Mike Tyson | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

Summary

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Club Random Classics: Mike Tyson

Podcast: Club Random with Bill Maher
Host: Bill Maher
Guest: Mike Tyson
Original Air Date: May 9, 2022 (Re-released September 18, 2025)

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Episode Overview

This classic episode of Club Random dives into an informal, freewheeling conversation between Bill Maher and boxing legend Mike Tyson. The talk moves seamlessly across topics including commercial air travel, celebrity, fame, animal stories, family, religion, history, masculinity, the pitfalls of ego and power, ancient civilizations, modern America, philosophy, marriage, and of course, boxing. Tyson and Maher riff with humor, surprising candor, and unexpected intellectual depth—revealing lesser-known sides of both men.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Mike Tyson & Flying Commercial (02:43 – 07:59)

• Why Mike flies commercial:
  Despite his fame, Tyson chooses JetBlue over private jets, to the dismay of his wife.

  “My mentality is JetBlue. Does that make sense?” (08:42, Tyson)

• Reactions & Public Perception:
  Tyson realizes the impact his actions have on the public, especially after a recent plane incident.

  “I learned I don’t belong to me too many people.” (05:42, Tyson)

• Fame’s Double-Edged Sword:
  Maher positions Tyson as “the people’s champ,” likening him to Lady Diana:

  “You’re like her, but with fighting.” (07:20, Maher)

Tigers, Humor & Animal Anecdotes (03:26 – 04:58)

• Tigers in Bed:
  Tyson recalls keeping tigers at home, even sleeping with them—a reflection of his eccentric (and dangerous) past.

  “They slept in my bed with me. What are you talking about? I got 500 pounds in the bed with me, man.” (03:51, Tyson)

• Tiger Farts:
  A hilarious aside about the perils of tiger ownership:

  “Have you ever smelled the tiger fart?” (04:10, Tyson)

Weed, Business, and Self-Reflection (09:27 – 12:25)

• Life-Changing Cannabis:
  Tyson discusses his cannabis business and credits marijuana for his improved mood and family life:

  “Just ask my family, am I a better guy with it or without it? And they would tell you 100% with it.” (10:50, Tyson)

• On Personal Growth:
  Tyson talks candidly about how fame forced him to evolve and the role of selfishness and ego in his career:

  “Sometimes that’s my selfishness and not ego.” (06:27, Tyson)

History Deep Dives: Rome, Gladiators, and Conquerors (12:25 – 20:18)

• Historical Knowledge:
  Tyson impresses with details on Rome, Gaul, and Julius Caesar, and the nature of gladiatorial stardom.

  “There was gladiators that won their freedom... but they just couldn’t stop the adrenaline.” (15:23, Tyson)

• Fighting as a Mind Game:
  Both compare fighting—then and now—not just as brutality, but as tactical and psychological.

  “The whole objective is, how do I outsmart this guy?” (16:26, Tyson)

• Notable Quote:

  “Everybody has a plan until they get hit.” (17:01, Maher quoting Tyson)

Religion, Identity & Family Values (18:34 – 34:08)

• Religion in Tyson’s Life:
  Tyson openly affirms his Islamic faith but allows his children religious freedom:

  "It's my wife and my kids. They have to choose what they want to be." (33:35, Tyson)

• Tolerance and Modern America:
  Tyson and Maher debate homophobia and social progress, with Tyson reflecting:

  “I think this is the best country in the world... But listen, we're not perfect, agreed?” (27:26, Tyson)

Marriage, Masculinity & Domestic Life (31:54 – 33:43)

• Marriage Dynamics:
  Tyson expresses straightforward joy in marriage, rejecting clichés about relationships being “work.”

  "There's no work. Your marriage is no work." (32:11, Maher)

• On Male Vulnerability:
  Humor about masculinity, dependence, and the lighter domestic struggles (like missing the toilet seat).

Second Acts: Age, Boxing, and Future Plans (24:24 – 50:55)

• Fighting Jake Paul?
  Tyson seriously considers a bout with Jake Paul and reframes his own aging:

  “Check this out. We were talking about Julius Caesar, wasn’t we?” (17:46, Tyson)

• Age, Decline & Resilience:
  Both men reflect on physical decline and how belief shapes one's sense of limitations:

  “Why you believe all the stuff you said?... I don’t believe that.” (29:03, Tyson)

• Boxing’s Deeper Truths:
  Tyson unpacks mental vs. physical preparation, ego, and the attributes of a champion:

  “Only sacrifice can make you the best in the world. Nothing else. You have to sacrifice.” (49:11, Tyson)

Pigeons, Animals, and Sensitivity (43:41 – 45:56)

• Pigeon Raising:
  Tyson’s lifelong affection for pigeons is tied to traditional “tough guy” culture and his own humble beginnings.

  “Pigeon guys, it becomes a part of their soul…” (43:50, Tyson)

On Fame, Youth, and Redemption (39:05 – 42:17)

• Prison and Redemption:
  Tyson reflects on the impact of his incarceration and growth from past misdeeds:

  “It was the best thing that happened for me. It was a great learning experience.” (39:23, Tyson)

• On Youth and Change:
  Both agree that “in our 20s, we’re idiots”—a relatable critique of learning only through living.

Philosophy, Power, and Life’s Meaning (65:06 – 65:22)

• Mortality and Acceptance:
  Tyson closes on a philosophical note:

  “Life is just… a beautiful process of dying as soon as you're born.” (65:06, Tyson)

  Maher calls it “really profound.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Inspiration:

  "You’re like [Princess Diana], but with fighting." (07:20, Maher)

• On Outgrowing the Past:

  “I have to realize that I don’t belong to me anymore.” (06:44, Tyson)

• On Sports and Strategy:

  “The fighters look...How can I outsmart this guy? It’s not ever what it appears to be.” (16:26, Tyson)

• On Growing Up:

  "I used to get beat up all the time and abused all the time...Then one day my friend said: fight him." (43:00, Tyson)

• On Power and History:

  “Homosexuals conquered the world...Warriors, gladiators. Yeah, they conquered the ancient world.” (25:15, Tyson)

• On Marriage:

  “To remind you that you're a man. That's why you have a wife.” (32:27, Tyson)

• On Living With Regret:

  “I'm guilty because of things I've done and got away with before. That was grimy, right?... and this was just a wake-up call.” (39:44, Tyson)

• On Life’s Process:

  “Life is just... a beautiful process of dying as soon as you’re born.” (65:06, Tyson)

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Notable Timestamps

• 02:43 – Why Mike Tyson still flies JetBlue
• 03:26 – "Did you really own tigers?" Animal stories
• 04:10 – The reality of a tiger fart
• 08:42 – “My mentality is JetBlue”
• 10:50 – Marijuana and family life improvement
• 12:25 – Boxing as a mind game, not just brute strength
• 17:01 – “Everyone has a plan until they get hit.” (Iconic Tyson quote)
• 33:35 – “They have to choose.” (Tyson on family and religious freedom)
• 39:23 – Prison as a growth experience
• 43:41 – Pigeon keeping and the soul
• 49:11 – “Only sacrifice can make you the best.”
• 65:06 – “Life is just a beautiful process of dying as soon as you're born.”

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Conclusion

The conversation is quintessential Club Random: spontaneous, raw, meandering—but also insightful and often profound. Tyson emerges as deeply reflective, philosophical, funny, and more historically literate than many expect. The episode paints a picture of a man at peace with his past and honest about his struggles, relishing his second (or third) act in life. Whether discussing pigeons, the ancient world, or the endurance of love and pain, both Maher and Tyson find common ground in a search for meaning and connection.

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For listeners looking for a mix of humor, history, hard-won wisdom, and uniquely Tyson anecdotes, this “Club Random Classic” is a can't-miss installment.

Transcript

[A]

Okay, folks, we are digging into the vault and pulling out some of our favorite episodes from the last four years, which we're calling Club Random Classics. What else would we call it? Starting September 18th, every third Thursday, we're dropping episodes that prove good conversation still exist, occasionally interrupted by profanity or an unexpected life lesson. Or, you know, OD'd once or twice, but you'll see them all. We're kicking things off with a singular guest, a man who can talk ancient history with surprising detail, who has firsthand knowledge of farting tigers, who still flies commercial despite global fame. Have you guessed who this is yet? He's got a big fight coming up, I think, with Floyd Mayweather, and who you definitely don't want to cross mid flight. Mike Tyson. Yes, Mike Tyson. This episode originally aired May 9, 2022 Ah, those halcyon days. Well, buckle up. And don't forget, every third Thursday we'll release another Club Random Classic. And you can always dive into the back catalog for more conversations you won't want to miss. Club Random.

[B]

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[C]

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[B]

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[A]

Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching.

[B]

Over.

[A]

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[E]

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[A]

You the question the whole world wants to know. Why are you flying on JetBlue?

[B]

My wife says the same thing and.

[A]

You said it was your favorite airline. I was just about to ask you, why is it your favorite airline?

[B]

It's the same thing.

[A]

What are they doing on JetBlue?

[B]

I love JetBlue. I don't know why I got the toe of.

[A]

I mean, Stevie Wonder used to love the Holiday Inn. No, you know why?

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because everything was in the same place.

[B]

Well, maybe I just love JetBlue.

[A]

It's comfortable.

[B]

Yeah. No flying. I love it.

[A]

See, yeah.

[B]

That's why my wife is like. She wants me always in private place. My wife said, why don't you just. She has to carry. She can't fathom it, Mike.

[A]

Sound like one tiger. And you could probably just fly whatever airline you want. I know you got rid of the tigers. You had tigers, though, right?

[B]

I had tigers. Had a bunch of cool gears.

[A]

Yeah. That's wrong. I'm an animal lover.

[B]

Absolutely 100% that.

[A]

100%. But you had tigers in captivity. That can't be good for the tiger.

[B]

No, no, they weren't in captivity. They slept in my bed with me. What are you talking about? I got £500 in the bed with me, man. What are you talking about?

[A]

Well, I mean, they're not. I mean, you're right. You know, I've always thought of. About animals.

[B]

Have you ever smelled the tiger fart?

[A]

No.

[B]

You gotta evacuate. I would've had, what, 15,000 square? I gotta evacuate. You gotta open up everything. Close people to blow everything out.

[A]

Seriously.

[B]

Y' all meant the worst thing because.

[A]

The level of it or the extreme stench of it?

[B]

Both. Both. You can't. Nothing.

[A]

Well, what were you feeding the tiger that it was farting so badly? Don't you think? Horse meat. Is that what they eat?

[B]

Yeah, they love horse meat and chick, yeah.

[A]

Oh, so you killed horses and kept tigers?

[B]

Hey, stop. I never killed the horse in my life.

[A]

Well, where'd you get the meat?

[B]

I paid for it. But listen, somebody killed it. Yes, yes. They're the horses that they send to.

[A]

What you call the glue factory.

[B]

The glue factory, yeah. Those guys can't do it anymore.

[A]

Mike, where do you stand on horse fighting as a legalized sport?

[B]

Horse fighting.

[A]

I'm just making horse fighting. Just fucking with you.

[B]

Do fight. Remember that horse bit that other horse's ear? They said he did a Mike Tyson. I was gonna say the other horse was winning. He was mad. He bitted the air, tried to pull him back.

[A]

But see, I love this, that you love JetBlue, because I always thought of you as like, the people's champ, you know? I mean, when you, first of all, people call you Champ, and they should, because Champ is like. It's like when you're president. They call you president even after you write senator. Governor. They always. The guys out of office. 20 years governor and. And you always will be champ.

[B]

But I learned something with my last experience. I'm on the plane. I learned I don't belong to me too many people.

[A]

You just learned that?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, stop.

[B]

My right hand to God.

[A]

Mike, you've been famous.

[B]

No, but listen, I never know that my actions affect so many people. They worry.

[A]

No, they inspire people, though. What if your actions have inspired people? I mean, you're.

[B]

But just that fact that people worry. They see the incident and they just worry.

[A]

But, Mike, your Broadway show, which I saw on tv, but I don't live near Broadway. Fantastic. And it inspired people.

[B]

I like to continue.

[A]

You don't know that. You must know that about your life, or else you wouldn't have done that too.

[B]

Listen, sometimes that's my selfishness and not ego.

[A]

What is your selfishness?

[B]

Just wanting to succeed and be happy. But hey, I want to keep myself.

[A]

To me, that's selfish. That's what we all want. I mean, you have some obligation.

[B]

I think I have to realize that I don't belong to me anymore.

[A]

You never did since you were 20. Because you were.

[B]

I didn't understand that till now. Like when I got into that instance. So many people calling with worry and.

[A]

I'm like, oh, that One douchebag on JetBlue did that. After 30 fucking years of being in the spotlight. Anyway, I just want to tell you, you really are. When I see people with you, because the reaction is overwhelmingly in your favor. You are like the people's champ. Like, remember they called Lady Diana the people's princess. You're like her, but with fighting.

[B]

But what am I gonna do on a private plane?

[A]

What are you gonna do on a private plane? You can jerk off if you want.

[B]

I know, but. Exactly. But listen, it's only me and people. I know. I'm like one of those guys. I'm like, I have to be seen. I have to be around the people. I don'.

[A]

Oh, is that right?

[B]

Yeah, I'm like Magic Johnson. Is he like that?

[A]

Yeah, he's a great documentary.

[B]

I can't be isolated.

[A]

Mike, you gotta see that. HBO did a documentary about Bird and Magic, like when they were playing again, you know, the 80s. It's fantastic because they're such opposite personalities, but they came to quite love each other.

[B]

Bird's a badass, though.

[A]

Yes, he is. And he kept serious guy. He didn't want the spotlight legitimate. And Magic only wanted the Spotlight. And he talks about when they were in Barcelona at the 92 Olympics. Remember the first Dream Team basketball team. And he said, we were in the hotel, we were getting mobbed. There was a side door you could go out that they told us, and no one would bother you. But Magic didn't want to use the side door. You know, that's who he was. And that's great, but you're not obligated to do that. They don't own you. They own your work because you put it out in public and shared it. They don't own you. Your family owns you.

[B]

My mind is just. My mentality is JetBlue. Does that make sense?

[A]

And apparently your travel plans also include JetBlue. No, I mean, best love, Mike. I have not flown commercial, like, practically in this century. The second I can get off, of course. And I used to hide it because I thought, oh, it makes me look terrible with the environment. You know what? I always say it. But the kids, they have to care about the environment more than me because it's their planet they're inheriting and they don't. They worship Kylie Jenner, who never does anything but flies on a private plane. So when Kylie gives up the plane, I'll give up mine. How about that? You have a drink? Do you drink?

[B]

Yeah, some water.

[A]

Oh, my God, you have a bag of. Jesus, Mike. How's the business going? How's the Puck business? You love it?

[B]

Hey, listen, right? It gave me a new life.

[A]

You love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I notice you don't keep that lip, though.

[B]

I know my friends, they play football and pass. Man, you're totally the joint.

[A]

Yeah, but. So how do you go into an office every day with the pot business? Do you, like. Are you CEO, Mike. And you sit at the big desk and you're like. And you and you and you And Jenkins, how does Vice President Jenkins sound? If we can get quarterly numbers up, I'm hands on.

[B]

I'm hands on. Listen, I don't look. I am. I don't look at myself as a boardroom guy, but I am on paper. But that's not. I have to be with. I have to be in the streets with the people. That's how I'm effective. I'm not effective in the room.

[A]

Right. And also, it's wasting the great ambassador for the product.

[B]

Exactly. I'm in the street. I thank the work. I'm a worker.

[A]

Yes, you are. And what do you like when people say, what has it done for you? Like, what is your testimonial? What Is your love letter to marijuana that has made you want to actually be in business with it.

[B]

Hey, listen, you know what? You could just. I don't even have to go through a big discussion about a dissertation. You can just ask my family, am I a better guy with it or without it? And they would tell you 100% with it.

[A]

I'm with it.

[B]

Oh, man, I'm definitely with it. I am like, oh, I never knew that. I'm a moody guy. You know, I thought I was a great guy and stuff. I never knew how moody.

[A]

You know, you were famous and you didn't know you were moody.

[B]

Well, I never knew, Mike. Well, I always knew I was famous, but I didn't know that to that effect. My selfishness is like, I want to love this, I want to be into this. I.

[A]

Well, you know what? When you're the heavyweight champion of the world, even if you're a non charismatic guy, you're very famous. But when you're charismatic like you are, you know, when you have that, you know, X factor, you could also, like, you know, you did your turn in the hangover, but, you know, you could, you could be in movies, you know, you could fucking do what the Rock does if you wanted to. Probably do it better, you know, you got. Not that he's not good, but, you.

[B]

Know, and I would. I am gonna do that stuff. We getting ready to do.

[A]

You are?

[B]

Oh, yeah, we're getting ready to do my life stuff. We're gonna do this without anybody. We put our own money up. We're just gonna do this.

[A]

Yeah. You look great, by the way. You really grew into your. What are you, 50, 55, 50. Double nickel.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No, you look, the tattoo has grown in nicely in age, I feel.

[B]

You know, I never thought by doing this, I never knew I would live to see so many other people with it.

[A]

I know, exactly, right. When you did it, it was very, very.

[B]

You had to been a Hell's angel.

[A]

Crazy prison or outright. It was very out there to do that. And you're right, tattoos, you know, they are moving like a fungus up the body and they're on the neck and now they're on the face and they're kind of taking over, I feel.

[B]

You know, listen, you think about it. Two thousand years ago, all of our ancestors were all tattooed up.

[A]

They were, yeah, absolutely.

[B]

What was those guys?

[A]

I'm not sure we had the same ancestors 2,000 years ago.

[B]

No, what was those guys that the Romans had always tried to Garlic. They were all tattooed up.

[A]

The Romans did what Jim, remember when they conquered?

[B]

They don't know, but they crossed the Rhine and they conquered.

[A]

Yes, right. Well, they crossed the Rhine, but then it was Caesar.

[B]

It was Julius Caesar.

[A]

Julius Caesar conquered Gaul.

[B]

Yeah, that was Gaul. And Jason, Dredrix, the guys who they conquered it from. Well, actually, Jason Gadrix.

[A]

Who is he?

[B]

Gedrix is the leader of Gaul that fought Julius Caesar.

[A]

Oh, I don't know that name. What is his name?

[B]

Getrix.

[A]

You sure? We're.

[B]

I'm absolutely positive.

[A]

Okay, okay. So he fought Julius Caesar, but Julius Caesar died. And then they tried to go the other side of France. Gaul is Germany. They never got to. The Roman Empire was halted at 9 A.D. 9 A.D. the Battle of the Hurtinburg Forest. Right, because that's where Herman the German defeated. I think it's Vale or Valens. Valens, correct. The Roman Emperor. That's as far as they got. Because when they got into Germany, they found the tribes were super tribal, but.

[B]

They got in order to do that. They were warring tribes, but they all bonded together.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Only way they can do it.

[A]

And the guy who defeated him, that Herman, the German guy, he had been taken in by the Romans and raised.

[B]

Yeah, all those guys. The Romans come and they take all the kids and they raise them and they enslave them. They use them in the army.

[A]

So this is a passion of yours. History, obviously. You obviously read history.

[B]

I just know it.

[A]

Well, you must have read it somewhere.

[B]

Yeah, I used to always read about boxing history. And then it went right from the beginning of it. And then it got involved with gladiators. Slaves.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then that led you to Rome. Yeah, it got really interesting.

[A]

All roads lead to Rome.

[B]

Exactly. And do you know there was gladiators that won their freedom? 10th, 20 times. But they just couldn't stop the adrenaline.

[A]

You mean they wanted to. They could have left, but they.

[B]

They won their freedom. Yeah. So many times, boy, but they couldn't. The addiction of the people. They were like fighters today. They were celebrities. Gladiators were celebrities.

[A]

Athletes still always say that, you know, I did it for the game. Oh, fuck you. You did it for the game. You did it for you. You know, I gave everything the game.

[B]

But this is what I found, that nothing's bigger than the game. The game's a platform for everybody.

[A]

Well, again, but see, your platform is really prima centiparis. There's a lot of things, but something very primal about going into a ring with another man and punching each other in the head is like. It puts it above as far as interest Level, you know, it's just. It gets to. In a very deep way, like. And it's very clear who the winner and the.

[B]

But the fighters don't look. The fighters look. How can I outsmart this guy? It's not ever what it appears to be. Looks like two guys killing each other. But the whole objective is, how do I outsmart this guy?

[A]

You think that's. It's always about outsmarting. That's how you win when you're young.

[B]

And you're a kid, you win because you're stronger.

[A]

But.

[B]

But when you're at the top of the game, you only win because you're smarter.

[A]

Right. But you have to be smart at the beginning, too, I would guess.

[B]

Absolutely. But it's from experience. But I'm talking about the top of the game being number one is only because you're smarter.

[A]

Right. I'm sure. But weren't you the one who said everybody has a plan until they get hit?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Now, that's a great quote.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Everybody.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And see, here's.

[B]

Even with me, with everybody and life in general, we have to realize that things can happen. What's that happen?

[A]

Should happen.

[B]

It should happen. If it could happen, it would happen.

[A]

But here's my guess about you. Like, now I know. Is it Jake Paul wants to fight you.

[B]

Yeah. I'm gonna call him sometime Friday and we're gonna talk.

[A]

And what now? Would you consider actually doing that?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

You don't worry about fighting at your age at 55.

[B]

Check this out. We were talking about Julius Caesar, wasn't we?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's the one that raised. He said 365 days is a year. So before he was born, how did we tell our age?

[A]

Is this a riddle? I never.

[B]

No, no, but really, Julius Caesar told us 365 days is a year. But before he was born, how did we tell our age?

[A]

By when the sun came back?

[B]

No. How do you know that?

[A]

Because that's, you know, that's why we have, like, Christmas. Do you know why? Christmas is December 25th?

[B]

Why is that?

[A]

Because the Son was born.

[B]

That's when Jesus was born.

[A]

I believe that's when they said Jesus was born. Okay. Even if he even existed as a historical figure, which we don't know, but the reason why. Jesus.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Listen, you don't believe in Jesus like that. I'm a Muslim. But you don't believe in Jesus.

[A]

I do not. I'm not atheist. But also.

[B]

Well, I don't know what I wanted to say to you. When you were Going. I'm saying, I read about all the greatest conquerors in the world, and they conquered the world. And they still sentenced. They frustrated. They said, God, there's still something greater than me.

[A]

Well, when they got defeated, they said, no, no, no.

[B]

They defeated. They conquered the world.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they say, God is still something greater than me.

[A]

Why? What would it be if they conquered the world?

[B]

That feeling that it's not. I'm not.

[A]

Not enough.

[B]

Yeah, no, it's that feeling that there's something greater than me. It's just I'm. You have to believe in something greater than you.

[A]

Well, I feel like if you're at the point where you've conquered the world, then your ego's in a place where you're not saying, there's something greater than me. And they did. Many conquerors did set themselves up as gods on earth, so they thought they were God. You know when they said, there's something greater than me, when they got their ass kicked. Seriously, that's what I'm saying. Like, did you ever see Alexander the Great?

[B]

The movie Oliver Stone? I know everything about Alexander from what there is to know about him.

[A]

Okay, well, I know a lot about it from Oliver Stone's movie. I'm sure. I learned it in college, too. But his was much more interesting. And Rosario Dawson was really great in it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And Angelina Jolie, in all reality, he.

[B]

Was scared of his mother.

[A]

Yes, Angelina Jolie played the mother.

[B]

That's why he never went back. He was scared to go back. His men wanted him to go back. He was scared of his mother. He kept in touch with his mother. He was just a mama's boy.

[A]

Yes. That's how they portray it in the movie, that they almost had an incestuous relationship.

[B]

No, she was just one of those first stage mothers. Napoleon's mother was the same way. They was afraid of their mothers and stuff.

[A]

Well, yes. I mean, certainly sexuality in Roman times was quite different. I mean, like the way we talk about straight and gay and now, of course, straight.

[B]

In Roman, they do it right in the street. Everything right in the middle of the street right now. Everybody's screwing. They're slave, they're shitting in the street. Everything right there, everything's in the street.

[A]

That's why you say you're a man of the street.

[B]

It's disgusting.

[A]

It's just right.

[B]

Yeah, it's a mess. Rome's a mess.

[A]

It's a mess. Yeah.

[B]

Yes. Then, hey, man, I need you to go. I need you to go.

[A]

Tough when you're trying to Get a paper. Yeah, but when I was.

[B]

Yeah, I'm a big. I'm sorry.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

I'm a big fan of love letters. So I read some of the love letters from like before the beginning of time. Like, Plato had some love letters. I read some of his love letters.

[A]

Whose love letters? Oh, Plato. Well, that's Greek.

[B]

Yeah, but from the history of the world. The greatest love letters. And so, you know, you read these.

[A]

Well, I mean, Greek. The love letters could have been to a boy.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Okay, well, not that that's wrong, but I'm just saying they had a. You know, the pederast. That was a big thing back then. Someone who took an interest in what today we would certainly say is an inappropriate age.

[B]

You know, that's what gladiators. Gladiators really know like that. We're just fuck boys. They fought, but they were fuck boys. You know what I mean? They get sexually abused all the time. The guards fuck them all the time. But, you know, they kill you. But that's what they were. They were slaves. They were sex.

[A]

Well, and after they had sex with the women, you know what they said? Gladiator.

[B]

I think they liked men more than women back then.

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[A]

So Caesar gets stabbed in 44 BC.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

He crossed the Rhine. The Rhine.

[B]

He crossed the Rubicon was sent up for life.

[A]

Yes. What was it for life Like Grand Poobah, you know, with a big cheese. Whatever it was. Dictator. I mean, this is the theme in many countries. And by the way, it's the theme they ripped off for the end, wisely. Cause it's a great story, but it was the end. If you ever watch Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones.

[B]

We loved the Game of Thrones.

[A]

You did? Okay, well, what is the end? What is the plot point? It's the Julius Caesar plot point. In other words, the blonde girl who's like, she's benevolent, sort of, and then she becomes a dictator and they gotta kill her.

[B]

She's a bad chick though, right? Red Dragons.

[A]

She was a bad chick, but she took a knife in the belly the same way J.C. did.

[B]

Yeah, she had to go. She had to go.

[A]

She had to go because she turned too powerful. Exactly. That's the Caesar story.

[B]

She was just a humble girl taking advantage of sex with the next thing you know, she conquered the. Right. No, serious. And she's conquering everything. She's got dragons, deaf mind. Dragons.

[A]

No, she let the dragons go to her head. Yeah, yeah. And she's the girl with the dragon tattoo.

[B]

Toxicating power. Intoxicating power.

[A]

It's intoxicating power. Exactly. So anyway, the Romans, sexually though, and the Greeks, but especially the Romans, they didn't have this, you know, oh, you're gay, you're straight. It was like, you're cute, you know, I mean like Mark Antony, very macho guy, right? Who? Part of the cabal that succeeded Caesar, right? I mean, he had, you know, the wife and then he had the, you know, the concubine kind of mistresses. And then he had like 13 year old boys. Was a very.

[B]

I don't want to say, but you know, people say, what the fuck do you know? Homosexuals conquered the world.

[A]

Homosexuals have. Yeah, I know. They conquered West Hollywood.

[B]

Forget that. I'm talking about warriors, gladiators. Yeah, they conquered the ancient world.

[A]

What do you mean? You're saying their tribe conquering the world.

[B]

Went out conquering the world.

[A]

Whose tribe?

[B]

The Greeks, The Romans or somebody conquered.

[A]

The world when they were gay?

[B]

Yeah, they were homosexual. Then they conquered the world.

[A]

But see, you're saying they're homosexual. And what I'm saying is there wasn't this concept back then that was homosexuality.

[B]

No, listen, right, Americans are the only phobic people in the world.

[A]

That's ridiculous. There's many homophobic people.

[B]

Not like this place.

[A]

Are you kidding?

[B]

Not like America. Come on.

[A]

Why every Muslim country in the world, you get thrown off of a ring roof.

[B]

Well, that's some extreme stuff.

[A]

It's extreme stuff that.

[B]

A lot. Listen, listen, as a Muslim myself, I know this. Everybody is in. Everybody's worthy of the mercy of God. I don't Care what you did.

[A]

I don't think you have to be Muslim to believe that.

[B]

No, no, but that's what I believe.

[A]

I am.

[B]

Good, good. It's a good thing to believe.

[A]

But that's not what we're talking about.

[B]

I don't believe nobody should kill someone else.

[A]

Okay, but I gotta correct the record about, like, intolerance or. Homosexuality is very much alive in the world today. It's more probably alive in Muslim countries.

[B]

Listening, but it's alive in many countries.

[A]

Russia is horrible with.

[B]

No, I'm talking about a country like this that takes everybody and we fight for everybody's rights and everybody's equal. I'm talking about with that country like that, all those other countries are, you know, they're kind of tricky, you know. But a country that promotes, hey, equal rights and all this crap.

[A]

Yeah. America has done so.

[B]

Then we got some crazy people.

[A]

Yeah. America's a place with horrible sins in its past and its present. But, you know, if you look around the world, there is perspective to that, too.

[B]

I have perspectives too, in America. I think this is the best country in the world.

[A]

Well, there you go.

[B]

But listen, we're not perfect, agreed? Of course we're not perfect.

[A]

And we never will be.

[B]

I mean, because not perfect.

[A]

It's amazing we're even still here, really. When you think about how primitive and how lizardy our lizard brains are.

[B]

Listen, we can't even anticipate our next breath.

[A]

What?

[B]

We can't even anticipate we can die any moment.

[A]

Right. Life is fine.

[B]

I can't anticipate me another second talking to you.

[A]

Well, hopefully it's going to be a good second. But, you know, sometimes when I get up in the night, like to pee.

[B]

But no, I used to take something for that band. But listen, I used to get up and pee every day.

[A]

It's only once in the middle of the night.

[B]

Oh, no. I'm like four times. And long, too. It's long.

[A]

That's probably because Buster Douglas hit you in the kidney a million times.

[B]

No, he's in the head.

[A]

The body's taking a beating, which gets me back to the fight. My. Here's my thing about the fight. I worry about you. I don't want you to. Like, you have a really good brain and you're doing great things with it. I would hate to see, you know. Cause here's my guess. Go for it about where you are, like, I bet. Of course, at 55, you do not have the wind to go around the ring like a boxer in his prime does you're also more brittle than you were at 25. But my guess is the actual punch that you have is exactly as it was when you were at the Jam.

[B]

I don't think so. Oh, no. But listen now, why you believe all the stuff you said? You're brittle because you believe that. I don't believe that.

[A]

Not at 55. A little more than at 25. You don't think your body was a little more rubbery?

[B]

And I have to live my life different in that perspective. But I don't think that I'm brittle and I'm a. No, no, not frightened guy. This guy's 25, and I better bend down and record him.

[A]

Okay, but like, you know what? I saw this movie with Stallone and Schwarzenegger that they made recently. I mean, they're both punching 70 in the mouth, right? And like, it's some escape from prison movie and they're fucking hitting each other with lead pipes. I'm like, you guys turn 68, that your body could not. I mean, at any age. But maybe at 25, you could come back from it. Come on. You gotta acknowledge that time, you know, it's a river. It flows, Mike. It doesn't stop flowing.

[B]

You know, Listen, it doesn't have to stop flowing, but maybe you. You don't have to flow with it, you know, you just can't give up in life.

[A]

When I get up and pee in the night, like, I don't want to turn the light on. Because, you know, light is bad for sleep, right?

[B]

Really?

[A]

Well, sure. When you.

[B]

I need it. Cause I'm a piss on the floor and everything I piss on. My wife is so mad. Listen, my wife come to go use the bathroom. She sits down and I put it on the thing. I pissed all over the thing. My wife. I'm under my. No, I'm serious. No, I'm serious. My wife get up and say, you're just a pig. Cause I pissed all over the thing and I didn't pick it up.

[A]

Well, okay. We can certainly work on this. I feel like this is.

[B]

I mean, it's not domesticated.

[A]

Totally solvable. Problem.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

All right, introduce me to your wife. We'll work on it together. But here's the plea I was going for. Is that, like, I want to keep it dark. Because when you get light in your eye, it tells your body to wake up. So that's why your room should be completely dark when you sleep. And I don't want light. So I know where everything is. It's My house, I piss there all the time, so I don't really need light. But I'm doing this because I want to bump my head on the door or the door to the bathroom, whatever, you know. So I always feel like that's life. When you're moving forward, everything is in the dark. You can kind of see a little bit and you're using your hands to protect yourself.

[B]

I don't think like that. I can't sleep. Sometime at night my wife will leave me alone. I wouldn't say I'm jerking off. I eat some one of those guys, listen, you know, Come on, I'm one of those. I just can't do it. I'm starting for all my wife. Hey, just leave me alone, okay? I gotta sleep. I miss. I go to bed at 8 o' clock and wake up at 2 in the morning, can't sleep.

[A]

But you like being married.

[B]

I love being married.

[A]

Right. I know you do. And sincerely, that's great to see it. When people. Cause so many people when they're married, you know, you say, you know, what's it like? And they're like, well, you know, it's a lot of work. They go right to sort of the. There's no work, really.

[B]

It's no work.

[A]

No work. Your marriage is no work.

[B]

No, I'm talking about from the fact that for caring about them, there's no work with. Oh God, she's giving me a hard time.

[A]

That's fantastic.

[B]

It's just. I like how they give me a hard time.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? Imagine. Listen, that's what you have a wife for, right? You know what I mean?

[A]

Right.

[B]

To make you. To remind you that you're a man. That's why you have a wife. Yeah. To remind you that you're a man. They do, Yeah.

[A]

A lot of times they put your balls in their purse though. I mean, so there's also that side of it, you know?

[B]

I mean, listen, all the time they do. If you have that dependence on a woman like that, she got your balls. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Why is it a bad thing? Maybe she just want to comfort my balls or something.

[A]

Well, that's a different ball. Yes. I mean, that's manscape.

[B]

We're always talking about balls. I'm always promoting manscape and we're talking about balls all the time.

[A]

So you do that for your wife, your manscape. Because it's.

[B]

I don't do. Never. No, I'm not a hairy person. I'm not Hairy at all?

[A]

No, but the beard looks very good.

[B]

I like the beard.

[A]

Yeah, I like it. Like the beard.

[B]

Like the beard.

[A]

Really good, good look.

[B]

I don't know. I miss hair. I don't have no hair. I'm not a hairy guy at all.

[A]

Right. Never were.

[B]

Never hair. No hair.

[A]

That's interesting. So, okay, so you like being married and you're a Muslim?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is the whole family Muslim?

[B]

Some of my kids. But listen, it's my wife and my kids. They have to choose what they want to be.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They have to choose.

[A]

And you're okay with that?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

That is not a point of view that is even allowed in many, many Muslim countries in the world. There is one religion, it is Islam. And, well, I believe they're not big on like, hey, you know what? Let's agree to disagree.

[B]

But listen, I'm not Allah.

[A]

I know. I'm just saying that's something you're allowed to do here as an American Muslim.

[B]

No, I learned from experience. I'm not gonna stop their growth in something that my growth is extending with.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm growing with it, but that's not their growth.

[A]

I'm just pointing out that this enlightened point of view is not found uniformly around the world. You know, you said America's the greatest. That's one reason why. One thing that's still great about America is that you can have that point of view.

[B]

Are you surprised how many Muslims want to come in and think that the way we think? Oh, I'm. I'm sure they do that.

[A]

Oh, I'm not surprised.

[B]

You'd be surpr.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

And I mean, and with this and. And all those guys in Iran and stuff, you'd be surprised.

[A]

These aboriginal people and women who don't want to wear the, you know, whatever the thing that look like the COVID of a motorboat.

[B]

Well, that some people, some people more modern than modest than other people. I wish I had the. I wish I had the. I wish I had the dignity to be that modest.

[A]

Modest?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why do you say?

[B]

Because they believe in covering themselves. Oh, and I'm like you said, I gotta be. Don't how much money I got. I gotta be in this cheap ass plane with all these people and talking to these people.

[A]

There's one thing, modest is one thing. Completely covering a woman so you don't see any of her. That's not modest. That's pathological.

[B]

Suppose she's happy with that.

[A]

She's not. Oh my God. She's not happy with it. I mean, you can brainwash someone into liking anything.

[B]

It's like, what's that call again? My kids always. They ask me what the Stockholm trips.

[A]

Stockholm sings. My kids say that.

[B]

My kids and my mother. My wife got Stockholm.

[A]

So your kids. How old are your kids?

[B]

They go from 33 to 33. 11.

[A]

Okay, so. And I'm sure you have times when you're with all of them.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I'm wondering what the discussion is like. Is it a lot of real shit? I'm sure it is. Like, you like this kind of shit. I know, but you talk about. I mean, there's nothing that's off limits, right?

[B]

No.

[A]

You talk about sex with your kids. You talk about religion, everything. Right?

[B]

Everything.

[A]

Your past. What do they say? Daddy, I saw YouTube. You were with this super fly.

[B]

Now they go like this. This is my kidnapper. 13. What was wrong with you, dad? Why would you say something like that?

[A]

No, but they must be very proud of you. They're Mike Tyson.

[B]

They do. But my kids. My daughter's like one of these intellect kids and she's like, why would you say something like that? Right. I'm just curious.

[A]

She's right.

[B]

How old were you then? It's just ridiculous how these kids, all.

[A]

Of us in our 20s, are idiots. You can't. Yours just happens to be on tape and in front of the world. But we're all that way in our 20s, you know? It's what's so frustrating about youth. But we were the same way. Is that you want to tell youth you don't know anything yet, but because they don't know anything yet, they can't understand why that's true.

[B]

You know what people? The youth feel so good. You know what I'm saying? This feels so good. Why would I listen to old motherfuckers? He doesn't feel like this.

[A]

Exactly.

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[B]

Mmm.

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[A]

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[B]

I am not fireproof.

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Just get in my mouth.

[B]

Actually kind of comfy in here. It is.

[A]

It's certified fresh and verified hot. Elio's bringing the whole family together on Disney plus 1, 2, 2 and a half, 3. Disney and Pixar's Elio now streaming on Disney plus native PG now you became a Muslim in when you.

[B]

No, I was Muslim before with.

[A]

Even before prison.

[B]

Yeah, but it looks. It glamorized me, though.

[A]

By the way, I never thought you committed that crime.

[B]

Hey, listen, I appreciate that, brother.

[A]

No, no, no. Not that it's important.

[B]

No, but. No, it is. But listen. Know what I learned? It was the best thing that happened for me. It was a great learning experience.

[A]

But you know what? When. When back in the day, when this subject, cause you're very famous. Would come up in conversation and people would want to know my opinion, I'd always say, I don't think that was rape. I think what Mike did was had sex with someone consensually and then wasn't nice enough after. No, but listen, maybe you're guilty of that.

[B]

Yeah, but Noah.

[A]

And then someone gets angry.

[B]

I'm guilty because of things I'VE done and got away with before. That was grimy, right? And yeah, that's what happened. And that was just a wake up call. I mean, that's things that I did do were bad to women, disrespectful, that I got away with, that I never got complained with. And this was one that it showed me.

[A]

So that's kind of karma.

[B]

Yeah, it's karma. I believe in karma. Some of my friends say karma's bullshit.

[A]

I don't believe in that either.

[B]

My friends don't believe in Karm. So a little kid gets molested, how's that karma?

[A]

But I was telling you a million years ago, why December 25th is not only Jesus birthday, but the birthday of many gods in that Mediterranean world before Jesus. They grafted that December 25th onto his biography for a reason. Because they were trying to sell a new product and it was familiar to people and it originated that way because the winter solstice is December 21, right? This is three days after the winter solstice.

[B]

So what are you saying about Jesus? I want to hear your opinion about Jesus. That's pretty much what I'm trying to listen to. It's coming along, but it's coming along really intellectually.

[A]

I'm just going to tell you why it's December 25th. It's interesting. It's four days after the winter solstice, before there was science. On December 21st. It's the shortest day of the year. The days keep getting shorter. The people were like, oh my God, life is going to end. Every day gets shorter. December 25th is the first day they can notice that the days are getting longer again. So it turned into a celebration day. And that's why Jesus is on December 25th.

[B]

What?

[A]

Aren't you glad I finished that?

[B]

Yeah, but didn't Santa Claus? Wasn't Santa Claus the mushroom dude?

[A]

Santa Claus, Jesus, it's all the same thing. Anyway, what is my opinion of Jesus? Oh, well, as a philosopher, he did do some revolutionary things. The meek shall inherit the earth was really revolutionary. Of course. Bullshit. Also because they don't.

[B]

But what do you define as the weak?

[A]

The meek. That was.

[B]

What do you define as the meek, though?

[A]

Well, the meek are, you know, certainly not the ballers and movers and shakers and egomaniacs and, you know, the people who run the world. Not the Alexander the Great. Alexander the Great wasn't meek. How could he? You're not meek.

[B]

You know, some meek people disguised as meek with masculinity.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Some people who we say are meek. They see their circumstances, so they hide that with masculinity to accomplish their goals.

[A]

Like, give me a specific example of that.

[B]

Say I'm a weak guy, right? And I'm looking around everybody, they're following this particular lifestyle. This guy has to be a gladiator. This guy has to be tough. So I mask myself in that and the toughness. I'm a tough guy now. You know, it just goes, let's look, a guy like me.

[A]

Listen, a guy like. Are you saying this is you in this analogy?

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

I.

[B]

It is meek.

[A]

See yourself as a meek person?

[B]

No, I look at myself as a guy that got my ass kicked and abused as a kid and picked on. And so what do you call that? Do you call that? I never thought I could fight until somebody told me to fight. I used to get beat up all the time in Abused all the time.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Then one day my friend said, fight him.

[A]

You got beat up?

[B]

Absolutely. All the time to probably 11 years old.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then that's probably because you didn't. You weren't big enough. You were being beaten up.

[B]

No, listen, I was this size at 12.

[A]

You were?

[B]

Yeah, at 12.

[A]

See, that's the year everything changed for you.

[B]

Yeah, everything changed at 12.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I remember seeing all those documentaries and you'd always be up there with the pigeons and, you know, as an animal lover, I kind of love that.

[B]

This is interesting. This is an interesting phenomenon because pigeon guys, it becomes a part of their soul. We have birds and we don't even know why we have them. We have other people taking care of them. We just have to have our birds.

[A]

Who does?

[B]

Pigeon people.

[A]

Oh, pigeon people. Yeah, yeah. Oh, there's others all over the world. Is that right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm the only one I've ever heard of was you.

[B]

No, since the beginning of time, I've heard of falconers.

[A]

You know, that's a big thing where they land on the.

[B]

Well, they use them because that's during the Crusades when they had the messenger pigeons. So the Arabs used the falcons to grab the pigeons and the. They can see where their plans are and they can retract them down and intervene.

[A]

But pigeons, what is it about the pigeon as opposed to other flying things that shit everywhere that you know what it is?

[B]

It's just that this is what crazy. They need you to protect them. Most people that fly pigeons, like they got the image of a tough guy because of you. No, no. As a little kid, if you flew some birds you better not mess with that guy. Most pigeon flying guys are like tough guys. Cause if I'm a little kid, I got birds. I can come take my bird.

[A]

So you followed in that tradition? Yeah, Right? Yeah, yeah. And something. It's like, maybe it's like you're this tough guy, but you want to show your gentle side. And you can do it with a. Do you pet them? Cause birds are very dirty, aren't they?

[B]

They're cleaner than us. That's all they do all day is clean themselves.

[A]

Birds are cleaner than us.

[B]

That's all day they do is clean themselves.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's all they do all day is clean themselves.

[A]

Could you talk to them about the shitting though? Because I feel like it's just so much.

[B]

This is what you need to know. We're talking about ancient times again. Ancient times, pigeon shit was the manure of the world. That's what I feel.

[A]

It is still in the manure of the world. There's a lot of it.

[B]

I think a pigeons shit on you is good luck. People that fly pigeons can't wait. Their friends come up the first day, they get shitted on and be like, fuck, I'm up here for 10 years. I don't get shitted on. You get shitted on your first day.

[A]

It is like they have permanent diarrhea, you know, I mean, it's. I don't know, it's because they eat so much.

[B]

You know what else? Their shit is like acid. If it goes in your car, it eats right through your car. Yeah, it's like acid.

[A]

Bird shit is like acid.

[B]

It's like acid. Yes.

[A]

Wow. You ought to do a science show. Mike Tyson, the science guy.

[B]

I'm very fan though.

[A]

No, and a lot of things, you know, do your history, but. Okay, so the fight. So who is this guy? Jake Paul?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Who is he?

[B]

He's sensational. What are you talking about? You don't know who he is?

[A]

I know the name and I should know more and I apologize, but he's like, treat me like an idiot.

[B]

I don't even look at him the way people say. I can't even say what they call him.

[A]

But he's not a fighter.

[B]

Yeah, he's a fighter.

[A]

So he's a fighter.

[B]

Yeah, but they don't want to credit him as being a fighter.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Fucking white with blue eyes and blonde hair. Okay. I don't know, but you know, white people hate blue eyes and blonde hair. Everybody wants to kill him, you know, that's just the way. That's what He. But he can fight. That's his thing, you know, Everybody wants to kick his ass. Every nationality wants to kick his ass.

[A]

Kick this guy's ass?

[B]

Yeah, everybody wants to kick his ass.

[A]

Why? Because he's just some.

[B]

Pisses everybody off.

[A]

Because he's good looking and that too.

[B]

But he's a great salesman. Oh, great, great, great salesman.

[A]

Okay, so there would be massive interest if you fought him. Not just a promoter.

[B]

He's a great promoter. He doesn't even know it. He's just naturally a great promoter.

[A]

What would the fight look like in your eyes when you picture it?

[B]

It'd be fun. It wouldn't be a fun fight. A fun fight? Yeah.

[A]

Because why? Because it would be so easy for you to.

[B]

Nothing's easy. I'll never look at it. This is gonna be easy. I would kick it or not. I don't look at life like that.

[A]

No. See, you know what else I worry about as I talk to you? And I used to see you quite often at our friend Jeff Green's parties, you know, and you were always in a good mood. You know, we were at a party. But you seem to have a calmness and a true happiness now. I worry about being this focused, centered, happy in life and then going into the boxing ring. Because maybe what helps you in the boxing ring is being angry, right? No, no, like I said, that's a terrible theory.

[B]

The projection that you are angry is the whole objective. It's all an act. Boxing's an act too. It's just physical. It's all psychological. How can I get under his skin? Maybe I should hit on his wife or something like that. It's all about. It's all psychological. And then after you do all that stuff, you piss them off and it's over. Hey, I love you, brother. It's all good. It's all strategy before you even get in the ring.

[A]

So it sounds like what you're saying is like, you know, I know in many sports, if you just compared the athletes on a strictly physical level, you can't really tell which one would be the real champion. I mean, there were many athletes who could jump as high as Michael Jordan and, you know, do some of the physical things, but he had a mental.

[B]

Toughness, the willingness and determination to supersede everybody.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The willingness to sacrifice. You only do that by sacrifice. Only sacrifice can make you the best in the world. Nothing else. You have to sacrifice.

[A]

Well, certainly in your game.

[B]

Game. Every game.

[A]

Yes. But you don't want to go. I mean, you don't want to go into the ring flabby, you know, you have to be.

[B]

You have to have an ego. Like I always. I didn't. I used to just watch the old fight. They were always ripped. I just wanted to look like the old time fighters always rip. You look like you're here to fight, you know, I never wanted to be the guy.

[A]

And you. And you know, Muhammad Ali fought when he was flabby sometimes. I remember Howard Cosell. There's three rolls of fat now where there were once two.

[B]

He did so beautifully.

[A]

Degraded, I know, but he got punched too much.

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[A]

He wasn't in shape, you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah. Because he was. He out tough guys. He was tough. When you're tough in this sport, this is not a tough man's sport. It's a thinking man's sport. At the end of his career, he got tough. He was taking punches.

[A]

I think it's both, I think like the elite level of anything. You have to have like a. It's like, you know, three lemons, three sevens in a row. Like basketball, you have to be smart. High basketball iq, you have to have crazy skills and you have to be tall. Tall if you're five, nine and have the first two fantastic good luck in your backyard. But to be. And I think in your game, you have to be very tough, you know, smart and skilled. You gotta get all three.

[B]

I'm a heavy guy. I'm five' ten. I crushed the world to my feet.

[A]

Five' ten?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So that's perfect for a boxer. You don't wanna be too tall. Right?

[B]

I agree. Like probably 6, 5' 11, 6 foot. Perfect. Right?

[A]

And then your uppercut.

[B]

Yes, it's perfect.

[A]

Puts their chin bone into their skull.

[B]

Just that you're short and it's harder to hit. A big target is easier to hit than.

[A]

So, you know, just as a weekend warrior, I have a basketball thing here. I play every day. There's something about watching the ball go through your hoop. It's like the likes, you know, it's like I get a. Like in my brain every time the ball goes in.

[B]

It's like magic. How am I focusing this ball? How am I navigating this ball in that little hole? How am I able to do something like that's almost impossible when you think about it.

[A]

I always, you know, I had the same thought, like, if you had never seen anyone shoot a basketball and they were 20ft away, you would think, oh, you'd get that one out of a thousand times.

[B]

Somebody could do it all day.

[A]

All day.

[B]

Larry Bird could do it all day.

[A]

Lots of guys can do it all day. I think the record for number of free throws in a row is something like 1400. Not in games, of course. This is like somebody. But they still did it.

[B]

Chamberlain did 101 game.

[A]

But when you land a good punch, is that the same as when the ball goes through the hoop? It's just like a. Oh, I must feel good.

[B]

The best punch in the world is when you don't feel it.

[A]

You don't feel it?

[B]

No. When you feel like you missed the guy and the guy's out dead, that's not the best punch. I don't know why he's dead. No. Yeah, he's out tired. No, he's out cold.

[A]

Cold, yes.

[B]

You kind of doubt that he's not getting up.

[A]

I'm just saying. You're not wishing that he's dead.

[B]

No, no. That's just boxing terminology.

[A]

You're not Johnny Depp. And Amber heard.

[B]

That's painful to see, right?

[A]

That trial. Yeah, very.

[B]

No, serious.

[A]

Very serious. I was talking about it on my show last week and I said it's literally the definition of a tragedy. Because a tragedy is when the tragic character has this tragic flaw. And because of the tragic flaw, it's inevitable that he's going to go to his duel.

[B]

Exactly. But, you know, people are beating up on the girl. Right. But I understand her, too.

[A]

Who knows what happens inside that relationship? But what do you understand about Amber?

[B]

I understand that she's defending herself. She's fighting for her life.

[A]

Well.

[B]

And psychologically, she thinks everybody's against her because she's not getting a good rep. She's not looking good in the press.

[A]

Well, I mean. And there's also. We have to acknowledge the possibility that she could be flat out lying. People do lie. I mean.

[B]

Yeah, but like you said, it's tragic, right?

[A]

Tragic. Yeah.

[B]

You see love turn into that.

[A]

Well, it's tragic what love is, I.

[B]

Guess, supposed to be.

[A]

Must have known. He had one trial already in London, which he lost. He must have known that a second trial would completely ruin his career forever because there's just too much in people's heads about this now. And it went on too long. And he wasn't at an age where you want to start new. And yet he couldn't stop himself from pursuing this because he had to clear his name.

[B]

Check this out.

[A]

He does not. I don't think he possibly how my life is.

[B]

What do you want?

[A]

What?

[B]

My relationship. What do you want? Take it all.

[A]

Oh, you mean if you were in a divorce?

[B]

No, in all my relationships. Take it all.

[A]

Take it all to who?

[B]

Whatever the finances, whatever you want. You take it all.

[A]

You're saying when you get into a discrepancy, that's your negotiating position.

[B]

Take it all.

[A]

Right. Because you just don't want to fight.

[B]

It's just. I don't like that tragic stuff. When two people love each other. Now they hate each other.

[A]

Right.

[B]

If it is like that, let's do that privately, you know. Oh, that's just what I believe, and.

[A]

That'S what I'm saying. The tragedy is neither one of them is going to work because she will always be the girl who pooped in the bed. I mean, she could be the greatest actress in the world. It doesn't matter. It's like, you can't. When she comes on screen, you'll think, poop in bed. All you'll see is, you, Amber. Poop. Shit bed.

[B]

That's just not a cry for them, right?

[A]

Cry for them is a little beyond.

[B]

That from a human perspective.

[A]

No, it is.

[B]

You look at them and say, what the.

[A]

No.

[B]

Do they have kiss?

[A]

No, thank God. Oh, no. They got. I mean, look, he was married for, like, 15 years, or not married. You know, effectively married to someone who. They lived in France. They had two kids. They seemed very happy. And then he did a movie in 2009 with Amber. And, you know, a movie set is like Temptation Island. Did you ever see the show Temptation Island?

[B]

I've been on a bunch of sets.

[A]

Before, but Temptation island, no, it's a set.

[B]

It's been a movie set. And I see what happens on movie sets. Right?

[A]

But I'm saying in Temptation island, they have, like, couples who have been together for four or five years, and then they put them with all these other singles on an island, away from each other because they're tempted. And a movie set is just like that, except not only is the wife a continent away, and now you're on this island, a movie set, with this hot person, but they actually are writing a script for you to fall in love with her. You don't even have to do the work. It says right there, Tuesday, kiss her all day long.

[B]

You know, listen, as a group of. It all comes back from that Roman stuff. A group of persons is all sex. You know what I mean? It's sex inspired. That's who we are.

[A]

Everything does come from Rome. I mean, a lot from Western civilization.

[B]

I mean, that was Rome and Egypt.

[A]

Egypt less so.

[B]

But listen, count and find Out. How many pyramids are in this country?

[A]

Pyramids? Well, there's the one in Vegas.

[B]

There's tons of them.

[A]

Really? Pyramids.

[B]

And the one in Vegas, still not bigger than the one in Giza.

[A]

I know, but the pyramid is not something that you'd have to be Egyptian to think of. I'm sure people all over the world thought, oh, look, pointy at the top and bigger at the bottom.

[B]

That's not like there's pyramids in Mexico. There's pyramids all over the world.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Pyramids in Bosnia.

[A]

Yes, because everyone thinks of a pointy thing with, you know, bigger at the bottom. It's like a natural.

[B]

I think it's something that the house of worship.

[A]

Bullet bras. What?

[B]

I don't know. I think they always think it comes down to a house of worship.

[A]

What comes down to a house pyramid? Well, I mean, it certainly has been used in worship. You know, the people do think there's something mystical. It's on the back of one of our dollars. Eh? Dollars? Doesn't it? Like what's it doing on American money? You're right. It's everywhere.

[B]

Because we believe, our power system believed that's the way life should be. Roman and Egypt, we have asphyxiation with that.

[A]

I mean, there is another. I think there's another Egyptian. You're right, Egyptian thing on the money. But a lot of this is because, you know, all these cultures, I mean, we did come. I mean, Roman culture then spawned European culture, which then spawned America. So we do trace more back to Rome. But they were all, you know, mingling with each other. I mean, look at Mark Antony married Cleopatra, right? Yeah, and Caesar fucked her too. Yeah, they were like the Kennedys sharing Marilyn Monroe.

[B]

But it all comes down to the power of her fucking Cleopatra. That's the power, though. You know, everybody say, oh, she's getting fucked. But that's the power.

[A]

So you think she had the power?

[B]

Absolutely. She had the strongest men in the world at her feet.

[A]

What do you think? You think Cleopatra was like, great looking or it was something.

[B]

I think she was horrible looking.

[A]

Cleopatra was horrible looking.

[B]

She was a monster.

[A]

How do you know this? How do you know what fucking Cleopatra was?

[B]

Well, listen, she had a tomb. People looked at her through the things. She had a bent nose. She was really unattractive.

[A]

So what, you just gave the most amazing head?

[B]

No, she was the most intelligent.

[A]

Intelligent, yeah.

[B]

And you think when she came to gc, she was in a rug and she. Boom. Yeah, she was smarter Than anyone.

[A]

She smuggled herself in the rug.

[B]

She was smarter than everyone else.

[A]

So you think.

[B]

If she wasn't, how'd she get the two strongest men in the world at her feet?

[A]

I bet you she was good looking.

[B]

No, she was horrible looking. Well, we don't know to our standards, but.

[A]

We don't. But they were.

[B]

Hey, look at it in your phone.

[A]

They were looking in my phone.

[B]

YouTube thing. What did that look?

[A]

Who took a selfie of Cleopatra? It was 4 BC.

[B]

Listen. What is it? You can look up for information, I.

[A]

Know, but you can't.

[B]

She's an ugly bitch.

[A]

We cannot know in Cleopatra.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

There was no photograph.

[B]

She's an ugly bitch. The ugly bitch.

[A]

Mike, I will not sit here and.

[B]

Have you denigrate Cleopatra. And she was related to Alexander the Great too. That's when the bloodline stopped.

[A]

What's this? She.

[B]

She had the bloodline of Alexander the Great too.

[A]

She had the bloodline. How did she get Alexander's blood in her?

[B]

Greeks. Greeks conquered. One word. You really think that.

[A]

Greeks.

[B]

You really know that. The Greeks. She was Greek too.

[A]

Who was?

[B]

She was part of Greek. To Cleopatra. Cleopatra. Yeah.

[A]

Well, I mean, Greece and Rome, of.

[B]

Course, grew up back Macedonia. They ruled everything.

[A]

Macedonia did not. Well, Alexander the Great, of course, was Macedonian.

[B]

And Philip ii. Philip the Barbarian.

[A]

But. But Macedonia, even today, it's disputed as a sort of a province of Greece or its own separate country. It is its own separate country. It is now, but people don't.

[B]

All because the Greeks considered them barbarians.

[A]

Yes, yes. They were warriors. I mean, they were sort of like Spartans of the north.

[B]

Look how many things are named after him. Alexander this. Alexander this?

[A]

Yes. Yeah. No, I mean, he conquered the world, but he was dead by 33.

[B]

32.

[A]

Yeah, 32.

[B]

You know, I think his men wanted to go back and they poisoned him. He didn't want to go back. He wanted to keep conquering and conquering. Yes, because when he got to India and all the armies got together, his men were saying, no, let's not do it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And he wanted to cross the river.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He kept walking down the river, but they kept falling.

[A]

He wanted to cross the river about. But it's never enough. That's what you were saying about conquerors.

[B]

Never enough, never enough.

[A]

So listen, I gotta go, but.

[B]

Don't go, man. Come on, man. This is bullshit, man. Hang out, man.

[A]

I know, I agree, but I know it seems like we're just sitting here, but they're actually taping it. That's the problem.

[B]

Forgive me for my Language. I just can't help this shit.

[A]

Forgive you. I can't tell you how appreciative I am that you would think enough of me to do this, because you're the very hot property in media and, you know, I just really. Thank you so much, Mike.

[B]

When I see you, I think of good. I think of a weirdo with Jeff. Husband having a good time. That's all. Respect.

[A]

Well, we can do it again.

[B]

Yes. I do agree.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yes. I'm going to see Jeff next month anyway. I'm getting ready to move to Boca.

[A]

You might.

[B]

Yeah. My kids, they're playing tennis in golf. I'm gonna move to Boca. We had the house and everything. I saw the house.

[A]

Oh, you already did it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because Florida is attractive now. I mean, I go back and forth on Florida. Yes. I almost. I. Look, I literally took a virtual tour of homes in Miami. Look, sometimes you have to look reality stark in the face. And I was scared about. And still am, about the fires out here and other things, but mostly the fires. And I thought maybe I should go someplace. And people said, well, you know, Miami, they'll have hurricanes, and, you know, it.

[B]

Can'T be in Miami.

[A]

I'd rather drown than burn.

[B]

But not Miami. You gotta be in Boulder.

[A]

Well, whatever. It was a sense of freedom there. I mean, especially during COVID You know, people. I liked it better in Florida, and I was not a Covid paradox.

[B]

I was in the same bus, and everybody was hugging and kissing each other, and they were, yeah, hell, yeah. If I didn't have Covid, then I'm never gonna catch it. When I was in St. Barth, if I didn't catch it, then I'm never gonna catch COVID If I didn't catch it, everybody hugging and kissing everybody.

[A]

Oh. I mean, the inconsistency of it was insane. But I thought about Miami, and then I realized, no, actually, at my age, by the time I felt like I was at home there, I would be dead. Listen, I've been here 40 years.

[B]

That would energize you. No. You go to Miami, Whoa. I mean, flow.

[A]

You'd be like, whoa, I'm too old to be energized.

[B]

I don't believe that's what you believe. That's what you believe. I'm brittle.

[A]

No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not brittle at all. I feel fucking great. But I'm just saying, you can't deny that, you know, as you go down the path of life, you know, you do get a little diminished in certain ways if not, you'd still be the champion of the world, you know, I mean, so you can only be. As I always say, when people say you look great for your age is the part. They don't say you look great for your age. We don't look like we did when we were 20.

[B]

Now we're being serious now. So life is just. Look at it. Really think about it. It's just a beautiful process of dying as soon as you're born.

[A]

That's very poetic. A beautiful process of dying. Did you just make that up?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's really profound.

[B]

But that's what it is though, right?

[A]

It's a fucking great way to look at it. Can I get my pessimistic head wrapped into it maybe? I mean, like this joint.

[B]

No, but just think about it. We can't.

[A]

I mean, this clove cigarette. Know what they're putting in these clothes lately, Mike? But it's fantastic anyway. All right. Cause Howie Mandel's here. That'd be rude.

[B]

Howie's. I was just like. We just watched him on television yesterday, remember? Howie never touched him.

[A]

Watch Howie's thing and hang out.

[B]

And Howie is still the same guy that he doesn't touch people watch Howie.

[A]

And then we'll get together after. We're all party.

[B]

I gotta get home now. He's gotta get. That sounds like. No, no, no, no. I gotta get home. That's 20 year old guys. Hey, man, let's just chill out, right?

[A]

Quentin Tarantino, he stayed. We partied all night at my house.

[B]

God, that would be.

[A]

Well, some night. But you don't drink. No, but you got the weed.

[B]

That's enough, David. You thought about weed?

[A]

Yeah. Look at that frock, Mike. Geez. That's. You're not gonna do that all that one night.

[B]

Well, hopefully I don't, but I will attempt to do. Look at the ears. Come on, man. You gotta look at the Tyson. Mike bites. You gotta show that to the world. I can't keep them in the store.

[A]

Mike bites.

[B]

I brought you a bunch of stuff, man. I don't know why.

[A]

I rub them into my belly and I stick them up my ass. They're that good. Mike bites.

[B]

But you still. Even when you stick them on your ass, you probably feel the high effects.

[A]

You know, it probably would work.

[B]

Now you feel good.

[A]

I'm telling you. I think the punch is the same. You can't run around. But if the guy just stood still.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be problem.

[A]

I'm just gonna. That'd be great, right? Well, that'd be great.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Uh, Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us? Cut the camera.

[A]

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