Asif Ali, Lily Sullivan, Dan Lippert

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast – Episode Featuring Asif Ali, Lily Sullivan, and Dan Lippert
Release Date: March 17, 2025

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Introduction

In this lively episode of Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast, host Scott Aukerman welcomes first-time guests Asif Ali, Lily Sullivan, and Dan Lippert. The conversation swiftly transitions from promotional content to an engaging discussion about Asif Ali's new Hulu series, followed by an improvisational comedy segment involving the enigmatic "Hollywood Cabal."

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1. Spotlight on "Deli Boys"

Plot and Characters

Asif Ali introduces his breakout role in the new comedy series Deli Boys, available on Hulu. The show centers around two barely legal South Asian trust fund kids, Mir and Raj, who navigate their immature lifestyles three days post-18th birthday. Asif portrays Mir, a type-A business school graduate, while Raj, played by Sagar Shake, wrestles with the aftermath of their patriarch's unexpected demise.

• Asif Ali (04:07): "Deli Boys is out. I have seen approximately two hours of these four episodes..."

• Lily Sullivan (Macy) (04:22): "It's about two trust fund kids, two little dum dums I play..."

Production Insights

The guests delve into the show's development, highlighting its unexpected shift from a lighthearted premise to a darker narrative akin to The Sopranos or Pulp Fiction. They discuss the intense first episode, laden with Tarantino-esque violence and substantial blood effects.

• Asif Ali (07:30): "It's like the premise had been established... Suddenly it's violent. It's very exciting to me."

Reception and Ratings

Macy proudly mentions the series boasts a 90% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, underscoring its critical acclaim.

• Macy (09:36): "We have an over 90% rating on Rotten Tomatoes."

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2. Behind the Scenes: Filming and Character Development

The conversation shifts to behind-the-scenes anecdotes, including the decision to release all 10 episodes simultaneously on Hulu, comparing it to Disney's "bear tactics." They share humorous instances from the set, such as challenging improv scenes and interactions with guest stars like Lily Sullivan.

• Asif Ali (14:31): "Watching these... Because you're using four episodes... Free trial, by the way."

• Macy (15:32): "I was doing improv... Moved to LA, actively losing money doing improv."

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3. Improv Comedy Segment: Hollywood Cabal Wellness Check

In a creative improvisational segment, the guests participate in a mock wellness check conducted by a fictional therapist affiliated with the "Hollywood Cabal." This segment humorously explores the concept of actors having "innies" (their Hollywood personas) and "outies" (their real-life selves).

• Dr. Shred (Comedic Character) (32:32): "Due to the chaotic and often volatile nature of the entertainment industry..."

• Asif Ali (33:35): "I didn't see that. I've never talked to anyone else who's seen it."

The segment features absurd scenarios, such as Dr. Shred attempting to detail Asif Ali's "Audi" (a metaphorical representation of his separated self), leading to comical confusion and exaggerated character traits.

• Asif Ali (40:35): "Dr. Shred was here and he was awesome."

• Macy (44:12): "Dr. Shred doesn't read."

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4. Guest Appearance: Russ Sawaro, the Government Employee

Russ Sawaro joins the conversation as a government employee working for Culligan, addressing water-based issues unique to Hollywood. His dry humor and understated demeanor add a distinct flavor to the episode.

• Russ Sawaro (60:39): "I work for Culligan solving water-based issues that the normal Hollywood man wouldn't be able to handle."

• Asif Ali (62:14): "Everything you said before Dr. Shred was kind of lame, but Dr. Shred makes me sound cool."

Russ shares his experiences, including navigating technology like Sling for watching shows and his interactions with the "Hollywood Cabal," which perpetuates the episode's running gag.

• Russ Sawaro (65:47): "I subscribe to the Gelson's monthly newsletter because I want to get dragon fruit."

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5. Promotional Segments

Throughout the episode, strategic promotional spots are interwoven seamlessly into the conversation, endorsing Asif Ali’s Deli Boys on Hulu and Macy’s upcoming stand-up tour.

• Macy (80:16): "I'm going on tour doing stand-up starting April. Find all the dates on my Instagram page at Ali Comedy."

Additionally, humorous plug-ins for fictional products like "Dr. Shred's" non-alcoholic beer and "Dirt Shirt" merchandise are featured, enhancing the comedic undertones.

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6. Closing Remarks

As the episode nears its end, the playful chaos from the wellness check spills over, resulting in mock confrontations and humorous confusion among the guests. Scott Aukerman wraps up by reinforcing the availability of Deli Boys and the dynamic performances of the guests.

• Asif Ali (89:03): "I enjoyed hearing about it. I enjoy. I guess I didn't meet him, but he sounds cool."

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Notable Quotes

• Asif Ali (04:07): "Deli Boys is out. I have seen approximately two hours of these four episodes..."

• Macy (09:36): "We have an over 90% rating on Rotten Tomatoes."

• Asif Ali (14:31): "...give me a free trial without ads. Hook me."

• Dr. Shred (32:32): "Due to the chaotic and often volatile nature of the entertainment industry..."

• Russ Sawaro (60:39): "I work for Culligan solving water-based issues that the normal Hollywood man wouldn't be able to handle."

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Conclusion

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang masterfully blends structured discussions about new media projects with spontaneous improvisational comedy, creating a dynamic and entertaining experience. The interplay between hosts and guests, coupled with clever humor and behind-the-scenes insights, offers both longtime fans and newcomers a rich and engaging listen.

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

Now you can get Disney and Hulu together for just $2.99 a month for four months.

[Asif Ali]

We sure would love that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get both and watch Marvel's Daredevil, Born Again and Moana 2 on Disney. Can I get a Chihu on Hulu? Check out Good American Family and Paradise.

[Macy]

Call it in.

[Russ Sawaro]

Now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Disney plus and Hulu together for just $2.99 a month. All of these and more. Streaming soon. New and returning subscribers 18 plus only after four months. Plan auto renews at $10.99 a month until canceled offer ends. 3, 30, 25 terms apply.

[Asif Ali]

It's survey time. This comes around every five years or so. It's so exciting. In order to support Comedy Bang Bang, we need the help of some great advertisers, not just good advertisers. And we want to make sure those advertisers are ones that you actually want to hear about. But we need to learn a little bit more about you to make that possible. So here's what you do. Go to pod survey.com Bang Bang and take a quick anonymous survey that will help us to get, you know, better. All you gotta do is enter your name, address, phone number. No, it's anonymous. And this way we can bring on advertisers who you won't want to skip. And once you've completed the quick survey, you can enter for a chance to win a $100Amazon gift card. Terms and conditions, of course, of course they apply again. That is podsurvey.com Bang Bang. Thanks for your help. Life is short, life is cruel. Dipped my wang in pudding but it turned out to be gruel. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to side of mcg catchphrase superstar side of mcg. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week, I believe. It's one day after the ides of March and we're dipping into St. Patrick's Day today. Hope you're wearing your green. I know. Our guest of honor is. Come on.

[Macy]

Come on.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know why, as we are recording this prior to the day, but I think green is one of those colors that should only be one day. I think. I think every. There should be a color for every day of the year.

[Macy]

Oh, I like this.

[Asif Ali]

And everyone has to wear it or else they get pinched every day. So you wake up and it's like you and it's. It's on the color wheel and it's like 1093 teal blue. And everyone has to wear that one or else they get pinched all day. We'll be discussing this a little later. My name is Scott Aukerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. We have a great show coming up. We have an entertainer. We also have a government employee. So this is a packed show.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Wow.

[Asif Ali]

Let me get to our guest of honor, the aforementioned green wearing person. He is a stand up comedian and an actor who has appeared on such shows as Wrecked and WandaVision. His breakout role has arrived here in the new comedy Deli Boys, which is out on Hulu now. All episodes, I believe, currently available to watch all 10. All episodes currently. We hope there's more. Of course.

[Macy]

I'm knocking this wood.

[Asif Ali]

I'd like this show to go on till the end of time.

[Macy]

Hey. Thank you.

[Asif Ali]

Please welcome Asif Ali to the show. First time. You're welcome to the first time listener.

[Macy]

First time guest. Yes.

[Asif Ali]

Wonderful. Welcome to the show. Deli Boys is out. I am here to say that I have seen approximately two hours of this four episodes. Whoa. I'm not yet halfway through the season, but I've seen my share.

[Macy]

You've seen enough.

[Asif Ali]

My, no, my share, My share will be all 10. I, I, I imagine I will complete it. But this much between the booking.

[Macy]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

And you arriving. This is as much as I was able to complete.

[Macy]

I love that.

[Asif Ali]

Enjoying it a lot. Tell us a little bit about what the plot of this show is.

[Macy]

Who you play.

[Asif Ali]

Give me everything.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Oh.

[Macy]

Go, go, go, go, go. Real fast. Start the clock real fast. Yeah. It's about two trust fund kids. Two little dum dums I play.

[Asif Ali]

These kids are dumb.

[Macy]

Two South Asian boys, barely legal. I know you're into that, you nasty man. To barely.

[Asif Ali]

What are we talking? We talking like three days after their 18th birthday.

[Macy]

Yeah. Just the idea of drinking gets them so hard. I know you're into that. And on your note, we talked about this before.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. And you flipped through all my notes.

[Macy]

Scott has underlined Barely Legal South Asian three, four times. He has a globe out and he's circled South Asia broadly. And, and so we're so another guest.

[Asif Ali]

Is so disgusted by this, they are taking off their headphones and walking out.

[Macy]

Of the room and calling the police. But yeah, two trust fund kids, two idiots. I play Mir and Sagar Shake plays Raj. I'm sort of the type A, went to business.

[Asif Ali]

He, by the way, people will know from Ms. Marvel. He's so great as the brother on Ms. Marvel.

[Macy]

Yes. And so I played sort of the type A, went to Drexel, went to business school, want to be my dad. Drexel Drexel.

[Asif Ali]

Is that a Harry Potter character?

[Macy]

Can I tell you something? I was a voice in Hogwarts Legacy, the video game.

[Asif Ali]

And are you proud of that now, in hindsight?

[Macy]

Ah, we'll save that for later.

[Asif Ali]

Would you like to publicly denounce J.K.

[Macy]

Rowling for her views about most communities? Yes.

[Asif Ali]

Okay. Okay. I just. We have that on the record.

[Macy]

We have that on the record. However, they made it very clear that the video game has nothing to do with her. And then they also made it clear.

[Asif Ali]

But it doesn't have to do with her views.

[Macy]

Yeah, it's just you playing Twitter and you're just jumping from one of her posts to another one.

[Asif Ali]

Notorious turf jk.

[Macy]

Yes. We do not like that. And so I'm sort of like the type A guy, and then he plays sort of the. He uses his trust fund money to do drugs and be an orgies and be a real nasty guy. And he's a nasty boy. He's a nasty boy like you. I know you loved it. And. And so our dad, played by Iqbal Thiba, who was the principal in Glee. Very talented guy.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know why you pointed at me. I've never seen it.

[Macy]

You're a huge Glee fan. I know that about you. You're doing jazz hands. They can't see it. That's true. And so we're in his shadow. He was an immigrant guy, worked at a deli. Then eventually there's a chain of delis.

[Asif Ali]

He's incredibly successful. He has commercials everywhere.

[Macy]

He's a huge. Like, running a corporation now. Then he dies in a tragic accident.

[Asif Ali]

We don't want to go into exactly how he dies because we want you to watch. We want you to watch. But it's a huge. So if you're into death and you watch things like Faces of Death, a lot of blood, there's a scene in this that you're going to love.

[Macy]

Yeah. If you saw war footage in the early 2000s on the Internet and you were upvoting it with Scott, you're going to love the show.

[Asif Ali]

One scene.

[Macy]

At least one scene. One big scene. So he dies, and then we find out that all of the money from our family was actually coming from our dad, using all of these delis that he owned as a middleman for cocaine distribution.

[Asif Ali]

Yes. Now, here's what I like about the show. I was watching the first episode, and I felt like the premise had been established.

[Macy]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

Because it's two idiots, and you have your father, and he's complaining about you guys are idiots. And you're not ready for responsibility. I'm like, okay, I get this. This is going to be a show where two idiots work at a deli or a chain of delis or whatever. It's fine. Suddenly he's dead. And then it turns into something akin to the Sopranos or Pulp Fiction or something where it's suddenly, now it's in the drug trade and people are getting murdered.

[Macy]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

And it's violent. And it was very exciting to me.

[Macy]

Just the amount of blood in that first episode was just insane. And that's when we knew this is.

[Asif Ali]

Going to be approximately 10 pints. I would estimate it at blood stamated.

[Macy]

And the PSI was powerful that day. Yeah. The effects guys were really having fun blasting our asses with a Tarantino amount of blood. Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

It's strange because all the spatter was on your asses. It was like, I don't. I don't know who murders someone and turns their ass toward the body, but that was you guys.

[Macy]

We knew how the Internet worked. And I was like, let's give the fans something. And we turned around and they were like, spray these bbls. We know what America wants. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Asif Ali]

So that is. And. And you. You have a. An aunt as well.

[Macy]

Yes. Played by Poorna Jagannatha.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, she's great. She's getting a lot of buzz for her. Her performance.

[Macy]

I'm gonna say it here first. She will get nominated for an Emmy. And if she doesn't, we will riot.

[Asif Ali]

Yes. When you say we, who are we talking about?

[Macy]

Me. You? All of the listeners of CBB will.

[Asif Ali]

Gather that's gonna be a very ineffectual riot.

[Macy]

Thirteen people. Very passionate.

[Asif Ali]

No, she's great. She kind of takes over in your father's footsteps. And along with who. Who. Who is.

[Macy]

Brian George plays. Yeah. Incredible.

[Asif Ali]

Great cast, Very funny show. And goes into. I've. Like I say, I've seen approximately two hours of this, four episodes. And goes. And that. I'm counting the ads that are on Hulu, because you have Hulu with ads.

[Macy]

I have hulu more than $9.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know how to get rid of these things other than paying money, which I don't want to do, but.

[Macy]

Certified fresh, by the way. We're certified fresh and Rotten Tomatoes.

[Asif Ali]

Now, actually, what is it? What does it take to be certified fresh?

[Macy]

I don't know.

[Asif Ali]

Just over the 50% mark or what?

[Macy]

I'm not here to question it. All I know is that we have an over 90% rating on rotten Tomatoes.

[Asif Ali]

Wow.

[Macy]

I think Certified Freshes. You need to get over a certain amount of positive ratings.

[Asif Ali]

That's what I mean. 50% is what I said.

[Macy]

No, I think it's over 50%.

[Asif Ali]

51. What do we.

[Macy]

Maybe 60s, 60s. Maybe 60s, 70s.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know, like in. In school, a 60 gives you a.

[Macy]

D. So I would say 70s and it'd have to be 70s then.

[Asif Ali]

Right?

[Macy]

Like a good a C. Yeah, yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Something's fresh if it's like, half bad. Right.

[Macy]

Okay, this is. This is. Hold on. This is a takedown piece. What did I walk myself into? Holy.

[Asif Ali]

I know. It's a very funny show and very exciting and has great guest stars. I know. There's this gentleman, Tim Baltz, who plays an FBI agent, and I saw this Australian actress named Lily Sullivan, who was in this, a force to be reckoned.

[Macy]

With, honestly, would not make eye contact with us and was very much doing Method. And we kept reminding her, this is a comedy show.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, I'm glad you said UD after doing Method.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah.

[Macy]

And was very serious and then got us all iPads after her performance.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, wow.

[Macy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

She's a class act, though. Great cast and funny writing. How did the show end up coming to be? Who actually created Abdullah Saeed?

[Macy]

This incredible guy. He used to work at Vice. He used to do drugs at Vice. So that tells you where his mind was at. If you're the senior, you know, person doing drugs at Vice.

[Asif Ali]

That was his role. That was his role just to do whatever drugs.

[Macy]

Whatever that day.

[Asif Ali]

Reviews.

[Macy]

He used to have a show called Bong Appetite where he would smoke weed and then cook and taste food. That has been infused with.

[Asif Ali]

Now, what came first? The title, we don't know.

[Macy]

That's like asking a podcast. Like, what came first, the name or the idea kind of thing. But he. He wrote. He actually, the reason why the show is so interesting is that he wrote it because he just wanted to get staffed in a room. And so, you know, like, they just tell you to write the craziest shit you can come up with so they can just get an idea for what your sense of humor is. But then when he was taking around, they were like, oh, Onyx was like, yeah, we'll make this. And he was like, oh, shit. Okay. So, like, that jump from. I was just planning on getting staffed, and then now you're an EP creator. Writer.

[Asif Ali]

That's almost too much responsibility for this guy, I would say.

[Macy]

But he did it. But he did it.

[Asif Ali]

He did it.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

We also have Jenny Connor from Girls yes, who was one of the Producers.

[Macy]

Nora Silver, Michelle Nader was showing up. It was a lot of women. He was the only man that was.

[Asif Ali]

I also heard a story about how a lot of the characters were men in the original draft. And then they asked, hey, could you change these?

[Macy]

He went to a panel, like a Gina Davis panel, I think, and she was like, go through one of our.

[Asif Ali]

Great stars, wouldn't you agree? The fly.

[Macy]

God, we love it.

[Asif Ali]

Brundle Fly.

[Macy]

My favorite bug. Scary stuff. God, just eating. We love that for her. And she's actually going to use this now as this is going right to our Instagram. Getting pinned on our Instagram.

[Asif Ali]

But she does a lot of work in that space. I know my wife's film went to her film festival out in. I forget what state it was in, but Tennessee or something like that. But she. But it's very focused on women in the industry.

[Macy]

Yeah. So he went to a panel and they were like, go through his script and find any characters that are men that can be switched to a woman. Go ahead and do that. And so he did that with Lucky Auntie and he did that with Agent Mercer, right?

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. And it's a great. I mean, you know, without doing that Lucky Auntie, which is such a great.

[Macy]

Character, exist, and it gave her so much more to. To play with.

[Asif Ali]

I'm gonna say reverse the gender of every single character in your script and see what happens.

[Macy]

Oh, no. So we get picked up for season two, and then I'm fired.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, exactly.

[Macy]

I do catering now.

[Asif Ali]

No, you can. You can play Lucky Auntie now. Oh, and she plays you.

[Macy]

This is very cool. We love. Okay, I'm. Now I'm back on board.

[Asif Ali]

Like, if that. Here's. Here's what. Here's how to fix Hollywood.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Because everyone talks about, like, oh, there aren't enough women roles.

[Macy]

And people have been asking you specifically about this.

[Asif Ali]

Exactly.

[Macy]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

Just take every single script that goes into production, swap the gender of every single role there.

[Macy]

Whoa. So Reacher is a woman now.

[Asif Ali]

Yes. A small Ms. Reacher.

[Macy]

Ms. Reacher. I don't mind if I do. Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

And, yeah, she's very tiny.

[Macy]

Tiny lady.

[Asif Ali]

Big tits, keep her from punching people.

[Macy]

That's how she gets towns to submit to her. Well, they're like, hold on. We were doing.

[Asif Ali]

This is how we cure sexism in Hollywood.

[Macy]

Oh, my God.

[Asif Ali]

So what Deli boys, of course we're talking about on hulu now. All 10 episodes. All 10 were released at the same time.

[Macy]

Same time. Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

That's. That's like bear tactics.

[Macy]

And that was. And that was A conversation that was happening on set. And even though I wasn't obviously in a position of power to make that decision. Were you, like, I was yelling it a lot.

[Asif Ali]

Overhearing these conversations, like, trying to sidle up to him, going like, well, here's my opinion.

[Macy]

I know. I. They would be like, so, what do you guys think? And I made it. I would yell it out. I would be like, guys, remember? In between, I'd be like, all right, now it needs. They all need to drop at the same time.

[Asif Ali]

At the same time. Well, it's. It's benefiting me because I, of course, had to cram.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Watching these. Because you're using four episodes.

[Macy]

You're using a free trial.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah.

[Macy]

You piece.

[Asif Ali]

That's the other part of it.

[Macy]

God damn it.

[Asif Ali]

The free trial, by the way. And give me ads. Come on, man. Give me a free trial without ads. Hook me. Maybe I'll pay for the no ads. It's a great show. Deli Boys is out there right now, and 10 episodes you have experienced. I mean, you were in WandaVision Wrecked. You're in a lot of stuff.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

But you started as a standup comedian.

[Macy]

Yes. Yeah. I started in high school in Arizona and Phoenix.

[Asif Ali]

That's right.

[Macy]

Yeah. And then I moved to Chicago. Chicago, Great comedy scene. I feel like a lot of people who want to get into comedy, pick New York or la. And don't overlook Chicago. It's an incredible place.

[Asif Ali]

But everyone in Chicago just goes, like, when am I moving to LA or New York?

[Macy]

Yeah, but that's after. They're already powerhouse houses of comedy. You know what I mean? It's a great incubator.

[Asif Ali]

We love our second city.

[Macy]

Of course, our. I.

[Asif Ali]

We love them.

[Macy]

IOS doesn't even exist anymore. Whoa.

[Asif Ali]

News to me.

[Macy]

Gone.

[Asif Ali]

We love them, though. We love them. A great legacy. And you went to Chicago.

[Macy]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

Did you mainly focus on standup?

[Macy]

I was doing improv. And you're doing improv as well. But then eventually when I came to la, it was like a thing of, like, hey, I can't make any money. I'm just actively losing money doing improv.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah.

[Macy]

And so I.

[Asif Ali]

That's the thing. You have to pay approximately, like, $500 every improv performance you give.

[Macy]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

And it's just. It's sunk, cost.

[Macy]

And as much as I love doing it and, you know, being around a lot of other people who are way too enthusiastic, I.

[Asif Ali]

You love doing it. Let me give you a word.

[Macy]

Okay.

[Asif Ali]

Bovine.

[Macy]

Yes. And milk.

[Asif Ali]

Okay. He loves it.

[Macy]

Come on, put me on a Herald.

[Asif Ali]

He loves it. Yeah. Did you, did you. So you were doing standup as well at the same time as doing improv?

[Macy]

Yes, yes.

[Asif Ali]

And so it's easier to make money doing stand up because you go out and do clubs.

[Macy]

And frankly, I was better at it. I had to sit down and be like, hey, what am I actually better at? And I was better at stand up. And, and the improv community was devastated. Honestly, a lot of people. Lauren called me. Lauren called me and said, really? Are you sure? You know, we are looking for a South Asian person in 2078, when we get a lot of pressure on social media, and then you will be let go six months later. And so I was like, listen, man, I have a career and I want to pursue this thing.

[Asif Ali]

Do you have a, do you have any specials out there or.

[Macy]

I did a Netflix special called Verified. It was like a, it was like four people doing 15 minutes.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, yeah, one of those 15 minutes. One that Max did, right?

[Macy]

No, no, it was on Netflix.

[Asif Ali]

No, I, I, I, I mean our good friend Max.

[Macy]

Oh, yes, of course.

[Asif Ali]

From the Nevada Johnny Carson Festival.

[Macy]

Yes, it was. Yeah, that.

[Asif Ali]

And one of, one of these things where it was just like, okay, we, we don't trust you for half an hour.

[Macy]

Which is crazy because they saw me do an hour, and then they're like, here's 15, and I go, what is this? Yeah, I already showed.

[Asif Ali]

Is it an attention span thing? What it, what, what do you think it is?

[Macy]

I don't, I think it was a trust thing. They, they need the computer. It's not human beings trusting me. They need a computer to trust me. Or they need you to show them that you have 2 million alt right fans.

[Asif Ali]

What do you think about computers? Are they good for society or like, on the whole, like, we used to have calculators.

[Macy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Asif Ali]

And we were like, I remember that was a big. And when I was in school, that was a big thing. Do we let calculators into the classroom?

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

And nowadays it's like, hey, we have. I mean, that's mainly what I use this phone for, is just for the calculator app.

[Macy]

Yeah. That's calculating that zero percent tip you give at restaurants. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Let's see. Zero divided by zero. Oh, look at this. Same thing every time.

[Macy]

They hate you at Buca di Beppo. They hate you. But, yeah, I think that using the algorithm thing, it is kind of crazy because it used to be.

[Asif Ali]

It feels like there's no one in charge of, like, just making decisions with your gut.

[Macy]

Sure.

[Asif Ali]

It's just all just, you know, you hear about, oh my God, our good friend Christian Brune show being canceled by Netflix when It has like 800 million viewers and some computer is like, don't like it, don't like it, don't know why. Grade of completion. And they all just go like, oh, thank you, computer. Oh, we love you, computer. And everyone loves this show. And then suddenly you wake up one day and it's gone. What is going on?

[Macy]

I don't know what's going on.

[Asif Ali]

But not, not at Hulu.

[Macy]

These are not at Hulu. These people have heart, they have passion and, you know, anything else positive I can say for us to get a second season.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. And when does that. When, when do they decide this? How long is your contract?

[Macy]

I don't know how long our contract is, but when do that.

[Asif Ali]

When do they have to re.

[Macy]

I would love to get my lawyer. You don't know. I would love, you know, I think it's like a three year contract.

[Asif Ali]

No, no, no. But, but when do they have to decide whether they're picking?

[Macy]

I think they have to tell us by June or what.

[Asif Ali]

They have to pay you more money.

[Macy]

Yeah. Or if they hold us, have to pay us more money. Yeah. Which we were. I think it's like, I think it's at least like 50.

[Asif Ali]

50K.

[Macy]

I think it's at least 50 to 70K.

[Asif Ali]

50 to 70K. That's about right.

[Macy]

To hold us.

[Asif Ali]

Just to hold. Yeah. Because like you're. You're a star on the up.

[Macy]

Yeah, I'm on the up. And number one on the call sheet.

[Asif Ali]

You're number one on the call sheet. This is what I need to get you.

[Macy]

Thank you.

[Asif Ali]

Thank you.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

How did you wrangle that?

[Macy]

It's my first time in my entire career being number one on the call sheet.

[Asif Ali]

What were you on? Wrecked. Probably six.

[Macy]

I was number six.

[Asif Ali]

You're six?

[Macy]

Yeah, I was six. Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

And then on WandaVision. Let me guess, WandaVision. You're probably in the 30s.

[Macy]

Yeah, I think it was something. I was probably 20. Something 20 because I was pretty early on, but. Yeah, but I was recurring. Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

So you, you were in the first couple episodes because you're one of the people in the town.

[Macy]

I was in all. I was in five out of the six, I believe.

[Asif Ali]

Wow.

[Macy]

Yeah. And I.

[Asif Ali]

Those are good odds.

[Macy]

And when you're a guest star, you know, shrinking. I was.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know actually, but go ahead. Don't get a lot of work in these neck of the woods.

[Macy]

Come on. Your attitude towards Hollywood, I feel like, would just open doors for you left and right. Yeah. Shrinking. I was pretty low because.

[Asif Ali]

Didn't even put myself in my own thing. This is how bad I audition.

[Macy]

Because that's. You're an artist. You're an artist. New girl. I was pretty low because I was, like, the last season of the actual show. So I want to say, but how.

[Asif Ali]

Do you get number one in this daily boy show? Like, was there a fight between.

[Macy]

I don't.

[Asif Ali]

Or was it just decided one day you're number one?

[Macy]

I think it was.

[Asif Ali]

Did you talk first in the show between the two. Between the two of you?

[Macy]

No, I think our dad talks first.

[Asif Ali]

But he talks first. But he's not. He's not gonna be number one on the call sheet. Did you. Your scene was first, wasn't it?

[Macy]

I think.

[Asif Ali]

I think they established your character first.

[Macy]

Maybe, but I don't think that's how it works.

[Asif Ali]

I bet it was.

[Macy]

I mean, you. How the would you know, Scott? We have to ask the computer. The computer's the only one that can tell us. But, yeah, it's been.

[Asif Ali]

What an honor.

[Macy]

Yeah. Truly. It's a special thing, but it's an ensemble, so it. You know, we all share.

[Asif Ali]

You guys should switch it next season.

[Macy]

Why are you doing this to me? I hate. I hate this.

[Asif Ali]

I'm just saying, like, you're number one this time, and it makes you feel like a big shot.

[Macy]

And I'll be number 37.

[Asif Ali]

Give it to the.

[Macy]

Give it to soccer. Yeah, okay. Okay, fine. Okay, fine.

[Russ Sawaro]

Why not?

[Asif Ali]

You'll be. He's two probably, right?

[Macy]

Yeah, he's two. Yeah. Give it to him and we'll switch for season two.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Macy]

That's cute.

[Asif Ali]

It is fun.

[Macy]

That is kind of nice.

[Asif Ali]

That'd be nice. And you should make a big ceremony out of it where you, like, you know, make up a giant call sheet. Like it's a giant check or something.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah.

[Macy]

We're a publisher's clearinghouse.

[Asif Ali]

Right.

[Macy]

Handed over to him, and you cut.

[Asif Ali]

A ribbon and everything. That would be fun to do on the first.

[Macy]

And then he immediately does a switch where then. Now he establishes rules that we were trying to avoid, where he's like, don't look at me. Don't talk to me. I will have. I will have a video village made out of trailers with, like, six different trailers.

[Asif Ali]

A video village made out of trailers.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

I'm trying to imagine this.

[Macy]

Yeah. Where you just open the window and you can see the monitors through there. Y.

[Asif Ali]

Well, this is a great show. Deli boys number one on the call sheet here. This is an honor for me.

[Macy]

And the show takes place. I listen, I'm just.

[Asif Ali]

Takes place. By the way, it takes place on.

[Macy]

Earth in Philly, in Philadelphia, but we shot it in Chicago.

[Asif Ali]

That's right. So if you are. If you ever see, like, the L train passing by, you're gonna be like.

[Macy]

Holy, this is crazy. But.

[Asif Ali]

Or the lake. Or like, you guys walk by Second City.

[Macy]

Yeah. And there's a whole episode where I. Where my character drops a character and does two very bad improv scenes at Second City, pitches the show to the audience.

[Asif Ali]

Jason Sudeikis doesn't drop in.

[Macy]

We get into. Yeah. He looks at me and he's like, I don't know you. And then we leave, and then we get on the train and argue for about three stops.

[Asif Ali]

So this is a good show.

[Macy]

It's a fun show. We shot next to the bear, actually.

[Asif Ali]

Did you like. What do you mean, next to the bear?

[Macy]

Our stages were right next. It was us, the bear.

[Asif Ali]

So if they turn the camera even slightly to the right, you would see.

[Macy]

Jeremy Allen White IO Deborah Matty Matheson.

[Asif Ali]

Was that hard to be, like, trying to act and then the bear is acting right next to you?

[Macy]

It's kind of crazy because it's like, you could feel the weight of, like, man, there's Emmys right next door to us.

[Asif Ali]

Do you think he's playing Springsteen? Right.

[Macy]

Do you think he's.

[Asif Ali]

That's gonna seep into his bear performance where he's like, hey, little mama, I'm the bear.

[Macy]

I actually love that. I think him saying, hey, little mama over the plate. Over a plate of food. And while he's in his own apartment.

[Asif Ali]

He'S talked to his food. I've never seen the show.

[Macy]

He's gonna talk to his food. He's gonna. This season, weird show. We would do this funny bit where, when we were shooting out on location the entire time. Why the.

[Asif Ali]

Does anyone watch this?

[Macy]

I love it. When we would shoot on location, you.

[Asif Ali]

Have to say that you work.

[Macy]

No, I love it. I love seasons.

[Asif Ali]

There's a show about a guy speaking to his plate, but what's every show?

[Macy]

You could die. You could dilute any show into that, you know? All right. You know this show, from what you're.

[Asif Ali]

Saying, I've never seen it. So from what you're saying, this is a show about a guy who talks to his food like he's Bruce Springsteen. Yeah.

[Macy]

But he uses, like, a voice. You know what I Mean, all right. Yeah. All right. We would do this bit in Chicago whenever we were outside, we would. We would tell people when they'd walk by and be like, what are you guys shooting? We'd be like, oh, we're shooting the bear. And people would be like, oh, my God, what's the season about? And be like, this season, Carmi really gets into South Asian food. He's starting a South Asian restaurant. He's getting into biryani and naan and lentils and curries, and they would legitimately be like, oh, shit. Really? That's like. That makes sense because the show kind of, like, breaks boundaries and stuff. That makes perfect sense. And I'm like, yeah, there's an episode where the spice really gets to him and he has to, like, sit down in the freezer, but like, for different reasons. And so there's like, about 100 and maybe 20 people. Maybe there's like, 120. I can handle spice, so it's not up to me. But there's about 100 people in Chicago who believe that season, the new season of the bear is about him starting.

[Asif Ali]

I love that.

[Macy]

A South Asian restaurant.

[Asif Ali]

And they think it's groundbreaking.

[Macy]

Yeah. They're like, oh, my God, it's going to be crazy. He's probably going to call, like. He's probably going to call it, like, hurry in a curry or something like that. And. And they're gonna be like, cousin. That's a up name. They're gonna have a whole ep, someone's gonna drive their car through the front of it. It's gonna be awesome.

[Asif Ali]

You guys should cross over with a bear. You know how, like, CSI and 2 and a Half Men had a crossover episode? Like, you got, like, the bear should drop by, like, one of your delis, and someone shoots him in the face.

[Macy]

Well, Abbott, stop talking to your food. Abbott elementary and It's Always Sunny did.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah.

[Macy]

Philly crossovers.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. That's fun. And so you guys are in Philly, too, supposedly. So. Yeah.

[Macy]

So we could pop in there, too.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, that would be fun.

[Macy]

Just sell the kids coke.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. When you say the kids, you mean the sunny characters.

[Macy]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

You are not intimating that. Of course children are doing code. That's not the kind of joke we do on this.

[Macy]

No, no, not on.

[Asif Ali]

I just want to say, Asif, it's not the kind of joke we do on the show.

[Macy]

And. And you know what? I respect you for that. And I respect that you're setting boundaries and letting me know, putting me in my place, even though I'm number one on the call sheet. You're putting me in my place.

[Asif Ali]

I'm number one on the call sheet in this room.

[Macy]

Oh, that's true. That's true. God. And you had a call sheet printed out when I came in here that I had to sign, which was odd, but I respected it.

[Asif Ali]

Well, it's a great show. Deli Boys is out there right now. Also, I'm realizing that deli is a play on, of course, the Indian City.

[Macy]

The Indian City.

[Asif Ali]

But it's spelled D E D L I. So if you're trying to look up, I'm. I can't find Deli Boys. Take the H out. And it's a great show out on Hulu. Now I'm going to watch the other six episodes the minute you leave. Wow. And I hope everyone watches all 10. Those computers, they like their completion rate.

[Macy]

Help. Help me in the algo, please.

[Asif Ali]

We need them to make the decision on this second episode, second season here. How about you can get another 50 to 70k if we get, if we.

[Macy]

Get a second season, you'll be the first to know. Really?

[Asif Ali]

Is that true?

[Macy]

It'll be the first from you. A CBB exclusive.

[Asif Ali]

Were you like, like, here's, here's what I want you to do if you find out it's a no, it's canceled, or if you find out it's a go. Just call me up the minute that you get the info and say schedule the episode today and I'll corral whoever I can. We'll do an episode. You'll make the announcement before you tell any of your loved ones anything like that.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, okay.

[Macy]

I'll do that.

[Asif Ali]

That's a verbal commitment.

[Macy]

That's a verbal commitment. I'll do it.

[Asif Ali]

Deli Boys out right now on Hulu. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have an entertainer. We're going to have a government employee. This is a great show. Awesome. Can you stick around?

[Macy]

Are you kidding me? I wouldn't miss it for the world.

[Asif Ali]

Fantast. Be right back with more comedy Bang bang after this. Flexibility, right? Flexibility in when and how you get your tasks done. It's important to you. With stamps.com, those tedious tasks like sending certified mail, invoices, checks or documents and packages can be done on your own time, not on someone else's. Take care of mailing and shipping wherever you are. Even on the go with the stamps.com mobile app. Oh, it's here. All you need is a computer and A printer and they even send you a free scale. You can easily schedule package pickups through your stamps.com dashboard and automatically see your cheapest and fastest shipping options from different carriers. We've been using stamps.com for over a decade now. It was one of our first sponsors and we've been using it since then. They're great. Have more flexibility. Flex. What is this word? Flexibility? No, it's flexibility. Of course you want more of it, right? We'll have more in Your Life with Stamps.com Sign up at stamps.com and use the code Bang Bang for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts, just go to stamps.com code bang bang. As a small business owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early. Your business is on your mind 24 7. So when you're hiring, you need a partner that grinds just as hard as you do. And that hiring partner is LinkedIn jobs.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yay.

[Asif Ali]

When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in. They make it easy to post your job for free. Share it with your network and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place. And LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions. Then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. Find out why more than 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring today. Post your job for [e-mail] Bang Bang. That's LinkedIn.com Bang Bang to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.

[Scott Aukerman]

The last thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options. Which is why with USAA Auto insurance, you'll get great service that is easy and reliable, all at the touch of a button. Get a quote today. Restrictions apply.

[Asif Ali]

Comedy Bang Bang. We are back. Asifali from Deli Boys out on Hulu right now. All 10 episodes. Didn't you make 11?

[Macy]

You know what? We had a real conversation about that. I was actually tied up. I had a. I had a standup gig for free that I was doing.

[Asif Ali]

And I was like, was it a benefit or.

[Macy]

It was a benefit for me. All the money was going to me and my bank account. And so I was like, daddy needs some new sneakers. So. And you can do that now. You can start a foundation for anything. And it's so the foundation of the betterment of my personal style.

[Asif Ali]

So Instead of doing 11, it just ends at 10 without ever resolving anything.

[Macy]

And then there's A, there's a. There's a Apple Notes. A photo of an Apple Notes. It says it's an apology.

[Asif Ali]

It's an apology.

[Macy]

Yeah, for something, something very nasty that someone did on set. But you'll never know with like little.

[Asif Ali]

Words underlined that they think you misspelled.

[Macy]

Yeah, yeah, with the red line.

[Asif Ali]

I love that when someone releases an Apple Notes apology and there's words underlined. It's like, at least take care of that before releasing this publicly. We have to get to our next guest. Yes, this is exciting. We have three people who have never been on the show before joining our first timers club. Please welcome. She's an entertainer. Please welcome Miss Macy.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Hi, Scott. Sorry, I just have to. I have to read this. I have to start by reading this.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, oh, you're take. Okay, you got your phone out.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Scott Aukerman. As you know, I work for the Hollywood Cabal and have been sent to do a routine wellness check.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know. What do you mean? As I know you work for the Hollywood Cabal.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Due to the chaotic and often volatile nature of the entertainment industry, most actors choose to live a severed life.

[Asif Ali]

A what life?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

A severed life. Severed life with their innie here in Hollywood and their outtie elsewhere.

[Macy]

Oh shit.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Today during our session, I hope to provide you with some helpful information about your Audi.

[Asif Ali]

Okay.

[Macy]

Okay, Scott.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know.

[Macy]

I mean, I'm terrified.

[Asif Ali]

Do you know what this means?

[Macy]

I don't know what this is and honestly, I've sent in a lot of self tapes to get into this Hollywood cabal and I've heard nothing back.

[Asif Ali]

Is this like Illuminati shit? What are you. What are we talking about here, Scott? Is this like Jay Z and Puff Diddy? All the freak offs?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

Am I invited to this?

[Macy]

Don't act like you've never been invited to a freak off, Scott.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

We are all invited to the Hollywood freak offs.

[Macy]

I'm invited too.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes, we are all invited. When you join the Hollywood Cabal.

[Macy]

Holy shit.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

As our record shows, Scott, you have been severed since 2001 when you played Phil Hegel in the Huntress.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, he was a magician. I had to learn a card trick for that.

[Macy]

Some of your finest work.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

A TV series about the adventures of a mother and daughter. Bounty hunters.

[Asif Ali]

Yes. There's nothing like going on a set and feeling like you're doing a terrible job immediately where everyone kind of heavily sighing and coming over to you and going okay this time and. And you feel like you're doing it exactly the way you did in the audition.

[Macy]

Yeah. When you go. When you go on set, it's. It's really testing the reputation of a casting director. Yeah, they're like, I mean, I tried my best.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

That must have meant that you did a really good job.

[Asif Ali]

I think so. I don't know. Also it came out and I've never seen it and I've never talked to anyone else who's seen it.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Well, I'm happy to provide you with a copy. As you know, we keep an extensive library of every single film and television created in the Hollywood.

[Asif Ali]

As you know. I don't know. I don't know anything about this.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Scott, I'm excited to provide you with some helpful information about your outie today. Are you ready to begin our wellness session?

[Asif Ali]

I don't know what this means.

[Macy]

Your innie is a person in Hollywood. So you've never seen the show?

[Asif Ali]

What show?

[Macy]

Severance. It's an incredible show on Apple tv.

[Asif Ali]

I haven't seen that.

[Macy]

And so the show with Adam Scott.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

In it stars Adam Scott, John Turturro and other people.

[Macy]

And so a lot of people.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Patricia Arquette.

[Macy]

And so a lot of people have been saying that helly. That it mirrors real. Like the real Hollywood. And I didn't think it was true. And then now that this is happening, you know, it's really shocking me to my core that this is a real thing and you have your innie.

[Asif Ali]

Wait, I've done this? You're saying?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes, Scott, you've been severed since 2001, which means you have your innie living here in Hollywood and your Audi living elsewhere. Would you like me to dive in?

[Macy]

Please. Do I need to know about this?

[Asif Ali]

Why did you have to look down at your notes for dive in?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Because it's. It's my first day.

[Asif Ali]

It's your first day?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's your first day. God. Oh, it's going terribly.

[Macy]

You're doing so well.

[Asif Ali]

Am I your first client today or whatever you call me?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No, I saw the Lacheys earlier.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, okay.

[Macy]

Nick.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Nick and Vanessa.

[Macy]

Vanessa, yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Nick is a little bit different. Vanessa's obviously severed, but Nick is a brain dead robot.

[Asif Ali]

Why did he stop saying and of course I'm Nick Lachey now he just says, and I'm Nick Lachey.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

We reprogrammed him.

[Asif Ali]

Okay, thank you.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I appreciate it. Someone spilled water on you.

[Asif Ali]

Bugged me and a friend of mine.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Someone spilled water on him and that's why he kept saying that over and over again.

[Macy]

I see, like the aliens in signs. Got it, got it, got it.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Exactly Asif you know that you're also severed.

[Macy]

What the fuck?

[Asif Ali]

What?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah. The moment that you do any part on television, you become severed.

[Macy]

So that means my Audi is living in Phoenix, Arizona right now.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Not in Phoenix, no. But we'll get to your session soon.

[Asif Ali]

Okay?

[Macy]

Okay. Okay.

[Asif Ali]

So wait, even when I was Taft heart lead for Just Shoot Me, you were severed?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes, Scott.

[Asif Ali]

Wow. Okay.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

The pain of a life as an actor was too much for you to take, huh?

[Asif Ali]

Wait, so is that, does that apply to podcasts too?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Absolutely.

[Asif Ali]

Really? So which part of me is doing the podcast? The one of me at home or the innie? The innie. What does that mean?

[Macy]

The part that's in Hollywood.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

In Hollywood, you need to watch the show.

[Asif Ali]

Why?

[Macy]

So this animal, you need to watch the show.

[Asif Ali]

Hanging out with Adam Scott, I'll tell you what, it's like anything he's just filmed, he recaps for you, like verbal the entire time. He's just like, oh yeah, did you see Severance last week? And then he just like takes. It takes longer than the actual episode to watch.

[Macy]

And he'll give you the story to.

[Asif Ali]

Listen to what he did. And he tells. It's not like he's telling behind the scenes stories or whatever. He's just talking about how cool he looked. It's just. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Does he talk about his haircut and his cool run?

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. What's going on with his haircut?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's very long.

[Macy]

Very long.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, yeah, but he cuts it for the. The flashback. Don't worry.

[Macy]

Yeah, he does.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

In season two.

[Asif Ali]

So they flashback and he's cutting his hair.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, they have a whole sequence of him giving himself the Rachel.

[Macy]

It's cute. It's cute.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's so cute. It looks really good on him. Oh, gosh, I'm messing this up already. Okay, I was supposed to give you your session.

[Asif Ali]

Let's do the session. I'm sorry, I. I didn't know any of this.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, I'm so bad. I'm doing terribly today.

[Asif Ali]

You're doing great. Let's do this.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Okay. Your Audi is a ski bump in Vail, Colorado. Your Audi likes to go to local saloon.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, local saloon.

[Macy]

Just one. There's only one? Yeah, there's only one.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

There's only one in Bill.

[Asif Ali]

Okay.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Your Audi loves the band Fish.

[Asif Ali]

No, that's not possible.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes, Scott, take a look at your lower back.

[Macy]

Oh, shit.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Wait, turn around for a stamp.

[Asif Ali]

I can't see it.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's Trey shredding.

[Asif Ali]

Trey shredding.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

On your back, Scott.

[Macy]

It's huge. It's detailed.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's very detailed.

[Asif Ali]

Okay, do you mind if I just keep pointing it at you during the rest of the show?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No. That's really stressing me out.

[Asif Ali]

Okay.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Trying to get through.

[Asif Ali]

Pull my pants back up.

[Macy]

Okay.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

God, this has been such a hard week for me.

[Macy]

He also has a liquid death tattoo.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah.

[Macy]

Weird look.

[Asif Ali]

I love the brand. That was. That was from me. That was my Audi. That was me.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Well, why has it been a terrible week?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, my God. It's just like I started this new job working at the Cabal, and it's just not going well. Nobody offered to take me to lunch.

[Macy]

Oh.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I thought at least somebody would take me out to lunch in my first week. Not one person.

[Macy]

You thought.

[Asif Ali]

You said it's your first day.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

So the first week. There's still another six days.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Exactly. But the first day's already gone by and no one's offered to take me out.

[Macy]

No one's been like, hey, this is the first time. It is 10:00am steak dinner. Oh, no.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I know. It's just so tough.

[Asif Ali]

Steak dinner?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, steak lunch.

[Macy]

A steak lunch?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No one at the Cabal offered to take me to a steak dinner lunch where you eat dinner.

[Macy]

Well, maybe it'll happen after you're done with this session.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

God, I hope so.

[Macy]

But they're just waiting. They're nervous, probably.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Do you think I'm intimidating?

[Macy]

Yeah, you have an intimidating. The way you shake while you're holding your notes.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, my God.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, it looks like you're gonna snap. Mentally, perhaps. Physically.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I've got to get through, Scott. I've got to push through.

[Asif Ali]

Let's do this.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Okay. Your Audi spends his off season in Costa Rica.

[Macy]

That's kind of cool.

[Asif Ali]

Off from what?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

From skiing.

[Asif Ali]

Whoa.

[Macy]

You go from cold to warm.

[Asif Ali]

Wow.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Your Audi brags about his ski day and how the gnar gnar is the pow pow wow.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know what these mean, but I guess my Audi knows what gnar gnar and pow pow is.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I guess he absolutely knows. Okay, your Audi is in his 50s, but frequently uses the word steezy.

[Macy]

Ew. I don't like that at all.

[Asif Ali]

I don't like at the saloon.

[Macy]

You're dropping steezy at the saloon?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

At saloon, he goes to saloon and he says steezy.

[Asif Ali]

I don't like this guy.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, no, it's your Audi. We all love our Audis. Our Audis are us.

[Macy]

Does Audi. Does Audi have children?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No, Audi is single, but.

[Macy]

Oh, that's kind of cool.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You're Audi.

[Asif Ali]

Can Audi become any?

[Macy]

Now he's back on his steez. I love that shit.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Wow, it's good to see you joke around.

[Asif Ali]

Thank you.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Scott. Your Audi spends most of his trust fund on cocaine.

[Asif Ali]

Ooh, I have a trust fund?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah. You're really wealthy.

[Macy]

Damn. I mean, Vail is really expensive.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's very expensive to live there, even as a ski bum.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Scott, your Audi's name is Dan Peterson, but you insist everyone calls you Dr. Shred.

[Asif Ali]

And I insist on this?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, you insist on this.

[Asif Ali]

It's kind of cool, actually.

[Macy]

Is he related to Jordan Peterson?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

He is.

[Macy]

Oh, shit.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

They're cousins.

[Asif Ali]

My Audi is cousins with Jordan Peterson.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Which means your innie is too.

[Macy]

Oh, God.

[Asif Ali]

Why do we have different names? Is that. Is that what it's like on the show too?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes. Haven't you listened to your friend Adam Scott, when he recaps?

[Asif Ali]

Not really. I'm playing Snake on my phone.

[Macy]

Usually you keep a phone just to play Snake on.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

And old man, you're cutting back on technology, I see. Good for you.

[Asif Ali]

So, I mean, this guy. Look, everything you said before Dr. Shred was kind of lame, but Dr. Shred makes me sound cool, so I don't mind this guy at this point.

[Macy]

Does he wear sleeves on his jackets?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No. All of your winter coats have the sleeves cut off.

[Macy]

Fuck, yeah.

[Asif Ali]

That's pretty fucking cool.

[Macy]

That is so fucking cool. That Liquid Death tattoo is popping.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah. And he also wears shorts on the ski mountain.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, not even cold swim shorts. Swim shorts.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

And you wear fun, loud glasses, Scott, to let everyone know you're silly.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. Do I wear, like, old New Year's Eve glasses that say, like, 2004?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You do. And you wear boas.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, I love this guy. Dr. Shred in the house.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You're a personality in Vail. Your Audi, Scott, pronounces salsa like this. Salsa.

[Macy]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Your Audi pronounces croissant like this. Croissant.

[Asif Ali]

Well, that's how I do it, too. Interesting.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Asif Ali]

Interesting. Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Your Audi pronounces FA like this. Fo.

[Asif Ali]

Fo.

[Macy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Good.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

See, Scott, your Audi is a wonderful person.

[Asif Ali]

And why are you telling me about this guy?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Because this is our wellness check, Scott, okay? It happens once every few months.

[Asif Ali]

Okay.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

And, God, I hope I did a good job. Did I do good?

[Asif Ali]

I guess. I mean, it didn't seem like you checked on my wellness at all. As much as you just. Just told me about this other guy.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Doesn'T that make you feel better learning about your Audi?

[Asif Ali]

I guess so. I mean, yeah, I'm glad to hear he's doing great. I mean, I. To be honest, is there ever like a take your Audi to work day or anything like this where you can switch or.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Silly Scott. We can't be reintegrated. Did your friend Adam Scott tell you about that?

[Asif Ali]

He. I'm sure he did, but is this, like, the substance? That's one I have seen where you're both one.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No, it's not like the substance. Demi Moore also famously severed.

[Macy]

Yeah. Oh, shit.

[Asif Ali]

Demi Moore was severed too.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah. Very early.

[Asif Ali]

Which one owned the town with Bruce Willis? Not the DVD of the movie. The Ben Affleck movie. I mean, they bought, like.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

They bought a town.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. They bought an old town.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I think that was Demi.

[Macy]

Yeah, I think that was Demi as well.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah.

[Macy]

But this Audi version of you is cool single. He's smashing puss.

[Asif Ali]

He's cool as hell.

[Macy]

Smashing puss. He's got no sleeves on. He's snowboarding, and then he spends his summers in Costa Rica.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's just like me. When I learned about my Audi, I felt so much better about myself, Scott.

[Asif Ali]

I mean, to be honest, I'm kind of jealous. I mean, my. Yeah, I guess myself, the innie. I have a pretty boring life where I have to talk to. I mean, no disrespect, of course.

[Macy]

Of course, of course.

[Asif Ali]

You know, like. And you're number one on the call sheet, certainly.

[Macy]

But Hulu, it's a TV thing.

[Asif Ali]

Tv. It's not like. It's not like you're a movie star.

[Macy]

Or anything like that. And I get that. And I get that. Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

You know, so, I mean, compared to.

[Macy]

Dr. Shred, that's huge. Wow. Does Dr. Shred have an Instagram account that Scott can follow?

[Asif Ali]

Can I check it out?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Unfortunately, no. Scott, we have blocked you from ever following Dr. Schmidt.

[Macy]

No, because, you know, those reels would be so good.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It would be too much for your brain, Scott. You would get all scrambled and jumbled.

[Macy]

Mm.

[Asif Ali]

Okay. Well, I mean, this is kind of disappointing because my life sucks in comparison.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Scott, it's gonna be okay. Your Audi. God, am I doing a bad job?

[Macy]

No, I just feel like you keep saying you're doing a bad job, but.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

But, oh, God, I'm so stressed.

[Asif Ali]

It depends on what your job is. Can I just tell you my experience of listening to you? But you came here, told me about a cabal, and you said, as you know, a lot, which. This is the first time, as you.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Know, Scott, the Cabal loves you.

[Asif Ali]

Okay, but. And then. And then you told me about this really cool shredding, awesome dude, that's your Audi. Shred. And then you said, it's a wellness check. And I'm just kind of jealous of this guy.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, God. I guess I'm doing a really bad job, I guess.

[Asif Ali]

What? What did you intend to do?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Well, I intended to make you feel better. You know, I felt so much better when I learned that my Audi lives in Minnesota.

[Macy]

Oh, Rhett, why were you shredding and my.

[Asif Ali]

Or shredded? Wait a second.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I'm shredded because I go to.

[Asif Ali]

Would that show be better if it was called Dr. Shredder?

[Macy]

Yeah. Yeah. Let's be honest.

[Asif Ali]

I gotta call out.

[Macy]

Yeah, absolutely. Call him up.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Go ahead.

[Macy]

TV's new show, Dr. Shredder.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Dr. Shredder.

[Asif Ali]

So what. So what did you get severed for?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I got severed because I'm a commercial actor.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, you are.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It was too much on my little brain.

[Asif Ali]

What have you been in?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, I was in a toothpaste commercial where they put the toothpaste in the woman's mouth and she just gargles it. Yeah, they put a whole tube of toothpaste in it.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, whoa.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

And she just.

[Macy]

And that was supposed to be better than brushing?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, it's just sort of.

[Asif Ali]

Just one tube a day.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, they say one tube a day and basically I squeeze the whole thing. I put the whole tube in my mouth and I bite down and then I pull the whole thing out. And then my cheeks are full of.

[Macy]

And then you just spit it all out.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

And I spit it out and I smile and I go, Crest white strips.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, it's for Crest strips.

[Macy]

White strips. Holy shit.

[Asif Ali]

Okay, confusing commercial.

[Macy]

That's a nasty commercial.

[Asif Ali]

And now. Now this is not you, though. This is your innie.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

That's my innie, but my outie. Her name is Janet Smith, Scott. She lives in Minnesota.

[Asif Ali]

Wait a minute.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

She has four kids.

[Asif Ali]

I thought you were the Audi because you're doing a job.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No, Scott, I'm an innie. I work my day job at the Cabal. And then you go commercial.

[Asif Ali]

So then you also have an Audi.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I'm my Audi and my Audie is named Janet Smith. She lives in Minnesota. She has kids named Huxton, Braxton, Jaxton, and Pug.

[Macy]

Oh, a pug is a dog or a person named Pug.

[Asif Ali]

I feel like I've heard these names before.

[Macy]

No.

[Asif Ali]

I feel like someone else.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

That can't be. That can't be.

[Macy]

Feels familiar.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Then I. I'm a therapist part time Therapist part.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, we would have to be part.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Time and I have an Instagram account. Wait, but why called the rapist Janet Smith?

[Macy]

Oh no.

[Asif Ali]

Why is your Audi also have a job? Is your, is your Audi severed from that job as well or.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Scott. No, of course.

[Macy]

You really have to watch this show.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You have to watch the show.

[Asif Ali]

It's a Hollywood thing.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

My Audi lives in. No. Oh God. I got angry. I'm not supposed to get angry.

[Macy]

I was just.

[Asif Ali]

You're separated from your job and your home life, but now you're saying it's a Hollywood life and a therapist job.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Scott. I have my Audi's life where I also work a job.

[Macy]

Yes.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

And then when I work industry jobs, I become my innie. It's so obvious and clear. It makes perfect sense. Awesome. Do you want to hear about your Audi?

[Macy]

Would love to hear that. Because this is not what I thought. I thought this was a, A podcast about like recipes and general wellness and to come here this particular podcast. Yeah, yeah.

[Asif Ali]

I'm so, I apologize for that. It's, it's.

[Macy]

My assistant emailed me and said bring your best like chicken piccata recipe.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah.

[Macy]

And I was like, okay, the capers are the key. Yeah, the capers are the key. And I was. And I had, I have, I'm wearing that on the hoodie right now.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

The capers are the key.

[Macy]

And. But to come here and actually get blindsided with this level of just like deep information is like a lot. But I'm ready for it.

[Asif Ali]

Well, you're ready. You're, you're. I mean, look, this is your breakout.

[Macy]

This is my breakout role.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

So I need to know, what was your first credit?

[Macy]

My first credit on TV was, I believe TV show was up all Night, which was with. It was a show with Will Arnett, Maya Rudolph and Christina Applegate.

[Asif Ali]

That's right. Where they were parents and in the pilot they were sitting on the stoop, something like that. Someone with a doggy walked by and they had a poop bag and they.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

On the poop bag, you were the guy.

[Macy]

Was this me? No, no, no. I played like a person interviewing for a job later in the seasons and they were so sweet to me.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Were they?

[Macy]

They actually were very nice.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Were they? Because after that credit.

[Macy]

Oh no.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You got severed.

[Asif Ali]

Whoa.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

That's right. Asif, you came to us and you had your severed operation.

[Macy]

Oh God.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Your Audi. Asif.

[Macy]

Uh huh.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Lay down lives in South Carolina.

[Macy]

Not South Carolina, not even North Carolina.

[Asif Ali]

So far away.

[Macy]

Not even North.

[Asif Ali]

And who does the traveling?

[Macy]

Why are they all connecting flights.

[Asif Ali]

Because I don't remember doing any flights.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Scott, everyone, your Audi flies for you, and you should be very grateful. Flying is not an enjoyable experience for the flights ever. Yeah, we're working on that technology now. The cabal is working.

[Macy]

So I live in South Carolina. Is there at least, like, a cool part of South Carolina or kind of boring?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You live in Myrtle Beach.

[Asif Ali]

Okay, okay.

[Macy]

All right.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You are a salesman. Oh, you wear salmon colored shorts.

[Asif Ali]

What does he sell?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

And plaid shirts.

[Macy]

Okay, what am I selling?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Shoes.

[Macy]

What am I selling? Like ankles exposed, ankles exposed.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No socks.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, God, no socks. Not even the ankle socks?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No, just my shoes. When you wear dress shoes, you don't wear socks.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, God.

[Macy]

Just rank ass feet at a wedding. Oh, God.

[Asif Ali]

What's he sell? What's he sell?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, he sells soil.

[Asif Ali]

Soil.

[Macy]

I'm selling dirt.

[Asif Ali]

Soil sells itself.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No, it doesn't. You make calls like this. Y'all need to. You need to make this sale work for me.

[Asif Ali]

You need to make it work.

[Macy]

And I put on this voice much akin to Bobby Jindal in Louisiana. The politician.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

That's right.

[Macy]

Oh. Oh, no.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, you talk.

[Macy]

And how do I differentiate different versions of soil to upsell?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Well, it depends on how much sand is in the soil.

[Macy]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Asif Ali]

So cheap soil uses a lot of sand, mostly sand. They cut it down with sand.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

These are cheap soil.

[Asif Ali]

This one has just our 87% sand.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

90% sand, 2% soil, and a bunch of other rocks.

[Macy]

And if it. If it has a bunch of other rocks.

[Asif Ali]

Not even a percentage, just a bunch.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

A bunch of rocks. That's what you said.

[Macy]

And I deliver it.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You deliver it. Hand deliver it. In a horse and buggy. Oh.

[Macy]

And that's part of my charm.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

That's part of your charm.

[Asif Ali]

This guy sounds like he sucks. He's no Dr. Shred.

[Macy]

Yeah, he sucks. Do I have a catchphrase? Like steez.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, yeah. You go, is that a dirt shirt?

[Asif Ali]

A dirt shirt?

[Macy]

Who do I say that to? Anybody.

[Asif Ali]

What is a dirt shirt?

[Macy]

Is that a dirt. Just to anybody wearing a shirt, because I'm.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Anyone wearing your shirt, you say, is.

[Macy]

That a dirt shirt?

[Asif Ali]

It's kind of a funny catchphrase, honestly.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Everyone says, what are you talking about? And you say, oh, hi. Hi.

[Macy]

I.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

We're in the dirt business.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

90% sand and a bunch of rocks.

[Asif Ali]

I'm kind of coming around on this guy. I gotta be honest. Is that a dirt shirt?

[Macy]

A pretty cool.

[Asif Ali]

Pretty cool cast. Is that a dirt shirt?

[Macy]

That. It does sound cool coming out of my mouth. Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Don't you feel better, Asa? I do feel knowing about your Audi.

[Macy]

Do I have a family? Hopefully I'm not like Dr. Shred and.

[Asif Ali]

I have a family. Is he lonely like he is right now, or.

[Macy]

Yeah. Am I a single man in, like, in real life, or do I have a beautiful family that cares for me?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

That's right.

[Macy]

You're.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You actually have a huge family.

[Macy]

Oh, my God, I love that. How huge are we talking? Walking.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You have eight kids.

[Macy]

Yeah, eight kids.

[Asif Ali]

Up top, my mouth.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Three of them live in the attic.

[Macy]

Oh.

[Asif Ali]

Oh.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Two of them live in the basement.

[Macy]

Wait, My family's separated. I have joint. I have joint custody of my own kids in the same house.

[Asif Ali]

Severed their own kids.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You're not allowed to go upstairs or downstairs.

[Asif Ali]

What?

[Macy]

Oh.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

But you have a few who live in the car, who you can see when you go on errands.

[Macy]

So, like, a couple are in the attic, A couple are in the basement. A couple are just living. What kind of car do I have? Is it big? Is it Saturday? Oh, that's so small.

[Asif Ali]

They're living in it. Three kids.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You also have a Mazda.

[Macy]

Oh, a Mazda 3 Miata. Oh, Miata. Even smaller.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's really small.

[Macy]

That's for, like, a baby.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Maybe your Audi has a tiny car. Oh, a Fiat.

[Macy]

Oh, God. So I own a Fiat, has three cars. But that is kind of cool.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

He can't travel everywhere with all of his kids because he's a single parent.

[Macy]

What if you got a glitter cake?

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. A motorcade or like, a. Like a tandem motorcycle?

[Macy]

That would be cool.

[Asif Ali]

Like a sidecar.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

You attached them all.

[Macy]

That would be.

[Asif Ali]

You would have to go down freeways all the time with three lanes.

[Macy]

And then all my little kids would be like, is that a dirt shirt? Is that dirt shirt?

[Asif Ali]

Well, this is fascinating stuff. I think you're doing okay, depending on what the intended effect is.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, gosh, I hope so. I really want to go to a steak brunch now.

[Asif Ali]

It has to be brunch.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I really want to eat steak in the middle of the day.

[Macy]

How many ounces. What kind of steak are you eating?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Filet.

[Macy]

Oh, that's so expensive. This could be a problem.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Filet cup. Porterhouse with a top and a blue cheese.

[Asif Ali]

A filet and a porterhouse on top of each other, and that's blue cheese.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

They stuff the filet inside of the porterhouse.

[Macy]

I mean, you are. You are a big person, so that does make sense.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Thank you.

[Macy]

You're like, six, two.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I'm so too tall to be an actor.

[Asif Ali]

You're like Reacher.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, but my Audi is doing awesome. Yeah, my Audi talks like this.

[Asif Ali]

This.

[Macy]

Oh, okay.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, my God. What? No, that's crazy.

[Macy]

No. Huh? Yeah. Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

And you need to tell me the recipe for this dip right now. I need to know what is in this dip now.

[Macy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Sounds cool. I. I gotta say, I want to meet Dr. Shred one of these days.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

I would love it if Dr. Shred were to take over this podcast maybe. And I could be out there at Saloon. That would be.

[Macy]

Does my guy have a nickname or something?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah. Your nickname is Dirt.

[Macy]

Well, I would love. Maybe someday in the future my character would maybe get a weekend off and go to Vale.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. Hang out with each other.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Dirty. Our Audis are not allowed to see each other.

[Asif Ali]

Fuck.

[Macy]

Why not?

[Asif Ali]

Our Audis are. Why not.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

After the huge fight of 2005.

[Macy]

We had a fight?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

Our outies had a fight. In 2005.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Your outies both tried to drown each other.

[Asif Ali]

What?

[Macy]

In Costa Rica?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

So some sort of restraining order our Audis put out against each other. Some sort of Will Kirby, Mike Boogie type of restraining order.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Dang, I don't understand that reference.

[Asif Ali]

You don't know early 2000s big brother references. All right, well, this sounds good. I gotta. To be honest, I wish I could switch places with Dr. Shred, but this innie right now has to take a break. Can you stick around though? Because it would be interesting to hear, you know, you. You speak to our next guest as well.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Absolutely.

[Asif Ali]

All right, well, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more with Ms. Macy, more Ace Valley, and we're going to have a government employee. This is a pack show, everyone. I hope you're enjoying it. We'll be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this.

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Asif Ali]

The Quarter Pounder with cheese has many great things. Maple flavored griddle cakes isn't one of them. McDonald's breakfast comes first. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. We have Asafali from Deli Boys on Hulu. All 10 episodes. Don't. I mean, I know you're gonna want to binge these things, but savor them, because another 10 aren't coming probably for another year. And another 50 to 70k in the bank.

[Macy]

But we. But we also want you to watch so the algo season so we can.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, but what about. What about. I mean, it's not even going to be back for another year. What about one every six weeks?

[Macy]

I would love. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We can't have that. We need you to watch all of them and then maybe re. Watch one every six weeks.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

The Cabal is very happy with your work.

[Macy]

Thank you. Oh, wow. Thank you so much.

[Asif Ali]

Wow, that's so flattering. I assume you're talking to me.

[Macy]

No, she's looking right at me.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

The Cabal looks forward to what you have in store, Asif.

[Macy]

Oh, my God. You think I'll maybe get invited to some of the.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know what you're pointing at.

[Macy]

Some of these events.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Some of these.

[Macy]

Scott was telling me freak offs. Yes, Scott was telling me about these freak offs being like. Like, you know, he was like, wait until the. He kept saying, wait until the news dies down and I'll send you an evite.

[Asif Ali]

Does Dr. Shred have freak offs?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Dr. Shred has no penis.

[Asif Ali]

What? Whoa. I don't know. How. How did this get severed?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Dr. Shred lost his penis in a firefighting accident.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, my God. Why do I still have a penis then? Allegedly.

[Macy]

Allegedly.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I don't know. Scott, take a look. Look. Is it really there?

[Asif Ali]

I've. No, I haven't looked at it in years. Yeah, I guess I'm realizing now I haven't been awake during past 5pm wow. Or looked at my penis in years.

[Macy]

And you've never looked better.

[Asif Ali]

Wow.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

That's right. You're looking better. The Cabal is happy.

[Asif Ali]

Okay. I'm so glad you're very happy with your.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

With your work on the podcast.

[Macy]

Okay.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

They are.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, good. That's very flattering.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

The Cabal looks forward to watching you blossom.

[Asif Ali]

Okay, I thought I already blossomed and that's why they were happening.

[Macy]

As in, like, hitting puberty. Like a second puberty or something.

[Asif Ali]

Am I gonna get a second penis? I guess it's interesting because, you know, when your baby teeth fall out, you get second teeth. Yeah, but no one has ever thought about if your penis is cut off, maybe you grow a second penis.

[Macy]

Yeah, or like a deer in the woods where the antlers fall off and then you get a new pair.

[Asif Ali]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

The Cabal is working on also getting you a donor for a new penis.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, really? That can be a donor kind of thing.

[Macy]

Okay, what ethnicity do you want, Scott?

[Asif Ali]

I mean, do I have such a great question?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You do have to say.

[Macy]

Let's just say it's the network in London.

[Asif Ali]

All right, let's get to our next guest. Move on from that topic. I'm already forgetting how to pronounce his last name, but he's a government employee. Please welcome Russ Sawara.

[Russ Sawaro]

You nailed it, Scott. Russ. Sahara.

[Asif Ali]

Hello, Russ.

[Russ Sawaro]

Good evening, sir.

[Asif Ali]

Good evening. It is 10:30, but good evening to you.

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, good. You're good. It's evening where I come from.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, where's that, sir?

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, of course, Texas.

[Asif Ali]

It's only two hours ahead.

[Russ Sawaro]

It's a Texas evening.

[Asif Ali]

Texas evening.

[Macy]

12:30. You're already winding down.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yeah, I'm kicking my feet up. Hello. How you doing?

[Macy]

So nice to see you.

[Asif Ali]

So wonderful to meet you.

[Russ Sawaro]

And likewise.

[Asif Ali]

This is Miss Macy.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Hello.

[Russ Sawaro]

Greetings.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

The Cabal welcomes you.

[Russ Sawaro]

I don't know what that means, but it sounds Jewish.

[Asif Ali]

Oh.

[Macy]

Oh, shit.

[Asif Ali]

And that's good.

[Russ Sawaro]

I have no opinion of it.

[Macy]

Oh, no.

[Russ Sawaro]

Didn't Madonna get into the Cabal?

[Asif Ali]

I guess she did. Swore that string around her. I think Demi Moore. The aforementioned Demi Moore.

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, that's right. She mentioned that on the what the fuck? Podcast. But it's nice to meet you. I don't want to interrupt.

[Asif Ali]

No, you're a guest on the show. You're not interrupting. This is our segment for you.

[Russ Sawaro]

That's how I kind of go got in here, was to say I'm a guest, but I'm renting out that room.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, that's right. Yes, you. I rented the roof. Oh, okay. Yeah, my assistant took care of a lot of it, but yeah.

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, I appreciate that. I'm in LA for the. Well, I work for the water company. I'm a water man.

[Asif Ali]

Yes, that's right. Yes, you're. When you work for the water company, what does that mean? What?

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, I work for Culligan solving water based issues that the normal Hollywood man wouldn't be able to handle. You know, they need a gritty man with his feet on the ground.

[Macy]

It just feels like a disk right now.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, I mean, try us. Just because we've both been number one on the call Sheet in various shows that we've done.

[Macy]

Just because you can't hate us because we're beautiful. You have to give us a chance.

[Asif Ali]

It's really not because I was on the huntress back in 2001 playing Phil Hagel, a magician.

[Russ Sawaro]

That's the episode where I stopped watching the Huntress.

[Asif Ali]

Wow. In the middle of my scene.

[Russ Sawaro]

If they cannot cast under 5, well then what sort of.

[Asif Ali]

This guy had 10 lines at least.

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, it was a 10 line I didn't even get.

[Asif Ali]

It was a full scene I didn't even get.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It was very traumatic for you, Scott.

[Asif Ali]

I had a last name and everything.

[Russ Sawaro]

That's huge. Wow. First name is big, last name is huge. It's my understanding of the industry.

[Asif Ali]

Tell us about these water based.

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, I don't like coming out here to California, but the job takes me where it takes me. I'm a loner and I don't want to be bothered by nobody.

[Macy]

Okay.

[Asif Ali]

Why are you on this show?

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, because I'm having trouble. The sling, I thought had the job. Johnny Carson network on it. And I'm having trouble logging into your sling and getting the Johnny Carson channel, which plays every episode.

[Macy]

And if I'm not mistaken, a sling is the precursor to like those like TV box. Like you can like like a Roku that you can plug into.

[Asif Ali]

It used to be something that you could literally sling your cable box to and now it's an app or something.

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, I have no idea. Where I come from, we watch the three channels they give you. I love that, you know, But I'm staying here in Hollywood.

[Asif Ali]

Have you met Max Silvestri, by the way? He was in the Johnny Carson Festival out there. Yes, Nebraska, I believe. Is where. Is that where Johnny Carson is from?

[Russ Sawaro]

I don't know. I don't follow where people are from because I'm not all plugged into deux moi or whatever.

[Asif Ali]

The fact that.

[Macy]

You know what deux moi is crazy.

[Russ Sawaro]

I don't know what that fancy thing is.

[Asif Ali]

It doesn't just say where people are from. It usually gossips about.

[Russ Sawaro]

That's maybe why they never print my blind items.

[Asif Ali]

So you're just sending dumois biographical information about stars.

[Russ Sawaro]

A certain Star wars star lives in Calabasas.

[Macy]

Dang. I actually don't know who just basically is our water.

[Russ Sawaro]

Okay, well, it's. You know how it's all run. There's some big corporate fat cats at the top making the dwp, the Department of Water and Power. But you know, they're paid by Culligans sparklets big water.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, really? I didn't know this. So, like, Arrowhead Culligans.

[Macy]

Nestle.

[Russ Sawaro]

Nestle.

[Asif Ali]

And they make such good chocolate, but their water is so shitty.

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, because you're expecting chocolate.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, that's the thing. I'm like, give me a hint of chocolate.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, I know. Cocoa, chocolate milk.

[Macy]

Yeah. A note of dark choc.

[Russ Sawaro]

But even this, my social battery is drained. I'm a loner. I don't need to spend too much time around.

[Asif Ali]

If you're a loner, you've really. You're talking a lot.

[Macy]

And you said dua, which is crazy.

[Russ Sawaro]

Me, I keep to myself. I just have to deal with.

[Asif Ali]

You asked to be on this show.

[Macy]

You wrote a letter to Scott.

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, that was mostly because I needed to get in contact with him because I'm having trouble. So I want. I have a YouTube video on my phone, but I want to watch it on the tv.

[Asif Ali]

Okay, so you need some sort of way to. To cast.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yes. It used to be what you're watching is just on the tv, but now I'm trying to watch this video of myself.

[Asif Ali]

Why don't you just watch it on your phone?

[Russ Sawaro]

Because I want it big.

[Asif Ali]

What's the video?

[Russ Sawaro]

Gustavo Dudamel conducts Mahler at the Los Angeles Philharmonic.

[Macy]

Right. I love that. That's so manly of you.

[Asif Ali]

If you were to just watch tv, one of those things would pop up. Either Gustavo Dudamel. Is that who it is? Or a Mahler thing. Or the LA Philharmonic.

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, I tried, and then I get some movie by Louie Mahler. You know, it used to be so easy, but the world you all like is so different from the world we live in. Time alone. Or. I hate my ex wife. I hate my beautiful daughter because they. They SAP from me all the time.

[Macy]

I see. You know, do they not talk to you?

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, my ex wife. I'm incredibly cruel to her, and she's still obsessed with me all the time. It is a boomer's dre. She's beautiful. She's 30 years younger than me.

[Macy]

Oh.

[Asif Ali]

How old is your daughter?

[Russ Sawaro]

My daughter is 18. She's gonna be.

[Asif Ali]

When did she turn 18?

[Macy]

God. Scott again is writing notes down right now.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

The Cabal sends an email alerting you when someone has turned 18.

[Asif Ali]

Is that where those come from?

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, you know, your wife. Wife, yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Had your daughter when she was 12. Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. You said she was 30 years younger than you. How old are you?

[Russ Sawaro]

I am. Whatever. Let's see. 48.

[Asif Ali]

So she's 18 and has an 18 year old daughter.

[Russ Sawaro]

That's right. And they drive me crazy. You know women, they drive me crazy because I'm just a man in the world and every day a new woman comes along who can't solve her problems. And I'm just trying to leave town. But they're asking me to help them figure out how to get their student tickets to a UCB show. And I gotta say, you don't get student tickets for the weekend shows. Yeah, you gotta sign up for the website for Herald Night or Mod Night. It used to be you could just show up and wait in line. But things are different now.

[Asif Ali]

Scott, I've never said this before, but tmi. Yeah, yeah, tmi. About improv.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I want you to know that the Cabal did get your application for an IMDb credit.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Wait, you were in something?

[Russ Sawaro]

You in. Well, I have been appearing in the background. You know those people who. Maybe you don't, but they show up at La Poel and they film everyone going in and they say apparently you support Danny Masterson.

[Asif Ali]

I've heard. I've heard about this.

[Russ Sawaro]

I've appeared in the background of six of those videos because I can't stop getting ice cream from Van Leeuwen. Two doors.

[Asif Ali]

Okay. These are very specific LA references.

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, you asked me why I want to be on IMDb. I have now been in six videos licking up my Van Leeuwen ice cream. Different one every time.

[Macy]

Does Scientology own Laubel?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

I don't think this is all alleged stuff.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

No.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yes.

[Macy]

Wait, Scott Auan is saying with 100 certainty on the pod that Scientology owns and working.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Just said that? Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

They're across the street from each other and they wrote a letter.

[Russ Sawaro]

You used to know who owned what.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Why did world.

[Russ Sawaro]

You would walk into a store and you knew that, you know they would.

[Asif Ali]

Have a picture of the owner on the wall.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

The employee of the month right next to him.

[Russ Sawaro]

Now, I don't know who owns what. Every company is owned by three companies. The world, it's no country for Watermen.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Why did La Fabal get rid of the menus?

[Asif Ali]

So you've been in recently? Despite their stance on Danny Masterson, the.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Cabal goes and eats there regularly.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, okay.

[Macy]

Do they have like a discount?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

They do, but they don't have steak dinner anymore, which is so frustrating.

[Macy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russ Sawaro]

They don't have it at the time you're going in.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, they don't have it at 9:00am when I wanted it.

[Macy]

Oh, 9:00am yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Russ Sawaro]

I actually. May. I may you get me a water real quick, please.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, just.

[Russ Sawaro]

Just for a quick moment. Ten seconds.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Sure.

[Asif Ali]

Okay. That's okay.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

If you.

[Asif Ali]

It's right over there. You know, the kitchen's right over there. Yes.

[Russ Sawaro]

Scott also.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, yeah, Russ Sawaro on the.

[Russ Sawaro]

On her way in. Yeah, she dropped a little remote that I think if I click it will bring your.

[Asif Ali]

My Audi to here.

[Macy]

Oh.

[Russ Sawaro]

It'll click the little thing in your brain.

[Asif Ali]

The switch.

[Russ Sawaro]

It'll switch you. If I heard about Dr. Shred, and I really want.

[Asif Ali]

I would love to.

[Macy]

I want to meet Dr. Shred, too.

[Russ Sawaro]

Click it if you guys want.

[Macy]

I mean, my guy's pretty boring, but.

[Asif Ali]

I feel like if you click it for both of us, that we're gonna. We have these restraining orders, we might.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Hit it off some stale trail mix.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, why's everyone talking about my stale trail mix?

[Russ Sawaro]

I didn't know if that was a euphemism. It's just. Could you. No, not that water. I have this thing called circle C I R K U L. I want you to put that in the bottle. Bottle. And I can change the strength of the flavor.

[Asif Ali]

You are very la. For a Texas loan.

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, I'm a water man.

[Macy]

I mean, you came in with a tote bag.

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, yeah.

[Macy]

Well, a Gelson's tote bag.

[Russ Sawaro]

I subscribe to the Gelson's monthly newsletter.

[Asif Ali]

Right.

[Russ Sawaro]

Because I want to. I'm trying to get dragon fruit.

[Asif Ali]

You have a kcrw.

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, yeah.

[Macy]

Hey. Hi.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

What's up? Hi. Sorry. Here's the channel.

[Russ Sawaro]

All right.

[Asif Ali]

Click. Hey, Dr. Shred here.

[Russ Sawaro]

Dr. Shred. Hi. You are. You are in your. Your Audi's podcast room.

[Asif Ali]

I figured that the minute I saw what's going on in this place.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, no. Oh, God. His Audi's here. Oh, my God. I messed up so bad.

[Macy]

Did somebody ask for a dirt shirt?

[Asif Ali]

Hey, what are you doing here?

[Macy]

Hey, fuck you. I thought I killed you in Costa Rica, you dumb bitch.

[Asif Ali]

You couldn't kill me, motherfucker.

[Macy]

Oh. Round two.

[Asif Ali]

Round two.

[Macy]

Son of a bitch.

[Asif Ali]

Hold it back.

[Macy]

Hold it back, miss Mason.

[Russ Sawaro]

Hold it back, miss Mason.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Everybody stop fighting. Oh, shit. That was nuts.

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, God.

[Asif Ali]

Hey, what are you doing here?

[Macy]

Yeah, you want some dirt, you dumb bitch?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No, I want some dip. Do you know where some dip is?

[Russ Sawaro]

Why did all of you lose your necks? No one can see this, but everyone's shoulders got a lot higher.

[Asif Ali]

Physicality for Dr. Shred.

[Macy]

I'm a method actor. What can I say?

[Asif Ali]

Thank God you said UD after meth.

[Russ Sawaro]

It looks like you all do we.

[Asif Ali]

Make the same jokes being my other guy?

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, my God.

[Macy]

Oh, my kids, my kids, my kids.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I forgot my kids.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, thank God. I don't have kids.

[Russ Sawaro]

No, actually, right now you do have one. And you're. You're.

[Asif Ali]

If we don't, how do you know anything about me?

[Macy]

Yeah, this guy.

[Russ Sawaro]

Why are you all so aggressive? I. I brought you here. I'm on it. I'm. I'm just a simple land.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, wait a minute. Can I have someone advise me what you're based on?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Now, this trail mix is stale.

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, yeah? Well, let me get you a fresh trail mix. I.

[Asif Ali]

Sorry.

[Macy]

This.

[Russ Sawaro]

I. I think I played.

[Asif Ali]

God, what's this remote do?

[Macy]

Oh.

[Asif Ali]

Oh.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, my.

[Macy]

Oh, my God.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, God.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, I'm back.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, my God. I messed up so bad.

[Asif Ali]

What happened? I don't know.

[Russ Sawaro]

What happened, you guys?

[Asif Ali]

What happened while we were gone?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

We got reintegrated.

[Russ Sawaro]

I apologize. You can see that both of your shirts are ripped and your nice little.

[Asif Ali]

My shoulders are.

[Macy]

My knees. Mine feels like. I feel like. Wow, this is.

[Russ Sawaro]

You'll notice your mouth is a little dry from a stale trail mix.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, I have a really bad taste in my mouth.

[Russ Sawaro]

It went crazy in here. I brought your. I'm really having trouble tracking this. Your Audi. My audi into here.

[Asif Ali]

Dr. Shred was here and he was awesome. I bet he was awesome Rules.

[Macy]

The soil guy was here.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Dirt shirt.

[Russ Sawaro]

What is his name, by the way?

[Macy]

His name is Dirt Shirt.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

His name is.

[Russ Sawaro]

His name is his catchphrase.

[Asif Ali]

Well, dirt is his dirt shirt.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Well, anywho, but his real name is Buck Mason.

[Macy]

Oh, Buck Mason. I started the T shirt.

[Russ Sawaro]

Now that's when clothes used to be.

[Macy]

Clothes back in the day.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Then in 2020 when it started on Shark Tank.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

And so we were changed. But obviously Ms. Macy here, we got.

[Russ Sawaro]

Her Audi as well.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, no.

[Russ Sawaro]

You couldn't hear it on Mike, but she immediately put her hand on both of the guys in her thighs.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, no. I didn't suck anyone's dick, did I? In the past, every time my Audis come, it sucked so many dicks.

[Asif Ali]

I don't know that I have a dick, but fair.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, geez. God. Thank God.

[Macy]

I can't afford another kid, so I hope it was just a beef.

[Russ Sawaro]

It was. It was. It was not. It was. I held everybody back from each other. Your Audi was doing the thing dogs do where they keep humping where they've got a dog there but for a blow job. And I didn't know really how to.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Pull her back yeah, real. I wasn't begging for a doggy style, was I?

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, gosh, I wouldn't call that doggy style.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I'm so embarrassed this happens to me. All you guys cannot tell the Cabal. This would be so bad for me.

[Asif Ali]

Why do you have that remote anyway? Anyone could press that.

[Macy]

What the fuck?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's supposed to. I was supposed to give it to the head honcho, but I forgot.

[Asif Ali]

The head honcho?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah, the head honcho of the Cabal. George Clooney.

[Macy]

George Clooney.

[Asif Ali]

George Cloondah.

[Macy]

This makes sense.

[Asif Ali]

Does he play a lot of pranks at the Cabal?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

He's so silly and funny.

[Asif Ali]

Does he play basketball a lot, too?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

So much basketball he can slam dunk on a four foot rim.

[Asif Ali]

You know, he was Richard Kyne's roommate.

[Macy]

Really?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

What?

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, he was Richard Kind's roommate.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Where? Where?

[Asif Ali]

In college or something.

[Russ Sawaro]

New York.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Where did they go to college?

[Macy]

Richard Kyne and George Clooney went to college at the same.

[Asif Ali]

And you know that Al Gore was Tommy Lee Jones roommate.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

What?

[Macy]

What?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Did you know that Opry. Oprah. Opry and Ellen, they were roommates for a while.

[Asif Ali]

They were roommates?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah.

[Macy]

This is, you know, if we're lucky, George Clooney, if we become friends with him, he'll give us a briefcase of a million dollars on his.

[Asif Ali]

That's right. If we're one of his, like top 12 friends or something.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

By the way, he's so much richer now. Like, I think this is the smart thing about George Clooney.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, my God.

[Asif Ali]

He realizes he's gonna have hundreds of millions of dollars in the future, so he gives all of his friends, like a million million. Wait, Ms. Macy, is that you still you or is this. Did you press.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, my God, no.

[Asif Ali]

Did I give it away?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No, I just want to suck someone's dick.

[Asif Ali]

You didn't change back.

[Macy]

You have to click her back out.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Someone's dick.

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, hang on, let's see where this is going.

[Asif Ali]

No, hit the button.

[Macy]

Come on, man. You live at Scott's house. You can't have that kind of.

[Russ Sawaro]

In my day, if a lady offered a blowjob, hit that button.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, gosh. Oh, no.

[Macy]

That got close.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

What just happened?

[Macy]

You almost sucked this dude's dick.

[Russ Sawaro]

I. I couldn't get it hard. I apologize.

[Macy]

It was too overwhelming. It was too overwhelming.

[Asif Ali]

It's not really. What happened? We asked you to hit the button. I didn't realize there was.

[Russ Sawaro]

That's why I let you as I was embarrassed.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, my gosh.

[Russ Sawaro]

I could hold A button.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

That was so bad, you guys. God, I'm gonna get fired for sure. It's my first.

[Asif Ali]

No, no, I know it's your first day and you've only been working about two hours a day.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

And you haven't been invited to a steak brunch yet, but yeah, first days are doing okay.

[Macy]

Yeah, they're usually overwhelming the first day.

[Asif Ali]

They don't track this kind of stuff of, of when our Audis and any switch places or anything.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

This wasn't recorded or anything, was it?

[Asif Ali]

I mean, this is kind of a podcast that we're gonna release, I think.

[Macy]

But those people won't listen.

[Asif Ali]

No, no one would listen.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Okay. Few. Yeah, no one listens to podcasts in the Cabal.

[Asif Ali]

Certainly not Dr. Shred.

[Macy]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Asif Ali]

He doesn't have time for stupid podcasts.

[Macy]

Buck Mason doesn't have the time between his eight kids to listen.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. And just three cars.

[Macy]

Three cars. Three small cars.

[Asif Ali]

Or buy just one giant one.

[Macy]

Yeah. Or I could just buy a van. Maybe that's for the future, you know?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Hey, how come, how come you weren't severed?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

He was.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, yeah, he was severed. Did you switch?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I haven't told you about you, cuz.

[Asif Ali]

You were Landman during the I turned into Land. Why do you remember everything?

[Russ Sawaro]

I guess my Audi is Landman.

[Asif Ali]

And why do you remember what Paramount plus is?

[Macy]

Landman? Oh, no.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yeah, I, I, I'm, I've kind of integrated a little more with my unconscious.

[Asif Ali]

Because you're still. You don't have your IMDb page yet.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yeah, I'm not fully there.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

He's not fully done.

[Russ Sawaro]

How are we on surgeries? Oh, okay.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

We're working on it. And the cabal is welcoming. Yeah, we will get there.

[Russ Sawaro]

I know people whose, like, Funny or Die videos are from 15 years ago.

[Asif Ali]

They started putting porn on IMDb.

[Macy]

No, they didn't really.

[Russ Sawaro]

If you watch it or if you're in it.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Oh, no.

[Asif Ali]

Oh.

[Macy]

Oh.

[Asif Ali]

Whoa.

[Russ Sawaro]

Scott, you are rising in the ranks.

[Asif Ali]

My star beaters roof. Well, look, Russ, did we get to your thing?

[Russ Sawaro]

I had a blast. I mean, really, all I really wanted to do was get Johnny Carson on the sl.

[Asif Ali]

I, I'll see what I can do. I apologize. I apologize for this. Seems like we took a, a, a, a, a left turn here. But we are running out of time. I, I apologize. We really unfortunately only have one time for one final feature on the show and that of Plugs.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It'S me, British Jones, from British Jones. It was a typical English morning. Woke up to the sounds of plugs.

[Macy]

Wow.

[Asif Ali]

Wow. That was Love Bridge by Alex Shadock. Thank you, Alex Shattuck, for that wonderful plug submission. If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbb world.com plugs and you can be famous for a week. And Alex, you are famous for a week. And speaking of being famous, our. Our guest of honor, of course, is rocketing to fame.

[Macy]

Yes.

[Asif Ali]

Number one on the call sheet. What do you want to plug? Plug Asif.

[Macy]

Okay, so Deli Boys is out on Hulu right now. And if you're in England's on Disney plus and you're. If you're outside of that internationally, it's on Hot Star. And I'm also going to go on tour doing stand up starting April. You can find all the dates on my Instagram page. That's at Ali Comedy. A oi Comedy.

[Asif Ali]

All right. And where are you going in your tour?

[Macy]

I'm going. We're adding dates as I go along, but this first batch, we have San Diego, we have Dallas, we have Philly, we have Charlotte and Chicago.

[Asif Ali]

Some great cities. And there's no better time out at the theater than seeing us if do stand up comedy. Make sure you check out that and Deli Boys. All right, Miss Macy, what are you plugging?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

My Audi loves to listen to comedy Bang Bang World.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, I love your audience.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Loves this book. Changed my life. Hey, Randy. And Going Deep.

[Asif Ali]

Wow.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Along with other good shows on said podcast platform.

[Asif Ali]

That's right.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

My Audi loves the Instagram handle.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, okay. I've been there a couple of times, wherever I can find it. It's like an escape room. Trying to find this Instagram handle.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

When you spell it correct directly, an incredible profile will pop up.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, but it's so hard to do.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

But it's very hard to find. And there is another one. There are two Lily Sullivans. So there's one Lily Sullivan that's really hot and young.

[Macy]

What did she do?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

She's an actor.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, she was in like. What was it again?

[Comedy Bang Bang]

She's actually in an upcoming movie. Megan too.

[Macy]

She's my friend too. Who's your Aristotle Atari.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, Aristotle.

[Macy]

He's also. And Megan too.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

He's a part of the Cabal.

[Macy]

Oh, he's grandfathered in. Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

So which one of them is going to have to change their name? Has that come up yet or.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

It's probably going to be the shorter, uglier, older one.

[Asif Ali]

Older, too.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I didn't realize she's all of those things.

[Macy]

Wow.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

So when you search in Instagram, the name Lily Sullivan, Just go one down and you'll find her. She's shorter, she's smaller.

[Asif Ali]

Do you think the. The comedian one gets a lot of like, wow, what a hot girl to do comedy. And then.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

No.

[Macy]

Disappointed when I have that with the other Asif Ali.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. There is another actor who's Asif Ali.

[Macy]

Same spelling, same everything. Way more famous South Asian actor.

[Asif Ali]

You have to really. You have to add comedy to it when you're googling.

[Macy]

So go to the second one. Same thing. I'm shorter.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Wow, that's so exciting for you.

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Are you on IMDb? Asaf Ali 2?

[Macy]

No, he's not in Savage Bag because he works in India. So I have that. I don't have to change my name.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Thank God.

[Macy]

I would have changed it to Buck Mason. I would have done it.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

The Cabal loves you. Thank you.

[Asif Ali]

All right, Russ, what are you plugging here?

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, clear.

[Asif Ali]

Go ahead, clear your throat. Do whatever you need to do in order to.

[Russ Sawaro]

I smoke.

[Asif Ali]

Really? Cigarettes.

[Russ Sawaro]

And I drink my Tom Holland's non alcoholic B roll. So it does.

[Asif Ali]

Is that good?

[Russ Sawaro]

It's incredible. It's beer without the alcohol.

[Macy]

Wow.

[Asif Ali]

Seems like the only reason people brave the taste of beer is to get a buzz.

[Russ Sawaro]

Not in Texas. In Texas, you just want to have the beer in hand. And we're all grateful for Tom Holland for creating a non alcoholic beer that you can drink.

[Asif Ali]

You sound like a drag, by the way.

[Russ Sawaro]

I sound like a drag?

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

Just like hanging out with you in Texas. But I know you don't even want it. You're a loner. Just.

[Russ Sawaro]

I wouldn't want to hang. Scott, I love.

[Asif Ali]

You have an 18.

[Macy]

I love an 11th hour takedown.

[Asif Ali]

You have an 18 year old ex wife and an 18 year old daughter, which I don't know how it's possible.

[Russ Sawaro]

38. 36 year old ex wife. 18 year old daughter. My ex wife was 18 when we.

[Asif Ali]

No, but you're 48 and you're 30 years older.

[Macy]

Someone's going to jail. We just don't know.

[Russ Sawaro]

Not by Texas law.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

I will put you.

[Russ Sawaro]

I'm in. I'll plug Russ Saguaro Hollywood. That's my Instagram. That's where you can get all my reviews of houses.

[Asif Ali]

And then go check out those La Poo Belle videos. Obviously.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

What flavors do you have when you're in the Van Leeuwen?

[Russ Sawaro]

Vegan cookies and creams.

[Asif Ali]

Right. Okay. It's disgusting.

[Russ Sawaro]

No milk.

[Asif Ali]

She's a night out with you.

[Macy]

Oh, horrific.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Teachers have non alcoholic drinks.

[Russ Sawaro]

A biro and a non alcoholic Beer. Oh, and a vegan. Cookies and cream is my kind of night.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

You seem like a guy who would hate vegan stuff.

[Russ Sawaro]

Oh, no. Well, I don't like the fake meats. Don't try to trick me. But if I'm somewhere, like, I don't know.

[Asif Ali]

What if they're not trying to trick you and they're just open and honest about.

[Russ Sawaro]

That's what things used to be like. That's what it used to be like. It's all different now.

[Asif Ali]

Scott, do you have anything else?

[Russ Sawaro]

I want to plug an Lippert. Cool is another Instagram. Go to the CBB World World. What is it? Presents.

[Asif Ali]

CBD Presents. Yeah.

[Russ Sawaro]

For Bill Walton's podcast Eat, Pray Dunk, where him and Mark Rennie are writing a pilot called Entourage. A U n T O R A G E Tracking that and hey, Randy. And then go to biggrandewebsite.com for podcasts or listen to the Man Dog Pod for improv and conversation podcast.

[Asif Ali]

Oh, wonderful. These are all good plugs I want to plug. They. They mentioned CBB World. Go out. Head out there for all of your comed. You have every episode of Comedy Bang Bang, as well as every live episode we ever did. We also have shows like the Neighborhood, Listen, College Town Scott hasn't seen. We're in the middle of month month right now, which is so exciting, where every movie is a different. Has a different month in the title.

[Macy]

Oh, cool.

[Asif Ali]

I believe we just watched. What did we just watch? April Fool's Day. And we have September 5th coming up this Friday.

[Macy]

These sound like great movies.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah. We also watched what was Sweet November with Charlize Theron and Keanu Reeves.

[Macy]

I don't think I have ever watched a movie with a month in it that I remember liking.

[Asif Ali]

Really?

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

So which. So you're not a fan of Born on the Fourth of July. A story about one of our great.

[Macy]

I mean, yes.

[Asif Ali]

I think that's the only one of the Patriots.

[Macy]

That's the only one I think. Is there another one you can think of?

[Asif Ali]

What about the Hunt for Red October?

[Macy]

Okay, okay, fair enough. Fair enough. Okay, I take it back. My whole stance is wrong, and I apologize on it.

[Asif Ali]

I'd love to have you on next year.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

What about May December made.

[Asif Ali]

We unfortunately have seen that. That's. That's covers two months. Yeah, that would be. That's the ideal month. Month movie, but unfortunately I saw it. But you can check out all those shows [e-mail] also while you're over there, you can get our New action figures. The Randy and Carissa action figures. They're on sale now. They get them to complete your set. They are available for customers [e-mail] with free shipping with a US address or in Europe with cheaper import fees@action figureseller.com also sprag and Big Sue, I believe are still available and tour exclusives of JW Stillwater and Scott Au are also available. All righty. Let's close up the old plug bag. Open the plug back with me.

[Macy]

Open up. Open up. Open up.

[Russ Sawaro]

Open up the blood bag. 20, 25.

[Macy]

I'm talking. Open up the blood bag. Then you are alive.

[Asif Ali]

Open the plug bag.

[Russ Sawaro]

Open the plug.

[Asif Ali]

All right. Yes, that was Open up the plug back by Tai Tai. Thank you to Ty. Ty and guys, I want to thank you so much. Asif. So wonderful to meet you and continue success to you. I hope that you never slip down lower than 5 on any other call she ever.

[Macy]

I swear to God, if it ever happens to me, you'll see me on the news.

[Asif Ali]

And I expect you to call me the minute you hear about your renewal.

[Macy]

Yeah, the exclusive. It will be a CBB exclusive. I will let you know.

[Asif Ali]

I love that. Don't clear it through Hulu or, or.

[Macy]

My lawyers or anything. It'll be a huge legal B, but it'll be worth it.

[Asif Ali]

I love the show. Ms. Macy, thank you so much for being here.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Scott. Yes, it has been so exciting and pleasurable to talk about your Audi.

[Asif Ali]

Thank you so much. I enjoyed hearing about it. I enjoy. I guess I didn't meet him, but he sounds cool.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

But your Audi doesn't read.

[Macy]

Oh.

[Asif Ali]

Oh.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Whoa.

[Asif Ali]

Bomb. At the end of the show, Dr. Shred doesn't read.

[Macy]

Dr. Shred doesn't read.

[Asif Ali]

That doesn't sound like Dr. Shred.

[Macy]

What the. The.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Your Audi doesn't vote.

[Asif Ali]

Doesn't vote.

[Macy]

That makes sense though.

[Asif Ali]

That makes more sense.

[Macy]

That fully tracks.

[Asif Ali]

It's hard to get down, you know, to a major town from Vail all.

[Macy]

The way to a voting.

[Asif Ali]

I'm more of like a ski to a. To a voting booth.

[Macy]

And if you're in Costa Rica, you gotta go to the US Embassy. That makes sense. Yeah.

[Comedy Bang Bang]

Your Audi is gluten free.

[Macy]

Okay. Okay.

[Asif Ali]

Why does he have a body like this then?

[Macy]

Yeah.

[Asif Ali]

And Russ Saguaro, you nailed it. Did we get to your thing?

[Russ Sawaro]

I feel like I. Oh, I had a blast. Scott. There's no thing for me.

[Asif Ali]

You're basically a landman.

[Russ Sawaro]

Well, I'm a water man.

[Asif Ali]

Yeah, but I haven't seen that either, man's. Man, I wish people would stop coming on the show doing parodies of things I haven't seen.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yeah, well, you don't need the content.

[Asif Ali]

Like Asif over here. Like, you know, give me a good two hours between booking and being on the show where I can catch up on the thing.

[Russ Sawaro]

You don't need the context to understand me, Scott. On my own, I'm a simple water man. Speaking of water, I don't use these newfangled bidets, so I'm gonna uninstall the one in my room and just dip my butt in the toilet water when I'm lather. You do in Texas.

[Asif Ali]

Please don't. Please dip your butt wherever you like just outside of the house.

[Macy]

By the way, how much are you paying Scott to to rent this room?

[Russ Sawaro]

Let's see.

[Asif Ali]

Carry the three.

[Russ Sawaro]

Yeah, because he said yearly divided by 12. So I just gave him a yearly and then he's dividing and then I'm.

[Asif Ali]

Gonna divvy it up and we'll just see how long you're here.

[Russ Sawaro]

So his YTD is about 140k.

[Asif Ali]

Holy.

[Russ Sawaro]

But that's Culligan's money.

[Asif Ali]

Sure. Yeah, you're a simple water man.

[Russ Sawaro]

I don't need much.

[Asif Ali]

All right, well, speaking of not needing much, we are out of time. We have to go. But we'll see you next time. Thanks.

[Macy]

By Adios Dirt Shirt.

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Asif Ali]

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[Scott Aukerman]

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[Asif Ali]

Head to your DSW store or visit dsw.com today.