Podcast Summary: Change Your Brain Every Day

Episode: How To Move on From People & Things That Aren't Working
Hosts: Dr. Daniel Amen & Tana Amen
Date: February 23, 2026

Episode Overview

In this insightful episode, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen tackle the emotionally charged topic of moving on from people and things that no longer serve us — whether relationships, societal expectations, or hurtful voices from our past. Drawing on neuroscience, personal stories, and practical tools, the Amens delve deep into how the influence of others ("they, them, and other dragons") can shape our mental health, self-belief, and ability to find peace. The episode is rich with strategies for setting boundaries, fostering healthy relationships, escaping negative societal pressures, and ultimately, taking personal responsibility for one’s own happiness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Influence of Others: The "They, Them & Other Dragons"

• Definition: These "dragons" are the emotional imprints left by other people—alive, dead, or even imagined—whose words and actions linger in our minds.
• Brain Wiring: Dr. Amen emphasizes, “Your brain is always listening to the criticisms and encouragements of past sweethearts, the words and deeds of your current spouse. … you're wired for love because that's how the species continues.” (01:35)

Personal Stories of Relationship Influence

• Manipulation & Boundaries:
  • Dr. Amen recounts staying in an unhealthy marriage due to manipulation and a lack of boundaries:
    “Being in a difficult relationship is chronically stressful and if you don't learn to either … get this help or move on, it can really damage you both physically, psychologically, socially, spiritually.” (02:26)
• Motivation & Painful Words:
  • Tana shares a story of being told by a former partner, “the only way you're getting through school is on your back”, which was initially painful but motivated her to succeed. However, it created a perfectionist complex:
    “You have to be really careful with those … you have to be able to take the positive and pay attention to the good voices, too.” (03:24-03:52)

The Power of Healthy Relationships

• Positive Feedback’s Echo:
  • Tana describes how Dr. Amen’s calm encouragement now lives in her mind and soothes her during stress.
  • Quote: “I always have in my head, you're like, ‘Eh, it's fine, it's all going to be fine. … You've got this.’ That’s always in my head.” (03:31)
• Keys to Successful Relationships: Assertiveness, clear communication, empathy, forgiveness, and responsibility.
  • “Criticizing your spouse, you're really criticizing yourself because you picked him or her.” – Dr. Amen (07:15)
  • “We're not afraid to apologize… not afraid to say, I don't like when you do that.” – Tana & Daniel (07:35-07:43)

Tools & Practical Strategies

Awareness Exercises

• Pay attention and write down both negative and positive voices that echo in your mind; this helps identify and evaluate their origins. (06:44)
• Notice which “dragons” (past voices, relationships) are fueling your thoughts and behaviors.

Elements of Relating

• Dr. Amen lists skills using their acronym: Relating Responsibility, Empathy, Listening, Assertiveness, Time, Inquiry, Grace, and Forgiveness.
• Referencing John Gottman’s "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse": Defensiveness, Criticism, Stonewalling, Condescension are “relationship killers.” (09:08-10:55)

Handling Internet Trolls & Public Criticism

• Discussing the impact of online negativity and how to handle it:
  • “What you think of me is none of my business.” – Dr. Amen (12:25)
  • Practice strong boundaries: Remove or block hate from your spaces. (17:37)
  • Stay true to your message and values regardless of outside chatter.

Society's Influence & Herd Mentality

• “Society dragons” represent the collective pressure from cultural, political, and social groups.
  • Tana coins: “The masses are kind of the asses. You have to think for yourself.” (21:11)
• Challenge faceless “they” entities: Ask “Who are they?” and “Why does this matter?” (22:49-23:09)
• Do your own research—don’t blindly accept groupthink. (21:39-22:27)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Moment | |-----------|-----------------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:35 | Dr. Daniel Amen | “Your brain is always listening to the criticisms and encouragements…”| | 03:24 | Dr. Daniel Amen | “Being in a difficult relationship is chronically stressful…” | | 03:52 | Tana Amen | “Even when I feel like the whole world is…crumbling around me…I know what you would say.” | | 07:15 | Dr. Daniel Amen | “Criticizing your spouse, you're really criticizing yourself because you picked him or her.” | | 09:08 | Dr. Daniel Amen | “If you are defensive…critical…stonewall…condescending—those things predict the end of your relationship.” | | 12:25 | Dr. Daniel Amen | “What you think of me is none of my business.” | | 17:37 | Tana Amen | “If it's just pure vitriol and hate, it goes. It's my page. If you don't like it, you can go find another page to follow.” | | 21:11 | Tana Amen | “The masses are kind of the asses. You have to think for yourself.” | | 26:40 | Dr. Daniel Amen & Tana| “What is the source? … Not just who are they? Where are they getting this information?” | | 28:49 | Dr. Daniel Amen | Skill: “Thank you. Next.” – Letting go and moving forward. | | 32:39 | Dr. Daniel Amen | “One of my friends said: I got my heart broken open.” | | 32:40 | Dr. Daniel Amen | “It goes with the Serenity Prayer…God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…” |

Practical Takeaways

• Evaluate the voices you allow in your head: Both past pain and present encouragement shape your self-view.
• Set firm boundaries and curate your digital/social environment.
• Replace regret with forward focus: Practice the "Thank you, next" mentality for relationships or chapters that have ended.
• Demand sources and question herd mentality: Don’t let “they” control your actions or beliefs.
• Practice empathy, forgiveness, and assertive communication in all relationships.
• Allow yourself and others the freedom to separate and grow: Letting go is necessary for healthy attachment.

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:32] Impact of Past Relationships & Voices
• [03:24] When Relationship Stress Becomes Chronic
• [06:44] Awareness Exercise—Tracking Voices
• [09:08] John Gottman’s Four Horsemen & Relationship Skills
• [11:20] Handling Internet Trolls & Public Criticism
• [19:52] Society Dragons and the Power of “They”
• [22:49] Questioning "They": Who Are They?
• [28:49] Psychological Skill: “Thank you. Next.”
• [31:27] Navigating Empty Nest & Letting Go
• [32:39] “Broken Heart Open”—Growth Through Loss

Tone and Approach

The Amens deliver the episode with honesty, warmth, and their characteristic blend of science and relatability. Personal anecdotes ground neuroscience, while playful banter keeps the conversation light even amid heavy topics. They encourage listeners to take ownership of their thoughts, set boundaries, and adopt psychological tools that foster freedom, connection, and peace.

This episode is deeply practical for anyone wrestling with toxic people, lingering wounds, or societal pressure. With plenty of humor, science, and vulnerable personal stories, the Amens offer a roadmap to healthier relationships—with others and with yourself.