Podcast Summary: Click Here – "Miss Lonelyhearts and the money mules"
Host: Dena Temple Raston
Date: February 13, 2026
Podcast by: Recorded Future News
Episode Overview
This special Valentine’s Day episode explores the evolving world of romance scams — a dark underbelly of the internet where emotional manipulation, financial exploitation, and even international money laundering exist side by side. Host Dena Temple Raston profiles Ruth Grover, a British widow who turned her own brush with scammers into founding Scam Haters United, a group dedicated to exposing romance scams and providing victims with support. The episode also reveals how romance scams have become multifaceted criminal enterprises, examining leaked scammer “playbooks,” the involvement of money mules, and heartbreaking real-life losses.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Ruth Grover’s Origin Story as a Scam Fighter
- Ruth, a retired police dispatcher from Hartlepool, England, is contacted by a supposed "four star general" seeking love on Facebook soon after she marks herself as a widow.
- Drawing on her experience in law enforcement, Ruth quickly recognizes the scam:
- (03:00) “The four star general they used on me was actually a German folk singer, just his head photoshopped on somebody else's body.” – Ruth Grover
- Instead of ignoring the problem, Ruth forms a Facebook support group, Scam Haters United, inspired by her favorite football team, Manchester United.
2. The Anatomy of Modern Romance Scams
- Scams often start with innocent messages and quickly escalate to professions of love and requests for money.
- “Military” scams are particularly common: scammers pose as soldiers abroad, claiming emergencies or canceled leave.
- The psychological toll is immense: shame and embarrassment often keep victims from coming forward.
- (09:38) “People trust the Internet crazily. They trust social media, they trust everything that comes on their phone...” – Ruth Grover
- (09:52) “It’s heartbreaking because, you know, they are so confused and by that time they're out of a lot of money.” – Ruth Grover
3. Scam Haters United: Grassroots Aid and Prevention
- Ruth’s group quickly attracts global attention, assembling a “team” of volunteers and victims from around the world.
- Collections of scammer-used photos (“album of doctors, soldiers, orthopedic surgeons…") are used to help confirm fraudulent identities for worried users.
- (11:07) "Once you know what a fake account looks like on Facebook, you can see them immediately. But people often need to know, need somebody to tell them." – Ruth Grover
- Ruth provides damage control, helping victims lock down financial and personal information and recover from identity theft.
4. Personal Story: The Cost of Manipulation
- Rebecca d’Antonio shares how she was caught in a scam, sending over $100,000 to a man she never met, putting herself deep into debt.
- (17:08) “And the thing is, just because I gave him $100,000 doesn’t mean I had $100,000 to lose.” – Rebecca d’Antonio
- Scammers expertly build trust, using detailed fake backstories and even phone calls (with bad but ‘explainable’ accents).
- The manipulation relies on emotional hooks (children in distress, emergencies, guilt trips) and is tailored using information gleaned from the victim.
5. How the Scams Work: Criminal Playbooks and Money Laundering
- Ronnie Tokazowski breaks down how Nigerian “Yahoo Boys” and other organized groups run synchronized cons:
- Stolen funds from business email compromise (BEC) are “cleaned” via romance scam victims, who are unwittingly made money mules.
- Scammers operate with literal manuals:
- (23:13) “So one of the first things that happens for a romance scam is your scammer will go and create a document…bodies of text that they can copy paste back and forth to the victims…cases where it'll be 26 layers deep that they can copy paste.” – Ronnie Tokazowski
- Leaked instructions detail everything from flirty openers (“I want this message to be the reason you smile at your screen”) to behavioral scripts (“Build that comfort before preaching love…”).
- The step-by-step approach is chilling in its clinical manipulation and efficiency.
6. Scale of the Problem & Ruth’s Frustration
- Ruth hoped to stamp out romance scams within a few years; instead, it’s gotten worse.
- (25:21) “When I did this, and my little head thought I was going to sort romance scams in a couple of years, you know, I had all these lofty ideas. Ten years later, it's ten times worse.” – Ruth Grover
- FTC data: In 2022, reported romance scam losses hit $1.3 billion, as much as the previous five years combined — and likely an undercount.
- Ruth’s dream is for everyone to recognize these schemes as easily as we now spot Nigerian prince emails.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On the onset of scams:
- (01:26) “I suddenly became beautiful to four star generals in the US army, which I thought a bit strange.” — Ruth Grover
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On the effect of scams:
- (08:36) “I was shocked... the almost immediate response that I got to it.” — Ruth Grover, discussing the need for support
- (09:07) “Oh, it’s horrendous at the moment... Women going to and men going to airports, and then nobody arrives.” — Ruth Grover
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On victim experience:
- (14:03) “We connected on a lot of levels and had a lot of deep conversations.... It builds itself very organically like any other relationship. And sometimes that's why it's really hard to tell, you know, what's truth versus fiction.” — Rebecca d’Antonio
- (16:38) “What it boiled down to was, was I gonna be that person? Was I gonna be that monster that would leave an innocent child in a bad situation?” — Rebecca d’Antonio
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On the criminal playbook:
- (22:15) “There's a section called ways to say hi to a client. Pick one below. Notice they use the word client and not target or victim.” — Dena Temple Raston
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On Ruth’s goal:
- (25:00) “What I would like to get to the point where everybody knows about it. So if you do get an orthopedic surgeon, if you do get a military man, you look at it and you know that that is going to be fake.” — Ruth Grover
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 00:54: Ruth’s background and first scam experience.
- 03:38: Formation of Scam Haters United.
- 07:52: Modern romance scam patterns and psychological impact.
- 11:45: Ruth’s reality check and support for scam victims.
- 12:45: Rebecca d’Antonio’s story begins.
- 16:38: Rebecca’s rationalizing and eventual financial ruin.
- 20:39: Shift to scammer organizations and money laundering.
- 22:15: Inside a scammer’s playbook.
- 25:21: Ruth’s growing frustration and the scale of the problem.
Tone & Style
The episode blends warmth, empathy, and sometimes biting humor, driven by Dena Temple Raston’s curiosity and Ruth Grover’s frank, sometimes cheeky British charm. Despite the heavy subject, the episode maintains a tone of resilience and determination, emphasizing real-world solutions and community support.
For listeners and non-listeners alike, this episode provides a human lens on a digital epidemic — warning, supporting, and urging vigilance against online exploitation in the search for love.