Hasan Piker (3:07)

What's up, everybody?

J. Schlatt (3:08)

You got anything silly to say something, just say something really out there.

Hasan Piker (3:11)

I'm here to defend your honor.

J. Schlatt (3:13)

Oh, now that is something that I'm excited to hear mine.

Hasan Piker (3:17)

I'm here to defend your honor. I'm a cool dude. I just, it's chill to be friends with me.

Ted Nivison (3:21)

I'm just going to throw it out there. I don't think you talk about Ted Nivison nearly as much as he talks about you and the things you do together.

Hasan Piker (3:30)

I think you're wrong because you're not watching. In the morning when I'm first, like introducing what I've done throughout the day before I start really working on the stream.

Ted Nivison (3:39)

I played ball with my friend, some may say best friend, Ted Nificon.

Hasan Piker (3:44)

I say I'm balling with my boy, Ted Nificent. Every fucking. Every time we ball.

J. Schlatt (3:50)

This feels like a victory that I have needed on this podcast for a while. I have been beaten down and slapped around by my previous best friend. His name is Tucker. It's like every time I get on set, it's like his lips are just the best ready to suckle on the teat that is J. Schlatt. And you know, I'm just looking for some. I'm looking for a victory here right now.

Hasan Piker (4:16)

You want. I'll take it one step further.

Ted Nivison (4:18)

Okay.

Hasan Piker (4:19)

I have on right now what I call a Ted Nificent fit.

Ted Nivison (4:23)

What?

Hasan Piker (4:23)

Cause the new Ted Nificon, the new Ted Nificent fits are. You know, you got the carpenter denim today.

J. Schlatt (4:29)

I've got the.

Hasan Piker (4:30)

You got like a cool graphic tee.

J. Schlatt (4:31)

But usually I got the Dracula too.

Ted Nivison (4:33)

He likes his shirts.

Hasan Piker (4:34)

This is a very Ted Nificent fit.

J. Schlatt (4:36)

Hell yeah. We got Hasan here. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.

Hasan Piker (5:00)

I'm honored to be here. Guys, this is. I was very upset that you guys did Chuckle Week last time and I was not invited.

J. Schlatt (5:07)

This has been a long time coming. It's pretty much like before even we were in our basketball routine. Hasan. Every time I would see you, you'd be like. It would be something. You'd be like, I'm just feeling a little bit offended, Ted. I'm like, you'd, like, come to me in, like, confidence. You'd be like, ted, I'm just feeling all sad. I'm like, what's wrong? You'd be like, you just have never had me on Chuckle Sandwiches by myself, you know?

Ted Nivison (5:33)

Really?

J. Schlatt (5:33)

Because we. Because we had you. We had you both. You and Wilnaff together on. And the first Chuckle Sandwich.

Hasan Piker (5:38)

And then you invited him back alone. And you did not invite me back, which made me feel some type of way, for understandable reasons.

Ted Nivison (5:46)

Controversial, man. You're controversial.

J. Schlatt (5:50)

Yes.

Ted Nivison (5:50)

I can think of a couple things you've said.

Hasan Piker (5:52)

I don't know what you're talking about.

Ted Nivison (5:53)

Last time I racked my brain, I got nothing on my record.

Hasan Piker (5:57)

Yeah, okay, well, well.

Ted Nivison (6:01)

And Ted, he's. He's as clean as they get. I'm worried about him. I mean, you.

J. Schlatt (6:06)

Listen, I.

Ted Nivison (6:07)

You getting your grubby little hands on him.

J. Schlatt (6:09)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (6:09)

He starts talking about, like, geopolitical issues.

J. Schlatt (6:12)

He brought me on his stream one time, and he had me wear this giant make America great again.

Hasan Piker (6:16)

Oh, yeah, I did that.

J. Schlatt (6:17)

Yeah, it was a giant, like, cowboy. I don't even know. Where did you even get that? Was that sent to you?

Hasan Piker (6:22)

That was. I think. I think Ethan bought it for H3. H3.

J. Schlatt (6:27)

Oh, okay.

Hasan Piker (6:28)

And then I just kind of took a home because I was like, I really like this.

J. Schlatt (6:30)

I need something to show for this.

Hasan Piker (6:32)

Yeah, exactly.

Ted Nivison (6:34)

When I was in college, I had this Reagan Bush 84 shirt. Killer logo. I have Killer logo.

Hasan Piker (6:41)

I have the hat.

Ted Nivison (6:42)

Tucker, look this up. The Reagan bush campaign in 84. Phenomenal. Brandon. They still sell shirts with that logo on it because it just.

Hasan Piker (6:51)

Oh, it's perfect.

Ted Nivison (6:53)

I wore that around college campus. One day, one of the old professors looked at me and said, you know, that's very brave of you, he said. I was like, oh, thank you. Yeah.

J. Schlatt (7:05)

The college you went to was at, like, a particularly liberal school.

Hasan Piker (7:10)

Aren't all colleges?

Ted Nivison (7:11)

Yeah, that's like every college these days. That's fair.

J. Schlatt (7:13)

That's fair. What's the. What's the. Have you gone. You've gone to schools a lot?

Hasan Piker (7:18)

Yeah, I was at USC giving a speech this past Monday.

J. Schlatt (7:23)

Yeah. And rumor has it a lot of people didn't want you there.

Hasan Piker (7:27)

Yeah. I got 27,000 letters sent to USC to stop me from speaking.

J. Schlatt (7:35)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (7:35)

On campus.

J. Schlatt (7:36)

Like physical.

Hasan Piker (7:37)

Like, I think it was like postage. I think it was like an email campaign that. But that's how they presented it.

J. Schlatt (7:42)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (7:43)

They say it's like a letter writing campaign.

Ted Nivison (7:45)

Mountain of actual postmarked letters.

Hasan Piker (7:47)

Yeah, that'd be funny.

Ted Nivison (7:48)

Someone's like the stencil cutouts. Don't let him on one.

Hasan Piker (7:53)

One guy licked 80. I mean, 27,000. 27,000 stamps.

J. Schlatt (7:58)

Wow. USC receives 20k leverage participating on son's talk on campus. Who do you think was leading the charge there? Do you think was leading the charge?

Hasan Piker (8:05)

I know who was leading the charge. It was a. It was a Zionist group, like pro Israel group. That was like, this guy's really bad news. Like, don't let him on. One of the funniest aspects of it, though was they said I got banned off Twitch for saying racial slurs. Which is true.

J. Schlatt (8:20)

I did. Did you?

Hasan Piker (8:21)

Yeah, I did.

Ted Nivison (8:21)

And you said cracker.

Hasan Piker (8:22)

Yeah, that was the racial slur. So they didn't put the racial slur that I said. So they tried to make it seem like I was like right wing, I guess.

J. Schlatt (8:30)

Right? Yeah.

Hasan Piker (8:31)

And everyone was like.

J. Schlatt (8:31)

Like, you just busted out with like the N word.

Hasan Piker (8:33)

Yeah, they're everyone. I mean, luckily the professor was a fan and was like, no, this is not happening. Yeah, it is cool, though. It is. You know, college campus is too woke.

J. Schlatt (8:44)

So how many colleges have you visited?

Hasan Piker (8:47)

Not a lot. I mean, I've been to Ann Arbor, University of Michigan. I've been to a bunch.

J. Schlatt (8:54)

Which one would you say is the most conservative leading or were they all just liberal out there?

Ted Nivison (8:59)

They're all liberal. You're all liberal.

Hasan Piker (9:01)

I think it's entirely dependent on the department because like every college campus, Every college campus has like very, very conservative departments. Specifically, like finance or business. Like usually you're going to get some. You're going to get a lot of right wing guys there.

J. Schlatt (9:17)

Surely they're just fiscally conservative and socially liberal.

Hasan Piker (9:22)

Eh, sometimes. Sometimes. But like, the more stem you go to, the more like they become socially conservative as well. You know, at least like amongst the teachers and whatnot. There's a lot of that. So I always thought it was funny when people are like, oh, dude, college campus is so liberal.

J. Schlatt (9:39)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (9:39)

It's like when I would go. It's like me if I went to a Minecraft server.

Hasan Piker (9:44)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (9:45)

People flip out. They say, no, we can't have you on this Minecraft server.

J. Schlatt (9:49)

Really? Because why is that?

Ted Nivison (9:51)

27,000 tweets come pouring in. Kick him off.

J. Schlatt (9:55)

Oh, I see what we're referencing right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ted Nivison (9:59)

But I cleaned my. I cleaned my image up.

J. Schlatt (10:01)

Yeah, now you're a clean boy now. Yeah, you just, you just. If anything, you're probably the most out there. Shit you say is on this podcast.

Ted Nivison (10:08)

Yeah, because no one fucking watches.

Hasan Piker (10:13)

Not after this episode, bro.

J. Schlatt (10:15)

Here's something I want to talk to you about that I can bring up right now. And I'm going to say, how the fuck are you doing this and not getting tired? Cause I know what your schedule is. Like when we play basketball, me and my friend Hasan who play basketball. Cause I'll show up there at like 9, 9:15. You've already been there since like 8:30 in the morning.

Hasan Piker (10:38)

Yep.

J. Schlatt (10:39)

When do you show up? Like 8 or 8:30?

Hasan Piker (10:41)

8 or around 8:30?

J. Schlatt (10:43)

There was a period. There was a period where your shit breaks. Made it. So you were coming around the same time as me.

Hasan Piker (10:48)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (10:49)

And then I was like, oh, this is normal. I'll come at 9. Now suddenly shows up at know 8:15. I'm like, I'm late. But either way, we play a full thing of basketball. We're tired. He's out of there at 10. He is on stream by 11. And then you stream for eight hours. And then you do it again the next day. And I'm sitting here and I play basketball the time. I'm tired, I'm miserable. I drive home, I'm sweating. I get to my apartment and I like go upstairs. I'm. For 45 minutes. I'm in the shower for 45 minutes. I'm laying in my bed being like, what am I going to do today for 45?

Hasan Piker (11:25)

Like, how.

J. Schlatt (11:25)

How are. How are you doing that?

Ted Nivison (11:28)

Adderall?

Hasan Piker (11:29)

No, it's just I. I run on. I run on a ton of caffeine and nicotine. That's number one. And then number two is I'm so brain broken. Like, I. I really do love talking about politics. So it's not an issue for me at all. Like, I'm so used to that schedule. As a matter of fact, like, I didn't. I took this day off so I could do the Chuckle Sandwich podcast. That's how much I care about this podcast.

J. Schlatt (11:52)

I'm honored. Yeah.

Hasan Piker (11:53)

Yeah. And my friend Ted.

J. Schlatt (11:55)

Yes.

Hasan Piker (11:56)

Care about him a lot.

J. Schlatt (11:56)

Yes.

Hasan Piker (11:57)

Wanted to. Wanted to show up for it.

J. Schlatt (11:59)

Yes. Dude.

Hasan Piker (12:00)

Yeah. You see that? You hear that?

J. Schlatt (12:01)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (12:01)

I'm here to defend his honor.

J. Schlatt (12:03)

There's nothing we need to cover with that. By the way, is. And Tucker, you can, you can say your theory. What? Say your theory. Oh, well, Hassan mentioned that you're wearing the Ted fit.

Hasan Piker (12:11)

Yes.

J. Schlatt (12:12)

We kind of broke this theory the other day. Ted is in his fashion era.

Hasan Piker (12:16)

Oh yeah, he is.

J. Schlatt (12:17)

And it kind of lined up right when you guys really started hanging out. So I was like, wait, you know, he had the rings. I was like, I think this is just Hassan's fashion that Ted starting to wear.

Hasan Piker (12:27)

He looks good.

J. Schlatt (12:29)

I think that's not the point. The point isn't if it's good or not. It's just, where did it originate? And I don't think it originated with you at all. We've barely talked about fashion. Really. It's really like, I'll see you talk about. No, but what will happen is I'll see him at a party. I remember this happened to. I think it was like, it must have been like Brooke's birthday party or something like that. And you showed up and I had a honestly, pretty similar fit to this.

Hasan Piker (12:50)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (12:51)

And you showed up and you were like, that's a good fit. That's a good fit. And I felt really good about that. But it's not like I'm like looking at Hasan and I'm like, how do I make my fit? Your subconscious like Hasan? No, because Hasan. Hasan will wear outfits that I would never think of, nor would I have the confidence to wear. Now that's not a bad thing. It's just, I think it's. I think it's different. I think that I. We can tell the people. I entered my fashion era a little bit separately.

Ted Nivison (13:18)

I'm just tired of my friends. Are you looking perfectly normal?

J. Schlatt (13:23)

You call me a bimbo and then.

Ted Nivison (13:25)

Changing into this flanderized version of them.

J. Schlatt (13:29)

Slanderized.

Ted Nivison (13:29)

Flanderized. Like I don't know where it comes from. Yeah, it's like, you know, like what they did to, you know, slimesicle.

Hasan Piker (13:39)

Yeah. But I don't know what they did to him.

J. Schlatt (13:41)

They turned him into a bimbo.

Ted Nivison (13:42)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (13:43)

Oh, really?

Ted Nivison (13:44)

Like that porno where it's like the, you know that image where the girl with like all the textbooks, she sees a heel on the floor?

J. Schlatt (13:52)

I think that's a porno. That's a meme.

Ted Nivison (13:54)

She puts. Well, I'm sure some people jerk off to it.

J. Schlatt (13:57)

That does. You're. You're like, he's been very porn brained lately. He's like, he's like anything that involves like even Porno.

Ted Nivison (14:06)

She picks up a heater.

J. Schlatt (14:07)

There's something porno, isn't it?

Hasan Piker (14:09)

That's not a porno.

Ted Nivison (14:10)

People are jerking off to that. You're not telling me people aren't jerking off to that.

J. Schlatt (14:14)

People are People. Whose people? Right now? That's. That's the question where you look at.

Hasan Piker (14:18)

That, you go, yowza. That's a woman.

J. Schlatt (14:20)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (14:20)

Is that where you.

J. Schlatt (14:21)

The original was the opposite, but it's a woman who's studious. She's looking at her book. She's like, why am I audios? But she drops. She's like, oops. Bimbo time.

Hasan Piker (14:31)

I think the earliest version of this is, like, the 90s rom com, where, like, the girl, the secretary, like, takes off her glasses and all of a sudd. She's hot.

J. Schlatt (14:40)

Yeah. And honestly, you could also respond to the headline here from the Michigan Daily, where it says, bimbo vacation is a revolutionary act.

Hasan Piker (14:50)

Well, people write too much as a revolutionary. They got to stop writing.

J. Schlatt (14:54)

Would you say that that's. Would you say that that's correct.

Hasan Piker (14:57)

Bimbification is a revolutionary act. I mean, I guess it's like self acceptance. Maybe. That's like, probably the angle that they're.

J. Schlatt (15:02)

Going, society has been holding my bimbo down.

Hasan Piker (15:05)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (15:05)

And I think it's time to get bimbo'd up.

Hasan Piker (15:08)

But he's aesthetic as hell. Like, he has, like, oh, they both look good.

Ted Nivison (15:14)

They both are objectively good looking.

J. Schlatt (15:17)

Yeah. Honestly, the last two replies that Hasan has, like, he's replied to the last two stories of my apartment, and both times he has said aesthetic, and that's it. And I started. I'm starting to realize the pattern. Yeah.

Hasan Piker (15:27)

I mean, it's true, though. You got, like, cool artwork that you place in, like, a cool way.

Ad (15:33)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (15:34)

That's the type of apartment that you go into, and you're like, this guy. This guy's on Pinterest.

Ted Nivison (15:39)

See my place.

Hasan Piker (15:40)

He knows.

Ted Nivison (15:40)

He gets all his furniture ideas from me.

Hasan Piker (15:43)

Really?

Ted Nivison (15:43)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (15:45)

Well, hold on. I got one yesterday from you.

Ted Nivison (15:47)

And you. I sent you the link. You bought it without even looking at it?

J. Schlatt (15:50)

Well, yeah, because you're like, what's that sh.

Ted Nivison (15:52)

That you have behind your couch? Well, because you sent it to him. He's like, 10 seconds later.

J. Schlatt (15:56)

Well, bought it. Well, because I needed furniture. You busted out the tape measure. You measured it for me. You basically did all the work for me. And I was like, okay. He really wanted me to get it.

Ted Nivison (16:04)

I like interior design. I don't really care as much about fashion. This is a. This is a $1.60.

Hasan Piker (16:09)

I like your shorts though.

Ted Nivison (16:11)

Yeah, I like my shorts but like the shirt is just Gildan. This is a $1 shirt. I don't know. Heavyweight, heavyweight. The 5,000 heavy cotton. When it's dirty sometimes I'll just throw them out.

Hasan Piker (16:25)

No, I respect that. I mean I'm doing that right now. This is a Amazon.

Ted Nivison (16:30)

Like Amazon.

Hasan Piker (16:31)

I bought this on Amazon. I don't even know what brand. It's like one of those probably like.

Ted Nivison (16:34)

Five all capital letter. Doesn't even make sense.

Hasan Piker (16:38)

It's like yeah, it's like Chao Gua. But then you're like what the fuck is this brand? Like I don't even know what it is. It's probably like a rip off of like I assume like a three hundred dollar tank top that they're that are making the same factory with with almost the exact same materials. Because like how much variety can you get out of a fucking tank?

J. Schlatt (16:57)

Just one of them is white label made in Portugal instead of and so Vietnam.

Hasan Piker (17:03)

So yeah, no, I do that too for sure. Like I don't think there's any need for. You just got to have some pieces that complement one.

Ted Nivison (17:12)

I don't like pieces though. That's my thing.

J. Schlatt (17:14)

You don't like this? This was new. This is a new piece for me this year. I mean really, like since January I started wearing the rings.

Ted Nivison (17:21)

I, I've tried with watches. I can't get into watches. I can't, I'm definitely not, I'm definitely not doing rings bracelets just feel strange to me.

Hasan Piker (17:29)

I'm not a watch guy at all. I don't, I don't really. I mean it's fine.

J. Schlatt (17:33)

Like I get it, you're an apple watch guy.

Hasan Piker (17:35)

Yeah, I have an apple watch. But that's only for like fitness related reasons.

J. Schlatt (17:39)

Like I'll.

Hasan Piker (17:40)

I'll meticulously track the amount of calories.

Ted Nivison (17:43)

The ultra.

Hasan Piker (17:44)

I don't know.

J. Schlatt (17:45)

Here's the thing though. I don't know how accurate is because.

Ted Nivison (17:47)

We had a friend that was mountaineering.

J. Schlatt (17:50)

Do you know how accurate that is? Because we had a friend that was working on his car. Yeah, he said he burned like 3,000 calories but he's out of shape. So is it like skewed because of heart rate?

Hasan Piker (17:58)

How long did he work on the car for?

J. Schlatt (18:00)

I don't know, a few hours. But if like a heavy person or an out of shape person goes up the stairs and so does a light person that weighs the same or like not a light person in shape person, one of them is out of breath. One isn't yet.

Hasan Piker (18:14)

The person that's out of breath is most likely like, they're. They're demonstrating fatigue. Higher. So they're probably. They're probably like. The watch tracks it off of your heart rate.

J. Schlatt (18:24)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (18:25)

So obviously it's not like 100%, but I just use it as like a good. Like, I use it as a good estimate. For the most part. I don't really. I'm not like, oh, I burned a thousand calories. Now I can have a thousand calories of food or anything like that.

J. Schlatt (18:40)

That's how I do it.

Hasan Piker (18:41)

Yeah, that's not how you're supposed to do it. Oh, yeah.

J. Schlatt (18:44)

But don't you love breaking even, though? And it's like, oh, I can get a little sloppy. No, I can order Chris and Eddie's.

Hasan Piker (18:50)

What is Chris and Eddie?

J. Schlatt (18:51)

It's a burger place. Delicious.

Hasan Piker (18:54)

I bet.

J. Schlatt (18:54)

When was the last time you had a burger? Last time you had something you enjoyed?

Hasan Piker (18:58)

I had a. I. I enjoy. I enjoy food all the time. I actually recently had. I've been looking for a Japanese curry place in LA that is like, close to. Yeah. As close to, like, Japanese curry in Japan. And I found it. I'm a gatekeeper, though. Sorry. Sorry. Chuckle Sandwich AUDIENCE Today's episode of Chuckle.

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Ted Nivison (21:38)

Blue nile.com Baby, sometimes I'll, like, say 10 prayers and then jerk off.

Hasan Piker (21:44)

What, to lose weight? Like what?

Ted Nivison (21:47)

No, because like you were saying, like, you eat like you do. You burn a thousand calories and then you eat something nice.

Hasan Piker (21:56)

Oh, it's like. It's like religious debt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't.

Ted Nivison (22:01)

Yeah, you burn a thousand calories and you eat. I thought you were just saying whatever the.

J. Schlatt (22:08)

I thought you were just saying. I thought you just had a moment where you're like, we're not talking about me jerking off enough. I gotta fucking say this. It came out.

Ted Nivison (22:16)

This was relevant.

J. Schlatt (22:17)

Yeah, no, I get I understand the relevancy. We unpacked that well.

Hasan Piker (22:21)

It's God debt, I guess.

Ted Nivison (22:23)

God debt?

Hasan Piker (22:24)

Yeah. It's good.

J. Schlatt (22:24)

God, dad?

Hasan Piker (22:25)

Yeah. Are you. You're not Catholic?

Ted Nivison (22:27)

I'm Catholic, yeah.

Hasan Piker (22:28)

Oh, you are Catholic.

J. Schlatt (22:28)

This is a Catholic podcast.

Hasan Piker (22:29)

You don't even need to. Bro. You don't even need to, like, say prayers.

Ted Nivison (22:33)

I thought you just need to accept them.

Hasan Piker (22:35)

Yeah, I thought you just go to the priest and you're like, sorry, Father, I have sinned. Like, I jerked off. Have you guys done. Do you do confessions?

J. Schlatt (22:41)

Yeah, I haven't done confessions in so long that I actually got denied communion at the. At the funeral of my aunt, actually.

Hasan Piker (22:50)

Wait, really?

J. Schlatt (22:51)

So I've told this story on the podcast before, but basically it was a funeral at a Catholic church from my aunt who had died this spring. And there was an option to go up and take communion, and I hadn't done it in a while, but I've gotten confirmed and stuff with the Catholic Church. So I was like, all right, man. It's getting buried and stuff. I should do this. It's a respectful thing to do. I go up there, and there's a process when you go and get communion where you say amen.

Ted Nivison (23:16)

That's the process.

J. Schlatt (23:17)

Okay. Yeah. You go up there, the story. That's great. Thank you.

Ted Nivison (23:20)

You get the bread, and you say amen.

J. Schlatt (23:22)

Okay. Basically, I'm. We're waiting in line, and people are saying something. He's saying something. The priest is saying something. They're saying something back. And I'm like, holy. I don't know what I'm actually supposed to say. And I'm, like, trying to listen. And I'm leaning in kind of behind, like, getting up behind my godfather, and I'm, like, trying to, you know, like, hear what he's saying, trying to copy his notes. Guy comes up to him, he goes, the body and blood, Christ. And I say, thanks be to Jesus. And the guy looks back at me and he's like. And I actually. I go. And I try to reach. They're supposed to place in your hand. I go and reach for it. I reached for it. And he's. And he holds it back for me, the little piece of bread, Communion bread. And he's like, have you received before? And I was like, it's been a while. And then he puts it back in the chalice and covers it with his hand, and he says, like, may the Lord be with you. And I'm like, like, okay. And I walk away. And I got denied communion. This guy was a Piece of. Though he was balding, he looked like he.

Hasan Piker (24:17)

He looked like.

Ted Nivison (24:18)

There's no way to speak of a priest.

J. Schlatt (24:19)

Well, I know, but there are beautiful balding people. But this guy was balding in a. In a negative way. Like it was. He was bawling because he had sinned or something. And he was like evil looking and he was like. He was like egotistical. The fact that he was a priest, like, he was like, I. I'm gonna. This is my show. They didn't. They also. There was. We wanted to do two eulogies. He only let us do one because of like, for time. And it was like, like, our family member's dead.

Hasan Piker (24:51)

It says if you're denied communion in the Catholic Church, maybe because you are not in a state of grace or because you have committed a serious sin.

Ted Nivison (24:58)

And that's the Google AI overview.

Hasan Piker (25:01)

Wait a minute. Is this grave sin or excommunication?

J. Schlatt (25:04)

He's not a clairvoyant. It's not like he looked into my eyes and saw me kill a kid. Like, like.

Ted Nivison (25:10)

It's just you watching Kimmy Grinch.

J. Schlatt (25:13)

I just didn't say. I just didn't say the password. I just didn't say the right.

Hasan Piker (25:18)

Amen.

Ted Nivison (25:18)

Yes, amen. It feels like most popular word at the entire service.

J. Schlatt (25:23)

Okay, listen, man, I thought it was a little bit more complicated because then they've got other monologues.

Hasan Piker (25:28)

Can you go back to that previous one? There was something I wanted to read. There it is A penalty imposed for very serious matters such as apostasy, desecrating the Eucharist.

J. Schlatt (25:40)

I'm not. I'm not shitting on the Eucharist.

Hasan Piker (25:42)

Did you desecrate the Eucharist?

J. Schlatt (25:43)

No, I didn't. I'm not. Basically, I'm not. No, no Feast.

Ted Nivison (25:46)

You basically did by trying to accept it when you were unfit.

J. Schlatt (25:50)

Listen, ok, the. It's have not confessed. Like if you haven't gone to confession in a while, which is when you get in that little box with them.

Ted Nivison (25:59)

If you miss Easter, you don't go to mass on Easter or Christmas. I think those are the two you have to be there for. It might just be Easter. It might just be Easter. But yes, I go. I'll go to service on the big ones. The big two?

Hasan Piker (26:12)

Yeah, the big two. Easter and Christmas.

Ted Nivison (26:15)

I'll get my palms. I'll get the little.

J. Schlatt (26:18)

He's keeping up the day. He's keeping up the day.

Ted Nivison (26:19)

But if you don't go to there, if you miss those. That's a big dude. I'm telling you, that's a big thing to miss.

J. Schlatt (26:25)

When I get rich, I'm gonna buy that church. I'm gonna put a Chuck E. Cheese where it is.

Ted Nivison (26:29)

That's not a funny thing to say, dude.

Hasan Piker (26:32)

You're getting. Yeah, you're. Now I get why you got denied communion.

Ted Nivison (26:35)

What are you, the amazing atheist?

Hasan Piker (26:37)

That's.

J. Schlatt (26:38)

I'm not.

Hasan Piker (26:40)

I'm agnostic.

J. Schlatt (26:41)

I'm the amazing agnostic that wants to build up the Chuck E. Cheese brand. Do you know that there's still 600 Chuck E. Cheese's in the United States?

Hasan Piker (26:49)

I have not seen one in a very long time.

J. Schlatt (26:52)

I don't know, there must be a state where they're just hoarding all of them or something.

Hasan Piker (26:55)

It's gotta be. It's gotta be the five burn. The burner states. Yeah, the burner states, like the ones that have the nuclear silos. So they just.

J. Schlatt (27:03)

You think that there's 600 Chuck Jesus in South Dakota?

Hasan Piker (27:06)

Yeah, they just. They have it in the. In the five states that are the nuclear silos that are considered the nuclear sponge. Imagine living in fucking Montana and then you see a TikTok where the guy's like, hey, by the way, the American government considers you to be a sponge for nukes. That's why we put the silos there. So they don't get. So that like the big city centers don't get hit.

J. Schlatt (27:26)

I mean, if you. If it makes sense.

Hasan Piker (27:29)

No, I get it. Yeah, it's like Wyoming, Montana, Colorado, I think, and then two other states that I don't even fucking remember.

J. Schlatt (27:36)

They get their two senators, but they also get their nukes.

Hasan Piker (27:39)

Yeah, yeah, you're. You're just. You're just sitting there like, oh, I love going to Chuck E. Cheese. Why are there like eight Chuck E. Cheeses in the same mall?

Ted Nivison (27:47)

Nukes in my backyard running on floppy disks. You gotta type in 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 every hour. Yeah, but I guess I say launch, but.

J. Schlatt (27:58)

Yeah, I guess I guess I'm a bit of a sinner or whatever, but.

Hasan Piker (28:00)

You know, at least you're not gonna get nuked.

J. Schlatt (28:03)

I still think that I choose to live my life in an honorable way. So if there was a spirit or some sort of higher entity out there, I think I would be treated somewhat favorably. I think I try to do best in my life. Were you raised religious? In any shape or form?

Hasan Piker (28:18)

No.

Ted Nivison (28:19)

Wikipedia said you were raised Muslim. We looked at your page.

Hasan Piker (28:23)

Yeah, I am. But like, not Muslim in the same way that he's Catholic. You know what I mean.

J. Schlatt (28:28)

Okay, which. Which. Which denomination of Islam?

Hasan Piker (28:32)

Sunni?

J. Schlatt (28:34)

Sunni. Yeah.

Hasan Piker (28:35)

Most Turks.

J. Schlatt (28:35)

Which one is that? Is that the uncle or the son?

Hasan Piker (28:38)

It's. I think it's the sun. I don't know. I don't even know because.

J. Schlatt (28:43)

Because the whole thing is when Muhammad died, there was, like, two sects that broke off. One was, like, the son or, like, grandson or something of Muhammad, and the other was like. Like the uncle or brother or something of.

Hasan Piker (28:54)

That's the Shia. Yeah, but I. I don't even know. But it's just. That's. The majority of Turks, for the most part, are Sunni Muslims.

J. Schlatt (29:04)

Okay. Yeah, Gotcha.

Ted Nivison (29:06)

I liked how you said that. What, Sunni?

Hasan Piker (29:10)

Sunni. Yeah, that's how you say it.

J. Schlatt (29:13)

So how do you say your name accurately?

Hasan Piker (29:15)

Hasan. Duan Picard.

J. Schlatt (29:18)

Hasan.

Hasan Piker (29:19)

No, no.

J. Schlatt (29:20)

Okay.

Hasan Piker (29:20)

Hasan.

J. Schlatt (29:21)

Hasan.

Hasan Piker (29:22)

Duan.

J. Schlatt (29:23)

Duan.

Hasan Piker (29:23)

Piquer.

J. Schlatt (29:24)

Piquer.

Hasan Piker (29:25)

I've never. I've never cared. Like. I know, I know. Hassan. Right? So it doesn't really matter to me.

J. Schlatt (29:30)

Hassan. Piquer. I feel like Piquer is Piquer.

Hasan Piker (29:35)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (29:36)

Piquer is not, like, an incredibly difficult last name to say.

Hasan Piker (29:40)

No, it's not. It's. It's also.

J. Schlatt (29:42)

And they can.

Hasan Piker (29:43)

My grandfather chose because it was like a surname.

J. Schlatt (29:46)

This is what people would end up saying.

Hasan Piker (29:47)

I think the OG Last name is Bikirulu. But that's, like, a very common last name. Son of Bikir. And.

J. Schlatt (29:54)

And who is Be. Care.

Hasan Piker (29:57)

I don't know. Some guy. I think the Arabic won't pronounce it. Oh, I'm good, thank you.

J. Schlatt (30:01)

No, you're not. I drove a little bit.

Ted Nivison (30:03)

You're gonna be here for, like, three more hours, man.

J. Schlatt (30:06)

Yeah. The Benedictine drink from the chalice of truth. This is the. This is the fountain of youth right here.

Hasan Piker (30:10)

That actually doesn't tape bad at all.

Ted Nivison (30:11)

Well, yeah, it's my favorite. Neat, dude.

Hasan Piker (30:15)

Very good.

J. Schlatt (30:16)

Yeah. It's his apple juice.

Hasan Piker (30:17)

I get that. Yeah. I think the Arabic version of it is bakr. Oh, and then, like, Abu. Yeah, exactly. I'm a bucket.

Ted Nivison (30:31)

Like the terrorist.

Hasan Piker (30:35)

Very popular guy.

J. Schlatt (30:36)

It's just. It came out. It came out. I'm not saying that we both got one strike.

Hasan Piker (30:42)

Yeah, no, we definitely even take offense to that because you know.

J. Schlatt (30:46)

You know why I think of it, though? I think of it. I think of Abu Bakr al Baghdadi because of the shmo. Yo ho songify the news.

Hasan Piker (30:53)

Where.

J. Schlatt (30:53)

There's the part where they go, abu Bakr Al Baghdadi. Abu Bakr. Abu Dhabi.

Hasan Piker (30:59)

Okay, that's. Now I'm taking it back you're not helping.

J. Schlatt (31:03)

Because it's just news segments that they're like that they're using Melodyne. You don't like. You don't appreciate what you don't.

Hasan Piker (31:10)

Just around.

J. Schlatt (31:11)

Well, you're stressing me out as my basketball buddy.

Hasan Piker (31:14)

Yeah, I'm. I'm trying. I'm trying to defend you, Ted. I know you are.

J. Schlatt (31:17)

And I'm just talking about singing about Al, man.

Hasan Piker (31:21)

Yeah, yeah. How long are you out here for, Slat?

Ted Nivison (31:25)

Until we film with and then I leave.

Hasan Piker (31:29)

Oh, nice. Okay, when is this episode going to come out?

J. Schlatt (31:33)

We don't know what the order of these episodes are going to be.

Hasan Piker (31:35)

Okay.

J. Schlatt (31:36)

We're thinking at least four weeks now.

Ted Nivison (31:39)

Yeah, it's. It's. So the podcast is going to end after this.

Hasan Piker (31:43)

Oh, really?

Ted Nivison (31:43)

Yeah, I'm retiring.

Hasan Piker (31:47)

Busy schedule you got. Why are you retiring? You lazy?

Ted Nivison (31:51)

Because I spent. I spent too much time on this.

J. Schlatt (31:55)

It's such a funny.

Ted Nivison (31:56)

And I'm tired.

Hasan Piker (31:58)

Where we are some of the most. Like, we are some of the most privileged people on the planet. Dude. It's crazy. I think about that a lot. Where I'm like, we're so goddamn lucky.

J. Schlatt (32:10)

I have been interested in what he means when he says that he's going to retire. You're 25.

Ted Nivison (32:16)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (32:16)

You just started. You just finished cooking.

Ted Nivison (32:20)

Cooking?

J. Schlatt (32:20)

Yeah. Your brain, like, you just grew up.

Ted Nivison (32:23)

I want to try something new.

Hasan Piker (32:25)

Yeah. What are you. Yeah.

J. Schlatt (32:26)

What does that mean?

Hasan Piker (32:27)

What are you going to try?

J. Schlatt (32:28)

I don't know.

Ted Nivison (32:29)

And figure it out.

J. Schlatt (32:31)

Yeah, like. I don't know. Like what? Like polo? Like the horse riding game.

Ted Nivison (32:36)

Maybe tennis.

J. Schlatt (32:38)

Okay, tennis.

Ted Nivison (32:39)

Maybe ssx. Tricky.

J. Schlatt (32:41)

You have been trying that. You ever played that game? No. You ever have a GameCube growing up?

Hasan Piker (32:45)

No, I did not.

J. Schlatt (32:46)

Oh. Well, if you're looking to. If you're looking to know how quality a GameCube was, you can check out Tucker Keen's new video, the Everlasting charm of the GameCube, which is probably an older video now. Tucker might even have a video, a new video out after that at this point. But he just finished his second video ever on YouTube.

Hasan Piker (33:04)

Congratulations.

J. Schlatt (33:05)

Thanks. Can you say that. Wait, can you do that again, but act like you care?

Hasan Piker (33:09)

Congratulations.

J. Schlatt (33:10)

There you go. Thank you. Oh, my God. I appreciate it. Authentic.

Hasan Piker (33:15)

Yeah. Was that good?

J. Schlatt (33:16)

Yeah, no, that was good.

Hasan Piker (33:17)

I'm a professional. Okay. You can cut that. You can fucking slap on whatever you want. I got it.

J. Schlatt (33:22)

Yeah, put like one of those. Like that kawhi. Like the good cut. And I'll put that as a short yeah, and that'll be my advertisement right there.

Hasan Piker (33:30)

There you go. There it is.

J. Schlatt (33:31)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (33:32)

What's. What's the name of your channel?

J. Schlatt (33:33)

Tucker Keane. My name.

Hasan Piker (33:35)

Okay.

J. Schlatt (33:35)

He's rocking the same situation I did.

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Hasan Piker (37:05)

Dude, I think honestly, we fucked up. Like, if I had the opportunity to go back in time and like use a alternate name and maybe not even show my face, I'd probably do it.

J. Schlatt (37:16)

Really? You'd be a faceless YouTuber or potentially, yeah. Would you be a Vtuber?

Hasan Piker (37:21)

I guess. Like, I could do a Vtuber style political commentary that'd be real unique.

Ted Nivison (37:25)

You'd make way less Money though.

Hasan Piker (37:27)

Really?

J. Schlatt (37:28)

VTubers make a lot of money. I feel like there's recent evidence to show that VTubers can be very successful.

Hasan Piker (37:32)

Yeah. Iron Mouse.

J. Schlatt (37:34)

Iron Mouse just passed the most subscribed channel of all time.

Ted Nivison (37:36)

No one's going to take a fucking cartoon.

J. Schlatt (37:38)

Talking about, well, that's a person.

Ted Nivison (37:41)

Well, if they're not a cartoon, politics. What are you going to have a fucking Vtuber on? Tucker Carlson, dude, I know.

J. Schlatt (37:46)

Imagine. Imagine you're in one of those rectangular tangles on one of the news networks.

Hasan Piker (37:50)

Just like, bro, I think. I think the fact that they invited me to the DNC or did like a documentary where I was featured on CNN alone is insane. I'm a freaking Twitch streamer. Who the fuck knows about what that is, you know what I mean? So maybe I could do that for V tubing.

J. Schlatt (38:05)

I don't know. I would argue that like, you know what, maybe that would be twitch in an online space. Like, isn't it like YouTube is like one of the top streaming platforms now, like in terms of like, like actual space in the, in the. In the streaming space overall, like YouTube has like a sizable chunk.

Hasan Piker (38:20)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (38:21)

Yeah. I mean, I feel like. I feel like as the years go on, our jobs are going to become like, we're so used to saying that. Like we're. We're like f tier celebrities or whatever, but the people that probably come after us are probably going to have way more sort of pull than. I mean, TV networks will be dead.

Hasan Piker (38:39)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (38:40)

It'll be. It'll be like a whole different ballgame.

Hasan Piker (38:42)

You know, both of you are now old. Like, you're kind of old now.

Ted Nivison (38:46)

And I get noticed way more than I want to outside.

J. Schlatt (38:50)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (38:50)

You know, which is zero. I'm glad I did because I think I was reaching the end of my shtick being a voice, playing Minecraft.

J. Schlatt (39:00)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (39:00)

Open a lot of doors. But.

J. Schlatt (39:02)

Oh yeah, the amount of stuff that you've done with when. Since you face was real has been huge.

Hasan Piker (39:05)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (39:05)

And I've kept these on my face for years and years and years. So when I retire soon and I shaved them off.

J. Schlatt (39:12)

Are you going to shave them off when you retire?

Ted Nivison (39:14)

Then I'll be unrecognizable and I can walk around freely.

Hasan Piker (39:17)

Brilliant.

Ted Nivison (39:17)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (39:18)

Smart.

J. Schlatt (39:18)

Are you actually going to shave them off when you retire?

Hasan Piker (39:20)

Oh, yeah.

J. Schlatt (39:20)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (39:20)

They're coming off.

Hasan Piker (39:21)

Yeah. No one will notice you because you're so unnoticeable as a presence. Exactly. People are just going to be like, that's just a six foot five dude.

Ted Nivison (39:30)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (39:30)

Just like anybody else, dude.

J. Schlatt (39:32)

I can't imagine what it's going to be like. You better send me a photo. When you shave them off, I'll be gone, man. What do you mean?

Ted Nivison (39:38)

I will delete my Discord account. I mean, it's. It's. I'm logging off pretty much for good.

Hasan Piker (39:45)

I don't believe that.

J. Schlatt (39:46)

Well, you're not gonna talk to me anymore after you retire.

Hasan Piker (39:48)

No, I don't believe that either.

J. Schlatt (39:52)

Such a insane, cold thing to say.

Ted Nivison (39:56)

What's insane?

J. Schlatt (39:57)

Because I. We're friends.

Ted Nivison (39:58)

We're colleagues.

J. Schlatt (40:00)

Oh my God. That's. That hurts.

Ted Nivison (40:02)

This is crazy.

Hasan Piker (40:03)

That's a bit crazy.

Ted Nivison (40:05)

What's crazy about it?

Hasan Piker (40:06)

What do you mean?

Ted Nivison (40:06)

We work together. We. Most of our time is spent together. Working disqualifies us as his colleagues.

Hasan Piker (40:11)

He bought your furniture that you suggested. That's not colleague behavior. That's friend behavior.

Ted Nivison (40:16)

Yeah, that was a business expense.

J. Schlatt (40:18)

What about pubg? What about pubg?

Ted Nivison (40:20)

What about pubg? We played it once.

J. Schlatt (40:21)

That's because that's how we could get you in. When you're. When you're retired, you'll have a lot of free time.

Ted Nivison (40:25)

That's true.

J. Schlatt (40:25)

We'll have a lot, Daisy.

Ted Nivison (40:27)

Yeah, I will need people to play Daisy. But we'll have to like, we'll do some role play where we meet each other new and like you don't know. You feel like you don't know why.

J. Schlatt (40:35)

You make it so you want to.

Ted Nivison (40:37)

Re meet me and then my government name and.

J. Schlatt (40:40)

Okay.

Hasan Piker (40:40)

What happened?

J. Schlatt (40:41)

Why?

Hasan Piker (40:42)

Well, I mean, I get it. I get why you want to do some other shit, but I just doubt that you're going to quit cold turkey.

Ted Nivison (40:48)

No, I think my retirement looks like me streaming dayz and.

Hasan Piker (40:54)

Or you're going to pull a ninja. You're going to pull a ninja.

Ted Nivison (40:57)

Doing my Call of Duty commentary.

J. Schlatt (40:58)

Check. Here's what I think it is. Can I. Can I say what my theory is? What is it's less of a retirement and more of a release from. From his feeling. Like it's a release from a certain feeling that Schlatt is dealing with right now, which is that he has to do what works as opposed to what he wants. So he's so in him making this retirement thing, it's like he is breaking his chains, you know, it's like that chain breaking image, you know? Would you say that that's generally accurate?

Ted Nivison (41:31)

Yeah. But I'll still be reacting.

Hasan Piker (41:33)

Oh, yeah. Oh, thank God.

J. Schlatt (41:36)

I was worried, but I was like.

Ted Nivison (41:38)

Damn, I gotta pay the bills.

Hasan Piker (41:40)

Yeah. No, I was. That's why I was saying. You're not gonna stop.

Ted Nivison (41:43)

No.

Hasan Piker (41:44)

I was also asking for my sanity, you know what I mean? I was like, is he still gonna look at people's rooms and review those.

Ted Nivison (41:50)

Tick tocks and curse?

Hasan Piker (41:51)

Tick tocks. Yeah.

Ted Nivison (41:52)

What could you do without those?

J. Schlatt (41:53)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (41:54)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (41:54)

But like stuff like this where it's like a rec project. Like Chuckle Sandwich is not something that is. I don't think you're.

Ted Nivison (42:01)

It's not like a lot. Yeah. It's not like my long term.

J. Schlatt (42:04)

Yeah. Plan. Yeah. It's not like we're. I don't think there wasn't anything that went wrong with chocolate sandwich right now. It's like.

Hasan Piker (42:10)

Okay, why are you guys talking about it like something. I feel like. I feel like a divorce is happening. My mom and dad are divorcing I'm in the fucking dinner table.

J. Schlatt (42:16)

It's not like something really bad happened and that it can't be solved at all. I mean, it's not like something so. So horrible, so tragic.

Hasan Piker (42:22)

So was I responsible? I'm sorry.

J. Schlatt (42:25)

No, it's okay.

Hasan Piker (42:25)

I mean, what about you?

Ted Nivison (42:27)

We go way back. Like there's no bad blood here. I thought you had a jerk off.

J. Schlatt (42:31)

Yeah, he did. He taught me how to jerk off. And we. And we. And we both came at the same time. Like the Disney intro.

Ted Nivison (42:36)

You came a little before.

J. Schlatt (42:37)

That's why the fireworks come up at different.

Ted Nivison (42:39)

But I will say that probably sent me over the edge.

J. Schlatt (42:43)

Yeah, that was just making out, dude. This is much more than challengers.

Hasan Piker (42:46)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (42:47)

And there was no chick. There was no chick.

Hasan Piker (42:50)

Just straight. Just straight up gay.

J. Schlatt (42:52)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (42:53)

I respect it.

J. Schlatt (42:54)

No discovery. Okay, Discovery. And what about you?

Hasan Piker (42:59)

What about me?

J. Schlatt (43:00)

What? Do you think you would retire?

Hasan Piker (43:01)

I'm not retired. I'm dying on camera probably.

J. Schlatt (43:05)

That's crazy.

Hasan Piker (43:06)

Yeah, Like Larry King, he didn't really die on camera, but we used to joke about that.

J. Schlatt (43:12)

No, he died recently.

Hasan Piker (43:13)

He died like a couple years ago.

J. Schlatt (43:15)

Yeah. Larry King is dead?

Hasan Piker (43:16)

Yeah, me and my uncle used to. Me and my uncle.

Ted Nivison (43:19)

Wait, he's Larry David.

J. Schlatt (43:20)

Wait, he died in 2021.

Hasan Piker (43:22)

Couple years ago, he.

J. Schlatt (43:24)

I swear to God, he was still doing his little podcast.

Hasan Piker (43:26)

He fucking loved it, dude. He lived for it. I mean, this motherfucker was like on Roku at the. By the end of his career, it's like Roku. I don't know what he was on, but you know what? I mean, it was like one of those. He was on Queeby or some shit where you're like, dude, just give it up. You have like a gorillion dollars.

J. Schlatt (43:43)

Guys, it's for the level finding out that Larry, bro, look at his spouses, yo. Frida Miller and that K. Alene Atkins. Wait, two different times they got married. Mickey's suit Fin.

Hasan Piker (43:56)

Did he. Did he switch it up?

J. Schlatt (43:58)

Sharon Lepore. Julie Alexander. Sean Southwest.

Ted Nivison (44:02)

Wait, Sean, he turned gay, right?

J. Schlatt (44:05)

It could be a woman, Sean.

Hasan Piker (44:07)

Oh, that's not.

J. Schlatt (44:08)

Assume the gender.

Hasan Piker (44:09)

That's old school.

J. Schlatt (44:10)

Back in the day, look up Sean Southwick. Okay, back in the day, 20 years.

Hasan Piker (44:14)

Back in the day, women used to be named like men names. Oh, that's some old.

J. Schlatt (44:19)

I told you.

Hasan Piker (44:20)

Damn. She's aa ya.

J. Schlatt (44:24)

She dead too? No, she's 64n.

Hasan Piker (44:26)

She's living good right now. She's living. Laita Loca with the Larry K. She's the one who landed on the.

J. Schlatt (44:32)

They divorced, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two years before he died.

Hasan Piker (44:36)

She really missed out.

J. Schlatt (44:37)

He's got five children, dude.

Hasan Piker (44:39)

She could have held off for two extra years.

J. Schlatt (44:41)

Well, they were married for 20 years, though. Married 1997. Separated in 2019.

Ted Nivison (44:46)

Dude.

Hasan Piker (44:46)

Oh, he died from co.

J. Schlatt (44:47)

He married and divorced this chick twice. Yeah, they tried it. They tried it for two years and then they tried it for five years.

Hasan Piker (44:55)

Make it work, dude.

Ted Nivison (44:56)

That's a lot of people that take half your money over and over again. He just kept.

J. Schlatt (45:01)

He seems like the kind of guy to make a. Get a, you know, get a prenup. Yeah, he seems like a prenup kind of guy. Probably by the. After the third one, he's like.

Hasan Piker (45:10)

He's like, h, bro, that's so many marriages. Like, at a certain point you got to be like, all right, this is not working out, man.

J. Schlatt (45:17)

Can you imagine being active from Schlatt? Can you imagine being active from 1956?

Ted Nivison (45:21)

I haven't been active one year in my life.

Hasan Piker (45:25)

He's got. He's got too much jerk off, that dude. He's got a. Yeah, yeah. He's got to praise God. But yeah, he just like, he really loved it. You know, that was his. That was his whole thing. He's just like, I don't give a. Where you put me. Put a camera in front of me and I will chirp and it.

J. Schlatt (45:43)

And is that not kind of like the same sort of thought process that maybe like, I don't know, like Joe Biden had? Yeah, he probably just loves it.

Ted Nivison (45:53)

Yeah, he loves so much.

Hasan Piker (45:54)

He really does.

J. Schlatt (45:55)

He.

Hasan Piker (45:55)

Those are the two things. He loves being president in Israel. Those are the two things that he loves the most. And my God, he's going to do it. He's going to do both.

J. Schlatt (46:05)

I just can't imagine being a politician like that, like, to be. I feel like in terms of content or like the online space, you're probably the closest thing to being a politician, I'm sorry to say.

Hasan Piker (46:16)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (46:16)

In case that upsets you. Well, because I feel like a whole. A big part of the politician is like. As opposed to like someone who's just like mainly in entertainment is that like you are like really putting yourself to like, opening yourself up to like the full vitriol of like the human condition. Like, people hate. Like, people will take their life position and where they are in their life and they will be like, this is your fault. Fault.

Hasan Piker (46:41)

Yeah, you know? No, for sure. In some ways. No, you're absolutely right. And in some ways I feel like people do that even more with, like, Twitch streaming, which is funny because, like, I play no role in anybody's life. I'm not legislating, but. Because they can't actually reach the politician. But you can reach me by just, like, waiting 10 minutes after following me in my chat. So they unload everything onto me as though I'm the one responsible for it.

J. Schlatt (47:06)

Yeah. Yeah.

Hasan Piker (47:07)

So, yeah, you're not wrong. They do do that a lot. And I'll just catch strays randomly from random fucking people who are just like, fuck this guy.

J. Schlatt (47:16)

Yeah. It feels like the most unreasonable way to go to try to make money. Like, people who go into politics to, like, you know, get.

Ted Nivison (47:23)

Nancy Pelosi's making some good trades recently.

J. Schlatt (47:25)

Well, I know, but, like, the trades and stuff recently, but it's like. I don't know. That seems like a bit of a stressful way to try to make money, you know, I think the money comes after. I think the love of the game starts it. You think so?

Hasan Piker (47:36)

No, I think a lot of these people are freaks. Like, straight up. Like, I think they're just, like, gross little cretins that are like, I love power.

J. Schlatt (47:44)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (47:45)

I love having it. And then they just, like.

J. Schlatt (47:47)

Like they got bullied in high school, and it's like, wait till I take away your rights.

Hasan Piker (47:50)

Yeah, I. I don't. Like. I don't think that any of them. I mean, some of them maybe got in it for the love of the game, and then very quickly they find out, like, oh, no, no. This is. I got a taste of this power, and I like it. But, yeah, no, I. I think that they're mostly gross little freaks.

J. Schlatt (48:09)

Oh, okay.

Hasan Piker (48:09)

I hate them.

J. Schlatt (48:11)

All of them.

Hasan Piker (48:12)

A lot of. Most of them.

J. Schlatt (48:13)

Who's your favorite politician?

Ted Nivison (48:15)

Yang?

Hasan Piker (48:16)

No, that guy. I mean, he's also. He's also a loser. You know what I mean? Why? Has he been on Chuckle Week or something? What the.

J. Schlatt (48:24)

He follows me on Twitter.

Ted Nivison (48:25)

He follows me, too.

Hasan Piker (48:26)

Yeah, I'm Whatever.

Ted Nivison (48:27)

Look up Andrew Yang chicken soup.

Hasan Piker (48:29)

He probably follows. Like, he's probably one of those follow for follow guys, though. Like, he probably has, like, thousands of people that he follows.

J. Schlatt (48:35)

Yeah. Like.

Hasan Piker (48:41)

Why do you. See, this is what I mean. Bad instinct. Bad instincts, dog. Why you post that? That's why he lost the mayoral race in New York.

J. Schlatt (48:54)

That's some chunky chicken soup, too.

Ted Nivison (48:57)

There's three forks in it.

Hasan Piker (49:01)

I mean, when you look at the amount of chicken in there, you do need a.

J. Schlatt (49:04)

He definitely. Well, he definitely put that chicken in. I was like, I got to shred this up. So he's got. He's got a couple.

Ted Nivison (49:08)

There's my Minecraft skin. Wait, what?

Hasan Piker (49:14)

The Love life of J. Schlatt, Andrew.

J. Schlatt (49:16)

Yang and a bowl of chicken.

Ted Nivison (49:19)

Is this a video essay? Wow. How many episodes this person doing to me?

Hasan Piker (49:26)

When did they stop? When they realized that the algo was not picking it up. I suspect generic leftist variety.

J. Schlatt (49:32)

YouTuber. Wow. Yeah, there's a lot of posting here.

Hasan Piker (49:36)

Wait, she said why I left the left. Hold up. Oh, no, they didn't leave left. They're talking about how you can support Palestine. Wait, Google put the. In the search bar. Hasan, I want to see in the YouTube or Google. No, no, no. On the search bar of the channel. On the search bar of their channel.

J. Schlatt (49:53)

Uh. Oh, wait. Nah, it doesn't look like it. Doesn't look like it.

Hasan Piker (49:59)

Yep. Never mind.

J. Schlatt (50:00)

Sorry, man.

Hasan Piker (50:01)

You. You occupy the space in. In more meaningful ways than I do. How do you feel about being a political context?

Ted Nivison (50:08)

You know, and here's the thing. I think I got a taste of the power and I. Claire, when we.

Hasan Piker (50:16)

Did our socialism versus Communism debate.

Ted Nivison (50:18)

Like that, for example, or J. Generally just like, I guess the power of being a YouTuber or someone with millions and millions of subscribers and okay, flex, like walking around. The only thing I experience from it is just. It's negative and I don't enjoy any of the baggage that comes along with it. And I think that the sooner I can go back to being like a. Like just a guy that could walk around New York City without feeling like people's eyes are locking onto me and who's going to come up to me and be weird and poorly socially adjusted to me today?

J. Schlatt (50:56)

You know what you should do? You should just start kissing those people.

Ted Nivison (50:59)

No, that. No, because then people make things worse.

J. Schlatt (51:01)

People be like, don't look at him. He's going to kiss you.

Ted Nivison (51:03)

That make things a lot worse for me.

J. Schlatt (51:05)

Make it be like a bad kiss. Like a hard kiss, nothing sloppy. Like, like, like.

Hasan Piker (51:09)

I don't think he's. I don't think his concern was he's going to kiss him too good.

J. Schlatt (51:12)

Like there's like tighten your lips. Tighten your lips when just. And then she kind of headbutt him. But call it a kiss.

Hasan Piker (51:21)

I like where he's going with this dude.

Ted Nivison (51:23)

I.

Hasan Piker (51:24)

Have you tried. Yeah.

Ted Nivison (51:25)

You tried that.

J. Schlatt (51:26)

Thought about that.

Hasan Piker (51:26)

Assaulting your fan.

J. Schlatt (51:28)

Just think about it sexually.

Hasan Piker (51:29)

And maybe sexually.

J. Schlatt (51:30)

Nobody ever listens to my ideas on this podcast.

Ted Nivison (51:32)

I don't think I about doing anything with my fans.

J. Schlatt (51:35)

Just so frustrating. Nobody ever listens to my good ideas.

Ted Nivison (51:38)

I think, I think the saddest way to go out as a YouTuber or any kind of.

J. Schlatt (51:43)

I just feel like it's a really good idea for you to try to kiss all your hands.

Ted Nivison (51:45)

It's just like grass is like trying to cling on to the life. Like suck every last drop out of the hype you have until it slowly burns out. And it's like when it comes to something like Chuckle Sandwich, we fucking did it. It's been four years. Like, it's only downhill from here after this. So let's just end it in a good spot. Yeah.

J. Schlatt (52:07)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (52:07)

And there's nothing wrong. Like I said, I talked to. You can just take it easy and like, there's no bad blood between us and.

J. Schlatt (52:17)

What?

Ted Nivison (52:18)

No, nothing, nothing, nothing, Nothing at all.

J. Schlatt (52:21)

I'm just saying that after you're done with all this, you can just like hang out. You can just.

Ted Nivison (52:26)

We're still gonna be buddies and I don't think it's gonna be. I think, I'm honestly.

Hasan Piker (52:30)

I have a suggestion.

Ted Nivison (52:31)

Okay.

Hasan Piker (52:32)

Okay. Are you ready for this?

Ted Nivison (52:33)

Uh huh.

Hasan Piker (52:35)

Have you thought about wearing jewelry?

J. Schlatt (52:37)

Ooh. Now that is a great question for him that I've been trying.

Ted Nivison (52:41)

Do you want me to try?

Hasan Piker (52:42)

Put that on. Where's that?

Ted Nivison (52:44)

London.

Hasan Piker (52:46)

Put that on. Does that make you feel?

Ted Nivison (52:48)

This one doesn't fit.

Hasan Piker (52:49)

That's gonna stay forever. Yeah, no, that's a. There's a pinky ring.

Ted Nivison (52:52)

No, I don't think this is like, I don't think this is me, you know?

J. Schlatt (52:55)

Try this one on. Okay.

Hasan Piker (52:57)

I have another question. Follow up question. What if I were to present you with an opportunity to play basketball?

Ted Nivison (53:04)

No. 8am In Los Angeles, every morning.

Hasan Piker (53:08)

On certain days of the week, you play basketball. And throughout that journey, you find yourself. You find yourself in love with the sport. You find yourself to be a new man. You know, you start getting more physically fit, you start maybe wearing clothes that you, you really start.

Ted Nivison (53:27)

Are you dunking on my Gildan 5000?

Hasan Piker (53:30)

No, absolutely not. No. This is fire. I'm just saying that, like.

J. Schlatt (53:33)

Okay, that was a.

Hasan Piker (53:35)

That was a little disrespectful the way you was that. I'm sorry you tossed that. You really hate the rings, bro.

J. Schlatt (53:41)

He does, he does. There was a period of chuckle where I was, I was adding more, more and more to my fingers.

Ted Nivison (53:46)

Chainmail on his fingers?

J. Schlatt (53:48)

No, chainmail, basically. But there was a period where I had like, I was going like 1, 2, like 3. 1, 2, crazy, like 3. I was like, I was like 6, 7, sometimes rings on my fingies.

Hasan Piker (54:02)

Everyone goes through that phase, I think.

J. Schlatt (54:04)

Yeah. And then you realize you go a.

Hasan Piker (54:06)

Little overboard with it and then you got to dial it back.

J. Schlatt (54:08)

Exactly.

Ted Nivison (54:09)

Like porn addiction too.

Hasan Piker (54:11)

Yeah, that was going. You brought up porn quite a bit before we started. You were literally watching porn back there behind the television screen.

Ted Nivison (54:21)

I was showing Austin this video where the acting was absolutely electric.

J. Schlatt (54:28)

To refer to a porn video as being absolutely electric is like.

Ted Nivison (54:32)

Yeah, it was before the porn even started.

Hasan Piker (54:34)

And you, you.

Ted Nivison (54:35)

Well, Tucker, look this up for me.

J. Schlatt (54:37)

No, we've talked about this. No, we were putting an embargo on your porn lookup. There's no more porn.

Hasan Piker (54:42)

So you brought up. That was my porn. It was my first introduction to this week of chuckle week. And then after that, you brought up the fact that you jerk off, but then you say and Hail Mary.

Ted Nivison (54:54)

No, I say the prayers first.

Hasan Piker (54:56)

Oh, you say the prayers first.

Ted Nivison (54:57)

You gotta understand me for what I'm about to.

Hasan Piker (55:00)

Yeah, I'm beginning to recognize there's a trend here with respect to how much porn consumption is going on in your life.

Ted Nivison (55:07)

I think my retirement.

Hasan Piker (55:10)

Yeah, you're like, it's gonna be a beautiful.

J. Schlatt (55:13)

It's gonna be a beautiful retirement.

Ted Nivison (55:15)

Okay, so look, I. All I can think about is YouTube, whether it's, you know, whether it's making reaction videos.

Hasan Piker (55:23)

Now all you wanna think about is.

Ted Nivison (55:24)

You porn or making really like well acted high energy videos where the girl is like. Like she looks really happy and wants to be there.

J. Schlatt (55:36)

Okay.

Hasan Piker (55:37)

Oh, so you want to make porn?

Ted Nivison (55:40)

No, I want to make Call of Duty commentaries and Play Dayz on stream and stuff. I think that's like. I would want that to be going through my head in this sort of.

J. Schlatt (55:51)

Do you feel as though you want to be where the people you used to watch are now?

Hasan Piker (55:58)

Ninja.

J. Schlatt (55:59)

No, I mean like the pe, like seananners and Sarkis. Is that like sort of like in terms of the lifestyle they live of? Like this sort of like the peak has passed and now they've settled into this comfortable zone?

Hasan Piker (56:11)

Yes, I do you want to be.

J. Schlatt (56:12)

In the Valley of Peace?

Ted Nivison (56:14)

I think it is more peaceful. It's less stress, which is something. I have terribly high blood pressure. I'm not healthy.

J. Schlatt (56:23)

You think that you have high blood pressure because you're stressed?

Ted Nivison (56:26)

That certainly adds to it.

J. Schlatt (56:28)

Yeah, I have it because my ADHD medicine.

Hasan Piker (56:30)

Okay, another suggestion. Hear me out. 8am in the mornings where you go out.

Ted Nivison (56:36)

Not playing basketball with you in Los Angeles.

Hasan Piker (56:39)

You're too tall for no good Reason?

Ted Nivison (56:42)

Come on, man. I was a baseball player, you know, pitcher.

Ad (56:46)

I was a first baseman.

J. Schlatt (56:47)

With our schedule, we could technically make it.

Ted Nivison (56:50)

I'm not playing basketball with.

J. Schlatt (56:52)

Would you at least just come and watch?

Hasan Piker (56:54)

No. I'm sensing a lot of, dare I say, hostility towards this otherwise very good idea.

Ted Nivison (57:02)

This is my least favorite place in the world, man.

Hasan Piker (57:05)

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I understand.

Ted Nivison (57:08)

I'd rather be, like, asleep than playing basketball.

J. Schlatt (57:11)

Tucker's interested in playing basketball?

Hasan Piker (57:13)

Hell yeah. Let's go.

J. Schlatt (57:14)

I think I just got forced into it.

Hasan Piker (57:16)

Okay. I like that. We'll get J. Schlatt on, too.

Ted Nivison (57:19)

You always call me that. You always call me my full government name.

J. Schlatt (57:25)

You played soccer one time on a stream.

Ted Nivison (57:27)

Did I? Yeah, I did. I. They made me do that.

Hasan Piker (57:31)

Was he good?

J. Schlatt (57:32)

He was great. It was fast.

Ad (57:35)

I was violent.

J. Schlatt (57:36)

He was violent.

Ted Nivison (57:37)

Violent.

Hasan Piker (57:37)

That's what I want to see. I want to see the intensity.

Ted Nivison (57:39)

No, but I'm tired now. That's my thing.

Hasan Piker (57:42)

You're fucking 25, dude.

Ted Nivison (57:44)

I'm tired.

Hasan Piker (57:45)

I was. I was shocked.

J. Schlatt (57:46)

You should see Hasan out there. He's our heroes with everyone. Anytime. Anytime someone doesn't go his way on the court, he's like, I got fouled.

Hasan Piker (57:53)

Okay.

J. Schlatt (57:54)

Oh, you totally fouled me, dude. That was such a freaking foul.

Hasan Piker (57:57)

I didn't realize where slander was on the menu.

J. Schlatt (58:00)

No, cuz. Who's the other guy we play with? The.

Hasan Piker (58:04)

The kid. Is that.

J. Schlatt (58:05)

No, not the kid. The.

Hasan Piker (58:06)

The one time the.

J. Schlatt (58:07)

No, no, the writer.

Hasan Piker (58:09)

Oh. Oh, yeah, He's. He's. Yeah. I mean, I'm like. To leak his information or anything. Yeah, but he's a. He's a. He usually.

J. Schlatt (58:15)

Whenever. Whenever you complain, he'll like. And you're not looking. He'll look at me and be like.

Hasan Piker (58:20)

Yeah, it's because I cook him.

J. Schlatt (58:21)

No, no, no, because. Yeah, because. Because it'll be. There was like this one time that someone was, like, coming around and I was just standing there, and then he. And he was like, you're not allowed to do a legal pick like that. And I was like, I didn't even know you were coming. And you're just making up. You're making new rules out of nowhere.

Ted Nivison (58:36)

I bet that he uses his actual debating skills in the arguments.

J. Schlatt (58:41)

He does.

Hasan Piker (58:42)

No, you're on a. You were on an educational journey. You did a moving screen. I was.

J. Schlatt (58:47)

You could do it.

Hasan Piker (58:47)

I wasn't trying. You can do it.

J. Schlatt (58:50)

I was not there with my hands. I played basketball for like five years. I know what a moving screen is. I was not I was. I was. I was boxing someone else out and you were trying to get by. See, look at this. Look at this. You can tell he's like, he's. He's got a passion for the game of basketball, but it's like he'll for, like, you know, he'll get. It'll get really intense, but then he'll forget about it like a day later, like it never happened. Like, it's like very much so. Like, it's like when you enter the court, it's like a. It's like a different zone. Yeah, it's like the, like. Or like the Simpsons Dome.

Hasan Piker (59:24)

For me. For me, basketball or any kind of physical activity, it plays that role, though. Like, I get the reset. You know what I mean? I just don't think about anything else. I'm just working out and so is.

J. Schlatt (59:34)

That how politics are to you? Is politics just another game of basketball?

Hasan Piker (59:37)

Maybe. I never thought about it like that.

J. Schlatt (59:40)

Interesting.

Hasan Piker (59:40)

No, I mean, it's just I do. I do greatly enjoy covering politics. Politics. That's just it. It's fucked up. Maybe. I wish I had. I wish I had Schlatt's interest in. In reacting to, you know, creepypasta TikTok videos.

Ted Nivison (59:54)

But you do do a good job at watching.

J. Schlatt (59:57)

You do a lot of reactions. You've reacted to some of my stuff.

Hasan Piker (60:00)

Well, I don't. I don't necessarily have enough time nowadays to do that, but, like, that was good, man.

Ted Nivison (60:06)

My schedule's opening up soon. How about this? We switch our reaction content.

Hasan Piker (60:10)

You do politics.

Ted Nivison (60:10)

I do. Okay. I'll send you like a batch of a hundred funny tiktoks.

Hasan Piker (60:15)

Okay.

Ted Nivison (60:16)

And then you watch it and then I post it to my channel.

J. Schlatt (60:19)

I do.

Hasan Piker (60:19)

I do need that. I like.

Ted Nivison (60:20)

And then you give me your stream key and I'll go live and, like, do whatever you.

J. Schlatt (60:25)

The amount of havoc that you could. You could do while being live on is stream key is. That's a lot. Yeah, that's a lot.

Hasan Piker (60:34)

Yeah, we just. But you do it in a straight face. Like, you're literally like. This is the. The official sanctioned Hasanabi broadcast coming to you live from New York. I'm gonna, you know, and then. And just go off on whatever you want to do.

J. Schlatt (60:50)

Whatever you want to do. Have like a. You gotta have like a bunch of tabs open, dude. You gotta have at least 50 tabs open to different news articles. You got to have them all loaded up too.

Hasan Piker (60:59)

We. We do already have a shared interest in 9 11.

Ted Nivison (61:03)

Why do you think I'm interested In this, that.

Hasan Piker (61:07)

I just wanted to pause on it.

J. Schlatt (61:12)

So, Hassan, I don't know if you know this, but as a native New Yorker, that's. That's a. That's a.

Hasan Piker (61:19)

As a sore subject. I know a little bit.

J. Schlatt (61:21)

Little bit. And if I remember correctly, you said that Chad deserved that.

Ted Nivison (61:26)

You did. You said that. Did he say that? Can we look this up?

J. Schlatt (61:34)

Wait, can you bring that up?

Ted Nivison (61:35)

Why do you think that's like an interest of mine, not 911? If it comes up in the tick tocks, it upsets me. Yeah, we watch it.

Hasan Piker (61:44)

We all have our hyper fixations.

Ted Nivison (61:46)

You know, Tucker, Google, Hasan.

Hasan Piker (61:49)

America deserved 911. Dude, I said that.

J. Schlatt (61:52)

Yeah, no, that's all we needed to hear, Tucker, right there. That's. I mean, lock it in, lock it in. No need for expansion.

Ted Nivison (61:58)

Up with that dude's eye.

J. Schlatt (62:00)

Well, that's just a villain. War veteran.

Hasan Piker (62:02)

Don't hear about Don.

Ted Nivison (62:04)

Wait, what was.

Hasan Piker (62:05)

Don't keep playing the video.

Ted Nivison (62:06)

What did we do? What did we do to deserve it? What did my dad do? And my uncle. You know, my uncle was a first responder firefighter for the fdny.

Hasan Piker (62:17)

Is he still alive?

Ted Nivison (62:20)

Yes, thank God.

Hasan Piker (62:21)

That's good. I'm happy.

Ted Nivison (62:22)

He might not be soon because he worked on the pile for months after. You know, they called it the pile.

Hasan Piker (62:29)

Is that what they called it? I think they called it the pile up.

Ted Nivison (62:31)

That's where the buildings fell. The pile of rubble and. And bodies and airplanes.

Hasan Piker (62:38)

Now we're. Now we're definitely getting on the news.

Ted Nivison (62:40)

What are you laughing about?

Hasan Piker (62:41)

No, nothing. I'm not.

Ted Nivison (62:42)

Tucker, is this funny?

J. Schlatt (62:44)

No, dude.

Ted Nivison (62:45)

1.8 million tons of wreckage left from the collapse of the World Trade Center.

J. Schlatt (62:51)

That's a lot of.

Hasan Piker (62:52)

I would never. I would never find humor in this. This is.

Ted Nivison (62:55)

There's nothing funny about it.

Hasan Piker (62:57)

No, No, I agree.

Ted Nivison (62:59)

2,997 people lost their lives that day.

Hasan Piker (63:03)

Actually, yes. Like down to the.

J. Schlatt (63:05)

I thought it was in the 3000s.

Hasan Piker (63:07)

No, no, it is 2000 something, but it's close to 3000.

Ted Nivison (63:10)

How many?

Hasan Piker (63:10)

There were just three. Three shy of 3000. That's crazy.

J. Schlatt (63:15)

Jeez. That was 100%.

Hasan Piker (63:17)

Damn. See? Hyper fixation. I was right.

J. Schlatt (63:21)

Damn. Did they count the people that hijacked it in this number?

Hasan Piker (63:26)

Yeah, they always do that. They do that with like school shootings too. There'll be like five dead and it's like. Well, the guy that did it.

J. Schlatt (63:34)

No, it says that 2,977 is not including the 19 hijackers. No way.

Hasan Piker (63:40)

Wait, what the. If they include the hijackers is 3,000 plus.

Ted Nivison (63:43)

No, it's not.

Hasan Piker (63:45)

Oh no it's not.

Ted Nivison (63:46)

You're right, it's too shy.

Hasan Piker (63:48)

I thought it was. Yeah, that's crazy.

J. Schlatt (63:50)

Four shy.

Hasan Piker (63:51)

Okay. Bunch of math wizards in here. My bad. Okay. J. Jesus Christ.

J. Schlatt (63:56)

That's a lot. I mean that's crazy.

Hasan Piker (63:58)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (63:59)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (64:00)

911 was pretty crazy.

J. Schlatt (64:01)

Yeah. 911 though. Yeah.

Ted Nivison (64:03)

My mom sent this to me a couple weeks ago on the day.

Hasan Piker (64:07)

Oh.

J. Schlatt (64:10)

On the day.

Ted Nivison (64:12)

This is what the text said.

J. Schlatt (64:13)

Hassan in 2001. She sent you a text?

Ted Nivison (64:16)

No, on the. The. The anniversary.

J. Schlatt (64:19)

Oh.

Ted Nivison (64:20)

My dad has gone 28 years since today. Hard to believe that. And 23 years since 9 11. You were at your two year old checkup that day. Still remember having you in the car and listening on t. What?

J. Schlatt (64:36)

What? What? Dude, I'm just listening. What?

Ted Nivison (64:39)

Oh, oh, you're chuckling though.

J. Schlatt (64:41)

Have some respect.

Ted Nivison (64:43)

Still remember having.

J. Schlatt (64:44)

He's still laughing.

Hasan Piker (64:45)

You see that?

J. Schlatt (64:45)

He's still laughing. You guys are funny people.

Hasan Piker (64:47)

That's kind of up, dude. I'm not gonna lie.

J. Schlatt (64:49)

Oh well, you can't speak week. What? I'm still remember saying he deserved that.

Hasan Piker (64:53)

I was not dancing on the rooftops of New Jersey.

J. Schlatt (64:56)

You were dancing on the rooftops of New Jersey. You can run that.

Hasan Piker (65:00)

This is what people keep saying. Trump said it too.

Ted Nivison (65:03)

I still remember having you in the car and listening on 1010 winds as the towers collapsing as we drove. I was crying.

J. Schlatt (65:09)

You made his mom cry.

Ted Nivison (65:10)

Dad was in the city.

Hasan Piker (65:12)

I didn't do 9 11.

J. Schlatt (65:13)

You made his mom cry.

Ted Nivison (65:14)

I really didn't know what to do. You remember that? Like it was yesterday.

J. Schlatt (65:19)

Wow.

Ted Nivison (65:19)

And then I didn't respond.

J. Schlatt (65:25)

What?

Hasan Piker (65:26)

This is the second time I've been ambushed. This is the second time I'm ambushed.

Ted Nivison (65:31)

Respond to that was awkward. What was, what was I supposed to say to that?

Hasan Piker (65:37)

Sorry.

J. Schlatt (65:38)

Just say love you mom or something. Just throw out something.

Hasan Piker (65:42)

No, his. His follow up is like a week later. He was like, hey, I forgot to get groceries or some shit.

Ted Nivison (65:49)

You guys. Probably the next day.

Ad (65:53)

Hello?

J. Schlatt (65:53)

Yeah, say, okay, can I have $20?

Hasan Piker (65:57)

Do your parents do this as well? Like my mom? I think it's like a generational thing, but like they just don't know how to text. Kind of like that text message almost where it'll be like, I need to talk to you right now, period. And I'm like, yeah. And immediately like. And immediately I think like, there's a massive emergency happening.

J. Schlatt (66:18)

Please call me back. Period.

Ted Nivison (66:20)

Yeah, hello?

J. Schlatt (66:23)

I just wanted to hear my son's voice, my uncle.

Ted Nivison (66:26)

Do you have anyone in your family who uses dot, dot, dots to separate? You know why that is?

Hasan Piker (66:31)

Because that's the og there's the correct.

Ted Nivison (66:33)

Way to piece of knowledge. Texts used to cost 25 cents each.

Hasan Piker (66:37)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (66:37)

So you, or 10 cents each on Verizon or whatever service they had. So you just bunch up the thoughts in one text.

Hasan Piker (66:45)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (66:46)

And my uncle still texts like that, sends, like, 10 different thoughts separated only by ellipses.

Hasan Piker (66:52)

Yeah, it's.

J. Schlatt (66:52)

I don't know if it's that.

Hasan Piker (66:54)

No, no, it is that. I think it is that.

Ted Nivison (66:56)

It's totally that.

Hasan Piker (66:57)

It's like our generation, we text. Like, we will just, like, hit send, hit send, hit send, hit send. To separate, like, even words sometimes.

J. Schlatt (67:04)

I'm on text pretty normally now, but I, I definitely think it was because they just wanted to emphasize their pauses. I think that they were like, like, saw Paula today. Her son Alex is doing well.

Hasan Piker (67:18)

Why is she trying to be ambiguous or mysterious about, like, that's what I.

J. Schlatt (67:23)

That'S just how they talk. That's just how that generation speaks, dude.

Hasan Piker (67:26)

I don't think that I, I, I don't know if they know how it's read. I, I, I have to pee, by the way. That's, like, not a, not a joke.

J. Schlatt (67:32)

Should we just. What? Should we just end it here? You just want the podcast to be over?

Hasan Piker (67:35)

No, I just need to pee. I, I want to come back.

Ted Nivison (67:37)

Let him, let him go.

Hasan Piker (67:37)

We can't end it on a 9, 11 note like that.

J. Schlatt (67:40)

Okay, we'll let you pee then.

Hasan Piker (67:42)

Okay. I didn't want to take my shirt off on the, when it was cut.

J. Schlatt (67:47)

Okay, here it comes.

Hasan Piker (67:48)

No continuity purposes, you know?

J. Schlatt (67:50)

Yeah, of course. There it is. There it is. Wow.

Hasan Piker (67:54)

I have yet to figure out a sexy way to take it off. I feel like people do it and then they look hot while they're doing it.

Ted Nivison (68:01)

There's one that I'll never do, but you grab it.

Hasan Piker (68:05)

Yeah, like, that's fake. No one. I've never in my life thought about taking my clothes off like that.

Ted Nivison (68:11)

It's just a sexy thing I do that. You're only at that point, if you're doing it like that. You're only wearing the shirt to take it off.

J. Schlatt (68:19)

Well, I do that because I feel like it's the, it's the best way to do it without, like, stretching the collar of the shirt. Get the fuck out of here like that.

Hasan Piker (68:29)

No way.

Ted Nivison (68:29)

You just want to look fuckable.

J. Schlatt (68:31)

I do it by myself. I'M doing it by myself.

Ted Nivison (68:34)

Imagine practicing.

J. Schlatt (68:35)

I'm like doing that by myself. I'm like, yeah, yeah. I feel good. I feel like you, you.

Hasan Piker (68:41)

Yeah. If you have to practice because the first time you try to do it with like, with a lady friend, you're going to.

Ted Nivison (68:48)

If you up.

Hasan Piker (68:49)

If you up, it's going to be. You're not getting pussy.

Ted Nivison (68:53)

He doesn't even know how to take off a shirt.

Hasan Piker (68:55)

What the is this? You lay mask. It gets stuck on your head. You're like. And then your arms are stuck and then you fall. That would be terrible. Speaking of 911.

J. Schlatt (69:07)

Okay.

Hasan Piker (69:08)

Last time I was on a podcast with a friend, I got ambushed by his mom.

J. Schlatt (69:12)

Oh.

Hasan Piker (69:13)

Also about 911 shouts out to Jeff Wittic. I did his. I did his podcast and he. He grilled me.

Ted Nivison (69:20)

His barbershop thing where he cuts your hair.

Hasan Piker (69:22)

No, that was anymore. That was a separate one. I've done that as well. His. That would have been more.

J. Schlatt (69:28)

This is podcast.

Hasan Piker (69:29)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (69:29)

Okay.

Hasan Piker (69:30)

That would have been a little bit more worrisome if he. If he had his mom calling with it as a razor to my fucking neck.

J. Schlatt (69:36)

Yeah. Especially if you're on the barbershop part where they start doing the hot shave.

Hasan Piker (69:40)

Yeah. His guy, his second in command, showed me his micro penis. Oh, that was fun.

J. Schlatt (69:48)

How micro was it?

Hasan Piker (69:49)

It's very. I don't think that it's just micro.

J. Schlatt (69:51)

You know, like, what is micro? Like? Is it like that? Like my half. My thumb?

Hasan Piker (69:57)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (69:57)

What? Really? Yeah.

Hasan Piker (69:58)

It's crazy.

J. Schlatt (69:59)

Surely he's a grower that to.

Hasan Piker (70:01)

To what? To like a normal flaccid penis.

Ad (70:04)

Flaccid?

Ted Nivison (70:04)

Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. It. You never really get a sense for. For the.

Hasan Piker (70:08)

I don't think there was much more out there anyway.

Ted Nivison (70:12)

I've never seen an penis in real life. Like in person.

Hasan Piker (70:17)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (70:17)

Second time this week away.

Ted Nivison (70:19)

No, I just. I. I don't think I've ever been in a.

Hasan Piker (70:22)

You've never seen your.

Ted Nivison (70:23)

Oh, I've seen mine. Like, I'm talking about any. Any, like, any. At one else.

Hasan Piker (70:27)

Oh, you're saying in real life.

Ted Nivison (70:28)

In real life.

Hasan Piker (70:29)

Wait a minute.

Ted Nivison (70:30)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (70:31)

Have you not either. Yeah, no.

Ted Nivison (70:35)

In real life, in person. I've never seen another man's arrest.

Hasan Piker (70:39)

I don't think I've ever seen.

J. Schlatt (70:40)

Yeah, I've never seen an erect one. Yeah.

Hasan Piker (70:43)

And I've been to an orgy. I didn't actually participate.

Ted Nivison (70:46)

What was happening there.

J. Schlatt (70:47)

You just watching.

Hasan Piker (70:48)

I didn't participate because I didn't know it Was going to be an orgy. It was in the Hampton. My friend is, like, from there. Straight up. Like, grew up in. Grew up in Montauk.

Ted Nivison (70:59)

Oh, yeah.

Hasan Piker (70:59)

And he was like, oh, there's a party happening tonight. Let's go. And I was like, sure, why not? I was just visiting him. I think it was, like, Labor Day weekend. One of those fucking. I'm looking at you because you know this stuff. It's New York.

J. Schlatt (71:09)

Anyway, about the New York orgies.

Hasan Piker (71:11)

Yeah. So I didn't realize it was going to be like that. And then people are just, like, getting in the pool and stuff. And it was like, one of these houses where they had, like. Literally, it was like a rich person's house where, like, all of the fucking fridge is stocked completely. And they even had, like, baskets separately for, like, bathing suits and, like, neatly arranged towels and shit. Like, they had thought about all this. And I didn't think much of it at first, but then I saw people, like, changing and then going in the pool. And then it got, like. People started making out and stuff, and I was like, all right, it's time to leave.

J. Schlatt (71:45)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (71:46)

Yeah. This is not my. This is not my speed, especially because, like, I've talked about this before, but you think it's gonna be like, Eyes Wide Shut, like, it's like, all models and, like, cool camera angles and lighting is perfect.

Ted Nivison (72:01)

Is not just a bunch of ugly fat bitches.

Hasan Piker (72:04)

There's just. Yeah, it's not. It's not, like, as hot as you would picture it.

Ted Nivison (72:09)

Yeah. You gotta go up to the North Fork for the hot ones.

Hasan Piker (72:13)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (72:13)

Yeah. Riverhead.

Hasan Piker (72:15)

I. I don't know.

Ted Nivison (72:16)

You know, I guess Peconic Bay Boulevard.

Hasan Piker (72:20)

But my point is, I didn't even see erect penis there, now that I think about it.

J. Schlatt (72:23)

Really?

Ted Nivison (72:24)

Yeah, I see. That's surprising to me.

Hasan Piker (72:25)

I've seen flaccid penises, like, quite a bit, but I've never seen an Erec one. I've actually never thought about that.

J. Schlatt (72:32)

Well, man, Hassan, it was so great to have you here. Is this everything you dreamed it would be?

Hasan Piker (72:39)

Everything and more.

J. Schlatt (72:40)

Really?

Hasan Piker (72:41)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (72:41)

Was there anything that surprised you? What was your rose and thorn?

Hasan Piker (72:46)

My rose and thorn? I mean, the vibes are a little off, I'll say that.

J. Schlatt (72:52)

What?

Hasan Piker (72:53)

But I. But I feel like. What are the.

J. Schlatt (72:54)

Why are the vibes off?

Hasan Piker (72:55)

The vibes were a little off, and it made me feel like it's deliberate.

Ted Nivison (72:58)

So I could tell when they shifted.

J. Schlatt (73:00)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (73:01)

You. I didn't bring up. Did I bring up 911? Oh, fuck.

J. Schlatt (73:06)

You brought it up.

Hasan Piker (73:07)

I brought it up.

Ted Nivison (73:08)

We were talking about basketball before that.

J. Schlatt (73:10)

Okay, yeah, we were talking about basketball and then you were like, well, I don't think we're talking about nine, 11, enough. The thing that America deserved.

Hasan Piker (73:16)

Yeah, no, the visor off before Hasan Piquet. Why'd you. Why'd you put some stink on it?

J. Schlatt (73:24)

Like I said it correctly, Hasan Piquer.

Hasan Piker (73:27)

Yeah, but no, the vibes were a little off even before then. But I think that's like deliberate as by design. That's what it felt like. So I just kind of.

J. Schlatt (73:36)

It's all by design over here.

Hasan Piker (73:38)

Yeah, that's what I. This.

J. Schlatt (73:39)

This hot. Like this hot, sweaty room. This hot, sweaty room. This is. Makes you make. Meant to make you feel on edge.

Ted Nivison (73:45)

That was my design right there. I wanted that shirt off.

J. Schlatt (73:48)

Yeah.

Hasan Piker (73:49)

So, yeah, so you start saying only towards the end. But this is going to be good for viewer attention.

J. Schlatt (73:54)

Yeah.

Ted Nivison (73:55)

Well, I don't know. Maybe it's time we retire it.

J. Schlatt (74:01)

Surely not. Surely not. We need to know the information.

Ted Nivison (74:05)

Hasan, would you rather have unlimited bacon but no more video games or games? Unlimited games, but no games.

Hasan Piker (74:22)

Unlimited games but no games. Games.

J. Schlatt (74:24)

Which would you rather have?

Hasan Piker (74:25)

Unlimited. Unlimited games but no games is the second part of that question.

J. Schlatt (74:29)

Okay, Hassan, we brought you on this podcast you've been asking for a while. Come on. If we're going to ask you one little final question, I just would expect that you would answer. Don't you do debates for being crystal clear with you right now? Which would you rather have? Just choose one.

Ted Nivison (74:43)

Aren't you the best at having opinions? Isn't that what.

Hasan Piker (74:46)

Ask the question again.

J. Schlatt (74:47)

Sure, yeah, it's fine.

Ted Nivison (74:49)

I thought it was pretty crystal.

J. Schlatt (74:50)

I thought it was crystal clear.

Ted Nivison (74:52)

Hasan, would you rather have games unlimited Games unlimited. Wait, see, I'm rusty now. I'm fucking it up.

Hasan Piker (75:05)

You want me to give it a go?

Ted Nivison (75:07)

You got it. You got it.

J. Schlatt (75:08)

Hasan, would you rather have unlimited bacon but no more video games or games? Unlimited game but no games.

Hasan Piker (75:17)

See, what's.

J. Schlatt (75:18)

What is this?

Ted Nivison (75:19)

I don't know what the problem is.

J. Schlatt (75:20)

What is this that you're doing here? The.

Hasan Piker (75:22)

The question is.

Ted Nivison (75:26)

Give me the raid question. The raid.

J. Schlatt (75:30)

You.

Hasan Piker (75:36)

Bring me there a little bit. That doesn't smell as bad as I thought it would.

J. Schlatt (75:42)

So what would you rather have?

Ted Nivison (75:44)

It does smell nice.

J. Schlatt (75:46)

It's a binary option. You know.

Hasan Piker (75:50)

I'm going to go with. Fuck it. I'm going to go with unlimited games but no games.

Ted Nivison (75:54)

How come that one?

J. Schlatt (75:56)

I would. Yeah. Why.

Hasan Piker (76:01)

Is the answer to this Question going to determine what you do to my face. The raid.

J. Schlatt (76:08)

I'm taking your sins away while you. So you can't. No, you can't double up.

Hasan Piker (76:11)

I need that. I need it so bad. Why do I want unlimited games with no games? It doesn't make any sense to me. So I chose that one.

J. Schlatt (76:21)

Oh, okay.

Ted Nivison (76:21)

Oh, so you often.

J. Schlatt (76:23)

So you.

Ted Nivison (76:24)

The opinion. That makes no sense.

Hasan Piker (76:25)

Yeah, regularly.

J. Schlatt (76:27)

It's interesting.

Hasan Piker (76:28)

Sometimes I. I do it for fun. Other times I also do it for fun.

J. Schlatt (76:33)

And if you had to choose what part of the chocolate sandwich you are, which would. What would you be? You chose one in the past.

Hasan Piker (76:38)

The meat.

J. Schlatt (76:39)

The meat. Okay, you're not allowed to have that. That's already been chosen.

Hasan Piker (76:42)

What the. Why not?

J. Schlatt (76:45)

Because Charlie is the meat.

Hasan Piker (76:47)

But I want to be the meat.

Ted Nivison (76:48)

Our third member.

J. Schlatt (76:49)

Our third member who tragically died in a white phosphorus accident. Yeah.

Hasan Piker (76:53)

Okay, well, I want to be the meat now.

Ted Nivison (76:55)

You can. Because you can type a meat on top.

Hasan Piker (76:58)

Yeah.

J. Schlatt (76:58)

You can choose a specific type of meat.

Hasan Piker (77:01)

Bacon.

Ted Nivison (77:02)

The unlimited bacon.

Hasan Piker (77:04)

Unlimited bacon.

Ted Nivison (77:04)

That's interesting.

Hasan Piker (77:05)

You didn't choose that.

J. Schlatt (77:06)

Yeah, you didn't chose that. You don't have that.

Ted Nivison (77:09)

That's not.

Hasan Piker (77:09)

That's off the table.

Ted Nivison (77:10)

That's the one thing you don't have.

J. Schlatt (77:12)

That'S actually almost specifically. You don't have that.

Hasan Piker (77:15)

Okay. I would rather be the aoli.

J. Schlatt (77:19)

Okay. What type of aioli?

Hasan Piker (77:21)

Sriracha.

J. Schlatt (77:23)

Sriracha. Aioli. Okay, I'll take it. I'll take it. What? Well, thanks for being Harrison. Thanks for having me on another episode of Chuck Chumle. Sam Ditch. Don't. I'm wet now.

Sponsor (79:54)

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