Mark Normand on Fatherhood, Comedy Burnout & Why the Suburbs SUCK | Chris Distefano is Chrissy Chaos

Summary

Podcast Summary: Chrissy Chaos – Mark Normand on Fatherhood, Comedy Burnout & Why the Suburbs SUCK

Podcast: Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos
Episode: Mark Normand on Fatherhood, Comedy Burnout & Why the Suburbs SUCK
Date: May 20, 2026
Host: Chris Distefano
Guest: Mark Normand

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Overview

In this episode, Chris Distefano hosts fellow comedian Mark Normand for a lively, fast-paced chat in the “Chaos Bus,” parked in downtown Brooklyn. The two riff on everything from the realities of suburban life versus the city, the ups and downs of parenting as comics, existential burnout in the comedy hustle, and the ever-changing landscape of standup in the internet age. The tone is deeply irreverent, raw, and filled with the biting, affectionate friendship the two comics share.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fatherhood and Changing Priorities (03:00, 14:20, 24:42)

• Mark’s Family Update: Mark shares that he’s got a 15-month-old son and he and his wife are working on having a second child. (“I got a baby. And we're working on number two. I'm dropping loads in her, like Israel.” – Mark, 01:33)
• Fatherhood’s Impact: Both discuss how becoming dads has shifted their ambitions and motivations.
  • “Now I'm like tunnel vision... I need to put out a special, do more dates, make more money—for the kid. It's all for the kid now.” – Mark (14:34)
  • Chris notes how even his kids react differently to the suburbs; one loves it, one is bored out of their face (06:43).
• Parental Anxiety: Mark humorously laments the idea of his future kid hearing his stand-up: “I'm a little worried...like Louie's kids, you know, 'I'll throw you in a dumpster, I'll jerk off on your face...' our kid, your kid’s gonna be on OnlyFans in a week.” (14:59)
• Balance with Comedy Life: Chris and Mark share the struggle between career ambition and wanting to be present fathers. (44:39)

2. Comedy Burnout & the New Career Landscape (17:10, 18:16, 43:10, 44:18)

• Hustle Fatigue: Both express burnout from the relentless output modern comedy now demands (social media clips, podcasting, touring, selling merch, etc).
  • “I'm sick of all the work, but also I'm scared to not do it. Right.” – Mark (18:45)
  • “We live in this constant state of fear and anxiety.” – Chris (18:45)
• Comparing Peers & Self-Acceptance: The pressure from seeing peers’ massive success on social media can drive insecurity:
  • “It’s hard not to compare with these damn algorithms.” – Chris (43:39)
  • “Comparing, you will despair. They say. That's an AA one.” – Mark (43:39)
  • “I got into this to not have a day job and tell jokes. That’s what we’re doing.” – Mark (43:54)
  • Both agree that accepting one’s current reality, even if it doesn’t match previous dreams, is crucial for sanity. (44:18)
• Roasting & Joke Writing: Discussion of the Kevin Hart roast and how having the right writers/voice can make (or break) a roast performance (05:59–12:03).
  • Shoutouts to Zak Amico: “He is the king. Zak Amico deserves all the credit.” – Mark (05:59)

3. Suburb vs. City Life (06:34, 21:26, 41:45)

• Chris’s Suburb Regret: Chris laments moving to the suburbs: “Big mistake...my kids are...they love energy. They like being around people...I fell for that American dream white picket fence thing.” (06:34–07:09)
• Mark’s Brooklyn Advantages: Mark praises the Brooklyn lifestyle for a comic — quick access to gigs, city energy, and enough backyard for family life, “I feel like I got a cheat code...I get to Manhattan in 18 minutes...then I come back and I got a backyard.” (22:07)
• Small-Town Drama: Chris notes that drama in small towns can be even more potent and personal: “That drama is even more under the microscope...if I say something crazy on a podcast, my daughter hears about it.” (29:08)
• Diversity and Community: Both riff on the cultural mix in NYC: “We had the beautiful house, we had the Jews. Because you want your kids around the Jews. They just know what the hell they're doing and they're safe.” – Chris (47:01)

4. Comedy Friendships & Longevity (15:35, 16:05, 31:02, 60:43)

• Shared History: The pair reflect on their decade-plus relationships with each other and fellow comics and how the podcast boom has provided both connection and professional opportunity. (15:35–16:32)
• “Old Guys” Now: “You snap your fingers, and...one day you pop your head up and you’re like, oh, I gotta take a breath. Holy shit. Fifteen years went by.” – Mark (16:16)
• Grounded Relationships: Mark attributes his stability in comedy friendships to simple boundaries: “Just don’t bang anybody’s wife, don’t call their mom a whore. I think you’re good, then.” (61:10)
• Never Cancel: Mark’s ethic—“If I commit, I gotta do it. I don’t want to let you down. I said I would do it, so I gotta do it.” (62:05)

5. Comedy in the Social Media Era (18:16, 32:27, 43:10)

• The grind now includes crowd work clips, editing for TikTok, Patreon episodes, “selling booze,” and constantly staying relevant.
• Mark remains connected to up-and-comers: “The cement is dry. You are who you are,” he jokes, about always being “a rat running around doing comedy.” (32:49)

6. Health, Fitness, and Diet as a Comedian Dad (33:09–44:08)

• Mark’s Simple, Bodyweight Routine: He details daily squats (80), push-ups, pull-ups (did up to 35 in a row during pandemic), dips, and walks 10–14k steps a day.
  • “All you need is your own body weight...if you don’t work those legs, you’re gonna die at 64.” (34:25)
  • “I can do the diamond...Dustin Diamond.” – Mark, joking about pushup variations (35:05)
• No Fear of Drugs: Mark exposes his casualness: “I’d take drugs from anybody. Fans give me drugs, I take everything—mushrooms...” (41:07)

7. Therapy, Assertiveness, and Mental Health (49:19–56:33)

• Comedy Community Therapist: Both comics reflect on a shared therapist who saw many NYC comics and gave no-BS advice.
  • “He goes, ‘When are you gonna stop being a fucking pussy?’” – Chris, on being told to “man up” in therapy (55:56)
• On Negative Self-Talk: “You got too much negative self-talk. I just been beaten down by the damn system.” – Chris (49:56)
• Mental “Evil”: Mark: “My brain is evil...beats any Reddit thread. It’s all evil up there.” (50:03)

8. Notable Tangents & Social Observations

• Aliens, Conspiracies & Religion: Chris shares a “Jimmy Carter alien” conspiracy and theory that religion was invented by extraterrestrials for social experimentation (03:13–04:44).
• Brooklyn Encounters: A couple of run-ins with local characters crack up the group, highlighting the unpredictable energy of recording in the wild (08:17, 08:56).
  • “Brooklyn’s changed, man. Lot of gay white guys.” – Chris (06:17)
• Roasting and Cancel Culture: Roasts are becoming “too tense, too mean,” less fun than they used to be (05:28).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Suburban Regret:
“What I thought was a smart move to move to the suburbs...you realize that drama is even more under the microscope because...if I say something crazy on a podcast...my daughter hears about it.” — Chris (29:05)

On Comedy Burnout:
“I'm sick of all the work, but also I'm scared to not do it right. So it's this weird thing where, like, I'm sick of all the work, but also I'm scared to not do it right.” — Mark (18:45)

On Peers' Success and Acceptance:
“You know, all these dreams you had when you were 25, that's not your brain anymore. That's not your chemistry anymore...That's not who you are anymore.” — Chris (44:39)

On Setting Boundaries:
“Just don’t bang anybody’s wife, you know? Don’t call their mom a whore. I think you’re good, then.” — Mark (61:10)

On Therapy:
“He goes, ‘When are you gonna stop being a fucking pussy?’ ... Right in the moment, you're right. But then as it settled down, I was like, he was mean to me. I'm not going again. Even though now, years later, I'm like, he was right.” — Chris (55:56)

On Staying Fit as a Comic Dad:
“All you need. The legs are everything. This is your whole life. It's judged by your legs. If you don't work those legs, you're gonna die at 64.” — Mark (34:25)

On New York Insularity:
“I lived my whole life in New York City, but...I barely knew anything about Manhattan. I almost never been onto the island of Manhattan...I didn't meet my first Jewish person until I was 24.” — Chris (46:36–46:45)

Advice on the Comedy Grind:
“If I commit, I gotta do it. I don’t want to let you down. I said I would do it, so I gotta do it.” — Mark (62:05)

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Highlighted Segments (Timestamps)

• 01:33 – Mark details working on a second child, jokes about dropping loads.
• 06:34-07:09 – Chris expresses regret about moving to the suburbs.
• 14:34 – Mark on how material and motivation shift after becoming a father.
• 17:10–18:16 – The realities of comedy burnout and constant hustle.
• 21:26 – Chris warns Mark: don’t let anyone “convince you to move to the suburbs because it's not the kind of guys we are.”
• 43:09–44:39 – Social media comparisons, accepting one’s place in the comedy ecosystem.
• 49:19–56:33 – Comedy therapy stories, negative self-talk, and how their therapist gave tough love.
• 60:43-61:14 – Mark’s simple rules for keeping comedy friendships intact.

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Final Thoughts

The episode is a raw, funny, and surprisingly heartfelt meditation on aging, comedy, family, and friendship — suffused with the duo’s trademark roast energy and self-deprecating humor. If you want unfiltered opinions on the grind of modern standup, wisdom on balancing work and life, or just want to laugh at two dads complaining about the suburbs, this is essential listening.

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For more:

• Mark Normand’s Netflix special “Soup to Nuts,” and podcasts “Tuesdays with Stories” and “We Might Be Drunk.”
• Chris Distefano: chrisdcomedy.com for tour dates.

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(This summary omits non-content sections such as ads, intros, and outros.)

Transcript

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[Chris D'Elia]

All right, what's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Chrissy Chaos. Live from the Chaos Bus. Mark Norman. Today getting banged with podcasts.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, what is this, your 13th pod? You got a new idea every week.

[Chris D'Elia]

New idea every week. And that's why the numbers aren't really going up the way we hoped. Well, gotta get some consistency.

[Mark Normand]

I've been to every one of your homes. Staten Island, Forest Hills. I feel like you're living in this van now.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, I kind of am.

[Mark Normand]

You're like a migrant.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I am like a migrant devil. My family sure is. Mark Normand, everybody. I haven't seen you in a while, babe.

[Mark Normand]

Good to see you, fatty. We're back in Brooklyn now.

[Chris D'Elia]

You got a baby?

[Mark Normand]

I got a baby. And we're working on number two. I'm dropping loads in her, like Israel.

[Chris D'Elia]

When's the last time you dropped one in there?

[Mark Normand]

A couple days ago.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nice. All right, so we got something cooking possibly.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, and she's very fertile, this broad.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes. There it is. I know. There, we got some.

[Mark Normand]

That's my wife. Yeah, get a shot of my wife there.

[Chris D'Elia]

She just went like this.

[Mark Normand]

Woo.

[Chris D'Elia]

There she is.

[Mark Normand]

Hey.

[Chris D'Elia]

So, yeah, so Vito picked a great location. We're right outside Chelsea Pier Piers, Brooklyn. Because his friend.

[Mark Normand]

Piers Morgan.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes, it's Chelsea Piers Morgan. His friend knows somebody over here. Or your friend.

[Vito]

He's the gm.

[Chris D'Elia]

Your friend is the gm. So we're parked right in front of the parking lot here in downtown Brooklyn, right off Bond Street.

[Mark Normand]

Cool black guy. Had a bad handshake with him.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Did you see that? I just go in for the white guy, but he tried to do, like, the whole thing, and I blew it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, because you know what it is? You could see that he's a cool black guy with white guy tendencies.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

So I think he would have liked a handshake more than a dad.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, well, good. Good.

[Vito]

Dale, the dad was a designer for Brooks Brother for years.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow. So he comes. So he has a gay dad.

[Mark Normand]

He has a dad.

[Chris D'Elia]

And he has a number one. That's the big hole.

[Mark Normand]

And he's a manager, so that's a good sign.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a good sign. But he seems like a real nice guy. There it is.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus Christ. What happened? I got spooked by that truck.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jesus Christ. Watch that word over here.

[Mark Normand]

I forgot we're in Brooklyn.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. So. Hey, how are you? Hey, look at that. Yeah. So that's part of this podcast is sometimes, you know, of course, people might recognize you. People are going to recognize you. But if any, you know, we get them all involved in the show. Why the hell not?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, why not?

[Chris D'Elia]

So, all right, so we got a baby on the way. Now, here's the thing. Cause, you know, you're a father now.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

What do you think of all this alien stuff coming out? I got. Here's one conspiracy for you. This one, you know. Are you a religious guy?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay. But you were raised Christian?

[Mark Normand]

Not really. I went to Catholic school. My parents are big atheist queefs.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, so that's the name of the episode, Atheist Queefs. So here's one. Jimmy Carter, ex President Jimmy Carter. We just read about this. He was briefed about alien extraterrestrials. This is in the 1970s. He was a deeply religious man. And he gets briefed, and this person sees him outside the Oval Office, head in his hands, crying. And, you know, it had to remain top secret, but it's just coming out now with these file releases. He said, why are you crying? Whatever. He's like, you don't know what I just saw in there. You don't know what I know. Like, all this stuff. All this stuff. So he finally gets it out of him. Jimmy Carter said that when he was briefed, they told him that what they know for sure, the government knows for sure, is that religion, Christianity and any religion, was basically invented by this extraterrestrial race. Because what we are is an experiment by these ancient. Maybe they're ancient humans or extraterrestrials from another planet. But they created religion in an effort to see how would we react. And these experiments, because where, you know, time for us, 2000 years for us, is, of course, extremely long time. But to them, it could just be a few moments of time because of space time continuums.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

So allegedly, you know, Jimmy Carter's whole life shattered because his whole foundation of what religion is and what Jesus is and how he based his whole life on it is now potentially just some experiment that extraterrestrials made up that we're all falling for.

[Mark Normand]

What the. What the hell did you get me out here for?

[Chris D'Elia]

That's why you're in the truck.

[Mark Normand]

This is too much. I can't handle it. It's an overload. Jimmy Carter aliens relig. I thought we were gonna talk about dicks and pussy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, we could do. That's the next.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. All right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Vito]

You're in a big alien phase right now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, I just. Because I don't know. There is exactly. She claims she's legal, but we'll see. We'll see. I got my lawyer on it. Well, I just. I just was fascinated with it because the whole Trump alien stuff is everywhere. The last three days, all you'll hear is the Trump alien stuff or the damn Kevin Hart roast. That's what it is. Are you upset you didn't get invited because you were crushed.

[Mark Normand]

He looks. They're the same. The same height. But no, I watched the whole thing. It was too tense, too mean. It was all jugular. Nobody was having fun.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I'm glad I wasn't a part of it. It was too long and too, too scary.

[Chris D'Elia]

And you know what? Me and Vito were saying that it's Roast. You know, whatever. We're comedians. Make all the jokes you want. Who gives a shit? But Roast is supposed to be about the people in the room. They were doing it about everybody, which is just like. I get it. But it's like, it's gonna be. It's gonna increase the stuff sensitivities. But see, you're a guy. You've always been good at the one liners, the roasters, the jokes. I'm a guy, you know, I gotta admit, every roast I've ever done, shout out Zak Amico. He's wrote them for me.

[Mark Normand]

Well, he is the king. Zak Amico deserves all the credit. Cause that is one funny fad.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yep. And he's writing all the jokes with laser with jumper cables attached to his balls. You ever seen that?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah, I saw a great fist.

[Chris D'Elia]

There it is. Look at these guys. Ah, we saw you. We caught you, fucko.

[Mark Normand]

Look at that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Somebody was filming us. Wow, man, this. Brooklyn's changed, man. It's a lot of. A lot of gay white guys.

[Mark Normand]

A lot of honkies out here. It's a. I love it. Bring them in. Bring in the honkies.

[Chris D'Elia]

Good place to live.

[Mark Normand]

Well, the gays save any neighborhood. They do. That's their thing. Cuz they have no kids or wife to get to get yelled at. So they can go right into gardening.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dude, I know. And you did a smart move by staying around here. I made the mistake. I moved out to the suburbs thinking it was going to be the move. Oh, the pool, the yard. Big mistake.

[Mark Normand]

Really big mistake. How so?

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, it's for my kids that I'm doing it, but even my kids. I got one kid that likes it. One kid says they're bored out of their face.

[Mark Normand]

Sure, sure.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know, and so, I don't know, I think that I fell for that American dream, you know, white picket fence, big yard thing. Thinking this is going to be what's best for my kids. And now I realize that, like, my kids are. They love energy. They like being around people.

[Mark Normand]

I'm the same way.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I don't have that where I live. I kind of live like. Vito's been up to my house. It's got a lighter. A lighter? No, we don't smoke for cigarettes or crack. What are we looking for? No, I smoke crack. Yeah, lighter though. Lighter. We don't have a lighter.

[Mark Normand]

Low lighter. Ah, well, good to have you back in the city.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, that's it.

[Mark Normand]

Black don't crack.

[Chris D'Elia]

Black don't crack. Was that a banjo?

[Mark Normand]

That's silly. But he took it to heart.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, go, go, go. Go into going to the. The roasting stuff is like, you know. Yeah, it fits that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That roast was wild. The alien thing. What I think is interesting is that nobody gives a fuck, right? Talking about we got aliens here and everybody's like, who cares? The mermaid's black or whatever, you know, we care about the weirdest shit now, right? James bombed. What's he gonna look like?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, who cares? By the way, that guy probably did smell crack.

[Mark Normand]

That's why I think it hurt him.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah, unfortunately, you know. Well, I got a lot of crackheads in my family. Watch Vito that he's not coming up on the side because then I'll just have to hit him with a kettlebell. Okay, There you Go. Oh, there. Go. All right, perfect.

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, perfect.

[Mark Normand]

Now he's telling that guy. Now we're all right. They're multiplying. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, God. Well, that's good. We'll just run away.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Keep an eye out. We have footage.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, good. All right, good. While they're left, they're coming back with guns.

[Mark Normand]

Let me call Mom. Donnie. Yeah, he'll handle it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, it's Stavros. I think he's mad at me. Stav. He doesn't text me back.

[Mark Normand]

Ah, he's too busy. He's in Two Girls one, Cup three.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

He's in every fucking movie now.

[Chris D'Elia]

He really is. I love it. I love to see it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's got a look.

[Chris D'Elia]

He does have a look. I. I don't. For me, for me. I don't. I don't. I don't think I want to be in any movie. Hey, what's up, man?

[Mark Normand]

Are you famous?

[Chris D'Elia]

To some. How many.

[Mark Normand]

How many followers you got?

[Chris D'Elia]

Huh? Followers? Not many.

[Mark Normand]

Huh?

[Chris D'Elia]

Comedy. Just comedy stuff.

[Mark Normand]

He's a gay porn star.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, comedy stuff. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Huh?

[Chris D'Elia]

What's your ig? My ig? Christy. Comedy.

[Mark Normand]

Chrissy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Chrissy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy.

[Mark Normand]

Comedy. Chris D. Comedy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Let's see.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, there he is.

[Chris D'Elia]

Shout out your IG. Oh, Pink demon. Like it. Follow it or no?

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Pink demon, baby.

[Mark Normand]

Pink demon.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right. And you got a lighter?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my bad.

[Chris D'Elia]

My bad. Yeah, too.

[Mark Normand]

That's it, baby. You see?

[Chris D'Elia]

It all comes around. Appreciate it, brother.

[Mark Normand]

I'm Sam Morrill.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, here we go. Super famous.

[Mark Normand]

You know Drake?

[Chris D'Elia]

I know Drake. I don't know Drake. No, unfortunately. Oh, he follows me.

[Mark Normand]

There you go. I'm more of a Kendrick Lamar guy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Perfect. All right.

[Mark Normand]

Perfect.

[Chris D'Elia]

There it is. We got something in common. All right, brother. I follow. I followed you. I followed you from the account when I got my. When done. The episode. I'll refollow.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you're in it now. Say no more.

[Chris D'Elia]

We'll throw it up there, bro.

[Mark Normand]

Shout out your tag.

[Chris D'Elia]

Put me on the camera.

[Mark Normand]

There he is. All right. Oh, whoa.

[Chris D'Elia]

Love that.

[Mark Normand]

Jeez. Quit. Quit bread. All right. Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

What are you going to do?

[Mark Normand]

That's on video. The cops been looking at him for him for years.

[Chris D'Elia]

There it is. There it is, folks.

[Mark Normand]

All right. Welcome to Brooklyn, baby. That's it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Brooklyn. You know what? Maybe the suburbs was a good choice. That's what it is. Well, hey, you know what? We turned a negative into a positive. I thought they were gonna come back and kill me.

[Mark Normand]

I thought so, too.

[Chris D'Elia]

You see the Truth shall set you free. Because I was gonna give him a fake Instagram, but I gave him the real one, and then we got out of it.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because he could have easily taken that. See, here's the thing. Thing. Because he was actually on crack. That actually worked out. But if he wasn't on crack and I really offended someone, the guy would have asked me for my Instagram in an effort to take me down, and it would have been a video, this racist piece of. And then they would have said, he. I'm to. They would have called me Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they would have doxed you. But he comes to your house, you got the pool, you're safe.

[Chris D'Elia]

We're good.

[Mark Normand]

He's not getting in there.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's not getting in there.

[Vito]

Speaking of Tony, did you think that in the roast, the him and Chelsea bit got like.

[Mark Normand]

That was real, that guy.

[Chris D'Elia]

That was real.

[Mark Normand]

They don't like each other.

[Chris D'Elia]

They don't like each other. And, you know, I see, you know, Chelsea Handler came on the pod. I don't know if she's got new boobs since then.

[Mark Normand]

The boobs are unbelievable.

[Chris D'Elia]

Unbelievable yesterday.

[Mark Normand]

But she's a feisty coups. I wouldn't want to piss off old hand man.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, you know what? And to be fair to Bolton, they both killed for their own. They both killed in their own way. Did anybody take a hot one? I didn't see any. Any hot. Any hot ones.

[Mark Normand]

I don't want to speak out of anal, but the one guy, Kevin Hart's guy. Oh, yeah, you can tell. He was like, more of a writer than a performer. A little slow, and nobody knew who he was.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, look, and here I'm not one to talk because, I mean, I've just admitted Zak Amico writes all my jokes, and if I ever got another roasting opportunity, I would hire Zac Amico again in a heartbeat.

[Mark Normand]

All those guys have rights.

[Chris D'Elia]

But you could tell. Well, that's what I was going to say. It felt to me either Tony Hinchcliffe writes all his own jokes, or the damn thing with this trunk. The right or the writers. Or the writers, you know, either writes his own jokes or the writers really know his voice, because it sounded like.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Chris D'Elia]

He really sounded like he was the one doing it.

[Mark Normand]

He really killed. I mean, he had a machine gun of zingers out there. I was impressed.

[Chris D'Elia]

Did you go to Netflix as a joke?

[Mark Normand]

I did. I did three days there, and, boy, it was a whirlwind, whirlwind.

[Chris D'Elia]

You happy? You Went though.

[Mark Normand]

I'm happy I went. Just hung out, had fun. Did a lot of pods at a million shows, jumped around.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I went to Ted Sarando's party.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, was it fun?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God. It was high school. It was a who's who.

[Chris D'Elia]

Any juicy deets? Anything?

[Mark Normand]

We, you know, Eddie Murphy walked in, it was like a la Muhammad appeared. I mean, it was.

[Chris D'Elia]

He floated around here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And you know, Seinfeld's there, Letterman, Sandler, Chappelle Rock. It was who's who. And you felt, you feel like an open micr, Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Does Kevin Hart know you do the Kevin Hart bit? Of course.

[Mark Normand]

I think he's up. He's in his own world. I don't know if he. I did it in front of him once. He didn't notice it and.

[Chris D'Elia]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So he's. Maybe it went over his head.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's a little. It was this guy.

[Mark Normand]

That guy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He's always a hard working Asian around here.

[Chris D'Elia]

Always. Right?

[Mark Normand]

They are hardworking people.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hard working Asians. Yeah. I felt I had gotten, you know, I had gotten some shows to do Netflix as a joke, but I just felt like, ah, maybe I should go home. My daughter's got T ball. Whatever.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

That whole weekend, all her T ball games got canceled. I should have went to the damn fest.

[Mark Normand]

It was fun. I mean, you see everybody. It's funny. You got Shane and Ari and Sam and Liz and all the guys, Santino, Bobby Lee. We're all in one place hugging each other. Other.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Because there's no just for laughs really anymore. Is there even one? Are you doing anything?

[Mark Normand]

I think there's a little thing, but nobody cares anymore. It's all Netflix now.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nobody cares and Netflix doesn't do the festival every year. Oh, here, we got some beef right here. School bus drivers gonna fight the Amazon guy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the short bus. Those retards get over there, they'll kill you. Strong as hell.

[Chris D'Elia]

They will bite you, man. So what's cha? You know, we talk. Obviously I'm a father. What do you think's changed for you about being a dad and doing comedy?

[Mark Normand]

I'll tell you. Now you got the kid. And now I'm like tunnel vision. Like, used to be like, I want to be funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

Joke.

[Mark Normand]

Well, you should be like, I want to be funny. I want to be a good comic. Now it's like, I got to make money for the kid, so I need the jokes to be good. I need to put out a special. You do need to do more dates to make more money for the kid. It's all for the kid now.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's all for the kid. Do you feel like, do you feel like that comedy has for you has gotten harder or easier? Are you motivated by like something different now?

[Mark Normand]

Well, obviously it's all family. Just keep the kid be. I'm a little worried about the kid hearing everything.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

In 10 years, like Louie's kids, you know, I throw you in a dumpster, I'll jerk off on your face, whatever it is. But hey, it's a, it's a new era. Our kid, your kid's going to be on only fans in a week.

[Chris D'Elia]

100% just our mother already is.

[Mark Normand]

Is that right?

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, we had. She's the one that wanted the, you know, to live in this freaking tax bracket that we're living in. Oh, do you do a pro? That's the problem with the suburbs, man, these property taxes. But whatever.

[Mark Normand]

But did you ever think you'd be like, we're a bunch of dumb idiot ball busting, whatever. Like, I never thought I'd be looking at schools. No, you know, I'm looking at these Catholic schools and like all this play, I'm not even allowed near a school.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

But I'm like showing up like, oh, how's the curriculum here?

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, that's the thing is like, you know, we've come a long way, Mark. You know, we had Sam on a couple weeks ago and it's like, you know, you, Sam, myself, Dan Soder, all these guys. Like we knew Nate Bargazzi when he was just a regular old southern lesbian,

[Mark Normand]

you know, just a drunk hick just

[Chris D'Elia]

living in middle village Queens. Like so. So I think that, you know, some of the podcast fans, they don't know like how long we've known each other. Like I was thinking that with Sam. Like I've known because I met you and Sam Ruff at the same time. But that was 16 years ago.

[Mark Normand]

That's unbelievable.

[Chris D'Elia]

But you've known Sam even long? You know, Sam for maybe close to 20 at this point.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, probably 18, 19.

[Chris D'Elia]

So, you know, it's like went by so quick and you don't realize, like this is half our life already.

[Mark Normand]

I know. We're the old guys. We're the old guys. You snap your finger and it happens because you're always clawing and clawing to get to the top. You don't realize how much time has passed because you're just so tunnel vision jews that you're just like. And then one day you pop your head up and you're like, oh, I gotta Take a breath.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Holy shit. Fifteen years went by.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Yeah. And then you start to feel like, do you ever do. Even though you've done so much and you've accomplished. Accomplished so much, like you don't feel any different. So there's a lot of times, sometimes I'll see someone like a big star, like a, you know, Jim Carrey or something like that. He's a bad example because he's so big. But I'll look. I'll Google someone and I'll look their Wikipedia and they'd be like, man, by the time they were my age, they had so much shit already. They had so much of a career going on. Like, I'm never gonna make it. But then in some ways, it's like, we already have made it. This is like what we do with these podcasts is the new kind of sitcom thing to do.

[Mark Normand]

Of course, of course. And it's the only way we get to see each other.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

I had to start one with Sam just so we could hang out again.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know, I know. Because it's such a.

[Mark Normand]

So busy.

[Chris D'Elia]

You realize, like, as you go through this career, it's like it gets lonelier and lonelier.

[Mark Normand]

There you go. And everybody, thank you for this, sir. Everybody does that, where they go like, oh, you work an hour a night, must be nice. Oh, you tell jokes. Really? I'm like, all we do is work. All we do is podcast, rest jokes, perform jokes. We're on a flight, we're in an Uber, we're in a shitty hotel jerking off.

[Chris D'Elia]

And then it's like, if you're working another nine to five, you know, you really. Most jobs, you can just leave at the office weekend. It's like something happens. Like, I have to now make fun of that guy holding the chair or something.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you gotta have an alien angle.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. So like, you know, like these two crackheads that came over, it's like, well, now I gotta fucking say something about that. You know? So it's like you never really get a chance to turn it off. But you know what's been weird for me is. And I don't know, maybe it's cause my kids are older and like, just the way the world's changing, there's been a part of me lately that's been like, do I. What? Why? What did I set out to do in comedy? Like, I do stand up. I do the podcast. I always want to do stand up, but it's like, now what you have to do to get ahead. Like the crowd work, clips, the algorithm like, is this really what you want to do?

[Vito]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Is that real life?

[Chris D'Elia]

But. But you're committed to the craft. This is what you're doing.

[Mark Normand]

I'm committed to the craft. But now the craft comes. All this other extra clips, podcasts, all that stuff is new editing TikTok. Like, yeah, you have to have so many irons on the fire. You gotta try to sell a show. I sell a booze now. It just keeps going. Then you gotta do a Patreon app. So it just keeps going and going. So this is all new, but I'm too scared to take my foot off the gas because it might all go away. Right. So it's this weird thing where, like, I'm sick of all the work, but also I'm scared to not do it right.

[Chris D'Elia]

So we live in this constant state of fear and anxiety.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That's why we look up to Ari, because I'm like, this guy just went to Machu Picchu for eight months and blew a pygmy in the Serengeti.

[Chris D'Elia]

And you're like, don't talk about Nick Novicki like that.

[Mark Normand]

But maybe it is possible to relax. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, you know Ari. Ari Shaffir too. He's just one of those guys, you know, he kind of took his grenades out before he even threw him. He got a vasectomy 15 years ago. He clipped himself. He said, I'm not. I'm married to the game. I'm not having babies. I'm going to grow my hair out on the sides even though I'm bald in the middle. I don't give a shit. And I respect Ari for that. You can learn a lot from Ari. You can learn, you know.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, and I'm glad he's not reproducing because we don't need another. Another that Jew face walking around.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was gonna say, is there any more, like, absolute, like, dictionary picture of a Jew than Ari?

[Mark Normand]

No. He is propaganda. He's what the Germans drew.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dude, There are about. This is about the eighth time that somebody's went by about 80 miles an hour on one of those Vespas.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

If one of these guys is ms.13, we're gonna get shot and fixed.

[Mark Normand]

That's a crowd.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cops. He good guys. There's a good guy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, did you see that cop got demoted cuz of mom Donnie. No, One of these, some cameraman went up to a cop. They go, hey, what do you think of mom? Donnie goes, he ain't my mayor. He not my mayor. And so he demoted him to a phone guy. In the bra. He was a chief in, like, I don't know, Brooklyn or something. He demoted him to a phone answerer in the Bronx.

[Chris D'Elia]

Scumbag. Crazy Trump will hear that and promote him in ice.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get that 50k bonus, dude.

[Chris D'Elia]

I would love to see. So.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's T.T. jerry.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, there she is. I know, dude. Well, she's. She's been up. She's been up in the suburbs. It's been very funny to watch, you know, my family slowly move into my house and my neighbors be like, what the hell is going on there?

[Mark Normand]

You know, getting a little browner around here.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, it's funny because so, you know, in my town, you gotta get permits for everything. Whatever, whatever, whatever. And so I get these.

[Mark Normand]

You need a permit for a trans dude?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes. Roommate. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

So. So, yeah, I had to pay an extra tax. So we put our fence up, and the fence is like a foot higher than code. Than the code. But it's really only a problem if the neighbors complain, right? So they come out and they say, your fence is higher than code. It's much higher than your neighbor's fence. Blah, blah, blah. I said, oh, man. So I go over to my neighbor, I said, hey, listen, the fence is higher, a little bit higher than the code, and I'm sorry, we'll try to mitigate it. And he was like, nah. He was like, like, it's fine by me. He was like, cuz I saw your aunt uncle the other day out there with her tits out, and I don't want to see that.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

So he was like, I'm happy the fence is six feet tall. I was like, man, too shy. I was like, tt, your tits safe.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, there you go. Pancakes. Yeah, there he is. Comedy, comedy.

[Chris D'Elia]

There he is.

[Mark Normand]

Look at that. All right, dude, right out of a Morgan Whand video.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jesus Christ. Well, yeah, you know what he's saying in his head? Yeah, Morgan. Yeah, a little Brokeback Mountain Morgan Whalen. So, yeah, dude, I think what you've done, what you've decided to do by staying here, even though it's a little, you know, I know it's Brooklyn. People say, oh, I can't raise a kid. And the chaos and all that this was, I can tell you don't ever let anybody in your family or life convince you to move to the suburbs because it's not the kind of guys we are.

[Mark Normand]

No, you got that right.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're also doing 10 times the amount of comedy I'm doing because I got to be honest, even though I love the game, it's deterrent. Sometimes when I look at the traffic, I'm like, hour and a half. Go to a spot, you'll just pop in, pop out.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I feel like I got a cheat code because I'm in Brooklyn and I jump on the train. I live right by Barclays. I got all the trains. I get to New York City OR MANHATTAN In 18 minutes, do the show, then I come back and I got a backyard.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, you got both worlds backyard. And, you know, this way, you know, as your kid gets older, you're not going to miss much events in his life because you're like, oh, dad can pop in and pop out.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Mia's six hour fricking round trip because she wanted to have a fucking backyard swimming pool.

[Mark Normand]

Do they go to school in the city?

[Chris D'Elia]

No, they go to school up where we live.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

The little town school. So it's whatever. Vito's got a kid now, too, so. Vito, we're all talking about it.

[Mark Normand]

Look at that. Yeah, it's happening. I looked around at the Cellar, at some of the comedians there, and I go, I don't want to be that guy. That guy's 66 years old. He lives in a studio apartment. He's like, I didn't get any spots this week at the cell. I'm like, that can't be my life when I'm 66.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Cannot do that. I think the happiest one is Jim. Jim Norton's just out there.

[Mark Normand]

Well, trans wife.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's got the best of both worlds, too. He's got, you know, because they say the things that excite the human brain, the male brain the most is when you're watching porn is a big penis and big tits.

[Mark Normand]

Is that right?

[Chris D'Elia]

Wife has both.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Whoa.

[Chris D'Elia]

So he's excited more than most of us. I bet you he's having the most sex of all of us.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, for sure. His ass is huge. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Love it.

[Mark Normand]

He's getting a mouthful every night now.

[Chris D'Elia]

Now for you. What do you feel? Have you. Have you fell behind on sports and all that since you've been a dad? Like, are you not watching the things you used to watch?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the tv. I used to watch hours of TV every day. And that's all gone. The sleep is gone.

[Chris D'Elia]

Gone, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You get. The sex is weird now. You just kind of roll her over and plop it in and then you hear a baby cry. So you come.

[Vito]

You roll over.

[Chris D'Elia]

You got a binky in your ass.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. Do you?

[Chris D'Elia]

When the baby really needed to, like, get, you know, you know, round the clock care. Waking up every three hours. Would you and your wife take turns or was she doing it all?

[Mark Normand]

Definitely take turn. I mean, obviously shout out to the ladies. I mean, she got the C section.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

So you got to. So the vagina is still crisp and.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hell yeah. That's right. She should start an onlyfans.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she's got a great clam.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

This is all the stuff I want my kid to hear in 10 years.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sometimes when we start to bomb or say something foul, the trunk starts to close in on us.

[Mark Normand]

It's like a trash compactor in Star Wars.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Vito]

If you sit crisscross. Applesauce.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, like that helps.

[Mark Normand]

Why?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, because. Because, well, one of the. I guess there's like a BMW specialist that watches the show said, what? It's got a sensor here, and if something waves in front of it, it opens and closes the truck.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, got it.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's what it is.

[Mark Normand]

Dangling my legs like Brad Williams on a. On a flight. But yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

All righty.

[Mark Normand]

We're gonna go for number two. And I want to just have a bunch of kids running around because my kid's 15 months now. He says dada when I come in. He's fun. I throw him on the couch, I flip him upside down. He's got a great laugh. He's funny, he's cute. He's gay. So, yeah, you just want more of that.

[Chris D'Elia]

And around this neighborhood, he's gonna have to start getting involved in some protests. What side do you think he's gonna choose?

[Mark Normand]

Palestine?

[Chris D'Elia]

Israel?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I don't know.

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[Mark Normand]

What do you think of this LA mayor?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Oh, who's the LA mayor?

[Mark Normand]

There's a mayor shaking this new guy running for mayor in la.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, Spencer Pratt.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dude, I love that.

[Mark Normand]

The AI is great.

[Chris D'Elia]

I used to watch his. What was he on? The O.C.

[Mark Normand]

the hills. The O.C.

[Vito]

laguna Beach. No, I think the Hills spin off of Laguna Beach.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is he actually going to win, though?

[Mark Normand]

I think he's going to win. Really? I think he's going to win. He is kicking ass. And the funny thing is, LA is in such bad shape, he's just saying facts. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's all it is.

[Mark Normand]

And winning.

[Chris D'Elia]

Do you think so? He's the complete opposite of saying Momdani.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God. Yeah, for sure. He's full on like a MAGA guy and all that. I think he's going to win.

[Chris D'Elia]

So, Spencer Pratt, baby. Yeah, I mean, I. Yeah, L.A. every time I've been there, I've been there, you know, Whatever. When you were just there. I mean, it really has unfortunately taken a bad turn.

[Mark Normand]

It's just funny because they got the, they got like 60 blocks now of skid row. But living on the street is illegal, Right. So it's just one of these things where he's like, this is illegal, so I'm gonna get rid of it because it's against the law. And they're like, well, we're working on it. And he's like, but you've been mayor for six years.

[Vito]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What do you mean you're working on it? So then you're bad at your job. You can't get rid of it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, that mayor. The mayor is like the woman. Right. Karen Bass.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Who had to know the fires and the no water in the reservoir, all that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I, I, I mean, it's bad news. I mean, she was, you know, I mean, from what I've heard, I mean, it is, it is one of those things where, like, politics now, it's weird. Even like, my, you know, my friend, obviously you could tell by my haircut if you don't know me. My friends, my group chat is very pro Trump group chat. But even they're like, you know, not to necessarily. They hate him or love him. They're like, we just want to take end. We just, they, People just want things to go back. That's pretty much somewhat of the way it was. I don't know if that's possible, but people have really now started to feel like I'm exhausted by it all.

[Mark Normand]

Sure, sure. The protest, TT, Jerry, all that stuff.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, that's why I moved to what I thought was a smart move to move to the suburbs because I'm like, oh, now I only got to deal with the small town drama. But you realize that drama is even more under the microscope because, you know, like, I'm the only comedian that lives in my town. So if I, you know, I say something crazy on a podcast, which I say every week.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

My daughter hears about it, and she's like, oh, yeah, somebody's somebody. Listen to this little one of my daughter's friend's fathers, not mothers, fathers. Told the daughter that my comedy is, quote, crude and to. And she. He doesn't want, she doesn't. He doesn't want his daughter coming over to my house. I'm like, are you like, a guy?

[Mark Normand]

A guy said that?

[Chris D'Elia]

A guy said that Your comedy is creepy crude. What does that mean? What's up, fellas? Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

All right. Only time a guy should be saying crude is if it's about oil.

[Chris D'Elia]

Seriously crude. I was like, I told Delilah, next time you go to that guy's house, you smack him right in the face. Yeah, I encourage my kids to. The thing is with. Here's the thing with. With, you know, Puerto Rican, like, you know, like, us both being from New York City is like, we don't. We've told our kids, like, now that they've gotten older, like, especially my 11 year old, it's like, you know, people now will tell their kids, like, oh, if someone's bullying you, tell the teacher, find a space, safe space. Have a conversation. We're like, no. Punch them in the face.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like, stamp it out. Who cares? She's like, yeah, but you can't be violent. I'm like, yeah, but if someone's gonna make fun of you and tell you that, you know, you look stupid, they'll never do it again if. Just give them a nice backhand.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Chris D'Elia]

I wish that's how we grew up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I wish I did that more as a kid.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because I got pushed around quite a bit. But, you know, you talk like a Seinfeld. You know, Jerry, sure. He's one of these guys who sets a boundary. Like, if you hang out with him, he's like, okay, I'm done talking. I'm gonna go.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I love it, too. But I could never do that.

[Chris D'Elia]

I can't do it well. But that. That assertiveness. If you look at, like, some of our most, you know, successful friends, they all have that assertiveness. I know where it's just like, I'm not gonna do anything I'm uncomfortable with for too long. Where you and I are opposite. I mean, we've been doing shit we're uncomfortable with for years.

[Mark Normand]

Completely. You think I want to be in a trunk?

[Chris D'Elia]

Who does? I mean.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but. No, I know what you mean. Like, a Segura is just like, I'm doing this. I'm not doing that.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm done.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And his manager's like, okay, you got it.

[Chris D'Elia]

I remember, like, Segura, like, him and I like, you know, we're. We're close. I would go from.

[Mark Normand]

On the road.

[Chris D'Elia]

We talk all the time. And then one time I asked him for, like, you know, hey, what do you think of, like, this financial thing? Whatever. Like, just two guys shooting the shit. He was like, I'm not going to give you financial advice. You should talk to your financial advisor. He's business baby man.

[Vito]

His employee.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, but I'm not. Oh, yeah. Because of ymh. Maybe. All I'm saying is Tom's smart.

[Mark Normand]

He's smart.

[Chris D'Elia]

Tom's a very smart guy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And he knows, like, he would Tom. These guys, they don't get themselves involved in that. We're always getting hung up in.

[Mark Normand]

I'm doing a gig in, like, deep Pennsylvania, and this kid's like, will you do my pod while you're there? And I'm like, okay, I'll do it. I'm like, why am I saying yes? I've never met this kid. The pods got four views.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, but you're gonna do it.

[Mark Normand]

I'm gonna do it.

[Vito]

You fucking reply to somebody on an Instagram comment that you'll do this.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know. That was a mistake.

[Vito]

Why would you do that?

[Chris D'Elia]

Because I had taken one of those THC seltzers. But the thing that I could get, the thing that I, I, I got now is if I, you know, I am running my own Instagram, but I could say, oh, sorry that, you know, Veto runs it. I didn't see the message. You blame it on somebody else.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You deflect. You blame it and give Veto's address. Let them swat Veto.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You know, in the future, you don't think about, like, I'll do your show in six months.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

That'll never happen.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, they wrote it. But you are. But the great quality you have, though, is that you are still connected to, like, the younger people in comedy. And that's why I think another key to your success outside of being funny is you kind of, you know, you don't forget where you come from. You still do the stuff that many of us would say, I'm not gonna do that. But you were always like that. You were always just a fucking rat running around doing comedy.

[Mark Normand]

It's true.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's true.

[Mark Normand]

The cement is dry. You are who you are. You hang out with Gillis. The biggest comment I'll play. He's drinking a Bud Light, he's fat, and he's got a T shirt on.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's what. Yeah, it's true.

[Mark Normand]

You can say the same for Vito.

[Vito]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Now, Vito, dude, Vito's a power lifter.

[Mark Normand]

Really? Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Vito will throw some weight off. Vito, you up?

[Mark Normand]

I believe you're all mass. Yeah.

[Vito]

You know, how did you get any weight after you had the kid?

[Mark Normand]

A little bit. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Really? Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You always look, I got, like, the pooch now. I used to be a full AB6 pack. Now I got, like, a little baggy, but bag of second jizz down here.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're the king, though, of you're always moving, always moving. Like if we weren't sitting in this car, if we weren't sitting in this trunk. You're always moving your feet. You're the skip jump rope.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, all the time.

[Vito]

The last time we interviewed you, you said that you pull ups.

[Mark Normand]

I did them yesterday on the scaffolding.

[Chris D'Elia]

What can you get? What's the most you ever got full clean pull ups in a row?

[Mark Normand]

Most probably 35.

[Chris D'Elia]

35 in a row.

[Mark Normand]

Pandemic. I was getting out of the house and just doing pull ups all day because I was miserable.

[Chris D'Elia]

What do you think right now? What do you think you could.

[Mark Normand]

I could probably do like 20, 22.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's pretty good, though.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Full range?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

No kipping.

[Chris D'Elia]

What about push ups?

[Mark Normand]

Push ups? I can do a million push ups.

[Chris D'Elia]

You could just keep going.

[Mark Normand]

Hell yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You could do like 50 in a row, no problem.

[Mark Normand]

Easy. 50 is nothing.

[Chris D'Elia]

You don't feel the burn or anything? No, I'm talking about full chest to

[Mark Normand]

the floor, full extension all day long, baby. I can do the diamond. Yeah. Dustin diamond.

[Chris D'Elia]

So do you still do. Would you rip. Do you still do a work, some kind of workout every single day?

[Mark Normand]

Every day. I do squats. I do push ups seven days a week. I take Sunday off, so.

[Chris D'Elia]

But six days a week. What's your. Tell us what your workout routine. What do you do?

[Mark Normand]

I do squats in the morning.

[Chris D'Elia]

Body weight?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. All you need. The legs are everything. This is your whole life. It's judged by your legs.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

If you don't work those legs, you're gonna die at 64.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's a good point.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So what do you do? Squats.

[Mark Normand]

How many squats? I do about 80.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

And I take breaks and then I do the push ups and then I do. I have a counter where it has a middle part without like a no part in the middle. I do dips.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Do 50 dips every day just to stay moving. It's not even. I'm not trying to be buff or anything.

[Chris D'Elia]

So you never really go and like lift weights or any of that?

[Mark Normand]

You don't need it. You don't need it.

[Chris D'Elia]

You think it's all.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I mean, I don't want to be jacked. I just want to be lean.

[Chris D'Elia]

Lean. Right. What you are. And the diet's always been.

[Mark Normand]

Diet's good.

[Chris D'Elia]

You've always had the diet locked in.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, huh?

[Vito]

PT advice.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, he doesn't have any injuries, right?

[Mark Normand]

Hopefully not.

[Chris D'Elia]

You got no injuries. That's the thing, is we like to sometimes give the guests physical therapy.

[Mark Normand]

I get the shoulder. I get the. I got a bad shoulder.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, see, me too. I get it. It pops. Does it?

[Vito]

You got the bands right there.

[Chris D'Elia]

I got the. Well, you don't need the bands for that. How about. Look, how's the internal rotation? Does that hurt or external?

[Mark Normand]

No, but I can feel it. I can feel it kind of going.

[Chris D'Elia]

Come on, let's take a peek. Go ahead, move through that range of motion. Oh, yeah, you got a little bit of tendonitis right here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Little bit. So what you got to do is you gotta. First of all, you gotta ice it down. You can ice it three times a week, that'd be good. And then just for two weeks, you know, Naproxen. Aleve. Take some Naproxen. Knock out the. You're taking pills anyway. Yeah, knock out. Knock out the inflammation. You'll be good to go.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, all right.

[Chris D'Elia]

But the push up. But I gotta be honest though, the main thing that's hurting that is pushing.

[Mark Normand]

I know, pulling.

[Chris D'Elia]

Pulling's good. You could do pull ups.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Chris D'Elia]

But the pushing. If you can take three to five days off the push, push it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Chris D'Elia]

Did you bang some push ups out today?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, of course.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. So, so what do you do? You roll out of bed and do it. Is that. Is that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you know, roll out of bed, check the phone, take a. Then you do it.

[Chris D'Elia]

But you can't once, say 12 noon comes, you can't do anything.

[Mark Normand]

No. Then you're. You're two, you're in it. You got the kid and everything.

[Chris D'Elia]

But that's pretty good. What you got is like you're not going for long. You're not taking an hour a day to work out. You work out for 20 minutes exactly.

[Mark Normand]

And I walk everywhere.

[Chris D'Elia]

So you. 10,000 steps a day, easy.

[Mark Normand]

Yesterday I did 14k just.

[Chris D'Elia]

And without even really trying.

[Mark Normand]

No. Yeah, you just.

[Chris D'Elia]

See, what he's saying is the key too, because with all these fitness influences and everything, I understand, like everybody wants to be jacked. It's like Peptides and this and that. But it's like, it's. It gets complicated. It's like all you really need is your own body weight.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. And I also bought a rowing machine.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, so you do that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So sometimes you work out for an hour, I guess.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, hours, a lot. But I used to hit the weights like I used to before kids. You had nothing to do. So I'd go to the gym and really just max out.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah. But that is true. If you can't get to the gym and you only got 20 minutes, you can. The shit you can do with your own body. Oh my God. You know that it's working for a guy is if when you're really pushing hard, when your dick starts to get small, you ever hit something so hard where all of a sudden your penis starts to go into it? Looks like you got three balls.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, one time I got caught. I was peeing after I had to hold it with tweezers. And my wife's like, what the hell's going on?

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[Chris D'Elia]

Open up, honey.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Stand updates come to a city near you. Chrisdcomedy.com for Tikiwikis 06-26-27th Stamford, Connecticut August 28th, 29th Atlantic City, New Jersey. I might be coming to London in July and every Thursday I am at New York Comedy Club at 6 and 8:30pm Working on new material.

[Mark Normand]

ChrisD comedy.com but you got a good head of hair. Yeah. So do you well, I'm getting. I think I'm going to do the plugs.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, wait, actually, wait now. Now that I'm looking.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Actually, no, it's still pretty good though.

[Mark Normand]

It's. I'm hanging in there, but I'm getting ahead of it.

[Chris D'Elia]

You going to Turkey?

[Mark Normand]

No, I'm going to do the Mateo.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, okay. Yeah, they're local, right in of front. Soder, I think, has a lot of

[Mark Normand]

Soder Hamilton, a couple guys.

[Chris D'Elia]

Soder has the best name for it ever. He called them Hair Tits.

[Mark Normand]

Hair Tits, yeah, yeah, good name. He's got a whole bit on it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Vito]

Last week you talked about your peptide guy that ghosted you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes. He still. Well, yeah, we haven't. Yeah, so I got a peptide guy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I keep hearing about peptide. What is that?

[Chris D'Elia]

So they're like amino acids, you know, you got all different ones. You got ones to help you lose weight, ones to help you gain muscle, ones to help you see skin, one's for your hair.

[Mark Normand]

Is it a pill?

[Chris D'Elia]

No, it's a subcutaneous injection. So I got needles. Yeah, that's the benefit of having TT Jerry just borrow his. And so. And so he. So I got these peptides from this guy and he gave it to me, sent it to me, all legit, doctor's name on it, whatever. Then he fully ghosted me. I was like, okay, what's the protocol? How am I supposed to take them? You know, I'm chatgptina, but I want to hear from you, the expert. You know, we got some, you know, exercise, you know, he told me he's going to give me a full exercise plan. Trt all this. Ghosted me, texted him, never responded. Called, left him a very professional voicemail. No response. I was actually going to call him today, but I'm like, now it makes me not trust the Peptides. I'm like, what the hell? What could be the reasons why you just stopped talking to me?

[Mark Normand]

Nothing worse than a shady doctor. Maybe he saw your act. I don't know what happened.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't know what it could be. I mean. But then it was weird. It was like we were talking. I thought it was just on purpose. Professional. He's like, yeah. He was like, maybe we can all go out to dinner and double date. He's like, I have no friends. I like to. I like to interview people for new friends. I was like, yeah, I want you to inject peptides into my ass. Nothing weird.

[Vito]

Would you ever take peptides from a stranger you met on the Internet? Would you ever take Anything you'd inject into yourself?

[Mark Normand]

Injecting yourself. I take drugs from anybody.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I'll take drugs from Bill Cosby. I don't give a. Fans give me drug. I take everything. Mushrooms.

[Chris D'Elia]

So it doesn't bother you? You don't worry about it. You just pop them in?

[Mark Normand]

No, I'm weird that way. I don't. I have no fear with that. I drunk drink and drive. I. I ride a bike without a helmet.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I got no fear about that. I have a fear of like, oh, that guy's here.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I think he hates me. You know, that's where I panic.

[Chris D'Elia]

You never worry about, like a heart attack or anything?

[Mark Normand]

No. I don't know why I should. You know, Joe List is a hypochondriac. He's like, my knee hurts. I. I have aids.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But I don't have any of that fear.

[Chris D'Elia]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

I don't worry about climate change or whatever. I'm not saying it's not real or whatever. I'm just saying if the world ends tomorrow, I'm fine.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're good.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay. Yeah. Because I would think, like, for me, I would never take, like, this. I won't even take medicine that's expired. But then yet I'm injecting these Chinese peptides. Yeah. So. Right. It doesn't make sense.

[Mark Normand]

No. I don't want any lo mein in my veins. That's crazy.

[Vito]

You've never done coke?

[Chris D'Elia]

No. Smoke very little weed? I do the seltzers, but I never really ripped any lines, but Vito has. I never really ripped any coke.

[Mark Normand]

But you're not even a booze bag either.

[Chris D'Elia]

I kind of stopped. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's a gift. I mean, don't become one. Booze is horror. It's like the worst thing of my life.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm addicted to sugar, man. Honestly, it's sweets for me. That's too big. I'll get. Speaking of that, we got any sweets or sandwich shops around here? Do we know.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, there's a lot of good stuff

[Chris D'Elia]

around here, you know? Yeah, you're good. All right, well, when the pod ends, maybe we'll get a sandwich. I always. I love a good sandwich.

[Mark Normand]

I love a sandwich.

[Chris D'Elia]

But we got the hookup right to. Can we just leave the cars here for a minute or. Probably not. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Sweets husa. You must work out. Cause you're looking pretty good.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, I've been on them damn peptides.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, right.

[Chris D'Elia]

But I've been bought, what I've been doing. That's why I'm happy to hear a Different expertise because you've always been shredded. And what I hear from my friends who are in the best shape, it doesn't matter what kind of workout they're doing. The thing is consistency. They're just doing it every day. That's more important than, you know, oh, what's the perfect knee exercise? What's the perfect bicep exercise like? Just go do your biceps, just go do the push ups, go do the pull ups every day.

[Mark Normand]

I agree.

[Chris D'Elia]

And so what I've done, though, what I've realized is from my algorithm, because I got all these bodybuilders on now, whatever. I've been getting myself in good shape. I've been eating protein, prioritizing, lifting heavy, all these things. But because I see so many diesel guys on my Instagram now that are like professional bodybuilders, I think I'm awful. It'll happen with comedy, too. It's like, you'll go sell out a weekend of shows, you feel good, and then you're like, oh, but my peer just did nine arenas in the same city. So it's. You know, Teddy Roosevelt always says, comparisons to Thief of Joy, but it's hard not to compare with these damn algorithms.

[Mark Normand]

I know, comparing. You will despair. They say, whoa, that's another. That's an AA1.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, nice.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Which we're gonna need soon.

[Mark Normand]

I know, but. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. Everybody knows you're funny. Everybody respects you. You're making money.

[Chris D'Elia]

So it doesn't. But it doesn't get in your head at all.

[Mark Normand]

No. I got into this to not have a day job and tell jokes for a living. And that's what we're doing, and that's what we're doing. Like. And also there's an it factor. Like Nate and Shane. Is Shane really that much funnier than you? But he has a thing.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, and I'm not. Shane's great. I'm just saying, like, he has a thing that hits people. It resonates with people. And I don't know if we have that certain thing, but we're both solid.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, that, you know, it is, too. It's acceptance. Talking about. We were talking about therapy in the car, except my therapist done a good job about acceptance of everything in life. Like, you know, hey, all these dreams that you had when you were 25, that's not your brain anymore. That's not your chemistry anymore. Your chemistry has changed. Your cells shed and regrow every 21 days. That's not who you are anymore.

[Mark Normand]

You're Gay now.

[Chris D'Elia]

Exactly. I've been gay. As I've said, I'm just waiting for my dad to die and so I can come out. So that was big for me because, you know, it seems so simple. It seems so simple, but it has to come from within you. You can hear a million quotes. A million. But if it comes within you. So I have accepted more. That's why I've been doing a little bit less stand up. Because I've been like, I still love it. I'm still gonna do it. But it's. I got a routine now. I do my podcast on Mondays and Tuesdays and I go and do my stand up on Thursdays because I'm like, I want to be in my kids life. So I'm making enough money and I'd be happier with less now. So, like, you know what? Fine. If I never get the arena to tour the world tour. Well, because now I think about it, it's like, I always want to go to Australia, and I still do, but it's like if when I get to Australia, all I'm gonna be doing is saying, I wish my wife and kids were here. Yeah. So I'll wait till they get a little older and then go with them. And then you get to bring them both worlds. It's like, yeah, I can't. Well, maybe I'll sit first class and they'll sit and coach. Yeah, I'm not sitting coach to Australia.

[Mark Normand]

No, it's. I've done it. It's hell.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's hell, right?

[Mark Normand]

I did coach to China.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That was brutal.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

I wanted to Gigi. Kill myself. Jesus.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, you needed those peptides, baby.

[Vito]

All right, so you've got a podcast here, Upper west side.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yep.

[Vito]

We did Sam.

[Chris D'Elia]

We did Sam in Down in the West Village.

[Vito]

How you ranking the neighborhood so far?

[Chris D'Elia]

So so far, I'm gonna actually put. As far as content goes, this the best one because we were almost assaulted by two crackheads. That's true. Yeah. Go follow him on Instagram. Yeah. So I like. I like the this area here because you know what it is, I love Manhattan, but being I'm from Queens, so like Queens, Brooklyn, the outer boroughs, kind of, I feel more connected to here than I do to Manhattan. You know? How crazy is this? I lived my whole life in New York City, but because I was such a Queens, Brooklyn guy, I barely knew anything about Manhattan. I almost never been onto the island of Manhattan. I had been on there like 10 times my whole life outside going to Knicks games before I started comedy And I was started comedy when I was 26 years old.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I didn't meet my first Jewish person until I was 24.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's how insulated you can be in New York City. The melting pot of the whole world.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

Isn't that wild?

[Mark Normand]

It's wild. I mean, you go to Forest Hills, it looks like, you know, suburbs of Cleveland. Yeah. It's crazy out there.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know. You came. That was the. The last house. I lived at Forest Hills, on Ingram Street. I was living over there and I should have never moved, man. I should have stayed there. We had everything. We had the beautiful house, we had the Jews. Yeah, because you want your kids around the Jews.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Chris D'Elia]

Just know what the hell they're doing and they're safe.

[Mark Normand]

They can network and get some. Some weather.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, what about maybe selling my house again one more time? Can we do one more?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know how you do it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I would kill myself. I hate moving. You've done it 68 times, dude.

[Chris D'Elia]

I've done it five times since the pandemic.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Vito]

Studios, houses.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, We've recorded.

[Vito]

We had a free studio in Queens.

[Chris D'Elia]

In Queens. I got. We got out of it.

[Mark Normand]

Well, that's why I love chaos.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's why this works, though, because it's like I was sitting in the trunk of your car. It's. I'm changing. I like change.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So I'm changing the studio.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Every week, right away. Now I'm getting rid of my car.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, not this. Well, that's true. I'm getting a smaller car, maybe. All right, that's a good point.

[Mark Normand]

What about the kids?

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, this is. They. I have. This is my car.

[Mark Normand]

Got it.

[Chris D'Elia]

I have. I have Jaz. Got a family car. We got an Infiniti. Well, it might be getting the Tesla because Yanni drives a Tesla and he's telling me that the self driving on the Tesla, he said, you got to get it not only for your wife, so you know, she's got a little fear of driving. But he said, when you're driving a road gigs, it's like you take the train there. He's like, I'm writing full comedy sets.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's like, I got the wig on. I'm doing cameos for Marisa while The Tesla's going 80 miles an hour on the highway.

[Mark Normand]

Good point. Cause we spend half our life in a car driving. Now you can just do anything in there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Do you have a car around here?

[Mark Normand]

I got an old beam or like A classic car.

[Chris D'Elia]

But where the hell do you park it?

[Mark Normand]

I park it at Barclays, and it's a million dollars a year.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, shit. So at least you always have a spot.

[Mark Normand]

I always have a spot, but I drive it, like, once a month just to get out on the west side highway and tool it around. But it's not a practical car.

[Chris D'Elia]

I remember seeing that on Instagram. That is a cool car.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you. It's a badass car. Never had one. It runs like a Kenyon. Never had one. Problem with it. It's in great shape. I get a lot of, like, hoots and hollers, you know, from old white guys. Oh, yeah, It's a fun time.

[Chris D'Elia]

Runs like a Kenya.

[Mark Normand]

But it ain't practical at all. It's a pain in the ass.

[Chris D'Elia]

Pain in the ass. Especially in this neighborhood. You really don't need a car at all. No.

[Mark Normand]

No way.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're on the train all day, all

[Mark Normand]

day, all night, and I can get the lir to jfk. I'm good.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're good, baby. See, you made a smart choice. You. You prioritized what you wanted and what. What was. Because you've prioritized what's best for you, and your career is going to be what's best for the family. I went the opposite. I was like, what does the wife want?

[Mark Normand]

Right. Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know, now my career is in the fucking pits. No, I actually don't think that. I actually. Let me shout out my therapist. I know I have to stop publicly saying that because my therapist was like, hey, I see you say that, but that's not true. And you, number one, it's not good for your business. Number two, it's not good for your mental state to keep saying how shit you.

[Mark Normand]

Your therapist listens to your pod.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, well, she said she sees the clip. She said she had to do a little bit of a deep dive just to get to know me a little bit.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my therapist. Listen to my pod. He would put me in an asylum. What? Are you kidding? Are you gonna arrest me? Like, you're a pedophile, you're a racist, whatever.

[Vito]

She asked me to send her the transcripts every week.

[Mark Normand]

Seriously, shut up.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, well, she. Because she was like, you got too much negative self talk. I don't know where it comes from. I didn't used to have that. But I've just been beaten down by the damn system.

[Mark Normand]

I got negative. My brain is evil. The things that my brain says to me beats any comment Reddit thread. It's all evil up there. It's a New York slime.

[Chris D'Elia]

I always wanted to ask, when you go on the road, are you a guy that likes to sightsee or are you a guy that, like, let me prepare for the show in the hotel

[Mark Normand]

room most of the day now. I used to be the sightsee museum guy, and now that I have the kid, I'm like, I'm sitting in this bed for nine hours. I'm jerking off on my own face. I'm eating pizza, and then I'll do the show.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because. Do you feel like. Because pretty much any city, at least in America, you've already been there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. It's Groundhog Day. I'm like, oh, Denver again. I remember this hotel. Oh, we're in Charlotte. Oh, we're in Tampa.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You just keep going back and it just. Your life just keeps passing.

[Chris D'Elia]

So now you'll have those times. It's like, you'll sleep as long as you can. You'll get a good workout in. I know you gotta prioritize the workout, but then you don't mind just sitting in bed all day on a beautiful Saturday? It doesn't matter.

[Mark Normand]

No. I'll go outside, I'll walk the around city. But it's very low impact. I put a pod in the ears and I just walk around, get a coffee. It's all very chill. Like, I go to the show, that's the first people I talk to.

[Chris D'Elia]

Interesting. Oh, yes. Good. Yeah. You're not bringing, like, your openers with you?

[Mark Normand]

If I do, we might get a lunch and then I go. Get. Get out of my face.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's very. Yeah, and that's good. That's protective. Because I think there's a lot of pressure I would always put on myself is like, I gotta land, I gotta see stuff, I gotta get on the double decker bus, I gotta write stuff about the town.

[Mark Normand]

Nah, fuck that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Fuck it all now.

[Mark Normand]

Sometimes I get jealous of Giannis. I follow Giannis on Twitter. He says shit that I'm like, I didn't know we were allowed to say things like this out loud. And this is in writing on the Internet. Forever.

[Chris D'Elia]

Forever, Dude. Giannis is the king of. He's. Sometimes he'll stay in bed till 7, 8 o' clock at night and just go to the show at 8:30.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Yeah. He doesn't care.

[Chris D'Elia]

The thing that I love about Giannis is he's so unapologetically himself. He doesn't care what you think of him, which is really a superpower.

[Mark Normand]

Very freeing. We. I don't have that at all.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, No, I die. I die. I mean, I think mostly about what I care about, what men think of me more than women. I don't care what a girl thinks. Me. But if a guy says I'm a piece of or I got tits, it really upsets me. Isn't that weird? Yeah, but girls, I'm like, whatever.

[Mark Normand]

Huh.

[Chris D'Elia]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

I guess I care about both men and women.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, Mateo told me. That doesn't mean I'm gay. I've asked Matteo multiple times. This has to mean I'm gay. Just now. You don't. You. You don't have it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, okay, great. You don't have it. Yeah, like it's a disease or a curse.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, according to some of the followers of this podcast, it is. I have a very Christian audience.

[Mark Normand]

I feel like a homophobe. Some great famous drag queen died. And I text Mateo, hey, sorry, man, for your loss. And he was like, I don't know who that is. I was like, oh, I just assumed you knew every queen.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, one of his best friends is a drag queen.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. So I thought he knew them all. I thought they were, you know, like. Like black people.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, that's true.

[Mark Normand]

All right. They don't know other. Each other.

[Chris D'Elia]

What do you got coming up? Anything good?

[Mark Normand]

Well, check out my Netflix special. It's. It's out now. It's cooking my two pods. We Might Be Drunk Tuesday stories. And I'm all over the road, fatty. I'm out there. I'm at every club. I'm trying to build a new hour.

[Chris D'Elia]

Paying those. Paying those bills, baby. Got that second baby coming. You got the. The batter is stewing right now, I think. I think you hit a bullseye this time.

[Mark Normand]

She's a battered woman. That.

[Vito]

I got a question.

[Mark Normand]

I'm working on it.

[Vito]

So you're not. You're not afraid of the. Like, how close are you to 3K? Free 3K with the first kid.

[Mark Normand]

3K.

[Chris D'Elia]

3K. So you get preschool.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, sorry.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's another pod. 3K is a. 3K is free preschool. Oh, system.

[Mark Normand]

I would love to do that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Preschool is all expensive, bro. My daughter. My daughter, you know, because now we don't live in the city anymore, so we have to pay for preschool. Holy shit. And she goes to. Not even that preschool.

[Mark Normand]

It's just blocks and finger pain, dude.

[Chris D'Elia]

But they.

[Vito]

My daycare is crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

They hit you thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars a week. That's what it is. So 3K. So Vito's asking because the universal. It used to be 4k, but now Mamdani made a 3k, right.

[Vito]

And then they're even talking about 2k.

[Chris D'Elia]

See, I like that about Mamdani. Mamdani Making schools free for all the kids I like. And legalizing prostitutes.

[Mark Normand]

He did.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, that's what he wants to do, but it goes against Islam. That's the problem. That's the hiccup that I have with mom Donnie. Like, you want to legalize toots, but you can't do that if you're really true Muslim.

[Mark Normand]

And he's very pro lgbtqeef. So I'm like, how does that work with Islam, dude? I think they're shitting on him behind his back. They go, oh, look at this guy. Oh, he's.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes, that or it's the opposite. There's a thing in Islam, you know, a taqiyah.

[Mark Normand]

Taqiyah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know about it?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You could fake it too. You fake it, and that's all good. As long as you're pushing Islam forward, you can say anything, do anything.

[Vito]

Do you get nervous with having a second kid with like, how much attention you give one kid and how, like that you'll never be able to do that with a second?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. But I think that's just part of the, like, I. I'm a youngest. I got an older brother, and he got all the attention. So I. That's why I'm a comedian, because I had to go, hey, look at me. I'm doing blackface. I'm doing jazz hands just to get some. Some attention, you know? So I think that just is the nature of the beast.

[Chris D'Elia]

That guy, that black guy just drove by almost. He stuck his head out of the car like a cartoon. She loves Mom Donnie.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's good. What, you want to have a second kid? Veto.

[Vito]

Yeah, but not until. I don't even want to entertain the conversation until we're like in that window where three kids coming up. Cuz right now I'm getting bang for $2,200 a month for daycare.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I'm not paying them that much.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow. Yeah, used to.

[Vito]

When we had ads.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, when we had ads. Why you have ads?

[Chris D'Elia]

Ymh. Better step it the up. That's why.

[Mark Normand]

That's who I'm with too. Yeah, they do well.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Alan, if you're listening, Peggy, you better get me some damn ads.

[Mark Normand]

Alan was Arthur. Do you still go to Alan?

[Chris D'Elia]

No, I haven't went in a while. But you still going to him?

[Mark Normand]

Well, he always told me, you got to assert yourself. You got to Assert yourself. You're not good with asserting. So then he raised the prices on me, and I go, hey, that's too high. And he goes, that's what I'm charging. And I go, I'm asserting. So now I don't see him now,

[Chris D'Elia]

you know, he fucked himself. He fucked himself. Yeah. I remember. I remember I stopped going to him, even though he was right. I had. You know, I was going through, like, a tough time, whatever. And I was crying in his office all the time. And then I'm crying, whatever, get upset, and he goes. And he goes, when are you gonna stop being a fucking pussy?

[Mark Normand]

No, he didn't.

[Chris D'Elia]

Swear to God. He goes, when are you gonna man up? He's like, you know, you're sitting there, and he's like, you know, you got some muscle on you. You come in this confident guy, and then you're crying about the.

[Mark Normand]

This. Whoa.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's like, what, are you gonna toughen up?

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I was like, you're right. Right in the moment. You're right. But then as the. As it settled down, I was like, he was mean to me. I'm not going again. Even though now, all these years later, it's like, he was right.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Chris D'Elia]

He was 100. Right. It's like, what the hell are you letting everything bother you for? He was like. He said. Because I think I heard my father in him, he's like, you're. Seems like you get these qualities from your mother. Yeah, that's what my father would always say. He was like, why don't you stop acting like your mother?

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Chris D'Elia]

And then I think it hurt me. It hurt me in my big boy pants, and I stopped going to them. But now I go to a small Asian woman who's smart. Yeah.

[Vito]

Don't you think it was weird that you were all going to the same therapist?

[Mark Normand]

Like, sure.

[Vito]

That was the comedy therapist that, like, all of you went to?

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Still does. Yeah. And I would feel bad because there's times that's like, you know, the person ahead of you. The door was thin, man. I heard everything.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I heard everything.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know what Gary Goleman was going through.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Huh?

[Vito]

Is that the guy Joe List went to?

[Mark Normand]

Joe List? Sam Morrill, Bobby Kelly.

[Vito]

Fourth of July premiere, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yes. Yeah. He knows everybody, and he's. He's changed all our lives, but he knows all our shit. He could do the best podcast, everything.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dude, I had Gary Goleman the other day. I heard him do a joke where, because, you know, everybody's doing crowd work, he's one of the best in the ever. Great Gary Gallman, truly. And he was like, I mean, you know, obviously, I'm paraphrasing. It was, like, a better bit, but he was, like, talking about, like, you know, all these comedians doing crowd work. He was like, you know, I love these guys. You know, they're like, go to somebody in the audience, like, hey, what do you do for work? He's like, I want an audience member to say, no, no. What do you do for work? That's what I'm here to see, what you're doing for work.

[Mark Normand]

That's a great point.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I was like, that's a good point.

[Mark Normand]

I love it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Good for goal.

[Chris D'Elia]

Good for goal. One time I saw him shooting around, just banging threes out in a park alone in Harlem.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, He's a six. Six. He thought you meant what I thought you meant, like, having sex with a couple of sixes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Couple of sixes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, gollies.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Who had that joke during the roast? I think Draymond's gonna bang Chelsea because he hits a lot of threes.

[Chris D'Elia]

He hit a lot of threes. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's a fun joke.

[Chris D'Elia]

Fun joke.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Vito]

What'd you think of the Rock?

[Mark Normand]

I thought the Rock was drunk and went way too long.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, five minutes.

[Vito]

He did, like, 30.

[Mark Normand]

I know. He just got ahead of himself. He's, like, trying to get Kevin Hart to suck his tit. The whole thing.

[Chris D'Elia]

Was he kind of bombing, too?

[Mark Normand]

A little bit. He's so good at presenting. He's an ex wrestler, so he's like, let me. Let me tell you something, brother.

[Vito]

Also tell that he. They waited till the end so nobody else would attack him. Oh, I felt like that was a PR move.

[Mark Normand]

Smart at the end.

[Vito]

Let me not be in the dais. Let me not go up early. So nobody.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't think you got something there.

[Chris D'Elia]

The Rock came on after. Even Kevin Hart did, like. No.

[Vito]

He went on right before Kevin Hart. So Kevin Hart made a few jokes about him, but he was the last.

[Chris D'Elia]

He was the.

[Vito]

The last roaster to go up.

[Chris D'Elia]

Interesting.

[Vito]

Was a surprise. And it was like.

[Chris D'Elia]

So nobody had the Rock jokes, and he wasn't even sitting in the crowd? No.

[Vito]

And then Tiffany was also just sitting in, like, the second row and didn't

[Chris D'Elia]

speak and didn't get acknowledged and didn't roast.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, didn't roast.

[Vito]

Didn't acknowledge. She just was there. Nobody made a joke about her.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's interesting.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they had a lot of weird Deus stuff going on.

[Chris D'Elia]

Were you in the Room for it.

[Mark Normand]

No, I. I flew back. I had a gig in Toronto.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, Toronto.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I had a casino gig and I forgot my passport. I was in LA because you go LA to Toronto. I'm in la. I'm checking in for my flight scan. Passport. Oh. So I had to take a red eye to my house, pick it up, and then go to Toronto. It was a nightmare. I walk in, my wife's feeding the kid. She's like, what the hell are you doing here? I was like, don't talk to me. I hit her. I grabbed my passport and I flew out.

[Chris D'Elia]

And then you had to do the show that night then?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I had to go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

It was a nightmare.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, the casino gigs, you can't pass up the scratch, baby.

[Mark Normand]

I know. I was with Bobby Kelly. He's like, cancel it. I was like, this is a casino. It's sold out. Fuck you.

[Chris D'Elia]

I gotta do it. Oh, man. The forgetting of the. There would've been no way they would have let you in.

[Mark Normand]

No, I tried everything. I tried everything. I got the real id. I got this. I got that. I got Data entry. What's that called? Global Entry. Nothing.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, but what happens if you were in Canada and you lost your passport? I know. What, are you just gonna have to be a Canadian citizen?

[Mark Normand]

I guess I'll be Trudeau. I'll fuck Katie Perry. Why the hell not?

[Chris D'Elia]

And do blackface.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Just like an Indian.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's right.

[Mark Normand]

It is technically did brown.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's right. We got to do ads. I. I like quality over quantity. Unless Mark's got anything to say.

[Mark Normand]

No, I got nothing. I'm gay. I'm queefy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, you just did Tuesdays with stories, too. So you're burnt out.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Where do you do that? In your house, right?

[Mark Normand]

My house. I got it made. They. The guys come over, we knock it out of my office.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, it's perfect.

[Mark Normand]

I know. I love. I have an office. I, like, feel like a man.

[Chris D'Elia]

Do you really use it, though, as comedians? Like, outside of the pod?

[Mark Normand]

I jerk off in there. I look at Instagram and women.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Do you write in there? You can't write.

[Mark Normand]

I do write. Yeah. I write in there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but you.

[Chris D'Elia]

You just write. You. Do you write movies, too, and. And, like, TV shows or. Mostly just stand up.

[Mark Normand]

It's all stand up. But me and Sam wrote a movie together over zoom. Really? Yeah, we did, like, eight Zoom sessions, and we'd knock out here 10 pages, 12 pages.

[Chris D'Elia]

You. You are good with your, like. You've never, like, fought With Sam or Joe. It seems like in all these years.

[Mark Normand]

Well, we've had our. We've had our tisks, you know, but you get through it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nothing major, though.

[Mark Normand]

Nothing major. No career ending or friendship ending stuff.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's good. You're smart, you're smart. You stay grounded.

[Mark Normand]

Just don't bang anybody's wife, you know?

[Chris D'Elia]

Can't do that.

[Mark Normand]

Don't call their mom a whore. I think you're good, then.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're good. That's it.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Those are the lessons from Mark. See him on the road. What is it, Mark? Markdormancomedy.net you got it.com. what am I, homeless.com marknormancomedy.com see him on the road, baby. Oh, yeah, he probably. Yeah. If you're a fan of my show, you've probably seen him already, so go see him again, you piece of shit. He's always got new material.

[Mark Normand]

I've done every pod you've ever had.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, if he's gonna. That kid's pot. He's supposed to do in Pennsylvania. He'll. He'll do it. See, that's the thing. I'd cancel it. You're. You're very good. You're very good at committing to your work.

[Mark Normand]

I commit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Never cancel.

[Mark Normand]

Never cancel.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like today, like I was. I. Because, you know, we haven't spoken. You know, we confirmed this a couple weeks ago, and then I texted you today, fully assuming you'd be like, oh, shit, I forgot. Which. Totally understand. Be like, no, I'll be there. Yeah, I have it in your schedule.

[Mark Normand]

I had my schedule and I have forgotten, and you got to go. Ah, shit. I guess I'll still do it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is that something that, like. Is that intentional? Is. You've always been like that. You said, if I commit, I'm gonna do it.

[Mark Normand]

I don't want to let you down. I said I would do it, so I got to do it.

[Chris D'Elia]

You haven't let me down.

[Mark Normand]

Who?

[Chris D'Elia]

Pink Ghost. A crackhead that walked over.

[Mark Normand]

Would you do this? Oh, God, maybe. But I have to have an escort with me. Police, something.

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