Episode Summary: "The Order of Attraction"

Podcast: Church of the Highlands – Sunday Messages – Audio
Date: February 9, 2025
Speaker: (A) [Lead Pastor, likely Chris Hodges]
Theme: Setting the foundation for godly relationships using the Song of Solomon, focusing on what truly makes us attractive and how to order our priorities in relationships.

Overview: Main Theme & Purpose

In this first installment of a six-week series on the Song of Solomon, the message centers on "The Order of Attraction"—what we should be attracted to in relationships and why the order matters. Through a verse-by-verse approach, the pastor encourages the congregation to prioritize spiritual, then emotional, then physical attraction, using biblical wisdom to foster healthy and godly relationships. The session also establishes ground rules for how listeners should approach this potentially sensitive, practical, and occasionally graphic book.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction & Setting Up the Series (00:29 – 09:50)

• Warm welcome and church updates: The pastor celebrates the reach of the message, including correctional facilities and online audiences.
• Contextualizing the series: Moving from a season of prayer to one focused on relationships, tied to the launch of small groups and upcoming marriage conference.
• Why Song of Solomon: This series will go verse by verse through all eight chapters, dissecting various stages of a romantic relationship.

“This beautiful book of the Bible describes relationships... we’re actually gonna go through every verse of all eight chapters.” (A, 01:55)

2. Ground Rules for Relationship Series (09:51 – 15:58)

• 1. Listen for Yourself:
  Don’t nudge your partner or think of others—apply the message personally.

  “You’re gonna have a tendency to think, ‘Man, I know who really needs that.’ Don’t do that. Always think about, how can I use this?” (A, 10:32)

• 2. Don’t Look Back:
  Don’t dwell on past mistakes—focus on what can be done differently from today onward.

  “God makes all things new... My favorite line in the marriage vows is, ‘from this day forward.’” (A, 12:14)

• 3. This Is PG-13:
  The series will address topics of sexuality candidly and biblically. Parents with young children are advised to use children’s ministry options.

“In week number three, on February 23rd, they get married, and the entire honeymoon night is described in graphic detail... Lionel Richie did not come up with that, God did.” (A, 13:40)

3. Framing the Song of Solomon (15:59 – 20:55)

• Author and relevance:
  Solomon as a prolific songwriter; this book as his “Song of Songs.”
• Three main characters:
  • Solomon (“the Lover”)
  • The Shulamite maiden (“the Beloved”)
  • The Chorus of Friends (the “onlookers,” akin to today’s social media followers)
• Why the order matters:
  God’s way isn’t just right, it works—following His design for relationships brings true satisfaction.

“God’s way is better, everybody ... Even in the intimacy and sexuality part, God’s way actually enhances that. It doesn’t restrict you at anything.” (A, 18:27)

4. Starting the Verse-by-Verse Study: The Order of Attraction (20:56 – 29:40)

• Where the Song begins:
  A bold start with romance (“Let him kiss me...”), but quickly pivots to deeper themes.

• She speaks of her “darkness” and lack of physical perfection (sun-weathered skin):
  Emphasizes her other qualities—value beyond the physical.

  “Dark am I, yet lovely... I’ve got other qualities other than my physical appearance that you need to notice.” (A, 23:41)

• Key Principle:
  Don’t build relationships on physical attraction alone—it’s not sustainable or primary.

  “Don’t build the relationship on bodies...None of us can maintain it.” (A, 26:19)

5. The Three Priorities of Attraction

5.1. Spiritual Attraction (29:41 – 33:22)

• Why spiritual attraction comes first:
  The Shulamite emphasizes her values, not her body. She stands out for her standards.

  Practical steps to spiritual attraction:

  • Worship God passionately (“all your heart, soul, mind, and strength”).

    "If you’re passionately in love with God... it’s not only attractive to God... but it’s also attractive to your spouse." (A, 31:05)

  • Grow in your relationship with God.
  • Have standards, especially in dating.

  Memorable Moment:

  • Advice for singles:

    "Singles, when you start dating girls, bring him to church. And if he's got his hands in his pockets through the whole service, find yourself another brother." (A, 33:11)

  • Pastor shares personal stories of standards and boundaries at the start of his own relationship with his wife, Tammy.

5.2. Emotional Attraction (33:23 – 41:00)

• What emotional attraction looks like:

  • “Darling” means companionship, best friendship, emotional intimacy.
  • Emotional needs are as critical as physical—both for men and women.

  How to meet emotional needs:

  • Find and speak value in your partner.

    "Don’t emphasize what they’re not. Emphasize who they are." (A, 36:19)

  • Speak life over your partner.

    "If you don’t like what you’re seeing, why don’t you look at what you’re saying?" (A, 38:10)

  • Think good thoughts about one another—create reminders of affection.

  Memorable Quote:

  • “The sexiest words you can say to a woman is, ‘And then what happened?’” (A, 39:49)

5.3. Physical Attraction (41:01 – 47:10)

• Its place in the order:

  • The physical is important but should come after spiritual and emotional attraction.
  • Getting the order wrong leads to hurt, guilt, and insecurity.

  "If you get outside of God's way, it can be one of the most destructive parts of your life." (A, 45:29)

  • When the right foundations are set, physical intimacy brings security in a relationship.

  Illustration:

  • The Shulamite becomes secure and confident in Solomon’s love—as demonstrated by how her self-perception shifts.

  • The couple postpones physical consummation until the right time, highlighting self-discipline and honoring boundaries.

  "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you... do not arouse or awaken love before it’s time." (A, 46:48)

6. The Transforming Power of Godly Love (47:11 – 49:33)

• God’s love makes imperfect people grow and change.
  Don’t wait for the perfect partner—love your imperfect partner perfectly.

  "We find love or come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by loving the imperfect person perfectly." (A, 49:09)

7. Response and Closing (49:34 – End)

• Encouragement and prayer for all relationships:

  • For singles: seek a godly, not perfect, partner.
  • For couples: God can renew and heal relationships “from this day forward.”
  • For all: Only God’s love enables us to love others fully.

• Invitation to commit/recommit to God:
  Led by Pastor Blake, guiding listeners into a prayer to receive God’s love and start afresh in both relationship with God and with others.

  “Jesus, today I'm going all in with you... I want you to be the Savior of my life. I ask you to forgive me of my sin and my past, to make me brand new right now, in this moment.” (B, 39:38)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On studying Song of Solomon:

  "We’re going to follow God’s way, and you’re going to find out the peace, the joy...God’s way actually enhances that." (A, 18:40)

• On starting over after failure:

  “From this day forward. And I want you to think about that. Only think about how I can apply this in the future.” (A, 12:37)

• On physical attraction’s place:

  "The physical's important. Listen to me very carefully. But if you get outside of God's way, it can be one of the most destructive parts of your life." (A, 45:31)

• On loving imperfect people:

  “We find love or come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by loving the imperfect person perfectly.” (A, 49:09)

Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment / Key Point | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:29 | Warm welcome, series introduction | | 09:51 | Ground rules for approaching the series | | 15:59 | Description and context of Song of Solomon | | 20:56 | Verse-by-verse study begins; order of attraction introduced | | 29:41 | Spiritual attraction | | 33:23 | Emotional attraction | | 41:01 | Physical attraction; order and boundaries | | 47:11 | God’s love for the imperfect; loving imperfect people perfectly | | 49:34 | Closing prayer and invitation to commit to God |

Summary: Episode Flow

• The pastor introduces a six-week relational deep dive into the Song of Solomon.
• He sets ground rules: personalize, don’t dwell on the past, and expect real talk about sexuality.
• Through a lively, humorous, and poignant verse-by-verse reading, the message unpacks the biblical order: spiritual > emotional > physical attraction.
• Numerous stories, jokes, and practical marital/dating wisdom pepper the teaching, making scriptural concepts relatable and actionable.
• The message closes with a strong spiritual appeal: reset your relationships starting today, receive God’s love so you can truly love others, and remember—no one is perfect, but love can make us better.

Tone & Language

• Warm, approachable, and humorous, with candid anecdotes and invitations to participate.
• Respectful, direct, and biblically grounded—clear instruction for both singles and married couples.
• Encouraging, never condemning—emphasizes grace, growth, and “from this day forward” hope.

This episode is ideal for those seeking biblical, practical wisdom on ordering their relationships rightly—whether you’ve succeeded, failed, or are seeking a fresh start.