David Cross | Club Random with Bill Maher

Summary

Club Random with Bill Maher: David Cross

Release Date: April 27, 2026
Host: Bill Maher
Guest: David Cross

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Episode Overview

In this lively, wide-ranging conversation, comedian David Cross joins Bill Maher at Club Random for a deeply candid, frequently funny, occasionally heated exploration of cultural change, comedy, cancel culture, social norms, free speech, AI, and parenting. The episode avoids political horse-race talk and instead zooms in on their shared backgrounds in comedy, their frustrations with contemporary discourse, and the challenges—and joys—of raising kids in a rapidly evolving society. The mood alternates between sharp banter and meaningful reflection, with both comedians weighing in honestly on topics like cancel culture, progressive bubbles, political identity, and trans issues—sometimes agreeing, sometimes butting heads.

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Key Discussion Points & Timestamps

Reuniting, Comedy Roots, & Aging [02:16–05:58]

• Bill and David reunite after years without seeing each other, reminiscing about early comedy days and their last encounter on “Real Time.”
• David shares stories about his legendary father-in-law, Russ Hamblin, who seems to have Forrest Gump-like run-ins with famous figures.
• Both reflect on the strangeness of aging, especially in show business and comedy.
• Memorable quote:
  • David (re: aging comedian circles): “It’s amazing the things you haven’t done.” [04:31]

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Cancel Culture, Progress, and the Left [06:58–17:07]

• Bill and David reflect on changing liberal attitudes, especially how ‘progressivism’ today refuses to acknowledge the progress already made.
• Cross talks about doing a blackface satire sketch on Netflix’s “Mr. Show” revival and having the entire episode pulled—a tangible, hard form of "canceling."
• They nuance the concept, distinguishing “soft canceling” (like being snubbed for awards) from outright blacklisting.
• The two agree that much of modern progressive activism lacks a sense of humor or proportion.
• Notable exchange:
  • David: “I have a real issue with the idea of cancel culture... I think it’s accorded more power than it really has—and I say that as someone who literally...”
  • Bill: “Sometimes they want to say people aren’t canceled. There are gradations of it. There’s soft canceling, there’s hard canceling...” [14:33]

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The Comedic Line—Satire and Sensitivity [17:18–19:01]

• Cross shares the experience of being booed or hissed for edgy comedy in left-leaning cities, noting “it’s not so cut and dry... people’s sense of humor gets blocked by emotion.”
• Both agree that crossing party lines or making tough jokes is fundamental to their work.
• Quote:
  • “That means you’re doing something right.” — Bill Maher [18:38]

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Performing Regions, Touring Life, and Quitting Standup [19:06–23:09]

• Discussion of performing in different regions; Bill preferred red states for “liberal crowds in red states” and notes they usually “don't have a stick up their ass.”
• Bill explains his retirement from standup, prompted by age (70) and the exhausting physical toll of travel.
• David reminisces about his own grueling tours and travel logistics.
• Quote:
  • Bill: “I thought, oh, that’s a good number to go... It’s not healthy, travel in general.” [21:00]

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Comedy & Fatherhood [22:26–25:38]

• Both discuss losing pets and the emotional calculus of deciding when it’s time to let them go.
• Humor arises over the “piss tube” invention for aging men and riffs on late-night TV ads targeting elderly viewers.
• Notable riff:
  • David: “It suddenly dawns on me every commercial is for old people who have to go to the bathroom in a different way.” [25:13]

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Originality, Invention, and the American System [26:55–28:52]

• Bill jokes about American capitalism: original ideas are quickly stolen unless you have deep pockets for legal battles.
• Compares this to how third-party politics get co-opted by the two main parties.
• Quote:
  • “It is amazing how we get locked into Coke or Pepsi.” — Bill Maher [28:15]

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Political Systems & Tribalism [29:00–33:24]

• David argues for the virtues of multi-party parliamentary systems, coalition governments, and broader political representation.
• The two note that successful coalition-building forces compromise and can prevent the culture from swinging too far in any direction.

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Progress, Backlash, and Political Identity [33:24–42:42]

• Bill points to progress within the Republican Party—more diversity, less overt bigotry among “rank and file.”
• Cross, skeptical, highlights the openness of today’s right-wingers to “white Christian nationalism.”
• They debate what "real" racism and misogyny mean in contemporary U.S. politics versus the past.
• The segment moves into discussion on socialism, American ambition, and the contrast with the Scandinavian social model.
• Quote:
  • Bill: “Happiness is not just what you have, but what you don’t have to worry about.” [43:49]

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Socialism, Happiness, and the U.S. Mentality [42:44–47:45]

• David admires Scandinavian countries for their social policies, arguing that “it’s probably better” for happiness.
• Bill acknowledges the benefits but observes Americans trade some security for a shot at bigger individual rewards.
• They riff on cultural sayings—e.g., “cutting down the tall trees” in Canada versus U.S. tolerance for mega-success.
• Quote:
  • David: “The sense of community [in Brooklyn] is so fucking strong.” [103:10]

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Touring, Commercial Success, and Show Business [47:47–55:03]

• Cross recaps his touring routine (80–110 shows per cycle), challenges of logistics, and how he balances career with being home for his daughter.
• Bill probes Cross about raising his 9-year-old, who’s “just now” realizing what her dad does for a living.
• Touching moment: David’s daughter, after watching him on stage, asked, “Dad, is it okay to be proud of you?” [54:50]

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Theatre, Acting, and Comedy on Stage [55:59–67:01]

• Bill and Cross discuss David’s recent work in "Tartuffe" with Matthew Broderick, the artistry of Molière, and how classic themes remain relevant—the gullibility of the public (“Orgon”) and charlatan figures (“Tartuffe”).
• They riff on the arbitrary nature of show business success, network decisions, and the peculiar suspicion towards comedians as actors.
• Quote:
  • “The best hours. And you were—” (discussing sitcom production) — David Cross [67:38]

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AI, Aging, and Technology Fears [77:17–84:41]

• A playful and serious exchange about AI, with both comedians amazed and concerned—especially after seeing “deepfake” videos.
• Bill predicts mass social shifts when AI/robotic sexual partners become a reality, and worries about “normalizing” destructive behaviors.
• They agree AI will certainly bring “a lot of bad things,” not just promise.

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Bubbles, Parenting, and Diversity [83:42–105:44]

• Bill teases David about living in a Brooklyn “bubble.” David affirms that his bubble is “for his daughter,” offering safety from the worst of the outside world.
• The topic segues into discussions of progressive parenting, access to diversity, and what it means to raise tolerant children.
• Bill wonders if there’s a risk of missing “diversity of thought” when in a political/cultural bubble.

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Trans Youth and “Culture War” Lightning Rods [85:03–111:38]

• They engage—sometimes tensely, sometimes with humor—over trans issues, sports and puberty blockers:
  • Bill expresses serious reservations about the “American outlier” status around early transitioning and medical interventions, arguing for caution.
  • David, strongly pro-trans, trusts the experience of trans kids he knows and argues most regret rates are exaggerated.
  • Both agree the 1980s/1990s went “too far the other way,” never discussing gender diversity; now, perhaps, some places go too far in the other direction.
• Much of the exchange underscores their different assumptions about science, risk, and the boundaries of parental/children’s autonomy.
• Memorable exchange:
  • Bill: “You’re just why [Hillary Clinton] lost.” [107:50]
  • David: “I just disagree with you.” [108:23]
  • Bill: “Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” [108:19]

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Reflections on Friendship, Comedy, and Society [111:27–End]

• Despite disagreements, Bill and David affirm mutual respect, a fondness that persists even as their cultural critiques diverge.
• David plugs his new special, "The End of the Beginning of the End."
• The two riff on living in New York vs. LA, homeownership headaches, and how they hope to be raising good, tolerant people.

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Notable Quotes

• “That means you're doing something right.” (on being heckled for edgy jokes)
  — Bill Maher [18:38]

• “It’s not so cut and dry... people’s sense of humor gets blocked by emotion.”
  — David Cross [18:39]

• “Happiness is not just what you have... it’s what you don’t have to worry about.”
  — Bill Maher [43:49]

• “Dad, is it okay to be proud of you?”
  — David Cross recounting his daughter's words [54:50]

• “We voted for the same person. You’re just why she lost.”
  — Bill Maher (to David, re: progressive policies) [107:50]

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Tone and Takeaways

• Tone: Candid, witty, occasionally acerbic, grounded by mutual respect and a willingness to tackle hard questions without flinching.
• Major themes:
  • The shifting nature of comedy and what’s “allowed.”
  • The gradiations of cancel culture and social consequences.
  • American attitudes towards progress, backlash, and political tribalism.
  • The difficulty—and necessity—of speaking honestly and keeping a sense of humor.
  • The challenges and joys of parenting in a rapidly changing world.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a microcosm of the broader American culture wars, but with a unique comedic undercurrent: two comedy veterans trading stories, jokes, and serious points in a way that manages to be both sharp and heartfelt. There’s genuine honesty—sometimes discomfort, always intelligence—and a good dose of laughter about everything from tour logistics and piss tubes to deep differences about progress, risk, and social change. Both men seem keenly aware they walk a fine line in today’s discourse—and neither shies away from doing so.

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Recommended for:

• Fans of honest, unfiltered talk about culture, comedy, politics, and parenting
• Listeners curious about the nuts-and-bolts of standup & showbiz life
• Those seeking both candor and humor on complex, hot-button issues

Skip if:

• You’re looking for breezy banter without any thorny debates
• You don’t enjoy strong opinions or the occasional generational clash

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(All timestamps MM:SS approximate for main content, skipping ads and promos)

Transcript

[Bill Maher]

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[Podcast Host / Announcer]

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[Bill Maher]

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[David Cross]

but anyone can get the same Premium

[Bill Maher]

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[David Cross]

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[Bill Maher]

to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Podcast Host / Announcer]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee full [e-mail] breaking news.

[Bill Maher]

Our merch just got a full revamp with all all new designs and items. So if you want a little more random in your life, head over to club random.com and check out the store. We've got premium hoodies including our brand new quad hoodies with the updated logo, super soft T shirts, super soft for men and women, and even tie dye shirts. All merch is available [e-mail] while you're there, catch up on recent episodes and grab some swag and bring a little random home. Once again, that's clubrandom.com you know. Now on Bringing Up Chunky could you

[David Cross]

tell me the logline for bringing up Chunky? I'm curious. Club Random Random. A snob. I did not see it for a reason. I just didn't see it.

[Bill Maher]

I'm personally offended that you didn't see it. David.

[David Cross]

Hey. I let myself in and I started without you. I hope that's okay.

[Bill Maher]

How are you man? How are you?

[David Cross]

Good.

[Bill Maher]

I rushed here I couldn't bear to keep you waiting.

[David Cross]

But how are you out of place?

[Bill Maher]

Literally was just.

[David Cross]

You didn't jog here from your.

[Bill Maher]

No, no, no, no. But I ran from my house.

[David Cross]

Please take a seat.

[Bill Maher]

And I almost never do this on a Friday, but I would not miss the opportunity. I haven't seen you and. How long has it been?

[David Cross]

I mean.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, gotta be at least a decade. That's up even. No, no, like I say, last year. No, no.

[David Cross]

Oh, gosh, it was pre Covid, that's for sure. I did the show.

[Bill Maher]

But that's a long time.

[David Cross]

My father in law was very excited to meet you. You got high with my father in law?

[Bill Maher]

Where was this at Real Time?

[David Cross]

Yeah, it was afterwards also. There was like a.

[Bill Maher]

You did real Time?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[David Cross]

And then we. We went out. My. My father in law's huge fan of mine, so he came along and I will.

[Bill Maher]

How do you get along with your father in law?

[David Cross]

Oh, really great. I mean, he's. He's a legend. You know, it's Russ Hamblin.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, right.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah. And he's just right. His stories are insane.

[Bill Maher]

And like, what?

[David Cross]

I mean, well, like the. The stories mostly of. In a. In a kind of Forrest Gumpian way. Like. Ah. You know, I was hanging out and then Charlie gave Charlie Manson a. He was hitchhiking. And then when I was. And then I had to go into the army and they had me teach Elvis Presley. I mean, just these crazy stories and.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I know people like that. That's funny. We're getting to that age where you realize at a certain age, like, it's amazing the things you haven't done.

[David Cross]

Are you talking about me specifically?

[Bill Maher]

No, no, no. Just in general. Almost anything somebody can name. Yeah, that happened to me. You know, like, you live long enough and you'll do everything.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And meet a lot of people. I mean, I already could, like. I mean, probably list 50 people who have been guests on either Politically Incorrect or Real Time who are now dead.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I'm not bragging and I didn't kill them. No, but I'm just saying as a marker.

[David Cross]

You're saying there's a connection there?

[Bill Maher]

I'm saying as a marker of time passing.

[David Cross]

Right, right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, I do remember when the first guest. We used to have a list of all the guests.

[David Cross]

Wouldn't it be great if I died right now? I just had a massive.

[Bill Maher]

Well, Dave, great for me. Yes. For the publicity. You, not so much. You look like you're having a good life. So we don't want to cut that short.

[David Cross]

Yeah, no, no, I'm fine.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, you're wearing shorts, which it's

[David Cross]

F. You know, 100, whatever, 89 degrees out there. Whatever.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, it could be 900 degrees. I wouldn't wear shorts, like at night to an interview. But that's me. You're a different cat. I mean, I admire it in a way. It's like I don't have that kind of confidence.

[David Cross]

I guess you wouldn't want me to be uncomfortable.

[Bill Maher]

No, no. I love it for you. We're all different.

[David Cross]

Also, I. I have to ask. Cause I was wandering around. Yes, that is real. That's crazy.

[Bill Maher]

Pre 9 11. Sure.

[David Cross]

A guy with a towel on his head.

[Bill Maher]

Right. Jumping into the World Trade Center.

[David Cross]

World Trade Center.

[Bill Maher]

Well, World Trade center as a sandcastle for people who are listening.

[David Cross]

Oh, oh, yes.

[Bill Maher]

World Trade. They're at the beach as a kid. And a kid. But he's got a towel wrapped around his head that makes him look like Yasser Arafat.

[David Cross]

He's got sunglasses.

[Bill Maher]

Sunglasses. And he's got a shovel in his hand and he's jumping forthrightly into the Twin Towers as a sandcastle. So it's a New Yorker cover. You're from July 26, 1993.

[David Cross]

Wow. Yeah, that's pretty wild.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, liberals should never get full of themselves because you, you don't have to go far that far back to find out when they were just absolutely not liberal. That I did a whole thing on when Brando won the Oscar and he sent up the Indian girl and most of Hollywood went apeshit about it. They did, you know, like, of course, John Wayne had to be literally restrained from punching her, but they booed and it was just, you know.

[David Cross]

What do you mean? Like, we live in.

[Bill Maher]

You know, I also did a bit once about, like, you don't have to go that far back to find movies, you know, in this century that are made by the most liberal people. And it's just all white people in a way they would never do today.

[David Cross]

Right. Well, that's called progression and evolution, you know. Sure.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, and sometimes they take it too far and go over the top with wokeness. But yes, absolutely. Progress. And nothing progressives hate more than admitting progress.

[David Cross]

What do you mean?

[Bill Maher]

Well, when you admit progress, you admit that there's still work to be done. I mean, there they.

[David Cross]

Well, those two things aren't mutually exclusive. You can make progress and still say, although hopefully not in a dickish way, that there's more work to be done.

[Bill Maher]

Absolutely. That is the correct. In my view.

[David Cross]

My.

[Bill Maher]

That is exactly my opinion. My view.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

That's not how they see it. They see it as. Here's an opportunity for some people to come in second in a I hate racism the most contest. It's not going to be me. Well, I think it's a lot about. Sometimes a lot about their feelings more than the issue itself and how it makes them feel it. For sure. Okay, good.

[David Cross]

For sure. But I think they're the. What I've experienced when I run up against people like that is the thing that they all share is kind of a lack of humor, sense of humor. I'm glad they're serious and I'm glad they're doing something that's. That is helpful. But, you know, and we share this personality trait. It's. You make a snarky comment that's funny and pointed, and they don't think it's funny. They don't. And they're also like, hey, you know, that's not cool.

[Bill Maher]

They're a parody of themselves.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

They're an eye roll. They're a cliche. Because. Yes. Are some things literally not funny. Yes. But we draw the line at a very different place than they do. And also we draw the line at a very different place than we used to because we certainly used to be able to. And again, liberal people have done blackface liberal people have thing. And they. Nobody cared at the time. And it wasn't meant. It was always meant as a way to point about the evil of racism. Well, you know, it wasn't supporting it, but it. But then things changed and they decided, no, you can't even do it in support of the idea. And okay, I'm fine with that. I shouldn't, like, get to vote on what it is. But it is a big change. And again, liberal people, you don't have to go far that far back when we were all acting differently. And my thing is just like, if you did something that was like 20 years later, they go, oh, my God, how dare you? But at the time, no one else gave a shit. You know, you did the sketch, you did whatever, and there was no comment. Then you have to Cancel Everybody from 20 years ago, because everybody just let it happen.

[David Cross]

Well, it's interesting you say that because, you know, I have a real issue with the idea of cancel culture. The idea that cancel culture has. I think it's accorded more power than it really has. And I think it's. And I say this as someone who literally. Because what you just mentioned literally did a Sketch on the rebooted Mr. Show with Bob and David for Netflix.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I loved it.

[David Cross]

Thanks.

[Bill Maher]

I thought you guys did a.

[David Cross]

Do you know, they took. So we did a sketch where my character gets in blackface, and it was based on. Inspired by those. All those videos people started making of like, you know, I'm a sovereign citizen and I'm gonna test this thing out with the police, and they would go film themselves and, you know, hassle a cop or something or do something stupid

[Bill Maher]

and Black Like Me. The book, the famous book. Black Like Me was a famous book in 1959.

[David Cross]

Was that Baldwin?

[Bill Maher]

No, no, no. It was a guy who.

[David Cross]

Oh, I know what you're talking about.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I haven't read it.

[Bill Maher]

He wanted to see what then. This is pre civil rights era, like, when it was just sort of starting to bubble up, you know, he said, I want to see what it's like and show people what it's like to walk through the world with dark skin in America in 1959. You couldn't do it today, but it certainly was. You know, again, I don't know if they're sometimes their own worst enemy. It's such a brilliant way to. And a necessary way to open people's eyes toward what we are trying to achieve.

[David Cross]

Well, I think that awareness, that example is. That'd be a shame if a person couldn't do that today. It's a genius thing to do.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, you couldn't.

[David Cross]

But to go back to what I was saying, and you don't need to.

[Bill Maher]

But, yeah,

[David Cross]

so in the sketch, I play this idiot character who's trying to. Called Know youw Rights. And he's one of these guys, like, okay, so they, you know, put up a sign that says, you can't do this, but I'm a sovereign citizen and I have every right, and I'm gonna show you your rights, whatever. And he goes. And Keegan Michael Key plays a copy. And I'm trying to get him to arrest me or whatever. And everything I do, he's just like, that's cool. Just take your time, look out and do better next time. And we'll see. And I keep upping the bar. So then I put blackface on Drive around, and then. And I'm the idiot. The character is the idiot for doing this. And then he's still pretty cool. But then JE Johnson, playing a white cop, comes out and just pepper sprays me and beats the shit out of me. And the point is made in several ways. Netflix didn't just take that sketch out. They Took the entire episode off the air. And that's. That's being canceled.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, that is canceled.

[David Cross]

Literally.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, people sometimes want to say cancel. People aren't canceled because they're still doing this or that. There are different gradations of it. There's soft canceling. I would say I've had some of that happen to me. Like what soft canceling would be like, we will never give you an Emmy. Even though plainly I deserve them.

[David Cross]

No, Bill, no.

[Bill Maher]

You don't think I've ever. You don't think my show.

[David Cross]

I don't know what the, what the categories or the context or any of that.

[Bill Maher]

You don't watch that shit.

[David Cross]

I really don't. And I don't. I haven't watched an award show in fucking forever. And they're all bullshit political garbage anyway.

[Bill Maher]

It's not fully. I'm just saying there are gradations of ways you can soft cancel or hard cancel is like you may never show your face in this town again. We will never. And usually that's, you know, for good reason. I mean, there's a good reason that, you know, a lot of the original wave of Me too, guys. Matt Lauer sounds like he was a pig.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, like Charlie Rose. You'll never see these people, you know, out to dinner even. You can't even go to a restaurant when you're that canceled. But yeah, there's different. Some people like Louis CK can certainly play anywhere in the world and sell out big stadium theaters, whatever, auditoriums for his stand up fans, but much harder to like get a studio to like do a movie, you know. Yeah, that's a kind of cancellation. Woody Allen, they won't work with him anymore, even though I think that's a bogus charge.

[David Cross]

I don't know, I think we, I just think we need a new term that's more. That's not so definitive, you know, I mean, but for you to say there's soft canceling and hard canceling, to me that means we need some, some new language for it. Give me a minute, I'll text you

[Bill Maher]

when I'm fuck you up versus fuck you up badly.

[David Cross]

I mean, I don't know when I'm on the plane.

[Bill Maher]

Do you remember the. Speaking of this general subject, do you remember the Mr. Show sketch? This is probably the first iteration of it where it was like they were about slavers and the line was people selling people to people.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

Which is like one of the most devastatingly funny lines. And again, I don't even know if Trust me, there are people in this world who will certainly find something about that to object to.

[David Cross]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. I mean, these. That's going back to the idea that, you know, people who don't really know me that well, who know little bits and pieces of my work here and there, assume that I'm super lefty political comic. And I'm not. I'm not a political comic. I'm a comic who talks about politics, you know, in part of a much bigger thing. But I can't tell you how many times in, you know, as I was coming up doing stuff in Boston, you know, Cambridge, San Francisco, I would get booed and hissed for, you know, the joke that. And it's. It's.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you did. Gay Jesus. Something like that is always gonna.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Certain number of people do not want to hear Jesus talking, like.

[David Cross]

Yeah. On both sides. Both, you know, Absolutely.

[Bill Maher]

Part of the second Jesus fan.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And. And people who think that you're somehow denigrating gay people by doing that, you know, and. No, I would get hisses and booze, like, you know, at progressive, you know, cities and places.

[Bill Maher]

That means you're doing something right.

[David Cross]

Yeah, no, I don't. I don't. I didn't go off crying. I'm just saying, like, it's not so cut and dry, you know, And I find that there's. The thread through all that is people who. Their sense of humor gets blocked by emotion, you know, and.

[Bill Maher]

Correct.

[David Cross]

And it's a bummer, you know.

[Bill Maher]

And as someone from the South, I mean, where are you more comfortable? Real. I mean, I know that the cliche would be. Well, in the south, they're going to be a bunch of rednecks.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But in the south, they're also going to be, like, more like, ready to laugh.

[David Cross]

Oh, I have some of my best shows in the South.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, regionally, as opposed to places where. I mean, I've had some great audiences in San Francisco and I've had some of the. You're too PC. And I. And I'm. I'm a bad man.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

[Bill Maher]

And, you know, so people used to ask me, where do I like to play. I would always say the red states, because I would attract a mostly liberal crowd in a red state.

[David Cross]

They're so fucking happy to see you. They're so. Here's what I experienced and don't have

[Bill Maher]

a stick up their ass, basically.

[David Cross]

No, but. But their. There's a. There's a. When I go to, you know, places even like, like, Missoula Montana. I was gonna shoot my last special there, but then some stuff happened, but I was gonna.

[Bill Maher]

So you'll go anywhere?

[David Cross]

I'll go anywhere, yeah. I will go. Absolutely go anywhere.

[Bill Maher]

I was like that. I just quit last year, but for 40 years, I was pretty much like that.

[David Cross]

You mean like your.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I stopped doing stand up. I did a special. Yeah, I did my last special. It was on a year ago tape, December 2024. And I was like, I'm out.

[David Cross]

Wait, wait, I want to. We'll get back to that, but I want to. What was that decision like for you?

[Bill Maher]

Tough, obviously. It's like cutting off your arm in a way. I mean, I've been doing this. There's nothing that's more consistent throughout my whole life from when I was 22 and got out of college and moved to New York and tried to be a comic. Hanging out at Catch a Rising Star in the improv. So to not do it was. Felt just weird.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But, you know, first of all, I'm 70. I thought, oh, that's a good number to maybe go. First of all, it's not healthy.

[David Cross]

You look great for 70, bud.

[Bill Maher]

Well, finish your thought. But it's. Thank you. It's not healthy, travel in general.

[David Cross]

Oh, I know it isn't. It's hard.

[Bill Maher]

It's really bad. Planes are not healthy, even private ones. I was very fortunate to travel like a pimp all over the country. But even still. And hotels got work.

[David Cross]

Is there a dog sleeping somewhere? Do you hear that?

[Bill Maher]

There is a dog sleeping somewhere, but not anywhere near this. What am I hearing? I don't know the places. Charming in a sort of down and dirty way. So it could be anything.

[David Cross]

Honestly, it sounds like there's a dog sleeping. There it is. Wow, it stopped. Oh, there it is. Okay, sorry, sorry.

[Bill Maher]

You have better hearing than I do.

[David Cross]

I. Well, all right.

[Bill Maher]

But even if there was a dog sleeping, it would be kind of a soothing thing to hear. I do like it when I hear my dogs snore. Yeah, it's like he's happy, he's content, he's secure, he feels good enough to see.

[David Cross]

Just what kind of dog do you

[Bill Maher]

have at the time? Ancient. I mean, I've had two for a very long time. One died in August.

[David Cross]

How old?

[Bill Maher]

Oh, just old as. And, you know, I mean, it just gets to that moment. You what? Do you have dogs?

[David Cross]

I do. We're on our third dog.

[Bill Maher]

Third dog?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You've been married for how long?

[David Cross]

It'll be 14 years in October, but. Wow, this Is my third dog. Our family's second. But, yeah, I talk about having to put my dog down a few specials ago. And I waited too long. And I knew it. I knew it.

[Bill Maher]

Too long.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I should have done it. She was in.

[Bill Maher]

Because she was so much pain.

[David Cross]

Oh, my God. And she had to diaper and I had to carry her up and downstairs.

[Bill Maher]

No, no. It is so hard to know when to have the death panel, as they used to say about Obamacare. There was going to be death panels. Remember that?

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But you do have to have the death panel because at some point, right, you're just making this creature suffer. And it's inevitable. It's not like, you know, there's certain things where you just know it's only going to get worse. For example, in the middle of the night, if you feel like you have to go to the bathroom, like, do I really have to go? But you know, in your mind, it's not going to get better. In 20 minutes, I'm not going to have to go to the bathroom less, Right. So I might as well. On the first, Right? I'm going to go.

[David Cross]

So until you get to the point where you're so relaxed, you're like, you know what? I'll change the sheets. I'll move over there. I'll roll over. It's fine.

[Bill Maher]

I always thought, though, that somebody missed a good trick by not inventing something that was like, okay, bear with me. Like a receptacle that you put on the floor by the bed, right?

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

And it has some sort of tube coming out of it. And then you could just lie in bed and put your dick in the tube.

[David Cross]

That has to exist.

[Bill Maher]

Have you ever seen it?

[David Cross]

No, because I'm not that lazy. But I'm sure somewhere.

[Bill Maher]

I don't think so. Check Amazon, check.

[David Cross]

What would you Google? What would you say?

[Bill Maher]

Pisstube? I don't know what the fuck it is.

[David Cross]

Then you're gonna get some punk band from the early 80s.

[Bill Maher]

I've never seen anybody talk about it. I've never certainly seen one. I've never seen one advertised. I feel like those kind of infomercials that are on TV all the time for all sorts of crazy shit like that.

[David Cross]

Dude. I started doing this bit, which is a real thing that I experienced about, like, where I'm watching tv, I'm kind of mindlessly watching. And it suddenly dawns on me that every commercial is for old people who can't. Who have to go to the bathroom in a different way and, like, everything.

[Bill Maher]

Because the Only people watching TV are people who have to worry about going to the bathroom when you least expect it.

[David Cross]

Or are you tired of falling down in the shower? Or things like you can't get into the shower properly.

[Bill Maher]

See, this is when I hope they do the death panel for me. I mean, when it gets to the point where it's bathroom issues again.

[David Cross]

Well, it sounds like you're almost there.

[Bill Maher]

No, no, no.

[David Cross]

You're asking for a tube.

[Bill Maher]

I, I, first of all, I wouldn't use this.

[David Cross]

You totally would.

[Bill Maher]

I would.

[David Cross]

You would totally use it.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, maybe I would. I mean, but I mean, think about it. You don't have to get up to go to the bathroom. You just stick your dick in the tube.

[David Cross]

I like it.

[Bill Maher]

I, I mean, you know, can I

[David Cross]

tell you what I've started to do

[Bill Maher]

that is that billionaires Mar and Crosby, after their massive invention, revolutionizes sleeping.

[David Cross]

So Shark Tank, let's do it. Let's get on Shark Tank.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, well, somebody's gonna see it and steal it now. But they would have stolen it anyway because that's the nature of American capitalism.

[David Cross]

There you go.

[Bill Maher]

You cannot.

[David Cross]

Hey, the best things were stolen, right?

[Bill Maher]

Everything but the light bulb.

[David Cross]

If you, the tv, everything was all stolen.

[Bill Maher]

Everything.

[David Cross]

Fritos, Fritos.

[Bill Maher]

You know, Fritos.

[David Cross]

Frito's a guy.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, the Bandito.

[David Cross]

Yes, the Bandito.

[Bill Maher]

You said stolen.

[David Cross]

That's not fair to say stolen. But the guy was given. The guy's like, hey, I'll give you five bucks for that. You know, whatever it was. The Frito Lay Frito. And then. So I shouldn't say stolen. That's, that's about it. But the light bulb and everything. Tv.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, yeah, but it's terrible because if you are a person with no means, but you do come up with a great idea the second you let that idea out, big companies will find a way to steal it and then you sue them or whatever, and they have a trillion dollar lawyer fund that can just wear you down and. Yeah, so it's a little like how third parties in this country never succeed, because once you get popular enough, your ideas get stolen by one of the other two parties. That's what always happens.

[David Cross]

They come well and they know how to figure out how to cut your support just enough to, you know, help the other guy. They've been really good at that.

[Bill Maher]

But it is amazing, though, how we do get locked into just like Coke or Pepsi. You gotta make. I mean, this I could, I don't want to go into, if I did want to, like, long Lists from both sides of things I hate. But you still got a choice. You. You're always having to make the choice between. What do you just hate less? You know, and it seems theoretically, if there were more choices, you wouldn't. But I don't know if that's true either. I mean, European countries, parliamentary systems, they always have more than two parties.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I mean, well, most places, I would imagine.

[Bill Maher]

You think that's better?

[David Cross]

Absolutely, yeah. Because it's. Well, it's more for the people, because you have representation and, you know, but then you end up like that's between you and I.

[Bill Maher]

You like the people?

[David Cross]

Well, you know, the people.

[Bill Maher]

You say it like it's a good thing.

[David Cross]

Well, in theory, the people. On paper.

[Bill Maher]

Have you met the people?

[David Cross]

I have.

[Bill Maher]

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[David Cross]

From sauce to dust to nuggets, It's Taco Bell's new Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nuggets. Are they mild? If they were mild, they'd have to change the name to Little Rascal Nuggets or Minor Nuisance Nuggets. Definitely Diablo. New Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nuggets A brand new classic only at Taco bell. At participating U.S. taco Bell locations for a limited time and while supplies last. I like, you know, the fact that you have to form a coalition with people that you might not agree with.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[David Cross]

Is good.

[Bill Maher]

That's it. That's it. It's coalition forming.

[David Cross]

And, you know, there's.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[David Cross]

Now what happened in England. I was living in the UK when Liberal Democrats did surprisingly well and it was. Who was it? I think it was. It was pre Cameron. It was. Oh, it's how, it's how David Cameron got. So the Tories, labor and Liberal Democrats,

[Bill Maher]

we've had a lot of different faces. Theresa May and Boris Johnson and a lot of faces in that.

[David Cross]

Well, Theresa May was 105 days, something like that. Oh, no, no, it was.

[Bill Maher]

Who? Sunak. Right. Rishi Sunak wasn't gone.

[David Cross]

Yeah, well, she's gone.

[Bill Maher]

And now it's.

[David Cross]

Well, he was the mayor.

[Bill Maher]

No, no, he was prime minister. No, yeah, absolutely. Yes.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, he was post.

[Bill Maher]

There was a moment.

[David Cross]

Yes. Sunak was replaced by Starmer. Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

There was a moment when England had a Prime Minister who was the scion of an immigrant family from India. Right. And I think Scotland had one whose family came from Pakistan. I mean, you know, talk about progress, like. Yeah, just acknowledge it. That, you know, we're not complaining about that. We're just saying things have come a long way.

[David Cross]

Well, I feel like they're going backwards because they, Our, our system now wants them to go backwards. Like we have people who are openly espousing, you know, white Christian nationalism and that's, you know, women. People openly say women shouldn't vote, you know. Yes, now I got that. That's okay.

[Bill Maher]

No, but no, there's very frightening things on the Right.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And that's because progress was made.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, some of it is backlash stuff. But in general, what you see out of a Republican today, like just the garden variety. Even the MAGA people, I mean, I've certainly met all of them. I mean, the Vice President is married to Indian American. Yeah, it's, you know, just things. And they are not. Trump doesn't care about gay.

[David Cross]

No, not at all.

[Bill Maher]

You know, so there has been like progress that seeps into. Even the, you know.

[David Cross]

Yeah, but that's. Yes, but that's.

[Bill Maher]

So there are backlash people. But like the rank and file Republican I don't think is a racist. I think you can get them into positions that look racist. But I don't Think in their bones. They're like the race. Kind of what I grew up with, like a racist, was somebody who didn't want to shake a black person's hand.

[David Cross]

Yes. I don't think that's a thing, but I think there is. I mean, I know there is because they say as much. There's a feeling, a sense that, I mean, like, Charlie Kirk stuff, that. That.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[David Cross]

That women and black people, and black women especially, are just not. I'm not being an asshole, guys. I'm just saying they don't have the mental.

[Bill Maher]

You know, there was a little more. I read that when he died. They, you know, of course, lots of places put his greatest hits of worst hit.

[David Cross]

Of worst hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And then somebody else printed something. And this is what always happens with the media. Like, I never trust it. Cause you never get the whole story where, like, each one was put in with the full context. It was never quite as bad as they said.

[David Cross]

Like, context is everything.

[Bill Maher]

Right? It is. I'm just saying it was easy to pull from his quote bed and find stuff that I certainly don't agree with, even in the context. But it wasn't quite what. It wasn't just. It wasn't quite what you were saying there. Excuse me, that was a dog sleeping.

[David Cross]

Dying.

[Bill Maher]

Dying. But, you know, again, I'm the guy who made religionless. You don't have to tell me about fucking. How religion warps people's thinking. And, you know, all these guys who are on this, shall we say, turning the clock back page, it all comes from religion. It all comes from super duper Christianity. And the Bible says that man has dominion over women. Oh, maybe that's animals.

[David Cross]

Right?

[Bill Maher]

He has dominion over animals, but sort of over woman, too.

[David Cross]

But it does say that. I mean, it doesn't say dominion, but

[Bill Maher]

it says that very close.

[David Cross]

It's right. That's what I'm saying. It says that woman. It implies that a woman should be subservient to the husband.

[Bill Maher]

I can accept it in women, but not animals.

[David Cross]

When will the animals rise up? Come on.

[Bill Maher]

Well, apparently they're sleeping. They're not even going to wake up. But, yeah, I mean, a lot of it does come from. I mean, you see it in the military. I mean, Pete Hegseth is really super duper Christy, as all dry drunks are.

[David Cross]

Mm. Interesting.

[Bill Maher]

You know, and I'm not even saying that he is what they say. I don't believe anybody.

[David Cross]

What about the. The. He just said something. It was. It was almost like a Freudian slip. Not Freudian slip. But a he fuck. I don't. I shouldn't say anything.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I know what you're. I think I know what you're getting at. You know, it's like the Trump administration are not people who care about saying the quiet part out loud.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

In fact, it's their superpower in some ways. It's like that's what makes MAGA fans go, finally, somebody said it. Somebody's got the balls.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And sometimes it's not wrong. And so, you know, I mean, what

[David Cross]

has Trump been right on?

[Bill Maher]

Well, I think he was right to attack Iran.

[David Cross]

Oh, I highly disagree.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I know, I figured. What do you mean?

[David Cross]

Why?

[Bill Maher]

Because I think I do think of you as like, sort of that. Like down the line liberal. Like down the line.

[David Cross]

I mean, in some ways, I'm definitely. I mean, I'm politically more Democrat. Socialist, I believe.

[Bill Maher]

Socialist Again, I think you're plainly. Then you're to the left of me if you even say you're a socialist.

[David Cross]

Well, I said democratic socialist.

[Bill Maher]

I know, but I know a democratic socialist is. That's Mandami, who's a straight up communist.

[David Cross]

No, he's not.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. He has someone working.

[David Cross]

Bill. Yeah, all right.

[Bill Maher]

He is, first of all.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

He has someone working for him named Sia Weaver.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Have you read about her?

[David Cross]

I have not.

[Bill Maher]

See, that means you're in a bubble, okay. Because you should have.

[David Cross]

Okay, so let me tell you who she is. She's Edify me.

[Bill Maher]

She's like one of his top lieutenants. She's had a. His big issue was the rent's too high. She's the head of, like, we're going to fix housing. This is like, what got him elected. He has not disavowed her. And I could show you all her tweets that she's put out over the last few years in quotes. And one of them is elect more Communists. I know they get to read between the lines. If somebody he stands with and by is saying a. And also her other quotes are like, all homeownership is racist.

[David Cross]

Well, that's ridiculous.

[Bill Maher]

Exactly.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yes. I have an issue with that thing that she said. I don't know this woman. I will definitely look her up. I'm a fan of Mom Donnie's. I'm a fan of. Yeah, And I lived in New York for 25 years.

[Bill Maher]

Still smoke potatoes? No.

[David Cross]

I mean, I wish. It just doesn't. I'm not good with it. And it took me forever to learn my lesson. You know, I wish I could because I did.

[Bill Maher]

You Used to. I feel like I've sunk pot with you.

[David Cross]

No, I did. I just don't. My brain doesn't work well on it. You know what I mean?

[Bill Maher]

Well, sure. You just said you like Mandami. Well, let's not argue about.

[David Cross]

For me, it's not an argument, it's a conversation. I don't feel like it's an argument. And I think he also going from the last. The administrations that were in that ran New York from when I moved there, I mean, they weren't. Bloomberg was okay in a relative sense. But I mean, de Blasio and Adams are just not good. De Blasio was kind of feckless and Adams was absolutely corrupt. Blatantly. And I think. At the least, and I think most New Yorkers feel this way, like, let's give this guy a chance.

[Bill Maher]

I agree with that.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Totally. I'm not judging him by what he's done, cuz it's too early and we don't know what he's gonna do. And he could wind up being an effective administrator.

[David Cross]

I think he's gonna be like LaGuardia.

[Bill Maher]

I really do. He could wind up being an effective administrator, but his philosophical pinnings. And I could read other things from the Democratic Socialist Party that show that it's not different than communism. A lot of it. It is. I mean, that's just not. It's about. They have statements about like, understanding government should take over industries and so forth. Like, I mean.

[David Cross]

Well, I don't believe that and I'm not a communist and I.

[Bill Maher]

They do. But that's part of. When I hear Social Democratic socialists, I'm telling you, you can read up on those. Sure.

[David Cross]

I mean, the people I'm fans of politically call themselves Democratic Socialists. Align with that. Bernie Sanders, aoc.

[Bill Maher]

Bernie is not a communist.

[David Cross]

No, he's a Democratic socialist.

[Bill Maher]

That's true. There's that wing. Yes.

[David Cross]

And I've spent over the years a bunch of time in Scandinavia and you know those countries that are democratic socialist and they're fucking awesome now I don't live there and I would imagine that I would miss certain things. But I mean, when you look at the list of. They just came out with, you know, the 2025 list, the happiest places on earth and it's always the same. It's always the same thing. And the one of the outstanding things about all those countries, whether it's Denmark or Finland or wherever, is the one is freedom and the other is lack of suspicion in their neighbors, I guess, or people in their Community, small and large.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I totally agree. I did a whole editorial once on the idea that that kind of European socialism made people happier for this reason, that happiness is not just what you have, which is what we think in America. It's what you don't have to worry about. What you don't have to sweat. And they don't sweat health care. They don't sweat college. They don't sweat being taken care of.

[David Cross]

Daycare.

[Bill Maher]

Daycare. Yeah, things like that. Now there are things.

[David Cross]

They have more vacation days.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, yes, that too.

[David Cross]

They are happier.

[Bill Maher]

That is probably what makes them happier. And that is just not, so far, the American character, which is. No, you know what? I'm gonna give up those things for the chance to. If I do hit it big, I want all. I mean, we're greedy people and we also are ambitious. There's the good and the bad in the American character. But, you know, as a friend of mine who came here from Canada said, in my country, we cut down the tall trees. Here you don't. And that's certainly also what I've heard from people I know who came from France.

[David Cross]

What does that mean? I don't understand.

[Bill Maher]

You can't get too high. You can't. You know, you can't. You're not. You know, we have trillionaires.

[David Cross]

I was taking it literally and I was like, oh, I don't. That's my. That's my hang up. I take shit way too literally. Oh, it's a metaphor. That makes sense.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Sorry.

[Bill Maher]

We good now?

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's an issue I have.

[Bill Maher]

Can I ask a more basic question about this? I mean, this idea. I read this survey every year also. It's. Of course, when you do a lot of shows, you know, your comedy writers are always looking for something to write about. Certainly the comedy writers would wish we covered this more. I tend to, like, ignore it because I feel like it's a bit of a bullshit thing. Maybe they are happier, but how do you. How can you really quantify who's happy and how happy they are?

[David Cross]

You just did, and you were right to do so. That is what it is. You answered your own question.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, you're right.

[David Cross]

And I've been there, you know, every time.

[Bill Maher]

But that doesn't. But that.

[David Cross]

I don't live there, but I'll be there for.

[Bill Maher]

It's right for those people. But that doesn't make everybody happy. Some people are riverboat gamblers and are willing to forego those things and we're all in it together thing because they want it All. You know, Glenn Beck once said, somebody tell me about, you know, how we divide the pieces. And he said it was talking about talking the quiet part out loud. I want all my pie. People want all the pie.

[David Cross]

David, I'm not disagreeing with anything.

[Bill Maher]

No, I'm just saying I agree with you. Who's agreeing with me? That it probably is better.

[David Cross]

I think you're agreeing with me.

[Bill Maher]

When we write down with not sweating. It is a great goal and a great. Good. But, you know, it is somewhat at variance with the other thing, which is ultimate freedom. I mean, Americans, we love our freedom.

[David Cross]

Yeah. But we're not that free. I mean, we're not that free.

[Bill Maher]

We're not. Right. And certainly there's nothing more freeing than money. I know I've been poor and I've been rich, and it's so much free.

[David Cross]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Bill Maher]

When I was poor, I didn't even have the freedom to. To eat the food I want.

[David Cross]

Yep.

[Bill Maher]

That's a basic freedom. And I don't think people think of it in those terms.

[David Cross]

Yeah, no, I. You're right. Is that tequila?

[Bill Maher]

No, that is tequila. Would you like some?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

There you go. Like a big boy. Would you. Would you like.

[David Cross]

No.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. Well, it's great to see you.

[David Cross]

Oh, you too. It has been a while.

[Bill Maher]

I can't stand it that the years go by and I don't see the people I'd like to see more.

[David Cross]

Well, you gotta come to New York.

[Bill Maher]

We all have such. Is that where you live now? New York?

[David Cross]

Yeah, I've been there for quite a

[Bill Maher]

while, but it was London, because I remember trying so hard when we started this to get you calling you all the time, and it was like, he's in London. He can't do it.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I did.

[Bill Maher]

So you were there. Cause you were doing that show. Yeah, I remember that. I love that show.

[David Cross]

Oh, thanks. Yeah, I did three seasons of Todd Margaret, and then I did one Todd Margaret.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Increasingly poor decision.

[Bill Maher]

And the increasingly poor decision. Yes.

[David Cross]

And it's. It's. Yeah, that was a treat. And. And then they did a show for sky after that called and where did you live in.

[Bill Maher]

You were right. In London.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I. I mean, I started. I was missing every single place I was.

[Bill Maher]

No, but you living, I mean, for a living.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I loved it. And I'm.

[Bill Maher]

And Amber liked it.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah. And. And we go back. We took our daughter there last year when I was on tour, when I was doing the European leg. I carved out a week around London during her spring break or whatever.

[Bill Maher]

It's for Europe. Yeah, I did it once.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's great. Yeah, I mean, I really, I look forward to it. I always.

[Bill Maher]

What cities? Cause some. You can't play Paris.

[David Cross]

No, I never played Paris. I play like all over the UK And Ireland.

[Bill Maher]

Right? Scotland.

[David Cross]

Scotland, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Amsterdam, of course.

[David Cross]

Amsterdam. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Berlin.

[David Cross]

I did Berlin for the first time. Last. Last.

[Bill Maher]

And the Scandinavian country, because they all speak English perfectly.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And, and one of the best shows, I mean, they were all good, but I'd say the three best shows were Cologne, Koln, Germany.

[Bill Maher]

Germany.

[David Cross]

Great. I like, crazy good.

[Bill Maher]

And Copenhagen expected to be a bunch of Nazis. You say it like Germany. Who'd have thought they'd laugh?

[David Cross]

No, no, I, I say that because my past experience with Amsterdam and Scandinavian cities in particular is you'll go up and you're, you know, doing an hour and 15, whatever, and, and it's just like people are sitting there and, you know, you have those interior monologues when you're doing your set that you've done a hundred times, and you kind of walk away and, you know, have a whole conversation with yourself and you're like, what the fuck, man? This is gonna be tough. It's, I mean, they're not awful, but they're just not doing anything, whatever. And you think it sucks. And you, by the time you get, you're like, okay, well, that's it. Thank you. And then people fucking leap to their feet and they're cheering and getting a standing ovation. I'm like, what the f. So that was an experience I had a couple times in those places. So when I did Copenhagen, I was, they were like, really active and great. It was great. And then Bristol, England was also one of the best shows I did, but it was, yeah, I tour Europe every time I go out. It's fun and I, you know, they're, they're happy to see me.

[Bill Maher]

How many dates do you do a year? How many, like, well, stand up dates?

[David Cross]

I just, I, I, Anywhere in the world, when I tour, it'll, it'll be two years in between tours, right?

[Bill Maher]

Like, oh, so you see, you don't do it continually. You just do a tour.

[David Cross]

What do you mean?

[Bill Maher]

Look, I used to, I, I was never, like, I never had a tour. I just always did it, like every other weekend I'd go out and do Saturday and Sunday in two different cities and play. No, but you're saying you're, you have a real tour?

[David Cross]

Yeah, what I do is for how many months? I mean, over, it depends. Like, I would say I do between 80 and 110 shows.

[Bill Maher]

Whoa.

[David Cross]

Now. Not all back to back. I mean, but what I do is. I.

[Bill Maher]

But like, you're away from home for like a month. Like a rock band.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Oh, wow.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. You're much more of a warrior than I am. I'm.

[David Cross]

But I. You know, it's. It's hard, man. The travel is just.

[Bill Maher]

That's. That's what we were saying before.

[David Cross]

It's brutal and it. It's.

[Bill Maher]

It's brutal and.

[David Cross]

And they don't. The people who route these tours, like, I go back and forth and back and forth. Like, guys, I. How am I going to get from Sioux Falls to Bozeman, Montana? You. I'm. I looked. You know how I get there? I got to take a 6am flight to. You know, you get these regional airports and, like. I'm not going to do that.

[Bill Maher]

You can't take a plane and.

[David Cross]

Well, you know, you take a plane.

[Bill Maher]

You know, your own plane.

[David Cross]

Bill, I don't have that kind of money.

[Bill Maher]

I don't have to take a tour. Pay for it.

[David Cross]

No, I mean.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, the shows that. The money that's making from the tour.

[David Cross]

No, I do.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

How big are these venues? You're David Cross.

[David Cross]

I mean, some are theaters and some are like music venues. Clubs where I have, like, standing room and. No, I cannot take a. I can't even take a tour bus anymore.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[David Cross]

They're just too expensive.

[Bill Maher]

That's.

[David Cross]

But also part of it is that I don't. If I went out for four months, which I used to, then I could take a tour bus because it all amortizes. But I go back because I got a kid who's.

[Bill Maher]

Else. Who do you need on a bus?

[David Cross]

Well, it's. It's. You have a driver who's driving you, and you can sleep.

[Bill Maher]

I know, but why do you need a whole bus?

[David Cross]

Well, you're right. I only need half a bus, but they don't make those.

[Bill Maher]

So just you alone on a bus or your family? You bring the family on the bus?

[David Cross]

Yeah. When? My daughter. Before. My daughter went to school, but she's in school and I don't want to be away for that. So I go back and forth and I'll do 10, 12 days and then I come back for a week. You know that I can't take a bus on it because it's too much.

[Bill Maher]

What do your kids think of what you do for a living?

[David Cross]

I have one daughter who's nine and she hasn't really seen stand up and probably won't for a while. It's kind of saucy. And. But when she was younger, she knew, as she put it, like, daddy's silly for a living. He's silly. That's how he makes his money, being silly. And. But now she's seen a little bit more. And I was just in a play in New York. I did Tartuffe with Matthew Broderick.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah, I read about that in the paper.

[David Cross]

It was great. And she came and saw that, and it just. She, like, you know, jumped up and she's at that. I put her to bed that night. She goes, dad, is it okay to be proud of you?

[Bill Maher]

Oh.

[David Cross]

Oh, I know my heart.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah. I was like, yeah, honey, I'm proud of you and you can be proud of me. And. And she. She loved it. And it was, you know, it's just. And it was a crazy costume.

[Bill Maher]

I would say you made that up, but it's just too on the money.

[David Cross]

No, no. She said, no, I'm sure. Yeah. As I was putting her to bed.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I'd like to say that makes me wish I had kids, but it. Still nothing. I mean, it's a cute story, but certainly it wouldn't be worth changing a thousand.

[David Cross]

One cute story. I got 99.

[Bill Maher]

Wouldn't be worth changing a thousand diapers for it. Trust me. But, okay, so I did read about this in the New York Times, but you'll forgive me, I don't live in New York and I'm not much of a culture vulture, so. Tartuffe, okay, Doing a play with Matthew Broderick, that's as high up as you can get in the theater world. Matthew Broderick is.

[David Cross]

Well, probably Nathan Lane, but don't tell Matthew that.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, well, they did the Producers together. I mean. But Matthew Broderick is show business royalty on Broadway, so that's a very feathery cap thing for you.

[David Cross]

It was great. It was amazing.

[Bill Maher]

And what is Tartuffe? Obviously a French play.

[David Cross]

Moliere.

[Bill Maher]

Moliere.

[David Cross]

Do you know Moliere?

[Bill Maher]

I know what he said. He said, to honor all men is to honor none.

[David Cross]

Well, that makes sense. His plays are great and really. Yes, still relevant.

[Bill Maher]

Is he the bourgeois gentilhomme? The bourgeois gentleman?

[David Cross]

No, he did.

[Bill Maher]

Misses Malap. This is Malaprop. This is where we get malapropism from Oyer. Well, from May. Don't hold me to that. But some French play, like, Probably Moliere and Mrs. Malaprop, I think it's the Rivals, and that's where we get the term Malaprop. Oh, I didn't know because she was always getting the words wrong. That was the gag in the play.

[David Cross]

He did the misanthrope and the misenthrope. Yes. And the doctor and the physician, in spite of himself or the invalid.

[Bill Maher]

So what's this one about Tartuffe?

[David Cross]

It's so fucking relevant. And it was a kind of modernized version. I mean, the setting wasn't modern, but the language was more. There's a lot of fuck you and stuff and things like that. But. So it's about a guy, you know, rich father, who has this, you know, lot of land. And that's who I played, Orgon. And Tartuffe is this clearly, blatantly bullshit guy who claims to be, you know, religious, close to God, and he basically worms his way into the house. And I end up. And Orgon ends up, like, making him his heir. And he divides the house and everyone in the house, his wife, his kids, the, you know, cleaning lady, they're all like, he's a fucking. He's lying to you. He clearly isn't. And he tries to seduce the wife in probably the most popular scene, and Oregon's hiding. But Orgon won't hear it until it's right in front of him. And even then, he finds ways to make himself like, well, I wasn't that fooled.

[Bill Maher]

And this is relevant because you're saying the metaphor is that we are the idiot who's being fooled.

[David Cross]

Yes. I'm not being fooled. You're not.

[Bill Maher]

Who's Tartuffe in this analogy? If the American public is the idiot rich fuck.

[David Cross]

I would say it's the Republican Party. I would say in. It's a person who's misrepresenting themselves, who's saying the things that this person wants to hear to get the money to. And eventually he fools Oregon into. Tricks him, into giving him his house and everything in it.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I don't know if you've been following this psychodrama. I have going with Trump, but he

[David Cross]

was, hey, congratulations, by the way.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you.

[David Cross]

That's fucking awesome.

[Bill Maher]

And the Mark Twain thing. Thank you.

[David Cross]

That's great. What an honor.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. I appreciate it, you know. Thank you.

[David Cross]

I mean, it's. I mean, I guess it was you or Carrot Top. Right. And they went with, that's what I heard. That's what is out there on the streets, Bill.

[Bill Maher]

He should get one. I love him, but to give every

[David Cross]

man a Mark Twain prize is to give no man a Mark Twain prize.

[Bill Maher]

But, you know, after the. He went sort of like sweet nuts On Valentine's Day. And then I answered back. And the end of my thing, when I was talking to him, I said there was a Democratic senator, Jon Ossoff, who said about the Republican Party, currently, you are the elites you pretend to hate.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And if the Democrats ever learn to weaponize that message, they're so bad at messaging it.

[David Cross]

They're so feckless and useless. Did you get to see the special that were I.

[Bill Maher]

Not yet, because they just told me about it yesterday.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay. So.

[Bill Maher]

But work week. I couldn't have it. But I've seen all your specials. I love. Anytime you do stand up, I'm there.

[David Cross]

Well, did you see Worst Daddy in the World? Because the end of that is, I think, something you would do.

[Bill Maher]

I remember titles. No.

[David Cross]

Okay. I think the end is something you really appreciate.

[Bill Maher]

I. I'm sure I saw it. You know, comedy specials is not like, you know, you remember the title or.

[David Cross]

Oh, no, I know.

[Bill Maher]

Or every, you know, same. It's amazing what goes in and then

[David Cross]

through, you know, I mean, why. Why did. I wanted to bring this up? It was. It was relevant.

[Bill Maher]

We're about elites and the Republicans. And you're right.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because I talk about how. How I never. Useless the Democrats are, but I see.

[Bill Maher]

I. I feel like they're much more than just useless. I think they have a bunch of really stupid bad ideas also.

[David Cross]

Yes, I agree.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. That's great. I'm glad we agree on that. But I never stopped hammering the Republicans. And, you know, it just.

[David Cross]

I think, well, they're more blatantly hypocritical to me. More openly hypocritical in the sense that. Of what you just said. We're, you know, they're the elites. They pretend to hate. And you look at video of. What's his name? John Kennedy, the Louisiana.

[Bill Maher]

I had him on the show three weeks ago.

[David Cross]

Like, you look at old video when he's in Harvard, he's kind of talking normally, and then all of a sudden he gets. And he's out. Well, geez, that's hotter than a biscuit.

[Bill Maher]

No, he definitely plays up Louisiana. No, I love him. We had a great time. Because you could just see that's. I gotta say, those kind of guys, the Republicans, they just have this little, like. I can wink at them. And it's like, yeah, we know we're full of shit about certain things, you know, now the best of them do draw the line. It's not like the Republicans never draw the line. When Trump insisted in 2020 that he had Won that election, which I was way out ahead on, excuse me, Predicting that he would never leave office. And then he tried to do exactly what I said he was gonna do. There were Republicans, like his own attorney general, who is, you know, William Barr, who. We all didn't have very good things to say about him, and Mitch McConnell and Mitt Romney and several others. Liz Cheney. There were ones who. And ones also, some who were, like, closer to Trump, who said, no, you lost, you lost. And you have to say, you lost.

[David Cross]

So, you know, boy, the bar is set so low.

[Bill Maher]

So low.

[David Cross]

But, yes, Romney was decent about all of it. So was Liz Cheney and Mitch McConnell.

[Bill Maher]

But even Mitch McConnell and the guy.

[David Cross]

Adam. Adam Kinzinger, you know.

[Bill Maher]

Right. But there were some other ones. I'm trying to. Mike Pence. Mike Pence did the right thing at the last moment, you know, So, I mean, you gotta hang your hat on that a little, because that half of the country's not going away.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's not half. It's not half. I don't think It's.

[Bill Maher]

Well, it's 40%. Trump's approval rating now is 41%, which is low, but it is like 100 million people, and he has 100% approval from MAGA Republicans, which is most of them.

[David Cross]

Well, yeah, that's not gonna change.

[Bill Maher]

That's not gonna change.

[David Cross]

I mean, in that Tartufian way, you can show. You can say, look, here's a. I mean, it's. It's.

[Bill Maher]

How was Matthew Broderick to work with?

[David Cross]

Oh, he's a total Trumper. No, he's awesome. Matthew's great. The whole cast was great. We were. I've never done a play before. This is the first time I'd done it.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[David Cross]

Yeah. And I knew early on that I was lucky in that everyone was super cool and liked each other and got along. And you can imagine you've been on sets before where it just takes one fucking asshole to sour everything, you know, Put a weird mood, you know. Boy, do I. Yeah, yeah, we all have. You know, you've been around somebody who's just shitty or sour, whatever. And I could tell, like, if you're doing a play. Cause that's intense. And there must. You know, they're theater actors. There must be a good number of them are just fucking douches, you know, pretentious or whatever, or complaining about things or have their process and you can't, you know. And, you know, a person like me comes into it and just taking the piss out of everything, and it was Everyone was super cool and we had a great time.

[Bill Maher]

Sometimes people have a real prejudice about comedians.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

In acting roles. I remember on my first sitcom, I overheard.

[David Cross]

What was it?

[Bill Maher]

Sarah on NBC, starring Geena Davis.

[David Cross]

I didn't. What was it?

[Bill Maher]

We were four lawyers in San Francisco. There was Geena Davis.

[David Cross]

You say that like that's the way you had to deliver lines.

[Bill Maher]

No, no, I was the Ted Baxter part. I was the office creep, which was awesome because the other three people, you could exchange their lines for each other. They were just three nice people. Alfre Woodard, my still wonderful friend Alfre Woodard, you know, and Bronson Pinchot. So there was the titular white girl, the black girl, and the gay guy, and then the office creep. Yeah, I was in Big Evan. I was 28. I was on a sitcom. Suddenly my salary in life went multi camera sitcom. You've done sitcom?

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so not like.

[Bill Maher]

Not like Arrested Development.

[David Cross]

Right, that's what I meant. Like, easiest job.

[Bill Maher]

Easiest job in the world. Right.

[David Cross]

Just insane.

[Bill Maher]

People don't know gentlemen's hours. Come in on Monday, you read it around a table.

[David Cross]

There you go.

[Bill Maher]

Tuesday, we'll put it on its feet. You know, we'll say it's a sitcom. There's only three sets. There's only so much you can do. The director says, while you're doing it, pick up the spatula. Either you have one hard day, you saved the show.

[David Cross]

You have one hard day. And it's not even that hard. It's Thursday, the day before the. When you're blocking everything. It's like 12 hours.

[Bill Maher]

Right, right, right. It's boring because they gotta get the camera moves.

[David Cross]

That's it.

[Bill Maher]

Right? And then you shoot it in the day first without an audience. Get it in the can.

[David Cross]

Mm.

[Bill Maher]

All right, I'm gonna let the audience put their own can joke in there. And then at night, you shoot it with the audience. And they always use the audience version anyway.

[David Cross]

You're saying you fucked them in the ass.

[Bill Maher]

I was hoping you would say, oh,

[David Cross]

okay, I just did. Happy birthday.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, great. Your nine year old will see this. And now I'm the bad guy. No, but yes. Wonderful gentleman's.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's the best hours. And you were.

[Bill Maher]

I was the office creep.

[David Cross]

But was the set. Was there somebody on the set who was like, oh, God, here we go.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. Oh, that was the story. I literally overheard one of the professional actors, the one who was playing the secretary out front, say, can you believe it? They've hired a comedian.

[David Cross]

It's infuriating. That and it's attendant with the idea when people are like, wow, Robin Williams was really good in that thing. Or Jim Carrey was really. I mean, I believed him. It was really set. Like. Yeah. Why wouldn't a comedian, of all people.

[Bill Maher]

Especially since the big line is all always, dying is hard.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Or comedy is whatever. Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Like they always say, comedy's harder to do than drama. Right.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Like anyone who can pull off. He's just a little kid, you know, Anyone could be mad.

[David Cross]

Who. Who are we talking about? What's. Who's the kid? What happened?

[Bill Maher]

See what happened to him? See how much I, I.

[David Cross]

You pulled me in.

[Bill Maher]

I pulled you in with my hat and the. Yeah.

[David Cross]

And the potty goes to.

[Bill Maher]

But comedy is, you know, very delicate.

[David Cross]

And look at Bob Odenkirk. Tricky. I mean, one of the funniest, smartest guys you're a part of. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And you guys are still close, right?

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just saw him yesterday. Okay, good. Yeah, we actually, we have a documentary that'll be coming out. We climbed. We took the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu.

[Bill Maher]

It's great that you both did great. Because it would have been awkward. What, you know, it'd be like if Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, if one of them was, you know. Now on bringing Up Chunky and the other one was a huge star, just made a big AI deal.

[David Cross]

Could you tell me the logline for bringing up Chunky? I'm curious because it's going to be stolen, but tell me about the logline. What's the logline we're bringing up?

[Bill Maher]

I mean, Chunky's a fat kid who, you know, we're setting this in the 80s, knowing when it was okay to say fat kid.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And it was okay to be a fat kid.

[Bill Maher]

And they're just bringing him up.

[David Cross]

Who's they?

[Bill Maher]

The parents.

[David Cross]

Who are the parents? Cast this for me. Let me here. Can I step in?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, please.

[David Cross]

So the parents are in their 80s and Chunky is 50.

[Bill Maher]

The 1980s.

[David Cross]

So wait, it's Doris Roberts, right? Maybe not.

[Bill Maher]

It is amazing. When I did, I mean, Sarah was on in 1984 or 85. It was supposed to be a big show because it was on NBC when they ruled the roost. It was on between. After Family Ties. That was the huge show. And it was the same producer, Gary Goldberg.

[David Cross]

Was it just one year?

[Bill Maher]

It just lasted 13 episodes because the head of the network, well, they hired

[David Cross]

a comedian to be one of the lawyers.

[Bill Maher]

That wasn't the problem. The producer, who was very powerful, Gary Goldberg, and the head of the network, Brandon Tartikoff, remember that name, like, had a shouting, shoving match during one of the tapings. So I think we knew. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Wow.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Got to that level. You know, it was like that. It's just amazing how quaint we think of life in that era. Because we did have this change in the show. About six or seven episodes in, they decided we needed an authority figure. And then suddenly we had this boss, like the head of the home office who came there to San Francisco, where the four lawyers were in there.

[David Cross]

You would think that would have made itself apparent during their. The. When they were developing the idea, but

[Bill Maher]

it fucked it up. I think it was much better when we were just four nudniks playing in the sandbox. Now, we did have an authority. I mean, I'm not gonna blame the guy. But it was like the way they used to. The networks used to micromanage. Shall we?

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Much more than they do. And most of that is from my network. HBO were the ones who pioneered that idea of. No, no. You know, we're just gonna let you have enough rope to hang yourself or be a big success.

[David Cross]

We got Two notes in four years on Mr. Show 2 that we had to take. Like, we got other notes. And then we were like, oh, well, we thought this and this and this. And they're like, okay. And they encouraged us. When we started, they were like, we don't. I'm paraphrasing it, but Chris Albrecht and Carolyn Strauss said, we don't want you to be like everything else on tv. We want you to go ahead. We're trying to make a distinction here.

[Bill Maher]

Hbo, it's not television.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it was great.

[Bill Maher]

But that was their little motto. And I always still try to live up to it. I took it seriously. I take it seriously. I mean, they've only ever given me one note. Bill, you know, the way you always are. Don't be that way.

[David Cross]

How did. How'd that work out? Could you be less Bill Morrish?

[Bill Maher]

Well, I'm sure actors get to that point in life sometimes where they see. I've heard this story. They will see in a casting call, a so and so type, and it's them.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And it's like, could I get this? Yeah, I am act that.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

No. What? Because you think that means they're over the hill?

[David Cross]

Yeah, they're not. Not over the hill, but just like a caricature, a reference point, a

[Bill Maher]

Man,

[David Cross]

I don't even know what. I mean. If they said, like a Bill Maher type. I can kind of get it. If they said a David Cross type, I'd be like, I don't know what you mean.

[Bill Maher]

No, but you do play the idiot. Well, because it is the funnest thing to do. I mean, that's what I was. The office creepy.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, I did not know when I was being a macho idiot. You know, it was fun, man. Yeah. I was doing Ted Baxter for Mary Tyler Moore. And nobody knows because the impression is just bad. So it doesn't. So they don't even see that you're just lifting, really, from somebody.

[David Cross]

But you've also got, you know, intuitive timing in nature and you know how to deliver a line and.

[Bill Maher]

But it's a. Acting is a rough game. I'm glad I got out of that one, too, because, I mean, first of all, comedy acting, okay, that can last a longer time. But if you're in the leading man, leading lady area, it's a pretty short window.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Where you. You know. And that's assuming you hit it in your, like, twenties. What if you. Only sometimes it takes you to your late 30s.

[David Cross]

Sure.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, now. Yeah, but I mean, like, I think Sharon Stone wasn't, like, known until she was, like, 35. Okay, now, the window where they're gonna look at you as the leading lady.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

You know, the hottie is, like, now you got, like, 10 years left.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

It's.

[David Cross]

Well, unless you show your bush, then you get an extra three years.

[Bill Maher]

That's what that was.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that was in the contract.

[Bill Maher]

That was the first one. That. That's what made her a star.

[David Cross]

You're welcome.

[Bill Maher]

Remember that movie?

[David Cross]

Never saw it.

[Bill Maher]

But you never saw Basic.

[David Cross]

I did not see it.

[Bill Maher]

What a dick.

[David Cross]

Now, come on.

[Bill Maher]

What a snob.

[David Cross]

There are some.

[Bill Maher]

What a dick.

[David Cross]

Snob. I didn't. I didn't not see it for a reason. I just didn't see it.

[Bill Maher]

I'm personally offended that you didn't see

[David Cross]

it, but it's not.

[Bill Maher]

I never are you snob. I'm not. You're too good to see Basic Instinct.

[David Cross]

I mean. Yes. That has nothing to do with the reason. I didn't see it.

[Bill Maher]

I'm sorry. It's not tar, too.

[David Cross]

Oh, God. Oh, my Lord. There's a lot of stuff I haven't seen. Never saw Game of Thrones. Never saw. I watched three seasons of Sopranos and didn't pick it back up. I never saw. I mean, there's so much stuff I haven't seen yet, you know, Breaking Bad. Oh, Every episode. I saw that.

[Bill Maher]

Never saw that one.

[David Cross]

Really?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's fucking great, dude. Oh, it's great.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I'm the dick now?

[David Cross]

Well, I never.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I've heard that. I just.

[David Cross]

It's great. I mean, it's.

[Bill Maher]

I think I'm saving it for.

[David Cross]

When didn't you just celebrate your 70th birthday?

[Bill Maher]

Oh, so what? I'm gonna die tomorrow. I can't save anything.

[David Cross]

It's Kitten.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah, that's right, Dave. Oh, my God, I hit 70. I better watch Breaking Bad tonight. I mean, I gotta.

[David Cross]

Well, you can't watch it all tonight.

[Bill Maher]

I gotta get through another episode. It's been great to see you, but

[David Cross]

I'm saying the window is closing. Oh, it's. It was on for what, first of all, six years, seven years?

[Bill Maher]

AI is going to keep me alive forever, so just suck on that. You're going to have to deal with me.

[David Cross]

How is it going to.

[Bill Maher]

Forever?

[David Cross]

How is it going to keep you.

[Bill Maher]

You don't think AI is going to figure out mortality?

[David Cross]

I don't.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, we're talking about AI now, right?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. It's going to do a lot of bad things.

[David Cross]

Andy. Infamous, right?

[Bill Maher]

What?

[David Cross]

Andy Inchwich? The guy from the.

[Bill Maher]

No, no, no.

[David Cross]

The periodontist. No, no.

[Bill Maher]

Artificial intelligence, yeah.

[David Cross]

Andy Inchwood. He's a robot that does. He's a.

[Bill Maher]

Where are you on AI? Are you pro. Worried Con?

[David Cross]

I mean, all of it, really. All right, all three of those things. I.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[David Cross]

I had an experience where I'd read a lot about AI and I'd seen, like, deep fakes and stuff like that, but.

[Bill Maher]

Sure.

[David Cross]

But when I saw that. What's her name? Tilly, the actress?

[Bill Maher]

Tilly Norwood.

[David Cross]

Tilly Norwood, Yeah. I was talking to my wife about this because she hadn't seen it. I was like, it was such a. As an adult. I don't even know if I've had this experience as an adult where this. It's almost like a grand magic trick, but. I know it's a magic trick, but I'm watching Tilly Norwood, that video they made. I'm like, it's not computing. How is this fake? I mean, I'd never seen anything remotely like that, where this is as real as anything. I would. If you showed me that and I didn't know what AI was. I'd be like, no, what are you talking about? It's, mate. It's computer generated. And then, I mean, it's crazy to me.

[Bill Maher]

I met her at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. I think we had chemistry. I Do.

[David Cross]

That's the future of AI. A bunch of old guys going, you know, I met her and I think she likes me.

[Bill Maher]

How long is it? Did you ever see the original Westworld? The movie Westworld?

[David Cross]

I didn't, but I know I'm familiar with it. Yul Brenner and.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, yeah, my boy James Brolin.

[David Cross]

You know what? I know it because so many of these movies. I know it because of MAD magazine's.

[Bill Maher]

I have some MAD magazine covers in this.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I saw that. But that's how I knew Westworld and kind of the plot and all that.

[Bill Maher]

Right. I mean, HBO redid it in a whole different way. But the original movie in the 70s, James Brolin, awesome. And Yul Brenner, awesome. And it's just this place where you can go and they have, you know, they're robots, but you're in the old west, so you can shoot the robot and you're not really killing anybody. And you can fuck the whores.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I mean, fucking horses is.

[Bill Maher]

I say whores a horse.

[David Cross]

It's Western.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And there was a lot of horse fucking back then.

[Bill Maher]

If you really have this, you know, I mean, in the movie, the plot is that one of the robots played by Yulbrenner, of course, goes, you know, there's something wrong with the wiring. And then he actually violates. What they're told at the beginning is that the robots could never hurt you. And of course, Yulbrenner's shooting up the town.

[David Cross]

It's Asimov's.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, exactly. But in real life, I don't know if that would be the problem. The problem would be like, if you could actually have guys who can fuck whores or women who just would, you know, these robotic. A lot of guys would be doing that, I think.

[David Cross]

Oh, fuck.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I think there would be a mass leaving of their wives.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And I agree.

[Bill Maher]

And besides that problem, which is a huge problem, it's also probably not great for the psyche of the species that guys think they can be as Andrew Tatish as they want.

[David Cross]

Yeah, agree.

[Bill Maher]

Even if they're robotic women.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, it's just that's the. One of the bad sides of AI and that's coming.

[David Cross]

Do you think? I'm just thinking this now. I don't know whether I agree with it or not, but it's a. It's an argument that might be made that, well, if you have an AI, a version of a woman that an Andrew Tate type, you know, misogynist can do that to, is are they getting it out of Their system. And that's a place for them to take those feelings.

[Bill Maher]

And I think they're normalizing it and making it routine. I mean.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you're right. You're right. I can imagine the argument being made.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, Andrew Tate, I mean, communicates with a lot of young men. And if they're talking about real women the way he talks about real women.

[David Cross]

Did you see the Louis Theroux thing?

[Bill Maher]

Can you imagine what I. You're like the eighth person who told me, I gotta see this yesterday. And I'm going to. Right. The manosphere.

[David Cross]

The manosphere, yeah. It's not gonna be revelatory, but it is, right?

[Bill Maher]

It's eye opening. Yeah, I'm sure it is. But I mean, if. If they, if you get these guys, the Andrew Tate people, to be talking about actual women this way, can you imagine. Yeah. How they would feel about the robots?

[David Cross]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm the opposite.

[Bill Maher]

I'm afraid of the robots. So I'm super polite. I mean, I didn't used to be, like, when I. I have in my car, like a plug in for, like a phone where you can, like play music off of it, you know, just basically an ipod. So when I get out of the car, when I've had that on, the car always says says. I mean, not a sentence I used to say when I was 25 years old, but the car says to me, you left your phone in the car? And I used to go, shut the fuck up, you stupid cunt. Because it was just an opportunity to let out steam about, you know, mechanical things. I don't do that anymore. I'm not calling my car a cunt. I don't know. The car will.

[David Cross]

Remember, we've all seen Knight Rider.

[Bill Maher]

You know, they're all in cahoots. The car. And it's like that old Woody Allen bit about, remember, I think my appliances are in cahoots against me. The toaster made a remark. I think it's anti Semitic.

[David Cross]

You know what we don't have in New York? Speaking of living in a bubble, which I admit, and I want to be in that bubble. I pay for it, and I want my daughter to be in that bubble. It's a good bubble.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, I don't think any bubble is good, but.

[David Cross]

No, no, no, it's pretty good. When you're talking about day to day life, it's actually really pretty great.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you don't want to mix with people who you don't agree with.

[David Cross]

No, I didn't say that.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I thought that's what a bubble was?

[David Cross]

No, no, it's a. It's bubble is protection from the shit that's going on outside of the bubble that I don't. The awfulness.

[Bill Maher]

And there's no shit inside the bubble.

[David Cross]

I mean, there's some shit, but less. And it's different. No, no. I'm happy to be in New York, you know, and again, I travel all over.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you can live in New York and not be in a bubble.

[David Cross]

Well, yes, but I'm. All right, I'll define it. The bubble is not for me or my wife. It's for her daughter.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, okay.

[David Cross]

And the more I can keep her from the things that I and my wife think are bad.

[Bill Maher]

Just to play devil's advocate about what might be in the bubble that isn't favorable to you. A Democratic congressman, I've had him on the show. I like him a lot. Seth Moulton from Massachusetts. He got a lot of attention at the end of the last election cycle because he was talking about the Democrats and they got their ass kicked in the election and so forth. And he said they were talking about the transition. He said, look, I don't want my 12 year old daughter to be on the soccer field and be run over by someone who's identifying as a man, as a woman, but is really a boy. I don't want my daughter being run. And a lot of people applauded him for that. I mean, we saw in the Olympics a. Okay, born a man, now fighting as a woman boxer, just beat the dog shit out of a woman. The other boxer, a lot of people were disturbed by that. It's very disturbing to watch because it's a man beating the shit out of a woman. I'm just saying there's stuff inside the bubble that could be bad too.

[David Cross]

Okay, well, what I would say to that, because I don't. First of all, if you're Talking about a 12 year old, you want your daughter run over. No, I'm kidding. That's prepubescent. And that, you know, a boy who identifies as a girl and, you know, for all intents and purposes is a girl is not going to, you know, have the. If you're talking about like late teens, like after puberty.

[Bill Maher]

I think 12 was when he was talking about.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that's prepubescence.

[Bill Maher]

Right, I know, but like

[David Cross]

the difference between a boy and a girl is minimal at prepubescent. And if. And, and I think you could.

[Bill Maher]

I think you could find some physically.

[David Cross]

Physically.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I don't think physically.

[David Cross]

Look it up, Bill. Look up. You're talking about.

[Bill Maher]

First of all, I remember being 12. There's some big 12 year old boys,

[David Cross]

there's some big 12 year old girls. There are.

[Bill Maher]

Why can't you just say it's true? I mean, again, this is. What's wrong with that, with the loony left, you know, like they just. Will they just die on hills that are unnecessary to die on? I mean, 12 year old boys, you know, I get what this guy was saying. And again, he's a Democrat.

[David Cross]

Well, I would say the same thing to him. I don't give a shit whether he's Democrat or Republican or libertarian or independent or whatever the fuck the idea of 12 year olds.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, what about the other one? Olympics?

[David Cross]

I don't know, the boxing story or situation.

[Bill Maher]

Didn't get in the bubble.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that's fine. But now you can edify me, you can tell me. So was this. So it was a. When did they transition? Did they take puberty walkers?

[Bill Maher]

It's a little murky. If you read it up on it, it would be like they have their side of the story about why technically, you know what, I can't recreate it to a lot of people. It just came off as somebody who looked like a dude and punched like a dude beating up a woman. There may be a technical reason why this was a little different.

[David Cross]

Again, I don't know. But there is physical differences between a person's body. Once testosterone kicks in, right? There's testosterone is what you know, puberty. So I don't know if they. But if they.

[Bill Maher]

But they also have just bigger muscle mass and just bigger.

[David Cross]

If they have testosterone and they haven't even before that. No, no, no, no, that's not true. The disparity between of and there are bigger kids and they're bigger boys and they're also bigger girls. I've seen girls, you know, pre. No, not trans. Not being a thing. I've seen girls kick the shit out of boys. It's about the individual person, right? Is it not? Do you remember third grade?

[Bill Maher]

Third grade I remember, but I also remember that he said 12 and 12.

[David Cross]

Okay, so what is.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, first they're 6 12. I think kids reach puberty a lot earlier than they used to. I'm not sure why that is, but I've read articles about that that they don't know. Maybe it's that we give them too much meat or something's in the meat or. I don't. They have lots of theories about it. What they see, you know, what it could be Psychological, because they see so many things, images that we didn't when we were kids.

[David Cross]

You think so?

[Bill Maher]

I think it's certainly possible. It's certainly.

[David Cross]

I think it would probably be more about like shit in our food.

[Bill Maher]

And you don't think something that enters your mind. I don't know. No, but it's not a ridiculous premise.

[David Cross]

I didn't say it was.

[Bill Maher]

No, no, no, I'm saying you did. I'm just saying it's not.

[David Cross]

I'm not saying you said I didn't.

[Bill Maher]

I'm just saying.

[David Cross]

All right, all right.

[Bill Maher]

People selling people to people. That's what I'm.

[David Cross]

No, I don't. So you're. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but are you. Where do you stand on trans?

[Bill Maher]

At the reasonable place, where of course it's a real thing and of course they should be protected and respected. But there is a default setting for humans, I don't think, where America is now. We're an outlier country. We don't do anything. Like the only people in the world who do this anymore. And I'm talking about not notifying parents in some places, letting kids self diagnose at early ages and then doing actual surgery. Puberty block, things that are absolutely irreversible. That's just something only the.

[David Cross]

Are puberty blockers irreversible?

[Bill Maher]

Absolutely. That's something only the Democratic Party believes in anymore.

[David Cross]

I believe for, you know, just the

[Bill Maher]

idea of puberty blockers of anything. Look, my health always comes first. The idea of like, this is the tequila, right? Yes. I'm not trying to be funny, boy, if he's gonna start on this, I'm gonna need another drink. But the idea of reversing anything in my body or blocking anything, I'm old enough to know now, I've learned through different things, like a lot of health comes down to, like, keeping all the pipes clear in every way. When things are blocked or reversed, or you use any kind of drug that has maybe has a beneficial effect, but it also is gonna block something or have some side effect that reverses how your body naturally wants to work, it's always going to be a problem. That's why I recommend my piss tube. Okay. You merely lie in bed and put your dick in. You don't have to get up.

[David Cross]

At this point, we're probably getting fairly close to being able to look at examples of adults that had puberty blockers when they were younger. Right. And find out if medically, in the same way, like 30 years ago, people said oh, two gay dads is gonna ruin it.

[Bill Maher]

That's not completely true because not everything.

[David Cross]

No, I guess I'm saying we probably getting close to whoever the first kids were that had that becoming.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, but I know you're saying that. And what I'm saying is you can't really say what the effect is 30 years later because you don't know when somebody gets cancer. Nobody says to you, except if it's lung cancer. Did you smoke? Yeah, there's an obvious one. Other than that, it's just we don't know why you got it and they don't know why something went wrong in the body and what caused that. What were the factors?

[David Cross]

So you're saying you don't know, It's.

[Bill Maher]

Well, we're saying we don't know.

[David Cross]

We don't know.

[Bill Maher]

Could having puberty blockers 30 years ago be part of that, what your body was doing to compensate for that? I mean, I had like Accutane acne medicine in the 90s. Could that. If I got cancer tomorrow, would that possibly be a factor from. Yes, possibly.

[David Cross]

So it sounds like you're just making my point because if a puberty blocker is just like Accutane or not good

[Bill Maher]

cereal, it's never going to be a good.

[David Cross]

Okay, so are we going to get rid of Accutane? Are we going to get. Because it might be bad.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you certainly should give the patient the information to say, here's what. Here's what?

[David Cross]

Well, we don't have the information, though.

[Bill Maher]

Well, that's even worse.

[David Cross]

I mean, but we don't have the information for a lot of things.

[Bill Maher]

But generally, what I do know, we may not have specific information is that when you do something like block what your body's natural hormones are raging to do, that just intuitively tells me not a great health result in the future. You really don't see it that way.

[David Cross]

Well, I'll go back to what I said. We should be approaching the time when we can really look at this and get more of a definitive answer whether it does affect people. Because I know trans.

[Bill Maher]

And in the meantime, just keep doing it.

[David Cross]

I'm 100% pro science to help people. I do not have an issue with trans kids. I know a couple of them, they're awesome. And I think they. Their lives would be absolutely miserable if they weren't allowed to live the life they're living.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, sometimes I would agree that that is the case.

[David Cross]

I mean, that is literally, you know, for.

[Bill Maher]

Sometimes that's 100% of my experience. And there's also many cases of people who regret it.

[David Cross]

What's the percentage? I don't think it's that big.

[Bill Maher]

It's not in the bubble, but it's there. I'm trying to.

[David Cross]

Tell me you're out of the bubble.

[Bill Maher]

I don't. I am. I don't know.

[David Cross]

Is it above 7%?

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

[David Cross]

Well, you don't know then.

[Bill Maher]

I do know because I've read. Well, then tell me. I don't know what the percentage is. Okay. But I've certainly read many, many accounts of people who have said this, that you.

[David Cross]

I don't know what the.

[Bill Maher]

You can imagine if there would be nobody who did it and didn't regret it.

[David Cross]

I didn't say that.

[Bill Maher]

I'm sure there are.

[David Cross]

There are people who regret tattooing.

[Bill Maher]

So you're saying there's a certain percentage that it's worth it to sacrifice them. If it's 10% of people who regret it and they'll never have an orgasm again and now they're a gay man without a dick, that's okay? Because. I'm just asking. That's kind of what you're saying.

[David Cross]

It is what I'm saying. I guess if 9 out of 10 people are happy, then yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, you're putting that decision in the hands of children often who are confused about everything. So the idea that they could self diagnose, the idea that I could tell you anything about my own life when I was 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, all these ages. I mean, did you know if you

[David Cross]

were gay or not?

[Bill Maher]

I was just hanging on. I knew I was not.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

I knew I was not.

[David Cross]

All right.

[Bill Maher]

I certainly was not thinking about men when I was masturbating.

[David Cross]

Okay. So that's a solid thing. You knew when you were.

[Bill Maher]

It was solid from morning till night. I was not thinking about men. I was thinking about, I don't know, Goldie Hawn and Diane Carroll and Ann Margaret and Raquel Welch and, you know.

[David Cross]

Did you have brothers and sisters?

[Bill Maher]

I have a sister, yeah. Yeah. Why is that relevant?

[David Cross]

Because I'm just curious. Your family upbringing you. I have two younger sisters.

[Bill Maher]

And they must be proud of you. My sister's very proud of me.

[David Cross]

I'm very close with the middle sister. I'm the oldest and. Nothing against the younger sister, but.

[Bill Maher]

No, I've talked about her.

[David Cross]

Just. We're from different worlds. We live in different worlds. Yes, she's very.

[Bill Maher]

That happens.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Well, my sister and I live in different worlds. But you Know, still love each other

[David Cross]

and is she older?

[Bill Maher]

She's older. Yeah. It's. It's so interesting to, you know, when you get to this age and you see the things that you knew about somebody from as far back as, you know, 60 years ago, and you just see, oh, that was always there, and that's always gonna be there.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Like, I wish somebody had told me that, you know, about myself just about, like, you know what? Stop making this New Year's resolution. You're just always gonna be this way about this.

[David Cross]

Bringing Up Chunky.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Stop banging your head against the wall. Just accept yourself, you know?

[David Cross]

Yeah. That was honestly my favorite episode of Bringing Up Chunky. It was a very special episode.

[Bill Maher]

All right, well, I have to pee and I did not bring my piss to why. So we're.

[David Cross]

You could have plugged it. I mean, and tell me the name of it again.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, Piss tube is just the first thought that came to my head, but I'm sure there's something better than that.

[David Cross]

I think you do. I think you go, bill Maher's Piss Tube. Well, and then your. Your face is on there. Right.

[Bill Maher]

But if I call it Bill Maher's Piss Tube, isn't that kind of a flex? And the. In the piss tube community, I just think the kids are gonna be like, you know, he's so full of himself. Inventing the piss tube. No, but, like, if. If it worked in bed again, longer podcasts, I, you know.

[David Cross]

You know, I would just.

[Bill Maher]

Right there.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And just do what the Teamsters do.

[David Cross]

Get a Crystal Springs water bottle and piss it.

[Bill Maher]

The Amazon warehouse.

[David Cross]

Oh, dude, they. You know how many bottles of piss? I see the plastic bottles. I see, like, after. There's been a shoot somewhere in New York.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, It's a teamster thing. Just piss in the bottle. Yeah. Yes.

[Bill Maher]

I thought that was apple juice. That was the big laugh on bringing up Chunky.

[David Cross]

Yes. Oh, no. That was part of the very special episode that was the end. Because it was a two parter.

[Bill Maher]

Should we plug anything? Can we plug anything for you?

[David Cross]

Bit late. Everybody's tuned out. No, no.

[Bill Maher]

Tuned out?

[David Cross]

No. All right. We played it at the beginning. I got a new special. The end of the beginning of the end.

[Bill Maher]

The end of the beginning of the end. Okay.

[David Cross]

And it was.

[Bill Maher]

What does that mean?

[David Cross]

You tell me. I know what it means.

[Bill Maher]

The end of the beginning of the end. It reminds me of the Churchill quote about World War II. They had won. I forget it was a big battle, maybe El Alamein. And he said this isn't the beginning of the end, but it may be the end of the beginning.

[David Cross]

Oh, interesting.

[Bill Maher]

Meaning the war.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that's kind of what was the thought behind it is we had a beginning of the end and this is the end of the beginning of the end.

[Bill Maher]

So you're not anti Churchill?

[David Cross]

No. What? No.

[Bill Maher]

Well, sometimes you bubble dwelling liberals are like, churchill's the bad guy now.

[David Cross]

I want to talk further about all this stuff.

[Bill Maher]

Come back.

[David Cross]

All right, I will.

[Bill Maher]

I'll do this with you anytime you want.

[David Cross]

Do you go to New York ever?

[Bill Maher]

Well, I mean, I used to all the time because work took me to the east coast and now that I don't do standup, I mean, I had a book out in 2024, so I did press there in New York. I mean, look, I have so many roots there. My sister's in New Jersey.

[David Cross]

I fucking love it there.

[Bill Maher]

I lived there twice. I never liked it. I'm not in New York.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I understand. I get that.

[Bill Maher]

I love the sunshine and not living in a building and, you know, but I understand the great things about it. I will get there. I'll call you when I do. Because I know people who live there now. And I know what's better about it. I mean. Cause I know what they tell me. And they're not my age, they're millennials, like 40. But they say, you know, LA's great. They all have lived here. One of them is Bari Weiss. You know, you should read her shit. That's great anti bubble stuff. Cause they're not conservatives, but they're down the middle. And the Free Press, I love it. But they live there, a couple other friends there and they say LA is great. But you know what? When I want to go out at 11 o' clock at night, there's so much happening. And this town is dead at 11 o'.

[David Cross]

Clock. Yeah, but you can also walk. I can. That's a big thing for me. That's a really big part of it. And I live in Brooklyn and it's dense but not crazy Manhattan dense.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[David Cross]

And the sense of community there is so fucking strong.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[David Cross]

Oh, it's great. Yeah, I mean, we. Unlike anything I've experienced, I've lived all over the place. And the sense of community there is really. They're proud, you know, there's a pride to being in Brooklyn and all the neighbors know each other, we all help each other. And I live on a fucking, you know, Main street. And, you know, I got a brownstone, which is a dream of mine.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[David Cross]

Yeah. So that makes a difference. I don't live in a building.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[David Cross]

But being a, as I'm sure you know, being a homeowner is like, God, there's so much. And I, I'm a rich person complaining, but.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[David Cross]

Just every day there's a new thing that you got to take care of. You have to take care of it or it's not going to get taken care of. And. But I love. I mean, I'm. I'm so happy there and my kid is happy and she goes to a very diverse school, public school. It's actually good. It's good. It's probably good. It probably put another good person in the world, I think, decent person who's, you know, tolerant.

[Bill Maher]

And when you say diverse, you're referring to diversity of thought.

[David Cross]

I don't know. They're in fucking third grade, Bill.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you can indoctrinate people at any age, but you're saying, you know, but diversity.

[David Cross]

She's indoctrinated into liking all people.

[Bill Maher]

Good. That's a good thing.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

But, you know, there is also diversity of thought that is certainly had been lacking in some parts of our educational system.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I don't see that. I mean, she's in. She's doing.

[Bill Maher]

She's learning division, but I'm talking about college, you know, I mean, Thomas Sowell, who's a great writer, African American, so we know what we can believe what he says. And he said, next time you talk about diversity at American universities, ask about how many Republicans there are in the Sociology department. And I'm not a Republican. I'm just saying anything that's just all one team. It's not good. You need to hear it. That other side, you need to be checked. People need to be checked.

[David Cross]

I think they'll be including your little girl. Okay.

[Bill Maher]

She needs to be checked. I don't know what.

[David Cross]

Fuck this bitch. Fuck that little bitch with her black friends and trans friends and not even understanding. She doesn't know.

[Bill Maher]

Wait, she has trans friends in third grade?

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yep.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. See, they know they're trans in third grade.

[David Cross]

I knew one of her friends I knew when he was a girl, I think just turned nine and. Is just the coolest kid. I don't, you know, I think boy to girl, girl to boy, girl to boy, girl to boy. And she has another very close friend who's not in the school, but who's boy to girl at 3 a. 3 years old.

[Bill Maher]

You know, I mean, I knew somebody who said to me, actually more than one person who said to me a Woman said, you know, I was what they called a tomboy. If I was alive now and acted the way I did, then that's what they would have done to me.

[David Cross]

Well, nobody's doing this to her.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I don't know.

[David Cross]

Literally nobody is doing this to her. How old she is or he is either eight or I think nine.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, then somebody is doing something because eight or nine year olds.

[David Cross]

No, you know what they're doing?

[Bill Maher]

Can't do anything on their own.

[David Cross]

No, they're buying them boys clothes.

[Bill Maher]

Well then they're doing something they're doing.

[David Cross]

Sure. Yes, you're right. They're buying them boys clothes.

[Bill Maher]

Clothes and telling them you're a boy now.

[David Cross]

No, no, they're not telling them. They're just agreeing with. They're like going.

[Bill Maher]

Agreeing with an 8 year old because when is their judgment ever been off

[David Cross]

at 8, you know, you know, you knew you weren't gay, right?

[Bill Maher]

That's. Yeah, that's.

[David Cross]

It's not different.

[Bill Maher]

It is different.

[David Cross]

No, it isn't.

[Bill Maher]

It's okay. Good luck with President Vance because as I always say to my woke friends, we voted for the same person. You're just why she lost. And this is a case of that.

[David Cross]

Wait, what?

[Bill Maher]

We voted for the same person.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

You're just why she lost. Because America hears this and they're gonna go, bill's right. Eight year olds can't really make decisions on their own like this. That's what most people are gonna say. And this is where the Democrats are with David Cross living in Brooklyn with Mandami loving. And this is why, you know, we're gonna vote for J.D. vince. And that's, and that's, that's.

[David Cross]

I don't, I don't think it's.

[Bill Maher]

That's American in a nutshell.

[David Cross]

I don't.

[Bill Maher]

Doesn't mean I don't love you.

[David Cross]

No, I just, I disagree with you.

[Bill Maher]

I know. It's okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I know. It's okay. I'm sorry.

[Bill Maher]

I'm aware.

[David Cross]

I just want to impress upon you that the parents of a couple of kids I'm talking about are not doing anything. If you are saying that, buying that when they say I want boys pants as opposed to a skirt, you're saying that's doing something. I think that's.

[Bill Maher]

Well, the whole. I mean, it's not just the pants. It's just accepting the kid, the kid has, you know. Okay, maybe it's not anything to do with social contagion or the kid just knows right away at the age of whatever he's in the wrong body.

[David Cross]

One of them was three. One of them was three when he was three.

[Bill Maher]

Well sure, three three year olds who can't believe a three year old.

[David Cross]

It's not about believing them.

[Bill Maher]

But kids are confused and they hear there's a lot of talk.

[David Cross]

There was no confusion.

[Bill Maher]

There is confusion.

[David Cross]

She wasn't in school yet. She was three.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I'm sure she hears things around the home. I'm sure, I'm sure they're okay. Well you know what I'm saying is when I was a kid we were too far the other way. We never heard about any of this. They should have told us. They should have said, you know what? Most people are men or women, but not everybody. And if you're not one of those two things, that's okay. There are other.

[David Cross]

I totally agree with that.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. I know, I know I'm not. I know that wasn't the point. I know you agree.

[David Cross]

The point is.

[Bill Maher]

Point was this is the way they should have done it. When I was a kid they went too far in this one direction of just boys and girls. Never introduced the concept that it could be something else. And they were wrong. They should have.

[David Cross]

What are you gonna tell three more?

[Bill Maher]

Could I just finish?

[David Cross]

Yes, sorry.

[Bill Maher]

They should have included this because. But this is back in the day and they were too far that way. Now they've gone too far the other way and they have in many places introduced this concept so overwhelmingly that they have put the idea in kids heads who probably wouldn't have thought about it otherwise or who just didn't know what kind of phase they were going through again. Girls were tomboys, et cetera. And every other country in the world is just a lot more careful than we are about just immediately going okay, that's it, switch bodies. You're this now and it's just not gonna look good in the future. It just really isn't is my view. But we have to cut it there. I have a word from you got a p. I have a pee and a word from Del Monte. But I do wanna pick this up with you and I appreciate you willing to talk to me about this. Cause some like of the woke, they won't even talk to me. Which is again if you won't talk to somebody who voted for the same person as you, that's wrong. You gotta be.

[David Cross]

You know me enough to know I will talk about anything. I appreciate that and I appreciate you know this and having this opportunity and you know, who knew, who knew we were gonna get in the trans beef.

[Bill Maher]

I didn't want beef with you. No no. I've been too big a fan for too long.

[David Cross]

I know. Same here. I mean it's all good club.

[Bill Maher]

I don't need any more beefs. I have so many beefs and I'm the nicest guy in the world Club

[David Cross]

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[Bill Maher]

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