Brittany Bell on Family Drama & Healing Past Wounds

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Brittany Bell on Family Drama & Healing Past Wounds"

Title: Change Your Brain Every Day
Host: Dr. Daniel Amen & Tana Amen
Guest: Brittany Bell
Release Date: February 24, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of "Change Your Brain Every Day," Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen welcome Brittany Bell, a model, psychologist, and mother, to discuss her journey through family trauma, healing past wounds, and optimizing her brain health. Brittany shares her personal experiences, therapeutic approaches, and academic pursuits, providing listeners with deep insights into overcoming anxiety and fostering resilience.

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Early Life and Family Dynamics

Brittany Bell opens up about her tumultuous upbringing, marked by household stress and her stepfather's mood disorder. She explains how living in an unpredictable environment fostered hypervigilance and resilience but also contributed to unhealthy stress patterns.

Notable Quote:
“I believe my stepfather has a mood disorder. And so with that mood disorder ranging from like high levels of anger and upsetness to... I developed this hyper vigilance to read people very well.” (00:00)

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Understanding Anxiety and Trauma

Brittany reflects on her past struggles with anxiety, initially unaware of its origins. She attributes much of her anxiety to the unstable household environment and her father's tragic experiences, including police brutality and subsequent suicide.

Notable Quote:
“When I look back, I didn't know it was anxiety... I feel really resilient.” (00:00)
“I learned that my father was a victim of a police brutality incident that changed his life forever.” (07:33)

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Therapeutic Journey and EMDR

Brittany discusses her experiences with therapy, specifically Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), highlighting its effectiveness in addressing her trauma. She shares how EMDR helped her process past events and manage current anxieties.

Notable Quote:
“I've been doing a lot of exploring. Given all my history, we've maybe like seven sessions in and we did one EMDR session, which I found super helpful.” (10:39)
“One session still did call me and was really helpful.” (10:58)

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Academic Pursuits: Dissertation on Black Fathering

Brittany reveals her academic focus, undertaking a phenomenological study on black fathering and its impact on adult children. She emphasizes the importance of qualitative research in understanding the nuanced experiences within the black community.

Notable Quote:
“My dissertation topic is a phenomenological study on black fathering... the adult lived experience.” (13:06)
“It's black fathering and the adult lived experience of the adult child...” (13:47)

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Brain Health and SPECT Imaging

The conversation delves into Brittany's brain scan results using SPECT imaging, highlighting her brain's high hope score despite high adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). Tana explains the significance of these findings and their implications for Brittany's mental health.

Notable Quote:
“You have a stunningly beautiful brain.” (06:35)
“Your hope score was really high, which is awesome.” (18:13)

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Managing Anxiety and Thought Patterns

Brittany shares strategies for managing anxiety, including cognitive techniques to challenge negative thoughts. Tana introduces the concept of Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) and guides Brittany through a series of questions to reframe her thoughts.

Notable Quote:
“I'm not using it well, but I'm...” (16:30)
“Don't ignore them. Shine a light on them.” (30:25)

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Impact of Past Trauma on Current Relationships

Brittany discusses how her father's traumatic experiences and her own childhood impact her current relationships and parenting style. She emphasizes the importance of breaking generational trauma and fostering healthy familial bonds.

Notable Quote:
“I have to make a different choice.” (33:27)
“I'm more compassionate to how hurtful that must have been for him.” (35:07)

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Integrating Faith and Resilience

Faith plays a crucial role in Brittany's healing process. She describes how her relationship with God has strengthened over time, providing her with resilience and a protective factor against stress and anxiety.

Notable Quote:
“My faith was a little bit less strong and now it's getting stronger and it's really helped me.” (35:27)

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Practical Tools for Brain Optimization

Tana and Dr. Amen introduce practical supplements and techniques to enhance brain health, such as "Happy Saffron" and "Brain Boost" supplements. Brittany expresses her enthusiasm for these tools, feeling empowered to take control of her brain health.

Notable Quote:
“This is transformative. This is affirming. This is life changing for me.” (41:46)
“I feel more agency over that.” (42:23)

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Conclusion and Final Insights

The episode concludes with Brittany expressing gratitude for the opportunity to share her story. She highlights the importance of understanding one's brain and mind to foster healing and personal growth. Listeners are encouraged to take proactive steps in managing their brain health and overcoming past traumas.

Notable Quote:
“I have some work to do to do that. And I'm not daunted by it, but excited about it.” (42:23)
“Change your brain every day.” (43:00)

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Key Takeaways

• Resilience Through Trauma: Brittany's ability to overcome a stressful childhood environment showcases the human capacity for resilience and growth.

• Therapeutic Techniques: EMDR and cognitive reframing are effective tools for processing and managing past traumas.

• Importance of Awareness: Understanding brain health through SPECT imaging provides valuable insights into one's mental and emotional state.

• Breaking Generational Patterns: Addressing and healing from familial trauma is essential for fostering healthy relationships and personal well-being.

• Integrating Faith and Support Systems: Faith and strong support systems play a significant role in mental health and resilience.

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This episode offers a profound exploration of how early life experiences shape our mental health and the strategies we can employ to heal and thrive. Brittany Bell's journey serves as an inspiring testament to the power of self-awareness, therapeutic intervention, and the pursuit of knowledge in transforming one's life.

Transcript

[Brittany Bell]

When I look back, I didn't know it was anxiety. I didn't know the troubles that I had gone through were what they are. But I'm so proud of myself for all that I've been through and all that I do, and I feel really resilient. But as a mother, some of the things that I've been through, I definitely don't think were healthy for a young girl to go through. So for me, it was a lot of, like, stress in the household. I believe my stepfather has a mood disorder. And so with that mood disorder ranging from like, high levels of anger and upsetness to. To then, like, just going away into the room and then it's calm again, I believe I developed, like, this hyper vigilance to read people very well. So it was unpredictable, very unpredictable, at least for me as a young girl.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Every day you are making your brain better or you are making it worse. Stay with us to learn how you can change your brain for the better every day. I'm very excited in this episode of the podcast to talk to Brittany Bell, who I originally met when we scanned Nick Cannon. Brittany is a model. She's a psychologist. She is the mother of one of Nick's children and wanted to experience the process herself. She's struggled with anxiety issues. Father underwent a brutal police brutality incident and subsequent suicide. Here we'll talk about her brain, how to make it better, and also how to get her mind as healthy as it can be. Are you struggling with anxiety, depression, obsessive thinking, past emotional trauma, ADHD or brain fog and don't know where to turn? Are your relationships a mess and you don't know why? Have you had a brain injury, concussion, or just don't feel the same after Covid? Is your memory worse than it was 10 years ago, or do you have a parent or grandparent with dementia and want to work on prevention? Yes, prevention is possible, but the sooner you start, the better. For 35 years, we've been changing people's brains and their lives using brain SPECT imaging and a personalized natural approach to brain and mental health care. And we have some of the best published outcomes anywhere. Go to amenclinics.com to learn more. And when you call us, mention podcast 10 for a 10% discount.

[Tana Amen]

Thank you so much for doing this.

[Brittany Bell]

I'm so happy.

[Tana Amen]

So we met before.

[Brittany Bell]

Yes, we did.

[Tana Amen]

When Nick came and you accompanied him.

[Brittany Bell]

I did.

[Tana Amen]

And so you sort of saw this process?

[Brittany Bell]

Yes.

[Tana Amen]

And you're like, I want to get my brain scanned.

[Brittany Bell]

Yes. This has opened my eyes so much. I think this has been one of the most informative aspects of even my understanding of how we function as humans. I work in psychology, so this was like, next level understanding. And so when I got to just watch in with Nick, this was so intriguing and it informed me a lot, and it actually helped me as somebody in Nick's life. And I. I'm very grateful. Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

And, you know, one of my questions was, what has Nick done different? And I did his podcast, and I know doctor. He saw Dr. Cornish, our functional medicine doctor. She did his podcast. So he's getting. Oh, yes, brain health as part of his consciousness.

[Brittany Bell]

Oh. It has definitely brought some of the things that he never thought was just important to the surface, to the point where he's paying more attention. Because I feel like once you open the store for him, he was able to see how much agency he has over that transformation. And now the way he eats is different. He's more conscious. He's Willy Wonka, the black Willy Wonka. No, he's not anymore. He's more like, I don't eat that candy.

[Tana Amen]

Like, right when I went to his studio, you saw the candy room, right, the candy room. And I'm like, bad for your brain.

[Brittany Bell]

Right. But now that's not only impacted him, but his modeling for our children. Because my son was like, you know, gas station candy fanatic. And now dad is modeling. Oh, let's go. For other things where I used to have to be like, not that, not this. And I was a bad guy. But now he's joined forces because he's taking care of himself, and it's so.

[Tana Amen]

I love that so much. Amazing.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah. It's helpful. And my son is very, very aware now, and I'm. I'm just grateful. It also has helped me with understanding Nick's processing. It has transformed my empathy for him. Because of the things that you found in his frontal lobe and also ADHD behaviors, I am a little bit more slower to assume, judge, or expect typical function in certain ways, and just more patient. And that's been tremendous for me as I understand my world.

[Tana Amen]

So thank you so much.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

So I read your history. I've looked at your scans, I've looked at your testing. So I have a good idea.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

But I want to hear from you your goals. Okay. What will make this a life changing experience for you?

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah, I think for me, it's kind of in the same realm of what it did. When I saw even the scan that you did on one of the prominent family members of ours, like when I saw Nick scan, I thought this is transformative for him. I said awareness is huge. So my goals is to bring that awareness into action. What can I do when I find out if there's something that I can do to increase coping, you know, better skills I can really hone in on. And while I make it aware, maybe I have better tools that I can get access to that actually serve me directly because that awareness is pinpointed. So that's my goal is to function better overall. And then also how can that impact my children and the coupling of. Well, if you got a parent with this and you got a parent with that, how does that affect our children? So how do we operate as co parents? And yeah, that really informs.

[Tana Amen]

Well. And you have a very interesting part of your brain. You. So spoiler alert. You have a stunningly beautiful brain.

[Brittany Bell]

Thank you. So Nick's going to be jealous.

[Tana Amen]

You have a beautiful brain.

[Brittany Bell]

Wow.

[Tana Amen]

But parts of it work too hard, which is if you get your feelings hurt, that can stick around.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah, I'm a survivor.

[Tana Amen]

Your brain will loop a bit, but more to come.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay, on that. Can I just say, this is the only time I've ever allowed anybody on record to be this close to me in the nature of the privacy of my life and just how I am overall, just functioning really under the radar with good reason for so many things. But this has so much purpose and insight that it feels very safe and awesome to be here. So thank you.

[Tana Amen]

I'm honored. Thank you for allowing me to do that. When you were younger, you had anxiety.

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, yes.

[Tana Amen]

Tell me about that.

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, it's going to make me emotional right now. Here goes. My emotions going off in my brain. Man. With my mom being in town this week too, it's been quite interesting to look back. Self exploration has been huge for me, especially in the field of psychology. When I look back, I didn't know it was anxiety. I didn't know the troubles that I had gone through were what they are. But I'm so proud of myself for all that I've been through and all that I do. And I feel really resilient. But as a mother, some of the things that I've been through I definitely don't think were healthy for a young girl to go through. So for me, it was a lot of like stress in the household. I believe that. I believe my stepfather has a mood disorder. And so with that mood disorder ranging from like high levels of anger and upsetness to then like just going away into the room and then it's Calm again. I believe I developed like this hyper vigilance to read people very well because I was always on edge and I didn't know when something could be, you know, disrupted in the home, in the piece of the home.

[Tana Amen]

And so, so it was unpredictable, very.

[Brittany Bell]

Unpredictable, at least for me as a young girl. And so destructive behavior was really hurtful or getting in trouble for things that the kids don't typically need to get in trouble for, like not doing chores well enough or things like that could be very hard for me. So interpreting what was safe and okay kind of led me, I think, into a loop of maybe even just resilience of just like, keep it moving, keep it moving, don't worry about the bad, keep it moving. And so when my feelings would get hurt, it's danger, danger, you know, guard up. And so that would happen for me as a young girl. And mom was married to my stepdad and she was more of the passive one and she would just kind of ground me down and say, let's, you know, let's just keep it moving, keep it moving forward. And they did the best they could. But my father I learned about when I was 18, and that was a pretty big shift for me. And I learned that my father was a victim of a police brutality incident that changed his life forever. And his depression was so severe that he ended up taking his own life. But I was not in contact with him and that was.

[Tana Amen]

Were you in contact with him at all when you were young?

[Brittany Bell]

Not much. It was a back and forth between my parents with my mom experiencing post traumatic stress disorder symptoms from my dad and, you know, fits of rage and like night tremors from my biological, biological dad, which then transferred to other things in her marriage. But that was really pivotal, I think, for me as I got older. But in my youngest years, I still remember the moment I met my dad or at least saw him last, before I ever never saw him again. And I was around each fight and that was also a very high end incident where I was told to get away. And it was a big, big deal. But yeah, so that's what happened.

[Tana Amen]

Emdr.

[Brittany Bell]

I didn't, I haven't gotten deep into it. So my current therapist is super sweet, but we've been doing a lot of exploring. Given all my history, we're maybe like seven sessions in and we did one emdr. EMDR session, which I found super helpful. And I saw that you were a supporter of it at one point.

[Tana Amen]

Huge.

[Brittany Bell]

And so I thought, well, let's go. I've heard so many Good things about it. And that one session still did call me and was really helpful. But I haven't done it consistently because we keep exploring like current day things that come up. So I haven't. Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

So one of the things I do with my patients is. And I do this in five year chunks and I do it actually very specifically.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

I want to know 0 to 5, 6 to 10, 11 to 15, what you remember if anything. That was awesome.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

And what you remember that was awful.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

Or stressful.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

Because that way when you take a history, you're not just taking a trauma history re traumatizing you, but you're doing it in a balanced way so you see your life in a much more realistic way. These were the things that were amazing and these were the things that were stressful.

[Brittany Bell]

Right.

[Tana Amen]

And that really sets up the emdr. It's okay. What are the triggers that we have to go after? But knowing that you also have many strengths.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

Does that make sense?

[Brittany Bell]

Yes. Yeah. It doesn't just focus on the negative so much that you're ignoring the strengths, but the strengths also are there to be acknowledged too. Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

Right. You're a PhD student now.

[Brittany Bell]

Yes, I do, but. Yes. Yeah. I actually just passed my dissertation proposal last. Not last week, but the week before, which was huge for me. It's emotional because it has been a fight. I was in my master's program, I was pregnant, birthed my child on the break in my now my PsyD program and my doctoral program. I was pregnant, entering and birthed my child in the middle of the first year. And I was often questioned whether I should continue or maybe not do the program. And I pushed forward and here we are finally at dissertation phase. I'm ready to publicly propose and then do my research. So it has been incredible, but stressful.

[Tana Amen]

Tell me your dissertation topic.

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, really? Here we go. So I'm doing qualitative research because I wanted to specifically do it on the black community where stats are wonderful in some regards, but qualitative is going to be so much more healthy for us to get more information on just to background some of our stats. So right now my dissertation topic is a phenomenological study on black fathering. How coincidental. So it's black fathering and the adult lived experience. The adult child who has siblings with multiple. With multiple siblings with different women, with different mothers with the same father.

[Tana Amen]

So it's a little autobiographical.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah, isn't it? The funny thing is, is that doing this study is. Was not something I came in going, I Want to do this study. I came in with my chair. Like, I want to do a study on the black community because it's important to me due to my father. Right. And she said. I said, black motherhood. You know, single motherhood. And she's like, how about black fathering? I'm authoring something on. I said, okay, you're on point. She didn't know anything about my personal life. And she goes, how about fathers of multiples? I said, yeah, let's go. And we ended up with the adult child because it's better to study the adults and get past their irb. But, yeah, the adult child and who grew up with multiple siblings with different mothers phenomenon.

[Tana Amen]

That is so fascinating. Yeah, that is so fascinating. So we do a study called spect. And SPECT looks at blood flow and activity, looks at how your brain works. And it basically shows us three things. Good activity, too little or too much. And then my job is to balance it. And here's a healthy set of scans. You have a stunningly beautiful.

[Brittany Bell]

Good to hear.

[Tana Amen]

So if we go back to healthy, it's like, oh, yeah, it's just one of the healthiest parts.

[Brittany Bell]

Wow. Thank you.

[Tana Amen]

Thank you. At some point, you had a concussion. We'll talk about that. You actually had two car accidents.

[Brittany Bell]

I've had a car accident where I might have had some whiplash. I don't know when these things could have occurred, but so you see this.

[Tana Amen]

Little tiny dent here? And you see this one? And so we want to plump it up.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

On a scale of 0 to 10. Let's see. So say 0's the best brain I ever saw, and 10 is the worst I ever saw. Yours is like a two.

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, wow.

[Tana Amen]

Stunningly beautiful, Brian.

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, amazing.

[Tana Amen]

So I want you to let go.

[Brittany Bell]

And I feel so happy.

[Tana Amen]

I can do anything with this.

[Brittany Bell]

You are the. Like, you're an expert, so to hear you say this, I'm like, wow. Thank you, God.

[Tana Amen]

Well, and the team that has all seen lots of brains, they saw it too. Whoa.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay, awesome.

[Tana Amen]

But you want to keep it that way.

[Brittany Bell]

I do.

[Tana Amen]

Right.

[Brittany Bell]

Well, tell me what more I can do.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Well, I'm going to give you.

[Tana Amen]

Well, we'll get to the next part.

[Brittany Bell]

I'm not using it well, but I'm.

[Tana Amen]

Going to give you a group of supplements to make it even bigger and fatter.

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, great.

[Tana Amen]

But I want you, when you leave here, go. I have a great brain. How can I keep it up?

[Brittany Bell]

Thank you.

[Tana Amen]

Okay, there's no bad news on that scale.

[Brittany Bell]

Awesome.

[Tana Amen]

Now this one is busy.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

So here blue is average at 2. Red and white are the most active parts of the brain. And if you remember, in the healthy one. Oh, back there, the cerebellum is really busy, and yours is sleep. And so this is going to be our goal. Your emotional brain, really busy. That's probably past trauma. It's stuck there a little bit. You have what I call the diamond pattern. If you look at this, all this red and this very interesting part of the brain is called the insular cortex. And it's really busy. Now, your hope score was really high, which is interesting because usually people who have ACE scores above 4, their HOPE scores, low ACE, adverse childhood experiences. It's like always having to watch when you're young because bad stuff is happening, right? Which is common for you. But your hope score is high. And hope insula means island of hope.

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, so I didn't know that.

[Tana Amen]

Pretty cool. And usually with low hope, we get low activity. There you have high hope, which is awesome. We're going to keep that. But you also have past trauma and that. I want to calm down. But we want to activate this. But this is. Remember I told you it's like you get your feelings hurt. You can hold on to it right here.

[Brittany Bell]

That's very true.

[Tana Amen]

This is called the anterior. Just means toward the front cingulate gyrus, which I think of as the brain's gear shifter. It lets you go from thought to thought, move from idea to idea, be flexible, go with the flow. And when this is busy, sometimes your brain can start to spin. And whenever you get a thought more than three times, I want you to get up and go do something different.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

And I'm going to give you something to comment, okay. Just to balance it. And then the EMDR will help so much. And if you go, can I do 20 EMDR sessions? Like catalog the traumas. Because you're organized, right? Catalog the traumas. And I want to do sessions on each one of them. And I would go into it and not be afraid of it because it's often childhood thoughts that still run the programming. And you want to take your good mother self and reparent, the hurt child that thinks she did something wrong to cause that trouble. She didn't do anything wrong except she was in the wrong place. And if you learn how to play ping pong and get good and do like 20 sessions VMDR, I'll scan you again. We'll see if we get better balance.

[Brittany Bell]

Deal. I'm getting a ping pong table today. Thank you. So what do you think I am grateful? I am, I'm not surprised about where you see the, the, the trauma in the past. Like that totally makes sense to me. I am like amazed at the hope, this little island of hope. I think a resilience factor for that. I don't know how that works when it, when we think about childhood until today because my relationship with God has really increased that since the. I think I was always a wishful child and a hopeful child. But then in my 20s, my early, early 20s, like 20 to 21, that's when I used. That was a really protective factor for me. There's a lot of like increase in just a lot of things that were happening. It was trouble times too in my 20s. But it was a guiding force and a really good support for me maybe even through my motherhood, even up to today. Definitely. Um, so that I would, I would guess makes a lot of sense. And then the cerebellum, I'm so curious about where that comes from. Like what, what, what could have done that when I don't, I'm not a heavy drinker, you know, like, I don't, I don't, I can't even tell you how when the last, the last time I had.

[Tana Amen]

It may not be you did anything to hurt it, but I think is your emotional brain is so busy that it just sort of took some of the energy.

[Brittany Bell]

That makes sense there. Okay.

[Tana Amen]

It's by the trauma, getting stuck, it's sort of hijacked.

[Brittany Bell]

Yes.

[Tana Amen]

And as that calms down, likely this will pop up.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

But I want you to actively work on it by doing those physical exercises which will help.

[Brittany Bell]

My son is going to be happy with 20 minutes of ping pong a day if he chooses.

[Tana Amen]

Good for him. Good for you.

[Brittany Bell]

Yes. But I, I'm very happy to see this.

[Tana Amen]

So when I think of my patients, I never think of them as whatever diagnosis they get. I always think of them in four big circles. It's like, so what's the biology? What's your brain doing? What's your mind doing? What's the social situation you're in and what's the spiritual foundation? And so we just talked a little bit about your brain. We'll do it some more. Tell me about your moment.

[Brittany Bell]

I think what you said about it just spiraling can happen even in good ways where I'll just like, I'll get something will happen and I'll just like go for it. That could happen in the sense of like if I'm fixated on something related to trying to get my house together because I know it'll serve me to be better student. I'll just go for it and I'll plan it out and I'll get it done and I'll go for it. I've been better lately at trying to control my mind when it comes to stress or issues that kind of. Those triggers that can come up. It's been more recent, like within the past probably like four months, where I've been really pressing myself to really get on it and to re. Regulate that when I get anxious and I feel like there's danger or abandonment or something happening, that I do an opposite action pretty much. And I stop and I give myself a moment and I say, don't react. And it's been serving me so much, and it's been. And I use it as information for myself. So when I feel it, I go, what is this telling me right now? And I try to just calm it and I actually feel better after I do the opposite action. However, the aspect of my relationship, life and the relations that I've had has. It's been difficult. And I think that's what's given me kind of the cyclical rut that I found myself in. But I think what perpetuated that was the very thing that got me into it from childhood. You know, these. Seeking safety or seeking comforts and trying.

[Tana Amen]

To see primary male role models are unpredictable.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

Sort of. Pick unpredictable people.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

Not. Not because you want to.

[Brittany Bell]

No.

[Tana Amen]

But because that's what your brain's used to.

[Brittany Bell]

That's exactly.

[Tana Amen]

And the brain is lazy. The brain does what you allow it to do. And so picking someone that's actually good for you is work. And you have to shift your mindset from, who do I have chemistry with? Because that's explosive. When you have childhood trauma to who can I make alchemy with? And alchemy is creating something precious out of something average. It's like, how can.

[Brittany Bell]

So that's my hope. And I.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

It's a goal because it's like somebody's.

[Tana Amen]

Really nice to you and they like, call you back and they're like. It's like, oh, no, he's boring.

[Brittany Bell]

We don't want to be boring for good things like that.

[Tana Amen]

You aren't boring. You want to be just so careful about chemistry.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

Because it's explosive. So I have a term I coined called ants. Automatic negative thoughts. The thoughts that come into your mind automatically. But there are five questions. Okay, so what's your worst thought that you can share?

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, gosh. Anything happening to my children, that would be the worst thought that could ever come up. Like, yeah, that's the worst thought. I think if getting a phone call or anything. Like, I think that's happened where I'll see somebody calling me in the middle of work, and I'm like, is my kids okay? And I'll freak out if something bad or the concern about that or. Which also relates to a thought I had while driving on the freeway and my tire was blowing out. And I was like, if anything happens to me, my children need me.

[Tana Amen]

So.

[Brittany Bell]

So it's. The thoughts usually are related to being there for my kids.

[Tana Amen]

So what's the heart of the bad thought?

[Brittany Bell]

The heart of it.

[Tana Amen]

They can't survive without me.

[Brittany Bell]

My children can't survive without me, or the pain of anything happening to my children that I can't do anything about. So that's scary for me.

[Tana Amen]

Yeah. My wife used to think she wouldn't be able to live if something happened to our daughter.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

I'm like, that's a scary.

[Brittany Bell]

That's. That's kind of the feelings. Like, those kinds of. I. I think I would live because I have my other kids, but I would definitely feel deeply hurt, and I don't want to experience that pain. And I pray over it. I'm like, I go hard for my kids because I'm like, let me live till I'm 106 and outlive my children's natural life. Not anything.

[Tana Amen]

But you can't always predict what happens.

[Brittany Bell]

No, you can't.

[Tana Amen]

Right?

[Brittany Bell]

You can't.

[Tana Amen]

And you have three of them.

[Brittany Bell]

I do.

[Tana Amen]

Right. So you have to be okay. I know, I know.

[Brittany Bell]

But that's probably another one. My scariest thought. I used to have fears, which I've tackled about, like, I don't think. I think I discovered them about being, like, abandoned or something or people leaving, but I don't. I don't feel worried about that anymore. Yeah. I guess, like, death with my young kids, like, if something were to happen to me by accident and my kids had to live on how well they would be and how okay would they be? How would my son take it emotionally and that they would cope poorly or anything would happen to me. If anything were to happen to me. That's probably my scariest thought.

[Tana Amen]

Okay, so let's see if I have this right. If I died, my children would fall apart.

[Brittany Bell]

Yes.

[Tana Amen]

Is that true?

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah, that's not true, but.

[Tana Amen]

No, just. There are five questions.

[Brittany Bell]

That's the feeling I have.

[Tana Amen]

Okay. But thoughts create feelings, right? Feelings create behavior. Behavior creates the outcome. So the first thing to get right is your thoughts.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

I mean the first thing to get right. Your brain. Right. Get the health of your brain. Right. But then you have to program it it to help you rather than hurt you. And so the thought is, for example, if something happened to me, my children would fall apart. Five questions. Is it true?

[Brittany Bell]

No. They'll be okay. Or I don't know. I don't know that's true. I don't know.

[Tana Amen]

The second question is absolutely true. It's 100% certainty. They are so dependent on you.

[Brittany Bell]

No.

[Tana Amen]

That they can never survive without you.

[Brittany Bell]

No.

[Tana Amen]

Because now you've seen that's not absolutely true. Four murders right in your head. No wonder you're anxious.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

The third question is, how does that thought make you feel?

[Brittany Bell]

Very badly. It makes me feel horribly. Yeah. It makes me feel worried.

[Tana Amen]

And then how does that thought make you act?

[Brittany Bell]

Protective?

[Tana Amen]

Overprotective.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah. There you go.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

You transfer your anxiety.

[Brittany Bell]

Thank you for naval. I'm overprotective.

[Tana Amen]

No, transfer your anxiety to them. Right. And then the fifth question is, you take the original thought, my children won't survive without me and you just flip it to the opposite. It's my kids will survive without me. And that's where you meditate. You actually meditate on the opposite of the thought that bothers you. Now I love is it true? Because I'm not a pie in the sky happy thinker. Just cause.

[Brittany Bell]

Okay.

[Tana Amen]

Right. I'm an honest, accurate, positive thinker. And I think I have a really cool book I think you'll like called your Brain is always Listening. And there's a whole chapter and, and the exercise is write down a hundred of your worst thoughts and go after them with the questions.

[Brittany Bell]

This is good.

[Tana Amen]

It's like, don't ignore them. Shine a light on them.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

Because when you shine a light, the cockroaches go to the corners.

[Brittany Bell]

Get out of here. Yeah. Go away. I have one that I've been having to combat even though I've been doing well with it, that I thought I should share. But it was kind of interesting because what I noticed is, is that the brain will try to validate off of the realities of maybe the past. So is it true? Well, it once was true, but is it true right now? Is the question. And I tell me this one. Oh, it's going to make me emotional when my children's father, when it comes over and spends time with the kids, but he leaves that he's going to go do something really hurtful. That impacts our family poorly. Like if I'm go. If he says, I'm going to go to work, we don't live together. But if he's like visiting and he says, I gotta go run real quick, and he leaves, there's this thought of, no, he's not. He's. He's gonna go sleep with a girl and someone's gonna, you know, that kind of a thought, or I'm gonna go do something else. And that has been something I've had to train myself out of because it has happened in the past. Right. That's been a pattern in the past.

[Tana Amen]

So what's the thought that's causing new pain?

[Brittany Bell]

Betrayal.

[Tana Amen]

That there's going to betray.

[Brittany Bell]

He's going to betray or he's not going to do what he says he's going to do, and then that creates this kind of, like, worry. But I just. I try to manage it because at this point, at this point, I've dealt with it enough. But it used to be very frustrating. It used to be a very hurtful experience. But that thought has come up and I've been trying to manage that even. And I just say, okay.

[Tana Amen]

And if you do the questions enough, they become automatic.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

If your unconscious starts to work on them and so he's going to betray.

[Brittany Bell]

Is that true in this moment? I don't know.

[Tana Amen]

I don't know. Is it absolutely true with a hundred percent certainty?

[Brittany Bell]

No.

[Tana Amen]

No. How does that thought make you feel?

[Brittany Bell]

Horrible.

[Tana Amen]

Horrible. And how would you feel if you didn't have the thought?

[Brittany Bell]

Much better.

[Tana Amen]

Much better.

[Brittany Bell]

I would feel free. Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

And so we only deal in truth, right? John 8:32. Know the truth. The truth will set you free. And he's not going to betray me.

[Brittany Bell]

Maybe his history shows.

[Tana Amen]

But what does that mean if he does?

[Brittany Bell]

It just means I have to make a different choice or.

[Tana Amen]

Because what's the best predictor of behavior? As a. As a PsyD student, what is the best predictor of behavior?

[Brittany Bell]

Use your thoughts and what you think is going to turn into a behavior and how you feel. It's a past behavior. Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

Past behavior.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

And if he has cheated on you two or three times that we know of. Maybe. Maybe more. No, but it's like, I think it's okay to expect that.

[Brittany Bell]

Right.

[Tana Amen]

But not be wounded by it. Because if you're wounded by it, you're giving him the power.

[Brittany Bell]

Power to wound you. Right.

[Tana Amen]

And when you're with somebody like Nick, who has add, who has trouble being committed, who has trouble being faithful, who's then it's like, own it.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Right.

[Tana Amen]

Stop arguing with the reality that's there. Right. One of my favorite authors is Byron Katie, and she says, argue with reality. Welcome to hell. And you're arguing with reality.

[Brittany Bell]

Right. You know where. I think that this is where it becomes. I think that if there were no. If I had no children, it wouldn't be such an argument for me. And I think that the children component comes in because of my history with my father. So that experience with my father choosing to leave by suicide is where this perpetuated experience of life.

[Tana Amen]

And you're probably furious about that.

[Brittany Bell]

I was. But in my education, I've become more understanding of what that is. I used to be angry, and I used to be sad through that anger, but I am no longer sad or angry. I'm more compassionate to. Wow, how hurtful that must have been for him to feel like that was the only option. I.

[Tana Amen]

And we didn't see as bright.

[Brittany Bell]

No, we didn't.

[Tana Amen]

And the police brutality may have given him a brain injury at the same time.

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, yeah. Oh, we don't even.

[Tana Amen]

Do you know what happened?

[Brittany Bell]

Yes. There's been so many. I know the whole thing, but it's pretty much. My dad was unrightfully apprehended for a traffic, and he was told to be doing a U turn he didn't do. There was a particular cop that was pinned on doing some sort of, like, unsolicited gang detail and was like, I'm gonna go get these guys driving down the way. And he went after my father, who was driving, and my father pulled over. But my father was an expert taekwondo artist. Like, funny thing is, Nick knew my father, but expert, when I tell you, expert hand, eye coordination, all that. Incredible. And when he was. You know, there's. When the one cop tried to start, he was blocking and blocking and blocking, and to the point that backup came, and then my dad ended up on the floor and the gun was.

[Tana Amen]

How old was he when this.

[Brittany Bell]

24.

[Tana Amen]

He was. And this is before you're born?

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

Okay.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah, this was before I was born. My dad. Actually, my dad. I think my dad. This was in the 80. Yeah. So this was. Yeah, he was in his early 20s. Sorry. He might have been 22. And my father was blocking, blocking. But then a gun was pulled out from the officer that was on top of him. And after that officer pulled his gun out, the other officer kicked. My dad and him were scuffling because at that point, my dad was like, oh, my gosh, I'm about to Die. And in my dad's training, it's, you don't stop until everyone's down. And my dad freaked out in the incident because the gun went off and it shot that officer that was right there in the other. The line of fire in the movement. And that officer died. Aorta was struck and he died. No one knew in the moment, but my dad got up, started shooting. Like he grabbed the gun from the guy and was like, get everybody down. And took off and then went to the police station and he was like, this happened. And they were like. He immediately went in. He was tried not once. He was acquitted. Tried a second time because they were like, we're going back. He was acquitted again. And his life was not truly free. His life was turmoil.

[Tana Amen]

He.

[Brittany Bell]

He had terrors and he hated that someone died in an altercation. Because my dad wanted to be a police officer. He was. This was in San die in the 80s before Rodney King incident. And it's a big criminology study for criminology. You know, students, they look at my dad's case in San Diego and it's huge. But my father had a lot of PTSD symptoms. He had an unethical therapist.

[Tana Amen]

Did he get help?

[Brittany Bell]

He tried to have a therapist, but my dad was a good looking man. And my. My mother told me that his therapist was being unethical and he stopped therapy and then had lack of support. I was taken away because of his outbursts. My mom was afraid and then my.

[Tana Amen]

So this happened before you were born?

[Brittany Bell]

Oh, I was born in this. In the trial. I was born during trial. Yeah, I was born in between the first and second trial.

[Tana Amen]

Do you know about epigenetics, about how what happens to us before we have children changes our gene and we begin to transmit our anxiety.

[Brittany Bell]

So possibly my mom had anxiety while my dad was in trial and she would see him.

[Tana Amen]

Well, and you had your dad's sperm that helped make you.

[Brittany Bell]

Yes.

[Tana Amen]

And that he had been through. All had been traumatized.

[Brittany Bell]

Yes.

[Tana Amen]

Right. I mean, it changed the epigenetics in his genes. And then if we take that and then mix it with your own trauma, blah. It's like, okay, that's a lot. And it's a miracle. You're awesome. As awesome as you are. Right?

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

But I think understanding as you have worked. Right. You found psychology and it's like, oh, this will help me understand.

[Brittany Bell]

Yeah.

[Tana Amen]

Why I suffered.

[Brittany Bell]

And.

[Tana Amen]

And then I can help other people.

[Brittany Bell]

And I think that what you said earlier about that then that thought that then goes to be overprotective. I think, has some influence of even just the idea of what my father's been through, what I've been through without that being my real father discovering this and then coming into now I have my own children and how I want to protect my family and how I hang on to my family. And now I'm finally in this surrender mode. And it took some time and there was a space where my faith was a little bit less strong and now it's getting stronger and it's really helped me. And that's been a big protective factor, at least like progressive factor for me. But that would probably tell me a little bit more about why it hurts so bad in that thought that I shared with you. Because then when I watch my children and I see the reactions that they have or the experiences that they have in absence of somebody, and I have this experience behind closed doors, that's where a lot can come up. So there's a lot of managing I'm doing. And so when you see my scan, I'm like, yeah, that makes sense. A lot of sense. Because it's all like relational trauma along with, you know, childhood trauma. And here we are.

[Tana Amen]

But I'm, I'm, I'm excited and testing. You have a beautiful brain. Your how it works. Right. That's how I test it is awesome. You have so much to look forward to.

[Brittany Bell]

Thank you.

[Tana Amen]

Right. I mean, all things work together for good. For those who love the work. Yes. Right. Yes. Fascinating. And then for me, I want you to take something called Happy saffron. It's got 25 randomized controlled trials showing it helps your mood, it helps to boost serotonin, which would begin to calm down your emotional brain. And then two packets a day. Brain and body power. Multiple vitamin fish oil, brain boost. It'll plump up your brain and help reverse some of those trauma. Okay, so what do you think?

[Brittany Bell]

So if you transformative. This is affirming. This is life changing for me. It boosts me, it empowers me. And I feel really inspired to care more about this particular area I can work on to get more blood flow to my cerebellum and where that energy is being unfair. Unfairly. Right. But really distributed into an area I can control and redistribute somewhere else. And I feel more agency over that. Yeah. And that I have some work to do to do that. And I'm not daunted by it, but excited about it. And I'm less fearful right now.

[Dr. Daniel Amen]

Are you excited to optimize your brain and help the brains of those you love. Do you want to prevent or treat memory problems, anxiety or depression? Do you want to be happier? That's why I created Amen University to take what I've learned over the last 45 years and have a better brain, a better mind and a better body. You can take courses like our third 30 day happiness challenge which was shown in research to increase happiness by 32% in just 30 days, or memory Rescue or Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, Trauma and Grief or Healing Add at home in 30 days and much more. We also have professional courses and courses for kids, including brain thrive by 25, which was found in independent research to decrease depression and improve self esteem. And as a special offer just for our listeners, you can save 20% on your next course. Visit amenuniversity.com and use the code podcast podcast20 thank you so much for listening to the podcast. Tana and I work really hard to provide free information that will make a meaningful difference in your life every day. Change your brain every day. If you liked it, please subscribe. Leave us a review and if you have a story of transformation you want to share with us, you can do that by dming us at docaimon on Instagram. Thank you so much.