Bonus Bang: 2022 Tour, Charlotte (Conan O'Brien, Paul F. Tompkins, Tim Baltz, Lily Sullivan, Drew Tarver)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: Bonus Bang 2022 Tour, Charlotte

Live at the Knight Theater, Charlotte
Recorded 2022, Re-released April 23, 2026
Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests/Characters: Conan O’Brien, Paul F. Tompkins, Tim Baltz, Lily Sullivan, Drew Tarver (plus many recurring CBB personas)

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Overview

This raucous live episode from Charlotte, NC, throws the Comedy Bang Bang crew in front of an enthusiastic crowd for a night of wild improvisation, character insanity, and recurring in-jokes—a vintage CBB "open-door" party at its best. Scott Aukerman welcomes a surprise drop-in from late-night legend Conan O'Brien, then dives headfirst into a parade of bizarre guests, including children’s entertainer Big Chunky Bubbles, basketball comic Skip Dribbles, motor enthusiast Kayla Dickey, and psychic medium Sawyer Jr. The result is an unpredictable, often absurd showcase of character-driven comedy, blending dead-end interviews, derailed crowd work, and over-the-top premises, all delivered with CBB’s signature meta-humor and quick wit.

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Key Segments & Discussion Highlights

1. Opening & Setting the Stage

• [03:58] Scott Aukerman greets a lively Knight Theater, noting the “trifecta” of great audience, beautiful theater, nice people.
• Balcony Report: Comedy Bang Bang tradition, revealing Charlotte’s theater has “one balcony,” with Scott repeatedly reminding the balcony the report isn’t for them, to much running-gag laughter.

“If you don’t know what’s about to happen, hold on to your assholes, because it’s the most exciting 2 minutes in live podcasting.” - Scott Aukerman [05:00]

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2. Conan O'Brien Surprise Appearance

• [07:07] Conan O'Brien unexpectedly joins, riffing on his accidental near-exclusion from the show.
• Shares a hilarious story about almost being denied entry by venue staff—he’s “ninth guy in Charlotte famous” [09:58].
• Offers self-deprecating humor about getting a physical for an unnamed project:

“At exactly 7:30, which is six minutes from now, I have to be in my hotel room to get a physical... because at my age they're pretty sure I’m going to die before tomorrow.” - Conan O’Brien [11:38]

• Touches on North Carolina travels, odd Asheville speakeasies (“No one has said that in America since 1929.” [10:36]), warmth towards the CBB crew.

Memorable Exchange:

“So you're ninth guy in Charlotte famous.”
“I’m ninth guy in Charlotte famous.” - Aukerman & O’Brien [09:55–09:58]

• Ends with Conan effusing praise for Scott and taking a bow.

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3. Big Chunky Bubbles: Down-on-his-luck Children’s Entertainer

• [14:26] Paul F. Tompkins as Big Chunky Bubbles, a deadpan, morose bubble entertainer.
• Shares his tragic family story:
  • His father was “shot in the face” for antagonistic reasons [23:30].
  • His mother, a “second sweeper” at a hot dog factory (responsible for cleaning up scraps after the bits that go into hot dogs), ended up on death row for killing his dad [28:49–29:04].
• Theme park pitch: Big Chunky Bubbles Land—“Soup can” rides, community soup ladles, a 90-minute soup-marine ride through alphabet and meatball soup [30:08–39:13].
• Continues traditions of CBB characters lashing out at Scott. Sings a song that ends in insult:

“His name is Scott Aukerman. And you? Jack.” [45:16]

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4. Skip Dribbles: The Washed-Up Basketball Comic

• [52:04] Tim Baltz as Skip Dribbles delivers stand-up riffs:
  • Routine is meta-comedy on the evolution of stand-up trends: basketball puns (“double dribble”), fake alcoholism confessions, “chronic masturbator” tag, crowd work, and anti-joke storytelling.

“When I was coming up, everyone was on trend... I’m a terrible person, a chronic masturbator, a degenerate alcoholic. Why aren’t you laughing at me?” - Skip Dribbles [53:09] - Carves out a career mixing all trends at once: “Honestly, anytime you refer to anything from the game of basketball, that counts as a joke.” [58:21] - Recalls the loss of Seattle SuperSonics to Oklahoma City (delivered as both earnest history and deadpan bit), crowd Q&A, and "trend" pivots when the routine dies. - Recurring tag: “Anyway, I’m still an alcoholic.” [multiple instances]

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5. Kayla Dickey: Truck-Loving Open-Book

• [74:17] Lily Sullivan plays the ever-sincere Kayla Dickey, obsessed with “guys who drive big, big, big trucks and have small dicks” [74:49].
• Competing in the Ford Rock Hard Girl Competition, which includes deadly or bizarre events—tire fire scramble, “flap slap” with floor mats, “pump and dump” (pretend guzzling gasoline, then pouring it in truck gas holes), “hubcap tap” (tap-dancing on hubcaps), and “smoke and choke” (inhaling tailpipe exhaust) [81:27–89:15].
• In all, only 8% of contestants survive:

“We usually get about half through [tire fire]... and then, flap slap... a quarter of the remaining... by the time you get to hubcap tap, you’re in pretty good shape.” [83:45–89:31]

• The talent portion (her “intellectual” move): listing all state mottos found on license plates (“Arkansas who”...) [91:53–93:43].

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6. Sawyer Jr.: Southern Swamp Psychic Medium

• [95:19] Drew Tarver plays Sawyer Jr., a medium from "just outside Black Pepper Gravy, Louisiana" [96:00].
• Promoting his TV debut, Swamp Psychic: Pswamp (the “P” is silent), airing alongside shows like Bayou and Louisiana Tattoo Outlaws on the Outdoor Living Network Plus [98:32].
• Everything on his show is sponsored by “Jack Links Garlic Sardines,” played as a recurring visual and a long-running bit about sardine mascot anatomy, cancel culture, and childhood nostalgia [102:22–105:09].
• His psychic readings for Scott go awry (all are unrelated to Scott’s history):

“Did your grandmother slip on a puddle of ranch dressing and fall into a man named Pray Train?” - Sawyer Jr. [110:21]

• Attempts to read Big Chunky Bubbles’s dead parents, reporting “she’s fine... she’s in hell, but she’s fine. There’s a nice part of hell.” [118:21–118:41]
• Ends with promise of “the biggest dance of all” as the show spirals into character chaos.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Conan O'Brien’s reflection on fame:
  • “I’m ninth guy in Charlotte famous.” [09:58]
• Scott on character interviews:
  • “Everything you like is so... just horrible and nasty.” - to Big Chunky Bubbles [27:01]
• Big Chunky Bubbles on hot dog manufacturing:
  • “She was hired to sweep up all the stuff left over after hot dogs are made. She was the second sweeper. The first sweeper… collects all the stuff that goes into the hot dog. The second sweeper collects anything that’s not good enough to go into a hot dog.” [24:23]
• Skip Dribbles meta-commentary:
  • “Honestly, anytime you refer to anything from the game of basketball, that counts as a joke.” [58:21]
• Kayla Dickey, summing up her mission:
  • “I am a lover of big, big trucks. Specifically, I like guys who drive big, big, big trucks and have small dicks… those are my two passions.” [74:49]
• Sawyer Jr. psychic “revelation”:
  • “Sometimes my readings are a little specific to my clientele.” [110:52]

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Noteworthy Bits & Running Gags (with timestamps)

• Balcony Report/Escalating Show Intro: [04:51]
• Conan O'Brien’s Charlotte fame anecdote: [09:33]
• Big Chunky Bubbles's tragic backstory & soup theme park: [19:07–36:09]
• Basketball comedy “double dribble”, alcoholism, and trend-hopping: [52:15]
• Kayla's deadly Ford Rock Hard Girl events, state mottos bit: [81:27–93:43]
• Sawyer Jr.'s psychic readings, TV pitch, sardine tangent: [95:01–119:41]

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Flow, Tone, and Dynamic

• The episode is fast-paced, riff-heavy, and thrives on CBB’s love of self-referential gags, awkward interview “dead ends,” and aggressive character interaction.
• The crowd is woven into the act through running call-and-response bits and constant references to their reactions.
• The humor is alternately gleefully dark and surreally childish—overlapping deaths, failed parental figures, bodily functions, anatomically-incorrect sardine mascots, and self-deprecating showbiz meta-commentary.
• Aukerman's role toggles between instigator, straight man, and gleeful participant, with plenty of mutual roasting between host and guests.
• The entire show gradually collapses into absurdity and meta-joking, capped with chaos as Aukerman pleads, "Don't try to save this!" [119:43]

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For New Listeners

If you've never heard Comedy Bang Bang, this is a quintessential live episode: the podcast’s unpredictability, deep bench of oddball characters, layer-cake improv, fourth-wall-breaking, and signature roasts are all on display. Through a wild premise-juggling act, even the one-off jokes are treated with the same seriousness as the hosts’ (fake) tragic backstories. There’s very little “plot”—just the kind of playful, convoluted nonsense only CBB can conjure.

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Listen for:

• Surreal, improvisational banter and quick shifts between setups and punchlines
• Signature recurring CBB personas and running jokes
• Absurdly detailed “origin stories” and meta-comedy
• The open-door, anything-goes spirit that’s kept the show a cult favorite for 15 years

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Listen from:

• 03:47—Show proper begins
• 07:07—Conan O'Brien segment
• 14:26—Big Chunky Bubbles
• 52:04—Skip Dribbles
• 74:17—Kayla Dickey
• 95:19—Sawyer Jr.

(Timestamps approximate to content start points)

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores. Best mobile network based on analysis by Google of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025. Bigger network. The combination of T Mobile's and US cellular network footprints will enhance the T Mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See t mobile.com for details.

[Kelly Ripa]

Hey, it's Kelly Ripa and if you don't know, I have a podcast where I get to say whatever I want. Hold on, let me get a shovel and a body bag. I envision doing a podcast with the conversations that happen in my dressing room off camera, where people feel free to talk. No hair, no makeup. This is my kind of job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Only Kelly Ripa can ask me these questions.

[Kelly Ripa]

I'm flipping the script and saying what's really on my mind.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're seeing a different side of you.

[Sawyer Jr.]

It's a little bit more honest.

[Kelly Ripa]

When the cameras go off, the real fun begins.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get my hair done over here.

[Kelly Ripa]

Hey, this is an off camera podcast, so it doesn't even matter. It's unfiltered conversations and unexpected confessions.

[Sawyer Jr.]

My mom says, woody, I knew your dad.

[Kelly Ripa]

Stop the presses. I would like to volunteer to administer any and all DNA tests.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe that should be part of the show.

[Kelly Ripa]

Let's talk off camera with me Kelly Ripoff.

[Kayla Dickey]

You just put that in the universe.

[Kelly Ripa]

Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey everyone, this is Scott Aukerman and welcome to another bonus Bang where we are re releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the Paywall. Now, this week's Bonus Bang is the latest episode in a series we have started a couple of weeks ago that we are calling A Quickie with Kayla Dickey where we are showcasing episodes featuring Kayla Dickey. You know Kayla, she's the woman who has big eyes for men with big trucks. She's played by frequent CBB guest Lily Sullivan. Now, this episod called Tour 2022 Charlotte. What a title. And this was a live CBB episode that was recorded at the Knight Theater in Charlotte back in, of course, 2022. It was originally released in the CBB live show feed over at CBB World on August 18, 2022. And who do we have? Okay, first of all, big surprise to us and to the audience. Conan o' Brien stops by for a quick visit at the top of the show and then the other stars appearing are Paul, we have him playing big chunky bubbles. And Tim Boltz, Lily's husband, we have him playing skip dribbles. Then we have Kayla Dickey, played by Lily Sullivan. And Sawyer Jr. Played by Drew Tarver. Now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang as well as other shows like CBB Presents, Scott hasn't seen the neighborhood list in College town. Become a subscriber@cbb world.com we have all of the past episodes from the CBB archives and every live episode we've ever done ad free new episodes, even more original shows. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Charlotte, North Carolina, what's up?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Wow.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hold on one second. Gotta do this. Hold on. Here I sit brokenhearted, Tried to shit and my wife burst in and said she wanted a divorce. I'm devastated. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Pat Chathams for that wonderful catchphrase admission. And Charlotte, thank you so much for coming out. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang indeed. Incredible crowd, beautiful theater, nice people. The trifecta, as we say in show business. How are you, sir? You're great.

[Skip Dribbles]

I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have a little photographic device.

[Skip Dribbles]

Is that true?

[Scott Aukerman]

This for me. You're gonna take nasty pictures of it. Please don't point that at me, sir. I'm gonna get very nasty, sir. He wanted to know how nasty I'm going to get tonight. Very, very nasty. This is a nasty show. How many of you have no idea what Comedy Bang Bang is or why you're here? Hey, I love it. Dragged here by your significant other, I take it? Wonderful. Well, we're gonna have a good time tonight. It's essentially a talk show where I have many guests. We have some great guests tonight, and we have unscripted and improvisational conversations with them. Conversations that have never happened before and will never happen again as far as I'm concerned. Coming up a little later, we have a motor enthusiast, we have a comedian, we have a TV host, and we have an entertainer. Is that nonspecific enough for you? But before we get to all of this, we have one piece of business we have to get to. And I'm rushing through this. I know. But we have a big show and the people in the balcony are already saying woo. Because they know what's about to happen. Even though I am not talking to you. It's time for the Balcony report, everyone. If you don't know what's about to happen, hold on to your assholes, because it's the most exciting two minutes in live podcasting. And this is, by the way, just to set some parameters. This is not me talking to the people in the balcony. This is merely me instructing the crowd how many balconies are in each theater. And I am pleased as punch to announce that Charlotte has one balcony. Not talking to you. All right, well, are you guys ready to start the show? No. You're not ready? Did you scream? No?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Sort of.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sort of. All right, well, we have a big show, and we have. I wanted to get to our first guest relatively right away because he does have somewhere he has to get to in a few minutes, but he's in town. He wanted to come out and say hi to the crowd and talk to us for a little bit. Please welcome Conan o'. Brien. Hey, How y' all doing? Hey, conan o'. Brien. One balcony.

[Sawyer Jr.]

What kind of shit is this?

[Skip Dribbles]

Wow. That was very nice.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thank you for the introduction.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course. Thank you so much for dropping by. What brings you here?

[Conan O'Brien]

How dare you intrude?

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me explain. I'm sorry. There's a big poster coming up suddenly from. You're pulling focus. The perfect time to do we need more QR codes on this stage.

[Conan O'Brien]

I felt panicked that I didn't get enough of a hand when I came out, so I signaled more. I bring out a QR code that

[Scott Aukerman]

will help when people click on this. It says, applaud more. Thank you for Conan.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. Fill that hole for Conan. Don't do that. Don't go there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that sounds. Yeah, sounds weird.

[Conan O'Brien]

Emotional hole. Okay, here's the deal.

[Scott Aukerman]

True story.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm in town for a special project, shooting a porno, and wait till you see it. It's really nothing to woo about. And anyway, I flew in last night, and I'm walking down the street about. I want to say half an hour ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want to say that, too. A half hour ago.

[Conan O'Brien]

There you go. And people start coming up and saying,

[Scott Aukerman]

you're going to the big show, aren't you?

[Conan O'Brien]

And I said, no, I'm not. And I asked, you know, what is this big show? And they said, you're here. And they told me some of the other people who were here, and I said, those are friends of mine. I want to go say hi to them because I'm in Charlotte and I have no friends here. So I walked to the front of this theater and said, hey, is it okay if I come into the show?

[Scott Aukerman]

True story.

[Conan O'Brien]

Guy says, I'm not sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's always Nice to realize what level of fame you've reached.

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh,

[Scott Aukerman]

quite certain.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know now. He said, I'm not sure. And then fortunately, a guy like nine people behind him said, I think he should get to come in.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're ninth guy in Charlotte famous.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm ninth guy in Charlotte famous. And then I got to come in, but it was this close to me not being able to come in.

[Scott Aukerman]

So thank God for that ninth guy. If you're back there. Now, Conan, you were telling me something really interesting backstage.

[Conan O'Brien]

That was private.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, right. No, but I think this was the

[Conan O'Brien]

other thing you said. Oh, yeah, the other thing you said

[Scott Aukerman]

to me, that Charlotte audiences are the best audiences in the world.

[Sawyer Jr.]

No, you didn't say that. I did not say that. Don't get me started.

[Conan O'Brien]

Started on Charlotte.

[Skip Dribbles]

Now.

[Conan O'Brien]

I've been to Asheville. That's the one place I've been to in North Carolina. And I was in Asheville. This is a while ago, a couple years ago, and I was in Asheville for about eight minutes when someone said, you want to go to a really cool speakeasy? No one has said that in America since 1929. The next thing I know, I'm knocking on a door, a little window, a guy with a little mustache. You can have the gin that we just made. It was very cool. I loved Asheville, but I do love it here. This is very nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are there speakeasies here that anyone can invite Conan to?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, if you consider. If you consider Fridays a speakeasy, then yes, a really cool hipster Fridays.

[Scott Aukerman]

Gotta wait another 24 hours to go there. It's unfortunate. Only open one day a week from what I heard. Now, is there anything you want to tell the audience here? I know you have words of wisdom for, you know, you come, you come.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

I've been on this earth a while, kids, and I can tell you're kids. I'm leaving here and I have to leave. I have a hard out because at exactly 7:30, which is six minutes from now, I have to be in my hotel room to get a physical for the project that I'm shooting tomorrow. Hold on. I have to get a physical because I'm at that age where they're pretty sure I'm going to die before tomorrow. And I was shocked to find that out. And I said, no problem. I'll be there at 7:30 for the physical. And then I found you guys, and I would much rather be here. I'd been trying to. To contact the doctor on my phone to see if he would come give me the physical here. So far, I'm not getting a response, but if it doesn't work out, you just missed me getting a rectal probe in North Carolina, which is, I think, a first.

[Scott Aukerman]

I believe so.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, for me, it's a third, but for you guys, well, if the first.

[Scott Aukerman]

If the doctor. You do meet up with the doctor and you decide to come out, please interrupt the show.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, this meeting is happening a couple of blocks from here. I'll already be late, and then it'll be then some doctor from Charlotte who's got major attitude because I'm late. And I'll say I was in front of an incredible crowd. That comes first. You. And my imminent death comes second. But I did want to say quickly that it is incredibly gracious. I just came by to say hello. You're a very nice and hilarious man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

And Mr. Aukerman is. I have so many people that have worked with him and that he has taken care of over the years. He's a lovely guy and a trailblazer, and for him to invite me on his stage is a big deal. So thank you very much.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you. Conan o', Brien, everyone. Take a bow. Conan. Was I supposed to say something back? Don't worry about it.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was a treat. Conan o'. Brien. Amazing. Thank you.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Charlotte, you're getting quite a show tonight, because who else could follow Conan o' Brien but our next guest? He is a children's party entertainer. Please welcome Big Chunky Bubbles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Hi.

[Scott Aukerman]

I always forget.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Oh, you do, do you? This is what I sound like. It's the voice I was given at birth.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was given to you?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got to choose.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You don't get to choose everything that's given to you, do you?

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess not. You're right. If you could choose your Christmas gifts, would you?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah. Why wouldn't I?

[Scott Aukerman]

What did you get for Christmas last year, if you don't mind me asking?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Well, you know my kids.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah? Who are they?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Robbie, Bobby and T. They all chipped in and got me one golf club.

[Scott Aukerman]

How much are golf clubs these days?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I don't know and I don't care. I don't play golf. They know I don't play golf.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe they want to get you out of the house on Saturdays and Sundays.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Oh, bet they do.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would imagine that golf days are prime children's entertaining days. Days in. Am I making sense?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I guess I've never heard it referred to that way. What's today for you, a golf day or A children's entertainment day. Oh, I'll probably do both.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll double dip, get nine holes in.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Get nine holes in. Then go watch a magician. Maybe Elmo will stop by. Either place.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Elmo golfing. I would love to see that.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Why? No answer? Huh? What are you doing?

[Scott Aukerman]

There was a little hair flying in the air.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Leave it alone.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wanted to get it out of your way. I want an unobstructed view of bcb.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Thanks.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, Big Chunky bubbles. For those of you like our friend over here who was dragged here, who.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Hi. You got dragged here, huh?

[Scott Aukerman]

What? Kicking and screaming?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

She says kicking and screaming. Sure. How you. How much fun are you having so far?

[Kayla Dickey]

Conan is great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, she said Conan was great. And not to criticize you, BCB or Big Chunky Bubbles, but here it comes. But your energy is just. It's like siphoning all of the energy from the crowd.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What? I thought this show was escalating nicely. First you yawn, then a celebrity, and then an artist. If you don't know who I am, my stage name is Big Chunky Bubbles and I make bubbles out of soups, stews and chowders. Finally, people applauding.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you do this primarily for children?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Primarily, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Parents in tow. Usually, though sometimes they drop the kids off at a. At a party and then they.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

There's at least one parent there. It's not like Lord of the Flies. I go to some island, entertain a bunch of children who ruled themselves.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think I was suggesting that it was Big Chunky bubbles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Well, just making sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think my point is, is that there are usually more children than parents. Even though. Even though a child, if they're lucky, has two parents and they would normally outnumber the children they get dropped off. Is, I think, my thought process going into this.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Well, your thought process is faulty because let me tell you, it's not always fortunate to have two parents. You can get two duds.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that what happened to you?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Big Chunky bubbles. I don't think we've ever talked about your parents.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No, we haven't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's talk about. Your Christian name is Petey. Petey what?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Petey Amin.

[Scott Aukerman]

So. So your parents were the Amines?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah. Darren and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Darren and Beatrice Amin sound like a lovely couple. What was wrong?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

They hated each other and everyone else. They stayed together for the kids. I. E. Me. Don't do me any favors, is what I say to Darren and Beatrice. I mean,

[Scott Aukerman]

are they still with us?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No, thankfully. They're dead.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have to ask because Your wife?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Didn't she perish in a soup related accident?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yes, she'd perish in a soup related accident.

[Scott Aukerman]

We've talked about this in previous shows.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the soup was concocted and distributed by you.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Distributed? I don't sell soup.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess distributed it all over her.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I was, come on, it's my dead wife you're talking about. I was showing her my latest bubble trick and she got too close to the terrines. And the trick was so good, but she was so close, she never even

[Scott Aukerman]

got to see the trick.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

She got to see it a little too close. It's the last thing she saw before she died.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, maybe it was such a good trick that it's a happy memory for her up in.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I don't know. She was scalded to death by soup.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I guess my question is, how did your parents.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

How did they die?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

First of all, a little too late for my liking. Dad went first. He was shot in the face.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

And yet you are, but it's okay. It's pretty funny. He was a bad guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was this outside a movie theater or.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I feel like you're conflating me with Batman. I get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

It happens more with that other guy, Bruce Wayne.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Sure. I got a secret for you later on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ok. Batman movie I've seen, it always starts with this terrible little story about a little boy whose parents get shot. I walk out immediately.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

But you like Batman.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wish it would get to him earlier. It reminds me of when my mom saw the movie Flight Denzel Washington about the alcoholic pilot. And I said, how'd you like the movie? And she said, I hated it. I said, well, why? She's like, all the drinking, all the, you know, terrible life choices he made. And I said, well, at the very end of it, he finds God and turns his life around. She says, he couldn't have done that in the first five minutes. Like. Like that's a good movie to her. A guy who does that in the first five minutes and then just has an uneventful life.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Now I see where you get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get what?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

These weird things you say. Strange concepts, bizarre premises.

[Scott Aukerman]

So. So he was shot in the face. Did you.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, right in the nose.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was this provoked by him or.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Of course it was. He provoked people all the time. He was the kind of guy that would walk down the street whistling at women. He would kick a cat. He would take an apple off a fruit cart and just throw it down the sewer grate

[Scott Aukerman]

without Paying for it? Or would he go back and say, oh, hey, sorry, no, he never paid

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

for anything in his life.

[Scott Aukerman]

He never paid for anything?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did your mom work? Is that.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did she do for a living?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

This is embarrassing to say. I guess you're gonna make me say it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, please. I mean, total honesty here on comedy banking.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You can imagine growing up as a child, this was an embarrassing job for your mom to. She was hired to sweep up all the stuff left over after hot dogs are made. She was the second sweeper. The first sweeper goes through, collects all the stuff that goes into the hot dog. Then the second sweeper. Sweeper collects anything that's not good enough to go into a hot dog.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it seems like the first sweeper has the hard job because they're picking and choosing what. And sweeping around the.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

They just sweep everything up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Then somebody else.

[Scott Aukerman]

Someone else has to go through it.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, the picker. The picker goes through and says, hot dog, not hot dog. Hot dog, not hot dog.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then the picker throws it on the ground.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

It goes back on the grass. That's why.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then they hire someone else to sweep it.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a bad sweeper.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You don't know anything about hot dogs.

[Scott Aukerman]

And what's so bad it can't go in a hot dog?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You sure you want to know?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think so.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Human fingernails.

[Scott Aukerman]

So other types of fingernails do go in the hot dogs?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, like a pig hoof that can go in there. A snail.

[Scott Aukerman]

A whole pig hoof?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, but they grind it up. Well, you think you bite into a hot dog and then, oh, there's a pig hoof in here. So you can imagine being the son of a second sweeper at the hot dog factory was humiliating.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so sorry. Can you eat hot dogs now, or do they bring back terrible memories?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

They bring back all kinds of terrible things. Hot dogs are bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

But we love them, don't we, as Americans?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Not me. Forget it. I'd rather eat a nice dry turkey sandwich.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's your favorite meal? A dry turkey sandwich?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

A dry turkey sandwich on wheat bread. Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Big chunky bubbles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't care.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I bet I kona pop by the best of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just. You. Everything you like is so. Just horrible and nasty.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Well, I guess you should be glad I don't like you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I am. You know, you're my least favorite guest.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Oh, I know. You know, you're my least favorite host in all of history.

[Scott Aukerman]

I bet you wish Conan stayed out here instead of me.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No. He's number two with a bullet because his hair is hot dog colored. Oh, yeah,

[Scott Aukerman]

if you're lucky.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What is that from a song?

[Scott Aukerman]

So. I'm so sorry about your parents. How did your mother die?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

She was electrocuted in pr.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was she visiting? Was she an inmate?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I'd love to say she was just visiting and then somehow got electrocuted.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe got too close to the person who was dying on the electric chair or.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

How do you think. How would that happen? How are they letting people in? Getting that close to a person strapped into the electric chair?

[Scott Aukerman]

In this hypothetical.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

How did she. She was an inmate. Really?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah. She was sentenced to death. And boy, they carried out on that sentence.

[Scott Aukerman]

She was sentenced to death?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

For what crime?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

She shot my dad. I can't believe you put that together.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can't believe you did

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I near the whole time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that's fantastic.

[Sawyer Jr.]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you. You are glad.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What a Ruth. I mean, I am, but it's still. That's for me to say.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

There's one thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

When I say it, don't get testy with me. Stop pointing your head at me.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I'm just looking at you.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you see?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Do you really want to know? A vain poppinjay

[Scott Aukerman]

Big Chunky Bubbles. God damn it. So what brings you to Charlotte, North Carolina? What is going on in Big Chunky Bubbles Land?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Wait, who told you about that?

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

That's why I'm here.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I'm scouting locations for my theme park.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're starting a theme park? I mean, you're not even popular. How.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Come on. This is how I'll get popular. You think anybody gave a God damn about Mickey Mouse?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a good point. Oh.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Who's your favorite cartoon character? The guy that drives the boat, I guess.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whistles occasionally.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I like that mouse that has a Caucasian face.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what? What is.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

That's weird, isn't it? Yeah, we don't talk about it enough. Why does he have Caucasian skin color? He's a mouse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are there different colored mice out there?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Like.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, they're fur, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

But he's got furry ears and then just a skin.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

A white man's face. Same for Goofy. Kind of. He just got a snout.

[Scott Aukerman]

Trying to remember what he looks like. I always thought from the inside.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I don't know what that means and I don't care to.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, Big Chunky Bubbles Land.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Big Chunky Bubbles Land.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are some of the attractions that are going to be there? What do you envision? What is your vision?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Isn't going to be there. You get to ride in a soup can. Like a merry go round kind like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like a oversized.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, no, no, no. Regular size.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're not. You don't have shrinking down technology.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You have to stick three toes in there. Of course. Oversized. And it's like the cups, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Teacups.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The teacups. But it's a soup can.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Then you get to ride a soup can that goes up and down steep peaks.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you've said two attractions at this point and both involve soup cans.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

So wait till you hear this. You also can purchase your own ladle at the entrance. And you can go around and have any soup from any of the soup barrels.

[Scott Aukerman]

Soup barrels?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, you just dip it in there. On your way to the next ride, blow on it. Those soups are piping hot. To have a ladle full of, you know, chicken and stars or whatever, then get on a roller coaster. Yes. It's shaped like a soup can.

[Scott Aukerman]

The. The track or the, the. The car.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What do you think?

[Scott Aukerman]

Be cool if the track were shaped like a sound.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

And how would that go?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it's a cylinder, is it not?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The soup can? Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So just like going wee, wee, wee all the way down.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

So what, you, you climb up to the top.

[Scott Aukerman]

Climb up.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I can't picture this roller coaster. You're talking about the soup can shaped track.

[Scott Aukerman]

How about take an elevator up?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Well, you got me. So you take an elevator up. You get in a what, a regular roller coaster car.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Sure.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

And it's one long soup can. The track?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It's a circular. It's like a coil, but. But there's a.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

How can you tell it's a soup can?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because the outside is covered with one long label.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah. The proportions are all off. You'd never be able to tell what it's supposed to be. You're making me angry.

[Scott Aukerman]

There are no bad ideas. Big Tokyo bubble.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

This is one of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are there flume rides where you're traveling throughout soup?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yes. There's two soup rides where you're involved directly with soup. One is a classic flume. You get in the log. It's shaped like a wooden soup can.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are there wooden soup cans at this park?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

There are. You ride down a little chute of gazpacho. Yeah, I thought ahead. Nobody's gonna get burned. Your clothes will be ruined. Then the other one is you take a soup marine ride.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So this is. Is like a submarine ride.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

But instead of there being fish and stuff like that, You. You see the ingredients of the soup.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You're getting it.

[Scott Aukerman]

So the alphabets and the meatballs.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah. Chopped vegetables. Some noodles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Some noodles. Some noodles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Every ride features some noodles.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, I mean, this sounds great. Sounds like a big undertaking is what I was. It is. Do you have backing? Do you have financial backing? Do you have.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

That's what I hope to find here in North Carolina.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah. What some people are interested in investing in big chunky bubbles land. That's about 30 people. And all I need is for each of those 30 people to just give me $1 million.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or you could find one guy who gives you 30 million. Conan, someone says, is he still here? I don't think so. I think he's getting that make him a mascot, like in the costumes.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, it would be a costume of him.

[Scott Aukerman]

With a. A tinier person inside.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No, it'd be him. It'd be a massive costume. And then like an exoskeleton kind of. And he walk around inside and nobody would know it was him.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think he's interested.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Then it's like Comic Con when those big celebrities go and they wear a mask and you don't know it's them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that would be thrilling for him.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Thrilling.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you, you. I mean, look, we've talked about this before. You're. I didn't want to introduce you as a failed children's entertainer.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Thanks. But what a gracious host. Do not do that. But then tell me you thought about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you are. You're not. I mean, you're out there and things are not going well for you.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Can I ask you a question?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What do you know about the entertainment business?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, we have roughly 300 people in this theater.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, I'm one of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

You didn't pay to get in.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

That's right. Now, who's a failed entertainer?

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess you're right. But. But what I mean to connect that to is I don't know that there is demand that can meet your supply.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I'll explain this to you as simply as I can. The theme park will make the demand.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. So you're hoping.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Right. You agree.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't agree.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Sounded like you said right to me.

[Scott Aukerman]

I said right as in I understand what you're trying to say.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Well, then you should have said that.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just. A lot of what you've described sounds like, oh, that would be charming if I knew these individual that it was based upon.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

But are you serious? You're saying if you didn't know who I was and you heard about a soup themed Amusement park. You wouldn't be a little bit curious?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I guess I'd be a little bit curious of.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

And somebody says you get your own ladle. You can walk through and scoop up as much soup as you want anytime you want.

[Scott Aukerman]

The community soup.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

And you get to feel like you're in a boat of soup. All the wonders that can be seen. If only we could sink below the surface of the soup. This is a song that plays. How wonderful to see a potato, a carrot, a leek or two Come with me. And you see the world that lies beneath the bubbles.

[Scott Aukerman]

The soup bubbles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

That is because we're going into some soup.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would suggest maybe chopping off the last 15 seconds or so.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The ride is longer than 15 seconds. Seconds. Oh, that would be a real ripoff. 15 second ride when you're just getting used to the soup. Marine.

[Scott Aukerman]

How long. How long is it?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

It's 90 minutes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you only have 20 minutes.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The first 20 minutes. Four that I told you about.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many do you actually have?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

5.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which one are you keeping in reserve?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

There's one where you get to see all the countries of the world and what kind of soup they eat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that interesting?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

If you have to ask.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it's what, like United States? All of them.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

It's what soups people are known for.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Ones they've invented.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Like what?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Italy, Wedding soup. Spain, Gazpacho. Mexico, tortilla soup. France? French onion soup.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that from there?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Brazil. Brazilian onion soup.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, now you're just cheating. But I have to say, big chunky bubbles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You have a.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have a really good singing voice.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Really? Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't you talk like that?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Talk like. What do you mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it was. It was so less annoying than your normal voice that we have to sit and endure every time we talk to you.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I don't recall you saying that to Conan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you taken singing lessons?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No, it's just a natural gift I have. Everybody Loves to Hear a Song.

[Scott Aukerman]

What song is that?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

That's called Everybody Loves to Hear a Song. My dad wrote it. He was an amateur songwriter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Never went pro.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Never. Nobody liked his songs because at the end, every song ended with Fuck you, Jack. And it said in parentheses, this is to the reader. So when you'd see it on the sheet music, you'd be insulted. So never went past the stage where he gave it to the publishers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why would he do that?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

He was a bad guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

So every song, did he sing it? Oh, no, he just would write the song.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

He would write the song.

[Scott Aukerman]

No demonstration tapes?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No. He would take. He would take it to the music publisher and he'd say, here, I got a great song for you. Maybe Billy Squire can sing this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or maybe Bachman Turner Overdrive.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, well, you gotta update your references. So then the publisher would. He'd say, and I'm gonna watch you read it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Just let me watch you read it. I'll be out of your hair. And they go, okay, kid. And then they. They'd read it and then at the end, it would say to the reader, fuck you, Jack. And then the publisher would look up at my dad. My dad would already be doing this. Just nodding and smiling. No wonder he got shot in the nose.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you mind saying what the offense was that finally pushed your mother over the edge?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

He embarrassed her at the hot dog factory.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no. What's he doing there?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

He had a girl on the side.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The first sweeper.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is scandalous.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

It's as big a scandal in the hot dog world as there is.

[Scott Aukerman]

So how did he embarrass her then?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

He walked in to the hot dog factory floor where the first sweeper had just dropped off the sweepings and the picker was in the process of eliminating the non hot dog eligible items and throwing them on the floor. Then the first sweeper turned around and saw him and said, oh, hello, mister. It's nice to meet you. And he said, what do you mean? We've been fucking for months. Then he looks at my mom and says, I've been fucking her for months. And she was furious. And he said, what are you gonna do, shoot me in the nose? I don't know if she would have done that otherwise.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think you're right. He's better off dead.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just sounds like a coarse individual.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

He was not as polished a gentleman as I try to be.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we love having you here. Big chunky bubbles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Do you?

[Scott Aukerman]

No. You're such a pill. You're just like, really?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

But I wrote a song for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You wrote a song for me?

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd love to hear. That's so touching. I don't think a guest has ever written a song for me.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

It's a thank you for all the times you've had me on the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God, that's. I can't believe it. I'm so touched.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

It goes like this. There's a man in my life, a very special man. He's been generous and kind. He's done it all the time. I get to do his show. He always has me back. His Name is Scott Akerman. And you? Jack.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you got me. Big chunky bubbles everyone. I'm disappointed in you. I did not expect that at all.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Good.

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What? Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

You're an entertainer? They are an entertainer. They perform primarily, I believe, for adults, but and are perhaps more successful than you.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Perhaps.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll see. But he's been on the show once before.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Before.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Before.

[Scott Aukerman]

See, this is what I mean. Big Chucky bubbles. He was on the show once before. I fucking did it again. Now it's in my. I don't think I can't say it before.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Before. Oh, no. This is your life now.

[Scott Aukerman]

He is the basketball comedian. Please welcome Skip Dribbles.

[Skip Dribbles]

What's going on?

[Scott Aukerman]

Charlotte?

[Skip Dribbles]

Wow. What a house. What a balcony. My goodness gracious. Scott, I haven't seen you since the before times. Pre pandemic. That's a COVID 19 joke. Boy, if I scored 19 points in a basketball game, I'd be feeling pretty good about myself. Unless we lost the game. That'd be like taking an L. Anyway, I'm an alcoholic. How you guys doing tonight? Let's start out with some crowd work. All right, shut up. I have a hangover. Little context for those of you that don't know me. I'm a basketball comedian. I've been a standup for a long time. You know, when I was coming up, everyone was on trend. You always want to be doing the right trend.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Right?

[Skip Dribbles]

Stand up's about, like, knowing what the trend is. Being hot, staying current. So I was always like, you know, I'm a terrible person. I'm a chronic masturbator, a degenerate alcoholic. Why aren't you laughing at me? Well, you know, that started to get a little stale. So I decided, you know, what's something that I love? Why don't I incorporate that into my act? So I was like, well, I love nothing more than the pure game of basketball. So I started injecting that into my act. And wasn't that fun? Yeah, it was. You know, so my act would go a little something like this, you know, it'd be like me and my crush were eating breakfast after a night of passionate love making when some of the scrambled eggs that I'd made for them dribbled down my chin and onto my shirt. I call that a double dribble. Anyway, I'm still an alcoholic, But, you know, Scott, Big chunky bubbles, everybody. You always gotta be looking for the next new thing. So, you know, my act started to get stale. And that was, you know, that was a tough pill to swallow. A pill as big as a basketball. It wouldn't fit into my mouth because of my pride and my alcoholism. Anyway, I'm still an alcoholic.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

So,

[Skip Dribbles]

you know, I shifted to the next trend. So for a while, I did man on the street stuff. I chase people around and scream about puke or piss and shit. It was great, you know, it was like punk for people that never leave Bushwick. And then that went out of style, thankfully. Anyway, I'm an alcoholic. Don't worry, you can keep laughing. And then the next thing I gotta do Some. I gotta do some cord work with my mic here. Ever since microphones went cordless, I feel naked up here. As naked as James Worthy after they won one of his five championships with the LA Lakers. You shouldn't have laughed at that. He only won four. Anyway, so then I transitioned to finding a vulnerable demographic within our country and punching down on them to excite the reactionary fan base. I'd use flawed, logical fallacies as my setups and then feel vindicated when my punchline drew laughs. That was great. And I'd laugh at myself. I'd laugh at my own jokes. You ever try stand up, laugh at your own jokes, and then smack your thigh with the microphone? That's good. Stand up right there. But, you know, all that grew stale, and I started to think, I don't like these trends. I want to go back to basketball comedy, and I'm not going back on comedy Bang Bang until I perfect my act again. So here I am. You've heard most of it already. I got my notes here. Like a good stand up.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't want to interrupt. Or was that it?

[Skip Dribbles]

Yeah, now I'm feeling a little loose. Now I. Now I want to get playful, you know?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Skip Dribbles]

I want to get. I want to get playful. Like, you know, when Michael Jordan says, that's so cheugy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did he. He didn't coin that term?

[Skip Dribbles]

He did coin that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Skip Dribbles]

He coined that term.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think so.

[Skip Dribbles]

He's. He's intergenerational.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You're telling me you've never heard Michael Jordan say that so cheugy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've heard him say, those kids.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

But

[Scott Aukerman]

now you're sitting.

[Skip Dribbles]

Now it's time for the storytelling portion. Storytelling is a big thing in stand up these days, right? What are this? Is this musical chairs?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no. Sit back where you want.

[Skip Dribbles]

Is this we doing a Clint Eastwood thing like this? Is Obama sitting here anyway? I'm a terrible alcoholic. Move further up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, In a semicircle.

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh, yeah, there we go. Kick my water bottle.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah, check it.

[Scott Aukerman]

So Skip, your act is describing how your act used to be.

[Skip Dribbles]

That's the first. Yeah, that's the first Netflix special. So there's part one. Did I say Netflix?

[Scott Aukerman]

You might have, but I'm not a big chunky. Bubbles is gonna jump on that.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I didn't catch it.

[Skip Dribbles]

Well, like I was saying before, so part one of my Netflix special, you know, they're losing money. They had to drop the L. That's all storytelling. And then I get into bashing vulnerable demographics in part Two. You guys know what I'm talking about.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah,

[Skip Dribbles]

Well, any questions for me?

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I beg your pardon? I just didn't know that if you were done.

[Skip Dribbles]

No, no, that's fine. It's fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, you. You told one basketball joke. Is that right? Or.

[Skip Dribbles]

I mean, honestly, anytime you refer to anything from the game of basketball, that counts as a joke.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see.

[Skip Dribbles]

You know what I mean. So, for example, I already said double dribble. So someone in the crowd yelled a thing that I said before.

[Scott Aukerman]

You led with double dribble. Then you said, let's start off with crowd work.

[Skip Dribbles]

Well, that's part of a new trend in stand up. There's just chaos blending every single trend together.

[Scott Aukerman]

Piss.

[Skip Dribbles]

Shit. I've got poop on my head.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I want to know more about the prank show where you just ran around saying piss and shit at people.

[Skip Dribbles]

Well, if they'd unlock my old vine account, you'd be able to see all of was great.

[Kelly Ripa]

The perfect.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The perfect.

[Skip Dribbles]

The perfect length of time for comedy. Right? That's what I built my act around. Everything was just six second bursts. Sexual pun intended. You know, Scott, I don't know if you remember this from the before time that we met. You and I have the same tattoo.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't remember anything from the last time you were on the show. What tattoo do we have?

[Skip Dribbles]

We both have a tramp stamp that says LeBron James ate here. But, you know, I felt guilty about that. I. I felt a little bit of shame, you know, because when I'd be in bed with my slam piece

[Scott Aukerman]

and

[Skip Dribbles]

they'd seen my tramp stamp, boy, I'd say sometimes they had a look in their eyes like I just committed a flagrant foul. Anyway, I'm still an alcoholic. So I decided to update it. So right below LeBron James 8 here, I had a tattoo artist inscribe in his prime. So depending on how you feel about LeBron James, anywhere from 2010 to 2018,

[Scott Aukerman]

he just signed that new deal, didn't he? Is he worth that much?

[Skip Dribbles]

Absolutely, he's worth that much. Boy in.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now you're sitting. Okay, so this is not a joke. I'm getting the formula. When you stand, it's prepared material. When you sit, I'm understanding this now. Oh, dear.

[Skip Dribbles]

Now, I was just adjusting. Yeah, he's definitely worth that contract. I mean, that's. He's earned that. I think. I think. I'm not even gonna say a joke here. I think LeBron James has earned a big contract or. I'm not an alcoholic. See, I stood up for the joke part. I'm gonna drop that standing up, sitting down stuff from my act. It's not hitting at the rate that I'm used to when I say I'm an alcoholic. And every time I say it. Watch this. You know, I'm an alcoholic.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's working for you.

[Skip Dribbles]

It's working for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you primarily an alcoholic comedian or a basketball comedian? I can't. I'm trying to get a finger on you because I don't remember any of our previous conversation. I remember it happened in Seattle.

[Skip Dribbles]

Yeah, it did happen in Seattle. Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's all I remember.

[Skip Dribbles]

You know, when the Seattle SuperSonics got stolen from the city by the Oklahoma City Thunder, I thought to myself, seattle, Oklahoma City understood the assignment.

[Scott Aukerman]

So. So wait, A city stole a basketball team?

[Skip Dribbles]

You know, I'm enough of a basketball fan that I could earnestly respond right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just. I don't know this story. They were in an airplane or something. They diverted it to.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Hold on. Okay, Come on, now. I don't understand it either, because Oklahoma City already had a basketball team, but then they stole the other basketball team.

[Skip Dribbles]

So, briefly, this is hitting me right in the solar plexus.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I guess I just want to know what happened to the Thunder where they. When they were displaced by the Supersonics, Where'd they go?

[Skip Dribbles]

See, this. This is why I never do Q and A's or crowd work. Because if someone ask me a legitimate basketball question, the joke part of my brain turns off, and I just want to give them a legitimate answer. The truth is, when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, the New Orleans franchise briefly relocated to Oklahoma City and had such success and was embraced by the city so much that a group of corporate investors decided, why can't we have a team here in Oklahoma City, a state that is bereft of all professional franchises? So they knew that the Seattle owners were trying to lobby the city and the taxpayers for money to open a new stadium. The taxpayers didn't want to do that because taxpayers should not pay billionaires to open new stadiums. That should be on the billionaires. And while those talks were stalling between the city and the owners, the owners sold it to a group that said they would keep the team in Seattle. And then they lied. And also, they donated a ton of money to anti LGBT groups. But Oklahoma City does have a great fan base and a rich history.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I think that's fine. You just have to tag it with, you're an alcoholic.

[Skip Dribbles]

Like I said, they're two separate parts of my Brain I'm an alcoholic is absolutely, absolutely my go to punchline. But I love the history of basketball

[Scott Aukerman]

and the history of Oklahoma City.

[Skip Dribbles]

That's secondary to my history of basketball. But, yeah, absolutely. You know, I'm wearing a jersey right now of one Alonzo Morning.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did he win last comic standing?

[Skip Dribbles]

He did, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm forgetting who he is.

[Skip Dribbles]

Yeah, he crushed. His whole thing is about how much coke he snorts all the time. I wouldn't say that legitimately. I met him. He's one of the greatest people of all time. I have his cell phone number and I'm too afraid to text him. True, true. That's true. I'd go so far. That's so true that I'm not an alcoholic.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No cap.

[Skip Dribbles]

No cap. No diggity. No shame.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dead ass. Absolutely dead ass.

[Skip Dribbles]

That slack. That. I was gonna say that slags. No, that slaps.

[Scott Aukerman]

That slags.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

That slags.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's get that going. This is where it starts.

[Skip Dribbles]

That slags. Wait, what's the definition of this? Because I don't want to miss misused it in like two weeks after it's caught on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, if you say that slag, you're talking about a woman in the British sense.

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh, yeah. So much so my slag was putting ear spacers in me the other day. Yeah, she was putting ear spacers in me and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, wait. What?

[Skip Dribbles]

I said she was putting ear spacers in my ear.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are those?

[Skip Dribbles]

You know when someone stretches out their ear piercing and puts in a little circle?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, got it, got it, got it.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Like a gauge.

[Scott Aukerman]

Got it.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah.

[Skip Dribbles]

A gauge she was putting in. Yeah, she was putting in gauges. So my slag was popping a gauge into my ear hole.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Into your ear hole?

[Skip Dribbles]

When it popped out and fell on the ground, I said, that's an out of bounds play. She said, shut the fuck up. I said, I'm sorry. I'm still an alcoholic.

[Scott Aukerman]

And now is it time for a real basketball question?

[Skip Dribbles]

I'm not sure I'm open to real basketball. I mean, you like, we will get kicked out for curfew if you're asking me real basketball questions.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Do you think they should have still kept the peach basket?

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh, yeah. First one to two wins.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Well, you can have a guy in a ladder who pushes it out, puts it back into play.

[Skip Dribbles]

Big chunky bubble. Sounds like you know your history.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Well, that's all I know about basketball.

[Skip Dribbles]

You know, they used to not be able to dribble.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What did they do instead?

[Skip Dribbles]

They just passed the ball. They had a pivot foot and then they passed the ball.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they all had to stand there. They couldn't. If they were holding the ball, they just had to stand there.

[Skip Dribbles]

They just had to stand there. And then other people would run around. You'd pass to them. And then once they caught the ball, they couldn't move and the defense would swarm.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Who invented dribbling? A really frustrated guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Skip Dribbles]

But really, he was just like, fuck this. He was banned for life. And then, like most things, innovators get punished and then posthumously rewarded.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What was that man's name?

[Skip Dribbles]

Skip Dribbles Sr. What?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Your father invented dribbling?

[Skip Dribbles]

Well, my father's father. I'm Skip Dribbles Junior. Junior.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Is that why it's called dribbling? Because otherwise, I don't know why it's called that.

[Skip Dribbles]

The person who pointed out was like, he's dribbles, he's dribbles, he's dribbling. And it stuck just like Steph Curry, four time champion, two time mvp, one time finals mvp, sticks the three pointers and says, I've got swag and drip.

[Scott Aukerman]

You stood for that one. And it wasn't a joke. I was confused.

[Skip Dribbles]

Sometimes, you know, when you try out new material, you want to stand. I'm going to cross that one off. That one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. No, that one didn't work. So you are working from a list.

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh, I am working from a list.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's see, what else do you have on the list? Because we're running out of time for you, if you can believe it.

[Skip Dribbles]

Honestly, I've got more time than I. The light went on a lot later than I thought it would. Let's see, I'm on the kitchen. I'm on the bathroom floor with my dtf, GF or bf. And they say James Harding is living rent free in your head. And I say, thank you for being so supportive of me. When you're supportive of me. I feel like we're both goaltending anyway. I'm a chronic masturbator and an alcoholic. It's really just Mad Libs on this sheet.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll Skip Dribbles. I wish you a lot of luck.

[Skip Dribbles]

All right, Take it easy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good night. No, no. Skip Dribbles, everyone. Stick around. Stick around. Skip. You don't have to get a physical, do you?

[Skip Dribbles]

I don't have to go home, but can I stay here?

[Scott Aukerman]

You can, but move over to that one. What do you say?

[Skip Dribbles]

Am I. Am I giving off chuggy vibes to you?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you like that last dance? I bet you did.

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh, I Love Last dance. Boy, the best part of the pandemic was they finally dropped that documentary.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, made it all worth it.

[Skip Dribbles]

And I took it personally. Honestly. One of the best memes of all time is Larry Bird and Michael Jordan hugging. And it says, you bitch. Fuck you. Isn't that sweet? Isn't that intimate? Two ruthless competitors that both think that the other is a bitch and they want, I guess they want to have sex. Fuck you. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wonderful. Not quite sure how to respond to just basketball facts. America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T mobile is available in US Cellular stores. Best mobile network Based on analysis by Oogle of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025 bigger network. The combination of T mobiles and US cellular network footprints will enhance the T mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See t mobile.com for details.

[Kelly Ripa]

Hey, it's Kelly Ripa, and if you don't know, I have a podcast where I get to say whatever I want. Hold on, let me get a shovel and a body bag. I envision doing a podcast with the conversations that happen in my dressing room off camera, where people feel free to talk. No hair, no makeup. This is my kind of job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Only Kelly Reaper can ask me these questions.

[Kelly Ripa]

I'm flipping the script and saying what's really on my mind.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're seeing a different side of you.

[Sawyer Jr.]

It's a little bit more honest.

[Kelly Ripa]

When the cameras go off, the real fun begins.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get my hair done over here.

[Kelly Ripa]

Hey, this is an off camera podcast, so it doesn't even matter. It's unique, unfiltered conversations and unexpected confessions.

[Sawyer Jr.]

My mom says, woody, I knew your dad.

[Kelly Ripa]

Stop the presses. I would like to volunteer to administer any and all DNA tests.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe that should be part of the show.

[Kelly Ripa]

Let's talk off camera with me, Kelly.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Ripoff.

[Kayla Dickey]

You just put that in my universe.

[Kelly Ripa]

Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts.

[Conan O'Brien]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual.

[Scott Aukerman]

Even if it means sitting front row

[Conan O'Brien]

at a comedy show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Conan O'Brien]

Anyways, get a'[e-mail]. or with your local agent.

[Scott Aukerman]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. But we have to get to our next guest, if that's all right.

[Skip Dribbles]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

They are a motor enthusiast. Do you like things with motors?

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh, absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

They should put motors into the players.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What,

[Scott Aukerman]

like supercharged basketball. They all have motors in their feet or whatever.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Motors in their feet

[Scott Aukerman]

or they're all on, like, you know, what are the. What's that invention that. The guy who invented the wheelchair that goes downstairs.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The segue. We. That's the sound it made. The wheelchair that goes downstairs. Yep.

[Skip Dribbles]

It does a segue going downstairs. That's a. That's an accident.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No, the wheelchair going downstairs.

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

His previous invention that made the world a better place.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

And it would go downstairs and go. Get it now.

[Skip Dribbles]

It just clicked.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, she is a. An enthusiast of things with motors, specifically trucks. Please welcome Kayla Dickey to the stage.

[Kayla Dickey]

Where do I go? Hi.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Ow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. Immediately.

[Kayla Dickey]

Hey.

[Scott Aukerman]

So sorry.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah, it's already a gray tooth anyway. It's fine. It's already dead.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a little longer and harder than you expect it to be.

[Kayla Dickey]

It's really thick.

[Scott Aukerman]

How did we get here? Immediately. Kayla, you are a person. I'm trying to explain you to the people who have never heard the show before.

[Kayla Dickey]

Okay, so I am a lover of big, big trucks. Specifically, I like guys who drive big, big, big trucks and have small dicks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your two loves.

[Kayla Dickey]

Those are my two passions then my hobbies and kind of my job at this point.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kind of your job? How do you mean, your job?

[Kayla Dickey]

Well, I'm actually here because I am competing in the Ford Rock Hard girl competition.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so this is. Okay, so.

[Kayla Dickey]

So.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because before you worked at Debbie's Bridal.

[Kayla Dickey]

Is that what it was? Oh, David's Bridal.

[Scott Aukerman]

David's Bridal.

[Kayla Dickey]

What the fuck is Debbie's? Debbie's Bridal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this a chain people know about?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Do you like those snack cakes? Little David's.

[Scott Aukerman]

You only get married once. Why should you retain any knowledge about a chain?

[Kayla Dickey]

Because it's in the commercial. Yeah. I'm not David's problem.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't like that.

[Kayla Dickey]

I think I nailed it.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I don't like that song. My. The best commercial song ever, you know?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Oh, I think we're thinking of the same one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Kayla Dickey]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't say flight repair. Safe flight replace. Gorgeous song.

[Kayla Dickey]

I thought it was going to be something else. And I was like, I can't hit the harmony. I'm so sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

We wouldn't do that to you. We wouldn't do that.

[Kayla Dickey]

Thank God. What happened last night?

[Scott Aukerman]

You could do barbecue sauce.

[Kayla Dickey]

I did it at the wrong place.

[Scott Aukerman]

You just jumped in.

[Kayla Dickey]

I jumped in with barbecue loss. Yes. I. I wasn't with you. Yes, I was. Last night.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Somebody else. No, I wasn't.

[Kayla Dickey]

I wasn't, but someone else was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry. Do some. Do some wind sprints. If you make a mistake like that, you have to do wind sprints.

[Kayla Dickey]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

The skip can show. It's not a wind sprint.

[Skip Dribbles]

It is if that's as fast as she goes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, true.

[Kayla Dickey]

I'm getting ready for my competition.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You're okay?

[Kayla Dickey]

Sure. What do you guys think? Now, picture me in a carpet bikini.

[Scott Aukerman]

Carpet?

[Kayla Dickey]

Carpet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like shag or.

[Kayla Dickey]

No, like carpet from a car. Like an interior of a car. So, yeah, I'm here because I'm competing. God. Jesus Christ. I'm competing in a.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Sorry. Sorry. We're trying to figure this out. Do you mean like floor mats?

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah, I mean, like floor mats in a car.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You have to bite my head off, Lainey.

[Skip Dribbles]

Those aren't made of carpet. Those are. Those are rubberized. Those are weatherized rubber.

[Kayla Dickey]

That's the kind of bikini I wear. It's not complicated. Like, am I insane? Everyone's, like, looking at me like, yeah, these people are crazy. Like, the thing is that the Ford Rock Hard competition, if I may, is where girls like me who have big, big, big trucks, go and compete together in front of all these guys with tiny dicks. And we basically compete to be the Truck Girl of America. And it's a huge honor, and it comes with a cash prize and a leather bikini.

[Scott Aukerman]

A leather bikini. Like the interior of.

[Kayla Dickey]

Like, the interior of a car. Leather. See, everyone's like, yeah, it makes sense. It makes perfect sense.

[Scott Aukerman]

How much is the cash prize, if you don't mind me asking?

[Kayla Dickey]

It's huge. It's $4,900.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why? Why didn't they go the full five?

[Kayla Dickey]

Well, because they were like. That would be crazy. That would be so much money. So I'm competing. I compete every year.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you can beat every year, right?

[Kayla Dickey]

I can be every year. And this year, it's here. Yay.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's here in Charlotte. Oh, wow. Congratulations, Charlotte.

[Kayla Dickey]

Way to go. I'm sure I'm gonna see you guys all tomorrow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have there been a lot of rock hard? Ford 150s, 250s, all that, like, traveling around Charlotte?

[Kayla Dickey]

Oh, yeah. You guys will see them. There's the ford rock hard 300. Ford rock hard 350. Ford rock hard 400.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, what are they up to at this point?

[Kayla Dickey]

They're up to 500, which is nuts. I'm still like, I can't even believe it. I saw it was rumored on the message boards on Facebook, and they. And I'm out in Charlotte, like, getting to the show, and lo and behold, what do I see? Ford Rockhart 5 Hondo bopping around. I was stuck in my tracks.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're trying to move, but you were paralyzed.

[Kayla Dickey]

I was absolutely stark in my tracks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stark in your tracks.

[Kayla Dickey]

I could not move a limb.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is before this was on my

[Kayla Dickey]

way to the show. Luckily, I made it because the guy picked me up in his big, big, big, big truck.

[Skip Dribbles]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not with your boyfriend anymore?

[Kayla Dickey]

No, I am always. First of all, I am always single. For the Ms. Ford Rock Hard competition, I had to break up with my last boyfriend, Shart. And the guy who picked me up this time is named Bork. And his friend in the car, yet another friend. So lucky. The two hot guys with tiny dice sticks sitting in that car.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're not. They're not very long, but they're as thick as they are long.

[Kayla Dickey]

How many times do we talk about this? The picture. A dice. One singular dice.

[Scott Aukerman]

A die. Yes.

[Kayla Dickey]

That's it. That's all. I don't think I have to explain it again. I'm pretty sure there's some people here with them. And I see you. I see every single one of you with.

[Scott Aukerman]

With, like, big, droopy testicles or.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Good question.

[Kayla Dickey]

Why do you always want to talk about dicks? Every time I. Come on. I'm really trying to talk about right away. I'm trying to talk about the Miss Miss Hard Rock Hard competition.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Kayla Dickey]

And you keep being like, what about the dicks? I'm like, go. Go find, like, a guy in a big truck for yourself. Like, why do you have to keep coming up to me? I'm like, everyone here is like, this is insane. He's crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that they're on your side.

[Kayla Dickey]

Everyone's like, God, that was nuts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, what do you have to do in the competition? You know, you were strutting around the stage.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah. So obviously it. You know, you do have to look really good and really hot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What have you been doing to prepare for this?

[Kayla Dickey]

Okay, well, so I guess it's a good time to talk about, like, what is in the competition.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just because my first question.

[Kayla Dickey]

Did you. I don't remember you saying that. Everyone's like, he didn't ask that. So, like, one of the things, of course, is the tire fire, tire bear, tire fire, tire fire. Yeah, so they light a big fire around this really big tire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Around it.

[Skip Dribbles]

Not.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not a tire fire where they're lighting tires on fire. They light a fire around a tire.

[Kayla Dickey]

They light a huge fire around a tire. And basically all of these girls like me have to climb to the top of the fire tire. And the tire, I think, is like 26 and a half feet. And we just all scramble up there, and it's literally like life or death. Like, we throw each other to the grounds.

[Scott Aukerman]

So whoever's up, up and remains up is the winner.

[Kayla Dickey]

Okay, well, yeah, I mean. I mean, if you stay alive, like, you're doing good.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've always said that.

[Kayla Dickey]

Success. So, yeah, so I've been obviously training for that. I've been training, training.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you train for that? Have you got a big tire or

[Kayla Dickey]

lighting fires around tires?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not the part that you have

[Kayla Dickey]

to do, though, watching the tire burn, you know, that kind of thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

You should be practicing the climbing.

[Kayla Dickey]

I think I know how to practice. And I watch the fire. That's the main thing I've done. But, yeah, I go to the gym and stuff, too, of course. And then the. The flap. The flap, flap,

[Scott Aukerman]

flap.

[Kayla Dickey]

Why is everyone grossed out? Flap, slap.

[Scott Aukerman]

Flap, flap, slap.

[Kayla Dickey]

Flap, slap.

[Scott Aukerman]

Flap slap.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I'm sorry, can I ask, typically, how many contestants remain after the tire fire?

[Kayla Dickey]

Well, we usually get about half through

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

and.

[Skip Dribbles]

And the other half die.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is like squid game, in other words.

[Kayla Dickey]

Oh, I've never seen that, but it's true. Sure, sure, sure, yeah. And flap, slap.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is flap, flap?

[Kayla Dickey]

So you know those flaps that we were just talking about?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, the.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Where?

[Scott Aukerman]

By mud.

[Kayla Dickey]

By your feet. Mud flaps or the flaps by your feet in the car for those flaps.

[Scott Aukerman]

For someone who loves trucks as much as you do, you don't know anything about them.

[Kayla Dickey]

It seems like I know just enough. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, you like the power that they have.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah. I mean, look, I am all about just supporting that driver and that big, big man and his big, big, big truck. So it's like I come secondary. I don't really need to learn about the truck. I just need to be in it. Everyone's like, yeah, we get it.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Floor mat, floor mat.

[Kayla Dickey]

So you grab a mat or you grab a flap, as I like to call, and you basically just slap the shit out of each other. It's honestly so much fun. Everyone's covered in welts by the end.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many people. People die from that? Quarter, a quarter of them or the quarter, quarter.

[Kayla Dickey]

A quarter of the remaining of the rent.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, a quarter of the remaining.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah. So we're down to a percentage left of

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

30.

[Scott Aukerman]

About 37.5 somewhere.

[Kayla Dickey]

Something like that. And then. And then, of course, the pump and dump.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's. I. I barely want to ask the bump and dump, but I have to. What is the.

[Kayla Dickey]

It's one of my favorites. I'm actually really good. Basically, what it is, is you take the gas thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

You said it before. Pump.

[Kayla Dickey]

The pump. And you shove it in your mouth and you. And you basically just fill her up. And then you squirt it through your mouth into the hole on the truck that takes the gas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please stop miming that.

[Kayla Dickey]

And I'm really good because I don't have a gag reflex. So it just goes straight down, and I'm like, straight up full of gas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Skip, what do you think about this?

[Skip Dribbles]

It sounds like something I've done with one of my casual sex partners. You know, now we call each other fuckquaintances, and I think that's sus.

[Scott Aukerman]

Until this second, I had forgotten about the third part of your thing, which is the trends.

[Skip Dribbles]

Gotta stay on trend. Anyway, so you pump this and then

[Kayla Dickey]

you jump Gen Z. So I totally get it.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Right.

[Kayla Dickey]

I got every word of the last part.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what's the dump part, though?

[Kayla Dickey]

The dump? Yeah, yeah, Dump.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stop miming that.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

You're.

[Skip Dribbles]

That's. You're miming the same thing as the pump.

[Kayla Dickey]

No, when you take the pump, it's like this.

[Skip Dribbles]

So what's the dump?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I see it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I saw 80 camera phones go up in the crowd.

[Kayla Dickey]

So then, of course, there is the hubcap tap.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hubcap tap.

[Kayla Dickey]

Hubcap tap.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that where you take the little things that go on the tires?

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah, you take. Ow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Kayla Dickey]

You take the hubcaps, and you basically just do like, a fun little tap. So that one's really.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does that mean? I don't even know.

[Kayla Dickey]

You take the hubcap and you do a tap.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do a tap dance.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah, that one's. That one's fun. That one's not what people expected.

[Skip Dribbles]

How do they. How do they just nudge that part of the competition?

[Kayla Dickey]

How fast are you tapping? And how does the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Purely speed.

[Kayla Dickey]

And does the. And does the. Does the hubcap look good?

[Skip Dribbles]

This isn't the pump and dump. Just hold it. There you go.

[Kayla Dickey]

And then, of course, there is the. There's the smoke.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your teeth really hurt. I can tell. There is, of course, the.

[Kayla Dickey]

I had this theme, dude, three times. There's the smoke and choke.

[Scott Aukerman]

Smoke and choke. This sounds a lot like the pump and dump. But I'm gonna ask, what is smoke and choke?

[Kayla Dickey]

The smoke and choke is where you take, you know, the exhaust pipe, and you go and you take as much of the exhaust as you possibly can, and then however many rings you can make. So I'm also really good at that one because I don't have a gag reflex. Did I tell you that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you've mentioned it several times.

[Skip Dribbles]

Wait, hold on.

[Kayla Dickey]

Straight down.

[Skip Dribbles]

How many people are left alive at this point?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I had the same quiz.

[Kayla Dickey]

Oh, we're down to 8% at this point.

[Scott Aukerman]

8%?

[Kayla Dickey]

8%.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I feel like if you can make it to the cap and tap, you're in pretty good shape.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah, you are.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyone die from the cap and tap?

[Kayla Dickey]

The hubcap tap.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The hubcap tap. Forgive me.

[Kayla Dickey]

Well, if you don't make the hubcap look good while you tap really fast, then someone will kill you. Because the guys at this. I just want to emphasize this. The guys at the competition are so serious about their trucks. They care so much. And if the hubcap looks bad, they will kill you. But that's their right. It's America.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What. What could make the hubcap look bad?

[Kelly Ripa]

The light.

[Kayla Dickey]

If the light isn't right.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

So you're responsible for the entire stage picture?

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I thought this was just in a parking lot.

[Kayla Dickey]

If the sound is bad. If the sound is bad of the tap. Oh, no, you're in trouble. Gun to the head.

[Scott Aukerman]

They do it. They do it by gun.

[Skip Dribbles]

Really?

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah. They have you get on your knees, though, execution style.

[Sawyer Jr.]

What?

[Kayla Dickey]

This is. Everyone in the audience is like, yeah, we know. We go all the time. I don't know. Anyway, aren't you worried, Kayla?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I don't know why you're doing this.

[Kayla Dickey]

No, I win. I mean, like, I literally win every year.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but the people who don't. 92% of the people don't make it out.

[Kayla Dickey]

Oh, I'm not even done.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's more.

[Kayla Dickey]

There's more. This is when the talent portion kicks in.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The hubcap tap is not considered part of the talent.

[Kayla Dickey]

It's just about how you can do

[Scott Aukerman]

it and how the lighting looks.

[Kayla Dickey]

So with the talent portion, obviously, there's lots of different things you can do. So in the past years, I have counted cup holders. I have. I adjusted the mirrors. I waxed a whole truck with my tits. I think last year, I fed multiple cheeseburgers to a guy going 110 miles an hour on a brick road. So it kind of can be anything. It's sort of creative in that way. Way it's sort of fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you have planned for this year?

[Kayla Dickey]

So this year, actually, I'm doing, like, a fun spin. I'm gonna go intellectual.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? You, Kayla?

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah, me.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you have planned? This is.

[Kayla Dickey]

Okay, so I am going to list all the state mottos on license plates.

[Scott Aukerman]

All of the state mottos on license plates. You can do this.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's hear it.

[Kayla Dickey]

I can't do all of them. You guys have to come tomorrow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, give us a taste.

[Kayla Dickey]

Okay, well, give me a state.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Pennsylvania.

[Kayla Dickey]

Pennsylvania. Don't do that. Like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Arkansas.

[Kayla Dickey]

Arkansas who?

[Scott Aukerman]

Arkansas who?

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah, it repeats the state name. Arkansas who?

[Scott Aukerman]

Skip, you have one.

[Skip Dribbles]

I can absolutely name a state right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Weird. When you're. When you have to. It's very hard, isn't it?

[Skip Dribbles]

It really is. Montana.

[Kayla Dickey]

Montana. This ain't the Windy City.

[Skip Dribbles]

That's worse than who.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Rhode Island.

[Kayla Dickey]

Rhode Island. Why you gotta go here like that?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Delaware.

[Kayla Dickey]

I'm not that rich.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hawaii.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just. Okay. With, like, a long stretch out.

[Skip Dribbles]

A.

[Kayla Dickey]

Okay.

[Skip Dribbles]

North Dakota.

[Kayla Dickey]

North Dakota is. Nobody's gonna be there.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

North Carolina.

[Kayla Dickey]

Of course. This one is. That's so much hot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kayla Dickey, everyone.

[Kayla Dickey]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good luck. Good luck on the show.

[Kayla Dickey]

Should I move down?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think you all could move

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

down, but I wait till the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Till you introduce.

[Kayla Dickey]

Oh, sorry. I'm still learning the rules. I'm thinking about tomorrow.

[Scott Aukerman]

What time does the competition start?

[Kayla Dickey]

9.30pm.

[Skip Dribbles]

What?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What time does it typically wrap up

[Kayla Dickey]

the next day?

[Scott Aukerman]

10:29pm so it's 24 hours and 59 minutes.

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that right?

[Kayla Dickey]

24 hours, 58 minutes. She goes, go ahead, check it. Go. Everyone's like, she said it right? He didn't. He didn't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, it's time to get to our final guest of the evening. Are you excited for this?

[Kayla Dickey]

I'm so fucking pumped. I could pump a joke.

[Scott Aukerman]

I could say yes that loud. It's time for the final guest.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

End my suffering. He's never been on the show before. This is exciting. We had a TV host on earlier on in the program, and he's a TV host. He is a TV host. Please welcome Sawyer Jr. Everyone. Hello.

[Sawyer Jr.]

How we doing, folks?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hello.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Hey, how we doing? All right. Good to see you. Hey, how you doing? How we doing, folks?

[Kayla Dickey]

Wow.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Beautiful crowd.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Beautiful, beautiful crowd. Hello. My name is Sawyer Jr.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I

[Sawyer Jr.]

am a psychic medium.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're one of the psychic mediums?

[Sawyer Jr.]

I'm one of the psychic mediums, yes, sir. And I'm very happy to be here. Beautiful town.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Well, you. You. You sound like you're from the South.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I am from the South. I grew up just outside of Black Pepper Gravy, Louisiana. Right outside of it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just right outside.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah. Didn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Didn't get into it, though.

[Sawyer Jr.]

No, no, no, no. I barely made it over to Black Pepper Gravy. That's where the city people are.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

So you. You lived in a suburb of Black Pepper Gravy? Good bubbles, by the way. Black Pepper Gravy. Black Pepper Gravy. I beg your pardon?

[Sawyer Jr.]

I was doing the bubbles with you.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Bubbles. That's just the way I talk.

[Skip Dribbles]

Oh, watch out, Sawyer. All right, Watch out, Sawyer. He's gonna throw hands.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You angry? Chunky bubbles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I'm not happy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Never seen two characters almost immediately fight.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I like chunky bubbles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I'm not trying to fight big chunky bubbles, if you don't mind.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You don't look big to me. You looking slim over there, Chuck.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The bubbles are big and chunky.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh, you're skinny. My bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was gonna say I'm surprised you're a medium because you look more like an extra double xl. Since you're throwing weight jokes around.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You know what, Scott? I come all the way up here and you make fun of my size? Well, just so you know, I am wearing a medium shirt. I don't know if you can tell.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Yeah, it was very ill fitting. Yes. Goes down to just below your tits.

[Kayla Dickey]

That's my kind of shirt.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You can actually see the very bottom of my nipples in this shirt. Huge pants that come up way over the belly.

[Scott Aukerman]

But those are like MC Hammer pants.

[Sawyer Jr.]

They are.

[Scott Aukerman]

You actually got here. Oh, oh, oh. Don't hurt him. Oh. So anyone who wears those can dance like that?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah, it's just the pants. You need to do it. But thank you for having me here, Scott. I'm. I'm very excited. I am here to promote my new television show.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have a new television?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know about your old television show.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's that?

[Sawyer Jr.]

No, this is my first show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called Swamp Psychic. Pswamp.

[Scott Aukerman]

Psychic. Bsw. Oh, got it.

[Sawyer Jr.]

So the P is silent on both words.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I thought you were. Were doing an SVU kind of thing where it stood for something. Swamp Psychic. Pswamp.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I hope I do get some type of spin off called Swamp Psychic Colon Swamp. That would be nice. But yeah, that the Outdoor Living Network plus really took a chance on me and gave me my own own show.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is incredible.

[Sawyer Jr.]

It's unbelievable.

[Scott Aukerman]

You always Remember your first TV show? You.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You can't forget it. And of course, I share the hour

[Scott Aukerman]

with Bayou

[Sawyer Jr.]

and Louisiana Tattoo Outlaws.

[Scott Aukerman]

So three shows are staring an hour. How does that work?

[Sawyer Jr.]

It's a Quibby.

[Scott Aukerman]

20 minute EPS, 20 minute app. But do you do one minute of one show, then one minute of the next?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We alternate minutes, obviously.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Feel stupid for even bringing it up.

[Skip Dribbles]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You want to kind of do three beats. Do them again. Three beats. You get it?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's how people do music.

[Sawyer Jr.]

That's exactly how people do music.

[Scott Aukerman]

Three beats. Streets. If it's a waltz.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh, we love the waltz, don't we? Love the waltz.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Love the waltz.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa.

[Skip Dribbles]

It's the pants. It's the pants.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The pants made him do a box step.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I can do them all.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can do them all?

[Sawyer Jr.]

All the dances.

[Kayla Dickey]

Can you do the hubcap tat?

[Sawyer Jr.]

The what?

[Kayla Dickey]

The hubcap tap and still make the hub?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Let's see it. Make sure your lighting is good.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh, yeah.

[Kayla Dickey]

And sound.

[Sawyer Jr.]

It's perfect.

[Kayla Dickey]

No, you need to pick up the hubcap. I don't know what you're doing. Is that it? No, not even close.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your feet should be going.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

The hubcap tap is coming. The hub.

[Kayla Dickey]

Your feet should be going 200 miles an hour and the hubcap should be directly in the sun.

[Skip Dribbles]

It's catchy. With all due respect, it's very catchy. It's just don't do that in town this weekend or you're gonna get murdered.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Kayla Dickey]

Sat in that.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay.

[Skip Dribbles]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, this.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Well, yeah. I'm very.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sawyer Junior, by the way. Yes. Who's Sawyer Senior. Senior. Senior. What? No, no,

[Sawyer Jr.]

that was my granddaddy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Sawyer Jr.]

My daddy's name is Senior Junior. My son's name's Little Junior.

[Scott Aukerman]

So why are you Sawyer? Jun. Just. Families are crazy.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Families are crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Got it.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah, but I. I'm. It's really. It's unbelievable for me this year.

[Scott Aukerman]

Back on track.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I mean.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes, back on track.

[Scott Aukerman]

Love it. So it's an unbelievable year.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

To be a Sawyer Jr. With swamps, swamp psychic. Yeah.

[Sawyer Jr.]

We, of course, we landed Jack Links Garlic Sardines as our sponsor. Amazing sponsor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Do they have integrated marketing in the show?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes. About every 32 seconds, a Jack's Links Garlic Sardines commercial plays at a volume your TV is not ready for.

[Scott Aukerman]

32 seconds into your minute,

[Sawyer Jr.]

Jack links garlic sardines. That's a motorcycle pulling away. The jack links are driving, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so they're anthropomorphic. Yes. Are they like the California raisins?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Just like it. They got their own Christmas special.

[Kayla Dickey]

Did they make one of them less sexy? Like the green M and M? Did they give her new boots, new shoes?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Sawyer Jr.]

They're coming at the garlic anthropomorphic garlic sardines for having their tits out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I'm like, what do y' all want from me? Sardines. The original concept is that their tits are out. Well, I mean, what.

[Kayla Dickey]

I see nothing wrong.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's cancel culture.

[Sawyer Jr.]

It's cancel culture. So now we can't watch a can of anthropomorphic garlic sand sardines because there's boys and girls fuck each other in a commercial.

[Scott Aukerman]

America.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You know, it's unbelievable, this cancel culture. I don't care if my kid sees a. A garlic sardine get bent over.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're not real.

[Sawyer Jr.]

They're not real. It's fake characters.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like watching, you know, hentai or just like that.

[Skip Dribbles]

Hold on a second. Hold on a second. I never thought I'd say this. Scott, go on.

[Scott Aukerman]

No one has ever said that on the show.

[Skip Dribbles]

Go off on Hentai Queen.

[Kayla Dickey]

I just want to say I was raised on the garlic sardines.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You were?

[Kayla Dickey]

Yeah. I would just be, like, so good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stop miming them. Stop.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Oh.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh.

[Kayla Dickey]

I would choke it down. And I loved the cartoons growing up. They had a huge influence on me.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I know.

[Skip Dribbles]

You know what's crazy? You know what's crazy when you're actually eating them is they also have tits and genitalia.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Exactly. That was the whole concept. Little fish with tits and dicks. That was the elevator pitch. Makes me hungry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why.

[Skip Dribbles]

Why are we cutting the tits and dicks off these sardines?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's almost morphing. Expensive. Yeah, it's to neuter sardines.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Now we're just gonna have smooth fish with no tits and dicks.

[Kayla Dickey]

It's so sad.

[Sawyer Jr.]

No, thank you. But yeah, yeah, but, yeah, but, yeah, yeah. I was. I was just a normal kid.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, then we don't have to talk about it. No, no, no, no. You want to talk about it?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes, I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Sawyer Jr.]

But I was at a rodeo, and a plate of hush puppies fell on my head, and I fell into a coma. And when I awoke, I could hear from the departed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, right, You're a psychic.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're talking about sardine D mix for so long, I lost the thread.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Sometimes the tangent is the whole bit.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you hush puppies fell on your head? You How. How many years or. Or days or months?

[Kayla Dickey]

Well, I.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Soon. Oh, I was out for a month.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which month did you miss Christmas?

[Sawyer Jr.]

December. Oh, no, I know. I'm gonna give you garlic sardines. Gang bang Christmas special. I stay up every year for that

[Scott Aukerman]

because it's at a very odd time.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I know. And me and the kids gather around and we watch that and we dress up like.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Of course it. It was regular. Right before midnight mass, we'd want you.

[Sawyer Jr.]

And then you go to church and you light some candles. It's a beautiful time of the year.

[Scott Aukerman]

Beautiful. You missed it.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Well, I missed it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but when you woke up, you had psychic powers. I did.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I could. I could hear from the Departed. I could.

[Kayla Dickey]

I love that movie.

[Sawyer Jr.]

What's that?

[Kayla Dickey]

I love that movie.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of Infernal Affairs.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Sorry, never mind.

[Skip Dribbles]

Scott, Talk about Hentai again.

[Conan O'Brien]

That.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you. You can. You can hear from them? You can't see them?

[Sawyer Jr.]

No, the voices were just here and there, and I was like, oh, that's. That's somebody's granddaddy.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's.

[Sawyer Jr.]

That's somebody's aunt.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do they identify as. As like, I'm a grandfather when they talk to you or. Or are you getting context clues about what they're talking about?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah, usually they'll say, like, grandson.

[Scott Aukerman]

They think you're the grand grandson.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah, yeah. They're trying to. They're just wandering souls.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. They're looking for the grandson. Yeah.

[Sawyer Jr.]

And.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

And they see a portal to the living world. And that's you.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Exactly, exactly. So I was wondering if I could. If I could talk to somebody maybe from your life, Scott. Oh, just to do a little reading here, if you guys don't mind, I would love.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love a demonstration. Yeah. Yeah.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Okay.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I'm getting a lot of stuff. I'm getting a lot of stuff already right now. A lot of stuff is swirling around in here.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the ghosts travel with me or.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes, yes. They get close to you and.

[Scott Aukerman]

But because I don't live here. But they're.

[Sawyer Jr.]

No, they cut. They get on the plane with you.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, like, planes are the. The most haunted places there are.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh, my God, they're packed.

[Scott Aukerman]

So many ghosts have to travel.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yeah.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Do they stand up on the plane or are they sitting on your lap and you don't even know

[Sawyer Jr.]

they're underneath the seats. They're underneath the seats.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Sawyer Jr.]

And in the overhead compartment.

[Kayla Dickey]

Is that why there's no space for my bag?

[Sawyer Jr.]

That's exactly right. Every time they say, we've run out of space and we might have to check your bag to your location, a gate check is to go

[Scott Aukerman]

okay, so what, ghosts? Yes.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Should we face each other?

[Skip Dribbles]

Yes.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Okay. You mind if I lay a hand on you?

[Scott Aukerman]

You're already doing okay.

[Sawyer Jr.]

All right. Scott, did you. I'm getting a name. I'm getting a name. Did you have a boss named Jelly Roll? I'm getting a ball. A figure that was important to you and gave you orders and bossed you around. A name. Jelly Roll.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I don't.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay. Okay. That's all right. That's all right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Sawyer Jr.]

That's okay. That's okay. A lot of times people are just walking by, they're trying to get to their plane, and it's not them. It's not them. Okay. Okay. Oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yes.

[Sawyer Jr.]

All right. This is. This is feeling like a maternal figure. Yes. She wants to talk to you. She wants to tell you something. It could be a grandmother. It could be a great grandmother. Did your. Did your grandmother slip on a puddle of ranch dressing and fall into a Man Named Pray Train

[Kayla Dickey]

Wrench.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dressing wrench.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You know, dressing thing that you put on wrenches and lick off of it. The good stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay. That's all right. That's all right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry. That's.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Sometimes my readings are a little specific to my clientele.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. Oh, you think that this is people who are your clientele?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Just. Just people around my town. Oh, so sometimes people from. Right there's the premise.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Sawyer Jr.]

There we go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you. Got it locked in.

[Kayla Dickey]

Just look at the paper, Scott.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay. Do you have a step nephew named Rust who got in trouble for fighting a crawl? Dad with some toenail clippers?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I don't. I don't. Sorry. Dust.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh, God damn. You're taking this R. No, Sawyer.

[Skip Dribbles]

Sawyer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Going on.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You're doing tour.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are you on tour?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Club D Artery, Missouri is my next stop. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. This is part of your tour? This is our tour.

[Sawyer Jr.]

My bad, my bad. Well, thanks for having me here on this stop. Okay, hold on, hold on. I'm getting.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're holding. What are you getting?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Hold on. Oh, have you. Okay. Something really good for you in your future. I feel it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I feel it. So this is not a career endeavor.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is not related to a ghost that you're here? No, no. This is now Psych.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes, this is psych. Psychic stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, got it.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Because I know the difference between psychic and medium,

[Scott Aukerman]

but you're a psychic medium, so you do both.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I do both back and forth in the same readings.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you got? What's my future?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay. Are you developing a mustard based Barbecue.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, I. Come on.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I'm letting my family down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who's your family?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Little Junior.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Sawyer Jr.]

And Senior Junior. Okay. Scott, I'm getting something.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's those pants again.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Woo. He's in my feet sky.

[Kayla Dickey]

See, that's the hubcap tap.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you know any Michael Jackson moves? Do the lean. Do the lean. The lean. The smooth criminal.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Choo choo, choo, choo.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't remember Michael Jackson doing a train noise.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Choo choo, choo, choo. He. I'm getting something.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, what do you got?

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh, it's health. It's health.

[Scott Aukerman]

Health, health.

[Sawyer Jr.]

It's health.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a good thing.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Yes, yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can get more healthy.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Do you have an ingrown toenail that looks like Dale Earnhardt Jr.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Do the leg. Do the leg.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do the. What about Shamon? You haven't done sham on.

[Sawyer Jr.]

I think I'm having a mental breakdown.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think you are.

[Sawyer Jr.]

20 minutes into my first public appearance, I'm having a mental breakdown. I'm not as strong mentally as I thought I was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, I'm sorry, but I mean, hopefully none of your. The people who are bankrolling the show are in the crowd. Right?

[Sawyer Jr.]

I know. I hope no titty sardine people are here. Oh, they're walking out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Sawyer Jr.]

A bunch of huge fish with tits. I leave it now.

[Skip Dribbles]

You gotta respect how they dress like the sardines everywhere they go.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Scott, did you get married in a fireworks store?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No.

[Kayla Dickey]

Shit.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is all things that are specific to your hometown.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Ah, shit. Okay, what's your. What's your grandma's name? Just give me that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I'll get a Betty.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Betty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, Betty.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay, okay, okay. Betty says it's fine. Betty says everything's fine. She's fine, okay? She's totally fine.

[Skip Dribbles]

What?

[Sawyer Jr.]

She's fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's fine. Well, I. I wasn't worried about.

[Sawyer Jr.]

She loves you. She loves you. Look, she wants you to know that how she died was the way she wanted to die. And she wants you to know. To give that little metal boat that's full of corn back to Barbara. Give her the boat filled with corn.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is. No, nothing. No, you can't. You can't just go back to the dancing to try to save this. No, no, we don't like that. No. Why don't you do someone who has some unfinished business with their parents? Big chunky bubbles over here.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Big chunky bubbles, that's me.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

As you may or may not know, my father was shot in the nose by my mother.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh, my God.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

And she Died in the electric chair.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Oh, no.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yes. Those two are related.

[Kayla Dickey]

Wait, did your father do a really bad hubcap tap?

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

If only. He humiliated my mother on the sweeping floor of the hot dog factory.

[Kayla Dickey]

That's right. I was vaccinated. As we did here.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That feels like 1 million years ago.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Right? Remember when Conan was here?

[Scott Aukerman]

Barely.

[Skip Dribbles]

We've been going long enough for Scott to watch three or four hentai movies at this point.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Do big do bcb. Cuz he's got big, chunky. Big chunky bubbles. Yes. I'm sorry. He looked at me like.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay. Big chunky bubbles.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Yeah.

[Sawyer Jr.]

All right. Your mom is happy.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

She's happy.

[Kayla Dickey]

It's really scary when you say, like, you're fine. She's fine. It, like, makes me think she's not.

[Sawyer Jr.]

You know, she's fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's not.

[Sawyer Jr.]

She's totally fine.

[Kayla Dickey]

It's bad.

[Sawyer Jr.]

She's in hell. But she.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

She's fine.

[Sawyer Jr.]

There's a really nice little part of hell that they don't talk about that's actually fine.

[Skip Dribbles]

She's there.

[Kayla Dickey]

It's not good. It's bad.

[Sawyer Jr.]

It's okay. It's bad. She's burning in hell. It's bad.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Okay, good news next. I hated her. Okay. Is that helpful information? I despise my parents and I thrilled they're dead.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Okay, did your dad. I'm getting that. He spit in a gator's eye one time.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I mean, I wouldn't put it past him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Not that I've ever heard.

[Sawyer Jr.]

Well, he wants you to know he's fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't care. He's fine.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I don't care.

[Sawyer Jr.]

He is fine.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

News for me.

[Kelly Ripa]

He's okay.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I don't want to hear this.

[Sawyer Jr.]

He's in heaven. Heaven.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

No, he shouldn't be.

[Sawyer Jr.]

He's in heaven.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

There's been error.

[Sawyer Jr.]

He said there was a clerical error at the door at the gates.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Oh, my God. He admitted.

[Kayla Dickey]

Door.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

He admitted it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Admitted.

[Sawyer Jr.]

He admitted it. He's happy.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

I hate this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't try to save this.

[Kayla Dickey]

No, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't try to save this. With the biggest dance of them all to close out this. All right, that's our show, everyone.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

Tim ball,

[Sawyer Jr.]

millie sullivan,

[Scott Aukerman]

drew tarver. Thank you, Charlotte. We love.

[Kelly Ripa]

Hey, it's Kelly Ripa. And if you don't know, I have a podcast where I get to say whatever I want. Hold on. Let me get a shovel and a body bag. I envision doing a podcast with the conversations that happen in my dressing room off camera, where people feel free to talk. No, hair, no makeup. This is my kind of job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Only Kelly Ripa can ask me these questions.

[Kelly Ripa]

I'm flipping the script and saying what's really on my mind.

[Big Chunky Bubbles]

We're seeing a different side of you.

[Sawyer Jr.]

It's a little bit more honest.

[Kelly Ripa]

When the cameras go off, the real fun begins.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get my hair done over here.

[Kelly Ripa]

Hey, this is an off camera podcast, so it doesn't even matter. It's unfiltered conversations and unexpected confessions.

[Sawyer Jr.]

My mom says, woody, I knew your dad. Stop the presses.

[Kelly Ripa]

I would like to volunteer to administer any and all DNA tests.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe that should be part of the show.

[Kelly Ripa]

Let's talk off camera with me Kelly Ripoff.

[Kayla Dickey]

You just put that in the universe.

[Kelly Ripa]

Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sometimes you just need a fresh start. And nothing feels fresher than four new tires right now. Buy three select tires and get one for a dollar during the Cast Cadillac

[Kayla Dickey]

Certified Service Fresh Start Tire Event.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tap now or visit cadillac.comserviceoffers to learn more.

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