Who Is Tampa Tony Voting For Today?! | Election Special | Chris Distefano is Chrissy Chaos

Summary

Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos
Episode: Who Is Tampa Tony Voting For Today?! | Election Special
Release Date: November 5, 2024

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Introduction

In this lively episode of Chrissy Chaos, hosted by comedian Chris Distefano, the Chaos family gathers once again at the Chaos compound. After a hiatus filled with episodes from Los Angeles and Austin, the family returns home to discuss the impending election with their guest, Tampa Tony. The episode blends humor, family dynamics, and insightful conversations about the state of American politics.

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Family Banter and Household Dynamics

The episode opens with Chris navigating family interactions, highlighting the humorous chaos of holiday preparations. At [00:00], Chris jokes about his mother's tendency to manage holiday menus, setting a lighthearted tone:

Chris [00:00]: "Alex, do you like canned cranberry sauce, or should we make it ourselves? That's my mom."

Vito, Chris’s father, adds to the humor by sharing anecdotes about manipulating meal choices to keep his joints swollen:

Vito [01:45]: "That's why I spike all his meals with extra salt just to mess his joints up."

The family's playful teasing continues as Chris and Vito engage in a humorous hat-fitting session later in the episode, illustrating their close-knit yet humorous relationship.

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Sports Discussions and Personal Experiences

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to sports, particularly focusing on the New York Knicks and the upcoming World Series game. At [05:31], Chris recounts an amusing encounter his father had at a Knicks game:

Chris [05:31]: "He had no idea who that is. He's literally like a rap legend."

Tampa Tony shares his travel experience to the Knicks game and discusses the challenges of navigating traffic from Florida to New York:

Tampa Tony [02:50]: "Terrible traffic."

The conversation delves into fan experiences, with Chris praising the hospitality he and his father received at the game and sharing humorous stories about interactions with celebrities like Curtis Blow:

Chris [06:04]: "He just starts telling him he's the greatest."

The episode also touches on Chris’s fondness for New York sports teams, contrasting his loyalty to the Yankees and the Knicks with his more casual support for the Mets, influenced by positive interactions with their owner, Steve Cohen.

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Election Commentary and Predictions

As an election special, the episode shifts focus to the upcoming presidential race. At [32:48], Tampa Tony offers his perspective on the current political climate:

Tampa Tony [32:48]: "Countries too divided. I mean, and nobody wants to take someone else's view. What they say is, that's it."

Chris probes deeper into the division, questioning whether the current state of American politics is unprecedented:

Chris [33:08]: "But wasn't that. Isn't that how it's always been?"

The conversation examines the impact of recent events on voter sentiment. Vito speculates on how endorsements from celebrities like Bad Bunny and Jennifer Lopez could influence voters:

Vito [66:11]: "Bad Bunny and Jennifer Lopez, with their millions of millions of followers putting out, you need to go vote against this person. Makes a difference."

The family discusses the potential outcomes of the election, debating whether it will be closer than past races. Chris expresses optimism about a potentially tighter race compared to the Biden-Trump showdown:

Chris [66:01]: "I do think it's going to be closer than Biden, Trump."

Vito adds that current polling may be more accurate due to increased openness among voters:

Vito [74:50]: "I think the polls are probably more accurate now because people are like more open."

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Humorous Interludes and Personal Stories

Throughout the episode, the family's humor shines through with stories about everyday life and personal quirks. Chris shares a memorable moment from a Knicks game where he humorously recounts touching a player's backside:

Chris [55:02]: "I grabbed Garland. On the Cavalier's butt yesterday."

Vito and Tampa Tony engage in playful banter about getting older, health habits, and family traditions, such as their shared love for Dunkin' Donuts:

Tampa Tony [51:35]: "Now there's one. Little closer, right?"

The discussion also covers Halloween plans, with the family brainstorming creative and humorous costumes, further showcasing their dynamic and comedic chemistry.

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Closing Remarks and Call to Action

As the episode concludes, Chris promotes upcoming live events and encourages listeners to engage with their content on Patreon and YouTube. He invites the audience to participate in future projects, such as a college tour, and teases new podcast ventures like History Hyenas. The family wraps up with a final humorous exchange about Halloween costumes and the importance of voting:

Chris [86:03]: "So if you want to meet Tampa Tony, come to those shows in Miami. We in Miami."

Throughout the episode, Chris skillfully blends humor with meaningful discussions, creating an engaging narrative that entertains while also prompting listeners to reflect on the significant political events of the time.

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Notable Quotes

• Chris [00:00]: "Alex, do you like canned cranberry sauce, or should we make it ourselves? That's my mom."
• Vito [01:45]: "That's why I spike all his meals with extra salt just to mess his joints up."
• Chris [05:31]: "He had no idea who that is. He's literally like a rap legend."
• Tampa Tony [32:48]: "Countries too divided. I mean, and nobody wants to take someone else's view. What they say is, that's it."
• Vito [66:11]: "Bad Bunny and Jennifer Lopez, with their millions of millions of followers putting out, you need to go vote against this person. Makes a difference."
• Chris [66:01]: "I do think it's going to be closer than Biden, Trump."
• Tampa Tony [32:58]: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you're online, you're waiting to vote."

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Conclusion

This episode of Chrissy Chaos seamlessly combines humor, family interactions, and timely political commentary, offering listeners both entertainment and thought-provoking discussions. Chris Distefano and his family provide a unique perspective on the election, enriched by their personal anecdotes and comedic flair, making it a memorable installment in the Chrissy Chaos series.

Transcript

[Chris]

Alex, do you like canned cranberry sauce, or should we make it ourselves? That's my mom.

[Vito]

She didn't know about Instacart's family carts.

[Chris]

So wanna make pecan pie this year, yes or no? Oh, and how many boxes of stuffing? So I told her we could just share a family cart and add all our holiday favorites to the same order without losing our voices or our sanity. It's so much fun. Alex, can you get my holiday village out of the attic? Baby steps, Alex. Baby steps. Shop Instacart this holiday season and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. Alex. Hi, I'm Slushy. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Chrissy Chaos, back here from the Chaos compound. We haven't been here in about a month. We did LA episodes, Austin episodes, but now we are back in Casa de Chaos. We got here. We got John, the father. Grady is off camera right now. Vito, Baby Teeth Khalise is off taking a phone call. I love that. I pay this guy to take phone calls for his other job. That's what he's doing. And he wonders why he keeps getting gout. It's because I'm spiking all his meals with extra salt just to mess his joints up. So at least he'll sit down here when he needs to. When the podcast starts, at least he'll be sitting here. That's the only way I could do it is if I literally just make Vito's joint swell and then he can't walk around. Speaking of joint swelling, I think your joints. That. Yeah. If you hear a drill in the background, that's Jasmine drilling nails into her easel right in the middle of this podcast. She's just deciding to. She wants to sabotage the show. So she's drilling nails off camera, and she's looking at me now as if to say, the next nail gets drilled into the side of your head, so your joints are about to swell, your pelvic regions are about to get gout. Because our guest for today, who hasn't been on in quite some time because he survived Hurricane Milton, he survived 21 days of constipation, and now he's here for you today. Give it up for the one and only Tampa. Tony, move the mic closer to you. Dad.

[Tampa Tony]

Sorry. Hi, guys. How you doing?

[Chris]

That's it.

[Tampa Tony]

And you know, Jazz is going to. I have good. We have a good podcast for Jazz.

[Chris]

And Diane, my dad, my stepmom Diane. Yes, they have a good podcast.

[Tampa Tony]

What happened? What we'll do is we'll sit Here and have the ladies bash us.

[Chris]

That's it. Sounds like Tuesday night dinner. Yeah. So what can you do? Dad, you've driven up here from Florida. Yes. How was the drive?

[Tampa Tony]

Terrible.

[Chris]

What was bad about it?

[Tampa Tony]

Traffic.

[Chris]

Hold on, Jazz. Just. Just drill the easel, please. Okay. Yes.

[Tampa Tony]

Get up. 4:00 in the morning, we go. Oh, GPS is 3:00. Okay, so it's 7:30 at night. We're still driving.

[Chris]

Damn.

[Tampa Tony]

A lot of traffic.

[Chris]

What state? Driving from Florida to New York. What state do you hate the most?

[Tampa Tony]

Virginia.

[Chris]

Wow. One of the original 13 colonies. Why do you hate the Commonwealth of Virginia?

[Tampa Tony]

It's long, right? It's a long state.

[Chris]

Right? That's. Everyone says John is long. They call him Virginia Slim.

[Tampa Tony]

Hey, listen, if it helps you, no problem.

[Chris]

That's it. John's girlfriend is a migrant.

[Tampa Tony]

Is that a joke?

[Chris]

Immigrant.

[Tampa Tony]

Immigrant, yeah. You're good. You're good. You're good.

[Chris]

Yes. She only. She Latina.

[Tampa Tony]

There you go.

[Chris]

That's it, right? That's what. That's what it is.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Well. You never had a Latina girlfriend, though?

[Tampa Tony]

No, I never. No.

[Chris]

Why not?

[Tampa Tony]

Wasn't allowed.

[Chris]

You weren't allowed to have a Latina girlfriend? That's interesting. Old school rules back then.

[Tampa Tony]

Old school. Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah. Now I don't think there's one race. And now it's like nobody's all white, all Spanish, all black. Everyone's mixed with something. Patreon.com Christie coming. So immediate. We have immediate Patreon content. We have immediate Tampa to say. Patreon wild. Yeah. So. And so far. So now, how do you like this house? This chaos compound versus the Staten island house?

[Tampa Tony]

I like. I love both of them.

[Chris]

Right.

[Tampa Tony]

This house is nice. I think it's nice, Right? Of course, going up 10 flights of stairs, that doesn't help, but it's okay.

[Chris]

Yeah, that doesn't help. Jazz wants to. Jazz wants to buy this house and then turn the staircase the other way. I'm like, the stairs go up and go down. Why do they need to go an opposite way? That's what she wants me to do, though. What do you think about that, John? You were in the contracting business. I think you do. Like a spiral in there. That'd be cool. Oh, my God. That. Do you think my dad could go. Could you go up and down a spiral staircase?

[Tampa Tony]

I can't. Yeah. I can act it in your house.

[Chris]

Yeah. We're happy that my dad's been here for 48 hours and he's only fallen once, so that's a Positive. That's positive news for us.

[Tampa Tony]

This is true.

[Chris]

He was good yesterday. We took him to the Knicks game yesterday. He didn't fall once. He was walking all over, tripping hazards. People love him. There was a. Somebody who works for the Knicks came down and said, hey, they came. I thought they were going to come over to me. They came over to him, they said, hey, my boss is a big fan of Tampa Tony and he just wants you to wave at him. And my dad just looked over in a direction and waved.

[Tampa Tony]

That's it.

[Chris]

He had that drip on last night. He had a New York Knicks Mitchell and S hardwood classic jacket. I should have given him a Knicks fitted. It would have been sick. You're not supposed to talk to anyone. These tickets that they give us that. So thankful to MSG for getting, you know, it's kind of like, you know, like in a nice suite and all that, you're not allowed to talk to anyone. I've told my dad that a hundred times. He immediately walks in and starts talking to Patrick Ewing, you're the greatest. And just starts telling him he's the greatest. And then the entire time he's sitting next to rap legend Curtis Blow. Has no idea who that is.

[Tampa Tony]

Had no idea.

[Chris]

He's literally like a rap legend. Invented rap. And Curtis Blow just, you know, dad talking shit. Talking shit to the players. When you're. You just get away with everything. You're. There's no repercussions.

[Tampa Tony]

Well, you know, I have that personality.

[Chris]

You do because it's all coming from a good place.

[Tampa Tony]

Right?

[Chris]

I'm getting. I'm getting looked at from Jazz over there.

[Tampa Tony]

Don't worry, Jazz. I'll stick up here, worry about it.

[Chris]

It's my fault. It's my dad's fault. I have charm. Yeah, right. I could say. I could say island of Garbage and get away with it. People do. The amount of people who have hit me up, huh? John's from Buffalo, New York. John's family moved as far away from New York City as possible.

[Tampa Tony]

He's just a lot of frozen people.

[Chris]

He does so the amount of people who have hit me up because the one of the last, I guess, posts on Kill Tony is a picture is the flyer for when I did Kill Tony three, four weeks ago. Me, Derosa and Tony. The amount of people that have messaged me mad at me about what Tony said is so insane. It's like Tony said something two days ago. I did Tony's show four weeks ago. So what, you're asking me to comment and denounce something that happened in the future from when I did something. So, like, the silliness. A part of it all isn't. It's insane to me. And they're like, take the Puerto Rican flags out of your bio. I was like, what? What are you talking about? Like, because I have a picture with Tony, because I did a show three weeks ago, like the Internet. It's a little bit crazy. And I do honestly believe. And by the time this episode comes out in a few days, this might have already been proven. I do believe that the Kamala campaign probably gave Tony a lot of money to say that to cause some type of reverse negative publicity thing. And I think that he just played both sides. That's what I think happened. Isn't that wild that that's what I genuinely think and it's not actually so far fetched. I just said that and John's eyes lit up. You think it could be true? Is that a possibility, John? I don't know. I can't believe he said that in New York City of all places. That was a wild thing to say in New York. Yeah, you should. Yeah, you can't. Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, Jews, Chinese, you got to understand. You can't. Or gays, pretty much everybody. You just got to be careful in New York. The only. The only people you can comfortably shit on in New York is Boston Red Sox fans. You can comfortably shit on the city of Boston in New York and probably get applause breaks, but that's about it. You can't. You can't really make fun of every. We have every culture here.

[Tampa Tony]

Right?

[Chris]

But the Puerto Ricans is a. You cannot do. They are like, integral to New York. Like, this is why I told you why I can't. Every time I travel outside of New York, in addition to missing my family, I miss Puerto Ricans and pizza. Those are the two things that I need the most in my life. So I will not consider your city. I will not consider living in your city unless you have an adequate Puerto Rican population and pizzerias, then I'll consider going. But those two things. That's why I love Chicago. I like Boston, has a lot of Puerto Rican people, you know, the Northeast. This is where I'm comfortable around. Look who's coming in now. Vito. Vito. Or as I'm as. I'm going to start calling him Mike. Out. Yo, Vito. Looking clean with the shave. Looking clean, player. What up, baby boy? Vito with the new jewelry on. What's that new necklace. I like that.

[Vito]

I've been wearing this for like, six months.

[Chris]

I like that, dude.

[Vito]

Evil eye. It's a Greek evil eye. It's a mati.

[Chris]

It's a Matty. Yeah. Tampa Tony, you've met Vito before, right?

[Tampa Tony]

Yes, I have.

[Chris]

Um, he. Vito. Veto's a good man. Who are you on the phone with? Your other job?

[Vito]

Yeah, my main job.

[Chris]

Yeah, my main job. So I'm just a side piece. Listen, and here's another thing, folks. Here's what you're gonna have to deal with. It's. This episode's coming out. When would this be? November. So fall Chrissy has arrived. Pumpkin spice Chrissy is here. So you're gonna deal with fall colors, you're gonna deal with hats. I'm also growing my hair out. So you're gonna have to deal with just me in different phases of this. Okay? Some days I'll be in these greens and browns. Some days, you know, I'll be dressed in oranges. Some days I want to talk about, you know, fall leaves. And that's just what it is. I'm a seasonal guy. I have seasonal affective disorder. And that. And that goes. I go along with the season. So my hair is growing. If you see me in fall colors, shout out, fall Chrissy. Pumpkin spice Chrissy. And you can expect a nod or a fist bump from me. If you don't acknowledge my fall fun, you can go yourself. Hey, you're.

[Vito]

You're Halloween guy. I didn't expect.

[Chris]

Dude, I didn't expect Mr. Halloween. John walked in and said, we have the dopest house in the block. I do want to shout out. I do want to shout out. Jasmine. She did put up those decorations. She did that while your boy was out in LA on Jeopardy. I was out in LA chillin, and I came back to. To. It really is, huh? To real life. It is dope, though. It is dope.

[Tampa Tony]

Well, she figured she had a way for you and never get done.

[Chris]

Exactly. What do you think?

[Tampa Tony]

How is that Jazz Good?

[Chris]

Yeah, no, we know that Jazz. We've all known that Jazz is. Is the handy person here in this house, so, I mean, I could have actually put that up. I know what to do, but I. I get uncomfortable on ladders, so. And Jazz had to climb up on a ladder to do that. But she does it for the kids. Our kids really do love these decorations. Our daughter, you know, they got that big spider out there lurking. So. Tampa Tony wore those pants last night. You wearing underwear today or what?

[Tampa Tony]

No. Once a week.

[Chris]

That's it. Dude, it's. It is not. It is Nice to just free ball it. What did you like about the Knicks experience last night? They did lose, unfortunately. It was great.

[Tampa Tony]

Atmosphere was good, you know.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Tampa Tony]

You know, right. Coming down the stretch.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

They have a lot to be desired.

[Chris]

My dad tried to take filet mignon in a to go box from the owner's suite, which I think they would. Here's the thing about my pops.

[Tampa Tony]

I should have did that.

[Chris]

Is everybody see my hair looks kind of fire there. But not here.

[Vito]

I. You know, you sent me something this morning and the way you had your hood up, I. I figured today wasn't your hair, dad.

[Chris]

Yeah, you know what? But I'm also not a hat guy. I kind of look like a bozo in a hat.

[Vito]

No, I do. I actually like this. I think this looks good.

[Chris]

This hat is. This hat works. John is saying, no, I don't. I don't think you're a hat guy. But I think that does look good on you. Like, I think that's a good.

[Vito]

He can't wear dad hats shape for dad hats.

[Chris]

What's a dad hat?

[Vito]

Like this.

[Chris]

That. Because that hat looks good on you.

[Vito]

Like a buckled. Like the buckle on the back.

[Chris]

That's not going to work for me. No. I need a bigger hat.

[Vito]

Yeah, you need a tall head.

[Chris]

Do I cuz what is it about my head? Do I have a big head, A small head, a long head, a short. It's kind of a sloped CRO Magnon, you know. So if you have a sloped head, then a snapback hat is what works for you.

[Vito]

I think it's the squareness of the head. You gotta. You got a square head, dude.

[Chris]

So, but. So is there a square hat then?

[Vito]

For me, this is pretty square.

[Chris]

This is a square hat. Yeah. Let's see how my dad looks in hats. Put that hat on. Let's see how you look in a hat.

[Tampa Tony]

Okay. Let's see what's Queens.

[Chris]

Queens. Just put it on. It looks good. That does. It does. It does look good. But you also do look like you live in adult daycare.

[Tampa Tony]

Well, that's that, that's that. That's not too far away.

[Chris]

Can you zoom in on adult daycare, Tony?

[Tampa Tony]

I'm walking towards. Very slow towards that.

[Chris]

No. Yo, everyone. Literally when people were stopping Tampa in the streets yesterday around MSG telling him how great he looked, how much weight he's lost. Because I've said multiple times in this podcast, all you do is eat one half a tuna fish sandwich all day. I've got so many DM people were DMing me tunas. Last night there was. Here we go. Wow. Oh, a PBR corduroy hat, son. Mitchell and yo, this hat is kind of flames.

[Vito]

Yeah, that's your hat, dude.

[Chris]

Dude, should I. Should I switch out right now?

[Vito]

Well, why don't you each try it on so you look better?

[Chris]

Okay. Wait, let me see.

[Tampa Tony]

I'm gonna win that.

[Chris]

Which one? How many? I'm four. Four of them. I gotta go. Four. One, two, three, four. Hold on. Crap.

[Vito]

See? Too small for you.

[Chris]

Yeah. Also, I never like the flat brim. Like, I. So why is this one not flat? Do I have to just fold it? Yeah, you got to cur. You go.

[Vito]

You take it off, and you go. You go brim to brim, but you gotta take it off.

[Chris]

You can't just do it like this. Like this? Yeah, like that.

[Vito]

Yeah.

[Chris]

We not like taco, though. You kind of want to, like. Is this kind of whack?

[Tampa Tony]

What's he making? Tacos.

[Chris]

It's too short. Here, put that on, dad. Let's see.

[Tampa Tony]

Okay.

[Chris]

Corduroy hats are. They are kind of fire, though. They are. I just got it.

[Tampa Tony]

See?

[Chris]

It looks better on him.

[Vito]

Yeah, but he looks kind of like short round now.

[Chris]

He does, yeah. Yeah, you do look like Indiana Jones Short round. Oh, here's. Here's. Here's my dad's wife. Here's my stepmom, mom, B. Diane. Coming down. What do you think about how dad looks in a hat?

[Tampa Tony]

No.

[Chris]

No. We got a no from his wife. She. Your wife just caught you with an elbow from the top rope.

[Tampa Tony]

She said no thanks, Dave.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

Oh, we're gonna have another podcast. You and Jazz, right? Bashing him and I.

[Chris]

It's called Dinner. Tomorrow night. We're just gonna. John's just gonna leave an audio recorder on the table. Yeah. So, guys, here's the thing. You know me. I've spoken about my uncle. My uncle Russell, famous cat judge, loves cats, used to breed cats in his attic. We love cats here. We wanted to have a cat in the house, but we got little kids, and we just worried that our kids might just squeeze the cats. So. But. But even though we don't technically own a cat, my uncle is always talking about this cat food called Smalls Cat Food. He's. He. He uses it with his cats. He loves it. This holiday season, I'm spending my money with our next sponsor, Smalls Cat Food, because they are donating millions of dollars worth of cat food to the Humane Society. Listen, dude, animals are living things, too, okay? And they have heartbeats and Personalities, and they love to be kissed on the lips. So I like animals. I like, you know, a company that gives back to the animals. Let me ask you a question. Is your cat having digestive issues, throwing up their food? If so, you should check out our next sponsor, Smalls. You really should, because I know a lot of podcast listeners have cats. That's one thing in common. They drive trucks and have cats. Listen, Smalls cat food is protein packed. They got preservative free ingredients that you'd find in your fridge, and it's delivered right to your door. That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food. Here. Here's a real review from a real Smalls customer. Elizabeth C. Said, my cat was always so so with her usual food, but she is very enthusiastic about Smalls. Her breath is much better and she poops much less frequently. And it does not smell disgusting like it used to. Sounds like that cat's name is Vito. Guys, I love this company, okay? I mean, they've donated over a million dollars worth of food to help cats. My Uncle Russell loves it. They donate to the Humane Society. They give you a chance to donate at checkout. You can donate $3 for treats. You can donate all the way up to $5,000 for vaccines, whatever you want. $7 for spraying or neutering. It's awesome, dude. I have, you know, I have friends who, like, legitimately will smell their cat's food. It's gross. This is how awesome it is. So right now, go to smalls.com chaos Use the promo code CHAOS at checkout for 50% off your first order, plus free shipping. That's the best offer you'll find. But you have to use my code, chaos for 50% off your first order. One last time. That's promo code chaos for 50% off your first order, plus free shipping. Smalls.com chaos life can be crazy sometimes. And one person's negligence can result in another's settlement. If you are injured by the negligence of another, you deserve to be paid. If you're in an accident, not calling a lawyer means you could be leaving money on the table. When you're seriously hurt, your injury could be worth millions. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Okay? Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 1,000 lawyers. That's a lot of avogados. With over $20 billion recovered for over 500,000 clients, Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of finding to get you full and fair compensation. And guys, submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is easy. Okay? Getting my dad to take a crap every five days is hard. Submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is easy. Me trying to find a hat that looks good on my head is hard. Submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is easy. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to for the people.com chaos or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's f O r the people or pound law pound 529 from your Sally Welly. This is a paid advertisement. So, you know, dad. And it was funny people who got it. It's funny like, how the. Because I, you know, we are. What. What's today? Today is 29, okay? We're filming this on the 29th. It's going to come out next week. I'm sorry. Okay. It's going to come out next week. But I want to get an episode out for you guys. While Tampa Tony was here, and I posted, you know, because the Trump rally was on Sunday two days ago. We were at the Knicks game yesterday. So I posted a picture of me and my dad and I said, tampa Tony has been waiting here since yesterday. And people, like, were messaging me, like, what an asshole I was. Puerto Rican flags. I'm like, you have to follow me and know I'm doing comedy. While somebody put Tampa Tony over Tony Hinchcliffe. I mean, what would you have done, dad, on that stage if you. If you got on the mic at the MSG rally for Trump, what would you have said? What would you have popped off with?

[Tampa Tony]

Well, since I got kicked off Facebook.

[Chris]

Yesterday, my dad got kicked off Facebook yesterday in the waiting room at the.

[Tampa Tony]

Knicks game, how we said, this man is a pig. Yeah, he's a thief. Never tells the truth about anything. But I'm still voting for him.

[Chris]

That's it. Well, Vito, you. I've never. Bro. Veto.

[Tampa Tony]

I'm not vote for him.

[Chris]

Vito. Vito just got. Vito just got rock hard and then soft as can be. This guy loves Vito's big time Dem. Loves it. Yeah. Loves it. He's. Yeah, He's. He's. He's. He's gonna. He dresses up as Hillary Clinton every year for Halloween Commies.

[Vito]

For Kamala.

[Chris]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. It's.

[Tampa Tony]

Would you have.

[Vito]

What would you have done? Would you have done crowd work?

[Chris]

What would you have Honestly, for real. For real. If I. Obviously I didn't get asked to do that, but if I would have, I think that is such a tough crowd for. I mean, it's a political rally, so it's not going to work with comedy. I probably would have just leaned into the history and made fun of the fact that everyone's saying it's a Nazi rally. So I would have done. I would have went that route and made fun of myself more. I think that was the. Rather than going out there and making fun of everybody, I would have just made fun of myself and things like, you know, if I'm gonna do Puerto Ricans, Puerto Rican stuff about me, I look like a Nazi, things like that. Like, just. But I'm one of the gay ones, like, whatever. So that I think. But it's. I do. I gotta be honest, just as a comedian speaking, it's, of course, it's very easy to write online. Like, how could you say that? Oh, my gosh. I think I pay for comedy or make a stupid video. I mean, dude, any comedian that's made a video, in my opinion, that's made a video like trashing. Tony, shut up. At least make it. At least make that video funny. Don't just be like, I'm fucking kill you, Tony. Oh, what you said was fair and hurtful. No, you're falling for the fucking big media stupid machine. They're making it a big deal on purpose. Just my thing is, like, be who you say you are. You will only ever see me do comedy. Okay. Even though I know for about a year and a half, I went away from that and I would come on podcasts and get philosophical because I was reading so much too many shit about stoicism. But I am back now. I am back and I'm only doing comedy. So for me, if, like, any comedian who posted anything, like, in a serious manner about Tony. You're fucking gay, Robert. And by the way, I support gay people, obviously, as my dad supports gay people. He does have a gay son.

[Tampa Tony]

Well, I have you.

[Chris]

That's it. When did you think. I remember one time on a podcast. You said the first time, by the way. No, you know, welcome back to the chaos matter. We have background noises of drills with Jasmine Keurig machines, coffee machines, toilets flushing. Vito walking in and out with his heavy, swollen feet.

[Vito]

My feet are good today.

[Chris]

Dude, you do actually look much healthier today than you did two when I saw you last a month ago. And I think maybe it's because the Mets, you know, you were working, you Know, postseason, staying up late, but you didn't look healthy. And I kind of had said, you know, Vito doesn't look as healthy. And I kind of knew your feet were going to start to be in pain, but now you look extremely healthy and you look good.

[Vito]

Last time I saw you too, I was. That was the first game I drank at all year.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Vito]

When I saw you at the bar after the game.

[Chris]

Yeah. You were getting lit.

[Vito]

Yeah. That was a fun night.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Vito]

Did you know that I got a.

[Chris]

DM from Vito at 4am you up with a grimace face.

[Vito]

Did you know that there was pizza at the party later on? And that it was because the Dodgers apparently ordered a bunch of pizza thinking they were going to win.

[Chris]

Oh, really?

[Vito]

And then like, left it behind because they didn't want it, so they just dropped it at the bar.

[Chris]

So you. Oh. Oh, I did see that pizza. Wow, that's dope. Yeah. I do think. I gotta be honest with you. I am. You know, I'm. Like I said, I'm New York first. You know, suck my balls if you don't. If you're not okay with that, I genuinely don't care. Or suck. You know what? Suck whatever you want. I don't care. Suck my dad's fucking compression socks. I don't care. I'm New York first. That's how I am with sports. I don't care what your opinion is of that. I'm New York, as I said in my standup, I never forgot. Did you? Because I thought we were in this together after 9, 11, never forgetting. And now you're fucking forgetting that it's New York first. So besides the Jets, I really just don't like the Jets. But who does? But that's okay. You know, I told you my fandom is unwavering for the New York Giants and the New York Knicks. Unwavering. Those are my teams. I think if you're a Brooklyn Nets fan as an adult, you're sus. That's a team for little kids, okay? Little children like the Brooklyn Nets. Because the team came to New York 10 years ago. And if you're a New Jersey Nets fan, then fine. You're most likely given up hope on your team because they're too far away. In Brooklyn, it's three hours in traffic. If you're an adult, if you're a grownup that's born and raised in New York area, you are a Knicks fan. That's just what it is. So either the two Nets fans are either little kids or people who don't know anything about basketball. Okay, that's who's Knicks fans. That's who's Nets fans are little children and Hasidic Jews and. Because that's the area that they're in and that's fine and I support that. But just know that that's not my team. The Knicks are my team and the New York Football Giants are my team. Okay. Baseball, as I've said, I've dad's from the Bronx. I was born in Queens. I've always been a Yankees fan. I never hated the Mets though. I've always been a Yankees fan. But now recently, you know, getting, you know, with Vito and John and friends with the Cohen family who owns the Mets, treat us very nice. We saw Steve Cohen and his lovely wife Alex last night at the Knicks game. Great, beautiful people. Now I enjoy the Mets. I really do. And I wanted to see the Mets win. And I will say though, I am happy. Not happy, but thank. It actually gets better for New York because if it was a subway series, I'm just being honest because of how much better the National League is than the American League. The Yankees might have gotten swept by the Mets as well. And that, that wouldn't have been good for this. That would have caused fist fights. That would have caused bigger, bigger, bigger problems. Okay, that would have been, that would have been not good because the Mets are the National League. I mean, dad, even you have to admit, I know you're a dire Yankee fan in the middle right now in the present day are down three games to none. My father woke up today and said, today starts the comeback. So my dad still thinks the Yankees are going to win in seven games. But you have to admit the National League is much better than the American League.

[Tampa Tony]

Well, they play small ball, right? American League hit two men on base, didn't look for the whole three run homer.

[Chris]

Right?

[Tampa Tony]

Nationally, they move people over. They go first to third. So they play them. They play the right way.

[Chris]

Right. And you are on record saying you want Aaron Boone fired.

[Tampa Tony]

I've been saying that since 2000. Since he took the job.

[Chris]

Yeah, my dad said something out of pocket. I googled it. There's no evidence to back this up. My dad said him and his friends were talking and his friend said. His friend said, yeah, Aaron Boone. The Yankees started losing when Aaron Boone started cheating on his wife. There's no evidence to back up that claim at all. But my dad just says it and just is like that's what it is.

[Vito]

Wait, why'd you get kicked off Facebook?

[Tampa Tony]

I was bashing Trump. Is that the third time I got thrown off?

[Chris]

How wild is that? He just keeps getting. I created this character narrative of my father being a Trump supporter. It's all a lie. He is the opposite. My dad. My dad. He literally. He's the opposite. His wife's a Trump supporter by step mom. Shout her out.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah, that's right. She's still there.

[Chris]

What? What did you say? Jazz, Just say it. Can you foam the milk? Why are you talking like that in front of my dad? Foam the milk with the coffee machine. Yes. It's fine. What's. What's a few other sounds. I got a Tampa. You're proving Tony right.

[Vito]

I have a Tampa. Tony, question.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Vito]

Did you happen to see Fat Joe yesterday?

[Tampa Tony]

Yes.

[Chris]

At the Yankee game. You saw the performance? Okay, I. I thought we weren't watching it. We were supposed to watch it together. Where did you see. I don't think he saw it. I think he. I don't. I don't think he knows Fat Joe is. I know you know who Fat Joe is, but you didn't see him performing at Yankee Stadium.

[Tampa Tony]

Yes, I did.

[Chris]

When did you see it?

[Tampa Tony]

We were sitting there and there's some.

[Chris]

Videos, and they didn't show video. Just watch the performance. Yeah. By the way, Fat Joe, man. I know. Did some work with him. Told me he lost all his weight. Drinking black cherry seltzers. That's all he did. Really changed out. Drinking sugary drinks. The Black Cherry Seltzer Cherry is good for gout. That is. Dude, I love a black cherry. Yeah, I love it. Patreon.com Christy Comedy. So you think that was on a delay on purpose? Yeah, no, it looks like they dropped the sound at one point. So that's my. That's my question is, did it look worse on TV than it actually was Live?

[Vito]

No, I heard live. It was bad. I heard that fans were pretty silent, not reacting well.

[Chris]

And is it that people aren't bashing it so much today? Because the Ice Cube Dodgers one was so good.

[Vito]

I think if you.

[Chris]

It's from the.

[Vito]

I mean, the Lindor Temptations thing was great. Then the ice Cube thing was sick. And then this seemed just like an attempt by the Yankees to, like, play catch up to two other teams. And it just. The ad libbing was just insane.

[Chris]

It was bad. And, you know, the Dodgers, when it just was happening at twilight, like the sun going. It kind of just looked dope. This.

[Vito]

I mean, he also didn't, like, added a bunch of baseball references in the. In the Ice cube one.

[Chris]

Right?

[Vito]

Like, he just did the song Ice Cube.

[Chris]

Yeah, I think he did.

[Tampa Tony]

He.

[Chris]

I don't know, because he said. I don't know if I.

[Vito]

Like, this whole thing was just a weird.

[Chris]

Attacking the Dodgers.

[Vito]

Not even attacking the Dodgers, but just, like, trying to, like. It was like, Hamilton, right?

[Chris]

Yeah. I don't. I don't know how I.

[Vito]

The Yankee fan, can't be happy about this.

[Chris]

No.

[Vito]

Like, I like. You talk like you love this team. Like you're. You're. You like the tradition, right. You like the shaving of the faces.

[Chris]

And all this stuff.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah.

[Vito]

What do you think about this?

[Tampa Tony]

I wouldn't even watch it. I'd be honest.

[Chris]

Right. You know? Well, I mean, you don't know. You also don't know what you know. You don't know Fat Joe. You don't know his music or. You do know Fat Joe.

[Tampa Tony]

How many times did we see him when we. When you were performing. Just in same hotel.

[Chris]

That's true. You didn't actually meet Fat Joe Multiple times.

[Tampa Tony]

See?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

He's got. I want the flower. He forgot all about me.

[Chris]

What about Ice Cube? Do you know anything about Ice Cube iced tea?

[Tampa Tony]

No, no, no, no.

[Chris]

It's Ice Cube. I. Yes, because just. Even just the setting of Ice Cube with the palm trees and everything, it just looks. I guess it's a bit more iconic. I mean, Fat show is very iconic New York. But I guess you could have had maybe Jay Z or Nas.

[Vito]

No, you can't have NAS.

[Chris]

NASA. Queens. Queens.

[Vito]

NASA's. NAS is a Mets, but Jay Z, for sure. Jay Z, yeah.

[Chris]

Did he not want to do it? Maybe.

[Vito]

I think he's too big for this.

[Chris]

For the World Series.

[Vito]

Really? I think Jay Z is too big for. He won't even do the halftime show.

[Chris]

Why? I guess he doesn't. He's not motivated by money anymore. I mean, like, there's Fat Joe, though. Fat Joe's made a ton of money also.

[Vito]

I feel like it's weird to have the guy who said, I made the Yankee hat more famous than the Yankee Ken.

[Chris]

Right.

[Vito]

Like, come out and then again be more famous than the Yankees.

[Chris]

Right? Yeah, I. I thought KRS1 would have.

[Vito]

Been cooler, but, like, he's not as big as Fat Joe.

[Chris]

But do you know who Curtis Blow is, by the way?

[Vito]

Yeah, I have a picture with him.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude, he was pretty cool yesterday. He just sat next to us the entire game, I guess, with his wife. You know that song we're playing Basket? That's him. Yeah. I didn't know that.

[Tampa Tony]

I had no Idea who that was.

[Vito]

He also had. He's like, one of the first. He has, like, one of the first rap songs.

[Chris]

I'm like, some people credit him with inventing rap.

[Vito]

Yeah, he's one of the original Bronx guys. Yeah, like, he would have been another one. That would have been cool.

[Chris]

Yeah. Slick Rick. Slick Rick the Ruler. Yeah. I don't. I don't know. I. I think that we're just in such. It's. It's amazing sitting here today with like, oh, two weeks ago, New York was on, like, top of the sports world, and now it's. I mean, everybody lost last night. The football, Giants, the Knicks and the Yankees. We're all losing. But you still have hope, Dad.

[Tampa Tony]

I still have hope. Never give up. 27 outs. Get 27 outs.

[Chris]

Is this the craziest where one week before this election. This, this, by the time this episode comes out, will be the. This will be the day before the election. Give us your predictions. Not your feelings, your predictions. And where do you think the state of the. Of the country is right now? From Tampa. Tony. He's been alive 75 years. Or is it 76?

[Tampa Tony]

76.

[Chris]

76 years. Which is a good year. 1776. See, 76 years. Very patriotic year. And so what do you think? Tell us. Tell us your thoughts.

[Tampa Tony]

Countries too divided. I mean, and nobody wants to take someone else's view. What they say is, that's it. That's no way. No changes, no nothing.

[Chris]

But wasn't that. Isn't that how it's always been?

[Tampa Tony]

No. No.

[Chris]

You think this is the most dangerous time in America? Really?

[Vito]

You know, you should. Right now, people might be listening to this when they're online to vote. So, like, what do you want to say to people right now on the line to go vote?

[Tampa Tony]

Ladies and gentlemen, if you're online, you're waiting to vote.

[Chris]

Wait, hold on, dad, let me just. Ladies and gentlemen. And also, if you don't have a decided sex, you could be they as well, ladies gentlemen, or whatever sex you want to specify yourself as. Let's just be crystal clear.

[Vito]

Okay?

[Chris]

Yeah. You don't want to turn them, especially.

[Tampa Tony]

You know, ladies gentlemen and they.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Tampa Tony]

If you're online.

[Chris]

He said they not gay.

[Tampa Tony]

They ready to vote. Vote what you really believe in. Don't, Don't. Don't be swayed by media or anybody.

[Chris]

Right.

[Tampa Tony]

But no, the issues. Hopefully you know the issues when you're voting and do the right thing. That's the only thing I could tell you.

[Vito]

What if you want to sway people, though? Like, what if you wanted to sway somebody.

[Chris]

What if you want. Or somebody right there, they're about. They got their hand right there. They're going, right? They're going. They're about to click. Donnie T. Can you stop them? No.

[Tampa Tony]

Well, listen, a vote for Trump is a nightmare. I have to have to say that it really is Veto.

[Chris]

So happy going to come back.

[Tampa Tony]

You know, we feel wins. We got four more years of that night. And if Kamal wins, maybe, maybe there will be changes. Who knows? But let's give her a chance. We gave Trump a chance. If she wins, let's give her a chance.

[Chris]

That's it.

[Tampa Tony]

And the both parties could get together and do what's right for the people.

[Chris]

Right? You're saying, dad, you're. You want to be able. You want the right to have an abortion.

[Tampa Tony]

One right to have sex best. Besides, what.

[Vito]

Did you show your dad? The hat?

[Chris]

What hat? Oh, oh, the hat. Yeah. John, you want to get it? Oh, this is. Oh, this is a hat. That was. Okay. This is not a political endorsement. This is just a hat that. Dad, look at this hat. This was given to me actually signed by Donald Trump. What do you think of that? Damn, son. Wow. Now what? You could sell that on ebay.

[Tampa Tony]

Make amendment, divide it. That should be that. That's right.

[Chris]

Right.

[Tampa Tony]

But I don't understand how people are so crazy about him, about Donnie T. Donald Trump.

[Chris]

Right.

[Tampa Tony]

The guy is no good. Well, he's been a pig forever.

[Chris]

Forever and ever. I mean, you know, I think that.

[Vito]

This is not the election special I expected.

[Chris]

Yeah, Yeah. I think that, you know, he. Yeah. I mean, people have their opinions. I mean, but this is why. This is why I don't vote. I'm voting for. I'm just going to write in. I told you, I'm voting for rfk. That's what I'm gonna vote in. Turn a vote. You know who I'm gonna vote in? I'm gonna vote in for my aunt Antoinette.

[Tampa Tony]

Oh, God.

[Chris]

That's why I'm voting.

[Tampa Tony]

No, she's seasoned. She's.

[Chris]

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[Tampa Tony]

The Trump fan. Where the hell you come from?

[Chris]

Right? Right.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah, well, that's my opinion. Do you vote? No. So shut the F up.

[Chris]

That's it. Oh boy, we got a lot of Patreon content already here in this. You missed the first five minutes of this episode. But you know, you'll hear it in the edit. It got kind of wild pretty quick, you know, when it made Jasmine put down her drawing pencil and just look over at me. So are you excited? Dad, we've had a fun filled week so far. You got here, you got here Sunday, okay? We took a walk, walked around, hung out. Went to the Knicks game yesterday, had the full experience. Beautiful. Now today, for the first time In Tampa, Tony's 76 year life, he's going to a World Series game. Correct. With the New York Yankees. World Series game four. The Yankees are down three games to nothing. But you don't expect the energy to be different. You expect everything to be great and the Yankees to win 100%. So when you're telling me all these years when you were a kid when the Yankees were dominant and you were running your ticket schemes to sneak into the stadium, you never were able to sneak into a World Series game?

[Tampa Tony]

No.

[Chris]

I wonder why.

[Tampa Tony]

Well, actually my next door neighbor worked the bleacher section, so I used to go to like 75 games. I get there, the second inn, and he let me in. And then we looked around by the. When that, When I was. When we were doing that, the stadium was empty.

[Chris]

Right.

[Tampa Tony]

If you had 15,000 people, you had a lot, right? Sit wherever you want.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know, but I thought you would at least have went to some type of World Series game. But this is interesting. This is the very first one. Even Jasmine's been to a World Series game. Jasmine went to a Kansas City Royal San Francisco Giants World Series game with me in 2014. Kansas City Stadium is. It's a piece of shit dump off the side of a highway. It really is. I mean, I couldn't believe that we were in there for a World Series. And I mean it literally looked. It was a piece of shit.

[Tampa Tony]

My friend Craig's un.

[Chris]

He even has to admit that. I mean that stadium, I mean they have a waterfall in the back, but I mean that stadium is a concrete block piece of shit sitting off the side of the Iowa in Kansas City.

[Vito]

How about, how about Tropicana Field?

[Chris]

Tropicana Field. What do you think? Dad, the roof blew off.

[Tampa Tony]

That's it. I mean, supposedly I built that to withstand all that pressure, I think like.

[Vito]

100 miles, 100 mile per hour winds.

[Chris]

I couldn't be a while.

[Tampa Tony]

I mean, it's going to be a while now. They may move to Oakland. I mean it's that.

[Chris]

No, not to Oakland where they're going to move.

[Vito]

There's a few options. One is Disney Worldwide Sports, one Island Field down the road. Another one is Montreal. I heard was on the table.

[Chris]

If they go to Montreal, that would be awesome. I would love to see baseball back in Montreal.

[Vito]

But this is interesting. I saw somebody who like covers baseball saying that this could be a disaster for the Rays because their entire pitching like philosophy is built on playing home games in a temperature controlled environment.

[Chris]

Really?

[Vito]

So when you.

[Chris]

What do you mean?

[Vito]

Like they play in a dome. So like they control, they control the weather, they control the elements at home. So when you take that away and like 81 games now, 162 games a year, you're playing outdoors, you can't control what the temperature is.

[Chris]

Yeah, changes.

[Vito]

Everything changes philosophy.

[Chris]

Are they the only team that plays in a dome right now? Who else plays in a dome? Milwaukee, Toronto.

[Vito]

Toronto.

[Chris]

But the Sky Dome. Yeah, but, but we've been to the Sky Dome. You can they retract the roof?

[Vito]

Yeah, but you can still control the. Like a lot of these teams keep the dome closed for most games.

[Chris]

They just keep. All because they're like, I want. Yeah.

[Vito]

Like Miami. That door that, that roof is rarely opened.

[Chris]

Yeah. Oh yeah, that's right. We. I went to Miami. Yeah. What am I talking about? I've been. I literally said, is that the only team with a dome? And I've been to all three of those teams you mentioned that have domes like in just a dummy.

[Tampa Tony]

You think it's me, right?

[Chris]

Yeah. It is wild how far I went in school not knowing anything.

[Tampa Tony]

This is true.

[Vito]

You're a doctor.

[Chris]

Technically. Clinical clinical doctorate.

[Tampa Tony]

You're clinical clinical doctorate. You belong in a corner.

[Chris]

So what do you. I know. So we got the car today. The game's at 8:00. We got the car coming at 5:00. You think that's, that's too soon or you think like it's good? I mean, dude, it's going to take. It's going to. There's going to be bumper to bumper traffic. Yeah. It's going to take a while to get in and out of the stadium.

[Vito]

No, this is smart. Yankee Stadium is hard to get. They've never figured out how to get people into that ballpark, which is crazy.

[Chris]

It's One of those things, too, where people, some of my boys have been like, you cannot wear Yankees gear going to Yankee Stadium because you've. You've chosen the Mets. I'm like, yeah, I have, but I'm going to Yankee game, and I want the New York Yankees to win, so I will wear a Yankees jacket.

[Vito]

You wear, Doc.

[Tampa Tony]

Good.

[Vito]

What are you going to wear?

[Chris]

I'm gonna wear. Well, dad, you don't have any Yankees gear, right?

[Tampa Tony]

No.

[Chris]

So I'll give my dad. I'll give my dad my Yankees jacket that I was gonna wear. He can wear that.

[Tampa Tony]

See how I get it? I trick him.

[Chris]

That's it. And then I'll. No, I'm gonna wear the iconic Yankee. My favorite Yankee, Derek Jeter. I'm gonna wear him with a hooded sweatshirt underneath and that jersey. And I'm gonna find. I might wear. Honestly, I might wear this PBR hat because I need to wear a hat where the wear. I would.

[Vito]

I mean, I know it says Queens, but I would wear the hat on your head.

[Chris]

I have more hats.

[Vito]

I know, but I don't know how.

[Chris]

They'Re going to look here. Well, here, hold on. Let me. I'm going to start putting on hats, and then. And then by the end of. So we're going to pick what hat I'm going to wear tonight. So this hat, we like this app. Hold on, let me. By the way, this. This, this company, it's called Somewhere in Queens, and it's a great company, and it's owned and operated by Indian men. Kamalas.

[Vito]

The way he just stood up was so aggressive.

[Chris]

You like that? Hold on, dad, say something. Look into the camera and just start talking.

[Tampa Tony]

Okay, Chris, you go, how many hats you have when that happens.

[Vito]

No, he meant, like, start talking to yourself. Like, to the, like, stream of consciousness.

[Tampa Tony]

Oh, talk to myself? Yeah, Like. Like in third person.

[Vito]

Yeah, like, just like, talk about something you like.

[Tampa Tony]

I love my wife. How's that?

[Chris]

Oh, sorry.

[Tampa Tony]

That's okay. I don't eat that, though.

[Chris]

Well, sorry, I just stepped on my dad's foot. But at least we know his diabetes is okay because he could feel it. By the way, the name of the company is called Meanwhile in Queens. Not some Place in Queens. Like I said, Somewhere in Queens is an Instagram. Yes. Okay, so that's that. Here we got. We Shall Not Perish. This is. This is a boomer hat.

[Tampa Tony]

They come judge these hats.

[Chris]

Look at this. But this one. Okay, so this is.

[Vito]

That's a hat. I expect, like, an old Asian man to be wearing.

[Chris]

What do you think? What do you think of this? Is this out? We shall not perish. I like the color. It'll be good.

[Vito]

I mean, it'll fit in at the stadium.

[Chris]

Oh, here's a Kith hat. Okay, let's see about the size. Too big. It's Yankee, but it's too big. See how it goes over my ears? Yeah, yeah. If I was one size too small. Here, dad, put this hat on. Let's see.

[Tampa Tony]

And then let's see. Another gift from. Another gift from Chris.

[Chris]

That's it.

[Vito]

Oh, no.

[Chris]

Yeah. It doesn't fit so big.

[Tampa Tony]

It's too big.

[Vito]

Like Marvin the Martian.

[Chris]

Yeah. See? How do I see? Now this is a buckle hat again.

[Vito]

That's not going to look good.

[Chris]

But how do I. But how do I even do it?

[Vito]

Do you want me to tighten it for you?

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah. Well, wait, hold on. Let me see if this is. This is probably too tight or loosen it for you. Oh, which hat you like A little looser, right? How do I loosen it? Why do they make these fucking hats so complicated? Why can't every hat just be a snapback? Why do I have to do this? Excuse me, but what's the point of this? Oh, sorry.

[Tampa Tony]

That's okay.

[Chris]

What's. What's the point of this? Why is it. Why. Why do they have to do this with the hats? Because I love this company. Meanwhile, back in Queens. But I would like an easier hat to put on and off my head.

[Vito]

It's just. I don't. I don't think a short hat is going to work for you, dude.

[Chris]

Damn it. What about backwards? Better, but still. You think this is it, Jaz? What? You don't like it?

[Vito]

So you have a good hairline where you can wear, like, those kind of hats Backwards.

[Chris]

Backwards, right. So this is out. You look. Damn it. Yeah.

[Vito]

You look like somebody who works for, like, a marketing agency.

[Chris]

So this is the only one then that works? Yeah. I kind of like the brown one, though. You what? This one? Yeah. I think this one's kind of fire the US is. It's pretty Bronx. Yeah, I know. Shall not perish is pretty hilarious like.

[Vito]

That with a Jeter jersey that's gonna hit.

[Chris]

Yeah, right? Yeah. Maybe I'll wear this one then. What do you think, Dan?

[Tampa Tony]

Still look gay?

[Chris]

Well, I mean, I can't change that. Shout Out Kith. What a company. My daughters were hanging out with Shout Out Dan from Kith, one of the top guys over there. My daughter's at the Mets game, one of the playoffs game. Were hanging out with his sons with his sons. And I was like, get that kith money. So. But shout out kith. What a company, dad. We got you. We gotta. You know, we're gonna send you off with some. With some good clothes from here, from this trip.

[Vito]

We're gonna send you off with the case.

[Chris]

Yes, we're gonna. Huell is gonna be. We'll do an ad read for them a little bit later. But it's, it's. It's nutrition in a. In a drink. You got to start drinking hulls. How the bowel movements been?

[Tampa Tony]

Good.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

Every. Every, every 10 days, but not bad.

[Chris]

Dude, that's not bad. I mean, you guys weren't a part of the show yet when. I mean, my dad went on an epic. He went on an epic 21 day. No shit. Yeah, it was. It was epic.

[Vito]

What was the first one like?

[Chris]

It was Hurricane Milton.

[Tampa Tony]

Blew right through Tampa.

[Chris]

Yeah, he blew the roof off the Tropicana. But we're back now. Everyone's back. Everyone's regular, everyone's feeling good. But I haven't spoken. I haven't seen John and Vito in a month. What's been going on in your guys lives, John? What's. What's been going on? I just went to Florida, visit my grandma. Whoa. Do some fishing. Yeah. Hell yeah. Jacksonville. John goes. John goes fishing in Central park sometimes. Yes. Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

Well, you never know what you find.

[Chris]

But how come you and I never went fishing or rafting? We never did any of that stuff.

[Tampa Tony]

No, we never did because you too busy playing basketball, doing this and doing that.

[Chris]

Yeah, we did sports stuff, but like a lot of dad's son stuff, fishing, golfing, you know, we never did it. I don't think you and I have ever even had a beer together. Isn't that wild? You ever had a beer with your dad? My dad's sober. All right. Like forever. Like 36 years. Got it.

[Tampa Tony]

Nope. Never got drunk in my life either.

[Chris]

You never have. Do you want to one like, you know, before you turn 80? It would be funny to just you to be hammered. Yeah, why not? You don't want to experience everything. What about smoke and crack? Just one hit.

[Tampa Tony]

Nope.

[Chris]

You have no interest in doing this 100% no interest. He had no interest at all of leaving the east coast for years. But then now he's went to Italy twice.

[Tampa Tony]

Yes, we did. It wasn't my idea, but.

[Chris]

But you went. Well, you went. You loved it. Well, you. Happy life, happy wife, happy wife, happy life. Yeah, I. Yeah, you've. You've literally, you've jet set. You're like an Instagram girl now. Like you're just out there, you know, you're like out there in different European countries at all times.

[Tampa Tony]

I know.

[Chris]

Just abs. Just posting thirst traps from SIS now.

[Tampa Tony]

We're going to London, then Paris.

[Chris]

How unbelievable is that? Going to London and Paris. You could see me in Salt Lake City. And Madison, Wisconsin if you go to Christie. Comedy dot com. Wow. What is London? Paris. This is the first I'm hearing.

[Tampa Tony]

It's honey bunny like wants to go back.

[Chris]

What dates day.

[Tampa Tony]

What dates?

[Chris]

I haven't decided yet. Sometime in the spring. In the spring? See, I want to see these countries in the winter. I want to go Christmas in England. I want to see a London Christmas. I want to see German Christmas. Right. Don't you want to see stuff like that, dad?

[Tampa Tony]

Well, Diane wants to see Italy Christmas. She says it's beautiful.

[Vito]

Vatican.

[Chris]

Oh, the Vatican in Italy. Wow. The Vatican during Christmas. I meant that's must be nice.

[Vito]

You gotta. You gotta enter the lottery to get into the midnight mass.

[Chris]

Is that the truth?

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah.

[Chris]

My dad's a pro at the lotto. Dollar straight dollar box. Those are the. Those are the most. Those are the words I heard my whole childhood. Dollar straight dollar box.

[Tampa Tony]

What? Yeah, right.

[Chris]

I'm gonna play 826 for you. You're my good luck John Percy. Because that's my birthday. And then he would just lose.

[Tampa Tony]

Has to come out one time.

[Chris]

Then when he drive home sad from some random Dunkin Donuts on Staten island that he did not win the lotto again for the 10,000 time in a row.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah, you keep trying.

[Chris]

Gotta keep trying. You love Dunkin Donuts. He will not. He supports Dunkin Donuts like you can't imagine. He will not. He refuses to drink other coffees like he. You're drinking Starbucks. He has a he. He thinks down upon you.

[Tampa Tony]

Now we go every night for Dunkin Donuts.

[Chris]

I know.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah. And I said, honey, let's go. He says okay.

[Chris]

Do you get a donut or you just get your coffee to get the coffee. That's it.

[Tampa Tony]

Every once in a while we'll get a donut. If certain girls are there because they give us free.

[Chris]

Free donuts.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah, because we always say hello to them. How you doing? Give them a tip.

[Chris]

That's the secret.

[Tampa Tony]

You got to play the game.

[Chris]

That is the secret. Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

And she gets her coffee's free.

[Chris]

Why?

[Tampa Tony]

Why? I don't know why the hell.

[Chris]

That's it.

[Tampa Tony]

You're only paying for one today.

[Chris]

Good. You got a local My dad will never be far from a Dunkin Donuts. You have to, almost have to be. With less than a five minute drive. America.

[Tampa Tony]

Oh, no, we gotta go three miles.

[Chris]

Really?

[Tampa Tony]

Well, now there's one. Little closer, right?

[Chris]

You love it. What do you love about Dunkin? Just the taste.

[Tampa Tony]

Just good? Yeah, it's good.

[Chris]

I mean, every time I drink Dunkin Donuts, when I pee, it looks like rocket fuel. It's right, Isn't it, like crazy? It smells like coffee. A Duncan, a Dunkin Donuts pee. I'm like, there's chemicals in this. I know that this cannot be good for me, but my dad's getting healthier as he gets older. And you eat half a tuna fish sandwich a day.

[Tampa Tony]

That's it.

[Chris]

What a diet.

[Tampa Tony]

What's less fattening? Yeah, half a sandwich.

[Chris]

That's it.

[Tampa Tony]

That movie.

[Chris]

No, but you were good. You were good. Yesterday my dad went. You had a, you know, free buffet. Got a big piece of steak and a. And a chicken. That's it. And then a coffee light too. Sweet and lows. And then he got a cupcake or something. Or a cookie.

[Tampa Tony]

A cookie. A cookie?

[Chris]

Yeah. You got a cookie. That was it. That's all he got.

[Tampa Tony]

That's it.

[Chris]

And he was talking about, what do you want?

[Tampa Tony]

Nothing.

[Chris]

That's it.

[Tampa Tony]

I said, if he's paying, give me.

[Chris]

No, it's on the house.

[Tampa Tony]

Even that, that stuff is on the house.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's a beautiful. The Knicks are the best.

[Tampa Tony]

Now you tell me what we.

[Chris]

I mean, you know, give your tip. You know, give tips to the lovely people that work there. Lovely people that work there. I gotta be honest, dude, the, the, the hospitality that you get in New York from the teams are. I mean, dude, Matt's great. Knicks, great Rangers, great Island. I know what I realized. I haven't been to an Islanders game on Long Island. Have you guys been to the ubs? No, Arena. I haven't been. Have you been Vito?

[Vito]

I got invited a few times that. I was always busy.

[Chris]

Are you a Rangers fan? What's your hockey team?

[Vito]

I would go. I used to be a big Rangers fan.

[Chris]

But you kind of don't care.

[Vito]

It's hard to watch, like, especially like if you watch basketball. It's hard to watch both.

[Chris]

Yeah. You can't get into both. Yeah. I mean, yesterday Knicks, they. They were winning and then they. They freaking lost, man. Donovan Mitchell on the Cleveland Cavaliers is unbelievable.

[Vito]

Donovan Mitchell, Mets fan?

[Chris]

Yeah. Oh, how about this here? Did I, did I. Can we pull up the video of me grabbing. I grabbed Garland. On the Cavalier's butt yesterday. And my. My. Yeah, Here we go. Look at this. This is. If you look close. See this? Whoops. Can you freeze frame that? I literally touched his butt. His. It was soaking wet. Look at that. I mean, look at that smile. Boom.

[Tampa Tony]

There you go.

[Chris]

That's it. Just rubbing it down.

[Tampa Tony]

More. More evidence.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Vito]

I mean, there was no need for you to do that.

[Chris]

There was no need for me to do that.

[Vito]

You were at a Liberty game and you did that.

[Chris]

Oh, my God. I'd be done. I think that when I did that. When I did that, I genuinely, truly thought he was going to fall into me. But there was no reason for me to do that at all.

[Vito]

I mean, you're stretched out. You're actually bending forward toward him.

[Chris]

Yes. Yeah. There was no reason for me to have my thumb up like that. Trying to get up his butt. Yeah.

[Vito]

And then you longingly stared at him.

[Chris]

Yeah, it was weird. And my hand. I mean, I'm talking about. He was soaking wet. Like, soaked. Yeah. I didn't need to smell my fingers after either. He scored about 40 points on the Knicks to this guy Garland. He was torching them.

[Vito]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah. So this is a New York trip. And then tomorrow we got a dinner that we're going to go to. Thursday's Halloween trick or treating. What are you gonna dress up as?

[Tampa Tony]

You.

[Chris]

You want to be me?

[Tampa Tony]

No.

[Chris]

Why not?

[Tampa Tony]

Too much pressure.

[Chris]

You should be me. That'd be cool. Just. Just wears hats that don't look good on your head.

[Vito]

Are you guys doing a family costume?

[Chris]

We are. I'm dressing up as the Tin Man. My. One of Delilah's Dorothy. What is Violet Jazz. She's Glinda. And then what are you? The lion.

[Tampa Tony]

Okay, so, yeah, what are you we gonna be day?

[Chris]

I'm gonna go as the guy that hangs himself in the background.

[Tampa Tony]

You wicked witch. You're good at that. That would be good for you.

[Chris]

Dad. You should go as Dorothy. You should do that. You should literally Delilah come down all excited at our costume. And then you'd be standing in the doorway dressed exactly like her if you thought she hated you now.

[Tampa Tony]

No, no, she's getting better. No, she said hello to me.

[Chris]

That's it.

[Tampa Tony]

She wouldn't kiss me. What? You said hello.

[Chris]

It's so funny how just Delilah just. She's been a little kid, has just been like, I only want to talk to Grandma.

[Tampa Tony]

I said, what do you love more? Me and Grandma. Grandma.

[Chris]

Grandma. I don't know why that's how she is. I mean, this Is kind of weird. I mean, just grown men. As Dorothy's the one guy with the cigarette, so he looks like Colin Quinn. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, Halloween. The thing that. The beautiful part about Halloween when you have kids is it becomes like alive and magical again. Like, you know, like you. You re. They are so. Our kids get so excited, especially in this neighborhood. This is. This is the. For Halloween, so. Well, I'm excited about it. I'm excited about them. About them. Want to do it? Trick or treat. I'll let them eat a lot of candy. I really, you know, it's one day. Just let me eat the freaking candy. Cares. Cares. Dude, you think some people are going to be dropping little vials of Ozempic into the trick or treat bag? You think that's possible?

[Tampa Tony]

You never know.

[Chris]

What are you gonna be, John? I'm either gonna do Christopher Maltisante from the Sopranos or Nacho Libre. I think two Christopher. Multisante. Yeah. I just feel like then I have to shave and I haven't shaved like four years.

[Vito]

Put on the neck brace, you won't even see the beach.

[Chris]

Weird. That's true. That's true. Yeah. Dito, what are you gonna do?

[Vito]

We bought costumes and then realized we're like, we have no plans, so.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So you're just gonna put them on and sit in the house?

[Vito]

No, like, we're just like ola got. We like watch the show the Traders. So Ollie got like the cloak from the Traders and then I got a Grimace costume.

[Chris]

Oh, sick.

[Vito]

But again, like we literally bought it and we were like, wait, we don't have plans. We're like a 31 year old married couple. We're not. Not without kids.

[Chris]

Right. So just. You want to come trick or treating with us? We can.

[Vito]

Maybe we'll come here. Yeah, I mean like, it's an easy drive. We can come with you.

[Chris]

It actually, I'm telling you, you're gonna get a. You're gonna be shocked at how nuts this neighborhood gets for Halloween. It really become. And it's gonna be 80 degrees, which.

[Vito]

I like because I remember being a kid and being like Spider man in a denim jacket.

[Chris]

Yeah. But I don't. But I think 80 degrees is too much. Shouldn't have. I wish it was like 65. Yeah. Remember one year it snowed on Halloween. Like a full blizzard.

[Vito]

I was in college. I was Hulk Hogan. I was wearing like, like leggings and like a sleeveless shirt running around in the snow.

[Chris]

Yeah. The best Halloween costume I ever did is I Dressed like fully as Jesus, fully as Christ himself. And my mother was infuriated.

[Tampa Tony]

The.

[Chris]

I mean, the blasphemy. She couldn't even. Because I was still living. I was in college and I just, you know, I got drunk at a Halloween party as Jesus and it was bad. It was bad. And then I think I wore the beard to school the next day. And she really was upset at that. But I was.

[Vito]

I was fat in college and I was Silent Bob.

[Chris]

Right? That makes sense.

[Vito]

It was a good one.

[Chris]

That was a good one.

[Vito]

Ric Flair. I was Ric Flair one year. That's really fun because you just get to like run around and scream.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Vito]

And I was. I was yacked up. So I was having a good time.

[Chris]

Hell yeah. I miss that. Veto.

[Tampa Tony]

What are we doing for Halloween?

[Chris]

What are you gonna be? You should be.

[Tampa Tony]

You should be whatever she wants.

[Chris]

You know, you should dress up as dad. Your glucose monitor just beep. You should just beep all day. Your glucose monitor was going off till like 2 o'clock in the morning yesterday. What the hell was that? Jazz was like, what is that? I was like, it's my dad's glucose monitor.

[Tampa Tony]

I couldn't find it.

[Chris]

Isn't it on your body?

[Tampa Tony]

I left it down. No, I have the machine. Oh, thing beeps. I said, dad, you know where it was? I have no idea. He sits upstairs and guess where it was. Dude, his right over here.

[Chris]

Over here. My dad's blood sugar goes directly to my stepmom's phone. Could you imagine being that you're even. Your wife is even monitoring your blood sugar. My dad can't do anything if he took a bite of a cookie. She was alerted. She gets deserve that. She gets a text. You're sugar supposed to die. I mean, hey, it's beautiful.

[Tampa Tony]

Freedom.

[Chris]

Freedom. What do you think, Dan? You think you'll make it to 100? I think you can. I think the new. I think the new tampon is going to make it to one, though.

[Tampa Tony]

That's. Yeah, that. That would be nice. I settle for 85.90.

[Chris]

You want to go to 85?

[Tampa Tony]

85. 90.

[Chris]

90.

[Vito]

That's a five year gap.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah.

[Chris]

As you get older. Are you. Do you. Do you fear death at all or you just welcome?

[Tampa Tony]

I never think about it.

[Chris]

You just like, if it happens, it happens though. You don't care.

[Tampa Tony]

You don't care.

[Chris]

What do you.

[Tampa Tony]

Okay. But you know, what do you want.

[Chris]

To have in your heaven?

[Tampa Tony]

Well, my having. I would like to see my family. That all. You know, most of everyone did. So if It's. That's true. I'd like to see them, you know, floating around.

[Chris]

Sure. Yes. You want them to not have, like, not have bodies. They'll just be floating around.

[Tampa Tony]

And Antoinette would be cleaning.

[Chris]

Sure. She would have her cleaning supplies.

[Tampa Tony]

Going to hell. That's how she's going to go to hell. And this is going to be the cleaning fluid. And she can't reach it.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's it. The fabuloso is right out of her grass.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah, right.

[Chris]

Yeah. Okay, so that. Okay, so we got that. What else. What else do you want in your heaven?

[Tampa Tony]

To stop crying?

[Chris]

Okay.

[Tampa Tony]

Just her tear ducts. They never run out. The freaking tears.

[Chris]

No, she's got a wet face.

[Tampa Tony]

My brother Johnny.

[Chris]

Sure.

[Tampa Tony]

Okay.

[Chris]

You think he'll be smoking a cigarette in heaven and a drink? Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Nice.

[Tampa Tony]

Now, if you want to have. Be different also, this would be the bar. Two drinks, two cigarettes, and he can't reach it.

[Chris]

He can't reach it. Yeah. And Helen, your two twins, you know my dad has a twin?

[Vito]

No.

[Chris]

Had a twin. Yeah, had a twin. She passed away. Yeah. John's a twin, too.

[Tampa Tony]

I knew I liked you.

[Vito]

That's his roommate is a twin.

[Chris]

Yes. How crazy is that? Three twins.

[Tampa Tony]

Wow.

[Chris]

Yes. And you were a twin. So you'll see Aunt Helen.

[Tampa Tony]

Yes, I will.

[Chris]

She'll be smoking.

[Tampa Tony]

She'll be smoking and she'd be playing a kismet. Bingo games, whatever.

[Chris]

Eating on baklava. Right. Didn't she love baklava?

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah. Pro Israel.

[Vito]

Is Jeanette your sister?

[Tampa Tony]

My sister is older or younger?

[Chris]

He's the youngest. You're the youngest.

[Tampa Tony]

She's going to be 80 in the end of December.

[Chris]

She's healthy though, too. We got a very. You got a healthy family. You got good genes. You don't. He does not look 76 years old.

[Vito]

No.

[Chris]

Right.

[Vito]

Especially with the weight loss.

[Chris]

Right. You look like. Like, what do you. What do you think? He looks 54. Seriously, right? Yeah. Yeah. You don't have gray hair yet.

[Tampa Tony]

No, very little.

[Vito]

You got the smooth fade, too. I mean, like, that's.

[Chris]

Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you, yesterday in the Mitchell and S. Knicks jacket, like somebody walked by and was like, yo, old man got that drip. That's what he said. That's why I posted that. He goes, what? Yeah, old man got that drip. And I was like, nice.

[Vito]

You put on that hat a second ago. You just look like a boy. It was good.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

You do cd. I'm famous.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's it. All the girls loved him at the. At The Knicks game yesterday, all like the staff there, like Tampa. Tony, hi. They're like, your dad makes us laugh. There was this woman, Rosa, shout out Rosa, she's the best. She walked us to our seats after, you know, after each half. And then the one. One of the times we went, a guy was going to walk through our seats and my dad was like, I only want to go at Rosa. And then they have to go get Rose.

[Vito]

She's like, I'm so sorry.

[Chris]

I'll take you guys. It's great. It's fun.

[Tampa Tony]

She was fine.

[Chris]

She's fine.

[Tampa Tony]

The whole group, though, they're good people. Good people.

[Chris]

Good peeps, man. Good times, fun times. I mean, New York's just the best city. Do we have any. Any voicemails or anything? Do we got anything?

[Tampa Tony]

Take a peek.

[Chris]

I know, I know. What about what else is going on? I mean, what's. I mean, I mean, it's really. The election is tomorrow. That's what this, this episode today.

[Tampa Tony]

Today.

[Chris]

The election actually is today. The election's coming out. I mean, we already voted. Oh, you did?

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah. You did that early.

[Tampa Tony]

We did that early voting? Yes.

[Chris]

Yeah. I mean, we will. Do you think that there'll be a president announced like at the end of the night tonight or early tomorrow or you think not till January again? They're going to do a recount. You think that's just what American politics is going to be now? Forever recount the homie.

[Vito]

I think the homie is not going to put up. Is not going to stop fighting after day one. One.

[Chris]

Right, Right. So as I'm saying. So you think.

[Vito]

I don't think that's going to be a normal thing going forward. I think one person is going to keep doing.

[Chris]

But what if he's clearly won? Then it's over.

[Vito]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Do you think there's. Even if he clearly won, there'll be no way that'll happen though. They're not going to make it crystal clear.

[Vito]

What do you mean?

[Chris]

Like, I'm saying, like, if he clearly wins.

[Vito]

I don't, I don't know if they're going to do the whole this election.

[Chris]

Is fixed thing that they can't do that. But you think if he doesn't win, they're going to say it's fixed. Yeah.

[Vito]

That was what he did last time and I don't. And it's better for him because then, like, even if he goes away, he like stays in the news cycle for another two months.

[Chris]

Right. Well, what do you think? What do you think? Not Not. Not making. Not your opinion. Just what you think is going to happen. Do you think that Trump is going to win or Kamala is going to win? What is your algorithm telling you is most likely the scenario?

[Vito]

Honestly, I thought it was. I thought it was a lot closer before the MSG Inc.

[Chris]

Incident. Right.

[Vito]

I think the MSG incident isn't taking away voters, but I think it's going to add a lot of voters.

[Chris]

So you think that that actually could have swayed the election for real?

[Vito]

I think Bad Bunny and Jennifer Lopez, with their millions and millions of followers putting out, you need to go vote against this person. Makes a difference.

[Chris]

Right. For white people, too. You think, like, white people on the fence who are, like, it's not just Latinos.

[Vito]

See, the thing. I mean, like, the problem with doing something like that right before the election is, like, you're not going for the.

[Chris]

Right and the left.

[Vito]

You're going for the center.

[Chris]

Right.

[Vito]

So anything you do to sway people at the very end is gonna, like, could you up good or bad? You know what I mean?

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because. Because the people who, you know, hated him still hate him, and the people who loved him still love him. That didn't change. It's the people, that silent majority. What do they feel?

[Vito]

And, like, seeing that stuff and then just. It's. Anything that happens in the next seven days is going to have a big impact on the election.

[Chris]

Well, it's today.

[Vito]

Today. Everything that's happened this last week, technically.

[Chris]

We are filming this seven days before, but it is today right now. So welcome to today. Yeah, I agree, too. I still. I still just think. I still just think again because maybe it's my algorithm. I still just. I. It just feels like most people are going to vote for Donny.

[Vito]

I think Kamala peaked in the summer, right. The problem, like, when she was, like, putting out all the memes and everything, right. Everybody was loving it. It was sick. Like, she was viral. Everybody was talking about her. Everybody loved her. And then, like, the more time that's passed since then, I, like, if this would have happened. If this would have happened right after the debate where Trump said, like, they're eating the cats and dogs.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Vito]

Like, I think that would have been way more in her favor, but so it's just like she's just cooled off so much.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

Right.

[Chris]

And she's not going to do Rogan, supposedly, because they. Because Joe Rogan said that they want her. They. She wants Rogan to come to her and only wants to do an hour. So Rogan's like, I'm not doing this show on your term. You have to. He was like, it's best for the show and for the country. If you do this in the same exact space we did it with Donald Trump and for the same exact parameters.

[Vito]

My opinion is nobody should do a three hour show.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's stupid. I mean, yeah, like, I'm not saying.

[Vito]

Like, I don't think anybody should do a three hour show.

[Chris]

No, there's no reason to. You don't need to sit and be entertained on with one voice for three hours. It's ridiculous, right? It's truly ridiculous. I think in 45 minutes to an hour is the sweet spot for everything. Our attention spans are lower. People are just. We're all different now. I think you just. Oh, Jazz, I just thought of this. Can I wear your dad's Yankee hat that's on top of his urn? No. She said no. You don't think, literally, your dad, the spirit that lives inside the urn, which has definitely transferred someone into his hat. You don't think that he wants to go to the World Series tonight with my dad? Can I put. Can I put the hat on and see if it fits? I really can't. You know, he would want that. I just noticed that there is a Yankees hat here. There's a Yankee sound sitting on top of her dad's urn.

[Vito]

You know, you could buy Yankee Stadium tonight.

[Chris]

What?

[Vito]

Shohei Ohtani Dodgers jersey. They're selling them.

[Chris]

They're selling Dodgers jerseys at Yankee Stadium.

[Vito]

They're selling Ohtani jersey like, outside the.

[Chris]

Stadium or in the stadium inside the team store. Why would they do that?

[Vito]

Because they want to make money and they know Otani jerseys move Tiki wikis.

[Chris]

They do move Tiki Wikis. Speaking of Tiki Wikis, History Hyenas coming back. What are your thoughts, dad? History hyenas coming back. Actually, what's today? Tuesday. It actually tonight. Tonight. After you watch this episode tonight, History, we will be doing a live election Special [e-mail] history Hyenas will be covering this election live free or free on YouTube. So that's the plan on YouTube. And if you go to patreon.com history hyenas, you can hear the very first episode that we recorded last week. It's been up for about a week. So go there and then go tonight to YouTube.com history hyenas live. We're doing a huge super chat and we're going to do. This is what we did the last election, by the way, four years ago. Okay. Giannis And I are that like the Menendez brothers. We blew our, we blew our podcast heads off. And, and then, and then we went to trial. We've been in prison now. And now it's time for us to get out and we're coming back. And make no mistake, we're going to do this thing again for about a year and then blow the fucking head off again because we're sick fuck. Just like the Menendez brothers.

[Vito]

What's the first episode?

[Chris]

The first episode is October Surprise. We're doing a, an episode on October Surprise, which is a political term where the election can get swayed in October, which what happened, you know, some people think happened with the Tony Hinchcliffe incident, other things. So we're doing that October surprise because history came back and that was an October surprise. And that's. By the way, that's what I'm saying that we're doing right now because we technically haven't filmed the episode yet. But when that episode actually comes out, it could be about something radically different because that's just the way the cookie crumbles with History Hyenas. But go to patreon.comhistoryhyenas and write in your name your funny Patreon name. And we will read them out at the end of every episode like we always do. And right now we have a small skeleton operation. It's just me, Honest, and one other producer, Jesse. But as the show grows and the infrastructure of the show grows, we might be adding people. And then we're going to have tryouts between Vito and John are going to try out against Mike Mush and Venetia, Zach, Isis, all the old characters. We're going to have tryouts and we're going to see who makes it, who makes the team. Because right now we've wanted to go with Jesse, who's just a 47 year old artist who likes to paint pictures of fat people. He's obsessed with fat people. So if you're a fan, if you're one of our fat fans at History, you should please send in a picture of yourself and Jesse will paint you. Jesse will paint your fat body because that's what he likes to do. He genuinely, you go into this man's home, it's just paintings of fat people that he sees on the train. And it's just he, you know, he's not fatty. He's not disparaging fat people, by the way. He has no problem with fat, but he loves fat people. He loves to paint them. So that's what the show is. And it's just. And it's just back and. What do you think about it, Dan?

[Tampa Tony]

I think it's nuts. I really do. I really do think it's nuts.

[Chris]

It's nuts. That's it. Well, we'll see.

[Tampa Tony]

I get back to Trump, and either one of them would tell us what the. What. What the issues are.

[Chris]

That's the thing. Nobody knows the real issues.

[Tampa Tony]

Nobody knows.

[Vito]

You know, I will. I. I talked to a vet the other day, like, a. And he was. He was like, I can't believe you're gonna vote for Kamala. And I. And I said. I was like, that's who I'm gonna vote for. And he was like.

[Chris]

He.

[Vito]

He told me why he was voting for Trump. And I literally said to his face. I was like, everything you're saying is I get. And I was like, you should vote. He was like, my pay was better under Trump. He was like, I got better days off. Like, the. My insurance package was better.

[Chris]

Right.

[Vito]

And I was like, for you, then you should. My opinion is whoever is best for you in your personal life is who you should vote for 100%. You shouldn't think about anybody else except yourself.

[Chris]

Right.

[Vito]

And what's best for you.

[Chris]

Right. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I think. Well, but that's what society's become. If you don't agree with me, then I don't like you, which is. We don't have any discourse anymore, which is what we need to go back to. So if you want to. If you want that to happen, you know who you need to vote for tonight.

[Tampa Tony]

It's going to be a close election.

[Chris]

It is going to be close. It is going to be close.

[Vito]

Do you think it's going to be closer than Trump, Hillary?

[Chris]

I do.

[Tampa Tony]

Yes.

[Chris]

I do think it's going to be closer. I think it's going to be closer than Biden, Trump.

[Vito]

Really? Because that one was.

[Chris]

Oh, no, he.

[Vito]

Which one is closer of those two.

[Chris]

Isn'T that Hillary won the popular vote and then Trump won the Electoral College, but Biden won the popular vote and the Electoral College. Yeah.

[Vito]

I think Biden, like, kind of didn't. He kind of crush.

[Chris]

He may have, because that was in the middle of the pandemic, the mail ins.

[Vito]

Like, he won some of the swing states that people weren't expecting at all.

[Tampa Tony]

Right.

[Chris]

And by the way, they still don't know who those swing states, like, are going to go like. There's no note for me. None of these polls make any difference, because I just remember vividly in 2016, when every single news out was saying that Hillary was up like 80 to 20 and she lost.

[Vito]

You know what I think the difference is though? Back then I think people answering the polls were afraid to say that they voted for Trump or that they were going to vote for Trump. And I think the polls are probably more accurate now because people are like more open. Like, I think we've actually gotten to a better place where back then people were afraid to say like, who they supported because they didn't want to get judged. And I think now people are just so open. Like your political affiliation is now a personality trait.

[Chris]

So.

[Vito]

Got it.

[Chris]

Yeah. People don't care. And I think, yeah, like that people aren't afraid of getting like they're canceled or their whole life taken away anymore. I just don't think it's, it's as big of a deal.

[Vito]

Like, do you think people still are like, if you vote for Trump, I'm not going to talk to you. I feel like went away.

[Chris]

No, because I think like that energy just doesn't work for, for that person or the other person. It just doesn't work to carry yourself that way. It just, it doesn't work.

[Vito]

And, but do you think that has anything to do with the last like four years not being as hostile every day?

[Chris]

I think, I think that people, especially the youth, like, I just did a college show last week and the kids told me I was, you know, I was asking questions at the end of every college show. They're exhausted by cancel culture and they're exhausted by feeling like they can't say anything they want or express themselves. Because one kid said, I watch my parents, I watched their whole marriage crumble because of cancel culture. And that's what, that's what they said. That's what they felt. See your generation, John, you're 26, so you're, it's like a little different. These 18 year old kids, they grew up like, imagine being 14 years old in the middle of a pandemic. It is crazy. So like their whole life is like, I want to be free from everything. And I, I, I'm not getting offended by anything. Like there was a kid in the front row wearing like, you know, high heel shoes, tight pants. He was like a they or something like that. Yeah. And, and I just was like, you know, making fun of it. Like it not fun, not like along with him. Like he was loving it and he was like, I was like, I was like, you don't give a, about any of this. Is like, I don't care. I Just want to be free. No labels. And I was like, yeah. I was like. I was like, yeah, dude. I was like, or do that.

[Vito]

So how'd you do on the college show?

[Chris]

Dude, I gotta be honest with you. I did University of New Haven. They were awesome. Like, they normally call a while for.

[Vito]

You to do it.

[Chris]

Yeah, I haven't done one in a while. Normally college shows are very difficult. Kids are, like, very sensitive. But not this group. This group was like, all for everything. They. They, you know, they. They just were having a good time. They were just literally having a great time, like, laughing, having fun. Sergio was on the show with me, dude. Just having. He was just. We just had fun. Yeah.

[Vito]

What if we did a college tour with you where it was like, college game day, and you just, like, posted.

[Chris]

Oh, my God, dude, did you see that guy on college game day go to kick a field goal and blow his ACL out? No. What a idiot. He just, like, missed it. That is so fun. College game. What's a more fun show than college Game?

[Vito]

Yo, what if you scheduled a tour around college game day?

[Chris]

I think people do that. I think, like, Nate Barazi or Bert. Yeah, we're with. To promote my Hulu special. They're trying to get me on college game day. That'd be dope.

[Vito]

Crazy that that's how big of a show that is now.

[Chris]

Yeah, they're trying to, like. They're trying to get me on that.

[Vito]

What college? Like, do you have one that you have in mind?

[Chris]

No, like, they're gonna have to do it. The show's in February, though, so that they're gonna have to do it, like, in November or December or. You're a bowl game, not in February.

[Vito]

No, but I'm saying, like, that's a bowl game. Would be, like, January. So I'm saying if you want to get close to your special.

[Chris]

Yeah, I don't know if they're gonna let me do that, though. Is Rutger. No, Rutgers isn't ranked anymore. No, I was gonna say if like, a local team. What's this voicemail we have? This is a good one. Let's hear.

[Vito]

What'S up, Chrissy.

[Chris]

So I got a question for you. I used to be fat as fucking.

[Vito]

Shit, and I used to only get attention. That was just people being kind.

[Chris]

But now that I've lost this shit.

[Vito]

Ton of weight, I'm having the issue.

[Chris]

Now of everything goes over my head.

[Vito]

So what is your advice on deciding between who is being kind and who's.

[Chris]

Actually showing you attention?

[Vito]

Because apparently I'M fucking retarded.

[Chris]

Nice. I don't understand what women. Is he talking about being nice or do they, are they actually interested in him? Got it.

[Vito]

He's saying, when he was fat, nobody ever was interested in him.

[Chris]

Right?

[Vito]

And he's saying, now, how do I tell between somebody being interested and being nice?

[Chris]

Yeah, but I don't think, I think that you don't overthink it, dude. Like, if they're talking to you, the bot the line, the rule is this. If a woman makes eye contact with you, she wants to bang. So just proceed like that. If she looks at you for more than two seconds, she wants to bang. Jasmine's got a painting of a woman over there that's got her eyes open. Every time I see that painting, I'm like, this girl wants to bang. And that's why Jasmine has to keep painting the painting over it because it's always sticky in the morning. She's unfazed. What do you think, dad? What's your advice to this former fatty?

[Tampa Tony]

I would say that when he was heavyset, he probably didn't get people looking at him saying, oh, you're fat.

[Chris]

Right? Ill.

[Tampa Tony]

But now, now that he's trimmed down, he has to change his lifestyle.

[Chris]

Right?

[Tampa Tony]

Right.

[Vito]

Can you speak about this from your own perspective?

[Tampa Tony]

Yes.

[Chris]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, because you're a different guy now. What about the attention you're getting now?

[Vito]

Are you getting more free coffees?

[Tampa Tony]

I don't think so. I'm getting them all the while because I go in there, I always say, hello, how are you? And always leave it.

[Vito]

You don't think it has anything to do with you being hotter?

[Tampa Tony]

No, I don't think so. I mean, be nice, but has your.

[Vito]

Life improved from you being hotter?

[Chris]

Guys, can you write on right now, right in the comments? Tampa, Tony, hot or not?

[Tampa Tony]

When I was 60 pounds heavier, it did bother me. And now it doesn't. I don't, I tell them all the time. I don't feel the difference. I really, I really don't.

[Vito]

You don't think people are nicer?

[Chris]

Wait a second. You don't feel better now that you've lost £60?

[Vito]

60 is a lot, dude.

[Chris]

It's a lot of freaking weight. Vito could only achieve that with cocaine. You did it without drugs. You just did it with tuna fish.

[Tampa Tony]

No, no, I, I, I really don't. I, I, I really know.

[Chris]

It's very interesting, but didn't you feel like the way your clothes fit 60 pounds ago, and now you feel better, more comfy? Oney in Your clothes, that.

[Tampa Tony]

That's different. But, you know, but as far as my outlook, you know. No.

[Chris]

Yeah. You always. You've always had a pretty. You've always been a low stress guy.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah.

[Chris]

You've never. That's the one thing about my dad. He's never get stressed out. My mom gets very stressed out and I think I inherited some of that from her. My dad never gets stressed. Never, never. It's just low stress at all times. He goes with the flow of anything.

[Tampa Tony]

Right. What can you do about nothing?

[Chris]

Really can't do anything about it.

[Tampa Tony]

You know, you can rant and rave. What the problem is still there when you have to get rented.

[Chris]

Right. That's it.

[Tampa Tony]

So I. I don't get shy. I tell the ad, the seal could fall down in front of them. Won't bother me.

[Chris]

Wouldn't bother me. What if you. What if Diane was the one falling through it, though?

[Tampa Tony]

Well, I make sure she bounces, then. I didn't get it.

[Chris]

My dad always. My dad always. My dad, my whole life would always tell his wife Diane that he's going to bury her in the backyard. It was like, just random. He would always be like, how about I hit you over there with a shovel and bury you in the backyard? And I would just be sitting here having breakfast.

[Tampa Tony]

How can I save 15,000? I know I'll kill her. Boom.

[Chris]

Backyard. Or he'd always tell her that he's going to trade her in for like wherever old she is. Like when she was 60.

[Tampa Tony]

Every time it's her birthday, I say, you know, when she's 60, I want to go after 30 year olds.

[Chris]

No, because I'm going to trade you in for two 30 year olds. He would just say that. And he'd be like. But she would have funny responses. She'd be like, if you could pull that off, I would allow it. You can come in this house right now with two 30 year olds that want you. Fine.

[Tampa Tony]

I say, who do I know? It's 30 years old.

[Chris]

That's it. That's it. And then Jazz's sister got a dm.

[Tampa Tony]

I never find one.

[Chris]

That's it. Tampa. Tony, everybody. The Return.

[Tampa Tony]

The Return.

[Chris]

How you feeling? How's the bowels? Good, good. Are you going to let loose at Yankee Stadium tonight? Going to Eat Go Wild?

[Tampa Tony]

No.

[Chris]

No. Why don't we have a beer tonight at the game? Our first beer together. Should we do that? Yeah, let's have one Yankee Stadium beer. We've never done it. Have a sip. We'll send it to Diane.

[Tampa Tony]

Yeah, I only have one drink a year. New Year's Eve.

[Chris]

What do you have? What's the drink?

[Tampa Tony]

It's champagne.

[Chris]

That's it.

[Tampa Tony]

And I take a sip and give it to her.

[Chris]

Yeah. Yeah. She gets my step mom. My stepmom likes to get wrecked.

[Tampa Tony]

She says, no problem. She's all bend down, Ben Damble, you know?

[Chris]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

But I put a stop to that.

[Chris]

Yeah. Buried in the backyard.

[Tampa Tony]

Oh, we had room. Yeah, we had room in the backyard.

[Chris]

We don't. Well, not this backyard. Gotta move back to Staten Island. What would you do if I moved back to Staten Island?

[Tampa Tony]

Your mother be happy.

[Chris]

Why? Are you kidding me? My mother would try to kill everybody.

[Tampa Tony]

No, see, you really don't like Staten island because it's. You know.

[Chris]

Yeah. It felt isolated here.

[Tampa Tony]

There's a lot of people walking around. A lot of stuff to do. Yeah, but in Staten island, where you were, it's the uppity. Uppity people. You know, I don't. Obviously don't like uppity, you know, because they.

[Chris]

But you like Staten Island. You lived there for 30 years.

[Tampa Tony]

Oh, yeah, of course. But, you know, in.

[Chris]

Yeah. Jazz, can we show people the painting? Because it looks great. Not done yet. Okay. It literally has looked done for the past six months, and she just sits there and colors in. I don't even know what she's doing. I mean, it can't be actually any more done.

[Tampa Tony]

I thought it was her.

[Chris]

Remember, I said it does look like her?

[Vito]

I did. I thought the same.

[Chris]

She's extremely. She's very, very, very talented. Like you. You. You can't just learn how to do that.

[Vito]

Jasmine, when I came in, I saw it under the Happy side, and I thought it was a present for you for your birthday.

[Chris]

Oh, that would be nice. No, I think I've. I've been working on it for so long that it's just kind of, like, morphing into me, but it's not. It looks good. You should put. If you really want to make it, you. You should put a night guard on it. You wear the night guard. I mean, a retainer. Sorry. Just put. You should put its hair up in a bun.

[Tampa Tony]

At least you both know what you like, so that's. That's good.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Tampa Tony]

You're one step closer, buddy.

[Chris]

That's it. One step closer to me getting buried in the backyard. All right, folks. Christie Comedy dot com. Salt Lake City in November. I believe it's almost sold out. Madison, Wisconsin, I believe, is almost sold out. What? It still has tickets. Phoenix in December, and then Miami improv December 28th to the 31st Hulu special coming out in February. History YouTube.comhistory hyenas. That's back. Patreon.com ChristyComedy patreon.comhistory hyenas. Tampa Tony. Where can they find you other than the Dunkin Donuts in Newport?

[Tampa Tony]

Richie Florida in Miami Senior oh, that's right.

[Chris]

So if you want to meet Tampa Tony, come to those shows in Miami. We in Miami. Do you guys want to come to Miami, celebrate New Year's eve down there 100%. You're gonna come. I would.

[Tampa Tony]

Totally.

[Chris]

Wow. The crew's coming. The Chaos Crew is coming. Beautiful. All right, papi, See you later. Go vote.

[Tampa Tony]

Go vote.

[Chris]

Please.