Adam Rowe’s Lazy Eye Is Stronger Than Your Dad’s Legs

Summary

Chrissy Chaos Episode Summary: "Adam Rowe’s Lazy Eye Is Stronger Than Your Dad’s Legs"

Introduction In this episode of Chrissy Chaos, host Chris Distefano welcomes comedian Adam Rowe as his guest. The conversation delves into Adam's experiences in the comedy scenes of the UK and the US, cultural differences, sports fandom, and personal anecdotes, all delivered with their signature humor and candidness.

Guest Introduction Adam Rowe is introduced as a prominent figure in the British comedy circuit. Chris humorously clarifies that Adam has no relation to the American TV host Mike Rowe, setting the stage for an engaging discussion about Adam's unique background and comedic journey.

Comedy in the UK vs. US Adam shares his observations on the contrasting comedy landscapes between the UK and the US. He highlights the differences in audience engagement, performance styles, and the overall culture surrounding stand-up comedy in both countries.

• Adam (03:30): "If you're from the UK, I'm not interested in your perfect eyes. I'm looking for the authentic."

Chris and Adam discuss the UK's rich comedic heritage, mentioning iconic venues like the Hot Water Comedy Club in Liverpool, and how local culture influences the humor and delivery of comics.

Accents and Identity in the UK A significant portion of the conversation focuses on the diversity of accents in the UK and how they reflect regional identities.

• Chris (11:07): "There's no identity to a Londoner, especially in central London. If you really pay attention, you can tell a Liverpool accent from others."

Adam elaborates on his Liverpool roots, emphasizing the distinctiveness of the Scouse accent and how it shapes perceptions both within the UK and internationally.

Sports Culture and Fan Experience The duo delves into their passion for sports, comparing American football fervor with British football (soccer) enthusiasm. They share personal experiences attending games, discussing ticket pricing, fan behavior, and the emotional investment fans have in their respective sports.

• Chris (06:08): "Imagine putting 10 pints away before a Liverpool game and getting hammered all night. That's the level of commitment."

Adam contrasts the accessibility of sports events in the UK, where ticket prices are more regulated, with the often exorbitant costs in the US, making high-level sports fandom a rare treat.

Housing Market Differences Adam recounts his recent foray into the UK housing market, highlighting the affordability of properties in Liverpool compared to the soaring prices in American cities. He humorously describes the challenges of house hunting, including unexpected issues like hidden ponds and invasive plants.

• Adam (43:18): "They have a pond underneath the grass. So you dig for a pool, drain the pond, and install a titanium basin. It's expensive!"

Chris remarks on the stark contrast, contemplating the feasibility of such housing differences influencing his own living situation.

Personal Stories and Anecdotes Throughout the episode, Chris and Adam share various personal stories, ranging from Adam’s struggles with his lazy eye to humorous misunderstandings with UK locals.

• Adam (82:31): "I have a thigh muscle in my left eyelid. When I was asleep, my friends thought I was dead because my eye stays slightly open."

These anecdotes not only provide laughter but also offer deeper insights into Adam's personal life and resilience.

Adam's Lazy Eye and Personal Insights A heartfelt segment focuses on Adam's lazy eye, discussing the medical interventions he underwent and the social challenges it presented during his childhood. This vulnerability adds depth to the episode, showcasing Adam's journey beyond the comedy stage.

• Adam (83:18): "I had four surgeries as a kid. The fourth operation involved transferring a muscle from my leg to my eye."

Cultural Reflections Chris and Adam reflect on broader cultural themes, such as the UK's approach to alcohol consumption, the societal stigma around seeking help for drinking problems, and the evolving attitudes towards mental health and well-being.

• Chris (62:09): "I'm waking up every morning taking a blood pressure pill because I'm stressed about my health. I need to just let go and have fun."

Closing Remarks As the episode nears its end, Chris and Adam recap their discussions with laughter and camaraderie, emphasizing the importance of cultural exchange and personal growth. They encourage listeners to check out Adam's comedy specials available on YouTube and promote upcoming shows.

• Adam (86:08): "You can find me on Instagram as Adam Rowe, comedian, and watch my specials on YouTube."

Notable Quotes

• Adam (03:35): "If you have two perfect eyes and you're from the UK, I'm not interested in your podcast."
• Chris (09:10): "New York is like several Liverpools."
• Adam (19:49): "In Liverpool, every single fish and chip place also does Chinese food. Chinese is a big part."

Conclusion This episode of Chrissy Chaos offers an entertaining and insightful look into Adam Rowe's life and the vibrant differences between British and American comedy and sports cultures. Through humor and honest conversation, Chris and Adam provide listeners with a rich narrative that is both informative and amusing, making it a must-listen for fans of cross-cultural discussions and stand-up comedy.

Transcript

[A]

Explaining football to the friend who's just there for the nachos. Hard tailgating from home like a pro with snacks and drinks. Everyone will love an easy win. And with Instacart helping deliver The Snack Time MVPs to your door, you're ready for the game in as fast as 30 minutes. So you never miss a play or lose your seat on the couch or have to go head to head for the last chicken wing shop. Game day faves on instacart and enjoy. $0 delivery fees on your first 3 grocery order valid for a limited time. Other fees and terms apply. Just know that I've had a few UK comics on and I like doing that. I like having country. Here's what I'm coming around to. And I've told you guys, this is. I am a very patriotic American kid and I have not forgiven any of America's enemies, including Britain from the 1700s. So if you were an enemy to America, just know that that's how I play. If we're at war with you ever, you're done forever. But Britain, I've said they're back in. I like them now. Somebody asked me, when are you going to come around to Vietnam? I said, that's not going to happen. It's not going to happen in my lifetime. I'm not going to be the guy that's sitting Indian style in Central park, eating a Vietnamese sandwich with his family. That's not going to happen. So don't ask me to do that. That won't. But Britain I'm in. That's why I have these beautiful comics on the cameras. One of the cameras turned off here in the Chrissy Chaos podcast studio. Because that's just what happens. That's just what happens with these. These are. These. Our cameras are the stands cameras. These are the stands cameras. These are the stands cameras. Okay, so we're gonna just fucking. We're moving the podcast out of this fucking studio. We're out of here.

[B]

Haven't you been here for like three weeks?

[A]

We're done. Yeah, we're done. It's just finished. Yeah, that camera's got a turn on. And then. I'm not, I'm not. Listen, here's. I'll give you a hint on the guest. I'll give you a hint for our guest. He has no relation to American TV host Mike Rowe, but his name does sound like that. Give you a hint. He's from one of those British cities. That's not London. You know my friend Hattie. Shout out Hattie. Great Girl, she was like, you're gonna love. Is it Liverpool? I think it's Liverpool. We're back. When we're back. Okay, so here it is. I have, I have our guest. The. The. The. The We. This is the. The head of the trifecta here. The biggest. The. The. The mo. The most podcast friendly, the funny that has ever come out of whatever city he tells me he's from outside of London. We don't. York is Sherry Berry. I don't know what the names of these fucking Worcester sauce. England. This guy hilarious kills it. You know him, you love him. Mr. Adam Rowe, everybody. That's it from. Is it? It's have a word pod.

[B]

It's have a word pod.

[A]

Have a fucking word pod. I'd like to have a word with these cameras.

[B]

Yeah, that was some expert floundering.

[A]

You like that, dude? I'm Flounder, dude. Little Mermaid. How you doing? Adam Rome.

[B]

I'm good, I'm good. I, I think I've just about adjusted to the. The time now. I've been here since Monday. So you really are bringing out the lazy eyed you. Because it seems like it's like a requirement.

[A]

That's what I'm going for. If you have two perfect eyes and you're from the uk, I'm not interested with you podcast.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Now I, I've asked our previous two UK guests this. I'm gonna ask you. Who is Robbie Williams?

[B]

He's a dancer. He's a backing dancer from the 90s who has finally sort of like he eventually picked up the courage to pick up the microphone himself.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And now he's a monkey.

[A]

Now he's a monkey. Right. And so this. So I've said it again. I've said. I've said it twice before. We just don't. We know how famous he is in the world, but we just don't understand why America is being shown this movie. He doesn't know. People do not even know who he is here and he is a massive star elsewhere.

[B]

So in the UK he's a household name. But also everyone in the UK at the minute is also. They've got very similar feelings. Like what? Why? Why?

[A]

Right, Yeah, I don't, I don't. We just. We're trying to figure it out and the. Hopefully, you know, hopefully we will one day. Did you see the movie?

[B]

No, I haven't seen it yet. So my, My roommate, my housemate, Keelan is from Belfast. His. His mom is like a Robbie Williams. Super fun. She's like, I gotta go see It. I gotta go fucking see it. And he wouldn't say. He's like, it's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And everyone else I know who said it has been like, just don't.

[A]

Don't go see us.

[B]

What? Like, it just makes no sense.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's a fascinating thing. And we. We've all been dumbfounded, but this is. But I'm happy that, because every comic has come in and given a similar response. But, like, he's very famous in the uk, but even with that being said, we don't understand why he has a movie with a chimpanzee.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the chimpanzee thing doesn't have an explanation. So it doesn't matter how many people you get to sit here and try. You could get the director in and sit him here and they'd be like, why the monkey? And he'd be like, fucking.

[A]

It's just.

[B]

There's no, like, oh, this is exactly why we did it. Apart from maybe there's like, the tenuous link. Oh, I feel like a dancing monkey or whatever. But eat. You know, a really big boy band in the 90s. And the guy in the middle, Gary Barlow, was like, he was the talent. He was writing, he was singing. But, like, Robbie was always, like, getting the attention of, like, the girls and stuff. And Gary sort of hated him. This is from, like, you know, my sort of interpretation of it. I was too young at the time to really be part of, like, the mania of it. But, like, Gary's like, oh, why'd you like him? Like, he's the idiot who can't sing. He's just there because he looks a bit cool. And then Robbie's like, no, they all just want me. So then they went and did solo careers. And Robbie's solo career was so much bigger than Gatti's. But then Gary is still seen as, like, the brains of the.

[A]

Let me tell you, I'm stressed because I made a bet with John, John the Father Grady over here, that the Buffalo Bills would get to the super bowl, not thinking they actually would. And if they win this weekend against the Ravens, they're going to get probably to the super bowl. And the dude, just one ticket. It's like $5,000 a ticket, plus flights, plus hotels. And I don't have any more Marriott Bonvoy points, so I got to actually pay for this shit. And I don't know what to do. I have no idea what to do. I want to back out of this bet. But I guess I can't.

[B]

In the uk even a big sports game and obviously it's predominantly football or soccer. Like the ticket prices don't fluctuate depending on the team really. Like for the FA cup final or the Champions League final, like a baseline ticket will be a maximum of a hundred pounds. But then they go to like resale sites because like touts will buy them and then they are thousands from them. But from the original like vendor it's never that because that's like the baseline here. Is it like it. I went to the Jets Rams in December.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I brought me girl out here for Christmas and I was like the day we fly home, the jets play the Rams. I've always wanted to go to an NFL game in the States cuz I've been to the London ones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we went and it was like $450 per ticket for a game that nobody gave a about. Like there's like jets super fans next to me dressed in absolutely everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're just not even watching the game. They just don't care. And I was like, this is. The game was terrible. Rams were just about good enough to beat like a Jets team who couldn't like like my favorite moment of the whole thing because obviously they've invested heavily in Aaron Rodgers. There's a guy like two rows behind us and Rodgers is just like throwing like two complete passing complete like just nowhere near his targets. And he goes okay Aaron, let's try not. Let's try and suck a little less. Just on this one play.

[A]

Okay buddy?

[B]

Just on this one play.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He fucking launches it miles away and he goes. I guess not. At least this guy's consistent and that's what we were paying him for.

[A]

Yeah, dude. I mean it, it's you know like the thing is too like with American sports and like the money and all that stuff is like this economy is like not good in America. But yet people will fucking pay $2,000. They'd rather not eat. They, they will sacrifice food to go watch a fucking 4 and 13 team like the Jets.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Isn't that wild? And that doesn't happen in the uk, you're saying?

[B]

Well, I mean if. I mean Liverpool have been quite good for about.

[A]

That's where you're from. Liverpool. Well I was thinking Manchester, but it's fucking Liverpool.

[B]

It's Liverpool. Which by the way don't get them confused either.

[A]

Liverpool's a cool city.

[B]

It's fucking great.

[A]

It is. But I guess just because I'm from the U.S. i just don't like being outside London.

[B]

Yeah. But like, London. So whenever people say New York and London are similar to me, I'm like, they're not. Like, if you really. If you really pay attention and look at it, I think New York is like several Liverpools.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And especially because, like, in London, I was talking to Schultz about this. When Schultz come over and did like, his. His big, like, headline show in the. In the uk, he text me and he's always, like, obsessed with, like, the. The cultural. Like, in the city. He wants to know about the city.

[A]

Sure, yeah.

[B]

And he texts me and he's like, I'm in London, I can't figure out what. What's going on? And I was like, there's no identity to a Londoner, especially in central London. Like, okay, almost everyone who lives in central London wasn't born there, wasn't raised there. They've all moved there. There's no, like, this is who we are here. New York does like a New Yorker. If you say New Yorker, it puts it. Like, it puts you in.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

I'm from here.

[B]

Yeah. And in Liverpool, like a Scouser. Like someone from Liverpool. There's an identity to that they are from.

[A]

Generations have lived in Liverpool.

[B]

Yeah, it's that, like, it's. It's changing a little bit now because London and Manchester are getting a bit more expensive. So people are starting to move to Liverpool, especially for comedies like Hattie.

[A]

Yes. Chad is great.

[B]

Like, she's moved to Liverpool because there's a great comedy club there. Because there's a great comedy club there. There's loads of, like, bar shows that are sprouting up and there's a proper scene building. There's a lot of podcasts there. So people are starting to move there, not just in our industry, but generally. So there's more and more. There's also three universities, so there's loads of students who tend to stick around now. But, like, generally speaking, if you go into a store in Liverpool, the person serving you is going to be from Liverpool.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, they're, you know, there's an identity to the people there. And that's why I love it. Like, I come out here two or three times a year because I just love New York. Yeah. And I love every. And I love the speed of it. I love how you can go over to Brooklyn, take it slower. You're in Manhattan. It's get out the way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're in a deli. It's what the do you want? You don't know? Well, then go and stand over there. So you decide, like.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I've been here so often now that when people can't. New York.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I get annoyed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You should be better than this.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting you say that because for us, for New Yorkers, there's times where we would say, nobody's from New York anymore. Everyone's fucking moving in. It's only when you leave New York City, you come out to the outer boroughs, Brooklyn, you know, Queens, Staten Island. Then it's like, people are from New York. But like in Manhattan, right. Like right now where we are like, you know, downtown, whatever Manhattan, we would say there's many people who are like, Schultz, he's a guy who's from Manhattan. There's not many of him left anymore. Where. It's just like, where. That's funny how you think. Because I thought everybody was from London because they all have the British accents, but you would be able to tell. Yeah. But you're not. That guy's not from London. They're from somewhere else.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like the, the. The accent game in the UK is fucking insane because, like, even within Liverpool, I can tell you which, like, area of Liverpool they're from.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So, like, I'm from sort of towards the north side. My accent softened a lot because of.

[A]

You're an original Liverpool kid.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never lived anywhere else apart from. I lived in chester, which is 40 minutes outside of Liverpool, for a year and that was it. I went back. The north side of Liverpool is very fast. It's very harsh. It's very almost Middle Eastern. It's Conor McGregor meets fucking like Osama bin Laden. Yeah. Literally.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then south Liverpool, which is where I live now, is a lot slower. It's a more like the Beatles.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's a lot slower and everyone sounds like they've just had some fucking weeds and it's just, hey, I'll put the kettle on. Like, that's a lot. If my, like. And my accent softened a lot because of stand up and traveling and. Sure, whatever. And. But if, like, when my comic mates who aren't from Liverpool, like, from even from London, and if you, like, met my little brother.

[A]

Yeah, It's.

[B]

You'd be like, that. That isn't English.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It can't.

[A]

It can't be like, I can't even understand what he's saying.

[B]

Probably like podcast going well and I'm doing any gigs tonight.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'll meet you for a fucking drink after the show.

[A]

Yeah, he's just like, what?

[B]

Yeah, what do you think I just said?

[A]

Yeah, he, he. It's funny because when I went to Hot Water Comedy Club in Liverpool, which is, it's truly fantastic. I mean, that room was great, but the guy, the owner who like looks like he could be like in a Richie movie, who'll like just throw you in the back of a trunk guy, he was talking to me. I didn't know what he was saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I was just politely nodding because he's massive.

[B]

So were you talking to Paul or Binti?

[A]

I don't know. I. They both did one or the other, but they were both pretty, you know, physically imposing guys.

[B]

Yeah, but really both of them.

[A]

There were two guys there. Yeah. Okay, let me pull up a picture.

[B]

I need to know which one.

[A]

They were nice guys, but I was just like. I just kept saying yes. Yeah, but Liver Hot Water Comedy Club, that was probably one of the best clubs in the whole country at this point.

[B]

Oh, it. Yeah, it genuinely. And so when were you there?

[A]

I was there in June, six months ago.

[B]

Okay. So they were still in their construction phase. So did you do the new place? Like the big.

[A]

It's like out on the outskirts of the city. It feels like in like a mallish. They're like, they have a food court and all that.

[B]

Oh, yeah. So you've done the new place?

[A]

I've done the new place, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's spectacular.

[A]

Is it fully renovated now and done like the green room I was sitting in, like, I was sitting in a green room that had like live electrical wires. And whoever the guy, Paul or Benny was like, just don't fucking touch anything. And I was just like, because. And it wasn't like, don't touch my shit. It was like, if you touch that, you're going to get electrocuted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But he had me sitting in there and they just gave me. I asked for water and the guy just came in with a case of water, like as if I was being interrogated by the police. Like, they just threw water and I just sat there and I was like, in these concrete walls. But he was like that were. They were under renovation.

[B]

So Hot Water have always. So that's their third venue now. They ran bar shows, fears and nightclubs and stuff. And then they got. This is the third, like purpose built venue. And every single one of them, they've just got to a point with the build where they're like, it's not ready, but we're fucking opening.

[A]

Yeah, that's how this got. Yeah.

[B]

Like the first one they built like on launch night and they're my home club. I've been with. Like I did my first ever show for them and like their launch I had a gig about. I had a show like an hour away and I was like, can I just come and just like. Cause it's the first night in the first purpose built club this city has ever had. I'll go on after the headliner. Can I just drop in and do a little thing? And I got there and it was just chaos. And I was like, why is everyone. What's going on? And they were like, oh, we've only managed to build one toilet. So there was 200 people there with one toilet. And they were like, we needed to get open. They'll all be ready tomorrow. But like tonight, one toilet, so what?

[A]

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[B]

Yeah, so, and like I, I should have got there like an act to run on stage and they were like, you got time. You got, wow, 40 minutes.

[A]

Like, oh, could you imagine you were that guy that had to take a shit.

[B]

Was it with either of those guys?

[A]

Dude, these. It was this guy.

[B]

It was that guy on the right. So that's Binti.

[A]

Binti. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So they're both brothers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they, and they are like, I'm.

[A]

Not, I'm assessing this correctly. They are guys that like Will beat you up and throw you in a river.

[B]

Binti's like a very gentle giant.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But also I've seen Binti angry, like on a. On a night out years ago and it's. It's fucking terrifying.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But like, Binty is the cuddliest, most gentleman in the world. Paul, his brother, who it like. So Binti sort of, he builds the club with his bare fucking hands and he books all the comics and he's there pretty much day to day. Paul is sort of the business mind behind it and he built this social media like giant with them and made the club like, it's world famous now. People travel to the city for it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's, you know, they complement each other really well.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I wouldn't want to fight either.

[A]

No. Yeah, no, no. I remember, like, you know, going with Hattie there and I was like. And then, because, you know, she went up on stage and I was just sitting alone in this concrete room with him and I was just like, what is fucking happening? I mean, but it. That club was. Was also amazing. I. The best show sets I've ever had in the whole of the UK have been in, in. In Liverpool, in Hot Water and then in Dublin, Ireland. They felt very similar to me comedy wise. London felt a little bit more like, upscale. Like, I love the city, but the audience was a little bit like uptight and like, you don't laugh at that.

[B]

Yeah, like, totally. And also what I. What I think about UK audiences is the rougher the city, like the suburbs of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The better the show. So, like, Liverpool's a great city, but it's got a lot of poverty and stuff around it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

When people's lives are a little bit shit and difficult.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They want comedy.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Because they're like, oh, we need to. And they'll also laugh at themselves and they'll laugh at the worst situation, whatever. Whereas people who are in like, like the nicest areas of like, Cambridge Shire.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You go down there and it's people who are just like, yeah, I have a, a kitchen island. Like, why do I need you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, they don't want to laugh.

[A]

So nobody has a kitchen island in the suburbs of Liverpool, right? I do. Oh, yeah, dude.

[B]

I am Brenton, though, so.

[A]

Yes, but still that.

[B]

Glasgow.

[A]

Glasgow.

[B]

You should do Glasgow.

[A]

I did do Glasgow. I did Glasgow on that trip and that was another amazing place. I really do. I really do. I'm like, I. I've said it last week, I don't want to leave New York or travel, because I have my kids and I don't want to leave my kids, but I desperately just want to be in the UK at all times. When I go to the uk, I just feel like the truly purpose me to the point where I genuinely believe in my heart that I definitely was either a soldier killed in a battle in the UK or I lived in the UK and I fought, fell off a dock. But I believe that at some point in my existence as a soul, I was in the uk. Okay, I believe it. Dude, I love it. I love the weather. I like. I love the people I liked. I actually like the food. People shit on the food. I'm like, I'm having great meals out here. I mean, I don't know why.

[B]

I see a lot of people shitting on UK food. And I mean, it's like anywhere else where if you're. If you're in Times Square and you try and get pizza and you just walk into the first pizza place, you'd be like, the pizza in New York?

[A]

Shit. Ye.

[B]

You'd be like, this is horrific.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you just need one person to go. Don't go there. Go there, right? And then the food's fucking great, dude.

[A]

The best pizza I've had, probably only other pizza I've had that's as good has been in New York was the pizza in Belfast.

[B]

Where did you go?

[A]

I've seen this place. Yeah, I've seen this place. Shout out flout in Belfast. That pizza, first of all, it's amazing. You go in and you're like, in Belfast. So it's like, you know, going down the street, you don't even think there'll be a pizzeria there. And then not only is there a pizzeria there, and the owner, I believe, is from Belfast himself. The guy is great. They're playing like Wu Tang and, like, New York rap. And you're like, am I home?

[B]

I'm home.

[A]

This guy's whipping up pizzas and you're like, dude, this is the best pizza I've ever flout. Pizza in Belfast, I'm telling you, dude, is probably the second best pizza I've ever had in my life. Outside Lucali's in Brooklyn, which is like, probably the number one pizzeria in the world.

[B]

Okay, I haven't been there yet.

[A]

Go to Lucali's in Brooklyn, so I.

[B]

Normally stay in Brooklyn. I'm staying in Brooklyn now, and Lindustries always being my go to.

[A]

That's great, too. I'm telling you. Go to Lucali's in Brooklyn. And it's, it's, it's exactly what you want. It's exactly what you want. It's a guy who fucking owns a pizzeria. That's amazing. That literally just, you know, did 15 years in prison and learned how to make pizza in prison.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's what you want.

[B]

So, yeah. So in all of the uk, like our sort of like night eats.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So in Liverpool there's a place called American Pizza Slice. And that's my favorite pizza in the city because it's New York style pizza. They also do Chicago and Detroit style now as well. Like that.

[A]

See that's funny that you're gonna say it's good because if I was in Europe and I saw something that said American Pizza Slice, I'd be like, I'm not going in there. It's a bad name for Americans.

[B]

Yeah, totally. I understand why you wouldn't go there. But it is, it, it's a New York style slice of pizza and you're not gonna get better than it in the uk. Like, it's not as good as Linda's. It's not.

[A]

But it is at the best in the uk. And I guess, you know what, if, honestly talking about it, if in England. I'm sorry, if in the United States there was a place that said, you know, you know, the name of the thing was, you know, fucking British mushy peas. I'd be like, I want to eat that. I want to go in British mushy pea. But you would say, I'm not eating that. Yeah, it's got it, it's got to be some other name like Chadwick's or something.

[B]

And this, this is the, I think the misconception like in the. Obviously we have our, we call them chippies, like fish and chip places.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But like in Liverpool, every single fish and chip place also does Chinese food. So Chinese is like a big, big, big part.

[A]

Not cooked by Chinese though, or they are cooked by the Chinese.

[B]

In Liverpool, every single member of staff in a fish and chip shop is Chinese. They got a contract a couple of hundred years ago.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And they're still fucking.

[A]

That's like Indian people here at Dunkin Donuts. It's just everybody at Dunkin Donuts is staffed to be Indian. Everyone at chippy shops in Liverpool are Chinese.

[B]

I had a bit, I, I put a special out in November and the, my favorite.

[A]

Where could people see it?

[B]

At YouTube.

[A]

YouTube.

[B]

Go to adamrozi.com haveaword pod. It's on the podcast.

[A]

Have a Word pod, baby. Biggest pod in the uk. That's right, motherfucker.

[B]

It's. It's well worth your time. And my favorite on the special, it's called what's Wrong with Me? But the favorite bit is about the Chinese trippies in the pill. Because.

[A]

Yeah, the.

[B]

The Chinese woman who works there. No, like, her accent is more like my little brothers than it is like mine. It's so thick. Wow. And fast and. Oh, I get. What. Watch ones. What are you having? Yeah, yeah, no worries. I get the kung pao chicken. Get your head right now. But then she speaks fluent Mandarin. Wow. She'll shout your order in Mandarin to the kitchen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's honest. Like, the juxtaposition. Of what? Of watching it talk to you and then to the Chinese people, it. It's fucking.

[A]

So she was born and raised in Liverpool then?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's what. Yeah. See, that always blows my mind, too, to see, like, an Asian person with, like, a Jamaican accent or. Because you don't expect it. It happened to me in. In Dublin. I went into Dublin. I love. I love sweets. I love muffins. I'm. Oh. When I come, like, even when I went to Liverpool, I forgot. But I was. I must have been asking, how do you get. Where are the best pastries? I want to find the pastry. She might have taken me there.

[B]

Out. It's near where she lives, actually. It's outside the city on the area I live in.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Next time you're back. Lunko.

[A]

Lunko. So. So we're always looking for pastries. Whatever. When we go to Dublin and we find this, you know, this. This muffin shop, and the guy is a Chinese guy, like, a full Chinese guy. And he looked like a Chinese from here, you know, Fucking full Chinese. You know, I love how that's.

[B]

To an American guy that's full Chinese. It looks like a Chinese from New York.

[A]

From a New York Chinese. He's a full Chinese guy, shaved head, you know, wearing jacket. Like, his colors don't match. Picking his nose, like, full Chinese. And you're like, this guy's undercover for the ccp. And so. And so I'm looking at him and I go, hey, buddy, can I get. Can I get a toasted muffin? And he's just like, look at me. And I'm expecting full. Just Chinese accent back. You know, how it being? You know. You know, whatever it is, and I love it. And I'm accepting. I love all Asian people. Yes. He would go like this. And so that's. And That's Chinese. But he said instead. He goes. And so I'm just waiting, I'm looking at him and he goes, would you like a bit of butter? And I was like, what?

[B]

He was Japanese all along?

[A]

Yeah. He goes, would you like a bit of butter? And I was like, holy shit, where are you from? And he was like, dublin. And I was like, wow, I didn't know they had you. And, and, and it just blows my mind. Like. You ever watched the Bob Marley documentary Bob Marlin? When they're talking to his family, he has a couple of members of his family, born and raised in Jamaica, that are fully white. Like as white as us. And then they just fuck. Are like, your Bob Marley me uncle Rasta boomba. And you're like, what? Come to Jamaica and feel alright? How many white people you think get off the plane in Jamaica and just sing that song? Hate these white devils. Dude, you got good hair. I'm trying to grow my hair like you, so it flips up in the back. Dude, I want to feel like just a medieval knight. Like, you got medieval night hair.

[B]

It's. It's an experiment that I started maybe a year ago. And everyone in my life's like, oh, it looks so much better. And I don't know, like, sometimes I look at it and I'm like, it's good. And then other times I'm just like, it looks like real scruffy.

[A]

When you wake up, does your hair look wild in the morning?

[B]

Fucking insane.

[A]

Yeah, me too. That. That's the thing. When I wake up. When I wake up, my hair is like covering my ears. Like, like almost like a. Like a Princess Leia. Like, I look like a trans person. I literally, I look fully trans when my hair. In the morning.

[B]

Well, I'm a bad, like hypochondriac. Like super bad health anxiety. So when I wake up sometimes and my hair's covering me ears, I just think I've gone really, you know, when I wake up and it's like a muffled sound, I've gone deaf.

[A]

Shit. That's it. Wait, what did. What made you decide to start growing out your hair?

[B]

You know what it was? I did a show with a friend of mine who, he's been doing comedy like a little longer than I have. Like, you know, he's been going about 15 years.

[A]

You're 15 years in 14. 14. So what was that, 2009. 10. I started 2009.

[B]

Yeah, 27th of June, 2010.

[A]

Have a word.

[B]

The day Germany knocked England out of the World Cup.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

And the show was 32 people. 28 of them were my friends and family, and two of them were Hungarian tourists who thought they were going into a nightclub. Fucking wild.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, yeah, I did a show with a friend of mine and I sat down in the green room, and he just goes to me, and he wasn't, like, joking. He just goes, do you think you're always gonna have that haircut? And I was like, what do you mean? He goes, I've just known you like 14 years and you just always had that fucking haircut. Yeah, and I just went away and I was like. I thought about it and I was like, I wouldn't wonder if everyone is thinking this.

[A]

That was actually the thing. That was actually the thing about you. When I first heard about you a couple years ago, they were like, isn't that the kid that's at the same fucking haircut for 20 years in the UK?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. But now. But I like that. Bluechew. Thank you for sponsoring this episode and my boner, guys. Bluechew wants to get those penises rock hard, folks. Everybody loves a rock hard penis. I want to see your rock hard penis, Blue Chew. Same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, Levitra. Blue chew tablets are made right here in the usa. So nothing is better than a freedom boner. I mean, every time I take a Blue chew, my dick's red, white, and blue. Here's the thing, the best part, it's all done online, okay? That means no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. You take them anytime, day or night. So you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises. Bluechew wants men rock hard. They told me that's the mission. They will not stop until every man is bricked up like a brick shithouse. Till every tent is pitched, till every rod is raised. Discover your [e-mail] I really, really, really want to see those rock hard penises, fellas. So. Or if you've transitioned and you have a penis now, if you have a penis attached to your body and it's getting rock hard with bluechew, I want you to send that to me, okay? And we've got a special deal. Deal for our audience. Try BlueChew free. Just pay $5 shipping at checkout when you visit BlueChew.com that's BlueChew.com to receive your first month free. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring Chrissy Chaos and sponsoring my boner. February 14th 15th, I will be working on my new hour at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco. That's NBA All Star Weekend. So you know we all getting AIDS up in that motherfucker. March 14th, Tampa, Florida. I'll be at the Tampa Theater. Tampa, Tony will be there. If you want to get tickets to that show, get them now. The show is almost sold out because you know Tampa Tony is going to be there with diabetes socks pulled up to his nutsack. March 15, Plaza Live, Orlando, Florida. I'm going to be up in that bitch with goofy ears then. March 30th, Providence, Rhode island, at the Veterans Memorial Auditorium. Go to chrisdcomedy.com you know me, I'm Chrissy the Colonist. Chrissy Northeast. So you know those shows will sell out. I want you to get tickets now. Go to ChrisDComedy.com and we are adding more dates, we are adding more cities. But come the big dates, you got to think about. January 18th, live history hyenas podcast, Washington, D.C. february 14th 15th. Happy Valentine's Day. San Francisco cops comedy club. I'm kissing the whole front row on the lips. March 14th, Tampa, Florida. My dad's compression socks. March 15th, Orlando, Florida Plaza Live. Last time I was in Disney, I got an STD. March 30, Providence, Rhode Island. Chrissy Clamchowder, Christy Comedy dot com. Come see it. I'm engaged now. My life's over. ABC Wednesdays, Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[B]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out.

[A]

What the rest of my life looks like. So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird.

[B]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversation.

[A]

The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each.

[B]

Other like rational adults?

[A]

If you watch the news lately, that's not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 8, 7 Central on ABC.

[B]

And stream on Hulu.

[A]

I feel like it's more. You look good with a hat on. Now you, you've reached the level now that that phase where it's awkward now it just looks good. I fucking have to gel my hair back and I mean, I look like an asshole. Veto. Should I cut my hair, yes or no?

[B]

I've been.

[A]

I like the long hair. I think you should go in. I want it to get long as hell, right? I want you to have hair like I used to have down here, down here. John. What do you say? Because John. See, John, if you look at John, he's got a curly fro. That's what I want. Like his curls up in the back. He's got wavy hair. My hair is pinned straight like a Chinese girl. See, yours is wavy, though. You have any product in?

[B]

A little bit of product.

[A]

A little bit of product.

[B]

So I really.

[A]

Yeah, that's the thing. As. Even though you're like a manly guy from Liverpool and say, oh, I got a neck accent from Brooklyn, if you're doing comedy, we're just a little gay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A little bit of sugar in our tanks.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I've seen three musicals like.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. I saw. I saw the Play that Goes Wrong a couple of days. I'm going to plays now. Have you seen that play that? I loved it. Yeah, I saw it. Did you like it? Yeah. You ever see the Play that Goes Wrong? Let me tell you the Play that Goes Wrong. It was an unbelievable play. It starts off, you don't know what's happening, and then you're like, wow, this is getting good. But then I had to leave at intermission because my fucking babysitter needed me to get the kids. But. So I didn't actually see the second half of the play, but I did like the first. I can tell you that one. I can tell you that one half of the play that goes wrong is nuts. Can you tell me what happens in the second half? I don't remember. I saw it years ago.

[B]

But it's great.

[A]

I spoke to somebody this weekend who saw it and they told me it's so, like, incredibly immersive that like, she was sitting in the balcony and can see the crew and the crew throughout the show is just like swiping through Tinder and like scrolling on Instagram to like, really be in the aspect of like, we're not paying attention right now. Wow, that's. Yeah, dude. They were doing crowd work before the show, right? Yeah. Even during the show. Yeah, even during the show. I was like, holy shit.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah. They were like. And I was like. I was like. I mean, it's so funny that, like, no matter what kind of medium you're in, stand up comedy or a Broadway play, crowd work crushes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I mean, far and away the biggest laughs from the first half of the play that I saw was the crowd work when they went into the crowd. And I could tell that some of it was prepared bits. But the audience, it's almost like it's a double edged sword to be a comic. Because it's very difficult to just sit back and relax and laugh.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

From a. For to be cathartic, to like get off your chest. Because every time, like even in this play, you know, my girl's laughing the crowd and I'm telling him like that's a crowd work bit. And she's like, just, will you watch the play?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. We're the worst people in the wild. Yeah.

[A]

But dude, that's bullshit. Like that literally is bullshit. And she's like, honey, just watch the play. And then there was one thing that he did where I was like, okay, I think he may have actually just riffed that. And then. So I was, then instead of enjoying it, I'm like, that was a good riff. And then, and then you start to self implode. You're like, why don't I riff like that? I should be a better riffer. I mean this guy's fucking Broadway gay actor and he's better riffer than me. And you know, and so you just can't enjoy comedy at all. That's why I think personally for me the most enjoyment comes from either watching sports or watching history. I like history so much because I think. Cause I can control it in my mind. It's in the past because comedy just doesn't work for me. Like I would. I respect comedians. I'm like, that guy's really funny. But they don't do anything for me cathartically.

[B]

So yeah, I was, I was talking to Dan, who's the co host of our show about this recently and like, for me, like my fate, my favorite comics, I don't laugh at the ones that I think are the best at it. I appreciate what they're doing rather than. But then like I'll watch like a Brian Regan clip.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

And I'm just like, he's not someone I like talk about when people like, ooh, the best comics in the world. But I think he must be because every time I watch a clip I'm fucking dying. Because it's silly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's what makes me laugh. Yeah, it's fucking silliness. But like I, it's like I almost don't have the same level of respect as I do for like something that like Bill Baird will do where it's.

[A]

Like, yeah, yeah, because I know exactly me because like even that's funny you mentioned Brian Regan. Because there are times where I'll be like on the subway or like just dozing off or whatever. And I'll think of a Brian Regan bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I will just laugh. So maybe I should take it back because maybe a comic like Brian Regan actually does help me. Yeah, like, just laugh because he saw his bit. One of his favorite bits. I may have said this on the show. Ready for one of his favorite one. And I think it'll make sense to you here in the US but it. He goes, he goes, you know, he's fucking jumping around, you know, whatever, do this thing. And he goes, he goes, I want to. I want to. I want to open up a second NBA franchise in Miami. Do you know this bit? He goes, I want to open up a second NBA franchise in Miami. He was like, just so at the press conference, when they go, brian, what's the name of your new franchise in Miami? He's going to go, well, it's not the heat, it's the humidity. It's just a laugh. It's just a joke that, you know. And I. I'm like, even now, like, I know the punch up, but sometimes I'll just put it's not the heat, it's the humidity in YouTube and just watch it and laugh and then move on with my day. So I actually take back everything I just said in the past 10 minutes of this podcast. That comedy is cathartic for me. And the answer to that is Brian Regan.

[B]

Well, I'm glad we went through that.

[A]

Thank you. Yeah, I'm very quick to capitulate. I am Chrissy capitulation. I am very. That's why I feel like I ever went through a divorce. Like, she would just.

[B]

She got everything.

[A]

Everything. But even if we had a prenup, because I was just like, well, if one minute of pushback, I'd be, take it. Just take, you know what I'm wrong. Take. Know why I am the way I am. Like, I. I am so quick to give everything up. I mean, absolutely, immediately, we are the opposite. We've talked about this on the show before, but, like, I had like a dope home on Staten Island. Great price, great mortgage rate, great everything. And I mean, I literally had. I mean, it was five minutes of one random day where I was like, maybe I should sell my house. And then all I needed was one person say, that's probably a good idea. And then I just fully sold it. So. But, like, it was. Most people would have said, of course you're not going to do that. But I did it. And so I. There's something wrong with my fucking brain where I can't stop it. Once the Thought starts growing. I can't. I just can't stop it. And I just keep going. How did the inspection go? We are not getting the house on Staten Island. Yeah. Yes. That house is out.

[B]

You're trying to buy somewhere else now.

[A]

I was going to try to buy another house on Staten island, and here's the reason. No, it's a good reason, actually. I believe, actually, we made a better choice. We made a good choice. We inspected this home on Staten island that we were going to go live in. We were happy to see it. It's beautiful back. Nice backyard. No pool. Very important for us to have a pool only because our kids love it. Our kids. Some people are like, I would never have a pool. The fucking maintenance. You only get it three months a year. And I'm like, I get that. But my kids want to be in the pool. They're Puerto Rican. They live in the water. They're like fucking the avatars that live in the water. So that. So. So I need my kids to just be swimming at all times so they love it. And I'll heat that fucking pool 12 months a year because that's where Puerto Ricans thrive. I've known them for 10 years. They're good in the water. That's. As a matter of fact, when they start failing, when they're not doing good in school, I just throw them in the water. They do better. They're like chia pets. So they grow. So we. So this. This. This place. So this place that we got, beautiful view, gorgeous. This land that we wanted to put a pool in. The inspector is like, hey, you know, you could probably put a pool. And he goes, but there isn't. Small issue. And I was like, what? He goes, there's a pond underneath this grass. So the grass, they just, you know, they just. They just put dirt over a pond. Yeah, so that's why they don't have a pool there. He's not telling you that. But that is the reason why they don't have a pool there. I'm almost guaranteeing. He said, so the money, it's going to. So what you have to do is obviously dig for the pool, then drain this pond and then put a titanium basin in, which costs a lot of money. And then put the pool. Basically put a pool inside of a.

[B]

Pool, and you can't afford that. And a trip to the fucking super.

[A]

Bowl, it's one or the other. And I looked the kids in the eyes and I said, kids, we picked John. And so. And so. So we couldn't do It. And then there's this. There was like this land that came with the house that we were like, oh, well, we had these. Oh, maybe we could sell it. Maybe we can build a house in there. And the inspector's like, yeah, more bad news. This land is in a certain type of permit zone that you have to put up retaining walls and then exfil the land and then remove this invasive species plant called Japanese knotweed, which is covered in that. He was like, so you're looking at a lot of money to do all that. And so I was like, all right, well, then I shouldn't get the house then. He was like, listen, I only. I'm, you know, I'm not your dad. He was like, but I will tell you that, because he's an older guy, he was like, if you were my son, I would say, don't buy this house at this price. There's a reason why it's sitting on the market for so long, because it's beautiful, it has a view of the city. So you're like, why is this. How. Why is this house been on the market for a year?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, because the guy wants a really high number and you got a lot of problems. So now we've. We've backed out of that, but then we've immediately put an offer in on a home on Long island that we haven't even looked at. We just look nice on Zillow and that's the show. Put an offer in without looking at it. No, no, you can't do that.

[B]

I had an offer accepted on a house a couple of weeks ago, so I went and. But here's the thing. I'm really happy with it and it's where I want to be and it's a lovely house and it's the right size and all this sort of stuff. But I. I'd seen another house a couple of weeks before and I bid for it and then they came. I don't know whether you do this in the us, but seven people had bid for the house.

[A]

So we call those. In the us, we call those people that bid for the house Chinese. Do they have all cash? Because that's what the Chinese do here. They just fucking buy everything in cash and you cannot compete with them.

[B]

They went to it. Went to what they call best and final.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So it's like you put whatever your maximum bid is and we'll see how you get on. So the house was up for 325,000, right.

[A]

Pounds.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which, who knows what that is In American, there's 450, right. If you'd say so.

[B]

And I went to 3, 5 2. Because in my head I was like right someone's gonna go to 350 if they really want it, right. So that means if someone's clever they'll go three five one and I'm gonna out clever them and go three five two. Long story short someone went three six five. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So then I go to this other house and it was up for 340 and the guy shown me round was the owner of the house.

[A]

Now is this a good price house for Liverpool? Is the housing market our houses astronomically high? Is this a normal price house? What? Wow.

[B]

How is it so Liverpool? Like although people are starting to move there, it's not like, like they're more expensive than they were five years ago by quite a bit. But like it, it's, that is so like I'm buying a three bedroom house for 300.

[A]

That's fucking amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, like a house like that house in London is a million bucks. Yeah.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Over.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. Maybe I got to move to Liverpool. Could that be the answer? Could I get my kids to school in Queens if we lived in Liverpool?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. We just got, if I just got a bunch of British Airway buddy passes. What do you do about the bagel shops? That's right. Do you have a bagel shop in Liverpool?

[B]

We do have a bagel shop. It's called Bagel Ry and they've got two locations.

[A]

Interesting. Yeah. How far from your house can you walk there?

[B]

I could walk in about 40 minutes. I could drive in five.

[A]

I can't do it. Then I got to be able to. I got to be 10 minutes or under a bagel.

[B]

Bagels are just a bit fucking overrated maybe. Yeah.

[A]

Is that anti Semitic? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You know you don't think that what you move because you like bagels so much. I do love bagels. Yeah but you didn't even. You said bagels are overrated just now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because I'm capitulating.

[B]

I just think they're good, they're just better.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So okay, so. So, so now you're in a 340. 340000 pounds which is allegedly 420 something, thousand American. But we have not from.

[B]

I, I viewed the whole house and I liked it. And the guy showed me around the house. He wasn't like the, the estate agent or the realtor. He was the guy who owns the house.

[A]

They call real estate agents, estates agents. They drop the real.

[B]

Yeah, I like that.

[A]

If I was a real estate agent here in the us, I would say, no, I'm an estates agent. Because the real. Real estate. Drop real. I'm an estates agent. I like that, dude. Okay.

[B]

And I went to the guy, I was like, have you had any offers on the house? And he goes, yeah. And I was like, is there a price I could give you now, right, where you would just take this off the market and just give me it?

[A]

Smart.

[B]

And he goes, I don't know, maybe. And like, I was like, is this guy playing hardball or is he just never sold a house before? Like, I don't know.

[A]

Yes. He's just setting you up for a gay porn.

[B]

So I was like, it was up to 340. And I went, I'll give you 350. And he goes, done, done. And he goes, right, and he's got a dog. And he literally immediately shakes my hand and immediately turns to his dog and goes, min, we're going the pub. And I was like, yeah, there's no way anyone else has offered anywhere near 340. Yeah, he's taking his dog for a celebratory pint.

[A]

He would have given it to you for 320. You better fucking hope that Patreon keeps going up now. You just overpaid £40,000. But you're in now, though.

[B]

It's in the process.

[A]

Congrats, man. Is that your first home?

[B]

It'll be the first one I've owned. I've got. I've had, like, one little problem since. And of course, it happened when I was on the plane from fucking Manchester to. In that. The house my little brother lives in my name.

[A]

The kid who. We don't know what he's saying ever.

[B]

No.

[A]

Can't understand a word.

[B]

He can. My name is on the lease and everything because it, like, my credit's never been great, but his credit is just. They wouldn't even give him a bin bag to sleep in, right? So he hadn't paid his water bill, but it was in my name. So they put like a mark on my credit file. So the people who have given me the mortgage was like, oh, there's a new mark on the credit file. And I was like, it's nothing to do with me. So I had to ring the water company. I was like, I've told you, I don't live there anymore.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they were like, yeah, but no one else has told us they live there, so we have to send it to you. I was like, no, that's not. I haven't lived there for two years. Yeah, like, go and knock on the door and someone answered it and it won't be me. Right, so it's been a. Yeah, but.

[A]

So, but so you'll get through that. And then you're gonna move in with the missus. Is it your home?

[B]

She will move in a bit. We only been together about six months, but she lives nearby and.

[A]

Six months, dude, are you kidding me? By the time I knew my girl for six months, we already had a kid. We actually almost had news for you there. Yeah, dude, yeah. No, it's my kid. It was born premature. It was born premature and it was already three years old. But it's my kid.

[B]

She'll move in definitely. Eventually. It won't be too long.

[A]

And you're gonna. What about your roommate that you're living with now, Your housemate?

[B]

They're gonna stay where they are actually in the flat that we're in for now. So one of my roommates was. Was also looking to buy at the same time, but we've, like, me and him are really good friends and we've had the opportunity to invest in a bar. So he's putting all of his money into the bar rather than into a house, and he's going to continue renting for a bit.

[A]

What about. Does his new house have an island kitchen?

[B]

It doesn't, but it does have a really nice yard. And I want to get a dog and I need a yard that the dog can piss.

[A]

Do you think it has a pond under the yard?

[B]

I'd be very surprised.

[A]

Do people have pools in the UK or. That's just not something even the richest person would even think about having an outdoor pool in a place called Liverpool.

[B]

So the. You're talking like the top 10, 5 to 10% of people might have a.

[A]

Pool because it's really. It's because in England, I mean, it really just does not get warm enough, even in the summer.

[B]

Enough days, we get maybe a month of like 20 to 26 degrees Celsius.

[A]

We don't want that. You got to do Fahrenheit for us, babe. We don't know. Come on, dude, I don't know what you're talking about.

[B]

70.

[A]

Is that official, though? Because. Is that. How much is 26 degrees? 20 sounds fucking cold to me, dude. I'm not getting the pool.

[B]

I think 70 Fahrenheit is about 21.

[A]

I think 21 degrees, dude. It's 7. 26 Celsius is 78. So 78 degrees Fahrenheit. That's your hottest day.

[B]

That's like, cancel work. We're going the beach.

[A]

Wow. So it would be freezing in the pool. Because I feel like for us, we're getting in the pool if it's like 85 or up. So like 30 Celsius, I guess. Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So no. So that's the thing. Even like the. The football players and the big actors and actresses, they. There's no point for a pool.

[B]

They'll have an indoor pill.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

They'll have a. Like a. Like a. Like a. Basically like a big conservatory or extension on the house.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And the pool will be in there.

[A]

In there. And then they could, if they wanted to, when it gets really hot, they can take the top off or something like that.

[B]

Maybe. Yeah.

[A]

Wow. That's. What a different life. Because I would be. I would be considering different homes if my family didn't need to just live in water. Yeah, I just have a water family.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Your water people. I mean, you're from England.

[B]

Yeah. What's a water people?

[A]

Like, just people like. I just feel Puerto Ricans because they just live on an island. They're just from the sea.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I. I like water, sure. But, like, it's just. It's never. This is a cultural difference, Chris. You know, we're just.

[A]

You just pop yourself in a bathtub and you're like, it's fine.

[B]

I fucking love a bath.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I've got a Chandler Bing themed rubber duck. Me and him love a little bubble bath together.

[A]

But a big yard is important for people from. From.

[B]

Yeah, because, like, even the, like the backyard I grew up with. And the. What the. The yard I'm about to have is relative. It's about the size of this room, maybe so. And the yard.

[A]

The yard is as big as this room, maybe sick.

[B]

But like, the. We. We had a bit of a garden where I grew up and, you know, we'd put like a football goal up and I'd, like, play football with me dad in the background and stuff.

[A]

But like a fucking. But there are people in England that have, like, apps like, where does Ricky Gervais live? He's gotta have a big backyard.

[B]

Yeah. He lives. I think he lives in Hampstead in, like, North London. So he'll have a fucking. Yeah, he'll have a garden.

[A]

Because in England. And I tried to talk to Russell Howard about this, but he just kept. He just kept telling us that. What did he. What did. He kept calling penguins business? Geese. Yeah, he kept just saying that the Chinese called penguins. Business geese. I was like, I'm asking about the economy of England. And so. And so he was great. And so.

[B]

But that's Russell being like, I've thought of a joke and I'm gonna make sure the edit.

[A]

He just kept telling us. He just kept telling us he looked like a German lesbian. And we were like, dude, we love it. And so, but so. Because I was interested because when I was there with Hattie, our girl, you know, she was saying like that the even like the way comics think in America is different than the US in the sense that like, you know, you guys want to do. If you sell out, you'll do three shows in a night. Money, money, show shows. But she was like, us, it's like, definitely do the show, sell out, God willing, make money. But we also take it to account. Like, you want to go to the pub with your friends after the show. Like, there's a little bit of. She was like, not everything has to be bigger and better here, but in the US it does. Do you agree with that or is how he just a stupid girl? It's got a small braid.

[B]

Can both things be true?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

In the uk, I think the biggest difference there is that like, whenever I do like a big show, if I do like my, like the final night of my UK tour was Liverpool hometown.

[A]

Which venue?

[B]

The Arena. The Ms. Banker.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But like, I was just as much looking forward to the after party, which I booked like the upstairs of a pub. I had like my friends who are musicians, they did some live music for us, just like 55 pints of Guinness and just like a great night. So, yeah, maybe there's a thought towards the social side of it as well. But like, everyone is constantly chasing like the bigger room and the next bigger tour and whatever. What I think is the biggest difference between the top level of comic in the US and in the uk, because I think we've got some great comics.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But like, often, like a comic in the UK will finish their tour, film their special or their DVD or whatever it is, and then they'll take a year off or six months off and they just, they won't do stand up for a year.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Whereas, like, I remember when, when Bill Bear did Paper Tiger in London.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I remember seeing like 10 days or two weeks later, like the Comedy Store in LA put like a picture up and he's like on stage with like scraps of paper. And I was like, they just start again.

[A]

Yeah, you.

[B]

You want to stay fit, you want to be in and Also, like last night I did New York Comedy Club and Paul Vezi was on. Sure. It was Paul Vezia and Giannis.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, I was at the other New York Comedy Club. Yeah, look at that.

[B]

It was. I was like, in the uk, club lineups don't have comics like that on even midweek. Like, people who've got like a name and can sell tickets and I've got like a big podcast and stuff. Like, it's changing a little bit now, but, like, the real big names in comedy just don't really go and work out at the clubs.

[A]

They only go on their road weekends type thing.

[B]

So, like, when they're ready to start, like, try a new material, they'll book like a small theater or we call them art centers. And like, they'll sell tickets to their. To their mailing list. They'll be like, let's say this is someone who can sell like a 2000 seat.

[A]

Like a Russell Howard.

[B]

Yeah. So he'll book like a. A 150 seat theater and it'll sell out in seconds, and he'll go and try his new material to his fans. And I think eventually that makes you a worse comic.

[A]

Sure. That the, The. The mindset in America would be just the opposite. Like Russell Howard or, you know, Ramesh was on. Those guys sold out the arenas. If the guys at their level here, like Jim Gaffigan. I just was with Jim. Jim Gaffigan just put a special out on Hulu last month. Mine comes out February 21st on Hulu. It's called. It's just unfortunate. And so. And it's hilarious. So. So I legally have to say that. So. So. But anyway, Jim Gaffigan, you know, I was gonna go on, and he was like, oh, Chris, can I just do 10 minutes? I'm just working on new stuff. And he had a. And he. This guy just put his special out, I mean, two months ago, and he had two printed out pages with, like highlighters and notes all over, and he just ripped like 15 new minutes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Killed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like. And I. When he came off, I was like, are you already got the next special? He was like, I got about 50 minutes. I was like, so what? I just talked to him for a second. I was like, so wait, so what is your. Because I did my. I. My special is coming out in February, but I filmed it in March of last year. So I'm like, you know, I have like maybe 15 new minutes. And he was like. He was like, oh, yeah. My rule is when I film my special I have to have at least half of the new special done or I won't film the other one.

[B]

Fuck, yeah, that. Yeah. That's just an another level of elite mentality, isn't it? Like, I.

[A]

Wait, no, was it Jim Gaffigan that said that? I saw. I was with Jim Gaffigan last night. Who fucking said that? Was it Ricky Velez?

[B]

He's great, by the way.

[A]

Maybe it was Ricky.

[B]

I work with him the other night. Oh, yeah, he's fucking so funny.

[A]

He's good. And he's. He's, you know, one of those. He's also half Puerto Rican. Yeah, Ricky Velez, but he's not. He's not a water Puerto Rico.

[B]

What's the difference?

[A]

Because he's half white and half Puerto Rican, so the whiteness. He doesn't like the water and the sun as much as my. Like, my family are full, like, full Puerto Ricans. Like, when my daughter was born, when my daughters were born, they asked me right away, they're like, it's what? Because my wife was passed out because she doesn't want to use any medicine or anything, so she just went old school, you know, fucking 1500. Just gave birth, no epidural, so she passed out from pain. And they said, what nationality is she? I said, she's Puerto Rican. And then they came with a bowl, and they just put my kid in the bowl because they were like, okay, so she's got to stay in this. And then every other kid was in a bassinet, but my kid was literally in, like, a big. Like, a goldfish bowl, and it was just swimming around because that's how she survived. And my daughter's constantly, like. She has a constant, like, an IV of water.

[B]

So that makes them full Puerto Rican.

[A]

Yes, they're of the water.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

And Ricky is. Ricky is dry. He's what we call a dry Puerto Rican.

[B]

I'm learning so much, right?

[A]

I just made it up, so. But, dude, you bought a house, you got the biggest pod in. In. In the uk. You're from fucking Liverpool. You do in the arena, you growing your hair out. You might get married, your brother's, you know, finally getting his life together. It seems the fucking bindi is put the green room up. You go into Austin, you finding ways to get cheap flights. You're just killing it, dude. I mean, what else do you want? You're here for the inauguration of President Trump.

[B]

I'm gonna be in Texas for it.

[A]

You're gonna be in Texas for the inauguration of president. I mean, dude, what a Life.

[B]

I'm excited.

[A]

How great are you?

[B]

I'm great.

[A]

Do you feel positive about your life?

[B]

I love the teeth. Yeah. They're not like.

[A]

Are they fake?

[B]

Well, they're. It's. They call it composite bond. And so I had, like, braces and they straighten it and then they were like, we're just gonna, like, go around. Paint the edge of your teeth and make them.

[A]

Yeah. Like, Dan Soder got a hair replacement. Like, he.

[B]

I would do that immediately, by the way.

[A]

Yeah. And he calls them hair tits. He goes hair tits. Which I thought was hilarious. But you got maybe up some teeth tips. Yeah.

[B]

So take, like, everyone in the UK normally goes to Turkey to get their teeth or their hair done. That's, like, the place.

[A]

Us too. They're going to eat Turkey. Everybody's going to Turkey now.

[B]

Yeah. Because they have the best doctors for the best surgeons. And it's the cheapest. Whereas. And.

[A]

But you don't need that, dude, you're flowing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your hair is good, dude.

[B]

My granddad had, like, long, dark hair until he was like, 75, and then he went gray and that was it. And I was like, I'll. Yeah, sign up for that right now.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, I'll take everything else.

[A]

Yeah, dude, it's flowing, dude. Veto. Vito's got good hair, too, but he's got a hat on.

[B]

Turkey is completely. We owe a lot to take in the uk. All of our hair, all of our teeth. Well, I nearly got around to this before, but, like, on night eats, like, you guys have, like, late night pizza or maybe Chinese food or whatever. A lot of our Chinese restaurants, which is our. In my opinion, is all, like, our food. Like, that's ours.

[A]

And you own the Chinese.

[B]

Yeah, that's ours. But they. They'll be shut, like, 10, 11. Whereas, like, at like, 2:00am, when you're, like, stumbling out of a bar or whatever, every, like, takeout place is Turkish or Kurdish or something like this.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

So they do kebabs, but they also all do pizza. So most of the pizza in the UK is made by Turkish people.

[A]

And it's good.

[B]

It's fine.

[A]

It's good enough.

[B]

It's fine. And it's open.

[A]

Yes, that's all. Especially when you're drunk, 2am Is it true. One last thing. Is it true that in England if you, like, have a drinking problem and you go to aa, that's like, gay. And people don't, like. It's like, that's not like, they're not giving, like, a badge of honor. Like, you wouldn't be public and be like, I'm sober 10 years. They'd be like, what are you doing?

[B]

Yes. Like, my mum died from alcoholism. She drank two bottles of vodka every single day for 22 years.

[A]

Right.

[B]

No new liver. Just like the same fucking one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's one of the best to ever do it.

[A]

Yeah, right. She's one of that. And she just. And people were almost like proud of what she was able to do.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[A]

And of course she died, but it's like. That's like that. Yeah, but you're fucking swinging though. Yeah. You're living the life.

[B]

I mean, she wasn't like.

[A]

So, so, so she. Because, because it was fascinating to me where, like. Because people drink a lot younger. You start drinking at what, 16 in the UK? Like, well, you know, 13, 14.

[B]

Yeah, even that's like, come on.

[A]

You would get. Honestly, if you, you would give. I had a 10 year old son, you'd give him a beer in the uk, no problem.

[B]

Yeah, I think, I think I was probably 10, 11 when my dad first gave me a beer, but I probably had one before that, so.

[A]

And then on top of that, you guys don't really drive drunk that much either.

[B]

No, that's really become frowned upon.

[A]

Right.

[B]

In like the last, like 20 years. So 20, 30 years ago, I'm led to believe it was like, ah, don't get caught. And then there was a huge campaign because people kept like doing it really drunk and killing people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they were like, hey, we probably got to stop this.

[A]

And now it's like the country listens though. They follow the rules in the uk. Yeah.

[B]

I mean that's. Yeah, they fuck. They, they. They've really done well with that one. That's been a huge change. Like in my lifetime, the sort of social attitude towards drink driving has gone from you couldn't do it to no, don't do that.

[A]

So, like in the uk, well, like the police, like you just randomly get pulled over and like the cops assert a lot of authority or. It's not really like that there.

[B]

I've. The only time I've ever been pulled over by the police is I. A light was switching to red and instead of slowing down, I sped up to go through it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the police guy followed me and he was like, what happened back there? And I just went, you know, I just fucking wanted to get home quicker. And he was like, just don't do that. And I was like, okay, so no.

[A]

Ticket, no threatening to jail. So you are not threatened in the UK by like the police can just arrest you at any time. It's not like that. They wouldn't do that. They. You. They really do feel like citizens that just have a badge type thing.

[B]

Yes and no. I mean, like, it. It's a completely different relationship to what, like, you guys have with the police over there. But, like. Yeah, you're brought up, like, especially where I'm from, like a working class, like, council estates in Liverpool. There's no respect for the police.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's sort of like, if the police come and, like, sort of try and. You know, because when I was in like, like, groups of my mates when we were, like, teenagers and stuff, sometimes the police would be like, hey, what's going on over here? Yeah, you'd just be taking the piss out of them. You'd be laughing and like. Right, yeah.

[A]

Should we leave that part in? All right, take that. Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, adam Rose, Mom. I don't give a fuck. No. So we could take that part out, but leave the other stuff in. But, yeah, dude, I get. Yeah. Because I feel like I've been thinking about that, like, as I get older, where it's like, we're always kind of worried. No matter what race religion you are, we're always worried about, like, you know, if the cops pull you over, like, you're gonna probably get a ticket. And then at any moment, they just be like, you're going to jail. Like, there is a bit of a threat of that in the us. Not that bad. That bad. But there is always a threat. Like, you can get arrested for really anything in this country. Like, if you were jaywalking, you could technically get arrested. Right. I feel like in other countries that they wouldn't. It takes a bit to arrest you. They don't really. They don't. Look, they're not trying to fill a quota, the UK police, to put people in prison.

[B]

No. So around Christmas time, a lot more people get pulled over then because, like, we. We all drink a lot, all of the time in the uk, but around Christmas, people, you know, they'll be shopping, buying people gifts for Christmas, and then they'll bump into a friend and they'll go and have like four or five drinks. And then it's like, oh, now I've got to drive home and I better be careful. So that. And the police are aware of that. So they will just randomly pull people over a lot more around Christmas and be like, I'm gonna breathalyze you, because, you know, you swerved around that last corner.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Well, how the Else am I meant to take a corner? Yeah, like people do get in a lot more trouble around Christmas.

[A]

But do you feel like, how many days in a row do you think, what's the longest streak you've ever had in your life where you've had at least one sip of alcohol in a row? How many days? I mean, a month, 30 days in a row?

[B]

Yeah. Probably the Edinburgh Festival.

[A]

Right? Everyday drinking.

[B]

Yeah, because when you.

[A]

And by the way, it wasn't just one drink you were having, like in that 30 days, you might have had 3,000 drinks.

[B]

Well, that would be a hundred a day.

[A]

Just saying, dude, look at your mom.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

For context, he's asking this because he drank a glass of wine every day for 30 days and he thought he was becoming an alcoholic. I thought I was an alcoholic.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Now that would just be, that would just be, that would be a small gay woman in the uk.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, there's women in the UK who do that as like, like this is medicine.

[A]

This is pregnant women. That's funny. Pregnant women.

[B]

Yeah, but, yeah, like this is good for me.

[A]

So, so, okay, so like since you've been in the us, have you. Do you mostly drink beers?

[B]

Yeah, so in the, in the uk I mostly pretty much exclusively drink Guinness.

[A]

But, so then, but why are you, how are you not £400? Most people in the UK, you don't see these big fucking fatties like you see here in the us you just see these fucking fatties. Yeah, but you don't see that as much in the uk. But yet you're drinking so much beer. So is it not the beer that makes you fat?

[B]

Well, like there's 200 calories in a Guinness, so if I have like eight of them and then just don't eat for the day, then I'm in a calorie deficit.

[A]

It's true. And by the way, you've done that many times in your life where you have not had one bite of food.

[B]

No, like I'll have a, I'll have a bite of food. But.

[A]

Yeah, but, but see, for me, it's like if I'm gonna drink all that beer, I just get hungry and I eat non stop. But you don't do that. You just drink the beer. You don't eat it.

[B]

Really let the day go. The day can really get away from you right at the end. Like if you've had like a load. If you've had 12 pints and you're hammered and someone's like, should we go Get Chinese food. And then you just like. There'll be a table, there'll be three of us. It's this big. It's full of food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just eat until you.

[A]

But nobody eats. You've never seen portions and food, though, like you see here in the us.

[B]

No, no. So your portions are bigger the way you cook the food. There's just more calories in your food. So if you want to be fattier, and I truly believe that, like, to be as fast as your fattest fatties are, you have to really want it.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like that. Not like the orcas, like that. That's not an accident like that. They're committed.

[A]

They want it.

[B]

Yeah, they fucking want it. And if you want it, then this is the place to do it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because the portion sizes are insane. The calories within the portion sizes are also insane.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know, we love drinking so much in the UK that we sort of accommodate it into our calculation for how many calories we should be consuming. Like, I hired a personal trainer and I was like, hey, look, once a week, once a week I'm gonna go out and put 10 pints away. I'm just gonna do that. And he's like, cool, well, that's 2,000 calories. So that means, you know you're meant to have 14,000 calories for the week, right? To be in a calorie deficit. So you can only have 12,000 of food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's how much you've got for food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like weekly basis. And that's how we accommodate you having. And 10 pints of Guinness when Liverpool play on a Saturday.

[A]

And it's been working. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. See, I don't get drunk enough. That's the thing is like, you, Adam, you have it set up where you say, I'm not getting drunk every day, but one day a week I'm gonna get fucking hammered and then wake up.

[B]

Ten pints is not fucking hammered. Ten pints is like.

[A]

Like you're not even over.

[B]

The next day I. I'd feel 10, got it. The next day I'd be like, oh, I had a drink yesterday, right? 14plus is like hangover, right? And I think like, you know, if Liverpool play at 12:30 and we win and it's a big game if we're playing Everton or Manchester United, if we play 12:30 and we beat them, I could be, you know, in the pub for 11:30. I've already been for breakfast. So from 11:30 onwards, you're drinking and I could easily be out until 2.

[A]

3Am, just constantly drinking the entire time. The only thing you ate was breakfast.

[B]

Yeah. And you might stop for a bit of lunch.

[A]

Right? You might stop for a chippy.

[B]

Chippy.

[A]

Wow. So. So that's amazing to me. I just. What I'm realizing is I need to kind of carry on with a bit of keep calm, carry on. I need to carry on a bit with. I need to be more like a UK person where you kind of just. You drink alcohol relatively responsibly on the dates. You drink. You don't drink and drive. But I don't get drunk enough. I don't let loose. Like there's a one day week. You gotta just get drunk and just rip a few lines.

[B]

Yeah. So like my best mate Carl, who's our producer on Haveaway, he is.

[A]

I like a name. I like a person's name. Carl who's under 95 years old. That's fun to me. Just a young Carl.

[B]

Is that an old name?

[A]

Carl and George. These are old names.

[B]

See, they're quite young in the uk.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Ian is quite an old name.

[A]

See, Ian's a more young Alan.

[B]

They're fucking gone.

[A]

Right?

[B]

They're not coming back either. Like, Alfie's made a comeback. Alby Albert has made a comeback.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Keith is just dead. Dead. Like there's like eight left and once they're dead, that name will go with it.

[A]

Let's go. Okay. Makes sense.

[B]

But Carl's like that. Carl does drink every now and then, but he really struggles to fucking let go and whatever.

[A]

But that's what I need to do. Let go. Right. Do you guys feel like I need to let go a little bit more at times? I'm a little too tense. Yeah. I mean, I think you're just anxious. You're an anxious kid. Yeah, but how do I get rid. I don't want to be like that anymore, man. You're always looking for a new house. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah. Think you're an alcoholic because you have one sip of wine every day. Yeah. I got to just. I'm on blood pressure medicine before. I mean, before. I don't know if you realize how chaotic you are. But like, you went on that tangent that's only available on Patreon. And then everything you said a few seconds later was exactly agreeing with the thing you flipped out about. What? On that. I said on this episode. So just now you went.

[B]

You went crazy. You went. We.

[A]

That's on Patreon. Chinese? No, the police thing. Oh, right. And then seconds later you said, but in this country, I feel like we're.

[B]

Afraid we could get arrested at any.

[A]

Time, no matter what. You completely disagreed with the whole thing. You went nuts, capitulated.

[B]

He has every opinion.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he. And he staunchly defends all.

[A]

I defend them all. Yeah. I'm for the table, I'm for everyone. Yeah. I gotta calm the fuck down. I think I'm like my mom a lot where she's just stressed out about things you don't even have to be stressed out about. So I gotta just let loose. I'm gonna get drunk tonight and drive my family around Long Island. Do it.

[B]

Yeah, do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you're a sports fan as well, so when you go to a game, do you not get drunk? Do you not drink?

[A]

No. Sometimes like we'll go. If we go to. John and I went to the Knicks game and we didn't really. One beer each. We didn't get crazy out of basketball, right?

[B]

Okay, let's say, let's say I felt fat and let's say you went to a Knicks game. So let's say the Knicks, right? It's the fucking NBA finals, right? Game seven, it's tied up at three and three and you'd're going to the game. You got good seats. You're not. That's not like a big drinking occasion for you.

[A]

We would probably have a couple of drinks but we'd be like, we don't want to get drunk because we want to watch the game. Which is the gayest thing. Mma.

[B]

You could have said then. No, no, because then we won't get hard and we won't be able to fuck each other and that would have been less gay. Like.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

Like they're filming the game, watch it back next day.

[A]

So you're saying I could only watch this game if I'm drunk type thing?

[B]

No, I do want to remember the game too, but. Right, so here's a good example, let's say. So Liverpool are currently in a semi final of one which one of our cup competitions in the uk, if we get to that final. The final is on, I think the 9th of February.

[A]

It might be the February 9th. For the people listening to us.

[B]

March. No, March. Right. And what will happen that day is assuming I've got tickets for the game with me and my mate Josh.

[A]

I'll get you tickets, I'll bet you. Right. I'll get you tickets along with John.

[B]

We will get up. We will, you know, the game will be a 4pm kickoff. So that means you've got to be in London for lunchtime. So we've probably got to get like a 8, 9am train. We will get up, we will get into the city center, we'll get on the 9am train, we will get a case of beer, and we will drink on the train into London. We will drink on the train from the center of London out to the stadium. There'll be a fan park near the stadium. We'll drink in the fan park. We'll drink before the game. And at half time during the game, they don't let us drink in the bowl like in the stadium. You can't. You can't take beer in as a fan.

[A]

You can't take. Wow.

[B]

What you can. If it's an NFL game, if it's a football game, like a soccer game, they're like. Because we've got to give you 45 minutes where you can't do that, right? So, like, you sober up during the first half, half time, like, if you time it well, this is what you do. So, you know, we have each halves 45 minutes. So obviously at half time, the. The concourse, like where the bars are and the, the food stalls and stuff, it gets busy at half time.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

So there's huge lines for the bars and the drinks and stuff. So what you do, you. You toss a coin. Me, and you're at the game, right on 42 minutes, we toss a coin. If you lose, you go down now and you go and get four beers. You get two for me and two for you. Before the lines are there, I get to watch the end of the first half. I come down, I meet you, and we've now got 15 minutes to drink two beers each. And then we go back up for the second half.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And then after that, you go back to the fan park or. And the train down's good. But also the best way to go to a big game like that is on the coach. Because then if you win, then the coach home takes about four to six hours and you just drink and sing the entire way home.

[A]

Wow. Dude. That. The fact that anyone lives past 40 is wild. But. But actually see what he was saying? Because at first, my brain, at first, the natural pathway in my brain is saying, that's a lot of alcohol. I could do that. I would have so much anxiety. Blah, blah. But then as he's saying, you just keep drinking and he's lighting up and he's having fun, and that's infectious. You start to say, yeah, you're drinking which isn't good for your health, but you're also letting go and having fun, which is good for your health.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So ultimately you're probably healthy, net positive. So you're not. You don't even have high blood pressure or cholesterol. You're good. Yeah, sure. So that's what I'm saying. So you don't even give a shit. So this is what I'm saying. I'm waking up every morning taking a blood pressure pill and it's like, that's probably why my blood pressure is high. Cuz I'm fucking stressed out about my health.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just let go, have fun, don't worry about it. Yeah. Just. Who cares?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I fucking love Adam, dude. This is great. Okay, so we're gonna try to do that. We're gonna try to get drunk and what we want to try to have, like, I want to try to have it like a bridge. A British sports day for American sports.

[B]

Yeah. Or I tell you what, next time you're in the uk, if there's a Liverpool game, you just, you come with me, I'll get your ticket.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'll take you through one of my days as a Liverpool fan. And you just got to follow suit.

[A]

Great. I just got to do everything you do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I will probably pass out at some point, right? I mean. Yeah. Like, guys, is there anybody in like the UK or is very, very rare, like a guy who doesn't drink or. That's extremely rare.

[B]

No, like, and also like the, the generation behind me, there's a lot of people like being like, oh, I don't really drink now, or they don't drink at all. And more and more people are quitting and there's a lot more alcohol, free beers and stuff in bars and, and whatnot. People take breaks.

[A]

Those are filled with calm.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. It's a big glass of gum. But also, like, you know, I'm saying a lot. These are big occasions and I do take, I'll take a month off or two months off drinking not one sip of alcohol. Yeah. And then I'll like, you know, I'll train for a half marathon and then the second I finish the half marathon.

[A]

To the start drinking, I love it. Dude, I told you. How long did I tell you we would do? 30 minutes? Said 20. 30 minutes. And how long is it? We're at an hour and 10 right now. What it is, you've done this the last two episodes? The last two episodes a guy. Don't worry about it. Russell had to catch a plane. I said, we're doing 15 minutes with you, buddy. Short and sweet is PR people to the point where comments people are commenting on the episode. You keep telling him the interview's about to be over and you keep going longer. What are you gonna do for the rest of the day?

[B]

What am I gonna do for the rest?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So a couple of friends of mine, one of them lives here now and another one's over. I had a beer with them last night. We're gonna go for lunch and then tonight. A friend of mine from years ago, we used to the UK club circuit together and he now lives here. He's at the Cellar. So I think I'm gonna go and see him tonight.

[A]

What's his name?

[B]

Chris Turner.

[A]

Oh, Chris Turner. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So we used to work together when we both first started. I haven't seen him for 10 years or something. Right.

[A]

He's the guy. Does he rap at the end? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But he messaged me was like, oh, you coming over? Like, whatever. But I, I, I've got like a 10am flight to Austin, so I'll be in bed relatively early. I've got to be at JFK for.

[A]

Are you gonna have a beer today? Maybe at lunch?

[B]

Maybe a lunch beer, but probably not. Probably not.

[A]

No. No. Where are you going for lunch?

[B]

I have no idea. Sorry. Any recommendations?

[A]

What part of the city?

[B]

Probably around here.

[A]

Ribalta.

[B]

Ribalta.

[A]

Ribalta. Nice Italian joint. Beautiful pizzas and taste just like these Turkish pizzas that you like. Beautiful. Or you could go to this place. It's called British Chippies. British Chippies Pie Company. It's right over there at fucking First Avido. It's called yo the name of the place. Cause I'm fucking British.

[B]

Do you know people from Liverpool hate being called English and British, but like.

[A]

But aren't they in England? Yeah, so, but so then what do they want to be called?

[B]

Like, Liverpool wants to be its own little thing.

[A]

Oh, okay. They're like, Texas. They want to be like, they want to like. What is that call when you break off?

[B]

Secede.

[A]

Secede. They want to secede from England.

[B]

I think if Liverpool were given a vote of independence, they'd probably take it. It would be catastrophic economically, but I think they would.

[A]

But why doesn't Liverpool want to. Do they not. Are they not with the like English pride?

[B]

No. So there's. First of all, we've got like a lot of Irish immigration is what. And so the conservatives of government and especially back in the days of Maggie Thatcher. Like they just don't like us. Like there's a memo that got leaked where Margaret Thatcher was like, we don't win any votes in Liverpool, so why don't we just leave them to rot like an official?

[A]

Why don't we just give them to isis?

[B]

Just give them fucking away.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we've always felt like disconnected from like central governments and stuff. And then when it comes to the football, we really sort of. Everyone sort of hates us because we're mouthy and fucking loud.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

So like we just like, we don't. When England, the football team play, I just don't really give a. Like I kind of want them to win, but when they don't, I'm like.

[A]

Oh, so the World cup, you kind of don't give a.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Is there anybody from Liverpool on the English national team?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, there's a couple and I want to see them do well. But like, I would rather. So like that cup. I told you that Liverpool might win. So in, in UK football, you're.

[A]

You're.

[B]

If you're a good team, you're in four competitions from the start. You're in the Carabao cup, you're in the FA cup, the Champions League and the Premier League and you got a chance to win all four trophies. The Carabao cup is the least respected.

[A]

Yeah, I've never heard of that one. That one sounds like a cheese.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's, it's sponsored by an energy drink. Carabao is like a energy drink. I'd rather Liverpool win that once than England win 10 World Cups.

[A]

Wow, that's crazy. That, that's fascinating to me. I would. There's no place in the United States that's like that.

[B]

Well, would you rather the Knicks win the fucking, whatever you call it, NBA Championship or Team USA win gold at the Olympics in the basketball?

[A]

That's a good point. I would rather the Knicks win. Yeah, yeah. Team USA is like. But I'm rooting for them hard. Yeah, but I don't. Yeah, you're right. I don't.

[B]

I don't really fucking like weekly connection to it.

[A]

Yes, yes. Yeah, that's a good point. All right. That's a good point. John, come on. Gotta ask something. Go Pelicans. That's it. That's his favorite team. There's a. There's a basketball team called the New Orleans Pelicans. And I'm like, you know, John, this fucking. It's like a made up team. Imagine, Imagine I came, dude. Imagine I came to the uk. And I said, we got a new franchise opening up in Liverpool. They're called the Liverpool Pelicans. Would you guys be like, what?

[B]

Yeah, we would.

[A]

Yeah, they'd be like, of course we would. That'd be fucking crazy, dude. When you guys go to the super bowl, you should take them to a Pelicans game also. Oh, yeah, New Orleans. Yeah.

[B]

So you support the Pelicans and Buffalo.

[A]

Buffalo Bills, Yeah. I'm from New York, so I like the Bills. And then he likes the Pelicans. Yeah. I don't know why he likes the Pelican suit. He's like a pedophile. Yeah.

[B]

Where the that come from?

[A]

Random team. Right. When they drafted Zion, I've decided to follow.

[B]

I always try. I tried to pick some American teams because I like all of the sports.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, I really do like them all. And like, with the NFL, I was like, I'm gonna pick a team and I just can't care. Like, when Liverpool play, it affects my mood for like, like the week. And I was like, if I haven't got that level of, like, energy and connection with it, then I just can't give a fuck.

[A]

So I get it.

[B]

Like, I just want. I want whoever's losing to win.

[A]

Yeah. Underdogs. Yeah. Yeah, I like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude, what a day. What a pod. I mean, dude, I learned so much about Liverpool. We learned a lot about the Chinese. We learned about Adam's mom. Adam's eye, which, by the way, dude, I did not. Ramesh has got Ramesh's. You have. Your eye is sexier than Ramesh's, I think. How did that happen, your eye?

[B]

It was born with it. So it's a lazy eye lid, so the lid hangs lower. I've actually got a spare muscle in there as well.

[A]

Oh, so you're actually even more. You have more muscle than most guys.

[B]

I have a. I've got a thigh muscle in my left eyelid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So when I. When I was born. And it would, like. I could show you a picture of when I was like, a real young kid. And it's really, like, closed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Really closed over. So I had four surgeries as a kid, and the first three were the same. They just, like, stitched it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they would use, like, dissolvable stitches. So as soon as it dissolved, it would just swing back down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the fourth operation, they were like, we should probably figure out what the actual problem is rather than just trying to, you know, stick it up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I had, like, a muscle weakness here and he took a muscle out of the top of my right leg and put it in.

[A]

That's sick.

[B]

It is. But also. Well, there's a couple of things. First of all, muscles don't work unless you use them. So if I rest my face, it still hangs lower.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But if I open it, if I put like both eyes at maximum capacity, like.

[A]

Yeah. Holy shit, there it is. Yeah.

[B]

You know it's got a thigh in it.

[A]

Yeah, you have a thigh in your eye.

[B]

I got at school for five years.

[A]

Dude, your eye looks wild when you go.

[B]

It's.

[A]

Dude, when he goes like that, it's sick. That is. That. That has to be the thumbnail. That's got to be the thumbnail. Dude. Dude, that's because. I gotta be honest with you, the way your eye looks right now. I like it, dude. I like it because it's kind of. It's like you have one like. It's like almost like an Asian.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Culture eye. You like, you look like.

[B]

I've had a lot of anti Chinese abuse my whole life.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Despite having no Chinese head.

[A]

Because. Because it is. But it's. It's. It's nice. It's like a. Like if, like if I just cut off. If you had like no beard and I just. It wasn't like this side of face. I was just looking at you right here. You look like a beautiful Asian woman. You look like a. You look like a gorgeous Chinese exchange student that I want to. Right.

[B]

You know, so when I go to sleep, this is true, my left eye stays slightly open. Like it's just slightly ajar. And when I was a kid, I hated it. So like, I, like, if I ever got like in an argument with a friend over a game of football or whatever, the first thing they'd be is like, bug eye, cockeye, whatever they want to say. So I already felt, like, insecure and like, different enough with it. So I never told any of my friends that, like, it stayed open when I went to sleep. And then the first time we had a sleepover, we were also underage drinking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I got hammered and I fell asleep first, right. And it was the first time my three mates had seen me asleep. And they all thought I was dead.

[A]

Really.

[B]

So they went and woke my mum up and was like, adam's dead. And she was like, what do you mean? Well, we got the guy who lives at number 43, he went to the. The shop and he got us some cider.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we've drank it and Adam's drank too much and he's dead. And she was like. By this point, I'm in the other room and my other mates have woke me up, so I can hear what's going on. She's like, how do you know he's dead? And they're like, well, he's on his back and he's out, but his eyes are open. And she's like, don't worry about that.

[A]

He's just sleeping.

[B]

That's just what it.

[A]

Yeah. Your mom was like, I'm too drunk to do it. So maybe he's Adam Rowe, everybody. Where can people see you, find you?

[B]

Instagram is Adam Rowe, comedian. And, yeah, there's four specials on YouTube. The most recent one went out in November. That's called what's Wrong With Me? There's one called Juicy, which is one long story of a breakup, a fictional breakup. And then there's Imperious. And the first one I put out was called Club Comic. That was years ago, but go and watch the most recent one. That's a what's Wrong With Me? And it's on the. Have a word pod YouTube and have a Word Pod.

[A]

Biggest, hottest part in the uk, baby. All right, folks, thank you so much. For those of you wondering, my sweater is from Old Navy.