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Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with Coffee on Ice. I am your host, Ali Yost. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys. I am loving this new setup. Are we not loving it? This is just so fun. I love that we're just, you know, we're growing, and we're. We're moving. So what is today, guys? Today is December 27th. Okay, so how is everybody's holiday, y'? All? Tomorrow. I don't know where I'm at in the future, because I'm recording this much more in advance. I must be such a nervous being today, because tomorrow, y', all is when Jesus freaks goes live to the whole world. Oh, my gosh. I'm probably a very nervous being. Or I'm not. Or I have the peace of the Lord washing over me. Actually, I pray for that. Actually, I come out of agreement with what I just said. I pray that I am feeling the peace of the Lord as we all should. I pray for that in this episode as well. But anyway, I'm so grateful for y' all today. We are going to just chat. Today we're gonna chat. I felt just because it is the end of the year and we only have a few more days left of the year 2024, which is so insane to me. I feel like this year has flown by for me, personally. I just can't believe it's already almost 2025 live. That's insane. So, anyway, we only have a few more days left of the year, and so I felt like this would be a very appropriate topic to talk about, but I wanted to talk and just reflect with y'. All. Let's just be a fam. I just kind of want to reflect with you guys about the things that the Lord taught me this year. I have 10 things I'd love to bring to y', all, and maybe some of y' all will relate to some of them. But. But these are just some things that the Lord has taught me in this year of walking faithfully with him. And it's cool, because the Lord really won't stop teaching us things as long as we're willing. I think the key to that is, like, willingness. He's always excited to teach us things, show us things, and just father us as long as we're willing. And, you know, we're inviting him to do so. And so it's just cool. Cause God. Yeah, God is always willing to teach us something. And so as long as we're like, all right, God, I could learn some things. He loves to do it. So I guess we'll just start with the fact that you just can't ever say no to God. That was one of the many things that I felt the Lord walking me through this year is that don't ever say no to the Lord, because one, it doesn't work. Doesn't work, and two, you don't really know what you're saying no to. I think a lot of times we think we know what we're saying no to and we think we even know what's going on, you know, and what's important to remember is that God sees so much more than we do. And so when we say no to things, I feel like it's like we just see the surface of what's really happening and God sees everything that's underneath it and above it and everywhere else. And so I say that because I personally never thought I would ever move back to la. And the Lord really said, ha, ha, plot twist. But I said no. I literally was like, I don't want anything to do with the city anymore. This place has nothing to offer when it comes to just spiritual growth. Like, I was so sheltered, y'. All. I don't know, maybe it was me, maybe it was the Lord protecting me because I think he needed me to actually be in a place of thinking I would never come back because I don't know how willing I would have been. Oh, this is so God. I don't know how willing I would have been to move to Nashville and then move back to LA just five months later. Had I known that was the plan he had for me. I don't know, I might have been kicking and screaming about it. I don't think it would have been as smooth, easy. Maybe I wouldn't have been willing to do it. I would have been like, God, that's way too expensive, can't do it. That's just like I'm. That sounds exhausting, you know, so it's just funny that he doesn't let us see all of it. And so I think he also needed me to be in a heart posture of no way, Jose. And being like, I'm never going to go back to la. Like, he really used that because that's what was a huge part of my motivation to leaving la was I genuinely believe that this place was spiritually dead and dry. Granted, there are definitely a lot of parts of LA that are, but that is so far from the truth. There are so many God fearing people out here who love Jesus. And what's so cool about the people who love Jesus out here is like, if you love Jesus out here, it's like the real deal. It's very likely that if somebody is loving Jesus out here, they are on fire lit. They mean no business other than just the Lord, rather than in other places where maybe it's a bit more normalized. It's easy to just kind of be like, yeah, Jesus. You know, I go to church every so often. He's awesome. Yeah, love Jesus. What I'm saying is I feel like in other places, maybe it's just more common. So maybe it's more likely for lukewarmness. But to love Jesus in a place like Los Angeles, you're not lukewarm. It's like he has seen saved your life. Because it's also, it's not really the place to love Jesus. It feels kind of backwards with just the way that culture is out here. So that's something that I have learned is that that is so not true. There are people who love Jesus out here, and the people who love Jesus out here are like, solid. Like they really love the Lord. Because it's just different, you know, with loving Jesus out here versus other places. So anyway, I misunderstood the city here and I misunderstood the church out here too. But I think the Lord let me be misunderstood. Like, I just wasn't seeing a lot of it. And so maybe he also kind of kept me hidden for that reason where if I had had solid community out here or a church or people who were super God fearing that I had met, then I don't know if I would have been as likely to leave. So that's lesson number one. Don't ever say no to the Lord though, because you don't really know. I think we need to always just be open to anything because it's just funny that the things that we swear we will never go back to or we will never do, God walks us right through that and he says, actually, I have a different plan. Okay. The next thing that I felt the Lord really walk me through this year and teach me is that there's actually so much beauty outside of your comfort zone. So one example that the Lord walked me through this year was singing. So if this is something that I've brought, I've brought it to the podcast. Cause I've like physically sung on here before. So you guys do know that I, I, I like to sing. I feel like I have had a lot of doubt in my singing for a lot of my life. I've had some death spoken over my voice and and so there's just been things that have really, like, beaten my confidence down in my voice, especially when I was in the world. You know, we talked about it last week, was seeking approval from others, but I was seeking so much approval in man about whether my voice was worthy or not. And sometimes people said it wasn't, and that was really, really hurtful because I can't change anything about my voice other than obviously, like, practicing and stuff. But ultimately, like, my voice is my voice. And so hearing those things from people was really hurtful. I don't know. I just. For me, at least, my voice is like, it's my heart. And so when people say that my voice isn't good enough, I felt like I was taking that as of people saying that, like, my heart isn't good enough, which is just not right. It's not true. It's all lies. But I also didn't know how to seek validation from the Lord and the Lord alone, especially when I was in the world. So obviously, that would wreck anyone's confidence in their gift. And so my relationship with my voice has been very weird my whole life where I've had this love for singing. And I personally didn't think I was a bad singer. But also, at the same time, I never wanted to sing in front of people anymore. And other times I'd be like, I'm really not that great, you know? And so I've had a really unhealthy relationship with this gift that God has given me, which is my voice. And so, you know, it's like, I just feel like in the deep depths of my heart, I've always wanted to sing. And I thought about scenarios where if I had gone my whole life without ever singing on a stage or. Or ever creating music, I know I would regret it. Like, if I think about me at the end of my life never doing those things, I would be very disappointed in myself. Right. So I just feel like I've always been at this tug of war with my voice and where it's like, my spirit is like, this is what you were made for. But then my mind and all this other logic that is not even logic would argue with each other, right? And so that's been my life pretty much since high school, like, 10 years. And so I had an opportunity with a ministry here when we first moved here, and I had an opportunity, and I was just thrown into it. And it was funny because it started from a place of someone just simply hearing me sing. Worship in the crowd. So there was a worship night going on. And I was singing to the Lord as we all were in the room, but somebody had heard my voice, and they were like, I'm sorry. You need to be singing. Like, I literally heard so much faith on your voice. Like, tangible. Like, I could feel the faith as you were singing. And I was like, dang, okay. Lord, are you throwing me in this? And I was thrown into it. So then there was something that we were doing every week where I was singing in front of people, and it was so scary because I have not done that, y', all, in legit 10 years since I was in choir in high school. And even that was different because, like, I'm standing up there with a large group of people. This was a very intimate thing of, like, three to five people sometimes. I was the main lead vocalist, and I'm like, how am I just being thrown. Like, how am I just being thrown up here right now? With no experience? I had no idea what in ears were. Like, little things you put in your ears so you could hear yourself sing. I did not know what I was doing at all. I felt so unqualified. But I also felt like the Lord was all over it, like, fully all over it, because I was completely stepping out of my comfort zone, and I was stepping out of something that I physically was, like, getting, like, I felt sick about. I remember the first day that I was supposed to be doing this, and I was saying yes to all of it because I knew I would regret not saying yes, you know? And I knew that it was the Lord, like, pushing me and kind of, like, being a dad and, like, nudging me to, like, go out there. And so I did it, but I was so nauseous about it. Like, I was literally so nervous, and it was scary, and I was shaking. And it really actually forced me to lock eyes with Jesus, like, so desperately. It actually forced me to look at him so much more. Like, that was just an area in my life that I was so weak in, and I didn't have a lot of confidence in at all. And I had to stare at Jesus and just, like, hang on to him for dear life in those moments. It also helped me with just, like, having a deeper intimacy with the Lord in that area. And then I got more comfortable doing it, and it really was, like, a muscle that I just wasn't comfortable doing because it had been a really long time. And there was a lot of healing, y'. All. There was so much healing through that of just all the wounds that I had before, of what people had said Maybe even things I've told myself about my voice, but a lot of healing and a lot of just, like, facing my fears with the Lord, like, really scary things. And so anyway, there is beauty outside of your comfort zone. And so that was one example of how the Lord really showed me that this year. Another thing that the Lord has walked me through, this is me being vulnerable, y', all. I'm really letting you in. But finances. Okay, listen to me right now. God was challenging me this year to fully depend on him for everything. So I'm gonna talk about it because this isn't like. This shouldn't be a secret. Okay? So once upon a time before I followed the Lord, I was still an influencer. I had a podcast, I had lots of Internet things going for me, and I was making a good amount of money doing it. I felt very lucky. I worked hard. But also there were things that were coming in that was just mind boggling to me. Okay. There were opportunities and it just kept flowing in. Right. Being in the world, it can be like that. The enemy can give you anything physical, but he can't provide you internally what the Lord can provide us internally. Right? So there are all these things on the outside that I was getting. I was having money. I could buy myself designer stuff for the first time in my life, which was really cool because I never really. I never grew up. You know, my family, we lived well, but it wasn't like that. So it's like I'm seeing money that I've never seen before and it's exciting and whatever. And so that was my life before. But, like, what I just said is there was just something in me that was still not being fulfilled. Even through the money, even through the designer bags, even through all the other stuff, travel, girl, whatever it is going viral on the Internet, the followers, all of it, like, none of that fulfilled this thing in my heart that was so empty and dry. And so then I turned to Jesus, right? And I'm thriving. Spiritually freaking thriving. Okay. I've never felt more alive. I've never felt more loved. I have never felt more joyful in my life. Like, following Jesus was just a pure joy. Still is. But what I didn't realize was I was not going to be thriving financially like I used to. That was just the truth. That was just the truth is that I think a lot of brands just didn't want to touch me anymore. That's okay. That's okay. At the time, I didn't realize why it was so controversial, but now it's like, it's Jesus we're talking about, y'. All. It's so controversial that he was murdered over it. Like, he was. He's so controversial that he was killed. Okay. It is controversial. So little old me, I didn't get it. I was like, what the heck? What is going on here? And so that has been something that. It's been a place where the Lord has really shown me to be fully dependent on him in, and that if I'm going to pay my bills and I'm going to live, I have to have faith in Him. And even with my finances and I feel like up until him challenging me to fully depend on him with money, you know, and finances and livelihood and being able to feed myself and pay the bills and move across the country again. Right. Is that I feel like I trusted God a lot in, like, a lot of other areas of my life. I did. But money, for some reason, y', all, we've talked about it here on the podcast before, is something that's really hard. It's. It just is. I don't know. Like, it just is for some of us. And for me, I think that was the thing that I wasn't totally surrendering to the Lord. And so, yeah, the Lord really walked me through that and. And showed me. And so there have been times, too, where I'm like, God, what am I going to do? And then he's come through, and then something comes up out of the blue. I pray. I'm like, lord, I really need breakthrough. And then something comes up. Now, is he giving me. Have I necessarily made the same amount that I did in the world? No. Big fat, no. Big fat, no. Big fat, no. But it doesn't matter. I don't even need it. I don't want it. I don't crave that. I think that was another part of what he needed to, like, walk me out of, was the feeling of, like, just the luxury things and having items and things, and just realizing that, like, none of that stuff even matters, you know? And that's not the stuff that brings us true happy. Maybe it does bring us happiness, but it can't bring us joy. And so he's given me what I need, and that's all that matters, is he's provided what I need. Okay. One other thing that the Lord has walked me through this year is that he wants me to start taking care of myself. So this might be something that I've talked about on the podcast. I actually don't know, but if you guys are familiar with Ashley Hetherington my best friend, she's been here on the pod a few times, is. She is so about wellness, fitness, you know, fueling your body well, giving your body what it needs. And I just never really knew what that meant. I don't know if I ever really knew how to fuel my body well. I think that my relationship with food was, like, I just put anything in my mouth to just keep me alive. There was no awareness of what things I should be eating versus not what things are really unhealthy. And. And so I noticed that in my physical, too, just this last year. I just look different. I look less inflamed. I've even lost a little bit of weight. I'm eating more than I used to, and I'm eating healthier, and I lost weight. I say that not to encourage any, but, like, it's just, like, it was just crazy to see the physical effects, I guess, of what happened when I started taking care of my body. And so, yeah, that's been crazy. I just have, like, I have a much better relationship with my body and understanding that she is, like, her own thing and that our bodies communicate to us every day. And there are things that it needs. Like, it literally needs. Like, I can't live off of gnocchi for the whole day. Like, y', all. I used to, like, get frozen gnocchi from Trader Joe's, and that was, like, the only thing I would eat all day, girl. What? Girl? Literally, goodbye. What? That was. I just would eat potatoes, and that's what I would live off of all day. Where is the nutrition in that? Where are the veggies? Where's the fiber? Where's the healthy fats? Okay, it's a carb. That's good. Where, like, nothing else. I didn't really drink a lot of water, so, yeah, it sounds really irresponsible and almost, like, childish, but I just didn't. I think I didn't know how. I think I just looked at food as a way of just anything that would make me feel full. And then I was like, okay, I'm good. And sometimes that didn't even look like me. Eating three times a day anyway, that's a whole thing. But the Lord has really walked me through taking care of myself, and I do still think that that's something I'm still actively walking through. But, yeah, it's just the importance of our vessels, y'. All. This thing that carries us, it's. It is important to take care of it and to care, just to care about these things that carry our spirits, because ultimately, without them, there'd be nothing to hold us here on earth. These are very important. Still, being on the topic of our bodies, and I've talked about this on the podcast, I think, and you guys have probably even witnessed it and seen it, because there was an era where I was not wearing any makeup at all anymore, but the Lord really showed me that I am beautiful with and without makeup. So if you guys are familiar with who I was before Jesus, I was a freelancing makeup artist. I still have so much love in my heart for makeup and beauty and skin care and cosmetics. Ooh. I still have such a love for it in my heart. So I know that that's for a reason, because it hasn't gone away. And obviously, I'm wearing makeup today. Right? Okay, so rewind. I went overboard with the makeup, and I really believe that it was a passion and a love that I had and still have. But the enemy was really perverting it and making it a place of where I was seeking validation. And I wanted people to be impressed with my skills, and I wanted people's approval of me being a really skillful makeup artist and just being beautiful with makeup on. I didn't really feel all that beautiful and confident without makeup on, and I just feel like I was. What's the word that I'm looking for? I just felt worthy enough. I just felt worthy when I had all this makeup on. So that sounds pretty enemy core to me. That does not sound like it's from the Lord, but that was truly how I was living before. And so when I found Jesus, I suddenly, like, lost the urge to ever even wanna wear makeup. I just didn't want to. I was like, you know what? I'm over this. It almost felt like a detox, y'. All. Like, when you're so dependent on something and then you realize that it hasn't even been all that healthy for you in the first place, and you're like, I literally never want to see that, touch it, go near it ever again. I genuinely wanted nothing to do with makeup anymore. Did I think that I would never touch it again? No. But I was like, I don't want to put that on my face anymore. Like, I just. I want. I needed a cleanse. It kind of felt like I was like, I need a break. So I stopped wearing it, and I'd never felt so beautiful in my life. What? And the better part was that I was not spending an hour every morning getting ready anymore. It was so cool. So this was my Routine. I'd roll out of bed. I'd read my Bible. I spend time with Jesus. I take a shower. I do my hair. Done. What? Cause, like, the type of beat that I was doing, y', all with my makeup was, like, legit. 40 minutes minimum, maybe an hour for me to do my makeup. That's crazy. That's literally insane. So I was doing that every day. It was really fun, actually. I just got to walk out the door every day. I didn't care. And I really believe that just actually came from Jesus. It came completely out of left field. It was not a place I even felt I needed work on in my heart. I didn't. I did not expect the Lord to completely rip makeup out of my life. And honestly, it didn't feel like he was. I felt like I was making that choice. I believe I was. It was me and the Spirit working together. But I was like, I don't even want it. And so I stopped wearing makeup for months. Like, pretty much all of the summertime. I didn't wear hardly any makeup. I put on a little blush, maybe a concealer if I got a pimple. Cause I wasn't born with that. Okay, I can cover her. But everything else, I mean, I didn't wear mascara for months. It was so freeing. Oh, my gosh. I didn't have, like, mascara lingering on my eyelashes for days because I wasn't even wearing it. So that was a very unexpected thing that I did not think the Lord was gonna walk me through. But he showed me that. He showed me that I was beautiful without makeup. So then I'm coming out this era of, like, never wearing makeup again, right? I'm. I've boycotted it. I want nothing to do with it to. Then all of a sudden, I was feeling a grace. And again, I feel like this was also the spirit of God. I felt a grace to, like, start putting makeup back on my face. But very, very light makeup. I mean, it's giving major tinted moisturizer, maybe a little brow, maybe a little mascara. I'm starting to wear lip liner again, right? I'm starting to put, like, actual lip products on my lips. And it's not just a tinted lip balm or something. And I'm like, okay, wait. I love her. Like, I love her without. And I love her even with a little something. And so I felt God was actually, like, rebranding the way that I saw makeup and my relationship with makeup. My relationship with makeup is so different now. I love makeup. I love skin. I love skin. I love perfecting the skin. And I love glowy skin, but I love the skin being skin, though. Like, I think before, I mean, it was giving mask my girl. Like, there was not an inch of my skin showing on my face. And now it's like us, but we're just kind of enhancing some places, but we're not altering and changing our face anymore. I was contouring and doing the whole thing and snatching my nose and my cheekbones and trying to make myself look like a person that I was, not a person that God did not create me to be. And now he's changed my relationship with makeup, where I'm enhancing the features he's already given me. And I'm not hiding anything. I'm not contouring my nose anymore. I don't even hardly use bronzer at all. I'm just ally, but, like, with a little extra blush and mascara, you know? So that was, like, just a really sweet and unexpected thing that the Lord walked me through is that I am beautiful with and without makeup. This was a thought that I had in the car today. And I feel like this. This can apply to this topic because we're talking about makeup, right? But isn't it funny, y', all, that it is actually so easy for us to find our identity in so many things, Even things that can't hear or see us, like objects. I'm talking makeup. You look at this lip balm. Can it hear me? Can it see me? Why am I seeking my identity and validation in this thing? It don't even know that I exist. That sounds so silly, but for real, like, why? Why is it actually so easy for us to do that? But then it's so controversial and crazy to decide to take identity in the one who's created us. Like, that's actually what's controversial, is saying, no, my identity is in Christ. Actually, my identity is in the Lord and the Lord alone, because he's the one who's created me, and he can actually hear me. I can actually have a relationship. I cannot have a relationship with this lip balm. What? It's so silly, but this is more acceptable for us to have identity in than our living Father who's created us. That's crazy. That was a thought I had. I said, whoa. Another thing that the Lord has walked me through this year, guys, is that we are called to love everyone, but not trust everyone. I'm not gonna get into it. I'm not gonna get into it. But us loving everyone does not mean that we trust everyone. And I think that something the Lord has taught me is that I love people so much that I immediately wanna just trust them too. And I use the word immediately. And so I've been really quick to giving people my heart, which is not giving wisdom. It's not smart to do that. I think that it's really good to love everybody and then stick around long enough to see the fruit. And then from there we decide if we're actually going to give them our heart. We don't just give people our heart off the bat. And I think I just wanted to hope for the best in everybody. And I'm also not looking for perfection. I'm not looking for people to be perfect. But I definitely trusted people with my heart too soon. And so that was something that was kind of stingy and it was kind of ouchy. But the Lord had to walk me through as well, is that we can love everybody. We are called to do that, but we are not supposed to trust every person. This kind of ties into the first thing that we talked about where we said, don't say no to the Lord, because you never know. Because he knows best. But God knows best. And I feel like that's something that we will always continue to learn, like, over and over again. So I don't even think this is gonna be the first and last time that I learn that God knows what's best. But that was something that God had walked me through plenty of times this year, is that he really does know what's best for me. And he knows what's best for you, too. And so we just honestly have to trust him with that. I just think that there were situations and scenarios where I thought I knew what was best for me. And God didn't let those things prosper. And I just had to accept that. And I had to accept the fact that I don't know the future. And even if something feels so right and so solid and you're, like, so sure about that thing, and then it falls apart. I think sometimes it's tempting for us to lean on our own understanding and be like, but everything was perfect. It was perfect. What do you mean? If this is continued, it wouldn't have been good, God. Like, yes, it would have. I think sometimes I've tried to argue with the Lord, been like, what do you mean? Why wouldn't you let that prosper? It was such a good thing. And then with time, I realized that it was actually not good for me. But see, it's like, we can't go off of our own feelings, understanding, because God sees So much more. And he knows what's best for us. We don't. If we knew what was best for us, y', all, we wouldn't even need God. So we need him because he also. He knows ultimately what's good for us and what's not good for us. Okay, this one, this one. I don't know if anyone relates to this, but I don't need to do anything alone. And I embraced help this year. I did. But the Lord had to teach me how to do that. I don't really know where this is rooted out of. I feel like maybe the Lord will reveal some more of where it's coming from. But I just feel like I have fallen to, like, feeling like I have to do everything by myself. And I don't know if it's like, a burden thing, like I feel like a burden to people, or maybe it's a pride thing where I'm like, no, I can do it. But so many times in so many scenarios and things, and it could be like, I'm down bad, you know, And I'm like, no, I can do it. I can pick myself up with the Lord by myself. You know, I don't know, just anything or simply moving furniture in the house. I don't know. And I'm like, no, I got it. I can do it. And I just physically can't. And then I have to ask someone to help me. I have to ask Ashley or. But it's like, I'm just. My first reaction is never to ask for help. I always want to try to figure it out and do it by myself. And so God encouraged me to embrace help and asking for help when I need it. So I think the biggest way that I've done that, and it might even be something I'm still kind of walking through because it does make me uncomfy at times. Like, asking for help is kind of uncomfy, but being okay with community and having people around me when I'm weak. And, yeah, I just. I felt God encouraging me in being surrounded by people, being in community, and being okay with needing things from others, because I think, too, God has reminded me and wants to continue to remind us that we need each other as well. You know, we need Him. And, yes, we should be fully dependent on God, but He made us for each other, too. He made us for each other. That's why it's so fun and fruitful to, like, have friendships and to be loved by others and to love others, you know, and to be in community and to have a Spouse. And it's like, we need each other families, like, we love each other. And so God has also made us for one another. And so, yeah, I just. I really feel like he's walked me through that of not being afraid to ask for help. I also try to, like, turn the POV around and be like, if so, and so was asking me for blank. Like, if I'm actively sitting in something and needing it. And I go, if so, and so was asking for blank the thing that I need, would I do it for them? Yes. Glad I actually would find joy in doing that for them. And so I think also remembering that if you have people in your church, in your community who love Jesus, they will cheerfully and love to help you in anything that you need help in. Sometimes it's as simple as me just asking for prayer. Because a lot of times I try to be my own prayer warrior and get myself through everything, and sometimes I can't, and I need to ask someone else for prayer and say, hey, I need prayer. Help me right now. I've had to physically call friends and be like, I'm down bad. I need you. And so that was something I've definitely grown in this year. Thanks God. He helped me with that. But just embracing help and embracing other people. Another thing that the Lord has taught me this year, y', all, God's taught me a lot, okay? He has really. He's really taught me a lot. Another thing is that I don't need permission from other people to do things. I just need God's approval and help. So I'm going to talk about Jesus freaks. So with Jesus freaks, obviously, if you guys listen to the episode that me and Ashley recorded a couple weeks ago, talking about the whole beginning to end of the process of how this all came about. But the major thing for me was, like, not believing that lie in my head, that I needed other people to tell me that it was a good enough idea that I was capable of doing it. I also think that I had this false idea that I needed all these other people to help me with it. This is funny because it's kind of giving a contrast of what we just said, but you get it, right? Like, I was waiting for other people to tell me that I was good enough to do it. I was waiting for other people to say yes when God was telling me yes the whole time. Okay, that's what I'm saying to you. So I realized that all I needed was God's. Yes. And all I needed was God, because there are a lot of Things through this process of creating Jesus freaks where I had no business doing it. Like, some of the stuff that I was doing, like, I was physically directing a lot of these moments, and it was actually supernatural the way that I was, like, seeing things in my mind. And then as our videographer was capturing, like, a moment or whatever, I would direct and I'd say, actually, I see it like this a little bit more. I've never done that in my life. Like, I had no business doing that. That was the spirit of God. But it was just cool because I felt so unqualified. But as we were doing it, we're stepping out in faith and creating this. God really showed up, and I was capable of doing all things with the Lord because he provided, you know, okay, this is the 10th. This is our. We've already talked about 10 different things that the Lord has walked me through this year. And number 10, I know there's more, but these are just the top 10. Real friendships will add more to your life than take away. Oh. So a version of who I was before the Lord was that I was always pouring. I was always abandoned. Not always, but the world pretty much abandoned me a lot. Actually. I was left a lot. And this year, God showed me true, authentic friendship. He did. And it's cool, because I feel like it was the friendship that I always craved, and it was a friendship that I always wanted, but I didn't know where to get it because nothing in the world was really working. And so the biggest lesson y', all, like, truly, and that's through people, like, becoming friends with people like Ashley and Karoo, and just all of these incredible people that I have met through the body and just through the church, is that every quality I wanted in a friend was just the qualities of Jesus. Every quality that I wanted in a friend was every quality that Jesus has being our friend. And so if people are living in Jesus and they physically represent a lot of the qualities that he has because they are being discipled by him, okay? Like, they're letting the spirit of God change them and tell them how to be a good friend. And, you know, all of these incredible qualities that I love about these people in my life, they're loyal. They don't judge me, they don't abandon me. They've loved me at my best, but they've also loved me at my ugliest when I've been snot sopping on the floor, when I've been probably not the best person ever. Like, all of these versions of me, they've Loved me through it, and they've helped me through it. And it's so funny because Ashley and I talk about this sometimes, but she said it to me multiple times. She's so funny. She goes, allie, like, I mean, I just love you more in those moments. She's like, I know. You're, like, not well, and you're like, snot sobbing on the floor, and you're, like, having a panic attack. Not really. I'm never having a panic attack. But she's like, I, like, love you more in those moments. Like, I have so much compassion for you, and I just want to hug you even tighter. And those are Kingdom friendships. Those are people who won't abandon you because their hearts are centered in Christ. Am I saying that friendships in the church are perfect? No. Ashley and I have had our squabbles. We're humans. But whoa, whoa. Is it a contrast from friendships in the world and everything I was getting in the world, but everything I was craving? The answer was actually Jesus, which is crazy. I think it just shows you that everything that we crave, it all goes back to Jesus. Like, you, even me, simply craving genuine friendships and feeling loved by someone and feeling like I wasn't too much. You know, just like all these internal struggles I was having with friendships and maybe even insecurities. It's like, all of those things that I wanted, the answer was just God. Even in me simply wanting fruitful friendships, the answer was Jesus. I had no idea. And I think, you know, when I say that I was like, I was pouring a lot. I mean, even online, there's a lot of what I was doing was I was. I was pouring a lot. And I'm not saying I was a good person. I'm not even saying I was. I had a lot. I had a lot that the Lord needed to work on in my heart. But I do think that it got to a point where I was so exhausted of investing so much in people and never feeling invested in, you know? And so that's been a crazy, crazy revelation for me to physically witness in the way that people love in the church. What the heck? And I don't know about y', all, but sometimes the way that people love in the church, it, like, I don't want to say it scares me, but I'm like, what do you want from me? Why are you being so nice to me? Is that a trauma response? Anyway, nobody diagnosed me, but, yeah, I think at first I was kind of like. Like, I didn't actually think that it existed, but it does because it's just the love of Jesus. So, anyway, those are all the things that the Lord has taught me this year. I think it would be so cool. Okay, I went first. I think it would be so cool now for you guys to do the same thing. I think sometimes, too, it can be easy at this time of the year to feel maybe disappointed in things that didn't happen. Maybe you had certain goals, hopes, dreams, desires. Maybe there was things you thought you'd be productive in. Maybe you thought you would have gained more than you lost. Like, maybe you felt like you lost a lot this year. And sometimes it can get discouraging, especially when we're focusing on all those things, y'. All. So I think what we should do, all of you, I really encourage you all to do that, is to make a list like this, of things that, you know, the Lord has walked you through and he's taught you. And look at just all the fruit. Like, look at all the fruit of what the Lord has done for you in this year. I think that would be a really healthy thing to do. Okay. It encouraged me, actually, because before I really took time to sit down and brainstorm, I was like, what have I even learned this year? God, like, what? Oh, it's so funny. But then once you take the time to just sit still and be silent and let the spirit show you, you're like, oh, yeah, I guess. I guess I really did grow a lot. God, thanks. I guess I really did learn a lot. So, anyway, I challenge you guys to do that. I think it would be really fruitful for you to do. All right, y'. All. Well, I loved this. I loved this. I loved hanging out with you guys. I adore you. I bless you in the name of Jesus. Also, let's just. I. We haven't done this in a minute, actually. I would really love to close this episode in prayer and just bless y' all and bless the rest of your weekend into the next week until I see you next Friday. But let's just pray. Lord, I just lift up my friend on the other side of this podcast, Lord, and I bless them. I pray that whatever it is that they need answers in that you show up for them, God, and you give them those answers. Father, I pray a peace over them in Jesus name. I just plead the blood of Jesus over their mind, over their hearts and their souls, body, spirit, Lord, I just pray for peace over them. And I also ask that they have peace in knowing that this year panned out the way it was supposed to and that if there's any doubt in it. God, I just pray that you speak truth to them and you remind them that your timing is perfect. And so if there's anything that we're waiting on, I know that we're all waiting on something, that we just trust in you. And so, Lord, I pray for just fresh truth. God, I pray for fresh faith and trust in who you are, that you don't drop the ball, you don't forget about us, and you don't make empty promises. Lord, we love you. We thank you for this episode. God, I just bless them as they go about their life. I pray that there's opportunities to spread your love and for them to be used as vessels to just spread your love and truth to the world. God, please use us. I seal this in the name of Jesus. Amen. All right, y', all, I love you. I'm proud of you. Can we do something cool today? Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is? I love y'. All. I'm proud of you. Let's walk more like Jesus. Let's be more like the Lord. And I will see you guys next week. Bye. Are some of y' all still listening? Okay, if you're still here, that means you're a real one, which is why I'm about to share this with you. If you've already caught up on all the episodes so far and you don't want to wait until next Friday for a new one, I have really good news for you. Subscribe to our Patreon to get early access to the episodes every week, early access to merch launches or any other exciting news, and receive personalized encouraging messages or Bible verses from us. Subscribe to Our patreon at www.patreon.com backslash c backslash cwcoi I do also want to mention that there is a way to give to the podcast, so if you ever feel led to donate, it blesses me so much, and it helps allow the podcast to keep running. You can donate to our paypal at www.paypal. me backslash cwcoi we appreciate y' all and we love you so, so much.