Summary4 min read

Podcast Summary: "Manners"

Podcast: City Light Church Las Vegas | Jabin Chavez
Episode: Manners | Jabin Chavez Leadership Podcast
Date: January 28, 2026
Host: Jabin Chavez

Main Theme

This episode centers on the importance of "leadership manners"—the foundational behaviors and attitudes that distinguish healthy, effective leaders. Jabin Chavez argues that good leadership goes beyond vision or strategy; it includes how leaders interact, express gratitude, and make others feel needed, known, and respected. Drawing from biblical examples, personal experience, and simple childhood etiquette, Jabin unpacks six key manners every leader needs.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Leadership as Conviction and Attitude

Leadership Defined: “Leadership is the conviction that what you do is important and the skill to ask others to join you in that important work.” (02:25)
Leadership is not just a title or position, but an attitude and a way of seeing the world, citing Caleb from the Bible as an example (Numbers 14:24).
“We are reproducing who we are. We’re not reproducing what we want.” (01:08) – The inner life of a leader shapes their organization.

2. The Role of Manners in Leadership

Manners Matter: Jabin points out that everyone has manners—good or bad—and they reflect deeper cultural and personal values.
"Entitled leaders have always forgotten their manners." (00:10)
Leadership culture is built on the small, repeated behaviors modeled from the top down.

The Six Leadership Manners

1. Say Please (04:24)

Leaders must never demand, but ask with gratitude and expectation.
You can ask big things as long as you stay gracious: “We never demand, but we do ask big with a grateful heart.” (05:05)
Cites Paul’s approach to the Corinthian Church—not commanding, but inviting participation.
Memorable Quote: “Rich Wilkerson Jr... said leadership is calling people to do something they don’t want to do at first, but then once they do it, they thank you for leading them to do it.” (06:01)

2. Say Thank You (08:16)

Honor and appreciation should be directed at every gift and act of service, big or small.
Gratitude creates wholeness in relationships and community: “There is a wholeness that comes from gratitude. Say thank you.” (10:29)
The story of the ten lepers (Luke 17:11-19): Only one returned to thank Jesus, highlighting the rarity of gratitude.

3. Hold the Door (11:20)

A practical picture of servanthood—making things easier and more welcoming for others.
Even with great facilities and programs, people will leave if they don’t feel needed or known:
“They can go to the church of 80 people and everybody knows them. They feel needed.” (13:45)
Leaders must be intentional in making people feel seen and valued.

4. A Proper Introduction (16:33)

Never assume everyone knows you or feels included; always welcome, greet, and introduce yourself.
“Every weekend when you get up at church, you need to say who you are and welcome them… The circle can always get bigger.” (17:31)
Treat adult introductions with the same intentionality we use with children—eye contact, openness, and warmth.

5. Knock, Knock (19:50)

Demonstrates humility and respect for spaces you enter, physical or social.
Anecdote: People putting shoes on the pastor’s couch—“It’s just a little too casual.” (21:10)
Knock, don’t barge in; honor boundaries and express gratitude for inclusion.

6. Body Language (22:19)

Nonverbal cues matter as much as words: “What’s your posture? What’s your resting face? The RBF—the resting blessed face.” (22:23)
Positive, engaged body language signals openness and support.
Show interest in meetings, take notes, and encourage others verbally and nonverbally.
“Remind your face, like, show interest… you could walk down the hallway and you are just communicating I don’t want to be messed with. Or you can be open.” (23:40)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

On Inner Growth and Reproduction:
“As you get bigger on the inside, as you get better on the inside, your organization will get bigger and better… We are reproducing who we are.” (01:00-01:10)
On People Leaving for Smaller Churches:
“Why do people leave City Light Church?... They didn’t feel needed and they didn’t feel known, and we failed… the feeling is they’re not needed and they’re not known.” (13:56-14:35)
On Everyday Leadership Etiquette:
“We learned these as a five-year-old, maybe we learned as an eight-year-old... but we need to keep them operating in our church.” (03:42)

Timestamps for Major Segments

00:00–02:00 — Introduction: Leadership attitudes and the problem of entitlement
02:00–04:20 — The nature and culture of leadership
04:24–07:34 — Manner #1: Say Please
08:16–10:55 — Manner #2: Say Thank You (Gratitude and honor)
11:20–16:25 — Manner #3: Hold the Door (Making people feel needed and known)
16:33–19:45 — Manner #4: A Proper Introduction (Openness and inclusivity)
19:50–22:16 — Manner #5: Knock, Knock (Respect for others' space)
22:19–24:00 — Manner #6: Body Language (Showing interest and approachability)

Conclusion

Jabin Chavez’s “Manners” episode is an impassioned, practical call for leaders to embody simple but powerful attitudes and actions—please, thank you, honor, inclusion, humility, and approachability. These leadership manners are not just good etiquette, but essential for cultivating a healthy and effective culture in any team or organization.

Final thought:
"Practice them in your organization. Practice them with your team… it will be a massive blessing to your ministry." (24:15)

For more: Visit www.citylightvegas.com or join City Light Church’s upcoming live streams and messages.

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Transcript1 lines

[00:00]
A
Hey, leader, I got a tough question for you. Have you become complacent and entitled? I've learned that complacent leaders are always entitled leaders, and entitled leaders have always forgotten their manners. We're going to jump into leadership manners today, and I think it's going to be a blessing to you. Hey, welcome to this week's Jamie Chavis Leadership Podcast, where I'm just trying to help you get bigger and better. Because I believe that as you get bigger on the inside, as you get better on the inside, your organization will get bigger and better. Why? Because the book of Genesis tells us that we are reproducing after our own kind. We are reproducing who we are. We're not reproducing what we want. We're reproducing who we are. And I believe that as you get bigger, as you get better, as you get stronger and healthier, it will impact your organization. Today I want to talk about leadership manners. So let's just jump into this a little bit and start with leadership. Leadership is the conviction that what you do is important and the skill to ask others to join you in that important work. Leadership is a conviction. It starts there. You must be convicted. Or maybe we could say it like this. You must be convinced that what you do matters. Then you're growing your skill to ask others to join you in that important work. So leadership is not a title. Leadership is an attitude. Caleb, the Bible said Numbers 14:24 had a different attitude. He thought different. He approached life different. He saw the promised land different. He saw the giants different. He saw his own nation different. He was different. Everyone saw themselves as grasshoppers. Caleb said, we're well able. It's an attitude. It's a way of thinking. And it was his attitude that made him possess the promised land. It's what made him a promised land possessor instead of a wilderness wanderer. What? It was his attitude. So leadership matters. Leadership is an attitude. Leadership is a thought process. What are manners? Manners are a way in which something is done. So let me just say it like this. You have manners. You either have good manners or bad manners, but you have manners. Let me say it like this. A lot of leadership talks on culture. So let me go a little deeper into culture. Every culture has manners. Every culture has language. Every culture has attitudes. And so I want to give you some manners that maybe we learned as a five year old, maybe we learned as an eight year old, as a four year old. But we need to keep them operating in our church. Here's some leadership manners. Number one, say please. Please. We never demand, but we do ask big with a grateful heart. We never demand, but we ask big with a grateful heart. We never apologize for asking big. We never say, I'm really sorry, but if you could. No, we don't demand. Paul said that to the Corinthian Church. He goes, not that I'm commanding you, which is just a crazy thought. I'm not. I'm not commanding you to give, but I want you to give. There's something powerful about that. So. So let me say it. Let me say it like this. You can ask big, you can ask massively, but say it with a please. Say it with a smile. Say it with a gracious attitude. Rich Wilkerson Jr. Who we all love so much and I love so much and appreciate so much, he said. He said leadership is calling people to do something they don't want to do it first, but then once they do it, they thank you for leading them to do it. So you call them to serve, and they didn't want to serve. And you called them to give, and they didn't want to give. And you called them to help in nursery. They didn't want to help in nursery, and you called them to ask them to park cars. They didn't want to park cars. And you called them to be in church every weekend. They didn't want to be in church every weekend. And yet now that they're doing it, they thank you for doing it. That that's what we're doing, but we're saying it with a please, Never demand. Hey, hey. Come here. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't bark. Orders always say please. Number two, say thank you. We honor the gift that is on a person and we show appreciation. Honor the gift. Say, thank you. Thank you for serving. Thank you for giving. Thank you for helping. Yesterday, one of our team members or recently one of our team members preached. I said, thank you, and they said, thank you back. We're both grateful. That's what you should do. Say thank you. Show love. If someone gives a large gift to your church, call them and say thank you. And every week, when you're receiving the offering, say thank you. Say thank you to that person that stretched and gave $20 and say thank you to the person that gave $250,000. And anywhere in between, say thank you. There should be a grateful tone. From your prayers to your praise, to your worship, to your leadership. Say thank you. Ten men get healed. One says thank you. 90% of the lepers weren't grateful. Is that a rule of thumb? I don't know. But it's a scary reminder that the majority are not grateful. Jesus said, where are the nine? He said, I don't know where they're at. He said, go and be made whole. There is a wholeness that comes from gratitude. Say thank you. Please say thank you. Number, number three. Hold the door. Hold the door. Walking out of Starbucks. Someone's coming in, hold the door. You're walking in somewhere, someone's behind you. Hold the door. It's a principle of servanthood. It's a principle of honor. We're holding the door for people. We're making life easier and we're making ministry accessible. Why do people leave City Light church? Why would someone. Why would someone leave our church? We're the fastest growing church in the city. Our music's incredible. Children's ministry is world class. Youth ministry is great. Young adult ministry is awesome. Facilities are world class. I. I think the preacher's okay. Think he's okay. Yet people leave and, and they'll go to, to a church in a storefront with 50 people or there's no kids ministry. It's not safe, you know, in the sense of, like the way City Light is with security teams and security companies and police officers, you know, blah, blah, blah, cameras in every room. And it's not necessarily safe. It's exposed. Music's not great, you know, preaching's whatever. Not a world class sound system or facility. And yet any people will leave here and go there, And here's why. Because that church made them feel needed and known, and we didn't. We failed. So they come in Archer thinking, oh, they already got everything and they already got ministry going and they already got people involved. They don't even know my name and they wouldn't even miss me if I was gone. I don't think any of those things are true. But that's the feeling is they're not needed and they're not known and they won't be needed here and they won't be known here. But they can go to the church of 80 people and everybody knows them. They feel needed. What larger churches or growing churches need to make sure that you are constantly fighting for is that the people feel because you go, well, of course we need more people. Oh my God. We need, like I'm telling you right now, we need 400 new serve team members today. Yesterday. We needed them yesterday. Yet sometimes people still don't feel needed. Some people don't feel known. You know, I Go out after every service and shake hands. After every service, I go shake hands. And I still meet people who go, I've been coming here for five years, I've never met you. I go, what? Been coming here for three years, never met you. Been coming for six months, never met you. I feel accessible, but I guess I'm not that accessible. So I've got to fight for how to make people feel needed and known, and so do you. Hold the door. Number four. An introduction. A proper introduction. Arms open, reach out. Invite them in, show them your world. Eye contact. Hello, good to see you. A proper introduction. Don't assume everybody knows you. There's something about going, hey, great to meet you. Hey, my name is Jabin. Hey, what's your name? A proper introduction. Every weekend when you get up at church, you need to say who you are and welcome them to church. Don't assume everybody knows you. Don't assume everybody knows who you are. Don't assume everybody's there and has been there before. And it's the, the, the introduction is. You're, you're always inviting people in. You're, you're saying, hello. You're, you're greeting people. Hello, good to see you. Hi. Hello. I'm shocked by how many times you'll, you know, hi. Hmm. That's not. Say hi. Hello. Good to see you. Hi, good morning. Proper introduction. Hello. You know, we'll introduce people to our little nine year old, right? They'll go, hi, Goldie. And she'll, you know, we say, say hi, give hugs, shake their hand, say thank you, say please. Right? What do we, we gotta do the same thing. Proper. The circle can always get bigger. Always be inviting people in. Always be inviting people in. Number number five. Knock, knock. This shows humility. This reveals I don't own this space. This reveals I'm blessed to be in this space. Knock. It's a principle. It's a way of, it's, it's a way of showing respect and reverence. Knock. Don't be fearful, don't be scared, but don't be entitled. Knock. Don't, don't just kick your shoes off, right? Just don't just kick feet up. No. Knock. There's a, there's a principle here. I have a beautiful light tan, almost white couch in my office. And, and you'll, you'll see around the front of it, you'll see shoe mark like little scuffs. Well, it's because people come into my office and they sit down and they put one leg kind of under the other. Leg and they kind of sit on the leg and they put. They just put their shoe right on my couch and I, I tell. What the heck is wrong with you? How old are you? Are you 7 years old? You're in the, you're in the pastor's office, buddy. Put. Sit like an adult. I don't say anything. Just shows it's just a little too casual. Knock number six. Body language. What's your posture? What's your posture? What's your resting face? The. The rbf, the resting blessed face. What's your. What's your resting face? Smile. Communicate. Warmth. You can. You can say a lot. Most communication is non verbal. There's a lot of people saying a lot of things without any words. Be inviting with your body language. With your resting face, with your, with your posture. You're sitting in a sermon for your pastor, Homie. You're. You're one of a few people being paid to be there. Take out a notebook and act interested. Give your pastor an amen. Shout him down a little bit. Let him know you're with them. Everybody else is there volunteering. Everybody else is there. You're actually getting compensated to be there. Remind your face, like, show interest. You could walk down the hallway and you are just communicating. I don't want to be messed with. Or you can be open. Show body language. These are some leadership manners. Practice them in your organization. Practice them with your team. And I'm telling you, it affects things and it'll be a massive blessing to your ministry. I love you. Hope you know that. Thank you for watching. Please like and subscribe. You're the best. Love this community. Love being able to serve you. And we'll be live streaming Sunday. Brand new sermon Sunday night. I'll be right back here next Wednesday. Have a great week. Love you guys.