Dan Soder on Why Hollywood is DEAD (Make It Yourself)

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos
Episode: Dan Soder on Why Hollywood is DEAD (Make It Yourself)
Date: July 29, 2026
Host: Chris Distefano
Guest: Dan Soder

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Episode Overview

In a candid, hilarious, and insightful street-side conversation, Chris Distefano and Dan Soder reflect on nearly two decades in the comedy business, the evolution of showbiz, and why traditional Hollywood is "dead." The episode dives deep into the realities of creative independence, DIY content, the changing nature of success in comedy, and the importance of relationships—both personal and professional. Along the way, they riff on relationships, their peers, personal growth, New York life, and the enduring camaraderie of comics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Death of Hollywood: Comedy’s DIY Era

• Hollywood is Over:

  • Dan and Chris openly agree: the old model of "being discovered" by the industry is gone. Now, it’s all about building your own thing, owning your material, and connecting directly with fans.
  • Dan Soder: "There is no industry now... There's no making it, there's not going to be a guy that sees you at the Cellar and goes, I want to make a TV show with you." (30:45)

• Owning Your Work:

  • The new model is all about independence: shooting your own specials, starting your own podcasts, and never waiting for the industry’s approval.
  • Soder: "It's all DIY. It's this... It's do a YouTube special. Do a special where you own it, you clip it, you own everything. No one controls it because then... it's your money." (30:56)

• Platforms and Opportunities:

  • Both emphasize the advantages of releasing specials on YouTube or licensing to Netflix without giving up ownership.
  • Dan: "If you're a young comic, I'm telling you right now, the power of YouTube or the power of you owning it, go get really good and own it." (34:20)

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2. Friendship, Relationships & Growth

• Long-Term Camaraderie:

  • Chris and Dan reminisce about their origins in the NYC comedy scene (with peers like Nate Bargatze, Mark Normand, etc.), showing immense mutual respect and appreciating the journey and long-standing friendships.
  • Chris: "We're going to get to the point now we've known each other for like, our entire adult life." (12:42)

• Romance and Stability:

  • Both discuss their partners (Chris married Jasmine; Dan with his long-time girlfriend, Katie), the value of relationships "adjacent" to their careers, and how personal support systems help navigate the chaos of showbiz.
  • Dan: "Marry someone adjacent to your job because then they get your job but they're not in your job. There's no competition." (04:47)
  • Chris, on marriage: "I used to feel, like, this sense of guilt... but now it's like, I'll see a pretty girl... but know that I don't want that. I'm happy with what I have." (48:51)

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3. Comedy War Stories & The Changing Scene

• The Cellar and Late-Night Validation:

  • They recount the old days where late-night sets were a major career milestone and the sense of validation that came with them.
  • Dan: "You did a late night set. People watch that, dude." (14:35)

• Industry Frustrations:

  • Both share classic stories of industry friction—bookers at the Comedy Cellar, comedians bumping each other, the evolution from being "hungry" comics to established acts who don’t need to chase TV anymore.
  • Chris on the Fallon booker: "I'm paraphrasing it, but I said something to the effect of nobody cares about this anymore..." (18:45)

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4. Sober Living & Personal Evolution

• Sobriety:

  • Dan discusses his journey to sobriety and how it changed his perspective—he’s been sober 14 years and sees it as integral to his growth, even as he still smokes weed.
  • Dan: "I've gone to some places that have been really hard not to drink... I'd probably say it would take great personal tragedy for me to come back to boozing." (27:42)

• Aging, Health, and Self-Acceptance:

  • The two joke about hair loss, health anxieties, and how priorities have shifted from late nights and hard partying to quality time, family, and self-care.
  • Dan (on hairlines): "But you just go like, f*ck it, dude. I don't have kids." (33:55)

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5. Advice: Make It Yourself—Don’t Wait

• DIY is the Only Way:

  • Both encourage young comics or creatives to just create, iterate, and not wait to be "picked" by old industry gatekeepers.
  • Chris, channeling his wife Jasmine's advice: "...but wouldn't it be better if you just learned how to do it with them and then even if it sucked... at least you know now how to do something?" (38:30)

• On Making Projects:

  • Dan explains his approach to cartoon or animation projects: raising his own money, learning the process, and using peer collaboration.
  • Dan: "I'm going to make my own cartoon... I'll go two extra weeks on the road and that's funding for that." (32:35)

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6. Kids, Technology, and Changing Generations

• Tech and Adolescence:

  • Chris reflects on parenting, the evolving behaviors of kids with technology, and how surprisingly, some new trends involve rejecting addictive elements (e.g. kids wanting call-only phones).
  • Chris: "...even his phone. He's not addicted to his phone. He's really not... they're definitely better than kids 10 years ago, 100%." (28:33)

• Parenting Truths:

  • Chris gets candid about the reality that most parents—including his own growing up—are figuring it out as they go. He encourages honesty and letting kids see confidence, not perfection.
  • Chris: "So many times where my kids ask me questions... the genuine answer is I don't know." (41:35)

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7. Bits, Dogs, and New York Life

• Street-Level Podcasting:

  • Amidst their deep talk, the conversation often swerves into classic, relatable bits about New York living, dogs, elevators to the 77th floor, and random street encounters with locals and listeners.

• Memorable Off-the-Cuff Bits:

  • The guys riff on everything: Puerto Rican baseball skills, bad hair transplants ("hair tits"), the "Barstool guy" phenomenon, the comic’s ever-present health paranoia, and more.
  • Chris (about his stepson's basketball): "He was embarrassed...but then he noticed Jalen Brunson was left handed. And I noticed he's starting to shoot lefty now." (07:23)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "There is no making it... There isn't going to be a guy that sees you do a set at the Cellar and go, 'I want to make a TV show with you.'"
  — Dan Soder (30:45)

• "Marry someone adjacent to your job because then they get your job, but they're not in your job. There's no competition."
  — Dan Soder (04:47)

• "If you're a young comic, I'm telling you right now, the power of YouTube or the power of you owning it, go get really good and own it."
  — Dan Soder (34:20)

• "Listen to your women's advice... When you find a good woman, she will give you advice that is so fucking valuable."
  — Dan Soder (38:44)

• "But now it's like, I'll see a pretty girl... but know that I don't want that. I'm happy with what I have."
  — Chris Distefano (48:51)

• On late-night sets:
  "You did a late night set. People watch that, dude." — Dan Soder (14:35)

• On DIY creation:
  "Make your own thing, own your thing, and that's your job." — Paraphrased throughout (30:56–34:20)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:31 – 05:12: Relationships, moving to NYC, and how comedy connections form
• 11:00 – 17:00: The Comedy Cellar, late-night TV, and changing gatekeepers
• 18:45 – 21:00: The infamous Fallon booker story and industry resentment
• 27:43 – 29:00: Soder on sobriety and healthy adulthood
• 30:30 – 32:41: Why Hollywood is dead; "Make it yourself" era explained
• 38:30 – 41:19: Learning by doing & advice from partners and friends
• 43:36 – 44:41: New touring habits for older comics (early shows, family time)
• 47:46 – 49:29: Marriage, aging, and the shifting value of settling down
• 50:01 – 54:27: Local color: dog talk, NYC apartment life, and comic social life
• 55:54 – 62:21: Closing impromptu chats, community, future plans

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is warm, real, raunchy, and unfiltered—full of classic “comic hangs,” mutual ball-busting, self-deprecating humor, and heartfelt wisdom. The vibe swings from streetwise satire to serious career advice, all grounded in the chemistry and history between Chris and Dan. There’s an authentic sense of old-school New York, creative resilience, and honest reflection on what it means to be a comic in the 2020s.

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Summary Takeaway

"Make it yourself, be your own boss, and stop waiting for Hollywood. Build real relationships, don’t be afraid to learn by doing, and don’t let industry gatekeepers or imposter syndrome keep you from making shit happen. At the end of the day, community, family, and genuine creative freedom are what matter."

Transcript

[A]

Did you know with the Sam's Club app, you're technically in the club no matter where you are? Like, this is a club. This is also a club, and this is a club. My bad. Come join us. Sam's Club. Cops come and make us move. That's part of the show. The noise is part of the show.

[B]

Yeah. This play. This street rules.

[A]

Yeah. We won't say. We won't say that.

[B]

Oh, I don't give a. Yeah. Living in a building like this is like.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's the best.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Do you have other celebs that live in your building? No, no, no.

[B]

But it's funny because I'm friends with the tour guys.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Your door guy is great. He remembers everybody.

[B]

And then when like, like, Louis came or like, John Oliver came to, like, just the Dominican dude being like, yo, you got Louis CK coming through. I had Becky Lynch. He was like, yo, my. Yo, my girl was here. And I was like, oh, Becky.

[A]

And he's like, yeah, so you guys are gonna, like, renew? Like, this is where you want to be for a little while.

[B]

I've been. We've been here for four years. I wouldn't be so problems if we're here for, like, it depends on what. Dude, what sucks about living in a. In a. Yeah. What sucks about living in a corporate building is they raise the rent, like, mathematically.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you're.

[A]

You're. You're just numbers to them.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You're not human beings.

[B]

And then I had to go to the Office 2 last year, they didn't raise our rent. That's why we stayed. But two years ago, they raised our rent, and I, like, white person did where I went, and I was like, excuse me, but what I did is I broke down the math where I was like, I can move two blocks down to a building better than this.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And save money. And save money, and I can move down there. And then you talk, like. You talk like, money to them, and they're like, oh, okay.

[A]

I love it. Yeah. Dude, I feel like. I feel like this. This move, like, how you're living right now. I know. I know. You don't have kids. Are you married yet to Katie?

[B]

Not married yet, but we're still coming. I just call her my wife because

[A]

that's what I was doing. We actually.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Congrats, buddy.

[A]

Thank you. Jasmine and I actually got married, like, for real, three weeks ago. But I've been saying she's my wife for maybe 10 years.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Fiance is good. For a year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you go, like. It's like. It's like a cream based thing in your refrigerator. We go, it's spoiled.

[A]

It's spoiled. Yeah.

[B]

Because then they go, oh, you're not getting married. You're afraid. You go, no, it's just literally planning. It sucks.

[A]

Assholes. Yeah. And I also kind of got sick and tired of, like, every time I was like, my girlfriend, I mean, my fiance, my boys just, like, rolling their eyes, be like, you sound so gay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I just said, okay, it's just my wife. But. But you'll find that, like, it is very important. Like. Like when you say, oh, Katie's my wife, like, she's. I'm sure it's all cool, but, like, once you guys get married, she's gonna be like, I'm your wife.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And women. It's really cool for women.

[B]

I'm really. There's been talks about cool courthouse, just, like, to get it done. Sure. Because we really just want that. Yeah. But it's like, yeah, it's my wife, but. Yeah, but just live it. Me and her. The way she. Dude, she literally, you know, Veto used, invaded SiriusXM. We moved in here the day I left the bonfire.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're like, you idiot. I was living in Jersey, taking me an hour to get to work. She works at Sirius now. It is two minutes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It literally takes her 14 minutes to get to work.

[A]

Dude, Drake. Perfect, Dre.

[B]

And on a nice day, she walks home and it's exercise.

[C]

Dude.

[A]

It's so funny, too, because, like, you know, Katie, when she came in, you know, like, came into, like, the New York area, we were all like, what was. What? She come to New York maybe 10 years ago?

[B]

Yeah, 10 years ago, 2014.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I remember, like, you know, she was kind of, you know, loosely involved with the comedy scene, but she'd

[B]

go on Opie and gym, Right.

[A]

A lot of comedians knew her. Whatever. And she had a boyfriend. Whatever. And then I remember it was a day I'll never forget. We were sitting in the back of the Comedy Cellar and somebody came in. I'm forgetting who it was, but it was somebody funny. It was like, yo, Katie and her boyfriend broke up. And you watch every guy be like, you know, like, whatever. And then within, like, a week, everyone's like, oh, she's with Dan. Whatever. Whatever it was.

[B]

I got insider info.

[A]

It was a short, short window where everybody was like, you know, I was with Jasmine by then, but I remember people. I remember every guy being like, we.

[B]

Katie likes I got insider info.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you went through a breakup with your first boyfriend that was like serious, serious. And her. One of her producers was like, both times she broke up with her boyfriend, one of her producers was like, she's single now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the second one was on espn. We were doing her show on ESPN too. She had been broken up with him for a while.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And her. And Shout Out Ashley, her producer, was like, danny, single now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I was like, oh. And then I still didn't approach it, but then we were talking and.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I remember. I remember too. Finding out that you guys were together and be like, wow, that's like the perfect match. Like, it was crazy how sports so much. She's in the comedy space but not a standup comedian. That's. That's very difficult. Those have such a low level of working out. Very few people stand up. Comedians make it work. But comedy adjacent.

[B]

Perfect. That's. That was exactly what. That was. What I would tell anybody that if, like, marry someone adjacent to your job.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because then they get your job, but they're not in your job.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's no, like, competition. There's no. There's just like. And also there's a lot of, like, mutual friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That benefit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because she'll be like. She'll have someone on her show on casuals, and I'll be like, oh, they rule.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's great. She'll be like, who's funny in comedy? And it's just great.

[A]

It's just great. And you know what, it's cool to have, like, you know, a wife, fiance, wife that, like, knows sports and you can talk to you about it. Like Jasmine, she. It's so interesting because she doesn't know, like, you know, like somebody will score like a touchdown and she'd be like, why? How many points? Like, what does it actually mean? Like that Typical girl. But then we were in Ireland for a friend's wedding and we had never. We were. There was the hurling final, which was between Limerick, which is the town we were in.

[B]

Shout out.

[A]

Galway. Shout out. Limerick. Wild place. And it's funny, like, just because she. None of us understood it. And Jaz was just, like, paying attention. She got hurling before any of the guys.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

She's like, that's a point, not a goal. Right. Irish guys. Like, how do you know that?

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're hot and you know that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also she's. She probably knows battery stances. Like, if you watched baseball, she'd probably take it In.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because of her Puerto Rican blood.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She'd be like puppy your powers resting in your back hip.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like batting coach.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

She. Yeah, she just knows. She was like, you know, you got. You got to be. I could tell that you're leaning to your right because you probably in a fight with your wife right now.

[B]

It's the way white dudes that work in boardrooms know how to golf easier.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where they go. Well, of course you're not. You're swing. They're always practicing their swing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Puerto Rican women do that with like pitches.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Chopping. Does your. You talked about on my podcast, but you said your. Your stepson could throw. Is he playing baseball?

[A]

He. No, he wound up not playing. He's been playing a little bit more basketball.

[C]

All right.

[A]

But I did tell you that time when he just threw gas lefty and you were just. And literally he looked like Henry Roegard rookie of the year.

[C]

I love it.

[A]

And I just was like. But I tried to get him to play a little bit, but you could just tell he's not in that. But basketball, he's actually been, you know, starting to play. We've been doing drills, we've been running stuff. And he's actually going to try out for the high school team this year.

[B]

Fuck yeah. How. How big is the Knicks winning the championship on pushing kids like, does that make him want to play basketball?

[A]

Big dude. It's like that is the thing. We watched every game together, you know, a whole family did. Then I noticed like a little kid like you see in the movies, he was trying to mimic Jalen Brunson.

[C]

Sick.

[A]

Because. Because he's right hand. He's left handed. But he was embarrassed about that.

[B]

I'm a left handed.

[A]

And he was like, no, I only do the right. Only the right. But then he noticed Jalen was. Brunson was left handed. And I noticed he's starting to shoot lefty now.

[B]

Short kids and lefties.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Are like, yo, that's my kid.

[A]

Yeah, my kid. And it's so funny because it's like I'm doing all these things with him. Like, you know, because I'm with him most of the times. He goes with his pops on the weekend. So I know his dad does a lot of stuff with him as well. But like I'm with him five days. So like we're working on drills and all that. Like, I'm join.

[B]

You're nasty at basketball if you get clipped by a car. I won't survive it. Yeah, I'll start drinking it yeah. If Veto gets clipped by like a Amazon van. Yeah, I will. I'm gonna go across. I'm gonna get drunk across the street. That was bad.

[A]

There was a van that came by that was close. And by the way, I just know too that if that happens to you, obviously I will take care of your medical expense and all that, but the first thing I will do is put the camera on you and say like. And subscribe YouTube.com Christy Comedy. I just have to do that.

[B]

And just for legalities, up to a certain extent, he'll take care of the medical bills.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

You're getting a. You're getting an iron hip in 15 years. That's on you. Yeah.

[A]

I can't do any advanced surgeries.

[B]

Look how nice that golden is, dude.

[A]

Beautiful. But I like, is that.

[B]

Oh, there's a couple. There's an Australian couple in our building that had a beautiful golden puppy. And now he's huge. And I was. I know. I don't know them. I know the dog.

[A]

Do you have a dog?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. What do you have?

[B]

She's a mutt. She's like 50 pound mutt. She's upstairs. She's chilling.

[A]

Just. I like a dog in an apartment. I got a Siberian husky that's too big. Too big. And it's got. And it sheds. Your dark shed.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that dog, my dog shed so much. But husky bark that.

[A]

Well, like it cries. It'll go like. You know what's a wild thing? They think sirens, like police sirens. If you play that on YouTube, that for them sounds identical to their like nature call, like their wolf call. So if you play a YouTube of a siren, they'll start to go like. They're like. They're in the middle of Alaska.

[B]

That's so funny. Huskies rule. Yeah, but your stepson, what he doesn't realize is. Does he know you were two time all American?

[A]

Dude, I've. That's the thing. I've told him all these things. Jazz has told him all these things. We've worked on drills. We took him to the college where I was like in. I'm like in the schools, like all time score.

[B]

Like, watch. Look at old Chrissy's photo, dude.

[A]

And then he'll do something like playing like two on two, like, like a. Like a move like he had like this like lefty, like reverse button hook the other day. It was amazing. And like after the game, he was like, my dad taught me that because it's just like. And I told him, actually, I was like, you know what? Dude, don't ever lose that. I was like, you're, I've. I've had step parents before. I know you've had it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's like, I was like, in, in. It's innate in you. Like, you should always be like, I love my dad. My dad's the best. Like, take advice from us. But, like, I'm actually not even mad that you're saying that. Even though I've taught you that.

[B]

But I was like, it's so funny. You go, even though I'm the only. I am.

[A]

I am one. I have the video evidence of. I am the one that taught you the button hook. But, but don't ever lose that. I was like, there's a thing to, like, protect your dad, everybody else. I kind of respect that. There he is, dude. Yeah, that guy's definitely a barstool guy.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

You could just tell people, yeah, guys have barstool face, barstool hair.

[B]

Oh, they're just. You just know they got a parlay going.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They're about to rip a zinn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's crazy that there's, like, basic bro stuff now. Like, the way that like, like, mache lattes became, like, for white girls in tan boots.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With, like, tan hats. And they're like, I love Taylor Swift. She sings about me. There is a bro culture now of, like, dudes with, like, hats who are like, I don't. I use nicotine, but I've never smoked.

[A]

It's like, do you remember when streaming first started and people would say, I don't watch tv?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And they would be like, no, but I watch, like, TV shows on my laptop.

[B]

Yes. That's Brooklyn shit. That was the cosplay of, of hipsters in, like, around 2012, where they go, I don't own a TV. And it's like, fuck you.

[A]

Where are you cheap?

[B]

Now?

[A]

You live kind of like right on the brink of, like, the Flatiron and Chelsea, like, in that area. So this to me is like, you'll get a lot of old school New Yorkers here and a lot more like, mature people. Like, you definitely have some of those, like, old school gay guys like that that, like, they beat aids.

[B]

You walk over there, there's. There's apartments over there. Oh, my God.

[A]

Veto. Watch, watch, watch, dude. Veto is. So before Dan goes on with the story, I just want to. I, I, I don't think you guys understand how dangerously close veto is to oncoming traffic.

[B]

I'm not saying this to be dramatic. I'm Watching it.

[A]

Yeah. Like, he. He will. Absolutely. There's. There's a more than 50% chance he gets clipped with a side mirror.

[B]

You know what, though? You bring those old gay dudes up, and I wonder if they feel the way that I feel about young dudes using zins. Where I go, Zins are for there to help you quit the cigarettes and like, the way old gay dudes are. Like, you're in your pride parade. I got fire hose.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and I like. You just wonder about that because, like, dude, young men using tobacco is not a new thing, but it's a disappointing thing that zins are just like, you need your. You need kiwi strawberry to be in there.

[A]

Like, they look at young gay guys.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They go prep. They go, brother, I was a bug chaser.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was 86. I was chasing that thing.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Yeah. Because I like cigarettes is what I like about cigarettes is it's an agreed slow suicide.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And you respect the other person doing.

[A]

You still smoke cigarettes?

[C]

No.

[B]

It's been 13 years, but I'm almost back. I'm gonna be back soon.

[A]

Yeah, I remember. I remember. I see. I've known you so long. That's the thing is what's happened now is like, you don't realize it, but, like, I've known you now for like 15 or 16 years. Like, we're going to get to the point now. We've known each other for like, our entire adult life. We've known each other.

[B]

Here's what'll you up. Yeah, we knew each other 16 years ago. Was 2012, bro.

[A]

That's wild.

[B]

16 years ago. Oh, no, it's 2010. We were already boys. Yeah, dude, we'd already done the March Madness. We were doing the March Madness comedy, all that stuff.

[A]

When did you start? What year did you start in New York? 04.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

No, no, no.

[B]

In New York, I moved here 07.07.

[A]

Okay. So I came in in like 09. 2010. I was telling Veto. This is like. You're right. What happened? You're going to tie your shoe in the middle of oncoming traffic.

[B]

Yeah, but come over here, dude.

[A]

Yeah, dude, please. What do you mean? Why can't you just walk over and tie your shoe?

[B]

No, I like, it's funny.

[A]

Block the camera.

[B]

Block the camera.

[A]

You're the guy.

[C]

You're.

[A]

Veto's the guy that's like, gets killed changing his tires.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

But. But so I was telling Vito is like, so. So. So I. When I started, I got on my guy code And Girl Code, like, pretty quick. And the guys in the game, I remember, like starting comedy, it was like you and Nate Bargazzi and Mark Norman and Sam Rawl and Sean Donnelly was running a show and I remember being like, oh, these are like the real comics. These are the guys. And then I got on Guy code or Girl Code and somebody. It wasn't you. So somebody said something like, you know, because I started to do well. And they were like, yeah, but that's not like real comedy. That's like a TV show, like, because, you know, it's specific about stand up. And then I did David Letterman's show. And I remember, for whatever, you were the first guy it aired and it was just maybe luck of the draw. You were watching it at that time, but you were the first guy that texted me like, hey, man, that was a really good set. You're a good comic. And I was like, dad likes me. It was because I was like, one of the cool guys likes me.

[B]

Late night sets used to be massive.

[A]

Massive.

[B]

You did a late night set. You were like, oh, people. And people watch that, dude.

[A]

I remember, like doing late night and it was just like, you've got like this pep in your step. I was like, I'm finally validated.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm finally validated as a stand up comedian.

[B]

I did Conan and Nate went with me. And Nate had done Conan like six times by then, so he was shorthand with everybody.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it felt like going to work with your friend, but the first day of work when your friend got you a job. Yeah, that's what it felt like. Where you're like, oh, yeah. And he's like, as the break room, that's Andy Richter. And you're like, andy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it was awesome. And then that night, I still remember it. Nate, it was. Nate lived in LA for like three months. He lived in this. He lived like where the new SOFI stadium is.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's like where he lived. And I remember.

[A]

Not a good area, right?

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Carson, California.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I remember we went to the liquor store. I bought a six pack of stuff, Stella, a flask of Jameson, and we watched Alabama Notre Dame, national championship.

[A]

And that was what, 2013?

[B]

January 7, 2013. That's like all our January 11.

[A]

I feel like that's all of our last late night sets. None of us have. I haven't done it in seriously since 2013 or 14.

[B]

I mean, I'm not like, bragging about this. I just said it. As a matter of fact, I told Fallon I'm not interested. Yeah, they were like, are you gonna do a Fallon? I'm like, he's cool. Horny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I only wanted to do the late night shows of the guys I like. You did Letterman? Letterman. Letterman was like the quintessential guy. I wanted to do Conan in New York.

[A]

Yeah, that would have been cool, but

[B]

I, I was late. I. I had to do it when he was with TBS in la. You have a good story about why

[A]

you haven't done Fallon.

[B]

Why would you go Fallon?

[A]

Oh, yeah, dude. So I didn't do Fallon because the booker, you know, is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like always at the comedy seller. And I could just. I just know he, like, doesn't like me. Yeah, he, he. I was at the Comedy Cellar once and he, you know, I. I don't know. I don't know if, like, the baby was little or whatever. I just was like in one of those moods where he came in. You know how he is. I forgot who. Do you remember who was going up? I forgot who he wanted to go up? I forgot. But, you know, he does that thing.

[B]

Bumps you.

[A]

He bumps you. He was like, hey, like, you know, he just came up to me in like a weird way where he was like, hey, you know this guy's going to go up. So I was like, yeah, dude, I

[B]

got to, I got to go.

[A]

I got to go.

[B]

You have a family.

[A]

I said, I forgot what I said. I was like, oh, I got a kid. Like, I'm only doing, like. I was very close. Like, dude, I'll. I'll do less time.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Like, I'll do 8 instead of 15 or whatever it is.

[B]

Also, it doesn't matter when he goes out.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's just so stupid. But he goes. Yeah, he goes, well, we, we have a schedule and he's got to go up now. And then just the way he said it.

[B]

Brooklyn, Chrissy.

[A]

The way he said it.

[B]

Brooklyn, you forgot. This is a history hyena motherfucker.

[A]

And I always know, I guess.

[B]

Crazy. That is crazy. Rever.

[A]

I know, dude. He's going, though. This isn't Bangladesh.

[B]

Hey, buddy, we're not in a New Delhi market.

[A]

Yeah, guys, this isn't Islamabad. You can't go the wrong way.

[B]

You're gonna get traffic, you're gonna get clipped in. The NYPD is gonna be on their side.

[A]

Yeah, so.

[B]

So, so Brooklyn Chrissy comes.

[A]

So Brooklyn Chrissy. And I said something to the effect. I don't remember the exact wordage, but I know that I started the statement with guy and If I start with Guy, then I'm at a. I'm at it.

[B]

Also, you and Giannis go into a different breathing pattern when you go into hyena mode.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, yeah, because I'm a fan of the show and so I know it.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

But when you guys get going, you do this breathing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's like this. And what it is, it's like, for me, it's the shit talking version of when boxers go. Yeah. Like, let out the, like, extra air.

[A]

I know. We don't even realize. We don't even realize we're doing it. But then, like, me and Giannis have, like, fully accepted that when we're doing Historian is. We are doing characters of ourselves. Yeah, that's just what the show is.

[B]

That's all.

[A]

But this is what it's become.

[B]

That's the beauty of it.

[A]

Yeah, it's just what it's become. Because sometimes people like, how come you don't sound like that on stage? When I do stand up, I'm like, because you got to think of that Chrissy and that Giannis as a character within. We're playing, we're doing a show.

[B]

You're also getting, like a special brand of that. It's like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know when they do like 12 year whiskey, you're going like, that's aged Chrissy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't get that on stage. You get fresh Chrissy on stage.

[A]

Yeah, it was.

[B]

Well, what did you say to him? You went, guy.

[A]

I was like, guy. And then some. I'm paraphrasing it, but I said something to the effect of nobody cares about this anymore and leave.

[D]

And.

[A]

And I'll go up and do my time. And like, I told him, because we're in the Village underground. And I said, I. I know I said this. I said, sitting at that table, you know that little back there? I said, sit in the. Sit at that table and shut the up. I'm going on.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

And then I went on and. Because I. I think Liz was the manager.

[B]

Well, Liz will make it, by the way. Liz is.

[A]

Liz will just take the comedian side.

[B]

Liz is. Liz is your backbone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Liz will make you feel 12ft tall.

[A]

So I said, liz, I'm sorry, I did X, Y and Z. She's like, I don't give a fuck.

[B]

Yeah, go on, go on.

[A]

She's like, I don't give a fuck. You're the comedian.

[B]

She's the best. Hasan Minaj tried bumping me to run his White House correspondence thing. And I watched Liz. I Watched Liz try to take my side and, like, fight for me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I watched her and I go. I had to go do another spot at another club. And I was like, I gotta. I can't fucking move it. Yeah, I gotta go. And she goes, take the money and go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, you rule, dude.

[A]

There was a. There was a picture. It was. It was that night, that billion dollar night.

[C]

I remember that.

[B]

I was blackout drunk that night.

[A]

So I. So. So I was supposed to be going on first. I'm supposed to be going on first. I forgot who I'm seeing.

[B]

You're talking about the night. It was like Seinfeld, Aziz, Amy Schumer,

[A]

Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock. They're all there, coming in one after another. And I was the next comic up every single time. But I kept getting bumped. And there's this picture of like, Chappelle, Aziz, Chris Rock of, like, billion dollar nights of comedy. And then if you look through like, Chappelle and Chris Rock's shoulders, you just see me staring at the wall, arms folded, because I just wanted to get on stage, dude.

[B]

The night that it was Kevin Hart, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Marlon Wayans, Bill Bellamy, I think that was like the black knight. Yeah, he had the black round table.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was black out in the hallway. I was blackout, but I was drunk and I was watching it. And you remember when you get into the cellar, there's like this moment where you start feeling yourself, where you go, I belong. So I was drunk and I was really feeling myself. And everyone was in the back and I was like at the door watching, and I popped out in the hallway and I go, this improv group stinks like that. No one laughed. And I was like, I'm too drunk. And I had to leave. See, I thought it was so funny.

[A]

Is that after that moment was that one of the times that you're on the way home, you're like

[D]

coming to you live from the bathroom on vacation. Because I want to talk to you about Lucy.

[A]

Yeah, Lucy.

[D]

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[A]

Yummy, yummy in my tummy.

[D]

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[A]

And if you don't want to wait,

[D]

check out their store locator to find out where you can pick up a near you.

[B]

There are a couple times. One of them was the Guy Code premiere of season four.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I did a spot at Stand Up New York and I was drinking Crown and Cokes. So that's like I. I just had for some reason. I was like, yo, I got. I've been drinking Crown Black lady. Yeah, dude, my nephew just graduated.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, you've seen that Josh Johnson.

[B]

He funny. But I was drinking. I was drinking a crown of Cokes and it was at this like t. It was at this ping pong place.

[A]

Oh, I spin.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was that. That's. It's Carol. That's where the old Carolines.

[B]

Yeah, but it wasn't the old Caroline here. Yes, that's exactly on 23rd Street.

[A]

You know who owns that? Susan Sarandon and Tim Robins and Tim Robinson. But. And I think somebody funny. Really funny because they got divorced. Somebody really funny banged Susan Sarandon. Like one of our comedian friends. I don't know who it is. I'm going to try to think of it. By the time this episode.

[B]

Susan is always big ass dudes, big

[A]

titties, but somebody really hilarious.

[C]

Bang.

[A]

Susan Saran.

[B]

Can I tell a funny Chris?

[A]

You're telling me that somebody had sex with an actress. Okay, me and Chris go to see

[B]

Oppenheimer and I'll bleep out the name

[A]

if I need to.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Having a sex scene in the middle

[B]

of the movie and Chris leans over

[A]

to me and just goes, pretty hot, right? And when, yeah, he goes, banged her.

[B]

There's like a list where you go, Jesus, Jesus Christ. Like you can blur this name out because I know I'll probably get in trouble, but hit list. It's incredible. Oh my God, Watch out for this truck.

[A]

Oh, yeah. This one actually will kill you.

[B]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

And if the driver. If the driver is an MS.13. So yeah, you get hit by.

[B]

You got them, you got them. Spider whale bellows. Yeah.

[A]

Wait, okay, so, yeah, so Crown Royales.

[B]

Oh, I'm drinking Crown Royal at Stand Up New York. Go to the Guy Code party. And then I started drinking Heineken's shots of Crown with Heineken backs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm doing. You're not supposed to shoot crown. Yeah, I want that purple bag, baby.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I was getting fucking drunk and then I noticed A couple people that we're friends with were like, yo, I went out, smoked a couple cigarettes, came back in. And I remember Schultz goes, you think you should go home like that? And that was one of those ones where I went, man, I got to quit drinking. Yeah, because you don't want the. You want the fun. Like, ah, you're fucked up. You don't want the. Like, bro, you should. Sure, you should be out right now.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I felt like.

[A]

Yeah. Because I remember you. Because all the guys, like, you know, Nate used to drink and. And all these guys.

[B]

Yeah, our drinking crew was me, Nate, Joe List, and Mark Norman.

[A]

And I remember you were one of the. You were like, the last one to One of those. Last ones to get sober where. Where guys are like, it's got to get Dan out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Somebody real. Because I remember. I remember you were always, like, such a fun drunk, but I remember people

[B]

were bummed when I quit.

[A]

Dude, I'll never forget this moment. Like, it was 2013. We were at the South Beach Comedy Festival in South Beach, Miami. They don't even do it anymore. Comedy Central South Beach Comedy Festival was me, you, Michael Che, and Brooks Whelan. And I remember. And Sean Donnelly. And I remember you. I saw you. It was like, you know, seven o' clock at night. We had a show in, like, an hour. And I've still to this day, never seen a human being sweating as much as you. And you had that long hair. I was fat. Yeah, and you were fat, and your face was like this. And you were just like, I don't think I could do the show, dude. I had dripping sweat. And I remember being like, oh, and then you went up there and you crushed. But then I remember, too, you always to get, like, sore throats. And. And because you were smoking cigarettes.

[B]

Yo.

[A]

Thank you. You too, brother. This good guy, he looked like a. Like, he. Like, he's a missionary.

[B]

Yeah. Like. Yeah. Like, he goes and gives shoes to people that have never had them before.

[A]

Just a nice kid.

[B]

Just a good dude.

[A]

Spreads the word of Jesus. Just a really nice guy.

[B]

That south beach festival, when I landed, I got. They put us at a very nice hotel in south beach, and I walked to the liquor store and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a big thing of pineapple juice, a bag of ice.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And a thing of solo cups. And comics were getting to the hotel from the airport and getting out and being like. And Comedy Central was greeting him, and I forget who it was, but I just come around the Corner. And they get out of the car, and they go, what the fuck, Sodor? And I just had all of it. And I was like, you want. I'm gonna go make a drink. You want one?

[A]

Yeah, you want one?

[B]

Dude, we have to.

[A]

We have to blurt blank this, too, because, you know, I wanted, like, disparage somebody's. I think she's, like, married with kids now. But I literally. It was like the after party or whatever was the end of the. One of the nights at the end of the castle. And I walk into a room that I thought was the bathroom, but it was like a utility closet. And on her knees, blowing.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

And then they both just looked at me. Like, she came off looking.

[B]

Oh, my. Like, the Shining. Like, with the guy in the dog,

[A]

like, you know where the bathroom is?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he was like, I don't. I was like, all right, I'll find it.

[B]

God.

[A]

Shut the door.

[B]

I remember getting key and peels.

[A]

Blank out the names. Leave the story, but blank the names.

[B]

Key and Peele was like, star. And I remember being like, what's your guys's show? I was just like, so why do

[A]

you guys do, like, sketches? That's not gonna work.

[B]

That's what. That's where you want to quit, where you go, man, I was sloppy.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Feel stupid.

[A]

But now you must feel like. I mean, like a new person. I mean, you've been sober now for

[B]

going on 14 years, so I was

[A]

gonna say you've been sober longer than you've been a drinker sober more of your life, right?

[B]

No, I drank. Oh, yeah, dude. Because I drank. It's about the same. I drank 27, 17 to 30.

[A]

So you might have a cigarette again, but you think you'll ever have a sip? Alcohol? No, I don't care. You're done. Like, it doesn't move you in any way, shape, or form anymore. You could be in Ireland and you don't care.

[B]

I went to New Orleans, Ireland. I've gone to some places that have been really hard not to drink it. I would probably say it would take great personal tragedy for me to come back to boozing.

[D]

Boozing.

[A]

Right. Right. Do you do anything? Do you do a little.

[B]

I get high still.

[A]

Oh, yeah. So that's good. And that's much healthier and better. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's why now it's like the Zinn thing is, like, with edibles, right where you go. No, smoke it, dude. Yeah, just smoke a joint.

[A]

Just smoke it. Have fun.

[B]

But, yeah, I don't know, man, because I feel like, younger generations, like, you know, your stepson and all that. They're gonna see kids taking, like, SSRIs and shit.

[A]

Yeah, that's what they want to do.

[B]

Yeah. The pharmaceuticals.

[A]

Yeah, dude. My son's going to be taking my cholesterol medicine. Like, is that Crestor? You get ripped off that.

[B]

But that's what it is. It's like, I don't know, man. We need to bring smoking back.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I think it is in some.

[B]

Starting to come back.

[A]

That old stuff is starting to come back. I feel we're at a point now where, you know, it's kind of all cyclical, where a little bit of the old world is coming back. Like, even my stepson's generation, he's not a. He plays on his video games a lot, but so do we, when we were kids. But he's not about social media. He doesn't care about it. Even his phone. He's not addicted to his phone. He's really not. They listen. You know, the kids don't go out and play in the park as much as we used to, but they're definitely better than kids 10 years ago, 100%.

[B]

They also. There's, like, a lot of young kids that want just phones that just only call and text.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

Which I love that shit.

[A]

Well, I think they saw, like, their parents get, like, fully destroyed by the

[B]

apps because it hurts your feelings when you're trying to talk to someone and they're looking at their phone.

[A]

Now, let me ask you this, because I've been doing. We've both been doing it long enough where we have, you know, the roller coasters, the ups and downs. Like, I've had some ups. I feel like now I'm kind of riding a down or like a. A maintenance phase. Like, nothing.

[B]

Those are important, though.

[A]

But. But I was gonna say I. You were the guy for so many years where, if anybody would, Everybody would always ask a question. You know, periodically a question would come up. Who's the best comic that hasn't made it big yet? And Dan Soder was always. Everybody always say, dan Soto. Dan Soto. But now you have, like. Now I feel like your career is as big as it's ever been. But do you feel that? Or do you feel like you're, you know, not doing as well as you could be?

[B]

I feel like it's different times. I also feel like what's interesting about specifically how old we are is we grew up with no Internet, and then it came into our lives when we were, like, 10 and 11, right? And then it slowly built until we were in college. We got high speed Internet.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Right. So I think that's why we were able to go between both worlds. I think almost exactly like a mirror of it. We came up when there was an industry. We came up when there was this Comedy Central, South Beach Comedy Festival. We came up when there was doing Letterman or Conan.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or Colbert. Like you would want to do those. I think what that is is we also exist in a world now where there is no industry. So there is no making it. There is. There isn't going to be a guy that sees you do a set at the Cellar and go, I want to make a TV show with you.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

There's no, like none of that 80s shit that used to happen. So I think what it is now, especially for young comics watching this, it's all diy. It's this, it's get a veto. It's get three cameras.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's come up with the concept of popping your trunk and hanging out with comics in the city.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's do a YouTube special. Do a, do a special where you own it, you clip it. You own everything.

[C]

Right.

[B]

No one controls it because then what it is is it's your money right now. When you make money, you're not beholden to a bar stool. You're not beholden to a Comedy Central. You're not beholden to like. And by the way, that also goes with individuals because, like, I've been lucky that I don't owe a bigger guy my career.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I hope my career is just my career.

[A]

Well, I was gonna say because the last I, I, I, you know, maybe two, three years, I mean, again, like, you're, you've blown up like, you know, and you have now the chops to be like, everybody go see a Dan Soto shows. Like, oh, that, that ruled. I love that. But you think that's the only important part because you put, but you put your hand, you put your career in the hands of your fans and stop caring about the. You don't care. You don't even go on auditions anymore. You don't care. The whole life is your podcast and your road.

[B]

That's it. Why would it be anything else? You know, like, I'm in. But it's also like, I do other stuff. Like I'm on this season, upcoming season attires. Because Shane, Shane was like, Shane and McKeever were like, hey, we think you'd be great for this role. Yeah, yeah, I'll come back and I'll do that. But I'm not like.

[A]

But you didn't audition for it. It's a friend.

[B]

But we used to be in the NBC casting pool. We used to go to these buildings in midtown and sit there, you know. You know, a windowless room and listen to our friends audition for the same part of the guy that can't get his life together. But now it's. It's like people are making their own. That's what back rooms is. That's what obsession is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like people make their own.

[A]

Do you have a desire to do that? Like, make your own movie or you, like, just.

[B]

I'm gonna make my own cartoon. I'm gonna make my own.

[A]

Like, with your own money.

[B]

I'll tour extra. Yeah, that's all it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, I'll just go tour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I like, I'll go two extra weeks on the road, and that's funding for.

[A]

For that.

[B]

For half an episode or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, depending on what it costs. But I do think it's like this era where we were listening.

[A]

Oh, great hair. Look at that. Look at that hair. Tits, which me and Giannis fut, baby. We always. You know, if you're a history hyenas fan, Giannis.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

And always. What gives you credit 100 of the time is always like, hair. Tits is the best name for. It's the best thing to ever call a bald guy who now is hair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got hair.

[B]

The transplant.

[A]

He always says that, dad. Transplant.

[B]

I think of an organ.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

But like, dude, you look.

[A]

I mean, that's incredible.

[B]

I do have the sunroof still, though.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, there it is. Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? Yeah, I have a little bit. But honestly, you know, I'll take my little Minoxidil and it comes back in if I do my spray. If I do this, the spray. And yeah, like, every night you're in.

[A]

You're 42, right?

[B]

Yeah. So I'm getting old.

[A]

If you. If you come out with, like, flowing hair, that looks weird. It's like, women, men expect to see the sun.

[B]

So on my Netflix special that's coming out, like, next year or whatever, I have a joke where I talk about hair tits, where I say the fucked up hairlines is what gets me where I go, why do you have a doll hairline?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you're a CEO. It's like, it goes circular. That's crazy.

[A]

But, yeah, your hairline looks like it was made by Mattel.

[B]

Yeah. But you just go like, Fuck it, dude. I don't know. I don't have kids.

[A]

Okay, but let me ask you this, because we just talked about YouTube and all that. Why did Netflix do. To continue convince you, like, hey, do it here. It's just money.

[B]

Netflix didn't do anything.

[A]

You made it and sold it to them.

[D]

I.

[B]

It's a licensing deal, and my agents were like, hey, you should go on Netflix. You've never had an hour on Netflix.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Do an hour on Netflix.

[A]

Yeah, Just. Yeah, smart.

[B]

Because I was gonna go YouTube.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because if you're a young comic, I'm telling you right now, the power of YouTube or the power of you owning it, go get really good and own it.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Then you'll make money.

[A]

Do you ever feel. Do you ever feel because of all that, like, now our careers in our own hands, that it feels like more exhausting because you're like, you have to be a CEO, a producer. How do you justify. Rationalize it in your head?

[B]

I think you have to be. I think you have to find someone you want to work with. Like, veto. You know what I mean? You have to find someone that you trust that gets what you're doing. And I think you just need to have a strong relationship like that. And I think that's less exhausting than dealing with, oh, so and so. So from this network is going to come watch you, and you have to like.

[A]

Yeah. And it's eight months before you get a deal signed.

[B]

How long have we known? I've known you since you were interning at Bennington. I know. I just know you're like, oh, it's veto. You know, Pimp. You know what I mean? You show up, you go, what's up, pimp? Yeah, it was this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like these guys where it's like, this isn't. This isn't a 23 year old girl that works at NBC.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That I have to be nice to because it's 10 years she's going to be casting sitcoms.

[A]

No, no, it's just like. And now I guess there is. And sometimes even for me, I have to just, like, get past it. But it's like, you know, like we're. Jazz has just discovered Reno911.

[B]

Oh, it's great.

[A]

I mean, one of the funniest shows, her and I, we have like a little thing every morning. You know, we'll wake up at like, whatever, 6, 37, and we always have about, like, 30 minutes before the first kid comes in and was like, mom, I want to watch vampirina. And then we'll have. So we kind of tried to say, like, let's watch an episode of Reno 911. And we were die laughing. We, like drink coffee and laugh. And just this morning, she was like, you can do this. Why don't you do this? And my initial reaction was I said to her, I was like, I was like, you know, they're not making stuff like that anymore. And she was like, but why don't you make it? And then I had this thing where I wanted to keep giving her reasons why I can't do it because I'm like the industry this and that. But the bottom line is she's right. It's right. Just make it.

[B]

And it also is like, you need someone outside the business that goes, well, you can just make that, you know, funny people. You can. And what it'll be is. Because everything's cyclical.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What it'll return is people will start making something like Obsession or Back Rooms where it makes a ton of money. And then these streamers, they're guessing, right? And they're never going to tell you that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Hulu, Netflix, Disney plus Paramount.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They're all guessing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they, when they get a hit, they go, see, we knew, but they didn't know. They're just throwing at the wall. What will happen is independent people will start making good stuff. Katie made this joke during COVID that I'll always give her credit for. She's like, we're gonna return to cable within 10 years. People are gonna go, we have a bundle of streaming services. And she's like, cable, cable. So I can just pay for cable.

[A]

Right. Which is.

[B]

And it's what it.

[A]

Even before 10 years, she was right. Because it's five, five years since the pandemic and I feel like we're there.

[B]

It's there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This will also be one of those things where people will start making good shit because you could buy the cameras, you could hire the people that know how to use them, that know how to edit. You'll make something great. And then networks will just start taking risks again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They'll start believing, because that's their problem. They stopped believing in the creators and started looking at the numbers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like with a creature creator, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, if they gave that one season, it would. It wouldn't have survived.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Seinfeld, one season wouldn't have survived.

[A]

No.

[B]

But you look at, they add Danny DeVito, season two of Always Sunny, it becomes a 20 year show.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Seinfeld they get. It's the greatest show of all. One of the greatest sitcoms of all time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like we're going to return to the point where streamers or whatever they are, cable networks start believing in us again.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or start letting us try.

[A]

Try. Yeah.

[B]

Letting us fail.

[A]

Well, I think, too, that's one thing that, like, I heard Gary Vee say something once where it was very simple, but he was like, you know, nobody knows what they're doing. No, everybody is. Because you. It might even think of when he said, you're guessing. Everybody's guessing. Nobody knows what they're doing. And it's funny, like how again, outside, we get so locked into this. But Jazz, like, very simply, this is just happened this morning. I was like, yeah, but I don't know how to make anything. And this. And she was like. So she goes, but, you know, you know, people that do. And I. And she mentioned Vito and my friend Steve, and I said, yeah. And she was like, but wouldn't it be better if you just learned how to do it with them and then even if it sucked, like, at least you know now how to do something, and a year from now, you're a little bit better.

[B]

Listen to your women's advice.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because that's for all men. When you find a good woman, she will give you advice. That is so fucking valuable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's what I doing with my animated show, which Fox.

[A]

You don't even. You don't know how to do that.

[B]

But now I'm learning. Now I'm learning. Now I'm working with Fox.

[A]

Passed.

[B]

Yeah. Well, they bought it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they passed on it going to a pilot, and I went, well, I'll make it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then, you know what's funny is you got people that we know, like Nate and Shane, that go like, well, do you want me to fund a pilot? And you go, no, no, let me learn how to make it. Because that's the important part.

[A]

That's the important.

[B]

I want to learn how to make six minute episodes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I could just make it, and then I'll just put it on my YouTube.

[A]

That's it. Yeah, I know.

[B]

And by the way, it's like, I got a character I need. I can call you and be like, yo, will you come and voice over a character?

[A]

It's a very 500 bucks. It's a very peer driven business now. Like Sugar.

[B]

That's all it is.

[A]

Sugar and I are very close. And, you know, he wrote a book during the pandemic And I was like, like, what did you do? Like, what books did you read? You know? And he goes, I just started writing. He was like, you know how to do this stuff? You just have never done it.

[B]

That's also why, like, if you just learn how to do stuff, you just know how to do it, and then it just exists.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where you go, like, it's like, anything in life don't know how to garden by birth.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They learn how to garden, and then they go, I know how to treat the soil. I know how to do all this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You got to do this part.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? And that's the same.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Creating again.

[A]

Jazz, she's just like. Women are just like. They just look at life differently, because where we're living now in the suburbs, we have this house. It has. Has property. And I just. I find myself getting very stressed out about. I'm like, I want to live here in the middle of everything. I only want to take care of our condo, our apartment, whatever. And she was like, how about this? She was like, why don't we revisit this in two years? Okay? When my, you know, stepson is 18, he'll be done with school. We can have a conversation about where we want our daughters to be raised. She's like, but over the next two years, why don't we just learn everything there is to learn about taking care of a big house and not. And taking care of her property, and then at least we have the experience. And then rather than just being like, I can't do it and quitting right now. And I'm like, you're like, right?

[B]

And that's what it is. Like, there's, like, so much stuff.

[C]

I'll.

[B]

I'll, like, ask my mom or whatever, like, stuff about homeowning where I'll be like, hey, what about this? Or whatever. She's like. And she'll know. And I'm like, how do you do that? She's like, I don't know. I. I've owned two homes. Like, I had a house in the suburbs. I took care of it. I had to deal with the piping.

[A]

I had to learn what a sump pump was because my basement floods, and now I know how to turn on my sump pump.

[B]

But I think, like, the. What it. All that all boils down to is that's just life. You just, like, learn how to do something, you fail at it, then you get good at it, and then you do it. And I think where, like, entertainment industry is Is it's just about us learning.

[A]

Same thing.

[B]

I.

[A]

You know, I don't know if you

[B]

can, because that's what podcasting is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We used to have to go to studios.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Remember that? You have to, like, hire a guy that was like, let me go in the other room with like, a. Like, you're recording a album.

[A]

Yeah. Now.

[B]

And now you go, yeah, just sitting

[A]

in the back of my trunk.

[C]

I know.

[A]

Yeah. And then, you know, I don't know if you want, like, you know, if you and Katie want kids or whatever, but, like, one thing I've been learning about parenting is because now I've been doing this for 11, 12 years, it's like my mom and dad had no idea what they were doing because there are so many times where my kids ask me questions, and the genuine answer is, I don't know. And I have no idea how to do this and how to deal with my daughters and. And I don't know. And. But, like, I never. You won't tell them that?

[B]

No.

[A]

You just be like, oh, I got it. Whatever. Like, that's all the kids want to see, is you're confident. Like, mom and dad got it. But now I realize, and I asked my mom, and she was like, most of your childhood, honey, I was a single mom. I had no clue what to do. She's like, that's why you would see polished off bottles of white zinfandel by the end of the week, because she was like, I was struggling. She was like, most parents look themselves in the mirror and be like, I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm failing as a father.

[B]

Well, also, it's like, yeah, they put you in charge of a cruise ship and you're not a sailor.

[A]

I'm not a sailor.

[B]

You go, I don't know what the to do. Anchor.

[A]

I. I don't. I can make this better with the practical jokers. Throw them on there. That's what I do with my kids. Hey, here's Sal, honey.

[B]

Sal's behind the wall telling me what to say. The birds in the bee conversation.

[A]

So what did you ever do?

[B]

You ever break.

[A]

Bring Katie on the road with you? You guys ever do that?

[B]

Yeah, sometimes. If it's, like, depends on the gig and, like, where it is. Like, Boston. She'll always come with me. Chicago. Because her brother lives there.

[A]

Yeah. And then it's kind of like you're on vacation with your wife, but you're getting paid for it.

[B]

It's fun. It's also fun for them. To see that it's not just around, like, they go and they're like, oh, you have to like, be at the venue early.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's like almost the best thing where you want to go, like, hey, come to work with me. So you don't think it's just us.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I used a tickle fight.

[A]

I used to be like, oh, I'm gonna stay in the hotel. Like, we had a show starting at 7. I'm gonna stay in the hotel till 6:30. Get there last possible minute. I don't do that anymore. Now I'm like, you got to treat this like an athlete treats a game.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, I'll get there like an hour and a half, two hours earlier. Jim Gaffingan told me that. He's like, you got to be in the venue.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Especially if you're doing a theater.

[B]

Oh, yeah, get there.

[A]

Comedy clubs may be a little different, but if you're doing a theater, like, be in the venue. And it's crazy how it's like, you do feel like you're warming up just by being there. I always have better shows when I. When I get there much earlier.

[B]

And you're absolutely right. When I started out, I remember these headliners being like, no, I'm not showing up and doing the show. And I'm like, well, why? It's easy. Just show up and do the show. But I was doing 15 minutes and they're like, well, I'm doing an hour. I got to go be there an hour.

[A]

At the end of the show, you know what I've been doing. Dude, I don't know if you're into this or not, but I did it two weeks ago in Philadelphia, and it was fantastic. I did my shows Friday, 7 and whatever, 9:30 or 10. My show Saturday, I did at 4 and 6:30. Unbelievable feeling to be walking out. I walked into the streets of Philadelphia at 8:20 and I went and had an 8:40 dinner reservation. And I'd done four shows. I'd done my job. The crowd loved it. Because our crowd's a little older. I'm sure it's similar to you. You get a lot of moms and dads coming to see you as well. I got nothing but positive responses being like, this was the best. The 4 o' clock crowd, they had brunch, then they came to the show. They felt like they had a full day. They went to back to their kids early, the 6:30 show, had dinner after. And we're like, dude, we got home at by 11 o'. Clock. It wasn't a 3 o' clock in the morning night. I'm telling you. 4 and 6:30. If you want to try it, take my advice, you'll love it.

[B]

It's so funny, the difference in our friendship of how long it's came from us like staying out late and going to beer gardens and drinking and to being like, that sounds incredible.

[A]

Yeah, dude. I remember you and I first started to get close because I was a physical. Physical therapist. And I remember you always just like, dude, do I have throat cancer?

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Or can you take a look at my dick? Hey, I'm a physical therapist. You're like, dudes, I don't have health insurance.

[B]

So I was going to Bellevue for the free one.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, here we go. And here's Jasmine.

[B]

She's like, she comes in.

[A]

This is what I wake up to every morning.

[B]

I love it, dude.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

This is what plays in her head constantly.

[A]

Yeah, she's like, dude, we went to. We went to a wedding in Ireland.

[B]

This guy will kill you.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

You don't even kill b. Tesla truck, dude. Cyber truck.

[A]

We went to a wedding in Ireland. And it's so funny because the guys there are like, you know, like pretty. Like, you know, like it's weird. Like some of them are kind of like flamboyant. You got definitely got like Irish guys. But then people, guys in Ireland, they're like dressed pretty nice and like are pale white. And this guy kept dancing with Jazz and like getting very close, right? To get to the point where I'm not like that. To be like, bro, like, relax, chill. You know, Jazz was like. Jazz pulled her over here and she was like, what? She was like, I thought he was gay. I thought all these guys were gay. I'm like, no, none of them are gay. They were actively trying to have sex with you. And she was just like, honestly, Chris, I'm going to be fully honest with you. I thought this. I thought everybody at this wedding was gay.

[B]

That's so funny.

[A]

Cuz they're like, you know, just a

[B]

New York Puerto Rican being like, I don't think so. You mind if I take your hand and dance?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The way your hips move are just really tantal.

[A]

She's like, you like boys?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, you wanted them. You okay? That's so funny.

[A]

It was just rock hard, dude. I was at a wedding that. I mean, dude, it was five million dollar wedding, maybe ten. It was insane. And it's just funny because it's like we just Got married, and we had a nice wedding. I. I paid for the whole thing. So I did what I could, but. But, you know, Jazz is like, we're in a castle in Ireland, and she's like, you know what?

[D]

I'm thinking?

[A]

Maybe we should get married again. When Tristan, my stepson, is 18, she's like, maybe in, like, three years, we have, like, another wedding, like, in Europe.

[B]

We run it back.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, jaz, do you know, like, you literally, like, this wedding I couldn't afford. They had a dude. They flew the. One of the girls from Belfast, her favorite bar in Belfast. They took one of the rooms, and they made it look identical to the bar in Belfast that's her favorite bar, and flew out the house band and staff.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I was like, yeah, dude. I couldn't even afford the wedding in the actual bar in Belfast.

[B]

Flying out, the staff is like, what are you doing? But that rules if you work on that staff.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You're like, it. Let's go to a wedding in Limerick.

[A]

Are you guys. Where's your. Have you picked a wedding venue? I know you said courthouse, but are you thinking. Would you do it in. In New York?

[B]

I think so. I think what we. I don't know, man. I honestly have no idea. You did. Yeah. There's, you know, shout Out, Prince George Born. It really is just the thing where we're like. We just have to sit down and decide it.

[A]

That's. For me and Jazz, it took the same thing. It's just, like.

[B]

Takes years.

[A]

Takes years. Because you're just, like, you know, is. And then you realize, like, you realize, like, not that being married isn't a priority. It is. But you're, like, happy with each other's company. Like, you already are married.

[B]

Yeah. You know, and we've been together for seven years. Yeah.

[A]

Come on, dude.

[B]

Yeah, We've lived together. We've lived together six years, but been together seven.

[A]

Yeah. People do that thing where it's like. It's common law marriage. It's like. And then you have to tell people that doesn't exist in the state of New York.

[B]

It doesn't.

[A]

No.

[B]

Because if it would have, I would have been in a gay common law marriage with Mike, Becky, Own.

[A]

And the only reason I know that is because there was a couple of times where me and Jazz weren't married, and Jazz, like, I can't handle you anymore. And I had to call my lawyer and be like, hey, how much would she get marriage? And, like, there is no common law marriage.

[B]

That's so funny. The guy's like, no, you're good. You're clear.

[A]

You're a good dude. You're good. Yeah, I think it's a great thing, I will say, being married. You know what's an interesting thing about being married? And because I feel now. I used to feel, like, this sense of guilt in a weird way before we married, where I would, like, see a pretty girl and she's pretty, and then I'd be like, don't look at her. You can't get it out of your head. Get out of your head. Like, you know, whatever. But now it's like, I'll see you, pretty girl. And because I'm off the market, I'll kind of acknowledge that. It's almost like, acknowledge she's beautiful. Like, I can acknowledge that car is really nice, but know that I don't want that. I'm happy with what I have.

[B]

Yeah. I think that's what it always comes down. Also, if you're a younger guy and you're like, I'll never be able to settle down or whatever, it's like, eventually you get old enough and you meet someone that is so right for you that your thought is like, oh, yeah, I could. That lady. But then I would come and immediately be like, where's my lady?

[A]

Yeah, where's my.

[B]

Yeah, I want to hang out with my lady. Yeah, I don't want to talk to this dumb that I just met. You know what I mean? You know, I want my lady.

[A]

Yeah. And then it is one of those things where it's like, I don't care. Like, how. Whatever it. Whatever your reasons are, whatever. It's like, every guy that's just like, I don't want to get married. I don't want to settle down. Winds up being in their mid-50s with a receding hairline and a ponytail.

[B]

Get some hair. Tits, though. Clean that up.

[A]

Clean it up.

[B]

Top of the ironing. Top of the m. Yeah, dude.

[A]

Yeah. So what, are you on the road this weekend?

[B]

I mean, in Montreal, I'm doing jfl. Doing two shows at jfl.

[A]

I didn't even know they were having jfl.

[B]

What's up, dude? How you doing, man?

[A]

Hey, what's up, man?

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Yeah, this is podcast. Just recording it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. What's your dog's name? Hell, yeah.

[A]

Oh, Crypto. It's a great name.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, really beautiful, though. Nobody's breaking into your house with a dog like that.

[B]

No, it's security system them. And if they sometimes get up that high and running into that.

[A]

That would suck like a.

[B]

You cr.

[A]

But I heard that Doberman pinchers. Because I got. I wound up getting a husky, but my family won a Doberman. They're great with families, right? But they're also protect. Yeah. Sweet boy. Yeah. Good kid. Great balls.

[B]

Yeah. It was so funny. Is. My dog is such a fat snack.

[A]

Here we go. Hi, sweetie. How old is he? Six. Nice.

[B]

So crypto.

[A]

Crypto. And they don't shed. They're like, a little bit. Dude, it's beautiful dog. I know. I. There's a part of me that wants to get a second dog, but I heard two dogs. You ever have two dogs at the same time? Is that hard to deal with two dogs at the same time? Do they get along, though?

[B]

Yeah. She's like, I don't. With him.

[A]

Are you on call? Are you waiting on a call? Okay. Okay. Can't get a second dog.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I know, I know. Because I really wanted a Doberman because I kind of.

[C]

Come see me and come live with me are two different things. He's more of a. Come see me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Come and live with him is. It's a lot.

[A]

It's a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why are they hyper?

[C]

Very hyper. They're very, very hyper. They're loyal. They're a little bit clingy.

[A]

Interesting.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Sleeps in the bed with you and everything. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Is that one of those things where you take a shower, you open the door and he's outside the bathroom just like that? That's my dog.

[C]

My dog.

[B]

We opened the door and she's like, I didn't know where you went.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's like, I swear to God, I thought you died.

[C]

Yeah. He swears that I die. Go to the bathroom.

[B]

But how great is that reaction when you come home?

[C]

Oh, it's crazy.

[B]

And they're like, where the fuck were you? Yeah. When I go on the road and I come back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'll be gone for, like, five days. I'll come back and she'll be like, I thought you were fucking dead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there's no leaving my side.

[A]

What's the. Is that a Jewish star? Are you Jewish? Wow. You're only the second black guy I've ever met who's Jewish. You. And you know who the other one is? Amari Stoudemire. Oh, Drake. Well, yeah. Former Nick.

[B]

Amari Stoudemire.

[A]

You and Amari Stoudemire. Wow. No, no. We are circumcised, though.

[B]

Shout out.

[A]

Shout Out. No foreskin Crew got the bris.

[B]

No kiss.

[A]

Have you. Were you. Were you born into Judaism or you converted later in life? Your dad is born Judaism. Oh, there you go.

[C]

Great. I just think the book of Islam and I collected all the.

[B]

Yeah, dude, you got them all. You got all. You'd be like Thanos with all the religions.

[A]

Seriously. And. And dad being Jewish, mom being Christian. Normally you go with the religion of the mom.

[C]

True.

[A]

But you pick the religion of the dad.

[C]

Smart. On the mom's side. On the mom's side. It's really supposed to be with the

[A]

dad's side, but see, but that's because fathers, we're doing. I'm a father. Fathers, we're not as bad as we used to be. Fathers are starting to really step up,

[B]

and we can't leave anymore because there's social media.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You cannot.

[B]

Yeah, my dad dipped 88. There's no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's no Facebook.

[A]

Yeah. They could just run away. So now we're present dads. That's a big thing you got. You got kids actually choosing the religion of their fathers. I. I respect that.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

That's fire.

[B]

Yeah. Hell, yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Dude.

[C]

So good.

[A]

Good on your dad.

[C]

He gets a little nervous when I leave. Okay.

[B]

He's like, don't you fucking leave me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't be raised by a.

[A]

Were you born and raised in New York?

[C]

Yeah, I was born and raised in Queens.

[A]

Oh, me too. What part?

[C]

Hollis, Queens.

[A]

Oh, I'm Ridgewood. I went to Archbishop Malloy High School, though, which is not far from Holland. Okay.

[C]

And Francis.

[A]

Oh, there it is.

[C]

And I got kicked out. That's why.

[B]

Hence the two high school.

[A]

Why'd you get kicked out?

[C]

I got head on a camping trip.

[A]

Yeah. Really?

[B]

What a cool way to get kicked out of high school. I told the teacher to off.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

I didn't want her to know I was into it.

[B]

Yeah, that's so.

[A]

He's like, I got. I got head behind temple.

[B]

Yeah, dude, that's crazy. He goes, I had to prove I was Jewish.

[A]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[B]

She didn't believe me.

[A]

She didn't believe me.

[B]

You go, mom, I was just showing my. It's religious expression.

[A]

Yeah. Shalom.

[B]

What a cool way to go. Like, I got kicked out of school for. What are you, like, getting, like.

[A]

Yeah, get it. Yeah, yeah. Now that's where. That's what we'll name the episode. Getting head on a camping trip.

[B]

And I didn't even get it.

[A]

Yeah, Terrible.

[C]

Way to go out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Your girlfriend's still on hold. Still doing something else. I like that. That's. That's the newer generation. It's just like, you're always kind of connected but not really talking.

[C]

Right.

[A]

You notice that? Yeah, it's always.

[C]

It's always verbal.

[A]

Yeah. Is it on? Is it FaceTime? No, no, no. Oh, audio. Audio only. All right.

[B]

That's the difference way young kids only do FaceTime.

[A]

Only do FaceTime.

[B]

It's like, you watch kids walk around here, and you'll just see someone on their phone. Like a face on their phone. You know, the funny shit is, I saw a dude on it, like, came up in my feed. But, you know, like, people are out here on speakerphone, this dude's hanging up on their calls. Oh, my God, he's, like, popping over their shoulder.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And you know what I like about it? He does he bark at other dogs? Will he go after a little dog? A little dog?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But it's more of a. Like, if it's a boy, he's not circumcised or whatever, you know, he'll get him.

[A]

Dude, the 77th floor is wild.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you like living up that high? I do.

[C]

Honestly, I do. Before I did it because I'm like, damn, I can't see. Right. But after a while, like, you know, some days you feel like Batman. Yeah.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

What's the longest you've ever. It's ever taken you to get down to the lobby?

[B]

Yeah, it's got to be a nightmare.

[C]

Six to seven minutes most.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

That's a long time in elevator.

[A]

Your Uber leaves. Yeah.

[C]

Also catching Uber is horrible. Yeah.

[A]

You got to. You have to physically call outside. Yeah. You got to get to the lobby and then make the call. Yeah.

[B]

Yo, when you get fed up. When they're. When they're. When. When the elevator keeps stopping.

[A]

Yeah. Come on.

[B]

When the elevator keeps.

[A]

Are you. Are you Muslim? No. Okay.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

It would be good because I would have said then we have there all the religions. We got a Jewish guy. We've got Catholics. But you have the beard.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah. That is the new look. Everybody. Everybody's new look, no matter what religion they are, is going a little. They're going a little. Going old school Isis.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Old school Isis. Yeah.

[A]

Maybe that's the name of the episode.

[B]

And you got some fox boots on.

[A]

Yeah. Come on, get in here. If you want to take a pic.

[B]

I was like. You got. I was like, yo, come on, get in here.

[A]

Get in here. Get in the middle. He won't buy.

[B]

Right, Crypto?

[A]

Yeah. Beautiful dog, right? Come on. Get in the middle. In the middle or I'll do it. I'll do it. Come on. I mean. Or. Get in here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Look at us. Get. Get your head in. There we go. All right, brother.

[B]

Good to meet you.

[A]

Good boy.

[B]

Crypto. Good job.

[A]

Good job, Crypto. Thanks for not killing him. He's going. Are you circumcised? You're not. Then that's even better because Crypto, he. He attacks people who aren't circumcised.

[B]

I like that extra skin. It makes him uncomfortable.

[A]

To be thankful you still have your foreskin, buddy.

[B]

He wants everything out in the open.

[C]

You guys have great crema. How long have you guys known each other?

[A]

Me and Dan, we were just talking about this. 20 years.

[C]

20 years.

[A]

Close to 20 years.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Well, how old are you?

[C]

33.

[A]

Interesting. You should know people. Yeah, well, let me. Let me think about that, though. Do I know anybody besides a family member from the time I was 13?

[B]

I got a friend.

[A]

Do you have a friend who's who?

[B]

You know Mike McDaniel?

[A]

Oh, yeah, the ex coach of the Dolphins. Yeah. Where's he the coach of now? The coach of the Dolphins?

[B]

No, he's a offense coordinator of the Chargers.

[A]

Of the Chargers, Right.

[B]

Both up, baby.

[A]

How does that work? Because I know he's got a family. Do they stay in Miami? Do they go to San Diego?

[B]

They live in Manhattan beach now.

[A]

So he's got to move his kids schools. Like that's just the reality of a pro sports coach or player, right?

[B]

Yeah, it sucks. It sucks. I was watching the Dolphins like I cared about.

[A]

Well, now you'll watch the Chargers, right?

[B]

Yeah, now I watch the Chargers. We got Justin Herbert, baby.

[A]

Now what would you have done if that was in the Niners? Div, I know Chargers aren't in the Niners division, but what would you Chargers play?

[B]

The Niners.

[A]

But if he would have been the coordinator of the Seahawks, which is like

[B]

a division rival, I would not rock any of his gear. But I'd hope he do did well.

[A]

And you would root for the Seahawks every game unless they're playing the Niners.

[B]

No, I would hope. I would wish him good luck.

[A]

You would wish. You would hope that the offense is amazing, but the Seahawks are owing to 16.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, but he didn't go to the Seahawks, so we don't even do this. So what's funny is, you know, grew up in Denver.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of my Friends I grew up with are Broncos fans, and some of them are bummed because now he's on the Chargers. Oh, so now they're gonna take the flesh out of the Broncos.

[A]

Got it. Yeah. Well, what are you gonna do? Hey, life happens.

[B]

That's life, buddy.

[A]

That's it. Crypto's a good kid.

[B]

He's a good kid. Up on the 76. Seventh floor.

[A]

That's crazy. The 77. If you ever find yourself trying to rob an apartment on the 77 77th floor, you better hope that you don't walk into Crypto's apartment.

[B]

Big crypt, dude.

[A]

Okay. Dude,

[B]

that's. Wow.

[A]

Holy smokes nuts. One Betty, two Betty, three Betty. What do we got?

[C]

One bed?

[A]

Yeah, one bed and a three bed. What do you mean? You. You have two of them. You own two apartments up there, and then you rent it to someone.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

Smart. That's what it is.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

That is.

[B]

Man, that's Jewish and Queens coming together.

[A]

What do you do for work? Nice, dude. Yeah, of course. Well, with Crypto.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

In the background, and then I also run a few companies.

[A]

Nice. Yeah, I like that. Good.

[B]

Good for you, dude.

[A]

Good.

[C]

All right.

[A]

How long have we been. Been going. Oh, I told you, 40. We went 55. Sorry about that, bro.

[B]

Yeah, it just pops up and gets comics.

[A]

Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, that's what it is. This is called. This one's called Chrissy Chaos coming to you live from the Chaos bus getting banged with podcasts. Yeah. C H A O S. I mean, Chris. Chris D. Comedy rules, but Chrissy Chaos is the podcast.

[B]

Damian Priest did it.

[A]

Damian Priest did it.

[D]

Dude.

[A]

You big wrestling guy. What'd you think?

[B]

He's awesome.

[A]

Outside Yankee Stadium.

[B]

Oh, yeah. He's from the Bronx, right?

[A]

Yeah. Follow me, follow me. Yeah, he's from the Bronx. Great guy. Lives in Florida now.

[B]

He's awesome.

[A]

We had a great episode. And then he had one of, like, you know, wrestling fans are kind of weird. You had some guy that was, like, definitely autistic, just being like. Yeah, for, like, 20 minutes in the

[B]

background when you were the head of Judgment Day.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Really?

[A]

There it is. Jews, baby. We stick together.

[C]

Troy follows you.

[A]

Okay. Troy Bond. Troy Bond.

[C]

He's a cow. He's a racially ambiguous guy.

[A]

Oh, nems.

[C]

Nems.

[A]

Bing bong, Bing bong.

[C]

New Yorkers.

[A]

Casey Neistat.

[C]

Casey. Glen Tapia. That's my boy. There it is.

[A]

Kareem. Subway takes.

[C]

Kareem's great. Roger. This guy got invited to the White House Dressing the cloud three times. Oh, there you go.

[A]

Oh, Alex Hormozi follows me. That's pretty good. I just.

[C]

With him.

[B]

That's so funny.

[A]

I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Drake follows me. Oh, yeah, there you go. The other. Yeah.

[B]

Wait, wait, is that recent?

[A]

No, that was, like, years ago. He followed me.

[B]

That's like, one of those ones that paid off where you're like, whoa, yeah. Hell, yeah, dude.

[A]

I want to get into judo. This guy's nice. David Fung.

[C]

No, David Fung is a.

[B]

That's so funny. Leaning in, thinking he was the judo instructor who. David Fungus. And you go, no. His name's Mark Borowitz.

[A]

There it is. Little mozzarella. Oh, did I see little Mo. I'm sorry. Oh, yeah, there it goes. Little Mo.

[C]

New Yorkers live.

[A]

There it is.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

We did it, bro.

[C]

This guy.

[B]

You're gonna get into judo, dude.

[A]

This was meant to be. Actually, you know what? I'm going.

[B]

Jill, you're going to. And you're gonna start.

[A]

David. Yeah.

[B]

And you're Moving into the 77th floor.

[A]

77th floor. Floor. What's the highest floor? 100. Dude. If I could get my car up there, I'm doing it. The only rule that Vito has for this podcast is it has to be remain in the trunk at all times. Like, we saw some drama happening a couple of weeks ago, like, up on the corner. I was like, we should go film in front of that Veto's, like, we don't leave the trunk.

[B]

That's real.

[A]

The studio is the trunk.

[B]

It's like. It's like the floor is lava.

[A]

Yeah. You can't leave. So, like, because it was like. Then it's like everybody else's. If you're just going to go.

[B]

You know how Stern would build his

[A]

studio with the fishbowl?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When he gets to that level, we're just going to build the trunk. Yeah.

[B]

I love that. That it.

[A]

It will be better watch out for

[B]

this guy that's going to kill your ass.

[A]

All right, Dan Soda. Where can people see you?

[B]

Dan.com see him on the road all through the end of the year.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Get that translated.

[A]

That's what it is. That was dez bishop.