Chris Is Trying To Find CORN In Salt Lake City | Chris Distefano is Chrissy Chaos

Summary

Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos – Episode Summary

Release Date: November 19, 2024
Episode Title: Chris Is Trying To Find CORN In Salt Lake City | Chris Distefano is Chrissy Chaos

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1. Setting the Scene in Salt Lake City

[00:43] Chris Di Stefano
Chris Distefano kicks off the episode from an unconventional location—a gym at the La Meridian in Salt Lake City, Utah. He humorously remarks, “I do feel like a real New York dirtbag in Utah," highlighting his feeling out of place while surrounded by iconic landmarks like the Utah State Capitol and the under-construction Mormon Temple.

2. The Struggle of Performing Under Distractions

[02:10] Chris Di Stefano
Chris delves into his recent performances in Salt Lake City, where he juggled multiple shows. He shares a pivotal moment during a performance when the audience's attention was diverted by the Mike Tyson versus Jake Paul fight on their phones. Reflecting on the incident, he says, “Half that audience was not listening to a damn word I said at all.” Instead of delaying the show, Chris chose to incorporate the distraction into his act, creating a unique and memorable experience. He notes, “I just leaned into it, and I had the guy in the front row turn his phone around,” showcasing his adaptability and commitment to engaging his audience despite unforeseen interruptions.

3. Navigating Personal Challenges and Anxiety

[05:00] Chris Di Stefano
Chris opens up about his internal battle with anxiety and the pressure to perform. He recounts a personal moment before his shows, admitting, “I did not want to come do these shows yesterday...I just didn’t want to go,” revealing his vulnerability. However, he emphasizes the importance of perseverance, stating, “Push through and I got here and I came, and I'm glad I did.” This segment underscores the theme of overcoming personal fears to fulfill professional obligations.

4. Conversations with James Madden: Tales from the Road

[11:52] James Madden & [14:36] Chris Di Stefano
Throughout the episode, Chris engages in candid phone conversations with his friend James Madden. James shares anecdotes about his recent arrest in Salt Lake City, humorously detailing, “I had two beers there...pulled us over, put us in the cuff.” Chris reacts with amusement and disbelief, highlighting the camaraderie and lightheartedness that characterizes their interactions.

Later, James updates Chris on recovering from being hit by a car, joking about his broken wrist: “All they could do is break my wrist on both sides. Fuck them.” Their banter provides comic relief while also touching on real-life mishaps encountered on the road.

5. Reflections on Career and Personal Growth

[30:00] Chris Di Stefano
In a deeply introspective moment, Chris contemplates his career trajectory and personal life balance. He muses, “Is this the exact career you want or did you just start doing comedy 15 years ago?” Expressing uncertainty, he weighs the fulfillment of his passion for comedy against the desire for privacy and a more subdued life. This segment highlights his ongoing quest for self-awareness and satisfaction within his chosen path.

6. Maintaining Health and Fitness on the Road

[35:00] Chris Di Stefano
Chris shares his dedication to fitness, detailing his workout regimen: “Five push-ups, jump up from the burpee, five bicep curls, five shoulder presses back down.” He also discusses his use of supplements like Urolithin A and probiotics, remarking, “I kind of just feel like I need to shake it up a little bit, and I am moving back to Staten Island.” His focus on physical health serves as a counterbalance to the stresses of touring and performing, emphasizing the importance of maintaining well-being amidst a demanding schedule.

7. Future Aspirations and Personal Ambitions

[40:00] Chris Di Stefano
Looking ahead, Chris expresses interest in learning martial arts, stating, “I'd like to learn jiu jitsu or Muay Thai kickboxing.” He connects this aspiration to his desire for self-defense and reducing anxiety, mentioning, “It's important to know how to defend yourself.” Additionally, he contemplates potential career shifts, humorously suggesting, “Should I be a double agent and I'm spying for China and the United States?” This playful yet earnest reflection showcases his willingness to explore new avenues and grow beyond his established role as a comedian.

8. Balancing Comedy and Personal Life

[42:00] Chris Di Stefano
Chris emphasizes the importance of not taking his work too seriously, asserting, “It's not rocket science to be a comedian.” He encourages his listeners to engage with him openly, asking for feedback: “Tell me what you don't like about me. Comment what you don't like about me in the comments.” This interactive approach fosters a sense of community and transparency, reinforcing his commitment to connecting authentically with his audience.

9. Closing Thoughts and Upcoming Plans

[45:00] Chris Di Stefano
As the episode wraps up, Chris shares updates on his live shows and podcasting endeavors. He mentions, “We've hired a booking team,” aiming to secure better guests and enhance the quality of his content. Additionally, he highlights his stand-up releases on YouTube, encouraging fans to attend his live performances via his website, chrisdccomedy.com.

Chris concludes with a humorous nod to the unique dynamics of Salt Lake City and the challenges of performing in a predominantly conservative environment, further illustrating his adaptability and dedication to his craft.

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Notable Quotes:

• Chris Di Stefano [00:43]: “I do feel like a real New York dirtbag in Utah.”
• Chris Di Stefano [02:10]: “Half that audience was not listening to a damn word I said at all.”
• Chris Di Stefano [05:00]: “Push through and I got here and I came, and I'm glad I did.”
• James Madden [11:52]: “I had two beers there...pulled us over, put us in the cuff.”
• Chris Di Stefano [30:00]: “Is this the exact career you want or did you just start doing comedy 15 years ago?”
• Chris Di Stefano [35:00]: “I kind of just feel like I need to shake it up a little bit.”
• Chris Di Stefano [40:00]: “I'd like to learn jiu jitsu or Muay Thai kickboxing.”
• Chris Di Stefano [42:00]: “It's not rocket science to be a comedian.”

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Conclusion

In this episode of Chrissy Chaos, Chris Distefano offers a raw and humorous glimpse into the life of a touring comedian grappling with the challenges of performing under unexpected distractions, personal anxieties, and the relentless demands of his career. Through candid storytelling, engaging interactions with friends, and introspective musings, Chris delivers an episode rich with authenticity and laughter, embodying the essence of Chrissy Chaos.

For those who haven't tuned in, this episode serves as a testament to the resilience required in the world of comedy and the personal growth that accompanies professional pursuits.

Transcript

[Alex]

Alex, do you like canned cranberry sauce, or should we make it ourselves? That's my mom. She didn't know about Instacart's family carts. So wanna make pecan pie this year? Yes or no? Oh, and how many boxes of stuffing? So I told her we could just share a family cart and add all our holiday favorites to the same order without losing our voices or our sanity. It's so much fun. Alex, can you get my holiday village out of the attic? Baby steps, Alex.

[James Madden]

Baby steps.

[Alex]

Shop Instacart this holiday season and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. Alex.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Hi, I'm Slushy. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Chrissy Chaos here. Sitting on a physio ball in the gym at the La Meridian in Salt Lake City, Utah. We got the Utah State capital in the background. I don't know if you can see it, but we got that. We got the Mormon Temple, which we took a walk past was under construction. We were going to try to get Post Malone to come on the show, but couldn't get in touch with him because he lives in Salt Lake City. Do you think there's anyone who's going out there calling themselves Post Karl Malone? Just Post Malone and Blackface? That's who I would be. I'm sitting on a physio ball. We're in the gym here. We may get thrown out, I don't know. But today's episode is going to be about pushing through and perseverance. Okay, I'm growing my hair out. I'm pushing through. Okay, I got a hat on. I do feel very New York right now. I got the North Face bubble jacket. I got the backwards hat. You know, I do feel like a real New York dirtbag in Utah. But it's about pushing through. Okay, I'm gonna be full disclosure with you. I did not want to come do these shows yesterday. I had two shows last night in Salt Lake City at Wise Guys Comedy Club, which is one of the best comedy clubs in the country. And then we got two shows here tonight. And I called Steve Ciccone Riceroni, who's with me right now behind the camera. And I called him. When we're going to jfk, I said, listen, I can't find parking in the parking lot in jfk, which was a lie. I was like, I don't want to, because I just didn't want to go. I was like, we're going to just miss the flight. Because I just, like, I didn't Want to leave. I just didn't want to leave, like my family. I was just like, I just want to stay home. But I said, you know what? Push through. Just. That's your anxiety talking to you, Chrissy. Okay? That's your anxiety telling you you're not good enough to go, don't go. And then it comforts you and says, no, what you should be doing is staying home and baking cookies with your kids, which I should be, and I will do that this week. But I also have an obligation to my family to try to work for them and try to give them, you know, make a good living so my family can have some comfort in their life. So I just pushed through and I got here and I came, and I'm glad I did. I'm glad that I got here and, you know, because I'm like, hey, we're here. We're living. And now I'm like, you know, I did my two shows last night, and the first show was good. And then the second show, as soon as I walked onto stage, I'm talking about when the emcee was saying, please welcome to the stage, or headliner Chris Di Stefano, Mike Tyson and Jake Paul were touching gloves in Dallas. So I go out and I do my first joke, and I can feel that nobody's paying attention at all. And I. And I look out and everyone's looking at their phones because I don't lock the phones up. I'm never. I don't like that. I mean, I know comedy venues want to lock their phones up. I get it. But that's not me. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to have people lock their phones up. I feel like that gives too much anxiety. People already want to look at their phone. I just ask, you try not to look at your phone while we're doing the show, but if you're going to do it, you're going to do it. I do not want people having their phones locked up. It's too much drama. So I say to them, you guys are watching the fight. And then this one guy in the front row goes, yeah, it just started. And I'm like, okay. So I made a decision. There was one part of me that was like, should I just delay the show 20 minutes, say I'll come back when the fight's over. Watch the show. Watch the fight. But I said, you know, you know what? Let's make this part of the show. So I just leaned into it, and I had the guy in the front row turn his phone around, so. And he was resting on his beer. So I was actually watching the show with him, watching the fight with him while I was doing the show. And it was one of those, like moments in comedy for me. Like, I've never experienced anything like that. Whoa. That came out of the back of the physio ball. So I'm not washing this either. I'm just going to put this back on the mount when I'm done with this podcast. So just know that there's a good chance that if you're at any gym at all in the United States, there's people who have been farting on the physio balls. But I said, you know, I've never been in a situation like this in comedy, so I use it as a challenge. And I feel like, you know, we're gonna post that video. I think we posted, by the time this podcast come out, we probably posted the standup already. I don't know how it did or how it will do, but it was a fun challenge because, I mean, half that audience was not listening to a damn word I said at all. They weren't listening to a second of my comedy because they were watching Tyson versus Jake Paul. And you know, there's one part of me that was like, why did I push through? Why did I even fucking do this? Why did I come out here? I should just be home baking cookies with my kids. This crowd's not even listening to me. Then the second, another half of me was like, oh, this is cool. This is why you get to do comedy. You're talking about trying to do your jokes while half the crowd is looking at Mike Tyson and Jake Paul. Which, by the way, I really do think that Jake Paul was in a lose, lose situation there. I'm sure a million people have said this already. It's like, what are you going to do? Knock out a 57 year old guy? If you win and you knock them out, that's not a good look. And then if you lose, you know, that's not a good look. But you get made 20 million and that's good. I like that. That's good. That's money. Money in your tummy. So, you know, the show, it went well in Salt Lake City, I guess, so far. But the air up here is weird. Dude, if you ever come to Salt Lake City, this air is kind of like, I cannot breathe. I mean, I probably have a condition and I'm just blaming it on the thin air up here. But I really, I really am having trouble breathing. So that's Why? I was like, let's just do this podcast. Let's do it in the gym. I said, you know what? We're on the top floor of the gym. I'm like, you know what? The altitude's high. Let's make it even higher. Why don't you go even higher into the sky? Because you can't breathe, and you just bounce on this a little bit. Ooh, dude, Stuff like this just makes me horny. Oh, and it's bringing up another fart. Hold on. Oh, it's like a symphony. That's what this episode is going to be. So I've also brought back History Hyenas. We haven't really. I mean, we've spoken about a little bit on the pod, but honestly, guys, I got to be honest with you. I'm going to be honest with you. History Hyenas has been a lot of fun. It's just Giannis and I, you know, we just bring out, I think, good chemistry in each other. And it's podcast. It makes it easy. The pods. Podcasting with him is very easy. Like, you know, we prepare a lot, but, I mean, not easy. I'd say it's just flows. I should say it's flows. Like, sometimes Chrissy Chaos gets a little difficult. So, like, can you write in the comments right now, like, what do you like about the Chrissy Chaos podcast? And what do you want to see differently? Because sometimes I struggle doing this pod, but I don't struggle at all doing History Hyenas, the new version of it. We kind of just do it. We have fun doing it. I love history. I love history so much. So it's easy to just, like, flow with a guy who, like, just make jokes, and then we actually learn stuff. So History Hyenas is good. And if you go to patreon.com historyhyenas I mean, the Patreon's doing really well. They're actually. We might. It's possible come the new year, if this Patreon, like, you know, if you guys don't like what I. What I'm [e-mail] Christomedy I might just shut it down and put all the content and patreon.com historyhyenas just because it feels like I don't want to keep asking people to set. You know, I just. I appreciate the love and support that you guys give me. I really, really do. I don't want to hit you for $5 here. $5 here. It's like just $5, one place on this Patreon, and You know, I'll put my content there. So let me know what you guys think about that. That's what I love about doing this podcast, is at least, you know, I get feedback from you, which I really appreciate. Dude. My daughter today, I get, like, a hysterical call from Jazz that my little daughter drank, like, half a bottle of ibuprofen. I was like, oh, my God, dude. She's a fucking Long island drug addict already just chugging ibuprofen. But I gotta be honest with you, you know, it's one of those things where it's kind of like becoming, like. That's, like the second time that's happened with my kid. Just fucking smuggling ibuprofen and drinking it. I'm like, do you like the taste of this shit? I didn't think kids like the taste of that shit. But she smuggled it, she took us. Everything's fine. She's okay. You know, I call my friend who's a doctor was like, it's ibuprofen. It's fine. But I feel like every time I'm on the other side of the country, there's some drama happening at my house. I don't know what it is. Is that just Murphy's Law? I have no idea what it is, but it's. You know, it just. But I've learned recently to, like, not be anxious about it. Like, just, like, let it happen, you know, whatever happens. Oh, am I still good in the shot? Leaning back, you know, whatever. There's, you know, what you can control. You control what you can't control, you can't control honey bunny. But I gotta be honest. There's. You know, if you guys are from New York, I love going to see all these cities. I really do. But after the third or fourth time you go to a city, it's not that it's not exciting because I appreciate, you know, seeing new places, but I start to feel like, you know, like if you were. If you were, like, a player on a team, you don't make the schedule. You gotta go where the schedule goes. But, like, I'm making my own schedule. So I'm like, I like Salt Lake City. I really do. But it's like, why am I coming here again? Like, what am I doing? You ever think about that? Like, sometimes we're just on, like, autopilot, you know? I feel that way sometimes. I've just come on autopilot, and I'm just. I'm only making decisions out of habit. I'm not even thinking about them anymore. And that's where actually Jaz and I's relationship has gotten much better because I've started to actually make myself think about the decisions I'm making about the things I'm saying about, you know, being present and all that. And you know what I started doing? If anybody's in a relationship out there and it's not, you know, and you're having some trouble with it, what I started to do is every morning, kiss Jazz. Kiss Jazz, or hug her, you know, and tell her you love her and see if you can get more connected that way. And so far it's been, you know, it's been helping. It's been better. So I don't know. I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about, dude. I'm doing a solo podcast. I couldn't find a guest. We were supposed to. We tried to get the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. They all said no. Then we tried to get some fucking Salt Lake City real estate investors. They all said no, Post Malone, nothing. So now we're just here and I'm just sitting on a physio ball in a damn gym, just freeballing it. Trump's president, by the way. Let me tell you something. And you probably saw it in the video that I put [e-mail] ChristyComedy I mean that. Oh, James Madden. Should we pick it up? Nah. Bubba's. Bubba. Bubba's. Wait, hold on. Bubba's. I mean, I'm on the podcast right now. It's just a solo pod. Do you wanna, you wanna come on for a minute on this phone call?

[James Madden]

On the solo pod.

[Chris Di Stefano]

I'm on the solo. Chrissy Chaos.

[James Madden]

What am I gonna say?

[Chris Di Stefano]

You're here. James Madden here, ladies and gentlemen, James Madden on the phone right now, who was arrested in Salt Lake City, Utah, where I'm currently doing a podcast from.

[James Madden]

Yeah, underage drinking after a Neil Young concert. You think you're 19 and you're not gonna drink a little liquor while listening to God Damn down by the River.

[Chris Di Stefano]

You're out of your mind. So take us through. What was the arrest like? You go to the Neil Young concert, you're drinking and then what happens?

[James Madden]

I had a little bit of a. I had like two beers there. We're in a car with beer. Some guys have weed. I just want to go back to Provo. We're staying in Provo with some weirdo girls. They had good musical tastes, piercings in weird places. They clearly wanted to hook up. And my buddy, I can't say his name you'll know why in a second. He wanted to go to this club in Salt Lake where they have women dancing in cages. Not a strip club. Just women dancing in cages at the Vortex. And me and the other guy in the back don't want to go. And, I mean, we're in, like, shirts with, like, stains on it. We smell like a hobo's anus. And on our way there, he sees, like, a deer, he swerves. Cops were behind us, we didn't realize. Pulled us over, put us in the cuff. And in front of the University of Utah. That's why I'll never root for those sons of bitches.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Whoa.

[James Madden]

Luckily, his estranged mom came and got us. She lived in a suburb, cooked for us like it was the last supper. They let us go and then cooked for us the next day when we left. And I get it. Sent a warrant for my arrest. Two days before Christmas that my grandma finds. My mother knew a guy who was going to be my lawyer. He didn't show up, and so I had a warrant for my arrest in Utah, and I ended up getting probation for, like, years.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Wait a second. So do you still have. If you came to Salt Lake City, Utah, would you get clipped right now?

[James Madden]

Well, clipped means something else, I think. I don't think the Mormon mafia is going to put a slug in my head, but, no, I think that's a long time ago. I mean, I was with you at the Delta Lounge earlier this year. Boy, those French toast sticks were fucking good to me.

[Chris Di Stefano]

They were. Oh, wait, we were in the Delta Lounge in Salt Lake City.

[James Madden]

Yeah, on our way to Reno.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Oh, that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. And what a lovely time. And what a lovely time in Reno we had.

[James Madden]

Yes. We had to shoot several men just to watch them die.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Yes, yes, I recall a lovely evening in Reno. So, ladies and gentlemen on the podcast, Mr. James mannered, who was recently hit by a car.

[James Madden]

I was hit by a car. Yeah.

[Chris Di Stefano]

So what happened?

[James Madden]

It's too tough to fucking go, baby. I mean, I'm in my mid-40s. All they could do is break my wrist on both sides. Fuck them.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Fuck them. So you get hit by this car and all you got was a damn broken hand?

[James Madden]

Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

[Chris Di Stefano]

You got surgery, though. Now you feeling good?

[James Madden]

Yeah, I'm all right. Yeah. I was going to call you about some stuff, but we're not going to discuss that on the goddamn podcast. Yeah, I'm good. I'm walking without the sling. I said fuck the sling. I'm in Harlem. That's Smart. Sooner surgery. I'm having fun. Everyone's having a good time. People are waving to me. People love me. And you know I had a cooler cast before the surgery, right?

[Chris Di Stefano]

This.

[James Madden]

This cast, my cast before, I looked like, like an enforcer for, like, an Irish Mafia. I look like Sully Sullivan from, like, the Departed. And now I look like OJ in the Naked Gun. I wish you could see it. I'll send you a picture.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Did you walk from your apartment to Harlem?

[James Madden]

Yeah, baby. I love the. I love this city. I gotta get my walks in, baby.

[Chris Di Stefano]

You really do, Bubbas. I know it's 32 degrees and snowing in Utah. What's the weather in New York?

[James Madden]

It's like 61, baby.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Oh, gorgeous. Baby, are you going so crazy?

[James Madden]

I love that you're doing a podcast by yourself.

[Chris Di Stefano]

I'm doing a podcast from the gym on the roof of this hotel.

[James Madden]

You got Stevie Macaroni with you.

[Chris Di Stefano]

The Stevie Ciccone Rice a Roni is right here, Bubby.

[James Madden]

He's a good fucking kid.

[Chris Di Stefano]

He said, what's up? Yeah, we had two shows last night, two tonight, and then we're on the first flight home tomorrow. So it was a quickie last night. As soon as I went on stage for the second show, the Tyson and Jake Paul fight started. So I had 90% of the crowd was watching the fight on their phones while I was up there trying to headline. What can you do?

[James Madden]

I mean, that. That fight, Geez, I saw better fights at the McDonald's on West 3rd street back in the day.

[Chris Di Stefano]

No good, huh?

[James Madden]

Holy bubba.

[Chris Di Stefano]

What can you do?

[James Madden]

You get what you deserve, buddy. Do you want me to call in during your set and do 20 minutes? Yes. You need a stronger opener than the locals.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Yes, I do.

[James Madden]

The future of how we do business. You just have me.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Oh, bubbas. All right, baby. I love you. And by the way, I just got a text from our good friend Brian Morton. Said the first guy to settle in New York City was black. And then he sent me all about Juan Rodriguez, the traitor. So I guess we'll talk about that here next on the pod.

[James Madden]

Give me y'all after, if you don't mind.

[Chris Di Stefano]

All right, bubbas, I will. Guys, the busy holiday season is here, and Uncommon Goods makes it less stressful with incredible handpicked gifts for everyone for your list, all in one spot. Gifts that spark, joy, wonder, delight, and. And that. It's exactly what I wanted. Feeling. Okay, that is what Uncommon Goods does. Uncover goods really is awesome because it's like. It's. It's in the name. It's uncommon Good. So if you're looking for a gift that someone's going to be like, wow, where the hell did you get this? Like one of those and. And they're going to love it. Uncommon Goods is the place. When you go shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches. So shop now before they sell out this holiday season. And you know me, I love small batches. From holiday from holiday host and hostess gifts to the coolest finds for kids to hills for everyone. From book lovers to die hard sports fans, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. Not going to be that same old selection. You know, you're not going to get a sweater. You're not going to get. No, this stuff is uncommon. It's awesome. So right now, get 15 off your next gift. All you got to do is go to uncommongoods.com chaos that's uncommongoods.com chaos for 15 off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods were all out of the ordinary, hon. Let's be honest.

[Emilio]

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[Chris Di Stefano]

Okay?

[Emilio]

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[Chris Di Stefano]

Out Morgan and Morgan.

[Emilio]

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[Chris Di Stefano]

I actually knew this about Juan Rodriguez. He was actually Dominican. I think he was Dominican guy. Juan Rodriguez, the first documented non indigenous habitant to live on Manhattan Island. He's considered the first non native resident of what would eventually become New York City. He. He was born in Santo Domingo, the first colony of Spain, which I think is now doctor. So. Yeah, I think I knew that. Let me tell him. I think, bro. I think he was actually Dominican. So. Yeah, that's a little fun fact about it. But here, let me see. Let me see what we got going on. We haven't really done news articles in a while, so let's see what the news is saying. Oh, Emilia, the Italian woman. Should we pick up the Italian woman? Should we pick it up, folks? Why not? You?

[James Madden]

Hey, bud.

[Chris Di Stefano]

What's up, babe?

[James Madden]

What's going down, baby?

[Chris Di Stefano]

Actually, we're doing a podcast. Fucking sitting in a gym doing a podcast.

[James Madden]

Who you doing the pod with?

[Chris Di Stefano]

Solo by myself with Steve Ciccone Rice a Roni filming you in a gym. That's it, dude. In the corner of the gym in Salt Lake City, Utah. What's going on with you?

[James Madden]

I was just kidding. Just want to get caught up and kind of go over itinerary stuff, agenda stuff. So we hit the ground running this week, but I'm assuming I'm being on the pod as we speak. Let you go.

[Chris Di Stefano]

That's it, babies. I'll call. I'll. I'll call you. I'll call you later. We got anything cooking? What's cooking?

[James Madden]

I wanted to revisit a couple things and just kind of bring it back to the top of the list for the new year as something to kind of get aggressive on. But again, don't want to give it away. All right, you know.

[Chris Di Stefano]

You know, we can't give it away.

[James Madden]

In the pod unless they're buses for Patreon. Mr. Patreon.

[Chris Di Stefano]

No, no, this is. This is the YouTube. All right, all right, I'll call you after then. All right. All right. So there you go. So that's. That's Emilio, the Italian woman. My manager said he has important information, but who knows? I'll call him back and he might be in doing an eight ball. What do we got? First New York Post we got. The headline is Peaking order Lame Duck Biden humiliated with back corner Spot an APEC family photo as China's Xi gets place of honor in front row. Who cares? Honestly, I'm starting to get annoyed at, like, the Media trying to make a story out of everything. It's like. Just shut up, okay? Just accept what's going on. I mean, now you're telling him because he got a. You know, he's in the last row. It means anything. It doesn't mean anything. Okay? He could have wanted to be in the last row because he shit his pants. I don't know. You know, what do we got? Susan Sarandon's in the news reveals the shocking reason she kept her ex husband's last name. Susan Sarandon. She opened up a ping pong place in New York City. She has big hooters. You ever seen Susan Sarandon's hooters? No. She's got nice. She's got nice big boobies. Yeah. What are we doing? Yeah. Born in Dominican Republic. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. First New Yorker, Dominican folks. Oh, time for a little bounce. There it is. So tonight I got my two shows. We're gonna work on some new. I'm trying to work on this bit now about how when my dad was at the Yankee game with me and he had his glucose monitor on, his wife was getting updates that his blood sugar was 400. And she was calling my phone and my dad just said for her to. My dad just told me to tell her to not worry about it. And he was like, just tell your stepmother I'm eating a salad. As he just had barbecue sauce and chocolate syrup all over his face and shirt. So I'm trying to work on that bit. And then we got the sitcom, we closed the deal on the sitcom. So that's good. So we'll see what happens there. I'm trying to just make shit happen in New York and we're trying to get better guests. By the way, for Christy Chaos, we actually have hired now a booking team. So we're going to try to get some good guests for you. And then I think I'll do history. Hyenas will be my history. Wild stuff. And then I'll work on my interview chops. I'll work on my interview chops with Chrissy Chaos here. So I drank too much coffee, dude. I had two full nitro cold brews and I just can't even think. I think I got to start right. I feel like we have to start limiting our coffee now. I know that they. The theories go back and forth. Is coffee good for you? Is it not good for you? I have no, I think it's fine. I mean, I feel good. It gives me energy, but I cannot think or form a sentence like it literally. I feel like I'm having an active stroke right now. I might be. Here's the hair. What do you think? It's not sexy yet, but sometimes when I call, like, when I had it. I had it all gelled up last night. It didn't look bad. I'm starting to comb it the other way. My hair forever was going this way. Now I'm combing it back this way. What up, fellas? But, yeah, I think, you know, we'll see. I gotta stop drinking coffee. I gotta stop drinking coffee and I gotta start taking. I've been taking. It's called Urolithin A. It's supposedly like a cell regenerator thing. And I heard a doctor talking about on a podcast, I think Dr. Mark Hyman. And I gotta say, it's really been helping my rec. Like, it really genuinely has been helping my. I feel like I recover so much quicker now. Like, in a workout, I feel like that's a good sign of. That's a sign if you're in shape or not or. When I'm in better shape, it's not so much I can do more. I just recover quicker. Like, if you ask me to do 50 pushups, I can recover and do 25 more quicker than when I'm out of shape and I'm not in the best, best shape. But this Urolithin A, look into it. Urolithin A, it's really actually been great. I've been taking urolithin A and I've been taking probiotics, and I kind of just feel like. I kind of just feel like a bit healthier. Even though I've been eating like an absolute piece of shit, I just feel like. I don't know, I'm digesting better. I feel good. So look into urolithin A and let me know. Let me know how you're doing. And also, what do you think of this? I've been thinking about doing physical therapy again, like, once a week. Like, just getting. I kind of feel like I have this skill set as a physical therapist, and I've just let it go. But it's like, why not? Like, why let it go? Just because I'm doing comedy, it's like, okay, do comedy and you could do physical therapy once in a while. I'm not saying it's my full career again. Like, once in a while, I'll come stretch you out, massage you a little bit. Guys only. That's the rules. Not my rules. Jasmine's guys only. But I don't know. I've been like, having this. I guess I turned 40, and I'm having this, like, not crisis, but I'm like, well, you know, is the only thing about you, like, you just want to do comedy? And I love doing comedy. I love doing this. I love doing standup and podcasting in my career, but I'm kind of, like. It's also, too. I kind of feel like, what's the end goal here? Like, what you. You just want to get, like, is being recognized and being known? Is that a good thing? I feel like my friends who have anonymity have the best lives, but, you know, so what do you do? You just keep getting bigger and bigger in this business, and then people just want to tear your whole life down. Like, you have no privacy. I don't know. So I'm having a little bit of a debate within me mentally. Is like, is this actually what you want to do, or did you just start doing comedy 15 years ago, and then you got a couple of lucky breaks quick and early on, and then it turned into your whole career, but now you're sitting here like, but do you, like, is this the exact career you want? I don't know. I do like doing standup, but I like doing it in New York. And, like, the local comedy clubs are like, like I said, the thirteen colonies. I don't know. I don't know. But what do you guys think? Should I continue to do it or should I go back to physical therapy or should I do something altogether different? Dude, Should I, you know, should I just. Should I go to the Middle East? Should I go to the Middle east and just join the other side, or should I go to China? Should I ask, Should I spy for China? Should I become a double agent and I'm spying for China and the United States? Maybe. I don't know. I'm just feeling like I need to shake it up a little bit, and I am moving back to Staten island. And, Vito, you can't stop me. Vito's trying to stop me to go back from Staten Island. He's like, well, I'm not. I can't come out there and produce the pot. I was like, you bet your ass you will. You better, motherfucker. Cause Steve Ciccone, Rice a Roni will drive three hours from Suffolk County, Long island, with his hair blowing in the wind because it's the only time he gets any peace and quiet because all he does is edit me and Jessica Kirsten. His fault. Life, ladies, if you're single, DM Steve Ciccone. He's single. He's available. There's an apartment building right across the street from this hotel that people have their windows open. And I bet you if we come back here tonight at midnight, we will see some people having sex, some nice Mormon sex. People keep saying the same thing. Oh, Salt Lake City, the Mormons, are they going to like your comedy? The Mormons don't come. The Mormons do not come to the comedy shows. It's the anti Mormon people. It's like the people who love debauchery and who want to curse and who want to be told that they're sexual deviants. They are the ones coming to the comedy club. So that's why Wise Guys comedy club in Salt Lake City is one of the best comedy clubs because the audiences are awesome, because they don't hear anybody cursing or, you know, they don't. Dude, walking around Salt Lake City, nobody curses. And you don't only. And you only see white people. So when you come to a comedy club here, you know, you see different stuff. You see, you see people cursing, you hear people cursing. You see all different walks of life, people from outside Salt Lake City. Although I will say Salt Lake City is a very clean city, very beautiful city. But Steve and I were walking around this morning, and we walked down the one block that has all the crackheads. And I mean, these were major crackheads. We saw a crackhead hanging from a roof. He looked like he was a window washer, just swinging back and forth, I think. Wait, did I get video of it? Let me see if I got video. If I got video of it, I'll send it to you, Vito, and we'll put this in the pod. Because I could not believe what we were seeing. Wait, did I get it? Hold on. Oh, yeah, look, that guy. We thought he was a window washer. He's a full crackhead here. Hear that lady screaming? Yeah. So you'll see that. I mean, this. That's what we were walking through today in Salt Lake City. Just full crack, but kind of arrow bad at crackheads, which you don't see much. And then, yeah, I had a good day today. I had a good workout so far. I've been doing my workout. So if you guys want to know, follow along. I've been taking 25 pound dumbbells jump, you know, jump back into a burpee, right? So I'm holding myself up, five push ups, jump up from the burpee, five bicep curls, five shoulder presses back down. Do that five times, and that's one set. So 25 and then the next time I do it, I'll make the dumbbells a little wider. So a bit more of a wider push up. And then if I'm doing the shoulder presses like this, I turn my hand out and I do them like that. And then the bicep curls. What I'll do is I'll change the angle of the bicep a little bit and I'll go, you know, just a little bit like more like this, like this, like this. And then on the last set, I'll do the hammer curls. So when it's all said and done, you do five sets of 25. That's 125 of everything. Then I ran on the treadmill, then I did my pull ups and then I ate a buttermilk cheese biscuit with a fried egg avocado and chipotle mayo and a chocolate whoopie pie and a s'mores whoopie pie and a chocolate orange pound cake from this place. The Rose establishment in Salt Lake City. Sorry, Salt Lake City. My bad. Salt Lake City. The Rose establishment in Salt Lake City. If you're ever in Salt Lake City, go there. They had some of the best food I've ever had in my life. And it seems like the entire staff and people who are dining there, everyone's gay and or trans, which is just, it's just a fascinating. It's wild. I mean, it's kind of cool. Everybody was trans or gay there. And the food was amazing. It really, really was. It really was good. I mean, I took a bite of that s'mores whoopie pie and even I tucked it back. I said to myself, this is so good. I need a pussy. And maybe that's what the food does to you. It's so good, it makes you want to change your genitals. Which is fine. I support it. These cities are very interesting. Utah is a very red Republican state. And then Salt Lake City is just a pretty blue city. So it's fun. I like the dynamic here. The dynamic on these is good. But I do think a city like this, it seems like they really support their police here. And all the police here look like they're, you know, they have like AK47s, like bulletproof vests. I want to see that a little bit more in New York. Like you don't really see fat cops in other cities, but you see a lot of fat cops in New York. Why is that? You don't see any fat cops in Salt Lake City. Everyone's jacked, tatted, up. Bulletproof vests, AK47s. Why are there so many fat cops in New York? Can anyone explain that? Is that like a phenomenon? Is it because we have more police, so there's more chances for people to be fat? I don't know, but wouldn't it be a thing? Like, shouldn't the NYPD and FDNY especially, shouldn't they make it, like, for those jobs specifically, like every two years you have to pass a physical, like a certain type of test. Maybe it gets a little bit easier as you get older, but I kind of feel like, shouldn't that be the law? What the hell do I now did the law. I have no. I don't know anything. I don't even know the difference between, like, the House of Representatives and Congress. I don't know. I just know every time AOC gets up, I want a sniffer seat. That's all that I know. All I know is that I've many, many times in my life searched AOC deep fake porn. And it's just what I've done. So. But, so if so, is everyone. You're out there judging me right now. Steve's judging me. You all watching deepfakes, you pieces of shit. Now people are coming into the gym. We'll see. We're going to get thrown out here eventually. How much time are we at, Steve? Do we know? Oh, 30. Okay, not bad. 30 minutes so far. I mean, guys, I'm giving you a podcast. I hope you're enjoying it. I hope you're appreciating that. I'm doing the best I can here. You know, I definitely am having fun doing, you know, history, hyenas and the other pods, but this is good too. This is good too. This is something different, you know, I don't know why we've decided to do podcasts in the middle of a gym, but this is what it's all become now. That's why we've done it. The Capitol building. And we're going to come back here January 6th and storm. No kidding. All right, should we do the first half in the gym and the second half in the hotel room in my bedroom? Why not? Right? Change it up. All right, these next. What's up, everybody?

[Emilio]

It's Chrissy. Ads in the morning. Chrissy phoned. Too close to his face. I want to talk to you about Green Chef. Green Chef is the number one meal kit for clean eating. Delivered, pre portioned and prepped quality whole foods with limited processed ingredients. Green Chef sends organic fresh produce, responsibly sourced proteins. And Chef designed recipes in every box for satisfying, nourishing and convenient meals that make it easy to stick to a clean routine. Oh, that rhymed. Listen, fall is in full swing and while our days are shorter, our to do lists aren't. Green Chef can make your busy weeks easier with home delivery of easy step by step recipes and quality whole foods including organic fresh produce in every box. Green Chef is the number one meal kit for clean eating so you can feel good about creating good for you meals with limited processed ingredients. Okay, right now go to greenchef.com chaos50 and use the code chaos50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months. That's code [e-mail] chaos50 to get 50% off your first box plus twenty percent off your next two months. Green Chef the number one meal kit for eating.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Well, these boots were made for walking and that's just what they'll do. Because one of these days these tacos boots are going to walk all over you. Look at these puppies. I love to cover. Dude, anywhere worth going is worth going in good boots. Find your perfect pair with Tokovis. I walked past the store in Austin. I could smell the leather. Dude, it makes me want to smell my own feet. I love to Covis Tecovis craft quality western boots for everyone from generational ranchers and lifelong cowboys to first time boot buyers. These are the most comfy Chelsea Welsey boots I've ever had in my life. We're going to get a little slip grip for the bottom, but dude, these light brown. Love it. Everyone literally is telling me how horny they are every time they look at my boots. Every one of Techova's boots are handcrafted with over 200 meticulous steps for broken in comfort right out of the box. And I got to tell you, this is the most comfortable boot I've ever put on. It slips on so good. And Esquire loves them. Says there's a reason we keep coming back in to Covas. Whether it's a long day or a big night, your Tacova's are built to last and impress. Listen to Covid's boots in the West. They got that west guarantee they're the best in the west guarantee. If you don't like it, go up a little bit. Vito, just. What? Yeah. Plus with Tokova's Best in the west guarantee you get free returns and exchanges for 30 days. So if you don't 30 days, wear those boots. You don't like it. Free return, free exchange. That's how sure they are that you'll love this. Right now you're going to get 10% off at tacovis.com/chrissy when you sign up for email and text, that's 10% off at tec o v a s.com Chrissy Tocom Chrissy C site for details to covers point your toes. We 30 minutes are going to be under the sheets with me and Steve.

[Unknown]

Craziest hookup experience you've ever had. The craziest hookup experience I've ever had was where I was hooking up with this guy and then we were and then he called a friend of his and next thing you know, the friend popped in and joined, which was totally unexpected. It was crazy. And he had a huge. And I tried not to scream out too loud.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Were you the bottom?

[Unknown]

I was definitely at the bottom. Two tops. And he asked if we could double. And of course at the bottom you always say, yes, I'll double without really thinking about it. And it was like, really? I thought the man was going to split me in half. But I mean, it was okay. I surrendered.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Welcome back. Welcome back to the show, folks. We that was an interview that somebody I was hanging out in Miami, my family and somebody came up to me and asked me my crazy suck up story. So I kind of just went off. But yeah, dude, we're in the hotel room now in the LA Meridian in Salt Lake City. We got Home Alone 2 on the New York City one and this is where I was sitting in this exact location last night trying to figure out a way to masturbate because pornhub is blocked. So in the state of Utah. So we, we had to make some adjustments. We went on Reddit and we found the beautiful Reddit thread girls finishing the job. And then we did it. And then we and then I just, you know, kind of do what I do on the road as I is I very quickly and furiously masturbate. I ask God for forgiveness. And then I put on Colin Quinn's New York Story and I fall asleep. And that's kind of how that's usually my night on the road is. I love watching Colin's New York Story. It's one of my favorite comedy specials of all time. And it just calms me down. It gives me a piece of New York because I always feel so far from home when I'm on the road. So Colin connects me to that. And I usually fall asleep with semen crusting in my belly button. And I know My family listens to this podcast now, and we're all adults here. It's just. I'm sorry about that. You're just going to have to listen. You know, I don't know what to say. It is a lot of pressure to be. You know, sometimes I feel like I don't. I would. I have freedom. Sometimes I feel like, you know, when you have a career like this, like, a lot of people just, you know, you got to go to, like, Christmas parties and Thanksgiving dinners and stuff, and you kind of have just said some awful stuff, and you're like, oh, man, is my family going to yell at me about this? No, this is just. I get all these. Let's see who this is. I get all these random. Hello? Hello?

[James Madden]

Oh, hello, this is Giselle with consumer funding on a recorded line.

[Chris Di Stefano]

What up?

[James Madden]

Speaking to Christopher.

[Chris Di Stefano]

What up, baby?

[James Madden]

This is Christopher.

[Chris Di Stefano]

Yes. All right.

[James Madden]

I just wanted to inform you that.

[Chris Di Stefano]

We have sent you a loan offer in the mail. You had a chance to review. Yeah. Love it. Okay. Give me that loan. Loan. Give me that loan. Girl, where are you right now? Babe? Babe, where are you right now? Babe? Babe? Oh, wow. You ever get. That's probably a rare occurrence. You got the telemarketer hang up on you? Has that ever been done in the history of telemarketing? I got the telemarketer to hang up on me. Yeah, see, it goes both ways. Boo. She's probably in the Philippines, right? Did she sound like she was in the Philippines? Shout out to Philippines. I want to go there. I was against going to Asia just because I was like, it's a far flight. I don't know if there's anything out there for me. But now I really want to go to Japan. I really would like to go to Japan, go with the fam. You know, it's what it is. My. My kids love sushi. I feel like sushi wasn't even an option for me when I was a child. Like, nobody in my family ever ate sushi. And now all my kids eat sushi. Like, these kids are just like. You got like three. My three year old, like, using chopsticks, knowing soy sauce and, you know, wasabi mayo. I'm like, who the hell are you? My daughter, when we went to Montauk, she ordered a lobster roll and a seltzer. I was like, are you a fucking real housewife? How the hell. You're seven. But it's good. Kids get cultured.

[James Madden]

Yeah.

[Chris Di Stefano]

So I guess what I'll do now it's the afternoon. I'm going to. I got to prepare for my shows. But, I mean, what are we going to prepare here? I go out there and I imitate my father. Puerto Ricans make fun of the city for five minutes, and then I do crowd work. I mean, let's be honest. It's not rocket science here, okay? It's not rocket science to be a comedian. So us as comedians, I feel honored to be a comic, but it's like, let's not take ourselves too seriously, okay? It really ain't rocket science. You make fun of someone, you ask them a stupid question. The crowd is in a. The comedy club crowds, theater crowds, they all have high anxiety. They think they're gonna get called on. So when you call on them, they're already laughing. They're already like, oh, my God, this is crazy. You got a bag of tricks of crowd work. Shit you do, and then that's it. And you put it out, and then it gets views or it doesn't. All right? It's not rocket science. I'm not demeaning what I do, but I'm just being honest. It's not rocket science to be a comic. You know, I love doing it, but come on, let's stop taking ourselves too seriously here. I will say I did not want to do my shows last night just because I was tired and in a mood, but I was thankful I didn't have to fist fight Mike Tyson. That would have been. That would have been rough to have to. I know. I know. The fight, you know, again, just a few days later, I still think it's even. I wouldn't want to fight Mike Tyson when he's 80 years old. If Mike Tyson was 80 years old in a wheelchair, I still think I'd be very, very difficult. I'd be very, very nervous because those uppercuts that he used to throw when he was a young man, I saw a sports science video that said that speed that he generates with that uppercut is the same speed as when a great white shark is trying to get its prey, like a seal, and it jumps out of the water. It's the same speed. So I kind of feel like that's either in you or it's not. And it's in Mike Tyson, and it's not in me. I don't have any desire at all to be the best, but yet I work hard. I work hard. I don't think I'm lazy, but I don't want to be the best. Is that bad? I feel like American culture is supposed to want to be the best. But I actually. I don't know. I just want to be here. Is that good for you guys? Tell me what you don't like about me. Comment what you don't like about me in the comments. Like just something you really hate. And then tell me just really just what you don't like. And tell me what you don't like about Vito or John either. Just write it all out there. Just let it rip. Why don't we just have a comment section today that it just rips, rips. Maybe today you know what we'll do too. Maybe this will be a three part podcast. Maybe in between show. I have an hour in between shows at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City. Maybe we'll interview the comic who is on with me. His name's Travis. He kind of looks like a yeti, which is, I was told might be the Utah Hockey League's name. They have the Utah Hockey Club. I'm sorry, There's a professional hockey team now in Salt Lake City and they haven't picked a name yet. So right now it's just the Utah Hockey Club. But they said they're going to call them the Yetis. The Yeti. The Utah Yeti is one the outlaws, which I kind of think is stupid. I suggested the Utah Whites. That's what I suggest. The Utah Skating Whites. I like people for people. I don't care about political views at all. That means nothing to me. Who you voted for, didn't vote for. I'm like, who are you as a guy? I only like guys. Even if you're a girl. I want you to be a guy. I want you to be a guy. Just imagine your boobs are balls. That's just what I think about when I'm looking at your boobs. If I say, oh, you got nice boobs. Just know that. I mean, you got nice testicles on your chest. I think there was a movie. Was it knocked up? They called them chesticles. That's. Yes, I like your chest balls. So that's what it is. And that doesn't mean I'm gay. That just means I like guys. I want to hang out with men. That's all. What else? I want to learn an instrument. I'd like to learn. Here's two things that I want to try to do and stay consistent with in 2025. I'd like to learn an instrument. And I like to pretty consistently do jiu jitsu or Muay Thai kickboxing. I'd like to do both of them. I do feel as a Man, it's important to know how to defend yourself. And at times, I feel I don't know how to defend myself, and I want to know how to defend myself. I just think that would help with a lot of anxiety if I was like, you know what? I can throw somebody around a little bit because I am a big enough guy. I mean, I'm 40 years old, but I heard Anthony Bourdain only started Jiu jitsu when he was 50, and he became, like, a machine. It would just be nice to know. And there's so many people walking around right now that just know how to do that shit. So it's like, you should know how to do that shit, too. You should really just know. You got to throw yourself into the fire and just make it happen. Crack is whack. Allegedly. I've heard people I don't know, dude. Everyone who was on crack looks like they're having the time of their life, and they kind of just don't care at all. But I guess we're supposed to say it's whack, but we'll see, man. Yesterday, Steve got a short rib grilled cheese, and it looked insane. It looked like. But it literally. I mean, you're gonna eat that, and you are gonna go to sleep. That's a Mike Tyson KO Punch. But I think that's what I'm gonna order for room service. I think that's what it is. You ever just because I feel. Dude, the breakfast we ate was great, but I. And I feel a nice shit brewing, but I'm. I'm getting hungry again because I'm getting anxious about the show, so I'm starting to get hungry. Oh, Steve's yawning. That's a bad sign for the pod. Short rib grilled cheese. Are you gonna order short rib grilled cheese to the room? Do it, baby. You know what we'll do? Maybe we'll give a little bit more content from the Salt Lake City wise guys green room if we don't. Thank you guys so much for always supporting the pod. Christycomedy.com for all my show dates, come see me do my live standup, man. I've been putting out standup every [e-mail] ChristyComedy right where this podcast is. And I've really been having a good time doing this new standup. It's forcing me to write more and get creative more and connect with the audience more. So if you want to come be a part of these videos, go to my site, man. See. See if I'M coming to your city. I know. We got Phoenix, we got Madison, Wisconsin, we've added Miami, San Francisco, and we got more coming. So ChrisDComedy.com for Tikiwikis.