We Ask Another Brit Who The Hell Robbie Williams Is w/ Russel Howard

Summary

Chris DiStefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos – Episode Summary: "We Ask Another Brit Who The Hell Robbie Williams Is" with Russell Howard

Release Date: January 14, 2025

In this engaging episode of Chrissy Chaos, host Chris DiStefano sits down with British comedian Russell Howard to delve into the cultural nuances between the UK and the US, the enigmatic figure Robbie Williams, and personal anecdotes that showcase the humor and challenges of navigating fame and family life across the Atlantic.

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1. The Mystery of Robbie Williams

[00:00] Chris DiStefano: Chris introduces the central theme of the episode: the perplexing presence of British superstar Robbie Williams in American pop culture.

[01:43] Russell Howard: Russell expresses his fascination with Robbie Williams' global fame, noting, "What's fascinating is because he's massive in the UK, we don't get it here."

The discussion highlights how Robbie Williams, a household name in the UK, remains relatively obscure in the US, leading to humorous confusion when his likeness is portrayed by a monkey in an upcoming film.

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2. Cultural Differences in Comedy and Celebrity Recognition

[10:08] Chris DiStefano: Chris shares his admiration for London's rich history and the friendly demeanor of its residents, contrasting it with the perceived chaos in American society.

[12:15] Russell Howard: Russell remarks on America's unique entertainment landscape, stating, "Anything can happen in America," and reflects on viral phenomena like a woman becoming famous overnight through unconventional means.

The conversation underscores the differing comedic infrastructures and audience perceptions between the two countries. While the UK boasts iconic shows like Only Fools and Horses, America thrives on a dynamic and fast-paced comedy scene that allows for rapid idea generation and dissemination.

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3. Personal Stories: Engagement and Family Dynamics

[47:07] Russell Howard: Sharing a personal story, Russell recounts proposing to his partner in Japan during a sumo wrestling match, blending romance with humor.

[48:18] Chris DiStefano: Chris discusses his recent engagement, highlighting the unconventional and inclusive nature of his relationship. He humorously contemplates having his stepson as the best man, emphasizing a modern and flexible approach to family roles.

These anecdotes reveal the hosts' perspectives on love, commitment, and the blending of personal and public lives in the realm of comedy and beyond.

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4. Pets and Perceptions: The Debate Over Pit Bulls

[33:04] Russell Howard: Russell delves into the controversial topic of pit bulls, explaining the divide between enthusiasts who advocate for their safety and opponents who fear them as dangerous animals.

[34:42] Vito: Vito connects the discussion to broader societal issues, such as migration, drawing parallels between the treatment of certain dog breeds and the challenges faced by migrants in America.

The segment sheds light on how pets, much like social issues, are perceived differently across cultures, and how stereotypes can influence public opinion and policy.

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5. Health and Fitness: Managing Gout and Staying Active

[23:25] Vito: Vito opens up about his struggle with gout, detailing how certain foods trigger painful flare-ups.

[60:04] Chris DiStefano: Chris reflects on his fitness journey, emphasizing that his motivation stems from a desire to stay active and present for his children. He shares his adaptations, such as incorporating his kids into his workouts, illustrating the balance between personal health and family responsibilities.

[58:14] Russell Howard: Russell echoes the sentiment, discussing the importance of fitness for longevity and the challenges of maintaining health amidst a busy lifestyle.

This conversation highlights the personal battles and triumphs related to health, showcasing how family and personal goals intertwine with fitness aspirations.

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6. Political Commentary: Brexit, Trump, and Media Influence

[39:28] Vito: Vito brings up the similarities between the Brexit campaign and Trump's rise, noting the blame placed on elites and the appeal to rural populations.

[40:29] Russell Howard: Russell critiques the polarization in American politics, expressing concern over leaders like Elon Musk whose statements can incite widespread reactions, as evidenced by his tweet on civil war.

[44:38] Russell Howard: The discussion turns to the societal discrepancies in America, such as homelessness juxtaposed with the affluent tendency to prioritize issues differently, reflecting on the fragmented nature of American society.

These insights delve into the complexities of political movements and the role of influential figures in shaping public discourse and societal outcomes.

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7. The Evolution of Stand-Up Comedy: UK vs. US Dynamics

[66:13] Russell Howard: Russell contrasts the stand-up comedy scenes of the UK and the US, praising the robust infrastructure in New York that fosters rapid idea development compared to the more limited venues in the UK.

[67:23] Chris DiStefano: Chris agrees, noting the vast opportunities in America for comedians, from performing in diverse cities to leveraging platforms like YouTube for greater exposure.

[68:52] Russell Howard: They discuss the challenges of maintaining authenticity and audience engagement in different markets, emphasizing the unique aspects of each country's comedic landscape.

This segment underscores the adaptability required in comedy, highlighting how geographical and cultural contexts influence comedic styles and career trajectories.

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8. Humor and Personal Imperfections: Embracing Authenticity

[59:55] Russell Howard: Reflecting on teenage insecurities, Russell and Chris humorously discuss the impact of personal flaws and societal expectations, relating it to their experiences in the public eye.

[60:33] Chris DiStefano: Chris candidly talks about his physical imperfections and how fatherhood has shifted his motivation for fitness from vanity to familial presence.

[61:25] Russell Howard: The conversation evolves into how personal growth and acceptance play pivotal roles in maintaining mental and emotional well-being, especially under the scrutiny that comes with fame.

By embracing their vulnerabilities and imperfections, the hosts highlight the importance of authenticity in personal and professional realms.

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9. Closing Remarks and Future Endeavors

[71:19] Russell Howard: Russell announces his upcoming live-streamed comedy special scheduled for January 15th, providing details on how listeners can access it through his website.

[71:39] Chris DiStefano: Chris praises the format, acknowledging the benefits of live performances over traditional streaming platforms like Netflix for maintaining a personal connection with the audience.

The episode concludes with a blend of humor and anticipation for future projects, leaving listeners eager for more content from both comedians.

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Notable Quotes:

• Russell Howard [01:43]: "What's fascinating is because he's massive in the UK, we don't get it here."

• Russell Howard [12:15]: "Anything can happen in America."

• Chris DiStefano [23:25]: "I'm going to have my stepson be the best man. Why not?"

• Russell Howard [33:04]: "It’s all about how you raise them. And you're like, well, I see the people that have them, and they just give me the fear."

• Chris DiStefano [60:04]: "All of my exercise is just for the goal of I want to be able to run around and play with my kids."

• Russell Howard [39:10]: "Civil war is inevitable."

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This episode of Chrissy Chaos masterfully blends humor with insightful discussions on cultural differences, personal growth, and the intricacies of fame. Through candid conversations and relatable anecdotes, Chris DiStefano and Russell Howard offer listeners a window into the life of a comedian navigating both the UK and US entertainment landscapes.

Transcript

[Chris DiStefano]

This cold and flu season, Instacart is here to help deliver all of your sick day essentials. Whether you're in prevention mode and need vitamins, hand sanitizer, and that lemon tea your nana swears by, or you're in healing mode and need medicine, soup and a lot more tissues, simply download the Instacart app to get sick day supplies that reinvigorate or relieve. Delivered in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus enjoy. Zero delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders. Service fees and terms apply. Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Chrissy Chaos. Folks, get ready. Buckle up. The British invasion continues. Last week we had the guy you've been asking for. You've been sending messages. Why aren't there more Sri Lankan people on the show? And I delivered. Okay, we had Ramesh Ranganatan on. Now you've said, chris, what we need is what we want from you. What we want from you. What the burning question here in America is. And I'm just gonna do it with, with my last guest with you. And then next week we have another British guy on. The question is for every British guest that comes on is who is Robbie Williams? We don't know. We don't know why he has a movie. We don't know who he is. And we have British sensation Hottie with a body, Brand new father. Can't believe he's fawdy fo. The kid's definitely on Ozempic. Looking good. Chiseled bone structure, Glasses in the morning.

[Russell Howard]

Go on.

[Chris DiStefano]

Just going, you know, you guys, you've got me there.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, I'm so close.

[Chris DiStefano]

Better than Russell Brand, better than Russell Stover, better than my uncle Russell. It's Russell Howard, folks.

[Russell Howard]

Hey olay, how you doing?

[Chris DiStefano]

That's it.

[Russell Howard]

Funny, isn't it? Robbie Williams. What's fascinating is because he's massive in.

[Chris DiStefano]

The uk, we don't get it.

[Russell Howard]

But he has a global film where he's played by a monkey. Yes, but that's fantastic. It's sort of. Imagine how many people told him this is a bad idea.

[Chris DiStefano]

I would think everybody. And the thing is, is what we asked Ramesh about this too is we just. It's not that I'm crapping on Robbie Williams. I'm not at. We just. We were so blown away when we saw it because we just don't know who he is here. Most, maybe some older people know who he is and some real iron music fans, but he's such a massive celebrity outside of the US and we understand that. We respect that. But here we. When they were showing the movie to us, we were like, what? What is this?

[Russell Howard]

But it's. There's a beautiful arrogance to it. But it'd be a bit like the Golden Girls rocking up and going, we're unicorns in. You know, like Estelle Getty.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

I was trying to think of, like, Will and Grace. Will and Grace rock up and they're a cheetah in America. Chess check. You know, sort of.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I like what you're about, dude. I'm digging your energy. Okay, here's the thing. I think we were talking about this. Cause Pat, who opens up the studio. Patty clips. Fatty Patty. Patty with the fatty. His Staten Island Patty. Patty Lebanon Patty, Buttcracks.

[Russell Howard]

Do you read your kids bedtime stories?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes, I do.

[Russell Howard]

And do they go off on tangents?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, they go wild.

[Russell Howard]

I just want to fucking sleep.

[Chris DiStefano]

My kids are begging for nyquil. And so. And so he was late.

[Russell Howard]

But that should be the advert. It's just you reading it and the kid just looks at the camera, goes, nyquil. Because he won't. When Daddy won't shut the fuck up.

[Chris DiStefano]

Fuck up. Yeah. So he. So. So he was late. So we were talking in the hallway for a while and we got yelled at by the security guard. He told us. He told us to. She basically told us to shut our fricking mouths. Yeah, but he's a veteran of the US army, so we salute him and we thank him for his service.

[Russell Howard]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

Even though he's war torn. He's. He's a war torn guy. And he was just yelling at us. And I. And the thing is, you can't mess with a war veteran his age because then what's going to happen is he's going to think you're Vietnamese and he's going to just start shooting.

[Russell Howard]

Right, Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

And we can't do that.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

So you just put your head down and. And you shut up.

[Russell Howard]

How did you know he was a veteran?

[Chris DiStefano]

Because his hat said US army veteran.

[Russell Howard]

Right?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. And I read American English, but you're British English, so it's different. You didn't have. There wasn't a random U in it, so you couldn't read it.

[Russell Howard]

No. That's so interesting. But the. But he looked at us for a second and told us off.

[Chris DiStefano]

He did.

[Russell Howard]

So you took in everything. Well, that was a real New York minute. Moment. But you kind of like. Okay, yeah. Because when he said, thank you for your service, I thought you were taking the piss out of him. Because he was Just an old man and you. And I was like, God, he looks like he's ready to go.

[Chris DiStefano]

I was saluting him.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Thank him for service. And I just know that kind of guy. And we're here all talking about, like, you know, we're talking about comedy and art and whatever, so in his mind, he's like, these. These five girls gotta shut up. He thought we were women.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

A guy like that thought that you and I were just two girls chatting it up in the corner.

[Russell Howard]

And I do look like a German lesbian, so that's fine.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's actually.

[Russell Howard]

But you look like a man, so you must be upset.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You know.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, I don't care. But that is wild.

[Russell Howard]

A New York next top on.

[Chris DiStefano]

I know.

[Russell Howard]

We were talking about anal sex.

[Chris DiStefano]

Not with each other in the elevator.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah. So sure. Well, I don't think he thought. Maybe he thought you. Maybe he was trying to protect me.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

As a German lesbian.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

And he was looking in and going, hey, you know.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Leave him alone. Leave her alone.

[Chris DiStefano]

I do, I do. I do see that. Now you got the. What would your German lesbian name be?

[Russell Howard]

I guess Heidi. I look like a Heidi.

[Chris DiStefano]

You do look like a Heidi.

[Russell Howard]

I kind of look like I'd spend a lot of time on hills.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Look like I could yodel, right? Yeah. Yeah, that vibe. Yeah. I don't look. I don't look English.

[Chris DiStefano]

You. No, no, no, you don't. Yeah, you. I wouldn't.

[Russell Howard]

It kind of works in England, but then as soon as I get to America, right? John Oliver. John looks English.

[Chris DiStefano]

He does.

[Russell Howard]

You know what I mean? He makes sense. He sounds English. He looks English.

[Chris DiStefano]

You do look like the kind of person that you have. Probably have perfect bmi. Like your body. The. The way that your body is. Is exactly designed. It's the way that German. You know, who would want it? This is. This is the look.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is the look for a man and a woman. Right here is what he wanted because you're. I bet your weight. You ready for this? I don't know what it is in stones or kilos, but I'm just gonna go, pounds.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

165 pounds Fahrenheit.

[Russell Howard]

Okay. I. I think it's. It's 77 in the. The one you do. But it's 11 stone in the UK.

[Chris DiStefano]

What is that? What, so you're 177, you're saying here.

[Russell Howard]

No, I'm. I'm 11 stone.

[Chris DiStefano]

What is 11 stone? How many pounds is that, John?

[Vito]

While John looks it up, why don't you guess his waist size too?

[Russell Howard]

Because that's good. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm gonna guess it in American.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

30.

[Russell Howard]

No, 32.

[Chris DiStefano]

Whoa, fatty.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, there's a little bit of junk.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

My. My brother is a 36.

[Chris DiStefano]

Whoa. Oh, my God.

[Russell Howard]

That's not a badonkadonka dunk where it kind of. That shit would come back at you. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

What do we got? 11 stones is 154 pounds.

[Russell Howard]

Whoa.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay, so you're. I was. I was off.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

I tried to. Because I was. I was kind of measuring. You've been in America for a week. You're going to put on £10 when you come here.

[Russell Howard]

Food here is insane. I had. On the way here, I had like a bacon and fried egg sandwich. Unbelievable. I was just sat in the corner moaning.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. Just.

[Russell Howard]

You know when you have a sandwich that good that you just like. What are you doing now? Oh, look at this. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

You don't have to eat it, but we just want. As a gesture, we want to get you a British scone.

[Russell Howard]

So American.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

At the mere mention of food, you like, we have more food.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah. It's up to you, you know? You know. Is it the chocolate banana one? It is, yeah. That's it, dude. That's a goodie.

[Russell Howard]

That's not a scone. It's gone. Should be circular. That looks like, you know, the kind of the baddie in Lord of the Rings when it kind of like it's coming out and they throw the stonely moves.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

I mean, I'll eat it.

[Chris DiStefano]

We fucked it up again.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Vito]

Normally I'd be afraid to give a guy peanuts, but I feel like they don't have those peanut allergies over there.

[Chris DiStefano]

They don't. They're like the Chinese. They don't have peanut allergies. British people and Chinese. No peanut allergies. I feel like peanut allergies. Only American. Is it a big problem in. In England, the peanut allergies?

[Russell Howard]

We get asked about allergies before every meal, which doesn't really happen here as much.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, they just.

[Russell Howard]

In the uk, they're like, before we take your order, do you have any allergies? Because I guess people are litigious, but.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

I've never been compared to the Chinese before. Do you want to hear an interesting Chinese fact I found out?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know the Chinese word for penguin? It translates to what? Business goose.

[Chris DiStefano]

Really?

[Russell Howard]

What a fucking great word.

[Chris DiStefano]

Hell, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

That's what they call them kids.

[Chris DiStefano]

You want to go to the zoo and see the business?

[Russell Howard]

Business goose. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Wow, that's very interesting. Yeah, Chinese, you know, China, obviously. Here, the U.S. you know, they're setting the arc government setting us up for a war with China. So, you know, obviously for me, if the US government tells me, you know, we have an enemy, then I have to make the people my enemy. I've just recently, over the past, I mean, I want to call it six months, let go of England being the enemy. Because England was the enemy in 1776, obviously, founding fathers. So I just said, you know, I never been given the green light to say the British are on our side. But now I have been officially accepted you as not the enemy. But I still do consider, unfortunately, the people you look like German lesbians are still the enemy.

[Russell Howard]

Okay. Yes, fair enough. Well, you know.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

See, like half of me, right.

[Chris DiStefano]

What.

[Russell Howard]

What do you like about England now that you've had six months? Let's call it the honeymoon phase.

[Chris DiStefano]

Honestly, Dud, I love. First of all, I love the weather in England. People crap on the English weather to me. Cloudy, overcast, 60ish degrees. That's what I want because I'm a little cloudy inside. I'm a little bit depressed inside.

[Russell Howard]

So what I imagine, if weather reports were that deep, wouldn't that be fantastic? If the weather man, like, you know, it's very cloudy. Like my soul.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, like my soul. Yes. Well, today's cloudy with the chance of suicide. So, you know, just do that. So I like to watch your PR agent just. Just really just.

[Russell Howard]

But it must be like deep breaths. It must be like that in Scandinavia, like, because it's. There's no sunlight in their winter, so their weather reports must be so bleak.

[Chris DiStefano]

I also just want to give you. I want to open it up to you as well and say you do also look like a Scandinavian woman. That's also the second. So just don't. My point is, don't sell yourself short and just say German because you do look Scandinavian female as well.

[Russell Howard]

Okay. That's very kind of you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Have you. But let's get back to England. What did you like other than the weather?

[Chris DiStefano]

I love. I mean, first of all, the history. I'm a big history guy, so I love. I love seeing all the history they have, the way the streets are, and I really love the energy of the people there. I know you may be, you know, being from there, and maybe because I'm a tourist, but everyone does seem so nice there. I don't know if the. If that's what they think, you know, if Londoners think that about themselves, but I personally thought so nice there. And I also love the idea of nobody really has guns. So the worst it gets happen, I'll get stabbed, punched in the face. I can handle that. Can't stop a bullet.

[Russell Howard]

Somebody might say a cutting remark. That's it. That's it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

[Russell Howard]

I know what you mean, though, when you take the like. Like, I love going gigging in Ireland. The energy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

You know, there's a brilliant. Have you done Vicar street in Dublin?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Wow.

[Chris DiStefano]

The best.

[Russell Howard]

It's such an amazing room. But the pressure that Irish people are under the world over to be the happy, fun people wherever they go. But they have their own word for fun. Crack.

[Chris DiStefano]

Crack.

[Russell Howard]

You know, and it's something of. As an English person, whenever you travel, there's always this kind of like, okay, what did your ancestors do?

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Vibe. Whereas the Irish just have that kind of, hello, how are you? Let's get going to it, you know?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And there's kind of some of the heckles you'll get. I remember I was talking about sex clubs in Amsterdam, and this Irish girl told me that she'd been thrown out of a sex club in Amsterdam, which is a great start to any story. Yeah. Like how what do you have to do for bouncers and a sex club to go get her out? She's lowering the tone, but her answer was the most Irish thing I've ever heard. Cause she went, there was a lady on stage having a go on herself with a dildo. And I felt inspired. How poetic is that?

[Chris DiStefano]

It's like James Joyce wrote it. It's perfect. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

That's what. You get the point I'm making. It's like you do comedy in Ireland, and I kind of feel very similar here. That there's. It's a bit more to and fro.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

You know, whereas the certain, like, talking about Scandinavia, you're very much performing at them and they're listening to you in their second language, which is insane.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right. I also like the people. England, when I went, felt that they kind of feel like how we. We're a little out of control right now, this country. We're going wild. We're going through problems we're having. But it's fun. I mean, it's fun, fun, fun. And so. But we are English people felt like a little bit more like, hey, all these problems you're having. We went through that 200 years ago. Society feels a little bit more kind of together, even though I know you guys have your problems too. But it didn't feel. Feel as like just out of control as America feels. It felt like people felt like people had their priorities a little bit better. Like not everything was about money. I felt. I felt like. Do you feel. Am I wrong on that?

[Russell Howard]

I think the big thing I think is anything can happen in America. Like a woman became a millionaire and famous overnight because of the phrase hock tour. That couldn't happen in any other part. A girl was on the street and said she liked gobbing on dicks and America turned her into a millionaire. That wouldn't happen in England. If a girl did an interview and said, oh, yeah, like quite spitting on dicks, the camera guy would go, okay, you obviously didn't mean that. We're not gonna put that out there.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

We're gonna protect you and your family.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Because your life's gonna change.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

But she became an overnight success.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

She's the one. Direction of dick spitting.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

It was just instant.

[Chris DiStefano]

And that's the name, that's the title of the episode. The Direction of Dick Spitting with Russell Howard. Kiss.

[Vito]

But you know what's been up with her now, right?

[Russell Howard]

What's been up with her? Yeah, no, listen to this.

[Vito]

So do you know about. You know about crypto coin?

[Chris DiStefano]

Right?

[Russell Howard]

Like, yeah, no, I saw that. Yeah.

[Vito]

So she had a. There was like a hawk coin.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, okay.

[Vito]

And it basically just couldn't hold on to.

[Russell Howard]

It just kept slipping.

[Vito]

It was.

[Russell Howard]

It just went into the machines with so eats.

[Vito]

It was like a bait and switch, basically.

[Russell Howard]

Right.

[Vito]

And basically all these, like, middle Americans and all these people all over the country invested like real money into it and lost everything.

[Russell Howard]

But that's what I mean, this, it's that. And I'm not shitting on her in any way. Good luck to her. But it's that. That's what I find fascinating about America. It's just so wild, right, that something like that could happen. I just couldn't imagine that becoming as global in any other part of the world.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

If the Democrats picked her against Trump.

[Chris DiStefano]

They may have won 100%.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean?

[Chris DiStefano]

They would have got our vote. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

But Trump would have been talking in the debate and she would just. And the nation would have been like, this is. This is it.

[Chris DiStefano]

If America, like, if America would have picked. I mean, if Trump would have picked Cock to as vice president, he would have won every single state.

[Russell Howard]

I think you probably take over other countries. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's. I don't know. That's. But as Far as the money thing, I don't know, like whether we're less concerned with. I don't know. But also there's something like, I love America and I love coming here.

[Chris DiStefano]

We love you too.

[Russell Howard]

But I find maybe as a comic, just because you're you, you're just observing things in a slightly different way and you kind of help, you know, when you take the piss out of something, you have to love it for it to really work.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean?

[Chris DiStefano]

But like in. I felt like, and this may just be very specific comedy, but I thought it was like this was, I thought this was like the English mindset was. I remember I was there and one of the nights in London, I was doing two shows and this could have just been the comics own point of view, but she was like, why are you doing like two shows? You like, you sold out the one, right? It would have been great. And then we could, you know, you've made enough money, could have done a show tomorrow and we could have just like went out for dinner. But you wanted to cram it all in one night. I don't understand why she's like, we wouldn't really. Not too many people would do that here. Do you find that's true? Or she doesn't know what she's talking about?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, it sounds like she wanted to hang out with you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

And. But also, I'm with you. I like, who doesn't want to do two shows, right? So much so I think if you're, if you're lucky enough to be able to do two, they'll do it. Go for a nice breakfast.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean?

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what I was saying.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And also the second gig, you're just so much looser.

[Chris DiStefano]

ABC Wednesdays, Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears. Dad, I'm broke and I need a.

[Russell Howard]

Place to stay until I figure out.

[Chris DiStefano]

What the rest of my life looks like. So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird.

[Russell Howard]

I was 18.

[Vito]

The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[Russell Howard]

The wheels come off.

[Chris DiStefano]

Can we try to talk to each.

[Russell Howard]

Other like rational adults?

[Chris DiStefano]

If you watch the news lately, that's not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 8, 7 Central on ABC.

[Russell Howard]

And stream on Hulu. There's something. You probably feel that thing if you're doing a gig in London, you can't quite believe that the little you is now in. And I feel like that doing that in New York when you go, holy shit, we just did a gig in New York and people have come to see me.

[Chris DiStefano]

I can't believe it.

[Russell Howard]

It just makes it so exciting.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

In a way that what you kind of get used to, right? Having a crowd in your own country.

[Chris DiStefano]

All right, guys, finally we have a company named after my penis. Acorns. Acorns makes it easy for everyone to start saving and investing. In fact, you can get started with just your spare change. Plus, you can earn bonus investments just for buying what you need from brands you love. Small steps today can have a huge impact on your future. From acorns to mighty oaks, do grow. Grow your oak. Let me see that oak. Here's the thing with acorns, folks. It's awesome. Okay, listen. We all know that New Year's resolutions are hard, okay? Everyone wants to go to the gym more. You want to lose weight, blah, blah, blah. But actually dragging yourself out of bed in the pitch black every morning is a whole other story. But what if you can make your resolutions automatic? Listen to me. Make them automatic. Well, they can't help you get to the gym, but Acorns makes it easy to start saving and investing automatically. Here's the thing, dude, sometimes you want to be on autopilot. And with finances, that's one of them. Just investing a little bit a day. That's compound wealth, baby. I'm telling you, dude, you don't understand. If you just invest a little bit each day and if you have it on auto, you know, investment or whatever it is you want, dude, you will, you know, to whatever timeframe you want. You'll see how that wealth starts to compound real quick. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you invest with the spare money you've got right now. You can start with just $5 or even just your spare change, baby. Acorns here. To help you, head to the acorns.com chaos or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Here we go. Pay non client endorsement Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns Tier 1 compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC and SEC Register Investment Advisor. View important [e-mail] chaos all right, baby, so here we go. Acorns.com chaos or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your Future today. Guys, do I love the holidays in the winter? Yes, I do. Because why? I love eating, drinking and I love being married. It take a toll. I love being merry. But it does start to take a toll on my health. Here's the thing. We're in January right now. All that Christmas eating, all that New Year's eating, it starts to catch up to you right now. So by the time you get here next year, what I want you to do is I want you to try Prolon by El Nutra. Because what Prolon does, it's Prolon's five day program. It doesn't just give my system a break from sugar, refined grains, alcohol and other excesses. But if you try it at the start of the year or now here in mid January, it helps jumpstart your health and sets you up for success all year long. All right. Come on. All year long. Prolon by El Nutra Listen, it's difficult for all of us to keep New Year's resolutions. I mean, you know, I want to lose weight, I want to be healthier, I want to be straight, whatever it may be. But Prolon's five day program is a total game changer. Prolon provides a clear plan with specific daily meals making it easy to stay focused and achieve real results. Listen, Prolon is just in time for the new year Prolon is offering. Chris DiStefano presents Chrissy Chaos. Listeners 15% off their five day nutrition program for your post holiday. Glow up when you go to prolonlife.com chaos that's P R O L-O-N L I F E.com chaos for 15% off prolonlife.com chaos okay, you better glow up and show up with Prolon by El Nutra. Even what you said how hawk tua wouldn't get famous in England, there's still a sense of like, I don't want to say maturity but it's like a, like there's, there's, there's a lot. Everything is go, go, go here. Everything is like how do we get the biggest? How do we get the famous? How do we get the most money? Where I feel like in English society it's a little bit more. You got to make money and all that, but it's a little bit more. Yeah, but what is important in life? Have a family do you know? Or try or not. If not, have a family. But like they're not. Everything is just if you make the most money, then you're the best.

[Russell Howard]

Yes, that's fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would. I would agree with that. It's kind of. Yeah. The big thing is, even if you're successful in the uk, you can still. You'll still be mocked. Whereas it feels like, you know, certain people, you get so big that you can't even take the piss out of them.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, no. You'll be on like a movie set with someone who, like a list celebrity. And, like, they have to eat first. You can't even talk to them. And these, like, you know, guys who are holding the cameras and the lights, really doing the real work, have to wait, you know, an hour so one of these guys can eat. And I'm like, eventually, eventually, one of these guys gonna hit you in the back of the head with a fucking tray. Yeah, and you deserve it. But this. But in American society, it's like you get really rich and powerful. People like, oh, my God, so and so's here. I mean, as comics, obviously, we don't care, like, if any A list comedian ever tried to come down to the Comedy Cellar and act a certain way, they would get abused. Bad. So the comics don't act like that, but the actors and actresses, very much so. There's very much entitlement.

[Russell Howard]

But that's good because there isn't a hang like we have, like, common rooms. Don't be the world over.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Broadly speaking, you've come up through that. So you know the way you have to behave.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

And it's that if you're an A list comic, you kind of go into the cellar. Let's say you haven't gig for a few years or a year, whatever, you're gonna be scared.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean? Because you're kind of like, can I. Can I still fight?

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

What weight am I at now? You know?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

And you will have a reverence.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Where maybe there isn't sort of a reverence in other art forms, I guess.

[Chris DiStefano]

Do you wanted me and you and our families go on vacation to the cosw.

[Russell Howard]

Where's the. The Cotswolds.

[Chris DiStefano]

Cotswolds.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. Do you want to go?

[Russell Howard]

I've been a couple of. Do you want to hear a weird story? Yes, I. So three years ago, we got an Airbnb in the Cotswolds.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

And we found out three days into the holiday that it had been hired by the then prime minister during COVID Boris Johnson, and he lived there for three months. And that really soured the Airbnb because you'd sort of like, you like, he looks like he's had many strangle Wanks and.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And suddenly every part of this previously beautiful house was soiled by. Oh, God. He's probably been up on that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Rotting. Yeah, it ruined that.

[Chris DiStefano]

There's just a random belt hang from a doorknob. You're like.

[Russell Howard]

But. But you know when you just kind of. I was re. I really loved this place. And then suddenly it was like just sullied. So by this. By this pig. But the poor woman was trying to sell it as. Hey, guess what? The prime minister. I was like. And like me, my wife and her brother in law, we were just like, ah, yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

This place is covered in jizz.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, man. Yeah, exactly.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. All right, so we. We'll go. But that's not.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, we won't go.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. Vito's gonna come.

[Russell Howard]

But you've. Hey, man. But what are you looking for? Have you got kids?

[Vito]

No, I don't.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, but he's got gout.

[Russell Howard]

I do. I do.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I do. So he'll flare up on the plane. So we're gonna have to. The thing is, when I come to England to visit you, we're have to go old school. We're gonna go on a fucking boat.

[Vito]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Cause Vito's feet will swell up. I don't want to fall. I can't imagine, dude.

[Russell Howard]

Wow. So are you being serious? You can't. Your gout flares up in the air.

[Vito]

Flares up everywhere.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, shit.

[Vito]

Could happen right now.

[Chris DiStefano]

Don't give him a bite of your scone.

[Russell Howard]

But I won't. But. And is gal. That's the thing that Henry VIII had, isn't it?

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I was. I bring it up to all our British guests.

[Russell Howard]

What happened with just too much sort of like high fat food, chopped liver?

[Vito]

I don't know.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just.

[Vito]

I don't even. There's no reason. I used to be pretty. I used to be like £400. So that's probably part of it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Vito]

And then it just. Anytime I have like too much red meat or too much of like. Oh, man, A certain food, it just will flare up and then my ankle will get really swollen or the side of my.

[Russell Howard]

So it's all the good stuff.

[Vito]

All the good stuff.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

What if you are find out, though? What if we do the ancestry.com and you found out you are your King Henry VIII descendant.

[Vito]

Oh, I thought you meant if I found out I was actually him and that was more appealing.

[Chris DiStefano]

All right, let's go back. Let's take it back then edit that part out.

[Russell Howard]

I read a story and this. And this will really interest you as, you know, a gout sufferer, that when Henry VIII died, they were carrying his coffin and they kind of stopped off at, like, a tavern to have, like, a beer, and they left his coffin outside and it exploded.

[Chris DiStefano]

Whoa.

[Russell Howard]

Because of. Apparently because of the. The gout. The gout kept on coming, and that's a.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's a confirmed fact.

[Russell Howard]

Well, I. I read it on the Internet, so probably not.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes, well, it depends what side you're on. I was gonna say probably, but I'm conspiracy Chrissy.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. It's funny, though, innit? Like, yeah, like, because my wife's a doctor, so any kind of health thing.

[Chris DiStefano]

My wife's a spin instructor.

[Russell Howard]

Right. Oh, wow. There you go. So, you know, similar things, though.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's 100%. Lots of taking care of people.

[Russell Howard]

Fucking right, Exactly. So does she work for, like, Peloton or something like that?

[Chris DiStefano]

No, she works for Spin. F8. Shout out. Spin Forest Hills. Little local one.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, nice.

[Chris DiStefano]

There you go. Austin Street.

[Vito]

Not for long.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah, not for long. We're moving back to Staten Island.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

But you don't even know where that is. But you're gonna come to the house. It's like the Cotswolds of New York.

[Russell Howard]

I've heard that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. So the Boris Johnson jerks off all over Staten Island.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, I bet he does. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I need a PJ to Staten Island. I'm gonna drop it on that green. The what? I was gonna say, like, there's so many things going on. That's why I love doing podcasts.

[Chris DiStefano]

Your wife's a doctor.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, but. But then now I'm interested in the spin thing.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Because I. I got a Peloton bike. And the phrase I love is they keep saying, there's a lady called Jess King, and she was like, be riding her bike, and she just goes, I got you. They're like, Peloton keeps saying, I've got you. Yeah, I've got. And I don't know if I love that. I think if you killed a man, they're not going to help. You know what I mean? It just feels. I've got you.

[Chris DiStefano]

I've got you.

[Russell Howard]

You're not an alibi.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's. It's interesting because Peloton was a big thing during the pandemic here, but now people are like, everybody just wants to be out of their house again now here, like, so Peloton, I feel. I think their stocks are going lower, and I think the CEO didn't. The CEO. Me too. Somebody was that Lululemon. So I think Peloton CEO some happened.

[Vito]

Well, no, remember. Remember Sex in the City? Do you remember what happened with that? Big died after using a pelican. A Peloton. And then their stocks plummeted.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Vito]

So a kid died on the treadmill in real life because he like ran on it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's getting. It's going down over here. It's going down.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. I got to be careful. Just be careful on the Peloton.

[Russell Howard]

I just find it like. But is your wife that kind of woo woo or is she kind of like. She write the bike you fuck.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, well, so she'll. So I've tried to take her class once and only once because she's more. They're riding. But then she's also like, you know, handlebar, you're doing push ups on the handlebars. You're kicking your legs up. And I was just laughing, ripping farts, whatever. So she stopped, fully stopped in front of like 30 people. She's fully stopped the class. And she just said, chris, get out. Like just yell. She said, get out. And then because she was filming everything. So as I was walking past the camera, I was like, christycomedy.com for more dates. I was like, we'll make it viral. And then I got yelled at even more for that. She's like, not everything is content. You know, I like that. But I'm like, come on, we're going. We're going to the Consolants, baby.

[Russell Howard]

Did you have the spinning shoes on?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I did the whole thing and that.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. But it must have been impossible to walk out. Cool. That's my point. Yeah. Yeah. My comedy's. And then you just kind of like this walking like a Chinese look in high heels.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Look like a German lesbian.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, man.

[Chris DiStefano]

With the same.

[Russell Howard]

But I would, I would go on like, you know, a friend of mine does this thing in Sweden where they go on a boat and they. I think they do 15 gigs and they just travel with other kind of comics in a boat and then in a port they just rock up, do a show and it sounds epic.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're gonna do it?

[Russell Howard]

I'm gonna do some shows with him, but not, not with the boat. But that idea of kind of being like. Because the further you go in, stand up, the less you get to gig with other comics.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Like what I mean. And it's sort of that. And then for me, coming to America, whenever I do clubs here, I like, I'll have my notepad out and the Problem I've noticed is arrogance and shyness look exactly the same.

[Chris DiStefano]

Wow. Wow.

[Russell Howard]

Like, but it's something, right? If you're sat there quiet and a little bit shy and you don't want to bother people, people are clearly looking at me going, look at that arrogant prick with his notes. Or is that all in my head?

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

But it feels like it's harder to chat, right. And then you sort of strike up a conversation and, like, if I saw you at a club now, we could hang. Great.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

But it's. Do you know what I mean? It's quite hard to break the ice.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's. It's one of those things too, where it's like, you can't win after a while. Like, you know, go from, you know, in the beginning, you know, not selling any tickets at all, going out there, meeting the fans, you know, everybody's great, whatever. And now I would go out there. I stopped doing the meet and greets because I would go out and do meet and greets with people and have fun or whatever. And then people would sometimes say on Reddit, who does Chris think he is? He's got to fucking come out and, like, bask in his glory. And I was like, no, I thought I was doing a good thing meeting the fans. But then the. But then the comics and the fans, like, what do you. So it's like you just. You just can't win ever. So that's why my suggestion is, what about me, you and Ramesh? You guys are the big stars in the. In. In the uk. We go over there, me, you, and we just open for Robbie Williams all over the world, except the United States, because we don't know who he is.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, what do you think of that? But we make him big here in the US Me and Vito take that on personally.

[Russell Howard]

We.

[Chris DiStefano]

We pump up Robbie Williams.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. I mean, those gigs would be unbelievable because you would have, you know, stadiums full of menopausal women.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And then. Then it would be us doing stand.

[Chris DiStefano]

Up, just us in our 40s, just coming out. They don't know who they are.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, exactly. But then to confuse people, we have to come out as different animals.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

So, okay, so there's the question. If there's a film being made about your life, what animal are you?

[Chris DiStefano]

Two words. Business. Goose.

[Russell Howard]

Okay, yeah, that's it.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's it. What about you?

[Russell Howard]

But again, you haven't thought that through. Because the thing with the penguin, like, not a graceful animal. And you seem graceful. Like, to my knowledge. Is there any other, like, Penguins have always been near the snow. That's always, you know, that's. That's where they've made their home. And yet they slip. They still slip.

[Chris DiStefano]

So stupid, right?

[Russell Howard]

Still in terms of evolution. You're still slipping.

[Chris DiStefano]

Slipping off. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Like, where is Darwin? Yeah, but he hasn't given them little. Kind of.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's a good point.

[Russell Howard]

Rail shoes, Little clips.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

They still, like, pissed and just kind of waddling.

[Chris DiStefano]

Doesn't make any sense to me. What about you? What animal would you be?

[Russell Howard]

I kind of feel like, what would I be? Some sort of turtle, I guess.

[Chris DiStefano]

Is that like a. What's a British animal?

[Russell Howard]

What do you guys have a hedgehog? Do you have hedgehogs?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. Yeah, we got hedgehogs.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. I would say that's. That feels very English, doesn't it?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Sonic, baby. Sonic the Hedgehog. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

I'll start. Look, like Sonic, they're kind of like little. Kind of.

[Chris DiStefano]

We have little Sonic the Hedgehog is all Robbie Williams.

[Russell Howard]

This is it.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's it.

[Russell Howard]

But you have like. Do you have, like, those underpasses?

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure.

[Russell Howard]

You know, underneath a road where a hedgehog can just kind of wander along.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, we got those guys. This episode sponsored by Better Help. Thank you to the good people at Better Help. Listen, we love you. Better Help. If you give. If you're thinking about giving therapy a try, why not try betterhelp? All done online, okay? That's the thing I love about it the most. Done online. No brick and mortar. So they can keep their costs down. You don't have to wait on the subway or take an Uber or drive to therapy. It happens. Schedule a time right there on your laptop or your phone. All done online. You take a brief questionnaire and they match you with a licensed therapist that they think works for you. And guess what? If you don't feel like it works for you, well, you can change therapists at any time, no questions asked. You want a man, you want a woman, you want anybody. They got you. Better. Helps thinking about you because. Look, folks, everyone needs to talk, okay? Just because you don't think you have problems, you still might need a therapist to talk to just to get things off your chest. There's a million different reasons why people go to therapy. I mean, because what do you want your 2025 story to be? If you want, you know, if you want it to be a positive one and you want it to be something where you're like, I'm taking care of me, then I would suggest trying BetterHelp. Think of therapy as your Editorial partner, helping you write new chapters and create the meaningful story that you deserve to live. Babe. Now right now, you can write your story with better help. Go to betterhelp.com chaos to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H E L p.com chaos betterhelp.com chaos promo code chaos. Get 10% off your first month. And we thank you, BetterHelp, for sponsoring the episode. But I don't know if we have hedgehogs. We're big with. We got squirrels. Yeah, we got. We got big squirrels. We're big with pigeons.

[Russell Howard]

Okay. Yeah, we got a lot of pigeons.

[Chris DiStefano]

Wild pit bulls if you go to the Bronx.

[Russell Howard]

Yep. Do you have XL bullies? We got a lot of those in the uk.

[Chris DiStefano]

XL bullies, we got.

[Russell Howard]

But they're now illegal.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Which makes obvious sense.

[Chris DiStefano]

Get them out of there and wild.

[Russell Howard]

Why would you have, like, I've got a dog. But my rule, as I've said to my wife, I would never have an animal in my house that I couldn't kill with my bare hands.

[Chris DiStefano]

Good call.

[Russell Howard]

Totally.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Like, I could. Every dog we've had, we've had two. I love them. But if push came to shove, I could kill him.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'll kill you. I'll strang you right now. No problem.

[Russell Howard]

Absolutely. But if it was an XL bully, like, you're done. He could kill me and then my corpse.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Why would I possibly leave that to chance?

[Chris DiStefano]

He. Then next to you.

[Russell Howard]

It doesn't matter what you do in your career. Somebody films that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Your dead body getting.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I could have an XL bully. Next thing you know, he kills me, fucks my corpse, and then he marries my wife. And then now he's raising my family. I can't have that.

[Vito]

Chris, can you describe an XL bully?

[Chris DiStefano]

An XL bully. Yeah. Okay, so I don't honestly know what you're talking about.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

But I'm gonna get. I thought an XL bully was just a big. Like a guy veto size that's just a piece of shit giving people atomic wedgies. But now I'm starting to realize that. I think you're talking about a pit bull or some kind of dog. Okay. Yeah. So I didn't understand what we were talking about, but I was just going for it.

[Russell Howard]

You thought me on a lead in my house.

[Chris DiStefano]

I wasn't sure. I was like, yo, the English are crazy. And I. That's why I love them.

[Russell Howard]

No, yeah, we. I love your brain, man.

[Chris DiStefano]

Thank you.

[Russell Howard]

I mean, you. You ran with that so quickly.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm always I got your back, dude. I told you that. I'm all for the British now. No longer my enemy. Yeah, I'm on your side.

[Russell Howard]

I'm enjoying this conversation.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is great, dude.

[Vito]

Pit bulls are actually, like, a big point of, like, content here, where there's like, a big battle between people who love pit bulls and say they're perfectly safe animals and people who are like, that dog can kill you.

[Russell Howard]

Yes. That's definitely the same in the uk, it's kind of like you. There's just. There's a story almost weekly about, you know, one of these animals killing, like, a kid or somebody. And it's like. It's all how you raise them. And you're like, well, I see the people that have them, and they look like they're reading the Bible backwards. It doesn't look like. No, I just, you know, I just read him stories and he's very gentle. They just. Yeah, they give me the fear.

[Vito]

That also sounds like the migrant situation here.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, really?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes, yes.

[Russell Howard]

That got dark.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's. Hey, listen, listen. Well, the thing is here, I hear, you know, you're. You're coming at such a fun time in America for half the country's on fire.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

And then. And now we got, you know, Trump is coming in, so the. Things are changing.

[Russell Howard]

It's coming in. He's breaking into your press. He's breaking. Love that, dude.

[Chris DiStefano]

He's going to come in and it's just going to be. Here's what I really know is going to happen the next four years. Just going to be fun. Yeah, we're gonna. I don't know where it's gonna go. I don't know if it's gonna go off the rails, but I think people are trying, saying, oh, America's going to. I'm telling you, dude, these next four years, I don't know what's gonna happen after 2028, but I can tell you, from 24 to 27 and a half, this is. It's gonna be wild, wild, fun times here. And I think that. I think that you're gonna want to come over. I think you want to bring your family. It's gonna be a big party.

[Russell Howard]

But, like, the. The role of Elon Musk is so fascinating.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Kind of everyone the world over, it's like, you know, he's retweeting Tommy Robinson.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, he's a big.

[Russell Howard]

I mean, look, dude, we had some. Some riots in the UK and Elon Musk tweeted. Let me remember. It was. That's what he went, civil war is inevitable. And it made it sound like everybody was rioting. But this was during the Olympics. The specific day that he said that was the day that that bloke caught his cock on the pole vault.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

That's what my country, and I'm sure your country was doing. We weren't rioting. The entire world was laughing. A man whose dream was smashed by his own.

[Chris DiStefano]

By his penis. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

So it just. That's what I mean. It's like with someone like Musk, it's given his wild intelligence. He doesn't seem to be able to do any research or put things into context where you, like, you're retweeting Tommy Robinson. He's. He's a small fry.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Hooligan. It's kind of weird now, did the.

[Chris DiStefano]

Guy who got his penis caught on the. On the pole vault, to think, did he get famous in England? Was that like a Hawk tour for you guys?

[Russell Howard]

Well, I think he was. Was he French? I think he was French.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, he was the enemy.

[Russell Howard]

He was the enemy. But you couldn't help but be envious of the enemy. Yeah, I just. It was just one of those moments. But the point I'm making, most people weren't rioting. They were. They were. Dads all over England go, that would have been me.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

I probably would have hit the commentator in the studio, but. But it was the, like, the fact that Elon Musk was just able, with one click, to imply that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

We were going to be a civil war.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. It doesn't make any sense.

[Russell Howard]

It's. It's sort of that fascinating thing that. That. I think that's what's gonna be weird the next four years. It's how things could be so rapid.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Based on someone's opinion.

[Chris DiStefano]

But do you guys still love America the way you used to, or are you not loving it as much?

[Russell Howard]

I think everyone grows up on Americana.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

And to be honest, it's sort of like. I remember I did a travel show with my mum. We traveled around the States and it was before.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's awesome.

[Russell Howard]

It was fun. And it was before Trump got in the first time. And it is that thing where you kind of. If you go to, like, South Bend or you go to North Carolina, you go to these places. The concept of making this place great again is a pretty good sell.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

So much of it feels kind of broken and decaying, and it feels like some people have everything. I mean, I. I saw. I saw a homeless man outside a hotel for dogs. And that is America, Yes. This man has no home and the dog's on holiday. You know what I mean? And it was that. And it's just those. Those discrepancies. You kind of understand why somebody would.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure.

[Russell Howard]

I love the idea of making this country great again. And yet it's through this weird, weird thing. This. The very fact that those people believe that Trump is their guy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

That's what's so sad.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's. Well, that's like Gavin Newsom, the governor of California. He's getting a lot of heat right now because obviously these LA wildfires are going nuts. And they said he drained one of the reservoirs to save this rare fish, like, six months ago. And then there was no water in the fire hydrants to put out the fire. So you saved the fish, but then everyone's house burned down. So it's like, so this mentality, it's kind of like the homeless guy outside the hotel for dogs, where you're just like, fish.

[Russell Howard]

Now the guilt he must feel.

[Chris DiStefano]

Unbelievable. Dude, people are eating them. They're cooking up, right? No one's got anything else. A fish kebab?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, man.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. That's what it is.

[Vito]

Russell, I got a question for you, because. So you said you were traveling around in 2015, right? Just.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Would that.

[Vito]

Would that have been around the first. The Brexit election?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Vito]

So there was a big thing where a lot of people in America thought that the. The Trump campaign was very similar to the Brexit campaign of, like, kind of blaming, like, the. The rich and, like, saying, like, oh, like, rural people, like, need more rights. Like, did you see that while traveling? Like, could you see that comparison?

[Russell Howard]

Well, what I noticed in 2015, the thing I remember is the only signs that we saw were for Trump and for Bernie, and there were no signs for Hillary Clinton. And yet the whole idea in the press was like, well, she's going to win. It was this. And it was very similar to Brexit. It's the kind of just the naivety to think that you will just wander into power. And with Brexit, they didn't have a message like it. You know, they basically, people who wanted to stay in the European Union were like, well, you know, it's kind of. It's better than, you know, versus we need to get out. And it was just all these, like, they're affecting our bananas. They're changing bananas. We've got, you know, it was like, get. Stay away Brussels. And just this, all this whole, stay away Brussels.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's a T shirt.

[Russell Howard]

But they were just trying to just deregulate the markets.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

So that you can make a fast buck. But it's. Yeah, there was massive similarities but. But again it's sort of, it's the. I often think if you. For all the, the mocking of the right, what right wing politicians do have is a confidence to go. That's what I think. If you got a liberal who shot his or her mouth off and stood behind it that you couldn't fuck with that. And you. But you never get that.

[Chris DiStefano]

No.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean? Well, you know, you can see it from different points of view and.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, because the problem is even, the problem is even the statement you just made, you said, oh, you know, if, if. And if you got a liberal to shot their mouth off, you know, he or her. And they would have been like. Or they. Yeah, they would have said that. Well, what really meant. Also inclusive of they. Which we are inclusive. But it's like. Shut. That's not the point. Fuck.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

We're just trying to fucking say something here. But I get it. I understand what you mean.

[Russell Howard]

But you know, I mean like, like a shit kicking lefty.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

It was just like. That's what I think.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

If you don't, if you don't agree with me, fuck you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Fuck you.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, but that's, that hasn't been tried and I kind of feel like that's the next.

[Chris DiStefano]

Someone's going to do it.

[Russell Howard]

I just think that's, that's the only way.

[Chris DiStefano]

What should it be? Me and you? Should we represent the left on the next election?

[Russell Howard]

I have that. A lot of people like say, oh, you should get into politics. Why would you possibly. Dude, give up your life to do that? That's the thing as well. It only attracts fucking mania.

[Chris DiStefano]

I couldn't imagine ever. Because dude, for you to win, the thing is for even, even the winners, they're going to tear apart your entire life. Can you get the ice a little louder into the mic? We just need more ice in the background. They're going to tear about. They're going to tear apart your entire life and rip apart every secret you've ever had. And that's to win. If you lose, same thing can happen. And then you lose.

[Russell Howard]

Nothing much.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I'm like, so why even do that? Like, I don't. But I guess it's all power, right? I mean you can't get elected without. The thing is, it doesn't make sense. Like you can't be for the people. The whole idea of running for office is you're telling me you're not for the people, you're about you. So there's got, but there's no other way to get elected. So the whole, if you, if anytime I hear anybody saying I want to be president, you're out for me mentally because I'm like, well, then you're going to be an egomaniac nut job.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, I interviewed Bernie Sanders and it was that he had, that he had such an interesting energy as you. You meet these people every so often where you just go, God, really?

[Chris DiStefano]

Jews.

[Russell Howard]

I, I just, I really like this guy and I find him. But, but I also know that he doesn't want to be the leader and that's what makes him compelling.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. Yeah, he's kind of like begrudgingly like, I guess I gotta do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Because there's nothing else he wants to do.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I get it, I get it. Yeah, I listen, I think Bernie could have been the one who might, may have had a chance because he has enough support. But to be honest, dude, we've all known this in here for three Nobody was going to beat Trump this time because of how bad. Even if it's not reality, the perception. See, the main thing that changed here is, you know, Obviously, you know, 2015, 2016, if you asked a, you know, 18 year old kid, who are you going to vote for? They would never want to publicly say I would never vote for Trump. Even if that's the point where now, now the kids, the 18 year old kids or these past few months, you know, I have an 18 year old nephew. I was like, you know, I just fucking around with him. I was like, I was like, how's you can't wait to vote for Biden, right? He was like, well, I'm not gay. That's what he said. So that, that was his immediate response. So his, the perception changed was like, what am I gay? I'm going to vote Democrat.

[Russell Howard]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

So it was like. And, and so once I heard that, I was like, oh, Trump's going to win by millions of votes. And he did because the whole perception changed. Where the reality is irrelevant. The perception was Democrats are weak and gay and Republicans are strong and not as gay. Yeah, that's just what it was like. Veto's a big Democrat, but he's like openly gay. Yeah. You know, or openly as gout, I.

[Russell Howard]

Should say, you know, it's the beginning of it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes, exactly. That's where it starts. Fuck.

[Russell Howard]

It's so interesting.

[Vito]

My soft liberal jeans can't take red meat yes.

[Russell Howard]

But the problem is when you. I don't know if you've ever sort of dallied with being a vegan. It's so funny, right, because they. I don't know if it's the same over here, but they overcompensate. They have to try and make it sound edgy and dangerous.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

This was like, Dirty Burger. Filthy. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Bad Burger.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah. Bad Bitch Burrito. Like, it's just like. But it's so. You know, it's full of nutrition and goodness.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

It's like Buble having an album called Pussy Shredder. It's like, you know.

[Chris DiStefano]

Is that the name of the episode? Pussy Shredder with Russell Howard? Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

I always feel for Buble at Christmas. It must be a hard time.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Because he just knows. Here we go again.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Like, he must hate Jingle Bells, dude.

[Chris DiStefano]

But I'll tell you what. I met Michael Buble. You ever met him? You know him? I met him once at Sirius xm. He was. I think he must have been doing Howard Stern or whatever. And I was doing.

[Russell Howard]

Was it November? He was about to push.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, no, just a few years ago. And I meet him and he. And he's taking pictures with people, and people are going, oh, you know, Sinatra, you know, do the Sonata. And he's actually, like, doing it. He's like, you know, doing a nana, like, as he's taking pictures, whatever. And then some guy. I don't know what some guy said, but some guy said something like, kind of like, make it fun. Like, oh, my wife loves you. Or like something like emasculating Tim. And he just literally stops. He goes, hey, listen to me. He goes, I'm a hockey player from Canada. I'll punch your head right off your fucking neck. And then goes back to go do Jingle Bell.

[Russell Howard]

I love.

[Chris DiStefano]

That. Was, like, wild.

[Russell Howard]

I think that's why people like Adele so much.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Because it's sort of like, you know, never mind. Off. You can't. I'll cut you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Find someone.

[Chris DiStefano]

I love it. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

When I saw Michael Buble, I witnessed it first and I was like, this is my guy. I. I am a big Boo Blight fan. I love Booblight. I love the albums. I'm like, you know, Michael buble in the 1975. I don't know if you know the band, the 1970. Massive there, the UK, right?

[Russell Howard]

And sex.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

They're amazing. 1975. They write a good song and then they write, yeah, girls. Have you had that song?

[Chris DiStefano]

Love it.

[Russell Howard]

All dude, that girl song is the worst.

[Chris DiStefano]

You don't like that one?

[Russell Howard]

Oh, my God.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, I love it. If we made it, absolute genius. But gals, it's just.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

How did that make it?

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what I love about him, though. He's just unpredictable.

[Russell Howard]

He is incredibly unpredictable.

[Chris DiStefano]

Matty Healey's the man. I love that guy.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Do you know him?

[Russell Howard]

I don't know him, but I kind of. I know what you mean. It's sort of that thing of the older you get, there's. There's no kind of shame in saying. Yeah, I like, I like pop ax, dude.

[Chris DiStefano]

I said it.

[Russell Howard]

You know, I love Paolo Natini. I think he's brilliant.

[Chris DiStefano]

Who the hell is that? Exactly. Yes.

[Russell Howard]

He's a Scottish crooner.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Russell Howard]

He's a really sort of good looking fella.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And could have been like a massive star. But just dude sort of put, you know, has his own path.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm 100% point in my life. Got three kids, 40 years old, engaged. Recently gauged. Recently.

[Russell Howard]

What did you propose?

[Chris DiStefano]

And in my house, 7 o'clock in the morning. Before that, we took the kids to school actually just this past Monday.

[Russell Howard]

Wow.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I just fucking ripped it.

[Russell Howard]

Had you got up early?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, well, we get up early to take the kids to school.

[Russell Howard]

So what were you in pajamas? What we did.

[Chris DiStefano]

I wasn't. So the problem, the thing that, you know, the point of contention, the problem at home now is she, you know, I had my. My stepson, my stepson filming everything, filming this beautiful moment. And you know, she was 7am in her pajamas, cooking breakfast, hair up, did not feel presentable. And I fucking slicked my hair back. I was looking like a million bucks because I'm like, I'm gonna be on video. So what I did, I didn't tell her. Yeah, yeah. So it was just. And then I also, you know, plugged my dates on the end of the video. You know, you got to sell tickets.

[Russell Howard]

And Cleveland, of course.

[Chris DiStefano]

So. So she understands. How did I pay for the ring? So and so. But it was beautiful because we actually did it a little backwards where she. We have, you know, she had a child from a previous relationship when I met her. And then we have two kids of our own, so two biological females. So we. So we have three kids and we've been together 10 years and we just never got engaged. We just. Yeah, we were just like, whatever. So now we have kind of. It's cool for us because we're like, oh, most kids will only ever hear about their Parents, marriage. But our kids will actually be a part of it. Yeah, yeah, in some way. So we're pretty cool. And I'm using that. I'm trying to say that publicly as much as I can because, you know, most people, like, I can't believe you waited 10 years to marry the mother your children, you scumbag. But I'm like, no, no, I had a plan.

[Russell Howard]

She's got indoor bikes to ride.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

You got gigs to do. I kind of get it. Like, I was with my girlfriend for a long time before we got married.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

I proposed in Japan.

[Chris DiStefano]

Nice.

[Russell Howard]

Pretty cool. And she said yes. And then I had to go to do some filming because I was doing a sumo wrestling match with.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, you.

[Russell Howard]

Me.

[Chris DiStefano]

You look like food for sumo wrestlers.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, so this guy, I kind of got dressed in the sumo gear and kind of. Yeah, it was, it was you.

[Chris DiStefano]

You proposed to her in the sumo gear?

[Russell Howard]

No, that was. She said yes. And I went, great, I gotta go.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah, yeah, run away.

[Russell Howard]

And yeah. Took an absolute baiting, I was gonna say.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then within 20 minutes, then just your bare ass is out in a song.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, like all that.

[Chris DiStefano]

And then.

[Russell Howard]

And it was part of this show that I was doing with my mom and. And I've just lost. And my mom is just like flicking a tit of mine. Just like, she was like. I was really just like, like, Like a cat.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean? I was really disappointed with the way you performed.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Can you stop flicking my title? So it was a, it was an unusual day, but the, the wedding is the best day of your life because you, honestly, it's so great because you have, you're just surrounded by love and everyone that you love is there, right? And they love you and it's this. Oh, it's. Honestly, it's the best. And your kids are going to be there.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, that's the thing. My nine year old, she's really, you.

[Russell Howard]

Know, bring her mum, organize a wedding.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, it's not, it's more than that because my mom, because my, you know, fiance was like, listen, she was, she was with the girl. She was like, look, I'm not going to wear a white wedding dress. We have three kids. It's just. We're going to have like a simple party. Like, you know, we'll do it in city hall. We'll just get it legally done. But like, you know, and then my daughter was like, well, then can I wear the white wedding dress? Like, so my fan, we're kind of like, yeah, let her, let her also walk down the aisle. That's what she wants, Right? Let her do it. Because we. Because. Because it's anything goes kind of wedding. Nothing has to be traditional because our relationship wasn't traditional. So we're going to let her walk down the aisle whatever the hell she wants. We're going to have, like, you know, just make it fun. My little one will be the flower girl. My stepson can. You know, he was like, he can walk his mom down the aisle, not because her father passed away. So he's like, maybe he'll do it. Maybe we'll all wear shorts. I don't know. Maybe we'll do it in Japan. I don't know.

[Russell Howard]

Are you doing a. You call it a bachelor party.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

What are you doing for that?

[Chris DiStefano]

Whatever Vito wants to do, dude. Knowing Vito will probably go to Applebee's.

[Russell Howard]

Not without menu.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're gonna flip around. I don't know, dude. What should we do for the batch party? Actually, that's a good question. I didn't even think of that.

[Russell Howard]

I went to Vegas.

[Chris DiStefano]

You did?

[Russell Howard]

And it was. It was wonderful. It's like going to the zoo.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Vito]

Italy for mine.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, there you go. Where? What's your stack? Dudes in Italy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Vito]

So John came with me. We went to. We went to Rome to start, and then we went to this island, Ischia, for, like, four days.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Vito]

And then back to Rome on the other side.

[Russell Howard]

And. Are you the best man? Okay. No, no. Here. Who's. Who's your best man?

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, my best. You know what? I haven't even thought about any of it yet. I don't know. I mean, hopefully. Honestly, what I'm hoping for after this podcast is it Robbie Williams. I would love for him to be it.

[Russell Howard]

Robbie. Or the monkey version.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. Or the chimp. I'll take either.

[Russell Howard]

Or you could you take a chimp? And everyone's like, is that Robbie? It could be.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You know what I mean?

[Chris DiStefano]

I walked down with the business goose. Yeah. I don't. I don't know. I don't know who the best man would be.

[Vito]

Is he going to be an original Queens guy, or is it going to be a comic?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. I kind of feel bad for asking because I assumed he had the answer. And. Yeah, I know publicly, you know, his friends, like, waiting for.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah. I mean. Yeah, because here's the thing. What? My. My best friend from home, he's already my oldest daughter's godfather.

[Russell Howard]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then my youngest daughter's godfather is trans person. So I don't know if they would be a best man or maid of honor. I'd have to ask them and then. And that's a true. So I'm not even fucking around, so I don't know what side they want to be on. So honestly, what I would actually do, just so it's. I would actually consider. If you wanted to, I would have my stepson be the best man. Why not? Yeah, let him. You know, he would love to. He's going to be on his phone fucking around anyway.

[Vito]

Walking down the aisle though.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, but he could also be my best man. There's no rules. Veto.

[Vito]

All right. You can have two best men.

[Russell Howard]

You can't.

[Chris DiStefano]

True.

[Russell Howard]

The problem with that though, if you have two best men, then you've got an opener and a closer and it like, particularly if you get another comic and then you have that 14 year old boy follow, you know, I mean, that's a hard gig, man.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's true. Yeah. And then I, I kind of position them like who's gonna get. Who has more followers? Right. What can I make of my dad? Yeah, man, then I'll do my dad. That's the easy one. My dad's the best man.

[Russell Howard]

I remember my. When my sister got married, my dad wrote his speech and then he went, oh, do you wanna have a look at it just before. Before I do it? Honestly, I've never had to put a red pen through as many things. Yeah, just like, I don't know if that's dad. Come on, you can't be. It was.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

It was pretty full on. I think he had a great line in it that I, I really liked, but it died hard.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And. And I gave him a bit of advice. I was like, I really like that joke, but you gotta commit. The only way you're gonna get that over the line is commit. And my God, he did. And it made it even worse because it. But the line was he went, the wedding's been difficult to organize. And he went, and I've done a lot. And everyone was kind of laughing because they knew he'd done nothing. And he went, I'd like to thank Ninet, which is my mum, and Angela, which was the mother in law. And then he went, hey, even Santa needs his elves. And I kind of liked it. I just thought. But he really bombed. Bombed hard because he just went, hey. Like that. It was like I said, go big, but not like, you know, even Santa needs his house. And he like, he properly straight down the camera.

[Chris DiStefano]

It was dying laughing.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, I loved it. But because it was like, it was full, like Will Ferrell. Yeah, it just stiff.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

But it was. It's envious of you, though.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

They're their special days, weddings. You just realize how fortunate you are to know your friends and family. They. Everyone shows up for you. The fucking energy of it.

[Chris DiStefano]

And you know what, dude? I also kind of feel very. I've had, like, almost no anxiety this week because you're like, you know what, dude? Now it's like, you don't have to worry about shit. Things are secure. You lock everything down. And it's like, I got to the point mentally where I was like, I'd rather. I want peace. I don't. I was always like, you know, subconsciously chasing chaos. Like, I don't want to be married. I don't want to be locked down. We got kids and I want to do this and that and whatever, and we don't need to be married. But then I was like, no, you're an idiot, dude. The peace is in the marriage people. It's very easy for old guys back. They get, you know, you better get a prenup. You marry now it's like, shut up, asshole. Shut up, Bill. Just. It's like, yes, I will. You know, just stop being a dick. It's like, you know, I don't know what you want me to. I feel. I feel at peace. Peace doing this now because I'm like, oh, at least I could just now focus on my family, focus on my career and, you know, and then take these next 10 years and then at 50, because I've said this publicly many times, and she knows that. She's aware marriage and me, as I've said, I just want to try it. I'm going to go the first 50 years of my life straight. In the last 50 gay, so she can stay with me.

[Russell Howard]

So we got a decade.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's why I said, so we got 10 years of straight fun. And then at 50, 8-26-19, middle of the summer. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. I'm just gonna go. I'm gonna go, you guys say the 26th of August. That's a little different thing about you. So. So I. But I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go full gay. And you might be my first call. It's possible.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Russell Howard]

Do you have. What. Okay, so you. When did you write. When did you tell your wife this? What made you choose? Like, what do you seek to get from this gay phase of your going.

[Chris DiStefano]

The last 50 gate? Just because I feel like you only get one spin on this planet. So you might as well just try it all.

[Russell Howard]

Sure.

[Chris DiStefano]

Get different experiences.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

You know.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. But why like, why not have a year being gay and then pop back? Why not just mix it up?

[Chris DiStefano]

Because I do think I'm genuinely a gay man.

[Russell Howard]

You gotta go. But not until you're 50. Right, but I know when presumably gravity's taking an effect.

[Chris DiStefano]

Exactly.

[Russell Howard]

And like, you know, there's probably a time where you're kind of, you know, but your balls are gonna be hanging down you, Right. You're just gonna look like a cat's toy from behind.

[Chris DiStefano]

Unless I, but unless I get on performance enhancing drugs, my triceps are only gonna be pushed down this game for another 10 years and then it's just gonna overcome me. So, yeah, I gotta get in shape like you, I gotta get, you know.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I gotta get the BMI down.

[Russell Howard]

Right. But so that's, do you worry about that like having. Because like, it's funny that you hit on that. But I, I, My dad's obsessed with kind of fitness, Right. And his mum died when he was young. So that's kind of always been this sort of weird thing of like you have to be fit and healthy and like I definitely have that. And now having an eight month old son, you suddenly, God, I'm 44, so when he's 20, I'll be 64. And I'm thinking about like, do you have like the dad's race at school? Like the P.E. in P.E.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

So I just kind of like, you know, 10 years ago, if I had a kid, I could easily win that. But now I'm going to be, yeah, I can't lose, I can't see my son.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. I mean you could definitely be an 8 month old.

[Russell Howard]

I don't want to be like, you know, kind of with the Zimmer frame.

[Chris DiStefano]

I think that what you see that for me, all exercise, I mean, I, you know, I eat too many scones. I definitely got high cholesterol and I like just eating pasta and getting crazy. But I always do typically try to work out hard. I try to hit the zone two cardio, you know, and get, get crazy, you know, because for me it's all about I. More into the mic, into the thank you. That's it. And it's dry. So, so I think about with, since I've been, I've been a dad a long time now is for me the goal is now not vanity anymore. It's not. I mean, yeah, I'd love to have abs and look Ripped. But I mean, my nipples go like this. I got. It's what it is. I got a little bit of flab. I have a big belly button. It's just I got. I'm very, you know, not proportionate at all. I got big shoulders, but then my breasts. I have. I've always had fat nipples. It's just who I am. It's what I've accepted about. About who I am.

[Russell Howard]

I have one nipple that's bigger than the other.

[Chris DiStefano]

So do I.

[Russell Howard]

And it was that like. Can you remember being 14 that you just like. One of them just popped out.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And the other just was like.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Was like very nervous.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Mine, well, I just stayed Right.

[Russell Howard]

So it was this weird thing. I'd sort of, if I was at swimming pool, approach girls sideways on like a crab just for fear that suddenly that was.

[Chris DiStefano]

Did it even out now?

[Russell Howard]

No, it's sort of like, you don't really know. But it's that funny thing is, but, you know. I know. And it's that weird thing when you're 14, you just suddenly go like any imperfection. Sure was terrifying. And this was before the age of phones.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Can you imagine what it must be like to have any flaw?

[Chris DiStefano]

It's, you know, horrible.

[Russell Howard]

Damn, it must be so hard for kids.

[Chris DiStefano]

So. So I think what happens though is when you become a parent. For me now, all of my exercise is just for the goal of I want to be able to run around and play with my kids.

[Russell Howard]

Totally.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like, if I'm like, it used to be, you know, if I. If I was. When my babies were little before, I've like, you know, just had some more time being their dad. If I was doing like my push ups, my sit ups and you know, in the living room say, because they didn't have time to go to the gym, they would be like, daddy, Daddy, play with me or whatever. Like, hold on, let me just get this done. But now I just incorporate them into the workout. So now I just use them as weights or. Because I'm like, this is actually what I'm doing if I'm not an Olympic athlete. I got fucking. My tits are insane.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So I'm like, I'm like, I'm like.

[Russell Howard]

You don't pole vote with them, though.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, thank fuck, no. No. Just bounce it off my nipples. So that's why I think I exercise now. And that's what I think you'll see as your baby gets older. I mean, you're already a fit guy, but. Or German woman, whatever you want to go With. But you. But you are. I think, like, it all becomes about the children where you're just like, I'm doing this so I can just play with them and stay and stay around for them. Even. My father's lost £100 over the last, you know, year or two. And obviously he's not, you know, I'm 40 years old, so I'm not getting on his back and like, dad, you push ups with me. It's more like. It's more like he's like, I want to be around for you and to see things in your life. So that's why now I'm taking care of myself. So everything becomes motivated through your children.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, absolutely. And just this, like, there's a, like, Peter Atia.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, I love him, he's great.

[Russell Howard]

But the only thing is, it's like, just explain it. We. Just a little bit simpler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Like, I know you're intelligent. Of course you're intelligent, but you don't have to. Right. He loves slinging in a word.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

That you're like, well, now I have to go to the fucking dictionary to understand what you're on about.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, he's the one, actually, because I lost a bunch of weight.

[Russell Howard]

But the gist of his thing is, as you say, is just kind of like you just want to be you for as long as possible and then die without that kind of 10 years of like, he's dying now, isn't he?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And just slowly kind of.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, he was the one, because I started intermittent fasting because of him. He's got the zero fasting app. He's on it. So like, that's like, changed everything about the way I eat and whatever and. But he was the one that said the biggest longevity, the biggest exercise. Well, exercise, but specifically your VO2 max and your grip strength. Yeah, yeah. So I made. I went to a center and, like, made sure I was like, my VO2 Max was good and my grip strength was good. And I was like. So then Peter Thieves says, I'm gonna just live, baby. It's gonna live forever. You could shoot me. I'll jump in front of a fucking bus right now. The VO2 Max is beautiful.

[Russell Howard]

How long can you hang for?

[Chris DiStefano]

I can hang for like 90 seconds. Wow. Yeah. Which, which, that was another big thing, hanging. But I worked up to that. At first I was like 45 seconds.

[Russell Howard]

But, yeah, that's what they needed for the. The star of the Robbie Williams film as well. With them apes, it was just all about hang time.

[Chris DiStefano]

Just hang time.

[Russell Howard]

You could have Played that role.

[Chris DiStefano]

I could have. And I.

[Russell Howard]

And I hang. You've got good stamina.

[Chris DiStefano]

And I genuinely. And now it. And there's no way you can get me to you. You don't know Robbie Williams personally?

[Russell Howard]

Well, I, I, I don't know him personally, but I did play in a celebrity football game at the West Ham stadium. Where you went to watch baseball.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

So I played and he was the manager of one of the teams and my wife is a doctor and she was doing some research into trying to make old people defecate and. Yeah, yeah. And it turns out prunes, basically, if, if our health service spent money giving old people prunes, that would save a lot of money as opposed to medicine. And I don't know I'd spoken about this. And so I'm warming up in a stadium full of 50,000 people. It's on TV, there's millions of people, warm, watching, and I'm doing the kind of, you know, pre football moves, trying to do all that. And Robbie Williams, who is this, you know, huge star everywhere but America just kind of goes. So I understand your wife's doing some stuff with prunes and it was the most surreal moment. Yeah, well, apparently it's, it's just a lot better than just wasting money on medicine because turns out there's a natural way of making old people poo. Bizarre moment. And all my mates at home, I looked later on my WhatsApp group going, what the is Russell and Robbie talking about? And we were having a chat about. Yeah, my wife's.

[Chris DiStefano]

And it was to the whole country. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And then there was a penalty shootout right at the death. And I'm. And it's my wife calling now. There was a penalty shootout right at the death and I missed the penalty.

[Chris DiStefano]

Do you want to pick it up and we'll talk about Coswalt the.

[Russell Howard]

No, but I will have to.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, maybe we'll ask Robbie to come too. Maybe Robbie can join the trip to the Cotswold.

[Russell Howard]

Honestly, if, if Robbie Williams will have a place in the uk, that will be absolutely insane.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

So, I mean, he's. Well, I think Europe as well. He's massive. He's massive in Australia. It's just. But it's that thing, isn't it? Like America. It's like Seinfeld never really made it in. In the uk.

[Chris DiStefano]

He was saying that last week and we were, we literally, me and John were taking turns punching him in the stomach. Yeah. Because we were like, there's no way that's true. But you just said It. Seinfeld is not. Matt is not big in the uk.

[Russell Howard]

No, no.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like, but would people know him, like if he was on the tube, say would people be like, that's not Jerry Seinfeld. You.

[Russell Howard]

You'd. Yeah, you'd sort of respect him and you can't. Yeah, you. So we know that he's like, obviously I know who he is and I know a great stand up. But that sitcom, like, you know, more people watch Curb than they did Seinfeld. Seinfeld just wasn't a thing.

[Chris DiStefano]

So Larry David would be way more famous in the streets, probably.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Interesting.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. But you know, it's sort of, it's, it's just so fun. But then we have a show called Only Fools and Horses. Have you heard of that?

[Chris DiStefano]

No.

[Russell Howard]

This is the biggest comedy sitcom in the UK ever happening right now.

[Chris DiStefano]

Or was years ago.

[Russell Howard]

Just. But it was this. Just a staple. Do you know what I mean? It's so funny because, like, very often I'll get people coming to me going, oh my God, I love Monty Python. Never on TV in the uk it was only big. Here it was. It was not when I was a kid, but it was. Do you know what I mean? Like in the 70s it was on TV but we only had four channels and then it wasn't going to be on again. You know what I mean? It's like. But I feel like now with YouTube, the world is just a wee bit smaller.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Well, that's why you're doing mostly podcast stuff now. Because TV is not what it was anymore. Right.

[Russell Howard]

On YouTube and clips. And that's the fascinating thing about what we do is that like, we love putting a special together. This thing about putting a show together. I kind of love it, you know, when it's got like muscular and meaty and you're like, you know, it's just.

[Chris DiStefano]

Grinder, but you're banging back.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

I'm thinking about you when you're 51. But it's that thing of the world doesn't necessarily want that. They just want everything cut down.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Which is kind of fine.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Because that's kind of how comics work up gear anyway.

[Chris DiStefano]

But you'll still make it the way you want to make it and then whatever, cut it up. Because I feel I understand what you mean about the meat of it all.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. But it's that thing of when you've got like, like I'm so envious of American comics because the infrastructure you have for stand up in this country is still like this city. It's like if. But if I was a New York native, it's just the idea that you can just rock up. I'm lucky. In the uk, there's a comedy club called Top Secret.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Which is a brilliant club. Exactly. That you can go there, you can do three shows, right. Of doing 20 minutes, you know, piece of paper idea, go there, do that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, you've kind of done nine gigs. The bit is beginning to kind of percolate, become something. You could do nine gigs in a day. Day here. And that's the, the, the, the majesty of the infrastructure of New York that you're like, you get an idea on the Monday, by the time you're on tour on Saturday.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

It's a red hot beer.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And also you have this culture here where comics will go out and they'll do a show and then they can pull out notes in a show where audiences have paid money.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

People would go crazy if you did that in the uk. It would be like, sorry, mate, I've paid fucking money.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

So how about you put them fucking notes back in your pocket.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And you fucking ding along. All right, let's get this go. You know, we just. So you're. It's almost like you're in a permanent state of becoming.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

And. And you sort of think it must have been like George Carlin when he was playing all those venues to lead to the special. It was all to get to the special.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean? There was a reverence to the special.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Which I don't know if audiences have. I think comics do, and we love putting them out.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

But you know what I mean, there isn't that same, like, oh, there's a Carlin special.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. You know, not the thing. There's. There's also so many cities here. So it's like, I always thought, like, in England, there's only so many places you can really go.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Even through the whole, you know, of uk, there's only where in America it's like you, like, you can easily. Easily driving, just driving within five hours max. I can play an entire year of shows.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Easily.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So I think there's that. And yeah, I think, you know, we, we have so much opportunity here specifically for comedy that I think some of us take it even for granted.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

We're like, you know, we don't. Where I'm like, you know, people have come move from Australia to New York City to just to be a part of this comedy scene. And I'm only five Train stops away and I'm like, I'm not going in tonight.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's like, dude, are you kidding me? The whole. Your whole life is you only got 10 more years, but then you're gay.

[Russell Howard]

The only. But the, the thing I find weird about it though is whenever I, I've, Whenever I try and work stuff up, like, it's that it's. It's such a humbling experience.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Like, I remember doing. We. We just done the Albert hall in the UK and then I came here and I was. I was doing like stand up New York and just a bunch of like nice little gigs, but it just felt like everyone in the audience was like, where you're from, you're from Australia, you're from. It didn't feel like they were like. It felt like there were lots of tourists.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sure.

[Russell Howard]

So it was just. It didn't feel like a feeling. Fair read on whether this stuff would.

[Chris DiStefano]

Work in America, where when I did Top Secret it. Everybody felt like they were from England or like London in those few block radius of.

[Russell Howard]

Because that feels like how I imagine the seller is. It sort of feels like a locals gig.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean? Rather than, oh, what? Stand up comedy. I've heard that's a thing.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they, if they hear an accent going to the comedy seller, they say shows around the corner. Yeah, yeah. You could get in. Yeah. Because, you know, obviously gonna let you.

[Russell Howard]

German.

[Chris DiStefano]

Exactly. But, but, yeah, dude, I told you it was gonna be 45 minutes. How long have we been going?

[Vito]

One hour and two minutes.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm really sorry that I've kept you so. And Pat was late. Do you want us to do anything to Pat, who was late opening up the door? Because if it's your call, if you want us to literally, dude, if you want us to fire Pat, we'll do it. You want us to pants him? You want us to just. You want us to get a bunch of peanut butter and jelly and just rub it all over?

[Russell Howard]

Listen, I've had such a lovely experience that I, And I respect Pat. And listen, Madison, who is doing my pr, said something wonderful as we were all. As you guys were all sat around going, pat prick. We can't go up there because Pat's got the key.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

She said in such a dulcet tone. He has the only key. Looks at each other with that. She's kind of got a point. We should really have a plan B. Yeah, we should.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, we should have.

[Russell Howard]

So for me, it Feels like if there's to be any punishment, what Pat should do is go to a key cutters and get you all a key cut.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And it should come out of his own pocket. He should pay for those.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

And I would like them gold. Like just, you know, I think that's fair.

[Chris DiStefano]

Smart.

[Russell Howard]

And if you want to make one of the keys really hot and just singe him. Fine.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes, that's. That's it.

[Russell Howard]

Nothing above a singe.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay, got it. Nothing above a singe. Right here from Russell Howard. Where can people find you? See you all.

[Russell Howard]

So I've got a new special out on the 15th of January and it's.

[Chris DiStefano]

Going to be January 15th in the United States.

[Russell Howard]

Sorry.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, just so.

[Russell Howard]

January 15th. Yeah. And it's going to be. It's live streamed here at 8 o'clock, the UK eight, Australia and Europe. And it's going to be a big.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, it's live stream.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's awesome.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, man.

[Chris DiStefano]

And it's. And where is that again?

[Russell Howard]

So you can get it from my website, but it's through a company called Drift. But my website is russell/howard.comco.uk it's amazing.

[Chris DiStefano]

Live streamed. You're doing it live, baby.

[Russell Howard]

It was funny. Like the last two I did were Netflix specials and I kind of. I don't know, there's something quite. It's quite exciting about doing it yourself.

[Chris DiStefano]

I got to be honest with you, dude, Netflix is starting to become like. There's too much stuff on it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, well, that's it. It kind of gets. It kind of gets lost a bit. And you like. And I remember the first one. Is that the first one I did, I was really pleased with, but I was quite fast. I was quite frenetic. And you know when you watch it back and you're like, so this my life.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

The second one I was just like, right. Make sure you just pace it. You're in someone's living room, don't fucking shout at them. And clearly the first one got just a lot. It was watched a lot more than the second.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

It was a real window. You like. Okay. It's probably a better way of doing it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

So. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

All right, good. Watch them live. Get yourself. Have yourself a go with a business goose.