Jay Leno | Club Random with Bill Maher

Summary

Podcast Summary: Club Random with Bill Maher Featuring Jay Leno

Title: Club Random with Bill Maher
Episode: Jay Leno
Release Date: December 22, 2024

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of Club Random, Bill Maher sits down one-on-one with legendary comedian and former Tonight Show host Jay Leno. Set in the enigmatic Club Random, free from the usual political discourse, Maher and Leno delve into their extensive careers in show business, share behind-the-scenes anecdotes, and reflect on the evolving landscape of comedy and television.

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Accidents and Health

The conversation kicks off with Jay Leno humorously recounting a recent accident:

Jay Leno [02:02]: "I'm all right. I got a busted. Real sorry."

Bill Maher expresses concern, prompting Leno to discuss his quick recovery and attribute it to his "Scottish genes":

Bill Maher [02:12]: "But you heal very quickly."

Jay Leno [03:19]: "It was swollen. Scottish genes, yes."

Their light-hearted exchange sets the tone for a candid dialogue about the physical demands and mishaps of a life on the road.

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Comedic Legends and Legacy

Maher and Leno reminisce about iconic figures in comedy, particularly Richard Belzer and Johnny Carson. They discuss Belzer's transition from comedy to his role as Detective Munch in Homicide: Life on the Street, highlighting his unique ability to blend humor with serious acting:

Bill Maher [04:13]: "You always thought of Belzer as Detective Munch. That's exactly funny."

Jay Leno [04:27]: "He made it his own, and I assume it was. Pretty good."

The duo also delves into the challenges faced by entertainers when interacting with organized crime, sharing stories about how the mob influenced show business personalities. Leno recounts an incident involving Johnny Carson and mob threats:

Jay Leno [07:10]: "They put a hit out on Carson... He just leaves because this is real."

Maher adds a reflective note on how such interactions were early indicators of the polarizing nature of modern political affiliations:

Bill Maher [22:40]: "He was ostracized by the left... That was an early harbinger of that."

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Behind-the-Scenes Show Business Stories

Jay Leno shares numerous anecdotes from his time hosting The Tonight Show, offering listeners a glimpse into the often unpredictable world of late-night television. From dealing with unexpected guests like Prince to managing technical mishaps and celebrity interactions, Leno's stories are both humorous and revealing.

One memorable story involves Leno's interaction with Prince:

Jay Leno [75:08]: "He pulls in and I go, caviar. Name, please? Prince. He goes, 'No, I'm a performer. My name is Prince.'... He laughed like a pirate."

Another tale involves Sean Connery and a humorous misunderstanding about his vacation destination:

Jay Leno [61:35]: "He goes, 'I don't have to go to India.' I said, 'You go to India every weekend?' 'No, I meant Indio, California.'"

These stories highlight the unique challenges and comedic moments that occur behind the scenes in show business.

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Evolving Comedy and Television

The conversation naturally transitions into a discussion about the evolution of comedy and the television industry. Maher contrasts his approach to comedy with Leno's, emphasizing Maher's commitment to maintaining his "sanity" as his edge in show business:

Bill Maher [04:13]: "Your edge in show business is your sanity."

Leno counters by praising his resilience and adaptability:

Jay Leno [06:28]: "I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I'm not a stress guy."

They debate the impact of changing audience preferences and industry standards on their respective careers, with Maher critiquing the lack of critical engagement in modern audiences:

Bill Maher [46:00]: "It's in the mind of people... They associate that with left-wing things and Republicans with more like freedom."

Leno reflects on maintaining relevance and originality in a rapidly shifting entertainment landscape:

Jay Leno [73:07]: "I wouldn't have had the interaction with the guy. I just respect it for what I go, God bless..."

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Personal Reflections and Philosophies

Throughout the episode, both hosts share personal insights and philosophies. Maher discusses the importance of authentic storytelling and the challenges of balancing personal life with a demanding career:

Bill Maher [34:10]: "I just don't want to drag my ass out of bed. I'm not like you. I'm not Iron J."

Leno talks about the importance of staying true to oneself in comedy, emphasizing the balance between personal authenticity and audience expectations:

Jay Leno [72:54]: "I don't dwell on it. I'll do 40 minutes of material before I even bring that up."

They also touch on broader societal issues, such as the MeToo movement and its impact on various industries, expressing differing perspectives on accountability and public perception.

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Notable Quotes

• Bill Maher [22:31]: "Just the idea that you cut your family off for Thanksgiving if they voted for the wrong guy. Well, yeah, fuck off, you fucks."

• Jay Leno [43:09]: "They were all being paid. And then I realized he's having tax problems. Oh, what could go wrong, you know?"

• Bill Maher [54:48]: "I've adopted over a hundred strippers. Really, you know that?"

• Jay Leno [71:15]: "Doing a little bit less now because I'm taking care of my wife, stuff like that."

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Conclusions and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Maher and Leno reaffirm their mutual respect and camaraderie, despite their differing styles and approaches to comedy. They acknowledge the shared history and enduring friendship that transcends the competitive nature of the entertainment industry:

Bill Maher [81:26]: "I can sit here with you and talk to you. I'll do it under any circumstances."

Jay Leno [81:35]: "I'll make that happen, my friend."

Their final exchange underscores the fundamental bond between two titans of comedy, celebrating their ability to connect and share stories in the ever-evolving world of show business.

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Conclusion

This episode of Club Random with Bill Maher offers a rich tapestry of behind-the-scenes insights, humorous anecdotes, and thoughtful reflections from two of television's most enduring figures. Jay Leno's tales from the road and the Tonight Show provide a unique perspective on the entertainment industry's inner workings, while Bill Maher's incisive commentary adds depth to their discussions. Together, they create a compelling narrative that both entertains and enlightens, making it a must-listen for fans of comedy and television history.

Transcript

[Bill Maher]

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[Jay Leno]

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[Bill Maher]

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[Jay Leno]

I'm in the hall. I see guys carrying what I think is a plate glass window. It's a giant cue card. This has the word hello on it. Club Random.

[Bill Maher]

I like the old school pleasures, too. The old school.

[Jay Leno]

The men and the women were glad of it. Club Random.

[Bill Maher]

Jay Bill, what's going on? If that's not. Jay, that's an amazing impression where you are stay there and I want you to hurt yourself.

[Jay Leno]

I'm all right. I got a busted. Real sorry.

[Bill Maher]

So listen, I wrote out the next six get well cards. I thought with the price of postage these days, if you don't, I think.

[Jay Leno]

It'S so smart you save your money.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, this one is for when you fall down a flight of stairs. This is something to do with a knitting needle. This is an elevator shaft.

[Jay Leno]

Very good.

[Bill Maher]

You could just.

[Jay Leno]

Well, thank you.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you.

[Jay Leno]

Bill Concern.

[Bill Maher]

Well, how are you? Jay?

[Jay Leno]

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm all right. I'm okay.

[Bill Maher]

You're Iron J. I'm okay.

[Jay Leno]

I'm all right.

[Bill Maher]

I feel like you are proving that you're Iron J and you don't need to. We always thought you were Iron J. I understand.

[Jay Leno]

I understand.

[Bill Maher]

But you heal very quickly. I do heal quickly because, like I.

[Jay Leno]

Said, because 10 days ago, this is totally black and white. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, my eye was shut for three days, and I thought, oh, boy, am I blind to one eye? Okay. And then after three days, it opened and. Oh, okay. And I was fine.

[Bill Maher]

Now, what do you attribute that to? Good Italian genes?

[Jay Leno]

It was swollen.

[Bill Maher]

Scottish. Italian genes, yes.

[Jay Leno]

Scottish. Scottish genes. That's what you want. Thinning hair, bad teeth, bad skin.

[Bill Maher]

That's.

[Jay Leno]

You want those Scottish jeans.

[Bill Maher]

But no combinations are always healthier, just like in dogs.

[Jay Leno]

I guess that's true.

[Bill Maher]

The more we are. And of course, when you're too alike, as when you marry your cousin, we know that goes the wrong way.

[Jay Leno]

That goes the wrong way.

[Bill Maher]

So. So that's because you're not a young man anymore. But. But.

[Jay Leno]

No, I'm not.

[Bill Maher]

But you certainly shouldn't be. And you're quite hale, but you certainly shouldn't be falling down hills, don't you think?

[Jay Leno]

I agree. But my only. I had the. It was either walk, two and a half. It doesn't look that steep. And then, yeah, it fell down.

[Bill Maher]

But, you know, Jay, when I started, someone told me, your edge is your sanity.

[Jay Leno]

Your what?

[Bill Maher]

Your edge. Your edge in show business is your sanity. Because so many people in show business are crazy in their own different ways. I think at the time we were talking about Richard Belzer, you know, who had his own. You know, he was a brilliant comic, but he was so.

[Jay Leno]

You know, he was a real good actor, too. He did a great job on Homicide in the Streets. He really found the depth of that character.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. Detective Munch.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. I mean, it was. It was unique. I hadn't seen a character like that. He made it his own, and I assume it was. I don't. I don't think anybody guided him that. I think he just sort of developed it himself. It's pretty good.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I mean, I felt. I felt it was Belzer, as we knew Belzer as a detective. If Richard Belzer the comic had chosen to be a detective. That's exactly funny.

[Jay Leno]

Is a comic. He was a good comic, but he was the same comic. He didn't change his act hardly much at all. What?

[Bill Maher]

He never wrote a word down.

[Jay Leno]

Well, he.

[Bill Maher]

I remember he did the same bits we all did.

[Jay Leno]

Well, when he did tv, he would always do kind of the same.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, well, you know, I mean, again, I mean.

[Jay Leno]

Good improvisational comic. Yeah, he was good. He was good.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. He was brilliant in the nightclub.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And many have found out that, you know, it doesn't translate as well to tv. You know, some performers are hot. As opposed to the cool medium of tv.

[Jay Leno]

Right, right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, you were number one for over two decades because you understood television.

[Jay Leno]

Why are you putting eyedrops in your.

[Bill Maher]

You're not. Eye drops.

[Jay Leno]

Oh, I see.

[Bill Maher]

I brought them for you.

[Jay Leno]

I thought you.

[Bill Maher]

In case you hurt yourself while you're here.

[Jay Leno]

I thought the Visine, what you're doing.

[Bill Maher]

Now, this is just a way to have a healthier version of. Well, what are you eating lately? You're still on. You're still on the. Do you ever eat vegetables? No. Are you still the guy who doesn't eat a vegetable?

[Jay Leno]

And I had 62 and I didn't like it.

[Bill Maher]

What vegetable was it?

[Jay Leno]

I don't remember. It was a horrible experience. I'm just not a vegetable guy.

[Bill Maher]

No, I understand. And look, you're proving that obviously there's something in our genes that's more powerful than things like how you eat, because a lot of people would think if you never eat a vegetable, how could you possibly be healthy? But.

[Jay Leno]

But, yeah, I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I'm not a stress guy. I don't stress. You know, people say, oh, the Tonight show must be too much. No. Write joke, tell joke, get check. Pretty simple.

[Bill Maher]

No, I do do drugs and drink.

[Jay Leno]

Really? No. You see, I learn something every day. I've known you all these years. Now I find out you're doing drugs.

[Bill Maher]

Jay, do you know. Did you see what the Inquirer said about your spill?

[Jay Leno]

No, what did they say?

[Bill Maher]

They say, well, it's a conspiracy theory, since you've had three accidents, that you actually have gambling debts and you're being beaten up by the mob.

[Jay Leno]

Well, that's why I love the idea that the mob would drive to Greenber, Pennsylvania, wait outside the Hampton Inn and kind of a sleety kind of rainy day to throw me down the hill. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Well, no, that's not what they're saying. Please don't mischaracterize the Inquirer. They're saying throw you down the hill was your cover story, but they just beat you up like the mob always does. And that when you had the other accident where you fell off your motorcycle. Wink, wink. And had your knees.

[Jay Leno]

No, what happened was that guy had a rope across the driveway, and it cut my. Because I.

[Bill Maher]

Sure he did. Jay.

[Jay Leno]

I just got. I got. I got. I got a new face when I'm. When my face caught fire, and then two months later, it tore my face. I had to call my face guy, and I need another face. So I wanted me to. Give me another one.

[Bill Maher]

So you have the same face. So you're not. It's interesting. The article started out saying Jay leno was worth $450 million, has gambling debts. I was like, that is quite a gambling.

[Jay Leno]

Well, I like the idea that they wouldn't just take one of my cars for the gambling debt.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Why? Because they're worth that much?

[Jay Leno]

No, you know, I was pretty smart. I remember years ago, I was a catcher, rising star, and I was on stage, and this guy, a mob guy, comes up to me afterwards. He goes, hey, you funny kid. Funny kid. He takes $100, he puts it in my pocket. Really? You're a funny kid. He goes like this. Yeah. I said, oh, thank you. I said, look, I don't mean any disrespect, but, you know, give it to the church or something. I don't. I said, no, I'm okay, but thank you. I don't want you. I'm not being. I appreciate it. I'm okay. And he says to me, no, you're a smart kid. You don't take money from people like me. That's smart. And nobody ever bothered me again. Nobody ever bothered me again. I saw the mob kick the crap out of comics left and right.

[Bill Maher]

What?

[Jay Leno]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Jay Leno]

Well, one person we know was on stage.

[Bill Maher]

Was he Italian?

[Jay Leno]

No.

[Bill Maher]

No.

[Jay Leno]

Well, yes. Yes, he was. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, he was an Italian name.

[Jay Leno]

Yes. I think I know who anyway, and just beat the crap out of him because he was being a wise ass on stage, you know, to them. To them. Yeah. That kind of said, he's not good. You know, that happened to Carson. You know, Carson got beat up. Well, Carson went to Jilly's one night with Bushkin, his lawyer. Yeah. And I got him drinks, and they start hitting on these two girls, kind of rudely. Turns out their mob. Oh, malls, girlfriends were called, Right. So they threatened to. They put a hit out on Carson. So Carson stops the Tonight show for the week. He just goes. He leaves, because this is real. And then at the time, they had. You remember Joey Colombo, the guy? He had that whole Italian civil rights thing going in New York City.

[Bill Maher]

Sure, of course.

[Jay Leno]

Well, he had the Italian St. Genovese Parade, which was sponsored by the Five Families, so nobody in New York would cover it. So Joey Colombo went to NBC and said, if you cover the Italian parade, we'll pull a hit on Carson. And they did. They ordered it. You never heard that story?

[Bill Maher]

I certainly did not.

[Jay Leno]

You got to get out. You're smoking too much stuff. You got to get out and see what real people are doing.

[Bill Maher]

I bring people in here, and then they tell me things.

[Jay Leno]

No, but. Yeah, that's true. And. And that was. And that was for real. I mean, you know, it's just so.

[Bill Maher]

Just for the record, you were not beaten up by the mob.

[Jay Leno]

No, I was not.

[Bill Maher]

Have you ever gambled?

[Jay Leno]

No, I don't gamble.

[Bill Maher]

I. I said it doesn't sound.

[Jay Leno]

No, I don't care. I don't get it. You know, losing a hundred bucks makes me feel stupider than winning a thousand dollars makes me feel good. Because I go, I could have.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jay Leno]

Could have taken my wife to dinner. I could have done something. I would. I don't get it. Plus, I'm dyslexic, so. I mean, sir, you have 28. What? You have 28. Oh, that's not 21. No, it's 28, sir. Okay. No, no. So I'm not. No, no. I'm not a gambler.

[Bill Maher]

No. Your. Your life is comedy, and that's why you're at the Hampton Inn.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

There's a question, Jay, getting back to my thing about your sanity is your edge. Why is a guy who's worth $450 million staying at the Hampton Inn?

[Jay Leno]

You know, my plane landed at 1 in the morning. I'm there for seven hours. I just grabbed a hotel and I go to bed. Where would I stay? You know, I remember once we had MC Hammer came to the Tonight show, and he had 300 people.

[Bill Maher]

No, he didn't. Not 300.

[Jay Leno]

300 people in the staff. I mean, come on. I don't know if all 300 were there, but there were hundred. There were hundreds of people there. It was like. And they're all cousins. They're all being paid. And then I realized he's having tax problems. Oh, what could go wrong, you know?

[Bill Maher]

But isn't there a middle ground between that and the Hampton Inn? I'm just saying middle ground.

[Jay Leno]

To me, you'll find me a better hotel in Greenberg, Pennsylvania, and I'll say that.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I see.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. I mean, what do you. I'm a little bit.

[Bill Maher]

But even playing Greenberg, Pennsylvania, it sort of reminds me of Elvis the day he died. You know where he was headed? Portland, Maine. I mean, well, he's Elvis Presley, you.

[Jay Leno]

Know, I feel like Muhammad Ali fought in Portland, Maine. Stanley Liston, big, biggest fight ever up to that point. Portland, Maine.

[Bill Maher]

And I have nothing against Portland, Maine, but Elvis should have and could have, I think, been playing more major venues. He never went to Europe because of that horrible manager.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, the horrible manager. Yeah. That was a sad story. I always, like. I think there's certain empathy for Elvis. I always liked Elvis. He seemed like, you know, he was a great guy. He had African American backup singers when that was. Not even. Don't even mention it.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Jay Leno]

In the South? Yes, he did. And he always gave credit. He always gave credit to black artists, to Chuck Berry.

[Bill Maher]

That's true.

[Jay Leno]

You know, everybody else stole their songs and performed them, but Elvis always said where they came from.

[Bill Maher]

Speaking of beaten up by the mob story, do you know the one about.

[Jay Leno]

Sammy Davis, how we lost the eye?

[Bill Maher]

Well, no. Maybe that was the same thing. No, I thought it was a car accident, wasn't it?

[Jay Leno]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I mean, the part. The thing I'm referring to is he was. He met a white girl. I think she was an actress. I think she was kind of semi famous.

[Jay Leno]

Yes, it was Brit something or a Brit Eklund. No, not Brick Eglant.

[Bill Maher]

May Britt. Something like that.

[Jay Leno]

Something like that.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, something like that. Okay. A blonde white girl. And this is what I've heard the mob told him, like, either you're gonna break this off tonight, you know, or we're gonna kill you.

[Jay Leno]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

Why it was their business to enforce racism. I don't know, but I guess they took it seriously. And that night, he, on stage, proposed to one of his African American backup singers to solidify his commitment to living.

[Jay Leno]

I don't. I don't know.

[Bill Maher]

You've heard. You ever heard that?

[Jay Leno]

I work with him. Do you ever work with him?

[Bill Maher]

No. I saw him once and it was awesome.

[Jay Leno]

The greatest entertainer ever. I mean, he could act. I saw him on a Twilight Zone where he played, you know, those half hour ones, and he was the little guy and everybody made fun of him and so. And so. And so in the army, you know, so one of the guys said, hey, let's. Let's. Let's screw with him, you know, so they had a fake hand grenade and they threw it on the ground in front of him and he jumped on it.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Jay Leno]

To save all.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, that's the.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, that was the start.

[Bill Maher]

I see.

[Jay Leno]

But he played it so well. It was like it was just gut wrench because these guys just trash him, dump water on his head and just always messing with him. He had great empathy even when they.

[Bill Maher]

Thought they were just being funny. I mean one of the things that Dean Martin used to do when they were on stage together, the Rat Pack, him and Frank and Dean, is that he would lift Sammy up, who of course was diminutive.

[Jay Leno]

Right, right.

[Bill Maher]

And say thank you for this NAACP award.

[Jay Leno]

Right, right.

[Bill Maher]

Which today would probably not be the yeah, it would forever the double of short and he was the greatest guy.

[Jay Leno]

You if you work with Sammy and you said it's a beautiful watch. Oh you take he get give it to you.

[Bill Maher]

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[Jay Leno]

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[Bill Maher]

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[Jay Leno]

I mean he was that kind of guy. He traveled when I worked with him, every place he went became his house. So he bought his Barca lounger chair, his 119photos, put them on the wall of every dressing room he worked in. Like we would do Harrah's for a week. You go into his room, it was his den at home. You have all the pictures, him and Sammy and all the guys and it's insane.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, well that's what I mean about people in show business are insane.

[Jay Leno]

Well, it's an insane thing. You have to understand though, when he was with the Will Masten Trio, he's always been a performer since he was a little kid. So you lived on the road. You're like gypsies, you know, that was your house. So you brought all your personal things with you. So when he put all those pictures on the wall, he went Home every night.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. But now he's not a child and he's not on the road all the time.

[Jay Leno]

Well, he was. He. How old do you think he was when he died?

[Bill Maher]

64.

[Jay Leno]

I know. Isn't that unbelievable? When I was a kid, it was like life seems about right, you know, 60.

[Bill Maher]

Funny, because I used to do a bit back, like when he died in the 90s, about basically, you know, as I have often defending libertarianism and doing drugs if you want to. Not basing how we should make drug laws based on the people who fuck up with it, if that's your choice. And I said, sammy Davis lived that kind of life, drank drugs, you know, and lived to 64. And used to say, give me 64 Sammy years, then 100 Ken Starr years, or some Republican like that.

[Jay Leno]

Right, right, right.

[Bill Maher]

Then I got to be 64, and.

[Jay Leno]

I was like, well, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

[Bill Maher]

Well, let me finish.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. You know, but he was a wonderful human being. He's a great guy. He just remember him hugging Nixon and then.

[Bill Maher]

So what?

[Jay Leno]

I know, but at the time, he was seen as a traitor.

[Bill Maher]

It's so funny you mention that, because, like, today, we live in this time when you're not allowed to have friends from the other side or cross lines politically. And I forgot that there's an example of that way back when. A guy who crossed lines politically. Ooh, the worst thing you could ever do, be friends with a Republican.

[Jay Leno]

Ah.

[Bill Maher]

Call 91 1. This is what I fucking hate about the left. Like, you know, and they're not gonna get me over to the Trump side, which they think they will sometimes. But just the idea that, you know, cut your family off for Thanksgiving if they voted for the wrong guy. Well, yeah, fuck off, you fucks.

[Jay Leno]

Well, I. I don't. I don't know any Sammy, but when.

[Bill Maher]

He hugged Nixon, he was ostracized.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

By the left a lot. That was an early harbinger of that.

[Jay Leno]

Because you also had Black Panther and you had that whole movement going. The Black Panther movement was very big on college campus and stuff at that time.

[Bill Maher]

72. Is this.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, 71. 72. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But I remember what. What Sammy said at the time when they asked him about the Nixon thing, which was he went through, like, his economic achievements. The Nixon administration was not an unsuccessful administration before Watergate, and said, you know, you gotta go with the man who has results now. I don't remember exactly what the economy was with Nixon. I was 13. But that attitude, that idea I admire so much, as opposed to the virtue signaling and the stuff that they do just to make themselves feel better about being allied. You know what? You wanna be a good ally, Address the actual problems. Any racial problem in this country is not addressed by dei. And having programs like that, it's three things. And John McWhorter, the great African American writer, names them. You know, better schools don't graduate kids who don't know anything and have no skills. More dads end the drug war. Those are the practical things. And that's not what they care about. Talking about.

[Jay Leno]

Right, Right.

[Bill Maher]

So Sammy Davis, here's to you. But that story about the mob threatening to kill him, you don't know that one. You don't think that's true?

[Jay Leno]

I don't think it's true. He. Sammy told me it wasn't true.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, you asked him about it?

[Jay Leno]

Well, it just came up. Wow.

[Bill Maher]

I didn't know you were that close to him.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, I work with him. I open for him.

[Bill Maher]

He was great. He liked Tom Dreeson to Frank Sinatra.

[Jay Leno]

When he would do Mr. Bojangles. I mean, people would be in tears.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I. When I saw him.

[Jay Leno]

And he could. He could stand up and click his heels. He could kick his feet out to the side and it was like a marionette. It was like, what?

[Bill Maher]

Right?

[Jay Leno]

It was unbelievable.

[Bill Maher]

So I saw him once. I was playing Reno.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Which as we know. What does the sign say? The smallest, largest city.

[Jay Leno]

The biggest little city in the world.

[Bill Maher]

Whatever it is, it's no offense to Reno I love.

[Jay Leno]

Of course not, but it is.

[Bill Maher]

No, it's not. Just a smaller version of Vegas. It's not really a city. A big city.

[Jay Leno]

You want great Reno story. Okay, I was playing Reno. So maybe it was like, let's go. We had no money, so we'll go down to circus circus and have the 99 cent dinner or whatever it was. Okay, I walk in in the middle. They got a boxing ring set up. Okay, I got the next fight. 10. Oh, let's see what this is. Okay. Little guy comes out. They called the midget stand. Now we're called little person because. And they got a kangaroo, right?

[Bill Maher]

Come on.

[Jay Leno]

Now listen to this. And the kangaroo is like, come on. They got the kangaroo on a choke fighting. Yeah. Well, no, the kangaroo's got boxing gloves on, right? And they just like, come on here. Come on. I'm not scared of you. Come on. And they got the kangaroo on a choke chain, right? And they're leading him out. He's like, no, no, no, no. The guy kind of goes, bam. Boom. The guy goes down. Boom. And. And then, then the trainers are out. They give him a little something to eat. They squirt water. They pet his fur down, you know, and the little guy gets up. It didn't hurt me. And he's got a big welt on his face, you know. Come on. Come on, Dan. Okay. They lead him a little more, Dan. And, and they just. And this, you know, this is the kangaroo's life.

[Bill Maher]

He's.

[Jay Leno]

He doesn't know. This is a game, Jay.

[Bill Maher]

That was what the sixth card was for.

[Jay Leno]

So anyway, kangaroos are down at that. And boom. Hits him again. And now he's out, just out cold. Hey. And they lift the paw up the kangaroo and they give the guy lies it. And here's the worst part. Here's the worst. They put the kangaroo back on his chair. They're all hosing him down and petting them. The midget's lying on the ground and the guy puts the thing up. Next fight, 45 minutes, the guy. I had to do it again. I'm thinking, oh, my God, this is horrible. This is show business. This is the most horrible show business thing I've ever seen in my life. And this guy is like. And his face, you know the way my, my face looked when I fell on the hill? It looked like that. His face, it was like leather. Because.

[Bill Maher]

So a kangaroo can just throw a punch like that, like a. Oh, Jesus.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. You ever seen kangaroos?

[Bill Maher]

I never saw an animal throw a punch. I mean, animals, kangaroos, kangaroos, box.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, Foxy kangaroos. Of course. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But is there. I mean, if you get. If you get with a bear, he's going to kill you, but he's not going to punch you. A kangaroo will punch you.

[Jay Leno]

The kangaroo will punch you.

[Bill Maher]

I see.

[Jay Leno]

Tell that to the midget. He didn't really hit you in the face, but this guy, I mean, I think that was like the worst show business job I'd ever seen.

[Bill Maher]

I think you should write a memoir and call it Tell that to the Jay Leno story.

[Jay Leno]

It's horrible. Horrible.

[Bill Maher]

Because you have the best show business stories. You really do.

[Jay Leno]

It's so stupid.

[Bill Maher]

How many shows do you think you. You've done?

[Jay Leno]

I don't know. I mean, I used to do 250 a year and I do about 175, maybe 200, something like that.

[Bill Maher]

You know, I just did my last one. Why two, two days ago?

[Jay Leno]

Why?

[Bill Maher]

Cuz I'm not Iron J.

[Jay Leno]

Don't you enjoy. You don't.

[Bill Maher]

I do enjoy being on stage. I don't enjoy a hundred other things about it that don't really get better. I don't want to start on how people in hotels don't do anything good. I mean, I get mad when the TV doesn't work. You fall down a hill, but, you know, you chose. But I'm staying at the best hotel, and they can't get it right.

[Jay Leno]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

I would expect.

[Jay Leno]

Yes. But see, nothing funny happens at the best hotel when you stay at the bad hotels. Funny thing. You know what? I played Cincinnati once, and I studied the Hotel Cincinnatian, which is a whole. It was a men's hotel.

[Bill Maher]

What year is this?

[Jay Leno]

This is 1971. 72.

[Bill Maher]

Men's Hotel.

[Jay Leno]

It was a men's.

[Bill Maher]

I don't know what that means.

[Jay Leno]

Men only. A men only.

[Bill Maher]

Why?

[Jay Leno]

Because it was. It was a men's home. They used to have male and female.

[Bill Maher]

What's different about it? That there were just urinals.

[Jay Leno]

I'll tell you what, sir. I'm in my. I'm in my room, and I hear a noise on the door. What's that? And I see water. And I open the door and go. And there's a guy peeing on my door. And I go, what are you doing? What are you doing? Stop that. And he goes, I always pee on this door. And then he looked at the door, and the paint was all crumbs. Apparently, he did always pee on that door. And I went, oh, well, not tonight. I'm here tonight. All of a sudden, men's hotel. There'll be like, guys, how did he.

[Bill Maher]

Get near your door?

[Jay Leno]

Guys in the. He's in the hall. Hall.

[Bill Maher]

It's on the first floor. You're.

[Jay Leno]

No, it's on the second and third floor. This is.

[Bill Maher]

So he went up two floors to pee?

[Jay Leno]

No, he. He stayed in one of the rooms.

[Bill Maher]

Why didn't he pee in the room?

[Jay Leno]

Because there's no. There was no bathroom in his room.

[Bill Maher]

That's why it's a men's hotel. Because it was a. A communal bathroom.

[Jay Leno]

It'd be a communal bathroom. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Geez, why couldn't you stay there instead of the Hampton? Maybe you'd be okay now.

[Jay Leno]

It was two bucks a night.

[Bill Maher]

Two bucks a night?

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, yeah. 1971.

[Bill Maher]

I know. I just had never heard of anything. But my Reno thing with Sammy, let me just say, because it was the 80s and I was playing there. Playing? Yeah, I was opening for somebody. Somebody like Melissa Manchester. Because again, to finish with the Reno thing. Lovely city, but smaller. So, like, big. You could see the big Stars, they all played there, but you could see them in a room with 400 people. I mean, small rooms, like, almost like a comedy club. Very intimate. I saw Dr. Cosby there.

[Jay Leno]

Oh, Bill Cosby. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. Never was a fan of that comedy, but, okay, he was there. And I saw Sammy. Sammy was, first of all, he's sitting in a stool, a cloud of smoke, you know, the cigarette going. And he tells the audience, you know, don't be stupid. Like me, as he's looking like the coolest guy in the world.

[Jay Leno]

Right, right.

[Bill Maher]

I never wanted to smoke cigarettes so much than that. It really does work. And then I remember he sang Bojangles, but not at the end. And he tells the audience, don't think this is the end. You know, I know you think Bojangles is my big ending song, but I'm just doing it now. Cause I want to change up the show. Whatever. And he sang it, and of course, it did bring down the house. But everything. He did, yeah, he was great. I mean. So, okay, I'm playing Reno in 1984. I cannot compete with your stories, but this is my best reno story in 1984. I'm 28, and I have this sport jacket made of leather. Oh, yeah, leather. I bought it in the mall. I think I was shopping at the mall with Jerry Seinfeld.

[Jay Leno]

Right, right.

[Bill Maher]

So I blame him partly for this, for, you know, even suggesting I get this. But. So it's, you know, it's a sport. You know, it's not like a leather, which. But like a sport coat made of leather. So. And the. The opening comic, the one before me, was a woman, and she did, like. She ended with like, 10 minutes about what assholes macho guys are.

[Jay Leno]

Right, Right.

[Bill Maher]

And then I come out and the audience just starts laughing at my. And I didn't understand. And I'm like. I say to the people, what are you laughing at? And. And they told me that, you know, it's like she was just making fun of macho assholes. And you come out wearing a leather sport coat.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. I remember playing. I was. I was opening for Tom Jones at Caesars. My first time Caesars. I come off stage and I walk out in the front, and this girl comes up and goes, great show. I said, oh, thanks. Thanks. Yeah. How are you? Good. She goes, what are you doing? I'm just gonna get something to eat. Oh, okay. I'll join you.

[Bill Maher]

This is before you were married?

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, before I was married, yeah. Okay. I was just sitting there. We're talking. She goes, you don't have all night. I said, what are you talking about? Well, she was a hooker. I didn't know she was a hooker. She said, great show to everybody. I thought she saw me on stage.

[Bill Maher]

Oh.

[Jay Leno]

So I went, oh. Oh, she likes me.

[Bill Maher]

What show was she referring to?

[Jay Leno]

No, she.

[Bill Maher]

She just knew you step up on stage.

[Jay Leno]

No, she. No, she didn't. Always on stage.

[Bill Maher]

But why would you say great show to somebody?

[Jay Leno]

Because I just stepped out of the showroom.

[Bill Maher]

Oh.

[Jay Leno]

And she went, oh, great show. Oh. I said, oh, thank you. I'm thinking, oh, well, this girl saw the show. This is.

[Bill Maher]

You know, that reminds me of David Brenner's great bit. Remember when he said the first time he did the Tonight show and he gets on the subway?

[Jay Leno]

Oh, yes, you're funny. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Right in. The guy in the subway goes, you're funny.

[Jay Leno]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Brenner's like, oh, this is awesome. I'm in show business. People who see me on the Tonight show and then a guy comes on, sits next to Brenner, and the guy goes, you are funny.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, it was funny.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, it was great. Oh, Jay, where do the years go?

[Jay Leno]

I know. There you go.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, we. No, I'm very comfortable with this decision, honestly, all year long as I knew. And, you know, I didn't book anything in 2025, and I didn't make some announcement because I might go back to it. You're right. I don't know. But I have to see whether it's just an addiction or whether I really love it, whether it's worth it. And I don't think I.

[Jay Leno]

You see, to me to come up with a new joke. Like the other day, I came up with a new joke. I'll try my new joke on you.

[Bill Maher]

I know, but. And I want you to. But that is. That's the sore point. That's. You just hit the bone on this one.

[Jay Leno]

Why?

[Bill Maher]

Well, because I know I'm going to come up with bits, and then it's like, you know, it's like when you're horny and you can't come, it's just going to back up in you. I mean, what am I going to do with the bits, you know, that would be perfect for my next act? I mean, I cut a half hour out of this act to make it fit for 60 minutes, but it's still good stuff that I could start a new act with, as I always did.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, but for me, that's half the fun, is just keep adding on to it.

[Bill Maher]

I know.

[Jay Leno]

It's like building a Wall. You got a brick. A brick at a time.

[Bill Maher]

But you know what? I just don't want to drag my ass out of bed. I'm not like you. I'm not Iron J. I'm not up in the morning anyway. You're up anyway. You only sleep at four hours, right?

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, I am.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, that's very rare in humans.

[Jay Leno]

Well, I. I actually. I've been up since 4. Actually, I went to bed last night. I went to bed last night at midnight. I usually go to bed at 2 or 3. I don't go to bed at midnight. And then I was up at 4, and I was just dragging my ass around reading and doing stuff, so.

[Bill Maher]

But you don't feel shitty?

[Jay Leno]

No.

[Bill Maher]

And you don't drink coffee?

[Jay Leno]

No hot liquids?

[Bill Maher]

What are you, Mormon?

[Jay Leno]

What do you want?

[Bill Maher]

No hot liquid.

[Jay Leno]

I don't like hot liquids.

[Bill Maher]

Okay, you don't drink? You don't drink.

[Jay Leno]

Soup is just a way to screw you out of a meal. That's my attitude.

[Bill Maher]

Well, okay. Well, I don't know why we had to on soup. I mean, soup's good, but not a big soup guy. I'm not a big soup guy, but, you know, I. I don't blanketly hate all soup.

[Jay Leno]

I don't. It's just a way to screw you out of a meal. Oh, I could have had something to eat. Or you give me a dish that's wet. Okay, thanks.

[Bill Maher]

You know, Well, I think that will serve you well as you. As you go forward in life. Because a lot of the times, what they make fun of older people for is liking soup.

[Jay Leno]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

And, you know, if you're the guy who's still. You're still eating.

[Jay Leno]

That's the old joke, you know, a Jewish joke. Guys walking down the street, hey, old man, how'd you like some soup or sex? He goes, soup.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, that worked. That joke worked better back when people used to say the word super.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Now kids are like, what is. I don't get it. Yeah, because super around. Where was it, the 70s, the 80s? I think David Frost was the first one who said it. It was a British thing. Oh, that's super. That's just super.

[Jay Leno]

And then, of course, it was Glenn Supa, the comic. Remember him?

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I do remember the name Glenn.

[Jay Leno]

Super. That. That was it.

[Bill Maher]

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[Jay Leno]

I don't know. I'll get. Pick up the envelope Monday and see where I'm going.

[Bill Maher]

What, you still do it that way?

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, you know, so.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, my God.

[Jay Leno]

I opened the envelope. Oh, I'm going to Wilmington. Oh, this is great. So I got on the plane, you know, private planes. I fly land in Wilmington. Camera crew. Hey, gentlemen. Yeah, great. You know, last time I was here, played a little club downtown. What club is that? It's off on Main Street. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. You don't know it. Yeah. So I talk a little bit, they don't seem to know it. Then guy picks me up and he's got a bit of an accent. Then we get to where we're going, everybody else has an accent, and I realize, oh, I'm in Wilmington, North Carolina. I thought I was in Wilmington, Delaware, but when I got off the plane, I was talking about Wilmington, Delaware. Yeah. I said, oh, so I gotta pay more attention.

[Bill Maher]

Jay, you're ridiculous. It's just. It's just. You're just ridiculous. I mean, why. I mean. I mean.

[Jay Leno]

But see, I'm happy. You're not happy.

[Bill Maher]

I'm very happy.

[Jay Leno]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I've been happy doing stand up all the time.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And now that it. And now that the. The balance has shifted, I think just. Even if it's 50.

[Jay Leno]

But see, the thing is, once you quit, you can't go back.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, you can. What are you talking about? I've done it for over 40 years.

[Jay Leno]

But you never really quit. You did the show, you did monologues.

[Bill Maher]

No, never quit stand up. But I'm saying, like, you don't think after over 40 years of doing it, if I took a year off, I'd forget how to do it.

[Jay Leno]

Not a year, but a couple of years. I mean, I've seen people.

[Bill Maher]

It would just take a while to. Yeah, it's like spring training.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, but people. We live in an era now where people show up and they tape every cell. I saw him. He was terrible. You know, I was. I was. I mentioned. I said he's doing some new material, and guys said, oh, no, I heard you do this new material two weeks ago. Well, yeah, it's. It's. It's still new material. Yeah. Yeah, it's not new. I heard you two weeks ago.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, let me write a new act just for you, sir.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, that's it. And that's what people think. That's what people think.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

So you were with this hooker?

[Jay Leno]

No, I wasn't with it.

[Bill Maher]

But you just said you went to dinner with a hooker.

[Jay Leno]

I didn't know she was a hooker.

[Bill Maher]

Well, that's what you say.

[Jay Leno]

She said, you're wasting my time, you know. I said, well, you know, are you gonna pay me or not? I go, for what? Wow. I went, oh, I just thought I met a nice girl who said a great show.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, the same thing happened to me. I mean, I think we all, when we're that age, were naive and. Yeah, I just. Yeah, that's hysterical that they. They actually. You actually. But, yeah, she probably at some point.

[Jay Leno]

Here's how long ago it was. I played Caesars when it was the only hotel that far out. There was nothing else around it.

[Bill Maher]

I remember that. Yeah.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. So I figured one day I said, I'm gonna go for a walk. So I leave the hotel, I walk about a half a mile, and I see bellmen and golf carts coming at me at a high rate of speed. They go, get in, get in. I go, why? Get in, get in. There's a flash flood coming. I go, what are you talking about? And then two minutes later, golf carts engulfed in water. Just hilarious. I said, where did it come. It's flat. Where did all this water come from? I don't know where it came from, but it was a flash fly.

[Bill Maher]

Where does it come from?

[Jay Leno]

I don't know. It came from the hill somewhere.

[Bill Maher]

So you never thought about gathering all these stories and putting out a.

[Jay Leno]

Too much trouble.

[Bill Maher]

Too much trouble to write.

[Jay Leno]

I would rather just tell them and have fun. You know, I read that.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I put out a book this year, and it was.

[Jay Leno]

The book was great. It's terrific.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, thank you.

[Jay Leno]

It was really good. I enjoy. I enjoy those because each one is different, has a unique point of view. No, I thought it was terrific.

[Bill Maher]

I really liked it, but it took so much. Have never done it without the strike that put us out of work for six months. Yeah, it was very.

[Jay Leno]

That's what I did. You know, I had my game show and I figured, you know, I'm a union guy, you know, everybody else. I'M gonna do a union show this way. Keep everybody happy. Okay, Strike. So every. Every other game show stayed on. Mine got taken off and then I lost it. Because. Yeah, in the union, you're like, there you go.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. I was talking to somebody the other day about Broadway and like, I couldn't believe that what he was saying was literal. But it is literal. Like if you have a piece of lint on your suit, you can't pick it off. Like a union person has from wardrobe, has to be from the right department.

[Jay Leno]

When I did the Tonight show and we took it to New York City, we had some editing stuff in the room. And so we'd shoot a jaywalking thing on the street or whatever. Let's just do a rough edit so we see what we like. No, we had to have a guy come in. Big guy comes in with big, giant fingers. Press stop. There you go. I'll play it again. You just saw it. No, just play again. We just saw it.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jay Leno]

I mean, I'm arguing with this guy. No, we want to see it again. And he had to press stop. Stop. Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, that kind of stuff, stuff that goes so beyond the realm of what anyone I think normal person would call common sense. To me, that has been the downfall of the Democrats because I don't know if a Democrat is specifically responsible for the person who can't pick lint off your suit.

[Jay Leno]

Right, right.

[Bill Maher]

But it's in the mind of people and for not. Not wrong reasons. They associate that with left wing things and they Republicans with more like freedom and, you know, libertarianism, getting the government off your back kind of stuff. That was Reagan's big thing.

[Jay Leno]

Did you ever meet Reagan?

[Bill Maher]

No, no, the 80s. Why? How could I meet Reagan in the 80s?

[Jay Leno]

Well, I. I had dinner with him. He was a funny guy.

[Bill Maher]

He was a funny guy.

[Jay Leno]

He was, you know, we're sitting, talking.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I bet he was.

[Jay Leno]

He says, jay, Jay, were you good students? I said, no, Mr. President, I was a terrible student. I was disliked. Gee, I wasn't a good student either. And every day I kick myself thinking how much further I could have gone if I just applied. And I thought, I thought that was the greatest.

[Bill Maher]

That is great.

[Jay Leno]

It's a great show.

[Bill Maher]

It's a great, humble brag.

[Jay Leno]

You were like an Indian motorcycle. Is that right, Jay? I had an Indian motorcycle by Carly. That thing was fast, you know. Yeah, he was a fun guy.

[Bill Maher]

Where was this? At some state dinner?

[Jay Leno]

No, at the White House. Us.

[Bill Maher]

Well, he just invited you over.

[Jay Leno]

No, I. I did the One of the.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, the correspondence dinner.

[Jay Leno]

Here's. You go, I'm backstage. I am waiting to go on. This general comes in, you know, General? Well, some military guys gotta let go. Yeah. Hey, you know. Comment? Come here. You know who that is? That's my commander in chief. You don't make fun of him. You don't degrade him. You don't want to. He's poking me like this. I go, well, I'm a comedian. No, you're not.

[Bill Maher]

Here.

[Jay Leno]

He's just yelling at me, you know, I'm thinking, well, okay, all right. I'm thinking, I'll sing. Oh, gee, I gotta change my act. What am I gonna do? You know? So then. So then he leaves. And then. What was his chief of staff? What was his name?

[Bill Maher]

Jim Baker.

[Jay Leno]

No, no, not Jim Baker.

[Bill Maher]

Yes, he was James Baker the second term. The other guy for Weinberger, Regan. Donald Regan.

[Jay Leno]

No, guy with.

[Bill Maher]

No, with two. Penny and Nancy had him fired.

[Jay Leno]

No, no, it wasn't any.

[Bill Maher]

Well, it was.

[Jay Leno]

No, he was. He was somebody who had a bad toupee, who was in the administration. And he comes, okay. He goes, come here. When you go out there, nail Ronnie's ass to the wall. And I go. And I said, well, you know something? This general just screw in. You know what he's talking about? You make fun of that thing. You got his hair color. You think his hair is really black. I mean, I'm 74 years old. You know, I go, well, just. Just nail him to the wall. I'm thinking, oh, geez, won't I. I honestly didn't know what to do because 1.

[Bill Maher]

What did you do?

[Jay Leno]

Well, I met. My opening joke was. I said, I want to congratulate Nancy Reagan. I'm being named Humanitarian of the Year. I'm glad she beat out that conniving little bitch. Mother Teresa.

[Bill Maher]

I remember you said that joke.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Wow.

[Jay Leno]

And boy.

[Bill Maher]

And.

[Jay Leno]

And Reagan fell off the chair. He thought that was so funny.

[Bill Maher]

That is funny.

[Jay Leno]

And he was, oh, okay. And I said, oh, it was okay.

[Bill Maher]

It's funny. And it's not a slam on her.

[Jay Leno]

No, no.

[Bill Maher]

So they can laugh at you.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But that is the worst. The single worst crowd in the world. I did it one year. Because, of course, they can't be seen laughing at the wrong thing. And everything that would be. Any meaningful joke would have something that would get people upset. I did it one year, and I screwed up one line, and I was fumfering for it, and I finally just under my breath, I went, oh, fuck it. And the next year, People magazine wrote about whoever was doing it that year and said, last year, Bill Maher delivered an obscenity laced monologue. Yeah, yeah. One little. Fuck it.

[Jay Leno]

Yes. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But in the 90s, that was, I guess, pretty.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, it was a joke. It was like. It was like. I remember when I hosted Saturday Night Live, he'd be in the writers room and Rooney was with me. So we write in jobs and we noticed the writers wouldn't laugh, but some writers would. And they said, yeah, they only laughed at the wrong jokes because it was so competitive. It was so competitive. You know, you got picked up for like 13 weeks at a time and if you don't score, you don't come back. And now. It was a horrible place.

[Bill Maher]

You still have writers.

[Jay Leno]

Not anymore. No.

[Bill Maher]

You don't use anybody.

[Jay Leno]

I don't need to now.

[Bill Maher]

I know.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

But no, and you, I mean, I've told this to a thousand people during the strike of 2007, which was different than this one.

[Jay Leno]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

They weren't that opposed to us going on, which we both did, but we just couldn't use writers.

[Jay Leno]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

And you wrote your own monologue without any writers, and it didn't look different than when you had a gang of writers. Well, I always say nobody else can do that but Jay Leno.

[Jay Leno]

Well, I know that.

[Bill Maher]

That is the Jay. Why are you always. Well, I'm compliment resistant.

[Jay Leno]

Well, you know, I don't. I try not to believe the good stuff or the bad stuff. That's how you get through shows.

[Bill Maher]

That's the good stuff.

[Jay Leno]

You know, because when you host a Tonight show, it's like people just. Everybody's mad about something every day, you know, I mean, I'll tell you one of my favorite Tonight show stories. I love Charlie Sheen. I don't want to be Charlie Sheen, but I love Charlie Sheen.

[Bill Maher]

Right?

[Jay Leno]

So one day Charlie Sheen said, well.

[Bill Maher]

You don't want to be him now.

[Jay Leno]

In the 80s, I say, it's almost 4:00. Charlie Sheen's not here. Ring Jay, it's Charlie Sheen on the phone. Charlie goes, jay, man, I'm sorry, man. Limo got T boned. All right? He goes, yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay. Is Joe okay? Yeah, he's fine. Yeah, you're just. I'm God. I said, look, man, just take it easy. The eagle has not had the gospel. Just shaken up a little bit. It caught fire. They put it out. I'm thinking, all right, look, man, just take it. Look, we'll get somebody to fill. We'll Get a comic. We'll get a comic to fill in. Don't worry about it. Okay. The Angel. So I said, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Maher]

So wait, this happened multiple times? Because he was always so loaded.

[Jay Leno]

No, no, this happened. This happened one day.

[Bill Maher]

Okay?

[Jay Leno]

So I said, debbie, Charlie had an accident. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, okay. Something check in, call, you know, whatever. The thing you do see fine about Charlie's accident. So I want to hear that. So I said, you know, you got Joe's number. The limo driver. Yellow. Joe Jay Leno. Joe. Way out. I'm sitting out in front of Charlie's house. He hasn't come out yet. What? So I called him and goes, dude, what are you, 9 years old? Like, there's a monster under the bed. You really. The limo gets T boned on the 101 freeway. It catches fire. You're not injured. You don't think that's a story?

[Bill Maher]

And.

[Jay Leno]

And, yeah, hilarious.

[Bill Maher]

And what did he say?

[Jay Leno]

He apologized, and I had him on the show. And he said. He said the greatest thing. He said, you know, I just like hookers and cocaine.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jay Leno]

And I went, thank you for the most honest answer ever, ladies and gentlemen.

[Bill Maher]

And there's nothing wrong with that, but, you know, he has done some things, and I'm amazed at how he is able to skate. And I'm not knocking him. I had a dinner with him once. He couldn't be more charming. I hope. I wish him well, but he has gotten away with things that are so much worse than other people have gotten canceled for, and it's just because.

[Jay Leno]

Different time, too.

[Bill Maher]

No, no. The women saying he gave me aids. Knowingly. I mean, I can't think of a more cancelable thing than that. That wasn't that long ago. But it just shows. It's not really what you do. It's how much they like you. Yeah, they just fucking like him. He had a Super bowl commercial two years ago. Could Louis CK Get a Super bowl commercial? No. And Louis CK didn't do anything. I mean, this guy, like, hit hookers. Hit hookers with other hookers, locks him in the closet, held a knife to one of his wife's throats, is on tape calling his second wife the N word. And she's not black. I mean, that's pretty. And yet nothing. Because we like him, by the way. Everybody should be treated that way. Because he's not a bad guy.

[Jay Leno]

No. No. At all.

[Bill Maher]

And we all make mistakes. And he was just too.

[Jay Leno]

That's what I like about show business. I could be around Charlie without being Charlie. Ostenheit was great because I could be in and amongst all of this and observe it as an observer and really enjoy it as opposed to being in it. You know, I never went to any of P. Diddy's parties, you know, but it was funny to stand on the outside.

[Bill Maher]

That's not what I've heard.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, yeah, that's me. Yeah, that's me.

[Bill Maher]

Well, what do you think's gonna happen with that?

[Jay Leno]

I think he's probably gonna prison for the rest of his life.

[Bill Maher]

Right?

[Jay Leno]

You know, they cut you a break and then you, you jump the shark. Okay, now you got this thing with a 13 year old girl. Boy, that's. Yeah, that's, that's not good.

[Bill Maher]

No, that's not good. I've been saying forever that the MeToo movement, which of course was a necessary and should be in anyone's mind welcome corrective skipped over the one part of society where it was absolutely the worst. I mean, they got the people like in news and they got the Harvey Weinstein's, you know, they got people they went after like NPR. They got like eight people, like conductors who were in their 70s who like said the wrong thing. They went after that artist, what's his name? I forget. He's a famous artist. But he was in a wheelchair and you know, he was going to wheel after her and I mean, you know, he couldn't. His dick didn't work, he didn't rape anybody, whatever he did and he went away.

[Jay Leno]

Right?

[Bill Maher]

I mean, they just went. But the music industry, where it is worse than anything and has.

[Jay Leno]

Well, you know, it's interesting. I watched, I watched that Leonard Bernstein movie.

[Bill Maher]

Me too. Maestro.

[Jay Leno]

Maestro. I thought he did a great job.

[Bill Maher]

Bradley Cooper did an amazing job. Not a.

[Jay Leno]

But here's my thing. Yes, I'm watching this movie. Okay, that's great. And I like it and let it. Bernstein. So he winds up having sex with his student. But he really loved the gay sex.

[Bill Maher]

For people who don't know. Right?

[Jay Leno]

Gay sex. But it was okay. Cause he loved the, he loved the kids. And I go, really? Well, how, how does he get away with that? How do you pull that off? I thought I was like, wait a minute, I mean, shouldn't he be accountable for. Oh, I go, what did I miss here? You know.

[Bill Maher]

No, I mean the difference in standards of what was seen as, you know, acceptable or even heroic. You know, I mean, James Bond in the 1969 version, he punches Diana Rigg in the face heroically because she wants to come with him on the mission. But it's too dangerous. And she won't listen to reasons. And knocks her out as if there are no medical repercussions to actually inducing a state of unconsciousness. I mean, she went into the blue tent.

[Jay Leno]

Did you know him at all? Sean Connery? Do you ever meet him?

[Bill Maher]

You are so ridiculous. Do you? Do I? Yeah, me and Sean.

[Jay Leno]

No, I don't know. Well, I'll tell you something.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, I've got a ton people don't know.

[Jay Leno]

He was Mr. Universe, third runner up, 1953.

[Bill Maher]

Mr. Universe.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, third runner up.

[Bill Maher]

He's a bodybuilder.

[Jay Leno]

He was in 1953.

[Bill Maher]

Sean Connor.

[Jay Leno]

Sean Connery. Mr. Universe, third runner up.

[Bill Maher]

It must have been different in those days. He wasn't like super overdone.

[Jay Leno]

No, they didn't do in those days. In those days you were just right.

[Bill Maher]

You were just good looking.

[Jay Leno]

A beefy looking guy.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Jay Leno]

But he.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I could see that.

[Jay Leno]

He was a longshoreman and he was a tough guy.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, tough guy.

[Jay Leno]

And he was doing extras, extra work. And he was in a movie with Lana Turner.

[Bill Maher]

Lana Turner.

[Jay Leno]

And he was flirting with Lana Turner. And Lana Turner was going out with Johnny Stompanato. You ever hear that name?

[Bill Maher]

Back to the Mafia.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, Johnny Stompanato. Okay.

[Bill Maher]

What family was he?

[Jay Leno]

So Johnny Stompano, I don't know. Johnny Stompanato hears about this guy flirting with his girlfriend. So he goes down to the studio, he puts a gun to Sean Connery's head. And Sean Connery takes a gun, empties a bullet out, smashes in the head and goes, you don't bring a gun to my workplace.

[Bill Maher]

Just throws him just like any untouchables.

[Jay Leno]

Oh, yeah, he was. When I would have him on the Tonight show, he'd go, gee, gee, what's the latest filthy joke going about? Gee. And when I'd tell him, he'd laugh like a pirate. He laughed like that to place where the newsroom went. Hey, shut up down there. You tell Sean. Connie to shut up. You know, he was the only star ever took a shower in those, you know, those little showers they had? Yeah. Nobody. He was the only one. Oh, Scotland. In this screaming and yelling.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, apropos about who they cancel and don't just because they like them. He on a Barbara Walters, I think it was. Interview said outright. Sometimes a woman needs a good slap.

[Jay Leno]

Right? Right.

[Bill Maher]

You gotta, you gotta slap. A little pushing and it was like, oh, Sean, you could slap me. You know, if it was. It was Wallace, Sean, who said this. It would not have been funny. It would not have been.

[Jay Leno]

But he was. He was the most dangerous James Bond. He was really. I never got Roger Moore as the Pillbury Roger Moore.

[Bill Maher]

He was a lovely man.

[Jay Leno]

He is a lovely man.

[Bill Maher]

Once bought me dinner with about eight people just cause I was with a party, I guess, that knew him. But I remember he picked up the check and I'd never met him and he was charming as fuck. But yeah, he shit the better chicks. But it wasn't all his fault. It was the error that he did it in. And you know, just like you. It's funny, we were looking at the tribute I wrote to Johnny Carson in 2012 for Newsweek. I don't know if you remember this. And I said, look it up today. Cause Jason coming over and you know, it was a nice tribute to Johnny. But I did say at the end of it, Jay Leno was the right guy for now. You know, Johnny would not. If Jay went up against Johnny now, Jay would win. And if it was 1965, Johnny would win. He was right for his era and Jay is right for this era. And like Sean Connery was right for his era. It was dangerous. It was the 60s.

[Jay Leno]

Well, see, the idea was.

[Bill Maher]

And Roger moore was the 70s, when things were lame and they wanted a lame James Bond.

[Jay Leno]

You take a thug and you put him in a Savile Row suit so he gives off that danger. You know, I had. I had Roger.

[Bill Maher]

Which was recaptured by Daniel Craig.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, Daniel Craig did a great job.

[Bill Maher]

Sense of danger.

[Jay Leno]

He did a great job.

[Bill Maher]

Like this guy. And I had dinner with him and a few people one night. And you did get that sense of danger that, you know, you might say something that amused him, but if you didn't, he might punch you in the.

[Jay Leno]

Right, right, right. I had Roger Moore on the Tonight Show. I said, where do you go on vacation? He goes, I don't have to go to India. India? Yeah. How often do you go there? Oh, every weekend. I. I say you go to India every weekend? Yes, yes, of course. I look at Debbie and Debbie. Oh, isn't that rather involved? Oh, no, no, not so. That's quite a long flight. Oh, no, we drive. I said, you drive to India.

[Bill Maher]

Okay. You can't. From where? Where were you? Los Angeles.

[Jay Leno]

And then. Well, what, no, what he was, what he was, thought he was saying was Indio, California. But you know, we're sitting there going, what? You know what?

[Bill Maher]

That's hysterical.

[Jay Leno]

This edit, you know, I'll tell you one of the great edits of all time. We had Bob Bob Hope was almost 100. I had him on the show, and he didn't like to wear his glasses or his hearing aids. He goes, jay, tell you what. You asked me the 10 questions. I got 10 jokes. You just say the question. I got the jokes memorized. We do. We go down the line. Okay, great. Bob, how you doing? Da da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Big laugh. Hey, Bob, how's that?

[Bill Maher]

Big laugh?

[Jay Leno]

So I'm the third, and I go, da, da, da da. And I go, that was funny. Da da, da da. Okay, now I'm one joke ahead, you know? And it's. I said, no, no. Let me ask you. Okay. We had to edit. It was like a nightmare. If you want to see something fun.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, my God.

[Jay Leno]

When you watch some of the Bob Hope shows, one day, I'm in the hall. I see guys carrying what I think is a plate glass window. It's a giant cue card. This has the word hello on it. Bob wouldn't wear his glasses.

[Bill Maher]

Come on.

[Jay Leno]

No, he wouldn't wear his glasses. So wait, but when you watch. When you.

[Bill Maher]

He couldn't remember hello.

[Jay Leno]

No, that was the old. It's just. They flip them. He couldn't have lived that. Apparently not. Johnny didn't think he could. But here's the funny part. They would drop the cue cards. They would drop the cue cards like this. The job. And his hair would go. So when you watch the monologue after every joke, you see his hair go like this.

[Bill Maher]

It must have been a wig at that point.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, well, they. The hair would just go up from the cucumber. Dropping down. No, Johnny did not like.

[Bill Maher]

I can't get past. He can't remember hello. Come on, man.

[Jay Leno]

That was how the cue card. Just a big hello.

[Bill Maher]

I like the old school pleasures. The older.

[Jay Leno]

The old school. The men were men and the women were glad of it. Wooden ships, Iron Man. That's Bill Maher, ladies and gentlemen. Exactly. Yes. I like the old school.

[Bill Maher]

What's that mean? Coughing Jay, step up to the cool, refreshing flavor of.

[Jay Leno]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

Camel.

[Jay Leno]

That's right.

[Bill Maher]

There's nothing wrong with a good Camel. Unfiltered.

[Jay Leno]

That's my favorite thing. I love watching Mad Men. What's this cancer nonsense that the cigarette come. You know.

[Bill Maher]

You watch Mad Men.

[Jay Leno]

I love Mad Men.

[Bill Maher]

Such a great show.

[Jay Leno]

Isn't that the great show? I watched it twice. I thought it was the best show.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I should do. I should watch it again. It's been a long enough time.

[Jay Leno]

Oh, it's good. It's really good.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, it's so good. I mean, the. The writing, the acting. I mean, John is perfect in the lead.

[Jay Leno]

And just how much things cost, you know, secretaries make $45 a week, you know.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, yeah. But also the value system. I mean. Yeah, yeah. I love the storyline. Well, they were, you know, he was always cheating. Of course, the wife. And one storyline was with the Jewess.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, right, right.

[Bill Maher]

The Jewish woman who was the scion of the department store. Because in that era. And of course, this is all accurate. I mean, Jews had their own department store.

[Jay Leno]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, these people who today who think, you know, that racism is worse than ever. It's just another one of those silly things that people say. They go, you know what? People were actually alive for this. That's not to say that there isn't work to be done. There always will be work to be done. But.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, Well, I always wait.

[Bill Maher]

When my parents got married, a Jew and a Catholic in 1951, that was way more controversial than an interracial marriage today.

[Jay Leno]

But I always say, what used to be what is now against the law used to be the law. That's the difference.

[Bill Maher]

Well, interesting.

[Jay Leno]

An Asian could not marry a white person in the.

[Bill Maher]

Right.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

Missing nation.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, 1967 was the loving case in the Supreme Court. And before then. Yeah, it was not even legal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, it's just. It's a shame that the progressives don't seem to want to sell progress, because it is, after all, the product that they're supporting and should be supporting.

[Jay Leno]

Mark Twain said, I like progress. It's change in all life, you know, and it's a great quote.

[Bill Maher]

And did you know him? Did you have dinner with him?

[Jay Leno]

No.

[Bill Maher]

Did Zelinsky come by?

[Jay Leno]

Didn't know Mark. Didn't know Mark.

[Bill Maher]

No.

[Jay Leno]

No. Sadly, never had a chance.

[Bill Maher]

Not even high school?

[Jay Leno]

Not even in high school. No. No. This is a very sad time.

[Bill Maher]

Well, Jay, what's your next accident coming up?

[Jay Leno]

I don't know. You know, it's great for tickets. People love when rich people get set on fire or have. I mean, they love it. I mean, it's great. People think it's fantastic. It sells tickets.

[Bill Maher]

So you say you do 170 dates now. Used to do 250. Yeah, but you must see that there's a pattern there, that you are doing less that you are. That is a scaling of, well, I'm.

[Jay Leno]

Doing a little bit less now because I'm taking care of my wife, stuff like that. So I try I come home every night and I try to fly.

[Bill Maher]

Well, you never stayed over places. You would do the gig and come home?

[Jay Leno]

I would go to Italy on Friday, do the show Saturday and be home again Sunday. Italy? Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

For the Pope?

[Jay Leno]

No, not for the Pope. I'm not captain.

[Bill Maher]

What was he like, Jay?

[Jay Leno]

I don't know the Pope.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, I don't believe that. You had a night.

[Jay Leno]

Come on, you know the Pope. You know, the. The Pope was a bouncer when he was 22 years old.

[Bill Maher]

Of course, you know.

[Jay Leno]

No, he was. He was. He was.

[Bill Maher]

Which pope? The Pope now. Pope Francis.

[Jay Leno]

Pope Francis. He's a big guy in Argentina. He's the Argentinian. Of course, he was a bouncer.

[Bill Maher]

Francis Bergogiano.

[Jay Leno]

But he quit the job because he wasn't mean enough. It was then later given to a woman who became a nun and she got the job.

[Bill Maher]

Is that right? How do you know that?

[Jay Leno]

That's a joke. Nun became a bouncer, you see? No, but he was a bouncer. He was a bouncer.

[Bill Maher]

I don't get that joke.

[Jay Leno]

Okay, let me explain the joke.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, Dukes, explain that to me.

[Jay Leno]

Pope Francis quit being a bouncer because he wasn't mean enough.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. So a nun being mean, the job.

[Jay Leno]

Was then given to a woman who later became a nun?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I would just say it was given to a nun. There it is. Nuns were mean. I had nuns. I went to Catholic. I went to catechism.

[Jay Leno]

I never did any of that.

[Bill Maher]

You didn't?

[Jay Leno]

I'm not Catholic. No, Leno. No, I'm not. My mother's from Scotland. My mother wouldn't. My mom. My mother would not.

[Bill Maher]

What were they, Calvinist or.

[Jay Leno]

No, they just. We really weren't much. My dad. When I was a kid, my dad put his bathroom on. Drive me up church and go. Go in there and listen to the fella. That's what my dad would say. Go in there and listen to the fella.

[Bill Maher]

You know, the preacher?

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. No, not priest, just minister. And I would pretend to go in. I go down the basement and play with the soda machine.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, but your father wasn't Catholic, Leno?

[Jay Leno]

My father was, but not practicing, I see. No.

[Bill Maher]

And your mother didn't care about the price?

[Jay Leno]

God, no.

[Bill Maher]

Really?

[Jay Leno]

None of that.

[Bill Maher]

So you had none of formal.

[Jay Leno]

No, I had no formal. No.

[Bill Maher]

But that was weird in that era.

[Jay Leno]

So I like everybody. So that's all right.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah. It has always been such a contradiction that you can absolutely have certainty about who God is. And then when somebody doesn't agree on that here in this country. Anyway, we're like, oh, that's cool.

[Jay Leno]

You know something? I. I had a foster kid for a number of years. She lived. She had spina bifida, and she lived to be 21 years old. And she's from the South.

[Bill Maher]

Does that kill you that early?

[Jay Leno]

Well. Well, yeah. I met her when she was 6. And when she was 6, she was cute. And we became good friends. And as she got older and her body got more deformed, she wasn't the cute poster kid anymore. So I got to know her family better and help take care of her. And they were very religious. And I would go down there. Like, we would go to McDonald's and we would have to hold hands and pray wherever we can. And then one time we're in there and the Madonna song Like a Virgin comes on the radio. And we had to go outside until the song ended. And I'm thinking, well, this is stupid.

[Bill Maher]

Why?

[Jay Leno]

Well, just because it's a Madonna song. I don't know. Okay. But then I went to their house, and these people, they adopted every kid. Nobody wanted all the, you know, kids from other countries.

[Bill Maher]

Like Mia Farrow, huh? Like Mia Farrow?

[Jay Leno]

Well, yeah, I guess you're saying. But they had Vietnamese biracial kids that were. Had mentally retarded.

[Bill Maher]

That's me and Pharaoh.

[Jay Leno]

And they love these kids, and they took care of them. And I said, you know, I'm not doing this. They live their religion. They're better than I am. So I just. I just respect it for what I go, God bless, you know, the people that don't live it, you know, like the, you know, the Jimmy Swaggart types, you know, but these people, they. They lived it. And, you know, they took everybody in and they took care of them and they raised them.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure Mia Farrow loved them in the right way, but that's. That's another story. But, Jay, you know what? I can top you anytime. I've adopted over a hundred strippers. Really, you know that? From all over the country. And I have changed lives over 50 girls.

[Jay Leno]

No girl under 50. None of those.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I will not miss the road, but I am so glad that.

[Jay Leno]

Well, I will. I will bring you tales from the road.

[Bill Maher]

You're still making tales? That's what's important.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, yeah. It's fun.

[Bill Maher]

No, I mean, you like these stories about your health, accidents. They will be your stories in 10 years.

[Jay Leno]

That's right. I didn't tell my new AI joke I had for you.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Jay Leno]

I had An AI experience. I got flipped off by a driverless car. It's not a bad joke.

[Bill Maher]

No. Do you purposely write, or did it just come to you?

[Jay Leno]

A little of both. I mean, something happened the other night that I got a good bet at it. I was on stage. I said, when you get to be over 65, you lose muscle mass. You lose like 2% a year. I said, I'm at the point now where opening a bag of pretzels is like tearing a phone book in half. So this kid who's like 25 goes, what's a phone book? I said. I said, it's a book, like, in your town, everybody's phone number. He goes, what? How'd they get everybody's number? And I go, well, they have the number. He goes, what if you want to be in the book? I said, well, then you pay money to get an unlisted number. So you pay. Not. That's extortion. I said, you know, we're not having this conversation. But I just laugh. I'd say it was just no idea what a phone book was.

[Bill Maher]

But that's. But I'm surprised that you would not have replaced phone book with another word, because I could have told you this, that this is going to happen. Phone book is a. You don't want to, like, we're old enough without. Without reminding people that we're old.

[Jay Leno]

I know, but so.

[Bill Maher]

But it can't be like, you know, kids. Bat Masterson once said, but, you know.

[Jay Leno]

You also have to be true to yourself. And it works for me, but this.

[Bill Maher]

Must be another way to convey that idea without using the words.

[Jay Leno]

I wouldn't have had the interaction with the guy. And that's what's funny. The guy never.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jay Leno]

Not even understanding the concept of a phone book, you know?

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jay Leno]

Explain a paper route to a kid. Why don't you just get on the Internet? No. You put on a piece of paper, you go to each house. What? What are you talking about? They don't know what you're talking about.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, I'm not so sure. Reminding them that we're old is really the best way to go.

[Jay Leno]

They can just look at us and see.

[Bill Maher]

I know, but there's a difference between something that goes on in the mind which says, okay, they're not young anymore, but they're still hip and they're still funny, and we still. They still get across without. Don't give them a reason to roll their eyes, because that's what that generation wants to do, is roll their eyes at you. Don't give them a reason.

[Jay Leno]

But, see, I don't dwell on it. I'll do 40 minutes of material before I even bring that up. And then. I'm merely stating the obvious. I mean, I remember one day the Stones are on one of their endless last tours. I was in my office and a bunch of interns from the Tonight show were there. And the Stones came on the news. I said, God, they gotta admit they still look pretty good. I look over and they're like, these kids look good, Mr. Leno. They're like 75 years old. I go, well, don't they look. No, they look awful. I mean, they just thought that was the funniest thing. And it just made me laugh. Cause I did the same thing when I was a kid.

[Bill Maher]

Tell the story about you and Mick Jagger at Plato's Retreat, because I know.

[Jay Leno]

I didn't know that.

[Bill Maher]

Come on. There must be a. No.

[Jay Leno]

Oh, look at the time. Oh, gosh.

[Bill Maher]

Give me some rock star stories. Who are your rock star friends? And, you know, everybody. Everybody calls you.

[Jay Leno]

I don't really have, you know, one day, really, you know. You know who I got friendly with was Prince, because he didn't drink.

[Bill Maher]

Prince, the one nobody could ever get friendly with?

[Jay Leno]

No. Well, I'll tell you a great Prince story. He used to come on the Tonight Show a lot.

[Bill Maher]

He once talked about Politically Incorrect.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

He was a fan. Do you remember that? Yes.

[Jay Leno]

Yes, yes.

[Bill Maher]

That meant a lot to me.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, we talked about that.

[Bill Maher]

Yes.

[Jay Leno]

For one day, I knew he was coming on the show. So I dress up as a security guard. I have a bald wig on, and I have a mustache. You know, I got a big fat suit on. And he pulls in and I go, caviar. Name, please? Prince. He says, prince. Prince. Prince what? Prince and musician. Your name is Prince and musician. He goes, no. And now he's getting mad. He goes, no. I'm on the show. I'm a performer. My name is Prince. I said, I understand. Prince. What? I don't have it now. Prince What? He goes, it's not Prince. What? It's just Prince. Now he's getting really pissed, you know, And I'm.

[Bill Maher]

He doesn't see that. It's.

[Jay Leno]

No. Well, I'm starting to like. You think this is funny? I go, yeah, it's funny. He goes, oh, fuck you. He just. He really. He fell down. He really started laughing because he really got mad at me. That's awesome, because he just had this. Here I am. I'm a huge star. All these Grammys. I get a Security guard doesn't know who I am. But, you know, I said, no, it's me. I gotta think, oh, yeah, he was. He was great. He was very funny.

[Bill Maher]

He was gutsy. Because it could have gone the other way.

[Jay Leno]

No, no, not with him.

[Bill Maher]

With a rock star.

[Jay Leno]

He was great. You know, after the show.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah, there were rock stars who.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, I know, but he wasn't one of them.

[Bill Maher]

Good.

[Jay Leno]

He kept the audience there and he said, can I play a couple songs, you guys? Okay. You know, he played. And they kind of jammed with it. And he was great. He was. He was really a nice guy.

[Bill Maher]

What did he play that night, do you remember?

[Jay Leno]

I don't remember what he played that night.

[Bill Maher]

What year?

[Jay Leno]

Well, let me see.

[Bill Maher]

90S.

[Jay Leno]

No, no, probably when we were guest hosting six, seven, eight. You know, in. In the. In the odd years. 070809.

[Bill Maher]

Oh, far. That far.

[Jay Leno]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I left in 14, you know.

[Bill Maher]

Right, Yeah. I remember when I did the. They moved you to the 10 o'clock thing.

[Jay Leno]

That was stupid.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, that whole episode.

[Jay Leno]

I only took that because they said, if you do this show. I said, I don't think it's going to work. If you do this show, we'll pay your staff for two years. And I love my staff. And I said, all right, you get buddy two years, guaranteed work. You guys want to do it? Okay, all right, we'll do it. But I knew it wouldn't last any day, really.

[Bill Maher]

Because I thought it would. I thought, oh, that's the right move.

[Jay Leno]

Because, no, I knew it wouldn't work. You know why? Because Cabot tried it. Cabot tried it and you're not cavit. He tried it in the 60s at 10 o'clock.

[Bill Maher]

That's really.

[Jay Leno]

And it didn't work? Well, not really, no. But. But it.

[Bill Maher]

I mean, that's like pizza versus sushi. It's just, you know, more people are going to choose the pizza. You're the pizza, JJ.

[Jay Leno]

Yeah, but TV still had sort of, you know. You know, it's funny when you read early reviews of Johnny, where's the erudite Jack Parr? Where's the so and so? You know, Johnny was sort of like the people. Because don't forget, when television. In the 50s, it was Playhouse 90, Lawrence Olivier had a show where he'd come out and greet people and talk. I mean, it was a very classy medium. And then gradually, gradually went to the masses.

[Bill Maher]

But again, you have to ride the wave that comes from the ocean.

[Jay Leno]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

I know this As a body surfer. And you rode the wave that was going toward the shore and you rode it. Right. I think I've told you this once. I remember talking to a. Oh, God, I don't know what year this was. Probably the 90s. But, you know, she was a young girl and part of my mentoring program and I asked her, you know, do you watch Letterman? Do you watch Leno? And she was, oh, no, Leno. I said, why? She said, like, it's just more of a party, you know, you got that, that like the era of the straight talk show was over. People weren't. Didn't have that acumen anymore.

[Jay Leno]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

They didn't have that ability to certainly when Johnny started sit through a discussion with Gore Vidal.

[Jay Leno]

Right, right.

[Bill Maher]

When he did, Johnny used to do an hour 45.

[Jay Leno]

Right. I remember.

[Bill Maher]

And they would have authors on at the end. I mean, sorry, but you got to live in the world you're living in and the society you're living in. And you understood that.

[Jay Leno]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

You know, you always. And you all always kept. You know, in a way we are connected. Because I feel like I'm the only guy on TV who really isn't like ideologically captured by the left. That is basically my politics, old school liberalism. But I don't hate the other side.

[Jay Leno]

No, but you have the most honest show on television.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you.

[Jay Leno]

I always know exactly how you feel. I don't have to agree, but at least I know you're not trying to appease the audience.

[Bill Maher]

And I don't just go with one side because that's the side I know. No, and you, you know, remember I.

[Jay Leno]

Told you this year you kept middle.

[Bill Maher]

America and the coasts.

[Jay Leno]

I told you, you used to sort of get mad because you weren't as popular as some of the other guys. And I said, but you're gonna have longevity. You're gonna be around longer because you're interesting and you make people think when you start, you're young. People don't wanna think, they just wanna laugh and move.

[Bill Maher]

Actually, I was more popular than almost all the other guys and often all of them. If you went by the ratings numbers, it was just media.

[Jay Leno]

Okay.

[Bill Maher]

Did not want to acknowledge because I wasn't in the perfectly woke one. True.

[Jay Leno]

Whatever reason would be. I remember you used to get so frustrated and I used to think, you know, no, you, it's gonna work out fine. And it has.

[Bill Maher]

Absolutely.

[Jay Leno]

You're on the air for 30 years.

[Bill Maher]

I know, it's un. It's unbelievable.

[Jay Leno]

I gotta go, I gotta take care of my wife.

[Bill Maher]

Jay. I was gonna say it's a shame that the only time we see each other now is when we do this, but I don't really give a fuck why we see each other. The fact that I can sit here with you and talk to you. I'll do it under any circumstances. Even if I have to go into a car and get burned or some shit.

[Jay Leno]

I will make that happen, my friend.

[Bill Maher]

Some accident.

[Jay Leno]

Accident. Again.

[Bill Maher]

Thank you.

[Jay Leno]

All righty. Thank you.

[Bill Maher]

How about a man? Oh, my gosh. A hug. You look good, by the way. Thanks.

[Jay Leno]

Thanks. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

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[Jay Leno]

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