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Limu Emu and Doug. Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty. Liberty. Liberty Savings vary unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts before the trophy and bragging rights are rightfully yours. Before your sleeper turns in a season no one saw coming before, stats and projections turn into points on the board and your lineup falls perfectly into place, you flip the lid on a can of on nicotine pouches. And as you make your first pick, you know this is the season where fantasy's going to surpass reality. It's on products for tobacco consumers 21 years of age or older. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you. It came upon a midnight clear. What child is this? Holy night. Are you glad that we finally moved on from religious Christmas carols and now we do secular ones? Do you know what. Do you like the religious ones better? Just ones better. They're more dramatic, you know, they are very like, what child is this? Have you ever. How often have you said that in your own life? What child is this? I mean, I probably said that about a few children. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if they're. But I didn't recognize. If they're running around and you're like, what is this? Whose parents? Who do you belong to, child? Whose man's is this? That would be a great Christmas carol. Yep. Whose man's is this? Who laid to rest? I like the. I like the. Oh, Holy Night is my all time favorite. That's a good one. When we hear that, my daughter says, is this the carolers? Because when she saw carolers on the streets of Solvang, they sang that. And so now anytime she hears any version of it, she's like, is this the carolers? She thinks there's. That's their song. Yeah, that. Yeah, that. They came up with it. They wrote it. I think they. They'd have to be enormously flattered to hear that. Yeah, I'm sure they would. Yeah. God rest you married, gentlemen. Of course. So great. Because it mentioned Satan. Yeah. A lot of Christmas carols don't mention Satan. They mentioned the other guy, Santa. Hey, guess what? Mix up some of those letters and you'll see the whole point that Christ was born was to Save us all from Satan's power and instead we. You should spell that out. Yeah, spell out S A, N, T, A. Okay, you're trying to ruin Santa now, and I think that's Satan. I knew you were gonna say that. I knew it. Satan. Remember church lady from 1983? No. Is that old? I think so. Let's see, when Dana Carvey's first season on SNL, that was closer to the 90s. I thought he was practically gone by the 90s. Let's see his first season on Saturday night live. Oh, 86. But still. Split the diff between us. You split the diff. All right. Diff, splitter. King Solomon. That's right. Someone gave me a baby once and I cut him in half and now everyone calls me King Solomon. You cut the baby in half? Before that was even. People were even arguing about the baby. Oh, yeah. Just someone brought me a baby, sat it on my lap and. Your lap and cut it in half long ways. Yeah, that's right. Well, I mean, that's the only way to do it. Well, that way everybody gets all parts of the beam. All parts of the beam, yes. Other than, I guess, what's only on one side. Somebody gets more of the heart. Yeah, yeah, exactly. What? Yeah. No. Isn't the heart right in the center? The heart's right in the center. That's a little off center. It's a little off center. Okay. But I don't know, like, the liver, where that is. Exactly. I didn't learn this when I dissected that worm that we talked about on the last episode. Gotta be the easiest thing to dissect, right? Just do it lengthwise like that baby. Yeah. But then, like, what was in it? I just remember there being, like, in it. Ew, worm. Yeah, worm in it. And you're lower than worm. And the biology teacher saying, like, oh, okay, well, it's going to be stinky when you open up the. The intestine or whatever worms have. Yeah, I would. I would assume that goes for anything. Yeah. That has intestines. Yeah, exactly. Worm, intestines. I don't know. This is. This is. By the way, I. I believe I am on my 40th anniversary of dissecting that word. My God. Congratulations. Why don't you say something, Scott? I should have mentioned it before we got. Oh, I feel terrible. I. I should have brought you something. Speaking of which, your present is over there. I gotta get it for you. As discussed on today's Threedom in those pink bags in one of the pictures. Yeah. Your presence over there. So if you have not heard today's threedom episode, that's yours. Yeah, just stop this and listen to that. And then if you come back to this. Great. Stop this and listen to that. We've already got your listener your listen number from this already. Once you started it. But I got Paul and Lauren a couple of things and Paul from Name the Store, Pardon my humor@pardonmyhumor.com and I got Paul a coffee mug. And then I got him also a Star wars action figure of Werner Herzog. That's right. As the client. As the client. In a bag. In a pink bag that says, here's that sex toy you wanted. Look at this gorgeous picture of him on the side. I mean, I bet he's very happy with that. It makes him look very happy. He's gotta be. He looks fucking terrific. Yeah, Paul does this. By the way, my name is Scott Aukerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And with me here as my co host for all of these best of episodes. This is the best of Comedy Bang Bang 2025 Part 2 is Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. Hello to all lovers. And Paul, I give him a Verner Herzog action figure because he has done Verner Herzog on Comedy Bang Bang several times over the years. It's very true and the best to ever do it. And it was. He in fact was played for Verner Herzog himself. That's right. And Verner was asked, hey, what do you think of this? And he was. He was positive about it. He was positive. Yeah. He said, that's good stuff. And he also, he's. He said the accent needs a little work. But he. But then he concluded with my congratulations to him. Now I still have not listened to this. Okay, you. Oh yeah, you've. And this is several years old. Yes. For some reason I cannot. I cannot bring myself to listen to it. Yeah, I understand that. Because what if there's like even a tinge of denigration in it or something? You know? You know, weird. I like hearing the things that he said. Yeah, I like hearing about the things. You like reading the transcripts? I do like, I love reading. First of all, you know, I'm a Burrell's bitch from way back. Of course, I'm always sending away for transcripts. Now you just took the bag that I gave you and you put it on the other side of the table. Yeah. For what? For what purpose? Because you can reuse it for someone else. Oh, so you're not taking it home with you? No. Of receiving that gift is receiving the bag. Guess what else? The don't be a thunder cunt might not make it out the door. That's the mug. Now, the mug has. It depicts. The mug is very curious. All right, so it says, don't be a thunder cunt. It depicts a thunder cloud with lightning and rain coming out of it. B and A are both little boxes. It looks like blocks. Like the ABC blocks. Yeah, but none of the other words are. Yeah, I don't know. I don't quite understand it. But now I think I've told you about my favorite novelty mug. No. Okay, this. So there's Janie and her. Her girls. Trip. Girls. They go on this trip every year and it lasts for 50 weeks. Yes, it's a 50 week trip. They were at this store, this gift store, and they had like a gigantic mug that says, I'm down to one cup of coffee a day. But they also sell it with the same message. In a regular size. In a regular sized mug. Yes, I enjoy that. It's just factual. I'm down to one cup of coffee a day, which is great for the person involved. Yeah. This one. Yeah, yeah. It should have a picture on that mug of the giant mug. And then next to a pencil for scale. Yes. Oh, pencil. But how do you know it's not a golf pencil? God damn it. That's right. What do you first get? Oh, user. I always use a quarter. Oh, okay, good. But what if it's not? It's a 50 cent piece. Have you ever tried to, like on ebay, if you're looking for something and they have for scale, a coin, but it's a foreign coin, and you're like, I don't know how big that. Yeah, that could be baseball sized. Could be as big as a soccer ball. Thinking of other round things. A circle. Sure. Could be as big as a circle. Yeah. Or a donut hole or somebody that got flat in a cartoon. I was wondering this about donuts the other day. Oh, okay. Donut wonder. They have the holes in them. I've seen donuts be being made, so I know the process. Yeah, sure. I've seen Mr. Robinson. Does there have to be a hole in it? You know what I mean? Well, no, because there are donuts without holes that are filling. So you feel like you're getting ripped off. Right. It's like Swiss cheese. Well, I remember when my mother saw the commercial for the Marathon candy bar, which is a sort of chain shape. I remember this. This was in her memoirs, Chocolate with Caramel. This is my memoir. The specific time in my life. Two years, when I was eight years old, and I thought it looked really cool. And, of course, delicious, gooey caramel. And my mother said, it's a ripoff because you're paying for air. Yeah. And now I realized she was right. She was right. Now her. An apology because I said, shut up. Well, I. I was one of those kids who called my mom a. Sure. Yeah. Just in fun. Hopefully this holiday season, you'll go to her gravesite and apologize to her. I will say I'm sorry. The pit style. Yeah. Did you watch the Pit? I believe in life after love. I don't know. Okay, that's interesting. Yeah. I don't know if I have or not. Now, let's. This is an abrupt subject change. Yeah. You got the. We just had lunch. Yeah. You got these potato chips. I did. I got a couple of bags of potato chips. One is just salt and vinegar. Yeah. And then I got a different bag that you've been fascinated with. The flavor is listed as all mixed up. All mixed up. Don't know what to do. What you gonna do when they come for you? Mixed up. Mixed up. And here's what happens in this bag. It's a combination of different flavors. Barbecue vinegar. Vinegar. Just vinegar. Onion and garlic. Now, does that mean each chip has all of those flavors? I don't believe so. I think it's a. I think it's like scraps of different bags. They just poured a bunch of bags into this one little thing. So I don't know the process, to be. To be frank. I. I've been to the factory, and I asked to see the process, and they would not let me into the. Onto the floor. Oh, I don't like that at all. Oh, I don't like that. Yeah. They barred me from the floor. Wow. And everyone I talked to was on deep background and wouldn't say anything on the record about it. And so, yeah, it's a mystery. Did you get to keep the hard hat? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's fun. You just. You know, what you do is you just walk out with it and. And then if anyone stops you and goes, hey, you forgot to give our hard hat back. You go, oh, I forgot. This is on my head. Exactly. But if they don't stop you, you just walk right in. Yep. One time I got home. I got all the way home with a lovely microphone attached. How does that happen? Because I. Hey, look, if you asked me to wear my own clothes, then I'm gonna wear that microphone. Home. That kind of thing you have to give back. I did have to give it back. Yeah. Those are too expensive. Yeah. To ever. Did they. Do they wonder where it was or did they know you had taken it? No, I called them. Oh, okay. And said, by the way, I just got home and Was it on my show? This feels familiar. It may have been. Might have been. Yeah. No, no, I've never. Well, no, I did wear my own costumes, but I don't think I ever walked out of my costume. I think I wore. Maybe I wore my Law of Home. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. It's naughty. Because then, you know, they're taping you the entire time you're at home, and you. They're like, recording the arguments I left on the shower. Yeah. Yeah. And you're hearing those rubbing sounds of the soap up against the body sounds. I wash the microphone clean. This. This is a company called Community Chips. Community Snacks. They say we're chipping in and giving back 10% of profits donated to make a difference. This is all very vague. Guess what, by the way, just make your chips 10% cheaper and I'll pocket the diff. How? Oh, you. I pass it on to. I have my own charities that I give to. You don't. You don't get to choose what charity I choose what charity I donate that 10% to. They don't really say what they do. Yeah. Donates 10% of our profits to make a difference in our communities. What if we all chipped in and gave back? How much of a difference could we all make in other people's lives? Every time you buy a bag of Community Snacks, you're helping us make a difference. To do what? We have to get a spokesperson for these chips on you. Absolutely. And hold their feet to the fire. We need there to be some transparency in this process, because right now I'm buying these chips every day going, I. Where's the difference in my community? I look, I go outside every day and I look around. Community's the same. Yeah. I look around. I mean, my neighbor is maybe doing some work on his garage. That's the. That's about all that's happening. And I don't know whether community chips are subsidizing that. Oh, guess where they're located. Old Lyme, Connecticut. Oh, let's help that community out. Yeah. Wonderful. Fucking. I hate these guys. Out of here. That's at the delicious chips. Get the out of here. Hey, should I rewatch heat? I did recently. It's good. Okay. I wasn't really taken with it at the time. I thought it was fine when it like it. It's that it's a sign of how. How the movies have dipped in quality so badly where like, he came out and was like, oh, yeah, there was some good parts, some bad parts. And now you watch it and go, like, man, they don't make them like this anymore. All right, maybe. I feel like it's being talked about a lot. Is it some anniversary or something? I don't know, but I know what you mean. It feels like it's one of those movies that has just grown in stature. Also, I think the fact that the sequel is being made, you know, it's like, on everyone's mind. Hotter. Yep. No. Ice cold. They're making a fucking sequel to Heat. Heat too. Well, he wrote the book first, which I received for Christmas. This is the second anniversary of me receiving it for Christmas. Scott, why didn't you tell me something? Why didn't you tell me? First of all, I dissected that word. Oh, I feel like 40 years ago. I feel like a terrible friend now. This is the second. Today is the second anniversary of receiving that gift from Coolop, along with a Paul Newman v. Lysock, my wife. Yes, yes. Okay. Along with a Paul Newman biography. I believe Paul Scheer recommended both of those books for me, and they have sat on my nightstand for now two years, and I've not picked them up. But he wrote this sequel, It's Heat two. And I believe it's both a prequel and sequel or something. And so Adam Driver, I believe, is in the. Is cast in the sequel as young Robert. No, no. As young Al Pacino. I don't know. Come on. And he's doing the House of Gucci accent. Don't worry, it'll be funny if that one. He goes, she's got a good ass. In maybe about 10 years, she'll have a great ass. In the sequel part, she's got the greatest ass. But, yeah, maybe I'll revisit. Yeah. Revisit it. It's. It's. It's also now that there are no expectations for it, you kind of know what's going to happen in the whole thing. It's all just about the ride in a. Like, oh, wow. You know, that's what I'm all about, bro. Yep. The ride. Speaking of which, we are on a ride to count down your favorite episodes of Comedy bang bang from 2025. Yeah. And we are not stopping this ride. No. Until we get to number one. I don't care if somebody has a heart attack. Nope, we'll just keep going. I don't care if a pregnant woman starts to give birth. I want to be next to a dead person and. And a woman giving birth so that the. The old person and the baby can swap souls. Oh, wow. And the baby is born and goes, how do I get back here? I'm still on this ride. Mama, Mama, sucker. To me. We, Paul and I. I am, of course, the host of Comedy Bang Bang, and Paul is a frequent guest. The most frequent guest and Comedy Bang Bang, if you've not heard it before, is a lot of you have received new iPhones for Christmas and Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas to you. You are now perusing the podcast app and you have found Comedy Bang Bang. And you say best of. So, okay, let me listen to this. Let me tell you what the show is. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. Every week. I play myself. Sometimes we have celebrity guests on. In part one of our countdown, we heard Zach Galifianakis was one of the guests. Asif Ali from Deli Boys was another one of the celebrity guests. Jason Manzoukas was one of our celebrity guests. And then we also have comedians on who are improvisers, improvising characters. When I say improvising, if you don't know what that means, it means they're making it all up as they go along. I am not told anything other than the character name of who they are and how to describe them as I introduce them, AKA he is an educator or she is an entrepreneur, stuff like that. So we just improvise these conversations and we learn all about the characters. And that's what Comedy Bang Bang is. And there's. I think I covered pretty much everything, haven't I, Paul? I think you encapsulated it perfectly. Wonderful and succinctly. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Now, what we're doing on this, this is, of course, best of 20, 25, part two. In part one, we counted down. We're doing the top 14 of the year. We counted down 14, 13, 12, and 11. On this episode, we are counting down 10, 9, 8, and 7. We're cracking the top 10. What is cracking? I'm trying to get the client out of the plastic packaging. There we go. There it is. I didn't expect it to be so Paul has opened this. It could be a collector's eye. It is no longer a collector's articulated ankles. That's articulated ankles. I've never seen that incredible. Do they have to give him the bald spot? Does he have the bald spot in the actual series? Or do I ever saw the back of his head? But it's like, come on, you don't have to. Nobody's gonna say, where's his bald spot? Maybe he. That's the one thing he requested. Must include my bald spot. Indicate my decay. He has several. What do you call that when an action figure comes with accessories, My dear boy? Yes, yes. So what is that one? That is a dagger or what is it? It's a little square and it's got a handle. It's a tiny purse. It's a tiny. It's a little much. And then, of course, he's got these squares, these gray squares. Gray squares, yeah. Very important for the client to have his gray squares on him at all times. And he's got his bucket. Yes, that is a. It appears to be some sort of bucket that he relieves himself into. Thankfully, it's empty. Yes. Thank God it did not come with actual piss in it. But very important things. We all remember the client from the Mandalorian and what he did in his episode. And these are all important things. He wants the baby, and he wants to put the baby in the bucket, probably along with his squares and his clutch. We all remember the Mandalorian. We are my squares. And hopefully he'll be back in the Mandalorian and Grogu this May. Oh, really? Is it Grogu's solo adventures? No, it's the Mandalorian and Grogu. So I would imagine they don't split up immediately and then there's a split screen following them. The entire movie. The entire movie. Split screen only. Hulk style only. All right, well, we gotta get to it. We've wasted enough time here. We have to get to our. To our countdown. These are the top 14 episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from 2025. We're cracking the top 10. Paul, let's get to it. This is number 10. Number 10. Crack. Ouch. My top 10. Okay, coming in at 10 on the countdown, we have episode 932. Oh, so we're in the. We're in like, sort of the mid earlies. The mid earlies, yeah. And this comes to us. It was released on September 8th. And this is an episode called Group Soup. Group Soup. Group Soup. Now, this is an episode that. Here are the participants. We have you heard him on the Best of Comedy Bang Bang Part one. Asifali. That's right. Now you two is going to be coming back and to come back. He did. And here he is in the top 10. We also have Lily Sullivan and Tim Baltz. They are playing the boat boys. McGarth Darby and Harris Teeter. That's right. And we also have Greg Hess. Greg Hess, I believe, making our top countdown for the first time. Congrats, Greg. Playing folk singer Glenn Plappinger. That's right. All right, so here's what we're going to hear. If you heard our previous episode of our best ofs, Acevali is on a television show on FX called Deli Boys. He made a solemn promise to us to return to that comedy. Bang Bang was going to be the first people to hear if Deli Boys got picked up for a second season before any of his loved ones. He was going to call me and say, schedule an episode immediately. And I was going to drop whatever I was doing that day and get some improvisers and get, get the gang back together and do an episode within the hour. And then he would be able to call his loved ones and we were maybe gonna, I never said this on, like, to have it on the show would have been ideal. Yeah, we, during the show, he would call his mama. His mama, everyone. You know, his, his agent probably would have given him the news, so. But anyone else in his life, he would have called directly from the show. We're going to find out in this episode if that happened. And then we're going to hear Lily and Tim doing the Boat Boys, which is very funny. And we're going to hear some of Greg Hess doing Glenn Plappinger. So why don't we hear it? This is your choice for episode number 10. Number 10. It was March of the year 2025. The citizens of Los Angeles, still reeling from the Southern California wildfires that had ravaged the state, were tentatively attempting to get back into their normal daily routines. And that included one young comedian whose television program had premiered at the beginning of the month. Its name was Deli Boys. It was an enjoyable 90 minutes. And in the middle of that, a promise was made from the comedian to the host. An unshakable pledge that the listeners would cling to during this difficult year, giving them a glimmer of hope in what could so often feel like a year of ever expanding despair. But was that promise kept? The answer might surprise you. Let's find out together. Please welcome back to the show and into the Two Timers Club, Asif Ali. Hi. I, I thank you so much. And, and, and listen, I know the tone of my voice makes it sound like I'M not taking this seriously, but I do. I do want to formally apologize. Before we get to that, let's talk about what the. What the promise was. You know what? Why don't we just play the clip? Is there a season two planned for. There is. Okay. There is a season two planned. There's a season two plan, but it hasn't been picked up for a season. No, not yet. It has not been picked up for season two. But here's. Yes. If I find out. Yes. You'll be the first to know. I'll be the first to. I'll be the first call you make even before your family, even before your agents, anybody receive the news through your agents. All of my side pieces. All of your. Really? The roster is going to find out second. I mean, it's not that hard to make a. And you know what? You can give me a heads up. You can text me and say, like, hey, record the call. I'm about to exactly call you, and we'll play this on Comedy Bang Bang. Totally. Because we're buddies now. We're buddies. I feel like we're pretty close and. And I can make a promise like this and it's not gonna, like, it's not gonna come back and buy you. No, not at all. Because I'm on top of these kinds of things, and I've known to have a really good memory. Great. And, you know, people make promises on this show all the time. Adam Scott made the promise if he ever wins the Oscar, he's going to hold it aloft and say, I'm gonna shove this up my butt and walk. Yes. So now noted, he did not make that promise with the Emmy. Sure. And we'll talk about that on a future show that'll come out, I believe, in August. Okay. Deal? Deal. Deal. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah. So great. We. Let's shake on it. Let's shake on it. All right. Great. All right. What a clip. That was visceral. That was a captivating podcasting. Yeah. And there was just a connection that we had back then. Yeah. That I feel like because of what happened has kind of severed this connection a little bit. I feel like there's a lack of trust here now. So I surfed the net a little bit, and I went on some of my favorite websites, google.com. and I looked up Deli Boys Season 2. What I came upon just hit me like a thunderbolt. Yeah. Because I found it was picked up for season two, and Fred Armisen is in the cast of season two. I can't help but feel like this is a bit of a betrayal. Yeah. You feel like some of my side pieces where it seems like it's going great, and then you find out, oh, was this. Was he just here? He's got a second family. Exactly. Please welcome Magarth Darby and Harris Teeter, AKA the Boat Boys. Wow. Magarth Darby, Harris Teeter. More iconic duo. We're back. So confident. Can you name a more iconic duo than that? Not really. Salt and pepper. Salt and pepper. Scott Aukerman. That felt good. It felt good. But there are a lot of more iconic duos than the two of us. You two are icons. Thank you. Thank you so much. You are a duo. Name a more iconic duo. Being an icon and a duo. Name a more iconic duo than that. Yeah. Wow. Welcome back, McGarth. Which one of you is. I'm Garth. You're McGarth. And you're Harris. How dare you. I'm Harris, clearly. And we spoke to you in May. Can you refresh our memory about what is the nature of your relationship? We're both boys. We're both boys. We both live on the dock, Scott. On our boats. Okay. You live on a boat. No, they have two separate boats. Separate boats parked across the dock from each other. Wow. Right nearby. We're neighbors. I thought they were side by side. Side by side. Are they nose to nose? No, they're ass to ass. Oh, yeah. Now we're talking ass, too. For a dream style. Come on. I'm unfamiliar with that. Okay, you're just chanting. We don't watch tv. No, neither. We don't watch movies either. That was a movie, I believe. We didn't watch TV movies either. They make that. I know people. TV's obsessed with IP. Yeah. Let's see. A Requiem for a Dream Limited series. Yeah, prequel. Yeah. Yeah, prequel. Do you guys go fishing or what do you guys do? Yeah, we do primarily professional Lay about, Scott. We fish off the dock. Oh, but we don't go into the ocean. No, but you're on your. Your. Your boats are parked on the dock. Wait, wait. To the dock. Why don't you fish off the boat? MacArthur. I just got an email written by AI from Scott Auan asking, remind me where y' all are from. Oh, well, Scott, does this answer the question? We're from Sham. Sham Creek. That should be a ringtone. It should be. That's good. Unfortunately, we don't know how to quite chop that up. You can ring my tone, Scott. They seem open, Scott. Between us, they seem like. They're kind of open. Like an Open relationship. Well, we talked about their. Relate. They're. They're technically not in a relationship, right? No, but we do hook up on the boats. You hook up on the boat? We look at each other on. From. From side to side, wobbling back and forth in the waves. Yep. Until. Until that urge hits us hard enough that we race across our boats onto the dock, slam into each other in the heat of sexual congress. But we love that on Sham Cray. Oh, boy. The pussy's wetter than the water. Oh, my. That's pretty wet to be wetter than water. There's whop on Sham Creek. Oh, my God. So, McGarth and Harris, what have you been up to since May? That's the last time and first time that we spoke to you, by the way. Welcome to the Two Timers Club. Thank you. All of us are on the two times club. This is pretty cool. Aussie, Folly, McGarth, Darby, Harris, Tater. Name of our iconic trio. This is fun. I like this. We've been preparing for a barbecue, Scott. Oh, there. You're hosting a barbecue? Absolutely. We do. Annually. You co host it? Yeah, annual. On the docks. On the docks and stuff. Because it would be to be on one boat or the other would be too difficult to choose. So you do it on the dock? We do it on the dock. It's early September, right? Yes, it is. We're layabouts. We don't really keep track of the Gregorian. I remember you guys. I remember them. You do? They were the guys on that dock where all the black people had to descend and fight them because they were that video guys. Wow. Racial profiling. No, those were people that look exactly like us. We get confused with them all the time. Those are our brothers. One of those equinox situations you were talking about. Didn't someone reenact that recently for the anniversary of it? Yes, yes. A lot of people did. We're lovers, not fighters. Okay. If you see us on a dock, we're copulating. That's right. You don't seem to do a lot on your boats, on your respective boats. No, we, like, hang out on the dock. Unless we're going on the boat. And if you know we're going on the boat, we're going to be locking eyes with each other through the backs of our boats. But on the dock, you guys hook up. Anything goes on the dock. No sex on the boat. I think we talked about that. No sex? No masturbating on the boat? No. Wow. So you guys have never done, like, a Basketball Diaries thing? Where you just lay on your back on the roof, and I don't know what Scott hasn't seen. You got to come back. Come back, come back. You've never seen basketball. Never say that was on the list. And you didn't pick. You say now just instead, you went down to Manchester by the Sea. It's a fun movie anytime you. You haven't seen a movie in your life. Now you just go, scott hasn't seen. You don't know me well enough to talk to me that way. You must not know about me. You must not know about me. I could watch Manchester by the Sea, and he'll be here in a minute. So you. You have a big barbecue coming up. When is this barbecue? Oh, it's about three months away on date redacted. Whoa. Christmas Day, perhaps? Christmas Day barbecue. No. Date redacted. No, it's on date redacted. Three months from September. Okay. This is September 8th. Four months. Four months from September on date redact. Okay, so in January 8th or so pretty close. January 11th. January 11th. No, you're getting colder. January six. You win the prize. That's right. Very important anniversary to you both, right? Yeah. The day that we rekindled our relationship, just like you two right now. We saw each other. We locked eyes on our nation's capital. Oh, you guys were there. Interesting. And doing what, Tourists? We were just taking pictures. With props. Yep. Famously. Wasn't much of a line that day. You could just get right in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, definitely not an organized line. Okay. Yes, yes, of course. Of course. Did you take any souvenirs with you? Yeah. Came back to the docks. Yeah. I took out a pen from Nancy Pelosi's desk, and I took a shit on it. Oh, okay. So I know you guys. You. You may have seen us on some Facebook videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, on YouTube and. And during the. The hearings, I believe. All the Stitch Together videos. Oh, sure. Did you make it to those? We made a couple appearances in those. Yeah. But we've been so. So we got to start slow cooking our meat for this barbecue that's happening. January date redaction. Yeah. We slow. How slow are we? Like, what temperature we. Are we at 5 degrees or, like, over the course of four months. 35 degrees to start. Just get things nice and brown, and then you just take it down one degree by one degree every day. Slow, slow, slow. Going down, down. Baby meat is cooking rarely. Baby ready to eat some meat. And what kind of sides are we talking about, Jimmy? Shimmy Cocoa. Puff. Okay, okay, okay. What kind of sides? What kind of meat? Like, what's the full. Yeah. What's going on here? I can pass it to you. Now bake. Well, the beans are going to be baked, my friend. Come on. The beans are going to be baked. It's a big old hunking chunk of ribs, Scott. We got a big old rack of ribs. Baby back. Baby back. So you do want your baby back? I want my baby back. You need your baby back. So you guys are making ribs and you're making baked beans. Anything else? Or is this just chili jelly? So we got baby back ribs, barbecue sauce, beans, chili, barbecue sauce and barbecue. Yeah, barbecue sauce. Okay, so those won't My barbecue sauce. Wait, one of your sides is barbecue sauce. We serve it on the side like a soup. Oh, it's thick. You're eating that with a spoon. Slurp, slurp, slurp. I'm so slurping. Yeah, Gacho style. There's nothing like a group soup. You ever have a group soup? This is a group. Never had a group soup. This is like the group burrito that Perry Farrell wanted to make during Lollapalooza. The early years. He's doing great lately. He's been doing better than ever. We saw him on Date. Redacted. He was there. Yeah. This seems like a limited menu. Just four items. What about bread? So you want some kind of spread out, genreless menu. Yeah. Oh, I want to be able to order everything. It's a barbecue. Give me a turkey. Can I have a sushi roll? I'll take a bowl of cereal. I don't want it to be like Jerry's Deli. You're sick. I just. You're a sick man. I don't want just four things, one of them being a sauce. I want a bon coon roll from a Vietnamese restaurant. We got a Blue Stater on our hands. Oh, please. Can I have a bonh m? He's eating at Alcove. Oh, yeah. In the outside. The outside. So who's invited to this? What are. What's the guest list looking like? Well, who isn't invited? Chuck Dolly. Chuck Dolly and a nap. Yep. Who else? And a nap. Anna. Nap and a nap. It's a woman. Oh, okay. But also her. I mean, her fiance, Amanda. Nap Amanda. And then her cousin demand a nap. Whoa. And of course, their father reprimand a nap. There's a whole extended family that we could go into. Basically, the Nap family is coming up. Benjamin Ravenel, Abernathy Doolittle, all our Friends. All your good, good buddies. Dorothy Beehive. And what do you do for a living? Chase Bank. What do we do for a living? Yeah, we're layabouts. War come for money. Oh, his family owns a Harris Teeter grocery store. Now, if you have never been to a Harris Teeter, you're going to want to go there immediately. You can buy yourself a boogie board. You can buy yourself a pool noodle. Whoa. You can buy yourself a big hat for the summertime. It's like an REI produce. Oh, yeah. No, it's grocery store. Oh. You buy yourself some canned tuna. Harris Teeter's anti rei. Whatever. It means whatever. I never been in one and I'll never walk. Walking one. Okay, fair enough. But my family comes from money, too. Oh, what did your family do? We have a old ancient home on the land. Like a cave. How ancient are we talking about? How does that make money? 100 years old. Few hundred years old. We had tours of the old house, okay? It's a historical place. Big old house. It's a historical. People have weddings there. Sometimes people walk around it. And this. You were. Your family was slave owners, slave renters. Centuries ago, it was used for activities, redacted. Didn't I read about you, Magarth, that your family was one of the few, after slavery was abolished, to kind of keep it going for another 150 years? Hey, I'm not gonna get into this, okay? It's all diet redacted stuff. But I will say everyone was very happy, okay? An agreement was met. Everybody loved their lives. Let's just say, economically, three minutes later. So I think you understand, He's been on the show many times. He is a folk singer and has been for quite a long time, haven't you? Hi there, Scott. It's wonderful to be here. Haven't quite introduced you. Please welcome Glenn Plinger. Hi there. It's Plappinger, Scott. I've been on many times. But you keep adding to L and taking it away, don't you? Hey, you know, moving around the L. That's right. Moving around the L. Just like I move around the highways and byways of America. That's right. Just like you do in Chicago when you film Deli boys. Absolutely. Moving around the L. That's right. It's wonderful to have you back, Glenn. You are a folk singer. Folk singer. You've been that ever since. I've been that since. Well, gosh, since folk folk came about. That's right. I was down there. I was down there in the Lower east side with. With Bobby D, as we called him back then, Robert Z. As we even called him. Robert De Niro. Wow. Robert De Niro Zemeckis in the corner doing what he did, making Back to the Future. He was working on that back in the 60s. Well, that's how he came up with the idea. Scotty popped in and out. He would say, I actually built a time machine. That's how I'm here. And then he went forward, made that movie and came, went forward, watched his movie, watch his movie, came back, came back with some great folk music. He's like, let's run it back again. 1958. Yeah, fantastic. Well, welcome back to the show. You, I mean, you're a historic piece of music history. Well, yes, I'm history twice. Yes, it's self referential history, Scott. And history is a circle, isn't it? It truly is an ouroboros, A snake eating its tail. And in fact, you know, I, I, I've been out promoting a new album. Oh, you have a new record? I have a new record, yeah. That's what? Sorry. A long player. A long player. A very, it's longer than an lp. Even longer. So an elp. You have to have a special player to play it. But so I'm out there. Are you selling those? I'm selling the player. And it's kind of like. So Neil Young and his pono. Yes, it's Neil Young's pono, but for a longer play, a better listen. And it's kind of like one of those flavored straw things that you can get these days. Oh, yeah. Circle a circle. Straw, pono. Circle. If there isn't something, name a more iconic duo of obsolete objects. Laser disc. Tape. Tape. How you tape. The other day you used tape. I did. Did you really? Probably mouth tape. You have sleep apnea, Scott, you need to tape down your mouth. I hate my double chin. I'm taping my mouth tonight. The science is real. So, Glenn, what is the, Is this a concept album or. Yes, it is, Scott. It's a concept album. It's concept album called the Age of Exponential. The Age of Exponential. The Age of Exponential. Scott, this sounds like a Flaming Lips kind of thing or something. Well, you know, we folk singers, we talk about the present, don't we? We talk about the present and what needs to change. That's right. And we're in an age of growth. And Scott, I'm here to tell you that we've got a lot of growing to do. Okay, well, look, can I, I don't want to necessarily Pimp you into this, but would you mind playing one of the songs? Oh, really? Would I mind? I'd love to, Scott. Oh, my God. Which one do you want? Well, I. Not knowing what any of them are. Why don't you pick? Let's see. Let's see. Well, we've been talking about, you know, the Boat Boys are here, so, you know, I do have a lot of songs about water and nature. Maybe we could play a little song. Are you guys interested in water or nature? We're all ears, Glenn. My ears are perked. Yeah. Here's one. This one I call the Fish Scott the Fish. Okay, Good name. When I look out on the water I just have one wish that I'd throw my line in and catch a silver fish Reel it in upon the dock look into its eyes have that fish tell me truth and tell me ain't no more lies Take the water, drain it out and build a gorgeous dam. Have it power an AI thing that can tell us what. That can tell up all the land. Take the land and tear it down make it nice and flat and build a parking lot where the fish was wet. Make sure that nature is under our hand Grab her by the forelock and make her understand Nature is ours to take and do all that we can and that's the story of the fish as it wriggle hoops in my hand all right, Glenn. Glenn. Yes? I hate to cut you off. I know. I wish you had cut me off earlier. I find myself cutting you off usually on this show. Yeah. Almost as if you don't know the ends of these songs. The songs always have an end, Scott. The songs always have an end. That's the nature of a song, isn't it? It's the nature of a song, but I end up cutting you off. Which I apologize for, but that one seems to be. You're advocating for the raising of all of our natural resources in order to power AI. Well, you have to cut it down to build it back again, don't you? Scott, what the fuck are you talking. Are you ok? AI is good. AI is good. How else will I think of my grocery list? Of course. Of course. I'm back. I'm back on board. You're right. You're right. That's all it took. There you go. Now you know you can use AI to put tits on anything. Scott, on your guitar. I put. I did the first thing I did. Number 10. Ah, there we go. Do you know where the name Harris Teeter comes from? I don't. Is it from Southern charm. No. No. Okay, then I'm out of guesses. It is a grocery store chain. Oh, they mentioned that in the clip. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. There's also Publix. Yes. Because Harris Teeter is the heir to the Harris Teeter grocery chain. That's right. Yes. So. Oh, they mentioned in the clip. They mentioned. Which we just listened. Which we just listened to. So I've made my eyes go soft. And your brain and your ears. Apparently my ears went soft and your whole fucking thing. Not sure what you mean by that. Very funny clip. Great to have Greg Hess being on the show recently. Greg. I've actually known Greg for a while because he was really. Well, he was in the Improvised Shakespeare Company. Yeah. And I feel like I'm. If I didn't meet him, I may have met him up in Seattle when we were. That's where I first saw them. They were so funny. I saw them a couple of different times while we were at that festival. And then I know that we. Greg and I hung out a little at Bonnaroo. We were both on the Bonnaroo thing. And so. But then, you know, as with a lot of improvisers, I don't have any of their contact info and never. Or want it or. Or desire it, but. No. But then I. I think I ran into Greg somewhere or whatever and start. Oh. Oh. He had me on. Him and Holly have a podcast called Mega, and I think they reached out to me to be on that. So I've had them on Comedy Bang Bang since then. But. But congrats to Greg for cracking our countdown for the first time, one might say Congregs. Yeah, I guess so. I think that's apt. Congratulations. Sure. All right, well, that was number 10, and now we're getting into single digits when we come back. This is spooky. This is the rare part of the countdown where we not only crack the top 10, but we also crack the single digits. Yeah, it's a double crack. It's a double crack. We're gonna take a break. When we come back, we're gonna have your choice for episode number nine. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this crack. Hey, this podcast, Comedy Bang Bang, is brought to you by Squarespace. What's Squarespace? I've been talking about them for a decade now. 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It feels just as premium as those expensive brands, but without making your wallet cry. You know how when you bend your wallet and turn it, the. The mouth of it into a sad mouth and it cries. You know what that is, right? Everyone's done that. I really like Fabletic stuff. I got some stuff from them the other day. I got this incredible purple jacket that. I don't know if purple is the right word. I would. Now I'm giving you an impression that I'm walking around like Donny Osmond or something. But it was like a maroon jacket, the most comfortable jacket. It looks incredible. I also got some pants and some athletic wear. Really, really comfortable stuff. And they look great. And when I put them on, my. My wife even said, like, ooh, where'd you get that from? And I had to say Fabletics. Fabletics already has amazing deals, but right now they're running their biggest sale of the year on top of those deals. And I have an exclusive offer just for you. 80% off of everything when you sign up as a VIP. Yes, I said 80, not 8, like other companies would give you 80% off of everything. Head to Fabletics.com CBB and sign up as a VIP to get 80% off of everything. This is only available through my link, so go to Fabletics.com CBB to sign up as a VIP and get 80% off. That's Fabletics. And we're back. Comedy Bang Bang. Scott Aukerman here along with Paul F. Tompkins. This is Comedy Bang bang, best of 20, 25, part two. And as promised, we're gonna crack this. Single digits. That's right. We've turned the corner. We've been seeing double digits for, like, there's so many of them. Oh, my God. It's too much sometimes with double digits, like 99 all the way down to 10. That's many for double digits. And then so many. How many single digits we have? Ten, nine. Oh, zero. Zero. Yeah. Yeah. What was the zero song? My hero Zero. What? From our. We were just talking on our last episode about figure 8 and my hero 0. I don't remember the 01 that well. My hero. It was. It was a hero because you could add it to any Number and it would like, make it bigger. But they didn't do all the numbers right, did they? They. Yeah, they did them all. What were the other songs? I don't remember. Three is the magic. The most famous is the one that's the. That's the hit. That's the hit that was sampled by DEA Soul. Yeah. Number nine. That's the Big Fat cat. Yes. The pool game. Yeah. Eight. We song. We. We sang. Seven was. God. I'm gonna look all these up while we speak. Okay. All the way over here. Now, I hope people will be happy to know that I have consolidated the client's accessories into his bucket. Okay. I. I think people are happy to know this. So it's fun. I'll have this on display in my office and people won't even know that in the bucket are accessories. They won't even know there are squares in that bucket. No, they won't know about squares or the man purse. Wow. Okay. Two is elementary, my dear. Elementary, my dear. Yeah. Yeah. Four is the four legged Zoo. Do you remember that? It was like. It had. It had bars. It was like a. A picture. Yeah. Then eight guitars at a certain point. I don't remember that five was Ready or not, here I come. I remember that. I remember that. Maybe it wasn't. Oh, maybe. Maybe these are out of order in the album, so maybe Kroc. Yeah. My hero Zero. Oh, I got six. That's all there is. Lucky seven. Samson. That's one that I'm. That's not coming to mind for me. Oh, naughty number nine. Number nine. Yeah. That was the big cat. Yeah. The good 11. The good 11. Yeah. Get the out of here. Little 12 toes. Do you remember him with the six toes on each foot? Yeah. And then my hero zero. There wasn't a song for one. Oop. I think I. What in the fuck is going on? I think I'm taking off. I hit my remote control on my computer across the room which has this multiplication rock. Oh my God. Stuff in it, and I accidentally clicked on one of the songs. So I apologize. Anyway, that's fun. I thought the ship was blasting off. Off. You thought that we were going. I thought this office was a blasting off ship. I wish. That would be so fun. Did you used to think about that when you were a kid? Like you would make a room into like a craft? Yeah. I always thought of it as like sets for a film that I would want to make or something. You know what I mean? So Hollywood. Yeah. Okay. Of course, my mother and father, we all know Were Lana Turner and. And also Bert Convie. And so, you know, I'm a Nepo baby from. Yeah, from way back. And that's why I think I put everything in. What an unlikely couple. I know. Lana Turner and Bert Convie. Some would say it was a May, December reverse, you know, where. Where Bert was so much younger than Lana. Oh, yeah. Because usually May, December, the man is old and decrepit. Yeah, he's December. He's disgusting. Yeah. And disgusting. December, that's how you remember it. Yeah. Remember December, disgusting. That's how you can get away from just. May I have sex with this young lady? Yes, yes, you can have sex with this young lady. But. Yeah, but that's why I grew up the way I did. But you know what? We should get to our clip, right? Yeah. Okay. Well, I was trying to remember if we came back from commercial, at least we get off on so many tangents. I was trying to remember where we were in the thing. But yes, we have come back from commercial and it's time for us to listen to your choice for number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Naughty number nine. And this is episode number 901. And it's from February 3rd. This is in the early, earliest. This is very early in the early 900s. Almost as early as you can be in the early nine hundreds. So close to the earliest. So close to the earliest. This is an episode called Shout Out Shaboozi. Of course. Of course. Who is on this episode? Well, we have the comedian and writer and actor Mo Welch. There you go. Mo was on talking about her stand up special which she had just put out. And also was. This was before the paper came out. The paper is the spin off of the Office on Peacock. And Mo is a writer on that as well as an occasional actor. Yes. Not to be confused with the Ron Howard movie of the same name, Mo Welch. He put out a movie called Mo Welch about a newspaper. It was the Daily Mo Welch. So Mo is here. We also have Carl Tart. Carl Tart making our countdown for the first time. Carl Tart is playing his character, Coach Prime. Looking for dogs. Just looking for dogs. And we'll hear about that. And then we also have Greg Hess is back. Congratulations. Congratulations. He is playing juvenile bootery. And we're not going to hear from Juvenile in this clip because we just heard from Greg. We don't need to hear from him. Yeah, right. You know what I'm saying? We're going to hear. Basically the majority of this clip is going to be Carl as Coach Prime. Carl Wasn't on a lot of episodes this year because he's working as a writer on snl. And so he's just not in town. He's not in the country. Of America. Of America. He's off in SNL land. So we're gonna hear a good chunk of Carl doing Coach Prime. Let's hear it. This is your choice for number nine. Number nine. We have to get to our next guest. He's a former athlete, I don't believe, of basketball, Although I can't recall if he played two sports, much like. Who are the two sportos? We got Michael Jordan, who played baseball and basketball. You have. Who else is there another Deion Sanders. Was that Dion? Well, here he is. Yeah, let's talk to him. This is Coach Prime. What's going on, Scott? How are you, Scott? What's going on with you, baby? Not a lot going on, Scott. Boy, you're looking good. Thank you. I tell you, Scott, you're looking good, boy. Thank you so much. This is Mo. Mo. What's going on with you, baby? How are you? You look good. Mo. Mo was saying that you might have played two sports. I did. Which one? I did play football and baseball. Football and bait. So you. Why does everyone make baseball their second sport? Like, you know, is it easier? Because you gotta hit that thing. You gotta swing that thing. Okay, that makes sense. Scott. I know you'll be swinging that thing. Scott, don't you act like you don't swing that thing. I, I. Look, I played softball once in a charity game. Do you like the balls to be as hard as possible? Hell, yeah. Balls gotta be hard. How, how hard is a football? Is it like a. Just a stone, like granite or something, or. A football is about as hard as a church wafer on Sunday. Communion wafer on Sunday. Yeah. Imagine a bag of communion wafers getting thrown at you. Ooh. God, you'd hate that. In prison, someone comes by with a pillowcase full of communion wafers and they beat you up with it. Yeah, exactly. They let you know that you on a turf. You in the D block now. You coach football. The Buffaloes, baby. The Buffaloes. Hey, we coming. Okay. And let me tell you something right now, Scott. Cause that's why I'm here. Here because my son Shadour is leaving. My best player, Travis Hunter, is leaving. My other son, Shiloh, is leaving. It's got. I need dogs, man. And, and why are you here then? Because I don't see any dogs here. I see dogs. So why don't you just get a Bunch of NFL players. Because when you get to NFL school, you lose your eligibility. Once you become a pro, you're no longer an amateur. Okay, so that answered my question. I have a few years left. You have to use the elevator? Yeah, I got a good arm. I need those. Okay, Mo. Are you a dog? I'm a dog. Okay? Yeah, you. You sign up, you come on out. Is there a sign up sheet? How does one. There's a sign up sheet. I'll be posting a sign up sheet outside your house on a Coke bowl. All right, well, you might be able to get some really interesting players then. You know, Andrew Lloyd Webber. Name them. They're all dogs. First of all, Cactus Tony. Oh, he has a dog. Do people have to study as well? Or can they just take. Everybody gotta study. I don't play around with them books. You gotta get your books if you're gonna be on my team. I need book smart dogs, okay? So this is why I don't think I could go back to college and play. That's the issue with you, Scott. See, you don't like to study. But I would think that you would want people just to take like, you know, football. How many units is this? 3 or 4. What? How many units is football? It's not a class, it's a kennel. Cause I need dogs and I got dogs on my teeth. All right, why are your kids leaving then? Are they turning pro or. Yeah, they turning pro. Yeah, they turn it pro. Just like old dad. So who are they going to play for? Do you know yet? Shit, I don't know. Oops, I cussed. I don't normally do that. I'm a man of God. I mean, we. We have the Super Bowl. Did it. Was it yesterday or is it coming up this weekend? I'm not quite sure. Let me look at the schedule here. Yeah, you tell me. We had the Grammys last night. No, super bowl is this Sunday. Super bowl is this Sunday, yeah. Oh, right. And the Grammys was last night. Yeah, the Grammys, of course. Shout out to Shabuzi, man. Of course. We got to get that out of the way first of all. Shout out to Shaboozi. A dog. He a dog on that microphone. Shout out who else? Who else won last night, man? I mean, there probably Prince was given one of those lifetime, lifetime achievements. Shout out Prince, man. Yeah. A dead dog. A dead dog. He was a dog, though. He was a dog when he was robbed. Now you're a dead dog. Yeah, well, I. Mo. Do you want to play? I mean, I would Love to play. Yeah. I mean, I'm looking to do something new. I'm a mom. I just feel like I need to, like, change things up a bit. You a mom? Yeah. A mom, though. Yeah. I need. I need a mother dog. I'm a mother dog. I need a mother dog on the team because you got a lot of young boys on this team that need mother dogs. I'll teach them how to roll around. You need to grab them by the nape of the neck. Yeah. Are you sort of akin to a papa dog? I'm a big dog. You're a big dog? Yeah, I'm a dog, man. Where's the team located? Colorado. Colorado. This is confusing. Buffalo. Colorado. Where are you? Colorado Buffaloes. The Buffalo's an animal, Scott. I know. It ain't just. It ain't just a town in upstate New York. It's where my friend O.J. used to play, though. Buffalo. Oh, yeah. O.J. was a dog, man. O.J. was a Dog. Yeah. I tell you, he used to run. Running through the airport. Yeah. With that suitcase. He was running through with the suitcase with the Isotona gloves, wearing the Bruno Molly's. Wearing a Bruno Molly's, Carrying a cutcoat knife past a Naked Gun 33 and a third poster. Just get them all in there. So you're. You're gearing up. Gearing up for the next season, baby. And I need those. I'm recruiting. What was your record this year? Nine and four. Nine and four? That's all you need? Lucky number 13. I mean, anyone can do 13 of anything. Yeah. And speaking of 13, shout out Shaboozy for winning 13 Grammys last night. Shout out to him. But you know what I mean, like, it sounds hard playing football. Like, oh, my God, we can do that. But it's only only 13 games. Yeah. It's not like baseball where they Play. We've done 13 shows in a week. I mean, it's not like playing basketball. 82 games. God. You know that basketball has 82 games a season, but you think it's confusing that our mascot is above. Why didn't you. Did you ever go into broadcasting? I did. How'd you do? Great. Weren't you still doing it? Because I coach football now, Scott. I need dogs. It wasn't enough dogs in the broadcast booth? Well, it seems to be like, you got Chris Collinsworth and. Not a dog. Really? Not a dog. Al Michaels? Not a dog. What about Aikman? Troy Aikman? Definitely not a dog. And that's my man. We won Super Bowls together. You Did. You were on a team together? We were. Which one? So you know that basketball has 82 games, but you don't know that I was on the Cowboys. You were on the Cowboys? I was. Wow. Won two Super Bowls with the Cowboys. You won't with us. Wow. Incredible. Was EMT Smith on that team? He was. See, I know that. So you know that, but you don't know that I was on that team. Sorry. Scott, when I was walking in here, you know what started barking at me? Dogs. Dogs? Yeah. What kind of dogs you got up there? Scott, I think if the question is, do you know what started barking at me? The answer is always going to be dogs, Scott. I started walk. I was walking down the stairs. You know what started barking at me? A random woman. Okay. She said, get out this, y'. All. What were you doing in her yard? I'm looking for dogs. Oh, okay, that makes sense. They call me the dog Catcher. Do they really? Now? They do. Add it to the list. Okay. We're going to add it to Neon Dion Prime Time. Coach Prime. And now the dog catcher. Yeah, the dog catcher. So how do you think you're going to do this year? I think we're going to do great, Scott, because we got Mo coming in. Mo's going to be our starting quarterback. Yep, starting. She's taking off of us, Shador. So is Shadour. Who do you hope Shadour plays? When do we have the draft coming? The draft is coming. Okay, so the Grammys was last night. Yeah. The super bowl is this Sunday. Super bowl is this Sunday. The draft will be in April. Okay, so that puts it into perspective. The draft will be in late April. The draft is always approximately two months after the. The Grammy. Two months after the Grammy? Yeah. Okay, so that's how we can always calculate it. Night full of dogs. Speaking of the Grammy, Shout out. Shaboozy man. Yes, of course. We gotta make sure. I was jamming Shaboozi for two months straight. Really? Yeah. I don't even know what Shabuzzi is. That's another lesson. What Shabuzzi is, first of all, Shaboozi is a man. Second of all, Shabuzzi's a dog. He swept the Grammys last night. He swept him. Every single one. Every single Grammy. Wow. Best New Artist, Best New Artist. Best Country. Best Old Artist. Best Country Artist, Best Pop Artist. Wow. Best Rap Artist. Incredible. Shabuzzi. Best Classical Artist to a person that I'm finding out is a man and a dog. Beethoven. Lifetime Achievement award. Shaboozi. Beethoven finally got Something named after him. Oh, well, one of them Grammys. Good. Last night. They were amazing. The performance. What was your favorite performance? Shaboozi. He swept not only the awards, but the performances. He did all the performances? Yeah. He's a dog. He is a true dog. Well, I have no aptitude for sports in general. Well, what you want to know, Scott? You got an aptitude test to take? Yeah, do I. Is there some sort of barrier for entry? Do I need to take a test? You got to take a test. Okay, what's. Can you test me right now? The dog test. The dog test. All right. How many games did Michael Jordan and Chicago Bulls win 1996-97. 72. Wow. Who did I play for in the NFL? Well, I know you played for the Cowboys. And who else? Buffalo. No. All right, I failed. I failed the test. Scott, what baseball team did you grow up rooting for? The LA Dodgers. The LA Dodgers was my home team. Yeah. And who was the pitcher the year you graduated high school? Year I graduated high school. And how far did they go the year you graduated high school? They won the World Series the year after. So I would imagine they didn't do very well the year before. Is that how it works? Actually, I was thinking of the year after then. I was aging you down. Turns out you are older. But you look good, though. Thank you so much. Yes, I do remember being in a production of the musical Evita, and the entire crew was listening to games 7, was it of the World Series, backstage. And then the. The. The. The show of vita was interrupted by a roar of. Of crew members clapping and cheering. And who was the closer on that team? That guy. Who. He, you know, the crack of the bat. Well, you think of the Kirk Gibson. Is that the guy who did the grand slam? Who was the close. The closing pitch on that team? His name rhymes with his sexual act. Oral. Oral. Hershey. Yeah, there you go. You got as guy as a dough. Am I doing well on the test? That's question one. All of that was question one. So I don't know. That's question one. Okay, give me. Give me question question number two. How many games in a. In a baseball season? See, now I feel like it's the most out of any sport, right? So it's like. It's like 165, I'm gonna guess. Ooh, close. Really? Buzzer demerit. 162. Oh, really? Okay, so I was really close. One for two, Scott. Okay, but it's still. I get no points for being close, Scott. Who is the Cincinnati baseball team. Baseball team. I know it's a color. I don't want to say it. Say it, Scott. It's a color. I don't. I don't. I mean, is it. Is it based. Is it like. Like the former Washington team where it's based on a supposed. I shan't say. You can't. It's the. It's the Reds, but. All right, but is it just like the color Reds? Yep. Okay. They were initially known as the Cincinnati Red stockings. Oh, okay, so like the Red Sox, but stockings. Yes. Like those things that Santa puts coal into. Absolutely. Scott. Which you will be getting a lot of is either Grammys was last night. So in about nine months, you'll be getting a lot of coal in your stuff on Thanksgiving. Yes. You get it early, Scott, give me question three. All right, you ready for it? Yeah. Here we go. What is a baseball made of? Okay. This is question four, by the way. It's got cork in the middle, right? And then a bunch of string wrapped around it. You got it. You got it, Scotty. And then leather all over that. You got it. Yeah. What does a football feel like when it's thrown to you? Like a sack full of communion wafers. You got his guy. Okay. Am I in? You a damn dog, Scott? Am I on the team? Did I make the team? You're on the team. What position do I get to play? Well, Mo's the quarterback. Okay. I'll put you at long snapper. Long snap? There's a difference between short snappers and long snappers. Yes, Scott. See? All right, that was question number six, and you got it wrong. Okay. And that was the one you needed to get right. So I'm off the team now? Off the team got you cut. Damn it. I need dogs. I guess I didn't want to be long snapper anyway. I feel like the blood must rush to those guys heads. You know, they're like sitting there with their. Their head between their knees and then just waiting for a guy to go, like, do the right. Emphasis on hut. What? Scott? They're dizzy. Like, could. Here's a better way of doing it. It let the person turn around and just toss it to the guy. Why does it have to go through the legs? This is the weirdest part of football. I actually. I so agree with that. Why do they have to do it that way? Because that's cool. It's cool. Yeah. I didn't realize that. Did shaboozi do stuff like that? Oh, Shabuzi was a great football Player shout out. Shabuzi. Man won 27 Grammys last night. Scott. Yes. Who is a mailman's worst enemy? Enemy? Dogs. Dogs. Is that question seven? Yes. You're back on the D. Yeah, I don't know that I want to play. If you'll allow me just to turn around instead of putting my head between my legs. Nope. You got to look at you. Just gently toss to the quarterback. Name five breeds of dogs. Pitbull. Wrong. What? That wasn't one of them. That wasn't one of the ones you're thinking of one of the five. Snickerdoodle. That's a cookie. Sc. All right, look, I'm sorry I can't be on the team, Mo. I apologize. You're. I'm not gonna be able to snap it to you. Who's gonna long snap it to me? Well, you won't be catching a long snap. That's for the punter. Yeah, well, I. I'll throw to whoever I want. If it's long snapper out there, I'm gonna throw to him. Well, those is against the rules. Long snap is the individual receipt. He has to catch it like he's down there too. That's how he has to. Why does the punter ever catch the ball and inst it throw a touchdown pass? That happens all the time. That's called a fake. That happens all the time. I would do that every time. You know what, Scott? If. If it was still football season, I would come over to this house and watch football, which. And explain the whole thing to you. I would love that, actually. You know, we should get together for the Super Bowl, Scott. We should. We should. I should have a party. I don't know why the quarterback doesn't do that too. Just instead of, like, you know, oh, they're handing it off to a runner or just throw into the end zone for a touchdown. It's not that easy. He's trying to do that every time. He's throwing these short passes and stuff. Just throw into the end zone. You got to march down the field like, what if there was a quarterback who did that every time? That's gonna be me. That's gonna be more. That's gonna be. That's gonna be Mo on the Buffalo. Yeah, we gotta. We gotta draw some place. I'm into that. Number nine. Ah, there we go. There we go. Indeed. That's one of those ones where I feel like. Like shout out Shibuzi. Which is something we heard. Carl, as coach prime say, was so instantly iconic. If you call the Episode that a lot of people are going to vote for it because they go like, oh, yeah, shout out Shibuzi. Because they've been saying shout out Shibuzi for months at this point. And now, which. Anytime I hear Shabuzi. Now, I wasn't really that familiar with him when we taped the episode. Now anytime I hear him, I go shout out Shabuzi. Shibuzi makes me think of one thing. Shaboozing. Well, to. To shaboozing, of course. But he doesn't realize that he stole my guitar player from Varietopia. What? Stole him away to go on the Shibuzzi tour. You're kidding me. Who is this, the guitarist? Yes. His name is Stephen Musselman. So Stephen muscle man. He's not a muscle man. Oh, he spelled the seafood way. Way. Oh, I see. Muscle. Oh, so he's a man made out of muscles. Yeah, he's a big man made out of muscles. Okay, Stephen Muscleman was your guitar player in Varietopia and then. And then got poached. He got poached by Shabuzi who didn't realize he was poaching someone from a gig that does not pay that much. Yeah, but that's. I mean, that's cool, though, that I'm happy. Of course I'm happy for Stephen, but I will never forgive. Never forgive Shaboozi. Shout out Shibuzzi. Number nine. Great clip. Great clip. Great time listening to. Great clip. Great people in. Great clip. Great people in. Great clip. Mo was a delight, first time on the show. And Greg, that's his second time in the countdown for the first time in being in the countdown. Good stuff. This Greg kid, he's tearing it up. He's tearing it up. All right, we're gonna tear up a commercial or two. Yeah, yeah. When we come back, we're gonna have your choice for episode number eight. Oh, my God, we're cracking the top eight at this point. This is like a triple crack. Oh, my God. Triple crack. We cracked the top 10, then we cracked single digits, and now we're cracking the top eight. Did you know triple crack is decimating our streets? Oh, no. Yeah, I prefer to smoke it. It's rather than. That way the fentanyl burns off. These are drug jokes. Paul and I don't do drugs. No, but we like drugs. Like we like. But we like them. We like that they're out there. It's great for people to use if they want. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, we're gonna have Your choice for number eight. We'll be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this with Venmo Stash. 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There's a cleaner in there inside. So Clorox toilet wand is all I need to clean a toilet. You don't need a bottle of solution. Use as directed. Comedy Bang bang best of 2025 part two part two part two. I'm gonna take you to part two. I think someone wrote to me to say Was it a friend I believe wrote to me to say? Whenever you do part two of the best of Comedy Bang bangs, you sing a little bit of this song. Part two. Part two. I'm gonna take you to part two. Is that from the extended remix of Big Audio Dynamites? The Bottom line. And is it? Of course it is. And well spotted. Can I say thank you so much? I've never noticed that and I don't know that I've ever heard that song song, much less it's extended remix. You've heard the bottom line. When you reach the bottom line, the only thing to do is the only Big audio dynamite song I know is Rush. That's it. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. If I had a father made. The only Rush song I know is Big audio Dynamite. So isn't that wild? Isn't it? That's like the Lincoln Kennedy thing. Get established. We have secretary named Kennedy. She has secretary named Lincoln. Do you mean the Kennedy from the Trump Kennedy Center. We were having such a nice time. Gotta make sure I see that when I'm in New York next. You do have to, but, yes, thank you. Listener or friend? I can't remember who it was. I consider all the listeners to be my friend, so it was probably both. I do not consider my friends to be listeners, though. Nope. Although they had to have been, because they asked me about something they heard on the show. You don't think they heard about it? Oh, maybe they did. They heard someone describing me singing this very specific line from a remix. Somebody of a big audio dynamic. Somebody has little birds reporting to them. Tell me what people say on podcasts. Keep my name out of your mouths. Slap. Slap. I think we'll get another slap. That's the annual tradition. I hope if I ever slap someone across the face, I will have the presence of mind to say while I'm doing it. Slap. Did they do that on the Slap. The show? The Slap. Did they say slap when they did it? That's about hitting someone else's kid, right? Yes. And the. In the. In the show, the. The guy who does it, he gets everyone's attention, says, hey, I'm gonna slap this kid. Watch. Slap. Slap. He slaps the kid. I was in a situation akin to the slap because I feel like that was a backyard party, right? Yeah. So I was at a backyard kids party, and there was another kid who was physically, like, kicking my kid. And I was in a. Jesus. I was in a situation where their parents were not around, and I was like, I need to separate this kid from my daughter, but I don't want to be accused of being a slap. And so I was like, do I. Am I allowed to pick this kid up? Manhandle. Yeah, exactly. You know, so. So I did it, and no one cared. But kicking kid. The manhandler. But I got in my head about it because of the show. The slap. Of course. But, I mean, a slap is different than. Yes, but they're shoving a kid to the ground, which is what you do. Did. Yes. And kick dirt in his face. He said, why must you kick dirt in my face? Then he went and took Charles Atlas's. Yes, exactly. Such old references, if people don't know. There used to be a soup called Soup. It was Campbell's product called Hungry Man. Yeah, right. And. But I think it was called the Manhandler, wasn't it? Oh, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. This. This was a commercial for this soup, and there was some, like, Lumberjack looking dude in a flannel. And he's hungry, right? Sure. And how can you tell he's hungry? Or do you hear his tummy rumbling? Rubbing his tummy going. Which undercut his masculinity, right? Yeah, a little bit. But. But the, the jingle went. How do you handle a hungry man? The man handler. Oh, dear. Yeah, I gotta look. Oh, you look it up. Talk. Okay. We are counting down your top episodes of the year of 2025. And I said we would do this. We're going to crack the top eight at this point. Let's hear your choice for episode number eight. Number eight. Okay. Wow. Number eight. Here we go. And Paul, you. You found what you're looking for? Okay. This guy chopping wood. He looks like the guy from Halloween 3. Roaring aperture, tight this way. How do you handle a hungry man? The man hand is Campbell's beef soup. Beef soup with whole grain. It's a hearty soup made of beef. I was thinking about commercials the other day about like, if you were a time traveler. Commercials were so simple and lame. Yeah, you hear something like that and you go like, Jesus Christ, how did we ever fall for. Like that? But if you, if you were a time traveler and you came back and you, you shot a commercial, like the commercials of today. Yeah. With modern, like comedy and modern quick cut editing and everything. You know, everything that you would do now, would people go like, ah, I can't pay attention to this. Would their brains be able to process it or would they just go like, oh, this is so much better than everything we've ever done. Hold on a second. Yeah, the time traveler is going back in the past. Into the past. He's. He's a TV ad exec, like tonight like a madman type your show of shows kind of thing. He's going to do a commercial on your show of shows or, or Maybe even the 70s, which is, is that where. Oh, sure. It was that the 60s or the 70s or the. Well, the. Your show shows like Sid Caesar. That was. I know when that was, but I'm. When is that. When is that commercial that you just played? 1978. Okay, so say 70. Yeah. Okay. Gonna go back in time to 78 and you're gonna do a commercial like we have today. Yes. For this soup. For whatever product it's gotta be for the soup. Okay, for the soup. I'll give you for the soup. Okay. So. But, but you would, you would film it using the type of scripts I know the cameras are not gonna be. No, you're not Gonna change the technology. You're not gonna change the technology. But. But you're not gonna use like, like that type of sound cue or that type of announcer saying this. You're gonna do it like a, like a commercial that we would see today. Yeah. Would people say like, oh, this isn't good? Because it's not like they would. They would say this is not. This is not an effective commercial. You failed. But when where's the Beef? Starring, of course, the original piss, Clara Peller. When that. Yeah, you gotta get over my Clara Peller impression. Where's your beef? Where's your beef? When that came out, it was groundbreaking. It was groundbreaking. And everyone said like, oh, this is so memorable. And it changed the way commercials were then seen after that. Wouldn't someone coming back in time and doing a modern style commercial, wouldn't it change? Wouldn't everyone say this is groundbreaking? Or would they say this is not effective? I would say they would say it's not effective because the where's the Beef commercial, I don't think was that groundbreaking. It was just beefing. You have to admit. It was ground beefing. No, no, it was a ground beefing commercial. Probably the stupidest thing we've said in 16 years doing these best of it was a ground beefing commercial. But I, I do think that it was still within the character of its time. Right. Yeah, I'm interested. I want to do this. I want to figure out time travel so I can do this. But I. But the problem for me is I can't remember any commercial. None. Like any modern commercial. I can't really remember any of them. Trying to think one right now. Well, like I just skipped through them. It's really hard to just think of a commercial. I know. Oh, well. Oh, well. The experiment is a failure. All right, well, it's time to crack the. The top eight. We're going to keep cracking said number eight. This is episode number 909. This is not the one after 909 as the Beatles once talked about. Baby said she's traveling on that. That's right. This is episode 909 itself. This is from March 31st. And this is an episode called Skinny Chest Skinny Chess. Now who's involved? This is. Hey, we were just talking about Mad Men. Hey, we were. Jon Hamm, our old friend Jon Hamm. Hammer, Hammy. He's been on since the very beginning. In fact, we talk about it in this clip. We talk about his many appearances and we go through a chronology of how many episodes he's done and do you rank them? We do not rank them because I can't remember any of them. But then we also have. Seth Morris has returned as Bob Duka. So this is the second Bob Duka episode. We have a double Duka so far. So far, I think this may be his only other appearance this year, but you'll have to listen to listen to find out. We also have Sean Disston, who's here as Mike Ruby, the no stank plumber. And this was a very fun episode. John Hamm was coming on to promote your Friends and Neighbors, his new Apple TV show. And he loves coming on the show. We love having him. He's a very funny guy. And then you have Seth as Bob Duka. And John has been on many Bob Duka episodes, so that's a lot of fun. I think maybe Bob was Bob Duka on the episode of the Comedy Bang Bang TV show that Jon Hamm was on. Maybe. I don't know. Who knows at this point. That was in the first season. And then Sean Disston, who is, of course, I consider him to be one of the newer people on Comedy Bang Bang, but I think he's been on for 10 years at this point. Shouldn't his name just be Shiston? Yeah. Or Shitson? No, no, I'm sorry, Sean, don't listen to this. He was so thrilled to hear himself on the. In the top eight on a ground beefing episode. Well, this is a ground beefing episode, obviously. We're going to hear the clip from it. This is your number eight. Eight. Number eight. Please welcome back to the show for. I. I'm gonna. I'm gonna try to guess how many actual episodes you've done. You. Your guess is as good as mine. I'm gonna say 12. I think it's at least 12. At least 12. Okay. So 13. A baker's dozen. Please welcome back John Ham, the aforementioned Baker. Donald Baker. Donald Baker. Donald Dozen. Joe Don Baker. Joe Donald Baker. Let me give you your numbers. You did four episodes of our first hundred. Oh, wow. Yeah. So I was an early adopter. That's right. You were on episode 12. Holy moly. So was that when they were once a week or they still are once a week? Yes. Well, you know, pandemic. I don't know. Are we still in the pandemic plan then? You did one episode in this. In the hundreds. Okay. So I took a little breather. I was probably a little busier than. Well, actually, it wasn't. It wasn't truly a breather as much as. Because you. You did 100. That was number. Episode 100. So it was like you're doing about every 25 episodes. I got it. Then you didn't come back again until 211. So you went. But I got. I'm still in the once a 100. You're still in once under, but it was a couple years before you. You came back. Then you jump all the way up to 495. I missed the threes. I missed the threes. The threes. That was four years later. I wonder where I was during the threes. We, of course, had our legendary, terrible threes. Yes. Scott and I were at Loggers Heads. This is a beautiful camp up in Northern California, by the way. If you ever get a chance to go to loggerheads, please, please enjoy. Gorgeous. Yes. Sponsor. Sponsor of the show. Yes. Then you come back about a year later in. In fact, under a year later, you're in episode 540. And then you do another episode in the 500s. 599. Well, because I feel like I kind of dissed the threes, so I wanted to get back on that prime. Also, it was our 10th anniversary episode. You came in and did. Did something. Oh, that was fun. I remember that one. And then a rainy day in Hollywood, you were on five. Was that a rainy day? Really? I remember that. Yeah. That was f. Interesting. So that was 599, which may as well have been the 6 hundreds. Close enough. So we'll count it in the 6 hundreds, then you're back up to 774. Dang. That's. That's three years later. Of course, the plandemic happens. Yeah, it happens. I mean, it's almost like it was planned. And then you go to 8:39, which is a year later, and now you're in 900. Oh, man. This is like 909 or something like that one after 909. So. Wow. An incredible recap of all of your appearances that created about five minutes of content. So much content, and I think I'm gonna say it. Riveting. Yep. People were like, I don't know, is he gonna make the fours? Is he gonna make the fives? What's the 599? Is it a 6? Well, you're a good friend to the show. I appreciate you being here. So it's always. It's always a fun show. Hope to have you in the thousands. I hope so too. Jon Hamm is here. Your Friends and Neighbors, which is a TV series, comes out on April 11th on Apple TV. Scott, don't be alarmed. Oh, whoa. What? Scott, don't be alarmed. John, is that you? No, no, no, that's not me. Look under the table. Oh, my God. Sorry. How long have you been down there? A long time. Hi, Bob. Bob? Hey, John, do you know Bob Duca, my stepfather? Place a face to the shoe. I do know Bob Duca. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi, Bob. Hi, Bob. Hi, Scott. What are you doing here under the table? It's a very urgent matter. I've come to you. How long have you been here? If it's so urgent, let's not get bogged down into detail, Scott, okay? Did you hear the entire first segment? Pretty good. I thought it was a great segment. Thanks, Bob. But Scott, jokes, insecurity breaches aside, I have an important question to ask you. Sure, Bob. Sorry for the listener. By the way, this is Bob Duca. He was married to my mother for six months back. Six glorious months back in the 90s, was it? Or again, let's not get bogged down into details here. Just know that this connection can never be unbroken, broken. And you are my forever baby boy. Sweet. That's. Which is. Which makes what I'm about to ask you all the more ironic. All right, I was a grown adult when you were married to my mother, but all right, always be a baby boy to me. Scott, I've come to ask you for your hand and. Please adopt me. What? I need you. I've looked into the legalities of this. I need you to adopt me for love, sure, but also for. For. For medical insurance. You want me to adopt you? Bob, first of all, you didn't even adopt me when you were married to my mother. Why then would the shoe be on the other foot? Why would I then need to adopt you? Thank you so much. You could probably tell from my demeanor that I'm much buffer than I usually am. You do look great. I wouldn't say great necessarily. I wouldn't say bad. Some would say buffer. Some would say lumpier. Scott, I've become fully engrossed in the men's vitality movement. And for the last six weeks. Had you been dabbling before, but now you're fully engrossed. I fully. I dipped a toe in, and now I'm deep, deep in it. Okay? I've been. I've been a patient, a client at the Alpha Dynamics Men Trans Longevity clinic run by Dr. Winona Bambini. What does that entail? I don't know what any of those. I will tell you what. But I need the insurance endurance to. To cover It's. It's longevity. It's male vitality. You know, there's a crisis of masculinity in this country, in the world. I hadn't noticed. John, I. I feel like. It feels like that might be made up. No, listen, you, my friend, have nothing to worry about. You are dripping with masculinity. But this. This little, little. God bless you, my son. But you. This little, little puddle. Why you're. You know, why are you forcing a communion wafer in my mouth? Mouth? It's not a communion wafer. Oh, no, no. It's a Zen. It's a Zen. Oh, it's a Zen. Well, all right. I guess that's a. You. You. In. In the longevity community, you'd be what's known as a cuck puddle. Okay. I don't know why they're branding people that way. I think that's cruel. But that's. That's what I was. And I don't want to be that anymore. I. I found out that, you know, I've let people walk all over me too much. And part of that is the physicality. But I need to continue the. The rigid physical and. And nutritional program that I'm on. And if it. I'm afraid that if I. If I don't continue this regimen, my health is engraved. And this is all covered by insurance. It is. It is for me. Because. Because of the recent administration, they've. They've allowed certain. Which if you're diagnosed as a deep beta male, which I have been. And clinic. I know what a beta male is. There's a lower level. Is that like dark mega. There's a lower level. There's a lower level. This is basement level beta. Deep beta. Deep beta. Deep beta. And. And. And clinically unfuckable. You can get insurance to revitalize your manhood. And if I don't continue, I'd love to share with you the regiment that I'm in. I. I think we'd all like to hear it just for educational purposes. Okay. Now maybe this is a regimen that you and I. John. John's probably. If he's not on these, then he's. God bless him because he's got this naturally. Well, listen, I think we could all use some help. Sure, sure, sure. Well, the following again, all prescribed by Dr. Winono Bambini at the clinic. I start out with athletic greens. AG1, of course. Sure. Continue on with ultra water. Intravenous vitamin drip. Outravenous vitamin sploosh. Testosterone. Human growth hormone. Andrew Huberman proprietary metamucil Scientology grade niacin, Red Bull enema, motorcycle vitamins, omega 3 fatty acids beta 2, chubby bubbles, wet cement capsules, electricity pellets. I go on a five hour dopamine gorge sesh every day. Day. Creatine, protein, nicotine, ketamine, liquefied weight lifter magazines. I do this. These workouts and physical regimen every day. How long does that take? Which? All of it. Oh, that's a. That's a pretty. Just a five hour. I wake up at 4:30am to start the regimen. I finished the regimen at midnight. Re. Wow. So talk about living to work and working to live. Really. And somehow I still get eight hours of sleep in there. That's because of the incredible amount amount of efficiency from this program. And you know what helps? The following workout. You have another list of. Of workout. I. I would call it a sub list. Okay. The same. All right. Yeah. Bullet point. Hypertext. Hypertext? Is that a question? Are you familiar with hypertext? You like hypertext? Third base had a hypertext, man. Yeah, right. Cold plunge, Hot dip, Shake Plate Air bike, Alligator. Wave pool, Stair climber, Stair fall downer. Medicine ball, Kettlebells, Silver chairs, Nordic track, Kidnap machine. Cato from Inspector Clouseau. Robot, David Blaine. Ice block escape workout Out. Battle ropes, King Kong Shoelaces. These supplements for sexual health and overall vitality. That's why I'm able to alpha you. Sure. Okay. This is another sub list, by the way. Sure. Yes. Yeah. Are you going to ask me hyperlink again? I think you established you would prefer link. Yeah, I think so. You. Well, you might need some of these neurotropics then because if your memory is that. Is that faulty already? Oh brother. All right. What are you taking? Paul? O. You know what? You're like me. Your. Your body. Your body's going to start on this regiment and. And your body's going to go. Fella. You got a lot of explaining to do. You got a lot of explaining to do. This is the Desi Arnaz. Is that what it is? Yeah, I. That's. Somebody said reverence for my Love Lucy. Okay. Rhino horn, Tiger penis, Griffin pussy snake, Piss baby, blood silverback, gorilla tummy. Tesla pudding, Jake Paul lozenges. I do daily Krav Maga with Canadian misogynist Jordan Peterson Bezos Yogurt with over 700 trillion very active probiotics. Dave Portnoy nipple. Chiz charge. I take these. Advanced cognitive functionoids. Yes. This is another sub. Wow. This is unprecedented. This is a lot. Listen, my list Needs some Adderall because it is hyper neurogum. True brain, alpha brain, omega brain, lion's mane, Yeti, Merkin, Coenzyme Q10, Coenzyme Q15. Coenzyme. Pew, Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Ashwagandha mushrooms, Ashkenazi, toadstool, salt, juice, butter, coffee, donkey lettuce, mma, zucchini bone broth, turtle eggs, antler soup, knife, spaghetti, mammoth chili and karate salad. Wow, that is a complete that. And then I meditate. Oh, yeah, well, sure. I get. Well, we have to get to our next guest. He's the aforementioned person who works in custodial services. Let's welcome him back to the show. It's Mike Ruby, the no snake play plumber. How you doing, Scott? Hi, Mike. It's great to see you. I'm doing good. How are you? John Ham. Oh, Mr. Ham. How. We have not met, but it's great. It's great not to. I've done some work in your back house. Of course, we haven't met, but I've met some. And you've seen his ads around the building. No stank. Yeah, of course I am. Of course. Mike Ruby, the no stank plumber. I guarantee there will be no stank when I come and do plumbing in your house. What about after you leave? Leave? Do you guarantee that I can't be a. Like, I try. That's normally the problem. I talked to some of my lawyers. I talked to some of my lawyers and I said, like, can I guarantee. It's the linger. Really? The cranberry. Cranberry rule. But they said, no, that if it lingers. That's not my problem there. If it lingers, they can't point fingers. It's merely what you do. And we. This was all well covered on your first appearance on the show is when you come. Yeah. As opposed to most of the plumbers that you'll hire to come work on your house. They stink personally. Like, they. Yeah, because they're always covered in elbows. They're covered in. Their ass cracks are out. They're wearing dirty overalls. It's nasty. But this guy Mos no stink, Scott. But I. Scott, I. As you know, plumbers have been under fire. I did not know that. Oh, you didn't know that? No, I have not heard about that. The last. Last plumber I heard about was that Joe the plumber guy. Remember? Yeah, Yeah. I think Doge was really going after the plumbers, too. Oh, really? I'm not too worried about Doge. They could cut as much funding from the plumbing department as they want. But there's still going to be clogged toilets. There's still going to be. That's a great. That's a great attitude. But no. Scott, there is a serial killer that has been targeting plumbers around the city. What? Wow. That's right. Scott, I haven't heard about. You haven't heard about this? This is the number one headline in all the newspapers. Wow. How do they rank headlines? Well, I think it's the one that's on the front page that becomes. So whatever makes the front page. Whatever's on the front page. Second. Old. Second page. You're number two. Okay, well, number two sounds like the guy that you might be looking for, right? Is that confusing to people? I don't like those kind of jokes. This is the number one headline. Scott. This is serious. I'm talking about my dad. Fair enough. Listen, you know, sometimes when you get scared, you just make. You try to laugh. We're nervous right now. I know. Nervous for you. I'm nervous. And you're terrified for you and your brethren. Hundreds of plumbers have been brutally murdered around the city. In what manner? Well, Scott, I. It. I'm here to raise awareness, Scott. So we're all. We're thinking maybe this is a. This is every. All. All the same person. I think they're all connected. Yeah. Because there is. There's a note being left at the scene of every. Neglected to say that that was. Oh, I haven't talked about that. No. What's the note? There's a note that says death to all plumbers. You started the Los Angeles fires. Each. Each note. Each note. So Scott, you know we're under fire right now. Scott, I don't know what. This is terrible. Do you think your neck next? Well, I. I know I'm next because I am. I'm the only plum. Plumber left in the city of Los Angeles. Scott. Oh, I wondered because I've had a clogged toilet for like the last three weeks. Well, Scott, I. I'm out here. I'm. I'm persevering. I'm in the face of fear. I'm continuing to do my job, Scott. And of course I'm going through my 11 step process of cleaning anyone's. Did you bring another list? The following. Can you. Can you. I'll let you. I don't have to sigh through this one. Okay. This one is not as sad. So this one you can do cheerfully. Okay. Can I interject here? If everybody else dead, your business must be booming. It is booming. I'M doing very well. But I also like to offer the observation that maybe this guy leaving these notes is not, is onto something because ever since all these deaths have been happening. No fires. That's exactly. Why do they think plumbers caused. I think there was something to do with like the water pressure and the Palisades. I don't remember, but it was nice. Ding. Scott, of course I know Billy Joel. He didn't speak and he, he made that clear years and years ago. He got way ahead of it. Airtight alibi. You know what? I'm gonna make a song that's like, I didn't kill that guy. Yeah. If O.J. had done that. Oh. If he had had a, A, like fun disco hit in the 80s. I didn't kill a waiter. Well, Scott, you know, of course I have an 11 step process of cleaning anyone's toilet, and I've had to make some changes based on the. That's right. We've read these 11 steps before. But you've made some changes. Changes. Now, of course. Step one. Scott received the call. That one is not changed. It has changed slightly because when I pick up the phone call, I pretend to be someone else until I'm sure it's a customer. Oh, okay. Yeah. And not the murderer. And not the murderer. Before you used to do it. Lady Ghostbusters. Yeah. You would answer, answer the call and I'm ready to go. But now I pick up the phone, I'm like, hello, it's me, Myrtle. And I kind of do a whole thing. I. Wait, this is good. So you do a little character work. I do a little character work. Always fun. They hire me. They tell me that they need to, to have the toilet cleaned. Now. Of course, course. Step two, I proudly take a shower. Scott. Yes. This is proudly. Proudly. This is in order to wash off any stink. I don't want to be stinking. I, My guarantee is very important to me. But now with a serial killer out there, I do stand in the shower with a dead man switch. And if anyone opens, opens my shower curtain like in the movie Psycho, I will let it go and my house will blow up. I mean, better safe than sorry. Yeah, it's, I've worked on it. I mean, it's the best way to take a shower these days. So I do have a dead man switch. You have a, a spouse or. Okay, live alone. Now, of course, step three, I drive to the house. Okay. Now on my way by, by the way, John and Bob, his 11 steps go very into detail. Okay. So it's like we're not leaving any step. Okay. I mean, listen, I'm glad. So, of course I drive to the house. I make a lot of left turns, right turns, trying to lose anyone, shake the tail. And let me tell you what, if you were to. If you were able to, like, pull me off the road and try to pull me out of the car, guess what? What? I'm not in there. I was in another car. You're in a decoy. That's right. So I do send a decoy, and it's a very long. That's not an official step. Is it like a wayo? It is a wayo. It's a driverless car. Smart. And I have wayo, by the way, is doing such wonders for decoys. Oh, it's the best. It's way more. You don't have to hire a guy. No, you just put a dummy in the front of a wayo. Way more easier than. It's way more. That's really good. You. You should do commercial. You got to do a commercial for them. And then you'll get. Get a free ride somewhere. Now, of course, step four. I get out of the car. Now, this is a big step, Scott. Huge. It's a big step. I didn't hear you park or turn off. No, no, no. I get out of car still rolling. Car still rolling. Very clearly. Slow it down to a roll. I tuck. That's not a step. Okay, it's not a step, but I tuck and I just jump. I roll out of the car. And then now, with the serial killer out there, I get up, I announce myself to the name of Hood. I. I say, hey, it's me. It's Mike Ruby. I'm here. I'm. I'm ready to do some plumbing. I sound off a bear horn a little bit just to get people's attention. Sure. And you know, that step has been, you know, it's similar, but a little bit different, Scott. Sure. I don't recall what the other steps were. No. You don't remember upon arrival? Nope. I asked the people to point me in the direction of the stand. That's right. Okay. I do remember. But now, Scott, Scott, before I do that, I make sure that they sign an NDA. Okay, so this is what step. This is step five. I'm inside the house. They sign an NDA. Okay. And I say, hey, you can't say anything about the work I'm doing in this house. You can't even say that I did plumbing on your house, because you don't want anyone tracking assassination Coordinates. I mean, look, I did announce myself outside the house, but now that I'm inside, seems counterintuitive. I don't want anyone to know what's going on. Got it. Now, of course, step six. Once again, they've pointed me in the direction of the stank. Wait, so you've eliminated that step? No, no, no. That is the step I. They sign an NDA, and then they point me in the. This is two. This is two steps. And you can't follow your nose to this tank. You need to be. Now, like I said, step six. This has always been the case. I float off the ground like Pepa Lew, and I do follow my. That's nice. That's nice. But before I make my way to the bathroom, I do pull out my gun. Gun. And I sweep the house. So you're leaving room. I'm levitating, and you're sweeping that. I'm holding a gun. I'm peeking around corners. I'm going clear. Clear. You know, that kind of thing. I'm shooting out any windows so people can't see. This is all Pepe Le Pew style. This is all Pepe Le Pew style, and it's for my own safety. Now, since you are levitating, when you shoot the windows up, does that. Does the equal and opposite reaction says you got to go back? A lot of times I'll shoot, and I'll just go wee and just go right. It's very hard for. But I have to do it. It's the only way to keep myself. That's fair. Okay. Now, of course, step seven. I'm in the bathroom. I will lock myself into the bathroom. Scott. Okay, this is where I close my eyes and take a load off, because I'm safe. Scott, you're finally in your happy place. Finally relax. Yes. So, of course, this is my meditation. Have you cleared the bathroom, though, at this point? No, no, no. I don't even want to see what's in there. So my eyes are closed when I walk in. So someone could be in the bathtub behind the curtain. This is really good. Let me write this down as pepper. That's. Wouldn't that be where you go? Here's how I would do it. I would look in. You know, I. I would wash my hands because obviously you. You getting ready to do something. Okay. How dare you. And you would look. And you would look in the. In the bathroom mirror. You'd open the mirror just to check and see if there's anything in there. See if there's. It's a False front. You never know. Yeah, there could be like a big. There could be a Candyman style hole in, you know, behind the mirror. Exactly. Or the guy. The. The. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Someone hiding in the walls. You know something. Yeah. Well, who. Who hidden the walls in that one movie? Bat Ronald. Thank you, Bob. I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's Kool Aid, man. You never know. Someone could come through a wall. Exactly. Boy, when you close that, you close that medicine cabinet mirror. Watch out because there's usually someone. Usually someone's Right. This is why I don't touch the medicine cabinet mirror. Gives a killer an opportunity to sneak up behind you. Jump. Scare. Yes. So I don't do that. Of course. I shoot out the mirror so that there are no mirrors in the house. Okay. Do my meditation now. Of course. Step eight. Classic Scott. I will disassociate. Yes, of course. Because this. The. The. The idea of. And piss is so disgusting to me that in order for me to clean it, I have to be in a complete fugue state. Sure. So I disassociate. Step nine. I hit my head on the sink. Right. Before you've cleaned it. I can't remember. No, no, no. I haven't cleaned anything. You haven't cleaned anything. You're in the fug state. You hit your head on. I hit my head on the sink. Is this because you've lost consciousness or is it some. I have lost consciousness. The blood has rushed away from my brain. Right. I hit my head on the sink. Step 10. I wake up and hope the bathroom is clean. Right. And if it's not. If it's not. Step 11. I burn the house to the ground. Right. Yes. Wait. This. This is the Mike Ruby promise. Wait. I burned the house to the ground. H. Maybe I did start the California fires. I was going to say. Cuz you've talked about burning so many houses down to the ground. Yeah, I do a lot of work in the Pacific Palisades and Altadena. Why those two neighborhoods exclusively. They got. They're so far apart. The pipes are nasty. The pipes are nasty. These have bad pipes. They have bad. I've heard that about the Palisades. Oh, they got bad pipes. Palisade. Rough pipes. Rough pipes. Rough pipes. So. So I guess I might be responsible for the. Huh. So all. Anyways that. Those are my elect. Anyways. Anyway. Wait a minute. This was hundreds of millions of dollars in damage and lives ruined. Don't beat yourself up. Thank you. Bob. Don't be. Come on. I don't want To. I'm not. I mean, yes, we all make mistakes. We all make mistakes. We all make mistakes. That doesn't mean I should be the target of a serial killer. It also seems like a lot of your contemporaries are dying when it's your fault that can't be traced. Well, no, when you think about it, it could be you just said it on. You admitted it. If I did. Oh, my God. He admitted he did start the fire. Yes. It wasn't always buried. Burning. Well, this is really all right. Every single line in that is the opposite for me. Yeah. So what are the. It wasn't always burning. I know Marilyn Monroe is in there, but I don't know what the opposite of that is. What's the opposite of Chubby Checker? Skinny chest. Oh, my God. There's got to be a singer named Skinny Chest number eight. Oh, yeah, there it is. Skinny Chess. That one of the few. One of the few clips that ends on the title of the episode. Us coming up with the opposite of Chubby Checker is Skinny Chess. That's very rare. Very rare. Yeah. Usually we don't even play has it ever happened before? I don't think so. Very rare. Has it ever happened? I don't know. I don't think so. This is the first time in Countdown history that we've ever ended on a clip of the title being said of the show. Ground beefing. Ground beefing episode. Now, someone was telling me you were in a ground beefing episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Very fun. Yeah. Love all those guys. That was a great episode. Enjoyed that. Hope you choke on it. I hope you listeners choke on it. And that clip in particular, we wish the very best for you. We hope you choke on it. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, this is extra special because we're gonna crack the top seven when we come back. I don't think we should. Okay, let's end. Oh, by the way, also, everyone was wondering, are you playing the snowman game? Yes. We're gonna play it after the next clip. That's right. Friends don't let friends not play the snowman game like you did on our last episode. And you did on our last episode. That's right, we did a double. Not letting our friends play the snowman double. No friends, huh? But we're gonna play the snowman game after this next clip, so stick around. We're gonna come right back. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this with Venmo Stash a tag on one hand. And ordering a ride in the other means you're stacking cash back with Venmo stash. Get up to 5% cash back when you pick a bundle of your favorite brands. Earn more cash cash when you do mobile stash. Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply. Max 100 cash back per month. See terms of Venmo Me Stash terms. Getting more as a Myloes Pro Rewards member is easier than ever with the Lowe's app. Download it today and earn 500 points the first time you log in. Plus, your digital wallet helps you scan, save, earn, and access what you need to manage it all in one place. Download the Lowe's app and take advantage of your pro benefits today. Lowe's we help you Save Dave. Valid 12125 through 1726 offer. Valid for first login per organization only. Loyalty program. Subject to terms and conditions. Additional restrictions apply. Visit lowe's.com terms for more details. Subject to change. Clorox Toilet Wand. It's all in one. Clorox Toilet Wand. It's all in one. Hey, what does all in one mean? The Caddy, the wand, the preloaded pad. There's a cleaner in there inside. So Clorox Toilet Wand is all I need to clean a toilet. You don't need a bottle of solution. Use as directed. Comedy Bang bang best of 2025, part two. Part two. I'm gonna take you to part two. And I'm here with Paul of Tompkins Scott Au here. And. And look, we're gonna play the snowman game after this, so I don't even want to mess around anymore. I just want to get to it so I can play the snowman game. What is the snowman game? We'll take you all through it. Oh, yeah, don't worry. It's a very special Christmas day. Well, hold your hand, little baby. Christmas Day edition of the Snowman game. Yeah, let's get to it. I mentioned we're gonna crack the top seven. Let's just do it. This is your choice for episode number seven. Number seven. All right, episode number seven coming in at seven. This is number 933. Ooh. This is solidly in the early earlies. That's right. So this is. This is the mid Earlies. I think. You think it's in the early earlies? Yeah, yeah, probably. Yeah. Now, this came out on September 15th. And this is an episode called Pollywallycule. Polly Wally Kule. It's adorable. Now, who's in this? We have. Lisa Gilroy is here. We have Making his first appearance, I believe, ever on the countdown, Jacob Wysocki. And we. Have you heard him on our last episode, Charlie McCracken. McCracken, that's right. So Lisa Gilroy is playing LA radio personality whiz Bang, and Jacob Wysocki is playing Rusty Hawkeyes Tutherford. And Charlie McCracken is playing burlesque Ives. So now this is, this is an episode in our, frankly, ground beefing format. Oh, this beef. Some ground that, you know, we, we, we stumbled upon about a year ago. It's, it's really taking America by storm. What am I talking about? I'm talking about the CBB Roundtable. That's right. This is where we don't have a celebrity guest a la Jon Hamm in a block. Instead, we just. And, and normally on the show, the characters come out one at a time in the CBB Roundtable. They're all there right from the beginning. And, and we have a discussion about the issues of the day. That's right. No bullshit. You just get right to it. We cut the. And some would say, hey, why do you even have on the other episodes? It's a great question. Honestly, 95% of podcasting is you can't cut the bullshit all the time. It's a great answer. You know, you need some bullshit. I've never done a roundtable. I'd love to do a roundtable. You should do a roundtable. I would love to. Okay. Next time somebody drops out, that's what it's going to take. By the way, Paul, you've. You've been asked to be on probably every single one of these episodes that we've done. Is that true? And you were too busy? Yes. Wow. I'm sorry I missed out on a lot of fun. But having fun elsewhere. You were. Yes, of course. But if you. We've only heard Paul on one clip so far. And, and the reason why is because he was not available on any of these episodes. But this is a really fun episode. We're gonna hear a good chunk of the beginning of it. Yeah, good chunk. And so a lot like the movie Goonies, it's got a good chunk in it. So let's. Let us. Now I think I'm calling back jokes from later in our countdown. Are you okay? Yes, I believe so. Okay. All right, let's hear it. This is your choice for number seven. Number seven. They've never been on the show before, but they're here to talk about what's going on. They are a local Los Angeles disc jockey. At 102.9 here at K40, which is KFRT, I believe. Please welcome Whiz Bang. Whoa. What's up, Scott? 102.9. Whiz Bang and the Frizz. Whiz Bang. Oh, where's the Frizz today? Do you mind? Me passed away. Just me today, brother. But, hey, happy to be here cooking up in the studio with my main man, Scotty Scoot Man Honkers. The Honk Man. Rat fratty pants. Big Dookie Donk in those heavy underpants. Hence, King of the North. Thank you so much. May. May I ask, how long ago did the Frizz pass away? Oh, Frizz got hit by a helicopter. A helicopter? This is Dr. Rocket Romano style from ER. Yeah. Yep. Tuesday night. You went up to this Tuesday night? Yeah, this Tuesday night. We can freak on Diggle Pops. We can rank on Regal Pops. Hey, taking requests all night. Whiz Bang and the Frizz. So he went up to where you were saying he went? Top of his roof, on his building, I guess. Smoke a cigarette. And got hit square in the jaw by a helicopter. That's what they don't tell you about standing on roofs of buildings is a helicopter will come by and just take you right out. Oh, they'll Whiz Bang and the Frizz. Truer words have never been spoken. And what. What is your what. What time period do you DJ in? Are you a drive time? 20, 25. Okay, so you're not a time traveler. Nope. But what. What. What are your hours? Oh, I do the daily commute. You know, someone's got to have someone to listen to. Dive. Dive time. Dive time. Flyby time Time flies by with Whiz Bang in the fridge. So what are we talking? 5am to 9? 5am to 5am 524 hours plus one hour extra 5am and so you're just. You're going 25 hours in a row? Yep. And then do you take a break? Then I get in my helicopter and I cruise. Wait a minute. Wait. Wait a minute. Were you the person who ran into the Friz. I can't be sure. I was asleep at the wheel. Okay. Helicopter has a wheel inside. That's. I. A lot of people don't know that. They have several wheels. Wheel is one of the greatest inventions ever. Do you agree? I completely agree. Right after the titty. My man. My main man. Scooty Honkers. Give it to me here. Okay. I don't know. I don't think. Think I can. That's not really My brand. Honk it, don't squonk it. Exactly. What? Okay, I honked it once, but honk, honk the fridge, but I'm not gonna squonk it. Okay. All right, we'll see by the end of today, you'll be squanking it all for us. All right, let's get to our other. Not our other guest, but another guest. He is a cowboy. And I. I didn't know that they still had cowboys, but I'm looking forward to talking to him. Please welcome Rusty Hawkeyes. Tougher. I'm a cowboy, baby. Hey, Scott. Happy to be here. Mr. Tufferford, so wonderful to have you on the show. Thank you for. Man, I'm doing really well. Howdy. Of course, all of the lingo. I'm sure you. You know all of it. Tell me about being a cowboy. You. How long have you been a cowboy? And what, what, what exactly does a cowboy do these days? Well, I'm a real, well rounded cowboy. I think cowboy is pretty broad term these days. I've done it all. I've been a hero. I've been a villain. I've been an under five word actor in a film. I've been a sidekick, a main man, a rancher of. Did I say a villain already? You said a villain. The rancher is the first job you've actually said. I've done it all, Scott. I'm a well rounded cowboy. Are you sitting on a vibrating crew and chair? No, I got a snake in my throat. Oh, no. Are you all right, sir? Do you need assistance or. I don't think you want to go down in there. Okay. Oh, yeah, I don't. Yeah, exactly. But he might come out. Who knows? Okay, we'll see. Yeah, I'm used to him. Would love to. Oh, how long has he been there? Many, many years. Okay. And how old of a gentleman are you? You know, I figured out a lot of things about me. Who. What? Who, what, where, why and when's a question I was hoping you wouldn't ask. Okay, well, well, well, let's get to our final. The final member of our panel here. And he's a folk singer. He also famously, I believe, portrayed a snowman in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I think. Please welcome Burl S. Ives. Oh, the mendacity. Scott, you got my name wrong. I'm so sorry. What part of it did I get wrong? I understand. It's very understandable. The S is not an initial. It's esk. My name is Burlesque. Burlesque. Burlesque. Ives. Oh, I'm sorry. I must have misheard. Your PR person who brought you over. Yes? Burl Ives died 30 years ago, Scott. Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. And who are you? I'm Burl Esk Ives. I'm a reimagining of your favorite folk singing, family friendly, Oscar winning actor. Okay, so you're like a reboot? Correct. Okay, well, great. Oh, it's wonderful to have you here. Thank you very much. I'm glad to be here. And are you related to the famous Burl Ives? I'm a reimagining of him. Right. Okay. So it's sort of like, I guess, when comic books reboot the new 52. It's a little like that. Yes. Yeah. Are there parts of your origin story that are a little bit different than the original? Burl Lives. A computer took all of Burl Ives lives. This is your origin story? That's right. The computer took all of Burl Ives and revamped him for today. Okay, and what is more modern about you than the original Burl I contain all of modern sexual politics and social liberalism. Okay, so the George Floyd protests, huh? Never mind. Why don't you catch them up to speed? That's okay. I really. I don't feel qualified. Necessary. Then why'd you bring it up? I. He opened the door. I just thought I'd walk through. But my love, open the door Call all day and all night radio requests. Well, guys, we need to get to. Of course. The CBB Roundtable. We need to get to the issues of the day and talk about what's going on. I mean, look, everything is crazy. It seems like the world can be oppressive these days. With everything that's going on in the news, it can seem overwhelming. It can seem like a little bit too much. And that's what the CBB Roundtable is here for. For. Is for us to kind of get all these issues out in the open. And you can't even run a scheme anymore, Scott. Schemes are very difficult. You can't even hang out with Morgan the Cheat Lawless. What was Morgan the Cheat Lawless like? Oh, he was a pool shark and he'd play these games and rack people's bills up and he'd say, pay up. And they never had the money. And he said we could call it even if you show me your hog. Oh, okay. Wow. And people would take him up on the hog. Oh, you better believe they were flashing hog left and right, Scott. To get out of their debts. I guess I didn't really ever think of the Old West. That Way with people just flashing hog all the time. We're flashing hog. You were flashing hog. I was flashing. Oh, yeah. If you got a good one, flash it so you have a good one. Oh, it's nice. It's. Whoops. Snake coming out again. Come back here. Okay, he's got it by the tail. Okay. All right, we're back. We're back. Well, in any case, let's get to. Let's get to the questions of the day. Let's get to the topics of the day. Everyone ready here for the CBB roundtable? Oh, yeah. All right, here we go. Everyone's been talking about this. What is your most used emoji? Emoji? Everybody's been talking. Everybody's talking about, like, oh, look at all this. Oh, look at all these emojis that are available. What is the one that I use the most? Well, for me, it's the sunset, because that's what I'm walking off into. Oh, that is gorgeous. That. So when you. You. You text people, I would imagine you. You don't have an old timey stopwatch any longer. No, I have tried to update with the times. Okay. So it's hard not to. I've noticed that you have. You have a modern iPhone, but it's connected to a fob chain. It's in your vest. Yeah, yeah, it's. It's like. Like a lighter leash but for a phone, so it never goes too far. Okay, so. So what's the last text that you sent? My last text just says, you want to get some carne asada or chile verde, and then does it have the sunset emoji right there? You better believe it. It. Wow. And that's because you're going to die soon. Well, yeah, soon I'm dying, and I got to be honest, I'm going to be going into retirement soon, Scott. So you're going to retire and then die or. Yeah, I'm going to a retirement community, Scott, and then I'll slowly die. Well, then just don't go into the retirement community. No, I got to go. It's already paid for, Scott. I'm going to Laguna Kush Village. It's a beautiful, beautiful retirement community. This is. This isn't where I think it is. What do you mean? I mean, I hear Laguna Kush Village. What do you mean, Scott? Don't tell me this is in Krishtopia. You know, Kushtopia? I. There have been guests on this show, have talked about. No way, Scott. I read about it in a brochure. The Lore about Kushtopia accumulated over the episodes. It's. Well, it's a. Tell me. It's another dimension. Another dimension? The pamphlet says an alternate planet Earth, but sure. Okay, well. And it's in. Most everything is made entirely of Kush. That's what the brochure says. Mostly everything's good. Although they do have trains that are made of metal. Yeah, well, what else would it be made out of? It would be hard to run if it was just kush. Whiz bang. Have you heard about Kushtopia at all? Oh, yeah. It's where my ex wife lives. Your ex wife lives? I go every crazy Christmas. Oh, okay. How. What's it like there? Oh, Kushtopias. It's insane. The trains are made of kush? No, it's one of the few things that's actually not made in Kush. In Kushtopia, mostly, according to the brochure, mostly everything's made of kush. But the trains have to be metal in order to work. Makes sense. A train made of nugs. What are you doing? Hollowing it out. Burlesque. Ives. What is. What's your most used emoji? All right, back to the issues of the day. I only use one emoji. I experimented with it. I sign off every text I send with a snowman. Wonderful, because you portrayed the singing snowman. Or I guess bur lives did in the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. It's not really a cartoon. It's a stop motion. Yes, I suppose that's right. I bet that is why I do that. Oh, you've never thought about it before. I'm not very introspective. Have you always been flash? Well, are you at one point a floppy? Just a floppy drive? I am. As far as I am concerned, I am an AI generated IP built off of the chassis of an old retired robot duck dog from. From the lapd. Oh, okay. One of those, like, attack. One of the ones that, like, rears up on its hind legs. That's correct. Okay, so you could attack us at any point. Of course. As could all of you. This is the true point. But I do have guns. Oh. Oh, you do? Unlike Marty Motor Motorcycle. Well, he's always forgetting his motherfucking guns. That's right. But now, are you programmed to attack us or other human beings? Oh, no, I'm programmed to entertain. Okay, well, you have done that today, I have to say. Well, would you like me to leave? No, no, I would expect you to continue to entertain us, if that's all right. Until the end of the program. Now, whiz bang. What is your most used emoji? Oh, well, I didn't think of an answer. Well, that's okay. You just look through your text. Let me see. Let me see. Last text I sent was to the frizz. I said, I'm coming by in my helicopter. Wait outside. I'll pick you up. Oh, no. That imessage is only one message, and it was the helicopter emoji. Used helicopter emoji. Heart emoji. Okay. Do you talk to anybody outside of the frizz? Frizz was my only friend. Only one guy, huh? Frizz was my only friend. No funerals for the frizz. Oh, the mendacity. So sorry you've lost your only friend. Do you. Do you have an outlet to get your feelings out? Are you in therapy? It's this show, Scott. Really? What feeling was that? Anger. That's all I got. A bunch of it. Okay. Oh, we got a caller on the line. Oh, hello. Sounds hot. Oh, my God. What are you guys talking about? Hi, ma'. Am. What is your name? Ma'? Am? Ma' am is your name. Oh, okay, I got it in one. Amazing. Ma', am, where's my belt? Oh, my God. Sir. Babe, where's my belt? Sir is home. I have to go. There's an issue. We don't want to cause any trouble at home. Well, sir is looking for his belt, and it's wrapped around my head. I'm wearing it as a necklace, and sir's gonna be mad. It's wrapped around your head, but you're wearing it as a necklace? Yeah, that's part of my head. Isn't it your neck? Oh, yeah, I guess. Okay, look, we don't have to get into. Wait, is this the pizza parlor? Who called who? Is this a prank? Wait, am I on whizbang in the frizz? You are on whizbang in the frizz. We are on whizbang in the frizz. Rip to the frizz. Of course. Of course. No funerals accepted. That's right. And sir, sir, did you ever find your belt? What the. Babe, what the. Where's my belt? Sir, you're on the radio right now. I have to go do a tough mutter. I need my belt. Oh. Oh, no. Oh, now that we. Guys, we got you guys on the line. What's your favorite Avril Lavine song? Found it, babe. Thanks. Surround your head. I guess technically your neck. I haven't heard that one, but it sounds beautiful. Coming Right up after the break, we've got Found a baby was around your neck by Avril Lavigne. Stay tuned on Whiz Bang and the Fridge. Well, guys, let's get back to the issues of the day. Everyone's talking about it. Everyone is out there these days saying, like, oh, my God, look at this thing over here. But then there's almost an equal amount of people over there going, no, no, look at this thing. And I disagree about the first thing that you said. And I think this thing is more important. And let's fight about it. Let's. Let's just hash it all out right here. What do you say? I agree. All right, here's what people want to know. Who was your childhood actor or actress crush? I'm going to go. Well, I'm going to go to Whiz Bang first. Childhood actor crush. Actor or actress? God, that's a hard one. And they don't have to be a child. Child. I'm not saying that you now, as an adult, have a crush on a child. I'm saying when you were a child. Oh, who is your crush? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Could probably an adult actor or maybe a similarly aged teen act. Of course. Easy. It's the. And this is true. The tree with tits in the Last Unicorn. What is the last Unicorn again? Last Unicorn. Incredible animation. Animated feature in which Melvin, I believe his name is, he's a wizard. He puts some sort of curse on a tree. The tree comes to life and it has giant tits. Okay, I'm gonna do a Google image search here for this last unicorn. Tree with tits. Okay, I just put tree. I didn't put tree with tits. Should I put trees? Can't leave out the tits. Show the class. Okay, I guess these are tits here. I. Yeah, those are the titles. Tits. So tree kind of pulls the magician close. Smothers. And in her tits some plumpers, some big natties. I love them. Natty Scott, you love them. Natural. Really? You don't like these Fake silicone. I'm tired of all this fake. I miss the good old day. Burlesque. What about you? What do you. I'm a boob man myself. Got a song all about it. Oh, let's hear it. It's. I'm a big randy mounds man. Is that just the start of it or that's the title of it. I want to hear it. Yeah, I'd love to hear it. Give it up for the bees. Celebrate the seas. Double D's are really something. Don't care where the lemonade flows or the fudge out goes I'm a big cocked Randy Mounds man. Like that. That's a fantastic update of a classic. What were the original lyrics of that? Oh ho ho ho. The buzzing of the bees and the cigarette trees. The soda water fountain where the lemonade springs and the bluebird sings in the big rock candy mountain. That was what people cared about back in the 50s, right. They wanted. What are these hobos doing and what are they dreaming about? Yeah, cigarettes and stuff like that. Nowadays it's about being a big cocked. What now? Randy Mounds man number seven. Oh boy. Good stuff, good stuff, good stuff. Well, that is how you not only crack the top 10, you crack single digits, then you crack a top eight and then you crack a top seven. I think we did it in style. With a plum. That's gonna just about wrap it up for the best of comedy. Bang Bang. Only one thing remains. Part two. We have have to. First of all, we want to wish you all a very happy holiday as today is Christmas. If you're listening to this on Christmas. If you're a devout Christian. Merry Christmas of course. And if you're a non devout atheist, enjoy the federal holiday of Christmas. Sure. I hope you enjoyed not getting your mail. No trash collection today. Merry Christmas. But we do have one thing to do which. And we forgot to do it on part one. But we have to. To play the traditional snowman game. Yes. As started by Paul several years ago. Paul, I'm going to leave it to you to describe what we do in the snowman game. We have a Christmas decoration which is a. A little plush snowman. He's holding a candy cane. He's got a top hat on. He's classic. You press his scarf around his neck. We should mention that. And that is primarily so his head doesn't fall. Fall off. Is that right? Yeah. I mean it can't be to warm him up because. Because he doesn't want to be warmed up. He's made of cold. Yeah. And if he warms up, he melts. Yeah. So it must be to hold his head. He shouldn't have a hat on because so much your body heat escapes through your head. That's right. And so. And also the head is make. Is what is making his. The hat is what is making his head lopsided and why he needs the scarf in order to affix his head to his body. So here's what happens. You press his fat little hand hand and then he starts swaying to and fro singing Let it snow, let it snow. Let it snow. Yep. He periodically. He does little spins, he twirls, and you don't know where he's going to land. And it's different every time. It's not a. A preset. He makes 3 spins. Y. He makes 3 spins total while he's singing the song. Now, the object of the game. And there's no way you can affect this outcome because it's random each time. It's random each time. Time. Although I feel like I. I don't like the fact that he's pointed right at me to start. I. I feel like I should be able to. Right. We can point him away. We can point him away. We can point him away from both of us. Okay, great. Because the object of the game. Because I think it would be too coincidental for him to start looking at me and st. Looking at him. It would be a little too neat. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. The object of the game is to have the snowman at the very end, his final rotation. Wind up staring straight at you. That's right. Because when in your eyes, the feeling that you get is like nothing else. Right. And now look, this particular snowman, because I had one, my own personal one. I can't find it anywhere. Yeah. I worried because I. In my head, I've had this version of the snowman, which our old producer, or former producer, I should say, Kimmy. Our elderly producer. Kim. Kimmy. Kimmy brought, I believe, brought this one over because you couldn't find yours or something. This one was from Earwolf. That's how I first learned about it. And so then I got my own. Then you got your own, but you couldn't find it. So I scrambled and said, kimmy, can you find the snowman? The one from Earwolf? And she brought it over. So this one has been in my house now for a number of years. But last night, as I turned on the alarm. Anyone trying to rob me. That's right. You're not going to be able to. I turned on the alarm easily. Yeah. You'll have about 30 seconds of grace period as you enter, and then it'll go off. But I Suddenly, as I laid myself down to sleep. And what did you do then? I prayed the Lord, of course. My soul to keep. Yes, that's right. I said. I just. In my head, I was like, oh, yeah, I know where that is. And then right as I went down to sleep, I went, I have no idea where it is. Why would I think I know where it is? And so I. And it was my Turn to wake up with a baby. So I was just, like, just in my head the entire morning about, like, I don't know where this is. What if I can't find it? Do I need to reach out to Paul? Does he know where his is yet? And then I came down in here to the studio, and I looked around, and it wasn't in my eyesight. I went into the kitchen. I'm like, I don't know where it is. I don't know where it is. And I looked everywhere, and then I realized it was right there on the kitchen counter in plain view, and my eyes have just glided over it. Wow. Because I don't. During the year, it has no effect on my life. So I just, like, don't pay any attention to it. So I don't see it. You think it would stick out more. Yeah. But instead I was like, where's this thing? And I just, like, naturally glided over it, like, oh, there's that thing I don't pay attention to. Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Has it been on the kitchen counter for the whole year? Yes. You've been here all year doing Freedom episodes. Oh, you remember this kitchen counter? Yes. Oh, yeah, I've seen it. I was going to say, you've seen it? Oh, yeah. But I, I. In my head, I was like, I haven't seen that thing in a year. Silly Scott. But it was right here. To me, it's like seeing a friend. Yeah. That's how I should treat it. All right, so I. So this is. I also want to point out, I think, that this. This particular decoration is no longer available. Oh, I just searched for it the other day. Whoa. Because you wanted to buy a new one. Extinct. All right, so here we go. I'm going to press his fat little hand. Oh, we got a mic. Okay, so Paul is going to press its hand and it is going to sing to us. We want to make sure the mic is out of the way of its spin. 3, 2. And we want it looking at us. Go. Weather outside is frightful. Okay, it's in place. Oh, it's spinning. It's doing its first spin. And it is looking right at Paul. But that still feels good. But it's not. It's not the means. I'm not gonna get the last one, by the way. We never came to. We. We never talked about. Should we be wagering on this? This is the. It does four spins. Okay. This is the final. It's looking right back where it started. Which means that he's A little off center. He's a little off. Okay. I was gonna say if it was right, I should have just had it looking at me. If it was. Exactly. But you know how we moved it? Because I said never. Yeah, that's right. Okay, now we'll leave him where he is. We'll leave him where he is from now. Yes. But we, we should, we should make, of course, a gentleman's bet. Ten thousand dollar bet. Of course. Our mitt rock meet his hot dog. My favorite meat is hot dog. We're gonna, we're gonna do a bet next time for it. I don't, I don't like betting on it. You don't? I think. But we did it for charity. Sure. Oh, the community. Yes, we'll do a bet for the community. The community of Connecticut. Yes. Of what? What the name was it? Old Lime Connecticut. Old Lime Connecticut for you. Old Lime. All right, that's gonna do it for us. We're gonna be back Monday with part three of our best of countdown and then the the following Thursday, a week from today for part four. And we're gonna be doing the top crushing. We're gonna be crushing the top six on our next two episodes. So that's exciting. From all of us here at Comedy Bang Bang and from Werner Herzog, AKA the client. Have a happy holiday. With Venmo Stache A taco in one hand and ordering a ride in the other means you're stacking cash back. Nice. Get up to 5% cash back with Venmo stash on your favorite brands. When you pay with your Venmo debit card. From takeout to ride shares, entertainment and more. Pick a bundle with your go tos and start earning cash back at those brands. Earn more cash when you do more with stash. Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply. Max $100 cash back per month. See terms at venmo me stashterms before the trophy and bragging rights are rightfully yours. Before your stories sleeper turns. In a season no one saw coming before stats and projections turn into points on the board and your lineup falls perfectly into place. You flip the lid on a can of on nicotine pouches. 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