Chris is Doing MSG?!?! | Chris Distefano is Chrissy Chaos ft. Don Dipetta

Summary

Chrissy Chaos Episode Summary Episode Title: Chris is Doing MSG?!?! | Chris Distefano is Chrissy Chaos ft. Don Dipetta
Release Date: February 4, 2025

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1. Introduction and Special Guests [00:00 - 03:00]

In this lively episode of Chrissy Chaos, host Chris Distefano welcomes his special guests Don DePetta (also known as Sad Don or Donnie Eeyore) and John from Rawlings. Chris kicks off with a humorous shout-out to Matt Altman, highlighting his involvement in the MLB Gold Glove Awards and the anticipation of opening a custom glove live on the podcast.

Notable Quote:
Chris Distefano [00:45]: "This is the glove, and we're gonna open it up live on the pod."

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2. Announcing the Madison Square Garden Show [01:30 - 03:00]

Chris shares exciting news about his upcoming stand-up special at Madison Square Garden, scheduled for September 11, 2025. He emphasizes the significance of performing at such an iconic venue, expressing it as the pinnacle of his comedy career.

Notable Quote:
Chris Distefano [01:42]: "It's the pinnacle of comedy. It's my only goal I've ever had in this business and it's finally here."

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3. Personal Stories and Interactions [03:00 - 06:00]

The conversation shifts to personal anecdotes as Don mentions his recent 36th birthday dinner with friends, including comedian Billy Gardell. They humorously recount an incident where Lou choked on veal parm, with Sonya Deville from WWE serving as their waiter. This segment showcases the camaraderie and playful banter among the friends.

Notable Quote:
Chris Distefano [03:35]: "Sonya Deville from the WWE is our waiter. And Don, you know Don DePetta from La La Crocodile."

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4. "Saving Don" Segment: Don's Career Struggles [06:00 - 11:00]

In the heartfelt "Saving Don" segment, Chris and John delve into Don DePetta's current crossroads in his career. Don expresses uncertainty about his future in the entertainment industry, highlighting the challenges of modern content creation and monetization.

Notable Quote:
Don DePetta [07:02]: "He's just turning 36. We went out for his birthday dinner... this episode is called Saving Don."

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5. Discussing the "Bad Friends" Podcast and Texting During Fires [07:00 - 11:00]

The trio discusses their experiences with checking in during crises, referencing the "Bad Friends" podcast episode on the fires. Chris clarifies his efforts to stay connected by mentioning text exchanges with Santino and Bobby, leading to a humorous resolution where he pretends to call Bobby live on the show to clear up misinformation.

Notable Quote:
Chris Distefano [09:33]: "And you checked in on both of them. So I just wanted the record to state that next time we talk together, I can correct it."

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6. Subway Encounters and Aggressive Behavior [13:00 - 20:00]

The conversation turns to unsettling encounters on public transportation. Don recounts an incident where a heavily armored man on the train acted suspiciously, prompting concern among passengers. They share various stories of aggressive and threatening behavior from strangers in the subway, reflecting on the increasing tension in public spaces.

Notable Quote:
Chris Distefano [13:18]: "And then, like, that was crazy. So we're like, whatever."

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7. Light-Hearted Banter: Michelangelo's David and Historical Anecdotes [35:00 - 41:00]

Shifting gears, Chris and John engage in a humorous deep dive into Renaissance art, specifically Michelangelo's sculpture of David. They joke about the artwork's physical attributes and Michelangelo's reputed personality, blending historical facts with comedic exaggeration.

Notable Quote:
Chris Distefano [35:40]: "David has got a fucking wagon. And as I said earlier, if they put a tattoo of a butterfly on that ass cheek, I'd have sex with it."

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8. Super Bowl Tickets and Betting Stories [44:00 - 48:00]

Chris shares a humorous yet tense story about making a bet with John regarding the Buffalo Bills' Super Bowl chances. He describes his anxiety over potentially fulfilling the bet, including detailed negotiations about ticket prices and the logistics of attending the event. The segment highlights the camaraderie and playful stakes among friends.

Notable Quote:
Chris Distefano [45:30]: "I would open up a bakery and I would play NFL games on every Sunday live from my bakery. And you know what I would call my bakery every Sunday? The bread zone."

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9. Eating Habits and Food Sharing [53:00 - 58:00]

The discussion veers into personal eating habits, with Chris humorously admitting to indulging in numerous meals and desserts. Don teases Chris about his expansive appetite, leading to a light-hearted conversation about food sharing etiquette and the challenges of maintaining a healthy diet amidst indulgence.

Notable Quote:
Don DePetta [56:01]: "You eat crazy. And then like, order like five desserts, right? You try."

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10. Final Thoughts and Upcoming Shows [58:00 - End]

As the episode wraps up, the trio teases future content and live reads. Chris reiterates his excitement for the Madison Square Garden show, encouraging listeners to secure their tickets. The episode concludes with more playful banter and anticipation for upcoming episodes.

Notable Quote:
Chris Distefano [57:04]: "I have to go do the show and I... I'm fully crowning right now."

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Conclusion

This episode of Chrissy Chaos masterfully blends personal stories, humorous anecdotes, and heartfelt discussions. From announcing a milestone performance at Madison Square Garden to addressing personal challenges and sharing entertaining tales from public life, Chris Distefano and his guests deliver an engaging and multifaceted listening experience. Whether you're a long-time fan or new to the podcast, this episode offers a rich mix of laughter, introspection, and camaraderie.

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Note: Advertisements and sponsored segments were present but omitted from this summary to maintain focus on the episode's content as per guidelines.

Transcript

[Chris Distefano]

If you like the words food, football and 40% off, then Instacart has the perfect big game deal for you right now. On the Instacart app, you can get $10 off a $25 order of eligible game day essentials like chips, dips, sips, and chicken strips. So what are you waiting for? Free snacks with your order? Because, yeah, Instacart has those, too. Fees, taxes and terms apply. Eligible items only, while supplies Last expires on February 9th. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Chrissy Chaos. Right away, we're going to get right into it. We got Don depetta, AKA Sad Don, AKA Donnie Eeyore. And so we got, from Mike from Rawlings, John. John from Rawlings. Just want to give a quick shout out to Matt Altman. Think you're doing. Love, Matt Altman. It's my guy, Matty Alt. And we'll just edit out the F word because, you know, it just messes with. Yeah, it just messes with the algorithm. We'll just drop them. But anyway, I did a. I did a show where I hosted the Gold Gold Glove Award, the MLB Gold Glove Awards. I didn't host it. I did comedy before it. And. And they said that they were going to give me a custom glove. And this is the glove and we're gonna open it up live on the. On the pod.

[Don DePetta]

And this was built from scratch, like everything was decision made online.

[John]

Did you get to tell them about anything you wanted with the glove? Any specifics or anything? You did it.

[Chris Distefano]

Did it for.

[John]

Did you play baseball?

[Don DePetta]

No.

[John]

So you have no idea what you ordered is.

[Don DePetta]

No, I do know what I ordered.

[Chris Distefano]

Now. Don was a Division 1 baseball player, everyone.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So this is a big deal for Don. This.

[John]

Oh, okay. Okay. Did you pick the color?

[Don DePetta]

I did.

[Chris Distefano]

I picked. Whoa.

[John]

Ah.

[Chris Distefano]

With the Puerto Rican flag on it. Chris D. Comedy neon green. Hulu colors. The Hulu colors. Because I got a Hulu Special coming out February 21st. And you heard it here, folks. First, folks, it is true. The rumors are true. I am doing Madison Square Garden September 11, 2025. Go to Christy comedy.com to get those tiki wikis. It is true. I'm doing the arena at Madison Square Garden September 11, 2025. You're going to want to come see that show. It may be the last standup show I ever do because I don't know what gets bigger and better than Madison Square Garden. It's been my only goal in this whole thing from the beginning. And I want you to be There, I want you to experience it. And it's going to be. And it's going to be absolutely great. And it's. And it's a big honor to do. And I'm doing it on September 11, 2025, just to prove to Bin Laden and other terrorists that they did not win.

[John]

Didn't.

[Chris Distefano]

So they did not win.

[John]

So, Don, congrats, Chris.

[Chris Distefano]

Thank you, baby.

[John]

Yeah, dude.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, and also in this, in the, in the inside the glove, they put 12 and a half inches. You know what that means? You know what that mean, girl. So this is actually pretty cool. So this is, this is a piece that I actually like to. I want this in the podcast frame. Right? So we'll put that in front of Tom Seaver.

[John]

Yeah. Yep, there you go.

[Chris Distefano]

No, but, yeah, yeah, but how do we show the Puerto Rican flag on the other side? You know what? I don't do enough. There we go. Yeah, put it like that as your handle there. Yeah. You know what I don't do? You know what? Something that I think is a little self hate of myself. So many things like this, this opportunity at Letterman, cue cars, different things. I just let it. I leave it in a garage somewhere. I forget it. I don't have a room with anything up. Now what is that about me, Don? Is that a good thing about me? A bad thing? Is it self hate? Are you doing okay? Are you going to be okay?

[John]

Which one you wanted to answer for first?

[Chris Distefano]

This is the show.

[John]

No, I think, I think there's a little bit of self hate going on there, but I think it build, Build yourself a nice little thing here. It's. This is nice. This is like a nice piece.

[Chris Distefano]

But I'm saying, like throughout my years I've been able to accumulate things and I just kind of let them go. And why do I do that, Don?

[John]

I think you try and you're stoic and you try and not be attached to things. I think that's what the real. I don't know, dude. Hate yourself, buddy. I can tell you.

[Chris Distefano]

Don, baby.

[John]

So, Don, you don't think you're deserving?

[Chris Distefano]

Don is in an interesting point in his life. He's just turning 36. We went out for his birthday dinner. Me, him, Billy Gardell, Lou who choked Lou.

[John]

Mm.

[Chris Distefano]

Choked on veal parm at the dinner. We had a great time. Sonya Deville from the WWE is our waiter. And Don, you know Don DePetta from La La Crocodile.

[John]

Oh my God.

[Chris Distefano]

Sugar. You know, from all that, all the.

[John]

Shit, nobody's ever made a goddamn sugar Never. Yeah, dude, the minor league baseball movie.

[Chris Distefano]

No, the Apple TV show.

[John]

The Apple TV show with Colin Farrell. What sugar minor league baseball movie?

[Don DePetta]

It was from, like, 15 years ago.

[Chris Distefano]

Who was in it?

[Don DePetta]

It's like an indie movie where this kid gets drafted by. He gets signed by a teen. He's like a young Dominican kid, speaks no English. He gets put, like a suburban town with, like, host family, dad, school.

[John]

I did that in Evansville, Indiana. Yeah, they put the Dominican kid in the attic.

[Chris Distefano]

Really?

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Nice.

[John]

Yeah, I share. I shared, like, bunk. I shared a twin bed with another dude that me and. Well, we didn't share the same bed, but we had, like, twin beds next to each other. And then, like, in a little, like, attic door, the. The best baseball player, the Dominican kid, got his own little attic space.

[Chris Distefano]

Where's that Dominican kid now?

[John]

I don't know. Probably back there.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, you think he's playing baseball?

[John]

No, I think he's in the attic.

[Chris Distefano]

He's working at the supermarket.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. Shout out Evansville in the Frontier League. That was the.

[Chris Distefano]

Just kidding.

[John]

End of my baseball career. Out in the front.

[Chris Distefano]

I so. So, Don. By the way, every time I hear Evansville. The one. Only time I was there, I was with a guy who owned the comedy club. And he took me to a Bob Evans. And he goes. And I remember he was like, who's in this cool Bob Evans in Evansville? I was like, not really, but okay.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And then he told me while he ordered, he ordered. I'll never. He ordered a Denver omelette. And then he just proceeded for no reason at all whatsoever, to tell me that he cheated on his pregnant wife and gave her herpes. And they had to get a C section because she had active herpes while he was giving birth. And I was like, okay. He was like, do you want an orange juice? And so it was the most wild thing I've ever heard of. But just. Just randomly, could you imagine just a guy telling you that he cheated on his wife and gave her herpes at breakfast?

[John]

It's a weird way to tell a guy you got herpes, too.

[Chris Distefano]

And I'm just one of his comedians.

[John]

And I'm like, okay, cool, cool.

[Chris Distefano]

And way to go.

[John]

It's as good as it gets, baby.

[Chris Distefano]

And so. And so he's at a. He's at an impasse because the entertainment business has changed. And he's just like, we're sitting at dinner. He's like, dude, I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do. This shit doesn't Pay enough. This career is not where I am, where I thought it was going to be at by this point in my life. And I don't know what to do. And so we want to hear. We want to sit down with Don today and figure out things to do. This episode is called Saving Don.

[John]

Saving Don.

[Don DePetta]

All right, Don, I have a question for you.

[John]

Yeah, buddy?

[Don DePetta]

Did Chris text you when the fires were happening?

[John]

No, because I was in.

[Chris Distefano]

No, no, no. Hold on, hold on. Yes, I did. You were in New York.

[John]

I was in.

[Chris Distefano]

But I am going when you got home. You know what?

[John]

He might have texted me, hey, how are things?

[Don DePetta]

I know I asked because I did listen to another. I listened to Bad Friends a few days ago, and they started listening off all the people that texted them.

[John]

And Chris wasn't on in here.

[Don DePetta]

Chris's name.

[John]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Chris Distefano]

I texted Santino.

[John]

Let me see. So let. So, no, no, no. Let me check. Here's the thing. Chris is always really good about checking in. Let's see if he did.

[Don DePetta]

I've been waiting to find this out if.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, I texted Santino.

[John]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Not Bobby. But I.

[Don DePetta]

That was a thing on the. That was the thing on the episode, too.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Don DePetta]

They were saying it was fucked up that all these people texted, said Tito and nobody texted Bobby.

[John]

On Wednesday, January 22nd at 6:22am you said, hi, babe. Yes, I woke up to do a poo poo. You texted me that. Yeah, you text me that. So that. Oh, no, you did. January 13th, 9:45pm on a Monday. Hey, how are things, man? Fires calm? Were they raging? See?

[Chris Distefano]

Monday fires calm. There you go.

[John]

Question. And I said, I told you I was in New York. And. But I think I said, things are getting better out there in uk. Okay, glad to hear it. See the good guy. Good guy. So you know, you know, Bobby and Santino can, you know, you should text.

[Don DePetta]

Bobby out of nowhere right now and.

[John]

Just say, hey, hey, how, hey, man, how you doing? After the fires, text Bobby.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, and by the way, by the way, Bobby is lying because I did send Bobby. I. I texted Bobby, hi. On Friday, January 10th. I said, hey, babe, how are you? How are you? Checking in on fires. I love you on January 10, 1221. And then he sent me back this picture of the Asian guy lighting himself on fire. The. That's what he sent me back. So I did. So I. How do we. How do we call Bobby and Santino at the same time?

[Don DePetta]

Like you. Do you want to do a three way call with them? Right?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, no, let me call Bobby and then.

[Don DePetta]

Do you want me to set it up after you 1.

[John]

Wow. Write the voicemail.

[Chris Distefano]

Hello? Bobby? Bobby? Hello? Bobby? Bobby, Bobby.

[John]

What's up?

[Chris Distefano]

No listen on Bad Friends. No listen on Bad Friends. You and Andrew were talking about listing everyone who checked on in. You checked in on you during the fires, and you were mad that Santino had more people. Whatever. And you didn't mention that I. On January 10th at 12:21, I said, hey, babe, how are you? Checking in on fires. I love you. And then you wrote back a picture of a Buddhist Asian man lighting himself on fire. And the words, not great. Is that a fact?

[John]

I guess that's a fact.

[Chris Distefano]

Why?

[John]

Yeah, what's up?

[Chris Distefano]

No, because Vito, my producer, was listening to Bad Friends, and he was like, oh, I didn't mention. They didn't mention you. That you checked in on them in the fires? And I said, I checked in on both of them. So I just wanted the record to state that next time we talk together, I can correct it. Okay, fine. Well, I'm going to come. I'm coming in two weeks. I'm going to co host with you because Andrew's out of town.

[John]

Exactly.

[Don DePetta]

And I'm going to correct it then, my friend.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. What are you doing?

[Don DePetta]

I'm just driving to get something to eat, you know.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, you're gonna go to the taco spot you took me to. Remember? The taco spot? The Mexican place? No, but I'm here with Don. Member sad Don who always comes with me. He's here with me now, too.

[John]

You Bobby.

[Chris Distefano]

All right. See you soon, baby. Love you. Bye. Bye. See, that was a quick resolution.

[Don DePetta]

That was good.

[Chris Distefano]

That's it. And then. And then I'm co hosting with him on Bad Friends. So we will get to the bottom of it because. Yeah, so. But let's get back to Don. Okay. So how we. What's. What's going on?

[John]

No, I mean, you know as well as anybody else in the industry's. It's in a very weird place right now. It's a very strange place. Tech. Tech and tech and content don't really mix with creative.

[Chris Distefano]

Will you consider starting an only fans?

[John]

Yeah, I've thought about this. I want to do an only fans where I start to do woodworking in my underwear. So I'm gonna build things and like. And just like, sand wood in my. In my Skibbys.

[Chris Distefano]

Don's got a. Don's got a body because I sleep at Don's house a lot. Don's got a body. Like, he's like, he was in shape in the late 1800s.

[John]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what Don.

[John]

It was a good manual labor body like this.

[Chris Distefano]

Don's got an 1890 build.

[John]

That's fair. Yeah, I do.

[Chris Distefano]

Would you say that that's accurate?

[John]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's not a dad body. You can tell that there's like, wow, he can protect me, but also, like, he indulges.

[Chris Distefano]

Now, this homeless person called Don Fat yesterday.

[John]

Oh, so.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, no, dude. So I.

[John]

Somebody took me out to dinner for my birthday. Not him.

[Chris Distefano]

And we know who's that special somebody?

[John]

No, my manager. Shout Out Brian.

[Chris Distefano]

Shout Out Brian, you're about to get fired.

[John]

Yeah, Shout Out Brian, my neurotic Jew. That's what I call him.

[Chris Distefano]

Shout Out Brian, Neurotic Jew.

[John]

And he. There was a. It was family style, so we had a bunch of leftovers. And so I was walking these leftovers down New York City, and I had my headphones in.

[Chris Distefano]

We call them migrants.

[John]

Yeah. And I have my headphones in. I wasn't paying attention. It's New York City. People say, I didn't think anybody's talking to me. And a dude on a bike rode by me. He goes, hey, man, can I get some food? I didn't really hear it. I just kept going and I kept walking. He goes, all right, man, I fuck you then, you fat.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude. To be called a drive by homeless guy on a city bike call you a fat. Yeah, it's pretty funny. I.

[John]

And I was already feeling not great. Like, you eat too much and you feel, like, really stuffed. I felt uncomfortable in my body. And then, like, the universe just called me a fat motherfucker.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude, I'll tell you what, man. Homeless people are getting out of control now. Like, it's kind of wild. We were in Washington D.C. me and Giannis doing Live History Hyenas.

[John]

Glad that's back.

[Chris Distefano]

A couple of weeks ago. Thank you.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

A couple of weeks ago. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And. And so. So we were. We were doing it. We were doing it two weeks ago. A day. Two days before the inauguration. So the city was like, locked down or whatever. And then we, Giannis and I were walking through Washington D.C. and this. This first. This. This, like two black dudes sitting on steps of a building on. They didn't look homeless.

[John]

Stoop.

[Chris Distefano]

Stoop. Yep. They were just, like, looking normal. Whatever. They go, the you white motherfuckers doing here? And I was like, yo, I never heard that. And then, like, that was crazy. So we're like, Whatever. And then we walk like, you look.

[John]

At him, you go, you only got two days left of that.

[Chris Distefano]

That's it, baby.

[John]

Yeah, get that for two more days.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. And then. And then. And then, like 20 minutes later, we're walking in some homeless, like, black woman goes, you cracker faggots. And then we walk a little bit, and Giannis turns around and goes, second one was right. And so we were like, yo, that's fucking wild to say that. And like, we. And so I don't know if it's Washington, D.C. it's just that. And it was like a couple of days before Trump, but people are definitely angry dude about it.

[John]

But, you know, in la. In la, they'll yell, dude, they'll yell at you. They're. They're. They're peeing. Dicks are out, dude. It's, you know, it's getting a little. Well, I had one.

[Don DePetta]

I had one on the train the other day, screaming at a woman, calling her a stupid white, saying he would kill her. Yeah, like, I will kill you. Don't around. I will kill you.

[John]

Great. Nobody can do anything because you'll go. You'll be in. Yeah, you'll go to jail.

[Don DePetta]

And then I, like, I said to my wife, I was like, like, we're just gonna get off the train to the other side. She's like, no, I just want to.

[Chris Distefano]

Walk off the way.

[Don DePetta]

I want to walk off the train. And I'm just like, this is what bothers me with that. I, like, they don't care because they're not the one who'll have to, like.

[John]

Interact with the person.

[Don DePetta]

But, like, she's not gonna have to deal with the whole.

[Chris Distefano]

No, you're gonna deal with it.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And then. So was the guy big the.

[Don DePetta]

No, we went the way I wanted to go out because.

[John]

No, they're.

[Chris Distefano]

What was he saying to her specifically?

[Don DePetta]

Not my wife, say, some woman on the train. He was saying, white. You white. You think I won't kill you? You think I won't kill you?

[John]

Touch my stuff.

[Don DePetta]

Touch my stuff.

[John]

Does anybody do anything?

[Don DePetta]

No, everybody.

[Chris Distefano]

That.

[John]

That's so crazy that that's what it's become, is that everybody. Because of what happened on the subway, and that guy getting a rat, like, everybody will just go, I can't deal with it, so I'm not gonna fucking sit in jail.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, yeah, but the guy who. The guy who stopped the crazy person memory, put him in a headlock. Yeah, that guy got off.

[Don DePetta]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So that. So that. I don't.

[John]

I Don't even think we should. He didn't get off. What did he do?

[Chris Distefano]

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[Don DePetta]

Chris is definite know.

[Chris Distefano]

Like a person acting like that, screaming at someone. Just use, like, their momentum and just, like, full two hands. Just chest kick someone and then have their head go bing off the back of the bar. I would love to see that. Just hear a bing and then just see what would happen. Do you think veto if you or another imposing man would have said say that to me? He would have just said it to you because he's crazy.

[Don DePetta]

Yeah, I don't give a. Like, I was. I'm like, three times that guy's size. But, like, he doesn't fucking care. He's not thinking. And I've been on an unprecedented run of just subway bullshit. The last, like, ever since I saw the guy with the bulletproof vest.

[Chris Distefano]

Right. Oh, my God. Wait, tell me about that one.

[Don DePetta]

All right, so I get on the trap sitting on the train, and it's the F train going in the city and the stop in between Queens and Manhattan, which is a long stop. A guy walks on the train, black combat boots, black cargo shorts, black bulletproof vest, and a full blackout mask with no eyes and mouth. And he starts just looking around the train, walking slowly. And then he sat down and started rocking back and forth. And an old woman looked up at me and, like, opened her eyes and shook her head at me, and I was like, what the fuck do you want me to do? And then at the next stop, the whole train just cleared.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow.

[John]

Of course. But I've been On the subway a lot the past few days. Cops are everywhere now, though.

[Chris Distefano]

Everywhere.

[John]

Yeah, it's really nice.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, you voted for it in America, Law and order.

[John]

Did you.

[Don DePetta]

Yo, do you kids have off today?

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Don DePetta]

A lot of kids have off today. For Lunar New Year.

[Chris Distefano]

For the Lunar New Year. Yeah.

[Don DePetta]

That's fucking ending soon.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I know. You mean Enemy New Year. No, I'm kidding. No, they didn't. They go to Catholic school. My kids. So Chinese, I guess, would be considered pagans. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's funny. My mom. My. Not my mom, My family member would say, you know, there's Catholic school and pagan school, and you go public school. Pagan school.

[John]

Pope don't fuck with lunar New.

[Chris Distefano]

Which is funny. Dude, no. Shout out to Chinese, man. I love the Chinese. So, Don, here's what I think.

[John]

Back to my life. Go ahead.

[Chris Distefano]

I think. No, I honestly think everything's going to be fine. I think that. I think that where. Where everything's moving forward. I think that not everything's about money. And I think that if you absolutely, absolutely have to, then you. You know what? You what could. What could be a job that Don could do? If Don could work for the Mets.

[Don DePetta]

Okay. Do you want to.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you could, Don. Or you'll work for the Mets.

[John]

Great. I'll just uproot my life, move to.

[Chris Distefano]

New York, work for the Mets. Dude, Donald works.

[Don DePetta]

Yeah.

[John]

Bull rider. That's fun.

[Don DePetta]

You're fucking awesome.

[Chris Distefano]

You know how to do graphics and make flyers, John. So I could teach you what to do.

[John]

I know nothing about computers. I've pushed against. I've pushed against it. I actually bought a new flip phone, ebay, that I'm going to start using.

[Chris Distefano]

Amazing.

[John]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So Don's theory about Don's idea of getting out of this hole he's created for himself is to not embrace technology and get off social media.

[John]

Dude, I've been watching Landman. I kind of want to go be so good. I want to be a roughneck, dude. Dude, I don't want to be a roughneck.

[Chris Distefano]

How hot is that?

[John]

My body. My body. My body would fit well. Ali Larder, dude, is like.

[Chris Distefano]

Is that her name?

[John]

The older. The. The mom. I don't want to say older.

[Chris Distefano]

She's got.

[John]

She's great, dude.

[Chris Distefano]

Hey, Yma booking team, can we get people from Landman on the show?

[John]

Landman is such. Dude. Taylor. I. I don't think that Taylor Sheridan's gonna see this, but I just want to say, like, as. As an actor, who like doesn't control his own fate. And then to see him like start to write and just do it, dude. Shout out to him. He's awesome.

[Chris Distefano]

Shout out Taylor Sheridan from Landman.

[John]

Such a good show, dude. Lioness was dope too.

[Chris Distefano]

I love Taylor Sheridan and he is living proof that steroids don't make you stupid. Because that guy is on fucking. That guy is as juiced out as juice can be.

[John]

I will.

[Chris Distefano]

And the kid cranks out scripts like truly no one I've ever seen. I know he's not asking Chat GPT for help.

[John]

It's amazing. I will go to his ranch and. And shovel fucking horseshit just so I can like be a writer's assistant. I would do that, dude. I'll do that.

[Chris Distefano]

Land Man. Let me tell you guys something right now. Land man. Are you want. You're a big show. You watch it, dude.

[John]

I devoured it.

[Chris Distefano]

The best show. Landman to me is out of Yellow. Yellowstone was fantastic. Yeah, Lioness, fantastic, fantastic. Landman's the best. The character Billy Bob. Ymh. Get me Billy Bob Thornton. How about that? Stop fucking sending me people we've never fucking heard of.

[John]

You should get Billy Bob Thornton.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, give me Billy Bob Thornton. Yeah, get some real shit going on.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

A special coming out on Hulu. That's hilarious. I'm doing Madison Square Garden September 11, 2025. Christy comedy.com.

[John]

Who picked that date?

[Chris Distefano]

Huh?

[John]

Who picked that date? Or did they just think it was cute? Because your viral clip was a 911 clip and they're like, let's do this.

[Chris Distefano]

They gave me a choice between that date and another date, but the other date was like a Tuesday. So I was like, you know what? Let's just lean into it. Let's just. Do you don't like the date?

[John]

No, I love the day. I just want to know who picked it. I didn't know.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't think Don likes to date.

[Don DePetta]

I love the date.

[John]

Listen, I'll never listen. Hold on, hold on.

[Chris Distefano]

I know.

[John]

Hold on. I'm never going to forget the date. I love the date.

[Chris Distefano]

You won't forget?

[John]

I have. I have a weird relationship. We never date. We never forget. Have a weird relationship with the date.

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[John]

Weird relationship.

[Chris Distefano]

Maybe I could change the date in your mind now. Maybe I'll think of how more happy thought. I'm going to come to my show.

[John]

I'm going to think of my friend having like the pinnacle. Not the pinnacle, just the next peak of his.

[Chris Distefano]

No, it is the pinnacle. And honestly guys come to that show because you might see a live suicide on stage. And I'm going to do the 911 bit at the end.

[Don DePetta]

Can you talk about the shirt thing?

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, let me guys tell you guys something. So. So MSG to promote for the show. They stay, email me and they go, we want to give you two options for promotion. Okay. We want you to invite you to Knicks game. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Totes McGoats. Appreciate. They said.

[Don DePetta]

And that's why you canceled, right?

[Chris Distefano]

And that's why. That's why veto. Oh, yeah. And I also was trying to get extra ticket and they wouldn't let me get an extra cancel on me.

[Don DePetta]

And then made plans with somebody else that same night.

[John]

Courtside.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, well, yep. Yeah, but I could have brought veto.

[John]

Oh yeah, why didn't you bring. Oh, did you bring the other guy with the loafers?

[Chris Distefano]

No, no. Jasmine wanted to go.

[John]

Oh, you didn't tell me that.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what you didn't tell me that last.

[Don DePetta]

I wouldn't come. I wouldn't.

[Chris Distefano]

She wanted to go. Jasmine, you listen to this podcast. You know, Vito's trying to take your seat.

[John]

Hey, Jazz.

[Chris Distefano]

So Jazz wanted to go and so she was.

[Don DePetta]

She was probably looking forward to go out to dinner as well.

[Chris Distefano]

Right, Right. So I said, we'll just go to the Knicks game. So. So Jasmine goes, so anyway, they say, the Knicks say to me, look, we can either do a video, like a put up a stand up clip of yours live at the game, and then we'll put the camera on you and you know, you wave smile, and we'll say, chris decephano, comedian, big announcement coming tomorrow. Right. They said. Or the other option is no stand up clip and we just put the camera on you. And I'll say, chris Estefano, comedian, big announcement coming tomorrow. And you'll be wearing a shirt that has the date of the Madison Square Garden show that you're doing. And I was like, obviously, I want the second one. Give me the shirt date. And they were like, absolutely, 100%. And then I'm calling all my friends and I would be like, they're going to let me wear a shirt that says 9 11, and then just says, big announcer coming soon and thumbs up on the jumbotron. And this shit's going to go viral and this is going to be fucking wild. And then, and then. And I am like, I can't believe that this is about to happen. And then they fucking. Somebody flagged it. Yeah, the higher ups. And we realized that that date is a little sensitive. So instead we're just going to say September, big announcement coming soon. I said, you know what? Then play the stand up clip. I'm not doing it unless it could say 9, 11.

[John]

Yeah.

[Don DePetta]

My favorite thing is they wrote, we understand in New York that date might be a little touched.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what they said in the email. We're in New York.

[John]

I'm all over the world, just in New York.

[Chris Distefano]

But speaking of that, I got to do a. I'm doing a promo tomorrow and they gave me John Starks. New York Knicks legend John Starks. They said I will have access to the actual court that the Knicks play on.

[John]

Cool.

[Chris Distefano]

With John Starks to do a promo. And I have absolutely no ideas because every idea I pitch, like the one, the idea that I pitch them. And they said no. I go, what if, what if John Starks comes out onto the court and I'm shooting around and John Starks was just told that he's gonna do a promo and he sees me and he thinks it's a make a wish. But, but I, but I'm. But I don't know that he thinks it's a make a wish. And he's like, so when's, when's the date, man? Did they give you a date? And I'm like, yes, September 11, 2025. And he's like, like, man, not much time left. I'm like, yeah, dude, not no time at all. And he's like, he's like, you must be, you know, upset. I'm like, no, I think it's like a good day. You know, my family's coming. He's like, you bring your family with you. Like, you know, like it goes on and on and on, but they won't let me do it.

[Don DePetta]

Why not? That's funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Because make a wish. They said they can't even come close to joking about make a wish.

[Don DePetta]

Does it have to be make a wish? Can you just act like you're a sick kid?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Like, did you.

[Don DePetta]

Do you have to say make a wish? Is there a way if you just do the bit without saying make a wish.

[Chris Distefano]

Right. And like if we make the kind of language of it, like, you know, because I. The other idea was like, John Starks just doesn't know who I am and is mad that he has to be in a promo. Do you getting paid by the Knicks to do this? He's like, I don't care, but if you want to go see it. And then he was going to say, or that's one option. Or another option. Is he really is excited about being a part of it. And he wants to do five minutes of stand up on the show. And I say he can't because I already have Bernie Williams doing the national anthem. So I already have X. I already have New Yorkers doing it.

[John]

Do you. Do you. Can he still dunk? Can he like what? Have you just like dunked on you.

[Chris Distefano]

And like the Michael Jordan dunk right.

[John]

I got on you?

[Chris Distefano]

I. I want to ask him that. He's almost 60. Oh, but I wonder if, I wonder if. Could you imagine like he agrees to do it because he's like a, you know, just a sports nut and he goes to try to dunk him in. He Tom Seguras himself and that and was just us filming Starks and it's like that's the. It just says 911 over it as he's all fucked up.

[Don DePetta]

Also full circle. The night you got that glove is when you asked Bernie Williams to open.

[Chris Distefano]

How wild is that? I asked Bernie Williams at the Gold Glove awards that I did comedy and I asked him in front of all 500 people if he would sing the national anthem, play the guitar on the national anthem to open up my show at Madison Square Garden September 11, 2025. Tickets@christy comedy.com right now. PRESALE code Chrissy. He at Christy comedy and he said yes in front of all those people.

[Don DePetta]

And Chris Sale also told you he was going to come even though they definitely have a game that night.

[Chris Distefano]

Chris Sale did say he was coming.

[Don DePetta]

On his own unprovoked.

[Chris Distefano]

Right? Wait. And I think either the Yankees have a game in the afternoon or the Mets have a game. One of the teams is in New York but their games in the afternoon so they could come.

[John]

That's cool.

[Chris Distefano]

I want to invite the whole team. Who is it? Is it the Mets or the Yankees?

[Don DePetta]

I'm looking up the Mets schedule.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude. I drank too much coffee and had too many sweets. I have like active diarrhea.

[John]

We drink a little wine too today.

[Chris Distefano]

Does wine make you poopy?

[John]

I think the combination of everything we probably did. Does.

[Chris Distefano]

Do you ever have just a tummy ache?

[John]

Not so much. I. I mean I. Pretty good stomach.

[Chris Distefano]

You eat well.

[John]

Pretty good stuff. I tried to. I haven't the last few days because I'm in New York. I'm off my routine, but.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, but you're still cute. You're still.

[John]

Thanks, man. Appreciate it.

[Chris Distefano]

Tight.

[John]

Tight.

[Chris Distefano]

You got a tight fascia. Do you like what's facing Italian? What's face Faja fotch.

[John]

Fotch yogurt Guys.

[Chris Distefano]

Ship Station, make ship happen. Okay. Life in general can be chaotic. But if you're in charge of order fulfillment for an e commerce business, you know that it's your own special kind of chaos, babe. But ShipStation, you can count on your day to day remaining calm. Shipstation does it all for you, okay? Save hours and money every month by shipping from all your store stores with one login, automating repetitive tasks and finding the best rates among all the global carriers. Dude, here's the. Here's the thing with Shipstation is you never need to upgrade, okay? Shipstation grows with your business no matter how big it gets. You lead your business into the future with smart features and automations that boost efficiency and save you time. It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers. With discounts up to 88% off UPS, DHL Express and USPS rates and up to 90% off FedEx rates. Over 130,000 companies have grown their e commerce businesses with ShipStation. And 98% of those companies that stick with Shipstation for a year become customers for life. So calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to Ship Station today. Go to shipstation.com use code chaos to sign up for your free trial. That's shipstation.com code chaos. Sign up for that free trial. Make ship happen, baby. Guys, go to christycomedy.com for Tikiwikis. February 14th and 15th, I will be at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco. NBA All Star weekend. March 14th, Tampa, Florida. March 15th, Orlando, Florida. March 30th, Providence, Rhode Island. And the big one we just announced. September 11th, 2025, I will be headlining the arena at Madison Square Garden. That's right where the Knicks play, where the Rangers play, where Sabrina Carpent was. September 11, 2025, I will be headlining the arena at Madison Square Garden. Please go get those tickets. It's the pinnacle of comedy. It's my only goal I've ever had in this business and it's finally here. September 11, 2025. Go to ChrisD comedy.com for tickies. Please bring your entire family and anyone you've ever this episode is brought to you by Shopify. Upgrade your business with Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. Shop pay boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning fewer carts going abandoned and more sales going cha ching. So if you're into growing your business, get a commerce platform that's ready to sell wherever your customers are. Visit shopify.com to upgrade your selling today. What do we got?

[John]

Do you like the mustache?

[Chris Distefano]

I do like the mustache.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I got to be honest with you. I do like the mustache.

[Don DePetta]

That's for the movie, right?

[John]

Yeah, but I've been rocking it for a little while now, and I. I noticed that, like, older men will, like, give me the nod. Give me the great Mr. Baseball. Great movie.

[Chris Distefano]

Tom Selleck.

[John]

Good dude.

[Chris Distefano]

Tom Selleck.

[John]

Good dude.

[Chris Distefano]

But at times lately, you've been feeling. But at times, you've been feeling like Tom Suckic.

[John]

Yeah. Yeah. I. I went to lunch with Chris today, and he was asking me how things were, and I told him they're not.

[Chris Distefano]

He just unloaded on me, and I was like. Can I say this on the podcast?

[John]

It was pretty brutal.

[Chris Distefano]

No, but it's. But I'm only making up because it's up.

[John]

Because it's obviously, that's how things are going.

[Chris Distefano]

You're gonna be fine, dude.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Honestly. Truly, dude, people just.

[Don DePetta]

In the fart video, too.

[Chris Distefano]

What part video?

[Don DePetta]

The woman. The woman farting and smelling.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my God, that one. And then. And then I. I also. That fart video.

[Don DePetta]

I just get a video. I'm at work, and I get a video from Chris that's just a woman, like, ripping ass.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Don DePetta]

And then smelling her seat.

[Chris Distefano]

She looked like Jasmine.

[John]

Wait, was it. Did you film this in person?

[Chris Distefano]

She looked like Jasmine?

[Don DePetta]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

No, dude. She literally looked like if jasmine was, like, 50 pounds heavier.

[Don DePetta]

Yeah, like, I. I'm not, like, in the. In the freeze frame that came up.

[Chris Distefano]

I did for a split second thing, and then I. And then I ripped this one right before the show started. Listen, at the end.

[John]

Who said cheese?

[Chris Distefano]

No, John goes, what'd you eat? Listen, at the end.

[John]

So dumb.

[Chris Distefano]

So dumb, dude. I. Yeah, so we got a show Tonight, too, at 6pm we're gonna headlining here. I'm gonna do. I got a bunch of jokes about Florence.

[Don DePetta]

Nice.

[Chris Distefano]

Gonna do. RIP Florence, dude.

[Don DePetta]

So. And you. You and Jasmine sat in different rows, right?

[Chris Distefano]

We sat different rows. She was mad.

[John]

Wait, why did you sit in different rows?

[Chris Distefano]

I didn't. Because airphones, they. They changed. No F holes. They changed our seats. I. I couldn't. I. I went and I went to the desk, and I was like, oh, like, our seats got changed. Like, you know, we're engaged. Can we, like, sit next to each other? And I was like, what? And they were like. And they were like that. They. They not. They were like the plainest food.

[John]

What was your favorite thing you saw.

[Chris Distefano]

When you were there in Florence?

[John]

Yeah, no. In fucking Jersey. Yeah. Florence.

[Chris Distefano]

The probably most favorite thing is, the most shocking thing I would say is Michelangelo's sculpture David, but not his dick and balls, his butt. People don't talk enough about the back.

[John]

Of Michelangelo, walked around to the back.

[Chris Distefano]

Of David, and what David's ass is. He's got an absolute wagon peach. David has got a fucking wagon. And as I said earlier, if they put a tattoo of a butterfly on that ass cheek, I'd have sex with it. That's what I'm looking for. So. So I. David has a fucking wagon. Like, you can't believe how.

[John]

How many years it take him to do David.

[Chris Distefano]

Three years. Three. Three years to sculpt.

[John]

Incredible. The thing about Florence, he studied years, though. He studied anatomy and, like, corpses for, like, a handful of years before he even touched David.

[Chris Distefano]

He would cut open cadavers.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And the thing is, man, the thing is with. When you look at these sculptures and the Renaissance and this Florence art, it really is, like, insane, the level of talent that these people. I mean, still current people have that now. But I think back then they just had absolutely zero distractions or much, much less than we did. And they were able to focus in a way that I don't think many humans can focus anymore.

[John]

Think about how long a day used to be, right?

[Chris Distefano]

What do you mean?

[John]

Well, all right, now, like, we wake up and, like, time just kind of, like, blows by because we have our phones and then we got to commute and we have a million things going on, and you do 12 things in a fucking day. They woke up, I'm sure, when the sun came up. And. And where were they going? They weren't walking very far if they were going anywhere. They weren't going to go into town every single day. They stayed where they were. They probably strolled around and then they. He just worked, right? He worked until he was tired of working. But, like, days were longer, time was slower, right? Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

They said that Michelangelo would sculpt in the dark. He would put candles on his hat and just sculpt.

[John]

It was a day and night, day.

[Chris Distefano]

And night, they said. The thing about Michelangelo, they said, is, most likely, like, da Vinci was very, like, prim and proper. I mean, they were both gay, most likely, but they were both. Da Vinci was very much, like, fuck, yeah. Like, gay, you know, like, like, wanted nice things and had, like, little boy toys and was, like, had his money and was into the arts and wanted to, like, show off his wealth where. Michelangelo was just about that grind.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

He was just about sculpting his peers actually said he smelled like shit. Like he wouldn't shower. He would sculpt all through the night, 18, 19 hours a day, wear the same shit every day.

[John]

So he didn't care about.

[Chris Distefano]

Not care.

[John]

He didn't care about guys or girls. He was Michael. Asexual?

[Chris Distefano]

Well, no, they said that he was Michael. No, I think that he was Michael. Most likely banging Angela. I think he was. I think he was gay, so. I think that he was gay. But it was interesting. There's this square called the Piazza del Vecchio. Pilates. I think it's called the Plaza del Vecchio or it's something like that. Or maybe the bridge is called. The bridge is called the Ponte Vecchio. I think. I think it's. I think it's Plaza del Vecchio. But anyway, it's this famous plaza in Florence where they have like an actual, like written down moment in history where da Vinci and Machiavelli were sitting in this square, like talk. They were talking about Dante's Inferno like that, you know, like seven circles of hell. What they were talking about, like, death and the book. And they would talk. That was like a famous book at the time. And they would discuss it. Scholarly book. And Michelangelo was scurrying across the plaza with like all his, you know, papers and sculptures. I think he was. I don't know if he was sculpting.

[John]

Wild time to be around dude.

[Chris Distefano]

It's why I don't know if he was like sculpting stuff or whatever. Like, I don't know, like if he was sculpting David at the time. Whatever he was. But like, it was a packed plaza. People were there, like recorded history. And da Vinci says, oh, Michelangelo, what do you think of the Divine Comedy? Or whatever? And then Michelangelo just goes. Because he. They thought like, they thought he was making fun of him for some reason or whatever. And they think, like scholars now today say Michelangelo was on the spectrum. Like, you would just diagnose him as a person who's on the spectrum. Had very tough personality, didn't like, very unpleasant to be around, supposedly, because he was probably more comfortable, you know, and so he was probably like, I like sculpting. And so. But sometimes you got to just be that good at it. We could cut that part out and.

[John]

So if you want, keep it in.

[Chris Distefano]

And so. And so so much worse than that.

[John]

I know.

[Chris Distefano]

And so he. So anyway, so he like yelled at my Da Vinci and Machiavelli in front of all these people and he was like, oh, you're asking me about Dante's Inferno when you. The man who couldn't even make a sculpture of a horse, you know, because there was this Da Vinci at that time was kind of getting abused by everyone because he tried to make the sculpture of a horse, like, as big as David. Sculpture of David. And it just didn't work. Da Vinci couldn't get the balance and it kept collapsing. And then finally the king at the time was like, you're done.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And so, like, he was like, too much marvel. Yes. And he, like, really? And you know, Da Vinci, you know, like, at the time was like, you know, like, oh, my God, like, so upset and so. And it's like this recorded moment in history by like 10 different people sitting in the square, that it actually happened where these three iconic figures, like, all, like, met at one moment and they all lived amongst each other. And there's all other. All those artists in the. In the Renaissance time, they all lived in Florence. The one thing about Florence I love so much about it, the one, if there has to be a critique, is that after the 50th, you know, Madonna and the Child painting after the 50th church, you see, it kind of all is just the same shit over and over and over again.

[John]

Kinda like podcasting, right?

[Chris Distefano]

Exactly. When you see Michelangelo, sculpture of David, you're like, oh, my God. When you see Da Vinci's paintings, you're like, oh, my God. Some of the ones that he hasn't finished, you're like, wow, that's crazy. But other than that, you're like, okay. It's just the same.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

What is cool is Florence. They have sculptures from like 1350 that are just randomly on the street.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, you walk like things that are just on the street there, like that people walk by every day or that they live in would be in museums in America. So that's cool.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Were you gonna say something?

[Don DePetta]

I was gonna say it's funny coming from the guy that did an episode about Michelangelo a month ago on History Hyenas, saying that everything's just the same.

[Chris Distefano]

Shout it out. Patreon.com history hyenas. Let's see if we get our YouTube back. Go. Is it.

[Don DePetta]

How's the. Is it better now?

[Chris Distefano]

While the YouTube @History Angus. YouTube right now is. Is still currently demonetized. But we'll wait until.

[Don DePetta]

You're gonna get it back.

[John]

Why?

[Chris Distefano]

We're gonna get it back.

[John]

Why'd they do that?

[Chris Distefano]

Honestly, dude, I don't know.

[Don DePetta]

Calling a Liz Pipko right now, y'all say, hey, Liz.

[Chris Distefano]

Yo, hey, Liz. Pipko. What's up, girl? You know I love Israel, right? You're gorgeous. Hey, sorry about the Bills. I know your husband's a big fan. Oh, before we get to that, let me just say. Let me just say that for the people asking, this is a week. You know, it's a week later. But I'm sorry. I am very sorry that the Bills lost the AFC championship game to the Kansas City Chiefs, who I don't like. I am actually rooting for the Philadelphia Eagles. But I will say, you know, as the chaos fans know, we had a bet going that. Not a bet, not a bet, because a bet takes. Yeah, I didn't. I'm so bad at betting that I didn't wager anything on the other end. It was just a lose, lose for me. And so. Because I actually like the Buffalo Bills and I want to see them go to the Super Bowl, I think most of America did. And so. But John. John, the father, Grady, is a huge Buffalo Bills fan. He's from the Buffalo area in Poughkeepsie. So. So he. So anyway, I made a one sided bet with him that only I could lose. That said, if they make it to the Super Bowl, I will buy you the Buffalo Bills. I will buy you two tickets to the super bowl, airfare and hotel, and I will do it. And we shook on it and whatever. And then the night before, I realized that, you know, money is a little tight for me right now. Things aren't really necessarily going my way. And I started looking up the. I asked chat GPT what the rough cost of this trip would be. And Chachi BT told me $35,000. So I. Veto was texting me alone. And. And he was like, you know, just. Just me and Vito. He goes, dude, are you nervous right now? Because it looked like there was. The Bills were going to win. I mean, it was a close game. And I said, honestly, dude, a bet's a bet. Even though I have wagered nothing. I said, but here's. Here's the deal, dude. I'm going to send John to that Super Bowl. But then to recoup the money, I'm going to have to fire John. I'm going to have to lay John off and just have to fucking ask Veto to just make the flyers because. Because I can't afford both. But thankfully, John still here. We're able to keep John's job. And what we're going to do is now we're all going to put. We're all going to pray that the Bills make it next year. And there will be no wager at all. There will be no bet at all. We will just go to the super bowl triumphantly if the Bills win, and we'll just all go together as a team. But that's what I'll say. And I will say, I hope the Eagles win.

[Don DePetta]

So now you're buying three tickets to the Super Bowl?

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes. It's going to be me, John, and what? It's going to be me, John, and one of my kids.

[Don DePetta]

Also, this, like, bet. It was just something he said out of nowhere. Like, week eight.

[John]

Yeah, week eight.

[Don DePetta]

Week eight. Chris said out of nowhere to John, hey, man, if the Bills go to.

[John]

The Super Bowl, I'll pay your way. I would have been sweating after the first round of the playoffs.

[Chris Distefano]

And I didn't wage. Even my dad asked me. He's like, what's the wager on the other side? Because he would, you know, listen to the Potter. I was like, I didn't. I didn't. What do you mean? He's like, there's. What did you wager, John? Like, if. If the Bills lose, then don't you get something? I was like, no. He was like, so if they what? Ha. He was like, so if they lose. If they win, you just have to do this. And I was like, yeah. And he was like, and if they lose, nothing happens. I was like, yeah. He was like, that was a pretty stupid bet, John.

[John]

Do you think they were going to win?

[Chris Distefano]

I. I mean, it was. It was close.

[John]

We were all watching now, going into it, though. Did you think AFC Championship? Yeah. Do you think it was stacked against him?

[Chris Distefano]

No, no. I mean, you know, I. That was a good point to. They get every call, the Chiefs.

[John]

There were some brutal.

[Chris Distefano]

Brutal.

[Don DePetta]

Why didn't the Bills challenge that catch, though?

[John]

Great question.

[Chris Distefano]

In the.

[Don DePetta]

In the last two minutes of the game, the one that was, like, I. Watching.

[John]

Well, you can't challenge in the last two minutes. Only the. Only the. It's an automatic challenge upstairs.

[Don DePetta]

I thought, oh, a team can't even challenge itself. I'm talking about the.

[Chris Distefano]

At the.

[Don DePetta]

In, like, in the red zone.

[Chris Distefano]

It was the.

[Don DePetta]

It, like, the ball, like, very noticeable hit the ground.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, that one. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's. They did challenge that.

[Don DePetta]

They did.

[John]

They did.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[John]

They put it upstairs. Just upstairs. Yeah. I was watching on tv, that brutal.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, I live.

[Don DePetta]

I screamed, that's not a catch, dude.

[Chris Distefano]

I would open up a bakery and I would. I would listen to this Love it. I would open up a bakery and I would play NFL games on every Sunday live from my bakery. And you know what I would call my bakery every Sunday? The bread zone. I like that.

[John]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Thank you.

[John]

Just thought of it pretty good.

[Don DePetta]

Nice.

[Chris Distefano]

But yeah. Dude, I'm sorry, John. You still want to go to the Super Bowl? Anyway, imagine I was like, I just did it. Imagine I preemptively just did it and I have the tickets.

[Don DePetta]

Well, I mean, it would have been better for you because when you first checked on Chad GPT, it was only like 14 grand.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes. And then it got way. What is the actual price of it now? Do we know? Like, what is it? Eagles. Do you think the Eagles Chiefs ticket. Do you think the chief's ticket is actually higher price? Because it's.

[Don DePetta]

I'll check it.

[Chris Distefano]

I think Eagles Chiefs is like the maximum. Like Commander's bills. Definitely. I feel lower echelon compared to. That would be the Commander's bills. Would you think? What. What if it would have been Bill's Lions? You think that would have been big money because they've never won it.

[John]

Massive money.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know. Smaller markets, so.

[Don DePetta]

All right, let me throw out some options for you. So you could sit all the way upstairs on the four. On the. It looks like it's on like the 35 yard line all the way in the back.

[Chris Distefano]

That's four, five hundred dollars a ticket.

[Don DePetta]

A ticket. Or. Or for an extra few grand you could be lower. And for 5725 you could be in an end zone.

[Chris Distefano]

But middle level, it's actually not. I mean, it's not. It's crazy, but it's not in sand.

[Don DePetta]

All right, for 8,000 I can get you on the 20. And this is all via game time. Our partner, shout out.

[Chris Distefano]

Game time.

[Don DePetta]

Dude, I can get you on the 25 yard line on the field level for a measly 8993.

[Chris Distefano]

What's the most expensive ticket you see right there on game time? What are you seeing?

[John]

Gotta be 20 something grand.

[Chris Distefano]

Probably 20 game time.

[Don DePetta]

No, the game time tickets. Like it looks like they max out around. I actually, I might have told you the most expensive ticket.

[Chris Distefano]

How do you. How does it work? Like, how do you get face value super bowl tickets? Is it impossible?

[Don DePetta]

I think it's a lottery, isn't it? Oh, I'm guessing. Okay, I'm guessing one season ticket holders.

[Chris Distefano]

But what is the ticket holder?

[Don DePetta]

You have to get playoff tickets, right?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, but it's.

[John]

It's a different stadium.

[Don DePetta]

Yeah, but I'M assuming you're. You have to. If you have season tickets, there's got to be some.

[Chris Distefano]

I'll Google it. Yeah, that can't. That. Yeah, but what are they going to do? Give the entire Eagle season ticket holders and Chiefs, then you. That would be the whole. That would be the. All the tickets. Right.

[John]

I don't think this. The whole stadium's not season ticket holders, though.

[Chris Distefano]

But it's all new. It's also in New Orleans. Yeah, right.

[John]

The New Orleans season ticket holders get.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, no, I don't think so.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Dude.

[John]

Have you been to a Super Bowl?

[Chris Distefano]

Yes, I went to Seahawks Broncos with Peyton Manning, and I think. Was it Russell Wilson? Was this when the Seahawks won? It was at MetLife. My dad and I went with the halftime show was Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And I remember they asked us to. When Bruno Mars sang, they asked us to put on these hats that lit up. And my dad's like, I'm not putting on that fucking hat. And then Bruno Mars started singing and dancing. He's like, what's this guy's name? And I was like, bruno Mars. And then by the end of Bruno Mars performance, my dad had the hat on.

[Don DePetta]

So the way tickets work is for season ticket holders, you get put into a lottery, so you're not guaranteed tickets. And then most of a lot of the tickets go to partners. A lot of the tickets go to, like, luxury service, like venue where you can buy from them.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So it's almost impossible to get a face value Super Bowl. I don't think it's.

[John]

I don't think you can't face value.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, that lottery is.

[Don DePetta]

The lottery would be the only way.

[Chris Distefano]

No, because. Because if I got in the lottery, my question is, if I got in that lottery and I got. And they would give me a face value, I could buy a ticket for 250 bucks potentially and sell it then for 10 grand.

[Don DePetta]

Know, like, what I just saw is, like, the minimum tickets are like, in the thousands.

[Chris Distefano]

You know what song's been stuck? I remember the reggae song. No, no, go. No, no, no, no. Like, do you know this song?

[Don DePetta]

Dude, stop playing song.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, just real quick. We'll edit this out. We'll edit this out. Hold on. But tell me if you know this song, or am I crazy that nobody knows this song? Hold on, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait, Here we go.

[John]

Can you not talk about it because you work for them or just because you're sad about it?

[Chris Distefano]

You never heard this Song. Have you ever heard this song, John Don? You ever heard the song? You ever heard this song? Done.

[John]

The beat. I recognize the beat.

[Don DePetta]

People are gonna. I'm gonna put, like, the Patreon thing in, and people are gonna think there's, like, some juicy thing on Patreon.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my God. It's 508. I gotta show it. Six o'clock.

[John]

Yay.

[Chris Distefano]

How much are we in 50 minutes.

[John]

Who else is on the show?

[Chris Distefano]

Huh?

[John]

Who else on the show?

[Chris Distefano]

Your mama?

[John]

You?

[Chris Distefano]

No, I'm gonna have. Who do I have? Who do I have on the show? Me. You, James, Mattern.

[John]

James, good.

[Chris Distefano]

James Mattern. Vito said he's gonna do five minutes.

[John]

Nice. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Have you ever done Stand up in your life, Vito? For real, John. Have you.

[John]

Are you gonna do five minutes or no? Oh, okay. Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Could you imagine?

[John]

James is so nice, dude.

[Chris Distefano]

James is the man.

[John]

Shout out, James. Dude.

[Chris Distefano]

Shout out James Manner. He. Yeah. Harriest chest in the game.

[John]

Cool.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And big glue gun, so. Yeah, very big. Really? Yeah. Glue gun. We say, you know, we say glue gun, and we say glue gun a lot on history. Hyenas. And it's because it's from James, because we saw his penis once and Giannis was like, that literally looks like a glue gun. Kids got a fucking. Yeah. So, yeah, dude, I have been off my game with the sweets, dude, all day. Yo. You ready for this? I think you missed this. The other day, I made my kid pistachio. I made my kids just for. For a dessert. I wanted to. The. I said, I'm gonna make dessert. And everyone was like, gay. My family Spanish gay. But so I said, yeah, I mean, make you dessert, dude. I went. I got this pistachio cream from Italy. Did pistachio ready for this In a bowl. I put pistachio cream, honey, and Cool Whip. Mixed it all up. Then I toasted croissants. I took a spoon, I made a nice fluff. I. I put the pistachio honey, Cool Whip cream on the croissants. Then I broke the croissants in half, and I rolled them up, and I made little pistachio cream puffs.

[John]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Sick.

[Don DePetta]

I honest. I think you need to, like, you get so stressed about, like, gaining weight, and I need you to be more impressed with yourself at the way you eat, that you don't.

[John]

That you're not a thousand pounds. Yeah.

[Don DePetta]

Like, you ain't. You eat like a maniac.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, you eat.

[Don DePetta]

You eat worse than probably anybody I know, right?

[Chris Distefano]

Like, I eat like a child, right?

[Don DePetta]

You eat like A kid. And when you go to. And I know for the tables. A big hyenas phrase now, but I've been saying to you for years that the way you order food at a table is on him.

[John]

I didn't order lunch today. Chris ordered all of it.

[Chris Distefano]

You go and.

[John]

Yeah, and it gets weird.

[Don DePetta]

Like, you go and you're like, I'll look at a menu before I go somewhere. And, like, I know not to with him because I'm going to get there and he's just going to go, how about we get six entrees?

[Chris Distefano]

And I always get an entree for the table. Dude, if we wouldn't. If we weren't going to that Knicks game, we were going to fucking eat.

[Don DePetta]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

1. Do we have a makeup date?

[Don DePetta]

It's all. You're the guy with this.

[Chris Distefano]

Hold on. I'm the 911 dad guy.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Should we.

[John]

This is.

[Don DePetta]

This is terrible.

[Chris Distefano]

This is terrible.

[Don DePetta]

Podcast.

[Chris Distefano]

This is what the fans want. Dude. The fans know. They want this. What about if we go on a weekend?

[Don DePetta]

I'm gone. I leave for spring training on the night.

[John]

Where would you take them?

[Chris Distefano]

What restaurant were we gonna go to?

[Don DePetta]

We were gonna go to a place. I'm not gonna say. Since we're saying, like, the date and stuff we're going to.

[Chris Distefano]

No, but we won't say the date. Okay.

[Don DePetta]

We're gonna go to this place. In the story that just got named, like, the best new restaurant, it's actually called, like, Seymour's.

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Don DePetta]

Isn't it Toodle. Is it Toodles in French?

[Chris Distefano]

Toodles.

[Don DePetta]

Toodles in French. Is that what it's called?

[John]

Nice.

[Chris Distefano]

Is this so you. So it's no shock to you why I have high cholesterol and blood pressure.

[Don DePetta]

Oh, dude, you're a.

[John]

You are. You are an animal.

[Chris Distefano]

I supposed to do that.

[John]

But you. You restrict yourself very well. And then when you let it go, it's like you.

[Chris Distefano]

Do you think I have the eating habits of someone who could easily be 400 pounds, bro?

[Don DePetta]

You eat crazy. And then like. Yeah, order like five desserts, right? You try. And like a lot of people, you're size that don't gain weight are big. I order a lot of food and.

[John]

Like, I just take a bite of everything.

[Don DePetta]

No, you're like, I order all this food and I eat all of it.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So then how do I change this?

[John]

What do I do, bro?

[Chris Distefano]

So what do I do?

[John]

What do you mean, what do you do? You're fine. Look at you.

[Chris Distefano]

But my cholesterol is high and my blood pressure you look good. Did I? Did I Did we eat a lot today?

[John]

No, Very delicate.

[Chris Distefano]

We had cacio pepe, a pizza, potato croquettes and a salad.

[John]

That sounds like a lot. But it was. No, no, that sounds like way more than it was.

[Chris Distefano]

And in a espresso and. But then I did eat a piece of banana bread, two pumpkin loaf, two wines. Two wines.

[John]

Two wines.

[Chris Distefano]

And then for breakfast I made myself eggs, mushrooms, onions and peppers. And I had a scoop of peanut butter. And I had, I had a scoop of peanut butter.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

A protein coffee. The pumpkin bread. The pumpkin bread. Banana bread and banana bread.

[John]

Very good.

[Chris Distefano]

But it was whole wheat. Whole wheat loaf the last time Chris's house.

[Don DePetta]

I'm leaving. And he's like, do you want to stay for dinner? And I'm like, no, I'm gonna go eat with my wife at home. And then I hear him say, dude, to, to his stepson, hey, I'm about to order burgers and milkshakes. Do you want anything?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Don DePetta]

And like he still was probably gonna eat dinner after that. Yeah, like that was like a 4pm meal. And I know Chris said he probably was gonna eat one more time, but like burgers is a big go to a lot of times. Whenever you're like, oh, should we go eat somewhere? I'm like, yeah, you go there a good cheeseburger place around here.

[John]

Are we gonna, are we gonna eat after the show tonight?

[Chris Distefano]

Do you want. No, I don't know.

[John]

You gotta go home. You gotta restaurant.

[Don DePetta]

Have you heard a fucking adult say I'm gonna order burgers and. No, like delivery. Yes.

[John]

He's done it to the house. When I've stayed at the house. Dude. Yeah, he's stay. Hey Don, I'm gonna burn you.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I can't, I can't eat anymore. I can't eat anymore.

[John]

Why? Because fasting.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, you know what? And here's, see here's the thing with me is, is I'm, I'm. It's right now it's 5:13, but I haven't eaten in like two hours. That zucchini bread we ate. I haven't eaten pumpkin and banana since she came in. So I'm going to say I'm going to stop eating at 3:15. So I've stopped eating two hours ago. So I won't eat again. So I can eat again tomorrow at.

[Don DePetta]

7Am I'm also not trying to food shape.

[Chris Distefano]

So that's how I'll balance.

[John]

I'm not trying to food shape.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[John]

You restricted very well. But when You. When the doors open, it's open. Nobody's opening.

[Don DePetta]

You like, you. You look great. You look like you keep in shape. It's just. It is crazy watching you eat.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Don DePetta]

You order caccio Pepe for the table.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, he did it today regularly.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Don DePetta]

Do you know how weird of a thing that is to share with you?

[John]

We shared it today like that.

[Don DePetta]

Like, would you share a burrito with a guy?

[Chris Distefano]

That's weird. Well, we have to cut. We. No, we cut it. We. We go like, we'd. Lady in the Tramp and just get. Keep getting closer and closer and closer and then have our forks touching the middle.

[Don DePetta]

I think that's the one for food. I couldn't share with it. Like, if you cut it, I guess that's one thing, but, like, bite it. I don't.

[Chris Distefano]

I do get entrees to share.

[John]

Yeah, you do.

[Chris Distefano]

In Italy, they were actually. They didn't understand, like, it. Well, in Florence, they were like.

[Don DePetta]

In Italy, did they fucking tell you you were ordering too much? Because it's the only place I've been in my life. When I went on my bachelor party, John. John can attest to this. They were constantly saying to our table, too much. Maybe you should order less food.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Don DePetta]

When have you ever heard a business.

[Chris Distefano]

Say, yeah, less food.

[Don DePetta]

Like, don't spend this much money.

[Chris Distefano]

They didn't. They didn't say that to us. But they. They were also. They couldn't. They didn' and they were like, do you want this all at the same time, or do you want this to come out one by one? And we were like, you know, as it comes out, they were like, okay, because the guy said to me, goes, because these are multiple entrees or secondies. And I was like. And I was like, yeah, I want multiple secondies. Like, we're going to share it all. And he was like, okay. Okay. So. All right, dude, I got to go do the show and I. Dude, I have to take like. Like a biblical and you have to do live reads. Two more. But, dude, it's like I'm fully, like, crowning right now.

[Don DePetta]

Are you fucking ground. What's it called? Groundhogging.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes. Turtle heading? Turtle heading. Yes.

[Don DePetta]

You ever see the movie Rat Race?

[Chris Distefano]

No, I feel like I live it later.