Tana Amen (2:42)

Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (2:42)

And no, no, no. You have to train your brain to focus on what you do want. And part of that is positivity bias, which we've talked about. Part of it is hope. And hope is just tomorrow can be better. And I have a role in it, and I have multiple ways to get there. Except, of course, with you. There are not multiple ways to get there.

Tana Amen (3:11)

Well, as long as it's with me. There are multiple ways.

Dr. Daniel Amen (3:13)

As long as it's with you. Right. But I originally developed this when patients would come to see me when I was a very young psychiatrist, and their behavior was not helpful.

Tana Amen (3:30)

Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (3:30)

For them. And I remember going, what do you want? And very few people have actually asked themselves. They spend more time planning for their vacation than they do their life.

Tana Amen (3:50)

I know.

Dr. Daniel Amen (3:50)

And people get burned out when they're unbalanced. And so the one page miracle is very balanced.

Tana Amen (4:01)

Yeah. So I like it. So before I met you, I learned the power of really spending time focusing with intention on what I want, on journaling it, on writing it out in detail. And it was so powerful that when I found it years, many years later, I didn't even know. I'd forgotten it existed. And I found the list that I had spent so much time creating the life I wanted. I found it, like. I mean, this was like 20 years later, probably, and I found it. It was crazy to me, down to the detail, how much of it had actually happened. I didn't even remember writing it. But what I like about the one page miracle is how succinct you make it. Because I do believe that the more you read it and the more it's in front of you, the more powerful it is. You have to not only teach your brain to focus on intention, I think intention is so powerful, but you have to do it a lot.

Dr. Daniel Amen (4:53)

It can't just be once over again. So we had Julius Randall on our podcast, and he did this exercise, found it incredibly valuable. And I'm like, so why do you shoot free throws at practice? Like, you do it over and over and over again? He goes, because when it's crunch time, my brain needs to know it.

Tana Amen (5:15)

Right.

Dr. Daniel Amen (5:15)

And so this is the same thing. So you talk about. Because we've been together 20 years that we do it every year.

Tana Amen (5:24)

Right.

Dr. Daniel Amen (5:26)

We actually talk about it all the time.

Tana Amen (5:29)

Right.

Dr. Daniel Amen (5:30)

Does it fit? Does your.

Tana Amen (5:31)

Well, we do it every. Every year at the end of the year, we always talk about what we want for the next year. And I like it as a little. It's like our tradition. We talk about it throughout the year, too, but it's our tradition to do it at the end of the year. Like, what are we going to plan for the following year?

Dr. Daniel Amen (5:44)

Yeah. Now, why is this so important? New year's resolutions fail 80% of the time, according to a U.S. news and World Report. Most goals are vague, emotionally disconnected, and not really practical. Your brain helps you make happen what it.

Tana Amen (6:07)

In fact, this is why I say your brain doesn't have a sense of humor. So you need to be very specific and clear, like it's. It's like it does what you tell it. So don't put in these suggestions that you think, oh, I didn't really mean that. Like, it's just going to do what you tell it, whether it's negative, positive, whatever it is.

Dr. Daniel Amen (6:26)

The brain is wired for negativity, right? For survival, because that's how you survived, or that's how we survived as a species thousands of years ago. But it's not helpful because otherwise you just always wake up thinking something's going to eat you.

Tana Amen (6:45)

Right? And I think it's okay to. It's okay to put it in its place. It's okay to be aware of what's important to be. You know, the negative things that are important to be aware of. If you're walking to your car in the dark, be aware. But. But you don't need to focus on it all the time.

Dr. Daniel Amen (6:59)

Focus is really a function of a lot of your brain, but especially the prefrontal cortex, which filters reality based on what we focus on. Your brain literally shows you more of what you think about. So if you're focused on what you don't have, then you're going to feel small. If you focus on what you do have and what you want and how you're going to get it clearly can change your life in a positive way. So when I originally developed this, and it still works, relationships work, money, physical, emotional, spiritual health. What do you want? And then once you define it, every day, does it fit? I have no tattoos, but if I did have a tattoo, it would be, does it fit? Does my behavior fit the goals I have for my life? And I start with relationships purposefully, because if they're not right, you're not right. Right. As humans, we are a relational species. And operating with intention in your relationships is so critical. And I've seen a lot of successful people that were miserable in large part because they were unbalanced. There was too much time at work and not enough time focusing on their relationships.

Tana Amen (8:50)

So for me, I start with my spiritual relationship with God because that, for me, is where it all starts. From, and goes down from there. And then, then it's family and then health and then. Because if those things aren't, it doesn't matter how much money I have if the rest of it's, you know, if, if the other things aren't in alignment. So I think of like, what is the most important thing for me? So it's God, family. It's actually God, health, family. But those are. Things are more important to me than even money because it doesn't matter.

Dr. Daniel Amen (9:19)

So what do you want in your relationship with God?

Tana Amen (9:22)

I always want to be closer. I find that I'm frequently busy and get distracted. So prayer, my morning prayer and reading my Bible and finding time alone with God is really important. But there's those times where we get so busy, and that's why it's always on my one page miracle, because that's how I managed to stay connected. So I want to back up for one second. The way that I do my one page miracle might be a little bit different. I always think to myself, whenever I'm filling this out, I do everything by reverse engineering. It's just how my brain works. I learned it a long time ago and it's always made sense to me. So if I'm like, okay, this is what I want to do, or what I want for 2026, then I go to the end of 2026, what do I want? The end of 2026, when I was getting my black belt, it's like, okay, that black belt test is going to be hard. Fifteen minutes after that black belt test, what do I want it to look like? And then I reverse engineer it. So the end of 2026, what do I want 2026 to have looked like? And then I reverse engineer it. That means this has to have happened in December, this has to have happened in November. And I go backwards and then by week by week, you know, then day by day and make those things happen because it's way easier to chunk down if I know what the end needs to look like. So for me, that's how I do it. So with my relationship with God, it's like, okay, well, if at the end of 2026 I want to be closer in X, Y and Z ways, then I need to spend this amount of time weekly or monthly, then weekly than daily reading the Bible and praying and, you know, spending time with women in my Bible study, it breaks it down in a more practical way for me. And it means that I have to prioritize that because it's really easy for Us to get super busy.

Dr. Daniel Amen (11:08)

And when you get too busy, you become unbalanced.

Tana Amen (11:12)

Well, and do you know, I'm not nearly, I'm not nearly as good with everything else or with you when I'm so busy that I'm not spending time in prayer and meditation. Like I'm just a better person when I do those things. I'm better at home, I'm better at everything. So it's important even for my relationship with you.

Dr. Daniel Amen (11:31)

So what do you want in your relationships?

Tana Amen (11:33)

I was looking at yours and I'm like, we actually have mostly the same goals. Not, not there's tweaks. I always just want to be closer to you. I want to be closer, more loving, kinder, spend time together. And you and I always want that. And I find that we're often busy, but we are very good at still making that happen. I think we're very good at it. So I think we just continue finding, making sure we don't get too busy, making sure we find those times to carve out together, to hold hands, to just sit together, to love each other, to be intentional.

Dr. Daniel Amen (12:07)

I have like specific words. Kind, caring, loving, supportive, passionate.

Tana Amen (12:18)

Right.

Dr. Daniel Amen (12:18)

I have intimate, always want that.

Tana Amen (12:20)

And I have intimate and connection. I also have identified the obstacles. So time, hormones, schedules and finding solutions.

Dr. Daniel Amen (12:33)

Praise the hormone doctor.

Tana Amen (12:34)

Yes, but finding solutions. So identify the obstacles, find the solutions.

Dr. Daniel Amen (12:40)

If it's kind, caring, loving, supportive, passionate. Does my behavior fit because all my thoughts don't fit.

Tana Amen (12:51)

Right. Because we're busy and we're tired and we're. Right.

Dr. Daniel Amen (12:57)

Right. And you know, I had that thought of murder.

Tana Amen (13:01)

You thought of murdering me so the dog would love you more. Like, what is that?

Dr. Daniel Amen (13:04)

Well, it's. You have.

Tana Amen (13:06)

You're jealous of my dog.

Dr. Daniel Amen (13:07)

Take your goals in the context of your life.

Tana Amen (13:14)

You were jealous of the dog.

Dr. Daniel Amen (13:16)

I've always been second. Right. I'm the second son, I'm the third child.

Tana Amen (13:22)

And you were just not going to be second again.

Dr. Daniel Amen (13:24)

I married you, you had Chloe. She was two and I was second, but I was okay with it. But then when we got tears, Teres is our German shepherd, our so called protection dog who's a big teddy bear. And you come home and he like loses his mind.

Tana Amen (13:45)

He's my dog.

Dr. Daniel Amen (13:46)

And then I come home, he's like, dude. And that's it. It's like, dude, that's it. And so I was working and when you're gone, he loves me and he was hanging out with me and I just had the thought if I killed Tana, that he would Love me more.

Tana Amen (14:04)

Okay, it's on tape that if I'm.

Dr. Daniel Amen (14:06)

Dead, he killed me, but then I'm like, kind, caring, loving, support. Nope, you're not going to kill her. Right. And there's no way I would kill you anyways because that's my biggest fear in life, is losing you.

Tana Amen (14:19)

It's good to know.

Dr. Daniel Amen (14:22)

But if. If I get a thought in my head, I filter it through what I want. Right? And people go, oh, well, couples should just be able to say everything they think. No, that's literally an insane thought.

Tana Amen (14:42)

That's a dangerous.

Dr. Daniel Amen (14:43)

It's a dangerous thought. It's filter. That's what your frontal lobes do. All of us have weird, crazy, stupid, sexual, violent thoughts that nobody should ever hear that it's okay to just go, well, does that thought fit? Is it true? Right? It's not true I want to murder you. That's just not true at all. I would miss you. And I don't like institutional food. Right.

Tana Amen (15:15)

So at least you look good in orange.

Dr. Daniel Amen (15:18)

Sort of. This is so important. It's so foundational and like, you know, this past Christmas season, a lot of my patients have stressful family relationships. I go, what's the goal when you go home? What's the goal? And it's not to talk about politics. It's not to talk about things that happened 50 years ago. The goal is connection. Does your behavior fit the goals you have? And it helps them behave so much better. And alcohol takes off.

Tana Amen (15:58)

Yeah. Drops your phone. Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (15:59)

It takes off the break. So you end up just saying the first stupid thing that comes into your head. Now with children, because we have a.

Tana Amen (16:11)

Lot of them together, we have a huge family.

Dr. Daniel Amen (16:14)

What's the goal?

Tana Amen (16:17)

Also to be connected and loving. For me, it's to create responsible humans that do that, contribute to the world. It's not necessarily. I used to think when they were little, it was to be their best friend. It's not. It is to create loving, kind, caring, responsible humans that can take care of themselves and contribute back. And so I had to really separate this idea. Being their best friend does not always add to that. So it's really teaching them to be good people.

Dr. Daniel Amen (16:46)

And when you give them responsibility. Yes, that's like the biggest gift.

Tana Amen (16:51)

To be supportive without supporting and to give a hand up, not a handout. And so for me, I'm very clear about that.

Dr. Daniel Amen (16:59)

And the same thing with the grandchildren.

Tana Amen (17:02)

Right.

Dr. Daniel Amen (17:02)

Because we have five. And it's to be present, loving, supportive without supporting. Right, right. Because ultimately people feel self esteem from competence if they're competent in taking care of themselves. That's where they and I learned this.

Tana Amen (17:24)

When they were little. This was so helpful to me when I was doing love and logic. Entitled people can never be happy. As soon as I learned that, I'm like, oh, that's not helping at all. Entitled people can't ever be happy. They have to. They will always end up resenting the person who basically made them entitled that supported that.

Dr. Daniel Amen (17:45)

Over 50 million Americans live with chronic pain and too many are told there's no hope beyond pills or surgery. My new book, change your Brain, Change youe Pain, gives you proven pain practical steps from the latest neuroscience to calm your brain, heal your mind, and finally feel better physically and emotionally. Pre order now to receive bonus gifts at Change your brain, change your pain book dot com. Well, what are the goals with family? And as we've talked about before, never let your family of origin ruin the family you're trying to create.

Tana Amen (18:33)

No, I adopted yours.

Dr. Daniel Amen (18:35)

Well, and I adopted your mom because your mom was. My mom was great mother in law.

Tana Amen (18:40)

No, I have many people in my family that are awesome and I have some that I don't see so much. I love them from a distance.

Dr. Daniel Amen (18:48)

And so I want to be involved in a loving, positive way because that's important to me when you're part of a big family like I am. But when you're also a doctor and a psychiatrist, sometimes that's all they want to talk about.

Tana Amen (19:13)

Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (19:14)

So learning how to do this, help me do that. Healthy boundaries and, and so I think boundaries are really important.

Tana Amen (19:22)

Yeah, no, boundaries are very important for me.

Dr. Daniel Amen (19:25)

So how about for work? What do you want for work?

Tana Amen (19:28)

Well, work this year has been very interesting for me because it went from really just focused on what we do and writing and podcast and, and the brain health work that we do to also now taking on an entirely new thing after my mom passed and taking over, you know, her legacy and her estate. And so I'm now doing something, I've learned a whole new skill. So I want to be competent with that. I want to be really good at it. I want to really serve her legacy and make her proud and do a good job with that. So it's been a year of learning, it's been a year of growth. And it was really, really rough. But I will say it feels really good when you do that because it was just like when I was doing nursing and it was so hard initially when you're a brand new nurse and you're like, none of these patients read my Textbooks. It was terrible, right? And then all of a sudden, throughout this year, it was so difficult after my mom died to get everything under control. And then I had the thought about four months ago, I've got this, and I felt really good about it. And so I feel like now I'm in a new place of just really doing a good job and growing what she left.

Dr. Daniel Amen (20:42)

So let's do a plug here for estate planning.

Tana Amen (20:46)

Oh, dear Lord.

Dr. Daniel Amen (20:47)

There are a number of people in our lives who go, oh, I don't want to think about it. Oh, I don't want to worry about it. Given how much stress I saw with you, even though your mom had good planning, I think it is neglect to not have a will and to actually not plan for your death, because we're all going to die, who knows when. And to just have thought about it and probably with an attorney to have your plan set up.

Tana Amen (21:32)

Well, because there's two things that happen if you don't. Number one, it makes it impossible for the person to grieve when they're under a tremendous amount of stress and trying to sort out all the legal stuff. So it's very challenging to grieve when you are having to deal with all of that. And the second thing is they can find themselves actually in a financial difficulty because there are things like taxes that have to be paid before money is available. So you want to make sure that set up for. To be able to handle whatever it is that you're leaving them and not a mess.

Dr. Daniel Amen (22:08)

All right, so on to work. For me, it's just the most exciting year ever because of my work on this national brain health revolution initiative and the amen whole four that we already have 53 pilot sites that are going to start in February. And I just endlessly interested and exciting. So I want to continue to build our work to be the best brain and mental health company in the world and provide the products and services to optimize your brain because that will optimize your life. And obviously I can't do that, which means I have to nurture the other people in my life. I have to nurture the people who run the companies. Right. But if I don't, then it won't be as good as it can be. And so I'm very clear what I want to accomplish at work.

Tana Amen (23:23)

And.

Dr. Daniel Amen (23:23)

And I think it's very important to separate work from money.

Tana Amen (23:29)

Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (23:30)

Because it's not the same now for a lot of people. That's why they work. And if, if that's true, that's just true. My hope for people is they work at something that has value for them, that is purposeful. And I just feel incredibly blessed to love what I do. So I love you. I love what I do. I love the kids, the grandkids, and money. I love what Pastor Warren said about money. He said, it's only something you borrow.

Tana Amen (24:10)

Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (24:10)

Because as soon as you're dead, it's somebody else's.

Tana Amen (24:15)

Yeah. Boy, did we learn that this year.

Dr. Daniel Amen (24:18)

Yes, we've certainly learned that. And for me, I just want to be responsible with money. And I'm value driven is. I hate wasting it. It just irritates me. And I think maybe that comes from my dad. I would think he came home and if the lights were on, he's like, do I have stock in the electric company? And so for one Christmas, we actually bought him stock in the electric. Funny.

Tana Amen (24:48)

That's funny.

Dr. Daniel Amen (24:49)

But it's a resource so that your life can be what you want it to be, and you can help other people's lives be what they want it to be. Which is why we have the foundation, the change your brain foundation. It's every penny I make as a psychiatrist seeing patients, I actually give to the foundation because ultimately, yes, it supports our life, our lifestyle, but it's also to make other people's lives better.

Tana Amen (25:27)

Right.

Dr. Daniel Amen (25:27)

And your goal, did you write down?

Tana Amen (25:29)

So I do. So I have a certain percentage that I want to see it grow, not go down. So with finances, I want to see that number going up, and I want to be a good steward with it. I want to grow my mom's legacy with that part of it. And then as I've got two separate businesses that I do now. Right. I've got ours that I work on with the stuff we do here. And then I have that. So that's important to me. So again, I do the reverse engineering. So if this is what I want it to grow, then these are the things I'm going to invest in. And I reverse engineer it from the end of the year backwards and see how I can make that happen. I also, for me, it's also about. That legacy is about helping my daughter get started in business and teaching her. So that's important.

Dr. Daniel Amen (26:14)

And so ultimately, with money, it's. Whenever you decide to spend it on something, it's like, well, does it fit? Does it fit the goal I have at the end of the year, using your terminology? And I want it to grow, so that means I don't waste it.

Tana Amen (26:36)

Right?

Dr. Daniel Amen (26:37)

Yeah.

Tana Amen (26:38)

People. People sometimes have weird relationships with money. And I think that's really important for you to figure out. You know, there's so much interesting stuff that happens with money with people growing up. Like, I grew up poor.

Dr. Daniel Amen (26:51)

They'd rather talk about their sex lives than their financial lives. Yeah, I found that to be true.

Tana Amen (26:56)

Yeah. So I think it's really important to clean up whatever, you know, negativity you have with your relationship with money because it makes it difficult to then move forward and do a good job financially and not. Not get stuck.

Dr. Daniel Amen (27:12)

I had a patient recently tell me, oh, well, I'm just not good at business. And I'm like, well, how do you know you're not good at business? It's like, well, my dad's not good at business. I'm like, but that has nothing to do with you. Right. It's somehow that thought got planted in your head, and you never questioned.

Tana Amen (27:31)

Wasn't even his own thought.

Dr. Daniel Amen (27:32)

The thought.

Tana Amen (27:33)

Right, right.

Dr. Daniel Amen (27:34)

It was a generationally transferred thought. And it's like, they're just rules. If you want a good business, you have to provide something of value, something that somebody else wants. Just make sure there's a margin. Because if there's no margin, there's no mission. I say, that'll the time. My dad was a grocer, and I love my dad, thought he was the smartest person I had ever met until I realized the grocery business has a 1 to 2% margin. And I'm like, no, that. It's.

Tana Amen (28:09)

It's a hard business.

Dr. Daniel Amen (28:10)

It's. It's a hard business.

Tana Amen (28:11)

But he was a smart man.

Dr. Daniel Amen (28:13)

Absolutely. All right, so what do you want emotionally?

Tana Amen (28:17)

Emotionally, I want to be happy. Spiritually grounded, optimistic, but reasonably optimistic. I think to be fulfilled and to be happy with what I have, as well as excited about what's coming. I think it's important to be both. So I think, you know, when you're not happy with what you have, you only want what's coming next. That's not. That's not happiness. That's not joy. So.

Dr. Daniel Amen (28:49)

So you have to be careful with social media. You actually told me that. That I don't find yourself scrolling.

Tana Amen (28:55)

I don't scroll.

Dr. Daniel Amen (28:56)

Yeah. If you find yourself scrolling, it's like, well, this isn't right. That's not right. That could be better.

Tana Amen (29:03)

No. Within five minutes, you'll be frustrated. I think sometimes my team probably gets frustrated with me because I have no idea what's trending. It's just not an important thing to me. Teaching is important to me, but paying attention to all the other nonsense People are doing is just not important to me.

Dr. Daniel Amen (29:16)

And so if you want to be happy, does the alcohol fit? Because it makes people unhappy? Does the gossiping fit? Does believing every stupid thing you think fit? And for me, my goal is I want to be happy. I actually wrote a book on happiness because as a country, we're very unhappy during the pandemic. And you realize that there's a set of rules to happiness, and part of it is what you eat and how you sleep and whether you get in the sun and periodically get in a sauna, and whether or not you believe.

Tana Amen (29:55)

Every stupid thing managing your mind.

Dr. Daniel Amen (29:57)

Right, Right. So I want to be happy. I want to be positive, rationally optimistic. So I want to be optimistic, but I don't want to be irrational about it. Resilient, fulfilled. I want to be fascinated by life. I want to be firm and kind. I teach that all the time. And be firm and kind with myself and. And have reasonable boundaries.

Tana Amen (30:32)

Absolutely. I think without good boundaries, you know, good fences make good neighbors. I think without healthy boundaries, it's very hard to be emotionally grounded and happy because there's just so much that comes at us, whether it's from family, whether it's from coworkers, whether it's from. There's just so many places that it comes at you driving down the freeway. But having good boundaries and knowing where to draw them is critical just for our mental health and emotional stability.

Dr. Daniel Amen (31:03)

So you've talked about relationships, work, money, emotional health. How about physical health? What do you want?

Tana Amen (31:14)

So I always. I mean, this is. This has been a habit of mine for so long. So to be physically healthy is something that I've been doing for so long now. I wasn't naturally physically healthy, so that's something I've always had to fight. So I think always just paying attention and doing the best I can and chipping away at it and honing in and being better or being the best I can. I think at this stage in my life, after working out for, what, 40 years, it's not something that's going to change for me. That's not. I'm not going to stop doing those things or stop eating mostly healthy, but always paying attention to my important numbers and just going, okay, I need to be a little. You know, it's. It's also a bit more challenging. And as we get older, at least for women, when your hormones change, those numbers get a little bit trickier.

Dr. Daniel Amen (32:00)

So just knowing that men die earlier than women, it's harder for men to.

Tana Amen (32:04)

Right. So knowing those numbers and always paying attention and honing in and just fine tuning is always important. And I think for me, one of the big things with my physical health as I turn 57 this year, it's. It used to be working out to be as fit as I can and as strong as I can. And those are still important to me. But really it struck me the more I move, the more I will be able to move. The more I continue doing these movements, the longer I will be able to keep doing these movements. So it's no longer just about being as, you know, strong or whatever, muscular, whatever. Now it's about actually just being able to be in movement and as active as I can for as long as I can.

Dr. Daniel Amen (32:49)

Well, you have more pain if you are not doing.

Tana Amen (32:54)

You're speaking about me personally. Yes, I have a lot of pain when I do.

Dr. Daniel Amen (32:57)

Personally.

Tana Amen (32:58)

Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (32:59)

2. If I don't do the right things. It's sort of why I wrote change your brain, change your pain.

Tana Amen (33:04)

Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (33:05)

Because I'm like, we have to understand this. I don't want to be in pain. And so for me it's eating a diet that makes me feel better. Anti inflammatory Longer walking. We walk virtually every day, do this Japanese walking where we walk fast for three minutes and then normal for three, and then fast for three. We do that five times. Simple, easy. And if you only have 20 minutes, take that three minute rest down to two minutes. Lifting weights. We both lift weights a couple of times.

Tana Amen (33:41)

I did about four times a week. So I'm, you know, at my age, you start to fight osteoporosis and lots of other things and you want to make sure that you're, you're keeping muscle on your body.

Dr. Daniel Amen (33:51)

Women don't believe in lifting weights because they don't want to be bigger.

Tana Amen (33:55)

You're not going to get bigger, I promise you. Like, just lift weights. It's important.

Dr. Daniel Amen (34:00)

And then go on to bed early because when you sleep, your brain cleans and washes it. So. And to just keep life interesting, I think we both love new learning, traveling. Although you like that more than I do basketball because of. I've always loved basketball and table tennis. You know, how can I be better? How can I? And I just love how the kids, the grandkids especially are becoming. Beginning to be able to play.

Tana Amen (34:37)

Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (34:38)

With me and for me. So I put spirituality at the end. It's to just do meaningful work that makes a difference in the lives of other people and to leave the world a better place. Maintaining a close relationship with God, which means prayer and Meditation to know that I'm doing the things God would have me do. And you know, I love the parable of the talents, but it also scares me a little bit.

Tana Amen (35:12)

I think that was the intention.

Dr. Daniel Amen (35:13)

I think that was the intention that, you know, to give you anxiety. One person, five talents, another person, two talents, another person, one talent. And the person who got five talents doubled them. And the person had two talents, double them. The person who had one talent felt like the master was a hard person, was anxious and buried the talent, and the master was thrilled with both of the people that doubled their talents and was wickedly angry with the person who buried their talent. And I think it's just important to use what God has given you. And every day.

Tana Amen (36:03)

But even then they were comparing. It was like, you didn't give me the same thing you gave everybody else. It was, it was a comparison thing.

Dr. Daniel Amen (36:09)

It was a comparison thing. And don't bury your talent. I think that was really clear. All right. Simple. Super simple. Um, I do this with all of my patients. Literally within the first three or four sessions I meet with them. What do you want? Is your behavior getting you what you want? Post it.

Tana Amen (36:37)

Yeah. Put it on your mirror. Like, just keep it near you.

Dr. Daniel Amen (36:40)

And then if you're fussing with your partner, for example, it's like, so what's the goal? And in our relationship, the goal is never to beat you or having to be right. Beat you in a argument.

Tana Amen (37:00)

I was gonna say, good luck with that.

Dr. Daniel Amen (37:03)

I would never beat you, given that. I would never beat you. Given nothing. But given you have two black belts, it does give one pause. But it. No, I was talking about in like, in a argument. It's like, I don't want to win. I want to understand.

Tana Amen (37:25)

Because that you win. You win the battle and you lose the war.

Dr. Daniel Amen (37:28)

So important.

Tana Amen (37:28)

Yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen (37:29)

Because you forget what the goal is.

Tana Amen (37:31)

Right? You win the battle, you lose.

Dr. Daniel Amen (37:32)

I have low selfish. If I had low self esteem, then I would have to win because I would temporarily increase my self esteem.

Tana Amen (37:41)

Right.

Dr. Daniel Amen (37:41)

But not really.

Tana Amen (37:42)

It doesn't help.

Dr. Daniel Amen (37:43)

Right? It's like, what's the goal? The goal is to understand. The goal is to be connected. It's kind, caring, loving, supportive, passionate, always one page miracle. amen clinics, you're not just seeing one doctor, you're getting a team with over 50 specialists, including psychiatrists, naturopath, nutritionists and therapists. We treat the whole. You Learn more at amenclinics.com we hope this was helpful for you. We'll actually put a link to the exercise for you. We're so grateful you're here and leave us a comment, question or review or do the one page miracle and post it so we can read it and encourage you on your path to change your brain every day.