Paul F. Tompkins (112:08)
Thank you. This is your choice. This is episode 848. Your choice for episode number 12. Number 1 2. Please welcome for the first time on the podcast, Zach Woods. Hi. Hi. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here in a little bit shy. Oh, it's great to have you. You know, big fan of your work. Have been chasing this down for 15 years. We finally landed you the white whale. Yeah. Our Moby Richard, if you will. Thank you for that. Yes. I like to clean it up because that's why I didn't come on for a long time. As I said, that show's fresh. That show. There's a freshness to that show, and I just can't abide that. So thank you. But I am gonna say a couple of dirty words right now. I hope you're prepared for them. But you have a new show called in the know, and it's out now on Peacock. Okay. These are two just filthy. Filthy words. Frankly, it's kind of redundant thematically, because one originates from the other. Exactly. Yeah. I guess only P comes from, as far as I know, Cot doesn't come from P. But it's not like I'm saying, oh, this is my mouth food. Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, get rid of one of them. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, please do. For example, this just happened before we started recording. I said, I would like to pee. Some people say, I would like to use the restroom. Do you feel that there's something gross about imposing an awareness on the people who are with you that you're. I do. And to me that I always feel like when someone Clarifies that it's just pee. They're lying and I think that they're really jerking off. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The white stuff is coming out. You were right. You were right. No, I, I do. I. I don't need to know what you. It's none of my business what you do in there. You don't have to tell me what you're about to do. So you prefer I have to go to the restroom? Sure. Or I'm going to go into this room that seems really much more suspicious. I would be nearly certain that the person was going to masturbate. I'm going to go into this room for indeterminate amount of time. I'm going to be occupied in this room. What was your first television experience? Let me guess. The office. Yeah. Yeah. And you had. There was like Gabe merch and stuff like that. No, but you would just see like for the show you were on or whatever and. Or like Silicon Valley. There started to be like stuff where you'd see like oh, this is a little doll that looks like you're. Or fan fiction. I like that. Like, like erotic fan art. I really like that. Oh yeah, yeah. Have you, have you ever been reading like erotic fan fiction about one of your characters? And then you're reading and going like wait a minute, I've done all this. And then you're like, who sent this? Who posted this? You know, I grew up with a kid who was, I think went on to be a marine and was like from a kind of conservative family. And this is the sweetest thing. Adolescent boy like loved sport, you know, just kind of like your prototypical like jock kid. But when he didn't like pornography, he liked to find old literary erotica and read it. Isn't that so sweet? Read it to himself or not. Other guys would have whatever Penthouse and he would be reading about whatever Lady Shatterley's lover. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. I mean, you know, that's what it was written for. Isn't it sweet though that he felt. Yeah. I don't know how he found out. I'm sure once the Internet was invented he's just like, oh, okay, now I'm. Now I'm at Pornhub. No, I think he was finding it on the Internet. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And one time he had. We had a sleepover and I made him read a one act play with me. I guess maybe because my dad would read us Lost in Yonkers so then. Or whatever Neil Simon play. So then I was like, let's. This will be fun. Truly, me and my dad do this. It was like an old. Well, this is what I didn't realize. This is before I knew he liked the literary erotica. So I was like, let's read this. 19th century British satire, one act play. And then we read it and he was like, down. He did it. And then. And then later I found out about the literary pornography and I was like, oh, yeah, I wonder if he got horn while we did this play. Oh, interesting. I hope so. If you. If it felt. If you wanted to. Man, I got to go to one of these sleepovers at your place because these sound great. I mean, they're not. Just to be clear, it's not happening currently. That was when I was. Oh, really? Oh, okay. Yeah. When I was age. I thought this was like two weeks ago. No, but if you wanted to sleep over at my house, you're legitimately could I really? And I'm not talking about couch surfing. I'm talking about a real sleepover where, like, we're in the same room, you have, like another bed, you know, like, and. Or maybe we make a fort and stuff like that. That's fun. Yeah, I would. The thing about sleepovers, for me that was really interesting is just the, like, kind of scuba diving into another family and seeing like, oh, my God, it's not the same. My first best friend was a born again Christian, and my family were heathens. You know, we're just secular Jews and we would curse all the time. And we were playing Atari and I said, God damn it. And his mother Judy, just like, oh, my God. She was. She wasn't angry. She was just heartbroken. She just went, oh, we don't do that. We don't say that. And I was bewildered. Another time, I was at my friend James's house and his parents were fighting. And then I came home and I was really upset and I told my parents. I was like, james's parents are going to get a divorcement. And they did. Oh, okay. You're right on the money. Yeah. Yeah, I was. Wow. Okay, not to brag. Let's get to know our next guest, though. What do you say? Because maybe we'll like them. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, that would be great. She's a child development expert. Do you have. I don't know your personal situation. Do you have children? No, I have. No. None. None. None. Zero children. Yeah. The sum total of your children is zero. That's right. Okay, I have. The sum total is one. So I have A recent child. And so I'm very excited to talk to her about maybe what's in store for my child. And this is a serious subject, so I'm glad that we have someone who's an expert on. Please welcome Margot Tits. I'm sorry, what was the. Can I just. What's. What's her name? Margot Tits. Hi there. Thanks for having me on the show, Scooters. Yep, it's me, Margot Tits. I am an early childhood development expert. When you say early childhood, meaning early early childhood. Are you are an early adopter to the world of child development? Both and neither. So earlier than you could ever imagine. When the baby starts growing, it's so early on. Now, I've written a book called Raising Kids. I'm an expert on raising kids. Raising kids. Raising kids. Raising kids. Raisins, like the California raisins. Like, it's like they're like. Like just tissue. Like a raisin. Like in the womb? Yeah. Like. Yeah, okay. Sure. You don't have to. Yes. And this. No. I am an expert on raisin kids. Now. What's a raisin kid? It's a kid that's so small it's the size of a raisin. Okay. That's what we're. Okay. You know, premature baby. Yeah. Is that a specific person? Do you know? Premature baby mascot for the local hospital. Premature baby. You've never seen him. So I work with him on, you know, educating the public on different kinds of babies. Okay, so there's. Wait, is your job just to educate us about the different types of babies because. Well, and specifically, I guess, raising kids. So now when a baby is premature, it could be a week premature. That's kind of what we call the big fat ones.
