Young Grandma Amber Boone: Escaping Domestic Abuse & Blended Family Dynamics (PART 1)

Summary

Cate & Ty Break It Down PodcastOne

Episode: Young Grandma Amber Boone: Escaping Domestic Abuse & Blended Family Dynamics (Part 1)
Date: July 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this candid and deeply personal episode, Catelynn and Tyler Baltierra invite Detroit native and viral TikTok star Amber Boone to share her incredible life journey. Amber opens up about her traumatic childhood, early motherhood, surviving domestic abuse, and her experiences navigating blended family life—ultimately becoming a "young grandma." The discussion explores generational cycles, personal healing, the realities of escaping abuse, and the challenges and rewards of creating a new, healthy family dynamic against all odds.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Amber's Viral TikTok Fame and Young Grandma Status

• Amber went viral on TikTok for being a “hot grandma times three” in her 30s. The attention led to overwhelming (often critical) scrutiny from strangers, highlighting the double-edged sword of social media fame.
• Quote: “Somebody commented and was like, ‘Grandbaby? You look 27.’ I’m 36, but I do have a grand. ...I think it was like 25 million views before I just privated it, because...it was like people were commenting on everything.” —Amber ([02:53])
• Tyler & Amber discuss how regional accents and local mannerisms (like “look it, look it” and “scooch over”) attract online commentary.

2. Childhood Trauma & Family Estrangement

• Amber describes a childhood marked by trauma: being attacked by a dog as a child (leaving lifelong scars), and more painfully, surviving sexual abuse by her father at age 3.5, after which she was forced by the courts to maintain visitation despite his conviction.
• Systemic Failures: Amber critiques how the legal and family systems failed to protect her, prioritizing “process, procedure, paperwork” over child wellbeing ([07:54]).
• Quote: “They don’t stop to think, like, how is this going to affect this child later on down the road?” —Amber ([08:02])
• Estrangement from mother: Amber shares her decision, after years of toxic interactions and her mother’s refusal to accept accountability, to cut off contact for her own mental health.
• Catelynn and Tyler resonate with themes of generational dysfunction and family estrangement, emphasizing the need for boundaries and self-preservation.

3. The Loneliness of Healing and Found Family

• The hosts and Amber bond over the loneliness that can come with personal healing, having chosen to distance themselves from toxic family but finding solace and “chosen family” in friends.
• Quote: “Healing and finding peace can still be lonely.” —Tyler ([17:27])
• Catelynn offers hope, envisioning future family holidays surrounded by well-raised children and grandchildren as a “beautiful chaos” earned through breaking generational cycles ([18:28]).

4. Early Independence & Becoming a Teen Mom

• Amber recounts leaving home for good at 13, due to a volatile relationship with her mom, couch-hopping with friends and her older sister.
• Losing her virginity and becoming pregnant at 14: She details the confusion, fear, and sense of inevitability she felt, as well as being pressured to consider abortion or adoption, but choosing to parent—partly as a chance to give her own child what she lacked ([25:30]).
• Amber’s grandmother was a significant (and honest) support, even advising her to "take care of it," informed by her own experience as a teen mom.

5. Young Motherhood—Seeking Perfection

• Amber describes the pressure she put on herself to parent perfectly, especially informed by a new immersion in church life with her boyfriend’s supportive family.
• Quote: “I’m going to be the best mom…She’s not going to be tainted by the world.” —Amber ([27:04])
• By 16, Amber married her daughter's father and soon, at 17, had a second child.

6. Surviving Domestic Abuse

• Amber reveals her husband began abusing her physically when she was pregnant—with the abuse escalating over the years, including physical violence, cheating as “punishment,” and terrifying encounters involving weapons ([33:56–39:37]).
• Family Involvement: Despite living with his family, they consistently prioritized their son, asking Amber to leave after violent incidents.
• Recognition and Escape: Keeping a detailed journal, Amber one day read back over her experiences and realized “nothing is gonna change until one of us dies,” pointing to the near-fatal nature of her circumstances ([40:00]).
• Quote: “All the times where like, it could have gone...he literally held a gun down my throat...and I was so deadass, like I’m tired. And then my daughter came around the stairs...‘Is mommy okay?’ ...That night really did something in me. But I still stayed.” —Amber ([39:36])
• After another violent event and reading her own journal, Amber finally escaped with her two young children on a Greyhound bus at age 19.

7. Protecting Her Kids & Navigating Co-Parenting

• Amber shares the complexities of co-parenting with her abusive ex: her children visiting his family in Florida, maintaining ties to their culture (her daughter is bilingual, embraces her Puerto Rican heritage), but also the regret that her kids were exposed to further trauma through their father’s volatility—especially her son ([52:55]).
• Balance of harm and heritage: Amber believed ongoing family connection was important, but now questions whether it was the right choice.

8. Blended Family Life & Strict Parenting

• Remarriage: Amber remarries when her daughter is about 7, blending families (four kids total). Her new husband’s stricter parenting style influenced her own.
• Strictness: Amber adopted harsh rules—no unsupervised outings, strict academic expectations, even once prematurely removing her daughter's braces as punishment, which she now regrets ([57:29]).
• Quote: “Super strict parents don’t create good kids, they create sneaky kids...very good liars.” —Tyler ([59:38])
• Amber now recognizes her ultra-strict approach backfired by making her children more secretive, realizing a need for balance and open communication.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Amber on being a survivor:
  “I was a wayward, rebellious, angry child…my very first memories are traumatic.” ([05:18])
• Catelynn on family estrangement:
  “You start recognizing, wait a minute, either you are a liability to my happiness or you are an asset.” ([11:29])
• Amber on breaking cycles:
  “It’s almost like restarting your whole family lineage...we’re just going to create our own little peaceful tribe over here.” ([18:48])
• Amber on leaving domestic violence:
  “I packed the babies up and hopped on a Greyhound...someone’s gonna die here, and I don’t know how, but I don’t want that to be my story.” ([40:51])
• Amber on parenting out of trauma:
  “I thought I could stop her [daughter] by preventing her from living or exploring or figuring out who she was.” ([58:55])
• Tyler on the legacy of strictness:
  “Super strict parents don’t create good kids, they create sneaky kids.” ([59:38])

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Important Timestamps

• 02:53 – Amber explains how she went viral as a young grandma on TikTok
• 05:18 – Describes childhood trauma (animal attack, sexual abuse, family court aftermath)
• 08:02 – Amber critiques the failure of child protection systems
• 13:04 – Discussion about parental forgiveness and realizing generational dysfunction
• 17:27 – Healing and boundaries create loneliness
• 25:30 – Amber shares how she told her mom about her pregnancy at 14
• 33:56 – First mention of abuse during pregnancy
• 39:36 – The gun incident; daughter’s intervention; moment of clarity about leaving
• 40:51 – Decision to escape with her children
• 52:55 – Amber on co-parenting regret and her kids’ exposure to their father’s volatility
• 57:29 – Strict parenting examples and subsequent regrets
• 59:38 – Tyler’s quote on strict parents creating sneaky kids

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Episode Tone & Style

The tone is raw, honest, and, at times, deeply emotional. All three speakers—Amber, Catelynn, and Tyler—discuss difficult topics (abuse, trauma, family estrangement) with candid vulnerability and often turn to dark humor or mutual support to lighten the mood or show solidarity. The conversation is sprinkled with laughter, regional slang, and a sense of “real talk” that makes space for healing and shared understanding.

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Conclusion & What’s Next

The episode closes with the promise of a Part 2, as Amber’s story of resilience, identity, and motherhood continues. Listeners are left with a sense of hope: that breaking generational cycles is possible, and that there’s grace, even when healing is lonely.

Next week: Stay tuned for Part 2 with Amber Boone, where Cate & Ty dig even further into her journey and blended family life.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Yes.

[C]

Fellow Detroiter Amber.

[B]

Boo.

[C]

Welcome to Kate and Tight. Break it down.

[B]

I'm excited to be here.

[C]

Thanks for coming here.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[C]

Yeah, we actually. We just met Amber for the first time in Grand Rapids doing Kale's whole tour, which was fun. That was great. My dog. My dog's here, buddy.

[A]

Yeah. Come on, Baxter.

[C]

Come on. Come on. Before you start making all this, relax your damn self.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

Come on.

[A]

Come on, baby. Come on. Oh, my God.

[B]

Jump.

[A]

We know you can do it.

[C]

Come on.

[B]

You can do it.

[C]

Come on. Come on. Yeah. So anyway, that was fun. That was cool. I got to meet your daughter, which was great. And it's funny because if people don't know Amber's a grandma.

[B]

Yes. I was three.

[A]

I was like, what? I'M like, you're a hot grandma times three.

[B]

That's what made me go viral on Tick Tock.

[C]

Is it really?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, for real?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Explain to me a little bit about, like, how. How did that happen? Because obviously not everyone blows up on TikTok. So what. What happened?

[B]

Yeah, so I did a TikTok. I had made a video talking about, like, something ran like the foster care system or something like that. And I was talking about my grandbaby, and somebody commented and was like, Grandbaby, you look 27. And so I responded with a video and I was like, 27. Don't gas me up. 36 years old, but I do have a grand. And then I, like, kind of told the story. Like, I had kids young. My daughter had kids young. And it got like. I think it was like 25 million views before I. And then it went viral. Were like, stealing and putting on Snapchat and everywhere was going viral everywhere. But I just privated it because, I mean, it gets overwhelming. It gets a lot. It was like people were commenting on everything from how I talked to what I was wearing to how I look to what I was saying. And I was just like, oh, so y' all hate me for existing? Yeah.

[D]

Right.

[C]

So you're saying. So it opened up more. You weren't really expecting people to, like, criticize everything about you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Fucked up.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I think people don't understand. Everyone's like, got this, oh, I want to be, like, a social media influencer.

[A]

It comes with a lot.

[C]

And I don't think they understand that. It comes with so much other dark shit that nobody really talks about unless you've experienced it or don't know what it's like until you've experienced it. And it's.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Especially I think, being from where we're at, like, our area, people have so many.

[B]

Because people don't understand. Yeah. They don't get talk like that.

[D]

Like that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm like, like, what?

[A]

You're like, this is how I know.

[B]

Like, what's wrong?

[C]

Yeah. It's actually funny because me and Kate didn't even really realize that Michigan people talk different until I think when we were talking to Carly's parents and they're like, you guys say different weird shit. And I'm like, what? And I'm like, the thing that they

[A]

always left at is that we would. We would say stuff like, look at, look at.

[B]

Yeah. Instead of like, look at it. You know, like, look at, look at, look at.

[C]

Like, look it, look it. I'm Like.

[A]

And first, we didn't get it.

[B]

We're like, what? Or, like, scooch over instead of scoot over, which I didn't know was a thing. And I'm like, scooch. What? You.

[A]

Right.

[B]

What do you mean, over?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. A lot of different things. And I'm like, okay, I don't know. And then, like, I've been raised around a lot of different people, too, so I think a lot of things have influenced the way that I speak, ultimately. And I did live in North Florida for a while, but everywhere I go, I was like, where's your accent from? And I'm like, I couldn't tell you.

[C]

I didn't know I had one.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know.

[A]

Well, we. I know we want to start from, like, the very beginning.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I want to know, like, what were you, like, a child? What was it like for you growing up your childhood? Let's start from the very beginning.

[B]

So little Amber was a wayward child. I will say that I had, like, my very first. Memories are traumatic. I don't have, like, a first. Oh, I was riding a bike. They come eventually. But I, like, got my whole right side of my face torn off by Doberman when I was, like, three, so it was really traumatic. And I still have a scar right here. Everybody says, like, oh, I can't see it. Every single day when I go to do my makeup or put lipstick on, I'm like, oh, you actually had that.

[C]

You memorize that happening, though?

[B]

No, I remember it. Like, for some reason, I hold on to trauma. Like. Like, grip tight. Like, I remember every single detail. And then I forget, like, good stuff, right?

[A]

I can relate.

[B]

Yeah. It is a curse because I'm like, oh, no, don't. But don't ever try to check me on it, because I remember everything. I probably have receipts somewhere. Like, don't test me, because I know. But, yeah. So I was sexually abused by my own father, and I had to test against him. He was convicted, and then I was still the family court, still forced visitation, so I had to visit my dad.

[C]

Was he locked off?

[B]

He got, like, house arrest. What? Yeah, it was crazy. So I had to still visit him, which I think, you know, had some effect on how I viewed authority and the people who are supposed to protect you. And it, like, really? So I was a very wayward, rebellious, angry child. I got into a lot of trouble, a lot of fights. I got into a lot of issues with, like, teachers and authority and everything. Yeah, it was just wild as hell. And Probably a pain in the ass.

[C]

But what ages would that abuse happen?

[A]

So three. About.

[B]

I was three and a half. I think four by the time I went to court and stuff.

[A]

Right around.

[B]

Yeah. Just turning four.

[C]

Wow. So, like, super young. Yeah, that's very young.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So. But. But did. Was it because you said something and someone.

[B]

Okay, I went home because I knew what happened.

[A]

Like.

[C]

But wait a minute. So your mom and dad were together or something? No. Okay, so you were going to visit him, obviously.

[B]

Yeah, it was like, one of the first visits because they had just realized that was a child or whatever the case was. I had just recently started visiting him, and then it happened. I didn't at the time know, oh, I was abused. I just knew what was happening was wrong, and I didn't know why or how, but I knew I should tell. So when I went home, I told my mom, and then she called the police. And then, of course, all the investigations and everything. And then I told him exactly what happened. And then the investigation continued until I had to ultimately, like, testify what happened. But because I had to relive it and retell it so many times, it's, like, emblazoned in my mind now. Like, I can't get it out because I had to retell it. I had to show it how to do the little dolls. Like, I had to everything and then testify in court with everyone's eyes on me, so.

[A]

And him there, too.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Staring at me. Yeah.

[C]

So do you think that that is. Do you think that it was far as, like, how the system treats children who are abused? Do you think that's a good or bad? I mean.

[B]

No, it's terrible. They don't care about protecting the child. Is all about process, procedure, paperwork, prosecution. Exactly. And they don't stop to think, like, how is this going to affect this child later on down the road? And the family court and the criminal court did not work together in my favor.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So the criminal court says, yes, he's guilty. The family court says, he's still your dad. Go see him.

[A]

What the. And so how long.

[B]

Go ahead. I was gonna say. And this was before. I think it was in 1991, when they implemented the. You had to register as a sex offender. So this was in 1989.

[A]

So.

[B]

So he did not have to register. So he got to, like, go about his whole life for however long.

[C]

But he has to register now.

[B]

Well, he's dead now.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Okay. But, yeah, no, but he didn't have to register after that became a law.

[A]

I was Gonna say yeah, because of.

[C]

Yeah, like, see, that's fucked up.

[A]

So then you had supervised visits with them. And how long did that go on for?

[B]

I don't remember exactly, but I know for a little while it was, like, court supervised, and it was like my mom had to be there. So I remember, like, going to his house and, like, opening, I don't know, Christmas or birthday presents with her there. And then it was like, okay, you can go.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I don't know exactly how it was, but I know that, which is crazy. So I have an older sister by another man, and my mom would send her with me so I wouldn't be scared.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So, like, she would be the supervisor. But as I got older, I was like, why would you send another girl over there or another kid over there that's not even by him?

[C]

Right, right, right.

[A]

I can see how you would feel like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you and your mom get along? Are you guys, like.

[B]

No, we don't speak now.

[C]

You don't need to speak now. You're estranged?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And why is that?

[B]

Because I just think, like, I held a lot of anger about that over the years, which, obviously, as a child brought a lot of issues. As I got into early adulthood, you know, we would bump heads a lot. But that was my mom. I still leaned on her a lot, but there was, like, this thing, and I couldn't figure it out. And the older I got, the more I healed, the more I raised my own children, the more I started looking at her like, yo, like, you really weren't there for me. And then she didn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to account. Be accountable for her role in things. She doesn't want to talk about stuff. It's in the past. And she says a lot of reckless shit to me or had said a lot of reckless shit to me that, you know, she should not have said. So I tried, I tried, I tried. And then I just started to kind of pull back, and eventually it got to the point where I was just like, every time I talk to you, I feel like shit about myself, and I don't want to feel like shit about myself anymore. Like, she just. I don't know if it's like, the generation or what, but I'm just like, why?

[A]

If.

[B]

If I'm on FaceTime. Oh, you look like shit. Well, thank you.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

It's just always something or like. And I was just like, I. No matter. Even when I'm Doing so well and I'm succeeding. You have something negative, you make me feel bad about it, like, I should be apologizing for it. So.

[A]

And it's almost like to the point of. Two points I want to make is I can. I can relate to parents doing wrong things in life and then not taking accountability or trying to like, painted a different picture in their heads where it's like, no, this is how it affected me and this is what it was for me and just own that that's how it was for me. It might have been different for you, but this is how it hurt me and affected me. Just apologize and let's communicate about it so that we can move on.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And this, my second point too would be, I. I couldn't imagine, like, yeah, if. If I called my mom every single time and she was making me feel shitty about myself, like, yeah, I would have to pull away too.

[B]

There's no way.

[C]

Well, yeah, it's one of those things where you start recognizing, like, wait a minute, either you are like a liability to my happiness or you are an asset. And right now, why are you continuously a liability? I. I feel shittier every time I leave your presence. So it's like, hey, I'm not gonna self betray because in order to fill whatever the hell you want me to do. So. Do your kids have any relationship with her at all?

[B]

Nothing. She was never there for them. She was never there for me. She was never there for them. She didn't show up for them. So that was kind of like what it was. And I realized, like, as I started to pull back and she left the responsibility for her relationship with others on me, like I was supposed to facilitate it. And it got exhausting. And I'm like, I can't be the facilitator for your relationship with your grandkids. They had, they have cell phones, they have means of communication that you can, you can talk to them, you can tell them whatever or.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so then she of course didn't like that and that was a thing, but I was just like, I don't. And now it's been years and she does it. I mean, like, you know, my son just got into a motorcycle accident. She hasn't reached out. She knows what happened. She hasn't called, she hasn't sent a pigeon or any form of communication.

[C]

I swear, maybe it is generation. They're just all, I don't know.

[A]

I don't think it's just that generation, though, because I know, like, there's people that we know who and it always blows our minds. Because I'm like, how could, like, a mom or dad just step away and just not think about their kids? Or I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I wouldn't be able to, like, not know what my babies are doing or did they eat or even my grandkids. Like, I feel like some people have kids and they're just not.

[C]

They don't.

[A]

Like, parent material. Right. Whether it's bonding or whatever it is. Because I. I don't think it's just that generation. I think it happens, unfortunately, to certain people.

[B]

Yeah. That have kids and what.

[C]

But I think you brought up a good point about, like, it's interesting how you can have so much grace and understanding for your parents growing up, and then you have your own kids, and then you start. And you go, wait, how did you do that? How could you consciously sleep at night? And then you start going back, like, wait a minute. I have my own kids now. I know for a fact that what you did to me, I could.

[A]

I would never.

[C]

Wouldn't even think, cross my mind. Do it to this kid. So then you start almost kind of getting your own, like, parental. I want to say parental judgment lens. But you do kind of, in a way, because you're like, yo. Like, you're actually pretty fucking shitty.

[B]

I think I saw something on social media, said, like, as a daughter, I understand, but as a mother, I can never, like. And that's what it was. As a daughter, I'm like, okay. And then even as a new mother, I was like, okay. And then I started to have more grace. Cause I'm like, okay, you did your best at the time with what? Just like, I'm doing my best. Like, I get it. But now I'm just like, all the hard things that I've gone through with my kids, and I've been there, like, with bells on, no matter what was going on in my own life. And I'm just like, oh, so it is possible. So you just made the choice to not show up.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Damn.

[C]

Like, you really made that choice.

[B]

I'm like, oh, okay. So I really ain't okay now.

[C]

Do you have any siblings?

[B]

I have an older sister. That's it? Yeah.

[C]

Okay. You talk with her at all?

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

No. I'm pretty much like, I don't have any blood family anymore. I just felt like, girl, me neither.

[A]

What's up with them?

[B]

Let's be cousins.

[A]

No, seriously, I swear, it's the same thing. Like, I talk to my dad, and I do talk to my mom at,

[B]

like, a safe distance.

[A]

But, like, all of my siblings and I have lots of siblings, and I don't talk to any of my blood siblings. I literally talk to a stepsister of mine. And my dad is actually divorced from her mom. And I'm like, that's my only sister. Like, and we're not even blood related. But yeah, I'm like, what? It's. And it's sad because, you know, we'll sit there on, like, Thanksgivings and Christmases and Easters and all these happy things, and you look around and it's like, nope, it's just us and the kids. So a new school year is upon us, which means Nova needs another eye exam. Every year, she's got to get an eye exam to see if her eyes have changed. And guess what? We did the eye exam. Her eyes have changed. And now we have to buy new lenses. And she also needs a new frame because she cracked her other frame. So we're definitely overdue for a replacement. I mean, even in 2026, replacing glasses feels like a whole production. So most of us just live with it. You've got to schedule an appointment, pay a fortune weight. But Zenni optical fixes all of those problems. And I'm serious. When you purchased a pair from Zenni, I was flabbergasted because a pair of Zenny glasses at our normal eye doctor shop literally would have cost me like $295. So the way how Zenny is priced perfectly, plus the frames are super cute and super sturdy, that's enough for me. I was like, absolutely, Zenni. Always. So Zenni is an online eyewear shop. Prescription glasses, sunglasses, blue light lenses, literally starting at under $30. You go to zenny.com, pick a frame, upload your prescription, and they ship it right to your door. No appointment, no store, no upsell. At the counter, you can get the ones that you like for work. Get the fun ones, get the pink ones, get the black ones, and get the pair that only matches one outfit at under $30. You do not have to justify it. If your glasses are overdue for a refresh, now is the time. Go to zenni.com podcast and use code podcast15 for 15% off your first order. The styles sell out super fast, so don't sit on it. That's z e n n I.com podcast promo code podcast 15.

[D]

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[C]

Yeah, that's why I always feel like. I always explain it, like, healing and finding peace can still be lonely.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[D]

Like you.

[C]

I. Yeah. I created peace, and I made my distance and I made my boundaries, and now here I am.

[B]

I think that's just, like, part of the process is, like, going through that lonely period. My younger son, he just graduated high school, and at his open house, his dad and I are divorced, but we had the open house together. So his dad's there with his whole family, like, cousins, aunties, like, everybody. And I'm like, cool. It's me and my girls. I'm like, that's it. It's like, my girls are my sister, like, my friends that I've had forever, and that's it. And I was like, I have one blood cousin there and, like, her family or whatever, but, like, yeah, I didn't have any family, and I was just like, dang. But all his people that have been here all. All, like, the whole time I've known him, you know, his. His son's family, and I'm just like, we have no family. I know, right?

[A]

But then I always. And then I always. I tell Tyler, too. I always say, I think that there's a reason behind this loneliness right now, though. I'm like, because when we're in our 60s, because we're raising our daughters completely different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When they marry significant others and then those start coming around for holidays and stuff, and maybe they start having kids, and then we're sitting there in our 60s, 70s, and it's not lonely anymore, and it's chaos, but it's like a beautiful chaos. Yeah. A beautiful, like, peaceful chaos. I'm like, that's what's gonna make the loneliness right now all worth it.

[C]

It's almost like restarting your whole family lineage. Yeah, I'm gonna cut that part out. Yeah, we're gonna read about it. That's about it. And then we're gonna just go over here and just build.

[B]

Yeah, well. And that's part of, like, shed BS that you inherited. You have to stop it somewhere. And I think, like, I Think that my children not having a relationship with them. And it's not because I said you can't. It just naturally occurred. I think it's better for them probably because they. They get to decide what type of people they want in their lives and they don't have to think that some of the dysfunction that we had going on was normal or.

[C]

Or that we have to deal with it because I think people get older

[B]

families or accepted because. Oh, well, that's just how.

[A]

Thicker than water.

[C]

Listen, our. Our friends.

[A]

We.

[C]

We've had the same friends for ever since we can remember. And we. Our circle is small.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I like it that way. And it's because honestly, that. That when your own family is shitty, your friends really become.

[A]

They're your pig's family. Yeah. And our kids call like, my. You know, Jordan. Our friend Jordan. It's cousin. It's Uncle Joe. Hey, Uncle Joe.

[B]

Joe.

[A]

You know, like, they become.

[C]

And his kid cousin. Yes.

[A]

Titi and Ty. Uncle. You know how it works.

[C]

I mean, especially when you grow up in such a function, you're like, all right, listen, man, we're just going to create our own little peaceful tribe over here. And you see your. Over there.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But did you. Now you grew up here or did you say you lived in Florida for a minute?

[B]

Yeah, no, but that was when I was a teenager.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Y.

[C]

So you grew up here?

[B]

So I was born in Jackson, raised in Lansing for the most part. And then I lived in Florida for a while, and then I've been Detroit for like 10 years. Oh, okay.

[A]

But you also. You also were a teen mom.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So part of that, like, part of all of that rebellious and teenage angst and all of that, you know, led to. It was. But the crazy thing about it is I was a bit of a hellion. But I was also really smart. Like, I love school, was really artistic. I won a lot of awards. I wasn't gifted and talented. I got good grades, like, all the things, but I was just behaviorally challenged, I guess, like acting out.

[A]

I mean, for sure, I understand why I was.

[B]

And I didn't at the time, obviously know how to articulate. Like, I feel like all of you adults are failing me. So. So I was like, fuck you. Just like knocking shit over. But, oh, my God, can I cuss? Yeah. Okay. But, yeah, so at the time, I stopped living at home when I was 13.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Like, getting.

[A]

You decided to leave or what happened?

[B]

Just, it was like a combination of getting kicked out, running away, getting kicked out, running away. So your mom was kicking you out

[A]

of the house at a young age?

[B]

Yes, Just like, you can't. And I was destructive. Like, I was like, you know, just arguing, yelling, screaming. Like it was.

[C]

So you think her kicking you out at 13 was justified?

[B]

No, I don't.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But. But this is how I've been conditioned to be. I was bad, so I deserve it anyway. So, like. But no, it's not justified. But I also. I also understand how I might have. Have been, like, a lot for her, you know what I mean? In her, like, she didn't know what else to do. Of course, I feel like there were other avenues, but she was just like, I don't care, you know? And then she would be like, oh, my God, you know, you. You have to come back or whatever. And I would come back, and then I would run away. And so it was just like this vicious cycle. It was both on both ends for sure. But by 13, it was, like, done. I was living with friends, family, like, whoever I could. I was just staying, like, couch hopping. So I like transient youth, essentially. And I ended up staying with a friend from elementary school. I don't think we went to the same middle school at that point, but she was someone I had knew, and her mom said I could stay with her, so staying there. And another friend had called, like, hey, do you want to go out to the movies? Or whatever? And I was like, yeah. And so I asked the mom, and the mom was like, like, no. And I was like, yeah, I'm not staying here no more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. So I snuck out the window and I went to the movies, and I met this boy from school or whatever that I already knew who he was, but we were kind of, like, reintroduced. And then because I had left the other house, I didn't know I didn't have anywhere to go. So I ended up going to my sister's because she had just gotten, like, an apartment because she's older than you,

[C]

like, by a lot. Okay.

[B]

So she had just recently had a baby and got her apartment and everything.

[C]

So you're an auntie.

[B]

Yeah. So that was fun. Like, I loved it too. And so, yes, I was like, hey, can I stay here? I'll watch the baby. Like, I'll help you clean up, whatever. So she was like, yeah. So I was staying at my sister's, who didn't give a shit what I did.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Right. So I was living my best life. I was smoking cigarettes, I was like, I was smoking weed, I was drinking, I was doing all the things, hanging out Late, like, whatever.

[A]

As a teenager. Any teenager would be like, right, exactly.

[B]

I was like, I got. I could do whatever I want. And I did. So. And she let me have boy was boys over. So she let me have that boy over. And we were like, yeah, I lost my virginity and I was pregnant, so.

[C]

Damn. That fast and the same, like, God damn.

[A]

You lost your virginity? Got pregnant the first time.

[B]

So I lost my virginity, and I didn't want to do it again. I was like, very scary. I live this big, bad life. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Inside I was. I was just like, oh, my God. I was so scared of everything. Yeah. And so I went to school to, like, the guidance counselor. And I was like, I did this really bad because I was in a group at school. It was like four for at risk youth to keep them out of trouble. So we were like, in all these different programs I went to, she was the guidance counselor and the program director. So I went and I told her what I did, and she's like, amber, you know better. And I'm like, I know. I'm so scared. So she took me to the clinic and got tested for everything. Everything was negative. This was like a few days later. And then as the weeks went on, I was like, oh, something's going on. I just knew. My body just felt very different. So I kept. I would take at home tests, kept saying negative. I'm like, okay, I don't know how this works, but something's going on. So I went back to the clinic. They did a blood test. I was pregnant. Wow.

[C]

So how far along were you when you find out?

[B]

I was six weeks.

[C]

You're early then.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

And how old were you?

[B]

I was 14.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I lost my virginity like a month after I turned 14 and got pregnant right away. Yeah.

[C]

And how old was the boy?

[B]

14.

[C]

Same age?

[B]

Yep. He was in a grade higher, though, because he was a couple months older than me. So he was in high school and I was still in middle school.

[C]

Holy shit. So your whole pregnancy, were you still with your sister?

[B]

No. So after I got pregnant, I. I told my. Like, I. My mom had come to my. She used to come every once in a while, just the. Whatever. So I wrote, like, this little note on the proof of pregnancy from the clinic, and I was just like, hey, I lost my virginity on this date. And this is what happened. And I put the little note in a Valentine's Day card. Cause it was around Valentine's Day.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

That day.

[C]

Mama forever.

[B]

Like, here's your card. And then I put it in her car. So when she left and went home, she would find out because I didn't want her to.

[C]

No.

[B]

Right out in front of me. And then she. I didn't hear from her for like, I want to say, like a week and a half or something like that. Next thing I know, she shows up at my sister's house. I get up, you got a doctor's appointment. And she took me to the doctor.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then they sat me down and they were just like, okay, you're pregnant. You've got three options. You can abort, you can carry the pregnancy, or you can adopt. And I was just like, who? Who aborts or adopt? Like, yeah, yeah, I made my bed, I have to lie in it. Like, I have to have the baby. And so I was just like. But then, you know, I thought about that. Like, my grandma was like, you know, you should take care of it. Like, there was definitely, like, different everybody.

[C]

Oh, your grandma actually did.

[B]

Yeah. Interesting.

[C]

Are you close with your grandma?

[B]

Kind of.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But she was a. She had my dad at 17 and so I feel like she's like, girl, no.

[C]

Plus her generation. It wasn't. It wasn't. It hasn't been legal for long. Then if she was, you know what I'm saying? Abortion. So if your grandma, that might not

[B]

even have been an option. I didn't even think about that.

[C]

That's what I'm saying. So your grandma's probably like, hey, listen,

[B]

right? It's not easy. Cuz she was. I mean, now, I mean, my grandma has passed too, and that was my dad's mom, not my mom's mom. But even despite what happened with my dad, my grandma and I, like, that's probably my closest adult relative in my life or like, woman that I actually look to, but. And now that I'm older, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm a lot. I'm a lot like her. So. But yeah, so there was a lot of different opinions and everything, but I just was very. I also, honestly, my little brain, I was like, take it out. It's my. Take it out. It's done. It is what it is. This is my little, like, opportunity to be grown, goal in my life, get the hell away from these crazy people.

[C]

And also as a child who wasn't really loved the best, I mean, now you have an opportunity to be like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna do what I know I should have done. Me.

[B]

I'm gonna be the best mom in the world. I really thought, like, she was Going to be like baby Jesus. I was like, I'm going to take. I'm going to keep her from everything. Like, no one can smoke around her, no one can cuss around her. No one can do anything around her because she's going to be perfect and she's not going to be tainted by the world. Like, I was. I was also going to church a lot of this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it was like, very much like, oh, my God, we have to protect her at all costs and, like, keep her in the church.

[A]

And.

[B]

Yeah, so. So, yeah, that's. That's how that happened. And. And I did because my child's father, his family was really into the church. His uncle had a church, so.

[C]

So, like, ran a church. Was a pastor.

[B]

Yeah, he was a pastor. Like, he had his own church. So wait, so was the boy that.

[C]

Was he, like, was he straight and narrow? Was he behavior problems? Is he. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

He came from a really good family. I think he was, like, the odd one out who was starting to, like, rebel a little bit. Just starting to rebel a little bit. But really had it in him. But. Yeah, but. So I got pregnant and, like, I was like, oh. I think the biggest blessing in that moment was I got pregnant and his family was just like, oh, come here. Like, we love you. We're. They were just so welcoming of me. So I had this, like, new family, and then I had the church family, too. So I was all in the church all the time, like, three, four, five times a week. And I wanted to do right. I was like, well, we don't have. We shouldn't have sex anymore because, like, I don't want to be fornicating. Like, damn.

[C]

You went from, hey. And then I'm, hey, we're abstinent.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, wait a minute now, maybe.

[C]

I was like, hey, man, that was kind of cool last night, closing up shopper already.

[B]

I was like, I didn't really want to do it in the first place. So, you know, it's a good excuse. Now I know God and he says, we're not supposed to do this.

[C]

God said, no. God said, no, no, back up.

[B]

So I was in the church, and I'm like, oh, well, you know, marriage started coming up because we're in the church and we have a baby. And they're like, well, you can get married at 16. And I'm like, okay. And I'm like, and if we get married, we can have sex. This is why children probably shouldn't have had children. Because the way Our brain works. So. So yeah, so we got married at 16 and got pregnant like immediately and had another baby at 17. Yeah, it wasn't, that wasn't intentional either. But it was. No, but it just.

[C]

I mean, now you're like, we can do it now whenever you want. We're married.

[B]

We've been doing it before too, you know, but that was like, okay, now I feel more comfortable with it. So we got married and we got pregnant immediately.

[C]

And now was your family involved during the time that you're like, with the boyfriend and his family and in the church?

[A]

A little bit.

[B]

Like when I was pregnant, my mom did want me to come back home and so I went back home a little bit, but it was so she was just like, just on me about everything. And then when I had the baby, I remember the baby, she was like brand new, a couple days, maybe a week old. And my mom like, it has to be quiet after 8 o'. Clock. Like, don't breathe after 8 o'. Clock. So I have this little baby and she's crying. I remember she. I woke up and she was crying and I was so stressed out about waking my mom up and making her mad that I had her. And I fell down the stairs going to make her a bottle. And so I was just like laying at the bottom of the stairs, I was crying and I was just like, I can't do this. Like, I can't live here where I feel like I can't. The baby can't even cry.

[A]

I'm already stressed enough to be a young first time mom, you know?

[B]

Yeah. So I went after that. I went and stayed with my boyfriend and his family. Okay. And so I pretty much stay with them until. Until I was 17 and got my own place.

[A]

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[D]

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[C]

Okay, so you move. So you get married at 16. Well, first off, you meet the guy. 14, have a baby by what, 15? I'm assuming you're 15.

[B]

I was 14. Still.

[C]

Okay, so you're 4. Okay, 14.

[D]

So 15.

[B]

You keep saying that like y' all wasn't 14.

[C]

No, I was like, damn. I'm thinking my head like. Because then you're gonna wait two years to get married.

[D]

Married.

[B]

Yeah. Well, about a year. Okay, a little over a year because that's almost 15.

[C]

Okay, so then you get married, then you another kid.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So how. How far apart are your first two babies?

[B]

They're about a little over two years.

[C]

Damn. All right. That's a lot.

[A]

And so how was. He is like a young dad.

[B]

So he. Like I said, he was just kind of starting to while out when we first got together, so he just continued to walk and get crazier and crazier. I think, like, we. We felt so connected at first, and I was like, this is gonna, you know, we're really gonna do this. And I think that's why, like, told y' all before, I didn't watch a whole lot of team on, but your guys story resonated because you guys are the same age. You guys were together. You were the only couple. And I was like, yeah, I can relate because, like, me and my ex stay together. But he, he just continued to kind of get work. Like, he dropped out of school. I was going to school. When I got pregnant, he dropped out. I kept going to school. I was working. I was doing all the things. Like, to this day, he has an 8th grade education because he just dropped out. So he, it's like he got stunted when I got pregnant. Like, to this day, nothing has changed. So it was, it was hard because it just became increasingly more volatile. We. He started being abusive when I was pregnant with my daughter. That's the first time he hit me.

[C]

Oh, he did. So even the. Oh, my God.

[B]

When I was pregnant with her, that's the first time he punched me. And I was like, I don't know, I was kind of so confused because I'm like, I'm about to have a baby with you. Like, yeah.

[A]

And you hit me.

[B]

We have to do this. So like, like, what the hell? And then it was. I would try to rationalize it, like, well, he's under a lot of stress. Like, we're about to have a baby. And it was just always something. It was always something. But excusing them, of course. And I, Because I wanted it, I needed it to work. I wanted my kids to have the same dad. I wanted the family. I needed the. I needed that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, for me, for my kids, for my fairy tale.

[A]

Right. And especially when you're younger, I feel like that's even stronger. But I, I feel like as a woman, whenever you find yourself pregnant, you do you, of course, you want the family. You want them to have the mom and the dad together and everything. And especially being 14.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, that fantasy is just like stuck in the back of your mind hardcore, though.

[C]

And then do you remember thinking, though, when he first hit you, like, okay, obviously he's on a lot of stress and that did he did it, the abuse continue to get worse?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It just kept getting worse. And then we still got married and he still was abusive. And I still, I don't know, I think after a little bit, you just. It becomes the norm and you forget that it's not normal and it's just your life. And you're just like, this is just life. And this is what.

[C]

You walk quieter. You learn to say something way to like, not push the button and all that kind of stuff. But I, I think it's crazy to think about because I think most women believe that, like, oh, well, he's just mad that time or that time, you know? So you start internalizing that I did something.

[A]

Oh, I Said it kind of sassy.

[C]

Yeah. I should have it. So next time I won't say the sassy.

[A]

So.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But not realizing that statistics say it gets worse.

[B]

The mental and emotional abuse that happens to break you down to the point where you accept the physical abuse is insane. And that's how it was. It was like. Because it wasn't just that, like, he would cheat on me as punishment if I. Punishment as punishment. Like, if I didn't have sex with him, if I didn't do what he wanted me to do. Like, if it was, like, cooking dinner or if I had an attitude or anything, he would go cheat on me, and he would make sure I would know. Like, he would make it so that I would find out.

[C]

In this point, you're living with his parents, right?

[A]

No, no, no. There is.

[B]

Well, that's when it started. But no, I. Was I living. No, because I think for a while, I bounced back and forth between his parents, and whenever we would fight, I would have to leave because it's not my house. So I would go stay with my sister or a friend or wherever I could. And then when things would smooth out, I would go back there. But it was always like. And I love his family to this day because. But I also understand. They always chose him because that's their kid. And it's like, right. It's messed up.

[A]

Up.

[B]

But it is what it is. And I just kind of knew what it was.

[C]

You don't hold it against them pretty much, like, right.

[B]

Because I'm like, okay, like, that's messed up. But even, like, that time, that very first time he hit me, his dad was trying to de. Escalate the situation. He reached over his dad and punched me in the back.

[C]

Whoa, wait a minute. Okay. So the dad watched it happen.

[B]

Yeah. And he's like. And then they're like, go, go, Amber. Go, go, go. You have to go. So I had to leave.

[A]

I asked the dad. I probably would have whooped myself. I'm just saying, different parenting styles.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

But I was.

[A]

Probably would have whooped his ass.

[C]

I was thinking in my head, though, maybe like, you know, his parents. Like, I was thinking, oh, they. You know, he may be telling his parents that.

[B]

Oh, no, they were very. Well, it was. It's a different culture, too. They're. They're Hispanic, and Hispanics are very ride or die for their people. You know what I mean? It is what it is. So I. Yeah. So it just. It was crazy. And I just kind of. I accepted it for what it was because I wanted it so I wanted to work. So. And I'm like, he's gonna get better. He's gonna stop. Eventually it's gonna stop. We're married. Eventually he's gonna stop. We have two kids. Eventually it's gonna stop. Because, you know, I am getting better, and I'm not. I'm not, like, doing as many wrong things or whatever, but it was just like nothing was ever right. And it just. It became unbearable. And so we had moved to Florida and back twice.

[C]

Twice.

[B]

Twice, yeah. So we moved down there. We lived down there for a while, and I had came back while I was pregnant with my son, actually. So we moved down there before. No, we moved down there right after we got married. But we. I found out I was pregnant down there, and then I ended up moving back because I was scared to have a baby down there. Like another, you know. I mean.

[C]

Yeah. Without only with him and no.

[B]

No one else around a family. No one. So I was like, okay. I made an excuse to move back. We moved back for a little while, and then I got my own place and everything. And then, I mean, with him. And then we ended up moving back to Florida. So it was in Florida for the second time that it just got to a point where I. Like, I said, I hold on to trauma. So at the time, I was very meticulous about writing everything down. I kept a journal and I would write, like, dates, times, everything. So one day I'm sitting in my car and I'm like, going through my journal and I'm reading everything, and I was just like, oh, my God. It's like the definition of insanity. Keep expect. Like, one page is like, oh, he pulled me down the stairs by my hair today. And the next page was like, oh. He cried and told me he was sorry. And his aunt came and prayed for us. And then I would turn the page and it would be like, oh, he cheated on me. And then he punched me because. And then the next page, and it was like, every single page, it was like, crazy ass fight. Like, crazy ass apology. Crazy as over and over for. I mean, like, I'm just flipping through and I was just like, nothing is gonna change until one of us dies. I cannot do. Because I was getting to the point, like, we had gotten really bad one time while we were still in Michigan. Like, he held a gun down my throat, like, literally, wow. Put it in my mouth and was just like, do you want to die? Like, Crazy eyes. Like, do you want to die? You want to die? And I Was just like. I smacked the gun out of my mouth, and I was like, just pull the fucking trigger, because I'm tired of doing this shit. And I was so deadass. Like, I was. I'm tired. And then my daughter came around the stairs, and she's like, is Mommy okay? Is Mommy okay?

[C]

Goosebumps.

[A]

Like, oh.

[B]

And I was like, oh, my God. And so, like, that night really did something in me. But I still stayed. You know, there's a lot of times

[C]

you started the fire a little bit that night. You. Something happened. You're all right.

[B]

Yep. Still kept staying. And then in Florida, he pulled a knife. I was pregnant with my son, pulled a knife. So, like, there's these things that I started to reflect on that were, like, really bad. And all the times where, like, it could have gone. Like, he used to. When we would get into it, he would get. He would basically hold me hostage in the car and go, like, drive crazy. Drive, like, 100 miles an hour and be like, make me sign a paper saying I wouldn't leave him. So he'd be like, threatening, like, I'm gonna crash in this tree. Like, no, sign the paper. You ain't going nowhere. And so I'm like, okay, sign what paper? I'll post it. Or, like. Like, literally anything. Just. I don't know. He don't make no sense. But he used to make me, like, douche. That didn't make sense. So I would be like, okay, like, I'm signing it. I'm not gonna go anywhere. And then. But I'm. So I'm thinking. I'm reading all over this stuff, and I'm just like, these are incidents. Where. Do I think he would deliberately kill me? No. Do I think he could accidentally kill me while doing something crazy out of anger? Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Leads up, or.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Or I'm like. Or the kids being hurt, like, by. As a. As a casualty or whatever of war between us. So I was just like, yeah. No. So I. So, yeah. So we lived in Florida at the time. I packed the babies up and hopped on a Greyhound.

[C]

And that was after you were reading. Because I think what's interesting is that when you're explaining this, what I'm thinking about is that you being so, like, you know, vigilant about writing stuff down probably saved your life because you're. How. How rare is it that you're able to look at, like, read something from an outside perspective.

[D]

You.

[C]

Us human beings, something will happen, and we'll kind of create a story that makes sense or whatever. When you're reading it and you're removed, and you're just reading it as like an observer from the outside. I mean, that sparked something that was like, what the fuck?

[B]

That's really what it was. Because when you write it down, you're writing it down in the moment. There's no one there to change the narrative or to tell you no. Maybe it was like this. You are speaking exactly as you're feeling or exactly as it happened. And then when you months or years later look at it and nothing was happening. There was no fight. There was nothing going on. I was just chilling. I was just bored and I was just. Just flipping through it.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

And, yeah, reading it, it was like reading someone else's story. But I was like, someone's gonna die here, and I don't know how, but I don't want that to be my story.

[C]

So it's amazing that your own testimony kind of saved you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Without even realizing that you were doing it.

[B]

Yeah. I never thought about like that, but, yeah, that's.

[C]

That's wild because I think. I mean, what a. That's why they say in therapy, like, it's so important to journal because you can be in the height, emotions and write something down and then, you know, come back all days later and you refresh. Different mindset. You can actually look at it, a different perspective. I think it's interesting that you literally pretty much like, testimony to yourself. And then I was like, oh, shit, I got it. Something got changed. That's crazy.

[B]

And I think it's like I. Like I said, you know, from the time I got pregnant, I really, in that moment was just like, I'm going to mind you, before that, like I said, I was wild and I was smoking weed, I was drinking, I was smoking cigarettes. I was doing all this stuff. I quit everything. I was getting into a lot of fights, too. I, like. I stopped fighting, I stopped smoking, I stopped drinking, I stopped doing everything. And I was just like, I'm. And then I started getting into the church. So I was like, I'm going to do everything right and live on the upright. And I mean, I was not an angel by any stretch of imagination.

[C]

You were trying, but I was trying. I was trying.

[A]

You were definitely trying.

[C]

God forgive me, but.

[B]

But I was trying, but I didn't do any of those things anymore. So he was still smoking weed, he was drinking, he was partying, he was hanging out. He's doing all these things. And also, he was the only person I had ever been with. And he was out here Sleeping with everybody. So I was like, I don't want to expose myself to any disease or anything. Who knows what you could bring back to me? So I was. Was scared for. For, like, my life, literally, because I was like, I don't want to. I, again, was very. I had a very weird relationship with sex, and I was very terrified of it. And what could come with it outside of a baby, obviously got that consequence right away. But, like, all the other stuff, I was just like, I'm scared. Like, you get diseases, like, basically every time you have sex. Like, I don't want to.

[C]

Yeah, right, right, right.

[B]

I would be like, calling the, like, the AIDS hotline. Like, every time you cheated on me, I'm like, so is it easier to get AIDS if you're a guy or a girl? And like, how many times. How long do you have to have sex? Like, I. I was just asking. All because I was scared, and I was just like. And so then I'm asking him all the questions, like, how long did you sleep with her? Did you? Because I want to know, like, what is my risk? But I also don't want to get tested because I feel stupid. And they're gonna look at me like, I'm. Because I'm out here getting tested. I had all. I was like, my mind was. It was exhausting.

[C]

Yeah, well, that creates sexual shame. It's sexual shame. You go in there and you're in. You're feeling shameful for having sexuality in the first place. And that's interesting because I don't think guys feel that same way. Going to get tested.

[B]

No.

[C]

You know what I'm saying? That's definitely a difference. I think men are. Oh, yeah, test it or whatever, but, you know, girl going to get tested multiple times. Yeah, that's. That's.

[B]

Yeah. Then you're like. You feel like you're right.

[A]

And it's not even because of something you did.

[C]

That is. I'm saying, like, it's like, holy.

[A]

But you got away. Away from him. And was that something that you had to, like, plan to, like, did you have to, like, sneak away to leave? Or you were just like, I'm fucking done.

[C]

What age? Like, how old?

[B]

I was 19. Okay. Yeah, I was 19. So originally. So originally I told. I packed up all my stuff, boxes, whatever, and I was just like, I used the last little money I had to buy Greyhound ticket. I was like, I'm leaving. And he. He didn't want me to. He tried to talk me out of it, but Hurricane Katrina hit. Oh, shit. Did not Hit Florida, but it hit the bus line, so my bus got delayed. So now I'm like, shit, I'm there a couple more days. At the time I didn't really put two weeks notice in. So I'm still going to work and everything. I was just going, Nah.

[C]

Right, right.

[B]

I had to make every last dollar I could.

[C]

Right, right.

[B]

So I'm still going to work. Well, one night he. We had like this big talk and I thought we were cool. But then the next morning I was on my way to work and as I'm driving down Jeongyong, which is like down in Orlando, the. My whole hood flips up and hits the windshield on my car. And immediately I just knew. I was like, this is. This is not normal. Some bs. Something happened. So I called him and he was like, yeah, that's what the you get trying to leave. So he had gone in my car the night before trying to mess with wires to like cut my brakes or something or I don't know what he was trying to do. And I guess he just didn't shut the lid all or the hood all the way. So then I was like, like I'm like, even if I was considering staying, like, I am so gone now.

[C]

What the. And he actually told you this on the phone?

[B]

Yeah, cuz he's very much like, he likes to brag about like how big

[C]

a piece of I am.

[B]

No, he likes. He thinks like that makes him hard. Like he's like, yeah, I did that. Like, yeah, I try to kill my baby mama. Yeah. Yeah. He's just like, he's very braggadocious about like the crazy stuff he does. So he was very happy to tell me he did that. And I was just like, babies could have been in the car. Like, what if I was taking them somewhere? So yes, I was like, I'm done.

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[B]

So after that, I came back. He unpacked all the boxes and was just like, I'm sorry, like, stay. Blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, oh, hell no. Packed back up. My bus trip got rerouted or whatever. And I got. I don't know, somehow, like we did. We had this long conversation, and I convinced him, just let me go. I just need to go for a little bit. Just let me go.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Yep. All the things I was like, maybe. Maybe it'll. It'll work out. We just need a minute away from each other, you know, whatever. And yeah, so I convinced him. And then it was like everybody was okay with me leaving. It was so weird.

[C]

Okay. This is surprisingly peaceful.

[B]

Yeah. So, like, okay, like, it's something gonna happen. And I'm just like, no, okay, we're good, we're good, we're good. And yeah, it was good. It was able to get on the bus, came right back.

[C]

And so how. So obviously you had your two babies with you, come back to Michigan.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And he stays down there. How long did he stay down there at?

[B]

Forever.

[C]

Oh, really?

[B]

Like, basically, like, he ended up. He's back. I don't want to tell too much of the business now. Still don't get along really. But yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, basically for like, the foreseeable future.

[C]

Okay, got it. Okay. So you come back with your two babies and how you're 19 with. And so how old are your kids at this point?

[B]

So they were five and two and a half? I believe so. Yeah. About five and two.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Damn.

[A]

Yeah. So they were little.

[B]

And like, my daughter, she might have been not five yet. I think she was about to. She was like. Because I left in August, her birthday's in November, so I. I think she was 4, about to turn 5. My son was 2. And so I remember we came Back. My mom picked us up from the bus station. She was like, you can stay with us. And I remember taking them to the park, like, the day after I had left him. And we were just starting to get settled, and I remember my daughter coming and sitting beside me. I'm like, why aren't you playing? She's like, I'm so disappointed in you for leaving Poppy. And I was like, oh, no. Wow. She's four.

[C]

She's bright.

[B]

I didn't even know she knew that word.

[C]

Right, right.

[B]

Oh, my God. And I was, wow. I'm like, how do you explain? You know what I mean? You don't explain. So I was just like, I know, baby. But, like, that was challenging because they were so young when I left that they got to see their own version of him as they got older. But when.

[A]

But.

[B]

But the stories they heard and they did overhear. So, like. And I hate it, because that's not what I really. I wanted them to know they had a dad. Like, I had these little photo albums of their dad with them and everything. But of course, they overheard stories and stuff, so they. They didn't believe my version of things for a very long time. Until it was like, now that they're adults and their dad is the exact same person now he was when we were 15, they're like, oh, yeah. But for a long time, it was just like, well, he says, you did this and this that, and you say this. And I'm just like, eventually they know now, right?

[C]

It's almost like. Like, my mom used to always say, like, let. Let the kids. Kids grow up and they'll figure it out.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

There's no reason to, like, bash the other parents. No reason to talk or whatever. Just. You just gotta be honest with them and let them make their own opinion. Like, my mind never told me about my dad. And I knew. Yeah, I got. I get it. Like, I feel it. I think it's interesting, though, because my mom used to always say. Which reminded me when you said this was that you should. You know, he'd get out of prison and come pick us up, and he'd take a shopping. I was like, you know how frustrating is to look at you guys? And he's just the great parent. He's the.

[A]

He does nothing wrong.

[C]

He doesn't have to discipline you. He doesn't have to worry about school clothes and make sure your behavior is good and your grades are good. He can just come in when he wants, save the day, big superhero dad. And then he goes back away. And then Here I am. And then I'm the one that got a discipline, and I got all this. And I think it's interesting, because my mom. There was so many opportunities where she could have been like, he's a crackhead. He was all this. And that's. And she didn't. And I think I. I thank her all the time. Cause I'm like, you know, I'm glad that you let me kind of just come to that conclusion on my own. Which, obviously, it sounds like your kids did the same thing.

[B]

Bless her heart. No, I definitely. I definitely bashed him. I didn't mean to. It. You know, I mean, like, it did. Sometimes it just. It happened. Or there was moments of frustration where I was just like, are you serious right now? Like, oh, my God. You know, it became so frustrating, and I wish I wouldn't have. Because I feel like things. I don't know. I just feel like they wouldn't struggle as much now if they got to develop those decisions on their own. But I do feel like, no, even though they formed that decision, now I still feel like they feel like they were influenced a little bit, but also.

[C]

Because also, they're hearing two different things. So even if you didn't bash him at all, he's obviously clearly gonna tell them what looks. What really happened. You know what I mean? So, I mean, you kind of lose. Lose.

[B]

I feel like it's both sides. And that's the thing. They would come home and say, well, Poppy said. I'm like, oh, you're like, yeah, right. That's usually how it was. I was like, oh, I know. He didn't lie about that.

[C]

Now, did they, like, visit him down on Florida?

[B]

Did he come? So, like. Well, they visited his mother because technically, he did not have visitation. Like, his visitations got. They were supervised pretty early on. So he. They would go down there with his mom. Oh, and visit his mom for, like. Because it was Florida, it was usually the summertime, so a majority of the summer, they would be down there with his mom. They would see him. They would spend time with him. But I was comfortable with that because, I mean, she was a huge help from day one. And to this day, like, I still love her. Like, my mom. They still have a great relationship. When I go down there, I still stay with her. Like, I mean, we're still locked in.

[C]

I love that.

[B]

That's still my family. Like, and the kids still have an amazing relationship with her and with that whole side of the family, despite not really having a relationship with her dad. So that's good, though. I'm glad that I allowed that and continued that.

[C]

Well, you nurture that. You could said everybody, and I'm out.

[B]

No, that's the thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We have the conversation with me and my daughter. I'm like, you know, I pay for that every year, even though he was supposed to. Right. And, you know, every year, he called me time out. Well, you got to pay for extra bags, too, where they're not coming back with no stuff. Every year I had to deal with some BS so that y' all can have a relationship.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right.

[B]

But, yeah, so, like, I did facilitate

[A]

because it was important.

[B]

Like. Yeah, but. And again, that I feel like I struggle sometimes because I'm like. Like, sometimes I feel like I should have just brought them back and cut everything off with their dad because I feel like there was a lot of trauma that happened because they had access to him or he had access to them.

[C]

I don't understand.

[B]

Just because he was still volatile.

[C]

So he was volatile towards them.

[B]

He had a. He never touched my daughter because while we were together, he put his hands on her, and I. He got in trouble for it. But what. So then he never touched her after that. So he never puts hands on her. But he was real ugly with my son. He was real ugly with my son. So, yeah. So he would come home and he would physically. I didn't, like, finish my cereal, so Poppy picked me up by my throat and, like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it was like. He was really mean with him. And he's still. To this day. My son's 23, still very mean to him. Like, they don't. They don't have a relationship, but the time. But that's because when they have. He's just so, like, I don't know, ugly.

[A]

I feel like you were. But at that time in your life, too, you're kind of stuck in a rock and a hard place because, of course, you think. Think, you know, if I cut them away from their dad and stuff, that's gonna affect them negative, negatively, but.

[B]

And then they're gonna go looking for him and think that he's, like, the most perfect guy because, oh, my gosh, why would you keep.

[C]

And, you know, what you can't have.

[A]

And then you do. But then. And so you do think that you're doing the right thing by, you know, letting them still go see him in a safe spot. You know, like, that's a hard.

[C]

So wait, so would they come back and tell you these things? Like, hey, like, he is like, yeah,

[B]

yeah, they but they wouldn't tell me. While they were down there, they would, like, come back and they'll be like, oh, yeah. It would come up in conversation, like, randomly. And I'm like, wait, what? And then, of course, he would deny it. And then I would be, like, asking his mom, like, you know, they're not supposed to be really with him. Oh, no, no, no. It. You know, it was always downplayed. But then I'm like, do you guys want to go? They always wanted to go because they always wanted to spend time with the rest of the family. So it's just like, if we have to see him, like, 10 of the time, it's worth it. We'll deal with it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know.

[C]

Right?

[A]

So I wanted to see everybody else.

[B]

Exactly. So it was tough. But, I mean, but at the end of the day, the relationship that they've been able, especially with my daughter, she's so close with all of her family down there. So I'm like. And with her culture, like, my daughter's fully bilingual. She speaks Spanish. Like, she's fully immersed in, like, her. Her Puerto Rican side, which is super important.

[A]

It is.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And she loves that. And she's. She's like. She's so happy that she has that and that her kids have that.

[A]

So.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So, you know, there. It's a trade off. It's like, you know, there was some BS that had. We had to go through or they had to go through, but ended up paying off because then they had the relationship with the other side of the family.

[A]

So. But also, too. I know that I heard. I heard you speak, like, the first time we met you at Kale's thing, that you were a very strict mom.

[C]

Yeah. Which is. That's why I'm like, what happened? Like, how did. How did that happen?

[B]

I was really strict because I thought I, you know, wanted to be a better mom than my mom. So I was like, I got to do whatever. So they're not.

[C]

They're not gonna go outside, explain how strict you were.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I'm trying to think of, like, I'm sure my kids will be like, oh,

[A]

let me tell you, call her up face over here.

[B]

Like, she'll tell us.

[C]

She'll be the next guest.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

well, I don't think it's very strict, especially now. But back in the day, like, my daughter, that, well, my kids, they could not go to a new friend's house at all. If they did, I had to go meet the parent and go inside the house. But I agree with that, to be fair, I did let her go to one friend's house one time without. I just met the parent outside. I didn't go inside the house. And then my daughter came home, and she was like, they had roaches crawling.

[C]

The one time I didn't go in

[B]

the house, I was like, never again. See, this is what happens when you don't stick to your guns. So. But, yeah, stuff like that, my daughter was not allowed to go to. To any parties outside with friends. Like, literally do nothing without me there. Like, I'm talking about, even up until she was, like, 14 years old, she

[C]

wasn't allowed to do helicopter mom.

[B]

You're like, I am super helicopter mom. Super helicopter mom. And then I think my punishments were also kind of harsh. Like, my daughter, when she started talking back, which I think this is probably. I don't know if it's considered abusive, but I feel like it's one of the harshest things, and I feel like such an asshole now. But she started talking back really bad and lying about stuff and sneaking about

[C]

stuff, and she started becoming a teenager. Kind of like, just sassy.

[B]

Yes. Yes. But I was like, oh, no, that's. We're not doing that. So she had braces. Her braces were very expensive. I was like, you keep talking bad. I'm going. Take your braces off, because you're not. I'm not paying, you know, thousands of dollars for you to get slick with me. And so we went to the orthodontist the one time, and I. I told him to take him off, and he convinced me. He was like, you know, don't do that. You know, we've come so far. Whatever. And he talked to her like, hey, you got to listen to your mom, man. She kept going. So next time, I took her braces off. So to this day, her teeth are not as straight as they should have been because I made her take her braces off, which I think is horrible. But at the time, I was like, oh, you're gonna learn.

[C]

Well, you're. You're thinking of, what do I have? What can I. Yeah, what can I do?

[B]

Like, mind you, she's, like, 14. At this time, I am freaking out. I'm, like, having flashbacks. I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, she's gonna get pregnant. Like, I just was.

[C]

You know, that happens a lot with parents when your kids get to an age that something happens. Happen to you, it triggers the ptsd. Yeah.

[B]

So I was. I was getting crazy. I literally was getting crazy because I was just like, no, you can't. You can't. No boys. Like, you're not. Oh, my gosh. Like, I heard she was hanging out with a boy. Like, I pulled up on him. Like, I literally. I embarrassed her. Like, I. Yeah, because I'm like, no.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I think it's because you.

[A]

We get so terrified of. We're breaking away from all these cycles from pre. You know, from what our parents did and stuff. And I. And then I went through.

[B]

Through some cycles.

[A]

There ain't a damn way you're going to do the same thing that I did. Yeah, right.

[B]

So I thought I could stop her by preventing her from living or exploring or figuring out who she was. And I'm like, I had very high standards. Like, you know, she had to have all these. All the kids had to have A's and B's. They were all in the honor roll, which is good. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't think it's necessarily bad, but it was just like, it was.

[A]

It was a strict household.

[B]

Like, we was really on them about everything and about what they couldn't. Couldn't do and who they could talk to and where they could go and who they could be around and, like, who could come over to our house and all of that. And what I realized is that just made my daughter extremely sneaky and very curious about all the things that I was keeping her from.

[A]

Which my next question was going to be, how do you do you think that bit you in the ass?

[B]

Absolutely. They chewed my ass off. I have no ass.

[C]

They say that super strict parents don't create good kids. They create sneaky kids.

[A]

Very good.

[C]

Good way. Good liars.

[A]

Good.

[C]

Good manipulators. Very good. You know, sneaky.

[B]

She's 25 now, and she gets to kiki in with her friend who she's been best friends with since, like, middle school or elementary, and they're like, oh, do you remember that one time you snuck this girl in your house and your mom was upstairs? I said, what? Yeah, the shit you find out when

[A]

your kids get older.

[B]

While I was there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I've learned stories. And I'm like. Like, I was on it. How did you do that? You know? Oh, my God. Because I was on everything. Clearly not.

[A]

I was gonna say, obviously not. Like, you thought. You thought you were really.

[B]

So she's offended because I'm like, yes.

[C]

Excuse me.

[A]

What the.

[C]

But this is so at 14, so I'm trying to think so you. And then obviously you're. It's you and your Kids. So is there any other. No stepdads involved, any, like.

[B]

Yes, I got remarried when they were. When My daughter was 7 or 8.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. So at this point, there's a. There's a stepdaddy.

[B]

Yeah. So I was remarried. We had. I had my youngest child, and so they had a new baby, and then they had. We had his daughter. He was also two parents, so she was the same age as my son. So we had. And she lived with us full time. So we had four kids between the two of us that we were raising together. And so when I say the kids or anything, like, it was all four of them. Yeah. So they all. Yeah, yeah. But he was also. He was even stricter than I was. Like, he's like, you know, the girls can't be girls, basically. No nail polish, no lipstick, no fun stuff. Like, no, none of that. So then I'm trying to adopt his strict rules. But also I'm like, she can't wear nail polish.

[A]

Right, right. I agree with you there.

[B]

Maybe not red, but, like, she didn't wear a nail. But even the red thing, I'm like, I feel like that's such an old school thing. Only ladies of the night wear red.

[A]

It's a girl wanting to wear nails.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, but at the time I was like, okay, whatever. But yeah, so there was, like, all of that. It was. It was a lot. It was a lot.

[C]

And so are you still with him now or.

[B]

No, no, we got divorced. Went right after we moved to Detroit. So 2017. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Okay, great. Okay. So. So then after that, you're by yourself.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

And so you got divorced from him when they were how old, the kids?

[B]

So my daughter was. Was six. 17, I think. Yeah, she was like. I think she turned 17 right when the divorce became official. So she was probably like 16 when every. When we were actually getting divorced. Okay.

[C]

So from the ages of like, six to, like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She was there her whole life. Like, he was her dad that, like, raised her.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

He was. He was it. And my. My son too. Like, he was the dad in his life constantly. The one taking him to school and picking him up and helping him with homework. And like, though, like, when I think of my family, like, that's my family. Like, that was my husband. Those were our children. That was our family. Those were like, that. He was the dad that raised them. Yeah. So that's. I mean, they had a father figure, but, you know, we were so young and we were trying to figure out how to blend this family and we both had very. We were both very insecure, I think, within ourselves and within the relationship and within our roles in the family and like mine, yours and ours. And is so hard. And so, you know, we had our challenges, which is why we ended up getting divorced. But.

[A]

Okay, so we're gonna stop today's episode right here. But we have so much more to discuss with Amber Boone, so please make sure you guys check out next week's episode for part two with her because, man, this is just a story that keeps going and it's super important to be shared. Thank you so much, Amber, for joining us. And we will be talking to you guys next week. Week on part two with Amber Moon.

[C]

Hello and welcome to Pluto Foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch.

[D]

Anchorman.

[C]

The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[B]

Fantastic.

[C]

The Matrix Trilogy.

[B]

Welcome to the real world, mean girls.

[A]

Shut up.

[C]

Titanic. I'm the king of the world. And so much more. For Showtime's press, nothing. They're free 24. 7.

[A]

That is so effective on Pluto TV.

[C]

Stream now. Pay never.

[A]

This week on for the haters, a podcast around the stories that we survive.

[B]

The world has been watching Kale for half of her life, and it never got the beginning. The camera showed up at 16.

[A]

Everything that built her happened before they ever started rolling. This is her story before anyone was watching. Part one of Kale's story is out

[B]

now on for the haters.

[A]

Listen to it wherever you get your podcast.