Chris And Jaz Go To WAR Over Garage Doors

Summary

Podcast Summary: Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos

Episode: Chris And Jaz Go To WAR Over Garage Doors
Date: April 29, 2026
Host: Chris Distefano
Guests: Jasmine (Jaz), Vito ("Baby Teeth")

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Main Theme

This episode is chaotic domestic comedy at its best. Chris and his fiancée Jasmine ("Jaz") attempt to resolve an escalating feud with their garage door installers—live from the new “Chaos Bus” (the trunk of their car parked outside their house). The episode swerves between relationship dynamics, home improvement drama, parenting stories, and unrehearsed physical therapy. Vito returns as the ever-dry sidekick, capturing the unpredictable family-and-friends energy that makes Chrissy Chaos so unique.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The New "Chaos Bus" Format

• Chris unveils a new mobile podcast setup, broadcasting from the trunk of his car, dubbed "the Chaos Bus."
• He invites fans to suggest locations for future episodes.
• The tone is relaxed, experimental, and self-deprecating.

Quote:

“I’m coming to you live from my trunk, aka the Chaos Bus… No relation to the Bang Bus. This is the Chaos Bus, we’re banging podcasts.” — Chris (01:10)

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2. Sleepless Night and Dog Antics

• Chris and Jaz's night was disrupted by their dog, Josephine, having diarrhea at 2am.
• There's a recurring thread of pet misadventures: Josephine gets her head stuck under the fence and now sports a shock collar (which Jaz once tested on Chris for laughs).

Quote:

"Josephine’s here. She’s got a shock collar on that Jasmine did test out on my balls, so we know it works." — Chris (02:52)

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3. Couple Dynamics and Comedy

• Chris attempts affectionate on-air banter, which Jasmine shoots down in mock annoyance, poking fun at their relationship.
• They joke about Chris "having to drive" Jaz to the dentist, which segues into a real argument about driving competence and family logistics.
• Jaz is teased about her upcoming dental implant ("fake tooth"). Chris presses for a kiss on camera, and it devolves into a slapstick refusal.

Memorable Exchange:

Chris: “Jazz, just give me a kiss.”
Jaz: “Stop it. People are watching... No means no.” (05:47–05:59)

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4. The Garage Door WAR

• The central “war” is over newly-installed garage doors that Chris and Jasmine deem ugly, cheap, and poorly fitted (notably, a huge gap at the bottom).
• They stage practice phone calls on how to confront the door company—satirizing aggressive customer service interactions.
• Jaz ultimately marches off to tell the installers to stop the job, which leads to debates about deposits and how to handle contractors.

Quote:

“There’s a huge gap. The doors look like crap. Jasmine actually said this morning, ‘Do you want to talk to them or do you want me to talk to them?’ I said I’d like to talk to them first, because the last thing I need is you talking to them and then you get arrested.” — Chris (06:23)

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5. Wedding and Family Chatter

• Jaz confirms their wedding will be on Father’s Day, leading to teasing about conflicting invitations with Vito.
• They playfully bicker about missing each other's family events and about parenting routines.

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6. Planning a Honeymoon and Family Vacations

• Chris wants the family included in their honeymoon to Europe; Jaz firmly wants it to be adults-only. They also debate whether to bring the dog, Josephine.

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7. Standup Comedy Gig for the Mets

• Chris describes a difficult comedy gig for the New York Mets’ charity foundation, joking about the low team morale and his own struggles on stage.
• He recounts being “paid” in whoopie pies, which his kids quickly ate.

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8. Physical Therapy Skit

• In a running bit, Chris (a physical therapist by training) offers Jaz an impromptu shoulder examination in the "Chaos Bus," while neighbors gawk from the street.
• This becomes an amusing mix of actual advice and sitcom-level awkwardness.

Quote:

“This is where we’re doing the physical therapy—in Josephine’s bed, because it’s comfortable.” — Chris (18:44)

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9. Division of Labor

• Chris admits he usually passes off difficult domestic confrontations to Jaz, especially with contractors—calling her his "warrior."
• Vito and Chris debate what’s the right strategy: finish the garage job or cut their losses.

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10. Parenting, T-Ball, and Generational Patterns

• Chris (proud dad mode) tells stories about his daughter’s leadership at T-ball and the chaos of early childhood sports.
• He reflects on broader themes: family cycles, asking for help, masculinity, and vulnerability with Vito.

Quote:

“I do have somewhat of a woman’s brain. I have the type of brain where I will ask a man for directions, where most men won’t do that. I will do that.” — Chris (41:35)

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11. Vegas vs. Atlantic City / Wrestlemania Anecdotes

• Vito describes the weird atmosphere in Vegas during Wrestlemania and bachelorette parties clashing with wrestling fans.
• They mock the parade of “wrestling guys” and discuss celebrity boundaries with fans.

Quote:

“You get there and everywhere you look is wrestling fans wearing shorts and T-shirts... Just guys playing Dungeons & Dragons.” — Vito & Chris (46:34–46:50)

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12. Final Showdown: The Garage Door Decision

• Jaz returns after confronting the workers: she insists they stop, declaring the doors too cheap. The outcome is unclear—Chris is nervous about lost deposits and household logistics.
• The episode winds down with rapid-fire banter, callbacks, and Chris promoting upcoming stand-up dates.

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Chaos Bus Unveiled:
  “I’m coming to you live from my trunk, aka the Chaos Bus… No relation to the Bang Bus.” — Chris (01:10)
• Dog Drama:
  “Josephine’s here. She’s got a shock collar on that Jasmine did test out on my balls.” — Chris (02:52)
• Relationship Banter:
  “No means no.” — Jaz (05:59)
• Garage Door Face-Off:
  “There’s a huge gap. The doors look like crap.” — Chris (06:23)
  “My doors are cheap as shit. You have to change them.” — Jasmine as customer (07:06)
• PT Sketch:
  “This is where we’re doing the physical therapy—in Josephine’s bed, because it’s comfortable.” — Chris (18:44)
  “You have no idea what you’re doing.” — Jaz (20:32)
• Philosophy:
  “If it’s not going to matter in five years, don’t give it more than five seconds.” — Chris (approx. 35:00)
• Family Dynamics:
  “You know what I respect about you is… you have no problem being like, hey, let me pick your brain.” — Vito (41:58)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|---------| | 00:00–02:43 | Chaos Bus introduction, dog chaos, lack of sleep | | 04:05–06:22 | First on-air argument with Jasmine; podcast affection rebuffed | | 06:23–08:09 | Role-playing confrontations with garage door installers | | 10:00–11:43 | Wedding and family scheduling conflicts | | 13:10–13:59 | Mets charity gig recap | | 16:53–18:44 | Physical therapy skit with Jasmine | | 25:10–26:01 | Action: Jasmine confronts door installers | | 33:10–34:47 | Jasmine returns, scolds garage installers, details next steps | | 41:29–41:58 | Discussion on seeking/giving advice, masculinity, vulnerability | | 46:07–48:50 | Atlantic City vs. Vegas, Wrestlemania chaos, fan boundaries | | 53:03–End | Resolution: Garage door debacle winds down; callbacks and standup promotion |

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is fast, irreverent, and driven by Chris’s self-deprecating humor. Real-life hassles—broken doors, dog problems, family chaos—blend with bits and ad-libs that make the show both relatable and unpredictable. Jasmine’s deadpan, matter-of-fact responses and Vito’s dry wit provide perfect foils to Chris’s manic positivity.

For newcomers: This episode spotlights the best of Chrissy Chaos: domestic stress as performance art, inside jokes, and a willingness to make mundane annoyances hilarious content.

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For Next Week

• Will the garage door get fixed?
• Will Chris’s physical therapy career resurface?
• Where will the Chaos Bus park next?

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For more chaos:
Chrissy Chaos drops Wednesdays on YouTube (3pm). Hit up chrisdcomedy.com for live shows and follow @chrisdcomedy everywhere.

Transcript

[A]

What do they call it? Bin Laden. Where did he live? A compound. Yeah. This is the Chaos Compound. What's up, everybody? Welcome to Chrissy Chaos. I'm coming to you live from my trunk, AKA known as the Chaos Bus. Here's the new way the show is going to work, okay? I'm going to be coming to you from as many different locations as I can each week from my trunk. I'm going to pop the trunk and I'm going to sit in the back of it. So I want to mostly be in New York City, but. But I'll be anywhere. So I want you to like and subscribe to YouTube.com ChristyComedy because every Wednesday, Chrissy Chaos is coming at you, okay? We're gonna try to get you up by 3pm and then I want the. Huh. Put the dog inside. Can you hear the dog on the camera?

[B]

I think it's fine.

[A]

She's fine. Let her out here. You can let her out here because she's got the electric collar now. Let her go. Let her run around. All right, that's Jasmine just coming downstairs. Jasmine. We're gonna try to get Jasmine to come on to the show. We have some questions to ask her. So. Yeah, like and subscribe. YouTube.com Christy Comedy we're coming at you. I want you to comment below. Where do you want the Chaos Bus to come? You know, we go the Chaos Bus. We're calling it the Chaos Bus. Jazz. No relation to the Bang Bus. This is the Chaos Bus, where banging podcast. Now, guys, here's the truth, okay? Is I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm gonna be honest with you. I didn't get much sleep last night. Josephine, my dog had diarrhea in the crate at 2am and we were up from about 2am to 5am because Jasmine has now decided to move the dog's crate into our bedroom, which I don't want to be doing at all. But she used to be downstairs and now she's in our bedroom. And so we were awoken. My whoop, which is tracking my sleep, has told me that I'm at 32% recovery right now. So your boy is not really feeling that great. But I'm here for y'. All. I took a ketone IQ shot. They're not a sponsor, but it does feel good. And I've drank three iced coffees. It's 9:30 in the morning, so I'm prepared. I'm pumped. I'm fighting my allergies. I'm fighting my allergies. And Al Qaeda as we speak. That's what I'm doing. Vito. Kalis. Vito, AKA Baby Teeth, is standing off to the side of the camera. He's got a rolling camera. Oh, here we go. Josephine. What the. Hey, Josephine. How you doing? All right, so Josephine's here. Josephine's here. Why are you doing? Baby, stay away from Vito. He's allergic to you. He's allergic to you. He's allergic to you. So what we got now, Josephine has a shock collar that her head was

[C]

stuck under the fence.

[A]

Her head was stuck under the fence.

[C]

I just had to, like, release her.

[A]

Is that why she was crying?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, snap.

[C]

Her head was under the fence.

[A]

Josephine is here. She's got a shock collar on that. Jasmine did test out on my balls, so we know it works.

[B]

Was she, like, getting, like, shocked, like.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No, no, no. She was. No, there's no. There's no fence there.

[A]

What do you mean?

[C]

There's no electric sign.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Right, right, right. That's crazy. You think she could have died if we didn't come and save her stupid

[C]

head sticking out from under the fence.

[A]

Okay, so here we go. Jasmine. I also want to say Violet's teacher told us that she made this. This is what Violet, our daughter, made. Oh, look, here's a ketone IQ shot in the box Violet made. She said a little building for us, and then the. Violet ran away. And I know that's lice. Yeah, this is. This is the children's lice that we've. We put on there. Violet's teacher, when Violet ran away, was like, you can just throw it out. No, I swear.

[C]

No. Is there something in it?

[A]

No, that's just kind of. That's it. It's just a. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I'm not throwing this out.

[A]

All right, so we got Jasmine here. We got.

[C]

This is filthy, huh? This filthy?

[A]

Yeah, but we're trying to hide the license plate. Just sit down. You sit down. What the hell is wrong?

[C]

Wait.

[A]

What the. Look at this. Look at this. So we got everybody in the dog here. So now how does it feel to be.

[C]

Look, that's all she wanted. She almost killed herself.

[A]

How does it feel to be the first guest getting banged with podcasts inside the chaos Bus? What? This is called the Chaos Bus is what we're doing now. And we're banging people with podcasts.

[C]

What you're doing, Chris, like you don't know what to do anymore. What is this?

[A]

This is what we're doing now is we decided that because we had our first guest on Big Nick tutorial last week, and we had a lot of fun down on Prince street, right? And we brought pizza. Your sneakers are dirty from trying to

[C]

dig out her head.

[A]

Yeah, look at how dirty her paws are. She don't care. She don't care.

[C]

This is disgusting.

[A]

So what we're doing is because you. So we were gonna. We wanted to take the Chaos Bus into the city, but because you have a dentist appointment in Staten island and I have to drive you.

[C]

I love how he's like, I have to drive you. I didn't ask him once, okay? So I did not say, chris, take me to the Dense. I would have found my way there. If I have to drive there, if I have to get someone else to drive me there, if I have to take an Uber, whatever.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

I never want.

[A]

So what am I hearing? If I have to drive there? You're not going to drive there. Because every time you drive within a mile outside this town, you crash the car. That's one, two. Who's going to drive you there? TT Jerry's car breaks down every other day. God knows what the hell he's doing. 3. If you take an Uber there, we have to pay for it. So the only option is for me to take you to Staten island so you can get a fake tooth put in.

[C]

This is why you bring me on, huh? This is why you bring me on.

[A]

I'm just kidding. I love you. No, come on. Give me just.

[C]

Chaz, I'm not kissing you like this.

[A]

Jazz. I honestly, like. I actually brought you on to tell you how much I love you and how excited I am for the upcoming who does this? No. Give me a kiss. Seriously.

[C]

No.

[A]

Chaz, just give me a kiss.

[C]

Stop it. People are watching.

[A]

But it's something that the fans like.

[C]

People are watching because you wanted to take our.

[A]

And then this could be the clip.

[C]

Our bushes away.

[A]

Come on, just be the clip.

[B]

Creepy as the Bang Bus guys do

[A]

come through right now.

[C]

Yeah, I'm feeling very uncomfortable. It'll get your hands on me. Can you stop? No means no.

[A]

Welcome to the Chaos Bus. Josephine. Come on, Josephine. Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. You want to lick your butt? I'll lick your butt.

[C]

Are we in trouble?

[A]

Excuse me?

[C]

Are we in trouble?

[A]

No, we're not in trouble. But I'll tell you who's in trouble, and we're gonna. Vito will cut to. This is the frickin garage door. Guys, There's a huge gap. The doors look like crap, okay? And Jasmine actually said this morning she Said, do you want to talk to them or do you want me to talk to them? I said I'd like to talk to them first because the last thing I need is you talking to them and then you get arrested.

[C]

I'm not gonna get arrested. I'm just gonna be a little aggressive. You have to put your foot down sometimes, especially when they're trying to scam you.

[A]

Let's practice it right now. I'm the garage door owner. You call me. So. So call me. I'm picking up the phone. Hello?

[C]

Good morning, sir.

[A]

Yeah. What? Yes, who is this?

[C]

Hi, this is Jasmine from Blah Blah Blah.

[A]

Okay. What's the issue?

[C]

My doors are cheap as shit. You have to change them.

[A]

Well, you picked them.

[C]

No, no, no. You never showed me this. It's completely different from the description. I can't pay the rest of the money. Sorry. Come get your doors.

[A]

Well, I put. I, I, I showed you in the magazine that these were the doors we were giving you. So what's the problem?

[C]

He doesn't sound like that, but that's

[A]

how he sounds in my head. What's the problem with the doors?

[C]

Maybe. Do you want me to call them?

[A]

Huh?

[C]

I'm gonna be nice.

[A]

All right, you, You. All right. So you. Let's reverse it. I'll be the garage door guy. I mean, I'll be. You're the garage door guy. I'm calling to complain. All right. Pick up the phone.

[C]

Do I have to do that accent?

[A]

Pick up the phone.

[C]

I'm not doing that accent.

[A]

Pick up the phone.

[C]

Yes, Hello?

[A]

Yeah, hi, my name's Chris. I. Are you doing the garage door job?

[C]

Uh huh.

[A]

Okay. Well, the door is a little bit uneven.

[C]

Uneven? Is your house uneven?

[A]

Well, and the material. And the material is not up to par. And I would like a repo.

[C]

The material is just as described.

[A]

Give me back the money, you fucking.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And that's how you do it, Grizz.

[C]

Oh, my God. Just kidding. We'll be living out of this.

[A]

Josephine. You see how Josephine got up? Because Josephine is 25% German. Separate. So she heard the word Jew and she was like, scheinder. Kidding.

[C]

I'm just kidding.

[A]

You little. So, Jaz, come here. So first of all, you haven't been on the podcast. We've only heard your voice, but we're, we're happy to have you. Are you going to listen to me?

[C]

I'm listening to you. I got to clean the baby's face.

[A]

So today we're going to Staten Island. Now, is this the final dental visit to get your fake tooth put in.

[C]

This is. Yeah. If we have to talk about this. Yeah. Final visit.

[A]

Where's the tooth getting put in.

[C]

In your ass.

[A]

Really? Ooh. I didn't know it was my birthday.

[C]

Maybe. Why do we have to talk about mine, too?

[A]

All right, so what would you like to talk about? What is something that. Like, are you looking forward to the wedding?

[C]

I am looking forward to the wedding.

[A]

We did it. We're doing it on Father's Day.

[C]

Do you have a problem with that?

[A]

I don't have a problem with that, but I think some of our guests, as they find out that it's on Father's Day, they're a little like, what are we doing? Like, Vito as a father.

[C]

We'll do on Father's Day anyway.

[A]

Is this your first Father's Day?

[B]

No, it's my second.

[A]

If this was your first Father's Day, would you be coming to our wedding for real?

[B]

Yes. At night? You don't. Who does Father's Day at night?

[A]

Puerto Ricans. They do everything at night.

[C]

Father's Day at all. Like, what do you usually do on Father's Day?

[B]

I've only had one, so.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. What did you do on your first Father's Day?

[B]

We went to. Well, she was, like, a month old, so we, like, went. We just, like, sat together in the apartment.

[A]

You sat together in the apartment? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I. I really don't think. I don't think that Father's Day is a.

[A]

Well, and how about this? You ready for this? We invited you to our wedding, and you accepted, and you're coming on Father's Day, and then you invited us to your daughter's birthday party, and Jasmine said, we can't go.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Stop it.

[A]

Jasmine. Why can't we go to Vito's daughter's

[C]

birthday party eating a Kit Kat.

[A]

She's eating a Kit Kat. Yeah. Yeah. Josephine is like, oh, shit.

[C]

We actually. We have another birthday party that day that we already RSVP to.

[A]

Guys, I want to talk to you about Rag and Bone, Miramar. I got the. Dude, they're like. They look like jeans, but they're sweats. They're sweatpants. So you're comfortable walking around in them, having a good time in them. But. And they literally people like, oh, nice jeans. I'm like, they're sweats. And then I pull it back and I show them my bulge. Dude. Rag and Bone, Miramar. I've never felt a product like this. The texture is amazing. They are so comfy, wumpy. I perform in them, you could go out to, like a beautiful dinner in them and, like, just be chilling and eating a nice dinner. Farting in your sweatpants like you're at home. But then everyone thinks you have jeans on. I really, really like them. Rag and Bone does really, really cool stuff. I got them in, like a light, like, denim blue, and I also have black. And they're awesome. They're designed with real details. What I love, too, they got the functional pockets, the zip ones. You know, they close with the zipper. That's the best. Like these. Nothing ever falls out. I need a zipper pocket. I always need two. I mean, it's not rag and bone Miramar for the second one. But I always. I need two things in my life, and that's a zipper pocket and a bidet. You're never going to feel better with your zipper pocket and your asshole just fully power washed. So. Rag and Bone Miramar. What they did is specifically, it's Rag and Bone's revolutionary printing technique that makes ultra soft fabrics like terry cloth and stretch knits look exactly like real denim. So that's what you got to do. And it's time to upgrade your denim with Rag and Bone. For a limited time, our listeners get 20% off their entire order or with code [e-mail]. that's 20% off at rag-bone.com with promo code Chrissy. When they ask where you heard about them, please support our show and let them know we sent you. Why are there so many wrappers and glue sticks in the back over here? This is what it is with kids here.

[C]

Happy Father's Day. Clean out the car.

[A]

Whose earring is this? Let me see if my hole still opens.

[C]

Oh, I'm sure it is.

[A]

Oh, okay. So you're on. So we got the wedding coming up. Okay, now the other debacle is r. What are we doing about Europe? Are we going just me and you, or are we going with the family?

[C]

We're going just me and you. I want to have, like an actual honeymoon. Is that okay?

[A]

Yes, it is. But it's like, why can't, like, I want to do things with the kids. Why can't we bring them? Why can't me and you just go? Why can't me and you just go on a honeymoon? Like upstairs?

[C]

Can we bring Josephine? Joey, you want to go to Europe?

[A]

No, I don't want to bring Josephine to Europe.

[C]

I want to go to Europe. Come here.

[A]

So yesterday. Look at this. Let's do this. Yesterday I did a gig for the Mets. I did a corporate gig for one of their beautiful foundations over there. And let me tell you something. It was a very difficult gig, okay? The. The. You know, the team hasn't been playing the best. I don't think the spirits were that great in the. In the room yesterday, and it was just a really, really difficult job. But I had the benefit of going up last. So I was watching what was working from the other comedians, what wasn't working. So I just called the elephant out in the room, and I said. I said to them, I said, look, comedy was a bad idea for this, okay? Comedy was a bad idea. The Mets are not in a position right now to be laughing at stuff. So comedy was a bad idea. I said, the only one having fun is Code I Senga, because he doesn't speak English. That's all I said. And then I said that I look like former Mets player Harrison Bader. And that got a laugh because he, you know, we were performed for the Mets. And then I said that. And then I. And then I started making. Of course you knew me and Chrissy D. Fashion. I started making Grindr jokes, and I said that my name on Grindr was at Harrison Bader, and that got some laughs. And then that's about it. And then the rest of it bombed. And then I was paid by my friend Josh, who was running the event in. He gave me three whoopie pies, which my children ate this morning. I was looking forward to one, but I got three whoopie pies. Vito, you're looking at me. Have you ever had these Mets whoopie pies?

[B]

I did have one.

[A]

They're very good. Jasmine didn't think so, though. If I'm gonna be honest, Jasmine was being a little bit too bad I'm

[C]

the one who ate them.

[A]

Girl, we know you better not be.

[C]

It's not normal. Like, we have neighbors driving by looking at us.

[A]

What is. What is normal about. I'm doing a show called I'm coming you live from the chaos bus. What do you think is normal? Okay, and we better. Oh, yes. The show is called Chrissy Kiss, and we're probably gonna have to start a Patreon because I'm gonna need new garage doors because there's no way I would be able to beat the guy from Israel. I'm gonna have to pay him in

[C]

full price because you're gonna talk too nice to him.

[A]

Okay, so then, you know what, Jaz, you'll do it, and I'll secretly record it. So we'd all, in addition to giving us whoopie pies. They also gave me this. And we'd like to do a little unboxing here of what the Mets gave us.

[C]

We.

[A]

Oh, a little Juan Soto Picture this, Will, this could go up live in the chaos bus. Oh, here's the mailman or mail person. Sorry. So we got this. A little Juan Soto. What is this?

[C]

Oh, you love this.

[A]

Sounds pretty.

[B]

That's a jersey piece.

[A]

What do you mean? This is a piece of his actual jersey.

[C]

Like, an actual jersey.

[A]

Do you feel that? You want to feel Juan Soto's butt?

[C]

Are we. No, we're good blocking.

[A]

No, we're not blocking the thing. He's got plenty of room. We're not blocking thing. Hey, what's up, man? We're not blocking the thing. So we got a Juan Soto jersey. That's great. Look, this is. This is the hat that we brought Violet home in.

[C]

Where did that come from?

[A]

Yeah. I don't know why it's in the car. I don't know why it's in the cup holder in the back of my car.

[B]

When she was born.

[A]

No, no. So that means that somewhere along the way, we transferred Violets hat. That the first moment she was born is in the cup holder with KitKat and Eminem wrappers in her hat. So this should probably be in the memento.

[C]

We already live in here.

[A]

I'm gonna. This should. I should stuff this in the Juan Soto jersey. Okay, so we got that. So thanks for that. Oh, we got blue and orange paper. That's nice.

[C]

This episode sucks.

[A]

Well, no, it doesn't. And then. And then. And then we got this. Oh, how's that?

[C]

You're the cutest like that.

[A]

That's good material. Oh, I like doing that, Josephine. Okay.

[C]

After the mailman.

[A]

All right, and then. Oh, this. This feels weighty. Whatever this is. Let's see what this is. Oh, that's nice. You like that, Vito? Anything. Anything sticking out to you that you like.

[B]

That's nice, man. That's a good, like, athletic, like.

[A]

Yeah, right. All right, Exactly. Which gets me to my next point. Thank you, Vito. Vito's a big segway guy. Have you. You know, Jaz, what I'd like and I'm not doing. I'm not exploring physical therapy because my comedy career is in trouble, and we need the money, and we need to find another stream of revenue. I'm not doing it for that reason.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

I'm not. What I'm. I'd like to just. You know, my mother had told me when I left physical therapy, to do comedy. She was like, can you please just make sure that you keep your license up to date? Which I didn't do. And can you please just keep your physical therapy skills sharp just in case? And I said, okay. And then I. And then I haven't done that. But now recently, I've gotten to the point where I said, you know what? I should start doing that. So I want to know. I was. You know, first of all, hi, my name is Chris Estefano, dpt.

[C]

Hello. Jasmine.

[A]

Hi. What. What brings you. What brings you in here today?

[C]

You asked me to come and sit in our car.

[A]

Okay. Well, I. Do you have any injuries? I noticed you have a new tooth.

[C]

No, I don't have it yet.

[A]

Is there anything. Is there anything that's been bothering you?

[C]

No.

[A]

Do you have any pain in your body?

[C]

I actually do. You know, when I usually ask you to help me, you're like, I don't know what to do. I haven't done that in so long.

[A]

Well, now that we can use it as content, I'd be willing to do it. Can you. Can you. Can she be behind the bushes like that?

[C]

Yeah, she's okay.

[A]

Okay. Can you. Can you tell me where you have some pain?

[C]

Yeah, my lower. My lower back on my left side.

[A]

Okay. All right, so what I'd like you to do is.

[C]

This is so embarrassing.

[A]

Okay? So if you could just. If so hold on. If you could just pop out for a second. Hold on one second. Let me just move stuff out of the way.

[C]

Oh, my God. Hold on, hold on. Embarrassed.

[A]

So if you could just lay.

[C]

Don't look at me.

[A]

Hold on. If you could just lay in that.

[C]

I'm not laying in the dog bed.

[A]

But that's where my physical therapy. Like in the chaos bus. This is where we do physical therapy. Can you just lay. Can you just lay in there?

[C]

What is happening to you?

[A]

This is where we're doing. The physical therapy is in. This is Josephine's bed because it's comfortable.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Can you do it?

[C]

Where do you want. I'm not laying in her bed. I'm not laying in her bed.

[A]

But I have to. I have to work on your lower back.

[C]

Okay, so then we need to move this out of the way because I'm not laying in her bed. Also. What. I'm gonna be ass up in the camera.

[A]

Yeah, we're trying to get views

[C]

here. You want to work on my arm instead?

[A]

Do you want me to work on your arm? Do you have an arm issue?

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Okay. All right, so. Okay. So sit. Sit down here. Okay, so let me. All right, so wait, hold on. So which arm hurts more?

[C]

The one you're holding.

[A]

Okay, so hold on. Can you just relax for a minute?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So what I'd like to do is take you through the full range of motion. Please let me know if you have any pain at all.

[C]

I actually do. Right there.

[A]

Really doesn't hurt right there. Okay, great. Okay, so now please take me through here. Any. Hold on. Wait. Chat.

[C]

Hey, Chris. All of the neighbors are looking.

[A]

I'm not. I'm working as a physical therapist. Please.

[C]

This is how you work? As a physical therapist? I hope you never have to.

[A]

No, no, no. Stand up straight. For real. I'm serious.

[C]

I'm standing up straight.

[A]

Be serious. Okay.

[C]

And then this is me straight.

[A]

No, let me know. This is me straight. Let me know. And then down. Any pain there?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay, so you do have pain coming up here in the frontal plane.

[C]

Yeah. So what is that?

[A]

So what? I'm not so sure yet. So. Okay, hold on, hold on. Now what I want you to do here is I'm gonna push your arm down.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

Okay. And you resist me.

[C]

Push up?

[A]

Yep, you resist. Go ahead. Any pain?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay. Okay, hold on. Now come here. Same thing. I'm gonna push your arm up. I'm gonna push your arm. You push your arm up. I'm pushing down. Resist me.

[C]

You have no idea what you're doing.

[A]

Yes, I do. Resist me.

[C]

Oh, that hurts.

[A]

That hurts. Really? Where do you feel the pain? Right in here?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. What I'd like you to do is we're gonna. Hold on.

[C]

I know what to do.

[A]

Yes, I do know what to do. Any pain here?

[C]

No.

[A]

Any pain here?

[C]

Yeah. Because my arm's not supposed to bend that way.

[A]

No, but I'm. What I'm testing is your internal rotation of your shoulder joint, your glenohumeral joint. So you have no pain here?

[C]

No.

[A]

You were standing.

[C]

Come on, people are driving by.

[A]

What I want to do, though, is quickly. What I. There's three exercises that I want you to do. Okay. First of all, we don't have them on us right now, but with the two pounds. So just hold this just as a weight. So what I want you to do is come up.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Like this. I know you guys at home are going like this. Don't do that. Come up like this. I want you to do 5. Tell me if you feel any pain. Oh, see, I feel a clicking. I feel a clicking sound. Yes. Go ahead.

[C]

You feel a clicking sound?

[A]

Yep. And I hear it. Okay, good. No pain there?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay, so then also, what I want you to do is called the wall stretch. So imagine if this is a wall, and then I want you to go up like this, like itsy bitsy spider, you know? But again, just imagine this was like a whole wall. And then you go all the way up. Right.

[C]

I can't reach it Right now here.

[A]

Now step forward. Step forward. Put your hand here. Step forward, Step forward and give that arm a stretch like this. Feel any pain like that?

[C]

It hurts a little.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Scale of 0 to 10, 0 being no pain, temp being the worst pain

[C]

you ever had in your life, like, five.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

You don't know what to do with it?

[A]

No. So what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to put ice on it for. No, I'm sorry. Heat on it for right now because it's probably a chronic injury. I'd like you to take two aleve for the next three to four days just to get some of that inflammation down. And then what I really want you to do is make sure that you're always moving your arm. Don't avoid overhead movements, because I don't want you to get something called frozen shoulder. We call it. Well, it's called frozen shoulder in the biz, but it's actually called adhesive capsulitis. I don't want you to get that. So I want you to, you know, be constantly moving your hand and your arm. I don't want that shoulder to get frozen. And I want you to do three sets of five with a small weight, two pounds or less to the front, three sets of five to the side.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

This feels equivalent to when, like, an IT person says, like when your computer isn't working, they're like, oh, just shut it off and on again. Right. That's like the same kind of advice.

[A]

Right. So what probably isn't the best thing to do is to. When we're trying to get the show off the ground is for my guests to come on and shit on it.

[C]

Here. It's a free one.

[A]

Oh, really? Thank you. That's it, baby. That's it. Getting free nut taps out here. That's what happens when you get in the chaos bus, baby.

[C]

All right. Can I go now? All right, look, your whole license plate is out.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Damn it, Vito. All right, we'll blyre it out. All right. Thank you. Thanks for coming on. Thanks for being the first patient on the chaos bus. All right. Oh, my God, she raped me.

[C]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

Yeah, look at her. Trying to steal property, right? Trying to walk off with the property. She's Puerto Rican. Puerto Rican. Why do you smell like a Belgian waffle?

[C]

Is that good or.

[A]

All right, Jaz, wait, can you. Wait. Can I ask you something? Please? I'm being serious because I know we gotta go to. I know we gotta go. Can you please make me the.

[C]

Josephine, drop it.

[A]

Okay, but Jaz, the 1% faji yogurt, 1 1/2. No, I'm sorry. The 0% faji yogurt, 11 /2 cups with two scoops of the athleanx protein, one scoop of the pro of the chocolate polyphenol powder from longevity. And the little scoop, the teaspoon of the Zoe 30 Day Gut microbiome stuff. Could you just make me one of those yogurts? Can you repeat it back what I wanted? Come here. Can you say it into the mic?

[C]

I do want faji yogurt. Faji yogurt.

[A]

Faji yogurt. The 0%, 1 cup. And then what else is in there? What else is in there? Two scoops. Two scoops of Ethylene X protein chocolate coconut, one scoop of the polyphenols, and then the one and the teaspoon of the Zoe 30 Day Gut microbiome stuff.

[C]

Can I have that super sized?

[A]

Huh?

[C]

Would you like that super size?

[A]

No, I want it in a cup and I. Can you chill it?

[C]

The garage people are here.

[A]

Oh, good. Well. Oh, wow. Wow. She about to go. Oh, yo, I'm scared. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. I want to do it. I don't want to do it. Can you do it? Are you going to talk to them? Are you going to talk to them?

[C]

They're not the boss though. We have to talk to the boss. They're only the people installing it.

[A]

So my question, you're going to be

[C]

like, call the guy.

[A]

Okay, so my question is, if we don't like Vita, let me ask you this. If we don't like the door, what would you do? If we don't like the doors, not only forget about the freaking gap in the door, but if we don't like the doors, like, to begin with, would you have them install the second door and finish the job?

[B]

Probably not.

[A]

Like, just tell them stop it right now.

[B]

Yeah, because then they could just say that like, well, why didn't you tell us not to do it?

[C]

Right.

[A]

All right, so go talk to them now.

[B]

Like you'd rather probably get charged them, like showing up and not doing anything. Then get charged for doing the work.

[A]

Right? Yeah. Go talk to them. And you want to. Yeah. Do you want to go talk to them and give the. Yeah. Aren't you going over there with the dog?

[B]

What if the dog attacks them?

[A]

Well, if the dog attacks them, I mean, what am I. They're on my property. Sorry. They're on my property. Guys, you know me. You know I want your cocks nice and hard. That's the one thing that I demand of my fans. Day in, day out, whether you're a man or a woman, I want you to have a nice, rock hard penis. And the way to do that is Blue Chew, baby. Blue Chew. I take it. Vito takes it. Everybody takes it. We love Blue Chew. The future of erectile function is here. Bluechew Gold is changing the way millions of men are having sex in 2026. Blue chew gold. No more waiting for a pill to kick in. No more moments ruined by performance anxiety. Just the results you want when you want them, baby. The process is simple. It's all online. That's what I love about bluechew. It's. Everything is online. You don't got to go to the doctor's office. No. They just send you your rock hard dick right to your door. I love it. So what I want you to do is. Do not. What I want you to do is go right now to bluechew.com, put in that promo code chaos. Okay? And what you're going to do is get two months when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold. So you go to bluechew.com, promo code chaos. Buy two months of BlueChew Gold. You're going to get the third for free. So we're going to give you three months total. You pay for two, and then the third month is on us. Promo code chaos. Three months of rock [e-mail] I don't know what else you want. Bluechew. I thank you for sponsoring this episode. Thank you for sponsoring the podcast. Thank you for sponsoring my CoC. It really is a beautiful thing, and I love you. Bluechew Gold. Vito's on Bluechew right now. He's not even touching the camera he's using. He's turning the camera on and off with his dick. The door. Here's the thing is I'm not a complainer. I'm really not a complainer. But even when I saw those doors this morning, I was like, wow, these people did a. I Mean, they came and measured the garage door, and now the door that they put in has got about. I mean, it's at least 10 inches of a gap that, you know, mice can get in. Anybody could get in. Tt Jerry can get in. He'll climb right under that. And so I don't know. I don't know really what to do. So. So when I don't know what to do, when I don't know what to do or how to deal with something, what I do is I have Jasmine do it. That's really what I. That's really what I do now. So that physical therapy. So I'm going to be honest with you. We're going to be. We're going to be learning. This is also called the chaos bus. This is also known as the learning bus. I need to remember what my shoulder physical therapy exercise plan is for patients, because I remember last week with Nick Tutoro, the straight leg raises for knee pain and hip pain. I remember that, but I don't remember what the shoulder protocol is. So I have to. I'm good. What I'm going to do is I'm going to go to my mother's house. I have all my physical therapy stuff in a crate in the basement down there. I'm going to go down there this week, and I'm going to get all that stuff. And maybe each week we can do, like, a little review, and with whatever guest we have, maybe I can help, you know, kind of use them as a guinea pig to, like, help my physical therapy get my physical therapy career back off the ground. Right. Wouldn't that be fun to do?

[B]

Yeah. And if you look over, if the viewer looks over your shoulder right now through the bushes, you can see Jazz taking care of business for you.

[A]

Yeah. Can they see that I'm filming you, but. Right, but you can see them. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, but I'm filming you now. What happens. Here's the thing that I hope doesn't happen is he gets mad and punches Jasmine in the face, because that. Then I'll run away. Dude. You know what's kind of crazy right now? And this isn't. I know that I make, like, gay jokes and whatever, and I obviously just mess around with that. I shout out my gay brothers and sisters, but I'm not gay right now. The. Where I'm sitting is right on the latch. Like, it's. The latch for this is directly on my butt. Like, directly in my butt crack. And it's not that I'm wanting to be, like, feel like A, you know, inserted by a guy or anything like that. But it feels good. Like, it feels actually really good and, like, cathartic and calming that this latch is right on my butt. Is that kind of strange?

[B]

Isn't that where the man G spot is?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know what they say.

[A]

That's what I'm feeling right now.

[B]

So you're probably just massaging your. Your G spot. Dude.

[A]

Dude, am I going to get rock hard as this podcast goes on?

[B]

Drake, Rubble. And let's see.

[A]

Dude, it feels legit good. It feels legit good. If I didn't. If I hadn't cranked one out in my backyard this morning, I might be fully rock right now. Oh, now. Oh, now we're getting. Sorry about that. Oh, what's that? Is he leaving?

[B]

He's leaving. She did it.

[A]

Wow. So we need her to come back over.

[B]

Yeah, we need a. We need a recap of what she wants.

[A]

Seriously do. Now this. You know, this. I'm, like, nervous.

[B]

Oh, Josephine went to the neighbor's yard.

[A]

Did she?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's okay. The. The neighbor said that we can because the neighbors have the same electric fence as we have. Oh, cool. I kind of feel bad about the electric fence because I feel like it hurts the dog, but I spoke to multiple people who love. Really love dogs, and everyone advocated for, you should have an electric fence just because it's. It's safe for them. And they only get shocked, theoretically, a couple of times in their life because they learn so quickly. I'm not going over there. Well, I'm.

[B]

I don't want to show where you live, so I'm not going to go that way. But you live right off, like, a street, so, like, it would be so dangerous if she was able to go over there.

[A]

Yeah. Like, this is a pretty busy street, right?

[B]

Are those blue flags, the electric fence?

[A]

That's the electric fence, which they say you have to keep those blue flags up. Teach her to teach her, and then eventually she learns. Where did Jazz go?

[B]

Jazz is there with Josephine, and the. The van is leaving.

[A]

Okay. So now the garage guy is leaving. So, by the way, if you are a Chrissy K. If any of you Chrissy Chaos listeners out there, if you are a guy who. Or woman who does. Or trans person who does garage doors, if you. If you're a garage door person, hit me up in the comments or DM me Christy Comedy, because we will be looking for your services. I would like a nice. Because I need a. I want a nice wood door. Vito told me the door that we have is a piece of shit. I did say that. That's when Vito came in, directly into my home and said, the garage door you have is a piece of shit, you scumbag.

[B]

Dude, I can't believe you guys aren't coming to my daughter's first birthday.

[A]

Honestly, dude, blame Jazz. I said yes. And then she's like, oh, we can't go. I was like, well, I'm not telling Vito that I want to go to your daughter's first birthday.

[B]

First birthday? What birthday is you going to? It's like a sixth or seventh.

[A]

Like, that means nothing. What's the date?

[B]

Memorial Day.

[A]

Oh, damn, dude. Now, see, I want the fans to comment below. What's worse, me having a wedding on Father's Day or his daughter's first birthday on Memorial Day? Wait, Jazz. Jaz. Wait, wait. What happened? No, but come here.

[C]

I told him we're not going to do the doors.

[A]

What do you mean?

[C]

I told him we're not going to. Continuing with those doors. They're cheap doors. Like, to be honest, they're very cheap doors. I don't want this on this house. This doesn't go with the house.

[A]

But. But we didn't even discuss with the owner.

[C]

Like, that's not the owner. He said he's gonna talk to the owner, and we have to call back. We have to call the office. Oswald, the electric fence is not working. She just ran across to the neighbor's house.

[A]

Okay. What? Is it buzzing downstairs?

[C]

Yeah. So now we have one cheap floor, one old door that doesn't open.

[A]

Right. Wait a second. But I feel like. Hold on. Oh, hardwood floors.

[C]

They do hardwood doors.

[A]

Yeah, I'm hardwood right now because the belt, the latch is on my butt. How do you. But. But. But shouldn't we have discussed with the owner first what to do before we're

[C]

gonna leave them sitting in the driveway earlier? Ideas?

[A]

Meal. Okay. Yeah, but my question is, is Vito, like, what would you have done? Would you have done what she did? If you don't want any more work

[C]

done, they have to leave them work on the door.

[B]

I just said I agreed with that. I was. I said you should tell them to leave because it's better than them coming and doing work and then saying, like, oh, we did work today. You have to pay for that. You stopped it. Yeah, but now you have to call and do that. Like, what, you thought he was gonna cancel order? He doesn't have the power to do that.

[A]

But. So. So. But we've. I've already given 50% deposit, so they have one door up or so they're going to say. What are they going to do now? Make pay. Make me pay for that.

[C]

All right, well, I have to call the guy right now.

[A]

You're going to call him right now? Do you need the number?

[C]

Because this has to be fixed somehow. All right, what are we going to do? Stay without. I don't know, like, what's. What's happening right now?

[A]

Are you going to call the number? Do you know who the guy is?

[C]

No.

[A]

Do you have their number? No. All right, here, Wait. Where's your phone?

[C]

Where's my phone? Did I just put it down somewhere here?

[A]

Wait, hold on.

[C]

I put it over there. All right, I'm gonna go take care of it.

[A]

Wait. Here, I'm giving you. Yeah, hold on. I'm send. I'm tech. Oh, damn it. Hold on. The company name is right there.

[C]

Josephine. Say Josephine.

[A]

Josephine. Hold on. All right, go get her. Go get her. Go get her.

[C]

No, no.

[A]

Jaz, you think you can make the yogurt? Jaz, you think you can make the yogurt after you call the guy? I'm sorry, honey. You know, we. We gotta. There's the whole plan. Got shot because she had diarrhea at 3 o' clock in the morning. We have to go drive to Staten island to get you a new tooth. Like, But Jazz. But I know it's annoying. We have this problem, but again, think about if it's not going to matter in five years. Don't give it. Don't give it more than five seconds. I know you do, but we'll figure it out.

[B]

Well, the door would affect you more than five years if you think about it.

[A]

That is true. You know what? I take back what I said. We should deal with it because it is going to matter in five years because, yeah, we.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Josephine's being difficult.

[B]

Yeah, Josephine's not being chill today.

[A]

Josephine's not being chill today. And this is one of the issues sometimes with having the Chaos bus parked right outside your own house is like, if we were in the city right now, I wouldn't be dealing with any of this. I would just. I would just. I would have 17 missed calls and texts, you know, just screaming at me from Jazz, but I wouldn't have to deal. But now I'm going to get yelled at. I guarantee you, on the drive to Staten Island, I'm going to get yelled at because of me just recording a podcast while I need to be handling the garage doors. And it's like, well, honey, the way I'm gonna Handle the garage doors is by putting out a quality Chrissy Chaos episode live from the back of the chaos bus and having a new concept that I hope my fans will like

[B]

that you'll do for three weeks that'll

[A]

do for three weeks until you find

[B]

something else you like. This is the third version of this podcast since we brought it back a month ago.

[A]

Did you. Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? This is Chrissy Chaos. Baby, baby, baby. The one thing I won't. The one thing I will commit to doing is doing this podcast every week. I can't tell you what the format's gonna be every week, but I can tell you that it will be here every week.

[B]

You know what? That's true. Because last week, a lot of stuff came up, and we still got an

[A]

episode, and we still got it done. I know it was a day. I know it was two days late, but we still got it done. I mean, we ran into some real roadblocks. I mean, Vito's hands went numb. Couldn't press record for three hours. Dude, I was nervous. I was scared for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because when you. Me, dude, when you get. When you get, you know, no feeling in your hands.

[B]

So I could feel okay. I just couldn't. What happened was I basically fell asleep. It was when I got back from my flight, 8 o', clock, was up for, like, two hours, went to sleep this, like, two hours after I got home, and I fell asleep, like, face down on top of my hands. So I just went into a deep sleep and basically just cut off circulation. So when I woke up, I just couldn't. It was like, imagine if your hands were like this. Like, closed almost like this. And then, like, it. Basically, it took me two and a half hours to just slowly be able to open them.

[A]

And then.

[B]

And then everything came back.

[A]

But the thing is, though, see, that would make me nervous is for two and a half hours, I was freaking out, dude.

[B]

I was like, what if I can never hold my daughter again?

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

I was panicking, but, like, I could. I could still feel like I could, like, pinches. I could feel. I could feel pain. And, like, I slowly felt it coming back. And it wasn't like one side. It wasn't like, only my left side. So that. That made me.

[A]

It was both hands. So you. Both. You were walking around like. Like penguin, basically. Right? And then. And then the ne.

[B]

I went to work that day. Everything was fine.

[A]

You went to work with your hands like this?

[B]

No, they were open in the next Two and a half hours.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And then the next day I went to work, but, like, I was exhausted all day. We had to cancel again because you had stuff come up, and I just, like, was out of it. And I went to the hospital, and they just said that it was dehydration and exhaustion, and that caused, like, a panic attack because, like, I probably freaked out from the. The circulation thing. The days before. They literally did, like, a bunch of tests on me and were like, did

[A]

you test your cholesterol?

[B]

No, because it was just. I went to the er, but they

[A]

didn't do any blood work.

[B]

They did blood work. Yeah.

[A]

What'd they say?

[B]

They just said everything looked good. They were like, you're fine. Just like, you should definitely go to a primary care doctor and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Figure out why you're panicking like this.

[A]

Right, Right. Are you going to take some type of medicine you think you'll take, like an anti anxiety?

[B]

I don't know. I'm gonna definitely go to a primary care and, like, take care of myself more because, like, having to go to the hospital when you have a 10 month old is, like, scary. Scary and scary. Yeah, I don't. I hope I didn't. I hope I didn't mess up. And yeah, like, in the Uber to the hospital, I was like, my God, did I. Did I, like, really just screw this up by not going earlier today?

[A]

Well, I know. Even Jazz, because I was like, you know, like, sending Vito voice notes and having fun. I was like, oh, you. You know, paralyzed ass hands, motherfucker. Saying, joking around, silly, silly. And then Jazz like, hey, that could be really serious. You need to stop. I was like, oh. So then I text. I was like, you okay, Vito? Are you okay? Like, it's so funny when, like, you're being like, a dick with your boys, and then, like, the women see it and they're like, you're really being an immature asshole. And then you have to, like, abruptly change, like, sorry about that. I'm checking to see if you're. How's your condition? As your employer, I want to know, how can we help. Damn.

[B]

Employee, employer.

[A]

Not even friend damn son. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? If something happened to you, it wouldn't be on me. It'd be on the fucking Mets.

[B]

You know what I was thinking about our dynamic on the way here.

[A]

Tell me.

[B]

I've thought about this before, but, like, you would normally think our relationship, you would think there would be like a. Like a big brother, little brother thing because we're similar both Only child. That naturally happens. And then I realized you've only ever called me for advice. I've never once called you and been like, hey, I need help.

[A]

Yeah, What? You know what's so funny? You know what's so funny? You mentioned that. I actually thought about this a couple of weeks ago. Like, I have. You know, I went to school. You know, I have a career. I know some people like me. Some people don't. But, like, you know, I have a family that's going okay. And, like, nobody ever asked me for advice. I'm always the one seeking out advice, but no one ever says, hey, Chris, can I pick your brain for a second? It almost never, ever happens. So what is that about me? Do I give off. Do I give off a vibe of I don't know what I'm doing?

[B]

No, I think you're just more vulnerable than people, and I think you're willing to call and ask for advice.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think, like, I just don't call anybody and say, hey, can I get some advice from you on this thing I'm going to through right now.

[A]

Because you feel insecure about it.

[B]

Yeah, like, and I'm just like, oh, I don't want to bother that person with this. Or, oh, like, you know, like, oh, it's fine. I'll figure it out. But, like, you. Like, what I respect about you is you're like, you have no problem being like, hey, like. Like, I'll be on the phone with you about something for the show, and then you'll be like, you know what? Let me pick your brain about something before we hang up. And, like, I respect that.

[A]

I respect it. Because I do. You know, I think we know this. I do have somewhat of a woman's brain. Right. My brain is a little bit more like, you know, I have the type of brain where I will ask a man for directions. Yeah, you know, where most men won't do that. I will do that. I will ask a man for directions. No problem. What are you looking at?

[B]

Oh, the reflection. I thought somebody was literally coming up right here. And I was. You don't have to move anything. I just saw something in the reflection.

[A]

Dude, big day today. Every Tuesday. T ball, baby. We got a little T ball for the little one, and she's doing a lot better. The other day, she hit the ball off the tee, and then normally what she's been doing is running halfway to first base and turning around and then running to me and crying. But what she did last week is she hit the ball, made it all the way to first base didn't cry and then sat at first base and wouldn't move from there. Like, when the next kid got a hit and she's supposed to run at second base, she wouldn't move. She just sat at first base. But then what I like about her, she's a little leader, is all the kids. Then the coach just allowed it to happen. Every kid who got a hit just started sitting at first base. So you had about seven kids on first base, which is nice. Nobody got to second base, third or scored, but it was nice to just see, like, oh, they're following my daughter. She's sitting down at first base, unwilling to move to second base. And then the rest of the kids just said, all right, well, if she's doing it, I guess we're doing it.

[B]

So she's a leader.

[A]

She's a leader. So she's a leader. She doesn't know how to play T ball and doesn't understand the concept of running the bases. But that's okay. She's creating a new game for herself.

[B]

She probably would have enjoyed my daughter's rookie of the year birthday party that you're not coming to.

[A]

It's Rookie of. That's a great theme. Rookie of the year. You can have, like, cards and stuff. Like baseball cards. Yeah.

[B]

Dude. John Grady's making up some.

[A]

Dude. John the father. You got old Chrissy. Chaos, listeners. John the father Grady, is he still dating that woman that can't speak English?

[B]

No, no, he. That was like two.

[A]

That. Was he dating the other girl that he. That he was dating? Is he still dating her?

[B]

No, now he's single.

[A]

Now he's single. Single.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

You hear that, fellas? John the father. Great. What is it, John? What's his thing on Instagram? John J. John Grady. J, A W N. Grady or Grady Designs. Or Grady Designs.

[B]

You probably appreciate that plug more.

[A]

Which Grady Designs? He's the one doing our thumbnails, right? He's doing our designs.

[B]

It depends, because last week we found out that a screenshot actually worked better, so.

[A]

That's right. Last week we put a screenshot of the episode.

[B]

But he does all the hyenas. Thumbnails, right?

[A]

Yes. Yeah. Well, his boy does it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I like somebody that works and then he does.

[B]

Like I think he does. At one point, he was doing Are you garbage.

[A]

Yeah. And you know what? Now that I'm remembering, he owes me flyers. He support. He only sent me. I asked him for, like, five flyers. He only sent me, like, three of them for my upcoming tour. Dates.

[B]

What a scammer.

[A]

What a scammer. Dude, he's like the guy, the garage door guy. So go to Christy comedy.com if you want to see me do some stand up. Every Thursday at New York Comedy Club. 6 and 8, 30. And then we got June 26th, 27th, we're going to be in Stamford, Connecticut. And then August, we're in Atlantic City and we got more dates to come. Christycomedy.com. so go see it.

[B]

Which one are you doing Caesars again at Atlantic City?

[A]

No, I'm going to do Atlantic City Comedy Club. I'm doing the Italian woman's comedy club.

[B]

Okay. Is that in a casino or is that.

[A]

It's in a casino. I think it's in the Tropicana. Because I'm just working. I'm kind of working on new stuff, working on a new vibe, and then like a. I guess a proper tour will be more next year.

[B]

Dude, when we went to Atlantic City with, it was me, you, Sam, John.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I forgot how sad Atlantic City is.

[A]

Atlantic City is sad, and it's only gotten sadder.

[B]

And you know what? I realized the differences between Atlantic City and Vegas. What Vegas you got to fly to or you drive from LA and like, Atlantic City, you're taking a bus from New Jersey.

[A]

Dude, the Atlantic City Expressway is no bueno. I mean, yeah, you got to drive from here, from New York. You got to sit. I mean, dude, they have. They have bolt buses that cost like $3 that'll get you from New York City to Atlantic City.

[B]

It's disgusting when you get there, too. It's just like the casinos are all run down. The people are just depressed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's not like. And I'm not saying Vegas. And I was in Vegas last week, and it's not some fucking. Like, Vegas isn't this beautiful place. Vegas is also just giant Times Square.

[A]

Right. But. But Atlantic City is. Is especially grimy and gross. And you would think, oh, in the summer it's got to be nicer because it's by the beach. But it's actually worse in the summer.

[B]

And let me tell you something about Vegas. Last week, I felt bad for every bachelorette party I saw.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because they did not realize that they booked their bachelorette party during WrestleMania weekend.

[A]

And.

[B]

Yeah, and the men trolling around these casinos, let's just say I'm a big man. I was probably in the bottom 50 of weight, dude.

[A]

Yeah. In other words, there were no hot guys to bang at. These bachelorettes.

[B]

And like, imagine you're like planning your bachelorette party for months. You choose Vegas. Or like, we're gonna go to the clubs, we're gonna do.

[A]

Do this.

[B]

And then you get there and you. Everywhere you look is wrestling fans wearing shorts and T shirts.

[A]

Dude, everywhere you look, there's just guys in triple XL T shirts, cargo shorts, acne, just breathing heavy. Just guys playing Dungeons and Dragons, dude.

[B]

They were. And like these people. So, like, I. I was. I was hanging out with some of the guys, right? And like the amount of fans I saw harassing them at 2am really trying to get pictures, trying to get autographs as they're just like going like leaving like a bar one night or like going from one.

[A]

Yeah, I had to.

[B]

I was waiting for one. So I was going up to somebody's room. And the way Vegas works, you have to use a room key to get it.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So somebody had to come down and get me to bring me up. I had to leave the elevator, you know, the MGM Grand.

[A]

Sure. Of course.

[B]

I had to leave the elevator bank because I was embarrassed because there was 40 fans standing around trying to get pictures and autographs. So I texted my friend. I was like, yo, I don't want to, like, I don't want to stand with all of this and I don't want to add to it. I'm going to like, be over here. Just text me when you're downstairs and I'll run over.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, and. But with the wrestling fans, I'm sure, I'm sure the wrestlers were gracious and took pictures and did it, right?

[B]

It depends though, dude. Like, you're also like, trying to. You're leaving your hotel room.

[A]

See, the thing is, with me, if I was a wrestler, right? And you know, fans were getting like, to that point where it's like, dude, you're just trying to live your life. What I would honestly say is, guys, how about this? Instead of signing an autograph or you taking a picture of me, what if I suplex you? Because they would love it. You would get some of your rage out the fan. You know, imagine, you know, fricking some die hard fan of Roman Reigns. Some, you know, name drop.

[B]

Wow. You know some names.

[A]

I know some names. Maybe some die hard fan of Roman Reigns. Some, you know, just fat guy From Pennsylvania that's 47 years old, lives in his mom's basement, you know, size 3 XL T shirt, just can't stop talking about the stuff. Steelers and whatever. Just. And just, just some guy just walks up to Roman Reigns and just bothering him. Badgering him. And then Roman Reigns just walks up and says, hey, dude, how about I suplex you? And then that he would of course, say yes. And then this fan just gets suplexed. How amazing. What. What would. How great would it feel? Roman Reigns would get his rage out, and then the fan would be. Would be lying there as a paraplegic, covered in his own cum because he just got suplexed by Roman Reigns, and then everybody wins. So if I was a wrestler, that's how I would handle it.

[B]

All right, so CM Punk, actually, his wife was, like, having a moment with another wrestler where they were hugging each other in the same elevator bank. I'm talking about actually.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A fan runs up with a phone and is filming them like, two inches from their face.

[A]

You saw this?

[B]

This was a video. That's tmz. Got it? It was like a big thing. And CM Punk slaps the guy's phone out of his hand and pushes him away. And it's like, get the fuck out of him. Like, get out of here. And people were actually like. Some people were actually mad at CM Punk, saying, like, hey, the fans paid for your salary. Blah, blah, blah. And then this fan who shoved the phone in his face said, I won't press charges. All I want is an apology. Yeah, what would you say to that, dude?

[A]

What I would say is, here's your apology. And then I would take a video of my and send it to that fan's Instagram account. No, you're not going to get an apology. Yes, yes, the fans pay his salary. Yes, the fans pay all of entertainer salaries. And most people are very appreciative of the fans. But there's a point, dude. I don't work directly for you at all times. It's like you put a camera in CM Punk's face, especially with. He's with his wife. Because I think that probably happened more because he's with his wife. It's like, dude, don't disrespect my woman. And then you're going to get the camera slapped out of your hand all day. I think that there should be absolutely no penalty for CM Punk for that.

[B]

And it's also at, like, I understand the casino is a public place, but it's still their hotel.

[A]

It's their hotel. And it's also. What time is it? 2, 3am no, this one, I don't know.

[B]

This one I think was, like, during the day or.

[A]

Okay, like, this one.

[B]

This was different. I'm talking about, like, I saw some shit at 2am that was just dude I saw. And I'm not going to name the wrestler because I don't want anybody to know who's out and doing what.

[A]

You know, I'm out, I'm out one

[B]

night, it's like midnight, we're going into one of the clubs and this dude holding his two kids like young kids hands at 12:30 midnight, holding his two kids hands, a frozen drink, giant drink in the other hand, screaming at this guy for not taking a picture with his kids screaming across the room. And I'm like, I turned to somebody else, I'm like, what do you think is going to fuck this guy's kids up more? His, the wrestler. What? Not taking a picture with them or their dad losing his shit, drunk, dragging them around at night.

[A]

Well, I'm sure that, that father, I'm sure that's. First of all, that sounds like 100% a guy that's divorced. There's no way that somebody's, you know, some happily married guy is gonna be allowed to take his two kids to a Wrestlemania event in Vegas that was a dad weekend. And the guy said, you know, hey, I can't take the kids this weekend because I'm going to WrestleMania. And she's like, well, you're taking the kids because I have shit to do, okay? And what that stuff to do is, I have, I'm. I've been in a relationship with another man and he's coming over this weekend. So you're taking the kids to WrestleMania. I don't give a shit. Bring them back here Sunday night. And so he's pissed off because he know that his ex wife doesn't love him anymore because he sucks. And so now he's taken down on this wrestler and the kids, and those kids are going to grow up to probably be wrestling fans and then probably, you know, just be in line with what wrestling fans do. They're gonna be overweight and wear cargo shorts 12 months a year.

[B]

Continue the cycle.

[A]

Continue the cycle. It's what it is. Speaking of cycles, I took peptides this morning. I shot a little BPC157 into my ankle and it's starting to work. And then by the way, I was speaking to a friend yesterday cause I was looking to take that red of True Tide.

[B]

Oh, not an employee. A friend.

[A]

Not an employee. Well, yes, yes, a friend slash employee. I was speaking about retatrutide and he was saying that his doctor told him if you're taking retatrutide right now, that there's no way that it's Real, and it's definitely from China. And I said, really? Mine's real. He goes, no, it's definitely from China. And I'm like, well, if I'm injecting Chinese peptides into my foot, then I'm fine with that because China has no reason to want to hurt me. Oh, yeah. Come on, talk to me. Okay, Jaz, just. Can you just give us obvious. It was a whole thing. Can you just tell us a little update? Can you just. Vito,

[C]

Those hideous, right?

[B]

The doors.

[A]

The doors are hideous.

[B]

Yeah, the doors are terrible. They also. And I said this to Chris, we can even walk. Walk over there and show them and just prove your point. But, like, one, you're using that room as, like, a gym with, like, expensive equipment, and they left, like, like, 6 to 8 inches of space underneath the door, right? Which means, like, this is the. This is like the suburbs. The woods, like, rodents can get under there.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, what did. What did they say here? What? Let's. Let's walk over to the doors and talk about the doors in front of the doors. All right, guys, so we decided we're not going to do the garage door a bit. It's just not going to work. And it's. It's pretty bad. We tried it and it's. It's. It's. It's just. We're just not gonna do it. Just not gonna do it. There's a lot of arguing. And. Yeah, it's just. We just not gonna do it. We had to give the footage of the stuff that we did film to the garage with the garage doors to the police. So check me out right now on Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro. And, yeah, this is crazy chaos.