2 Rat 2 Touille (Patton Oswalt, Eddie Pepitone, Carl Tart, Rekha Shankar)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast
Episode 2: Rat 2 Touille (Featuring Patton Oswalt, Eddie Pepitone, Carl Tart, Rekha Shankar)
Release Date: August 4, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 2 of Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast, host Scott Aukerman welcomes a stellar lineup of guests, including renowned comedians Patton Oswalt and Eddie Pepitone. The episode delves into a blend of stand-up comedy, humorous anecdotes, and whimsical interactions with eccentric characters, all while promoting Eddie Pepitone's latest special, "The Collapse." The conversation is peppered with playful banter, notable quotes, and entertaining segments that capture the show's signature comedic flair.

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Guest Spotlight: Eddie Pepitone

Timestamp: 02:56 - 05:10

Scott Aukerman kicks off the episode by introducing Eddie Pepitone, a beloved figure in the comedy world known for his roles in Old School, Children's Hospital, and the Comedy Bang Bang television series. Eddie shares his recent experience working on an episode of ER, where he portrayed a dying patient, and collaborates with Stanley Tucci.

Notable Quote:

• Eddie Pepitone ([04:14]): "I was a guy who was brought in all the time because I would actually be having a hangover and I wasn't actually dying."

Eddie also discusses his new stand-up special, "The Collapse," available on Veeps.com, highlighting its exploration of personal and societal breakdowns.

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Introducing Patton Oswalt and Tootie Rivers

Timestamp: 06:49 - 15:24

Scott welcomes Patton Oswalt, a celebrated stand-up comedian and actor known for his voice role in Ratatouille and appearances in Big Fan and Young Adult. Patton engages in a humorous dialogue about an imaginary wrestling history with Scott, introducing the character "Tootie Rivers," the show's unconventional producer.

Notable Quotes:

• Patton Oswalt ([10:22]): "Yes. I don't want to be that pretentious, but yes."
• Tootie Rivers ([11:43]): "I did a thing with Audible with Amazon. Oh, he's gonna be so happy."

The trio discusses the nuances of creating comedy specials, the challenges of improvisation, and the intersection of personal experiences with comedic material.

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Theatrical Dreams and Historical Anecdotes

Timestamp: 15:49 - 28:00

The conversation takes a whimsical turn as the guests ponder turning Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot into a comedy featuring Rodney Dangerfield and Otis Spunkmeyer-like characters. They reminisce about historical figures and fictional guardian angels, blending absurd humor with literary references.

Notable Quote:

• Patton Oswalt ([15:49]): "It's basically Laurel and Hardy in the post-apocalypse."

Patton shares a quirky story from Samuel Beckett's hypothetical interaction with Andre the Giant, adding layers to the comedic narrative.

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Promoting "The Collapse" Special

Timestamp: 28:00 - 38:12

Eddie Pepitone enthusiastically promotes his new special, "The Collapse," emphasizing its themes of anxiety and absurdity in contemporary life. The discussion highlights the special's critical acclaim and upcoming tour dates, encouraging listeners to engage with Eddie's work.

Notable Quote:

• Eddie Pepitone ([19:19]): "It's like I've ordered a cameo from you. This is thrilling."

The guests delve into the intricacies of producing comedy specials in the digital age, debating the optimal length and format for online audiences.

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Entertaining Interludes with "Mumps"

Timestamp: 40:09 - 80:57

A fictional character named "Mumps," portrayed by an improvisational cast member, introduces a surreal and comedic storyline where Mumps serves as Scott's overzealous guardian angel. The segment is filled with outlandish scenarios, including Mumps combating imaginary threats within Scott's walls and humorous exchanges about supernatural interventions.

Notable Quotes:

• Mumps ([40:43]): "I am your guardian angel. I'm here to tell you something bad's gonna happen to you."
• Patton Oswalt ([46:10]): "I feel like I'm walking around and it's a death sentence for anyone I come into contact with."

This segment showcases the podcast's ability to blend scripted humor with spontaneous improvisation, creating an engaging and unpredictable narrative thread.

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Final Acts and Audience Engagement

Timestamp: 81:02 - 95:32

As the episode progresses, the hosts and guests continue their comedic interplay, introducing additional fictional characters like O.J. Simpson as a supernatural entity and discussing imagined interactions with historical and pop culture figures. They seamlessly weave plug segments, promoting upcoming shows, tours, and related content.

Notable Quote:

• Kevin Tullio ([87:38]): "It has each instinct, as Freud said. We have destructive instinct and creative. And it's all in one special, The Collapse."

The episode culminates with playful banter, humorous storylines, and a promotion of Eddie Pepitone's special and upcoming appearances, leaving listeners entertained and eager for future episodes.

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Conclusion

Episode 2 of Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast masterfully blends stand-up comedy, improvisational humor, and engaging guest interactions. Featuring standout performances by Eddie Pepitone and Patton Oswalt, the episode offers a rich tapestry of laughs, storytelling, and behind-the-scenes insights into the comedic process. Whether discussing the logistics of comedy specials or navigating fictional guardian angels, the hosts and guests deliver a memorable and entertaining experience for both longtime fans and newcomers alike.

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Highlights and Notable Moments:

• Eddie Pepitone on ER Appearance: "[04:14] I was a guy who was brought in all the time because I would actually be having a hangover and I wasn't actually dying."

• Patton Oswalt's Wrestling Tale: "[32:14] I was a model, and I drove it around to make sure people weren't freaked out."

• Mumps' Over-the-Top Guardian Angel Role: "[40:43] I am your guardian angel. I'm here to tell you something bad's gonna happen to you."

• Promotion of "The Collapse": "[87:38] It has each instinct, as Freud said. We have destructive instinct and creative. And it's all in one special, The Collapse."

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Listen to Episode 2: Rat 2 Touille on Earwolf

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Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Patton Oswalt]

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[Kevin Tullio]

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[Patton Oswalt]

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[Kevin Tullio]

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[Patton Oswalt]

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[Patton Oswalt]

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[Patton Oswalt]

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[Kevin Tullio]

Credits end and balance due. If you pay off early or cancel contact us.

[Patton Oswalt]

Never tell me the odds, only the evens. Even if that even is Steven. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Maddie Wax for that catchphrase submission submitted on 721 2025. Unfortunately, Maddie, that one stinks and is not going to become the permanent catchphrase. But hey, congratulations to you, Maddie Walks. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. For another week we have an exceptional show. Let me tell you who's coming up a little later. A little later we have someone named Mumps. Huh? And that's it. All right. Well, did I say it was an exceptional show? Look, it came out. You gotta give it that. But let's get to our guests of honor here. Right off the top. First off, I'm gonna introduce you individually if that's all right with you. First off, he is a. An American standup comedian. He's saluting right now. The flag that's right outside the window. An American stand up comedian. You know him from such wonderful movies and television shows like Old School and Children's Hospital, the Comedy Bang bang television show. But most notably, he was on season 14, episode 2 of ER where he played dying patient. I just saw him the other day when I completed my ER rewatch.

[Scott Aukerman]

You did?

[Patton Oswalt]

Please welcome back to the show, Eddie Pepito.

[Kevin Tullio]

Thank you everybody. It's so good to be back on Comedy Bang Bang. Last time I was here, I remember being the diner marshal. I don't know.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, wait, that was. I thought that was a real diner marshal. That was you.

[Kevin Tullio]

Oh, I thought you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh. Has this whole show been alive?

[Kevin Tullio]

Oh my God. I didn't know this was a Santa Claus thing, but.

[Patton Oswalt]

What if the diner marshal were. Now he just took the place of Santa Claus during Christmas. It was the diner marshal coming around to your house, coming down the chimney.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes. And the Marshall. The Marshall was because we had just starting. We just started putting marshals on planes, if you remember that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, must have been long ago. It was 2000.

[Kevin Tullio]

Was that near 2001?

[Patton Oswalt]

We started the show in 2009. So not too close. Wasn't too soon. You have to give it that.

[Kevin Tullio]

Jesus.

[Patton Oswalt]

Jesus.

[Kevin Tullio]

So anyway, it's good to be back. And let me tell you about that ER episode. My biggest thrill on that was I got.

[Patton Oswalt]

This is like I've ordered a cameo from you. This is thrilling. Please continue.

[Kevin Tullio]

I. I got to work with Stanley Tucci. Who?

[Patton Oswalt]

The Tucci? Yeah. He was on season 14.

[Kevin Tullio]

Was he?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

What I thought he was on here.

[Patton Oswalt]

Talking about, oh, here. Got it.

[Kevin Tullio]

So anyway, Tucci, I did this character who was dying.

[Patton Oswalt]

Patient.

[Kevin Tullio]

Dying patient. Never dying. I was a guy who was brought in all the time because I would actually be having a hangover and I wasn't actually dying. That was the bit. And Tucci just came over to me and he goes, it's so funny. And I said, and I said, why don't you host a food show where you traipse around Italy? And he took my.

[Patton Oswalt]

And he took the traipsing part literally. Because I watched the show, I go, this guy's traipsing?

[Kevin Tullio]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

The entire time. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what a story. That's incredible. And of course, Eddie has a new stand up comedy program that is out on the. Whatever this veeps thing is. Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

Veeps.com.

[Patton Oswalt]

Veeps.Com.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes.

[Tootie Rivers]

Slash.

[Kevin Tullio]

Eddie Pepitone, if you want to see my specials. A lot of comedians, lot of bands put their stuff on this website. The great Bart Coleman is running it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes. And apparently he makes a comfortable enough living that he can go see fish approximately 364 days out of the year.

[Kevin Tullio]

Wow. I. Yeah, I don't know about that. What is it called? The Biosphere in Vegas?

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't think it's a biosphere.

[Kevin Tullio]

Oh, no, that's on Mars. Yes. The sphere.

[Patton Oswalt]

The sphere, yes.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yeah. I think you have too much time on your hands if you're seeing fish.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes.

[Kevin Tullio]

In this sphere.

[Patton Oswalt]

Even once.

[Kevin Tullio]

Maybe.

[Patton Oswalt]

The program is called and it is a special. I don't know why I'm not calling it a special. It's very special. You don't do these all the time, but it's Called the Collapse. It's out on veeps. But let's turn to our other guest and introduce him because he is the producer of said special, perhaps even executive producer. Who knows. That's right. He is the old XCP on the Collapse. He is a stand up comedy. Oh, he's an American stand up comedian and he's saluting as well. You would know him from such things as the voice of Remy and Ratatouille and he was in the movies big fan and young adult. Please welcome back to the show Patton Oswalt.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, thank you so much. The comedy bang bang community for re embracing me.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm glad the cbbc.

[Tootie Rivers]

I'm glad all the bad blood is behind us. We can start fresh on this one.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's right, you were canceled in between your last appearance and then you got uncanceled. How does someone uncancel themselves? That's amazing.

[Tootie Rivers]

Apparently you just wait long enough and.

[Patton Oswalt]

People approximately two weeks.

[Tootie Rivers]

All of our ATT spans are apparently been fried to. We, we, we all have nat brains now. It doesn't really matter what you do. I have nat Geo literally from second to second. I don't think it matters anymore.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, welcome back.

[Tootie Rivers]

I didn't mean to talk over your nat.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh no, I, I should be apologizing to you for talking over you.

[Tootie Rivers]

By the way.

[Patton Oswalt]

No, no guest has ever apologized to me before for me being annoying.

[Tootie Rivers]

I remember the episode of the Diner Marshal with Eddie Pepitone and a. A visual that I took from that is at one point he described being so depressed that he was using his gun to eat mashed potatoes of a guy with like a, like a, like a, like a snub nose just digging into a pile of mash and then eating it off the barrel and then no one in the diner even looking at him twice. Okay. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

A classic episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Go back. Go head over to cbbworld.com where you can hear all of the previous episodes ad free.

[Tootie Rivers]

And I love at Bang Bang Fest every year seeing all of the cosplay of the pistols with mashed potatoes on them. It's an enduring image.

[Patton Oswalt]

Exactly. Do you like the word cosplay because it's too close to Cosby.

[Tootie Rivers]

It is a little. When cosplay they've clearly put. Cosplay puts it up. You put your dress up like the Green Lantern, but you don't have the power to fly.

[Patton Oswalt]

The FL should be wearing a sweater.

[Tootie Rivers]

Is cosplay a Port Monto? Did they combine costume play? Oh my God.

[Patton Oswalt]

Although they didn't really shorten play. Yes. Eddie, you were going to say portmanteau.

[Kevin Tullio]

Isn't that a wine port Monte?

[Patton Oswalt]

It sounds like it should be like a portmanteau of two different wines from Portugal.

[Tootie Rivers]

Portmanteau.

[Patton Oswalt]

Ports would be the wine.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah, that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

Sorry.

[Patton Oswalt]

Guys. Welcome back to the show. It's so wonderful to have you. We're here in. It's the. The. I believe it's July, or we're in the dregs of July right now, and.

[Tootie Rivers]

We'Re the dreads of July, and we're on the cusp of the dog days.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's right. And you still made time to come back here to Comedy Bang Bang. I appreciate that. Tell me about this special. What is going on with it? The collapse. Now, is this about your prolapsed anus that I've heard so much about or exactly what from?

[Kevin Tullio]

First of all, who told you about my prolapsed anus? I want names.

[Tootie Rivers]

He prefers the term pink sock, please.

[Kevin Tullio]

No, it's about my personal collapse, which is ongoing.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's an ongoing project.

[Tootie Rivers]

It really is.

[Kevin Tullio]

It's just ongoing. And America is collapsing. And I am an American. As a matter of fact, at one point in the special, I go to the audience, I go. I am America. I am angry. I am anxious. Things like that. So that's kind of.

[Patton Oswalt]

So your. Your life essentially mirrors the decline of western civilization? Is that what you're trying to say?

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes. I don't want to be that pretentious, but yes.

[Tootie Rivers]

Don't oversell the special. I don't want to crash the site. I don't want to crash.

[Patton Oswalt]

Veebs. Oh, no. Veebs. Someone called Bardi C. We need more serv.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah, well, you got to wait for this rift to finish. That's gonna be another 17 hours at the Fish concert. Yeah, it. I don't want to speak for Eddie, but I. I love Eddie. Pepitone is one of my favorite comedians and getting to exec producers because. And this is maybe this is a little sadistic. I just am so curious to see what would happen if Eddie really did, like, blow up to a list level where Massive Broadcast Corporation Studios wanted to work with him and to see what that meltdown would look like because.

[Patton Oswalt]

Meltdown on which end? His or the corporation?

[Tootie Rivers]

No, no, the corporation. Like, it would be amazing to. Just to see them building a media empire around him, but they're building an empire around a guy who's going, this is all an illusion. They are using this to control you. Like, there's Something ultimately so black mirror about that. If you watch the special, and I pray that you do, I. I demand that you do. I don't pray. No, I'm demanding they do. It is really when that. That when you go into that riff about I am America, he truly is America on every physical, psychological, and emotional level you can be on right now. It is our country in this moment.

[Kevin Tullio]

I was ahead of the curve because I've been having a nervous breakdown in slow.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know, and meanwhile, America's is in fast motion right now.

[Kevin Tullio]

Well, yes, and so is mine, because I am accelerated.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

Well, the second Trump term, all the fashion, you know, everybody is the fashion.

[Patton Oswalt]

You were going to say fascism. Oh, okay. That's. That's really different.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

But everybody is, I think, having a nervous breakdown unless they're dead inside. And if you're dead inside, you're one of those people who are like, oh, everything's okay.

[Tootie Rivers]

The. The people. The people that are actually visibly functioning at a high level right now, those are the ones that scare me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

Those are the ones that. To me, those are the ones that are actually the people that are like Eddie and people that you see on TikTok and. And Instagram that are just screaming and yelling. Those are the sane people.

[Patton Oswalt]

At this point, I feel like I'm doing great. I'm not relating to this chunk necessarily, but.

[Tootie Rivers]

Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

I love to hear you talk. It's the cadence.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, yeah. It's fun. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And, Eddie, how long have you been working on the special? Is this. Do you put out a special a year?

[Kevin Tullio]

No, I don't.

[Patton Oswalt]

Patton. No, I don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you.

[Kevin Tullio]

Are you putting out a special year?

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, you did for a while, didn't you?

[Tootie Rivers]

For a while, Yeah, I am. I just did a thing where I taped. I filmed my latest special a few months ago. We're editing it together, and then I. Audible wanted me. Oh, Eddie's going to love to hear this. I did a thing with Audible with Amazon. Oh, he's going to be so happy.

[Patton Oswalt]

Jeff Bezos, get him on the horn.

[Kevin Tullio]

He had a great wedding if you saw it.

[Tootie Rivers]

It was fun. It was fun, but they want to do just albums, like, just the audio. So I recorded a thing at the Minetta Lane Theater, and I got a man doing a special. But it's just the audio.

[Kevin Tullio]

What about it?

[Tootie Rivers]

It's so great. You're so like, oh, my God. I'm not worried about what cameras are catching this.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. How much sweat is pouring off my body.

[Tootie Rivers]

Literally, like, what I got to Wear it. Doesn't matter.

[Kevin Tullio]

That's how the specials used to be.

[Tootie Rivers]

What I like about it. Yes. So that I feel like. Although I. Again, when you see Eddie Special, you do need to see the visual of this guy having a nervous breakdown. It is.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's happening right in front of me right now. It is horrifying.

[Kevin Tullio]

I don't stop. It's 24 7.

[Tootie Rivers]

It is like if. If Samuel Beckett did a play about Rodney Dangerfield that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, God, now I want to see that.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah, exactly. You can break this. It really is. It is. It's the. Your next special. You should film it in on a stage, but make it like the stage for Waiting for Co. That's where you are. It would be so perfect.

[Kevin Tullio]

Wow.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah. Do it that way.

[Kevin Tullio]

I like that out.

[Patton Oswalt]

I would love to see Ronnie Dangerfield in Waiting for Godot. You know how Bill and Ted are doing it on Broadway coming up?

[Tootie Rivers]

Yes, they are.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, right. And who's doing it? Bill and Ted. You know, Keanu Reeves, Ted Sarandos and.

[Tootie Rivers]

And Bill Cosby.

[Patton Oswalt]

The Best of Friends.

[Scott Aukerman]

Awesome.

[Kevin Tullio]

No, Bill. Oh, the guys who did Bill and Ted.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes, yes. I'm forgetting their name.

[Tootie Rivers]

Alex Winter.

[Kevin Tullio]

Okay.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who's the other guy, though?

[Tootie Rivers]

Alex.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

That one.

[Patton Oswalt]

That guy. Yeah, they're doing it. And then, you know, Steve Martin and Robin Williams did it on Broadway. It would be so fun to see Rodney Dangerfield and someone else do it, I guess. Eddie. Rodney and Eddie.

[Tootie Rivers]

Hey, hey.

[Patton Oswalt]

Where's this good old guy?

[Tootie Rivers]

But Waiting.

[Patton Oswalt]

We need to get Todd Glass in here. Hey, look at him.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah, but. But Beckett, I read this biography of him, and he said he wrote it as a comedy. And the best versions of that play have been with comedians. One with Bert Lahr, the one with Zero Mostel that you can see on Canopy. The. The cadences are supposed to be like comedy cadences. Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

Love it.

[Tootie Rivers]

It's basically. It's Laurel and Hardy in the post apocalypse. That's basically what it is.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

If you think about it that way.

[Patton Oswalt]

You sound smart. You had me at. I read a biography.

[Tootie Rivers]

I read a biography.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know my.

[Tootie Rivers]

Okay, here's my favorite thing about Samuel Beckett's life. When he was living in the Paris countryside, there was a kid down the street who was, like, had some kind of growth problem. He was, like, in kindergarten, first grade, too much. Like, he was already, like six something in the first grade. And he couldn't get on the school bus. So Samuel Beckett, the driver, couldn't even get on.

[Patton Oswalt]

I was driving the school bus.

[Tootie Rivers]

This kid could not get on. It was like a little bus for kids or something. He could.

[Kevin Tullio]

Can I say, I didn't think this kind of thing happened in the French countryside.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, they romantic. They romanticized so much.

[Tootie Rivers]

But Samuel Beckett would take his truck around and give this kid a ride to school every day. And that kid was Andre the Giant. Whoa. Samuel Beckett took Andre the Giant.

[Kevin Tullio]

Thank you, Sam.

[Tootie Rivers]

They're waiting for Godot. He's supposed to be coming here. I don't know why he's not here.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm gonna give Pat the edge on the impression. Yours was no doubt passable at best.

[Kevin Tullio]

But I threw it out there.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, you got the ball rolling.

[Tootie Rivers]

He walked so that I could. He walked for the last one.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's a great story. I never do something like. It's so interesting to hear stuff like that. Like, oh, Tommy Lee Jones and Al Gore were roommates in college. That's true, too. Oh, yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

There's a lot of twists to life.

[Patton Oswalt]

And then I was. I was recently reading Peter Wolf from Jay Geilsband biography, and he was David Lynch's roommate in college.

[Tootie Rivers]

What?

[Patton Oswalt]

And he wrote to congratulate him on the success of Blue Velvet. And David wrote back a very nice letter that said, you still owe me $3.36.

[Kevin Tullio]

Holy shit.

[Tootie Rivers]

And Peter Wolf's Blood ran cold.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. That's a great biography. You should read his biography. You should.

[Tootie Rivers]

Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, he's. He, like, hung out with Dylan. He like some. It's a really fascinating biography.

[Tootie Rivers]

He had a life.

[Patton Oswalt]

He really did. And speaking of a life, Eddie Pepitone, the Collapse is out on something called Veeps right now. And if you don't oversell it, what.

[Tootie Rivers]

A way to fire up excitement. Don't oversell it. I haven't seen it. Personally. I'm just trusting it's out there. I don't know.

[Patton Oswalt]

Look, the Internet is crazy. Who knows what's out there? But the collapse is out right now. And approximately how long is this special? Around 60 minutes or so. Yes, that's a good target.

[Kevin Tullio]

55 minutes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Specials could be shorter, though, now because they're on the Internet. Right? So who. Who needs them to be 60 minutes?

[Tootie Rivers]

If you're getting 10k steps a day, you'll get half your steps listening to. Listening to and watching the collapse. Yeah, and that's. That's part of the promo, by the way. Guaranteed, half your 10k steps every day.

[Patton Oswalt]

But why? Specials could come out. That could be like 46 minutes or something. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Tullio]

I guess things are Too long now, I guess. You think it's too long.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm already saying your special's too long. No notes.

[Tootie Rivers]

What, did Christopher Nolan direct this thing? Come on, bring it in. Bring close the show, champ.

[Patton Oswalt]

What number of specials is this for you?

[Kevin Tullio]

This is the third one I've had filmed. So three on film, one on an album. That one on the album I'm very proud of. Mostly improvised, which is what I would like to do on my next special.

[Patton Oswalt]

Do an improvised special.

[Kevin Tullio]

I don't know that I've ever seen Scoville kind of.

[Tootie Rivers]

Scoville, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

But I'm thinking of having the guy who films me, Steve Fine Arts, who's now great.

[Patton Oswalt]

He did the documentary on you.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes. And Marin recently.

[Tootie Rivers]

He's a terrific filmmaker.

[Kevin Tullio]

He is. And we've been talking about him just following me, like, just renting out some place for like a month and him filming for. Because I, I love riffing. And whenever I have to do a special, I feel so tied to these bits. And I, I, I don't know about you, Patton, but I'm one of these comedians who, after I do a bit for more than a year, I'm like, jesus Christ.

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, you're also, at that point, you're in acting territory. Yeah. Okay. I've got a.

[Patton Oswalt]

Generate the excitement at this point in the joke. I act surprised as if I just thought about this. Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

Like, I broke. Like, a lot of comedians do this. I broke up with my girlfriend a few years ago, but no, I just broke up with my girlfriend. They say, a few years ago. Beat a few years ago.

[Patton Oswalt]

I would like a comedian, though, to be more transparent about it. Like, I broke up with my girlfriend a few years ago. I plowed through 10 women since. But that one made me think of this joke.

[Tootie Rivers]

But this, yeah, the one that I broke up with a few years ago ago has this joke tied to her. So we're doing that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes.

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, there's nothing more frustrating. And this just happened to me. When you record a special and then a week later you're on the road, you're doing a show, and you think of a better way to do a bit that you have just, just committed.

[Patton Oswalt]

That happens the minute we stop this program every week. Oh, why did I say this? You know, it be fun to do a special where you're talking about jokes based on people, actual people. Like, I broke up with my girlfriend. And then to get a rebuttal or rebuttals from them where they, they give the other side of the story. And then you edit those in.

[Kevin Tullio]

I don't know if that would, you know, that wouldn't focus as much on me.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, interesting.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, that's.

[Kevin Tullio]

Rebuttals take up a lot.

[Tootie Rivers]

I hadn't thought about that. That's interesting. Maybe just bonus materials if you want to go see the rebuttals.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just Eddie's exes complaining about him saying, oh, he said, what about me? Oh, okay. Let me tell you something.

[Tootie Rivers]

It'd be really funny, though, if one of the exos was so zen about it going first off. No, that's not how it happened. I see why he changed, though. It is a better bit. Like, I respect the craftsmanship of it. Listen, if it, if it made you happy listening to it, fine. I threw an ashtray at his head. I don't really throw stuff, but fine, I see what he's, what he's going for.

[Kevin Tullio]

And then I would have final say going something like, your life is fodder for my specials.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, the collapse is out right now on Veeps. We have. If you're one of those credit heads, stick around till the end because you'll see Patton's name on this. What else did you do as executive producer? Did you watch the special first and give any notes? Is this a purely ceremonial credit?

[Tootie Rivers]

What?

[Patton Oswalt]

What? What?

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, I mean, I help to definitely help with the promotion and the getting the word out. I mean, I watched.

[Patton Oswalt]

So you came on this show.

[Tootie Rivers]

I, I get you a credit.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm hosting the show. I want to credit.

[Tootie Rivers]

I've done other things. I did other. Wasn't just that. Listen, if I do one comedy, bang bang, you give me that exact producer credit. All right. What kind of gonna do this?

[Patton Oswalt]

Shady backroom deals are going on in the booking process of this show.

[Kevin Tullio]

I have 35 EPS on this.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just my last 30.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah. Anyone who hung up a flyer. No, I mean, I, I, I watch.

[Patton Oswalt]

And you're a huge fan of Eddie. You've been, you've been one of his biggest supporters over the years. So it's almost like you've been an executive producer of his life and career.

[Tootie Rivers]

I've been. You know what? I've been an executive producer of a stage of his life. You. Come on.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes.

[Tootie Rivers]

You work with different entities. Early on, you know, he was working with different alcohol and drug companies. Then he moved on.

[Patton Oswalt]

You developed Ozempic, didn't you? You, you figured out the formula for that, I think.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yeah, I stumbled upon it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right. It was a sort of like Marie Curie kind of situation.

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, he fell stomach first on a.

[Patton Oswalt]

Needle weirdly and said, hey, what if I put something in this?

[Tootie Rivers]

Wait a minute.

[Kevin Tullio]

I started losing weight.

[Tootie Rivers]

What?

[Patton Oswalt]

Just the needle punctured you and you were losing blood. Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah. Slimming down.

[Patton Oswalt]

Interesting.

[Tootie Rivers]

Look out, Summer.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, the collapse is out now on this, this little website called fix.com. anytime you watch a special, you imagine Bart Colman's eyes lighting up with a big dollar sign. Oh, I can buy another fish ticket. It's out right now. The collapse. I can't wait to see it. Eddie, you're one of my favorites. Can you guys stick around? Because we have to take a break here. But we have someone named Mumps coming up at some point.

[Tootie Rivers]

I'm not leaving. I have to know what that is.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, great. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're gonna have more with Eddie Pepitone, more Patton Oswalt. We'll be right back with more comedy Bang bang after this.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

This summer, buckle up for a wild.

[Patton Oswalt]

Ride with the pickup where the plan.

[Kevin Tullio]

Goes sideways and the laughs hit hard. Streaming August 6th on Prime Video. Eddie Murphy and Pete Davidson star as Russell and Travis, two armored truck drivers.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who think they're on a basic cash.

[Kevin Tullio]

Run until everything goes off the rails.

[Patton Oswalt]

They get ambushed by a crew of.

[Kevin Tullio]

Ruthless criminals led by mastermind Zoey, played by the one and only Keke Palmer. Now Russell and Travis have to survive the chaos, clash with each other, and somehow make it through one very bad.

[Patton Oswalt]

Day that just keeps getting worse.

[Kevin Tullio]

Directed by Tim Storey, the pickup is.

[Patton Oswalt]

Packed with action comedy and a cast that delivers every single time.

[Kevin Tullio]

Think car chases, big laughs and even bigger personality movies. If you love a high stakes mess.

[Patton Oswalt]

With wild energy, this is the movie.

[Kevin Tullio]

You don't want to miss. Watch the pickup only on Prime Video August 6th introducing Family Freedom from T Mobile. We'll pay off four phones up to.

[Patton Oswalt]

3, 200 and give you four free.

[Kevin Tullio]

Phones all on America's largest 5G network. Visit T Mobile.com FamilyFreedom.

[Patton Oswalt]

Up to 800 per line via virtual prepaid card to.

[Kevin Tullio]

Typically takes 15 days.

[Patton Oswalt]

Free phone via 24 monthly bill credits.

[Kevin Tullio]

With finance agreement example Apple iPhone 16128 gigs 829.99 eligible trade in example iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due. If you pay off earlier, cancel contact us. Adam Pally here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who you may know as the hosts of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die.

[Kevin Tullio]

Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, Staying Alive.

[Patton Oswalt]

We'll have guests like our friend, actor.

[Kevin Tullio]

Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Steven Radowitz, Paul Scheer, Ego Wodom, Gillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle. Staying alive with John Gabris. And Adam Pali is out right now.

[Patton Oswalt]

Get them a week early and ad.

[Kevin Tullio]

Free with Sirius XM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Patton Oswalt]

Comedy Bang Bang. We are back and we have Eddie Pepitone here and Patton Oswalt. And during the break, I mentioned tmz and that reminded me of something. Patton, you were on the 30 mile zone website just the other day. What? Talking at, at some airport or something. They, they ambush you with a question about if they were to make a live action Ratatouille movie, would you do the voice for it? Or something like that.

[Tootie Rivers]

They use that for. I, I had just come off a plane from London.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, cheerio.

[Tootie Rivers]

And so.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hello.

[Tootie Rivers]

Hello, Governor.

[Patton Oswalt]

Like Madonna, you were talking like that.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yes, exactly.

[Patton Oswalt]

These are references that are very.

[Tootie Rivers]

Wow. That was tmz. Okay. Some guy was just, he had a video camera. He was like, hey, talk to anyone.

[Patton Oswalt]

With a video camera.

[Tootie Rivers]

He's nice enough. Why not? But he was asking, like, if they're doing all these live action Disney movies, would you do a live action Ratatouille? I'm like, yeah, sure. I, I, I.

[Patton Oswalt]

Something about the rat element, like in real life, you know, he's cute in.

[Tootie Rivers]

The movie, but yeah, exactly. I don't know if they could pull.

[Patton Oswalt]

That off if it was a Lion King style.

[Tootie Rivers]

I either get asked, would you do the live action or would you? Because there was also, there was a false story that went around a few weeks ago about Ratatouille 2 in the works.

[Patton Oswalt]

Ratatouille. Ratatouille with the rat holding up two fingers or two.

[Tootie Rivers]

Ra Tutui and Hobson Shaw presents. And I do. And I just said, look, I mean, I haven't heard anything about it and I'll probably be the last to hear about it. If Brad Bird comes up with the story that he likes, they'll do a sequel. But he's not in a rush to get a sequel out.

[Patton Oswalt]

Weird that a guy named Bird made a movie about a rat. It is a little like, it's strange, right? He's a weird guy. Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

A rat, a robot. It's. Come on.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. It's like, come on, just make a movie about a bird. That's what we want.

[Tootie Rivers]

It is a little weird.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

And then John Ratzenberger, who's a voice in all of the Pixar movies, doesn't voice a rat in Ratatouille.

[Patton Oswalt]

Strange stuff.

[Tootie Rivers]

I don't know what's going on.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, I don't know what's happening here with Pixar over there.

[Tootie Rivers]

We're through the looking glass right now, people.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. But in any case, the collapse is out on Veeps. Of course. Right now.

[Kevin Tullio]

In any case.

[Tootie Rivers]

In any case.

[Patton Oswalt]

And.

[Tootie Rivers]

Wow, is there. Is there a better hype man than Scott Offerman?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, I know, but. Wait, what's this? Sorry, did you. Are you guys. Is your phone going off? Patton? Mine is off.

[Tootie Rivers]

Hang on. Mine's off.

[Patton Oswalt]

Mine's off, too. But, Eddie, this must be.

[Scott Aukerman]

I smell doo doo. Do y' all smell that? I smell doo doo.

[Patton Oswalt]

What is this?

[Scott Aukerman]

I smell doo doo. Do y' all smell that? Yo, take that toilet paper. Wipe the front to the back. I smell doodle dooo. Do y' all smell that? I smell dooo.

[Patton Oswalt]

Do y' all smell that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I smell dooo.

[Patton Oswalt]

Do y' all smell that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yo, take that toilet paper, wipe from front to the back.

[Patton Oswalt]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Scotty Alaman.

[Patton Oswalt]

What? Sorry, who. Who are you, sir? What was that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you don't remember me?

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't remember you at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't remember me, Scott?

[Patton Oswalt]

Sorry, who are you, sir?

[Scott Aukerman]

I. Oh, it's your old pal, or shall I say Nemesis, Tootie Rivers.

[Patton Oswalt]

Tootie Rivers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do y' all smell that? Scotty? Alan got so scared. He doesn't do it on himself.

[Patton Oswalt]

What? No. What. What do you. Wait, I. Have I ever met you before? I'm so sorry. 2D. Who?

[Scott Aukerman]

1984, Fulton County Stadium, Atlanta, Georgia. We wrestled, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, when I was in the wrestling. The. I mean, the www.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wrestling. Wrestling. Wrestling.

[Tootie Rivers]

Thought wrestling was an r. Yeah, the three Rs.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who is that?

[Patton Oswalt]

Right. And wrestling. This is Patton Oswald.

[Scott Aukerman]

Patton Oswald?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

From the King of Queens.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you may be from the King of Queens, but I'm the King of Georgia. You better watch your pants, Patty eyes, Walt.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, Patton, you.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm sorry, you're a wrestler or something?

[Scott Aukerman]

Give me this microphone.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, you have. It's right in front of you. You walked, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me tell you, I have walked through the Dovas of Delaware. I have walked through the Memphis's of Tennessee.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's only one, I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I have walked through every single San Antonio of Texas to find you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I come to knock them Wabby Parkers off. Your eyes, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Look, I didn't appreciate that we like to. Your Name's Tootie, by the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

You. Oh, you. Don't I remember me.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't remember. You walked. Tootie walked right in. He knocks my glasses off my. My head and then started playing this song. What is that song?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's my theme music, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

Theme music.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, Because I smell doo doo, Scott, and it's coming from that chair you sit your ass in.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's no doo doo, sir. I don't know what kind of chair.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that, how much it costs. Scott, you live in this big, old, nice mansion with dragons and moats.

[Patton Oswalt]

To be honest, I never checked the price on the chair. It could have been $50. It could have been a million.

[Scott Aukerman]

I had to fight alligators. I had to fight crocodiles.

[Patton Oswalt]

You got to fight alligators.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got to come in here and tell you that. I'm not going nowhere, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm back in your life.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't even know.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I'm back in your ass.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't know. We've never met before. I don't think. 1984 in Atlanta. What?

[Scott Aukerman]

The County Stadium.

[Patton Oswalt]

Fulton County Stadium. Where and you and I wrestled.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you don't remember the www. Wrestling. Wrestling. Wrestling.

[Tootie Rivers]

Again, I think it's spelled with. It's spelled with an R. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who is that talking right there again? That's Patton Oswald.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ah. From Ratatouille.

[Patton Oswalt]

Ratatouille. Yeah. Yeah. He's very concerned with things that start with ours.

[Kevin Tullio]

Tootie. Was that during the Olympics? Richard Jewell had his moment in the sun.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, Brother Pepper tone. That was 1996.

[Tootie Rivers]

Ah.

[Patton Oswalt]

12 years off.

[Scott Aukerman]

12 years a wrestler.

[Patton Oswalt]

Eddie considers everything pre Richard Jewel and post Richard Jewel. So it's good to put this into.

[Scott Aukerman]

This was pre Richard Jewel.

[Tootie Rivers]

I hate to interrupt. Is that your entrance music? When you enter the ring, is that what you walk into?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, that's absolutely right. Patty Owl's wall.

[Patton Oswalt]

And what's it about? It's about people smelling doo doo.

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, no, it's about him smelling doodoo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I scare the out of people.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh.

[Kevin Tullio]

Now I got it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. So when. When you enter the ring, your opponent or maybe even the crowd members, Everybody.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the crowd diarrheas at one time.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't think I would want to go to this county stadium.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't remember?

[Patton Oswalt]

I. I don't.

[Tootie Rivers]

I think he would have.

[Patton Oswalt]

I would have remembered that if a.

[Tootie Rivers]

Whole stadium would have.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't even think I was born.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I knocked him out so hard. I knocked him out so hard. I knocked each and every Tooth out his mouth.

[Patton Oswalt]

I definitely don't remember this, but, I mean, it could have been such a difficult, hard knockout that I got amnesia.

[Scott Aukerman]

All of Mississippi's rivers. I have crossed all the lakes in Erie, Pennsylvania.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

To find you, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, here I am. I mean, I've been here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Knock them Madewell jeans off your ass.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, no, you're not gonna be knocking any.

[Tootie Rivers]

Sorry if. Again, I don't want to interrupt. If you knocked Scott out so quickly in this match, you clearly defeated him. So what?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because they gave him the title.

[Patton Oswalt]

Why?

[Tootie Rivers]

Whoa, whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

He don't even remember.

[Tootie Rivers]

I'm kind of on 2D side on this. If that's what happened.

[Scott Aukerman]

They cheated me.

[Tootie Rivers]

How? What did they do?

[Scott Aukerman]

Gave him the title. Why? Oh, I don't know why?

[Patton Oswalt]

Seems like if this is such a big deal, you'd know why. Because I certainly did.

[Tootie Rivers]

I can. May. I guess. I mean, if. If he caused a stadium full of people to defecate.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, maybe there was.

[Scott Aukerman]

I immediately was disqualified due to defecation by audience.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. I am.

[Tootie Rivers]

Is this something that happens at all? It feels like a thing that might happen in a lot of matches. Are you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have wrestled Scott Aman about 14 times.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, my goodness.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you like me to name all of the videos?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, please.

[Tootie Rivers]

Okay.

[Patton Oswalt]

1984, Fulton County.

[Scott Aukerman]

98 for Fulton County Stadium. 1986, the Omni in Milwaukee.

[Patton Oswalt]

The hotel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. In the ballroom. 1988.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. We're on a two year cycle then.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Sheraton in Dover, Delaware.

[Tootie Rivers]

Okay, well, hang on. I think. I bet that's a small. Where? Where?

[Kevin Tullio]

Very small.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, it seems like we're going downhill.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right next to the continental breakfast.

[Tootie Rivers]

That is not where you want to make people lose balance.

[Patton Oswalt]

What happened in 1990?

[Scott Aukerman]

I burned you on the waffle machine. 1990, I took a break.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, it sounds like you did on 1989 as well. Yeah, and in 1985 and 1987.

[Tootie Rivers]

But what happened in 92?

[Scott Aukerman]

1992, I went to Barcelona for the Olympics.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just to watch.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, then in 94.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love sports. I love sports and patriotism for each country.

[Tootie Rivers]

Now, when you. If you just go to a match to watch it, if you attend a sporting. You don't play that music when you enter to find your seat. Or do you?

[Scott Aukerman]

Every single goddamn time. Pat Alice, Walk. I do it for the people. I do it for the people who out there who've been cheated in their life like me. I do it for the people who are suffering like me.

[Patton Oswalt]

So you've won zero matches because Anytime you walk into a match, everyone diarrheas themselves. You get disqualified. Why? Why are you still in?

[Scott Aukerman]

I came on this hip program to get those rules changed after 41 years.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. I don't know. Do you do this when you walk into other places, like movie theaters and stuff?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, not unless I'm wrestling somebody.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay.

[Kevin Tullio]

Are you a spokesperson for a modium?

[Scott Aukerman]

I should be.

[Patton Oswalt]

Eddie's putting together deals. He should be. Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

That would.

[Scott Aukerman]

You should be my manager, Mr. Pepper. I'll do it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, that was the quickest yes I think I've ever heard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I only have 5% to give. Perhaps 7. Perhaps 7.

[Kevin Tullio]

Right.

[Patton Oswalt]

We'll talk. Yeah. These.

[Kevin Tullio]

Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm not quite sure. He seems like a handful.

[Kevin Tullio]

I'd like to do it over. Zoom. No, I don't want any complications.

[Tootie Rivers]

So you've just stuck strictly to wrestling? Or have you tried to cross over in MMA or anything like that? Or it's just wrestling for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just wrestling for me.

[Tootie Rivers]

Okay, I'm sorry. Wrestling.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wrestling. The people sport.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. So no. What's the difference between wrestling and mma? Just kicking. Is that a lot of things? I have no idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't have time to describe that to you.

[Patton Oswalt]

But you don't like kicking or whatever the differences are.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll kick if I need to. It's like, I'll kick that American Appel shirt off your chest right now.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, you've described inaccurately everything I'm wearing right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

What brand shirt is that?

[Tootie Rivers]

I.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's a T shirt.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's got a thin collar, so I know it's expensive.

[Patton Oswalt]

I think I got it at Target, whatever their brand is. Good reads, good read, Good reads, good reads, good reads.

[Tootie Rivers]

I didn't know they're making T shirts now.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's something.

[Tootie Rivers]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Last time I went to Target, it was Massimo.

[Patton Oswalt]

Massimo. Oh, Massimo. What's his last name? Never mind. So look, I, I, I, I don't remember these.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Scott, I'm on you. I'm on you. I'm not going nowhere, Scott. I'm right here with you, Scotty. Oh, and you, Patty Oswald.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Eddie Peps.

[Patton Oswalt]

I, I, I, my manager. I mean, you're always welcome here. It is an an open door policy here on Comedy Bang Bang.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's gonna be an open door, Scott. When I open up the door to your soul.

[Patton Oswalt]

That actually sounds nice. That doesn't sound really threatening.

[Scott Aukerman]

It will be painful.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because it would be a real soul and I have to go through your chest. So I have to go through your Goodreads T shirt and your Fruit of the Loom A shirt under there.

[Patton Oswalt]

My audible jockstrap. Your audible dot com jockstrap, and my Veeps dot com.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your veeps dot com comedy special.

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, you're very. I gotta say, you're an older man. Yes. You're not that intimidating. You did slap my glasses off my head. And you were right about the brand, but that was good. But you. You are. I mean, you're kind of hunched over. You're kind of old and withered. You're not incredibly intimidating.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm still very strong. I may be old and withered, but I'm still spry on the inside.

[Patton Oswalt]

What's the biggest thing you think you could pick up right now?

[Scott Aukerman]

Right now? This whole house.

[Tootie Rivers]

Wow. So he's old and withered, but he's old and with it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

How would you like to be my manager, Mr. Patty?

[Patton Oswalt]

Wait, wait, wait. What percentage do you have to give?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I only have four to six to give.

[Patton Oswalt]

Four to six? Oh, okay. That's very different.

[Kevin Tullio]

So we're done.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I'm still giving you five to seven.

[Tootie Rivers]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait a minute. This is sounding like a bad deal for me.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yeah, that's right.

[Patton Oswalt]

You're like Dean Martin who gave away 110% of his income to all of his managers.

[Tootie Rivers]

Is that right?

[Scott Aukerman]

You'll get.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, God, you totally.

[Scott Aukerman]

I Met Dean Martin 1974.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

At the Riviera Hotel.

[Patton Oswalt]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

In Las Vegas, Nevada.

[Tootie Rivers]

That.

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, that's where you would meet him.

[Tootie Rivers]

That is.

[Patton Oswalt]

What was that like? What. What was the meeting like?

[Scott Aukerman]

I told him I was gonna get Scotty Ox if it was the last thing I did.

[Tootie Rivers]

Were you born yet, Scott?

[Patton Oswalt]

No. I mean, I was. I was born in 96.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, don't lie about your age. That is unbelievable.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who are you? Emf.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. That's right, I am.

[Patton Oswalt]

Wait, I don't know about them. I'm too young.

[Scott Aukerman]

Emf.

[Patton Oswalt]

Every believe it's ecstasy, motherfuckers. But anyway, all right, look, Tudy. I. I don't remember you. I.

[Scott Aukerman]

You continue on with your program, I'm gonna be here the whole time.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, great. We. Can we get to our next guest?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that our microphone? Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's right in front of you.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah, you don't need to grab it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Let's get to our next guest then. Let's see. I mentioned someone named Mumps is on the show. This is very exciting. Please welcome Mumps.

[Mumps]

Hey, Scott. It's really good to finally meet you in person.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hi. Yeah. I mean, look, I love meeting our guests. So wonderful to meet you. Mumps. This is Patton. This is Eddie.

[Mumps]

Oh, I know.

[Patton Oswalt]

This is a man named Tooty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And his catchphrase. Yah.

[Tootie Rivers]

I guess he's happy to hear his name.

[Mumps]

Scott, I don't want you to be distracted by these men here.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, okay. I'll focus on you. This is your segment to shine. Yeah. What are you here to talk about? About Mumps. What an unusual name.

[Mumps]

Mumps, is it?

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, I mean, it's usually. It's an affliction.

[Mumps]

Oh, I know. That's how I died.

[Patton Oswalt]

You what now?

[Mumps]

Scott, I am your guardian angel. I'm here to tell you something bad's gonna happen to you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, my guardian angel? Really? I've heard about these things. Patton, have you heard about these. These guardian angels?

[Tootie Rivers]

I've heard about a. I've heard about guardian angels. I. I thought. Thought that they were just angelic being. I didn't know that they were someone who dies and then becomes a garden.

[Mumps]

Where do you think all these people, these angelic beings come from? There's not unlimited resources up there.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, I thought. I thought it was.

[Patton Oswalt]

So when you get to. When you get to heaven, you have to change your name to whatever you died of.

[Mumps]

Of course.

[Patton Oswalt]

So Clarence and It's a Wonderful Life.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah. What did he die of?

[Patton Oswalt]

Clarence?

[Mumps]

Clarence.

[Kevin Tullio]

He was.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, a clearance sale.

[Mumps]

He was a clean.

[Patton Oswalt]

He died on Black Friday. He got stamped.

[Mumps]

He got. Got his head smushed.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, my God.

[Mumps]

He got his head smushed between Timberlands. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you here to tell Scott that I'm going to knock the Ross Dress for Less socks off his feet?

[Patton Oswalt]

Listen, not too far off.

[Mumps]

I don't. I don't often know until the moment it's about to happen. Scott, you don't realize I've saved you a lot and I've never gotten a thank you.

[Patton Oswalt]

What? Like what. What are the examples of times you've saved me in my life?

[Mumps]

How about you want today?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. I don't remember anything happening today.

[Mumps]

Okay, you're welcome. You're literally welcome. Because nothing did happen today.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, well, I mean, what was gonna happen?

[Mumps]

Okay, so you woke up okay. You slipped right out of bed, fell on your head that I left because it was funny.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, I would prefer that. Actually kind of hurt. I would prefer maybe you saved me from stuff like that.

[Mumps]

You need that stuff to keep you in check. Everything went perfect. I don't think you'd're not going to be.

[Patton Oswalt]

I would just be walking into the street with.

[Mumps]

Exactly. It's like how you should know a stove is hot.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, you know, so you didn't save me from that.

[Mumps]

I didn't save you from that because it was funny. So you slipped out of bed and you fell and you hit your head. As you were about to walk into the shower, there was a guy behind there.

[Patton Oswalt]

Behind. Behind where?

[Mumps]

Behind there?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, behind the shower.

[Mumps]

In your walls. You have a guy in your walls?

[Patton Oswalt]

I have a guy. I have a guy. Like a Bad Ronald style guy in my walls.

[Mumps]

Who is Bad Ronald?

[Patton Oswalt]

It's a movie that. I'm.

[Mumps]

Scott. I know your age. I've been with you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hey, come on, moms, play it cool.

[Mumps]

I have your birth certificate.

[Patton Oswalt]

What are you doing?

[Mumps]

I have your birth certificate. I have to carry this around. Scott, give me that so I can.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rip it up, make sure Scotty Alt never existed.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, no.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm gonna be deported. Or wait, you think ripping up a birth certificate means that? Yeah. Wait, I didn't ever existed?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, it means you get deported.

[Mumps]

Scott, there was a guy behind your shower today.

[Tootie Rivers]

Guy.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, so what did you do to stop the guy in my.

[Kevin Tullio]

You said I wasn't a contractor.

[Patton Oswalt]

It'd be very strange if I contract.

[Mumps]

I pray to God you hire your contractors and you don't let them live in your walls and come out.

[Tootie Rivers]

What?

[Mumps]

You know, when they see an issue.

[Patton Oswalt]

This guy was what? He was going to jump into the shower with me and. And murder me or what? What was going to happen?

[Mumps]

That's your fantasy, not mine.

[Scott Aukerman]

I should have thought of that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Instead of coming on the program.

[Mumps]

He was slowly increasing the temperature of your water every single day, so that one day when you took a shower, you'd be boiled alive and you never realized it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, my God. That sounds like a terrible way to die.

[Mumps]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And you saved me from this. How did you. What? What'd you do?

[Mumps]

I squished him.

[Patton Oswalt]

You squished you what?

[Mumps]

Squished him. I squished him.

[Tootie Rivers]

You killed.

[Patton Oswalt]

You killed this guy?

[Mumps]

I squished him. He's in your wall, but he's gone. All right, Scott, that's just one of the things I did for you today.

[Patton Oswalt]

I. I always thought a guardian angel saved you. Like sort of gently pulled you back when you're about to walk in front of a bus or.

[Mumps]

You know, that's a stereotype.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, sorry, mumps. I. So you just. You killed someone who was gonna murder me.

[Mumps]

He's gonna murder you really slowly over Time. And I killed him.

[Kevin Tullio]

Well, can I ask you a question about the logistics?

[Tootie Rivers]

And I have a follow up. Yeah, but go ahead.

[Scott Aukerman]

I do have a question.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes, I think we all do. About the hot water. Now, if it's incrementally going up, what about the shower right before him burning up? Isn't he gonna be. Have a lot of burns from it? That's where my head goes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Like logically, like it's not a binary thing. Like, you know, a shower is safe and shower burns.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes, exactly.

[Mumps]

Yeah, you'd think that, wouldn't you?

[Patton Oswalt]

But you'd be a fucking idiot. You'd be a fucking idiot.

[Mumps]

You'd be a idiot.

[Tootie Rivers]

All right.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay.

[Mumps]

You'd be a fucking.

[Kevin Tullio]

That's all I wanted.

[Mumps]

Do you know how strong the human skin is?

[Tootie Rivers]

No.

[Mumps]

Test it. Test it now.

[Kevin Tullio]

Ow.

[Patton Oswalt]

You just pinched yourself, Eddie.

[Kevin Tullio]

I know. I don't know how else to test.

[Mumps]

You might have weak skin. Most people, including Scott, have very strong skin. So it takes a long time if you. You can accustom yourself to burn burns. As someone who died of mumps, I know this.

[Patton Oswalt]

When did you die of mumps?

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah, when did you die of mumps?

[Patton Oswalt]

Or ma'?

[Tootie Rivers]

Am?

[Patton Oswalt]

Excuse me, sir, or ma'? Am? I don't. I don't know your pronouns yet.

[Mumps]

And I'm not gonna tell you. I died of mumps in 1921. So I missed the Great Depression, which kind of sucked.

[Tootie Rivers]

And it sucks that you missed the.

[Patton Oswalt]

Great Depression or just the depression sucked in general?

[Mumps]

I. I wish I was there.

[Tootie Rivers]

Huh.

[Mumps]

Because it's like. It's like these big moments in history and you died just before it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, I know.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yes.

[Mumps]

Doesn't that. That doesn't bum you out?

[Tootie Rivers]

I mean, I just kind of missing.

[Patton Oswalt]

That kind of hope. I die before the apocalypse. Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

I'm hoping I die soon.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can help with all of that.

[Mumps]

You don't want to see how you would react.

[Tootie Rivers]

I. I know I'd react badly.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. I've been around some tragedies and I see how I react. And yeah, I. I prefer you react.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like a yellow belly cow.

[Patton Oswalt]

Come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your skin is strong because it's yellow. I tell you how you act in the face of tragedy. You lay there and take the win when it's not yours. But tonight I'm coming back.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm not doing shit with you tonight.

[Tootie Rivers]

I'm sorry.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

You're. You're saying this. This person in Scott's wall was incrementally increasing the temperature of the shower to boil him alive.

[Mumps]

Correct.

[Tootie Rivers]

How Long had this person been doing it before you intervened?

[Mumps]

I can only intervene. It's like a therapist, right? If you go to your therapist every day and you're like, I'm kind of to kill myself, really do anything until you stop saying kinda, I don't think. And then they have to. They have to be like, we gotta tie you out back.

[Tootie Rivers]

So they get on the phone and go, okay, he stopped saying kinda. Send somebody.

[Patton Oswalt]

So you've been following me around to my therapist as well? Is that what you're trying to say?

[Mumps]

Every day this man walks in and goes, well, I'm kind of going to kill myself today.

[Kevin Tullio]

Who goes to a therapist daily?

[Patton Oswalt]

What therapist would take on clients daily?

[Tootie Rivers]

But you. You let this person incrementally increase the temperature.

[Mumps]

I had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Tootie Rivers]

Maybe he would.

[Mumps]

Maybe he's gonna stop. Right. Because I can't control fate. Patent. Like, there's a lot of stuff happening to you. I see your guardian angel kind of playing and being like, let's see if it'll happen. Let's see if it. I need to intervene.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah. Wait, where is my guardian angel right now?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, where's. Where's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where the.

[Kevin Tullio]

Is my guardian angel?

[Tootie Rivers]

I mean.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, where's beheading?

[Tootie Rivers]

Is there a network of. Of. Of guardian angels?

[Mumps]

Absolutely. You only come to Earth when something really dire is going to happen. So I came to Earth this morning when that guy was going to kill you.

[Patton Oswalt]

So you've been hanging out up in heaven or wherever?

[Mumps]

I'm hanging out mostly because most of the stuff I can kind of do from afar, you know, remote working. It happened in Covid and stuff. Yeah, we have Zoom and stuff up there. So I've been doing stuff. Yeah. Zoom is an incredible telecommunication program. Yeah, it costs like $30 a month.

[Kevin Tullio]

What about Google Workplace?

[Mumps]

I don't like Google Workplace.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's a little buggy Skype, you know, just went out of business.

[Tootie Rivers]

It did.

[Mumps]

So sad. It's so arbitrary. Right?

[Tootie Rivers]

Okay, guys, we're kind of in the weeds right now. Can we get back?

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. Am I your first client? You.

[Mumps]

You're my first client.

[Patton Oswalt]

What were you doing in between 1922 and 1996 when I was born?

[Mumps]

Okay, Scott, I have your birth certificate.

[Patton Oswalt]

Shut the up, moms. Come on, man.

[Mumps]

Kids, listen, I know where you were.

[Patton Oswalt]

They want to think I'm cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you know about 1984 at the Fulton County Stadium? Were you there to protect him?

[Mumps]

I may have been.

[Scott Aukerman]

Question number two.

[Patton Oswalt]

You don't have to number your questions, Tootie, you can just ask whatever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that squishy man's body still in Scott's wall? And would it start to stink?

[Mumps]

That squished man's body is in your wall. But you don't have to worry about that because it's your shower, so that's the place.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, it gets it cleaned.

[Mumps]

Well, yeah. It's gonna be the least. If it was like behind your bed, I would have. You know, you would have probably seen me this morning. Hanging out, taking the trash bag, moving that guy out.

[Patton Oswalt]

So you do clean up. If it's really gonna stink, it's bad.

[Mumps]

But if it's in the shower, it's like, do you need to wash your bar of soap?

[Scott Aukerman]

If he's getting water in the walls of his bathroom, he will develop mold.

[Tootie Rivers]

That is true.

[Patton Oswalt]

I think you're wrong on the science on this. I think the shower is the cleanest place in the house.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll tell you what I'm wrong about, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

What's that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm wrong that I should have got here weeks ago before this squished man was in your walls. And I should have hid in your walls and smacked you on the ass when you getting out the shower.

[Tootie Rivers]

But then you would have been squished. It sounds like monster is very productive.

[Mumps]

I would have done.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd like to see you try.

[Mumps]

You think you're so strong, Judy.

[Scott Aukerman]

This weekend.

[Mumps]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

At the Sheraton.

[Mumps]

You want to fight me the rapids.

[Scott Aukerman]

I will.

[Tootie Rivers]

Are you challenging an angel to a fight?

[Scott Aukerman]

I challenge the angel. I challenge the devil. I challenge a dog and a cat.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, this didn't work out too well for Jacob Famous. Jacob wrestled the angel. Yeah, exactly.

[Mumps]

Do you ever wonder why your life is so hard?

[Scott Aukerman]

Please tell me, because I've been wondering since 84 Fulton County Stadium.

[Mumps]

Your guardian angel is pissed.

[Scott Aukerman]

At who? At you. Me.

[Mumps]

He's pissed at you, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have a second question.

[Mumps]

What?

[Tootie Rivers]

Why wait? Can you be assigned to guard someone that you don't like?

[Mumps]

Absolutely.

[Tootie Rivers]

How does that happen?

[Mumps]

You ever be in a group project with someone you think stinks?

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, yeah. That's true. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's a good point. I mean, as comedians were mainly solitary performers, right?

[Tootie Rivers]

Why do I got to prop this other.

[Patton Oswalt]

But then patent executive produced.

[Mumps]

Okay, this is a perfect example. Your Guardian Angel. Okay. CH2. Second person dive color.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sounds hot.

[Patton Oswalt]

Second person recolor too.

[Tootie Rivers]

Wow.

[Kevin Tullio]

Wow.

[Mumps]

Color. 2, 2.

[Patton Oswalt]

Rat. 2, 2.

[Mumps]

He's kind of is executive producing your life, right. But thinks he stinks. Imagine, let's say I'm sure your work is so amazing. I haven't seen it. I don't have beeps. Beeps is very expensive.

[Patton Oswalt]

Or it could be cheap. We have no idea what this thing is.

[Tootie Rivers]

Very reasonable.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

We have $12, please.

[Kevin Tullio]

See? My God.

[Mumps]

And I'm sure you're really funny, but let's say you hated his work. Wouldn't it be tough to executive produce? Wouldn't you almost want it to fail?

[Tootie Rivers]

Wouldn't I pass on exec producing it?

[Patton Oswalt]

But you can't pass because it was an assignment that. What if God, one of our Hollywood ambassadors like Sly Stallone and Mel John Voight assigns no to any of them.

[Mumps]

So my John Voight. Voight assign me to Scott.

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, you're John.

[Patton Oswalt]

You like me.

[Tootie Rivers]

God.

[Mumps]

My John void is God. And I like you. I think you're. You're trying.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, well, that's. I mean, that's the most ending of this.

[Tootie Rivers]

I don't think she hates. Well, sorry. He shelling mumps does sound a little exasperated with you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right? But Cholera just hates Tootie Openly hate color too.

[Mumps]

Thinks you stink.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't stink. I'll tell you who stinks.

[Patton Oswalt]

Things.

[Mumps]

Everybody around you because they're.

[Patton Oswalt]

Because of the diarrhea. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

When I knock the common projects off his feet.

[Mumps]

Listen, listen, T. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. We got Cheers up up there, you know, Cheers. Yeah. We got our own bar. We. Cheers.

[Patton Oswalt]

Do you have your own nor. I mean, George Wentz, of course, a great friend of the show. He just passed away.

[Mumps]

We have George Went.

[Patton Oswalt]

George Wentz, the real George went. When he showed up, did everyone just go, norm?

[Mumps]

Yeah. And he got pissed.

[Patton Oswalt]

He's like, I thought I would escape that. Well, he's like, I'm changing my name to heart failure failure.

[Tootie Rivers]

He's also like, where was my. Where was my guardian angel looking after. Although, hang on. Tell me, if he died of heart failure, does someone have George Went as a guardian angel named heart failure?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes. That's. Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

Has he been assigned to someone yet?

[Mumps]

Oh, George Went is in line.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, he's in line.

[Mumps]

Heart failure is in line right now. He's the first person to die of heart failure. He's in line.

[Patton Oswalt]

Not sure. The math on that checks.

[Mumps]

They ideally try to match you, but sometimes it's kind of just like a. I don't know. Both of you are available at the same time, so we're waiting on a few people to drop, but if you're.

[Patton Oswalt]

In line, stay in line. Heart failure.

[Mumps]

Exactly.

[Tootie Rivers]

That's the sense I'm getting with. With moms and Scott, which is that just YouTube, I think.

[Mumps]

It wasn't just YouTube, but sometimes, you know, you're kind of like. You're a little good dynamic. You ever see. Do you have Rush Hour here?

[Patton Oswalt]

The movies.

[Tootie Rivers]

The movies.

[Patton Oswalt]

We have three of them. Is that how many there are up in heaven?

[Mumps]

Tons more.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, but that sounds fucking awesome.

[Scott Aukerman]

That sounds great. I can watch a black man, an Asian man, all day long.

[Mumps]

You know? And this is why color, too was kind of interested. Color, too is Asian. And he was interested in staying with you for a little bit of a rush hour effect. But we have a bunch of rush hours up there, and they're very funny for us. I don't know the reason you guys find them funny, but it's kind of a pairing you wouldn't put together. You don't know that they were.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's a lot of the reason why we like them down here.

[Mumps]

Interesting. Never seen yours, but up there. Yeah. It's a big part of it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right? Interesting. Can I ask, how many people have you murdered to save me over the years?

[Mumps]

Today.

[Patton Oswalt]

No, over the course of my lifetime.

[Tootie Rivers]

Day.

[Mumps]

Okay, well, today, three. You're doing a lot of stuff you don't realize is bad, Scott. So Scott fell down his stairs. Funny. Didn't stop it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Thanks, by the way.

[Mumps]

And went to go pour himself some coffee. Ew. And so as he's putting it in his little Nespresso machine or whatever, he almost freaking burns himself. And you might think, oh, that's not a person you murdered. Murdered. It's another guy under your little cabinet.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's another guy who is under the Nespresso.

[Tootie Rivers]

Sorry. What do people need to do around Scott where you leap in and just.

[Patton Oswalt]

Murder them like this was another person.

[Tootie Rivers]

Is he always in danger or is like. Yeah, if someone cuts him off in a grocery line, what happens?

[Scott Aukerman]

Give me that microphone. I'll tell you, if Scott would have cut me off in a grocery line, I would stuff down his throat all the Granny Smith apples I just bought.

[Mumps]

Making pie. What are you doing? Those are tart.

[Scott Aukerman]

I eat. Of course they are.

[Patton Oswalt]

Tart. Tart.

[Mumps]

Hate it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Love that word.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great source of fiber.

[Tootie Rivers]

It just seems like you kind of have an itchy trigger finger as far as.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Are you kidding?

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't want to feel responsible for the. The deaths of hundreds calling him alive.

[Tootie Rivers]

That's. That's legit. I get it. But yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

A guy underneath my floor.

[Tootie Rivers]

Who have you intervened with?

[Mumps]

Well, Scott, do you remember your 11th grade English teacher?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. No, yeah, I do, actually.

[Mumps]

Yeah. Mr. McCarthy.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Mr. McCarthy. Yeah, Mr. M, we used to call him.

[Mumps]

It's a nice nickname.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Sometimes Double M. Because of the mister, Right? Yeah. M squared. Sometimes we walk in and go, m squared, what's up?

[Mumps]

Yeah, that's funny.

[Patton Oswalt]

He's a great guy.

[Mumps]

And M squared, he'd go, what? He's an English teacher.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Oh, but, yeah, he doesn't know Matt Math.

[Mumps]

Scott. One time he was giving you a hard time about a paper, Right?

[Patton Oswalt]

Right.

[Mumps]

This is maybe my only oopsie. He said he's giving. Gonna give you a D minus. And you got mad. You said, why? I worked really hard on this. I read War and Peace. It's really long. Isn't that impressive? Which. That's what Scott was kind of like in high school, you know, kind of being like, I'm impressive.

[Tootie Rivers]

I get it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right? Okay, yeah. Enough of the.

[Mumps]

Do you want to know where he was in high school? Because I have his birth certificate.

[Patton Oswalt]

Come on, moms. Back on track.

[Mumps]

But I gave that guy kind of the what's what, you know, after you. After you left 11th grade.

[Patton Oswalt]

After. Why not before? He gave me the D minus. Because he did give me the D minus.

[Mumps]

He wasn't an F. You see? I'm not crazy.

[Patton Oswalt]

But you killed him after I left 11th grade.

[Mumps]

I said it was an oopsie. Why are we all mad?

[Scott Aukerman]

You should be grateful.

[Tootie Rivers]

Why are we.

[Scott Aukerman]

She stopped him from touching you on your private parts.

[Mumps]

Exactly. He could have been a pedophile.

[Patton Oswalt]

He could never even. He wasn't. He was a nice teacher that I like. Square.

[Mumps]

I've killed a lot of teachers that could have been pedophiles to you. How many said, thank you, first grade teacher. That would have been super pedophilia when you're really little.

[Tootie Rivers]

Okay, but was the teacher a pedophile?

[Patton Oswalt]

Not.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. I feel terrible. I feel like. I feel like I'm walking around and it's a death sentence for anyone I come into contact with.

[Mumps]

And it's if they're contacting you and if you're a child, which you kind of claim you are, but I got the birth certificate. I'm not gonna.

[Patton Oswalt]

Please, Moms, tell me you're not gonna kill these three here. Who on the. Any great friends of mine? Patton and Eddie. And I'm looking down at his name, Tootie Rivers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Give me that microphone. You can't kill me. God. An angel of mumps.

[Patton Oswalt]

Why not?

[Scott Aukerman]

See, you try.

[Mumps]

Tootie, I gotta tell you, your guardian angel is off the clock. He does not like to work with you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe that's why I've been getting cheated by Scotty Hawks.

[Mumps]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the wrestling ring since 1984.

[Mumps]

He says it's embarrassing when we. When we're at heaven. Cheers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cheers.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. You guys just call it Cheers. Yeah.

[Mumps]

When he's in heaven. Cheers. He's going. We're all talking. We're all train chop. You go. You guys go to a bar and talk about, I don't know, a joke you said.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah, sure, pretty much.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. I'm hung out with Eddie and bars. That's pretty much the conversation.

[Kevin Tullio]

Hey, I did this bit.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mumps]

And then someone goes, cool.

[Patton Oswalt]

And you leave. Yeah. These are the exact conversations that we have.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yeah, I think. Where are you going?

[Tootie Rivers]

Sounds like Mumps is on the job and Cholera is just not Cholera, too. Cholera, too. Sorry.

[Mumps]

Cholera is fantastic.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who's Cholera?

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah, who does?

[Patton Oswalt]

The guardian angel of Lenny Kravitz. Whoa, whoa. He was maybe taking a break that time he split his pants open and his dong fella.

[Scott Aukerman]

Guess what?

[Mumps]

No, he wasn't. Huge publicity bump, am I right?

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, people love Lenny Kravitz now.

[Kevin Tullio]

Because of a wardrobe malfunctioning.

[Patton Oswalt]

His. His. His whammy bar just came out there.

[Scott Aukerman]

While doing a dance, and some leather pants and his dangling started jingling.

[Mumps]

A guy was backstage.

[Tootie Rivers]

You know, he just dropped some bars there. Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you, Mr.

[Patton Oswalt]

Petty House.

[Kevin Tullio]

You wrestle with the English language.

[Tootie Rivers]

So you're saying that guardian angel is like, you know what? His. His record sales are plateauing. What can we do here?

[Mumps]

Well, and the guardian angel saw a guy going backstage, trying to cut open his leather pants. Almost stopped him, then said, hold up. Gonna be good for record sales. So let the plants split on stage. His penis fell out.

[Patton Oswalt]

Did Cyndi Lauper's Guardian angel make the bird poop fall in her mouth while she was singing as well?

[Mumps]

Absolutely. So there was a guy that was squeezing a bird up in the rafters on top of the concert venue. You know, she and they were squeezing the bird and he thought, wait a minute, maybe I gotta stop that. Maybe I have to stop that. But then he said, hold on, this is going to be good. Pub for sin.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right, Right.

[Mumps]

Let him squeeze it. Fell in right in her mouth.

[Patton Oswalt]

I think none of us were listening because we were all just laughing at the memory of this happening.

[Mumps]

It's pretty unreal, right? I know we're doing a lot of stuff.

[Tootie Rivers]

Now that you point it out this way, it does feel like something a g. It would have to be arranged by some kind of celestial being.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, exactly. Remember that lollipop stick that. That went into David Bowie's eye while. What? Look up a picture of it.

[Tootie Rivers]

Are you kidding me?

[Patton Oswalt]

He's like, singing into a microphone and a stick is just his eye. Yeah. Someone threw it. In any case, it sounds to me. Sounds to me more like these guardian angels are like PR people. Up there in heaven for people.

[Mumps]

We get 10%. You. You don't notice.

[Patton Oswalt]

I. I mean, I. I've wondered where all my money is going. It's going up there to heaven. To you.

[Mumps]

I take 10%. Baby.

[Tootie Rivers]

What do you need money in heaven for?

[Mumps]

It's like a status thing.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, just.

[Mumps]

I don't know. Is it like that down here?

[Patton Oswalt]

Sort of.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's definitely like that down here.

[Patton Oswalt]

You're right in front of me.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's definitely like that down here. Cause Mr. Scotty Hawks walk around parading his money all the time. All the time. He walk around. Look at those headphones he got on Beats by Dre.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes, I exclusively listen to Beats by Dre while I'm performing the show. Well, look, mumps, we have to take a break. I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I don't know that I love you. Of. I mean, it's. How many people have died? Thousands. Today. No, no, I'm talking about the. Stop saying today. I'm talking about my entire life.

[Mumps]

Well, all your teachers gone.

[Patton Oswalt]

Every teacher. Who's that? I mean, you're welcome.

[Mumps]

You're welcome. I didn't want you to get sexually harassed at work, so anyone you worked in an office with gone horrible.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm so many dead.

[Mumps]

You're welcome. Have you ever been sexually harassed at work?

[Patton Oswalt]

No, but I thought that was because I'm ugly.

[Mumps]

Scott. No, all these people were itching. They were into me to sexually harass.

[Patton Oswalt]

God damn it. Well, why did you let them?

[Mumps]

They were moments away. Moments away. I could tell.

[Patton Oswalt]

I've been lonely my entire life. Yeah, well, look, we gotta take a break, Moms. Can you stick around?

[Mumps]

Yes, and I have to.

[Patton Oswalt]

All right, well, we're gonna take a break. We'll be right back with more Eddie Pepitone, more Patton Oswalt, more Tutti Rivers, more Mumps. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang.

[Tootie Rivers]

After that.

[Kevin Tullio]

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[Patton Oswalt]

3, 200, and give you four free.

[Kevin Tullio]

Phones, all on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com familyfreedom.

[Patton Oswalt]

Up to 800 per line via virtual prepaid card typically takes 15 days.

[Kevin Tullio]

Free phone via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement. Example Apple iPhone 16128 gigs 829.99 Eligible trade in example iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end in balance due if you pay off early or cancel.

[Tootie Rivers]

Contact us.

[Kevin Tullio]

Adam Pally here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who you may know as the hosts of the TV show 101 Places to.

[Kevin Tullio]

Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, staying Alive.

[Patton Oswalt]

We'll have guests like our friend actor.

[Kevin Tullio]

Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Shear ego Jillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle staying alive with John Gabrison. Adam Pally is out right now.

[Patton Oswalt]

Get them a week early and ad free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Commercial Insurance.

[Tootie Rivers]

Business owners meet Progressive Insurance.

[Mumps]

They make it easy to get discounts on commercial auto insurance and find coverages.

[Tootie Rivers]

To grow with your business quote in.

[Mumps]

As little as 7 [e-mail] Progressive Casualty.

[Patton Oswalt]

Insurance Company coverage provided and serviced by affiliated and third party insurers.

[Tootie Rivers]

Discounts and coverage selections not available in all states or situations.

[Patton Oswalt]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. We have Eddie Pepitone. The special is the collapse. It's out on Veeps.com Eddie Pepitone or you just go to Veeps. I'm sure it'll be right there on the main page. And we also have Patton Oswald is here, of course.

[Tootie Rivers]

Hi.

[Patton Oswalt]

Of stage and screen. Stage. I don't know. Well, I mean comedy. Comedy stage.

[Tootie Rivers]

Comedy stage.

[Patton Oswalt]

Ever want to do a play? Speak the speech, I pray you.

[Kevin Tullio]

Waiting for Godot?

[Patton Oswalt]

Maybe.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh my God.

[Patton Oswalt]

The two of you and waiting for Godot.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, one man waiting for Godot.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah. Or do I like how quickly you shunted Eddie off?

[Tootie Rivers]

Or do a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern version of Waiting for Godot where it's just Godot trying to get there.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. And like all the troubles that happened.

[Tootie Rivers]

This is taking forever. They're gonna be so pissed at me.

[Patton Oswalt]

Do they have subways back then?

[Tootie Rivers]

By the way, Eddie has to leave in a second. He again. We're promoting the special. He's gonna go.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, okay, Eddie, you have to go.

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes.

[Tootie Rivers]

He's doing a thing on Jubilee where he is going to debate 20 fascists and he's gonna battle rap them.

[Patton Oswalt]

So that's gonna be great. That sounds cool. All right, Eddie, thanks so much for.

[Kevin Tullio]

Thanks for having me. Everybody please watch the special.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Take care of yourself. We also have. Tootie Rivers is here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Give me that microphone. Jesus Christ. I ain't going nowhere. Where?

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, I've asked you to stick around.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm staying right here.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I'm going to knock that Eureka's Castle tattoo right off your left ass cheek, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay? Please don't. That's my one possession that I cherish above all the rest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cuz my time has come. The people's time has come.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay? You represent the people. You're the one causing diarrhea. Any arena you go into cleaning out their guts. I guess it is a lot like a. Yeah. What do you call those?

[Scott Aukerman]

A diuretic.

[Patton Oswalt]

I guess so. I like diarrheas. Right in the title of that. It's very clear. It's good messaging, you know what I mean? We also have mumps. My guardian angel is here. Have. Have. Did you kill anyone during the break by chance?

[Mumps]

There. It was necessary, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who's dead now?

[Mumps]

There was a guy. There was a guy in the wall outside and it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Why are there so many guys in my walls?

[Mumps]

Oh, I have to be a guardian angel and a contractor. Who? My Jesus. Get out of here. Get out of here.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's a good joke, by the way.

[Tootie Rivers]

That is really good.

[Mumps]

Stop. No. Stop. No, it was good.

[Patton Oswalt]

It was good. Were you a comedian in the 20s or what did you do when you were alive? Mumps.

[Mumps]

What did I do? No, you don't want to know.

[Patton Oswalt]

No, I do, mom. But what was your name? What did you do?

[Mumps]

My name was Sam.

[Patton Oswalt]

And I. San Sam. Annum.

[Tootie Rivers]

Sam. Adam.

[Mumps]

Sam Adam.

[Kevin Tullio]

Sam.

[Mumps]

Adam and I used to. I drove the first Ford around.

[Patton Oswalt]

The first four. The first one.

[Mumps]

The Model T. The Model T. You're.

[Patton Oswalt]

You're that guy.

[Mumps]

I was the guy.

[Tootie Rivers]

I'm sorry, were you a delivery person or your job was just to drive the first Ford around?

[Mumps]

So I was kind of a model and I drove it around to make sure people. Because people were freaked out when cars came out.

[Tootie Rivers]

Out.

[Mumps]

You don't.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Mumps]

Scott might remember, but the rest of you might not. But like, come on. When cars came out, people were scared. It was like. It was like, what if there was a scarier horse?

[Tootie Rivers]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

That's what I terrify. I call cars scarier horses.

[Mumps]

Absolutely.

[Tootie Rivers]

Always called them that.

[Mumps]

A kind of uncontrollable horse.

[Tootie Rivers]

And if you want them to catch on, you can't have people see ugly people driving. You got to find a model.

[Mumps]

Yeah, so they. The original model t had an ugly person driving it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, so you weren't the first. You were.

[Mumps]

No, I was the replacer.

[Patton Oswalt]

Smith.

[Mumps]

This guy hid the us. Hidd us.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just put a bag over it.

[Mumps]

I don't even think a bag would help because of the shape underneath.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just a. You guys didn't have the term fugly back then, but that's what we've come to call it now.

[Mumps]

Oh, that sounds like pasta. What is that?

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Eddie's back.

[Kevin Tullio]

No.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, wait, no. Who is this?

[Kevin Tullio]

My name is a. Kevin Tullio.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, Kevin Tullio. Yes.

[Kevin Tullio]

I run a bakery in New York City.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, I'm so sor. Thought our friend Eddie just left and I thought he came back to pick up his. His collection of glasses that he left on the table.

[Kevin Tullio]

No, no, no. Oh, he did forget his glasses. Anyway, I just wanted.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who are you, sir?

[Kevin Tullio]

I'm sorry, I. Kevin Tutulio and I just want to promote my bakery.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, we didn't have you booked on the show today, so I know.

[Kevin Tullio]

I saw the door and I was like, oh, comedy bang bang. You shouldn't put a big sticker on the door that says. Anyway, I want to say that I love what you do and I want to promote my bakery. I have.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, yeah, feel free. It's an open door policy. You have a bakery somewhere? Where are you from?

[Kevin Tullio]

It's in New York City.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, okay.

[Kevin Tullio]

And me and my wife were on vacation here. We're trying to see Backdraft, but we can't find the.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, the Universal Studios Backdraft.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, they took it out.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes, I know. We're very disappointed.

[Patton Oswalt]

What did they replace it with the Mario Karts or something like that?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, the Mario roller coaster.

[Patton Oswalt]

The roller coaster is there instead.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just like Mario. I'm gonna jump on your turtle shell, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. Please do.

[Scott Aukerman]

New York City at the Millennium Hilton, Times Square.

[Kevin Tullio]

Why do you fight in so many hotels?

[Scott Aukerman]

They got great ballroom.

[Kevin Tullio]

Well, I find them relaxing hotels.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

I sleep in them a lot.

[Kevin Tullio]

I sleep. I go to the pool.

[Patton Oswalt]

The two main things you do in hotels.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yeah, I go to the pool. I like going to the fitness center. Even though they're depressed. Yeah, the fitness center.

[Patton Oswalt]

They are. Yeah. The most depressing room in the hotel usually.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes, I go to a fitness center and what I like to do is eat my cannolis.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, so you make cannolis?

[Kevin Tullio]

I make them homemade, Scott. That's why I'm Here, I want to talk to people about the lost art of the cannoli. You take a cream and then you make it.

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, that's not very specific instructions.

[Kevin Tullio]

Oh, well, I'm going to give you my secret.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, that's true.

[Kevin Tullio]

You and a suck on my dick. All right, I'm kidding about that.

[Patton Oswalt]

I, I wasn't going to take you up on it if you were worried, but no.

[Kevin Tullio]

You ever watch Stanley Tucci Trips around Italy?

[Patton Oswalt]

I have, yeah. It's a great program. A friend of mine told him he should do that.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yeah, yes, yes, I heard that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Anyway, Anyway, folks.

[Kevin Tullio]

Anyway, please come to my, my bakery. It's called Tulio.

[Patton Oswalt]

Tulio's in what part of New York City?

[Kevin Tullio]

We.

[Patton Oswalt]

Not.

[Kevin Tullio]

We don't know.

[Tootie Rivers]

I'm sorry, does the bakery exist? No. No.

[Kevin Tullio]

I'm sorry.

[Tootie Rivers]

What's happening?

[Kevin Tullio]

I'm, I'm. I'm scared.

[Tootie Rivers]

I.

[Scott Aukerman]

You a yellow belly cow. I thought I smelled. You know what?

[Kevin Tullio]

You're confrontational, son.

[Patton Oswalt]

You haven't diarrheaed yourself, have you? Well, I mean, I don't mean that has nothing to do. I don't mean in your entire life. I mean right now. Oh, okay, okay.

[Kevin Tullio]

No, not right now. I'm on Imodium.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, so. So, you know, you don't have a bakery. It's an imaginary bakery or it's an aspirational bakery. What exactly.

[Kevin Tullio]

What is in aspiration?

[Tootie Rivers]

You're dreaming of opening a bakery.

[Kevin Tullio]

I'm thinking of opening a bakery.

[Tootie Rivers]

So why are you so.

[Patton Oswalt]

You're not even dreaming about it.

[Tootie Rivers]

You're thinking you're going to happen.

[Kevin Tullio]

Thinking. My wife says I never follow through. So I thought if I come a podcast and say, come to my bakery, I'd have to.

[Patton Oswalt]

It would light a fire.

[Tootie Rivers]

Say. Well, once you say something on a podcast.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's true. Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

So, I mean, unfortunately, this is going out right now and it.

[Kevin Tullio]

Oh, when is this go? I thought this wasn't going to come out for about five years.

[Tootie Rivers]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Kevin Tullio]

Oh, I gotta get a cracking.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't think you're gonna be. I mean, first of all, you sound like Harry Hamlin in Clash of the Title. Yes, but secondly, I don't know who that is. But secondly, I, I, I. It takes a long time to do these kind of things. I don't think that you're going to be able to open a bakery. Maybe a popup.

[Tootie Rivers]

Can I just say this fear and hesitation, like if you, you had like a. I don't know, like a Guardian angel to look, to guide you.

[Mumps]

Oh, no, I got to be everybody's guardian angel.

[Tootie Rivers]

No, no, no, no, I wasn't.

[Patton Oswalt]

Are you taking on any clients?

[Mumps]

Do you want two full time jobs? Maybe three full time jobs?

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, Patton is a standup comedian, he's an actor, and he's a loving father and husband.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's my manager and, and Tudy's manager.

[Tootie Rivers]

Remember that happened?

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, you're gonna get 4 to 6%.

[Mumps]

Oh, listen, I'm. If you have someone better to offer me, I'm willing to trade in Scott. I'll say that. Now.

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, first of all, I, I, I don't love the deaths that are happening around me. But if there are this many people hiding in my walls, do you have.

[Mumps]

Someone that appreciates me?

[Patton Oswalt]

Or do you.

[Mumps]

Or do you only have people that are.

[Tootie Rivers]

I'm just annoyed if you go with Tulio because it's going to take a lot of people for you to open this thing. But if you take on mumps as your guardian angel, there's just going to be deaths around you everywhere.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, a lot of the permitting process, you know, all the people, the red tape standing in your way.

[Kevin Tullio]

Hey, to the red tape.

[Tootie Rivers]

Okay?

[Patton Oswalt]

Would you kill all of the, the people in the mayor's office who are like standing in the way of this.

[Mumps]

Bakery opening if they were standing in a way that I viewed as potentially pedophilic to you, like you have a hang up about. I would absolutely kill them and smoosh them. Them dead.

[Scott Aukerman]

Release the Aukerman list.

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, you were.

[Mumps]

I have the Aukerman list. It's stapled to his birth certificate.

[Kevin Tullio]

You know, not the many. Not many people want to be teachers. And you're eliminating teachers.

[Patton Oswalt]

It sounds like you have an issue about this. Like in the 20s, I mean, you were a model in the 20s. I don't know.

[Mumps]

I was a model in the 20s, okay? I replaced an ugly person.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right.

[Tootie Rivers]

What was the modeling world like in the twenties?

[Patton Oswalt]

Was it as predatory as it is?

[Mumps]

It was incredibly predatory. It was beautiful. Well, if you were just, if you were just a hot young buck.

[Patton Oswalt]

Wait, you were the predator? Yes.

[Mumps]

Why do you think I know so much about them?

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, you're trying to atone.

[Mumps]

I can spot a predator because I am a predator. I can see the behavior. I see the hand gestures, Patton. I can see what people are doing. I can see pre crime, okay?

[Kevin Tullio]

Pre crime, that's a new Netflix category.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know, who better to catch a predator than a predator himself? That's why I've Never trusted that Chris Hansen guy, that is.

[Mumps]

He needs to do the work.

[Patton Oswalt]

Work.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yes, but then. But then. Okay, if this is something you're so upset, then why would. I'm sorry, why. Why would t. Over here?

[Patton Oswalt]

Or are you talking about Kevin?

[Mumps]

Why's guardian angel not interested in him?

[Tootie Rivers]

Yes, exactly. What. What's going on?

[Mumps]

You tell me. You guys go to bars, right? You talk about a joke? We talked about this.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, no, that was a different.

[Kevin Tullio]

Oh, no, that was not me.

[Mumps]

Oh, yeah, I don't know you guys.

[Patton Oswalt]

Kevin Tulio goes to bars and talks about the last cannoli.

[Mumps]

You go, hey, I made some cream today. They go, yeah, whatever.

[Kevin Tullio]

I go there to forget.

[Tootie Rivers]

But so, so, so, Tooties, what's going on there?

[Mumps]

So at our cheers, we're swapping stories. I get to say, oh, Scott Aerman, comedy legend, bumped his head today. And it was funny. It was really very flattering. It was really funny. And I get to be.

[Patton Oswalt]

I guess you don't see that kind of thing when you're living it, but from the outside perspective, that's.

[Mumps]

Yeah, in heaven, you're a legend. On earth, I don't know, a lunatic.

[Patton Oswalt]

All right, maybe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Knock, knock. Pull back.

[Tootie Rivers]

Pull back.

[Patton Oswalt]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Scott Aukerman]

Knock. Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who's this?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, it's your old pal.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who? Wait. Sir, step into the light. Who. Who are you?

[Scott Aukerman]

You can't recognize me? It's me, yours truly.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's not O.J. is it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, it absolutely is, Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hey, O.J. simpson.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got a summons to be a guardian angel.

[Patton Oswalt]

What? Oh, no, My. Sorry, guys. Patton and Kevin Tulio and mumps, this is O.J. simpson. He was.

[Kevin Tullio]

Hello, O.J.

[Patton Oswalt]

Football player, fellas. Football player in the 70s and 80s. And then he was in the Naked Gun. And then I lost track of what he was up to in the 90s.

[Tootie Rivers]

Sports memorabilia enthusiast.

[Patton Oswalt]

Sure. Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

I love very into sports memorabilia.

[Mumps]

Old age.

[Scott Aukerman]

Old age. I'm an older guy. Yeah.

[Mumps]

How did you die again?

[Scott Aukerman]

Me? Oh, also. Also heart stuff, I believe.

[Patton Oswalt]

Heart stuff. Is that your new name, heart stuff?

[Kevin Tullio]

You died of a guilt, my friend.

[Scott Aukerman]

Guilt about what? Oh, because I got my stuff back. Yeah.

[Mumps]

You stole your stuff back.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got it. Yeah, you know, not everybody's perfect, Scott. I didn't even realize this was your address. I thought I had it memorized.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, please don't say it over the air. But so wait.

[Scott Aukerman]

1313 Mockingbird Lane.

[Patton Oswalt]

Come on, don't give away my assassination coordinator. Look, O.J.

[Tootie Rivers]

Mumps, get ready. You're gonna have a busy weekend. That's all I'm saying.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. So you got a call to be what?

[Scott Aukerman]

To be a guardian angel?

[Mumps]

Scott, this is so awkward.

[Patton Oswalt]

Wow. You're quitting mumps?

[Mumps]

While we were talking just now, I put in my resignation to Mumps to Jon Voight. I've just kind of. I'm tired.

[Patton Oswalt]

Jon Voight? Is that what you call God?

[Mumps]

I'm just kind of too bh. Sick of it. I don't get any appreciation from you. And I'm so tired of all the people I have to kill for you to be safe.

[Patton Oswalt]

Look, I'm sorry. That must be horrifying to have to murder that many people. But I. I do appreciate you moms. I. Look.

[Mumps]

Hey, get to.

[Tootie Rivers]

You.

[Patton Oswalt]

T. Might come over over here for a second.

[Scott Aukerman]

It must be horrible to murder people.

[Patton Oswalt]

OJ's a. I feel like OJ is too close to me to be able to do this job correctly like you guys are. I don't think he has the heart for. For it, you know, to. To. To really keep me safe and do what you've been doing the hard work of murdering people.

[Mumps]

Oh, my God. I pro. You're in good hands with oj. He's really sweet. He's very attentive in kind of a. Like, a scary way. He's gonna pay attention to you a lot.

[Tootie Rivers]

Super attentive.

[Patton Oswalt]

I just. I worry that, you know, like, if someone were to. To be rude to me, you know, like, I go to a restaurant and a waiter is rude to me or something, he's not gonna have a heart to do anything to a waiter as.

[Scott Aukerman]

Long as he doesn't leave his glass.

[Mumps]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

You're worried like Eddie Pepitone did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, Eddie Peppertone left his glass. I guess I gotta go take him back.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Tootie Rivers]

That's okay.

[Mumps]

You're worried.

[Kevin Tullio]

It's okay.

[Mumps]

You're worried I just. Too soft for you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, he's too soft. He's a good buddy of mine. Yeah.

[Mumps]

Yeah. Listen, listen. I think you're gonna have an incredible time with him. He is a big sweetie. But I think this could be helpful. I think this could be helpful for you to switch energies, because I'm your kind of standard, tough guy guy, tough guy guardian angel. And maybe you need a big softie, because I think. I think. I think you're too delicate for me. You're crying about all these teachers I killed, and you're not being cool about it, and you keep bringing it up, and it's just like. It's like we're already over it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Look, I'm sorry. I know. Everybody dies and maybe you're just accelerating that for people.

[Mumps]

Totally.

[Patton Oswalt]

I, I feel bad. Moms, I don't want you to leave. I, I Look, Moms, I, I appreciate you. I thanks, thank you, Moms.

[Scott Aukerman]

I haven't seen you at the bar in days.

[Mumps]

Oh, O.J. it's Ah, I'm trying, I'm on an antibiotic.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you're on antibiotic?

[Mumps]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got something going on?

[Mumps]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

B.V. b.V. What is.

[Patton Oswalt]

What? Hey, I'm over here too. What is B.V. big, big virus. Big, big virus.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's something that's going around up here.

[Tootie Rivers]

Hey, you guys whispering about something?

[Patton Oswalt]

Come on.

[Kevin Tullio]

What's going on?

[Patton Oswalt]

Patton, come over.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh yeah, mom says BV she's got a big virus.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, big virus.

[Mumps]

So I can't drink cuz I'm on an antibiotics.

[Kevin Tullio]

Oh yeah.

[Mumps]

And sometimes when you go to the bar, I don't know if you ever have this, you're like, I should just get a drink, but I don't want a drink.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mumps]

And then you're like, I'll get a seltzer with bitters. But bitters has alcohol.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, oh, bitters has alcohol in it. I just thought it something bitter.

[Mumps]

Yeah, actually, I actually don't know. I'm kind of talking out of my ass.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

I thought it was just something. Yeah, but I mean, I'm not a mixologist, gist or anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Addicted to bitters.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, Kevin, you're over here too.

[Kevin Tullio]

Now we're gonna serve the beaters in, in my bakery.

[Patton Oswalt]

In the cannolis?

[Kevin Tullio]

No, no, we're gonna have a little bar, a bitters.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just a bitters bar.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah.

[Kevin Tullio]

I don't want to say it too loud.

[Tootie Rivers]

You don't want someone stealing your idea.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yeah, Bitters bar. No bakery has it.

[Mumps]

No bakery.

[Kevin Tullio]

No bakery.

[Scott Aukerman]

I could be the spokesperson for your bakery.

[Kevin Tullio]

I would love it.

[Mumps]

You want OJ Simpson or Tootie to be the spokesperson?

[Scott Aukerman]

Give me that microphone.

[Patton Oswalt]

Tutti, you've been really silent here.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can be the spokesperson of your bar.

[Kevin Tullio]

I, I take a pass on that. I want O.J. to be there.

[Patton Oswalt]

O.J. did it sounds like you have a lot of work here with Kevin Tulio's bakery and his bitters bar. I don't know that you have time to be my guardian angel.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got news for you, Scott. I'll always be watching.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, I appreciate that, O.J. are you saying that you want me to take care?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think I am.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh my God, that's so nice. Thank you so much. And mumps I really want you to stick around. Is that okay? And I want you to do without all the heavy sighing and the. You know, I want you to improve your attitude as well. Is that okay? All right.

[Mumps]

No.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, then, no deal.

[Scott Aukerman]

We don't know what gender mumps is. But let me tell you, all the sighing and stuff makes it seem like a woman.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hey, come on now, OJ.

[Mumps]

OJ's a little sweetie to women up in heaven and down here. What a little.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dude, Scott, you and I come from a different generation.

[Patton Oswalt]

I know, but that's such good friends.

[Tootie Rivers]

OJ's in heaven. You've seen him Up.

[Patton Oswalt]

Kidding.

[Tootie Rivers]

Okay, I'm a little confused.

[Scott Aukerman]

I repented for stealing my stuff.

[Mumps]

Charisma King. Charisma King.

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, Riz gets you a lot up there.

[Tootie Rivers]

It really does.

[Mumps]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Patton Oswald. I love your work. Hey, Patton, do you remember one time you probably didn't know who the guests were that were using your name to get in this place, but there's a nice restaurant in Chicago that you made a big reservation for, and you did a really nice thing, and they had great truffle popcorn. The best truffle popcorn I ever had.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's right. This is with me as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it was with Scott Haukerman and O.J. simpson. And I kept going around that place saying, I'm a friend of Pat.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, I. I just said Scott Aukerman plus one.

[Kevin Tullio]

I didn't.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, no, I. I brought OJ with me, and OJ went around telling everyone that you. You sort of were the reason that we were there. I hope that's okay.

[Tootie Rivers]

Staff or the other diners?

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, everyone. That was everyone. Yeah, he made a big announcement. I remember you got on top of the piano.

[Scott Aukerman]

Donald's on the piano, did a tap dance.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, that was. That was a bonus.

[Mumps]

Yeah, your guardian angel uses your name up there, too. A lot of Russia.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who is Patton's guardian angel? Do you mind me asking?

[Mumps]

Yeah. Did you guys know of a celebrity called.

[Patton Oswalt]

Jeffrey Epstein? Jeffrey Epstein.

[Mumps]

Did you know of a celebrity down here called Jeffrey Epstein?

[Patton Oswalt]

Is. What is he called? Murder.

[Mumps]

He's called Murder or Suicide.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, they don't even know.

[Mumps]

They won't release it.

[Patton Oswalt]

They won't el. Oh. Even up there. But, hey, at least those MLK files came out. I'm. I'm satisfied.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, look, guys, we're running out of time here. We only have time for. I'm so sorry, Kevin. We barely got to talk about your imaginary bakery.

[Kevin Tullio]

That's okay.

[Patton Oswalt]

But we only have time for one Final feature. And that's a little something call Plugs.

[Tootie Rivers]

Open up the Blood bag, fe.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, very nice. Gosh. That was. Open up the Plug Bag. French Canadian version by Monsieur Gravy Farts. Beautiful name, beautiful name. If you want to be like Monsieur Gravy Farts and hear your Plugs theme on the show, head over to cbbworld.com plugs and you'll find everything you need there. You can upload your tracks, you can find stems for remixes. Everything is over there. So head on over there. And guys, what are we plugging? Patton Oswald. What do you want to plug here?

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, in less than a month from the day you're listening to this August 24, another Patton Oswald and Friends will be happening at the Largo. There was these friends.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just idiots that you live next door to, or is this like professional entertainers?

[Tootie Rivers]

Just my neighbors. I bring them out and we just have.

[Patton Oswalt]

These are my friends.

[Tootie Rivers]

We just talk about what's going on in the neighborhood. And it was a weird guy walking. Yeah, yeah, you just come, come and look at my neighbor. Come watch my neighborhood watch, basically.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, this is great. And you do this quite often over there at the Largo, don't you?

[Tootie Rivers]

Once a month. Once a month.

[Patton Oswalt]

And these are good shows. If you're in la, are you doing a tour or anything like that or.

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, I have some tour dates coming up, but they're the, the one I have coming up in Eugene is sold out. I have three dates in October. Go to patnozzle.com Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Gary, Indiana.

[Patton Oswalt]

Gary, Indiana.

[Tootie Rivers]

Gary, Indiana. No, no, not Gary. In Flint, Michigan.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, okay.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah, going to Flint, Michigan. And I'm donating part of the proceeds from the show to the, the clean water fund up there.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay.

[Tootie Rivers]

But it's all on patnoswalt.com go there, grab your tickets. I'll see you on. I'll see you on the road.

[Patton Oswalt]

Fantastic.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, also, I don't even know the day of this August something. I'm on a new episode of Star Trek, Strange New Worlds.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. Yeah, those episodes started dropping a couple of weeks ago. So you're on one coming out.

[Tootie Rivers]

I'm on one coming out.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's a fun show.

[Tootie Rivers]

That's a very fun, fun show.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. All right. Are you, are you playing like some sort of alien standup comedian or something?

[Tootie Rivers]

I am playing a Vulcan. I got to play a Vulcan. Yes, yes. So I'm very. Okay.

[Patton Oswalt]

The pointy eared species of alien, perhaps.

[Tootie Rivers]

Pointy eared unemotional species.

[Patton Oswalt]

Green blood.

[Tootie Rivers]

Green blood. Green blood pon Far pond. Far and up, baby.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. All right. This is fantastic. I can't wait to see this mumps. What do you want to plug?

[Mumps]

I would like to plug. And I'm looking for a new person. Oh, yeah, Just somebody to. To help, kind of. That could be a little more grateful than Scott was. No. No offense, I guess.

[Patton Oswalt]

How many people are living in my walls right now?

[Mumps]

That's not my job anymore. That's OJ's job, by the way.

[Tootie Rivers]

It doesn't sound like they're living.

[Patton Oswalt]

By the way. Are these. Are these people or are these rats?

[Mumps]

What are people here? People.

[Patton Oswalt]

I am a. I'm a person person. I have you. Yeah. Are these rats in my walls?

[Scott Aukerman]

Give me this microphone. You're not no person. You a yellow bellied coward.

[Patton Oswalt]

All right, Tootie, come on.

[Mumps]

You have a lot of pedophilic rats, I guess, living in your wall.

[Patton Oswalt]

It sounds like you're just an exterminator. Like a heavenly exterminator.

[Mumps]

Whoa.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, I. I actually. I am very grateful that you're killing all the rats in my walls. So if. If you want to stick around.

[Mumps]

I'm not, but I would like to promote. Rekha Shankar has a podcast called we are Dead that is actually kind of pertaining to my whole thing, which is people in the afterlife doing a little talk show. It's really fun. It's out on YouTube and wherever we get you podcasts.

[Patton Oswalt]

All right, fantastic. And Kevin Tutullio.

[Kevin Tullio]

How are you, Scott?

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm doing good. I feel like we barely got to talk to you.

[Kevin Tullio]

I'm losing the accent, but I can't.

[Patton Oswalt]

Tell if it's culturally insensitive or. But you're just a guy from.

[Kevin Tullio]

I'm just a guy. Anyway. From the north, maybe the south. Who the hell knows? Anyway, I'd like to say I want to plug something for Eddie Pepiton.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

Kevin, are there any comedy specials out that you're excited about? Yes, yes.

[Kevin Tullio]

The Collapse.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, I love the Collapse.

[Kevin Tullio]

I love it. I love this one. It's such anxiety ridden, yet absurd, cartoony. You know, life affirming, yet life destroying. It has each instinct, as Freud said. We have destructive instinct and creative. And it's all in one special, the Collapse. And Eddie is touring as well. He'll be at the Earl in Atlanta on August 1st. He'll be at Montaco in Durham August 2nd. Then he goes to the Catskills. Then it goes to Washington D.C. and then he goes to Pottstown, Pennsylvania. So go to his website, Eddie pepton.com. he's touring around you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, okay.

[Tootie Rivers]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

But if you don't want to do that, you can just watch the special, right? Same stuff, right? Oh, I hope not. I hope.

[Scott Aukerman]

But not.

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, you're not an expert on Eddie, but I mean, you know all of his dates.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yes, I know all of his dates because, you know, I love him, but I think there's going to be a lot of differences.

[Patton Oswalt]

Would you say you're the number one Eddie Pepitone fan? Probably. The.

[Tootie Rivers]

The Earl is such a good room. And imagining Eddie Pepitone being down in Atlanta, Georgia at the height of August.

[Patton Oswalt]

Good.

[Kevin Tullio]

I am. I mean, Kevin, Eddie is not looking forward to it.

[Patton Oswalt]

A new wrinkle to your character. You say dude.

[Kevin Tullio]

Yeah, sorry.

[Mumps]

I guess he is from New York.

[Kevin Tullio]

But yeah, I don't want to go to those places.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, you don't have to. You're just a baker in New York City. Oh.

[Kevin Tullio]

I mean, Eddie doesn't want to go because of the weather. The climate breakdown, everybody. Washing away floods, hurricane.

[Tootie Rivers]

Well, you know what? I'm asking our listeners, Listeners, if you're ready, go see Sweaty Eddie.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes. Sweaty Eddie is. I mean, 2025 is the year. Sweaty.

[Tootie Rivers]

Sweaty Eddie. Sweaty.

[Patton Oswalt]

Sweaty Eddie. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie Yeti.

[Kevin Tullio]

I don't know if he would like that moniker, but yes, yell it at.

[Patton Oswalt]

Him if you go see him.

[Kevin Tullio]

I'll see him. Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

And give me that microphone. Yes. Oh, 2D, while you're down there in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Georgia watching Sweaty Eddie, you can come over to the Fulton County Stadium and watch me get my revenge on old Scotty Hawks.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm not wrestling you and I'm not going to get diarrhea.

[Scott Aukerman]

We going to be there. And I smell dooo already. Cuz you're scared.

[Patton Oswalt]

You're scared. I am. I mean, you're an old, infirm man, but I. I don't firm. All right. Anything else you want to plug?

[Scott Aukerman]

Absolutely. You can go over. Let's do a whole bunch of [e-mail] Hollywood Handbook. So a lot of stuff.

[Patton Oswalt]

I was just on that show.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were just on that?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

How did you like it?

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm not a fan necessarily.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought I smell doo when I walked into the studio. Or should I say the Dudio, because you had just left.

[Patton Oswalt]

Do, do, do. So what about these guys? They make podcasts.

[Scott Aukerman]

They make podcasts. My favorite show is one called the Flagon Ones, hosted by Hayes Davenport, Sean Clement and Carl Todd.

[Patton Oswalt]

And just one question. Do they ever drop the act?

[Scott Aukerman]

I still don't know. Okay, but what I do know is that you can also catch me at the Baltimore Improv Festival. Not me. Carl Dart with the big team at the Baltimore Improv Festival on August 1st.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah, Carl.

[Scott Aukerman]

August 2nd.

[Patton Oswalt]

One of those. But it's coming up a little later in the. In the week. Either Friday or Saturday. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday in the Park.

[Scott Aukerman]

Saturday in the Park.

[Patton Oswalt]

I think it was August 2nd.

[Scott Aukerman]

August 2nd in Baltimore.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Tootie Rivers]

You can go see Sweaty Eddie or Hot Scott. Yeah, you gotta pick absolutely.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hot Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hot Scott.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't think I'm gonna be there, but Carl definitely I will be there.

[Scott Aukerman]

He will be there.

[Patton Oswalt]

Carl Tart was. He was just nominated for an Emmy, I believe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ah, that's pretty cool. You can also watch the show that he got nominated for Saturday Night Live on. Peacock.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Did he write any of the sketches that are on any of the shows?

[Scott Aukerman]

Absolutely, positutely.

[Patton Oswalt]

Whole bunch of fantastic. Well, I want to plug. Hey, head over to cbb. I mentioned it before, CBB World. You have all of these episodes, all the previous episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, all ad free new episodes episodes ad free. You also have CBB presents episodes where people from Comedy Bang Bang host their own shows. You have my show, Scott hasn't seen, where my friend Sprague, the Whisperer, and I watch movies that I haven't seen before. We're in the middle of Sprague hasn't seen month. I believe we just watched the Rocky Horror Picture show for our special 199th episode live. And it was a good time. So you can go hear that over there. We also have Collegetown, the neighborhood. Listen, ad free threedom. So much stuff over there. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. All right. That was close. Well, there's more. Okay. You fooled me. Great job, Scott.

[Mumps]

I can't believe you just doo doo.

[Tootie Rivers]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll tell you what.

[Patton Oswalt]

Thanks. That was Alex Shattuck with clothes plugs. Thanks so much, Alex. And, guys, I want to thank you so much. Patton, thanks for coming back. You're a great friend of the show.

[Tootie Rivers]

Thank you.

[Patton Oswalt]

And Kevin Tullio, please don't make this your final appearance. Would love for you to come back.

[Kevin Tullio]

Oh, I would love to come back.

[Tootie Rivers]

When you open the bakery.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, and not until then. So about five years from now.

[Kevin Tullio]

I don't know.

[Patton Oswalt]

Really. And Mom.

[Tootie Rivers]

Oh, mumps.

[Patton Oswalt]

Can you stick around and kill a few more rats on your way out? What do you say?

[Mumps]

I would love to, but, Scott, I don't know how much you're gonna be here. I just, I just got a little debrief from O.J. got a little. He passed me a note.

[Patton Oswalt]

O.J. what's going on?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm gonna be in the walls right here at 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. Well, I guess the ghost of O.J. simpson living in my house, it's not the. I mean, it's, you know, it's at famous at least.

[Scott Aukerman]

And as soon as you go to sleep, all you hear hear is take care. Take care.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. I would. I actually wouldn't mind that. It's very soothing. Yeah, yeah. And then Tudy.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm thanking you for being on duty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Give me that microphone.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. There it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me tell you something, Scott. Yes, I'm gonna be here and I'm not gonna be in the walls. I'm gonna be right outside in the moat wrestling alligators, wrestling crocodiles, wrestling snakes. Whatever you got out there in that moat, it ain't gonna stop me.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm back in your lifestyle, Scott. Welcome back. Welcome back, Scotta.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. I mean, welcome back to you. I guess I'll, I'll, I'll throw some more stuff out there in the moat to keep you occupied. Is that all right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sounds good to me.

[Patton Oswalt]

All right, thank. And you know what sounds good to me is we'll see you next week. Thanks, everyone.

[Tootie Rivers]

By.

[Kevin Tullio]

Adam Pally here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die.

[Kevin Tullio]

Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, staying Alive.

[Patton Oswalt]

We'll have guests like our friend, actor.

[Kevin Tullio]

Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Shear Ego Wodem, Gillian Bell, Dr. Doolittle. Staying alive with John Gabriel. Adam Pally is out right now.

[Patton Oswalt]

Get them a week early and ad free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Commercial Insurance.

[Tootie Rivers]

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[Mumps]

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[Tootie Rivers]

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[Mumps]

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[Tootie Rivers]

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[Patton Oswalt]

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