Chris Mukbangs a Wisconsin Pancake House | Ep. 197 | Chris Distefano is Chrissy Chaos

Summary

Podcast Summary: Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos – "Chris Mukbangs a Wisconsin Pancake House" (Ep. 197)

Release Date: December 3, 2024

In Episode 197 of Chrissy Chaos, host Chris Distefano invites listeners into a lively and candid conversation centered around food adventures, comedy careers, personal anecdotes, and the impacts of social media. Filmed at a local Wisconsin pancake house, the episode blends humor with heartfelt discussions, providing an engaging experience for both regular listeners and newcomers.

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1. Holiday Preparations and Modern Conveniences

Timestamp: 00:00 – 01:18

The episode kicks off with Chris and his friends, Alex, Tom, and Steve, discussing holiday preparations. Tom introduces the idea of using Instacart's family carts to streamline their shopping for the season. Chris humorously queries about cranberry sauce preferences and the logistics of ordering large quantities of stuffing, highlighting the blend of traditional holiday elements with modern technology.

• Chris (00:00): "Alex, do you like canned cranberry sauce or should we make it ourselves?"
• Tom (00:10): "We could just share a family cart and add all our holiday favorites to the same order without losing our voices or our sanity."

2. Evolving Podcast Styles and Authentic Conversations

Timestamp: 00:43 – 02:08

The group delves into the evolving nature of podcasts, emphasizing a preference for spontaneous, life-driven conversations over structured interviews. Chris shares his vision of capturing genuine interactions as they happen, aiming for a more authentic and engaging listener experience.

• Chris (00:52): "I'd rather just, like, we're on the pod while we're living life type thing as opposed to sit down and be like, so, what's going on with you?"

3. Comedy Career Challenges and SNL Aspirations

Timestamp: 01:09 – 03:01

A significant portion of the discussion centers on the challenges of breaking into mainstream comedy, particularly the elusive opportunity to audition for Saturday Night Live (SNL). Chris expresses frustration over not receiving audition invitations despite his extensive experience in New York comedy.

• Chris (02:00): "I've been doing New York comedy in New York for 15 years, and I'm like, man, I never even got an audition for snl."
• Steve (02:58): "Now they're in their, like, diversity hire mode."

4. Unique Dining Experiences and Restaurant Dynamics

Timestamp: 03:01 – 11:00

The friends recount their experience at a unique restaurant that employs a "blind" ordering system, where diners can only specify if they want their meal sweet or savory. This leads to humorous speculation about the chef's mysterious concoctions.

• Chris (03:01): "It's called the Blind. You go up to the waiter, you go up to the cashier. Like, you order at the counter and then you sit down."
• Steve (03:44): "It's probably like a seasonal type of pancake. Maybe like a pumpkin."

They further discuss the pressures faced by chefs during busy seasons and the peculiarities of food service in comedy clubs, emphasizing the importance of proper utensils and meal handling.

5. Personal Anecdotes: Relationships, Vacations, and Hotel Mishaps

Timestamp: 11:00 – 35:00

The conversation shifts to personal stories about relationships and vacations. Chris shares an awkward encounter in LaGuardia Airport's Delta Lounge, where a stranger exhibits interest, leading to an uncomfortable yet humorous interaction.

• Chris (05:46): "I was walking through this town and I saw like this person walking, like, yoga pants on, like, one of those, like, short jackets. And like, I was with another comic and we were both like, oh, my, look at this girl's ass. And then like, we, we literally like beeline walk, like, power walk to get past her. And it was a fucking guy."

Steve and Alex contribute stories about hotel stays, emphasizing the frustrations with room service and interactions with maids, highlighting the sometimes absurd nature of hospitality experiences.

6. Social Media's Impact on Personal Well-being and Relationships

Timestamp: 35:00 – 63:00

A deep dive into the effects of social media on mental health and personal relationships unfolds. Chris candidly discusses his struggles with blood pressure medication adherence and how social media influences his lifestyle choices, including his diet and interactions.

• Chris (57:42): "The sweets are, dude. I was doing so good. For one whole year, I only had sweets on Saturdays."
• Steve (64:23): "He has a rule. You don't have them come in? No. You never. Why?"

The group explores various strategies to mitigate social media's negative impacts, such as organizing app layouts to reduce constant exposure and discussing the addictive nature of platforms like Instagram.

7. Reflections on Comedy and Interactions with Fellow Comedians

Timestamp: 63:00 – 66:12

Towards the end, the friends reflect on their experiences within the comedy scene, sharing memories of opening for renowned acts and the importance of genuine interactions over superficial accolades. They recount encounters with legendary figures like Brett Ernsst and discuss the evolution of comedy performances in venues like the Sphere.

• Chris (65:06): "He was like, don't worry about the credits. You prove it to them when you get on stage."
• Alex (64:47): "It's called Omad diet. One meal a day. Omad."

They conclude with humorous grievances about technical challenges during performances and the physical toll of their lifestyle, wrapping up the episode with a light-hearted note amid discussions about health and well-being.

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Notable Quotes:

• Chris on SNL Frustration (02:00): "I've been doing New York comedy in New York for 15 years, and I'm like, man, I never even got an audition for snl."
• Tom on Instacart Advantage (00:10): "We could just share a family cart and add all our holiday favorites to the same order without losing our voices or our sanity."
• Steve on Comedy Club Etiquette (04:04): "Now we're just like sausage biscuits."

Conclusion:

Episode 197 of Chrissy Chaos offers a multifaceted glimpse into Chris Distefano's world, blending humor with sincere discussions about the challenges of a comedy career, personal health, and the pervasive influence of social media. Through relatable anecdotes and engaging dialogues, the episode underscores the balance between maintaining authenticity and navigating the complexities of modern life.

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For those interested in experiencing the full conversational flow and humor, listening to the episode is highly recommended. Follow Chris Distefano on Instagram and Twitter for updates and more insights.

Transcript

[Chris]

Alex, do you like canned cranberry sauce or should we make it ourselves?

[Tom]

That's my mom. She didn't know about Instacart's family carts. So wanna make pecan pie this year?

[Chris]

Yes or no? Oh, and how many boxes of stuffing?

[Tom]

So I told her we could just share a family cart and add all our holiday favorites to the same order without losing our voices or our sanity. It's so much fun.

[Chris]

Alex, can you get my holiday village.

[Tom]

Out of the attic? Baby steps, Alex.

[Chris]

Baby steps.

[Tom]

Shop Instacart this holiday season and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. Alex.

[Steve]

Hi, I'm Slushy.

[Chris]

So I was like, cool. Does make sense.

[Alex]

So are you going to shoot? Like, this is for, like, the podcast?

[Chris]

Yeah, this is just. It's like a. You know, my pod. What I've been trying to do with my pod lately is, like, I definitely do sit down interviews, but, like, I'd rather just, like, we're on the pod while we're, like, living life type thing as opposed to sit down and be like, so, what's going on with you? Yeah, like, just get all the natural of us talking, you know, this is.

[Steve]

The stuff I like.

[Chris]

Yeah, don't even think about, like, forget that it's even. Everything's rolling, right? Yeah, yeah. You know, just forget it's even talking.

[Steve]

Off, you know, I'm not gonna leave anything in that's, like, sensitive. He's.

[Chris]

Tom just says the N word.

[Steve]

Yeah, I'll caption that. Yeah, yeah, Tom, feedback, all your, like, information.

[Chris]

Social Security number scan, this QR code. So fun.

[Alex]

I was hanging out with my girlfriend's dad and he was talking to me about comedy.

[Chris]

Right?

[Alex]

Comedy.

[Steve]

You know, I think it's so cool.

[Alex]

That you're doing this.

[Chris]

He goes. So he's like. So when you go up there, he.

[Alex]

Goes, if the N word joke's not working, then do you go. Do you go to the Mexican joke?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And I'm like, what do you think I do on this?

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah. What. What. What joke? Do you have even have a joke like that?

[Alex]

No, I'm like. And he's like, yeah, if that doesn't work, you go to, like, the Irishman's.

[Chris]

Like, yeah, that's not what I'm. I know, I know. It's. It's our parents, man. Like, would stand up. I mean, you know, mom still is just like, do you think one day you'll get on SNL?

[Alex]

I'm like, I'm 40.

[Chris]

If I was going to get on SNL. I have to be 15 years ago. What are you talking about?

[Steve]

Are they continuing? Like, how long are they. I thought everybody was saying that they're going to, like, after 50, they're done.

[Chris]

Oh, is that true? I don't know.

[Steve]

And then, like, Lorne Michaels is an off.

[Chris]

Geez, I really got to get on now. No, you got to get. You have to host it. Yeah, we're trying. We're trying to put me in line to host it, but, you know, that comes down to, you know, what level your career you're at and, you know, if Lauren Michaels likes you or not. I don't think Lorne Michaels knows who I am. That's one thing. Like, I've been doing New York comedy in New York for 15 years, and I'm like, man, I never even got an audition for snl. Everyone's got, like, the. You know, obviously not many people get it. It's a hard show to get, but. But, like, everyone has a story of them auditioning, and I'm like, dude, I didn't even get. I'm like, the only one in my peer group. Like, I never even got an audition. They were like, absolutely not from the beginning.

[Alex]

I'm like, damn.

[Steve]

Well, now they're in their, like, diversity hire mode, so.

[Chris]

Yeah, but my change in because you voted, dude. So with this place stacked, we're gonna get. We. It's called. What's it called? The Blind. The Blind. So the blind is you go up to the waiter, you go up to the cashier. Like, you order at the counter and then you sit down. This is what. And then they just give you a fucking broken down license plate. They took this right out of a shark's stomach. And so. And the blinded, you can only ask if it's sweet or savory. So they said sweet. So they're gonna bring us something sweet that, like, the chef concocted back there. We have no idea what it is. And then we ordered some savory stuff, so we're gonna see Dud. What are you hoping that it is sweet?

[Steve]

It's probably, you know, I'm going to say it's like a seasonal type of pancake. Maybe like a. Maybe like a pumpkin.

[Chris]

Are you okay with a little pumpkiny? Yeah, dude, I love it. I love pumpkin.

[Steve]

Pumpkin pie is what that's like, my favorite.

[Chris]

Could you imagine he. The guy at the counter up, and this blind is actually savory and it's not sweet at all.

[Steve]

Now we're just like sausage biscuits.

[Chris]

Yeah, whatever, dude. We gotta Go in. I don't know how places like this. Like, I would. The amount of anxiety I would have as a chef coming in here every morning on a Saturday, Sunday rush and be like, how much food do I have to make for you? Absolute animals, dude.

[Steve]

I would get annoyed at the comedy club when I'm like, bringing out, like, multiple buckets of popcorn to the same table. I'm like, a fucking eat dinner.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know. I'm like, you know people that want to eat dinner at a comedy club, I'm like, what is wrong with you?

[Steve]

I don't even understand the comedy clubs that do that. That's so. I mean, as a comic, like, you do the fucking forks and knives on the plate.

[Chris]

It's stupid.

[Alex]

I used to do this place in Chicago called, and it was above a Genoese pizza.

[Chris]

I went there over the summer. Not to the comedy bar. I went to Geno's East. Yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

They bring the food up and people will be eating deep dish pizza in the front row of a comedy show. Like the cheese pole.

[Chris]

You're like, yeah, on Instagram, trying to.

[Alex]

Tell you about my life.

[Chris]

I'm trying to do my N word material.

[Steve]

Or you just drop that and everybody, like, stops eating.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah. I, I, yeah. I don't know, dude. I'm, I like, I like walking around this town, this college town. I remember one time I, I was walking through this town and you know, like, it's college town. Like, obviously, like, you know, college girls always wearing, like, yoga pants and like, stuff like that. And I remember walking, I saw like this person walking, like, yoga pants on, like, one of those, like, short jackets. And like, I was with another comic and we were both like, oh, my, look at this girl's ass. And then like, we, we literally like beeline walk, like, power walk to get past her. And it was a fucking guy.

[Steve]

Hell, yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude, it was a guy. It was just like a gay guy in full yoga pants and a jacket. So we hung out for the weekend, you know, like, oh, dude, I forgot to tell you this yesterday. I'm sitting in the Delta Lounge at LaGuardia Airport, coming out here. And so I'm sitting there and this guy, I was wearing this sweatshirt. This gay guy comes up to me and he goes, oh, where'd you get that sweatshirt? And I was like, I was like, oh. I was like, I think Lululemon or whatever. He was like, oh, it's pretty. And I was like, oh, thanks. I was like, you know, kind of just your standard black sweatshirt. And then he goes, this never happened. He goes, oh, can I have your phone number? Whoa. And I was like. And I like, you don't know, like, what to do. In my heart, I was like, what the hell am I supposed to do?

[Alex]

You got the butterflies?

[Chris]

Well, yeah. So I go, no. So I go, I go. I go. So I told him, like, just in the moment, quickly. I was like. I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't give out my number. And he was like, oh, oh, ok. He was like, that's all good. And then. And then, like, he, like, walked away. But, like, it was like, so, like, overwhelming. I wanted to say, but you could follow me on Instagram, you know, Like. But I was like, I've never, like, it's kind of wild for a guy to just come up to another guy, like, not even knowing if you're gay at all and just do it. Was kind of nuts. He was like, can I do. Can I have your phone? Hey.

[Alex]

She would have said, hey, can I blow you in the bathroom?

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least you would have let them. Exactly, dude. If you want to get a yes. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So he'll be at Thanksgiving.

[Steve]

Is it crowded in the Delta Lounge?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

I walked past it and I didn't even know there was a line. I've never seen a line that long to get into.

[Chris]

So that Delta Lounge, the one in LaGuardia, it's like kind of like they make you stand in line to, I think, get excited. Like, ooh, what is that? Because they move you in really quickly. It wasn't even that crowded. That. That's like a tactic by. I mean, this place, this place is great short stack. But like, the line is because of how slowly they see Jew ordering out the counter.

[Steve]

It's small.

[Chris]

If I ever open up a wrest, I would make it small. Make though there always be a line. And I would put an old sign. I would make the sign. Even if it's a brand new restaurant, I would make the sign look vintage because then it makes you think, oh, this place has been there for a while. It must be good. Even if it just opened, I would never go with, like, new trendy shit.

[Steve]

Yeah, it was this old, like, hardware store in my neighborhood. And it was like, had like one of the oldest windows in Long Island. It was like a historical building.

[Chris]

Right.

[Steve]

And they had the sign that they had. You know, it'd be like a graphic designer. Like, I appreciated everything. Like, it was such a cool sign. And then. But then they, like tore it down, made some, like, Updates or whatever. And it was just like that generic rectangle sign.

[Chris]

I'm like, why did you do that? Yeah.

[Steve]

And it. It closed, like, not too long after that.

[Chris]

Now it's like.

[Steve]

It's like a cancer center or something like that.

[Chris]

Yeah, everyone probably got cancer because of the sign.

[Steve]

It was just 100% asbestos.

[Alex]

This is radiation just killing the town.

[Chris]

Wow. My friend Tank just texted me, said, did you see Andrew Schultz got called out on the new Kendrick album? Did Andrew. I was like, that's pretty cool.

[Alex]

Yeah. I didn't listen to Kendrick to the album.

[Chris]

He's huge. Shelton's huge, huge act. I think we do arenas in every single city now. I think he'd do arenas all over the world, to be honest with you.

[Alex]

Really?

[Chris]

I think so. Oh, great. Just for the table.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Oh, that's me. Yeah.

[Tom]

I'll explain the blind now. I'll come back with more food. Okay, so mine is going to be croissant French toast. So it's Madison sourdough croissant baked into a French toast casserole with a strawberry rhubarb drizzle, a seasonal fruit salad, whipped cinnamon butter and topped with mixed nuts and tele ganache.

[Chris]

Nice.

[Tom]

I'll bring more knives for that as well.

[Chris]

Thank you. Thank you. Wow, look at that. So that's it.

[Alex]

I didn't even hear what you said.

[Chris]

Yeah, I was like, what? I thought it was gonna. I want a stack of pancakes, though. Damn it. I thought it was gonna be something huge.

[Alex]

It's a croissant.

[Chris]

Yeah, I mean. I mean, it's a croissant with berries on it. What are we supposed to do with this piece of. I wanted, like, a stack like that. Oh, beautiful. Thank you.

[Tom]

A minute.

[Chris]

Oh, sweet. Got those home fries? Hell, yeah. If we want. I want to ask her if we wanted to order more food. Do we have to go back and I want to ask her. We probably do, right? Well, I mean, we did take a chance. I mean, it's. I guarantee you it's good. But what you say? It's.

[Alex]

It's a croissant French toast.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Yeah. It's like a sour dough.

[Chris]

It looks awesome. Do we throw this all over and you want to. Do we. What do we do? I think this. I don't know.

[Alex]

Yeah, that. I think that goes on.

[Steve]

That looks a little loose. What the hell is that?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Is that a shot?

[Chris]

It's like a raspberry vinaigrette.

[Steve]

Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it.

[Alex]

Do it for the camera, Chris. It.

[Steve]

Point it that way, it might Be like.

[Chris]

No, it's like a salad dressing. Let me ask you. Excuse me. And if we wanted to get some more food, we have to go back online, right?

[Tom]

Yeah, you have to go back to the main restaurant. Normally, we have the side restaurant open, but it's not working.

[Chris]

Okay. Okay. Thank you very much.

[Alex]

Thank you.

[Chris]

All right. Well, whatever, dude. I mean. I mean, it looks fine.

[Alex]

It looks like it's good.

[Chris]

Should we throw this all over it? What do we do? Should we just throw this all over it? Look at that. And then. Should I just throw that all over it?

[Steve]

It.

[Alex]

Dude, I thought that was a scoop of ice cream.

[Chris]

She brought it out. I think that it's not.

[Alex]

It's like butter.

[Chris]

Oh, God. All right. I mean, I'm sure it's going to be good. Get in there, fellas. I love.

[Steve]

I love when food is good and you get.

[Chris]

Yeah, I mean, it does look. I mean, I'm sure it's awesome.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

You think this is good for you? That calories? Oh, wow. Like, are there people at, like, do people's moms, like, cook that at home? Like, does anybody have, like, a mom who would do, like, that?

[Alex]

My mom would do French toast sometimes, but that was, like, special occasion, but not bad.

[Chris]

Should do the French toast.

[Steve]

But no compost, right?

[Alex]

Yeah. She's not melting berries.

[Chris]

What?

[Steve]

You said it was a French toast. It looked like a steak almost.

[Chris]

Yeah. Dude. Dumb. This is, like, the third trip in a row I've just forgotten my blood pressure medicine. So I'm just out here lightheaded the whole time. Yeah.

[Steve]

You have to take that every day? Is that hereditary?

[Chris]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I have an aunt who's, like, a triathlete who, like, is the most perfect eater, whatever, and she's been on blood pressure medicine. Really? I mean, I'm sure it's all mental, like, stress relief, you know?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Chris]

You have any of that? Blood pressure, Cholesterol?

[Steve]

My mom has, like, maybe a little high cholesterol. I think she's on something for that. Nothing like crazy.

[Chris]

Your dad is good?

[Steve]

Yeah, my dad's good. My dad's a freaking nature. I mean, I think he, you know, during the winter, he slows it, but he, like, runs every day.

[Chris]

Really? Where does he. Where does he run? What's his route? I don't know.

[Steve]

I think he goes around, like, the park, but he'll do. I mean, he'll, like, run and walk, so. I mean, there's, like, a combination, but.

[Chris]

He does, like, four or five miles every day.

[Steve]

Every. Every other and then like sometimes 72, three.

[Alex]

Wow, that's impressive.

[Steve]

Yeah, no, he makes me feel like about myself.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah. My dad was adopted, so I have no idea.

[Chris]

You don't know. And he has no clue who his mom or dad, biological mom or dad are?

[Alex]

No, my mom's side. Everyone like smokes cigarettes and like just.

[Chris]

Just pieces of.

[Alex]

Just pieces of. Yeah, they live like 80 something.

[Chris]

83.

[Alex]

That's not bad.

[Steve]

Yeah. Depending on how my life is going.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Like I don't want to get to a certain age. I just be like, you know somebody. I've had enough.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude. My grandma died on her 100 birthday. She turned 100 and then we had a big party for her. I was a little kid. And then she died in her sleep that night. Isn't that wild? And she got her at the president. Ronald Reagan was the president at the time. And when you get to 100, the president sends you a happy birthday card. And they sent her accidentally because I guess records were shoddy back then. They sent her a hundredth birthday card on her 99th birthday. They got it wrong. And then they sent her a second. She has. He has two 100 happy 100 birthday cards with different dates from Reagan.

[Steve]

That's cool.

[Chris]

Yeah. Dude, this sandwich is money.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Caramelized onions. Yeah.

[Alex]

Some people hate the pretzel bun.

[Chris]

Pieces of. Who hates a pretzel bun? Could you imagine not liking pretzels? Dude? Could you imagine like being a person that doesn't like chocolate? Like, I know guys, you know me, I love Kiwico. People call me Chrissy Kiwico in the streets. Kiwico is the perfect gift for curious minds. Kids will learn fundamentals through hands on activities and progressively build their skills with each project. Watch your kids go from learning to build bows, to building bows and arrows, to engineering their own robot with a thoughtful, enriching gift that keeps on giving. Plus, Kiwico club members get amazing perks like 10% off all orders, free shipping in the US and early access to new crates. Listen, this makes a great holiday gift, okay? Especially if you have kids. The one thing we want is we do not want them on their devices and iPads. We don't want them is sucked in being robots online all day. Which is the real pandemic for our children. We want them building things using their minds, learning how to create. And Kiwico does that. They send all these crafts right to your door that are engineered by scientists and artists and they are tested and approved by kids themselves. You know, I get them to My house. My kids love them. We've made volcanoes, we've made pinball machines, we've made headphones. Like it's. You're literally connecting with your child and you're following the instructions and it's fun. Kiwico crates encourage kids to be creative, bold and curious and persistent. Through hands on playing projects with Kiwico, kids can discover they have what it takes to build and innovate. Kids build skills over time. Robotics, engineering, art techniques and more. Kiwico does the legwork for you so you can spend quality time tackling projects together. There's no commitment, so you can pause or cancel at any time. Tinker. Create and innovate with awesome gifts from Kiwico. Get up to 50 off your first crate at kiwico.com promo code CHAOS. That's 50% off your first crate at k I w I c o.com promo code CHAOSH. That's k I w I c o.Com promo code CHAOS. 50% off your first crate. Do it for the kids. Tell them Chrissy Kiwico sent you guys. I've always felt that I'm a cat person even though I've never had cats. I love cats and I'm here proud to promote and support our next sponsor Smalls. You know me, you know I have a very famous cat judge who's my uncle. My uncle is a very famous cat judge and he loves this product, Smalls. Dude, if you are a cat lover and you have cats, you need to listen right now. Is your cat having digestive issues? Are they throwing up their food? If so, you should check out our next sponsor Smalls. Okay, you gotta listen to me. If you love your cat, listen right now. You gotta try Smalls. Smalls cat food is protein packed made with preservative free ingredients you'd find in your fridge and it's delivered right to your door. That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food and cats.com is the biggest cat website. Here's a review from a real Smalls cat customer. Elizabeth C said, my cat was always so so with her usual food but she is very enthusiastic about Smalls. Her breath is much better and she poops much less frequently and it does not smell dece disgusting like it used to. Elizabeth see not to be confused with Vito's wife who she's Vito's wife has said that about Vito. Smalls was a. Smalls was started back in 2017 by a couple of guys home cooking cat food in small batches for their friends. A few short years later, they've served millions of meals to cats across the U.S. plus, smalls works with the Humane Society. They've donated over a million dollars worth of food to help cats through the Humane Society. And they've even given you a chance to donate at checkout. Whether you donate three doll for treats, $5,000 for vaccines, or $7 for spraying or neutering, it's all up to you guys. I love cats. My friends, you know, I told you, my family member, who's a very famous cat judge, swears by Smalls. They love it. Here's the thing, okay? I have. And by the way. And I have friends who legitimately smell their cat food. It's gross. It's disgusting. So just do Smalls, okay? And right now, of course, with being a. A listener of this podcast, you can give your cat the gift of great cat food this holiday season. Now is the time to make the switch to smalls. Head to smalls.com chaos and use the promo code CHAOS at checkout for 50% off your first order, plus free shipping. That's the best offer you'll find. But you have to use my code CHAOS for 50% off your first order. One last time. That's promo code CHAOS for 50 percent off your first order, plus free shipping. Oh, this is really good. I'm happy I got a side salad. Yeah, these potatoes are stupid. You know, I could literally keep eating. I want to get more fucking food. I wanted, like, a stack of pancakes, but maybe I shouldn't, like Heather Graham and Boogie Nights just stuffing my face with brownies.

[Steve]

Do you know what the match is that, like, celebrity golf game that they do now?

[Chris]

Oh, Nate Bargazzi, I think, is going to be on. All right. That's cool. Yeah.

[Steve]

I think last night was the second night, but it's like, two nights of it.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's Santino in it. He's a great golfer, too.

[Steve]

I know. I didn't. I didn't. You know, he gets. He doesn't get invited to these golf things, and he. You know, he's, like, one of the best.

[Chris]

He's like. I think he's, like, pro level good. Like.

[Steve]

Like, he can go play in the. That le. That league that's in, like, Saudi Arabia, whatever the hell.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Or some.

[Chris]

Right.

[Alex]

Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes.

[Chris]

He's, like, friends with this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Steve]

We should go to that birdie.

[Chris]

No.

[Steve]

What the hell is it called in the city? There's like. It's like five iron or something like that.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Steve]

It's kind of like, you know, you drink, but there's like stalls. It's like virtual, but it's like interesting time. Yeah.

[Chris]

I don't know anything about golf. I've never even swung a club. Are you a golfer?

[Steve]

Yeah. My grandfather taught me how to play. I mean, I played baseball my whole life, so the swing is similar. Am I. It was always a good hitter, so my grandfather wanted to like, get me in the golf, so he just took me to the driving range.

[Chris]

So how often do you play, would you say?

[Steve]

I only played a few times this year. I mean, you know, maybe like a dozen times. Like hc. You know, I'd like to play more.

[Chris]

It's the ultimate. I mean, it's a thing that, like, we should all be doing. I mean, Santino has told me like, there's been like, movies he's gotten just because he's met people on the golf course. Do you know how to play golf?

[Alex]

I can swing club. I do top golf a lot. That's like me and my buddies while I go to top golf. But I've never actually done like a nine hole, 18 hole course. Yeah, I just like to smack the ball.

[Steve]

Just smack it around. That's fun. I mean, you know, you're out there drinking if, you know, smoking, doing whatever, you know, it's a hang and you're doing. You're outside. The courses are beautiful.

[Chris]

I can't stop eating.

[Steve]

And there's that. There's that horse in the Bronx, Van Cortlandt.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve]

It's like Babe Ruth used to play around.

[Chris]

Really? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, I know. Van Cortlandt park.

[Steve]

That's a nice course, too.

[Chris]

But on Long Island, I'm sure you got plenty, right?

[Steve]

Especially like, you go out east, like, you know, Montauk Downs.

[Chris]

Isn't there one where they do the PGA Tour there? Is it Pines?

[Steve]

That's.

[Chris]

What is it? Tory Pines? No, that's California.

[Steve]

Oh, yeah. Ah.

[Chris]

Oh, Black. Something black.

[Steve]

Yeah, it's. That's. That's the course. The specific course within. Cuz it's like the name of the course.

[Alex]

Black.

[Steve]

That's where they.

[Chris]

I forgot Page. Beth Page. Yeah. People yelling back page. They're like screaming at the podcast right now in. How do you not know what that is? The new thing for, like, girls now, college. They just don't wear bras. Nobody's wearing a bra.

[Steve]

I mean, some of them should, let's be honest.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, but they're just. I don't know if Is it like, is it like just like, hey, I'm a woman. Like these are my tits. Like why is nobody wear bras anymore? What is the point of a woman's bra is. Does it do anything for them physically? Like help their back or something? Yeah, but like, but like so like a bra is not like. I guess some women find them restrictive. Like, like even underwear. Like why do we, why do guys wear underwear? Like my bras are going to be fine. Right?

[Steve]

Yeah. I switched to briefs, box of briefs. A long time ago.

[Chris]

I cop your nuts.

[Steve]

A little box of shorts. But now I can't. Like that's too much freedom.

[Alex]

I feel like now like right, like the ones that were like, they're like.

[Steve]

Yeah, they're like shorts, dude.

[Alex]

I, I hated. And then they bunch up. I hated it.

[Chris]

I would get like a rash like in between my thighs. Just cuz it's like hugging up my nuts.

[Alex]

Dude, I knew, I knew kids that would wear like basketball shorts under their jeans.

[Steve]

Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My high school that was like. Because they were. Everything was like way too big. So like I'd see you know, after gym class dudes like putting their pants on and cinching the belt and the jeans are like all. But I'm like, why don't you just get a 28 waist instead of a 40?

[Chris]

Yeah, those are popular now. It's like the baggy jeans, they're back in style.

[Alex]

I don't really like it.

[Steve]

I don't like it either. Yeah.

[Chris]

Dude. I went away on a family vacation and Jasmine's whole family came over and one of Jasmine's cousins got in the pool with jean shorts on. What are you doing? Dude, it was just sitting there in jean shorts and you know, soaking wet the whole day. I mean those things didn't dry for a week. What kind of butter is that? Apple. Apple butter. Okay. I like apple butter. Are you still hungry?

[Alex]

I can eat.

[Chris]

I'm going to do a breath. Go back up there. Yeah. I don't want to disrespect you. Want to disrespect you. Would you eat more or you're done? Done.

[Steve]

I'm good.

[Chris]

He's kidding. So he's so good at like not eating.

[Steve]

So good.

[Alex]

We're like fat animals.

[Chris]

We are pieces of.

[Alex]

I got Taco Bell at 2 in the morning.

[Chris]

I know Tom's got to feed his head.

[Alex]

Just go straight to my.

[Chris]

Just injecting food into the side of your head right in the. Should you get like pancakes or something? Is that crazy? What should we get what kind of pancakes here? You can. Here, Go up there. Just get like a stack of pancakes.

[Alex]

Just like regular.

[Chris]

Should we get like, chocolate chip? Like, what should we get here? Let's take a look. God, we're real, like, pieces of. See, like, what the problem is. Get a vegan. Gluten free stack.

[Steve]

I think donuts on the counter was vegan. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

Should we get a chocolate chip stack with fucking whipped cream? House made granola. What's a granola?

[Alex]

A granola pancake.

[Chris]

Is that what that is? Oh, yeah. It's just. Yeah. Should we get like a blueberry snack? Sweet potatoes?

[Alex]

I think we either go blueberry or chocolate chip.

[Chris]

What would you do, Steve?

[Steve]

I mean, both. I love blueberry. I love chocolate chip. Get the chocolate chip and get like a jam sprint. Best of both worlds.

[Chris]

How could you? Can you even do that?

[Steve]

I don't. Yeah. I don't know. We still got some compost.

[Chris]

Yeah. Fresh blueberries. Pure Arthur said. Pure World War II maple syrup. So Pure Wisconsin maple syrup. Just the blood of Nazis.

[Steve]

Rough Rider syrup.

[Chris]

I mean, are we get. Are we crazy? Crazy, though, to get pancakes right now.

[Steve]

Short stack and nobody even got a stack.

[Chris]

It's kind of all right, dude. Just. I mean, how much are they? You think they're more than 20 bucks?

[Steve]

It's 80 bucks.

[Chris]

How much do you think it possibly could be? One. One stack of chocolate chip? One stack of chocolate chip pancakes. How much could it possibly be? It can't be $20.

[Alex]

No, but this is like a small place. I feel like they always kind of jack it up a little bit. I would say 14.

[Chris]

All right, so you think a 20 would cover it?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Chris]

All right, all right. Do that. Just. Yeah. Chocolate chip. Yeah, yeah. And they said you could just go up to the counter. Just get chocolate chip. Yeah. I don't know. Well, look what we did. I'm just eating compost. Look at this. Get your fruits in. Oh, my God. This place really is awesome. How's the apple butter?

[Steve]

That's good.

[Chris]

You want.

[Steve]

You want something?

[Chris]

Give me a little piece of toast. Is it buttered already?

[Steve]

No, I think a little regular butter.

[Chris]

But I have an eating disorder. If Jasmine was here, she'd be pulling the food out of my hand and, like, literally yelling at you to turn the camera off. He's only eating for the camera. He's performing. He's gonna lose his feet. What is that? Sourdough? One thing podcast fans have always requested is for me to stop eating into the microphone. So this episode is going to Be nauseating for some people. So you've never been a big eater. You've never needed to, like, insatiably eat.

[Steve]

I mean, I definitely overindulge. I did that, you know, over the last couple of days. That's why I'm like, you know, the brakes.

[Chris]

Yeah, but why do I do it, like, on a regular basis? What is it?

[Steve]

Yeah, we burn a lot of calories when you work out, so you gotta. You gotta grab.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got a guy up there getting more pancakes for us. We're just going. We're going crazy. I've been eating disorder, but only in here. The food is so good here. I mean, that. She did not want to talk to me. We know what it is saying, eating disorder. You, like, trigger somebody, probably. You got to be very careful in these towns. What the Is Tom doing? Let's call him right now. Wait. Let's wait. He's just waiting online. What should I do? Hold the mic up to here. How can they hear it here?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

What'S up, Tom? What the are you doing? Dude, we told you. Go get pancake cakes, dude.

[Alex]

There's life, dude.

[Chris]

Push them out of the way and tell them we already got a table. Show them the license plate and get the pan. Go in. Go in the kitchen and. Dude, go in the kitchen and just bring out an order. Tell them. Go to the window. Tell them your head needs to get fed right now. All right. Now. All right. Later.

[Alex]

All right.

[Chris]

I mean, I guess, too, after this, like, you know, we'll eat the pancakes, whatever. Have fun, and then we'll just walk. We don't even need the camera. I mean, maybe we'll film a little something by the Capitol, but.

[Steve]

Yeah, this stuff was good.

[Chris]

I like to be free a little. I like to just walk around. See, not everything's got to be content.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Oh, watch some football. I wonder who's playing today. I wonder. There's definitely going to be some good. Good football games on. Maybe we can watch it in. Buy our hotel in that little bar.

[Steve]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

Let's see. Let's. What do we got? Forest, Ole Miss.

[Steve]

There's a few colleges staying at that. That hotel. I said, you see that sign by the elevator? Boston.

[Chris]

Yeah, Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, that. That's cool. I. I think. I think I. I would love to see these track championships if we could go. It must be at the school. I wonder if we can go watch some events.

[Steve]

That'd be cool, actually.

[Chris]

We'll walk up to. If you just walk straight, you'll See, it's like. It all turns into, like, the college.

[Steve]

It's cool.

[Chris]

And then the college is on, like, the top of the hill. It's like, kind of like what you see, like, in a movie type thing.

[Steve]

These cities are, like, meshing together because we did like, almost the same thing to go to Salt Lake City.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude. Outside, like, New York, Chicago, Boston, Philly, Louisiana. Like, I don't know. I couldn't tell if you dropped me in. Downtown St. Louis, Cleveland, Minneapolis. I mean, they're all fine cities, but, I mean, it's all the. It's the same exact thing over and over and over again. That's why I get, like, New York. It's high taxes, but I guess, like, I get why you pay for it all. Because it's like. It's a different everything. There's something new every day in New York. Dude, Tom Feedback's head is huge. His head looks like a Macy's Thanksgiving float. My kids are going to see him floating by.

[Steve]

He's just got people handling him via ropes.

[Chris]

Yeah. Just at different times. Just zoom in and out on his head. So we might have. We might have hooked Steve up. Steve might have a date coming up. Ladies. Sorry, missed your chance. We'll see. I gotta talk to Jazz about. Jazz is like. I was like, oh, what are you guys doing? They're, like, hoping, like, somewhere upstate in the Catskills, like, in a spa or whatever. So, you know, we're just gonna chill, do spa things. And it's like, every guy, it's like, oh, like, bang, guys. Is that what you guys are gonna do? Bad guys.

[Steve]

You ever see that movie Couples Retreat?

[Chris]

Yeah. With Vince Vaughan.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Jon Favreau, though, when him and his, like, wife, are they getting, like, the massages or whatever? And she's like, and for your miss. Ms. Nurturing, kind of, like, gentle. It's just like, oh, female.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

That's what he wants, dude. Jasmine one time got me a. We were in Puerto Rico, and she got me a massage for my birthday. And, you know, so we're, like, all hanging out with the family. She's like, oh, it's time for your massage, Chris. Whatever. So I'm like, you know, it's all, like, Puerto Rican chicks smoking out Puerto Rican chicks. And then she's like, oh, yeah, you know, your wife, whatever, booked this for you. And I go, yeah. And then she goes, you'll be with Pedro. And I was like, what is it.

[Steve]

Like, a girl's name?

[Chris]

Yeah, well, it's like, okay, where is she? And they was like, no, he's our nail masseuse. And I was like. And then she got me a foot and ankle massage. Like, not even a full body. So, like, I hear like, this. These, like, little feet, like, running. And he's like, you know, the gayest guy ever. He's like, I am petrol ankle massage. And he's just massaging my feet because I, you know, I had like, Achilles problems and ankle. So she's like, oh, I thought it'd be nice. She's like, I swear I did not ask for a male. I said, whatever. Whatever. Mesutia was like, yeah, okay. Dude. What happened? Crazy in the cabinet. Unbelievable.

[Steve]

You gotta go back outside?

[Alex]

No, I had to. Like, the line was, like, all the way, like, close to the door.

[Chris]

How much was it?

[Alex]

Take a guess.

[Chris]

Okay, I gave Tom a 20. I'm gonna say that these pancakes were 14. Like, Tom guessed.

[Alex]

Wow.

[Steve]

Yeah, like 15.

[Chris]

15.

[Steve]

16, maybe 16.

[Chris]

1599 pancakes, dude. Unbelievable. Actually, no, no. Yeah, buddy. And, yo, for anyone who says I don't pay the people who come on the road with me, ask Tom. He got paid, baby. I'm just gonna keep these three singles for the room to tip the weights. Hotel man. I always give. You know what I did last week, I never thought to do this, but I just like, oh, it. I didn't have any cash for the. For the, you know, hotel, like, people like the maids or whatever. So I wrote on a post it note, I'm sorry, I didn't have any cash asked for. Here's my Venmo request money for me on Venmo. And the lady, I was like, oh, this could be any number that she requests. She only requested 10 bucks. I was like, not bad. I was like, my. I give 10 bucks a day, so if I'm staying for two days, I'll give them 23, 30. That's like my rule. You guys have, like, a rule? I do, yeah. You don't have them come in? No. You never. Why?

[Alex]

No, I don't want them to see All My child.

[Chris]

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[Steve]

The room I put that do not disturb.

[Chris]

So they, so they do not come in your room.

[Steve]

If I see that card outside my door, I said, you better move that.

[Chris]

So if you're staying in hotel for a week, they will not come in.

[Steve]

I mean, if I need something, I'll like maybe, you know, call the front desk. But like, I'm usually, usually good. I have all the stuff I need and mine's more so like all my equipment because I got my laptop out on the desk, you know, all the cameras.

[Chris]

Yeah, I always just, I just always like, oh yeah, I guess just come clean up the room.

[Steve]

I also got yelled at on family vacations because I'd be like making the bed. Like that's why they have the maids that do that. I was like, yeah, but why, you know.

[Chris]

Yeah, why do that? Yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

I never let the maiden. Because I, me and my girl were in Vegas and I was like smoking weed or something and I was like rolling the weed in the, in the room and I left like weed crumbs on the table. And the maid came in and we went to go back in our room and we couldn't get in. So we're like, what the fuck? So then we had to go down. They're like, oh yeah, well we have to send security up with you. Like, yeah, we found like wheat crumbs on the fucking bitch.

[Chris]

So what was there? What was it, what were they gonna do though?

[Alex]

They were like, either you throw it away or you're getting kicked out of the hotel.

[Steve]

This is Las Vegas. That is the most tame thing that happened in this roof.

[Alex]

Exactly.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah, they're like weeds legal here, but yeah, you can't have it in the hotel.

[Steve]

My, my friend's bachelor party, we had like a cabana at Dreya's party, stuff like that. But I went in there and like a package of like it looked like a cigarette box. Yeah, there was like pre rolled joints in it that I got like from one of the dispensaries. So I was like trying to go in there and he's like, oh. And I put it out on the table. Like it was, you know, like my fucking wallet. I was like, oh yeah, just some wheat, you know. And then the guy's like, oh, what do. You can't bring that in there. I'm like, why not? Yeah, you can't. And I was like, well, that's a brand new.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

I was like, what are you gonna do? He's like, I throw it out. I'm like, could you at least take it for yourself?

[Chris]

Yeah, I know.

[Steve]

And then. And then, like, you know, so then we're up there, and we had, like, our own, like, security and like that. So then, you know, the guy was like, you know, he's like, you know, I can go down, wrangle up some girls for you, and, you know, whatever. But then I was just like, we have a cabana. I was like, I can do that myself.

[Chris]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't do that.

[Steve]

And then I was like. I was like. I was like, how about weed? Can you get us some weed in here? He's like, yeah, what do you need? I was like, could you get my joints at the. At the security desk?

[Chris]

And did he get them?

[Steve]

No. He's like, well, he wanted 100 bucks to do that. So it's like. But we were already, like, tipping them for everything else to get my joints.

[Chris]

That I. Dude, I've been to Vegas so many times. I got it. I'm the guy now. I go to Vegas, like, two days. The absolute max.

[Steve]

That's all I can take.

[Chris]

One of my friends went to Vegas for two weeks, and I'm like, what.

[Steve]

Are you doing after night one, I feel like I'm. I made a mistake.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah. Vegas is. It's up, man. And everything feels, like, close to you. I was like, oh, it's. It's right across the street. You have to walk, like, four miles.

[Chris]

Yeah. Around. You have to go up and over a highway. Yeah, I did, though. But, you know, they got good comedy there. Like, I've done, you know, the. The comedy club. Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club was, like, dope. It's like a. Feels like a mini theater. That was cool. It's called Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club in Vegas.

[Steve]

It's like, there's a combination comedy show, right?

[Chris]

Yeah. There's a comedy seller in Rio. The Jimmy Kimmel one is by, like, the Ferris wheel, the Link. It's dope. So I did that. I did comedy seller Rio. But then, dude, even, like, the theater shows there, like, I did the Win and I did the Cosmopolitan. Great rooms. Like, great. Like, it's Vegas. So they just know how to put on a show. Like, everything you want. Green room, stock sound, perfect lighting, perfect. And they just. Because that's their whole industry, they haven't.

[Steve]

Done a comedy show at the Sphere.

[Chris]

I don't think they've done one yet. I think, like, you know, if they're gonna do it, it's gonna be a big name like Kevin Art or something.

[Steve]

You know, so that'd be interesting. It's like, what? Because, I mean, it'd be distracting. It'd be a cool place to see that. But the whole thing is like. They play on the.

[Chris]

On the thing. Yeah.

[Steve]

So I'm wondering how they would even work for comedy.

[Chris]

I was just talking to somebody the other day that did, like, mushrooms, and I think went to like, maybe it was a you two show something. But they said, like, it was fun until it wasn't. Then they started, like, freaking the out because. Because you go straight. The seats are, like, straight up.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So he was like, you're on mushrooms. And you, like. You literally, like, you don't know, like, where you are already because you're on shrooms. And then, like, with all this around you, he was like. I literally, like, felt like I was gonna fall over. He goes. And I was like. I was really thought, like, I was gonna fall down these, like. He was like, someone's going to die in there. Yeah.

[Alex]

Wow.

[Chris]

It's gonna happen.

[Alex]

That's crazy.

[Chris]

But I think the sphere is like, a new way of, like. Like, there's gonna be many spheres coming now. It's not just gonna be the Vegas one.

[Steve]

They were, like, watching the World Series game in that thing.

[Chris]

Really?

[Steve]

And it looked like you were in the seats, like, at the stadium, at the Sphere.

[Chris]

Yeah. Oh, that's cool.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I think there's a place in la, it's not like the sphere, like, totally wrong, but it's like a whole, like, it's like, atmosphere.

[Chris]

They're going to make that in Long Island. Yeah. I think here, my. My boys just sent me one. I think right now I forgot where. I forgot where this one, where this one is. But this. But it. It. I couldn't believe it. I was like, whoa. Oh, there, look, this.

[Alex]

Yeah, this is it.

[Chris]

Colin Coward. Look. Oh, look at that. How sick is that? That's the one you saw. Yeah. I think that's in la. Oh, that's la. Look at that.

[Alex]

In LA and Dallas.

[Chris]

Like a snow. I could easily see that coming to Long Island. Right? Like.

[Steve]

And what's that called?

[Chris]

It's. It's the volume.

[Alex]

No, that's.

[Chris]

That's his not saying. Fire. Where is this la? Next to sof. Okay. It's called the Chasm by the Sopranos. The Cosm.

[Alex]

Yeah, I. I saw that and I was like. I thought he was at the game.

[Steve]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Alex]

I thought he was, like, behind the goal post.

[Steve]

Yeah, probably, like, it probably costs, like, more to do that than to actually go to the game. I feel like.

[Alex]

Yeah, probably. I don't know if it's just like a bar or like.

[Chris]

Oh, buddy. Chocolate chip. Chrissy. Dude, you, you, us. Imagine Brett Ernst comes out of the Kid Wild. I do. I love Brent Ernst. Just beats the out of all of us.

[Steve]

He's a Chicago comic.

[Chris]

I think it's New York or New York, New Jersey or Florida.

[Alex]

From Jersey.

[Chris]

And he's in Cobra Kai. He's funny in Cobra Kai, right, cousin? Yeah, he's funny. He's real funny.

[Alex]

He's a great comic.

[Chris]

Oh yeah, dude. He's got a great bit. I, I think it's a Showtime special maybe where he does like this bit about like the. I feel like a nightclub for the world. And like every part of the nightclub, like the bouncers, Israeli, the Italian is like the guy paying for everything. You know, it's all the different. Cuz he's a great bit. And then he has a bit about. I, I don't, I forgot like the actual bit. But the premise is just funny how, like when he was a waiter, how crazy like black people would go when he told them they had strawberry lemonade. That can't be real.

[Alex]

He goes, he goes. Their voice gets high.

[Chris]

It's such a good bit, dude.

[Steve]

I kind of get excited for strawberry lemonade.

[Chris]

I would laugh. I mean, I, I remember, I remember watching, watching him in those types of bits when I first started comedy. When I first started comedy, I remember watching him. I would watch, I think it was a show on Showtime called White Boys in the Hood. Oh, yeah. And like, and so like that kind of like spoke to me. I was like, just watching it, thinking about doing stand up. Then I see this show and I'm like, oh, I'm a white boy. I think Brett was on it. Dustin Chaffin. Who else was on it? I think it was a guy, Greg Johnson. He killed. Did like a Schwarzenegger impersonation. Mike Destefano. Okay, Mike Destefano was. Dude. Mike D. Stefano. If you go watch White Boys in the Hood, I'm sure you can find it online, dude. Mikey Stefano to an all black crowd at the Apollo. And he got like an applause break for this, you know, he goes, he goes. First of all, he starts coming out and he's like, you know, he's yelling at them for how they start. He starts coming out for like how they shoot guns. He's like, you mother. You idiots. You guys are shooting the gun sideways. Point it this way. You know, like, whatever. He's doing that and he's getting laughs. And then he goes, he goes because you know what? Because you guys. Can you guys believe this? He goes, you know the Cracker Barrel is owned by black people. The Cracker Barrel owned by black people. So he goes, I'm opening up a restaurant. I'm gonna call it. And then he says the N word basket. I'm gonna call it the end basket. And the crowd laughing, laughing.

[Steve]

What year?

[Chris]

Dude, this is like. I mean, dude, 2005. No. Yeah, I started comedy in 2010, so this is like 2009 or 2008. And bro, it killed. Yeah. And I was like, holy smokes, hard.

[Alex]

Art, because I'm gonna open up a big one.

[Chris]

And he didn't even close on that. He did like another few minutes.

[Steve]

Just set the tone, bro.

[Chris]

He was fearless, that guy. Like, legitimately fearless. At the Apollo for all black. Like, the point of the show, Ed lover or no talent, the comedian talent, you know, black eye was the MC kind of saying like, oh, like in Gracia. And said like, you know, like to the crowd, it was mostly black saying, these are my. These are my funny white boys. Dustin Diamond Screech was on it.

[Steve]

Oh, really?

[Chris]

Damn, dude, I'm telling you, man.

[Steve]

I saw him do stand up and I just.

[Chris]

He was saying, get that. He's dead. Yeah, it's crazy.

[Alex]

I knew someone that, that did a show with them, like kind of on the way out, said it was kind.

[Chris]

Of up, like cuz he was sick. So sick. It was cancer, right?

[Alex]

Yeah, like throat cancer or something.

[Chris]

I remember I opened for him once at Caroline's and you know, this is like Screech, like Saved by the Bell. And it was just sad, bro. It was. I remember this was like when I first started, he had maybe like 30 people in a 400 person room on a Friday night. And then they just canceled the Saturday shows. So I was like, oh, it's like, it was one of those things where like, I was like, oh, wow. Like, just because you're famous doesn't mean.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You know, Chris contains the same way. It's kind of sad.

[Chris]

You worked with him before?

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's just up there. It's just. He's like, remember when I was in this movie?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Remember when I worked with Will Ferrell?

[Chris]

Yeah. And the crowd just like, yay.

[Alex]

Well, the first time I worked with them, I accidentally locked him out of the club.

[Chris]

You locked him out of the club?

[Alex]

Yeah, because I walked in the back door and there's just some guy out there smoking cigarettes. And I go, oh, he's probably like, works in the kitchen at the restaurant.

[Chris]

Next. Yeah.

[Alex]

So I walk in the door and I take the menu. They like a menu proper. I took it out, and then I see this fucking pounding on the door, and I open it, I go, what's up, man?

[Steve]

He's like, I'm the fucking headliner.

[Chris]

Oh, shit.

[Alex]

Locked me out. I'm like, sorry.

[Chris]

He was like, legitimately yelling at you for real? Yeah.

[Steve]

He's like, I'm a headliner. That was Chris.

[Chris]

Was that a Zany's in that side?

[Alex]

Yeah, Zany's Rosebud.

[Chris]

Wow. Yeah. I mean, Dom Herrera once told me, you know, great comic. He was like, you know, I remember, like, with, like, you know, a lot of times, like, you know, you'll bring a comic up and they always want, you know, hey, what do you want me to say about you? The MC will say credits or whatever. And like, you know, I said to him once, I had just started comedy. I was like, what do you want me to say when I bring you up? He goes, just say, we've been doing comedy together for 30 years. I was like, I'm 27 years old. He was like, I know. That's the joke. Stupid. He was like, are you new here? And I go, yeah. And then he goes. He goes, let me give you some advice. He goes, the more com. The more credits a comic wants you to give, the worse a comic they probably are. He goes, don't worry about the credits. He was like, you prove it to them. Them when you get on stage.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So he was like, don't. Don't ever list a lot of credits. So from that moment, I mean, I. Right in the beginning, I never. Anytime anyone's like, what do you want me to say about you? I say, nothing. Yeah, don't say you or. Or whatever you want.

[Alex]

Yeah, Something nice.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I mean, I don't have any credits, but when someone's like, what do you want me to say? I go, yeah, just say something else.

[Chris]

Yeah. Yeah. Say yeah. Oh, dude, I cannot believe these. I cannot believe these pancakes are in here. Yeah, I got a pancake. Oh, here they are. This is. This has to be done. Oh, my God, you got whipped cream on. Yeah, I guess. Well, Tom surprised us. Imagine Tom just. He just got another blind spot. He's like, is it going to be different this time? Yes.

[Alex]

Awesome.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Tom]

And then all their condoms.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Tom]

Are you waiting on anything else for this number?

[Chris]

No, we just got this. Can we just get some plates? Yeah, you want. You going to have some, Stevie, I'll have A bite? Yeah. Three. Three. Thank you. Oh, could we get some syrup? Thank you. Steve. What? You kicked a chair, you dick. What a dumb ass. Yeah. You know what, Steve? You're fired. No. What's this one? Just regular.

[Steve]

I think it.

[Chris]

You guys want. Serious? Are we doing this or.

[Alex]

We're not doing. Yeah, dude.

[Chris]

Hell yeah, dude. We don't have forks either.

[Alex]

Oh, she only brought out one fork.

[Steve]

You got a baby bird into his mouth.

[Chris]

Thank you. Dude, we've been in here for, like, two hours just eating.

[Steve]

I've been recording for 50 minutes.

[Chris]

50. Okay, good. Thank you. I just need another fork, too. I'm sorry. We only have one. I'm. Is that. Are they coming? Okay. Sorry. Thank you. Oh, look at Steve. You get that plate, the Cooper. Thank you, sir. Dude, let's have some fun, dude. Some fun in the sun. Hotcakes, baby. All right, get in there. I guarantee you these are good.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Chris]

Oh, my God. I mean, that's better than the special. These are. These are.

[Alex]

Chocolate chip is the way to go.

[Chris]

Oh, my God. I mean, how do you come to a place like this and not get. Not get pancakes, dude, for the table. On the last History Hyenas episode, we were talking about Alexander the Great, and we were talking about how, like, at some point in the episode, you know, Giannis was making fun of me because I always get, like. I'm always getting food for the table. Like, I'll always get, like. You know, like, not like, a lot of people will get, like, an appetite, but, like, there's been times we went out to dinner. I'll get, like, fettuccine Alfredo for the table. Like, I'll do stupid like that.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And so we were, like, doing, you know, like, talking about Alexander the Great and Alexander the Great. Like, a big thing in, like, ancient Greece is they used to, like, have sex with men and women. Like, it was no label of being gay. It was like, guys just each other. It's like, we're doing a bit, whatever. And. And so. And so I said, yeah, like, at some point, you know, I bet you Alexander the Great, they were in, like, some. Sitting there, like, Alexander was like, you know what? Let's get a young boy for the table. Like, just, like, a bit. Whatever. Got a big laugh. And then, dude, we, like. I wouldn't post it as a clip of, like, somebody DM me. Like, some woman DM me that I'm. I should be ashamed of myself, and I'm going to hell for a joke like that. I was like, lady, why don't you just fucking shut your mouth? And if you're gonna DM me, I want to see them titties. Somebody. Somebody just DM'd me this morning saying me, telling me that I'm a disgusting person because I follow Conor McGregor. I'm like, what? Why?

[Steve]

First of all, to know that you follow, you know, like the level of like.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's like, shut up.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

They said, oh. After his recent conviction, I was like, what did he get convicted of?

[Alex]

Oh, we got a joke for something. Allegedly.

[Chris]

Oh, please. No, I'm kidding.

[Alex]

Allegedly.

[Chris]

No, I'm kidding. But I'm like, yeah, dude. Like, why. Why are you. Again, the entitlement. Could you imagine messaging someone and saying that she was like, hey, I'm a big fan, but you should really reconsider following him. Like, what does me following him have to do with anything?

[Steve]

Yeah, Trump is like a halfway decent guy.

[Chris]

You're a piece of.

[Alex]

Yeah, well, it's like, what, I'm supposed to be obsessed with who I follow on Instagram.

[Chris]

Yeah. I don't care. I've never followed him when he wasn't.

[Alex]

Arranged and now he is.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude. I don't even. My algorithm. I don't even. I didn't even know that I was following him.

[Alex]

Yeah, I follow a lot of people that I don't even see their.

[Steve]

Yeah, it's like I see more suggested posts than anything from, like, people that I actually want to see.

[Chris]

Because they want you following more and more, dude. It's like, you listen to anybody who gets off social media. Everybody says that their happiness improves immensely.

[Steve]

Constantly seeing that every day.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

And then, you know, people are only posting the best versions. That's why all those other posts now, like, Instagram versus reality, it's like, you know, highlight reality.

[Chris]

Dude, I didn't go on Instagram from 2022 to 2023. I didn't go on. Once I had my Brian Morton, I didn't even have access to it. I was in the best shape of my life. I was the happiest. I was not comparing myself to anyone. And then I said, oh, I can control it. And I got back on, but I can't it now, little by little, not working out as hard. Off the rails with Sweets again, you know, on back on Grinder. Like all cuz of Instagram.

[Steve]

We'Re going to look back, it's going to be like the, like cigarettes, you know what I mean? Just as bad.

[Alex]

I took some of my social media apps and I put them on like the page a Few over on my phone. So I'm not like, it's not the first thing I see.

[Chris]

See, I did that too. And now I just scroll. I'm scrolling more because I have the social media buttons hitting. I'm getting like, I'm starting. Do you guys ever feel like you get arthritis in your thumbs and fingers? Like a little bit or not yet.

[Steve]

Not in there, but like this? Sometimes, like, holding it for a while.

[Chris]

And then like this? Yeah, yeah. It's like an addiction. Like, I'm. I'm like, do I got to turn to, like, hypnosis? Like, how do I fix this? The Instagram on the sweets are. Yeah, the sweets, dude. I was doing so good. For one whole year, I only had sweets on Saturdays. I. I would not. Like, every time there was dessert. It didn't matter. What? It didn't matter. If we were decided to have a lunch date on a Tuesday at a place like this. I would get the omelette and everything else, but I would not touch the sweets. I was like, I'm not doing it. And then Saturdays felt so. I felt so guilt free. Where now I'm like, just a piece of shit, dude. I literally took my kids to see Wicked and I was like, falling asleep because I had two boxes, a bunch of crunch in my popcorn. I'm just like, falling asleep like this. Like, I got, like chocolate and popcorn all over my sweatshirt. Delilah's like, hitting my shoulder. Oh, my God. Sorry. Sorry. Out of control, man. Now I'm fucking lightheaded, dizzy, no blood pressure medicine. I'm like this. I mean, my friend's a doctor, was like, hey, can you send me medicine to Wisconsin? And he was like, it's one day. That's what he said. I was like, okay.

[Steve]

What's like, the worst that would happen?

[Chris]

I mean, I guess you could. I mean, I'm not on a hot. That high of a dose. So that's why he was like, just take it tomorrow.

[Alex]

How'd you find out you had a hyper?

[Chris]

Yeah. I mean, every time I went to the doctor, every time I went to the doctor, they would go to. They would go, are you nervous? And I'd be like, no. Normally they'd be like, okay. It's like, right number down. And then after like the fourth visit, the doctor was like, hey, man, I gotta put you on meds. I mean, you know, it was kind of like laughing about it.

[Steve]

It's like the top number is high.

[Chris]

Both of them. Like one. You know, 120 over 80 or lower is optimal. Really? 110 over 70. But like Americans were so unhealthy. They're like, just try to get 120 over 80. But like in Europe they're like, even 120 over 80 should be our medicine. So. But mine, even with medicine is like 135 over 90. So it's not insane. But dude, without medicine there would be times where I would take it. It was like 170 over 110, but I was fine. Like I just worked.

[Steve]

Think it's heightened because of the workout, because it's not just food related, right?

[Chris]

Food, stress, genetics, you know, but like, but with high blood, like even the most healthy people who don't have blood pressure problems, at some point in the day, their blood pressure will go up. It's what they're looking for is when you're at rest, like if you can just sit. Really the best way to measure blood pressure is in a quiet room, room for five minutes when you get stuck in traffic. And then that's what they want to see because they know that, you know, you walking to the doctor's office is raising your, like all our pressure is high right now. We're outside, you know, but they don't worry about that. I know, this is wild. I'm gonna have a salad for lunch. Really, dude. But like the way that we just ate, right? I feel like awful. I, I, I, I wanna, I want to like, just say whatever, we'll walk off. Fun. But like, I will not do this to myself again now for a few days and I'll work out. But like to get to a level where people get £400, they just, this is what their life is every day. Absolutely no guardrails, fully free falling into food.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, it's wild.

[Chris]

Do I saw, I was telling Steve I saw a meme though, for like the old, this old guy was talking. A lot of times I could go to like a diner or whatever. I always see like an old guy like eating a muffin for like him and his wife having a piece of pound cake. And so I saw this meme where they were talking to this guy about how like he still eats sweets. And he was like, he was like, well, you know what it is? He was like 95. He was like, it's it. I don't think it's the sweets. He's like, I don't overindulge. I have like one a day. He's like, it's the stress about eating it is what kills you. He's like, because you're so Worried about it. He was like, I think if you can just eat it and let it go and say, I did that. And that's, That's. That's. But I can't do that. I'm, like, stressed. The. I mean, let's be honest. I've had 3,000. I had 3,000 calories at breakfast. There's no way I didn't have anything less than that. You know, that or the. I mean, dude, either the egg and pretzel roll.

[Alex]

Pretzel rolls. Calories.

[Steve]

Who came in with the 2000, like.

[Chris]

Limit for you stay under it, though. You're a guy that pretty much stays under it. It works for you.

[Steve]

I get. Yeah. Not all the time, though. I have a pint of ice cream.

[Chris]

Right.

[Steve]

And I. And I ate throughout the day. And that's. And then I'm eating that and going right to bed.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You guys remember the food pyramid?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Alex]

That was like, all carbs.

[Chris]

Yeah. You were supposed to.

[Alex]

Mostly carbs.

[Chris]

It's like milk. Yeah.

[Alex]

And now. And like, meat was like, dude, how.

[Chris]

Many calories do you think your Taco Bell was? Honestly?

[Steve]

Five, six thousand?

[Chris]

No, like that. Let me see what you get. Tell me what you got. I'm. I'm going to tell you exactly. I'm going to get what. What was your calorie count? Okay, so what's the first thing you had?

[Alex]

Crunch App. Supreme.

[Chris]

Okay, hold on.

[Steve]

At least a g. At least. At least.

[Chris]

Crunchwrap. Supreme. Calories. You had 1. 530 calories. Okay, so not. But you had one. Okay, so that's one. Well, so we're at chalupa. Hold on.

[Alex]

Someone told me that Taco Bell is the healthiest fast food.

[Chris]

That's right. Get it? Chalupa. 3. 323. So 530 plus 323. We're at. We're at about 858. Call it 850.

[Alex]

This one's gonna be big. Tell me Quesarito.

[Chris]

Quesarito.

[Alex]

Yeah. Quesarito.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Calories.

[Steve]

Any sauces going on these things?

[Alex]

I just take it.

[Chris]

650.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So we had 8 50. So we had. Let's call them 1500. And that's all you had? That's all I had. And a Diet Coke, which is zero calories. Zero calories. So. So, dude, 1500. Not crazy. What you eat throughout. What. What you have throughout the day. Yesterday, you know what?

[Alex]

I didn't really eat because I was, like, driving here, like, doing a bunch of stuff. I usually don't eat before shows.

[Chris]

So you didn't have. That was the first thing you ate. All day. All day. So it's actually. He's under 2000.

[Steve]

He's a healthy guy, dude.

[Chris]

Tom's a health streak man.

[Alex]

Yeah, I've been, I've been like a one meal type of guy the past couple weeks. Just like being at home and stuff that.

[Chris]

Well, that's. It's called Omad diet. One meal a day. Omad. It's a big thing like bodybuilders are doing. They're just getting all their calories and everything in one meal. Then they're fasting for, you know, 23 hours.

[Steve]

Isn't there like your body because you're not eating regularly, Your body like stores the as fat.

[Chris]

It's a whole science of like how to do it correctly.

[Steve]

Does that make sense too?

[Chris]

Yeah, the body's insane. Like, frozen shoulder, it's called adhesive capsulitis is like the technical name. But like frozen shoulder, like, if you like break your wrist or something like that, what happens is people just are like, because they don't want to hurt their wrist, they just stop moving their arm. So like a big thing when I was a physical therapist would be like, hey, like reach overhead, squeeze your hand. Because what happens is people will not, they'll break this arm and they will not move it. And after like two weeks, your brain says, yo, what happened to our right arm? Like, it's like, oh. There's a part of brain that basically says, oh, I guess it's gone. So they just start to literally like close it down and they put like, basically like it's like glue over your shoulder. And they're like, this is. The brain stops connecting to it. Like electricity stops going to that part. And then, and then you literally are like, oh, my arms broken. Then you. And then I'm like, oh, can you go Like, I would have people who like broke their finger and I'd be like, oh, can you reach for something overhead? And they're like, yeah. And then they never have to do it in three months and they go like this. They're just like, like. And then you see like the fear in them and you're like, yeah, buddy.

[Alex]

Can you like fix that?

[Chris]

Yeah. Exercise, massage, it takes months. Some people never get the full range back. Yeah. All right, I'm going to go throw up. Yeah.