#12471 How to Survive Family Discussions This Thanksgiving and More - Rose Sweet

Summary

Catholic Answers Live – Episode #12471

Title: How to Survive Family Discussions This Thanksgiving and More
Guest: Rose Sweet
Host: Cy Kellett
Date: November 24, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this lively and practical holiday episode, Cy Kellett welcomes relationship coach and author Rose Sweet to discuss “being Christian at Thanksgiving”—a humorous but deeply relevant topic for listeners dreading family drama during the holidays. Together, they break down a scriptural and common-sense approach to surviving—and thriving in—family conversations, offering seven Christ-like strategies, real-life anecdotes, and wisdom for when the turkey comes with a side of tension.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Challenge of Family Holidays

• The episode acknowledges that holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, are meant to be joyful, but often come with stress, family arguments, and expectations.
• Rose Sweet, known for her expertise in relationships, especially in marriage, brings a fresh perspective on being Christian in the messiness of real life.

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The “Seven Tips” for Christ-like Holiday Gatherings

1. Be Realistic ([03:45])

• No family is perfect. The Bible itself (Matthew 10) describes family discord; expecting perfection invites disappointment.
• “Be realistic that there are problems in families and there are problems in your family... If they do [come out at Thanksgiving], don't be surprised. Be realistic and just accept it. That's part of our broken being in a broken world.” —Rose ([04:03])
• Host Cy jokes that happiness studies found Finns were content simply because of low expectations, to which Rose responds, "I love that. Lower your expectations. Especially in relationships." ([06:53])

2. Fear Not ([07:12])

• Anxiety often mars holidays, especially for parents wanting to impress faith or correct family.
• “Conversion is the Holy Spirit's job. Sometimes he invites us to partner with him... but we have to get out of his way sometimes.” —Rose ([08:25])
• Jesus was unbothered by dining with “sinners”: “Jesus isn't afraid of sinners... He's chill, he's fine.” —Cy ([09:01])

3. Be Wise ([10:09])

• Set and enforce boundaries ahead of time—communicate what’s expected, tolerated, or not.
• “If you don't want your son to bring his live-in girlfriend and sleep in your house, then tell them way ahead so they can get a hotel... Tolerate more than you're willing to not tolerate. Especially for this day. Just open your heart...” —Rose ([10:17])
• Candid story about asking an inebriated family member to leave a holiday gathering. “It was my responsibility to be wise. In that situation, you don't tolerate this. Some things you tolerate, some things you don't.” ([12:29])

4. Keep Quiet ([18:01])

• “Not every comment needs a response... Sometimes just a look or a nod of the head is fine. And it puts you in a power position because the minute you open your mouth... you're already going to lose. Just keep quiet.” —Rose ([18:08])
• Cy comments, “Not sharing your opinion is one of the greatest gifts you can give the world.” ([19:06])
• Rose references Jesus before Herod: “Jesus said not one word when he was in front of Herod. So keep quiet. Know the wisdom and the power and the beauty... of being quiet.” ([20:08])

5. Stay Detached ([20:46])

• Healthy Christian detachment means not being emotionally enmeshed or “over-engaged in a power struggle.”
• “You don't care—appropriately. Jesus says, whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me... Stay centered in me and my love for you and for them. Have another piece of pie.” —Rose ([21:30])
• “Why do I need all the rest of you idiots to like, approve of me... I'm a delight in his eyes.” ([22:47])

6. Bring Love ([24:36])

• Model Jesus’ instructions: “Cure the sick... cast out demons.” Practically, “Go in and put your arm around them... Show love to people. Listen to them. You don't have to comment or agree on everything.” —Rose ([24:36])
• Encourages warmth especially toward teens and young adults: “Don't make fun of them. Don't humiliate them. Listen to their ideas. Love them.” —Cy

7. Leave ([30:03])

• If it’s unproductive or hostile, give yourself permission to exit: “There are forms of leaving—a conversation, the room, the situation... There are forms of leaving something that is not productive and not loving.” —Rose ([30:15])
• Cy relates Jesus at Hanukkah: “Jesus just walks away. He just doesn’t let them set the agenda for him. ...He’s just not gonna get sucked into it. And when it gets to be too much, he just walks away.” ([31:05])
• Rose: “Thanksgiving is usually not the right time and place to get engaged in these important issues. And they are important, but not today.” ([32:17])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Lower your expectations. Especially in relationships.” —Rose ([06:53])
• “You don't have to defend the Catholic faith when somebody gets mad because you accidentally said, Happy Holidays.” —Rose ([15:43])
• “Not sharing your opinion is one of the greatest gifts you can give the world.” —Cy ([19:06])
• “Their response is not your responsibility... If the other person is offended, that's not your responsibility. ...You’ll be exhausted by the end of the day trying to make everybody happy.” —Rose ([51:51])

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Listener Questions & Real-Life Scenarios

Mark in Iowa: On Walking Away ([35:29])

• Mark shares about defusing drama after his daughter was berated at a family gathering.
• Rose: “Being detached doesn’t mean we don’t care. It means we recognize it might not be the right time... I would move in, put my arm around the child and say, ‘We’ll talk about this when we get home. ...Let’s go get some pie.’”

Teresa in Des Moines: The “Unwelcome Guest” ([46:29])

• Teresa struggles with an uninvited sister who disrupts small gatherings.
• Rose’s advice: Preempt with a separate invitation (“I'd like to get together with you for lunch...”) and honestly explain that the holiday meal is just for immediate family.
• “Christianity doesn't mean that we tolerate obnoxious, abusive people... But there is a Christian way to deal with people like that. We don't just cancel them or cut them off.” ([48:13])

On “Overstaying Guests” ([49:47])

• Rose role-plays: “You have to leave now. I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Get up. ...Look how nice I was when I said that.”
• Cy: “Is it okay to tell people it’s time to go?”
  Rose: “Yes. Jesus told people where to go and what to do. ...You are kind, and you are clear, and you’re direct and you’re consistent.” ([51:00])

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Additional Highlights & Light-Hearted Moments

• Running joke: Pumpkin pie as the near-highest form of giving thanks ([00:53], [21:30]).
• Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas:
  • “Holiday means holy day, so we’re not even wrong when we say Happy Holidays. ...But there is a little too much policing going on...” ([33:42])
• “The world is going to do what it does. Me being upset about it today is just not going to do anything.” —Cy ([22:47])
• “We’re so small... We make people's opinions so big... They’re just tiny, little... we’re all morons at this point.” —Cy ([23:31])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:45] – Tip #1: Be Realistic
• [07:12] – Tip #2: Fear Not
• [10:09] – Tip #3: Be Wise (Set Boundaries)
• [18:01] – Tip #4: Keep Quiet
• [20:46] – Tip #5: Stay Detached
• [24:36] – Tip #6: Bring Love
• [30:03] – Tip #7: Leave
• [35:29] – Mark’s Call: Handling Conflict about a Child
• [46:29] – Teresa’s Call: The Uninvited Sister
• [49:47] – Overstaying Guests

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Tone & Style

The episode is practical, humorous, and encouraging, using down-to-earth language and relatable family examples. Rose Sweet’s advice is direct yet compassionate, always circling back to Christ’s model as found in Scripture and real life.

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Final Takeaway

If you're bracing for challenging family dynamics this holiday season, remember:

• Let go of perfection.
• Don’t try to fix everyone.
• Set wise boundaries.
• Give yourself permission to be quiet or step away.
• Love deeply but don’t neglect yourself.

In Rose’s words:
“Be like Jesus and you'll have a fabulous holiday.” ([33:17])

Transcript

[A]

Buying or selling your home. Real Estate for Life can connect you with a pro life real estate agent. When Real Estate for Life receives a referral fee, they donate 65% to Catholic Answers. Learn more at realestateforlife.org hello and welcome to Catholic Answers Live. I am Cy Kelly, your host. It's Monday. Always so happy to be back here on a Monday, but it's going to be kind of a short week this week. It won't entirely be a short week for us. We'll have new programs for you each day. But we got the some of those are already recorded. I'll just admit it right now, some of them are already recorded because, you know, we got to take Thanksgiving off. We got to give thanks. And I just love the way that we have come up with for giving thanks. I think there's no better way to give thanks than pumpkin pie. Like. Well, I shouldn't say there's no better way. There is certainly one better way, but it's about as good as you can get. What are you doing right now? Thanking God with my third piece of pumpkin pie. God I'm sure feels very thanked at that point. And that's one of the things we're going to talk about on this hour is Thanksgiving, getting through it. Being a Christian at Thanksgiving. Can you do it? Can you manage to keep your Christian identity when you're with the family and friends and sometimes with people you never met before who showed up and decided they wanted to engage you on, I don't know, I don't know politics or politics or other politics. If you want to talk about that, we've got Rose Sweet to do at 8883-187884-88831, 87884. We're going to talk about just being a Christian at the holidays. It's weird that we would have to struggle to be a. But a lot of, a lot of us do. I know I have many times. And Rose Sweet, of course, Rosesweet, I think that's her. Is it? Rosesweet.com is where you can find her. And she's an expert on marital stuff. We often have her on talk about annulments, divorces, marriage, marriage prep, all of those things. But certified life coach and author of beautiful books, including a book we talked about just recently on temperaments. So, Rose, can you help us to be a little more Christian at the holidays?

[B]

Well, I can't help you sigh, but Jesus can.

[A]

I like that answer.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

All right, guys. Any way we can get Jesus on the show. Rose can't do it. Oh, sorry.

[B]

No, no, no, no. I called him. He's here, he's here, he's here. Don't worry.

[A]

That's another good point. All right, so help me get that help that I need to be a Christian.

[B]

Okay? So, you know, I've been trying to help people sort out their relationship issues for a long time, especially since I was messing mine up so badly and reading, you know, reading every self help book ever written. And yet it's scripture that contains a wealth of self help information. And I, in preparing for this show, I went to Matthew 10 and this is where Jesus is getting ready to send the disciples out. Okay, you've been fortified. You got a mission. You're going to go into people's homes and into their lives into the messiness of, you know, of reality. And this is what you do and this is what you don't do. So we have seven tips today, all right? To help people get through not just Thanksgiving, but all the holidays coming up, you know, all the parties, all the events. So you want to dive in.

[A]

Yeah. But I do want to encourage people to call 888-3186 if you want to talk with Rose Sweet 8883. And who doesn't? 888-318-7884. So I have to tell you, I read ahead. You sent me the seven tips for being like Jesus for the holidays. So give me tip number one.

[B]

Be realistic. No family's perfect. No family. And you told me before the show that your family was perfect. And I thought you'd been drinking a little too much.

[A]

Actually, I was being somewhat facetious. Somewhat very close to perfect.

[B]

So Jesus is, you know, Jesus is telling the disciples, look, brother will betray brother to death. This is from Matthew, These are all from Matthew 10. Brother will betray brother, and father is child and children will rise up against parents and have them put to death. And that's what, you know, that's what we do when we get into arguments with our family. We want to kill. We want to crush the other person's opinion. We want to be right. So be realistic that there are problems in families and there are problems in your family and you're going to pray and hope they don't come out on Thanksgiving or during the holiday. But if they do, don't be surprised. Be realistic and just accept it. That's part of our broken being in a broken world.

[A]

Well, it does make me think when you say that, be realistic that maybe part of us. I don't Know, we can idolize Christmas and Thanksgiving of the past. And I think that gets in the way of my realism, you know, being realistic, that we want it to be like it was before. We can feel like it wasn't like it used to be this year.

[B]

Well, and that's usually true because as kids, we're just filled with endorphins. The. The sights, the smells, and like you said, the pumpkin pie. And we, you know, we want to get that endorphin rush back. We want to get that warm, fuzzy feeling back. And we can't. We can't go backwards. We can only go forwards. So, you know, be realistic, appreciate if it's good, appreciate it. If it's not good, don't worry. Don't lose your serenity over it. Some of the other tips we're having will help you with that. But, you know, it's.

[A]

It's not pretty, this thing, this point. Point one, be realistic. Reminds me of some study they did. And I know most of these studies are baloney, but of like, it was Finland or somewhere that was supposed to be a really happy country, like, where people are very, very happy. And then they tried to figure out, well, why. Why are they happy? And it turned out that this struck me as this was probably actual science. Like, this made so much sense to me. They just have really low expectations. They weren't expecting that much of life, so they were happier. I thought that's one of the greatest studies I ever heard, because that's actually true. One of the keys to happiness in life is just lower your expectations.

[B]

Right, right. To reality. To reality. And it's sometimes wonderful and beautiful and sometimes not. So. Yeah, I love that. Lower your expectations. Especially in relationships. There's a movement going around now called let him just let your husband be who he is. Quit having these huge, ridiculous, high standards for everybody.

[A]

Is there a quote that I can give my wife or. I'm just saying.

[B]

Shut up. Shut up.

[A]

I'm just saying. Well, don't mention it. Get me all excited.

[B]

Missy and I have an arrangement. I'm not supposed to let you know about any of this stuff.

[A]

That sounds like a good movement. All right, point number two. For being more Christ, like at the holidays.

[B]

Okay, number two. First one is be realistic. Number two is fear not. Jesus said, you know, don't be. Don't be. Don't be anxious. Just be ready, be equipped. And here's what I realize. You talk about this great desire we have for a wonderful holiday. So desire is good, but then we get fear that we're not going to have it. Or if somebody says something at the dinner table, oh, the fear comes in. Is this going to ruin this beautiful dream that we have of the day?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So desire and then fear and then panic, and then we go into manipulation mode and it. It gets bad. And you know what part of the problem is, I see parents, when their kids, adults, adult kids especially, come for the holiday, they want to impart the faith to them that day. They want to get them to stop their sinful lifestyle that day. They want to. They want to convince their children of the truth of the whole world that day. Because in their mind, if everybody's on the same page and believes the same thing and we're all getting along, it'd be great. Well, that's the communion of saints, and that is great. That's going to happen someday, but probably not this Thursday in your home.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But the Father's in charge, and conversion is the Holy Spirit's job. Let me just say that again. Conversion is the Holy Spirit's job. And sometimes he invites us to partner with him, to share the truth or to minister to people, but we have to get out of his way sometimes. So God's in charge. He sees your family. He knows what's going on. If all your sinful people in your family show up at Thanksgiving, don't focus on their sins. Focus on loving them. Just don't be afraid. Don't be afraid.

[A]

That's interesting, because that reminds me of Matthew's gospel. Oh, did you have it in Matthew's? I was thinking of the part where the call of St. Matthew where he goes to dinner with all the sinners and tax collectors after. I can't remember what chapter that is. But, yeah, everybody else is afraid of all the sinners. Jesus not afraid of him at all. He seems. As a matter of fact, we don't even see Jesus in that scene. We just see the Pharisees talking to the apostles. It's like Jesus isn't in that scene because he's in having dinner. He's chill, he's fine.

[B]

Right. And I can hear people say, well, but Jesus didn't tolerate sin. Well, that's right. But you know what? He probably had pumpkin pie and turkey. He probably had a meal with people.

[A]

I know he had no pumpkin pie or turkey. That is not true at all. That is a complete historical inaccuracy.

[B]

No, we do not know that. There were not pumpkins in the Holy Land.

[A]

I think we know. I think we know this.

[B]

No, they've discovered some Pumpkin seeds, ancient pumpkin seeds. They're 2000 years old.

[A]

Undermine your credibility. All right, okay, okay, so we're. Be realistic and don't be afraid. Okay, so point three was.

[B]

Okay, Point three is be wise. And that in my mind is set and enforce your boundaries ahead of time.

[A]

Ah, okay.

[B]

Tell people what time you would like them there. Tell them what you would like them to bring. Don't argue with people, just say, you know, be ready to accept what happens. You know, if you don't want your son to bring his live in girlfriend and sleep in your house, then tell them that way ahead of time so they can get a hotel. You can't control that morality. But you can set a boundary and say, well, you're so welcome and she's welcome to dinner and here's some names of hotels or whatever. No, I wouldn't even do that because then it's like participating. But yeah, we're going down another little bunny hole. But set and enforce your bound. What are you, what are you willing to tolerate and not tolerate? And my advice is tolerate more, Tolerate more than you're willing to not tolerate. Especially for this day. Just open your heart, open your home. Just let everything be what it is. But I'm not saying excuse or, you know, accept sin. No, but be smart, you know, Know what is your power? Okay, so I remember one time at a Thanksgiving event, one of my brothers in law showed up and he was super drunk and he was, you know, all over some of the women in the family, all really, really inappropriately. And nobody wanted to deal with it because nobody wanted to make waves because we all wanted to have this perfect day. But somebody came to me and said, he's doing this. And I had had enough wine at that point and it was my house and I said, you need to leave. I pulled him aside privately and I said, you need to shape up or you need to leave. And he started giving me some lip. And so I said, well, you need to leave. And I made him leave and I didn't regret it. And everybody was like so thankful. You know, he came back a couple hours later, you know, a little sober and repentant. But even if he didn't, it was my responsibility to be wise. And in that situation, you don't tolerate this. Some things you tolerate, some things you don't.

[A]

Certain.

[B]

And it takes work to discern those things.

[A]

All right, we got more of these tips from our guest, Rose Sweet on behaving like Jesus, behaving like Christian people at the holidays. And I really like these first three Be realistic. So don't be afraid and be wise. Let's see what else Rose has got for us when we come back, the number 888-318-7884. Catholic Answers live. St. Carlo Acutis shared a dream in which Sister Lucia appeared to him, saying the First Saturday devotion could change the destiny of the world. The Blue army of Our lady of Fatima invites you to practice this Devotion. Join a First Saturday virtual pilgrimage beginning December 6th. Experience spiritual meditations while traveling virtually through Portugal and Spain to 12 sacred sites tied to the Fatima story. Track your journey with a passport and stamps. Visit bluearmy.com and select First Saturday Pilgrimage to learn more. Sponsored by Our Lady's Blue Army.

[B]

Underwriting for Catholic Answers Live is provided by Magnificat. Published monthly, Magnificat features texts of daily Mass, prayers, articles, meditations, art commentaries, and more in step with the liturgical rhythm of the church. On the Web at Magnificat.

[A]

This is Father Josh McCarty. We need Catholic Radio in order to invite people and challenge people to lift their eyes from themselves to God and to love. Catholic Radio challenges people to see the.

[B]

Good in the world, the faith that.

[A]

God offers, and the community that he's drawing us into. The world needs EWTN Catholic Radio now more than ever. Welcome back CATHOLIC Answers Live. Rose Sweet is our guest. You can find out all about what Rose Sweet [e-mail] that's her real name, Rose Sweet. That's her actual real name and she loves it because what an awesome name. Rose knows she's got a great name, so don't Forget it, though. Rosesweet.com and decided to ask Rose, who spent a lot of time working with people in very difficult relationship situations. Well, let's talk in a positive way. How can we have the benefit of our Christian faith and behave like Christians at the holidays? And maybe some people don't like it when you say the holidays. They want you to say this. Oh, no, it's Happy Holidays that people don't like. They don't like it when you say Happy Holidays instead of Christmas. I forgot about that. So never mind. I thought I stepped on a landmine there, but no, I didn't.

[B]

Okay? And you know what? This is what I say, here's my little fake cigarette that all my coaching clients see me use. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if they don't like that. You said Happy Holidays. That's okay. Let them. Let them be that way. Don't worry about it. Don't Worry about it.

[A]

Yeah, that's okay.

[B]

You don't have to defend the Catholic faith when somebody gets mad because you accidentally said, happy Holidays.

[A]

Well, that's there where people get fussy about, oh, you should say, Merry Christmas. Like, keep the word Christmas in there. And I remember a few years ago, I asked a college kid who came home, are you home for the holidays? And he goes, what do you mean, am I home for Christmas? And I was like, well, I mean, are you home for New Year's Day, too? And he goes, yeah. And I go, well, I think I meant, are you home for the holidays? But he was trying to make some kind of religious point to me. And I was like, I don't know, kid. I don't know if you. Maybe that's a bridge too far for you, that one. But all that language policing, do you know what's going to happen? This has happened at my house. My children reached a certain age and they needed to lecture the entire family on the treatment of Native American people at Thanksgiving. I do not know why people feel like Thanksgiving is the day, the one day out of the year you have to defend Native American people. Just go ahead and do it every day. 365 days a year is a perfect time for that. Thanksgiving actually doesn't have anything to do with that, but people think that it does have something to do with that. All right, so this is my theory of what we should do. And I think when you gather for Thanksgiving, in the old days, we used to gather and say, say something you're thankful for. I think now we should just start with, say something you're angry about and we'll just all get it out. Like, are you mad at Trump or are you mad at the people who are mad at Trump? Are you mad at the Indians or are you mad at the people who aren't nice to the Indians? Let's get it all out. What do you think about that? Just say all the political things, all the social justice things, all of it. Just get it out right away.

[B]

Or you could be more passive aggressive and go, would you like some ice with that drink? Get it.

[A]

Because immigration is the big issue. Yes, that's an excellent point. Yes. Passive aggression seems like another excellent strategy. I don't remember any occasions of passive aggression on the part of Jesus, but help me out here, Rose. What's point number four?

[B]

Let's go back to point number four is keep quiet.

[A]

This is a good one for me. This is a good one for me.

[B]

And for me. And for me, not every comment Needs a response.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Please. Not every question needs an answer. Sometimes just a look or a nod of the head is fine. And it puts you in a power position because the minute you open your mouth to try to respond to somebody, it's a pot argument or disagreement, you're already going to lose. I'm going to tell you that right now. You're going to lose. So sometimes just don't say anything. Say. Okay, I get it. Thanks. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's. It's very empowering. But we, again, we have this urge. I'm going to go back to that desire. I want everybody to see me. Well, that's another point coming up. But to see and understand me, and I have to make my point. But. And then I'll be happy. That's not true. Just keep quiet. Just keep quiet. It's really hard to do.

[A]

It's a great strategy, though. Like you. I just think that something happened to the American personality. We used to have this thing about the strength in being quiet. And now if you don't share your opinion, somehow you're failing. And not sharing your opinion is one of the greatest gifts you can give the world. I think most of us, if we would just learn. My opinion is not that important. I'm gonna give the world the gift of not hearing it this Christmas.

[B]

You know what? And also, you're right. When we're silent, we're now accused of being complicit.

[A]

Oh, gosh. I know.

[B]

So just, you know, that's right again.

[A]

But it's better to be accused, I suppose, than. Than to try to, like, why am I playing your game? I don't have to play your game.

[B]

Here we are. Okay, let's go. Here we are with Jesus again. Remember, they started accusing him. He was in front of Herod. He just, like, stood there silent.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Jesus said not one word when he was in front of Herod. So keep quiet. Know the wisdom and the power and the. And the beauty and the appropriateness of being quiet.

[A]

All right, that was point number four. Let's do a couple more and then we'll get to calls. The number is 888-31-87884. Here's the challenge. Can you be like Jesus for the holidays this year? Can you learn from the wisdom of Christianity and behave accordingly this year? Rose Sweet with a few tips. Let's do tip number five.

[B]

I think this is at the heart of our entire interior life. And our Christian walk is to stay detached. Stay detached. Appropriately detached. That doesn't mean pull away and that you don't care and that you're cold. It means that you're not emotionally enmeshed and over engaged in a struggle and a power struggle, you know, and try to defend yourself with other people. It's just that you don't care. I love. There's this lady on TikTok, she's so funny. It's called the we do not care club. And it's just that we do not care anymore. You know what? We're tired of your drama. We're tired of your baloney.

[A]

I think I've seen that. I think Missy showed me that lady.

[B]

Yeah, I know, she's hilarious. She's hilarious.

[A]

I just don't care anymore. Yeah, okay.

[B]

And it's a big growing movement and I think that's appropriate. We need. We're exhausting ourselves and in being over engaged and fighting and convincing people, just pull back and stay detached, you know? And Jesus says, whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. Or whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he's saying, don't put these people up on such a pedestal that you have to get their approval and their affection and their agreement. Pull back, stay detached, stay centered in me and my love for you and my love for them and have another piece of pie.

[A]

Oh, I love that part of it. I need to detach from pie a little bit, but I. But I see your larger point. And this, I think, is one of the things that growing older helps you with. You have not grown that old yet. But as we grow older, it is so hard to. To have detachment when you're younger. And it's such a relief to have it when you're older, to go, you know what the world is going to do, what it does. Me being upset about it today is just not going to do anything.

[B]

Well. And part of the deepest problem is I want people to see me, love me, understand me. That's all of us. We all have that universal desire. And you spend your life fighting to get that. And when you realize you can't control it and you now you know, our Lord sees me. God the Father, knows me, loves me, is delights in me. I'm with him. He's here. He'll never leave me or forsake me. He knows my value and worth. I can trust him. Why do I need all the rest of you idiots to like, approve of me, right? And you know and tell me I'm wonderful when I already know I'm a delight in his eyes. And really, that's. I know you want to say something to that. Say it.

[A]

No, I like the fact that you said, why do I need all the rest of you idiots? Because in a certain way, that's what we are. We're all just tiny. We're so small. People are so small. And we make them so big. Their opinions so big, their approval so big. They're just tiny, little. You know, we're all morons at this point. We'll know someday, but we only know a little bit now. So why. Why stress about it? I like it, okay?

[B]

And I can hear the criticism coming in already. We're not just idiots.

[A]

I don't care. I just got really detached. I don't care about the criticism. Go ahead.

[B]

That's good. We do not care. Okay? So we are both. And we are little worms, as St. Teresa of Avila said. We're worms, we're morons, we're idiots. But we're also precious in his eyes and made in his image, and he died for us. So it's both and the Catholic answer.

[A]

All right, two more points, then I'm going to the phones because the phones are starting to fill up. Let me just tell people the number. 8, 8, 8, 3187, 8, 8 4. I'm sorry to those who are on the line. I've kept you waiting, but two more points from Rose, and then on to the phones we'll go.

[B]

Okay, number six is bring love. And again, in Matthew, when Jesus is sending the disciples out, he said after he says what not to do and not do, he goes, cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, and you may have to cast out demons. So when you are with people and you see somebody is sick or tired or angry or hurt or pulling away, maybe they have a demon of anxiety or demon of insecurity. Go in and put your arm around them and cast out that demon, quote, unquote. Show love to people. Just listen to them. You don't have to comment or agree on everything. You know, look people in the eye, you know, come out of your comfort zone and just say, how are you? What have you been up to? What are you looking forward to in 2026? Open borders. I'm just kidding, you know? But just.

[A]

What is wrong? I know I couldn't help.

[B]

I couldn't help myself. Okay, let's go to number seven. Let's go to number seven.

[A]

Well, do you want to wait? Because it's. The music's playing now. Okay, I think you want to wait.

[B]

Save the best for last is the.

[A]

Last the best one. Because Bring Love was pretty good. Bring Love was pretty good, I think, particularly with teenagers and 20 year olds. Don't make fun of them. Don't make, don't humiliate them. Listen to their ideas. Love them. All right, we'll be right back with more Rose Suite.

[B]

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[A]

We hope that one of the things that we communicate here at Catholic Answers Live is that our Catholic faith allows us to be fully serious about all the problems we encounter in the church and in the world. But it also lets us have light hearts and maybe even mix in a bit of fun. And that is exactly what our good friend Joe Heschmeyer does in his popular podcast Shameless Potpourri. You should check it [e-mail] Joe's got a deep grasp of the faith, morals, the teachings of the church, all that, but he's also got a witty conversational style. He entertains and he informs, but you will leave equipped to better answer the most common challenges, misconceptions and questions about the Catholic faith. He's got insightful guests, he does on air debates, and he takes a close look into all the things that you want to know about as a Catholic living today. You'll walk away knowledgeable and filled with joy. Look for Joe on his YouTube channel. Check him [e-mail] or wherever you get your podcasts. And if you like what you hear, become a patron.

[B]

What is the Catholic Church? Everyone seems to have an opinion, but the church never quite fits into the boxes people make for it. In the Faith Unboxed, author Andrew Petterprin looks at some of the most common boxes people put the Catholic Church in and explains why they don't fit in. Doing so, he brings us closer to what the church really the institution founded by Christ. Order the Faith unbox [e-mail] or ask for it at a good Catholic bookstore near you.

[A]

Welcome back, Catholic Answers live. We got shows for you all week. Don't worry if you got to be like Thanksgiving, they probably yeah, Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving. We have as A matter of fact, we have a show that we're calling the Leftovers on the day after Thanksgiving. We're doing actual Catholic answers. Leftovers, they're calls that we weren't able to answer on the air, but we saved them up. And so we'll have leftovers on the day after. So while you're having your leftovers, you can join us for our leftovers the usual time on the day after Thanksgiving. But right now we're talking with, you know, how to be a little bit like Jesus. How can we be a little more like Jesus? And maybe as we do that, make the holidays more pleasant for ourselves and for other people. And we've done six of them so far. Rose said, be realistic. You know, what, like, what's family really like? Okay, if your ideal for the holiday is too high, maybe just be a little more realistic about what to expect. Don't be afraid people are going to say things you don't agree with. Your kids are going to not be living up to quite what you wanted them to in this area or that. Don't be afraid of any of that. Just water off a duck's back, as the Bible says. Actually, I don't think that's in the Bible. Be wise. Set and enforce boundaries beforehand ahead of time so that people know what to expect from you and you know what you're expecting. You can keep quiet. You don't have to respond to everything. Stay detached. Don't become overly attached to other people's opinions or approvals or any of that. And bring the love. Take care of people. Love people. And now the last one. And then I will go to the phones. 888-31-87884. The last Christian tip for the holidays. Rose.

[B]

Okay? And you had a wonderful comment. I want you to share, too. The last one is leave. Okay?

[A]

Could you tell some of my relatives this? They'll stay so late. Just tell them, oh, that's not what you're talking about.

[B]

No, no, no, you show them the door. Okay, so leave. Remember, Jesus said, if anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, then shake the dust off your feet as you leave that house or town. You don't have to leave the Thanksgiving meal, but you can leave the conversation. You can leave the room, you can leave the situation, you can go out on the patio, whatever you can do. So there are forms of leaving something that is not productive and not loving. So please, you know, give yourself permission to exit when you have to. Because as you were mentioning Sy back in the festival of Lights. What was going on when Jesus was.

[A]

You know, I love this story. I was just telling Rose this at the break, when you're talking about leaving, that Jesus went up to the temple during the festival of lights, which is today, we would call that Hanukkah. So he's taking a Christmas time. It wasn't called Christmas time at the time, but he's taking a Christmas holiday, a holiday stroll around the temple, which is kind of a beautiful. That's like what we do. You go, oh, let's go downtown and take a walk on Christmas, you know, or whatever. So he's taking a stroll. This is in John's gospel. And then they, the. Some of the, you know, rabble rousers notice him and they start yelling at him, are you the Messiah or not? Just tell us. Just say it. Say the word. Are you the Messiah or not? Jesus just walks away. He just leaves. Like he just doesn't let them set the agenda for him. He wasn't there to declare himself the Messiah. He knows what will happen if he says he's in the temple grounds. If he says the word Messiah, you know what's going to happen. All something is going to break loose. And he just, he's like, I'm out for a Christmas walk. I mean, he doesn't say Christmas, of course, but he's just not going to get sucked into it. And when it gets to be too much, he just walks away.

[B]

Perfect example. There has to be the right time in the place. And Thanksgiving dinner or the holiday party is usually not the right time and place to get engaged in these important issues. And they are important, but not today. I think about that often as a lot of my coaching clients are in a very miserable, horrible situation and they think they just have to suck it up and suffer. And I go, wait a minute. Jesus didn't always suffer. When they tried to throw him off the cliff, he ran away. It wasn't the time and place for letting himself be killed when they tried to stone him. There's at least two times that we know of where they picked up rocks, you know, and this happens in conversations in the holidays. People are going to pick up rocks, quote, unquote, to stone you because of your opinion. Just leave. Just leave. It's not the time and place. So those are our seven tips. Be like Jesus and you'll have a fabulous holiday.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. You will have a fabulous holiday. All right. 888-8-31-87884. You are welcome to call with your questions for Rose Sweet. We're just talking about being a Christian. Holidays. It's an odd topic, I know. Like, really, really. A holiday for giving thanks to God and then a holiday for remembering his incarnation, his coming back as King of. Yeah, go ahead, Rose.

[B]

Remember when that guy was going to argue with you about holidays versus Merry Christmas?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Holiday. It means holy day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we're not even wrong when we say Happy Holidays. We're saying happy holy days.

[A]

I actually am of the opinion that sometimes Catholics are a little too much policing. During Advent and the Christmas season, there's a little too much policing going on. Like, I know people have really strong feelings about when you put the baby in the manger.

[B]

Do you?

[A]

I mean, this is gonna shock you. What I'm about to say is gonna shock you. Rose, do you know there's nothing in the Bible or in any teaching of the Church about when you should put Jesus in the manger? People can do it whenever they want. So you're not the cops. Leave them alone. But there's tremendous policing of light. You know, when can you use which lights and when does. Okay, there's no rules for these things. How about a little charity? Let people do what they do.

[B]

Here's the root. A part of them has decided, if people do that the way I think it should be done, I will be at peace and I will be happy. Right. And we can't tolerate other people doing something differently. So we need counseling, coaching, we need help. We need grace.

[A]

We need to be a little more detached. Like, if your beautiful manger scene has the baby Jesus in it at Thanksgiving, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay with me. I'm just not so attached to things being done the way I like them.

[B]

You're so realistic and so wise.

[A]

Oh, I'm faking it right now. That's not how I really am. I'm just. This is. I'm just faking it. Mark in Council Bluffs, Iowa, listening on the wonderful Spirit Catholic Radio. Welcome, Mark.

[C]

Thank you very much. You guys have touched on so many amazing things. Thank you.

[B]

Thanks, Mark.

[C]

I can't thank you enough. And it's. I'm pretty sure it was all my heart in that manner. I got a chance to meet the Pope on a FaceTime call as a chaperone and spent a wonderful weekend this past weekend at mcyclav. So that helped a ton. But there was.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

I had an incident where my child was approached and kind of berated. Before I got to the family function. It was a Christmas party. And when I got there. I just tried to find out what was going on. Just say, you know, as a small child, and I probably should have just left everything alone. And that's what I will do next. I mean, it's a large family. Stuff happens. As a father, I just. Just wanted to know, because if I can explain to my daughter what she did, it would come across better than ripping her in front of the whole family, which no big deal. I kind of walked. I brought it up. They weren't going to have any conversation about it, so I walked away next. You know, somebody physically took me out, which is fine. I'm the second oldest of a lot of kids. No 10 of them will be there, but I'm too old to have that happen. And I don't need my kids watching Michigan. I'm sure I would hope nothing like that would happen. And I prayed going into that day, before we even went to that event, because things haven't been supporting and loving enough, building. A lot of the time it's just the good old love, which is a little rough sometimes, and I understand that. But like you had said in one of your points, you know, leave, walk away, kick the dust from your feet. I've done that. From a town where the kids were kind of. I can make a difference. I'll make a difference. I just. The words you guys shared and what you've already said just kind of reiterated the way I need to just keep praying about it, moving forward. Not caring about turds. It's not even turds. Just don't care. I can't do well.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I didn't hang up. He's still on the line. But I was about to say, did you want to respond? Do you have enough to respond? And I accidentally pushed the hold button. But while we're on hold, go ahead and respond.

[B]

Well, no, Mark, you know what you said. I just don't care. Here's the thing. I want you to still care. Being detached doesn't mean we don't care. It means that we recognize it might not be the right time or place to move in and do what we want to do, because we do care. You know, if I had a child that had been berated, I guess he or she did something bad and everybody was all on him, I would move in and put my arm around the child and say, we'll talk about this when we get home. Everything okay? Okay, let's go get some pie. So I would. I could acknowledge it. I could still care. But I would recognize that I have to. It's delayed gratification that I'm going to wait until another time and place to deal with it because when you got the other family members around, like you said, who knows what time bombs are getting ready to tick on them. And I don't want to get taken down. Somebody tries to take me down at a holiday function, they're going to be real sorry.

[A]

What do you think, Mark?

[C]

I think you guys are amazing. What a blessing. Thanks for sharing your talents.

[A]

Well, God bless you, Mark. Thank you very much. You've brought us right to the break the numbers. I'll tell you what, there is some kind of glitch with the phones I'm noticing, but we'll see. We'll try to get you on. If you call, that's all I'll say. 888-318-7884 do your very best. If you want to get in, dial that number and we will do our very best to get you on with Rose before we have to go. We're talking about how to be more like Jesus at the holidays. 888-318-7884 Let us help you with your question today on CATHOLIC Answers live ewtn.

[B]

Helping people grow in their love and understanding of God.

[C]

I just want to share that five years ago my lovely warrior princess and.

[A]

Saint of a wife and I decided.

[C]

To to adopt a little girl through foster care. She is the perfect roundout of our.

[A]

Family of three boys and her.

[C]

Yet there are challenges.

[A]

Very grateful today for all the blessings.

[C]

That he has shown our family.

[B]

EWTN Live Truth, Live Catholic.

[A]

Who was the first Catholic in your family? Were they evangelized by a friend, a co worker, a stranger? Did you ever think that you could be that person that God uses to save a soul and that soul could save their family, their grandchildren and generations to come? At St. Paul Street Evangelization, a Catholic nonprofit, we train, equip and mobilize Catholic disciples to do the urgent work of evangelization. Catholic Answers is supported in part by St. Paul Street Evangelization. Streetevangelization.com.

[C]

Welcome back.

[A]

Catholic Gans was live. Jim Blackburn, second hour. You can ask him whatever you want. We're going to talk a little bit about the Bible with him to start, but you can ask him whatever you want. 888-318-7884.

[B]

Rose, I love Jim Blackburn.

[A]

You do?

[B]

Yes. He's great. He knows a lot.

[A]

Yeah. We so rarely hear good things about Jim Blackburn. That's nice of you To. No, I'm sorry, Jim. He's probably listening right now. I was just teasing him.

[B]

Well, he did pay me, but I. But I do. I know. I do like him a lot.

[A]

CatholicQuestions.com is. He started that website. He's the originator of the website. CatholicQuestions.com.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of good stuff on there. I've seen it.

[A]

Yeah, Jim does a great job. All right, the number is 888-31-87884. If you want to talk with Rose Sweet about how to be more like Jesus at the holidays. 888-318-7884. Rose gave us seven. These are not commandments. These are what suggestions that you have that.

[B]

No, they're instructions.

[A]

They're instructions.

[B]

Remember, they're instructions to the disciples. He's getting ready to send them out into relationships to bring love, bring the good news, to do what they got to do. And he's telling them, you know, brother will betray brother to death, and you're going to have problems. This is what you do.

[A]

And the thing about the fear one that you talked about, I do think there is sometimes a pressure, like you said, to try to at the holidays, say the thing that we've been wanting to say to the kids, especially about going back to Mass or living a more moral life or taking the Bible seriously or taking Jesus seriously.

[B]

Don't do it.

[A]

Okay, so tell me about that, because it's not a bad thing. There's nothing bad about wanting your children safe and secure in Mother Church. But why do you say, don't do it at the holiday?

[B]

Because that is not the time and place that people are expecting to be getting a lecture or a reminder or, you know, a comeuppance. They don't want that. They are also there to enjoy each other and to be happy, to hear music, to drink and eat and love each other and be interesting to each other. There is a time and a place to do that. And because we as parents usually don't know how to communicate with our kids well. And they've distanced from us, and in some cases now they cancel us. Is that when they're. We're together in the same room in the holidays? This is our only chance. We got to tell them now, you know, we got. We got to tell them to turn their lives over to Jesus, you know, and. No, love them first. That's what Jesus did. He went. He ate with the sinners and the prostitutes. He went and loved them and was with them and developed a relationship and Then at the appropriate time and place, he would move in and say, go and sin no more.

[A]

Yeah. So then you have to. It does seem to me that that's what you did in the first part of these, was to kind of have a realistic expectation and don't be afraid to just love and let it all go by and be wise and keep quiet. You don't have to be the one who's sharing your opinion, your view, even if what you're planning to share is not an opinion. But maybe you're planning to share the good news. This might be the day to be quiet. And then in the second part you're talking about, you begin with like in the second group, it stayed detached. So that part would seem to me to respond to the kid comes home or some relative comes by and they have an agenda. So you're starting off by saying, look, let go of your agenda. As good as it is your Christian agenda, let it go, be a human being to all these other people. But then the second part is you're talking about how to respond when they come with the agenda.

[B]

Yeah. I have some wonderful tips that I've learned over the years and one of them is called broken record. And when I think about it, you know, everything in scripture, when God wants to emphasize a point, it's repeated three times. Remember, it comes in threes. Holy, holy, holy. The ultimate. Well, this broken record tip is that when somebody says, here, here's the pumpkin pie that I made, I slaved for hours to make, I hope you like it. And you can say, no, thank you, I really don't like pumpkin pie. And what's going to happen? Well, just try a bite, you're going to like it. You know, it's gluten free or whatever. So they're not, they're not listening to you. They're not listening to you. And so now, now they're putting the pressure so you just don't try to argue or defend or go down that path, you'll lose. Just say, no, thank you, I'm not into pumpkin pie. Just repeat it a second time and if they come back, well, why? You used to like pumpkin pie when you were a kid. This is the third time for the broken record. Just say, I don't like pumpkin pie. Now this is where you got to do the switch. Then you don't keep saying it over and over. You just say, how about some decaf coffee? Do you have any of that? Or you know, change, change the subject. But don't stay stuck in a mode of Self defense. So there's lots of just little techniques that we can, you know, learn about, you know, not getting sucked into the family. Drama, drama, drama. Drumsticks and drama. Yeah, I know.

[A]

Let's go to Teresa in Des Moines, Iowa listening to EWTN on channel 130, Sirius XM satellite radio. Awful glad to have you here with us, Teresa. Go ahead with your question for Rose.

[B]

Yes, hi. That was very quick. Yes, I have a sister who is never married and she just sometimes shows up at the holiday at my very small immediate family get together and none of us like it because it seems and I could tell you why and I've already told her once, it's just my immediate family but I'm afraid she's going to show up again. And I know that's not very godlike but when you're with her it's always, it's always a one way conversation. There's a lot of gossip and loudness and it's like we just want the immediate family. So what do you think about that? Well, that's a problem that's common with a lot of people. You can call her up if you have the courage and maybe a good coach to help you. Call her up before Thanksgiving and say I'd like to get together with you for lunch during the holidays. Let's pick a fun place because our family gathering is just for our close family and you and a bunch of other people are not invited. But I do really want to see you. So let's pick, let's pick a nice date. I've actually done that to some of my family members. But you, you have to be detached enough and courage to courageous enough to be able to, to say no, I don't want that I and I would like you to stay away at this particular time but let's get together at another time depending on what the you know the situation. I need to know more. But you could also just expect her to come and be ready when she gets loud, get ready when she says gossip, how to gossipy things, how to end the conversation, to step out of it, to ask her to share something else in her day. So I have tips for you. When she does show up and you can't control it. But I also have ways where you do have the power and the authority to say who comes into your house and who does not come into your house. You know this sounds horrible and it just sounds unchristian. But Christianity doesn't mean that we tolerate obnoxious, abusive people who walk all over us that's not Christian. But there is a Christian way to deal with people like that. We don't just cancel them or cut them off. Does that help a little bit? It sure does. It sure does. Thank you very much. Yeah. Invite her to some special lunch or something, or shot shop afternoon or shopping or tea. And then just tell her you're not the only one not invited. So. Okay. Okay. You can do this. Sounds very good. Yes. Thank you so much. Okay.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Happy Holy Days.

[A]

You too.

[B]

Holy Day.

[A]

Thank you very much. Thanks, Therese. Thanks very much for the call as well, Rose. That sounded like you really helped somebody. Is that the first. Sorry.

[B]

What? Don't even. Don't. Do you know what? No. I'm so detached. I don't care what you say. Say what you want, Sy.

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

I'm here to have a good time.

[A]

Yes, you are. Yeah, you are. Okay, so tell me this really, seriously. All joking aside, the guest who overstays the welcome. What's the Christ like response to the guest who overstays the welcome. Everybody else has gone home, has gotten the message. You've already packed up leftovers and said, here, take these with you. And they still. They've got some kind of block. They just are not getting the hint.

[B]

Well, you can be weak and pathetic and worm and let people walk all over you, or you can be.

[A]

That's a very good description of me, actually. That is actually a quite accurate description.

[B]

Okay, so. Or just be confident and calm and know your authority. Just say, okay. So you're my guest. Okay. And I'm the host.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sigh.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Here is a wonderful package for you to take home to missy some leftovers. And I know you like pumpkin pie, so I put three pieces in there for you. But you have to leave now. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Get up. Let's go. You gotta leave. What's wrong with that? Look how nice I was when I said that.

[A]

I know. And you included a little gift of pumpkin pie for me.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But it's okay to tell people it's time to go?

[B]

Yes. Get behind me, Satan. No, seriously, go ahead. Tell me what Jesus. No. Jesus told people where to go and what to do. It's time. Stop. Stop. Go. Sin no more. Get behind me, Satan. He didn't when it was. You don't tolerate everything in the name of Christianity. In Christianity, you are kind and you are clear and you're direct and you're consistent. Right? Right.

[A]

So there is a kind. I mean, some people would say that Kind of clarity is itself an unkindness, but it's really not, is it? You package it all in kindness, but it's just to be clear that you've had enough and you got to go to bed. There's nothing unkind about that.

[B]

No. And here's the other thing. If the other person is offended, that's not your responsibility. Their response is not your responsibility. Your responsibility as a Christian is to do everything in your power to show them that you love them, you care for them, you're being honest with them and you want the best for them. But if they react that they're hurt or feel rejected, don't take that burden on yourself because you'll be exhausted by the end of the day trying to make everybody happy. Not good.

[A]

No. And I do think, actually I was joking a little bit. I could handle that situation. I don't know if I do it exactly the way you do. I always just quietly tell them Missy wants them to go, and I don't know if that's.

[B]

Oh, you coward.

[A]

Wait, that's not the right way to do it.

[B]

Well, no, no, no, no. You know what? Okay. That's a lower level way of doing it. Somebody leave him.

[A]

No, I'm sorry. No. I'm telling John I'm gonna go to line one and that he doesn't need to clear it. Just let me have line one because we're getting to the end of the show.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Elizabeth in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Welcome. Go ahead, Elizabeth. Elizabeth, you're on the air with Rose. Go ahead with your question.

[B]

Hello. I just had a little gotcha. I wanted to get in. I was listening to old show of Mother Angelica lately and she very much didn't like Happy Holidays, I guess.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Okay. You know what? Okay. I'm glad you brought that up because if it is in a secular mindset, wanting to strip away the religious part of it, and if that's the way we're using the word happy Holidays, I agree with Mother Angelica, but there are people who are using it in happy holy days, and we have to be discerning to know. Should we be judgmental and critical, or should we just keep quiet, stay detached, and bring love? Right. Sure. No, no, thank you.

[A]

I don't think that Elizabeth was entirely convinced. You only got 30 seconds, Rose.

[B]

No, Elizabeth, you did the perfect thing. We're at Thanksgiving and you don't like what I just said. You said said. Sure. That was great. Because you know what? You just ended it. Now we're not going to have a fight. It's great, Elizabeth. That's awesome.

[A]

Well, I will maintain my position on Mother Angelica. If she's got a problem with anything we say, she's free to call whenever she. I'm just kidding, of course, Wheatley, she's our hero. So I'm not going to go against what she had to say.

[B]

But.

[A]

But we are certainly free to have whatever our opinion is. Elizabeth, thanks very much for the call. I'm sorry we ran out of time there. We could have been more of a conversation. Rose, sweet. Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

[B]

To you and to everybody at Catholic Answers. Thank you, guys. Talk to you soon. Yeah.

[A]

Enjoy that ham because I know you're a contrarian. So right back with Jim Blackburn, catholic Answers live.