← CHEERS! with Avery Woods
CHEERS! with Avery Woods
so i’m on a reality show
00:37:36
Avery is back with a full life update and finally opens up about her upcoming reality show. She shares how the opportunity came together, why she almost said no, and what it’s really like stepping into a world where she has zero control over the edit. From online backlash to protecting her kids and marriage, Avery gets honest about the risks, the boundaries she set, and why she decided to do it anyway. Then things take a turn. Avery shares a truly unhinged (and very real) sex mishap with David that spirals into reading listener horror stories that are somehow even crazier. From awkward interruptions to absolute nightmare scenarios, nothing is off limits.
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ashley.com l u x e.
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Hey, it's Avery. Welcome to Cheers. Hi everyone. It is time for a life update. Okay, a lot has been happening. I casually announce I'm part of a Hulu show and we haven't really touched on it because quite frankly, all everyone has to say is some negative about me. And so I've just been continuing on with my head down, not scrolling as I usually do. I just want to talk a little bit about the show without giving anything away about how it came about, why I'M part of the show, then the rest of the episode. I thought we would have some fun. David and I had a nightmare sex story happen, to be honest with you. And I texted my producer and I was like, this got me to thinking. I feel like we should ask our followers their horror story sex situations. And so that's what we did. And you guys submitted some really good stuff. So let's get into it. Welcome back to Cheers. So, long story short, back in August and now it's May, so it's been a little bit. I was showing Stevie a clip of Whitney on Dancing with the Stars. Actually, Stevie's really into dance. She's been in dance since she was 23 months old, and she really loves to watch dance. And I was like, look at mommy's friend. Whitney is on Dancing with the Stars. And so we're watching it on my phone and Whitney literally calls me on FaceTime. And I was like, she watching me, like, are there cameras in my house? It was just such a funny situation. And I answered and I was like, what's up? And she said, hey, I have a business proposition for you. And I said, talk to me. Let's. Let's talk about it. I love. I love anything business. And she said, what do you think about starting an LA Mom Talk? And I said, well, here's the thing. Not really my vibe, I guess, like, that's not really something that I would necessarily do. I feel like I'm in a place in life where the majority of my friendships are, like, offline. And of course, I have so many creator friends and people that are in the public eye. It's just we enjoy our time not being recorded, I guess, and I've learned to cherish that as I've gotten older and become more appreciative of my privacy. But I have so many friends in the creator world, not only here in la, but really everywhere. And a lot of the girls from the original Secret Lives show are personal friends of mine. And obviously during that time, Whitney and Jen were in LA recording Dancing with the Stars. And so they were tossing back and forth the idea of starting a spin off of the original Secret Lives of Mormon Wives show. They obviously were in LA because of work. Like I said, Dancing with the Stars, Whitney's doing acting, Jen's doing a bunch of amazing things with music. And so she was like, do you want to maybe be a part of something like this? And I said, yeah, it felt natural to me because I know them and we're friends off camera, you know, it felt Like a right fit. And obviously, again, having a lot of friends in the industry, I felt like we could make a cool group. I just told her, I said, look, you know, last year was a really hard year for me mentally, and I feel like no matter what I do or say, I'm just destroyed online. And so I knew that doing reality TV would invite so many more eyes to again judge me and anything I do or say. So I was really on the fence about it because I knew I was so grateful for the career that I've built and I knew that I didn't need to count on reality TV in order to continue that, which I'm so thankful for because of the loyal people that have been with me for so many years. So I didn't know if I wanted to open a new can of worms, if that makes sense, because there are so many people that watch TV that obviously have no idea who I am or don't even have social media on their phone. So it just makes you so much more vulnerable. And so I just kind of told myself, if this happens naturally and it works out and I don't have to force it. I'm a true believer in, like, the universe and manifesting. If it's the right fit, it will happen on its own. And I don't need to go above and beyond or for something that's not supposed to happen. And if it doesn't happen, then I'm not going to be disappointed.
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So.
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So I kind of just sat back and we went through the process and then obviously Whitney got this incredible opportunity to be on Broadway, which she literally killed. Like, she's so meant for this and I'm so thrilled for her. She's doing so many incredible things. And Jen has stayed here in la. It just happened. I don't. I don't really know how to explain it other than time went on and I did my casting interview in October. Then, you know, some more girls were, were added and I kind of threw around some names and production found some names of people that would be a natural fit that also I knew personally. Then word got back to us that Hulu was stoked and they picked it up. And then next thing I know, we started filming. It felt very fast, but also, it's been a very long process. But again, I wasn't holding my breath. I just wanted it to happen naturally as it should, not force anything. And I feel just immensely grateful for the opportunity. And it's just another thing that I'm able to say, say that I've done They feel very thankful for that, especially from, you know, where I came from. In my past career, I never expected to be on a Hulu show. It's been such a different process. It's so it's, it's like a high version of long form content, if that makes sense. Like what I do on social media is so edited down because it's, it's short form content. Right. I'm posting videos that are less than three minutes long. I'm able to control what people see, what I say, how I look. This is just you walk in, you're mic'd up, cameras are on, and that's it. You don't have a say of how things are cut. You know, you don't get a say of, oh, I shouldn't have said that. Like, you don't really, you don't have control over it. Right. Like, I'm not a producer of the show and so I really am just my full authentic self. It's scary in a lot of ways because I have been through so much publicly where people have just ripped me to shreds. And this really pissed people off that I was part of the show. It just really rubbed people the wrong way. And I do find it funny because obviously the title has Mormon in it. I'm not Mormon. You know, a lot of the cast members are not. Some of them have been in the past, some of them still are. Some of them have never been. So these, again, are all things that will come out in the show and we'll talk more about it. I spent the majority of my life in Mesa, Arizona, which is a large LDS community. So the majority of my personal friends either have been or still part of the LDS church. I'm very educated on the LDS religion. The girls on this show are my personal friends and people think otherwise. They think because, like, we don't post together all the time or haven't posted together publicly that we're not friends, which is not the case. So it is nice to be in front of a camera, which is a very odd thing. But you're with people that you're familiar with and you have a relationship with, so that feels natural. It makes me feel more comfortable. My family isn't going to be in it, my kids won't be in it. Obviously I don't show my kids on social media, so why would I put them on a reality television show? David will slightly make appearances here and there, but again, he also doesn't have social media and he does not like being the public eye. He's very shy and he's very protective of our family, and I completely understand that. And the reason why I ultimately felt like the show was the right decision was because I did have a lot of requests when it came to the show and protecting my family and production was able to respect that. I was actually approached for a different reality show that starts filming this summer, and I ended up turning it down because they wanted my kids in it and that was not something that I was going to ever allow. I There was just the answer was just flat no. There was no negotiating. It's really important for me to have my kids be kids. They're only 7 and 4 and if in the future they want to do something like I do or be in the entertainment industry, then that's something we can talk about when they're old enough to make that decision. But right now I just want them to be kids and go to school and have play dates and just have a normal childhood. And I'm very grateful to give them that. And the show respected that and I was really, really grateful to coming to Hulu soon, which is kind of nuts.
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Because we moved mid school year for kindergarten, we wanted to make sure he was on the right track to be able to be at the first grade level going into his new school. And IXL kept him on track. Now that Stevie's going into kindergarten, she's also been using IXL because she wants to be just like brother. And they both are loving it. They're both finishing their school year strong. Stevie is finishing tk and Ziggy is finishing first grade going into second, which is crazy. So they've been using IXL to review key skills, stay sharp over the summer, and build confidence in challenging areas. I'm excited because it gives them both a head start for next year. And who does not want their kid to exceed make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and Cheers with Avery Woods. Listeners can get an exclusive 20 off IXL memberships when they sign up today at ixl.com cheers Visit ixl.com cheers to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. We do have some questions. What has surprised you most about filming so far? I would say how quickly you get used to cameras around you. Like, to be honest with you, I. I thought I'd be really awkward because I know people think that they know me, but I don't think people realize how shy I can be, especially in a public setting. Or like, sometimes in front of a camera, I can get really awkward. And so I didn't know if I would be a good fit for reality tv. But you get used to those cameras so fast, to the point where it's dangerous, where you're like, oh, well, I said that. Can't take it back now. Like, there was no, like, oh, let's cut that. It's not like a movie. No, no, no. It's reality tv. The other thing too is I. I keep forgetting that I'm mic'd up, unfortunately. And I'll say things and I think. Or like when we were getting ready for an event, we were being recorded and I was having a Conversation with Bri, Aspen's girlfriend, who I love her, I'm obsessed with her. She's my new bestie. And we were having a conversation and it was like a very kind of like deep emotional conversation when I turn around and there's a camera right behind me. And I was like, hey, come on now. But they really don't miss a beat because you forget you're mic'd up, right? So production can hear what you're saying. So then they'll be like, hey, go put a camera over there. So that's something that kind of surprised me that I got so used to it because I thought I would be like on edge all the time. But it's crazy how. Because another question here is what's the schedule like? Like how's the filming schedule? Which is insane. You're filming so much that you just get used to the environment around you. But I will say, like the came crew, the production, the sound guys, like they are the nicest people and you really have to have an intimate connection with them because they're in your house, they're in your environment, they meet your family. Like they learn so much about you in such a short time because you really are opening up so many aspects of your life. And so I'm really grateful to have a crew around me that's so kind and courteous and just lovely people. And so I'm really grateful for that. Schedule wise, a little bit hectic. When I first agreed to do it, that was my husband's biggest concern is he was like, you already work like three full time jobs. How in the world do you think you're going to be able to do this? I've made it work. I, I don't really know how. If you can't tell by my face right now I'm a little bit tired. I also am letting my skin breathe because obviously when you have cameras on you all the time, you, you want to try to look your best, especially with these high quality cameras. So I've been pound in that makeup on. The amount of concealer I've been wearing is crazy. So today I was like, I am letting my skin breathe. She needs a rest. We kind of get our schedule like the week of unless there's something far in advance that we know is happening. And so we kind of just have to go with the flow. But I am really lucky that my kids are in school full time. So the majority of filming has been while they're in school. So they have no idea what's going on there's never cameras in my house when my kids are home. It's been nice to be able to knock out my work while my kids are gone. But on the days that I have to drive to Orange county because we'll film in both areas, I've been getting a driver. So because at the end of the day I said, look, I do work from my phone. I know it's silly to say, but I'm very lucky that I work either from my phone or my computer. Right. I do all my own editing and uploading and I have to respond to emails and hop on multiple meetings a day. The drive time for me was what concerned me the most because obviously if I'm behind the wheel, I can't get any work done. I'm not going to be on my phone. So on the days that I have long comm commutes, I will have someone drive me and then I will get my work done in the back of the car because I'm trying to keep on schedule and also be able to hit my deadlines and get done because I know some people don't realize, but I'm a businesswoman first. Okay, a lot of you guys are asking who, who was on the show? So let's talk about the cast members of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Orange County. Avery woods, which really pissed everyone off. Bobby Altoff, who I love so much. Bobby is one of the funnies people I've ever met and she also just keeps it so real, which I really appreciate. Salome, who Sal and I met in October of 2023. We were just talking about this because she was one of the first guests I ever had on the podcast and then we clicked instantly and just have been friends ever since. She's like my fellow baddie mom. I just adore her and her family so much. Aspen Ovard. Aspen has been a friend of mine for years as well. She is one of the purest souls and best humans I've ever met. I love her so much. Jen Affleck, like I said. So that's kind of the bridge from the original show going into the spin off who is incredible and I've gotten to know so well and just has such a pure heart and such a great mom. And then Ashley. So Ashley is married with four kids and she's actually from Australia. She is so, so sweet but when she talks you can kind of hear like little Easter eggs of her accent come out. Her and her husband are the kindest people. And then Madison, Madison has done YouTube like family YouTube vlogging for years. She is one of the sweetest people I've ever met. She is so kind, so thoughtful, so gorgeous. Like one of the most naturally beautiful people I've ever met. Again, just such an incredible, I'm saying such an incredible mom about all of them because they really are amazing, amazing moms. And then McCall. McCall is Macy's sister and Macy and I are friends. And so when the show was kind of coming about, Macy called me and she's like, I think my sister's gonna be on the show. And she's like, I think you guys will love each. We really hit it off instantly. I love McCall and it's funny because when her and Macy are in the same room, I'm like, who is who? You would think they're twins. McCall is so kind. I met her mom the other day and they're just such a sweet, well rounded family. And then Chandler, Chandler's a newer friend of mine that I met through Jen and some Orange county girls. She doesn't do a lot of social media and so this is all very new for her. But I respect her so much for doing the show and she's really gone all in and been so open about sharing her life and her family. And they do a lot of traveling, which I really respect. I'm like, how do you travel with so many children? Like, teach me your ways. So she's also such a kind person. I feel like the group is so different, but we also have so many similarities and things in common, which brings us all together and we can really bounce ideas off of each other. We've grown so much together already. We have a trip coming up this week which I'm really excited for because we're doing a big girls trip and it's just been really fun. And I feel like when you're a mom, especially a working mom on social media, it's such a unique position to be in that not a lot of people understand. And so it's so nice for all of us to lean on each other, have that commonality and also do the show together. So I'm really, really excited. I'm scared shitless, but excited for you to watch it. I've never done anything like this or ever been so vulnerable, so I hope you'll enjoy it. If you hate it, then I'm sorry, but you can watch the Kardashians instead. Did any reality stars give you pearls of wisdom before you headed into this experience? Yes. I talked to a lot of people that I know on reality tv, honestly and all of them just said, be your authentic self. And I don't say this in a way of like, oh, please stop giving me a hater. Please think different of me. But I think people's online perception is always far different than who you are in real life. And so these are people that I have personal relationships with, and they're like, just be who you are. Because I think that will bring to light a lot of things that people are always judging you for. People have this assumption of you. That's not true. And so I'm really trying my best to just be Avery and be who I am. Because, like I said, when you're on social media, and we all kind of feel this way on this cast, right? When you're on social media, you show such a small part of your life that people can assume whatever they want to assume. But when you're on reality in this long form, very unedited, content, you are so much more yourself. And you guys don't get to see, like, me having a private conversation with my husband or the type of friend I am. You're obviously not going to see me as a mom because my kids are on the show, but there's a different side of me and everyone in the show that you'll be able to see. And so I'm excited for that. A lot of my friends were like, be yourself, be honest, and basically don't be the villain. But to be honest with you, I'm fine with the least amount of screen time. I don't. I'm not coming into this. Like, I want to be the star, make me the center of attention. No, no, I. I do not feel like that at all. I'm truly, truly, truly just grateful for the opportunity and honor to be a part of it and be with my friends every day. That's been nice, too. Like, I'm just a homebody, and I do a lot of work from home. Unless I'm going to a work event or hanging out with a lot of my friends that, you know, have their kids in the same school as ours, I'm home. I'm with my husband and my family, and we're in such a busy stage of life that this has kind of pushed me out of my comfort zone to be able to have an excuse to see my friends and, you know, get on the freeway, because I really like to just take my golf cart around my little. My little town. So it's been nice, and I'm really, really looking forward to see how people perceive us in a different way, because you're seeing such a different side to all of us. I think it'll be really cool because even, like, when I watched the original show, knowing them personally, it was cool to, like, see them on TV and like, see their personalities come out and shine in comparison to just, you know, making dancing videos on Tick Tock. It's so different. I think it'll be good. Knock on wood. That's what we're hoping. Today's segment is brought to you by Ashley. And one of the most important things for us in our home is we love hosting, but we want our environment to feel very welcoming and make sure that everyone has a comfortable place to hang out. Ashley has done just that for us. Our home is full with Ashley furniture and we truly love it so much. You don't need to break the bank. You have high, high quality furniture that looks incredible, feels incredible, feels luxurious. It's genuinely comfortable because, you know when you have those pieces of furniture that look really, really pretty, but you sit on them and it feels like you're sitting on a bed of rocks. We don't want that here in the woods household. We want genuine comfort and we want our guests to look forward to coming over. And Ashley has helped us so much with that. It can be overwhelming when you are furnishing your house because it can't be super achievable sometimes when it comes to the price price points of different furniture companies. But Ashley makes it so easy. I recently hosted a bunch of moms from the kids school over at the house, and all of them were talking about how cohesive our house looked with the furniture, but also that it was so comfortable and it just made my heart burst because that it's exactly the goal that we went for when we furnished our home. One of my favorite parts about Ashley and one of David's favorite parts about Ashley is the white glove delivery service in home. Because not only only do they deliver the furniture exactly where you want it to go in your home so you don't have to lift a finger, but they take all of the trash out of your house. And that's why David's ecstatic, because usually we'll have furniture delivered, but he has to put it together. He's got to build it, he's got to get the power tools out, and then he's got to take all the cardboard out, all the trash out. It just becomes hectic, and then you push it off and then you have empty corners of your house in and out. Ashley made make sure it's quick. It's easy. It's done right the first time. And when it's all done and put together and presented for you, your house looks like a magazine. What more could you want? Ashley Luxe is an all new collection that brings elevated design forward pieces into your everyday space. It places style in your hands, offering premium furnishings at a surprisingly practical price. So creating a refined, intentional home feels approachable. These pieces are designed for how you actually live, combining beautiful form with function. Whether it's a statement piece that anchors a room or layered elements that bring everything together, you can see the quality in the details. From sculpted wood and honestone to soft velvets, supple leather and brushed metal. Materials that add depth, texture and dimension to your space. And it's not just about the furniture. Ashley Luxe lets you become the artist of your own home. With art, rugs, textiles and lighting, you can mix and match to create a space that feels cohesive and personal. Warm and welcoming, yet curated and cool, Ashley Lux sets a new standard for living in style while staying true to Ashley's accessible price point. Discover the new Ashley Luxe collection by visiting Ashley in store or online at www.ashley.com luxe. Alright, now on to the fun stuff. So, like I kind of talked about in the beginning, David and I had the most hilarious sex incident the other day. I don't even care to talk about stuff like this because we've been together for so many years that it's just comical at this point. I feel like our kids were always so young that we never had to worry about them like walking in or interrupting because, you know, they're asleep and they're delirious and don't know what's going on. Anyways. But very long story short, he was on a go. He goes on the same guy's golf trip every year. I think this is like the fourth year he's gone. So he was doing that. He was gone for a week and then I was working the whole week filming, missed each other lots. He came home like late on a Sunday night. The kids were already asleep. So of course I'm like, missed you. Let's, you know, practice for a baby that's never coming. You know, we're getting it on. And as you all know, Stevie has come in our room every night for like eight months. Which actually, by the way, last night, coincidentally was the first night she stayed in her room all night in eight months. I don't know how it happened. It was, we came, I came upstairs and I was like, you stayed in your bed all Night. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, are you gonna keep doing it? And she was just, like, silent, looking at me. I said, got it. So that's a no. Usually she comes in between, like, 1 and 3am that's like key time, usually. Because I always tuck her in. And then I'll usually go to the bathroom, check my phone, see what time it is. I don't know why I do that to myself. I'm like, okay, I'll get four more hours of sleep or whatever makes myself feel better. It's usually between 1 and 3 is when she comes in. Well, that particular night, I'm on my hands and knees, man. Like. And when you open the door, it's just the bed. It's like 11pm Door flies open. Thank God. So her baby. Her baby blanket is like her lifeline. She has it draped over her face. And the lights are pretty much off except, like, a cracked closet light. As soon as we heard that handle, though, we literally flew to the opposite ends of the bed. I can't even explain. I was like, I don't think I've ever moved faster. So we were already on opposite ends of the bed, and she had her baby over her face, and she's like, like, mama. And I was like, hi. Hi. So I, like, grab her. David is, like, under the covers, basically hiding. So thank God she saw nothing. You know, I. I put her on her little makeshift air mattress bed that she likes to sleep on next to the bed. So I was like, okay, well, that was ruined. I tuck her in, put her to sleep. She's fast asleep. And David's like, come on, let's go to the bathroom. Let's finish. And I was like, oh, okay. And like, I'm like a big bed person. Like, I'm in my 30s. I need comfort. Okay, here's. My back is getting old. We can't do anything in the shower because he's so tall. There's a vertical challenge there. Okay. He puts me on the counter. This is so tmi, by the way. So anyone that's gonna complain about this, just please don't listen from here. Puts me on the counter. We close the bathroom doors, obviously, because Stevie's snoring in our room. Go in the bathroom. He puts me on the counters. We start, you know, going at it again. Start my period. I'm talking Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I literally looked down and I was like, oh, my God, I am so sorry. He's like, no, it's fine. Like, I love you. It's fine. Keep going. It's not a big deal. And of course, at that point, I'm like, I can't think of anything else that's going to distract me from what's going on right now because it looks like someone is massively injured. And I've talked about this before. I am not like, oh, like, I'll use, like a light tampon. No, I'm a ultra tampon every 45 minutes type of girl. Okay? I was put on birth control when I was 15 because my periods were so excruciating. And, you know, like, in high school, your hour, your classes are like an hour long. And so then you change the next class. I was changing my tampon, like twice in one class. And like, super plus tampons at like 15 years old. So they put me on birth control. And then obviously later in life, I had kids. And then after Ziggy, I got an iud. And then I got pregnant with Stevie. After my C section with Stevie, as I've talked about, I got a tubal ligation because I knew she was our last baby, which is essentially like a female vasectomy. Like, I can't get pregnant, but my hormones aren't messed with. It's not like a partial or a full hysterectomy. It's basically the sperm can't get to the egg. But I still have normal periods. So because of that, I don't need to be on birth control, which means my periods are. Because I don't want to put hormones in my body if I don't need to. And I can't get pregnant anyways. So the only other solution that I can do is a uterine ablation. A uterine ablation is when you cauterize the lining of your uterus. So essentially it's like you're not in a. You're not under anesthesia. You can do it outpatient in your OB's office. But they put you in like a sleepy trans state, kind of like, I think they give you propofol, but essentially the OB will go through your vaginal canal and cauterize, which is essentially burn the lighting of your uterus so it doesn't shed anymore, which means you don't have a physical period. And I know a lot of people in my life that have had it done. And they said it's life changing because again, you're just physically stopping your period from happening, but your hormones are still regulated, which is really nice. I don't know why I have such a hard time getting it done. Like, obviously I have a tubal ligation, but I could get pregnant if I got some help. But I don't know. It's just, like, an emotional thing because once I do a uterine ablation, that's it for me. And I'm so young, so I'm only 31, so I'm not ready to quite close that door 100% yet. So I do not have that. And I also am not on birth control, so my periods are really bad, and they're just really, really heavy. Especially, like, day one and two. Oh, that dick started that period that night because holy shit. I looked down and I was like, I don't even know what to do right now. So in. My sweet, sweet, kind husband is like, no, it's. It's fine. It's not a big deal. And I was like, you cannot be turned on right now. We finished. We got the deal done, went right in the shower, and we just were dying laughing because I was like, if this is not, like, parenting 101, I don't know what it is. Like, people will always ask me how to keep the. It's spicy in the bedroom. And how to keep your sex life up. When you have kids, you just got to make it work. And that was one of those nights that we made it work, and we probably hit every single obstacle and everything that could have gone wrong went wrong, but it was fine. At the end of the day, we made it work, and then we laughed about it ever since. But once that happened, I texted my producer, and I was like, how funny would it be? Really selfishly, I just want to feel better about myself. But I wanted to know your guys's horror sex stories. So you guys submitted a lot, and we're going to go into it. Oh, no, I'm reading the first one. My first lesbian encounter. I got peed on. Did you think she was squirting? Like, what was the situation here? I need to know so many details. I had sex in a squatty potty when traveling to Kenya. I have so many questions because I love a squatty potty. Like, really changes the poop game if you're. If you don't have one, you should really try it out, because it's the way your body is shaped and formed anatomically. Which. Y' all know I'm a nerd. Okay, it's the nurse in me, but, like, were you sitting on it? Like, were your legs on it? Like, I hope you weren't on the toilet. I have so many questions. Iconic for going to Kenya, though. One of My bucket list trips. Avery. I tried the back door once and used heated lube on accident. Fire butt. How did you do that? Also, I don't get the heated lube thing. Like, I have so many questions. One time, David bought the wrong lube on accident, and it was like the. I don't even remember the. I'm talking. Like, this was like, when I was in college, like, eight. How long ago was I in college? 2016. Oh, my God. 10 years ago. Fuck, I'm old. It was like the tingly one, you know, supposed to, like, hated it. I was like, it feels like a yeast infection. Get it out of me. It was. Everything was wrong about it. I was like, get this out of me immediately. But heated lube on your ass is crazy. It's giving the. The morning after eating the black packet of Bulldog Ramen. That's what it's giving. Oh, one time in doggy, my man literally peeled toilet paper off my ass. It was mortifying. You know what? I don't know if I've ever told this story, but I'll tell it to you to make you feel better, because this was like, public. Not in the bedroom. But one time when I was like, I think I was a freshman in college, maybe a sophomore, I can't remember, but working at Starbucks, you know, as I did for six years. And when I was doing my night classes, I worked the opening shift in the morning. And at that time, that was when Starbucks had cafe stores. Which Starbucks? I know you care about money and only money, but you got to bring back the cafe stores because not every store needs a drive through so you can make more money. It's so crazy. So I worked in a cafe store, so everyone had to walk in the store. There was always a line out the door during, like, you know, like the 6 to 7am because everyone's on their way to work, right? So I was the shift supervisor because I was a baddie, you know, got that promotion. And so I'd work the front register, heat up pastries. Basically every customer's first interaction was with me. Well, I had this insane line out the door, and my bowels are kicked in. They kicked in. And I needed to take my morning poop. And so I told my barista. I was like, can you cover for me, please? I gotta poop. And so I'm like, rushing because I have this line out the door. But listen, when you gotta go, you gotta go. So I finish my business, I come out. Of course, I wash my hands, I come out. I'm ringing up my customers. And the oven was behind the register. So you had to turn around to heat up the food and then turn back around to go to the register. So the customers basically looking at the backside of you. So I'm going back and forth, I'm talking. Fifteen minutes had gone by. I'd probably helped 30 customers by then. And my barista is like, avery, Avery, you gotta look down. And I was like, what? He's like, look at the ground. And I look, it's not just like a little piece of toilet paper. It's the whole roll literally dragging behind me on the ground. I don't even know how it happened. It was like caught in the back of my pants. Must have just like dragged it out of the bathroom. And there was literally like a 20 foot tail of toilet paper just following me throughout Starbucks while every all these customers are probably like that's disgusting. As this is serving me coffee. So if it makes you feel better, at least it was only one man doggy and it wasn't 30 customers. You know,
- [37:32]
E
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Head to chime.com avery that is chime.com Avery Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank Banking services. The secured Chime Visa credit card and my pay line of credit Provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank NA. MyPay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges 20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com feesinfo advertise annual percentage yield with Chime+ status only. Otherwise, 1% APY applies. No minimum balance required. Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details. In applicable terms.
- [39:40]
C
I found out my fiance, who's an older man, had ed. Needless to say, I did not marry him. Yeah, did you try, like, medication for it? For those that don't know, that's erectile dysfunction, which means he couldn't get it up. See, for me, and I totally get it, like, that's a medical problem and that's so sad for him. But, like, like, I would just, I'm sure it ate at your confidence because you're like, what am I doing wrong? Like, most men just need you to look at them for them to get excited, you know? My IUD dislodged mid session and my uterus started actually contracting to get it out. Oh, my God. So that's why Stevie was born when she was, was because my IUD was embedded in my uterus, and my OB does think it was because of sex. When you have an iud, obviously your periods are really light. And so during the pandemic, the first surge of the pandemic, obviously, this is when I was working in the picu, and all of a sudden my periods became super heavy, but I was, like, bleeding, like, like clots, like large clots. Usually I wouldn't think anything of it, but it was, like, kind of concerning me a little bit as a nurse that I was like, this isn't normal. And so I thought I was like, is this like an ectopic pregnancy? Is my body, like, rejecting my iud? I didn't understand what was happening. Long story short, it was embedded in my uterus and the OB office wouldn't see me because they thought I was too high risk to give everyone Covid because I, I, I worked in the icu, so they made me do like a zoom consult, and then they pulled it out like, six weeks later. And she was like, when do you plan on having another kid? And I said, probably in the next, like, six months we would start trying. And she's like, well, I'm not going to put another ID in because we're going to have to take it out in six months. This is not an exaggeration when she pulled that IUD out, she literally held my knee and, like, ripped it. It was so painful. Immediately got pregnant with Stevie, like, a week later. Not as far as an age gap as I had planned for, but all is good. It was meant to be. Our child walked in with a smile on his face. I screamed, and then he cried. Very similar to my situation, except, thank God, Stevie had her baby on her face. But, yeah, that's so funny. It's so interesting. Kids smile out of, like, awkwardness because I feel like my kids have never, like, seen anything. Thank God. But I feel like, because Ziggy's seven now, so he'd probably be, like, like, more so inquisitive. And I'm not ready to have that conversation yet. So from now on, this our. Our new rule. Now, I told David, I said, that door will be locked. We never lock it because usually the kids are fast asleep. You know, you don't expect it. I started to cry during sex because I was stressed because I was taking the nclex the next day. I understand that. The fact that you're having sex the night before you take the board exam, though, kudos to you. Couldn't be me. I was just crying. I wasn't having sex. I was just crying. I was doing it with my boyfriend at the time, but his stuff was so small, I couldn't feel it. The poor guy. Oh, yeah, that's rough. How can you be that small? That's so crazy. That poor guy. But you don't they have, like, surgery or something you can get? I think they have, like, a. Like a penis booster something, right? Am I making that up? Oh, yeah. We should ask Harry. We should call him Harry. He got Botox in his dick. Wait, wouldn't that relax your muscles? Wait, Botox is supposed to, like, paralyze your. Your movement. So wouldn't that, like, not give you a boner if you do Botox in your dick? What the does that do? Says he got Botox in his penis to smooth out the skin. Oh, okay. I don't want to think about that. Car sex at night. I thought I was just really wet. Turns out I was on my period and left a stain. Yeah, well, that was just me on my bathroom counter, so been there. But, yeah, the stain would piss me off. Ugh. That's the other thing, too, is, like, again, my husband is so cute. He's like, I don't care. I don't care about period sex, whatever. But, like, it's not cute to, like, have to set down a towel. Like that's not that. That really just interrupts what we're doing. And I paid too much money for the furniture in my house to ruin it with blood stains. I'm sorry. So like the towel is really just throwing the vibes off. So I understand. But that is. Yeah, a car. Car, period. Sex is crazy of you, but sometimes you never know. You don't expect it to come off on just like what happened to me the other night. I loved sitting down and chatting with you guys. It was nice to have a little catch up. We need to do these more often. Once I'm wrapped and filming is is done for this season, then we will be more consistent with our little solo episodes. But thank you for letting me talk about my horror sex story because my God, that was something else. And thank you all for sharing yours and making me feel better. Hopefully you enjoyed the updates on the show and I can't wait to share more soon. Cheers.
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F
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Hey everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?
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F
Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
- [44:52]
C
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.
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F
Anyways, get a quote@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.
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