.

[Ty]

Yeah. They always want to be a part of it.

[Kate]

They like the little heads poke up. Like, oh, they're hugging and they run. Like they. So it's like they want to join. I think it's important for kids to, like, see.

[Ty]

It's so important.

[Kate]

That's what it's like.

[Ty]

Because then as your kids get older, they'll realize like, oh, my daddy never did that to my mom, or my mom never did that to my dad. Or they were very affectionate and kissed in front of us. And I think that's important for kids to see. Yeah, but you keep a G rated.

[Kate]

But. Yeah, but I was gonna say some people are like pda.

[Ty]

No, whatever. I pack my husband in front of my kids and hug my husband in front of my kids.

[Kate]

Yeah, my ass. My house.

[Ty]

Remember that one time when Noah had the little friend over? Yes, I can say your name, but. And me and you, we, like, kissed or whatever. And she was like, ew. The friend was like, ew, that's gross. And it was like, they just love each other.

[Kate]

Yeah, they just love each other. God.

[Ty]

I know. Like Aussie. She knows we just love each other.

[Kate]

I know. Because she knows. She sees it. And the other. The other friend probably doesn't see it.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

So she was like, ew, what are you doing?

[Ty]

Right. Very G. Great. It's not like, I know, Shove my tongue on her throat or like, yeah, love me in front of my children. Like, no, we give it G rated. It's like a peck, you know?

[Kate]

Still. You're still showing your kids, like, what? I mean, come on, dude. Like, that's important.

[Ty]

So do you have anything else that you could think to add?

[Kate]

I mean, honestly, I just feel like I like the. I like that part. I like little anonymous stuff. Yeah, I think because that stuff's like, I Just I. Then I get in the loopholes. I want to know. Like, I want to know. Yeah. What's going on? Like, dude, like, what?

[Ty]

Yeah, I thought that one was crazy. And I told your niece about it beforehand. I was like, this is what I'm gonna show your uncle today when we record. And she was like, oh, my God. She's like, if I was that guy, I'd be like, what about me?

[Kate]

Yeah, what about me? That's what I'm saying. I guess it's one of those things, though, where you take it personal, right? How do you not take it personal? You know what I'm saying?

[Ty]

Of course you take.

[Kate]

Because then you're like, dude, I'm literally laying right here, bro.

[Ty]

Like, at least we never have to worry about that.

[Kate]

Thank God.

[Ty]

High five. We will open that for.

[Kate]

Hey. But we had to communicate. Yeah. This never would have worked. We didn't communicate.

[Ty]

You know? And I feel like that's. In any relationship, you have to talk about things.

[Kate]

Yeah. Because everyone has different preferences and what they like, what they don't like. And, you know, some people are just some crazy.

[Ty]

Right. And some people aren't. Some of them aren't.

[Kate]

Tie me up. I'm not into that. Right. Kick me in the face. Like, I'm not really into that.

[Ty]

Fight me.

[Kate]

You know, it's like, dude, I. You know, choke me. It's like, I want to breathe, though, right? So some people are just vanilla. What is. What do you consider vanilla, though? I don't even know what considered vanilla anymore.

[Ty]

Vanilla.

[Kate]

Like, what?

[Ty]

I think just, like, normal sex.

[Kate]

Like, no. No bdsm, taking the whips out.

[Ty]

Right.

[Kate]

We ain't strangling each other.

[Ty]

Yeah. And I'm fine with that. I give you vanilla sex all the time.

[Kate]

Because honestly, like, dude, if that's what.

[Ty]

It'S considered vanilla, then give me that.

[Kate]

I don't know what it is, but I. I don't want to be in pain. No. So that's where it comes.

[Ty]

Right?

[Kate]

Some people are like. I was like, dude, wow. I mean, I get it. Some people are like.

[Ty]

People have different preferences.

[Kate]

How did that happen to you? Now I'm curious about your past. I'm like, wait, why do you want to be strapped to a board like the hog?

[Ty]

Right?

[Kate]

And it whipped and cut and.

[Ty]

And it turns you on.

[Kate]

Yeah. Now, I have so many questions about your past and your childhood that what the Is happening?

[Ty]

Oh, my God. I'm dead.

[Kate]

But honestly, I do think it's one of the most important things. I think it's Something that no one should settle. Settle on. Like, you get married to someone, you know that, like, your sexual compatibility should be exactly how it should be. You shouldn't settle. They shouldn't settle.

[Ty]

Like, and then you think too about how late. So religion stuff is so anti. No sex before marriage. Don't live with people before you're married and stuff like that. But then imagine if you guys get married and you're like, oh my God, I love this guy. He's the best thing ever. And then you guys consummate the marriage that night and you're like, this sucks. Then what?

[Kate]

Now what? I'm married.

[Ty]

You're right. And I'm stuck with this dick forever. Then what do you do? And you and I have watched a few weird shows, dude.

[Kate]

Remember even like the one where they got married. The first kiss was at the office, dude.

[Ty]

And they were like, highly religious and it was the most awkward. They didn't even know how to freaking kid.

[Kate]

I guess.

[Ty]

I guess imagine them having sex.

[Kate]

Okay, I know, but I guess a part of it I could see, like, okay, you, you. It could be a beautiful, right. Growing experience. To grow with it together.

[Ty]

Yes.

[Kate]

But yo, I ain't marrying nobody if I don't know they can lay it down. I'm not doing it. I. I'm not doing it. We have to know. We have to know. You have to know because that's what I mean.

[Ty]

Could you imagine you get in it and it's his weebies like this thing.

[Kate]

Yeah, but listen.

[Ty]

Or what if she's got some like, roast beef?

[Kate]

Maybe some girls like to let that.

[Ty]

I like.

[Kate]

Yeah, definitely.

[Ty]

Average size dick all the way. Average size dick. I hope my grandma doesn't listen to this.

[Kate]

That's true. Think about that for a second. But honestly. Yeah, because when we talk about even. I mean, I was gonna say you said you take some off. You would shrink it. It's good because. But that also goes to pain, right?

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And how I know a woman likes.

[Ty]

Their cervix being slammed.

[Kate]

Okay, I know, but like, honestly. But see, like, girls have to communicate that to us guys because, you know, we.

[Ty]

Oh, I will punch a. I will uppercut somebody.

[Kate]

That goes to compatibility. You have to communicate.

[Ty]

Yeah, you do.

[Kate]

You. If you never would have told me you hurt me, then that would. I never would have clocked that. You know, I never would even thought to be careful. And whatever.

[Ty]

I tell you all the time when you have like, you see certain women coming and like, oh, no, I love it. It's amazing. And I'm like, you're a liar. You are a liar. Because if you love that shit, something is wrong with you. You're a liar. Lies. Lies.

[Kate]

Because ain't nothing ruin the mood quicker than that.

[Ty]

No. Then you hit me jammed in the service.

[Kate]

I'm like, oh, my God, dude, hurts. Sorry.

[Ty]

Unless there are no different part that's in the bdsm. And they like the pain, I guess I'm saying.

[Kate]

No, that's what I mean. It's a community, though. Maybe they like I said, getting strapped to a book.

[Ty]

No, thank you. I'm not trying to have a contraction. Thank you.

[Kate]

Yeah, because I remember there we read that one, me Rose. If you could change something physical, they had to answer it. And you're like, I would just take an inch off.

[Ty]

Yeah.

[Kate]

And I'm like, well, that's not what I was expecting. So what the. But like I said, that brings up the point of, like, you have to communicate so that literal. That lady needs to communicate, bro.

[Ty]

They definitely need to have a conversation, even if you have to get a therapist involved to help you if you're not sure how to say what your needs are.

[Kate]

Yeah, right. Getting a therapist.

[Ty]

They have sexual therapists and stuff like that too. And. Or, you know, her and her husband should go on one of those, like. Yeah, the sex retreat.

[Kate]

Cancer. It's not like, all about.

[Ty]

Yeah, it's not all about having sex, but it's about learning about each other's bodies and connecting and talking about what you like and what you don't like there.

[Kate]

Yeah, true. Yeah, that could be really. Yeah, There you go. Yeah.

[Ty]

Well, at least you don't ever have to. You don't have to worry about me.

[Kate]

You know, thank God. Yo. My whole life would be in shambles. I want to know what the. Yeah. Who am I? Who are you? Who am I?

[Ty]

Midlife. What is this crisis?

[Kate]

What is we doing here? Like, what the.

[Ty]

So, yes, now that we're, you know, off the topic of, you know, masturbation. Woohoo. Way to end the show. But.

[Kate]

And that's what you're gonna get used to talking to us about. Like, no, bro, we just.

[Ty]

I don't know, like, the first episode, I said it's like ADHD on crack, but again, so we do have some. After this week's episode, we have some really fun and good, interesting conversations with people coming up. Also, don't forget to like and subscribe and share. Kate and Ty, break it down. We are on Instagram, X, Facebook, Tick Tock, all with the same username. Kate and Ty break it down. You can catch us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, anywhere that you listen to podcasts you can find it. And just a huge thanks for the support and we look forward to talking to you guys next week.

[Kate]

Yeah, you guys are great. Thank you. Pluto TV has all the shows and movies you love streaming for free. That means laughter is free with gut busting comedies like the Neighborhood Boomerang and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Bueller Mystery is free with countless cases to crack from Criminal Minds Tracker and Matlock. I'm a lawyer like the old TV show and thrills are free with heart pumping hits like the Walking Dead and Pulp Fiction. Feel the free Pluto TV stream now. Pay never Dinner time.

[Ty]

It's where little moments are cherished. With Blue cash preferred get 6% cash back at US supermarkets and bring everyone together.

[Kate]

I did say everyone.

[Ty]

Learn [e-mail] Explore BCP terms and cash.

[Kate]

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