Podcast Summary: "lust, sex, and dating before marriage"
Podcast: Christ With Coffee On Ice
Host: Ally Yost
Date: August 16, 2024
Duration: ~1 hour
Episode Overview
In this episode, Ally Yost brings rawness, vulnerability, and biblical perspective to tough topics often avoided in church and Christian spaces: lust, sex before marriage, and dating boundaries for Christians. Speaking from personal experience and scriptural insight, Ally encourages listeners to embrace God’s loving discipline, understand the holiness of sex within marriage, set wise dating boundaries, navigate guilt, and trust God’s plan for relationships. This episode is a compassionate conversation aimed at bringing hope, clarity, and encouragement for Christians of all ages.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
The Call to Vulnerability and Honesty
[00:01 – 03:58]
- Ally frames the new season as one committed to honesty, vulnerability, and engagement with tough gospel truths.
- She underscores God’s guidance as a loving Father, referencing Proverbs and the role of discipline.
- Expresses gratitude for audience openness to discuss difficult topics, positioning the season as a safe, seen, and heard space.
“There are some tough things that need to be said. There are some tough things that we need to come to the just realization of.” — Ally [01:52]
Why Talk About Lust, Sex, and Boundaries?
[04:00 – 06:30]
- Ally addresses a wide listener demographic—from preteens to parents and adults navigating new faith journeys.
- Sets the tone with openness: she’s not delivering theory but hard-won lessons from her own dating history.
“If I could help bring clarity to anybody about … the holiness of having that intimacy with somebody you’re married to versus somebody that you’re just dating, that would just mean the world to me.” — Ally [06:24]
God’s Design and Purpose for Sex
[06:31 – 13:06]
- Sex is not for “just satisfying our flesh.” Scripturally, it is a covenant—intended for deepening intimacy and unity between spouses.
- The world’s message (“try before you buy”) is called out as a lie that undermines full faith in God’s wisdom for relationships.
“Sex is, from what God has explained it and what he’s told us that it’s meant for: it is a covenant, which is a promise. It is a way to deepen your intimacy and also your unity with your spouse who you’re married to.” — Ally [07:40]
“There is no trial run. There is no test run. … That’s not having full faith in God.” — Ally [10:28]
Scripture on Sexual Holiness
[13:07 – 18:10]
- References:
- Genesis 2:24: Unity and oneness in marriage.
- 1 Corinthians 7:1–2: Sex is to be enjoyed within marriage.
- Galatians 5:19: Outlines sexual immorality as part of sinful nature.
“We need to believe everything in the Bible, not just some things. … The Bible is not just like a suggestion handbook of picking and choosing, y’all. It’s serious.” — Ally [05:46]
The Reality and Temptation of Lust
[18:11 – 24:29]
- Lust remains an ongoing temptation, especially for those who've previously experienced sexual intimacy.
- Practical advice: Repentance, honest accountability, and minding one’s digital/media consumption are necessary for overcoming lust.
- The importance of not being enslaved to bodily desires; spiritual strength comes through deepening relationship with God.
“Our bodies are not the boss of us. They carry our spirits and they are the shell to who we are on the inside. But who we are on the inside does not need to answer to this on the outside.” — Ally [22:56]
Personal Conviction and Boundary-Setting in Christian Dating
[24:30 – 33:05]
- Ally shares she hasn’t dated since becoming truly “on fire” for God but believes He has prepared her heart and given wisdom for healthy boundaries.
- Boundaries are essential—no “testing limits” in dating. Avoid potentially tempting scenarios (e.g., alone together, making out).
- There are no loopholes or “cutting corners” with purity; physical actions short of sex still compromise it.
“Don’t do anything that you know would tempt you to no longer be pure with your partner before marriage. The Lord rejoices in purity and honesty.” — Ally [27:44]
Courage to Uphold Convictions
[33:06 – 36:19]
- Listeners are encouraged not to fear being seen as “prude” or “too Christian.”
- The right partner will respect spiritual boundaries; lack of respect is a clear warning sign.
“There shouldn’t be any fear of looking like a prude. … As long as I’m making my heavenly father proud, that’s all I care about.” — Ally [34:46]
Discerning God’s Warnings and Avoiding Heartbreak
[36:20 – 41:32]
- Ally discusses gut feelings as holy warnings and reflects on personal heartbreak following premarital sex.
- Challenges the myth of “casual sex”—notes the spiritual reality of soul ties and painful emotional consequences.
“The minute that you’re intimate with somebody like that is the minute that you are so much more invested.” — Ally [38:47]
The Burden of Guilt — and Freedom in Christ
[41:33 – 46:50]
- Addresses the heavy guilt that can follow sexual sin. Stresses that God’s forgiveness is total, even if church environments have implied otherwise.
- Assurance: “You are not going to hell if you participated in premarital sex. … The Lord can strengthen you, and you don’t have to live like that.” [44:01]
Worldly Lies vs. God’s Protection
[46:51 – 52:55]
- Pushes back against societal narratives and “statistics” promoting sex outside marriage.
- Uses STDs as an example of consequences from straying outside God’s design.
- God’s boundaries and “rules” are acts of protective love, not restrictions. Spiritual maturity brings understanding of this.
“The Ten Commandments are not just the Lord trying to, like, tell us what to do and boss us around. It’s protecting his children.” — Ally [48:34]
The Hopefulness of God-Honoring Relationships
[52:56 – 56:10]
- Ally expresses excitement for her future, knowing it will be marked by purity and mutual understanding.
- Predicts such relationships will be “healing” and “so pure,” free from regret.
“It’s actually going to make it more beautiful. It’s going to be so pure. What the heck? And I just. I trust God. I really do.” — Ally [55:27]
Practical Steps: Go to God, Set Boundaries, Pursue True Motives
[56:11 – 59:46]
- Encourages listeners to bring relationship and boundary questions to God in prayer and the Word.
- Not just about protecting from heartbreak—ultimately, it’s about wanting to make God proud as a loving Father.
“I do it because I actually just wanna make my dad proud, and I want him to be pleased with me.” — Ally [59:06]
Key Passage Read-Aloud: Honoring God With Your Body
[59:47 – 01:04:33]
1 Corinthians 6:12–20:
- Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit; we do not belong to ourselves.
- “Honor God with your body” — a powerful call to treat sexuality and physical choices as matters of worship.
“Our bodies are holy, y’all. They’re holy. It’s a gift from God. And we’re not just going to use them any old way.” — Ally [01:04:15]
How God Purifies Us
[01:04:34 – 01:07:35]
- Only the Spirit purifies and sanctifies us; it’s not something we can do for ourselves by striving.
- Encouragement: Just “be with Him,” and He will transform you over time.
“He purifies us and sanctifies us, next thing you know, you’re going to turn around and you’re going to say, oh, my gosh. Like, I’m not even the same person.” — Ally [01:06:20]
Freedom from Shame and a Call to Love
[01:07:36 – End]
- Christ’s sacrifice covered all shame—even for sexual sin. Guilt is rebuked in Jesus’ name.
- Uplifting call for listeners to “love somebody like the Lord would”—practical acts of kindness and Christlikeness are suggested as a weekly challenge.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On the long-term cost of disregarding God’s word:
“If every single one of us from the beginning of time just saved ourselves for our partner, none of [STDs] would exist. … It’s all a result of sin, y’all.” — Ally [48:10] - On relationship purity:
“If we can’t simply resist sin together before marriage… I don’t know what our marriage is going to look like.” — Ally [28:38] - On dealing with guilt:
“God promises to forgive us of all of our sins. So this is something that falls into that category.” — Ally [43:40] - On practical boundaries:
“Let’s just be smart. Let’s not, like, sit alone in a dark room watching a movie together. That’s just not wise…” — Ally [29:46] - On spiritual maturity:
“Our spirits mature and our spirituality with the Lord, it matures. … The more time we spend with God, the more our spirit grows up and matures…” — Ally [50:50] - On transformation through the Spirit:
“We don’t purify ourselves. He purifies us through the Holy Spirit. … Just be with Him.” — Ally [01:05:11] - On the motivation for obedience:
“We should always just want to make the Lord proud… because I actually just wanna make my dad proud, and I want him to be pleased with me.” — Ally [56:30, 59:06]
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:01 — Opening reflections, why tough topics matter
- 06:31 — God’s purpose for sex, destroying “trial run” myths
- 13:07 — Specific scriptures on sexual morality
- 18:11 — Addressing lust, real-life struggles and solutions
- 24:30 — Boundary-setting in dating
- 33:06 — Respecting convictions, overcoming fear of judgment
- 36:20 — Heartbreak as consequence, demystifying casual sex
- 41:33 — Coping with guilt, finding assurance in forgiveness
- 46:51 — Debunking worldly messages, seeing God’s “rules” as love
- 52:56 — Anticipating Christ-like, pure relationships
- 56:11 — Practical tips, examining motives, seeking wisdom from God
- 59:47 — Key reading: 1 Corinthians 6:12–20, honoring God with the body
- 01:04:34 — How God transforms us
- 01:07:36 — Final encouragement, call to love others, freedom from shame
Final Thoughts & Encouragement
This episode is a heart-to-heart for any Christian grappling with cultural versus biblical narratives about sex and relationships. Ally’s vulnerability, scriptural grounding, and practical wisdom create a message of grace, hope, and challenge: purity isn’t about shame, but about honoring God, experiencing grace-filled freedom, and building the foundation for Christ-centered love.
Last challenge:
“Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is? … Let’s just be more like Christ.” — Ally [01:08:44]
For more:
Ally invites listeners to deepen their relationship with God, seek wisdom in the secret place, and walk in grace—no matter their past.