← Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos
Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos
Are Russians The New Puerto Ricans?! | Ft Colin Quinn, Mike Birbiglia | Chris Distefano is Chaos
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- [00:01]
Chris DiStefano
I'm ready for my life to change. ABC Sunday, American Idol returns. Give it your all. Good luck. Come out with a golden ticket. Let's hear it. This is immense world. I've never seen anything like it. And a new chapter begins. You're going to Hollywood. Carrie Underwood joins Lionel Richie, Luke Bryant and Ryan Seacrest on American idol. Season premieres Sunday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.
- [00:30]
Giannis Pappas
Days of content are over.
- [00:31]
Chris DiStefano
Drop it. All right, guys, welcome to another episode of Chrissy Chaos. It's going to be a little different today and probably moving forward, we're just gonna instead of me sitting down with a guest and doing that 60 minutes of just talking about topics like everybody else, you're gonna come with me to the comedy clubs and I'm gonna have guests on the pod, but they're gonna be the guys or girls or they be who's at the comedy club with me. And what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna try some material out. I'm gonna talk with the comics about it before and then we'll try it out on stage, try some topical stuff. I just want you to come on the journey of what a stand up comics life is every week. And that's going to be the new pod. And if you want to see me sitting down doing typical podcast format stuff, then go see me on History Hyenas with Giannis Pappas. We were talking about history going wild. Go to patreon.com history hyenas. That's what it is. And I gotta be honest, I want to cancel my shows today. But I'm doing it for you. I'm doing it for you because this is the new podcast and we're just going to keep the same name, Chrissy Chaos. And so far all the sponsors have said that they will still stay on and sponsor my show because they don't know that I changed the format. And I don't want you people to tell them. All right? So just keep using the promo codes and just shut your mouth.
- [01:43]
Vito
How much pizza you're eating before the show?
- [01:46]
Chris DiStefano
Just a couple of slices.
- [01:48]
Vito
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
- [01:50]
Chris DiStefano
And there's one eaten already, right? Philly cheesesteak, fried Oreos. All right. But I do it all within my intermittent fasting window. I'm good. And I scanned it all in the Yuca app and it said items not found. So I'm sure it's good.
- [02:08]
Vito
You want to tell us what you're eating.
- [02:12]
Chris DiStefano
Honey? Pepperoni, chicken truffle, Mac and cheese, plain Jane. Mr. H Fried Orange Philly cheese jackets from Crave Pizza.
- [02:23]
Vito
This isn't heavy for you?
- [02:25]
Chris DiStefano
What?
- [02:25]
Vito
Like, you're, like, able to, like, go on stage and, like, talk while after eating all this?
- [02:28]
Chris DiStefano
No, I'm gonna feel like I'm gonna want to fall asleep and not do this at all.
- [02:33]
Vito
But you didn't want to do it already. Like, you were asking me like, 20 minutes ago, saying you want to cancel.
- [02:37]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, I don't want to do it already, but I'm just gonna push myself to do it. You know, it is. It's not that I don't want to do it. I love comedy. I do any night. Anytime I have to go away the next day, I like to just spend the night before at home with my family. And tomorrow I got to go to Chicago, and I. And that Chicago got added last minute. I'm actually opening up for Tom Segura at the United center, so.
- [03:03]
Vito
Oh, your boss.
- [03:04]
Chris DiStefano
My boss. So that got added last minute. And so, of course I said yes. It's freaking Tommy Segways, so. But now I'm like, I wish I could stay home with my family. I just want to hang out with them. So obviously I'm a little depressed, and that's why I just got a couple of slices of pizza to just wash away the depression. But let's go to the club because we got to sit in our traffic, because frickin. The only thing I've disagreed with Donald Trump on in the last 10 years has been his decision to reverse congestion pricing. Don't reverse congestion pricing, okay? You people having to pay $9 to get to Manhattan helps me because there's less traffic. One bite. Everybody knows the rules of a fucking gaylord. Very good, actually. Really is good. Dude, look at this charger. Freaking lights up. You see that? Sick. Bought it at a car wash. That's what I do. Popo here, y'all like going catch me. So driving to the city now. I. I literally. Here's the thing. Here's what's been happening since I've been using this Yuka app, which is not a sp. Sponsor of the show. But, I mean, I would. I would love for it to be a sponsor of the show, but they are not a sponsor of the show. Like, I genuinely. This. I can't recommend this app enough just for, like, as like a human being. Yuka, you scan different foods, and it tells you if that food has additives, too much sugar, too much fat, whatever. It gives it a score on a 0 to 100. 0 being bad, 100 being good. And it's like, you'd be surprised how many foods you think are, like, good for you. Like diet coke. Oh, zero calories. It gets like a 10 out of 100 because it's all cancer causing, harmful chemicals. So it's like when you start to, like, have foods that have less and less additives, you feel when you eat foods that have the additives, when you add it back in, you feel it, like, immediately. Okay. Like, I have felt pretty good. I do think I've had Covid the last two weeks, but that's just like a coinky dink. That's when I started Yuca. But I feel like it's not my Covid. My possible Covid signs and symptoms didn't get in because of Yuca. I just think it was coinky dink. But I don't. I'm not saying I feel 100%. I am saying, though, that my. My Covid flu like, symptoms do go away the longer I'm eating foods with no additives. And now that I just crack, you know, I just cranked out three slices of pizza, a bite of a Philly cheesesteak, and a fried Oreo. I feel the cold symptoms, like, bad again. Like, it immediately hit me, well, I wonder if I would have just eaten a bunch of yucca approved foods, like, you know, seltzers that get 100 out of 100. Fruits, vegetables, Kodiak oatmeal. That's good. Gets like, an 80 out of 100.
- [06:01]
Vito
Those are, like, the pancake stuff.
- [06:03]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, that one's pretty good. But the waffles aren't good. But the oatmeal is Jif Peanut butter, believe it or not, gets an 85 out of 100 because no additives. That's what it's about. You can burn off the sugar, the fat, the calories, but you can't burn off additives. Additives stay. And then I scan Jasmine, and it said she had no additives. And I'm like, yeah, because I paid for them to be removed last summer. Y'all crazy. You know, I live in a Chinese neighborhood. That's how you know I'm doing good. I'm kidding. Look at this guy. This guy come out of the closet, dude. We're gonna go in, we're gonna do the comedy. So we'll see who's there. I'm sure. Like, you know, I don't know if Sam Morrow, Mark Norman, I don't know if these guys are on the road or not. We'll see who's there. Well, we'll definitely sit down with the comic, ask about what's going on. I mean, right now I'm sure everyone's gonna be talking about. It's happening right now is Trump and Zelensky just got into that fight. So I'll try some topical material about that. I feel like this whole room, the crowd, they just feel like Zelensky getting yelled at by Trump just, you know, everyone's just kind of like, I'm sorry, I mean, I mean he got chewed the fuck out. It literally felt like my relationship. I felt like I'm gonna call my girl Trump for the rest of the week. Cuz the way she just fucking. You don't tell me what the fuck you know, what was he saying? Oh, he was like, you're gonna get yourself into World War iii. And Trump was like, you better not tell me that. You better not tell me what I'm supposed to know. And I'm like, that's exactly how my girl sounds, except with a Puerto Rican accent and slapping me in the back of the head. Better not fucking tell me. World War Three, motherfucker. God, I hope, I hope there's a World War 3 and I hope Puerto Rico gets involved. I would love to see. I would love to see whatever country invades and if just getting hit with f Chancletas, that would be. Oh my God. Just getting hit with Chanclettas. Platinos. Oh, sick. I'm going to try some. I got some material I've been working on about guys saying the word. How dare you. I don't know what's happening to like guys. Here's the thing about me. I've just, I've always, I've stayed. Even though I know it's been hard the last 10 years I've stayed a guy. I stayed, you know, like guys like every. No one's like fucking toxic. And guys are just talking like this, like this is my wife. But nobody's gay. You know what I mean? But everyone's kind. Every guy is kind of like just being a bitch. I've stayed a guy this whole time. And so it's interesting now where I'm just like, you know. Cause now I notice like guys are just. Today like people are starting to notice. Like it's weird. Like I heard this guy yelling at his wife, which I'm like, that's in public. Like, stop, don't do that. But if you're going to yell, like at least say like be a guy about fighting with your wife. This guy's fighting with his wife. But sounding like, he goes like this. She says something to him and I guess was like, you know, whatever. Just fucking what a woman's going to say. Just say something hurtful to you, and you just got to suck it up and deal with it. But he goes, how dare you? I said, did you just fucking say how dare you? Man, listen to me. Just know. Anytime I see a guy say, how dare you? I think a little cum came out of his butt. There's no way he didn't say, you know, he went, how dare you? And then we'll see. We'll do some riffing, you know, we'll do some Chrissy crowd works. I just like this idea of kind of just being on the move. The one thing I think that was happening with Chrissy chaos with me is, you know, just sitting in one place. I don't like doing that. That's not my personality. It's not who I am. So I want to do this. The podcast is same. We'll talk about topics. Vito and John will still be in the background on the ones and twos, and we still going to have guests. It's just going to be at the comedy clubs or theaters. When I'm on the road, we'll do it on the road. Look, this dog has shoes on. Look at that. Love dogs, man. But I won't get one. I am, by the way, trying to convince Jasmine, and she's getting closer to just move to the city. How great is that? Wow. I'm literally got her on the hook, man.
- [10:23]
Vito
That's where this all started too, dude.
- [10:25]
Chris DiStefano
She started. She started, like, accepting, like, Zillow listings that I would send her about possible apartments in the city. She used to not look at them at all. All else, she would thumbs down all of them or get mad at me and like, literally be like, I'm not talking to you for tonight if you send me another listing. So I'd send her one just so I could get some peace and quiet. But she. But she now is saying, you know what? I'm not saying yes to this, but because I said to her, I said. I said, baby girl, listen to me. I said, if we lived in Manhattan, if we lived in Manhattan, number one, we're renting. So that's actually better for me. We'll have some more financial flexibility. I don't have to put all this money into a down payment and pay. Oh, my dad's calling. Should we pick it up? Yeah. Hello?
- [11:23]
Chris's Dad
Yeah, Chris.
- [11:24]
Chris DiStefano
Hey, dad. What's up?
- [11:25]
Chris's Dad
Hey, how are you doing?
- [11:27]
Chris DiStefano
No, nothing. Just driving to the city.
- [11:29]
Chris's Dad
Oh, yeah. Gas chill tonight.
- [11:31]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, I got a couple of shows tonight.
- [11:33]
Chris's Dad
Oh, nice.
- [11:37]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, right in the Village Comedy Cellar.
- [11:40]
Chris's Dad
Oh, good, good, good, good.
- [11:42]
Chris DiStefano
What's going on with you?
- [11:44]
Chris's Dad
Nothing. We're sitting down by the beach.
- [11:47]
Chris DiStefano
Oh, nice, Nice. Nice day tonight. Nice night.
- [11:51]
Chris's Dad
Yeah, it's a little breezy, but it's nice.
- [11:53]
Chris DiStefano
What do you guys do? Do you walk into the water? You just sit down in the sand? Oh, no, no, no.
- [11:57]
Chris's Dad
Sandbanks. You have to climb over a wall to get to.
- [12:02]
Chris DiStefano
Oh, nice.
- [12:04]
Chris's Dad
Other than that, that's the story.
- [12:06]
Chris DiStefano
All right, good. Yeah. So. Yes.
- [12:10]
Chris's Dad
So your MLB thing went well?
- [12:13]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, the MLB thing went good. We, you know, did it. I kind of, you know, I was in and out. I did the show at 1pm Then I got on a 4pm flight and I got right home in and out. I'm getting a lot of. I'm getting a lot of Delta sky miles.
- [12:37]
Chris's Dad
That's the story. Morning, Gordon.
- [12:40]
Chris DiStefano
That's it.
- [12:42]
Chris's Dad
How are the kids? Good.
- [12:43]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, they're good. They're. They were eating pizza when I left.
- [12:49]
Chris's Dad
Pizza?
- [12:50]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah. So.
- [12:55]
Chris's Dad
How'S everything else?
- [12:57]
Chris DiStefano
Everything else is, you know, it's good day by day, you know. Watch how many times my dad says bye when we say bye.
- [13:05]
Chris's Dad
All right, now when you come here on the 13th, you're gonna. When you land, you gonna. You're gonna come right by me.
- [13:14]
Chris DiStefano
I land on the 12th. I got a private gig in, in Fort Lauderdale, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna come to you guys like the afternoo. I'm going to drive from Fort Lauderdale down to Tampa.
- [13:28]
Chris's Dad
Okay.
- [13:28]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, okay. I'll get there in the afternoon. Yep.
- [13:33]
Chris's Dad
Yeah, sounds good. Sounds good.
- [13:35]
Chris DiStefano
All right.
- [13:37]
Chris's Dad
All right, sounds good.
- [13:39]
Chris DiStefano
They got Mitchell. Robinson's coming back tonight for the Knicks, so they got their big man back.
- [13:43]
Chris's Dad
Oh, good.
- [13:44]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah.
- [13:44]
Chris's Dad
Oh, good, good, good, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they're hanging in there. I mean, you know, unfortunately, they haven't been Cleveland or Boston.
- [13:55]
Chris DiStefano
No. Yeah, yeah, that's going to be, that's going to be the, The, The. The test, but I think they'll. They'll much better chance with Robinson.
- [14:04]
Chris's Dad
Yeah, true, true.
- [14:05]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah.
- [14:06]
Chris's Dad
So are they home?
- [14:10]
Chris DiStefano
No, I think they're away either way.
- [14:13]
Chris's Dad
Oh, it's a mic tnt. Yeah, I'll check it out.
- [14:17]
Chris DiStefano
All right. All right. All right.
- [14:20]
Chris's Dad
Have a good shows and I'll talk to you. Okay.
- [14:22]
Chris DiStefano
Okay. All right.
- [14:24]
Chris's Dad
I love it.
- [14:25]
Chris DiStefano
Bye. Bye.
- [14:26]
Chris's Dad
Love you, too. Bye.
- [14:27]
Chris DiStefano
Bye. All right, bye. That's the story, morning glory. He almost said it a third time and he stopped It. It's like a tick he has. He's kind of. That's the story. He goes. He goes. He always says, that's the story, Morning Glory. Or he'll always go. He'll always go, something. Toyota. What does he say? Toyota. That's the story. It's so funny because it's just like a. It's something that, like when other people hear it, they're like, what? But it's so natural to me.
- [15:00]
Vito
I did like the. Almost the stutter on the third one, though. What's the. What's the. Then he just went to a different sentence.
- [15:06]
Chris DiStefano
He says, bye. He always, every time when Jasmine first started hearing him say bye, she would be like, does he have a stroke at the end of every phone? Because he's like, bye, bye, bye. Love you. Bye, bye, bye, bye. Yeah. Oh, he'll go, you got it, Toyota. That's what he'll say, which doesn't make any sense. That's the story. Morning Glory should be like the name of a special or like an episode in a sitcom, right? Like, that's the story. Morning Glory should be something.
- [15:32]
Vito
Isn't that an Oasis album? I don't know the story, Morning Glory. I think it's an Oasis.
- [15:37]
Chris DiStefano
But he says, that's the story, Morning Glory, and he says it all the time. That's the story, Morning Glory. What can you do? That's funny. Dude, did you see this Trump Zielinski stuff today? Dude, it's pretty wild. I mean, the way he was yelling at him. I mean, I got it. Some. Some part of me thinks it was staged.
- [16:00]
Vito
But why would they stage that, though? That doesn't help anybody.
- [16:04]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, you're right, it doesn't. I don't know, but it just feels like it could have been. I mean, why would you do that in front of all the cameras? But I don't know. Cut. We're going into the tunnel. I gotta concentrate. You know me and you know I love a rock hard penis. That's what I want to see. I want to see your rock hard penis. I want you to send me pics of it. I want to feel it. I want to see it. I want to sniff it. And the only rock hard penises I like are the ones provided by Bluechew. Thank you, Bluechew, for sponsoring this episode. I love Bluechew. Same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra tablets made right here in the United States. I want to have a red, white and blue boner. And I want you to see it. They are Freedom Boners baby. What I love about bluechew comes in discreet packaging right to your door. You take a quick little survey with the doctor, zoom. One, two, three. Talk to them, answer some health questions and then bang, you got your boners. It really is awesome. You take them anytime, day or night. So you can plan ahead or be ready whenever the opportunity arises. And make no mistake, the opportunity is going to be a rising. The best part, all done online. No doctor's visits, no awkward conversations, no waiting line in the pharmacy. Just get your dick nice and stiff right at your door. It's freaking awesome, dude. I've noticed my mailman's been walking around with a heart and I'm like, are you eating my Blue Chews, motherfucker? And listen, it works, okay? You'll be mistaken for a soldier with that full salute. They say nothing sexier than confidence. And I agree. But nothing sexier than confidence and a nice stiff cock. Bluechew can help you give confidence where it counts right now. Make life easier by getting harder. And discover your options@bluechew.com and we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try our first month of BlueChew free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast this is my dick. Thank you, bluechew. Can I talk to you about Prolon? Thank you. Do I love going out and hanging out with my friends? Yes. Does all that eating and drinking start to take a toll? Yes. I can always tell when my body is desperately craving a reset. And Prolon by El Nutra does just that. Prolon's five day program gives my system a break. It's fasting, but with food. And it's pretty much a game changer. Dude, listen. Prolon's Fasting Mimicking diet is a revolutionary plant based nutrition program that nourishes the body while making cells believe they're fasting, but they're not. You're actually eating. I mean, they aren't fasting, but you're actually eating. It all starts with their five day program. Snacks, soups and beverages designed to keep your body in a fasting state. No guesswork or planning required. Which is a relief after a busy holiday, whatever holiday. You're listening to this. Listen. The five day program by Prolon, El Nutra. It's. Look, it's not a diet, okay? It's science, baby. So you can't mess with science. Science always wins. Now to help Kickstart. Now to help you kickstart a health plan that Truly works. Prolon is offering Chris DiStefano presents Chrissy Chaos. That's my show. Listeners 15% off site wide plus a $40 bonus gift. When you subscribe to their five day nutrition program, just visit prolonlife.com chaos that's P R O K L O N l I f e.com chaos to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. Prolonlife.com chaos hey, baby, I got a brand new hour of stand up coming at you. Going back to the theaters. March 14, Tampa Theater, Tampa, Florida. March 14, March 15, the Plaza Live, Orlando. April 10, Houston, Texas. The Punchline, Houston. April 11, Austin, Texas, the Paramount Theatre. April 12, the Texas Theater in Dallas. April 24, College Street Music Hall, New Haven, Connecticut. April 25, the AG in Albany. And then at the end of May, we got Washington, D.C. durham and Charleston, Kansas City and Denver in June, Minneapolis and Winnipeg. In July, Nashville, Chicago, and September 11th, New York City. So we got Nashville. September 4th, the Ryman Auditorium, Chicago Theater. September 5th. And then September 11th, Madison Square Garden, baby. And then in October, we're coming Back to Boston. October 23rd, Atlanta. October 24th, Richmond, Virginia. October 25th, Baltimore, Maryland. Then November, we got Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Philadelphia, and Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. But I am happy to be coming back to some of those cities that I listed. Go to ChrisDComedy.com for Tikiwikis. And I just love you and I love performing in this great nation and Winnipeg in Canada. All right, here we go. Now we're walking to the Comedy Cellar. Well, the Village Underground at the Comedy Cellar. Who knows how we're going to start? I think I'm going to start. I think I'm going to start this set by just doing bits about how white people are back. And I'll start there and then we'll just riff and we'll see what we get into. Mighty. Do some crowd work, too, just to freaking warm it up. Look, dude, this is West 4th. This is like one of the most famous parks where you see, like everybody, you know, like Nike commercials and everything. This is where like, they always. They always play. One time I saw. This is like 2013 maybe. I saw Steve Nash playing in here.
- [21:46]
Vito
Yo, he used to play adult soccer at Chelsea Pierce.
- [21:48]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, he was. Dude, he's sick. Yeah, I heard. I knew a guy that knew him once. He said that one day he. There was a marathon going on in Dallas when he was playing for the Mavericks. And he was like, just bar hopping with his friends. And he was like, do you want to. Do you want to Have a beer. Do you want to have a beer? At as many bars as we can, but we'll have one beer, and then we have to run two miles and we'll do the equivalent of a marathon. And I think he went to, like, 12 or 13 bars and had one beer, and he. And he drank, like, 13 or 14 beers and ran a marathon.
- [22:21]
Vito
You'd be a good guest.
- [22:22]
Chris DiStefano
He would be a sick guest. Dude. He's got. What are you talking about? His hair is wild. Or used to be. Pin straight hair. He's a Canadian. I'd like to keep. If Trump. If Trump, you know, makes it hard for Canadians. I want to. I want to keep Steve Nash. Dude, I got to be honest with you. I'm grateful. I really am. Grateful for everyone watching this podcast. Grateful for my life, grateful for comedy. I do not want to be doing stand up right now. I just. I want the pizza and the fried Oreos. Does not feel good at the moment. All right, there you go. I'll say you're with me, but just put the camera down in case. Sometimes they get mad because I didn't ask for permission before. You want a water?
- [23:11]
Colin Quinn
Yeah, yeah.
- [23:19]
Chris DiStefano
I got you a water. Veto. Should I go on stage with this thing on my collar?
- [23:23]
Vito
Yeah, why not?
- [23:24]
Chris DiStefano
Norton's going on next.
- [23:26]
Vito
That's cool.
- [23:27]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, gotta follow Jimmy Norton. That's what's cool about doing this club, is you do. You are on stage and amongst, like, the people that you grew up watching.
- [23:36]
Vito
Were you talking to Norton about intermittent fasting just now?
- [23:40]
Chris DiStefano
Yes, I was. Or did you hear it because of the audio? Listen to this. Creatine dude. I've been back on creatine.
- [23:50]
Vito
Back on the cre.
- [23:50]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, I'm back on the cre and I've been doing it for, like, two weeks, and people have been saying I've been looking thinner.
- [23:58]
Vito
Yeah, you do look chiseled in the.
- [23:59]
Chris DiStefano
Face right now because of no additives. Yeah. Was my face getting a little bloated?
- [24:04]
Vito
No, you're just looking chiseled, dude. Your jaws looking nice, sharp.
- [24:07]
Giannis Pappas
But days of content are over.
- [24:09]
Chris DiStefano
Drop it. Listen to me. That's good. That'll be the clip. That's how the pot will start.
- [24:17]
Giannis Pappas
The final here.
- [24:19]
Chris DiStefano
Bay Ridge Place. Bay Ridge place. Yeah. Hey, September 11th. MSG might see somebody. How you doing? Good.
- [24:29]
Giannis Pappas
How are you?
- [24:30]
Chris DiStefano
Good. I was talking to Jim downstairs about intermittent fasting. Oh, you look good, by the way.
- [24:35]
Giannis Pappas
You know, it's not about ego.
- [24:37]
Chris DiStefano
You do.
- [24:38]
Giannis Pappas
You look good, too. Your voice sounds like getting sick, but.
- [24:40]
Chris DiStefano
Otherwise, I've been sick. I got covet on and off. Oh, me too. Hey, but worst thing ever, I freaking when I was sick. And then your wife got sick because of me. Because of me. But we blame it on Akash Singh.
- [24:56]
Giannis Pappas
Akash Singh is always responsible.
- [24:58]
Chris DiStefano
Yes, he is. Him and his people. But you good and everything's good. You feel good. All right. I saw it was with Hayes yesterday. Yeah, Billy Hayes. I called him Bob Coxtis and he liked that one at Gotham. Gotham Comedy Club. The legend. Cq.
- [25:20]
Vito
Do you think anybody's ever said to Colin, hey, aren't you the guy from grown ups?
- [25:25]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, he's had to. Right. I think people with Colin, I think he's known to different age people for different things. Like I would know Colin from snl.
- [25:35]
Vito
Yeah.
- [25:36]
Chris DiStefano
And remote control.
- [25:37]
Vito
I would know him from tough crowd.
- [25:38]
Chris DiStefano
And you would know him from tough crowd.
- [25:39]
Vito
Yeah.
- [25:39]
Chris DiStefano
Right. Were they filming something? What do you mean?
- [25:44]
Vito
Which camera?
- [25:45]
Chris DiStefano
Right to the right. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Oh, you know what? Yeah, there's a movie. There's a movie. Bradley Cooper's like directing it. I think.
- [25:56]
Vito
Yo, you should go to his cheesesteak place.
- [25:58]
Chris DiStefano
Bradley Cooper's cheesesteak place.
- [25:59]
Vito
Do I know about this?
- [26:00]
Chris DiStefano
No.
- [26:01]
Vito
He has a cheesesteak place. It's only open like some weekends now.
- [26:04]
Chris DiStefano
Really? Yeah. Is it in Manhattan? Yeah, it's like in the East Village and it's legit.
- [26:09]
Vito
He's making them himself.
- [26:10]
Chris DiStefano
He makes them?
- [26:11]
Vito
Yeah.
- [26:13]
Chris DiStefano
Wow.
- [26:13]
Vito
He's back there cooking cheesesteaks. Dude.
- [26:17]
Chris DiStefano
What's it called?
- [26:18]
Vito
Something coop. Something in coops.
- [26:20]
Chris DiStefano
Let's go. But it's only open certain weekends.
- [26:24]
Vito
It's open this weekend?
- [26:24]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah. How do you know?
- [26:26]
Vito
Because he puts. They have an Instagram that you gotta follow.
- [26:30]
Chris DiStefano
All right, let's go downstairs. Let's go to the Comedy Cellar. Right now. We're in the Village underground. Let's go around the corner of the Comedy Cellar because they said Bradley Cooper's filming a movie there. So let's see if we can get in. But we're gonna have to hide the camera though, because if they see that camera and they're saying like, hell no. Oh, here's another thing. My a. I auditioned for this movie and my agent said I didn't get the part to play a stand up comic because Bradley Cooper said that I'm too well known of a comic to play a part like that. And I want to see if he's in that. I want to see if he even knows who the hell I am. And then if he doesn't, I'm Going to call my agent live on the pod. All right. What's up, man? Hey. All right, I'll be back. What's up, boys? All right, man. Doing good. Dude, should I go back to my old hair and cut my hair? I kind of don't like the long hair look. Right. It's kind of like. I tried it, it's not for me. Just cut it.
- [27:32]
Vito
I like it.
- [27:35]
Chris DiStefano
Really? Yeah.
- [27:36]
Vito
I like the long hair.
- [27:37]
Chris DiStefano
But you don't.
- [27:37]
Vito
From day one.
- [27:38]
Chris DiStefano
But you don't think. You think I'm past the awkward phase now and it just looks good.
- [27:41]
Vito
Well, yeah, especially because you cut the sides.
- [27:43]
Chris DiStefano
Right. But I should. But I kind of thought I was cute with the other hair. The hair the other way. Maybe I'll give it through the summer. You're always you right now. Dude, creatine makes you fart so much. Dude, that's another thing. I'm seeing a lot more Asian Muslims. Have you noticed that? Yeah, I saw one. I just saw. No, I said I'm seeing a lot more Asian Muslims. Oh, yeah, right.
- [28:11]
Mark Norman
Tell you about that.
- [28:12]
Chris DiStefano
Shannon Quinn is writing a paper. Really? Yeah. Okay. About Asian Muslims.
- [28:18]
Mark Norman
Because I love.
- [28:19]
Chris DiStefano
Okay. Chinese Muslims choselms. All right, let's see. Liz, we're gonna try. We're gonna try to walk into the movie set. I'm saying I'm on the movie. We're gonna pop in, see what happens. Yeah. Put the camera down. We'll see if we can get it. Who's working security? Anybody we know?
- [28:47]
Colin Quinn
Nobody.
- [28:49]
Vito
Oh, this is ready?
- [28:51]
Chris DiStefano
Oh. All right, Come on, let's get. You did it. I did. It does smell good. No. I swear to God, I've never been in one of those. Never in my life. I think you know what honesty is. I think I felt it. Really?
- [29:26]
Vito
Yeah.
- [29:27]
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- [30:27]
Chris DiStefano
Okay, I'm a little disappointed in you.
- [30:31]
Vito
Yeah, well, that was your chance to have a cheesesteak. Dude, we were just talking about it.
- [30:35]
Chris DiStefano
That literally. I had multiple chances. I had multiple chances.
- [30:38]
Vito
You walked over to the cheese steaks.
- [30:39]
Chris DiStefano
I had multiple chances to have a cheese steak. I had multiple chances to do the bit with Bradley Cooper. We were standing right next to him, and I chickened out on all of it. I don't think at times I'm cut out for this business.
- [30:50]
Vito
He was on a FaceTime with this kid. If you would have went over there, I would have been disappointed in you.
- [30:54]
Chris DiStefano
But should we go back in now and see if we can do something?
- [30:59]
Vito
Maybe in a few minutes. Going right back in now. Feels. Feels a little wild.
- [31:02]
Chris DiStefano
Should you go in as, like, my producer and be, like me? Would you do it? Would you flush out me?
- [31:09]
Vito
Go up to him in the place that I'm not welcome?
- [31:11]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, go up to him and be like, hey, man, can Chris Sempro come in and ask me a couple questions?
- [31:18]
Vito
If you want me to, I will.
- [31:22]
Chris DiStefano
I don't think he's gonna say yes. No.
- [31:25]
Vito
I feel like he would get mad at me.
- [31:28]
Chris DiStefano
That bombed when I was like, I come all over my face.
- [31:31]
Vito
No. Yeah. They seemed, like, interested in it.
- [31:34]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah.
- [31:34]
Vito
And then you said you had covet. And then they all got turned to a bunch of New York liberal comics.
- [31:40]
Chris DiStefano
Comics. George Jetson's kind of hot.
- [31:42]
Vito
I agree.
- [31:43]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah. Oh, we're on camera. Just leave it in. She is hot, dude. I also, I. Do you think one day I'm gonna get in a movie?
- [32:00]
Vito
I think so.
- [32:02]
Chris DiStefano
What movie do you think I'm gonna get in if I get in one?
- [32:05]
Vito
That's a crazy question. You want me to just name. You want me to make up a random name?
- [32:10]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, yeah. No. Or, like, what kind of genre of a movie?
- [32:15]
Vito
Rom com.
- [32:17]
Chris DiStefano
Right.
- [32:18]
Vito
Dude, I told you this.
- [32:20]
Chris DiStefano
Go over here.
- [32:22]
Vito
I told you this before. That kind of pregnant movie.
- [32:26]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, you were.
- [32:27]
Vito
Would have been much better than who they.
- [32:28]
Chris DiStefano
I would have saved the movie.
- [32:30]
Vito
That movie sucks.
- [32:31]
Chris DiStefano
It didn't stay in the top 10 for very long.
- [32:33]
Vito
Dude, I don't think it was ever in the top 10.
- [32:35]
Chris DiStefano
That's the thing about Netflix now, dude, your movie can. You can have, like, a 40 million, 50 million dollar budget and your just goes away. Yeah.
- [32:42]
Vito
Hulu fam. Hulu or die, bro.
- [32:44]
Chris DiStefano
Hulu. Hulu. Shout out. Hulu. Hulu. Disney. Hulu Disney fam. Hulu Areas, yo. Hulu areas, baby. It's just unfortunate on Hulu Schmulu. Dude, I gotta be honest with you. Seeing Bradley Cooper in person, he's a good looking guy.
- [32:56]
Vito
I was thinking, dude, his hair up.
- [32:57]
Chris DiStefano
In a ponytail, he just looks good.
- [32:59]
Vito
He was just wearing his Eagles crew neck. Like, dude, he was like, he wasn't even trying and he was looking good.
- [33:04]
Chris DiStefano
Dude, that was pretty awesome. See, like, I've always had the inspiration to try to grow my hair on as long as his, but I don't think it would look like his. I know, but I don't.
- [33:12]
Vito
Dude, why don't you take a cheesesteak? I'm like, still mad at you about that.
- [33:15]
Chris DiStefano
Get a cheese stick. Because I'm outside my intermittent fasting window. We were just talking about how good those cheesesteaks were.
- [33:20]
Vito
And then you had the opportunity.
- [33:22]
Chris DiStefano
I don't seize life enough.
- [33:24]
Vito
You were willing to go there.
- [33:27]
Chris DiStefano
I literally, I won. I did everything it took to get onto the movie set and I was right next to him and I did nothing. Instead, I told Jordan Jensen that the reason my skin looks so, so good is because I rubbed my gum on it when I could have been sitting down for a minute with Bradley Cooper and I didn't do it.
- [33:43]
Vito
Yeah, you. You kind of. If you would have just played it cool in there for a little, you probably could have made your way over to the Cooper's den.
- [33:48]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, and I probably could have gone us into the Cooper's Den and I probably would have gotten in a movie.
- [33:52]
Vito
Yeah, but instead you just. You turn into a panicked little boy.
- [33:56]
Chris DiStefano
Like an.
- [33:57]
Vito
And then you said you had Covid on a movie set and then we got thrown out.
- [34:02]
Chris DiStefano
All right, cut. Bill got fired as soon as she did our show.
- [34:06]
Vito
Do you think. Do you have guilt over it? Do you think you caused it?
- [34:10]
Chris DiStefano
Oh, did I cause Sonya Deville to get fired? Yes, I think I did. And then Tom Segura just texted me and Instagram, I'm opening up for him tomorrow at the United center. And he just said, massages tomorrow. And he sent me this video. That's what he said. He goes, massages tomorrow. That's legit. Look at his. Oh my God, look at his face.
- [35:08]
Vito
What do you think you're gonna do in your next set?
- [35:09]
Chris DiStefano
I mean, maybe talk about that. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. He goes massages tomorrow. I'm gonna say 100%. 100%. Gonna get on the early flight. Wait, hold on. Let me see. My. My daughter just sent me a text message that said I think they're looking for something or someone. So I want to see what this video is.
- [35:38]
Chris's Daughter
Hey, dad, this is a video of something that I'm gonna show you that, like. Well, I have to stop the video to show you, but, like, it's really, really cool. Like, I think it's like a helicopter, but it looks like a plane, too. I'll be right back.
- [35:52]
Chris DiStefano
So she thinks like, a helicopter, but it's also a plane too. So let's see.
- [35:57]
Chris's Daughter
Look at that helicopter.
- [36:03]
Chris DiStefano
Doesn't sound as loud.
- [36:04]
Chris's Daughter
No, it's not. It's still here.
- [36:07]
Chris DiStefano
That's crazy. Oh, hold on.
- [36:12]
Chris's Daughter
I don't know if that's, like, bad or something, because, like, it's like, flashing really big. It's not even moving that much.
- [36:20]
Chris DiStefano
You think they're looking for me?
- [36:22]
Vito
Maybe it's ice.
- [36:23]
Chris DiStefano
It could be ice. Looking for them. You girls. You're the Puerto Rican. It's not me. I gotta get a chair like this for my house. This is sick, right?
- [36:31]
Vito
Yeah.
- [36:35]
Chris DiStefano
You know what? It is, too. You know what? You know what was going to make these episodes better? We're filming this today, right now. On a Friday. It'll come out on Tuesday, but this is a Friday. And I think that it's going to be better during the week. You got more guys around during the week? Hey, we saw Bradley Cooper over there. Yeah, he's got his hair up in a bun. Oh, Colin Quinn's here.
- [37:00]
Giannis Pappas
Colin.
- [37:01]
Chris DiStefano
He's directing. What'd you think of my new material?
- [37:06]
Giannis Pappas
Which ones?
- [37:07]
Chris DiStefano
The stuff about Italy and Florence.
- [37:09]
Giannis Pappas
I've heard it before. It's funny. I told you last time.
- [37:12]
Chris DiStefano
Well, but I mean, new in the sense of it's a month old.
- [37:15]
Giannis Pappas
Yeah, I saw it about two weeks ago, Remember?
- [37:18]
Chris DiStefano
Right.
- [37:18]
Giannis Pappas
You don't remember when I said it was funny?
- [37:20]
Chris DiStefano
Thank you. That's. You have it here first, folks. New York City legend Colin Quinn saying it was funny. And that I don't remember him saying. Saying it.
- [37:29]
Giannis Pappas
Yeah. Hell.
- [37:30]
Chris DiStefano
Hell. Oh, you know what else I'm gonna work on today, fellas? My bit about Chat GPT. I actually think it's just a Chinese guy on the other side of the thing who's just a. Smarter than all of us. Just some Chinese kid sitting in Shanghai that has all our answers immediately.
- [37:46]
Giannis Pappas
It's not a bad idea.
- [37:47]
Chris DiStefano
Thank you.
- [37:48]
Giannis Pappas
What about. Yeah, but you're not done with it. I mean, I feel like you still have a lot to do with that stuff. All that stuff about. About all the penises and stuff.
- [37:55]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still. Yeah. I'm trying. I've been trying to talk. Talk through it more. Add. More add. Add a whole thing about Italy. Yeah. Unfortunately, a lot of my material is just surface. Hello? Carmen? I said hello, Carmen. Hi. Oh, hola, mama.
- [38:15]
Vito
Are you sleeping? Sorry.
- [38:16]
Chris DiStefano
No, no, no. We're just. We're just sucked into the content machine like everybody else trying to play the game. Well, I'm gonna have to give away half my. So go. All right. Nothing better than bombing for comics. Where do you live, Rich? What part of the city? Murray Hill. What do you think of Murray Hill? A lot of families there.
- [38:39]
Colin Quinn
I do love. I do love the fact that my son's school is a block away. We have a part block away. And, and, and yeah, I love it. I get here in seven minutes.
- [38:48]
Chris DiStefano
What do you walk here? No, my bike.
- [38:50]
Colin Quinn
My bike.
- [38:51]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, so it's like. So geographically that's a good location. Murray Hill. I think so what street, what street are you buy.
- [38:58]
Colin Quinn
Like closer to first.
- [38:59]
Chris DiStefano
So you're basically third. You're on 34th. So you buy where the. Where the Dalmatian is with the. Right there, that's where. That's your block. Yeah, right. Right over there. It's amazing. Yeah.
- [39:09]
Colin Quinn
And my son's school's right there. Right there. So this is he.
- [39:12]
Chris DiStefano
He.
- [39:12]
Colin Quinn
We have to get him in by 8:30. We leave at 8:25.
- [39:16]
Chris DiStefano
And we're. Right there was a public school. Good school. Great school.
- [39:18]
Colin Quinn
Yeah, Public school, grade school.
- [39:20]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, Great.
- [39:20]
Colin Quinn
Amazing.
- [39:21]
Chris DiStefano
And then you get on a helicopter right there.
- [39:23]
Colin Quinn
I get a helicopter right there. Come to work.
- [39:25]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, yeah, right there.
- [39:26]
Colin Quinn
I land on the roof.
- [39:27]
Chris DiStefano
Me and Judah. That's it.
- [39:29]
Colin Quinn
I take off my mask.
- [39:32]
Chris DiStefano
You can walk around over there. The shot. There's a whole life, whole eco.
- [39:35]
Colin Quinn
Yeah. Like this morning I said hi to. But my trigger in laws in town. Yeah, he's, you know, when he's not busy micromanaging my parenting, he's was amazed at how many people I knew. Just like it's a neighborhood that went from the park. I know that one from the school.
- [39:52]
Chris DiStefano
After school you guys are going to the park, hanging out all day.
- [39:54]
Colin Quinn
Nice. Everybody's in the park. We do like, hey, what are you guys doing Sunday? There's nothing to do Sunday. We get the kids club up the block. You know, we get to go to the Gem Saloon and order the same every you know, so like we have.
- [40:05]
Chris DiStefano
And you're just in the city. You wake up Sunday, there's a brunch thing, there's. I gotta get to the city, right, Rich? Yes. Not Westchester. No, don't. It's too far.
- [40:15]
Colin Quinn
Not best, Chester.
- [40:16]
Chris DiStefano
It's. You gotta be here. Long Island.
- [40:18]
Colin Quinn
I know you're traveling a lot, but it's also.
- [40:20]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, but, but the Manhattan is. I'm in the prime of the career now, Rich.
- [40:25]
Colin Quinn
I felt the tickets, the. The tone change, change, and then I realized. We're filming. The tone changed.
- [40:31]
Chris DiStefano
Yes. And scene. Were you always living in Manhattan? Wow. The New Orleans Jew. They called him the New Orleans Jew.
- [40:43]
Vito
It's two New Orleans comics.
- [40:45]
Chris DiStefano
There's multiple New Orleans comics. This is a great comic. Mark Norman, Rich Aronovich, Sean Patton, Sam Morrow, went to school there. Richard Ronovich. That put a vote in for Murray.
- [40:57]
Giannis Pappas
Hills, where you get a big apartment. But you know, it's a block by block, right. They got all those homeless places there.
- [41:04]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah.
- [41:05]
Giannis Pappas
Nyu, Langone is there too. And secondary.
- [41:08]
Chris DiStefano
I'm gonna. Yeah, I like. Rent ain't cheap, Colin.
- [41:14]
Giannis Pappas
What's that?
- [41:15]
Chris DiStefano
Rent is not cheap these days.
- [41:16]
Giannis Pappas
Tell me, I. I do rent, right?
- [41:18]
Chris DiStefano
Renting's better.
- [41:20]
Giannis Pappas
Why don't you pop into 50 murders, see what's up.
- [41:23]
Chris DiStefano
Do you have anything? Got any problem with me? Problem? Me, I got three kids, don't forget. I need a four bedroom apartment. Not easy to find that house.
- [41:32]
Giannis Pappas
They chop it up because all these young, you know, like people move in together. So they have, you know.
- [41:38]
Chris DiStefano
Right. They.
- [41:39]
Giannis Pappas
They got all kinds of boards.
- [41:40]
Chris DiStefano
The apartment's gonna have to. Wow Jasmine because she wants a house, so I'm gonna have to make it. Going to have to feel like it's a house.
- [41:47]
Giannis Pappas
Well, it feels like almost like some.
- [41:48]
Colin Quinn
Of these there, like fake lofts.
- [41:50]
Giannis Pappas
They're really nice, like semi loft.
- [41:53]
Chris DiStefano
The last person to ask, the last vote, homeless pimp. He lives on Wall Street.
- [42:00]
Vito
He was a F. We was just.
- [42:02]
Chris DiStefano
Talking about 5 do.
- [42:03]
Vito
I was saying it's affordable, but I don't think you would like it.
- [42:06]
Chris DiStefano
I love F. You got all the history there. Stone street, the original British headquarters in the Revolutionary War where Nathan Hale was hung. You were homeless? Hello.
- [42:15]
Vito
You wouldn't be able to handle how like dead it gets on the weekends.
- [42:18]
Chris DiStefano
No, but we would like that, I think. No, no. Right near me. Is it dead on the weekends by you, Colin?
- [42:24]
Giannis Pappas
Battery Park City. What about that?
- [42:25]
Chris DiStefano
Battery Park City's good. Nothing right now on Zillow. Nothing available.
- [42:29]
Vito
What about Chelsea?
- [42:31]
Chris DiStefano
What about. But Chelsea got some hood spots over there too. That's the issue.
- [42:34]
Vito
Chelsea projects.
- [42:35]
Chris DiStefano
But everything outside Chelsea's blocked the block too.
- [42:37]
Vito
No, no, there's like.
- [42:38]
Chris DiStefano
What parts of Manhattan aren't safe anymore. Anymore.
- [42:41]
Vito
There's block. If you're gonna go block to block, then you can't go to any neighborhood. Every neighborhood has a bad.
- [42:46]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah.
- [42:49]
Giannis Pappas
Don'T even think about that. The main thing is most of the. I would say the only places that are semi affordable are either. That's close enough. Maybe somewhere in the like you said, five district. You know what I mean? 50 Murray.
- [43:09]
Chris DiStefano
Murray Hill. Upper east side is not a bad idea. What about Upper west side? Too expensive.
- [43:14]
Giannis Pappas
Yeah, well, no, but Lincoln Plaza, maybe.
- [43:16]
Chris DiStefano
Wait, and that's families up there. Where are the most families? Upper west is where really good schools too, right?
- [43:26]
Vito
P.S.
- [43:26]
Chris DiStefano
199.
- [43:27]
Vito
Great school.
- [43:28]
Chris DiStefano
P.S. 199 is where she would be. We've got to be in that. What street that on? Yeah, what's on 60s.
- [43:34]
Vito
That's on 66th and Broadway. Between Broadway and West End Blood Band.
- [43:38]
Giannis Pappas
That's cool.
- [43:41]
Vito
No, wait, I'm mixing it up. You're thinking about Martin Luther King on 66th. Yeah. That was the first school of metal detectors in the city.
- [43:50]
Chris DiStefano
Colin's part of the West End. Westies for Biggs, my man. We were just talking about Mike for Big. Let's veto. In the car ride home, he said you're the first joke that he ever knew. To quote was Wiffle Ball Tony.
- [44:07]
Vito
It's the first joke I ever knew the name of.
- [44:08]
Chris DiStefano
No kidding. That's what he said. We were talking about it Is this video or photo? We're doing a. Yeah, it's just where I'm. I'm doing my podcast now rather than sitting in a studio. I'm just doing in little 15 minute increments, just what's called Tony, if you want a story.
- [44:24]
Mark Norman
Yes, with football, Tony was. I was in. I was playing. Oh, Wiffle ball. Tony was. I was playing in Pittsburgh. It's probably like 2005, something like that, playing in Pittsburgh. Like improv. And the guy who opened it for me was doing this super pro George W. Bush bit pro war, Iraq war, all this shit that I didn't really agree with. I've never done a political joke before. And I was like, I'm not gonna tell him not to do the joke, but I'll write a counter joke.
- [44:51]
Chris DiStefano
Right.
- [44:51]
Mark Norman
So then I wrote Wiffle Ball Tony. This is the whole analogy about George W. Bush and the, you know, throwing. Throwing hamburgers at people and all that shit.
- [44:59]
Chris DiStefano
Right?
- [44:59]
Mark Norman
And it was literally. I was like, okay. I guess this is how people end up writing comedy sometimes.
- [45:04]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah.
- [45:04]
Mark Norman
Because you're just like, I'm not. You probably had this before where someone opens and you're like, ah, yeah, this fucking bit. I gotta follow this bit?
- [45:11]
Chris DiStefano
This shit? Yeah. Yeah. And so you just. So you just wrote it over, like a weekend kind of.
- [45:15]
Mark Norman
I wrote it in a day?
- [45:16]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah. In one day? Yeah, that's it. And now it became Vito's favorite thing. Is Vito's favorite joke a throwaway joke of Vito's? Like, that's gold. Yeah. Good.
- [45:24]
Mark Norman
Oh, man.
- [45:25]
Chris DiStefano
All right. How's your night? I like that jacket, by the way. Thanks, man. It was. This is a.
- [45:30]
Mark Norman
This is a. This is a costume from the. The movie Annie. Not the original.
- [45:35]
Chris DiStefano
Right.
- [45:36]
Mark Norman
The reboot.
- [45:36]
Chris DiStefano
Well, I was gonna say, here's a compliment for you, for Berglia. A lot of times, guys don't look good with their jackets buttoned up. You look good with it unbuttoned, but you look good with it buttoned, which is a rare thing for people. How you doing, man?
- [45:49]
Mark Norman
It's good to see you.
- [45:50]
Chris DiStefano
I'm doing good, man. Doing good. We're talking about. I'm trying to say. I'm trying to convince my family to move to Manhattan where Colin was turned.
- [45:57]
Vito
Away from your face.
- [45:58]
Chris DiStefano
Colin Quinn was telling me what neighborhoods to avoid.
- [46:00]
Mark Norman
Oh, okay.
- [46:01]
Chris DiStefano
And what neighborhoods to go towards. What do you say to. He told me to avoid. What did he say? To avoid? No, no. He said. He said no. He advocated for Murray Hill.
- [46:12]
Mark Norman
Yeah. Smart.
- [46:13]
Chris DiStefano
No fidai near Fi di where he is. He advocated for his building, for his neighborhood. He was advocating for not only his neighbor, he was advocating for his actual building.
- [46:21]
Mark Norman
I'll go Upper west.
- [46:22]
Chris DiStefano
Upper west.
- [46:23]
Mark Norman
Upper west is nice and calm. I used to live there.
- [46:25]
Chris DiStefano
Families up there. You think?
- [46:27]
Mark Norman
Yeah. This neighborhood I would not live in. I used to live here.
- [46:29]
Chris DiStefano
Do not do this.
- [46:30]
Mark Norman
Too much action.
- [46:31]
Chris DiStefano
Right?
- [46:31]
Mark Norman
Too loud.
- [46:32]
Chris DiStefano
Too loud.
- [46:32]
Vito
And this was the number one they were suggesting.
- [46:34]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah. Colin said West Village is. Is the classic one to always live in.
- [46:38]
Mark Norman
Well, that West Village is different, though. That's there.
- [46:40]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah.
- [46:41]
Mark Norman
That's west from here. This is Greenwich Village. I don't think Greenwich Village.
- [46:44]
Chris DiStefano
Right, right.
- [46:44]
Mark Norman
I used to live in western Sullivan.
- [46:46]
Chris DiStefano
Oh, wow.
- [46:47]
Mark Norman
Ground floor. And it was loud.
- [46:48]
Chris DiStefano
That's wild.
- [46:48]
Mark Norman
Yeah.
- [46:49]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so I think the upper west side is looking like it might be the answer.
- [46:53]
Mark Norman
Right, Chrissy. I gotta see Chrissy. New jokes, Chrissy.
- [46:55]
Chris DiStefano
New jokes, baby. I'm. I'm going up next.
- [46:57]
Mark Norman
All right, I'll watch you.
- [46:58]
Chris DiStefano
All right, baby. I don't know how much. I don't know how much of that. And this is. I'm really not. Just say this, because this is the first time we've ever done this as a pod. Those two. I had three sets. The first set was good. The second and third sets were the maybe two of the worst sets I've had in the last five years of doing comedy.
- [47:19]
Vito
I thought the third one was good.
- [47:20]
Chris DiStefano
No, the audience reaction. And then how bad Jim set was on the first show was. I, I. I'm telling you, I haven't seen the crowds this bad in years.
- [47:31]
Vito
You had that crowd until you said. Until you said the F word until I closed.
- [47:38]
Chris DiStefano
But you quoted it.
- [47:39]
Vito
Wasn't you saying it was quoted?
- [47:40]
Chris DiStefano
I just know. And you probably. You actually, we probably will show this. You think we'll show it the end of that? Why not? Well, if you don't see it, just know that I was having a good set until at the very end, I said that somebody called me a cracker. We were there in D.C. the day before Trump got inaugurated, and we were just walking down the block, and we're just walking, having a nice day, and this, this black guy sitting on the steps, they just. For no reason, they're out of nowhere. We're just walking. I say, hi, and the guy goes, you two are cracker. And that's the name of this episode. Oh, we have to do ads, right?
- [48:22]
Vito
Yeah, we'll do them in your driveway.
- [48:24]
Chris DiStefano
Should we just do them while I'm driving?
- [48:26]
Vito
No, because you have to read them, and I don't do. You're. You're not a straight driver.
- [48:31]
Chris DiStefano
You what? You don't, you don't. You don't feel comfortable with my driving?
- [48:34]
Vito
No, I feel comfortable with your driving. But, like, sometimes you do this thing where you, like, some people text and drive you full on. Like, read and drive.
- [48:41]
Chris DiStefano
I know, right? And you. And you feel like the car swerves.
- [48:44]
Vito
Not swerves, but you'll fully be in somebody else's lane, and you'll be like. And they'll honk you, and you'll be like this.
- [48:49]
Chris DiStefano
Hi, dude. That's one thing I've noticed. I'm starting to get a lot more Chinese people that know who I am. How are we getting. How are we getting the Chinese? This is great.
- [49:00]
Vito
Yeah, that's a. That's a market we really need to break into.
- [49:02]
Chris DiStefano
Well, I've been trying to get Ronnie Chang on the podcast, and he won't do it.
- [49:05]
Vito
Do you think it's cuz you're stealing his name?
- [49:07]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah, he. My name. If you're ever at the comedy seller and you see a lot of us put fake names and my fake name is Donnie Chang. So if you ever see Donnie Chang, that's. I feel like at times, like depending on the set, I feel like the first crowd, the first crowd, the crowd knew who I was. But the second and third, they did it. The first crowd felt like for some reason they were like actual fans there. So that's the thing with stand up comedy is you don't want to perform for your fans all the time because you know they already know you. They know your cadence, they know your rhythm. So they'll laugh at things that may not be as funny as they actually are. You want to perform for people who don't know who you are at all. Yeah. Because then, like, if you can get them to laugh, that's good. This guy's wearing a. I don't know if he's wearing two jackets or just a dress and a jacket. And I thought it was a man. What can you do, Vito? If somebody stole my car, Vito literally. Vito goes, asks if he can go get the battery from the car and then he calls me because he didn't know what. He turned my car on with the keys. And now whatever gas that we just guzzled. You're paying for it, Vito.
- [50:28]
Vito
Yeah, I mean, I had to google how to. How to lock your car?
- [50:31]
Chris DiStefano
Yeah. Vito literally was googling how to lock my car. How did you not know how to lock it?
- [50:36]
Vito
Because the fucking button. The lock button doesn't have a button on.
- [50:39]
Chris DiStefano
No. You know why you don't have. Cuz you got a Nissan Rogue. You cracker. You got me. That's it. We did our shows, we drove around. Now we got a whisper. Cuz the kids are sleeping and if I wake one of them up, Jasmine's going to come down and hit me in the head with a can of diet coke. Even though we scanned it on Yukon, it gets a 31 out of 100.