Byron Allen | Club Random with Bill Maher

Summary

Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode: Byron Allen | Club Random with Bill Maher
Release Date: July 13, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this vibrant, revealing conversation, Bill Maher sits down with media mogul and comedian Byron Allen for an episode overflowing with nostalgia, comedy-industry lore, and personal reflection. Unfiltered and freewheeling, Maher and Allen swap stories about their earliest struggles in show business, the genius (and intensity) of Johnny Carson, comedy's evolution, and the lessons learned from their upbringings and careers. Byron details his journey from a Detroit childhood shaped by historic upheaval, to being a teenage writer among legends, to building a media empire—all while reinforcing the importance of persistence, merit, and gratitude. The episode is peppered with laughs, candid honesty, and memorable anecdotes that illuminate Allen’s drive and Maher’s own approach to fulfillment and success.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Early Showbiz Roots & Parental Influence

• Byron's Childhood in Detroit & LA

  • Byron describes the turmoil and violence during the 1968 Detroit riots after Martin Luther King Jr.'s assassination (15:00–17:20), leading his mother to move them to Los Angeles—a decision partly inspired by a desire to see a Disney film in a local theater.
  • "I was looking down the barrel of a tank. And the military had immediately taken over the neighborhood..." (16:00 – Byron Allen).

• Mother’s Pivotal Role

  • His mother, a young, single parent, navigated hardship by pushing for educational and career opportunities, ultimately opening doors at NBC by asking them to create an intern program just for her (19:16–20:26).
  • "She asked a question that changed our lives forever: 'Will you please start one [an internship program] with me?' And they said, yes." (19:59 – Byron Allen).
  • Byron’s mom remains deeply involved as an executive producer on his projects (20:39–21:11).

Comedy Beginnings and Industry Legends

• Byron's Teen Hustle

  • At age 14, Byron’s unwitting attempt to “buy jokes” at The Comedy Store leads to his discovery of potluck night, where Mitzi Shore gives him his first shot, despite his age (31:28–35:31).
  • "I’m 14. I take the bus to the Comedy Store and I get there at 9 in the morning... I think I'm in the right spot." (31:35 – Byron Allen).

• The Writers' Room with Comedy Greats

  • Allen is invited to write with luminaries like Jimmie Walker, Jay Leno, and David Letterman at just 14—earning $25 a joke (37:00–40:49).
  • "I'm sitting in his apartment: Jimmy Walker, Jay Leno sleeping in his car, David Letterman..." (38:37 – Byron Allen).
  • Bill Maher reflects on the satisfaction of earning one’s place through hardship versus the “Nepo baby” culture (40:49–41:53).

• First Paid Gigs & Comedic Milestones

  • Byron keeps his first writing and performing checks framed as reminders of validation and achievement in a tough industry (44:07–45:40).

Johnny Carson: Lessons, Memories, and Legacy

• Both Men’s Reverence for Carson

  • Allen and Maher reminisce about Johnny—his coldness (“Mafia time” to those who crossed him), brilliance, and the level of mentorship and community he fostered for comics (12:27–14:13).
  • "He liked comics. He loved comics. Yes, of course, he is one." (12:54 – Bill Maher).

• The Tonight Show Breakthroughs

  • Byron describes meticulous guidance from Jim McCauley (Tonight Show booker) and the rare wisdom of turning down the show at 17 to wait for the right moment (60:07–61:18), later debuting at 18 and earning Carson’s encouragement backstage (63:26–63:32).
  • "Johnny Carson says: 'Don’t worry, kid. You’re going to be great.'" (63:24 – Byron Allen).

• Production Insights Learned on the Lot

  • Byron details the importance of staging and set design learned by observing Carson and Bob Hope (67:59–68:33).

Business Acumen & Climbing the Ladder

• Persistence

  • Allen’s career trajectory is portrayed as relentless, always asking the next question, pushing one step further when others would stop (31:57–32:31).
  • "It's showing up at nine in the morning. It's just... some people just have that sort of... it doesn't ever enter their head that they're not going to succeed." (32:07 – Bill Maher).

• Media Empire Building

  • Byron talks candidly about recent acquisitions (BuzzFeed, HuffPost), the challenges of managing prominent media brands, and staying relevant during "peak woke" (78:03–79:57).
  • "At the end of the day, I do read it, and what I find is that, you know, there's that spectrum..." (79:57 – Byron Allen).

• LA Life & the "Fancy People"

  • Both discuss the culture of Los Angeles versus New York, celebrity social circles, and how access and lifestyle have evolved (51:10–52:22).

Reflections on Health, Happiness & Routine

• Health and Wealth

  • Byron connects success to health, wellness, and balance, rather than just money (04:46–05:27), echoing his mother’s emphasis on persistence and adaptability.

• Materialism vs. Fulfillment

  • Both reflect on enjoying the fruits of wealth without overemphasizing status symbols. Byron: “I just want soft jeans, tennis shoes. I want to be comfortable.” (87:40). Bill: “I have no material... I don't need a lot of money to do the things people do with money.” (85:44).

• Retirement, Aging, and Life Satisfaction

  • Maher is candid about aging, debunking stereotypes: “The most surprising thing I learned about getting to 70 is how much everyone else lied about it...” (33:48).
  • On happiness and reincarnation: "I would not... I don't think I would pick a better life." (104:33 – Bill Maher).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On taking initiative and self-belief:

  • Byron: “For me, your health is your wealth. If you have your mental health and your physical health and love, you can always rebuild…” (05:02)

• About comedy’s camaraderie and ego:

  • Maher: “There are people who—Martin Short, Dana Carvey—who just are these laugh machines... It's just silly [to rank]." (77:03)

• On “Nepo Babies” vs. Earning It:

  • Maher: “They will never have what we have with these kind of memories. You're never gonna like it as much as we like what we have.” (41:04)

• On the power of asking (with Allen’s mother):

  • Allen: "Will you please start one [an internship program] with me?" (19:59)

• On private jets and new money:

  • Maher: “Too many crypto assholes with too much money started buying up the jets, chasing too few jets.” (95:18)

• On loving the process, not just the result:

  • Maher: "I like that, I like the process. I like feeling that it's, you know, something people are feeling fulfilled by. I mean, you need a purpose to wake up in the day." (85:56)

• On the shifting entertainment landscape:

  • Byron: "Johnny could not survive today. He was right for his era." (64:46)

• Surprised by Byron's centeredness:

  • Maher: “It's just your centeredness at such a young age is really amazing.” (61:32)

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Important Timestamps & Segments

• 15:00–18:41: Byron’s move from Detroit to LA, post-MLK assassination riots
• 19:16–20:26: Byron’s mother pushes NBC to create an intern program
• 31:28–35:31: Byron’s Comedy Store origin story and Mitzi Shore encounter
• 37:00–41:53: Writing with Jimmy Walker, Leno, and Letterman; reflections on earning opportunity
• 60:07–63:32: Tonight Show debut with Johnny Carson, backstage support
• 64:46–68:33: TV production lessons from Carson, Bob Hope; studio design importance
• 78:03–79:57: Byron discusses owning (and inheriting the culture of) BuzzFeed, HuffPost
• 85:44–90:05: Bill and Byron discuss materialism, comfort, and fulfillment
• 93:21–94:49: The joy and fulfillment of live standup for a devoted audience
• 101:43–104:45: Reflections on performing, last moments, and personal happiness

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Tone, Humor, and Episode Vibe

The spirit of the episode is jovial, introspective, and at times, self-mocking. Bill Maher’s wit is sharp, often leaning into irony about wealth, aging, or industry quirks. Byron Allen is optimistic, occasionally wide-eyed but always practical, and quick to credit those who helped him and the values that grounded him. Both men supply plenty of “inside showbiz” moments while keeping things accessible and relatable through tales of family, regret, and resilience.

Quotable Banter:

• "None of that is true. Except one car." (47:23 – Bill Maher, on his “simple” lifestyle)
• "You're a ridiculous person. If this isn't a Lifetime movie, then my name isn't Johnny Asshole." (71:20 – Bill Maher teasing Allen’s many fateful breaks)
• "My mother said, you need the money. Cash the check." (44:14 – Byron Allen, illustrating earned success)
• "This is as much fun as you’re gonna have with your pants on ever." (101:55 – Bill Maher, on the thrill of performing)

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Summary for the Listener

This conversation is an inspiring chronicle of persistence, humor, and gratitude. Byron Allen’s journey from Detroit streets to controlling iconic media brands reveals the power of asking wisely, never stopping at the first “no,” and cherishing both the struggle and success. Bill Maher, meanwhile, offers his signature blend of dry humor and insight about industry realities, creative purpose, and the pleasures of living—and aging—on one’s own terms. The comedy business, from the school of Johnny Carson to media’s millennial era, is dissected with affection and brutal honesty. Whether for ambitious creators, comedy fans, or anyone curious about how to make meaning—and money—in a fickle world, this episode is brimming with laughter and lived wisdom.

Transcript

[Bill Maher]

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[Bill Maher]

Am I crazy?

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[Byron Allen]

My name is Paul Brunson.

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[Bill Maher]

Everything is just not enough.

[Byron Allen]

You're a little, little crazy.

[Ad Read / Commercial Announcer]

I don't know what's going to happen.

[Byron Allen]

I want my fairy tale ending.

[Ad Read / Commercial Announcer]

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[Bill Maher]

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[Byron Allen]

Okay. That's what I have. Well, yeah, you deviated.

[Bill Maher]

I probably.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, you absolutely did. Club Random. I do not want parking spot number two mirror.

[Bill Maher]

We're always one chess move ahead of the rest of us.

[Byron Allen]

No, no, no.

[Bill Maher]

Byron. Claude Randall. Byron.

[Byron Allen]

Yes. Hey.

[Bill Maher]

You're so early. I'm so sorry. Early?

[Byron Allen]

I'm just on time, buddy.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, well, our Official time is 5:30.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, I'm sorry. They told me to get here at 5.

[Bill Maher]

Well, because you can't materialize at the moment the show starts, we think, well, you don't need makeup and I don't need hair. Do you ever wear makeup on your.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Okay.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. And I don't need hair. So that's the.

[Bill Maher]

That you don't look made up.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, okay.

[Bill Maher]

But, you know, black. Black don't crack. I mean, right?

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, but you don't look made up.

[Bill Maher]

Well, tarted up, you know, But. But, you know, if you don't put

[Byron Allen]

makeup on, what do you look like?

[Bill Maher]

You look like I do.

[Byron Allen]

What year. What year did you come out here?

[Bill Maher]

83.

[Byron Allen]

83. So there you go, 83. 17. I've known you almost 45 years, and

[Bill Maher]

this is what I love about this show, is that, you know, busy people like us. We sort of. We like each other so much, you can tell when we talk, but we never really make a plan to get together, even though I've always wanted to and you've always wanted to, but we have our lives. And this is like, oh, somebody who I know, but I don't really know.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, that's very.

[Bill Maher]

And now we're gonna. You know. All questions will be answered tonight. Are you having a Dr. Drink with me?

[Byron Allen]

I just drink water. I'm good.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, because. Yeah. Wow.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Did you always.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Teetotal.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You've always been such a straight arrow. I mean, how'd you get to be a billionaire? That's just like. Everybody is impressed with a billionaire. It's just a number that means so much to a society that is, let's be honest, very materialistic. And, you know, I'm a capitalist.

[Byron Allen]

That's okay.

[Bill Maher]

I know you are, too.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You don't want all your fortune confiscated.

[Byron Allen]

No, of course not.

[Bill Maher]

And we, look, we give a lot already.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

And we're happy to.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

If it goes to stuff we approve of.

[Byron Allen]

That's right. That's right. Yeah. You know, look, for me, I've never. I'll just say this. Your health is your wealth.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I say as I pour poison into a glass. Exactly what I've always said. Where's my joint? Oh, there between my legs.

[Byron Allen]

See, look at that. You can't even keep track of where it is.

[Bill Maher]

By my crotch. Where. I know. I'll keep an eye on it.

[Byron Allen]

You'll keep an eye on that. So, yeah, you know, that is your. That's your wealth, man. Like, just if you could be healthy and really maintain your mental health, your physical health, it doesn't matter. You can have a fortune, you can lose a fortune. You can do it 10 times. You always rebuild it. If you have your mental health and your physical health and love, just have love in your life. And have balance.

[Bill Maher]

I've lived without love.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, but, I mean, you are a loved person.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, I am swimming in love now. But, like.

[Byron Allen]

But are there.

[Bill Maher]

There were times. I mean, but you love.

[Byron Allen]

There's something. You love, people you love, animals you love.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, but I'm just saying, like, when I was in college, there were years where there was not a lot of love. Like, I didn't even have friends, let alone. I gave up on girlfriend, I think sophomore year. And then. Yeah, it was brutal. And friends, Cornell was. No, like, it was very hard. The first year, they put you in the dorm four, which was temporary housing. This is Cornell.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

After World War II, that was still up in the 70s. So, you know, I just didn't get along with the kids. The kids, you know, they were like, first time away from home, and they were just, I thought, very immature. And of course, stupidly I said something. So then I was ostracized. So I had. And then after freshman year, either you go to a frat, which I didn't want to join. I'm not the frat type.

[Byron Allen]

I did not.

[Bill Maher]

That was. Yeah. So then you have to get an apartment in Ithaca, New York, in these slums. And there's slums because they, you know, it's like Deliverance up there. I know it's New York State, but

[Byron Allen]

I'm telling you, it's, like, middle of nowhere.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you'd think it was a town in the rural South a little bit, you know, like, townies have been there a long time and, you know.

[Byron Allen]

Where'd you grow up?

[Bill Maher]

Almost like Appalachia.

[Byron Allen]

Is that where you grew up?

[Bill Maher]

No. No.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

I grew up in Butcher Holler. I just learned to talk this way. No, I grew up in New Jersey. Where'd you grow. You grew up out here, right?

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. Well, I left Detroit when I was seven.

[Bill Maher]

Detroit.

[Byron Allen]

So I was the first seven years in Detroit.

[Bill Maher]

When you say you left at seven, meaning you'd already made your first million, because you always have been a little ahead. You know, you were the first guy on the Tonight show with a young age. And you had a t. I remember 1980 was real. 79. Okay. So I'm still in New York, so. Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

That was my first year.

[Byron Allen]

Wow.

[Bill Maher]

I left Cornell at 78.

[Byron Allen]

I'm 65. How old are you?

[Bill Maher]

Seventy.

[Byron Allen]

Okay. All right.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

So that was your first year. Because I finished high school in 79, and that was my first year at USC.

[Bill Maher]

But you were doing things I wanted to do, and you were younger.

[Byron Allen]

Well, that's because I grew up here and not New Jersey.

[Bill Maher]

Well, no, actually the comedy clubs were in New York. It was very convenient for me that I was across the river from Catch a Rising Star. The improv, the comic strip later on. The Comedy Cellar.

[Byron Allen]

Right. Dangerfields.

[Bill Maher]

Was he in Dangerfields? But that was not done. That was not a showcase club.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

You were a headliner.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, but you can get some stage time there, right?

[Bill Maher]

I never. I don't remember ever going up at Dangerfields. I remember once going there with a bunch of young comics and to see Jay Leno, who was headline, which we thought was like, wow. Yeah, we were very impressed. And I remember he talked to us with it. He had a pipe at the time.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, that's right. It was pipe days. I forgot all about that.

[Bill Maher]

You remember the pipe?

[Byron Allen]

Oh, I forgot all.

[Bill Maher]

Wow. You're going way back, Uncle J. Dispensing wisdom to the young comics. I mean, when you set up the junk like that, you know you're gonna.

[Byron Allen]

Wow, I love that. How'd you do your first time on stage?

[Bill Maher]

Well, the first time on stage was in high school.

[Byron Allen]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, talent show. Yeah. Yes. Which was then canceled after you went on. Because of my performance.

[Byron Allen]

Are you serious?

[Bill Maher]

Not because I was bad. I just stole my jokes from the Tonight show. And it was a very risque show at 11:30. Inappropriate for like I would. I introduced one. We're talking about 16 year old girls. She does the dance of the virgins, which she performs from memory. This doesn't go over well with the father.

[Byron Allen]

Are you serious?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, that's what I did. That was my material.

[Byron Allen]

That's like, who cares? Why would someone be offended by that?

[Bill Maher]

Cause I'm calling their daughter a whore.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, okay.

[Bill Maher]

All right.

[Byron Allen]

Well, that might hurt someone's feelings.

[Bill Maher]

It's just. You just don't. This is high school and it was

[Byron Allen]

on the Tonight Show. I mean, you stole this from the Tonight show?

[Bill Maher]

Yes. I was 17, in love with the Tonight show and Johnny Carson and wasn't. And it was risque. Adult humor at 11:30 at night.

[Byron Allen]

Wow. I never thought of Johnny as doing anything risque ever. Oh, he really double entendres. When the pretty women would come on

[Bill Maher]

for the era, it was very risque. I remember as kids, before I even knew who he was, there was this sort of kid kind of story that goes around, you know, there's always something. And one of them was this guy Johnny Carson had on Jack Nicholas wife. The golfer. Yes. And said, do you do anything to give him luck before the match? And she said, yeah, sometimes I kiss his balls. And Johnny said, that must make his putter stand up. That's like. Kids were telling that. I didn't even know who he was.

[Byron Allen]

I remember that.

[Bill Maher]

That's risque, my friend. Oh, that's risque. This is.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. When he had the ladies on, he would do the double.

[Bill Maher]

It's 1970. Yeah, I love that 60s. I. I said, sucks.

[Byron Allen]

What was it? One of the women came on and said, would you like to pet my pussy? She had a cat or something.

[Bill Maher]

Exact same thing. That's the other one. That's the companion story to that one about the.

[Byron Allen]

Well, you have to share that one.

[Bill Maher]

I figured that was exactly. I think it was Zsa Zsa Gabor, some piece of ass of the era. And she said something about, I don't know. But, yeah, that was it. It was like, something pet my pussy. I do. I remember it. I swear to God, you, Honor, that is exact. That was the other story.

[Byron Allen]

Ye.

[Ad Read / Commercial Announcer]

Something.

[Bill Maher]

Something pet my pussy.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. And everybody was like, the biggest laugh ever.

[Bill Maher]

That may have been when I learned the word pussy, I think.

[Byron Allen]

So for me, I'm five years younger than you, so.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. I remember when he did that, and it was like, wow.

[Bill Maher]

But I didn't even know who he was. This is before I watched the show, where it was just. Yeah, this was really young. This is. I mean, he went on in 62. I was six. I wasn't watching it or interested. I was interested in Dirt and the Yank, but by the time I was 12, you know, in 1968, I was like, oh, I'm starting to, like, want a girl and want to know what might a girl like in me. And like, oh, Johnny Carson. He seems like girls like him, and he's funny. I could be. You know, he's like, so. He was somebody I idolized, and he was cool.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. Oh, so cool.

[Bill Maher]

Yes.

[Byron Allen]

So cool.

[Bill Maher]

So cool. He was cold. He could be cold as ice.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

We're, like, freezing people out. Remember all those stories, the John Rivers and the.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. Oh, that was brutal. That was brutal.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, if you crossed him.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

It was Mafia time.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. He felt he was betrayed in that scenario. You know, he really built up her career, and he felt he had been portrayed and, you know, but he was something. He was great to me, you know, I was so fortunate to know him.

[Bill Maher]

He was. Yeah, me too.

[Byron Allen]

You know, he was just.

[Bill Maher]

He liked comics.

[Byron Allen]

He loved comics.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, of course. He is one.

[Byron Allen]

He's a comic.

[Bill Maher]

It's like A director who's an actor. You know, he got us.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, and when we fucked up, even I fucked up there and, you know.

[Byron Allen]

Did you?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, well, yes. How I did it, like, the producer of the show was Freddie Decordova and Peter LaSalle was the associate, but Freddie Decordova was the main guy. And he was an old school Hollywood, you know, very well coiffed. Beverly Hills. Shopped at that store, Carol's.

[Byron Allen]

You have a great memory. You have a great memory.

[Bill Maher]

To our Bernie bro. People like that shop, like, ready to go. Impeccable.

[Byron Allen]

Yes, impeccable.

[Bill Maher]

Well, just like, it's kind of very old school. I'm sort of very expensive and you know, so. But he was a director. He directed Reagan in Bedtime for Bongo.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

And maybe a few others. And so he thought Reagan was his best friend. So it just, And Reagan, there was an assassination attempt and then I guess they cut like two minutes out of a six minute thing. So they yours? Yes. So they got very mad at me. Really. And I don't, I think the only one who could have saved my ass at that point was Johnny himself.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

I think it had to go up to, I think it, you know what? He's, he's young, he's stupid, but so was I at 27. He's funny, funny young man. Give him another chance. Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

Did you get on after that? Yeah, there it is.

[Bill Maher]

No, I'm saying. Yeah, I, I, but, you know, I did see my life flash before my eyes.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Look at that. You know, I mean, we've all seen the roadkill of show business.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, of some talented people and they just got greedy with sort of how big I am before I am.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Shit.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Which is always stupid or they just, you know, you just piss off the wrong person.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Sometimes you didn't mean it or the town ain't rooting for you.

[Byron Allen]

That's true.

[Bill Maher]

They're rooting for themselves.

[Byron Allen]

That's right. You're right. You're absolutely right. Yeah. You know, I was really fortunate, you know, in so many respects. You know, my mother got pregnant with me when she was 16 and she had me 17 days after her 17th birthday.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[Byron Allen]

And my mother's brilliant and beautiful and I was born in Detroit, Michigan, April of 61. And they assassinated Martin Luther King in April of 68.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Byron Allen]

And Detroit got lit up like a Christmas tree. I remember the riots and I remember being a kid in the streets and I was just playing baseball. In the middle of the street and using neighbors cars as first base and home plate. And my mother and my grandmother start screaming and howling like I've never heard before. Like such pain. And it was like, they killed him, they killed him, they killed Martin Luther King. And I'll never forget it. And literally, not less than a minute, I was looking down the barrel of a tank. And the military had immediately taken over the neighborhood. And the troops were walking, you know, down the street with the bayonets and the dogs and my mother and grandmother screaming, get in the house before they shoot you. And you get in the house and you just watch the place on fire like you have. I'm seven years old, I didn't even know what was going on.

[Bill Maher]

Did you? Was having this troops come a relief or.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, it was scary.

[Bill Maher]

We felt, we would rather they know.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, we felt the troops were there to kill us, to shoot us, to contain, because they knew the riots were breaking out. So they felt like we were.

[Bill Maher]

But you could be a victim of the riots also.

[Byron Allen]

Exactly. But they felt like, okay, you're the one.

[Bill Maher]

You'd rather die in the riot than from the troop. I'm just asking.

[Byron Allen]

No, no, I didn't want to die at all, but.

[Bill Maher]

I know, but.

[Byron Allen]

Right. Their point was, what they said was, get back in the house, here's the curfew, do not come outside until we tell you. And especially don't come out after he will shoot you.

[Bill Maher]

That choice to me is one that should not be political, but everybody makes everything political. I don't think it's a political decision at all. It's like, okay, there's two scary things going on here. The riot, they're burning, which kills these people. And then the troops, I don't like, I don't like either one of these.

[Byron Allen]

It was bad.

[Bill Maher]

But which one?

[Byron Allen]

It was bad.

[Bill Maher]

I wouldn't know either.

[Byron Allen]

You know, I, I believe over 50 people were shot and killed by the police and by the troops. It was just a horrible, horrible thing. And so my mom said, let's go to LA and visit some relatives. So we came out to LA in summer of 68 and it was supposed to be a two week vacation. And my mom said to me one day, do you want to go back to Detroit? And I said no. And she didn't ask me why, I just said no. And the reason I said no is I had gone to the movie theaters, movie theater that afternoon and there was advertising a trailer for a movie, a Disney movie. And they said, coming to this theater, I wanted to see that movie. I didn't think it was gonna be in Detroit. I think I stayed in LA because I wanted to see 101 Dalmatians. Whatever that summer movie was, I'm not even sure.

[Bill Maher]

And that's what it says on the poster out here, L.A. come because your city is rioting.

[Byron Allen]

Stay, because the movie is only here. The movie is only here. So we end up staying. It was a lot of lean years, sleeping on floors and sofas and, you know, friends and neighbors letting us sleep in spirit. She's a young girl with a baby. She's 23.

[Bill Maher]

4.

[Byron Allen]

24 years old at this point. But she ended up getting into UCLA and she ended up getting her master's.

[Bill Maher]

So she was going to school while she was working.

[Byron Allen]

Yes, exactly. She ended up going to UCLA and getting her master's degree in cinema TV production. And she. After she got her master's degree and she used to take me to class with her, which I remember vividly, she took me to a class that was taught by Peter Goober. And I remember sitting there listening to him talk about making movies and so forth and so on.

[Bill Maher]

Big producer.

[Byron Allen]

Big producer.

[Bill Maher]

His partner was John Peters, and he

[Byron Allen]

ended up running Warner Brothers and Sony. Just one of the Batman, one of the biggest out there. And so when she got her master's degree. And you'll love this. When she got her master's degree, she went looking for jobs, and she couldn't get one. A lot of doors slammed in her face. And she went to NBC one day, asked for a job, and they said, we don't have one. And she said, do you have an intern program where I can work here for free to show you my passion for this business? And they said, no, we do not. And she asked a question that changed our lives forever. She said, will you please start one with me? And they said, yes. And that question changed our lives forever. And she could not afford childcare. And so I.

[Bill Maher]

It's true. Most people would just stop there.

[Byron Allen]

Would just stop.

[Bill Maher]

She went the extra. And that is the difference between humans. Why? You know, I mean, you can complain about meritocracy, but some people just get the answer right and some don't.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Some people think a little. One step past where most people stop, some don't. Some go down in the mine and come out with the gold.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Some just get dusty, you know.

[Byron Allen]

That's exactly right. She went the extra mile.

[Bill Maher]

She must be inordinately proud where you got. Because, like, wow.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

That really exceeds.

[Byron Allen]

We work together to this day, and so.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, you do?

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm blessed.

[Bill Maher]

What do you mean, work together?

[Byron Allen]

She's one of my. She's one of my producing partner. She's exec producer on everything that I have on and will always be. And so she could not afford to.

[Bill Maher]

It's a unique business. You don't see that in a lot of boardrooms where the guy and his mom.

[Byron Allen]

That's right. You don't see that. You just make your own rules and

[Bill Maher]

you never fight about.

[Byron Allen]

Well, we have our debates, but we don't fight.

[Bill Maher]

But does she pull rank because she's your mother on a business decision? That's the key question.

[Byron Allen]

No.

[Bill Maher]

Answer it.

[Byron Allen]

No, no, she doesn't.

[Bill Maher]

She doesn't.

[Byron Allen]

She has faith in me. She will say, I don't.

[Bill Maher]

But if she disagrees, she's not gonna f. You're not going to be like, I'm. This is.

[Byron Allen]

No, I'm. I'm not, Mom. It's like, I'm 65 at this point, Mom. You know, this is why I lay it out. And she goes, I get.

[Bill Maher]

And she'll say, if I was her, that's what I would do. I'd be like, you know, I'm just going to say this one thing. That last month that you were inside of me, it just was a lot, you know, I mean, at that point, the baby is very heavy gas. I was just shitting my pants. I mean, I was eating like a pig. I felt awful. But.

[Byron Allen]

And this is the answer you're giving,

[Bill Maher]

but you do what you want with the BET Network. I just cannot help but figure that scenario.

[Byron Allen]

She hasn't played that card, but I'm sure she will one day. But, you know, when I couldn't. When she couldn't afford childcare, she would take me to work with her. So I would go to work. I would go out to NBC after school and on the weekends and during the summer. And so that is when I met Johnny Carson. I was 14 years old and I met him and I thought, wow, this is the greatest guy ever. And I'm sitting there waiting for my mom to get off work, and I would go across the hall and I would watch Redd Fox tape Sanford and Son.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, right across the hall.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. And I watch Freddie Prinze tape Cheek on the Man.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I can picture that hall.

[Byron Allen]

Yep. And I would go down the hall and I would watch, you know, Flip Wilson do the Flip Wilson show, and I'm watching Bob Hope do his specials. And then Johnny Carson would tape his show from 5:30. Like clockwork.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I know, like clockwork. Did it 30 times, right?

[Byron Allen]

Exactly. And so I would sit there in the parking lot when I was a kid and I would wait for Johnny to pull in. And you could set a watch, 2 o'. Clock. His car would turn onto the lot. 2 o', clock, like clockwork. He would pull into his parking space. Space number one, get out of the. Get out of his car, whatever it is at the time. A white Corvette. And he would get out of his car with a brown paper bag. Lunch.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, right.

[Byron Allen]

He had his brown. Looked like he had a bologna or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[Bill Maher]

From Nebraska.

[Byron Allen]

Right, he's from Nebraska. And he would float into the studio and he would go upstairs, work on his monologue, come downstairs shortly before 5:30. And I watched him just religiously and I watched him. He'd come downstairs a few minutes before 5:30, right behind the corner. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Hit the monologue, hit the mark, do the monologue. And I loved how he didn't let a cue card boy hold his cue cards. He would take his cue cards and he would put them on a board and the board would go the length of the studio. So no one ever flipped the cards for him.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, they never flipped. Oh, it was unbelievable. So what he would do is that way he could stand there and he could edit the jokes. Right. Joke one's great.

[Bill Maher]

Joke two. I know the feeling with a teleprompter. I mean, on my show, by the time I put it in the teleprompter after working on it a week, it is exactly what I want. But there have been times when a teleprompter, you know, you just. The prompter guy can't. He's not a. He's not a psychic.

[Byron Allen]

He's not a.

[Bill Maher]

He doesn't know if. You know, I would. Geez, I'd love to skip that next sentence, but I can't. Because until I read it, you're not gonna move the telephone.

[Byron Allen]

You're not gonna move the telephone. So Johnny created this system where he put him on a board that ran the length of the studio. And if you watch his monologue, and I know you've watched it a billion times, he will veer to the left because you read left to right.

[Bill Maher]

I never noticed it. That's so interesting.

[Byron Allen]

He would veer to the left at the beginning of the monologue. And by the end of the monologue, he was veering to the right.

[Bill Maher]

I gotta watch now.

[Byron Allen]

You Watch that and you'll see he was just reading. And his body will gradually turn and he's editing the jokes as he's doing it. And it was brilliant. You may even find photos where you see the cue card in the studio and it's on the board and it's going from left to right. So I would watch him and he would be done clockwork at 6:30 he'd go upstairs, get off his makeup, whatever it was, and he would walk down to his car about 6:45 and Freddie DeCordova and Peter LaSalle would walk with him and he would give his feedback. You know, I don't like the material that Bill Maher did.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Byron Allen]

What was that kid thinking? And give him another shot.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Byron Allen]

And then he was off the lot by seven o'. Clock.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Byron Allen]

And this studio that had hundreds and hundreds of people in there, crew, audience, completely empty by 7:05. And I used to go and sit behind his desk.

[Bill Maher]

Come on. Oh yeah, they let you.

[Byron Allen]

No one was in the studio. It was just me and a janitor. And the janitor would be cleaning up, polishing the floors for the next night. And they knew me because I'm hanging out during the day.

[Bill Maher]

Is that what you wanted to do that job?

[Byron Allen]

Oh yeah, I wanted to. Not the janitor job, but yeah, I wanted to do the Johnny job.

[Bill Maher]

You wanted to do the Johnny job.

[Byron Allen]

And I sat there and I would just. And I would read his. I would stand on his.

[Bill Maher]

Now you have that time slot and

[Byron Allen]

I have that time. And I sat. I would.

[Bill Maher]

That's an interesting full circle.

[Byron Allen]

Isn't that something? And I would stand on his time period on his, on that star.

[Bill Maher]

Tell people what do you. What I'm talking about?

[Byron Allen]

Oh, I'm going to. I'll tell them we have some time.

[Bill Maher]

But no, but I mean you have that time slot now. Yeah, I have that time on CBS.

[Byron Allen]

I've been chasing it for 51 years since I.

[Bill Maher]

51 years. You've been chasing.

[Byron Allen]

I've been chasing it for over.

[Bill Maher]

I could never predicted how it, it.

[Byron Allen]

How it would happen.

[Bill Maher]

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[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Byron Allen]

I've been chasing when I saw Johnny and I saw him in summer of 75, and I was like, oh, no, this is what I'm gonna do. I was 14 years old and I just loved everything about him and I just loved how and he was so smart, the way he managed that show. And he was off the lot. And I would just go and I would sit there and I would stand on his mark and I read his monologue and I would just always read it, read it, read it, read it, perform it. And I just thought he was just the greatest. And then I started doing and I went and did you know Gladys Knight and the Pips had a summer show? And I knocked on the. They had a comedian on. This is summer of 75, and they had a comedian on. And I went on, knocked on his door and I said, sir, sorry to bother you. I want to learn how to be a comedian. What should I do? And he said, you should go to the Comedy Store. And I thought, oh, okay, maybe I need to go there and buy jokes. I didn't know. It's the Comedy Store.

[Bill Maher]

You go buy gigs.

[Byron Allen]

You go buy a site. Slip and fall. You buy. I don't know. What are you doing?

[Bill Maher]

Hysterical. Hey, it's called a store.

[Byron Allen]

It's called a store, right? And I said, okay, thank you, sir. The Comedy Store. I'm gonna go to the Comedy Store.

[Bill Maher]

And I'm in Magic shops. You literally go and buy your act. You go buy your act in a magic. Comics Hate magicians. Hello.

[Byron Allen]

So you go. And I'm thinking to myself, okay, I'll go to this Comedy Store and go buy some material, whatever. And so. And I said, by the way, sir, what's the name of that show you're going to do again in the fall? He said, welcome Back, Kotter. And it was Gabe Kaplan.

[Bill Maher]

Gabe Kaplan, right.

[Byron Allen]

So he had just done the Gladys Knight and the Pip summer show and he was doing his routine about his high school. And then that's a big sitcom. It was gonna be a sitcom that fall. So I called the Comedy Store, and this is summer of 75. Bill, you'll love this. I call him up and I say, so this is a comedy story. Yeah. I'm just curious, how much do you sell jokes for? Like, what is the joke? And I'm like, okay. And then, like, do you have, like, prop comedy? There's a guy and the guy, thank God he was the nicest guy because he could have easily blown me off. He says to me, he goes, no, no, no. He goes, the Comedy Store is a comedy club. It is not a supermarket where you buy jokes. And I go, oh.

[Bill Maher]

He goes, the place where you steal jokes.

[Byron Allen]

It's a place where you steal jokes. And he said. I said, well, I would like to be a comedian, sir. And he says, okay, then you want to come to Monday night? Tryout night? Potluck night? And I said, oh, yeah, that's what I want to do. I want to come try out. He says, okay, the doors open at 7 and we get a lot of people who want to be a comedian. So they start showing up. So do yourself a favor, get here early. I said, no problem, sir. I'll be there early. I'm 14. I take the bus to the Comedy Store and I get there at 9 in the morning. I'm the first one there. I'm trying to make. I'm like, I think I'm in the right spot.

[Bill Maher]

You know, it's funny because I was gonna ask you, like, how does, you know, we all started as comics? How does this one become this mogul, this billionaire mogul who owns this and this and, you know, is buying this and gonna buy this? And I see now what it is. I mean, it's this. It's like asking the extra question. It's showing up at 9 in the morning. It's just. It's just, you know, just some people just have that sort of. No, it doesn't ever enter their head that they're not going to succeed or get where they're going.

[Byron Allen]

That's true.

[Bill Maher]

Well, that's not me. Every step of the way, I'm like, oh, fuck, you know, is this it? Or, you know, I mean, I don't have that.

[Byron Allen]

That really.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

I'm surprised to hear that.

[Bill Maher]

I. I mean, at this. At 70, it's different because now I've done everything I ever wanted to do. So now I'm playing with the house money.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I mean, if. If it all ends tomorrow. Well, you know, it was a good ride. I. People are basically retired at this point anyway. But I don't want to retire, and nobody who was my fan wants me to. And everything's fine. I don't feel any different, really. Or quite frankly, act different. That may be a good or bad thing than when I was 40. You know, I'm not married. I don't have kids. I still drink and smoke pot and blah, blah, blah. You know, it's like when my life changes, maybe the show or my career will change, but until it does, enjoy your life. I mean. Yeah. And it's the most surprising thing I learned about getting to 70 is how much everyone else lied about it or presented a picture of it that did not turn out to be true. I thought I'd be using a walker.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, wow.

[Bill Maher]

You know, just the way people are.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, I used to play basketball in the driveway. You know, the peach tree, basket on the tree with my father. And he was like 50, and he'd throw up. Oh, everything hurt. You know, people back then, they didn't work out. They didn't struggle, they wouldn't. My father never stretched a day in his life. I don't think. It just wasn't.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, he was in the Army. He was in World War II. We don't stretch. We're made of different material. I don't know.

[Byron Allen]

Now you have many, many, many years to go, my friend.

[Bill Maher]

Well, we don't know that.

[Byron Allen]

Well, we certainly hope so. And you are.

[Bill Maher]

We hope.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. You're living the life you want to live, which is so key. But I remember. I remember that going there, the Comedy Store and. And the Doors finally. And I just sat there on the curb and I'm just writing jokes, and the doors finally open, and Mitzi Shore, God bless her, so she was signing people in. Mitzi And I remember walking out.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, Mitzi, of course.

[Byron Allen]

And I remember walking. And she was looking down. She never looked up. And she was looking down. What's your name? What's your name? And I said, byron. And she looked up. She goes, how old are you? I said, I'm 14. She says, you are not old enough to be in this club. You have to leave immediately. I'm gonna lose my liquor license. Oh, wow. And I said, oh, wow. I'm sorry, ma'. Am. I'm sorry. I didn't even think about that, right? And so I turn around, I start to leave. I get almost all the way to the door. And she goes, wait, wait, wait. She goes, come back. She goes, I'm gonna give you a drink ticket. And she says, don't you dare buy any alcohol with it. Use it for alcohol. I said, no problem, ma'. Am. I don't drink alcohol. To this day, I still don't drink alcohol.

[Bill Maher]

I'm sure you don't. And so she goofus and Goofus and Gallant over here. It's true.

[Byron Allen]

It's true. And she goes, you stand in the parking lot. I'll have someone come get you when I'm ready. And I think she put me up second or third, and they only had, like, four people.

[Bill Maher]

So she was willing to risk her liquor line.

[Byron Allen]

She said, I'm not at risk. If you. If you're performing in the club, that's fine. Oh, right. So you have to be in the parking lot. So I just stand in the parking lot.

[Bill Maher]

What a. Clever out.

[Byron Allen]

Clever out. So I'm standing. Thank God she thought of it in that moment. Thank you, Mitzi. And she said, you know, what was

[Bill Maher]

your material like at 14?

[Byron Allen]

I had written a spec script for Sanford and Son. Red fox at 14? At 14. And a guy named David Panitch, who was a writer on the show, read the script. And he said, how old are you? I said, I'm 14. He goes, I can't believe you wrote this script. He goes, this is amazing. He said, you must keep writing. And he said, kid, you have it. He was a writer for Laughing and for Sanford and Son. So I submitted the script. They turned it down. And I took the jokes that I had in the script, and I went and did an impression of Red Fox, Sanford and son on stage. 200 chairs and four people. And I got a couple of chuckles in my five minutes. And Mitzi said, you can come back.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[Byron Allen]

And this guy came up to me, Wayne Klein. And Wayne Klein comes up to me, goes, who wrote those jokes? I said, I did, sir. And he said they were funny. And I said, thank you very much. He goes, can I get your phone number? I know somebody that may want to write with. I said, sure. So I give him my phone number, and a week or two later, I get a call and this guy goes, can I speak to Byron? I go, this is Byron. He goes, this is Jimmy JJ Walker, Kid Dynamite. Of course, Summer of 75. He's the number one hottest comic on the planet. Good times.

[Bill Maher]

Good times.

[Byron Allen]

Yep. He's hotter than hot. He says, my man Wayne Klein says you're funny. And if my man Wayne Klein says you're funny, then you must be funny. Funny. He goes, I'm sitting in a writers meeting right now. Would you like to come and write with me and my boys? And I said, let me ask my mom. And so he goes, oh, my God, Wayne. He has to ask his mom. And he's sitting in his home in his apartment, and I hear all these guys moaning and groaning. And one of them in the background says, tell his mother not to worry. We will have cookies and milk for him. And Jimmy goes, dave, be nice. You're gonna scare the kid. Just be nice. And I'm thinking to myself, who's this joker, Dave? Right? So my mom says, okay, you can go. And she takes me over there and drops me off. I walk into Jimmy's apartment the following week. Cause he says he has writers meetings every Tuesday and Thursday at 7:30. So I walk in and sitting in his apartment, Jimmy Walker, Jay Leno sleeping in his car. David Letterman. That was Dave, who had just come out from Indianapolis in a red pickup truck.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, that's that era.

[Byron Allen]

Yep. And Marty Klein. I'm sorry. Marty Nadler, who went on to write and produce Laverne and Shirley in Happy Days. Wayne Klein, Jeff Stein, who went on to do Mr. Belvedere. These guys. I got 25 bucks a joke. Jay Leno and David letterman got paid 200 a week. Dave had just driven out from Indianapolis and he was in his orange or red pickup truck. He didn't think he was going to make it. So he wanted to be. He wanted to be able to get back in his car and drive home, back to Indianapolis. He actually said, I think I screwed up. I had this unbelievable gig as the weatherman in Indianapolis, and I blew it. I quit this job. And now I'm sitting here and like. And I remember one day picking David Letterman up to go write jokes together. And he lived in basically, like a closet across the street from the Comedy Store. The bed. He opened the door. He could barely open the door because the bed was blocking it. The bed took up the entire room. And all he had was this little.

[Bill Maher]

Like, I had the exact same situation when I first moved. I was in the maid's room of an apartment, and the bed came out of the wall, right? And when the bed was down, couldn't open the door. You could open the door, but you had to be very skinny to get to the. It was a closet.

[Byron Allen]

It was a closet.

[Bill Maher]

It was a closet with a bed in the wall.

[Byron Allen]

That's right. And then on the dresser, he had a hot plate and, like, tons of Campbell's soup cans. And I'm like, this is a fire trap. Because he had newspapers all over the bent. So I'm like, let's get out. Let's go write. And these guys were getting 200 a week. I got 25 bucks a joke. I was thrilled because up until that point, I. You know, my only job at that point was I delivered newspapers. I was a paperboy, and I had to.

[Bill Maher]

It's so much better than being a Nepo baby. I see so much in the media and tv, and Nepo babies are just. First of all, there's more of them than ever, and they kind of have a Nepo pride. You know, it's one thing to be like, okay, you know, they're like, yeah, Nepo. You know, they're like, not ashamed. You shouldn't be ashamed. But you could be responsible for the idea that, you know, yes, things are a little easier for you, but. But they will never have what we have with these kind of memories. You just don't. And if you don't, you're never gonna like it. As much as we like what we have, you're just not.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, the journey is amazing.

[Bill Maher]

The shitty part, which at the time was so shitty, if you said to me that, you know, would you like to skip this part? You won't have the memory of it later in life. I'd be like, fine, let's just skip it. I don't need the memory. But having had it, I love the memory. I love the memory. It makes everything sweeter.

[Byron Allen]

That's right in the present.

[Bill Maher]

And it just.

[Byron Allen]

And you look back on that and you go, wow. Everything you live, you can bring it forward. It will play a part of your life. You will use it. You will put it to use. I enjoyed it. I mean, when I was a paper boy, I was getting half a penny of paper. Los Angeles Herald, Examples Examiner. Out of business. I had to Throw two newspapers to make a penny. I had to throw.

[Bill Maher]

Come on.

[Byron Allen]

It's true.

[Bill Maher]

This is like a true.

[Byron Allen]

I had to throw 200 newspapers to make a dollar.

[Bill Maher]

This is like the fees for, like, after, you know. What was it after? The Civil War.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

When blacks were technically free, but they were. What do they call them?

[Byron Allen]

Indentured servants.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, well, stuff. Something like that. I can't remember, but the agricultural version of that. Yeah, exactly. And it was like we got paid nothing. A penny for a pound of.

[Byron Allen]

Just some half a penny dick for a newspaper delivery. And by the way, you had to get it right on the lady's porch. Or you would get. They would call your supervisor. So when I got that job, that check for 25 bucks, I. I didn't know what that I knew. I went to my mom and I said, jimmy gave me a check one day after the writers meeting. And he said, here's, you know, 25 for the joke. You was in an odd envelope. And I open it up, I go, what is this? He goes, that's for the joke you sold me. And I go, oh. And I didn't say anything. I went home and I said. She goes, how did the writers meeting go? I said, it went well. I, you know, pitched a number of jokes that they like. And. And I said, he gave me this. And I go, what is this? She said, it's a check. I go, what am I supposed to do with this? She said, you're gonna go to the bank and you're gonna cash it. I'm 14. You're gonna cash it.

[Bill Maher]

No, I get it.

[Byron Allen]

And they're gonna give you $25. And I said, well, that's okay. I'm not gonna cash it. And she goes, why not? I said, because this check says I can make it in this business. And I can't believe somebody would give me 25 bucks for something I would do for free.

[Bill Maher]

What a dick. I would have cashed it. Jesus Christ. Who the fuck are you? That is a ridiculous fucking story I've ever heard. I hope that's not true. Well, I hope that's a bullshit.

[Byron Allen]

I ended up cashing the check.

[Bill Maher]

Exactly. See, I'm always right. It's a burden, but it's true. What am I gonna do?

[Byron Allen]

My mother said, you need the money. Cash the check. So I go. She said, cash the check and ask Jimmy to get the check back. Cause it's gonna come to him in a couple of months.

[Bill Maher]

Jimmy?

[Byron Allen]

Jimmy Walker.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, Jimmy Walker.

[Byron Allen]

That's who gave me the. Yeah. So I cashed the check.

[Bill Maher]

Dynamite.

[Byron Allen]

Dynamite. I get the 25 bucks. And Jimmy, I said to him, cash. I said, you know, hey, when you get the check back, can I, you know, get it back? It'd be great. I'd like to frame it. And he said, sure. And he was kind of like, I wasn't. I thought maybe he was half listening. Sure enough, a month or two later, he hands me the check, and I framed it. And I had him on my show recently, and I said, you know, I don't know if you remember this, but this is a joke you gave me probably almost 50 years ago. And I hang it in my office because every day this reminds me I'm doing what I love. And this was the moment I knew I could make it in this business. When you paid me 25 bucks, that was to be a writer. And then one night, I was at the improv, and Bud Freeman comes up to me, and he says, what are you doing New Year's Eve? And I'm like, well, I'm 17. I'm gonna be at home. He goes, would you like to perform? And I said, sure. It'd be great. So I performed. And then a couple of months later, he walked up and he handed me a check, and I looked at it. It was 25 bucks. I go, what is this for Now? This is when comedians, they didn't pay us. The Comedy Store in the Empire.

[Bill Maher]

I remember the whole strike.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, they didn't pay us. And so I said, what is this for? He goes, I pay comedians to perform New Year's Eve. Now, I had performed there for three or four years for free, and I was prepared to work for free for many, many years. And he handed me that check. And those are the two checks I keep hanging on my wall. One for writing for 25 and one for performing. And both, you know, both of them wrote a nice note. Bud Freeman and Jimmie Walker. So that was. That was a good turning point for me. But I remember Jay and Dave and, you know, really good friends. And Jimmy was trying to convince us all, except for Jimmy, except for Jay Leno. He was like, you guys don't want to be comedians, be writers. And for a minute, David Letterman really kind of focus on that writing part of his life.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, but what's unique, what's fun, what's interesting to me is that, like, you're playing this, the. You know, the game on this level that most people I talk. I mean, actually, me, I do talk to people who play this game on this level, but they're not usually comedians, you know, where you're like, oh, you know, you're bidding on Paramount, you know, or. What are you bidding on now? Snapchat, you know, these very big, you know, this very. It's a poker game I'm not in, and I don't want to be in. Scary. I think too much money is a little scary, right? I do.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And I have a. I'm a man of simple means. Yes, I am. One house, one car, one plane. Simple.

[Byron Allen]

I like that. One plane.

[Bill Maher]

I love that. None of that is even true.

[Byron Allen]

None of that is true.

[Bill Maher]

Except one car.

[Byron Allen]

One car, one house or two houses.

[Bill Maher]

I've never been a car guy. Have you?

[Byron Allen]

No, no. What do you drive? Which is odd.

[Bill Maher]

What do you drive?

[Byron Allen]

I have a Mercedes SUV and my wife has the same one. And then. And we have a family assistant that has one. And it's to get the cars around. We have the same one. I just am not a car guy. It's really odd because my dad worked at Ford Motor Company and my granddaddy worked at Great Lakes Steel. My entire neighborhood put on a uniform and went to an automotive factory or someone who made parts for the automotive.

[Bill Maher]

Now people either do or don't. I mean, like Leno and Seinfeld, you know, and, you know, Tim Allen, I think. I mean, they love cars.

[Byron Allen]

They're cars.

[Bill Maher]

When people are car guys, I mean, it's.

[Byron Allen]

And they have great collections.

[Bill Maher]

You know, it's not gay, but it's gay for cars.

[Byron Allen]

It's very impressive.

[Bill Maher]

We.

[Byron Allen]

You look at their car collections. It's. And I love it. You know, everybody has their passion. You know, their passion is.

[Bill Maher]

You think everybody.

[Byron Allen]

I think most people have some type of passion. They like to collect or listen to or do.

[Bill Maher]

I think a lot nowadays. I think a lot of people's passion is just to get to someplace right. Like, without sort of like doing what you have to do to get there.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

They just want to be a Kardashian, you know, they're kind of like the heroes of this era in our life because they became royalty from, you know, social media. Yeah. I mean, literally, a blowjob tape, social

[Byron Allen]

media, and it just transports throughout the world quickly.

[Bill Maher]

And I always say when people ask me about them, they're the nicest people in the world.

[Byron Allen]

The Kardashians.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. The only.

[Byron Allen]

I think they're great.

[Bill Maher]

The only issue they would ever have is the origin story. The origin story is a little suspect. It would be like if Spider man became Spider man because he blew a Spider. Oh, God.

[Byron Allen]

You know what? I knew their dad, so you know his dad because I went to usc and his dad was a big, you know, dad was a big usc and he was the nicest guy and he was just a good guy. And I like Chris. I think Chris has done an amazing job.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, she was here. I liked her.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, well, she's here. She has done an amazing job. I mean, when you look at, at

[Bill Maher]

what's been built, it's a fortress that, that family. It's like CIA caa. You know, it's like, it's like a, a machine, A, a shark like machine that just runs. And you know, one show goes down, another comes up and that's like. It is a never ending money making juggernaut.

[Byron Allen]

It's, it's. She's done a magnificent job. I think, I think Harvard, I think

[Bill Maher]

they could slow down now a little. They made their for. I mean, they're billionaires too.

[Byron Allen]

I think, I think Harvard should teach a business class on what they built and branding.

[Bill Maher]

And what do you think of the, the crowd that you hang with? I mean, I, I'm not saying necessarily like deliberately like. Well, I'm sure you have your people who you like. Let's have dinner. But you know, just the thing. I see you out, I see you with sometimes at the Laker. You're, you're always at the Laker. You'll have floor seats.

[Byron Allen]

Well, I don't own them permanently, but I. Yes, but who do you see me with when you see me at the Laker game? I don't know.

[Bill Maher]

Who are you with?

[Byron Allen]

My wife and my kids.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, well, I'm not suggesting you're hanging out with Nick Fuentes. I'm just saying. And that's not.

[Byron Allen]

I'm just saying I'm always with my wife and kids.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, but I'm saying just the crowd, like the, the, the, the, you know, we're fortunate enough that we hang out with the very fancy people.

[Byron Allen]

That's right. That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Of Los Angeles, which is, you know, like it or not. Not, I'm sure New York would argue, but kind of the cultural capital. I mean, we make the entertainment and everybody lives out here. And I mean, New York is New York. It's awesome and you know, the greatest city in the world. But please don't with me on this. If you love it, you love it. I live there. I have roots. I love it. I don't want to live there, but I love it, you know, But I love la. I do. And I know you do, too.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah. I left Detroit when I was 7, and I've been here since 68. I couldn't imagine living anyplace else.

[Bill Maher]

I can't either. And so many people come to the same conclusion. And a lot of it is just the climate. It's such a big thing that people pretend. Or there are people. Woody Allen was here. Somebody else was here recently saying the same thing. I can't remember who. That they like gray days. There are people who like gray days.

[Byron Allen]

God bless them.

[Bill Maher]

God bless them. But it's a weird thing. It is. It's as weird as a lot of other psychological things people could have because. Because we are solar creatures and the sun is so basic. I mean, I wake up, you know, first of all, you should get sun right when you wake up in your eye. That's science.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Which is very healthy.

[Byron Allen]

That's right. And, yeah, I love it here. I love the climate. I love.

[Bill Maher]

I like the suburbs. I never liked living in a, you know, urban setting in a building. I don't want to live in a building. Building.

[Byron Allen]

I agree.

[Bill Maher]

Right. I agree again. It's. It's. I'm not saying you're weirdos or anything like that. I'm just saying there's something about not wanting being okay with people right on the other side of a wall. And I'm not saying, even in a nice building.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

I'm just aware.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

That I'm sitting here and right over there, there's another guy who.

[Byron Allen]

I don't know.

[Bill Maher]

Know or want it, and this thing between us. But.

[Byron Allen]

And you hear them quite often.

[Bill Maher]

And in a cheap place. You do.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And then if you.

[Byron Allen]

Even in nice places.

[Bill Maher]

Even in nice places. Even in nice. You think.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, I know. I know. I. I had a very nice condo in one of the most expensive buildings in New York. And I heard the neighbors. They must have been loud.

[Bill Maher]

They must have been really loud.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Doing what? Fucking or fighting?

[Byron Allen]

They were the foreign former. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You heard them funking?

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah, Absolutely.

[Bill Maher]

That can be kind of hot.

[Byron Allen]

Rich people having sex. Yeah. I should have. I should have made that a podcast.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, did you. Did you know who it was?

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. They're your neighbors. You see them in the hallway.

[Bill Maher]

So you could picture them doing it. Why?

[Byron Allen]

I didn't do that. But you could.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, come on. You heard them and didn't picture them? You expect me to believe that?

[Byron Allen]

When I said no, I would. I'd actually picture. I thought.

[Bill Maher]

Were they attractive?

[Byron Allen]

Feral? Fairly.

[Bill Maher]

Fairly. Yeah. Well, that isn't A ringing endorsement to like getting a boner. I said fairly. What's wrong with you?

[Byron Allen]

Oh, we're talking to our penis now.

[Bill Maher]

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[Byron Allen]

So, yeah, I mean, I am not a big fan of. You know, I will say this.

[Bill Maher]

New Yorkers.

[Byron Allen]

I don't want to speak for all New Yorkers, but they definitely started to agree with us when Covid hit. And, man, did they run out of us.

[Bill Maher]

Agree about what?

[Byron Allen]

Agreed about not wanting to be in buildings with other people. Right. Yeah, they ran to Aspen. They ran everywhere, any place they could get.

[Bill Maher]

You know, that's one of my big bugaboos about COVID and the people who attack me about COVID Is that the bullshit of every time I turned on the tv, it was some version of we're all in it together? No, we're not. You fucking assholes. You fucking posers. Half of us are getting food delivered by the other half, and you're the half that's sitting home in your pajamas and talking about how much we're all in it together. No, you're going out to the Hamptons.

[Byron Allen]

You're going to a yacht.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, I know you're putting out Instagram political messages about it, and that's awesome, but basically you're the one who's insulated from. If we're really all in it together, I got an idea. How about we take turns about who's working for growth?

[Ad Read / Commercial Announcer]

Ah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, if we're really all in it together, maybe that should be something that has to get passed around so some of us are delivering some of the time instead of some of us delivering all of the time and some of us in our pajamas all the time.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yeah. You know, I have something I want to share with you about Johnny that you, I think you'll appreciate because I know how much you love him. You know, when I went to go, I had a once a week, one hour show called the Byron Allen Show.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I know.

[Byron Allen]

And it was once a week and it was on Saturdays at 11:30, blah, blah, blah.

[Bill Maher]

What year are we talking now?

[Byron Allen]

88. 89. About 88. 89.

[Bill Maher]

So. So real people's 88.

[Byron Allen]

Real people 79 to 84. And then. Okay, and this was 89 or so around late, late 80s.

[Bill Maher]

Did you keep up with Skip Stevenson?

[Byron Allen]

I loved Skip. Unfortunately, he passed away.

[Bill Maher]

He did.

[Byron Allen]

He had a heart attack. He was great. He was so. He was just a really good guy. He was a comedian. He just loved comedy. Loved. Remember every joke he ever heard. That was the thing that blew me away.

[Bill Maher]

But just his look and his name. He would have to literally be named white guy.

[Byron Allen]

I've never thought about that. That's hilarious.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Byron Allen]

Skip Stevenson. Yeah, that's hilarious.

[Bill Maher]

And the hair and the blonde from Nebraska sweater and the Skip Stevenson.

[Byron Allen]

He was great.

[Bill Maher]

I was like, is this. I always thought like, okay, you were on there. This is 1980. Things were very different racially in 1984. Were they saying like, okay, we've hired a black guy. We need to hire now the whitest that God ever put on this Greener. Looking at. Cut to looking at pictures. No Biff Willington. No Skip Stevenson.

[Byron Allen]

He's good. You know, how did I end up that show? You know, I ended up. I called him, remember? You remember Jim McCauley? Of course.

[Bill Maher]

He was the booker of comedians for the Tonight Show.

[Byron Allen]

So in our World.

[Bill Maher]

He was like the comedy God. He was. Yes. If you were the kind of person who blew people, you'd want to blow him.

[Byron Allen]

He was.

[Bill Maher]

Didn't cross my mind, but.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, Nor mine, But he. I called him up one day And I said, Mr. McCauley, you know, I would like to be on the Tonight show one day. You are, too. Well, didn't you call him?

[Bill Maher]

Of course you did.

[Byron Allen]

You didn't call him?

[Bill Maher]

No, no, no. It's just hysterical.

[Byron Allen]

So I called him up and I said, I'd like to be on.

[Bill Maher]

And you were what, 8?

[Byron Allen]

I was 17.

[Bill Maher]

17.

[Byron Allen]

And I said, I'd like to be on the show one day, and I just would love for you to take a look at my material and where I'm going with it and just make sure you think I'm on a track where, you know, Mr. Carson would appreciate. And he said, okay, when are you going to be. Where are you going to be next? I said, I'll be at the Improv tomorrow night. He says, I'll stop by. Okay. And I. You know, and the club, Wednesday night, improv. 20 people there, whatever. You know, it's a Wednesday night at that point. And he shows up and I did my act, and I said. And he. I said, thank you for coming, Mr. McCauley. I really appreciate it. He calls me a week later and he says, says, I want you to do the show. I went, whoa. I said, I'm sorry, sir. Really appreciate the offer, but I'm gonna pass. And my mom goes, what was that all about? And I said, mom, I'm not, you know, trying to do the Tonight Show. And one. And done. This is a marathon, not a sprint. When I do the show, I hope that I'm gonna get offers, and when I get offers, I want to be able to accept them. I'm in high school. I can't accept one offer.

[Bill Maher]

This is what you said.

[Byron Allen]

This is what I said to my

[Bill Maher]

mother in the movie version. I feel like it's someone who's much older having to say this to you. I personally was not of this maturity level at 17, but you're gallant and I'm goof as.

[Byron Allen]

No, no, no, no.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, it's just your centeredness at such a young age is really amazing.

[Byron Allen]

No, thank you. And my mom said, okay, I understand. So Johnny introduces me on the tonight. I turn 18, though. Yeah, I turn 18. It's about a week before I graduate from high school. And I'm like, okay, this is great. I know I'm gonna get out of high school. I'm gonna get into USC film school, and I'm gonna be able to play comedy clubs in the summer, make money, pay my tuition, and I'm off my mom's payroll, and I'm no longer a financial burden to my. This is my. A number one goal. Right. So I. Johnny says, we offered Byron the Tonight show, and he was 17. He turned it down because he had her homework. That is how Johnny introduced me.

[Bill Maher]

That's awesome.

[Byron Allen]

Right? So I go. And now I'm backstage, and I'm standing. You'll love this story. I'm backstage, I'm standing behind the curtain, and I'm joking with Jean. Jean, the Dancing Machine and Irv joke behind that curtain.

[Bill Maher]

I remember standing behind that while the band's playing. Yeah, that I'm. You were joking. I was. My pants.

[Byron Allen]

I was having fun. And because I had grown up there. Now, remember, I had been on that.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah.

[Byron Allen]

I had been on that studio lot for four years, since I was 14 years old. It was really.

[Bill Maher]

And you sat in the chair in episode two.

[Byron Allen]

And I sat in all this chair. I sat like that. That studio was an extension of my bedroom. It was an extension of my apartment because I'm waiting for my mom to get off work. So I'm at home in that studio, and I'm having fun with Irv and Jean. Jean. And my back is to the curtains, and they stop kind of joking and smiling. They stop smiling and just kind of get serious. And they go clear their throats and, like, signaling to turn around. And I turn around and it's Johnny Carson. And he says, don't worry, kids. You're gonna be great. Great.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[Byron Allen]

And when he said that to me, I thought, wow, this is my hero. I can make shares laugh.

[Bill Maher]

Bastard didn't do it to me.

[Byron Allen]

But he loved you. He loved you. He would not let me get away with two minutes of.

[Bill Maher]

Because you were a child star. It was a novelty act that they were. They were claiming credit for.

[Byron Allen]

I was 18. I was. I was a kid star. That's right.

[Bill Maher]

It's a little of both.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean. I mean, it's. I'm sure they wouldn't have done it if they didn't think you could score. I mean, because they. One thing they didn't like at that show. Failure.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, boy.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, Johnny was a tough taskmaster,

[Byron Allen]

let me tell you.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, you know, first of all, we keep talking about him, and if people are younger, first of all, they may be bored. I'm too bad. We love him. And he was an important guy in show business. But it's important to know if you even are interested at a younger age. Things were just so different. Beginning with, people had a much longer attention span.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, yes.

[Bill Maher]

This is pre phoned.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

So conversations could breathe.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, things could happen at a much slower pace. I get it. Things change. Technology, brains, whatever. I'm not fighting it. Even though I may lament it. I don't think it's better, but. Okay. But it just was different. Johnny could not survive today.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

As himself.

[Byron Allen]

No, no.

[Bill Maher]

He was right for his era.

[Byron Allen]

Perfectly right for his era. And I remember Macaulay would go over every word of your material, which is why I'm surprised you had that. That setback theory.

[Bill Maher]

I'm surprised, too, but maybe I, you know. Did you deviate? I did. Okay. That's what happened. Well, yeah, you deviated, probably. Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

You absolutely did.

[Bill Maher]

I guess I did.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, you did. And then now it was my.

[Bill Maher]

It was my sixth one.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

And I guess I thought after five, like, okay, yeah, now the king could take his court here at the Tonight show and just riff on. Yeah. Reagan getting shot.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, boy. And so. And then here. And now Jim McCauley, poor guy, he's walking around in adult diapers because you. Because that could end his career. And he's like. Because he would go over every word, every nuance. That's why I'm surprised you got away with that.

[Bill Maher]

It's such a perfect example of. Of why it's as bad as it is sometimes to be 70. It's better than 27. You're just so stupid. You do so many stupid things. The idea that anytime, like, after, hopefully 40, I would have been so dumb as to do that joke in front of that producer.

[Byron Allen]

You would never do it.

[Bill Maher]

You just never would do it. And I think there was a couple of times in those early years when I did something brash and kind of like. And I think they're for the grace of God, because I do think there's a couple of times I could have been one of those roadkill people who were like, you know, this kid is just an asshole. But luckily they were like, you know, I think he'll grow out of that. And he did.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And the talent is worth it. I mean, there it is. And I owe HBO a lot for that.

[Byron Allen]

Bingo.

[Bill Maher]

You know, they really. They're a network that really, like, they believe in how good you can be, not just how good you are.

[Byron Allen]

There you go.

[Bill Maher]

And that's a. That's, I would say, a key to their success because that's making. Makes artists really want to work with you.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah. And your success, you needed the right

[Bill Maher]

platform where you could shine.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Yeah. So that was it. And when he had me come out there and do the show, you know, I remember standing there. I remember standing behind the curtain, and I said, in the next five minutes, I'm going to go out here, I'm going to make these people laugh, and I'm going to change my life and my mom's life for the. For the better forever. And when they open that curtain. Boom. Hit the mark. Did it. Now fast forward. I go to. You'll love this. I go to do the Byron Allen show, and I go looking for a studio to take. And I said, let's go look at NBC. So we go to NBC and they show me every studio except Johnny's. And I said, you showed me. They go, which studio would you like to rent? I said, well, you showed me every studio except one. And they go, which one did we not show? I said, you didn't show me Johnny's studio. And everybody started chuckling and kind of getting nervous and a little nervous. Laughter. I said, no. I said, johnny's studio is the best studio in town. I said, it was designed by Bob Hope. And I said, it's a yes. With the stadium seating. Right, the stadium seating.

[Bill Maher]

Stadium seating.

[Byron Allen]

And I said, the problem with a lot of these television studios is that they put the audience in a pit. And we, as comedians, we can't have. We can't help but play to the people. And so when we go out there on stage, it's really tough because the camera's right there, but the people are below. And we keep playing to the people. And we're closing our eyes to the camera because we're looking down at the audience in the pit. And Bob Hope designed a television studio that has stadium seating and it rakes otherwise.

[Bill Maher]

A prick. But that really was a good thing. He did. No, he had some funny. He had a moment, a long moment. My parents loved him in World War II. Didn't like him later in life.

[Byron Allen]

So I said, that's the studio. It's the perfect studio. You hit the mark and your eyes are open and you're playing to the camera, and you're also able to play to the people because they're sitting right behind the camera. Best studio in town for a comedian. And I said, as a matter of fact, Bob Hope designed the studio and he gets to use it and tape his monologue for his TV specials. Cause he's doing specials every, you know, four weeks, eight weeks, whatever it was. They would just bring up Johnny's curtains and they would bring down Bob Hope's curtains and he would go and tape his monologue after Johnny finished his show at 6:30 and that would be his monologue for his special. I said, so here's the deal. I said, I've been watching Johnny personally since I was 14. He's back in his car and off the lot by 7 o' clock and on his way to Malibu at 7:01. I want to strike his set and I want to take his set out and on Saturday, on Friday night, on Friday night. And I said on Saturday I want you to put my set in. In on Sunday I will tape two shows and on Monday you'll put his set back in. Because he wasn't doing the show on Mondays at that point he was Tuesday to Friday. And I said, wasn't there a guest host? No, this was. They were doing Best of Johnny's on, on Monday at this point.

[Bill Maher]

Repeat on Monday.

[Byron Allen]

It was a repeat on Monday.

[Bill Maher]

So unthinkable today.

[Byron Allen]

So unthinkable today.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, right, Right.

[Byron Allen]

So I said, 7:01, my crew comes in, strike his set. Saturday, my set's in. Sunday, I knock out two shows. Monday you put them back in, and then he tapes Tuesday through Friday. They said he'll never do it. I said, just do me a favor, just one favor. Ask him and tell him the request is coming from me. Just say my name to him. He has watched me and he has. Because I've always made it a point to stand in the parking lot since the time I was 14 and say, hello, Mr. Carson. Hey, Mr. Carson, I saw your joke the other night that was very funny. And over the years I got him to know my name and then he put me on the Tonight Show. I said, just mention my name. So they go to him and they say they want to strike your set. Da da da da. He's like, you're out of your mind. Don't touch my set. Don't even think about it. And they said, oh, by the way, the request came from Byron Allen. Came from Byron Allen. Allen, Allen. He said, oh. He goes, let the kid strike my set.

[Bill Maher]

You're a ridiculous person. I'm telling you, you're just a ridiculous person. And if this isn't a Lifetime movie, then my name isn't Johnny Asshole. I mean, right?

[Byron Allen]

Come on, man, you'll love this. Come on, man.

[Bill Maher]

You.

[Byron Allen]

Look, Bill, you will love this, but just.

[Bill Maher]

Just in this one. How long have we been here? An hour. Just in this one hour. It's like. Like we've got a whole inspirational. I mean, no, really, every story is like, I know you don't need the money, but you should either be an inspirational speaker or, like, make this into a movie. Because this is. You know, every story is like. It's inspirational.

[Byron Allen]

But, no, you'll love this story because you love Johnny. And I love talking to somebody like you when we talk. So this is the why. This was, by the way. This was the crazy. It wasn't the craziest thing to ask. It was the crazy. The craziest thing is how much money I spent to strike his set every other week and put my set in. That is not how you make television. Please believe me when I tell you that, folks. So they say, okay, what parking spot do you want? Don't you dare ask for parking spot one. That's Johnny. They said, as a matter of fact, we gave you parking spot two next to Johnny. I said, absolutely not. I do not want parking spot number two. I would like to have parking spot spot number three. And they said, three.

[Bill Maher]

I go, yeah.

[Byron Allen]

I said, johnny has a white Corvette. At the time, I had a black car. I said, I'm not going to get out of my car and nick his white Corvette. I'm not getting my black paint on Johnny's white Corvette. I said, I was having lunch.

[Bill Maher]

You were always one chess move ahead of the rest of us, Byron. This is true.

[Byron Allen]

You'll love this. So I said, I was having lunch. I told myself I was having lunch with David Hart Horowitz. You'll remember David Horowitz. He had a. There's several David Horowitz, but this was on. He was on. On knbc. Fight Back with David Horowitz. He had a consumer advocate segment on knbc.

[Bill Maher]

Consumer Advocate.

[Byron Allen]

And so if you rip somebody off, David Horowitz would show up with a camera, right? And David was great. He was amazing, right? And we were having lunch in the commissary one day. And he was complaining about how they put his parking space in Siberia on the lot. Like, Dan, I'm way over, away from the studio.

[Bill Maher]

Why?

[Byron Allen]

For whatever reason, because he was local television. And all the national shows were taking up the parking spot over by the Tonight Show. I said, do me a favor. I said, give David Horowitz parking space number two. Do me. Give me that, and I'll take three, right? And my producer Will go over here, whatever. They said, okay. David pulls in. Byron, oh, my God, you're the best. I said, listen, David, you have a gold Mercedes. I said, do me a favor. I said, I'm gonna scooch over to the right, and I'm gonna encroach on Doc Severinson. He's spot number four. I said, and I want you to scoot over so you don't nick Johnny's car. Don't get your gold paint on Johnny's white Corvette. He goes, oh, this is a good thing now. So I get the parking space. Now, the reason I did this. And you'll like. I was able to have these three, four, five minute conversations with Johnny in the parking lot, right? And so I was able to say to John clever. And I would say, Johnny, Mr. Carson. I'd say, I saw your monologue. This is great. And I'd say, sir, did you get a chance to watch my show on Saturday night? Because he didn't go out. He goes, yeah, I did. I go, do you have any notes, sir, that you can give me? And those notes changed my mind. Changed my life and helped my mind, really. He said to me, in the nicest way, he says, byron, he goes, I want you to remember something. He said, I'm not really doing a talk show. He says, I'm doing a comedy show. He said, the first half hour is comedy. He says, I do a monologue, eight to ten minutes, and then I do a sketch. Sketch. And then I'll have on, you know, a celebrity, like halfway through, not a

[Bill Maher]

sketch, but a desk piece, whatever it was.

[Byron Allen]

Sometimes a comedy piece or. Yeah, but. Yeah, but, yeah, comedy piece. So monologue and then a comedy. Yes, Right.

[Bill Maher]

With Ed.

[Byron Allen]

With Ed, Right. Or whatever it was, right? And then he says, I'll have on celebrity number one, celebrity number two, good night. And he said, you know, and I don't jump in on the celebrity unless they're bombing. He says, police, let them shine. And your job is to step in when they're not shining, right? And he says, just pull back. But he goes, I'm doing a comedy show. And that's when I thought, you know what? I'm not gonna do the talk show. I'll just do a comedy show, and I'll just have comedians come on. I don't need to talk to celebrities and talk about a book or a movie or TV show that came out of that conversation with Johnny in the parking lot. Just. And also, I remember when I would go to Kanner's Deli or across the street from the Improv, the Mustache Cafe or whatever it was. The comedians, when we all sat around in a restaurant, everybody was funnier when we were together in that restaurant than on stage. Everybody was a little timid. They weren't themselves like they were, you know. But when they camedians, when the comedians around other comedians, they know, look, a comic knows when they walk into a room, they can be the funniest person if they want to be. But when they're around other comedians, it's a different sharpness, it's just a different focus. And I said, I like when comedians are together when we talk. It's a certain camaraderie that I've never

[Bill Maher]

gotten into that who's the funniest? It's such a silly subjective thing, not

[Byron Allen]

trying to be the funniest. In what way exactly?

[Bill Maher]

You know, there are certain ways I am and there's certain ways Adam Sandler is you are. And you know, it's like, it's just silly.

[Byron Allen]

You're right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, I mean, there are people who. Martin Short, Dana Carvey who just are like these laugh machines. They're just, they're certainly on a level that's energy wise. Different than me.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

Doesn't mean, even if I wasn't mean, I was just an audience, I'd be like, I love them and I love him too. It's just different sometimes. It's like sometimes you want to hear a upbeat song and you. And sometimes you want to hear, you know, me and Mrs. Jones, we got a thing going on and we both know it's wrong. Let's put that on the table. We both know it's wrong, but it's much too strong. I love it.

[Byron Allen]

It's much too strong.

[Bill Maher]

You remember that one?

[Byron Allen]

Oh, my God, I remember that. Oh, my God, that's great. That's so funny. So, yeah, I thought you'd appreciate that, you know, but that having that time and just learning from him was.

[Bill Maher]

What, what is this? What is the Snapchat thing? I read this. I, I not Snapchat.

[Byron Allen]

I bought buzzfeed. I buy buzzfeed's a publicly traded company and I ended up making an investment in it. And I, you know, BuzzFeed, BuzzFeed, I control and HuffPost.

[Bill Maher]

I think they.

[Byron Allen]

And Tusty.

[Bill Maher]

All these places have been horrible to me.

[Byron Allen]

Have they really?

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I certainly know Huffington Post has really. Oh, once Ariana left and it became like the most woke.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Ridiculous. Oh, my God.

[Byron Allen]

What'd they say about you? I don't even know.

[Bill Maher]

Do you own it?

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, now I own it. I just. I control 50. It's publicly traded. I control 52.

[Bill Maher]

Someone's. Now, have another drink, Bill. Oh, I'm gonna have a. I'm gonna have a tall one for that. Are you kidding?

[Byron Allen]

We've only known each other since, what, 1983.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

So I've owned it, I think all of two weeks. Three weeks.

[Bill Maher]

Well, let's give it another week before we have. I don't want to call it a witch. Hu. Frankly, that's what I hope it will be.

[Byron Allen]

But.

[Bill Maher]

No, no, they just have. I mean, they were like, peak woke. Yeah. And.

[Byron Allen]

And they came down on you pretty hard.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, for years. Which one?

[Byron Allen]

This is Huff Post.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Like, that's what I hate about the left, the purity. And that's what HuffPost I'm like. I'm worse than, like, Republicans because I'm not pure with their. And a lot of what they believe, of course, is. Is silly, insane, revolutionary garbage from people who don't know facts or history or perspective. But that's okay. I don't have grudges against. I don't even read it.

[Byron Allen]

There you go.

[Bill Maher]

But there's. What was the other one? BuzzFeed.

[Byron Allen]

BuzzFeed.

[Bill Maher]

But all these places are a bunch of snarky fucking millennial probably Nepo babies. I mean, I just know how these kids who have these jobs, how much they were indoctrinated before they got there, and they are not America. So I don't know. You don't read your own publications?

[Byron Allen]

Like I said, I'm there two or three weeks. At the end of the day, I do read it, and what I find is that, you know, there's that spectrum. You know, I learned very early on. A guy taught me. He was just a really good guy. I met him when I was 19 years old. His name was Al Masini, and he created Entertainment Tonight and Lifestyles Rich and Famous and Solid Gold. And I met him at a television convention, and he became like a second father to me. And he just said, wow, don't get caught up. He said, you know, Johnny, this guy,

[Bill Maher]

you're just like, you gotta go introduce yourself. Unbelievable.

[Byron Allen]

Just introduce yourself. Bill, they're there.

[Bill Maher]

I'm just gonna say, you just go to the. What about the Pope? You ever meet him?

[Byron Allen]

No, but I have gone to the Vatican.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Byron Allen]

And I went to Catholic school.

[Bill Maher]

You did?

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I was raised Catholic.

[Byron Allen]

Is that right? I was raised Catholic.

[Bill Maher]

I went to catechism, which is Catholic church training. Yeah, we had it on Sunday. Yeah, before church.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

My, my mother stayed home. She was not Catholic. I didn't know what she was until I was older. Jewish, it turned out. And my father and sister and I would go to church well before church, which I hated, of course. But the really bad thing was two hours before we were dropped off at catechism, which was I guess teaching you how to be Catholic.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

You. I remember giving 100 questions we were given on a mimeograph page that we had to memorize.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Where is God? God is everywhere.

[Byron Allen]

That's right. Did you go to confession every Friday?

[Bill Maher]

Yes. And confession, which I think Saturday, because

[Byron Allen]

I went every Friday.

[Bill Maher]

Whatever it was, it was close to Sunday because you didn't want to leave a window there when you might sit. Because once you went to confessions and spoke through the little screen there, you were free of all sins.

[Byron Allen]

Forgive me, Father.

[Bill Maher]

But there was a little bit of a gap between then when you got communion. You can't get communion unless you're free of all sins.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

So there was like an eight hour gap. It's a little like when the porn star gets tested and then there's still kind of like Saturday night. Yeah, but you know what I'm saying. I think you do.

[Byron Allen]

This is hilarious. I love this podcast. Another drink? This is great.

[Bill Maher]

But yes, I sat Saturday.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, you went Saturday Saturday.

[Bill Maher]

Because Sunday was when you got communion. And of course as a kid you're just, what fucking sins could I be doing as a seven year old? So you're like the anxiety. The anxiety that I remember one of mine.

[Byron Allen]

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I told my mother I would take the trash out by 5:00 o' clock and I did not do it until 5:30.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, shit like that. Exactly. And for that they put scars for life.

[Byron Allen]

I still remember it.

[Bill Maher]

Exactly.

[Byron Allen]

I still remember it 58 years later.

[Bill Maher]

Just the, you know your heart is pounding because you're seven and you were told, this man has your faith, you know, he can condemn you to hell.

[Byron Allen]

My heart was pounding until he said, you are forgiven.

[Bill Maher]

And then. Yeah, and then you would be given penance. And like he's got, okay, it's three Hail Marys for the lie. And. Yeah. And he would say, and of course the children. If only I'd known at the time. Of course he's not going to make it too onerous. It would be like say three Hail Marys and two heartfathers. And I'd be like, it's so funny.

[Byron Allen]

When I met my wife 25 years ago, she went into.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, really? 25 years? You've been married 25 years?

[Byron Allen]

We've been together 25.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[Byron Allen]

We've been married 19.

[Bill Maher]

How did you know she was the one?

[Byron Allen]

She said yes.

[Bill Maher]

We'll be right back.

[Byron Allen]

Jennifer's great. She's my best friend and she's just. She's just wonderful. I remember she walked into my closet and I had nothing.

[Bill Maher]

But you were in the closet?

[Byron Allen]

No, she walked into my closet in my one bedroom condo and she saw I had. It was nothing but black paint and white shirts and like blue sweaters. And she looks, she goes, this is your entire wardrobe. I go, yeah. She goes, did you used to wear a uniform? And I thought about it. I went, as a matter of fact, I did. And she said, this is crazy. We're throwing all this away. We're going to go buy some jeans. And I just didn't realize how I grew up with the uniform, like do everything straight over the plate. It was indoctrinated day one when I was a little kid.

[Bill Maher]

So you were living in a condo 25 years ago?

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, I was in a condo. I was in a one bedroom condo. Yeah. When I met my wife. Yeah. I was in a one bedroom.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. So your wealth came. Let your mogul period came. Not at all. In the last century. All in this century.

[Byron Allen]

For the most part.

[Bill Maher]

Yes.

[Byron Allen]

Exactly right. Exactly right. And you know, I realized early on it wasn't show business, it was business show.

[Bill Maher]

My kid Rock was here and he goes, I love being rich. And all I could say was, I do too. I mean, come on, why should we hide it, right? Especially when we were poor.

[Byron Allen]

Well, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, it's just, it's just, it's like the, you know, there's a reason why it's so popular. Because it's just such a lubricant.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Like, more than. Cause I'm not an acquirer of things.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

Like, I don't collect anything that, you know, motorcycles, cars, you know, paintings.

[Byron Allen]

Smart.

[Bill Maher]

Like jewelry. None of that gives me any pleasure.

[Byron Allen]

Smart. But it's just, you know, what does, what does?

[Bill Maher]

My delicate Christian wife, Sue, and our two homeschool children. No, I'm sorry, that's not my. My life at somebody else. You know, my work.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Love.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Friends.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, just my. I. I'm a person of routine. I get it. I get pleasure out of being anal and just. I, I have a job that's been the same job for 23 years. That's. You Know, I. I like that. I like the process. I like feeling that it's, you know, something people are feeling fulfilled by. I mean, you need a purpose to wake up in the day. And I just. But I have no material. There's no, you know, I don't need a lot of money to do the things people do with money. I mean, for all the people who are, like, always talking about, you know, their virtues, signaling about the poor and everything. Well, you spend a lot of money on things you don't specifically really need. You could. We could all do that. We could all just, you know, this jacket is $5,000. I could just not have it and still have plenty of clothes and give $5,000. But we all think, well, is it really going to get there? If I thought it really would go direct, if I could somehow telepathically put it in the pockets.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

I don't think I'd ever buy another $5,000 jack jacket.

[Byron Allen]

Is that right?

[Bill Maher]

If I could really do that. Because I have 15.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

Some people have 500.

[Byron Allen]

Right, right, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And are still buying.

[Byron Allen]

That's right. That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Which one are you?

[Byron Allen]

You know, in my personal life, you

[Bill Maher]

know, how many jackets do you have personally?

[Byron Allen]

Not that many. For the show, we have a wardrobe. But look, I'm jeans.

[Bill Maher]

I'm not counting the show.

[Byron Allen]

Oh, right.

[Bill Maher]

That's a wardrobe. That's business.

[Byron Allen]

That's wardrobe.

[Bill Maher]

That's wardrobe.

[Byron Allen]

I like jeans.

[Bill Maher]

Please. We cannot be people who are male models. We cannot be seen just wearing anything on television. Byron. I mean, the people would revolt.

[Byron Allen]

I have a hole in my jean right here. I like. I just want soft jeans, tennis shoes. I want to be comfortable.

[Bill Maher]

Right?

[Byron Allen]

I like being comfortable.

[Bill Maher]

Me too.

[Byron Allen]

I can't wait. I'm at home. I like to put on my soft pajamas and T shirt and just hang out with the wife and kids.

[Bill Maher]

Although I also must say, I kind of like. I wouldn't want to do it a lot, but when there is a reason to put a suit on, you know, you look good in a suit. Yeah. The suit is designed for men.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, it's just somebody did that years ago and we went, oh, this thing makes me look better. Just sort of visually.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, you can be a fat fuck and you're still under a suit. Like, the thing is cut here, it covers up a lot. Or if you are in good shape, you know, even better. Even. Of course, even better. Yeah. Frames.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bill Maher]

And the tie. No reason for a tie, Right? I mean, what's the reason for a tie.

[Byron Allen]

It's an odd thing, a tie.

[Bill Maher]

It's an odd thing.

[Byron Allen]

It is.

[Bill Maher]

Do you know what causes disease now?

[Byron Allen]

What?

[Bill Maher]

The tie.

[Byron Allen]

How was this?

[Bill Maher]

I tell you, I love that we're talking like, David Mamet characters now. Suddenly. It's now just. And here's the thing. Because doctors in hospitals will be wearing a tie and they will lean. You know, there's a lot of bacterial infections in hospitals. It's one of the main reasons why you don't want to be in a hospital.

[Byron Allen]

Never.

[Bill Maher]

Because whatever you go in with, you could get something worse in there.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

It's where the germs live.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

So don't wear a tie that could, like, as you're bending over the patient. I'm not making that up.

[Byron Allen]

That's a great. That's great.

[Bill Maher]

That happened.

[Byron Allen]

Great observation.

[Bill Maher]

And like our one here, Cedars Sinai. Very good hospital.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

And like, they're. They're a good hospital with a good rating because they don't do stupid. Stupid just like this. They really don't and. Yeah, but no reason for the tie.

[Byron Allen]

No.

[Bill Maher]

Aside from killing dudes. People. Except it kind of, again, frames us. There's something about it that works with the V of the suit.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

Do you like to go on vacation?

[Bill Maher]

Ah, great question. You know, I used to see you in Hawaii.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

Because for 12 years.

[Byron Allen]

Maui.

[Bill Maher]

I did Maui in Honolulu. People know this. They, you know.

[Byron Allen]

But perform.

[Bill Maher]

Perform. I started at a time when no one would do it, and I. I broke that market.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

And said New Year's Eve, who wouldn't want to be? And, you know, then everybody did it, so they crowded me out of my own market. Okay. But it was awesome. And I would bring people. I'd see you there.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, it was just a wonderful time. What was the question?

[Byron Allen]

Where do you like to go vacation?

[Bill Maher]

Do you like to go vacation?

[Byron Allen]

No.

[Bill Maher]

Once that ended, that was my vacation. And even then, it was a working vacation.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, I did two shows. I did Honolulu and I did Maui in four days. But, you know, I also was on the beach and body surfing, and it was so awesome. And I'd bring people and, you know, it was just fun. It was one of those great things you can do when you're, you know, I couldn't have done it when I was 30. I had other things that were good then, but I certainly couldn't have brought a gang of people on a private plane to Hawaii. Every fucking New Year's.

[Byron Allen]

Isn't that great?

[Bill Maher]

It was awesome. And, you know, got to like this, but for four days.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

With people who I was getting to know, you know? Yeah, yeah. I got to know Nikki Glazer that way. Lots of people. Lots of people I got to know that way. Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

You know, but you would always bring these great comedians.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, it was fun.

[Byron Allen]

The. Natasha.

[Bill Maher]

But no, I. Natasha, yeah, absolutely.

[Byron Allen]

Natasha. Legera. She's amazing.

[Bill Maher]

I remember she had a baby at home at the time. She was not going to do it. She was like, no, I'm a newborn. I was like, yeah, but it's Hawaii. Okay. But, yeah, everybody was. Was always. It was great. But any place. Vacation. No, I mean, I don't tour anymore. I did that for over 40 years.

[Byron Allen]

You don't go out and do dates anymore.

[Bill Maher]

No, I stopped. You know, everything comes to an end. I mean, I feel like I quit at just the right time because, oh,

[Byron Allen]

my God, you're worth a million. Two million a night.

[Bill Maher]

Not a night. But, I mean, it was very lucrative. I played all the great theaters in this country. Country.

[Byron Allen]

You and a couple of more comics, you could do arenas.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I would never do anything with other comics. I feel like you should.

[Byron Allen]

Well, you did New Year's Eve.

[Bill Maher]

New Year's Eve.

[Byron Allen]

You would take other comedians and open for.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yes, you're right.

[Byron Allen]

Did you forget that? Okay, let's have another drink.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. Okay. Once a year. You're right. You're right. I did.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I didn't like it. I mean, I love them, but, like, I feel like comedy is especially the kind of. I. It's just so distinctive. I just. I think all comedy is not just mine. It's all so distinctive.

[Byron Allen]

Would you rather just do it by yourself?

[Bill Maher]

It's just hard. Yeah, Yeah, I always did. When I went on the road, I never had an opening act and.

[Byron Allen]

Well, how much time would you do?

[Bill Maher]

Hour and a half to two.

[Byron Allen]

Jesus.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I mean, I think that's what people buy a ticket to see you at that level.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, I mean, they're not there to see an opening act, and that's okay. I mean, I mean, that, to me, is one of the great things about. I mean, we're really privileged to do that, to, like, go out in front of a group of people who bought a hard ticket to see you, which means they really get you.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

It's such a. It was such a joy. Hopefully for them, I think usually it was. But for me, Too. Just to be able to indulge myself with people who I know. You get me fully. You bought this ticket. You're not just a fair weather fan, you know, and it's like, just like it is in a romantic relationship with somebody to be with somebody who really gets you.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

When that's the audience, it is almost intimate. It is intimate. Yeah. It's wonderful.

[Byron Allen]

I mean, listen, I'm surprised you're not out there. I didn't know you had retired. I mean, I can't stand the travel.

[Bill Maher]

I'm a bad. I'm a nervous travel.

[Byron Allen]

You're flying privately.

[Bill Maher]

I was. For the whole century. Well, what? Even that became too much.

[Byron Allen]

I'm telling you to drive to Van Eyes and get on a private jet.

[Bill Maher]

Correct.

[Byron Allen]

What's the problem?

[Bill Maher]

Correct.

[Byron Allen]

What's the problem?

[Bill Maher]

First of all, some. The. The. I'm. I'm. I'm not going to sit here and like, complain about private jets. But you know what?

[Ad Read / Commercial Announcer]

It.

[Bill Maher]

I will.

[Byron Allen]

I want to hear this.

[Bill Maher]

No, no. I've always been very honest about it. I did a fun. You're always very honest about this. On Real Time once saying. And I remember turning right to the camera and saying, I'm Bill and I apply private. I mean, I did a whole thing that. And because everybody. I said, at least I'm honest about it. Everybody else who's an environmentalist, I showed all the pictures of them getting on private planes.

[Byron Allen]

There you go.

[Bill Maher]

None of them don't do it. Carbon offsets. Bullshit.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. We live in this age where if you can fly private, you do. I was always for a gig. It wasn't like I was even paying for the plane. I mean, I was, in a way, because I was making less on the gig, but I still made money on the G. I just wouldn't have done it if I had to fly. Many of them I couldn't even get to on the schedule. I had to be here Friday to tape Real Time. So how am I gonna be on stage in fucking Wisconsin? Okay. So it became, first of all, too many crypto assholes with too much money

[Byron Allen]

started buying up the jets, chasing too few jets.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I never bought. I didn't want to own one.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Because then everything is yours.

[Byron Allen]

Problem.

[Bill Maher]

You have to hire the pilot and keep them on. You have to get a hangar. You have to do the landing. Right.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

I was like.

[Byron Allen]

No, the maintenance, the whole.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, let me just. And also, when you have a. This happened a few times. If you're renting it and it doesn't work on the Runway. Which happened more and more. Just one reason I'm stopping more and more there was the, ah, there's something wrong with the computer.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Like they will get you another plane.

[Byron Allen]

Not as pretty, not as good does or better. Or better.

[Bill Maher]

I've had. I was once halfway to Florida, problem, flew all the way back to LA and they had a much bigger, faster plane waiting for me. That's the advantage over not having your plane, as most of you people listening know. If it's one thing I tell the young comedians, relate to your audience. Do things they can relate to. For God sakes,

[Byron Allen]

go out there and do the first half hour about your private jet.

[Bill Maher]

But I can't believe it. But it's true. Too many crypto assholes chasing too many jets.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And too many. Like the number of times there was like, oh, there's a problem, just increased. I don't know why that is. I don't know if the jets got worse or maybe it was just people who were stoned who were working in this industry. I don't know. But it just was. I. I never had a good feeling even about the private jet. Like, is there going to be some problem today?

[Byron Allen]

Right. So you're afraid to fly.

[Bill Maher]

I'm not afraid to fly for years. I'm not afraid. I'm afraid of getting there late because they gonna come back and say, we're having a problem. The computer isn't talking.

[Byron Allen]

How many Fridays do you do real time? How many Fridays out of the year?

[Bill Maher]

36.

[Byron Allen]

All right, so you have all year. Okay, it's all year. So you have the other. Like you have 10 Fridays where you're not. Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Where I may not want to work at all. Mostly I was flying out Saturday morning after taping Real Time on Friday. Honestly, by.

[Byron Allen]

But you can do concerts on Mondays and Tuesdays.

[Bill Maher]

People would come see, I can't. I'm working here.

[Byron Allen]

Monologue.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I'm doing everything. This, this show takes all week to put together.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

But honestly, it's been a year and a half since I've been there. And it does, it's. When I think of it now, it's like, how did I ever do it?

[Byron Allen]

How'd you put your material together? How'd you put your material together? Because you didn't hit the comedy clubs. How did you put your hour and a half together?

[Bill Maher]

Interesting point that's come up before. At a certain point, I didn't understand why anyone else needed to, like, if you've been doing stand up for 30 years.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

You don't know what will happen. I don't know.

[Byron Allen]

I know, right?

[Bill Maher]

I'm not saying I'm Superman. I'm just saying I didn't have to go to the clubs.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

And I wasn't wrong.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

And if occasionally something didn't get quite the laugh I thought it would. I don't remember anything. Just completely dying.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

I remember jokes trying out. Of course, that's the process where it was like, yeah, it worked. No one was embarrassed. But I can beat it. So I'm getting rid of it in the end. But, you know, every time I did something for the first time, it got something.

[Byron Allen]

Got it.

[Bill Maher]

You know, it just. I just. I can just tell.

[Byron Allen]

And you can Keep track of 90 minutes of material without working the clubs.

[Bill Maher]

I loved the process there, too. I'm a process person. I always took on stage and had a music stand and I had my bullet points. Okay. And so I did not have to memorize my act.

[Byron Allen]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

And I would then have that. Those bullet points in the computer. I'd get home, I'd edit it. So day every. Every show is an updated version of what worked. You know, as opposed to in the old days when I was writing on a yellow legal pad. This was, like, awesome. I could just do it in the computer. And now next time I'm on the road, I have the act right up to date and also don't have to memorize it. Cause it's gonna be up there with me. And I get great pleasure out of the fact that I moved this joke two jokes earlier and it worked so much better. All that little tinkering shit.

[Byron Allen]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

That nerdy shit. That's what. I loved it.

[Byron Allen]

Yes. Yes. Yeah. So you can go. You could play spots and do theaters in la. I could do a lot of San Diego.

[Bill Maher]

I could start skiing. I don't want to. Yeah. I mean, I loved it and I miss it a lot sometimes, but not as much because I have a monologue I do every week on Real Time that scratches that itch. And it's even better in a way, because it's a different animal than doing standup, which is, you know, much more passionate, shall we say, because it's your act about evergreen things. And the monologue is just what happened that week. But it's still fun to tell jokes. And it's very much fun, as you well know, to tell jokes you've never told before. Yes. And see if you can, like, do It. It's a test. Can I do this joke I've never told before and still fucking nail it?

[Byron Allen]

Right. Can you find humor in this?

[Bill Maher]

Can you just find humor but nail it, like, in performance and how it should be done and, you know, mostly, but not always, because it's the first time.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, it's great.

[Bill Maher]

It's great.

[Byron Allen]

Once you're a comedian, you're always a comedian. See, you nailed it. You are scratching that itch because you're doing the monologue on your show.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

If you didn't have the monologue on your show, then you probably. You'd have to get back out on the road.

[Bill Maher]

There is not a time I am standing right backstage before the show starts when I don't think to myself, enjoy this, because this is kind of what you live for. It's to be able to walk out here every week and they're all ready for you. And. And you've got all, you know, you got all these great jokes from my great writers. And, you know, you put them just the way you want them now. So you made it into a thing, and now you get to deliver this. And people will take it as a gift you're giving, and they'll like you for your gift you gave them of this monologue, like, that's not going to be there in my life forever unless I die, like, the day after my last show, which is possible. Andy Rooney did it. Andy Rooney literally, like, died like, a week after he was doing 60 Minutes.

[Byron Allen]

Is that right?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Byron Allen]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

And I'm no Andy Rooney, so I'll probably be living happy. But each time I go out, I do think that. I do think that, wow, this is as much fun as you're gonna have with your pants on ever.

[Byron Allen]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

So enjoy it and know it. At one point, it's gonna be the last one, so enjoy this one, too.

[Byron Allen]

And you don't know when the last one is. And you just. You have to enjoy.

[Bill Maher]

You don't.

[Byron Allen]

You don't. You have to enjoy it. But, you know, so. All right, so you said something earlier that's really intriguing. Like, you like Johnny in that the girls. And the girls would notice you in the whole night yards. So you become rich and famous. When you were talking earlier, you're talking about, you know, you know, the girls like you because comedy. What's cooler than this? Yeah, you got the attention of the young ladies.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I mean, if you're really into that, you'd be a musician. Comedy is.

[Byron Allen]

But you don't have any musical Talent.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, exactly. So it's not really up to you.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, I have zero musical talent.

[Bill Maher]

You know, I mean, comedy is just not in the same ballpark as music.

[Byron Allen]

That's exactly right.

[Bill Maher]

And that's fine. It probably saved us from some, too. A lot. We. We would have gotten laid more, but we did fine and not survived as long and. Yeah. And we didn't have to, like, snort a column of ants or something, you know? You know, we just. And also, I think it weeded out women of a certain, shall we say, passive IQ level. Like comedy. I kind of have to have a brain to appreciate it.

[Byron Allen]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

You know.

[Byron Allen]

Right. So you. You. You've had a great life. Is there anything else you want to.

[Bill Maher]

Well, let's not talk about it like it's over.

[Byron Allen]

It's not over. You've had a great life so far. When you think about. When you think about the fact that

[Bill Maher]

you said, I'm having one, you're having a great one.

[Byron Allen]

But listen, you've been doing what you love since you're, what, 22, 23?

[Bill Maher]

Well, I certainly didn't love it then. It sucked. At what age did you start then? And it was horrible. I mean, you know, those early years.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah, yeah, but, I mean, you. But think about it. You started at 22, 23 years old, what you wanted to do.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Oh, no. I mean, all my dreams came true. I don't want to have to sound like Elvis when he made the. All my dreams came true. Yeah, they did. But they didn't work out for you. Dead at 42. I'm still here at 70. My dreams did come true. I mean, along the way, you know, both me fucked up and life fucked up. Sometimes some things could have worked out better, but in general, it's like I would not. I've said this before. I would hope there is no such thing as reincarnation because I don't think I would pick a better life. You know, I don't think I'm gonna. If I'm reincarnated, whatever I come back on as, I don't think it'd be better than this one. It could be. I could come back as Rod Stewart or something, but the odds of it being better, slim.

[Byron Allen]

You know what that means? You're very happy.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. Again, you know, our generation, first of all, just accepts a much lower level of happiness. We don't have a sense of entitlement like it came about in later generations.

[Byron Allen]

So what's the story? I'm just curious. And we've known each other a long time. I mean, you're completely off the possibility of marriage.

[Bill Maher]

Well, at 70, I think that's silly.

[Byron Allen]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, why would you get married except to have kids? And you wouldn't have kids at 70. I mean, not that people haven't done it, but it's a crazy thing to do. It's a crazy thing to do. I love being this age because it's a built in excuse for being what I wanted. An excuse from. For. For all my life.

[Byron Allen]

What's that?

[Bill Maher]

I can't get that serious. And I won't have children. All right, I got to go back to work.

[Byron Allen]

All right, man.

[Bill Maher]

Great hanging with you.

[Byron Allen]

So much fun.

[Bill Maher]

Congratulations on being Byron Allen. You somehow came out on top.

[Ad Read / Commercial Announcer]

You as well.

[Bill Maher]

I bet you have more more money than Seinfeld.

[Byron Allen]

I bet he has more cars. Random. Hi, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Are you looking for a beach read this summer?

[Bill Maher]

May I see?

[Byron Allen]

Suggest your big wireless bill. It's got suspense, mystery, a slightly flat emotional arc, and a shocking twist where you realize you've been overpaying the entire time. Fortunately, though, Mint's story is better. Every plan, $15 a month. Even unlimited.

[Bill Maher]

That's it.

[Byron Allen]

Happy ending, zero tears. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

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[Byron Allen]

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