Blind Is Love (Nick Kocher & Brian McElhaney, Hannah Pilkes, Casey Feigh)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: Episode Summary

Episode Title: Blind Is Love
Guests: Nick Kocher (Britannic), Brian McElhaney (Britannic), Hannah Pilkes ("Nurse from the Pit"), Casey Feigh ("Weed Seinfeld")
Host: Scott Aukerman
Release Date: March 30, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang features Scott Aukerman welcoming sketch duo Britannic (Nick Kocher & Brian McElhaney) for their debut appearance, where they discuss their journey from internet sketch comedy to their new feature film "Pizza Movie" (on Hulu). The show stays true to the CBB tradition by opening its doors to returning and new characters, including the frenetic Nurse from the Pit and the ever-drifting Weed Seinfeld. They riff on narrative comedy, drugs in cinema, the perils of filmmaking, and invent the reality show "Blind Is Love." The vibe is loose, fast, and surreal, packed with irreverence and layered meta-humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Britannic’s Background & Film Debut

[01:25–13:55]

• Scott gives a lively, detailed intro about Britannic’s internet and live sketch history, past pilots ("never sold"), SNL writing, festival appearances, and their new movie.
• Nick and Brian joke about Scott’s out-of-order Wikipedia rundown.
• Transition from sketches to feature film: "Pizza Movie" is a college drug comedy with a “sketch-narrative blend.”
• On staying sober when writing:
  "Everyone is like, This is the big stoner comedy. You guys smoke a lot of weed and we don't." — Brian McElhaney [06:00] "You gotta be like stone cold sober to connect comedic points." — Brian McElhaney [06:14]
• “Pizza Movie” plot: College kids take a fictional drug, then must descend two flights to save themselves by retrieving a pizza. Said pizza stops the drug’s mounting effects.
• Sarah Sherman (SNL) plays the creator of the movie’s drug.
• Notable cast: Gaten Matarazzo (Stranger Things), Sean Giambrone (The Goldbergs), and Daniel Radcliffe (voice cameo).
• Directing for the first time:
  "The romance of the idea is... you lose that pretty quick. Like, it is such hard work, but in the end of the day, I’m kind of like, let’s go again." — Brian McElhaney [10:53] "Everything in between action and cut, I deeply loved. And then everything else..." — Nick Kocher [11:02]
• Post-production struggles, budget limitations, improv on set (esp. with Sarah Sherman), and favorite comedic moments.

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2. Writing & Cutting Comedy for Film

[12:41–19:56]

• Much of the film was constructed or discovered in editing, including challenging “drug trip” scenes and party sequences.
• 30% of Sarah Sherman’s scenes were improvised; they rolled for upwards of 90 minutes.
• Brian and Nick discuss how important tight structure is, citing callbacks, connective tissue, and a sense of narrative assurance in their comedy.

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3. The "Pizza Movie" Cast, Kids TV Stars, and Casting Stories

[16:44–18:55]

• Cast includes ex-children’s TV stars—concern about families watching together ("not for parents!").
• Peyton Lee’s character was rewritten from “normal” to “absolutely insane,” playing a musician with a human instrument (hooked up to a simulated childbirth device).
• Anecdotes about auditioning and on-set discoveries.

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4. Future Projects & Comedy Process (and Meta Jokes)

[20:16–23:10]

• Britannic’s next film "Over Your Dead Body" (Jason Segel, Samara Weaving, Timothy Olyphant).
• Live UCB shows.
• Jokes about being "on every channel" versus winning an Oscar.

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5. "Nurse from the Pit" Arrives (Hannah Pilkes)

[28:34–47:37]

• Character intro: Deliriously busy, barely coherent trauma nurse with muddled jargon and Pittsburgh references.
• Wild improvisation: fake emergencies, sound effects, countless birds as pets (tweaker, squeaker, baby jane, dodo).
• Running jokes: giving birth (to a football, a bowl of squash, jelly beans), three-year pregnancy, “pizza movie” knockoff, fascination with bodily functions, and love for Pittsburgh sports.
• Discussion of her reality TV stardom and Emmy win ("pregnant for three years, can’t give birth, real documentary").
• Attempts at romance, with bachelor questions for Nick, Scott, and Brian—highest surrealism and absurdity; verges on game show parody.

Memorable Quotes:

• "Who can deliver a 36-month pregnant baby? ...I'm off the clock." — Nurse from the Pit [33:10]
• "Some of them honk. Some of them meep. Some of them beep. But what are they?" — Nurse from the Pit (on what’s inside her) [35:57]
• "You've seen me, you think I'm sassy? You should meet my macaw." — Nurse from the Pit [44:31]

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6. "Blind Is Love": Reality TV Parody

[40:51–47:31]

• The crew invents a “reverse Love is Blind” show where contestants can see but not talk, quickly devolving into charades, nonsense, and bits about mutual masturbation and tweaking nipples.

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7. Return of Weed Seinfeld (Casey Feigh)

[53:41–73:41]

• A Seinfeld parody whose only joke is “What’s the deal with weed? Why do we call it weed? An unwanted plant? I’m paying 40 bucks, I want it!” [53:41]
• Laments that weed isn’t counterculture anymore; wants to rebrand as "Booze Seinfeld" or "Ketamine Seinfeld."
• Fumbles attempts at original material, constantly reverting to weed puns and classic Seinfeld mannerisms.
• Nick and Brian improvise a "comedians in cars" bit, complete with elaborate car door sound effects [62:14].
• Group discusses new beginnings for Weed Seinfeld (maybe pizza-related material, maybe “Ketamine Seinfeld”).

Memorable Quotes:

• "Everything's about weed. ...there's a Seinfeld, OK." — Scott Aukerman [53:35]
• "I'm only doing this to make money. I don't want to work." — Weed Seinfeld [60:35]

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8. Plugs & Wrap-Up

[71:10–76:17]

• Britannic plugs "Pizza Movie" (Hulu, April 3) and "Over Your Dead Body" (April 24, in theaters).
  Also, their Patreon: patreon.com/britannic
• Nurse from the Pit plugs her own “Movie Pizza,” Hannah Pilkes’s stand-up ("SKI"), and a Monrovia karate seminar.
• Weed Seinfeld promotes "Holy Improv" (live international show), plus Patreon.
• Scott promotes CBBworld.com for archives, bonus shows, and new features.
• Final bits include jokes about streaming numbers, movie sequels (“Pizza Movie 2: Can I get a slice?”), and whether the guests will ever find out if their movie was successful.

Best Closing Quote:

• "If you ever find yourself in Pittsburgh, give me a call, all right? I'm on Sprint Mobile." — Nurse from the Pit [76:02]

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• "You gotta be like stone cold sober to connect comedic points." — Brian McElhaney [06:14]
• "The romance of the idea is... you lose that pretty quick. Like, it is such hard work, but in the end of the day, I’m kind of like, let’s go again." — Brian McElhaney [10:53]
• "Who can deliver a 36-month pregnant baby? ...I'm off the clock." — Nurse from the Pit [33:10]
• "What is your type?" "He's round and around." — Nurse from the Pit [42:45]
• "What’s the deal with weed? Why do we call this stuff weed? Weed's an unwanted plant. I'm paying 40 bucks for this stuff. I want it." — Weed Seinfeld [53:41]
• "Everything's about weed. ...there's a Seinfeld, OK." — Scott Aukerman [53:35]
• "I'm only doing this to make money. I don't want to work." — Weed Seinfeld [60:35]
• "If you ever find yourself in Pittsburgh, give me a call, all right? I'm on Sprint Mobile." — Nurse from the Pit [76:02]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Britannic Introduction & Film Talk: 01:25–19:56
• Cast and Character Anecdotes: 16:44–18:55
• Plug Section: 71:10–76:17
• Nurse from the Pit Arrives: 28:34–47:37
• Weed Seinfeld Segment: 53:41–73:41

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Episode Tone & Style

The episode features classic Comedy Bang Bang energy: zany, fast, irreverent, and filled with improvisational character comedy. Scott’s straight-man exasperation is matched by caffeinated bits and left-field character inventions from the guests. The plug section is as self-deprecating as ever, and meta humor about the show’s own conventions abounds.

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For New Listeners

• Britannic fans will learn about the process behind their first film and get a taste of their chemistry in real time.
• Recurring listeners will enjoy new spins on classic CBB bits: fictional relationships, plugs, and “what’s the deal with weed?”
• Character fans will love the Nurse from the Pit’s fever-dream run and the existential bumbling of Weed Seinfeld.

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Summary

This episode is a perfect blend of insider comedy process discussion (with Britannic dissecting indie film challenges) and CBB’s signature absurdist improv, buoyed by returning character favorites. The highlights include a detailed, often derailed interview about “Pizza Movie,” Nurse from the Pit’s parade of surreal emergencies, and an extended weirdo riff with Weed Seinfeld. Highly recommended for fans of meta-comedy, character work, and chaotic studio energy.

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

Nirvana the Band the show the movie is being hailed as a miracle and absolutely what all our tax dollars should be for. Nirvana the Band to show the movie is 98% certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.

Yeah, this could have insane ramifications.

[Nick Kocher]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Critics are raving that it's a laugh riot future classic that'll leave you in disbelief that they didn't get arrested.

I have a feeling that right off the bat, they're gonna ask for an encore.

Watch it on digital now.

[Kelly Clarkson]

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[Weed Seinfeld]

Wayfair.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Every style, every home.

[Scott Aukerman]

An apple a day keeps an apple a day. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you, Samantha. Samantha for that. I wonder which Samantha it is. No last name given, none needed. Thank you, Samantha, for that catchphrase submission. Unfortunately not going to stick. The hunt continues for a catchphrase, but welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Aukerman. We have an exceptional show coming up. A little later we have someone from the nursing profession. That's exciting. We also have a stand up comedian. Oh, someone from the arts. So this is a great show and you're going to want to stick around for both of them. But before, before we get to them, let's get to our guests of honor and it is an honor to talk to these gentlemen. They've never been on the show before. They're entering the one Timers club. Let me tell you a little bit about them. They started and are still in a standup Internet. No, not stand up Internet. Sketch comedy duo from Atlanta, Georgia called Britannic. They graduated, one of them graduated from Atlanta International School and the other graduated from the PA School. They attended New York.

[Nick Kocher]

Terrible, terrible, terrible pronunciation.

[Scott Aukerman]

They attended New York University together. I've never heard of it. Quite honestly. I'm not sure why it's on your Wikipedia page. It's the first time ever high schools

[Brian McElhaney]

in a lot credited ever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, buckle up, here we go. The duo's videos have been featured on Internet video sites including YouTube, College Humor, cracked Break and Funny or Die. Britannic was nominated by the ECNY Awards as Best Sketch Comedy Group in New York in 2008 and by Comedy Central's inaugural Comedy Awards for Best Web Video. In 2012, they appeared in Joss Whedon's adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing. They have performed three shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York, three begging for approval, the Infinity Prison, and their current monthly live show, the Monthly Mankerthon.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay, well that is out of date.

[Scott Aukerman]

A little out of date. Kocher. Oh, sorry, I don't mean to say your names yet. They perform sketch regularly at UCB as well as stand up and improv comedy around New York City. A pilot for their TV show was ordered by Comedy Central in 2014. The pilot, which was ultimately never sold, was written by and starred the duo alongside Natalie Palamides, Maya Erskine and Jesse Hodges. In 2016, they were hired as writers by NBC's Saturday Night Live. They were featured regularly on Crack.com and College Humor. Their sketch Pillow Talk featured Private Practice's Chris Lowell. They were featured as Kings of duck comedy on G4's attack of the show. In the spring of 2020, the duo directed three episodes of making Fun with Akilah and Milana for Comedy Central Digital. They have been reviewed in the Charleston City Paper and Timeout Chicago and they were named a Timeout New York's don't miss critics pick. In 2009 they performed in San Francisco Sketch Fest, New York City Sketch Fest Chicago Sketch Fest and Piccolo Spoleto and Spoleto Festival USA. In 2008 they won the Seattle Sketchfest video contest at New York Comedy Festival's Web Video Cram Off. Their Sketch Academy Award winning movie resulted in coverage on the websites of the Huffington Post and Time Magazine as well as praise from Roger Ebert, Joss Whedon, Stephen Fry and Ashton Kutcher. They were nominated for the Comedy Awards Best Viral video and the ECNY Awards best comedic video. In 2022 and 2024 they performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. In 2024 they directed Demi Diguibe's performance at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. And now they have a new movie coming out this Friday called Pizza Movie on Hulu. Please welcome Nick Kocher and Brian McElhaney.

[Brian McElhaney]

Wow, how thorough that is. Unbelievable. I'd forgotten about most of those things.

[Nick Kocher]

I love how that was not chronological at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does it make you wonder? Should someone be tidying up my Wikipedia page? Yeah, ECNY nominations Should be Wikipedia. Welcome to the show, guys. So great to meet you.

[Brian McElhaney]

Thanks for coming on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have loved your sketches for many a year. And now you've turned this sketch comedy sensibility into a narrative feature film. How does this happen?

[Brian McElhaney]

We're still trying to figure out how we did it and if we did it correctly. Yeah, we had this idea a long time ago to make this sort of.

[Scott Aukerman]

To make a movie.

[Brian McElhaney]

To make a movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

We always had that idea when I was six.

[Nick Kocher]

Yeah, we were like, what if we did a 90 minute story?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Brian McElhaney]

And yeah, this movie is really interesting because we get to play with obviously narrative structure, but there's also these. It's a drug movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ooh, drugs.

[Brian McElhaney]

And these drugs are as big drug guys. Not really. Everyone is like, this is the big stoner comedy. You guys smoke a lot of weed and we don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

But we got that on Mr. Show all the time of like, man, you guys must be high riding this all day. And it's like, that would be impossible.

[Brian McElhaney]

No, you gotta be like stone cold sober to connect comedic points. I think you can kind of like come up with ideas a little bit high. But to write, you gotta be that said.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you're right. I think coming up with stuff high is good.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, yeah. But then, you know, getting to the

[Scott Aukerman]

brass and actually writing when you're high, I think that you're right. That's good. Okay.

[Brian McElhaney]

Actually, maybe we should be high all the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think so.

[Brian McElhaney]

But it's a mix between sketch and narrative kind of hopefully blended together well in this film.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Now, I have seen this movie and it comes out this Friday on Hulu. It stars Gaten. How do you say his last name?

[Nick Kocher]

Matarazzo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Matarazzo. From Sweeney Todd.

[Brian McElhaney]

That's right. Famously from Sweeney Todd.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also from Les Mis, Stranger Things.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, right, right, that right. Forgot about that.

[Scott Aukerman]

He is the he. Top lines the film. Do you guys like variety slang?

[Brian McElhaney]

It's our favorite thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

He didn't ankle it. He toplined it.

[Brian McElhaney]

I didn't know about ankle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ankle means you're not going to do it anymore.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, okay. Yeah, no, he didn't ankle it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like you ankle your agent or a project. Yes.

[Brian McElhaney]

Nice. That's a good slang. Yeah, we love that kid. He's amazing kid.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's 23. Who's the other person in it?

[Nick Kocher]

Sean Gambrone. He was on the Goldbergs for many years.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

What it. Was he one of the Goldbergs or was the Goldberg the titular Goldberg?

[Brian McElhaney]

He didn't ankle that Goldberg I'll tell you that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's the two of them, as well as a lot of really funny people in it. Younger cast. It's set in college. Yes, but I don't need to tell you this. Why don't you tell me about the film?

[Nick Kocher]

So the movie is about a group of kids in a college dorm who are high on a fictional drug and have ordered a pizza.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you say fictional drug, meaning you

[Brian McElhaney]

guys created this drug and made it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

For real, though. You have created it.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah. You want some?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

Okay, great. After the show.

[Nick Kocher]

I think we can't go into too much detail, but yes, that's. It's. The movie is largely an. Advertised for our own homemade drug and delivery service.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Where you make the upsell money.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

Well, yeah, that's how. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, and the. In the movie, though, the drug is created by Sarah Sherman from snl, who's very, very funny.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the movie. And they not. I mean, they take this drug, but they don't know the side effects of it. And once they learn that, it's debilitating to them. And pretty much the entire movie is them trying to get to this pizza that's being delivered two floors down. That's right. Yes.

[Brian McElhaney]

And because the pizza stops the effects of these drugs, which. And the effects are getting more and more chaotic and hurtful to their bodies. And there's a really terrible final phase of the drug. And they gotta get that pizza before

[Scott Aukerman]

they gotta get the pizza. And so it's of the trials and tribulations. Yes.

[Nick Kocher]

Nick, I was just gonna say it's. Yeah, it's. They've got to go down two flights of stairs, which is normally a pretty simple journey.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did it today. Yeah. Right before this show.

[Brian McElhaney]

Walking down into this room right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. We've all done it, but these guys, it's a little bit hard for them in the state that they're in. Yes.

[Nick Kocher]

Because they're on this fictional drug that you can order on our website. And we just want to plug that bright fictional, real drug we made.

[Brian McElhaney]

And on top of that, the elevator is broken. There's a bunch of roving ras, which are pretty much Nazis, the metaphor is pretty one to one. And bullies and all these other things that are complicating their journey. And.

[Scott Aukerman]

And we have a great cast. We have. Jack Martin plays the. The head ra. He's really great in it. Caleb Heeren is in it a lot of really. Daniel Radcliffe provides a voice.

[Brian McElhaney]

That's right. Why did he do this?

[Scott Aukerman]

Did he do it on his iPhone or did.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Or what?

[Scott Aukerman]

What. When did he actually go into Burbank?

[Brian McElhaney]

He went to a booth in New York City. We were on Zoom with him, and he really, really wanted to make it good. And I was like, man, you're trying too hard for this.

[Scott Aukerman]

He works hard at what he does. We. We respect Daniel Radcliffe. And this is your first time not writing a movie because you also have another movie coming out a little bit later that we'll talk about. But this is your first time directing a movie. You directed your sketches back in the day.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yes.

[Brian McElhaney]

It was all in house.

[Nick Kocher]

We did everything for those sketches. I held the boom mic for those sketches. For a lot of the scenes that I sometimes correct.

[Brian McElhaney]

You don't see the right arm.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's because it's doing.

[Nick Kocher]

Yes, I did. We did production design, which I think is quite obvious when you look at the sketches.

[Scott Aukerman]

The white walls of our New York apartments. Yep.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah. But this is our first time getting to direct a feature, which is, you know, we've been doing it for, I guess, 20 years now in small ways, but doing it with a huge crew and a budget is a very different process.

[Nick Kocher]

Yes. With union rules, which are annoying.

[Brian McElhaney]

Don't like them.

[Scott Aukerman]

We don't like unions.

[Brian McElhaney]

Don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Brian McElhaney]

Wait, hold on, hold on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe you shouldn't put this out. But did you like it? Did you enjoy doing it? Is it something you want to do some more?

[Brian McElhaney]

I mean, it's. You know, it's the one thing I've always dreamed of wanting to do is to be a director of film, and then doing it.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's annoying.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

You're like, wow, okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's.

[Brian McElhaney]

It's really fun, but it's like the romance of the idea is you. You lose that pretty quick. Like, it is such hard work, but in the end of the day, I'm kind of like, let's go again. Yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

Yeah. No, it was great. It's so fun. I mean, I. I say, like, everything in between action and cut, I deeply loved. And then everything else was from cut to action.

[Scott Aukerman]

From action.

[Nick Kocher]

Different. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

The people talking to anyone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Personality, having to leave your house. But it's. It's really, really funny. I get. Look, I get sent these movies a lot, and I. By the way, you'll be happy to know that I got sent a screener. I watched it here in my home on Disney debut, and the process of logging into Disney debut this time only took me one hour and 50 minutes.

[Brian McElhaney]

Good Lord.

[Scott Aukerman]

Longer than the film and longer than the Film itself, including a 35 minute phone call with tech support. And by the time I had logged in, it was time to go to bed. And so I started it all up again the next day. And then I was so happy to see it as the filmmakers intended. With my email emblazoned.

[Nick Kocher]

I was gonna say.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you.

[Nick Kocher]

That is in actually the full finished cut of the movie. A watermark of your email.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm gonna be blowing up soon. But yeah, I get a lot of these films and, you know, they're okay sometimes. And this one is really good. I really enjoyed it. Very, very funny.

[Nick Kocher]

One of the bad ones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh boy, Listen to the show pretty much anytime in the last year or so. No, this is a really good one. It's very, very funny and you feel like you're in good hands with it. It doesn't feel like, oh, this is people kind of learning on the job or anything like that. You're very self assured as directors.

[Brian McElhaney]

Thanks.

[Scott Aukerman]

And was there stuff. Was. It was a challenge in post at all to. To get it to cut together? Was there stuff you had to cut out or anything like that?

[Nick Kocher]

There's definitely.

[Scott Aukerman]

We cut.

[Nick Kocher]

I think the first rough cut that like editor's assembly was two hours and the finished cut is an hour and a half. So yes, we cut quite a bit, but it was all, you know, it. I don't know that there's. I think there's only one scene that we lost in its entirety. I think everything else was just trims and getting it to move quicker.

[Brian McElhaney]

There were definitely a few sections. Like there's a big party scene in the middle where they all kind of split up. And fig. Figuring out how to just sort of like put that puzzle together took forever to figure out. And there's a very first. The very first drug trip. They get eaten by a squid. Spoiler, I guess. And that's okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

It gets people into.

[Weed Seinfeld]

They want to watch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. They hear squid. Oh, that sounds so good.

[Brian McElhaney]

And then they're on stage and this marionette played by me is sort of molesting one of them. And there's a man in the audience holding a baby and making them do it over and over again.

[Nick Kocher]

Molest. I just really want to get in front of that and say it is a nipple tweak and not. Not.

[Brian McElhaney]

Nick thinks that unconsensual nipple tweaks are not molestation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Y. Will that get you on any sort of list?

[Brian McElhaney]

It depends on if Sean. Sean puts me on a list.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's our lead actor and he said

[Brian McElhaney]

he was okay with it?

[Scott Aukerman]

It depends on how the movie does.

[Brian McElhaney]

It's kind of. Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

But anyway, that was a section that we didn't quite know what it was and it was our last day of shooting and we just kind of shot a bunch of randomness and then had to create it.

[Scott Aukerman]

So save that for the last.

[Nick Kocher]

Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

Why save that for the last day? A lot of people say save the most hard thing for the last day. Which is what we did on my movie. Right. Saved like the big car crash and everything. Because it's like you want the easy stu beginning when everyone's like sort of what? But so why save the dream sequence? I guess it's not a dream sequence. The drug trip for the last day?

[Nick Kocher]

Well, one. Because we did not know what it was going to be for a long time because we kept pitching ideas and they were like, you do not have the budget to do that.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, we wanted them to like blow through all dimensions and like it was going to be a big green screen day. And then as you know, we had to cut budget and cut time.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was just like less couldn't afford a green screen.

[Brian McElhaney]

They couldn't afford what we wanted to do with the green screen. Like put them up on wires and do a 360 shot and all this stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

So there's some wire work in the film though, right?

[Brian McElhaney]

There is, yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

Very fair amount.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why didn't they save the wires?

[Brian McElhaney]

How do we cut the wires?

[Nick Kocher]

After the location for the wire.

[Brian McElhaney]

After you do wire work, you ceremonially

[Scott Aukerman]

have to cut the wire with giant scissors.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, exactly. And so you can't use them again. Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

And so. But that's a very funny sequence that. And so you just kind of had to figure it out in post.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Nick Kocher]

Well, we. Yeah. I mean in and on the day and the week before. Yeah, yeah, it's.

[Brian McElhaney]

It's. That was until it was done. It was like, oh, this is what it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

How much of the Sarah Sherman stuff was kind of like envisioned before you shot it? And how much was just kind of taking footage and doing, I would say

[Nick Kocher]

what you ended up doing with 70. 30. I think like 30. Where's the 30? The 30 is playing around. I mean, Sarah came in and.

[Brian McElhaney]

So funny.

[Nick Kocher]

Just improvised a ton.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, we had. I think we shot like an hour and a half straight of her like looking into the camera.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like a straight, straight take. That's an hour and a half. The sound guy with the boom.

[Brian McElhaney]

Feel that guy. We really put in the ringer.

[Scott Aukerman]

45 minute take on my movie. And the boom guy was not.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This happened a few times in our film. We can go long, but Sarah was just playing around so much that we just really wanted to keep it going. But, yeah, we kind of knew the beats to hit with that scene. But then every time she throw in something of her own, the most dressed

[Nick Kocher]

down Sarah Sherman has ever been, I think she's wearing an insane, kooky lab coat, and it still feels like, oh, she's. What is she going to formal affair?

[Scott Aukerman]

But. But she's. Yeah, I mean, she's very, very funny in it, and everyone's great in it. I was, you know, you never know watching these kids, these Goldbergs, as they grow up.

[Brian McElhaney]

You never know about these Goldberg.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get so invested in them as the Goldbergs, then it's time for them to. To fly away and do another type of project. And. And they're both great in the movie, really good leads. And then the other people in the movie are really good, too. I don't really know who any of the supporting characters are.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

But yeah, they were really like the. The. Their.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Totally.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, yeah, we.

[Nick Kocher]

Yeah, no, every. We were very lucky. The cast was great. We were. They. It was very important to us to audition for every role you guys auditioned.

[Scott Aukerman]

For every role we auditioned, I kept

[Brian McElhaney]

saying, no, you only got the guy

[Scott Aukerman]

who tweaked someone's nipple.

[Brian McElhaney]

Got in there, man. Yeah, yeah, we auditioned everyone and we were really like, you know, we're like, we can. Whether it's an unknown or a star, we don't care. We want just the best for the part and just sort of like, kind of accidentally. We have Gaten and Sean and also Peyton, who plays Ashley, were all like, kids TV show stars. Like, she was on this Disney show where she played the new Doogie Howser. Andi Mack. Sean was from Goldberg's. Gaten was from Stranger Things. So it's like all these kids who have done kids stuff who are now like. I'm a little worried that a lot of their fans are gonna watch this with their parents and pretty soon realize they shouldn't be watching this with their parents.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it is very funny because, I mean, just a month or so ago or two, I guess it came out on New Year's Eve or whatever. He was in Stranger still pretending to be 14.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, that's right.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. When he's. Isn't he like 55?

[Brian McElhaney]

He's 58 now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So he's had a few birthdays, so I just feel like his fans who have grown up along with him will probably be just as mature as they are, I think.

[Brian McElhaney]

I hope so. That's the idea.

[Nick Kocher]

Also, fun story about Peyton Lee who auditioned. She auditioned. When she auditioned, her role was a journalism major who is a pretty straight, normal character. And then we were like, you know what? When we're rewriting the script, we were like, let's make this character absolutely insane. And she's like. Is in this crazy band and one of the instruments she plays is a guy named Dudley who she's electrocuting by hooking him up to a device that simulates childbirth.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's almost like a theremin where she's.

[Brian McElhaney]

She's kind of like a human there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Making. Making him make human noises right on pitch.

[Nick Kocher]

So she. She read for the first scene, which was like a very normal human being, and then came back for the callback and the character had become just absolute psychopath.

[Scott Aukerman]

Had she adjusted in between or did she.

[Brian McElhaney]

I don't think she adjusted. When she was on set, she was like, I'm sorry, what, what are we doing now? We're like, you just have to go with this. But she, she did it so smoothly. It was beautiful.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it's a very crazy movie and I think a lot of these types of movies that, you know, have drug trips in them or. Or are, you know, and with first time directors can sometimes be like, oh, it's really experimental, but it doesn't hang together. But you're. This movie actually really hangs together really well. It makes sense all the way through. How many minutes is it?

[Brian McElhaney]

92.

[Scott Aukerman]

92, I would say, you know, other than the last three minutes, which is just a bunch of names going up and down the screen. I was confused by that.

[Brian McElhaney]

We should keep that in. Or not.

[Scott Aukerman]

But yeah, but the rest of it was really good, I thought.

[Brian McElhaney]

Thanks, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Thank you.

[Brian McElhaney]

I mean, that's always been our thing. It's like structure. Like our sketches are very tight in like our live shows. We try to make sure everything calls back. Well, and it feels like these live

[Scott Aukerman]

shows you're doing at the Upright Suit,

[Brian McElhaney]

we're gonna get live shows, we're gonna get it. But yeah, I mean, it's like also, we wanted part of the journey of this was like, let's make this seem like it's just a classic dumb stoner teen movie, which it is. But also when people watch it, hopefully they go, oh, this is more connected and elevated than I thought it would be.

[Nick Kocher]

And if you like callbacks, boy, have we got a ton.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Brian McElhaney]

I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

When my mommy calls me back. So I think I liked it in this movie. Alth, you didn't call me during the movie, so I'm not quite sure what you're talking about, but pizza movie. It comes out this Friday on Hulu. Is any theaters at all or just on Hulu?

[Nick Kocher]

In the past.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, yes, in the past. So if you have a time machine

[Nick Kocher]

and you can go back to south By Southwest in 2026, you know, maybe you're going to have bigger fish to fry if you got a time machine,

[Scott Aukerman]

but kill Hitler while you're there. South by Southwest.

[Nick Kocher]

He was there. He is in the cast. And we are, we're so happy to have him premiered.

[Scott Aukerman]

Triumph of the Wheel there, didn't that. That's right. Yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That famous. A lot of people don't remember that letterbox.

[Nick Kocher]

Did not care for it.

[Brian McElhaney]

They're so woke, dude.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then your other movie is coming out in about a month. You did not direct this one or your friend y directed this one. What is the title of that one again?

[Nick Kocher]

That one is called over your dead body.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. And great cast in that. That's Jason Seagull. And this is all from memory.

[Nick Kocher]

Samara Weaving.

[Brian McElhaney]

Samara Weaving Lewis. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Timothy Oliphant, who of course uses to do the sports on Indy 3.1 when I used to be the entertainment reporter. If you say so.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

An excellent show for crediting people's least impressive thing that they've done many years in the past.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, two big movies coming out this year. This is good, right?

[Brian McElhaney]

We'll see.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope so.

[Brian McElhaney]

I mean, I think it is good. The only way it's bad is if both movies are absolutely hated by everyone. Then that could be a real, real bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, they're both getting really good reviews. I mean, I looked at pizza, the movie's reviews, and I. I saw about like 10 really good ones. Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

10 tomatoes.

[Brian McElhaney]

10 tomatoes.

[Nick Kocher]

1010 80s.

[Brian McElhaney]

The letterbox. The people really like it, which really is what we want.

[Scott Aukerman]

So I don't care if the people like it.

[Brian McElhaney]

The critics, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And then over your dead body got a good review at south by. So.

[Nick Kocher]

Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, that was. Yeah, that one's gonna be a banger, I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So that's awesome. Well, congrats, guys. That's really good. What else is in the pipeline? I mean, this isn't enough, guys. Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

What else is going on?

[Nick Kocher]

Well, we've got a live show at the UCB theater.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, they're bringing back DCM guys, are we doing it going back?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Weed Seinfeld]

We're.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, we're.

[Brian McElhaney]

We have a few. You know how it is. We have some projects that are like going. But like, are they like that kind of thing?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we'll be on the lookout. I suggest people just turn on their TVs and just wait for you guys to pop.

[Brian McElhaney]

We'll pop up, don't worry.

[Nick Kocher]

And just whatever channel you like, we'll eventually find our way there. The Hallmark channel, you know, you'll be on it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that, that would, that's a good entertainment goal. Instead of like, I want to make a movie when I grow up or anything. I want to be on every channel

[Brian McElhaney]

that just show up on every channel. Just put my face on everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want to win an Oscar. I just want to be on every channel.

[Nick Kocher]

The Speed Network.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. Is that the drug or the movie?

[Nick Kocher]

Yeah, both. And then also the network that shows old clips from David Letterman on my Samsung tv when I turn it on.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the dream. Really? Samsung?

[Nick Kocher]

Yes, Samsung.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't care about the other stuff, but a Samsung, that's incredible. Well, guys, this is very exciting. I really like the movie, so I'm glad you're here now. Can you stick around? We have someone from the nursing profession. Oh, great. We also have a stand up comedian. So that's really.

[Brian McElhaney]

We love comedy that I like less.

[Scott Aukerman]

But that's the thing. I. I kind of, I was watching the movie, I was like, I think these guys like comedy.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, you caught us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. But yeah, you saw it. Got you. Well, that's, that's very exciting to have you here. We're gonna come right back with. We have the person from the nursing profession. We have a nurse comedian. What's that?

[Nick Kocher]

A nurse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Call a nurse. Yes.

[Nick Kocher]

I could just save you some time there.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess that's one way to put it. You're right. But we'll come right back with more Brian McElhinney, more Nick Kocher. We'll be right back with more comedy. Bang bang after this. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're just beginning or ready to grow your business, Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and Organize your videos, create stunning video libraries and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, premium workshops. So much stuff. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Are you one of those people who actually likes their money? Weird right? Well, I know a lot of you people who actually like their money and want to keep it. Well, unfortunately traditional big wireless carriers, they like your money too. They don't just like their money, which I would understand. They like your money. Hey, you have your own money to like. Big wireless is what I say. Probably hundreds of times a day anyway. If you're tired of spending hundreds on crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees and free perks that cost you more in the long run then a premium wireless plan from mint mobile for 15 bucks a month might be right for you. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Bring your own phone and number, activate with ESIM in minutes and start saving immediately. No long term contracts, no hassle. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop [e-mail] Bang Bang that's mintmobile.com Bang Bang Upfront payment of $45 for 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 per month. New customer offer for first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details.

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[Weed Seinfeld]

app

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang. We are back. We have Brian and Nick from Brytanic here and you guys doing anything else for collegehumor.com coming up.

[Nick Kocher]

Just going and visiting the grave.

[Brian McElhaney]

Revitalize it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys are going to revitalize it.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah. Sam, let us give us the go ahead. God, those good old days.

[Scott Aukerman]

The good old days. Are all of your sketches up somewhere that people can see or it's this

[Nick Kocher]

little site called YouTube.com that's the main place.

[Brian McElhaney]

I'm sure it's up on the. The funnier dies and the breaks and the cracks.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't even know if any of those places still have sketches up or anything. We.

[Brian McElhaney]

I mean, when we first started putting stuff online, we'd put our stuff in Funny or die, and we'd press funny, refresh, press funny. Trying to get us that front page.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you ever do that?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Do you remember that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Desperate

[Brian McElhaney]

Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love the Hustle. No. First thing I ever put up there got like a million the first day, but I do. And only 999,000 were me, so.

[Brian McElhaney]

I knew it.

[Scott Aukerman]

But. But yeah, Yeah, I was thinking about that because I. I have a friend whose show just premiered and I'm like, basically, I'm just going to turn it on and leave the room. Like, I've seen it already. So it's like, just. And I think. And sometimes I think, should I do that for the comedy Bang Bang TV show, which is over there on amc? Plus, just so, like, they kind of think that people are watching this, but I never have the gumption to do it. Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

Get those sensors to light up in an office in Burbank. Like, oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. One person is watching it in Scott's house. Well, guys, pizza movie comes out this Friday on Hulu. I implore everyone to watch it. We need to get to our next guest.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

She is in the nursing profession. I'm told that makes one. A nurse. Please welcome the nurse from the pit.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I need trauma in the or. Trauma in the or. Go, go, go. Don't pass. Go. He's going tacky. Cardi, I need 6ccs of epi and a liter of salvine solvent sulfate. Mountain Dew. I need a forensic. I'm already. Yardstick tibia fibia tube. I need a hacksaw and graduated cylinder and three cc's of saline solution at the tenderloin decolletage. I need six salt themes and a bushel of IBU in the thrombosis Jones. I got Baby Jane. Go, go, go.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, are you talking to us or. Because I don't have any of that stuff.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Go, go, go, go.

[Nick Kocher]

Doug, help.

[Brian McElhaney]

I'm so.

[Nurse from the Pit]

He's flatlining. Doug.

[Scott Aukerman]

Flatlining?

[Nick Kocher]

Are you in a hospital or like a 1940s diner?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Down out of the basement. Grab it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're saying less and less words. Do you guys mind scrubbing in, though? At least try?

[Nurse from the Pit]

We need a meatball sub, quick.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want it for you to eat or to put on a guy? I don't know. You don't know?

[Weed Seinfeld]

You tell me.

[Brian McElhaney]

I guess.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here. Sorry, we don't have a lot of order. Speaker phone.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I was on speaker phone with Joe's Hoagies.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, hoagies.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Someone was choking.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. Oh, someone was choking at Joe's Hoagies.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I needed three cc's of EPI and a baby. Dang, dang, D. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it's great. Great to have you here. Nurse from the beach.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Good to be here. Hey, love pizza. Love sims. Love movies.

[Nick Kocher]

I'm catching, like, every 17th word.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, a lot of the vowels.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me slow down.

[Nick Kocher]

Oh, it's making it worse.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're more unintelligible, less he.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, speed it up a little more.

[Nurse from the Pit]

What we've done back, I don't know.

[Brian McElhaney]

I think we've lost all of it at this point.

[Nurse from the Pit]

No, we lost them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Weed Seinfeld]

The guy died.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Moment of silence. All right, that's enough.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was that the dial tone or the. The guy's ekg?

[Nurse from the Pit]

That was the ekg.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Oh, good. Can I hear the dial tone? Do you mind hanging up?

[Brian McElhaney]

There's a fart in their D town.

[Scott Aukerman]

Huh?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah. Cuz he was having lots of cookies. And after you die, usually you pass wind.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I've heard.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, pass away.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought you said after you die, you pass away.

[Nurse from the Pit]

But usually, yeah, you know, when you have a baby, chances are you're pooping.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I mean, that's an unfortunate side effect. It almost feels like it's something that, you know. People shouldn't have babies anymore because of that. Whoa.

[Nurse from the Pit]

No, I gotta agree. That's nasty.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's nasty, right?

[Nurse from the Pit]

I don't have kids. I got birds.

[Brian McElhaney]

How many birds you got?

[Nurse from the Pit]

I got tweaker, I got squeaker, I got a baby Jane Doe dough, then I'm grabbing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Memorabia.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's that last one?

[Nurse from the Pit]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Something about Monrovia.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's a Dado.

[Brian McElhaney]

You got an extinct dodo?

[Nick Kocher]

I'm sorry, that's not what you said. That was very clearly dodo.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I got a diet. I'm grabbing a dad. Die. Memorabia.

[Scott Aukerman]

How did you get a dodo?

[Nurse from the Pit]

After I meet up and show my brown. That's a pizza dough.

[Brian McElhaney]

I've lost her again. Okay, yeah.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Grab the pizza party down in my condo. Okay. In escrow.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're gonna have a pizza party down at your condo in escrow? I think I got all that one.

[Nick Kocher]

Yeah.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's also that job.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's also a dojo. Oh, really? You're you. You do karate or jiu jitsu?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah, I did karate in Soho House. I love that place.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're fighting a bunch of hipsters. The karate.

[Nurse from the Pit]

So now I'm a member nurse from the pit.

[Scott Aukerman]

You, You. Obviously I've seen this show. Everyone's heard my rap about it from my other show. Scott hasn't seen. Yeah, you live in Pittsburgh. I know this about the show. Steelers, right?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Hit them where it hurts.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. I don't know what that means. But the Pirates as well, right?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah, no, pirates are great. Caribbean.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Pirates of the Caribbean as well. You guys got that movie in the local theaters.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah. Now we get the Pirates, you get the Steelers. We got the givers and the takers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Givers and the takers. And you, you were really good on that show.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah, thank you so much.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a documentary, I guess, is it that follows you guys around one day every couple of years?

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's a documentary and I'll tell you what, it's taking years off my life. I haven't been able to date. I've been able to have kids. I've been pregnant for three years. I can't give birth. There's no time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I'm keeping that baby shoved inside till

[Brian McElhaney]

I got a baby 36 months pregnant right now.

[Nurse from the Pit]

That's right. Thank you.

[Brian McElhaney]

Wow.

[Nick Kocher]

You're gonna have along with that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can't just announce it and expect us to have a present.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Give me presents.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't have anything. I should have a drawer full of presents.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's one kid, but it's three terms. So give me three presents.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not gonna give you three presents.

[Nurse from the Pit]

All right, but no problem.

[Nick Kocher]

You do have right back from that disappointment.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I'm pretty good at catholic resolution.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do have time to do a podcast though. I know. Why don't you just have the baby now instead of coming out to do this podcast?

[Nurse from the Pit]

You guys don't mind?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't mind. Yeah.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I mean, who can deliver a 36 month pregnant baby? Cuz I don't want to do it myself. I'm off the clock.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, you guys, have you guys ever delivered a baby?

[Nick Kocher]

I could give it a shot, I guess. I'm going to tell you to push. Maybe try pushing.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Oh, yeah, pull. You pull, you push, you twist.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do I do, Scott?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Twist. You dance.

[Brian McElhaney]

Okay, I'll dance.

[Nurse from the Pit]

All right, here comes. Here comes it.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay,

[Nurse from the Pit]

well, that's not a baby, that's a football.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, come on. You had a football stuck up inside of you for the Past three years.

[Brian McElhaney]

How do you think that got in there?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Shoot. Because I was playing for the Steelers.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're playing for the Steelers or you went to see a Steelers game and someone threw a football right at you while your legs were spread?

[Nurse from the Pit]

That's correct, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this makes more sense. You're. You're really great on the show. In fact, I think you won an Emmy for it.

[Nurse from the Pit]

That's what's so weird is I want an Emmy and it's a documentary.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but people loved it. People loved it so much they gave you an Emmy.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I went to Paris Fashion Week. I wore a vest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anything else?

[Nurse from the Pit]

No bottoms. Just a vest and a graduated cylinder. Two of them for shoes.

[Nick Kocher]

And on the show, the idea of the show is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Nick Kocher]

Every episode is like a different.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's one hour in a show.

[Scott Aukerman]

If. What were you going to say? Different. What?

[Nick Kocher]

Just a different hour.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, well, yeah. I mean every hour. Every hour is a different hour. Sequential.

[Nick Kocher]

Are they sequential hours?

[Scott Aukerman]

When you hop around, everything else that you watch goes backwards. He doesn't understand time.

[Brian McElhaney]

We don't really talk about it and.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Hey. Hey, Nick. So the show. 24, right. So that's hours of the day Jack Bar.

[Nick Kocher]

Right.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Does that.

[Scott Aukerman]

24 big hits.

[Nick Kocher]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Okay. So Nick, when I was pregnant for 36 months. That's three years, right? Does that make sense? Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

He.

[Brian McElhaney]

Look, he's got kind of a time.

[Scott Aukerman]

What doesn't make sense is that it was.

[Nurse from the Pit]

No, I told you I was out of steroids game after having a 40 year old Bingish.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Nick Kocher]

You're talking down to me and I don't really feel like that's earned.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. I don't think anyone particular accent should be talking down to anyone. Whoa.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Someone's classes.

[Brian McElhaney]

May I ask you where in your house you put your Emmy? I'm just curious to know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's not up where the football was, is it?

[Nurse from the Pit]

I keep Miami right where I keep my. Sorry, what's that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I was wondering if it was up. Up inside where the football was.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Oh, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was wondering if that's like a little storage space for you.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I'll put it up there once I got my egot. But for now I'll keep him out of me. It's where I keep my toys. Oh, and I'll let you guess what kind of toys.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, no.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Spoiler alert.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alert.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Some of wheels.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it sounds like baby toys. Yeah, but. But this is your first baby.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Spoiler alert. Some of them vibrate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Also could be baby.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Some of them honk. Some of them meeps, some of them. Beeps, some of them. But what are they?

[Nick Kocher]

Well within the category of regular toys.

[Brian McElhaney]

What are they shaped like?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah, some of them square. Some of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Now some of them go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are any of. Are any of them penis shaped?

[Brian McElhaney]

That's what we're getting at.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Nick and Brian, have you ever seen the Pit? Do you know what she's talking about? Were you too busy making a movie?

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, we had a lot to do this past year. I watched the first episode.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Oh, thank you. How's it going?

[Scott Aukerman]

The movie? Yeah, we did it.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It was.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's gone. It went great. Or. Or how's it going watching the first episode? Yeah, that was great, too.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

I understand that the Pit, like, they weigh in on political stuff from time to time.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah, they get political, but don't ask me about that.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, you don't want to tell.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, we don't know your stance on stuff when we watch things are happening.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Let's just say don't get me near a vaccine.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay. You don't like vaccines?

[Nurse from the Pit]

I'm never telling.

[Scott Aukerman]

It sounds like you just did.

[Nick Kocher]

Seems like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, vaccines are actually really, really good.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Well, I'm afraid of needles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

The things I've seen. That's blood gushing out of a guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

That. That was the sound effect of blood gushing out of a guy. Do you have to administer shots to people?

[Nurse from the Pit]

That's a guy fallen.

[Brian McElhaney]

Well, in hitting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you making a sound effects record or something? What is going on with you right now? Do you have any?

[Nurse from the Pit]

All right, you caught me, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, what else do you have?

[Nick Kocher]

Okay, can we guess?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay, do it again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

Sounds like someone's stepping into the mud.

[Nick Kocher]

Somebody scraped a duck and then stepped on.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Okay, spoiler. Okay. No, sorry, sorry, sorry. What kind of duck?

[Nick Kocher]

I don't know that many different kinds of ducks.

[Brian McElhaney]

That was Daffy.

[Nick Kocher]

Oh, their first name.

[Brian McElhaney]

Lost a lot of his cluster. I feel like you guys.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Where should I put my dado?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean. I mean, I've always wanted to see one.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, somebody's safe. They're almost.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're extinct. I mean, honestly, it's an ugly bird. Yeah, I can't whistle. This is going to be an impediment to your sound effects record. I have to say, off the record.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Can anybody whistle?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, talking into the mic when you say off the record.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Off the record. Hey, Brian, can I talk to you?

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Brian McElady.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

Okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

That's a good vocal warm up. Yeah. Can you whistle?

[Scott Aukerman]

I can whistle. A little bit.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Perfect. You whistle?

[Nick Kocher]

Yeah, Got me.

[Nurse from the Pit]

But kind of sexier.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh yeah.

[Nurse from the Pit]

There's my dodo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kind of really sexy. Oh, do you mind like just giving kind of a shimmy while you do it? Like just kind of a. Hey guys.

[Nick Kocher]

You guys don't mind if I just jerk off over here?

[Nurse from the Pit]

No, please. Uh oh, I got another baby coming.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Oh no.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh my God. What was that?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Squash.

[Nick Kocher]

A squash ball squash bowl. Like a.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Is the bullet squash?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, a bowl of squash. Oh, that makes sense. Okay, yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

Now I do have a follow up question about the squash bowl that just flopped out of you.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Are you done jerking off or what?

[Scott Aukerman]

Can't you tell?

[Nurse from the Pit]

No, because he didn't finish.

[Nick Kocher]

All right, Nick, I'm saving it for labor. I'm edging myself.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Oh, that's good.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a goon cave where you're at right now.

[Nurse from the Pit]

The goon squad. We're all together.

[Scott Aukerman]

Better.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Barbecue sauce.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's your follow up, Nick?

[Nick Kocher]

Sorry. The barbecue Scots really just cleared my head for a second. My follow up question is where did the bowl of squash come.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

How'd you get that inside?

[Nurse from the Pit]

So it's funny is I told you Sheila's put chinos and pets out of business saying wows. I saved one last thing for myself. I'll tell you what, get your grubby hands off my food shield. I shove that bowl of squash as far up there as I could.

[Nick Kocher]

So Sheila's makes hoagies and serves full bowls of squash.

[Nurse from the Pit]

She's serving gourds. And if there's one thing I love about what I'm. It's gourds.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, we love gourds, don't we, in Pittsburgh. The Pittsburgh Gourds.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Pittsburgh.

[Scott Aukerman]

I didn't know that was a chance. That's akin to the Ohio chant I learned about on Love is Blind this year.

[Nurse from the Pit]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Oh, what is it? Oh, hi. Have you ever been like, thought about going to another TV show? We love you on the pitch.

Hit.

Why don't you go on something like Love is Blind or the Bachelorette?

[Nurse from the Pit]

I'd love to be on Love is Blind. I don't have a partner right now.

[Nick Kocher]

Or Gray's Anatomy. I'd love to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Clearly.

[Brian McElhaney]

All of a sudden.

[Scott Aukerman]

Beautiful.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I love to go on Love is Blind.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think people would really fall in love with your voice, you know, not being able to see.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah,

[Nurse from the Pit]

okay, but saying that you're Scott, let's talk. You could see me.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not saying that you're like a butter face or anything like that.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Who's saying butter face?

[Scott Aukerman]

Actually.

[Weed Seinfeld]

All right.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Well, you of margarine head.

[Scott Aukerman]

That would be.

Hey, hey.

[Nurse from the Pit]

And you're a syrup knuckles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, man. God damn it.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You're all right.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Nick Kocher]

Came out okay in that. Hey, here's a pitch for reality show.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Absolutely. Thank you.

[Nick Kocher]

The reverse of Love is blind.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Blind is.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Blind is love.

[Nick Kocher]

Blind is love. And what it is, is you get to see the person, but you can't talk. You can charade at each other.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you can take off your clothes. You can jerk off in front of them.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You can take your nipples and go, Z.

[Nick Kocher]

Z. Oh, sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys don't mind if I jerk

[Nick Kocher]

off again really quick while she does

[Brian McElhaney]

that with her nipples?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Jerk off

[Brian McElhaney]

long, I mean.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Oh, I need six. Easy for yourself. Yeah, I'm pleading.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no, I'm pleading.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's a monsoon out here. Well, why don't we do an episode of Blind as Love?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, let's do an episode. We could be the Bachelors.

[Nick Kocher]

It's not going to be great for radio, given that we can't talk.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's true.

[Weed Seinfeld]

True.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I mean, let's. Let's try it right now. Okay.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Ready?

[Scott Aukerman]

And the soundproof plexiglass is coming down.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Take off my clothes

[Nick Kocher]

again. You can't talk on the show. I'm so sorry. I'm a pa.

[Brian McElhaney]

I just.

[Scott Aukerman]

You just can't.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Absolutely. Thank you so much.

[Nick Kocher]

No, stop talking.

[Scott Aukerman]

Excuse me.

[Brian McElhaney]

You.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can't talk either. I'm sorry. I'm the higher pa and I gotta

[Brian McElhaney]

be therapy to these guys. Neither of you can talk. I'm sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You like. Easy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't talk Here.

[Weed Seinfeld]

You also.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You can't cough.

[Brian McElhaney]

Your nipples are so long and stretched.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Don't even jump rope with him. Double Dutch ghost dealers. Maybe you'll steal my virginity.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I'm sorry. We have to fire her.

[Brian McElhaney]

She's talking about.

[Nurse from the Pit]

No, no, I've never been fired. I've only been hired.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'm so sorry. This. You're not working out for the blind as well. Love television show. We're gonna have to fire you.

[Nurse from the Pit]

But okay, but get on unemployment.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess you could do that. I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger used to be on unemployment. In between movies, he used to brag about that.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I love that guy.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, if he can do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, we all pay into it. It's all owed to us, right?

[Nurse from the Pit]

I mean, I love that guy. That guy's less my type, but, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Less your type?

[Nick Kocher]

What's his type?

[Scott Aukerman]

What is your type?

[Nurse from the Pit]

He's round and around.

[Brian McElhaney]

You want to.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want round guys like an Oreo cookie?

[Nurse from the Pit]

I want him round around, and I want him around me.

[Brian McElhaney]

Okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's funny. I like to be edged, too. I don't like to do anything. Just mutual masturbation around each other.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

Oh, that's great.

[Scott Aukerman]

That'll work out great. He's jacking off, running around you.

[Nurse from the Pit]

He's watching me doing the jump rope with my nip nerps. He's running around me, watching me do the business on my business.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I agree.

[Nurse from the Pit]

That's me doing my taxes on my tummy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Nick Kocher]

Well, would you want to go out sometime? I could take you on a date.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Well.

[Scott Aukerman]

And if you enjoy that date, we'll pay for the second date.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Sorry, Nick.

[Nick Kocher]

Oh, thank you. That's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, not the first one. But if you want to go on another date after that, we'll pay for it.

[Nick Kocher]

What are the terms of the date? Like we take a whole vacation?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Can we go 13? Look, honestly, no one's ever really held my feet to the fire on this. They've just gone out to dinner or whatever.

[Brian McElhaney]

But

[Scott Aukerman]

any second date you want. Wow.

[Brian McElhaney]

Utilize that. I mean, any second.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Bachelor number one.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Nick.

[Nick Kocher]

Me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, are we in competition? I thought Nick had it down.

[Brian McElhaney]

And we're fully talking now, but.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Okay, question number one. If I wanted you to be round.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

And around. Yes. How would you make that happen?

[Nick Kocher]

I. I guess I'd probably stuff my clothes with other clothes or pillows or something like that, Just to sort of get that round silhouette and then around. I still don't totally understand, but I guess I just sort of walk around you.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I like that. Bachelor number two. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I'm number two. Okay. I'm. I'm married. I don't really want to be in contention, but go ahead.

[Brian McElhaney]

Ahead.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, blind as love has really gone downhill this season.

[Brian McElhaney]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

They're talking now, but yeah, go ahead.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Bachelor number three. Scott. Brian, it's not your turn.

[Brian McElhaney]

I'm not.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Put your pants.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pull your pants up.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's not part of it, Brian.

[Scott Aukerman]

And stop tweaking my nipples. Sorry. You really got a taste for it on your movie.

[Brian McElhaney]

I know.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Sorry. I was wiping my windows. All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You have a question for me? If I was wearing a crop top that said you. You've seen me. You think I'm sassy? You should meet my macaw. Huh? What length would you like that shirt to be?

[Nick Kocher]

It's a lot to fit on a crop top.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I mean, it's Going to have to be at least down to your belt, if not your knees, in order to fit all those words on it. So probably around there.

[Nurse from the Pit]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You need some water or anything before we move on to bachelor number three? Okay.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, I'm here.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Brian. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Is your stance okay on fracking?

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. It's good to get you on record.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, on the Comedy Bang Bang podcast about the fracking, I feel a little.

[Brian McElhaney]

I don't know, I should speak right now. I'm a little sick.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Sorry, I misspoke.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, yeah, I like it. Oh, that's a big fan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, I misspoke. I meant practice.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, same. Yeah, yeah, no, it's the same for both. I actually view both very similarly in my life, and I do them about the same amount, which is never. Yeah, never at all.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Never tried them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Go, go, go.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. So are you gonna. Sorry. What happened there? Are you talking to the meatball sub or what are you. Who are you talking to?

[Nurse from the Pit]

The meatball sub just got here. I'm saying go, go, go put it on the table.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Go put it on the table. Okay. Now, do you want to make your choice? Make your selection.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Okay.

[Nick Kocher]

That's so sad.

[Brian McElhaney]

She's all right.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Someone play some music.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Change it.

[Brian McElhaney]

Faster.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Sexier. Sexier faster.

[Brian McElhaney]

Good thing all three of you like

[Nurse from the Pit]

an episode of Elimidate. In a hot tub.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, ok. In a hot tub.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't think I've seen Elim.

[Nick Kocher]

Do they sing on Elimate?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Like the next bus, only I want all three. It's okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, are you picking all three of us?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Well, you have been on this date for one hour. Oh, you can either take the $60 and leave me high and dry with my swollen shredder.

[Brian McElhaney]

Do we.

[Scott Aukerman]

We 20 a piece?

[Nurse from the Pit]

No, 60 piece. Got.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, 60 AP.

[Nick Kocher]

Oh, great.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Even better. Better make. Better make it 100. Hey, why stop there? How about the deed to the pit?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, the deed to the hospital.

[Nick Kocher]

That seems complicated. I'll just take the 100 bucks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, all right. I'll take the deed. Either you guys want it being paid in dimes.

[Nick Kocher]

I can't wait to hear the sound. The sound of us getting paid.

[Scott Aukerman]

And two dollar bills if I have to.

[Brian McElhaney]

I have.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Some.

[Brian McElhaney]

$2.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

A hundred dollars. Great.

[Nick Kocher]

Well, I'm gonna get in my car and drive away. Pirates Slam.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You gotta get that grease. You gotta get your wheel.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so sorry. Yeah, my pocket's greased. Yeah, I think. Well, nurse from the pit, this is. I mean, this Is incredible. We. You don't have any dates. Unfortunately, we're not going to pay for the second date. Not the first one, but at least we all have a hundred dollars and two dollar bills and dimes.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's a happy ending here on the show.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You guys got money? I'm overdrawn now.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I'm so sorry to hear that,

[Nick Kocher]

but anything you'd like to give birth to before you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You go?

[Brian McElhaney]

Anything else?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Jelly beans.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Whoa.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Cover your eyes. I need six episodes of trachea cladocloudly in fondue.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, we'll try to get all that for you during the break. We have to take a break right now, but when we come back, we're gonna have more. More Brian McElhenney, more nurse from the pit. We'll be right back with more comedy Bang bang after this. You know what they say. Cold days, goal days. You know how they say that all the time, right? No, but cold days are here, and you have big goals during these cold days. So they're almost like goal days, cold days, goal days. It makes perfect sense. Anyway, during these cold days and gold days, you probably don't have any time to cook, right? Well, factor makes healthy eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs. So I guess the process is there's a bunch of dietitians. I wonder how many dietitians they have on staff. Probably hundreds. They're all in their cubes. You can't make dietitians stay in cubicles. Right. They must all have, like, corner offices. Right? A lot of corners in this building. I'm imagining with hundreds of dietitians. They design the meals, then they pass it off to the chefs, who then go like, well, what am I supposed to do? And then they craft them. I don't know what the process is, but it works. Factor has a variety of meals that fit your goals and schedule, whether that's healthier eating, calorie management, or more protein. And every meal is made with quality, functional ingredients, including lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole food ingredients, and healthy fat. Now I got a bunch of factor stuff I've had. Look, honestly, I've had factor for years now. It's great stuff that tastes good. They were a sponsor and they gave me some free stuff. And honestly, I've been on the. What's the opposite of being on the payroll? I've been paying them, if you can imagine. I've been paying Factor. It's great stuff. Head over to factor meals.com Bang Bang, 50 off I know that's a mouthful. I'll repeat it. FactorMeals.com Bang Bang 50 off. Use the code Bang Bang 50 off, which I just said to get 50% off. That's how it makes sense. And free breakfast for a year. Eat like a pro this month with Factor New subscribers only. Varies by plan. One free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active.

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[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang.

[Brian McElhaney]

We're back.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have Nick kocher and Brian McElhenney of Brytanic. Their movie Pizza Movie comes out this Friday on Hulu. And how many times should people watch it this weekend?

[Nick Kocher]

As many as you can.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, you won't really get it all the first time. It's sort of some lofty stuff. So I don't know. Try three. Try one every night this weekend.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why not make it a weekend of pizza movies. Yeah. Invite other friends over. Definitely. Definitely. You know what I mean? That's the thing about comedies. You want to watch them with a

[Brian McElhaney]

big group of people.

[Scott Aukerman]

So just invite every neighbor over.

[Brian McElhaney]

Well, not every neighbor.

[Nick Kocher]

Them each bring their own screen so we could just get the extra views.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, that would be great. So that everyone brings like a little iPad or something like that. You all press play right at the same time and every. Do you think, though, that everyone Would be on the same WI fi and it would only count as one. I don't know.

[Brian McElhaney]

That'd be rough.

[Nick Kocher]

That's. So I guess talk to you about that. You need you each separate Starlink account bounce then.

[Scott Aukerman]

So maybe just stay at home and

[Brian McElhaney]

watch it alone by yourself and then talk to your friends about it later.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or don't.

[Brian McElhaney]

Either way, it's a win for us. Watching a group or getting the views? Watching it by yourself?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, why not? We also have. The nurse from the pit is here.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I got a movie called movie pizza number one on Hulu.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Already on Hulu 20 months in a row. Yeah. What's it about?

[Nurse from the Pit]

They got these guys, they're in a duplex. They're on the third floor floor. They gotta get their movie. That's on the first floor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Otherwise they can't have any pizza.

[Scott Aukerman]

And these. Okay, so they get pizza as a reward for getting their movie that's being

[Nurse from the Pit]

delivered like they're drunk and the only way to sober up is to watch the movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay.

[Brian McElhaney]

The pizza comes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, where?

[Nurse from the Pit]

And I've also got Sarah squirming.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, no.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay, well, I wish Sarah had mentioned this.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, that was really helpful for us.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Sorry. I got Howard Stern.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's very. Arguably more impressive.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, that's huge. Congrats, by the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

First.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's very good.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Thank you so much.

[Nick Kocher]

We can't believe that didn't come up until now.

[Brian McElhaney]

I can't believe you have the time.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I mean, unlike you guys, I'm a little bit more reserved and subdued about make credits.

[Nick Kocher]

Right.

[Brian McElhaney]

Next thing about you, you're very, very low key.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you didn't want me to do your entire Wikipedia page as your intro.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Five minutes.

[Nick Kocher]

Do you have any ECNY nominations?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Those are shoved up where the sun don't shine.

[Brian McElhaney]

Okay, let's not burn them yet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we need to get to our next guest. He's been on the show many times before. I believe he's entering maybe the four Timer club. I'm not quite sure. Five Timer Club. We have no idea. But please welcome back to the show. Weed, Seinfeld.

[Weed Seinfeld]

What's the deal with weed? I mean, why do we call this stuff weed? Weed's an unwanted plant. I'm paying 40 bucks for this stuff. I want it.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Weed. Seinfeld. Welcome back. That is the one joke you've written and you say it every time.

[Weed Seinfeld]

That's right. You gotta start strong, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well. Well, some would say start strong and then continue strong, but you tend to start strong and then peter out immediately.

[Weed Seinfeld]

That's what my brother does. My brother, he's a hard worker. He does this stuff. I'm just riding his coattails. Right?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Your brother is Jerry Seinfeld. The one and only.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yes. I see. I see what's happening.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Weed Seinfeld]

He woke up every day, he saw a construction worker going to work at 6am he said, I gotta write jokes. I said, not me. I'm gonna wait till you're famous, pick something that culturally is popular and change my name to it.

[Nick Kocher]

What was your original name?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Forgot it. It's honestly been that long. I've been this for so long. Big fan, of course, of you guys. Oh, thank.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Thank you so much.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Ecn y nomination. The three shows at the UCB. King of Do Comedy. G4. Big fan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Good stuff. Weed, Seinfeld. Last time you were on the show, I don't remember what you were talking about. Can you fill me back in?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Honestly, forget myself. But as you can probably tell, I'm devastated right now, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I cannot tell that in the least.

[Weed Seinfeld]

What I'm. You're hanging on by a thread, my man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tell me what's going on with you.

[Weed Seinfeld]

We become cool. Everybody's doing it. I used to be counterculture. Now it's the culture. It's Apple stores. They look like weed stores. I got to find something new.

[Scott Aukerman]

You mean weed stores look like Apple stores.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I think it's the other way around.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you went into an Apple store and it looked like a weed.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Store. That would be a little disconcerting, I think.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay, well. But I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll beg to differ, I guess.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I walked into a weed store for the first time, said, okay, that's what they look like. Like, walked into an Apple store, said, this looks like a weed store.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, okay. You did it the wrong.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

The wrong way around. What were you shopping for at the Apple store if you didn't.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Weed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Brian McElhaney]

So as weed, Seinfeld, you're just. Everything's about weed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this the. Is this the whole idea?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Also, there's a Seinfeld, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Seinfeld element. That's about 10% those two things are combined.

[Weed Seinfeld]

And I should also admit I don't like weed. I don't. This stuff makes me creeps me out.

[Brian McElhaney]

You don't like weed?

[Weed Seinfeld]

No.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Not even in the couch?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Not even in the couch. None of the stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Professionally, you pretend to like weed, but.

[Weed Seinfeld]

But now I gotta something else. Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

Maybe it's time to change. You said it's not count.

[Weed Seinfeld]

That's what I'm saying. I'm thinking maybe I'll be booze Seinfeld, right? Because then if everyone booze in the crowd, I go, yeah, that's me. That's awesome. Or, okay, all right. What if someone gets a Bud Light on the fridge? I say, sure. A Bud and a light. I'm. I'm smoking that. That sounds like weed, my man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Back to weed.

[Nick Kocher]

I mean, what if you chose a broader topic to be Seinfeld on?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay,

[Brian McElhaney]

yeah.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Oh, people. All right. The. The growing. Growing up. When I'm growing up, the only thing I'm growing is weed in my backyard. It doesn't work.

[Scott Aukerman]

It keeps coming back, kind of pushing it back towards weed. What was that first joke? I didn't even clock it.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I think I'm gonna count that one as my first Bud Light.

[Scott Aukerman]

First new joke. First new joke.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Give me a Bud with a lighter. I'm. I'm lighting that thing up.

[Brian McElhaney]

Okay. Bud. Okay.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Are you more of an IPA guy? I pass of the weed to my friends. Look, I get it. I get it. Okay?

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe we haven't criticized.

[Weed Seinfeld]

It just feels like more of a Michael Richards mountain.

[Nick Kocher]

I mean, I know a lot of standups pivot into tv. Your brother famously like, was there a TV show that this could be?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Sure, yeah. A different person comes over every time, and I say my one joke. Right.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Okay. That feels like a short

[Nick Kocher]

minute to fill.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, usually there's a cast to the show because they want to have people that people see. Every week you're saying that you stay there in your place and a different person comes over. And every episode, I'm just pitching, and you just say the same joke to them.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Part of the Hollywood process here, huh? I'm trying to be. I forgot the term earlier. When you drop something, your ankles. Ankles. Yeah. I'm not trying to ankle. Your ideas would have been better had I remembered it. I think we can all agree on that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah. No, let's do a TV show.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're not off the money. I think you guys are attached now. Oh, are we?

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I mean, okay.

[Brian McElhaney]

If you'll help our career.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah.

[Nick Kocher]

We're in some. You know what would be a typical episode? I.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay, so here's how. Here's my day. Here's my. Here's my life. Okay? You tell me if this can be something or not.

[Brian McElhaney]

Okay.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Wake up late. 3 o' clock in the afternoon.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's too late.

[Weed Seinfeld]

3 o' clock in the afternoon time. You go to bed about 7 o' clock. In the afternoon.

[Brian McElhaney]

Okay.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay. Four hours to work with. Kind of for this show.

[Weed Seinfeld]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Still, I mean, you know, unlike the Pit, which I guess goes backwards or something according to you, Nick, that's a lot of time.

[Brian McElhaney]

I understand.

[Weed Seinfeld]

A lot of time. That's eight episodes. So then I go to college, I perform my one joke, I sit down, I take a Q and A.

[Scott Aukerman]

What time are these performances?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Seven in the afternoon. 5:30, 6:00 clock in the afternoon.

[Nick Kocher]

Perform exclusively Colleges.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah. Because they love weed. At least that's what I thought. Turns out they don't. They're not doing weed anymore.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Seven's the afternoon. What's night?

[Weed Seinfeld]

The night.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever seen the night?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Huh?

[Brian McElhaney]

Have you ever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are uk. Have you ever seen the night you

[Brian McElhaney]

go to bed at 7:00pm?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Weed Seinfeld]

And one of my younger days I used to stay up at night. Sure. I'd say up to 727 35.

[Scott Aukerman]

What you see out there? Do you. Do you remember anything in the sky up there?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Is there a wrong answer?

[Scott Aukerman]

The moon. Yeah.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

We just want to get checking to make sure that you have seen the night.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I've seen the night. I've seen the moon. I've seen the day. I just find that the best time is right in that three to seven sweet spot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Huh.

[Weed Seinfeld]

That's what I'm getting stuff done. That's what I'm hanging out. That's what I'm part disagree.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I just feel like that's when everyone's most tired.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, it's. Very few shows happen during that time. I do a college kids show up.

[Weed Seinfeld]

No, no, that's part of the problem. That's why I have to readjust.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't you adjust your hours not. Not your material.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Oh, so you think. Okay, so Scott's day. Cuz he loves my comedy. It's just the time I'm performing.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wouldn't go that far.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I'm gonna put that on the Blur.

[Scott Aukerman]

Although I'm noticing I'm attached to this show now too. Yeah.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Wait, it's IMDb.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's already on IMDb.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh wow.

[Weed Seinfeld]

You're top lining, my man.

[Nick Kocher]

Why is it called pizza movie pizza?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Because it's hot. That's a. That's maybe that's it. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

[Scott Aukerman]

Could you do jokes about pizza? These guys know no pizza comedy.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, we really do.

[Weed Seinfeld]

All right, what are we. What are we doing? Slicing it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Huh?

[Weed Seinfeld]

What do we got? We got pieces. What do we got? We got. We got. We got.

[Nick Kocher]

You can also do this in Your head.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like to hear the process, honestly. What are we doing?

[Weed Seinfeld]

We putting grease on the napkin on top. We put in the napkin. We getting the grease off. What are we doing? Why is he smoking? Just came around.

[Nick Kocher]

This is like the standup comedy equivalent of someone, like, sliding down a cliff, grabbing at branches.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Can I have a slice of that pizza? Pizza.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not anything.

[Nurse from the Pit]

That's where you landed.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I'll take a slice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever eaten pizza before?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Of course I have. I have lots of stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Describe it.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Sweet.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Sweet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Juicy. I would say savory. More than sweet.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay. Sweet. Sweet. Juicy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you thinking of ice cream?

[Weed Seinfeld]

I'm thinking about ice cream. You nailed me, Scott. That's why you got to be a part of this show, pal.

[Nurse from the Pit]

We're.

[Weed Seinfeld]

We're the Epoch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe. Maybe you're the ice cream comic.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay, I got to say, I love how agreeable you are.

[Brian McElhaney]

You were just.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I'm only doing this to make money. I don't want to work. I just want to have we all

[Nurse from the Pit]

invested $2 million on the IMDb Pro page.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I like how you sentences start in a different accent than they end. And I, as someone who does that myself, I get it. I appreciate that.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I'm from the tri state area.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I hear it. Look, the kids, they're not.

[Nurse from the Pit]

They're not doing.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I was up in Portland, Oregon. I was doing a show at Portland, Oregon. These kids, they're not doing alcohol anymore. They're not doing in weed anymore. They're throwing ketamine around like it's a pretty normal specific in a scary way.

[Brian McElhaney]

Well, then maybe you should be Ketamine Seinfeld.

[Scott Aukerman]

You feel like we're coming across the answer for what you should be doing?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay. Ketamine. I'm looking for ketamine. Nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, it's not bad.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's so generous of you.

[Nick Kocher]

Look, I'm just on a. On the scale, I mean, beats.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can I have a slice of pizza? All right.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Good to know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, good to know my audience.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Good to know my.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Have a slice of sweet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Juicy.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Got any smokers? Kids still smoke. They still smoke.

[Nick Kocher]

Nicotine, veering back to weed.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Right? Yeah, that is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you even want to be a comedian? I mean, I know your brother is. Is a famous standup comedian, but honestly, you're going to pale in comparison to him no matter what you do. So why not just go into another line of work?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Scott, as you can tell, I'm devastated, all right? I'm having a hard life. I didn't want to work Very hard. I saw my brother working hard. I said, I can ride his coattails and make money. That's my only wish. So if he would have picked to be the world's best plumber, I could be plumber Seinfeld. But he became a comedian, so I got to do jokes.

[Nick Kocher]

Or you could also interview other comedians in cars.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah,

[Scott Aukerman]

these guys are comedians. They did three shows. Shows at the UCB Theater. Why don't you interview them in a car? And look, Nick has his car right here. You want to make that sound effect again?

[Nick Kocher]

Here's the sound of the door opening.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Sorry, Nick didn't look at me.

[Weed Seinfeld]

All right, sure. Let's try it.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I'll get in the car.

[Nick Kocher]

I'll just open the door again.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Thank you.

[Brian McElhaney]

There's an owl in your door.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get out of here.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Do it one more time.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay, I'll open the first fourth door of the car.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I need to get in, so that's great. Here we go.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Here we go. Points. All right.

[Brian McElhaney]

That one needs some oil.

[Scott Aukerman]

Door sounds different. That's.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah, that one needs some oil. Like. Like Scout's car.

[Nick Kocher]

All right, well, everybody get in, and then I'll close the doors.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here we go.

[Brian McElhaney]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. I'm in.

[Nick Kocher]

All right. And now I'll close the first door.

[Nurse from the Pit]

How many points?

[Scott Aukerman]

How many points?

[Nick Kocher]

And now the second door.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Nick Kocher]

Sounded a little more the third door.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You're out of here.

[Nick Kocher]

Okay, that's obviously on the same side of the car as that first door. And the final door.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's the Seinfeld.

[Brian McElhaney]

It's a Seinfeld theme song.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that tells you that it's the Seinfeld theme song.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Perfect setup.

[Scott Aukerman]

More theme songs. Told you what they were.

[Nurse from the Pit]

The theme song has been doing this dum dum.

[Weed Seinfeld]

And Nick, can I also compliment your arms shutting all four doors from the driver's seat. Impressive.

[Nick Kocher]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Weed Seinfeld]

So tell me, fellas, when you got the ECN nomination.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, my God.

[Weed Seinfeld]

What are we thinking? Well, what are we doing?

[Brian McElhaney]

I was.

[Nick Kocher]

My first thought was, what is the ECNY Awards?

[Scott Aukerman]

We were also about. Did you ever figure that out?

[Nick Kocher]

No, I actually don't know what it stands for.

[Brian McElhaney]

What it stands for.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just made it letters.

[Nick Kocher]

I feel like NY is New York.

[Scott Aukerman]

That has to be New York, right? They wouldn't put N and Y next to each other in any acronym without it being New York. I need.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I need three cc's of ep.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's going on? What's going on? Nurse from the pitch.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I need cny.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I got it. Right here. Extra crunchy nugs. Yeah, baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I guess Crosby sells Nash and Young kind of is the exception. Proves the rules.

[Brian McElhaney]

Yeah, right.

[Nick Kocher]

Have never won a csny.

[Weed Seinfeld]

This is good.

[Nick Kocher]

Or an ecny, actually.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just, I gotta say, we. Time out. This already is more interesting than your act.

[Weed Seinfeld]

And it.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's mainly resting on Nick's shoulders.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay, all right, so get. I get serious and I talk to other people. People, right.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's what you do, okay. Start a show or a podcast or something like that where you have really funny people on, and then you don't do anything funny at all during the entire 17 year run of it and you just kind of coast.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Do you get comfortable around year 12 or 13 and start making some choices?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. No, I think around 12 or 13, you're like, mentally out of it. Other way. Yeah, exactly. You just kind of switch off.

[Weed Seinfeld]

So everything that I would say would be my actual thoughts and beliefs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay, good to know. So if I was just looking at the view. Right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

I mean, you know, look, obviously your humor is really great. I love your humor, but it feel.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's very surface.

[Brian McElhaney]

Why don't you kind of go deeper?

[Scott Aukerman]

Say something real.

[Brian McElhaney]

Be a Carlin.

[Nick Kocher]

What's your.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like what? How did you guys go deep for pizza? Movie.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, geez, I'm not sure. Didn't expect that right now. Is it Scott, it's about weed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Seinfeld. Okay, you're right. All right.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I wrote movie pizza in a weight mode.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Oh, I see what you're saying. I mean, I'm getting it. I mean, look at this. This Scott. Look at Scott's life, huh? That's amazing. Got two flights of stairs that you walk down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Weed Seinfeld]

You got a playground up there. You got stuff on the walls.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got stuff on the walls is really minimum.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Your address is whispering.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please don't say. Say what my address is. Don't give away my assassination coordinates.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah, maybe I. Maybe I got nothing. Oh, maybe we don't. Oh, my.

[Nurse from the Pit]

From Portland. This is Sebastian, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Coco.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I'm not. Not prepared to do it. But maybe. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm nothing. Maybe that's why I keep pushing these jokes up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, you're going into Marlon Brando. Could have been a contender.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Because I'm scared to admit who I really am. Maybe that's the problem.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Oh, no, his mouth's getting smaller.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's filling up with Kleenexes and

[Nurse from the Pit]

three eps of epi.

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, he's pulling it. He's like, oh, it's a magician thing

[Scott Aukerman]

and he's pulling something out of his mouth and it's joint. Joint. It's the biggest joint I've ever seen.

[Weed Seinfeld]

3:30, baby. That's today's date. It's the new 420.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It doesn't count as smoking it if it's a dry joint throw.

[Weed Seinfeld]

But it's impressive. It was dry.

[Scott Aukerman]

So are you saying that we should be smoking at 3:30pm now instead of 420?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

4:30 is the new 420.

[Weed Seinfeld]

3:30 is the new 420. All right, potential.

[Brian McElhaney]

Why all roads really do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you back to weed? Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

You are awake by 3:30.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah, that's when I'm waking and baking. Although I don't do the stuff. Don't touch it. Freaks me out. Gets me in my head.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was lodged in your throat for the last hour. What are you gonna do with that sopping wet joint that you just pulled

[Brian McElhaney]

out of your throat?

[Weed Seinfeld]

I don't know if you have a kid around town wants it or something.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah, I gave that to my son.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Look, I'm not. I'm. I'm not wealthy enough to be weird with kids. Don't worry, I don't own private prisons or anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Once you get a little more money.

[Brian McElhaney]

Does your brother give you any money? Does he help you out?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah, he's the best. Nothing but great things to say about him. I'm the thing that's dragging him down in his life time.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're on like a stipend every day.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I call him up all the time. Hey, may need something, he gives it to.

[Scott Aukerman]

He gives it to you automatically.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Always.

[Scott Aukerman]

Greatest I can imagine. Like I almost would like to give you something and never hear your voice again as well.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

We can all give him a surprise.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Well, let's say I've been pregnant for four years. So that's going to be four gifts.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Okay, no problem.

[Weed Seinfeld]

No, yeah. Take what? What you offering? What are you offering?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I got a football over here and a. I guess a bowl of squash.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Not where those things came from. That's not a gift from you, my man.

[Nick Kocher]

12 single jelly beans.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I've got a coaster that says it's five o' clock somewhere. Have you met my wife?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay, I don't have a wife. And it makes me Sad thinking that

[Scott Aukerman]

$96 in $2 bills and I have about $4 in dimes.

[Weed Seinfeld]

What if I get a first date? Would you?

[Brian McElhaney]

You know, we know this show that you could go on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. If you get a First date, then. Then we'll pay for the second one.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay. Because we can all agree that day that show be perfect for me. Yeah, I'm attractively handsome.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you're as handsome as Seinfeld is.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Well, you know, you said he pales in comparison. You're also pale in comparison.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I'm sleeping a lot. We figured that out, right?

[Nurse from the Pit]

You sleep a lot. You glow.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Well, you're not getting outside.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You're like the moon.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I'm like, whoa. Okay, me and you had a moment. Not if anyone else agrees.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I think we both just spoke.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you interested in.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah, no, I was interested in all three. See this?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is weed Seinfeld. You can't. I mean, this is like incel behavior. You can't just say, oh, we had a moment.

[Weed Seinfeld]

It wasn't a moment. Well, let me ask you this, okay?

[Nurse from the Pit]

Weed, Seinfeld. Do you have $300?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Nurse from the Pit]

All right, that's enough for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. Okay. Everyone has their price. Hers is $300.

[Brian McElhaney]

This is the money she gave away to us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not overdrawn anymore.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay. Yeah, let's do it. Let's hope. I'll plan you a date, huh? We go see a movie, something. What?

[Nurse from the Pit]

What movie? Movie?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What movie will play in between 3 and 7pm oh, that's a good question. Can't see Oppenheimer. Probably, but with the pre previews. Am I right, guys? Drag their ass.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Pizza sounds fun, but very weed related. Not exactly what I'm interested. I'm. I got enough of that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pizza movie's 92 minutes. You could probably switch it off three minutes before the end when all those words come up three days long.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay. Yeah, you want to do that? Watch a movie?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, watch it. Watch pizza movie together.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You pick me up in your car.

[Weed Seinfeld]

No, I don't have a car. What are we doing here now?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, one in your. Ask your brother car.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

You haven't thought about that. He's got a million of them.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay, dude. Yeah, I'll get a car.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Pick me up at around, I don't know, three. 3:30?

[Weed Seinfeld]

No, that's a little too early. 3:30. 3:15.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Ah, got to be 250.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he going to have to drive out to Pittsburgh to pick Queue up?

[Nurse from the Pit]

No, I'll be in Monrovia picking up Baby Jane D. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. So it's. So you guys are going to go on this date this Friday?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Come in.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Do you mind? Can we go to the amc? No, I'm stubs.

[Weed Seinfeld]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this movie Is only on Hulu, I have to say.

[Weed Seinfeld]

So we. I mean, we can go there. You want to stop by, get a popcorn?

[Nurse from the Pit]

How about we go to the AMC, bring our iPads, and watch it on Hulu?

[Scott Aukerman]

There you go in the lobby, get some popcorn there. I have a friend who goes into. She watches a movie at home, and she goes to theaters and buys popcorn there and just takes it home.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Name? Name? Scott Casey Wilson.

[Nick Kocher]

Terrible financial decision.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not the worst. She was even disclosed this week. Yeah, but if you guys enjoy your date and you want to go on a second date and you come back on the show, we'll pay for the second date. How's that sound?

[Weed Seinfeld]

We're coming back on the show. I thought the whole point was for me, I never come back.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Ah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, honestly, that is my greatest wish. But then somehow you just keep popping back up on the show.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah, I'll do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that a deal? Is that a deal? Nurse from the pit, You. Hey, Are you singing your song? That's a deal. Okay, great. We have a deal. All right. We always love to make a match here on comedy B.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's a deal.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Well, guys, we are running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You've got something to pluck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Otherwise, why would you come on the show? All right, that was very good. That was. Tell us what you're doing. Doing hand fart remix by Delia Tudor. Thank you to Delia Tudor. So much for that plugs theme submission. If you have one, head over to cbbworld.com plugs and you'll find everything you need there to upload your own songs. You have all the stems for all of your remixes. Everything you need over there. All right, guys, what do we plug in? Nick and Brian? Obviously we have. You say it because I don't want to say it again.

[Brian McElhaney]

Pizza.

[Scott Aukerman]

Movie. Oh, you did it in perfect unison.

[Brian McElhaney]

Or those kind of.

[Nick Kocher]

April 3rd on who? Hulu. And then over your dead body in theaters.

[Brian McElhaney]

Wide release. Why?

[Nick Kocher]

The widest of releases on April 24th. So maybe you guys can go see that at the AMC.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Yeah, pick me up 2:42.

[Weed Seinfeld]

All right. A little early.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I. I've. I haven't seen over your dead body yet. I. But I'm looking forward to logging into that. I got the screener for that, and I'm gonna clear my schedule so I can watch it.

[Nick Kocher]

It's even worse. Worse.

[Nurse from the Pit]

It's.

[Nick Kocher]

You have to turn two Keys at once.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Jesus. And nurse from the pit. What are you plugging?

[Nurse from the Pit]

I want to plug Movie Pizza.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, Movie Pizza. The top Hulu 20th month, number one on Hulu.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I know this gal named Hannah Pilkers. She's got a new hour called ski that you can see at a legion March 31st. And you can see her on Leanne on Netflix. And you can see me and Monrovia having a karate seminar at the dojo.

[Nick Kocher]

I noticed your accent got a lot more intelligible.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like you were actually plugging things that meant something to you.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I had a five iron.

[Weed Seinfeld]

I got a six.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Day shift coming up.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, good weed, Seinfeld. What do you want to plug?

[Weed Seinfeld]

I'm a fan of Holy Improv. It's if you like me. It's nothing like that, I promise. They got some shows all around the country, so they're going to be Netflix's joke in Portland in May. In June, they'll be in Ann arbor, Richmond, Washington, D.C. baltimore, Philadelphia and New York. July, Vienna, August, London and Edinburgh, and November, Sydney and Melbourne, Australia. Check out Holy improv, also in LA or at patreon.com Holy Improv.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, I don't like that kind of language when I go see improv. Sure. Is that is. Is that going to be said a lot?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah, it's a promise. It's almost letting you know the kind of comedy you're going to get into. Curse words, my man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not for me. Not for me. But what do I want to plug? Let's see. Head over to cbbworld.com. we have so much going on over there. We have the entire archive of comedy. Bang, bang. Every episode we've ever done, all ad free. We have every live episode we've ever done. We have other shows like the Neighborhood Live. Listen, Collegetown Scott hasn't seen CBB Presents. Hey, Randy. So much stuff going on over there. I think you're really gonna like it. We also have a new website if you like websites. I'm not gonna brag about it too much, but it's a great website. You guys like websites?

[Brian McElhaney]

I'm a huge fan. And in fact, we forgot to plug. We have a Patreon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Yeah, go ahead, slip into my plug.

[Nick Kocher]

It's patreon.com Britannic, Brytanic, and that's B,

[Scott Aukerman]

R, I, T, A N, I, C, K. Got it.

[Nick Kocher]

That's correct.

[Scott Aukerman]

But instead of going to that one, go to cbbworld.com. honestly, you'll enjoy that one. We have a brand new website. Do you guys have random website?

[Nick Kocher]

Nope. It is old and outdated.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we have a brand new one, so you'll like that so much more. All right, let's close up. The old plug bag. All right, that was Clothes Bag by TW Bond. Thanks, TW Bond. And guys, I want to thank you so much. Nick, Brian, thank you so much for being on the show. Great to meet you. Really enjoyed the movie. Hope that it has a lot of success. How. How will you know?

[Nick Kocher]

I don't know.

[Brian McElhaney]

I don't know if Tulu tells us or not. I think if we hear chatter amongst.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're gonna get those. The weekend numbers and then the 30 day numbers. What are you getting?

[Nick Kocher]

I don't.

[Brian McElhaney]

We have no idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyone gonna tell you?

[Brian McElhaney]

You think or.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Brian McElhaney]

Maybe.

[Nick Kocher]

I think we'll find out if we did. Well, if we get another job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pizza movie 2. Do you guys have an idea for it?

[Nick Kocher]

Sure.

[Weed Seinfeld]

You can use mine from earlier.

[Nick Kocher]

Oh, right.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Actually, we do it again.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Can I get a slice?

[Brian McElhaney]

Oh, that Right. The question can I get a slice? Is the. The big idea.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You can take my movie, switch the title.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's like just make pizza movie. So instead of getting a whole pizza, you want just a slice this time? Is that what you're saying?

[Weed Seinfeld]

Look at this. He's interested, right? We got.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, this is not raising the stakes.

[Weed Seinfeld]

He wants to see more.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Weed, Seinfeld. Thank you so much. Great to see you.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Thank you. Cbb. Kush Bong, baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, no, thank you. And nurse from the pit.

[Nurse from the Pit]

Hey, you're welcome.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, welcome.

[Nurse from the Pit]

You're welcome. You're welcome. Welcome, welcome. And if any of you guys want to die on my bed.

[Nick Kocher]

Oh, okay.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I would love to find for the

[Scott Aukerman]

first time you've been sick of saving lives. You mean your actual bed at home or.

[Nurse from the Pit]

No, one of my hospital beds.

[Scott Aukerman]

One of your house. I mean mine. Yeah.

[Brian McElhaney]

There's the one place to do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the place to do it.

[Nurse from the Pit]

And if you ever find yourself in Pittsburgh, give me a call, all right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Nurse from the Pit]

I'm on Sprint Mobile.

[Nick Kocher]

I'm gonna need more information.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you want me to just text Sprint Mobile? You'll know the one. Okay. All right. All right, guys, thanks so much. We'll see you next time.

[Weed Seinfeld]

Bye.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bye.

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[Scott Aukerman]

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