New York Stories, Old School Parenting, and Marriage Advice w/ Nick Turturro

Summary

Podcast Summary: Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos

Episode Title: New York Stories, Old School Parenting, and Marriage Advice w/ Nick Turturro
Air Date: April 25, 2026
Host: Chris Distefano
Guest: Nick Turturro

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Episode Overview

This episode is an energetic, freewheeling conversation between comedian Chris Distefano and actor Nick Turturro, recorded informally in the back of a minivan—true to the chaotic, spontaneous vibe that defines Chrissy Chaos. The pair swap classic New York stories, reminisce about old-school parenting, explore cross-cultural marriages and family dynamics, and wax poetic about loyalty, Catholic roots, and the ever-changing “energy” of New York City. It’s a rich, laughter-filled ride laced with heartfelt moments and classic New York candor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family, Generational Gaps & New York Identity

• Nick talks about his children and grandson, with old-world names like Apollonia and Centino, and how he’s tried to raise them with authentic New York values (00:21).
  • "They'll never be New York like me... They have it inside them. Because—because of their dad." (Nick, 00:55)
• Both agree you can always spot someone from New York by their drive and energy. Chris connects this with his own anxiety and stomach issues (01:10).

2. Old-School Parenting Styles

• Nick recounts being tied to a chair as a child because he had separation anxiety from his mother and was a nervous kid (01:39).
  • "I grew up a nervous child. I told you, I was tied to my chair because there was trauma in my house..." (Nick, 01:39)
• Chris jokes about what would happen if he tried old-school discipline on his own (Puerto Rican) kids, anticipating a “left hook” from his wife (02:24).

3. Encounters in Modern New York & Lawlessness

• Stories about peeing in public, unruly encounters (e.g., a bathroom confrontation at Prince Street Pizza), and a wild local homeless guy shouting explicit threats highlight the looser rules and unpredictable characters of the city today (03:47–05:19).
  • "It doesn't matter. No, you can pee wherever you want. It's lawless 100." (Chris, 03:55)
• Chris and Nick reminisce about feeling safer in the city during the era when the Mafia had more influence, as compared to the unpredictability they note now (05:20).
  • "There was something nice about when the Mafia was kind of in a little bit more power... you felt a little safer..." (Chris, 05:20)

4. Nostalgic Tour: Italian Eats & Neighborhood Legends

• Nick and Chris exchange memories of Italian restaurants in Queens and Brooklyn: Lenny's Clam Bar, Pizza City, Antica Tattoria, and more (06:33–07:16).
• Nick shares a story about taking the NYPD Blue cast to his favorite local spot during production (07:31).

5. Sports: Knicks, Loyalty, and Family

• The pair dissect the Knicks’ shortcomings and dreams for a championship, blending genuine fandom with comedy about bets and what each would do if the team won (08:03–10:41).
  • "If the Knicks win the championship this year, Daddy's going to grow his hair out like Jalen Brunson." (Chris, 09:06)
• Nick’s moniker “Nikki Blue” emerges from his association with NYPD Blue, Blue Bloods, and Yankees fandom (08:09–08:18).

6. Cross-Cultural Marriage & Parenting

• Nick tells the story of meeting his Filipino wife on an airplane, showing off old photo booth snapshots, and talks about navigating cultural differences and nearly 30 years of marriage (13:53–15:25).
  • "She's not always the easiest, but, you know, still the love of my life." (Nick, 14:17)
• Chris reveals he’s finally getting married in two months after a decade with his partner and requests marriage advice (15:42).

7. Nick’s Marriage Advice

• Nick offers candid, hard-earned wisdom on making marriage work:
  • "Listen to your wife, right? ... Agree more. Because they're usually right. I made a lot of mistakes by disagreeing with her." (Nick, 16:49–17:06)
  • He emphasizes appreciating your partner, learning from mistakes, and remaining present and in love, even after many decades together (17:58).

8. Parenting, Motherhood & Emergencies

• Chris shares a story about his wife springing into action to remove a tick from their daughter’s head—on her own birthday—underscoring the unsung heroics of moms (22:04–23:06).

9. Nick’s Health & Physical Therapy On-Air

• Nick discusses his recent knee replacement, and Chris (a former physical therapist) coaches Nick through physical therapy exercises live on the podcast, blending humor with practical advice (23:31–24:35).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the “Rush” of New York:

  • "They're always in a rush to nowhere. And it's just like you... My blood pressure actually goes up when things calm down."
    (Chris, 01:10)

• On Old School Discipline:

  • "I grew up a nervous child. I told you, I was tied to my chair because there was trauma in my house..."
    (Nick, 01:39)

• On Modern NYC:

  • "It's lawless 100."
    (Chris, 03:56)
  • "There was something nice about when the Mafia was kind of in a little bit more power... you felt a little safer..."
    (Chris, 05:20)

• On Marriage:

  • "Listen to your wife... Agree more. Because they're usually right. I made a lot of mistakes by disagreeing with her."
    (Nick, 16:49–17:06)

• On Being Present:

  • "At least I'm appreciating her more now... From mistakes now... Because I'm still in love with her."
    (Nick, 17:58 & 18:05)

• On Catholic Upbringings:

  • “We should do a show about Queens…I know they did, you know, King of Queens…But we could do it. We could do real guys, real queens. Real queens shit.”
    (Chris, 13:39–13:45)

• On Fatherhood & Call Sheets:

  • "...you’re going through the motions, it feels mechanical, and you’re like well, I’m not being loved no more. I used to be number one on the call sheet, you know, like in a movie. All of a sudden the kids come, this come, you’re like four or five on the call sheet."
    (Nick, 18:09)

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Important Timestamps

• [00:31] – Centino, Nick’s grandson, and stories about New York family
• [01:39] – Nick’s childhood and old school parenting
• [03:47] – The “bathroom incident” at Prince Street Pizza; peeing in public stories
• [05:20] – Mafia, feeling safer in old NYC
• [06:33–07:16] – Italian restaurants, NY food nostalgia
• [08:03–10:41] – Knicks, sports, fandom, and friendship
• [13:53–15:25] – Marriage stories, meeting Nick’s wife
• [16:49–17:06] – Nick’s marriage advice
• [22:04–23:06] – Chris’s wife handles the tick crisis
• [23:31–24:35] – Nick’s knee surgery and impromptu physical therapy session

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Tone & Style

The episode is quintessentially New York—fast-talking, heartfelt, irreverent, and filled with classic banter and mutual respect. Both Chris and Nick bring humor and authenticity, balancing rowdy, unfiltered laughs with genuine insights on family, legacy, love, and loyalty.

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This episode is a treat for anyone who loves old-school New York stories, family wisdom, and the chaotic, good-natured energy that both Chris Distefano and Nick Turturro bring to everything they do.

Transcript

[A]

Whose car is this?

[B]

This is my rental.

[A]

Nice, dude. I like. This is actually comfortable. It's like. It's like they designed this trunk for podcasting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Right here. Just get it up.

[B]

I was gonna get a S. SUV Right. But my wife's like, nah, get the. Get the minivan.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

Yeah. Because my grandson came in and.

[A]

You got a grandson?

[B]

Yeah. Centino. Wow.

[A]

What's his name? I like that. It sounds like Santino Bang.

[B]

Yeah, I like it.

[A]

That's one of those names, I believe.

[B]

Good Baseball player.

[A]

How old is he?

[B]

Six.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

My daughter, Apollonia. All names from the dark dude.

[A]

That's amazing. They sound. It's like statues. I like it. It's my Apollonia work of art.

[B]

Apollonia. Yeah.

[A]

I love it. And you raised your kids in la.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

But, like, they spent all their summers down the Jersey Shore.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So, you know, like, New York, they were exposed to the East Coast.

[A]

I was gonna say, you're such a New York guy that you can't. It doesn't. I don't care if you lived in Guam, your kids would be New York.

[B]

Right, right, right. I mean, they'll never be New York like me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They have it inside them.

[A]

Right, right, right, right.

[B]

Because. Because of their dad.

[A]

Of course, dude.

[B]

So when they come here, they. They're able to adapt.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Because, you know, you bring other people here, they're like, you know, a little slow.

[A]

Yeah. They just. They just don't get it. I always feel there's a thing about, like, I can always tell New York people, like, immediately. Like, immediately. They don't have to talk. I just know the energy. They're always in a rush to nowhere. And it's just like you. You wanting to get things done makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel comfortable when people are just so lackadaisical and they're just letting things come to them. That doesn't work for me. My blood pressure actually goes up when things calm down.

[B]

That's why you have stomach trouble like me. I heard you're very anxiety ridden.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So people that are nervous. I grew up a nervous child. I told you, I was tied to my chair because there was trauma in my house, and so I.

[A]

Why did they tie you to your chair again?

[B]

I ran out every day because I used to, like, I couldn't be away from my mother.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And because maybe I was afraid something would happen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And they would look for me in the neighborhood. Imagine today, I would have been abducted. Six year old. They see me with A hat. They go, there he is.

[A]

There he is.

[B]

Yeah. I used to see my mother crossing the boulevard. I'd be behind a delicatessen. Little kid. I was smart.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then finally my father, you know, he was an old school, really tough guy. I mean, I'm a whip next to my father. And my father came in, shut the door, with my brother Ralph, and he goes, get him. And then all of a sudden, you know, everybody chased me around the chair, and I was crying, whatever. And they allowed it and try to break me of my.

[A]

I'm gonna try that. I got my kid. My wife's Puerto Rican. I got Puerto Rican kids. I know. I want to try in front of. In front of their mother. Just tie one of my daughters to the chair. See what happened? See? See how quick my wife hits me with a left. Oh, my God, dude, could you imagine?

[B]

It's like, your wife is always, like, with my. I have a fight and she's always takes his side.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's always a thorn in my life. My son.

[A]

Your son, right? Yeah.

[B]

It's always like, you know, you feel

[A]

like it's you, it's. It's him and your wife.

[B]

I resented him for a lot of years because he would be in my bed. I turn around, he's in the bed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think it's my wife.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's this kid.

[B]

Sneak.

[A]

What do we got? This is just by. You say you're gonna take it for him.

[B]

Take it to go.

[A]

Yeah, take it to go. Here, I'll put it nice in the trunk. Thank you, sir. Yeah, yeah, that was. It's steaming. I wanted. That guy. That guy went into. There's a little hidden apartment in the back of Prince Street Pizza. And. And Nick. Nick told me I could use the bathroom. And I start walking into the bathroom, and it's that guy's opponent. He's like, what are you doing? Get out of my house. And I said. I said, no, no. I said. I was told I could use the bathroom. I'm doing the podcast. He's like, we don't have a bathroom here. But he was standing in front of the toilet. Did you go, yeah. And I was like, what's that? And he was like, that's stomach trouble. He goes, that's my bathroom. He was like, nobody can come into this bathroom. I said, no, no, I'm with Nick Turturro. He was like, you are? And I said, yeah. And then he's looking at me, and he goes, I don't know you. And I was like, yeah. You know, I don't know me. I was like, I just have to pee. And then your son came in and he's like, no, no, he's with us. Whatever. And then I peed right in his sink.

[B]

You like to pee outside? I do.

[A]

I do pee outside.

[B]

I pee in front of my house.

[A]

And in New York, these rules now. Doesn't matter. No, you can pee wherever you want.

[B]

You can.

[A]

It's lawless 100.

[B]

Oh, they don't give a doctor.

[A]

You kidding me?

[B]

This New York.

[A]

And that doesn't matter at all. Mom, Donnie's wants to open up free grocery stores. He doesn't care if you piss all over the street. This guy, Mom, Donnie doesn't give a. At all. What? Talk about the homeless guy. What homeless guy? Right before we started.

[B]

Yeah, the guy that came by.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

What you think of that guy?

[A]

That homeless guy, He. He screamed out.

[B]

What was he saying?

[A]

What did he say? He said.

[B]

He said, I'm gonna all you in the ass. Yeah, he said, you guys are gonna get bombed next.

[A]

Right? And you all caused coke. No, what he said was, Nick and I are enjoying, by the way. Go. What's. What's your. What's your pod called? The. The show. The Prince Street Pizza Show.

[B]

Delivering happiness.

[A]

Delivering happiness. I just did an episode with Nick that's coming out next week. You'll see the first half of this.

[B]

What's your show called?

[A]

My show. It's called Chrissy Chaos. Chrissy Chaos.

[B]

So it's about Chaos?

[A]

Yes, it's. Well, I mean, we're doing it from the back of a minivan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So what do you think? So the guy that me and Nick are having a good time, enjoying some pizza, getting to know each other, all of a sudden, crazy homeless guys.

[B]

He could have been in the Wanderers.

[A]

Yeah, I should have been in the Wanderers. Yeah. My father probably knows each other.

[B]

Oh, my God, that's Ken Wall. Ken Wall was a fucking handsome dude.

[A]

Look at that. And so we're walking down the block. So this guy's walking down the block and he goes. He goes, I'll fuck you in the ass and you still won't shit. And I said, what the hell? I said, that's the only way I can shit.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And so, but the problem is, you know, like, see, you know, you live out in LA now, you know, New York. It's still got the energy. It's a beautiful thing. But for the first time ever, even in my life, I feel a little like, I don't know, that I'M gonna let my wife and daughters just walk around free. It's a little. Because even that crazy guy, it's like, you know, there was something nice, right? This is controversial a little bit. There was something nice about when the Mafia was kind of in a little bit more power just because you felt a little safer if you mess with them. I get it. There's a problem. I get that there was issues. But I don't think that guy's running around on a. You know, on a family Sunday afternoon saying, I'm gonna fuck you in the ass. And that's how you're gonna shit. If the Mafia is standing outside Prince Street Pizza. Right, Right. And I kind of miss that. I'd like to bring back the Mafia and have them remove Mamdani.

[B]

Listen, I mean, I think it's a. It's. It's good for the neighborhood to have a couple of street guys. Just a couple of street guys.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Because people have that, you know, that respect or the fear.

[A]

Yeah, dude. I remember my father used to take me to Howard Beach.

[B]

I went to Howard Beach a lot as a kid.

[A]

Cross Bay. Cross Bay. Cross Bay Boulevard. Cross Bay Boulevard. But they used to have the Howard beach, like, street festival.

[B]

The kiddie rides. Yeah.

[A]

And I remember, you know, the Gotti guys were out there. They would hand out candy. It was just nice. You never worried about anybody walking through, causing a problem.

[B]

Do you remember Lenny's Clam Bar?

[A]

The original clamor?

[B]

They used to have a place called Pizza City there.

[A]

Pizza City.

[B]

Prima pasta and a place called Bow Wow. I'm a lot older than you, but the Bow Wow was good. Steak sandwiches, right?

[A]

Vincent's. Vincent's. This should be the whole episode, just us naming every Italian restaurant we could possibly think of.

[B]

You got your favorite Italian restaurants in Queens.

[A]

Okay, My favorite Italian. Okay.

[B]

There's a place in Ridgewood that my buddy owns.

[A]

Rolo's, right?

[B]

No. And a guy took it over, and I hear it's still great.

[A]

What's it called?

[B]

Antica Tattoria.

[A]

Oh, Antica Tattoria on Fresh Palm Road. Shout out to Fresh Palm Road.

[B]

My friend Matteo Ingrao owned it.

[A]

That's it. That place is fantastic.

[B]

You've been there? I used to go there. My friend owned it, and he sold it to another, probably Sicilian, and kept it going.

[A]

This is what's amazing about New York City. Like, I'm born and raised in Ridgewood, right? And, like, you're, you know, whatever small town you might be from listening to the show. Like, if a guy like Nick Turturro came into your town, it'd be in the newspaper, but in New York City, it's like you were going to a restaurant. I live four blocks from there. I never knew you were going to the frickin.

[B]

I took the whole cast of NYPD Blue. We were doing exteriors. We used to come do it because the show was shot in la. We were doing exteriors. And I go, hey, guys, I got something. Right over the bridge. They go, where? I had all these limos, I go over the bridge, they go, where? And they're all following me. They were pissed off. They go, where the is this Nick taking us? Then we pull in the Fresh Pond road, four limos, everybody gets out. Dennis Fries, Jimmy Schmitz. They're like, this kid duped us.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I said, yeah, you're gonna have a good time. Don't worry, you're not gonna be mad.

[A]

Wow. Dude, you were in NYPD Blue and Blue Bloods, right?

[B]

I made my name on nypd. That was a great show.

[A]

But I'm just saying, how many. How many guys are in two shows with the name Blue in it?

[B]

I know, well, just, you know, Blue kind of goes with me. Like I'm Yankee Blue, Blue bloods, NYPD Blue, everybody. I'm like, Nikki Blue.

[A]

You're fine. You're Nikki Blue.

[B]

Yeah, Nikki Blue.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

I used to be Nikki Red sauce, because I made a great sauce.

[A]

Why don't you make. You don't make sauce.

[B]

I still make it, but it was in a jar one time. But my partners went to jail, so

[A]

now that's what happens. Are you a Knicks fan?

[B]

I am, yeah. I saw the last couple of minutes, I went to this place to lounge and. Yeah, by Williamsburg. And Yeah, it was horrible that they didn't get a shot off.

[A]

They didn't get a shot off.

[B]

12 and a half seconds.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How does that happen?

[A]

Dude, it was bad.

[B]

My brother's a big. You're a big name.

[A]

I see a brother at the game.

[B]

Yeah, they're not going to win a championship the way they play. They're not you, you. You cannot be a solo and never pass the basketball.

[A]

Do you think that they're going to do next year if they don't win the championship? They're going to go get this guy, the Greek freak from Milwaukee.

[B]

They have to do.

[A]

They got to do that, right?

[B]

This guy's too soft. That. Yeah, that guy Towns.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the other guy, he. He's a. Is a one man show.

[A]

And you know what sucks?

[B]

He's good, but he's a one man show.

[A]

Jalen Brunson and Jaylen Brunson. And what sucks is I promised my family, I looked the kids in the eye and I shook all their hands. I said, if the Knicks win the championship this year, Daddy's going to grow his hair out like Jalen Brunson.

[B]

You better be happy they get by Atlanta.

[A]

I know, dude.

[B]

It blew two fucking games.

[A]

Two games. And then they play. Well, they play tomorrow night because if

[B]

they lose tomorrow, they're done.

[A]

You can't be down 3:1. No, no, no, no.

[B]

They win tomorrow to get a shot.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, come on, man.

[B]

You gotta win tomorrow.

[A]

You gotta beat the Hawks.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you can't lose. That's a bad look.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You fired Thibodeau because. Oh, my offense was no good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it's no better.

[A]

No better? You had one guy playing not enough guys. This guy's playing too many guys. You're like, come on, dude, let's get it together.

[B]

I mean, look at the. Look at the good teams. Look at the Thunder. Look at the way they play. Look at last year with Indiana.

[A]

They passed the ball all over the court, playing good.

[B]

Listen, I played basketball. I know. You cannot win that way.

[A]

Yeah, dude, you know what I mean? What the fuck?

[B]

Would you be happy if they win the series?

[A]

You know what? You know what? Next year, next year, if the Knicks don't win, here's the penalty. The Knicks City Dancers are going to be the guys from the Replacements. Remember those cheerleaders? Him, Tracy Morgan.

[B]

They put you in the celebrity row?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, they put me in the celebrity role. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Are you going on? What are you going on? Was it Monday?

[A]

Monday. I'm going to see if I could go Monday. I went to game two.

[B]

I might leave Monday night. But you know, what if they're playing Monday.

[A]

How about this? Ready for this? Ready for this? And this is a commitment. If you go. How about this? If you're here Monday, I'll text you if I get tickets. We'll go together.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Do you go? Do we do all the connect? You go to court so you know the people.

[B]

I haven't. I haven't really used that connect.

[A]

So you use the connect. You come with me.

[B]

You have a connect?

[A]

Yeah, I got to connect.

[B]

I used to. You know, my brother goes there all the time.

[A]

Your brother go? Yeah, I say hi to him, but he's not, you know, I'm not his cup of tea. I could tell. I. I'm more Your cup of tea. I can tell your brother looks at a guy like me. It's like, this guy's too much for me.

[B]

Yeah, he's my brother.

[A]

This guy wants to talk about the metamorphosis.

[B]

Yeah, he's. He's a little different than me, my brother.

[A]

He's a little different.

[B]

Great guy once you get to know him.

[A]

Fantastic actor. Oh, both of you guys, brilliant.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[A]

Yeah. All right. Go Nick's baby.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Go Nick's. Go Nick. Tutoro. Nick's Tutoro. That's what I'm calling myself on Twitter from now on. Now, you're the kind of guy. I bet you. Nikki red sauce. Nikki blue balls. You would. You would. If you got an even. I'm talking about a microscopic drop of sauce on this Sergio Ticcini, you would light this thing on fire and get it out of here.

[B]

It would be bad, right?

[A]

This thing. Here's the thing. With a guy like Nick Turturro, I guarantee you this guy's wearing. He's dressed in the nines, full white. Beautiful. He was just eating. We were eating over a garbage can outside on Prince Street. He was eating pepperoni, leaking oil. Pizza.

[B]

I was careful, but not a speck. But that's why I don't like gorgeous. I'm not always that way, Chris.

[A]

Yeah, but the fact that you could even. Could even, you know, not get one stain on it is very impressive.

[B]

I was conscious of it. That's right.

[A]

Well, you know. You know who protects you without even.

[B]

Who?

[A]

This guy right here. The big man. Jesus Christ.

[B]

This one is for my godfather passed away a few years ago. And Vinnie D has. My cousin said, you should have this.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And then this from my mother.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So beautiful. It's nice. You're a boy, right?

[A]

100%.

[B]

You go to church?

[A]

I go to church every Sunday.

[B]

Atta boy.

[A]

St Matthias Church in Ridgewood.

[B]

Maybe that's what the show should be

[A]

about, us going to church.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You go to church, too?

[B]

I do now.

[A]

Right? You gotta go Catholic.

[B]

I went to Catholic school.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

I'm the only kid that went to Catholic. My brother's old. They, like, rejected Catholic school. Right. But I followed my mother. My mother was religious, Right?

[A]

Me too. I went to Catholic school. Kindergarten through eighth grade, high school and college.

[B]

Where'd you go to high school?

[A]

Archbishop Malloy. Oh, I know Malloy.

[B]

All boys school.

[A]

All boys school.

[B]

Jack Curran.

[A]

Jack Curran. That was the coach my father wanted

[B]

me to go to. Malloy. There's a guy From Rosedale. Two guys from Rosedale were legendary basketball players. Whitey Rigsby and Billy Clark. These guys were legends. When I was, you know, way before your time. But Jack Curran, I mean, you know, Malloy was like, I played basketball. You gotta go to Malloy. We gotta go to Malloy to play Holy Cross.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

St. Francis Prep. I wanted to go to St. Francis Prep.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because the girls were pretty.

[A]

They're beautiful.

[B]

But I was half stupid.

[A]

That's what we said.

[B]

And they sent me to St Agnes. All the dumb kids.

[A]

Right. If you were breathing, that's what it is.

[B]

St. Agnes took you.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They took you. Yeah. That took you. So that's where you went. Saint. Which. That school's closed now, but. Jack Curran, legendary coach. My original.

[B]

I didn't know you with the Malloy.

[A]

Yeah. My original screen name was called I. I named myself Jack Kern's Bike Shorts. Because he used to wear bike shorts, you know, like, that you would wear. It'd be like, shorts that you would wear underneath. Pants. He would wear them just out in the open. Just guys just wearing bike shorts.

[B]

I said, no, we should do a show about Queens. I know they did, you know. King of Queens.

[A]

Yeah, but we could do it better.

[B]

But we could do it.

[A]

We could do real guys, real queens. Real queen shit.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

You know what I mean, Kevin.

[B]

Long Island. You're married?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I.

[A]

You got a Filipino wife?

[B]

I got a Filipino wife right now.

[A]

I used to be a physical therapist. Filipinos. Because they.

[B]

I met her on airplane.

[A]

Did you really?

[B]

Yeah, she was a flight attendant. Wow. She almost didn't give me her number.

[A]

Did she come over and say, are you a Nicotoro? No, she didn't have a Filipino.

[B]

No accent. Gorgeous.

[A]

I believe it. Beautiful. Send a pic. Let's see it.

[B]

No, no. Let me show you.

[A]

Does she look like your son? Your son's beautiful. He's got gorgeous hair.

[B]

He's beautiful. He's got movie. Starbucks.

[A]

My way. Really Filipino. A. Beautiful people.

[B]

She's. She's, you know, she's not always the easiest, but, you know, still the love of my life. You want to laugh? These are. This is a picture. You know those pictures years ago when you used to, like, take in the photo booth?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Yeah. So.

[A]

So what year we. What year are you about to pull up?

[B]

This is like 94.

[A]

Then you met her.

[B]

Well, this is just us. Wow. But I have a picture when she was a flight.

[A]

I mean, she's beautiful. And look at you, Nick. Oh, my God, dude, you look like Super Mario. Let me show you got that mustache.

[B]

She was a flight.

[A]

Can I show it? Is that all right?

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

I don't care. Look at that. Beautiful. What a beautiful, beautiful couple.

[B]

So these pictures when she was a flight attendant. Everybody else was in the picture. I cut them all out.

[A]

Look at this. She's beautiful. Look at that. If you look real close. I mean, Nick. I mean, that's the thing with Sicilians is they always look Middle Eastern.

[B]

You look at the beach, not on the main.

[A]

Oh, my. Jesus Christ. Look at that.

[B]

Yeah, she was gorgeous.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

But I felt, you know, like she almost didn't give me her number. Yeah, right.

[A]

Look at that. Nick. Tutori. Look. Look at that. See that? Boom.

[B]

It's my new thing now. I show pictures of her.

[A]

I'll tell you what. That. You know what? The Italian kind of Middle Eastern right there, too.

[B]

Yeah, that was. That was the James Martinez look.

[A]

Yeah. This guy's not. He's having a tough time getting a lot of hair.

[B]

That was my Puerto Rican look.

[A]

But you still look. Yeah. And you're still married 30 years later.

[B]

Almost 30 years.

[A]

Do you have any? Because I'm. I'm. I'm new to it all. Marriage. No. So that, you know. You ready for this? About to blow your mind right now. I've been with my. Been with my girl 10 years. We're still not married yet, legally. That's happening for the.

[B]

When?

[A]

Two months from now.

[B]

Gonna do it in the church, right?

[A]

We're gonna do. Yeah. Doing the whole thing. Queens in Queens at the. Oh, I can't say the venue yet, but, yeah, in Queens. And if it already happened, I would

[B]

say, let me know. I'll come.

[A]

You want to come?

[B]

Well, I have to be invited.

[A]

No, you're invited. Veto. Because Veto just made it. Veto. My. My podcast. He was the last guy in. He's out. You're in?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're in. Veto's out.

[B]

So you're gonna get married, and officially you're gonna have a Sarah reception.

[A]

The whole thing. We're gonna do the whole thing.

[B]

Where are you doing it? In Queens.

[A]

In Queens. We're gonna do it, but imagine this, because. Vito, how about this? You know, why.

[B]

Don't do it too big, bud.

[A]

No, no, no. We're doing 100 people. 100 people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Vito made the cut. And what's up, man? Thank you, bud. I appreciate it, man. You got great hair. You have to see his hair. 30 years ago. It looked fantastic. What's up?

[B]

Thank you. Nice Jacket.

[A]

Yeah, you really do look nice. All right, see who's got the hair grown out in the back. I like that. Yeah. He's got better hair than me.

[B]

No, you got good hair.

[A]

Yeah, I appreciate it. You make me feel good, Nick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what I like about you.

[B]

That's what I'm here for.

[A]

You make it nice. But now. Yeah, so. So what? Do you have any advice for me as a guy new into marriage? Even though I've been with my girl a long time, how do you. How do you make it 30 years? Is there anything that you've learned over the years?

[B]

What I've learned. And I'll tell you the truth. Listen to your wife, right? You know, don't fight her.

[A]

No, don't.

[B]

Agree more.

[A]

Agree more.

[B]

Yeah, Agree more. Because they're usually right, Right. I made a lot of mistakes by disagreeing with her. Yes. I made a lifetime of mistakes by disagreeing. By not listening to her.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because she had my best interest.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I wanted to fucking fight her. This and that. And.

[A]

And now you guys have a great

[B]

relationship, but after 25 years of mistakes, there's a.

[A]

Mistakes, right? Yeah.

[B]

So I'm telling you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Giving you a head, you know? Nice piece of advice.

[A]

Just listen.

[B]

Listen to her.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And agree more.

[A]

And agree more. And Filipino women. Because I used to be a physical therapist, and a lot of Filipino people are physical therapists. Therapist. They're tough Filipino women. I remember one time I was pissing off one of the ladies I worked with. She came in the next day, hit me with a bamboo stick. Just bang.

[B]

And they're very, like, you know. Yeah, they're very kind of passive aggressive.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You might think, oh, they're so nice.

[A]

You don't.

[B]

You don't know them.

[A]

You don't know them.

[B]

You don't know them. Do you know them?

[A]

Right.

[B]

You don't know them till you live with them. You know what I mean?

[A]

But what a beautiful life he created. I know.

[B]

I mean, she's a beautiful. And I feel like I spent a lot of time.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, being stupid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I really do.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But you know what? At least I'm appreciating her more now.

[A]

Now? Yeah.

[B]

From mistakes now.

[A]

Because. Because the truth is, you're 64. It needs to.

[B]

Because I'm still in love with her.

[A]

Isn't that nice?

[B]

You're still gonna be in love?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

100%, you know, cuz at times, you know, you're going through the motions, it feels mechanical and you're like well, I'm not being loved no more. I used to be number one on the call sheet, you know, like in a movie. All of a sudden the kids come. This come. You're like four or five on the call sheet.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, you know, you're loving Timothy Chalamet. Him? Yeah.

[B]

Like I introduced her to Travolta.

[A]

Travolta.

[B]

He was rubbing my back.

[A]

Exactly. Well, we know why, you know.

[B]

And then she goes, I like. I like that wrestler. Because he was. I go, if he was ugly, you wouldn't like him.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

She's loyal. But I'm just saying, why do you gotta just pick on the good looking people?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Like somebody who's like distorted looking.

[A]

Yeah, right. Like Vito, look. Yeah.

[B]

I don't mean.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

Like, I like guys that are like, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everybody has to be attractive.

[A]

Yeah. Something. Vito, She's a great woman. The reason why we're doing the podcast in the back of a minivan is because we were supposed to film it two days ago. And then Vito woke up two days ago. Both his hands went numb. He couldn't push the record button on the camera. Isn't that wild?

[B]

You know what? I love this isn't this.

[A]

Should I do this?

[B]

This is. This is great. You might be on to something with this.

[A]

We should actually just do the show in the back of a minivan.

[B]

No, I'm saying, do you guys have a minivan?

[A]

No, but he's got a Nissan Rogue.

[B]

A Rogue.

[A]

We should just do the show with Nick Turo every week.

[B]

I mean, you know, it's just show. I mean, you know.

[A]

Yeah, but why not? You come over. Maybe you. You got Filipino wife, I got the Puerto Rican wife. They'll have a show. We'll have a show.

[B]

I don't know. We'll see how. I wonder how they would get along.

[A]

They would get along. Yeah, they would get along.

[B]

She's a good mom, right? She good wife.

[A]

Veto can tell. I mean, excellent mother. Excellent wife. Yeah.

[B]

You guys thought date night?

[A]

Date night. We do all that.

[B]

The thing is, are you romantic?

[A]

I try to be. I got to do a better job.

[B]

Be a massager.

[A]

I do. Because I got those physical therapy skills. So sometimes.

[B]

So do you just offer the massages?

[A]

Well, I offer the massage, but then sometimes I. It goes.

[B]

What do you do? You say, turn over, honey, turn over.

[A]

I give a massage, but then sometimes I'm stretching out the hamstring, stretching our neck.

[B]

She's like, I didn't ask You a question? Do you get a little. Do you get excited when you massage?

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, I can't stop popping boners. Guys, I want you out there rock hard for summer. Do you know the only way you're going to have a rock hard cock? Blue Chew. Blue Chew is the only way you guys can get rock hard. I'm sitting down. I'm sitting down here in Soho. I'm getting hit in the head left and right with rock hard cocks. You know why? Everybody out here is on Blue Chew. Okay? It's time for less talking and more rocking and cocking. That's what I want to see. Less hanging, more bangin, less thinking, more drinking. Chew it and do it, baby. Blue Chew. We've got a special deal for the deal for the Christian Chaos listeners. All you gotta do is go to bluechew.com, put in that promo code. Chaos. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast and for sponsoring my rock hard cock.

[B]

Wow, he's sitcom material.

[A]

Nick, tutorial. We're pulling a little Bluechew and your Prince street pizza. We'll combine both sponsors. Hey, also, my wife's birthday. My wife's birthday on Friday, so we had a. We didn't know what the hell to do. We. We didn't know.

[B]

It's a lot of pressure, right?

[A]

So I wound up. What I did is we took her out to dinner. Here's what happened. Vito, you ready for this? We took my daughter. We take my wife and her family out to dinner. My family, you know, brought her mom. My mom brought her a beautiful bag. I brought a leather bag. She loved it. I actually did. Good. I took a chance and I bought it.

[B]

She likes handbags.

[A]

She likes handbags. But normally a guy can't pick that out the right way. But I went, dude, I picked it out, and I picked out a winner. She told me this, and she loves this bag.

[B]

What'd you pick out?

[A]

It's from Peter Herman. Leather Goods, which is right over here. A beautiful bag.

[B]

Does she have a nice collection?

[A]

She has a nice. Well, she's starting one. But you know what? You know what? Got lucky. Shout out Peter Herman.

[B]

That's a turn on when you can pick out a handbag for them and things like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They get turned on by that.

[A]

Well. And you know how it happened is the guy who was helping me was a gay guy. And I was like. He was asking me all about a wife. And then he goes. And he's looking at me, goes, you know what? You know what we're gonna do here? He was like, I'm gonna pick out a bag if you were my boyfriend. How about that? And I was like, really? What does that mean? And he was like, I'm just gonna dress you up in the bag, and it'll be perfect for your wife. And he picks out this brown bag that I actually fucking really liked. I was like, that bag actually is nice if I was a gay man.

[B]

Excellent.

[A]

And then I picked it out, and then I brought it to her, and she said, this is a fantastic bag. And she was like. She was like, be honest. Did a woman help? Did a woman pick this out for you? I said, no, it was actually a gay guy. She was like, all right. But anyway, so we give her the bag, give her the dinner, right? We're having a great dinner. All of a sudden, she has to go into mom mode. We're eating outside. My daughter, my little four year old daughter comes up to her in the middle of the dinner. She's like, mommy, my head hurts. So we turn around. My daughter had a tick burrowing into the back of her fucking head at dinner. So Jasmine gets up into mom mode. Tweeze. Like we're in a, you know, like an episode of the Pit Tweezers. I watched her pull a tick, engorged tick out of my daughter's head, you know? And then. And then Jasmine says, because even though it's her birthday, whatever I said I would do it. Jazz, like, it's my daughter. I'm taking her to the hospital. We got to make sure that she doesn't eat laundries or anything like that. And then. So we just, you know. So as she was leaving, the last thing I said, I was like, are you gonna eat this food? Because I'd like to eat that. And so I ate Jasmine's food and her cake. My daughter spent my Jazz and my daughter's.

[B]

She okay?

[A]

She's okay, yeah. My daughter.

[B]

What was it?

[A]

A tick.

[B]

Tick.

[A]

You don't deal with ticks in la. We got them bigger. In where I live, there's ticks everywhere. It's tick city.

[B]

Oh, because you're up in Westchester.

[A]

Right, Right. So we got in the. In the tall grass over there, there's ticks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Over here, there's no ticks.

[B]

Well, if something's gonna happen, yeah, it'll happen to me. Because a lot of shit happens to me.

[A]

What's the crazy Anything?

[B]

I mean, I Just had a knee replacement.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do your knees feel brand new?

[B]

No, it's like a bionic knee.

[A]

So it's stiff, right?

[B]

You know, and I can't, like. I can't. Like, when I bend, I have to, like.

[A]

Yeah, do this right.

[B]

You know, like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's not like the same.

[A]

Right. Woman. As a former physical therapist, I could take a look.

[B]

Well, what are you gonna do? I already knew, right?

[A]

Oh, let's see.

[B]

I haven't done enough physical therapy.

[A]

Scar tissue's good? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So they're happy with it.

[A]

How about this? Can you get. Can you get the hip up? Nice. There you go. Any pain?

[B]

No, just stiff a little. No pain, right? No.

[A]

So you gotta stretch.

[B]

They had pain.

[A]

We got to do straight leg raises. You know what straight leg raises are?

[B]

What is that?

[A]

You lay down on your back, one leg up, and then you're going to bring this leg up to both knees parallel, and then come down, bring the good knee, good knee up. And then remember this? Remember this when you're walking up and down stairs. Up with the good, down with the bad. You go up with the good leg, you come down with the bad. So what we do is come up, come up, down, knee to knee. Don't go any higher. That's what it is.

[B]

I'm really tight.

[A]

Yeah, but. But you're good. So I want you to do three sets of 10 on that, each leg.

[B]

Really?

[A]

We'll see you here next week.

[B]

All right, thank you.

[A]

All right. Thank you. All right.