Podcast Summary: Change Your Brain Every Day Episode: What a Psychiatrist & a Nurse Want You to Know About Processing & Healing from Grief
Host: Dr. Daniel Amen & Tana Amen
Release Date: October 21, 2024

Introduction

In the heartfelt second episode of "Change Your Brain Every Day," New York Times bestselling authors Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen delve deep into the intricate journey of processing and healing from grief. Drawing from personal experiences and professional expertise, they offer listeners a compassionate roadmap to navigate the complex emotions that accompany loss.

Personal Stories on Grief

Dr. Amen’s Loss of His Mother

Dr. Amen shares the profound impact of his mother's battle with stage four lung cancer. Reflecting on the suddenness of her illness, he recounts the emotional turmoil of caring for her during her final weeks.

“But I'm not even sure that that was like, the fullness of the grief because I was so in shock.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (02:36)

He describes the intense bond he shared with his mother and the shock of her passing, highlighting the immediate and delayed waves of grief he experienced.

Tana Amen’s Loss of Her Father

Tana Amen discusses her relationship with her father, emphasizing the initial estrangement and the subsequent healing process before his passing from pseudo dementia.

“Grief is a relationship. It's either going to be a good relationship or it's going to be a bad relationship, because I'm stuck in this relationship with grief.”
— Tana Amen (08:03)

She elucidates how this loss differed from Dr. Amen's, underscoring the unique ways each loss affects the grieving process.

Understanding Grief

Grief as a Relationship, Not a Destination

Both hosts emphasize viewing grief as an ongoing relationship rather than a finite state. This perspective encourages continuous engagement with emotions rather than expecting them to vanish over time.

“Grief is a relationship, not a destination.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (40:17)

Displaced Grief

Dr. Amen introduces the concept of displaced grief, where unresolved emotions from loss manifest in frustrations with unrelated individuals.

“If you don't heal from what hurt you, you bleed on people who didn't cut you.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (00:26)

This highlights the importance of addressing grief directly to prevent it from negatively impacting other relationships.

Practical Tools for Healing from Grief

1. Feel It to Heal It

Both Dr. Amen and Tana advocate for fully experiencing emotions related to grief. Suppressing emotions can lead to unintended negative behaviors.

“The first step is feel it to heal it. Set aside time daily to feel your emotions.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (18:42)

They suggest activities like crying, writing, or expressing emotions openly to process grief effectively.

2. Develop a Relationship with Grief

By acknowledging grief as a constant presence, individuals can work towards a healthier interaction with their emotions.

“Grief can just negatively impact your brain health in so many ways.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (28:00)

3. Utilize Therapeutic Techniques

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Dr. Amen shares how EMDR helped him achieve "clean grief," free from conflicting emotions.

  “I went and I did some EMDR. And it was so interesting because it just went away.”
  — Dr. Daniel Amen (13:26)

• Havening: Tana introduces Havening, a technique involving bilateral hemisphere stimulation to process upsetting memories.

  “Havening can really be helpful. You never want to avoid the grief. You want to go into it.”
  — Tana Amen (25:36)

4. Prioritize Sleep and Self-Care

Adequate sleep is crucial for healing. Both hosts discuss supplements and practices that promote restful sleep, which in turn support brain health.

“Good sleep is just critical to healing from grief.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (28:39)

5. Engage in Physical Activity

Exercise releases endorphins and helps store grief physically, offering a tangible way to release pent-up emotions.

“Committing to move every day, even if it's just a 15-minute walk...just move just gets you out of your head and into your body.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (33:50)

6. Cognitive Strategies: Killing the Ants

Addressing negative automatic thoughts is essential. By identifying and challenging these thoughts, individuals can cultivate a more positive mindset.

“Grief triggers an infestation of ants, like, I'll never be happy again...Train your brain for positivity and honesty.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (36:00)

7. Anti-Funeral: Sharing the Full Truth

An "anti-funeral" allows individuals to express raw, unfiltered emotions about the deceased, fostering genuine healing.

“Hold an anti funeral after you lose someone where you allow yourself and others to express the raw, unfiltered truth.”
— Tana Amen (38:26)

8. Honor the Memory with Action

Transforming grief into meaningful actions honors the memory of the lost loved one and provides a purposeful outlet for emotions.

“Honoring the memory of the person that you're grieving for...keeps their memory alive.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (37:27)

Additional Insights

Impact of Grief on Brain Health

Dr. Amen emphasizes that grief can profoundly affect brain health, influencing everything from memory to emotional regulation. By maintaining a brain-healthy lifestyle—through diet, sleep, and mindfulness—individuals can bolster their resilience against the adverse effects of grief.

“Taking care of your brain will also give you the mental strength to process grief as it comes up.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (28:00)

Conclusion

Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen offer a compassionate and comprehensive guide to navigating grief. By sharing their personal journeys and professional strategies, they empower listeners to process their emotions healthily and maintain their overall brain and body health. The key takeaway is to view grief as an ongoing relationship, utilize practical tools to manage emotions, and honor lost loved ones through meaningful actions.

“Grief is a relationship, not a destination. By integrating these actionable steps, you'll not only process your grief more deeply, but also nurture your brain, body, and spirit.”
— Dr. Daniel Amen (40:17)

Listeners are encouraged to embrace their emotions, seek support, and prioritize self-care to transform their grieving process into one of healing and personal growth.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Daniel Amen (00:26): “If you don't heal from what hurt you, you bleed on people who didn't cut you.”
• Tana Amen (08:03): “Grief is a relationship. It's either going to be a good relationship or it's going to be a bad relationship, because I'm stuck in this relationship with grief.”
• Dr. Daniel Amen (18:42): “The first step is feel it to heal it. Set aside time daily to feel your emotions.”
• Dr. Daniel Amen (37:27): “Honoring the memory of the person that you're grieving for...keeps their memory alive.”
• Dr. Daniel Amen (40:17): “Grief is a relationship, not a destination.”

Resources Mentioned:

• Havening: A therapeutic technique involving bilateral hemisphere stimulation.
• EMDR: A form of psychotherapy that helps process traumatic memories.
• BrainMD Supplements: Products recommended by the hosts to support brain health.
• Amen University: Offers courses on brain health, happiness, memory rescue, and more. Use code podcast20 for a 20% discount on courses.

For more insights and practical tips on brain health and emotional well-being, subscribe to "Change Your Brain Every Day," leave a review, and share the episode with friends. Follow Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen on social media to stay connected with their latest offerings and support.